r/SexAddiction

Little repost. Was really curious as to whether anyone else her experiences this. My main acting out came via escorts and I’ve been off that for over a year now. A big piece of it is just being too broke (partly from said escorts) and life being expensive, plus a baby. My time is eaten up and I barely get time to watch a bit of TV when the baby’s sleeping.

I find that now I seek other fixes, especially sugar. Feel like I binge on it. Instead of sneaking off during an errand to try to meet up with someone, now I sneak off to buy something and eat it before I get home.

Probably just seeking some kind of dopamine but want to cut that desire. Rarely see friends or go out now.

This is my first time talking about this to anyone. English is not my first language just so you know. I am a 26 year-old male and I actively seek sex workers since I was 20. It all started during the pandemic, I already struggled with porn addiction and masturbation addiction and it suddenly became not enough, so I started seeing sex workers. I live in a country where prostitution is legal. My original plan was to only go once, since I wanted to know what real sex was, and since then it’s been going downhill. I don’t even know how much money I spent with sex workers anymore. The last time I paid for sex was, as of now, 2 months and 10 days ago. And today has been the worst day by far. I keep searching for it, I keep almost sending a message to the sex worker. And even trying my best to satiate this need, it doesn’t go away. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to give up. Sorry if this triggers anybody.

Late nights are the worst 😭 I haven’t had actual sex in over a year but someone turned me on to Reddit and all it has to offer and I find myself on here often ready to show strangers my 😽 … doing things I’d never thought to do! Before I stopped having sex it was regular and with my ex of 10 years and the occasional hook ups from people I met at company parties or other work meetings. I’m venting here instead of posting or replying to them men in my DMs on my actual account 😭

I am a 55 year old married male. I had been a faithful husband for 28 years and then I got addicted to porn. I’ve been bisexual my whole life but outside of one gay experience when I was 20(before I was married), I always went out with women.

Anyway, four years ago, I got big into porn and especially gay porn. That hit my gay side very hard and so I got on different apps and started hooking up on a regular basis. Four years later I’ve been with 32 guys and one women.

This year I feel I have things under control a lot better. I have only cheated twice and it’s been three months and my porn consumption is down to almost zero.

I just hope I can continue this and start being a better person.

I am open to any tips and support.

How do you get the same excitement in just healthy ways ? Sex addiction for me is all about excitement the amount of Dopamin I get is crazy. This is probably how it feels to be a drug addict. Sex addiction has ruined my life.

Hey everyone. Throwaway account here. Just need to vent a bit, share where I'm at, and get some realistic perspectives from people who’ve dealt with compulsive sexual behavior or 12-step programs.

How things got out of hand I’m 23, and I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 6 years. I started watching porn around 14, but over the last two years it escalated into something way more disruptive. I ended up making fake IG accounts, jumping on video chat apps with strangers just to masturbate for external validation, and even crossing lines by bugging people I knew just to watch me finish. I’d lose 1–2 hours hiding in the bathroom on my phone instead of being intimate with my partner. Deep down, I know this was never really about high libido—it was pure emotional avoidance whenever I felt overwhelmed by college exams, stress, loneliness, or just boredom.

Joining SA & the red flags About two months ago I realized I couldn't keep living like that and joined Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To give credit where it's due, the fellowship worked like an emergency brake: I immediately cut out the fake accounts, the video calls, and the boundary-crossing behavior, and I’m currently on day 10 of strict SA sobriety.

That said, some huge red flags have started bothering me:

• The ultimatum on my relationship: In SA, sobriety is strictly defined as no sex outside of heterosexual marriage. Because we're 23 and not married—despite being together for 6 years—my sponsor and several members keep pushing me to either marry her immediately or break up to "save my recovery."
• The "chaser effect" amplified by moral guilt: When I do have sex with my girlfriend, the next day I feel completely off and get intense urges to go back to screens. But honestly, half of that spiral comes from overthinking and beating myself up because SA tells me having sex with my long-term partner is a "relapse." If I push through that 24-hour guilt trip, I stabilize again.
• Gatekeeping recovery: Members in my meetings constantly trash other fellowships like SAA or SLAA, calling them "too soft," "watered down," or ineffective because they let you define your own middle circle/bottom lines.

