u/Purefandom0w0

I’m in a really bad spot right now mentally. I’ve got a lot of mental health issues depression, anxiety, ocd, etc and it just kinda hit me that it’s never going to get better. Like, I can take all the meds in the world and do all the therapy but at the end of the day it’ll never cure what’s wrong with me. These things that are wrong with me will never go away.

My brain just doesn’t work like a “normal” persons and it never will. Tasks will always be harder for me, living will always be harder. I don’t have the energy to work but I need to work to make money to afford my meds and therapy. And I can’t even escape it all because I’ve already tried to end my life three times and they all failed. I’m too scared to die, but I’m too exhausted to live.

I guess I’m just wondering what other people with mental health issues do to keep going? Even if it’s unhinged, because I can’t keep hearing that I need to live just “because” or that “some people have it worse than you so you should be grateful”.

TLDR: How do you find motivation to live with severe mental health problems?

Didn’t know if this should go under the sleep flair or not so I did advice.

Oh and trigger warning for mentions of intrusive thoughts!

My intrusive thoughts are pretty inconvenient (as intrusive thoughts tend to be) and one random thought can ruin my day/week in the worst way. These last few days have been awful for me as I had a simple, random thought: what if someone broke into the house to kill you and your loved ones while you were asleep?

It’s so simple but it’s been haunting me. I physically cant sleep from anxiety, I lay awake for hours just listening in silence for anything, just in case. I cannot remotely relax until someone else wakes up which typically can be as early as 4am to as late as 10am.

What’s worse is I just barely managed to fall asleep round 2am this morning but got just an hour or so of sleep before I had a nightmare that woke me up in a cold terror and once again I cannot relax and have been staying up with all the lights on to try and feel even a little less tense.

Anyone else deal with these kinds of bouts of intense paranoia from the most random things? How do you guys cope with it? Any advice? Thanks!

I had a small book I was obsessed with as a kid(late 2000s early 2010s) that I lost long ago and the memory came back to me and I need to find it again.

It was a small book, could fit in your hand, and I remember it had a dark brown leather binding. I can’t quite recall if there was text on the cover but if it did it was very minimalist.

The book had hundreds of pages just filled to the brim with various dinosaurs and creatures from various time periods, I believe in chronological order, with facts and detailed art of the various ancient flora and fauna it showed. The art within was very realistic with muted colors, nothing overly colorful, perhaps even made with watercolor and colored pencil. I remember it had small size comparison charts on each page with the creatures like T-Rexes and all that.

I’m unsure if the book itself was specifically written for kids but it definitely wasn’t written with small children in mind, it was far more scientific in its language but not textbook level academic formality.

That’s all I can really recall but if someone else had this book or knows what I’m talking about it would mean the world to find it again.