My questions for you guys:

1. Has anyone here been in SA and felt that the rigid moral/religious doctrine created a cycle of shame instead of actual psychological healing?
2. If you walked away from SA, what was your next move? Did switching to SLAA/SAA help, or did you make real progress only after going to a licensed therapist (CBT / CSAT / sexologist)?
3. How did you learn to separate healthy, reciprocal intimacy with a long-term partner from compulsive screen-based escapism without having to go fully celibate?

Really appreciate any honest advice or shared experiences. Thanks for reading.

I have a serious question. I am in My 40s. Have a good life. The only real problem I have is this addiction. I've been thinking and my question is this. Should I continue to struggle with the addiction or should I find a woman that struggles with this addiction as well? My thinking is we would be aligned on what we like and desire. And maybe together we could keep each other in check. We wouldn't be embarrassed, so no lying. And maybe that would be more beneficial in the end.

I know this sounds crazy. And I'm not trying to freak people out on here. I'm at a serious fork in the road with this and this is something I'm wrestling with.

Apologies if this is hard to read, it's my first post and I'm in a weird headspace right now.

Been married almost 2 years now. Started cheating 2 years before that. At first I was just exploring my bisexuality. Posting on Reddit and responding to other people's posts. Now I can't stop and I'm not even sure if I want to. I love my wife and feel guilty when I think about it but there's honestly nothing more arousing than the taboo of chatting with strangers, sharing pictures, and finally meeting and taking our clothes off.

Normally I am very shy and reserved however the few times now that I've met up with a new partner I have no problems taking control, being confident, and performing my best. It's very confusing since that's who I WANT to be in my everyday life but can only find it when I am cheating.

Just curious if anyone else thinks similarly and how you've managed.

33M struggling with porn/sex addiction looking for a few people (preferably male) to build a network of support for sobriety ideas, cravings, progress ect.

Let me know if interested

I'm 31M, I went to see an escort for the first time 10 years ago in Japan. I didn't know I was opening the Pandora's box. Since I discovered I could just pay for sex, pick a woman from a list and have sex so easily, I have kept coming to it so many times I have lost count long ago.

I was in a relationship for 8 years with a woman who never knew about it. I would say that I went there because we didn't have sex or I was looking for more but truth is I went even when we had regular sex at home. It took me until the divorce to realize that I was in an addiction. The first time I cheated on her, I was expecting to regret it, but somehow I never felt guilty, told myself that paying for sex isn't cheating as no feelings are involved, told myself that what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

I started working with a therapist on dealing with my emotions during the divorce and outside of the sessions it lead me to realize that I had that sex addiction. I don't even enjoy the sex most of the time, it's usually shitty, I feel like I wasted money on something I could just have jerked off on. Truth is, I go see those escort when I have emotions I can't deal with, I will fantasize about it for DAYS, and that's actually what this is about, because for day it will take all my focus and I won't think of anything else.

Anyway, I got in a new relationship with a woman I feel really connected with. We both shared our history, almost everything, but I couldn't speak about that to her, I'm just so ashamed of it, even my therapist hasn't heard a word of it. Almost a year in that relationship, last months as I was facing a very difficult moment in my life, and even though I promised to myself this was all over, I went again through all the steps over daysw of fantasizing, just looking, then considering it, then taking the appointment, driving there. Every step I had a pit in the stomach but I continued anyway. And I cheated, it was shitty as usual.

The thing is, this time is different, I can't just do as if it didn't happen, it loops in my mind and I feel like I wasted it all, I disrespected her and what we had together. I don't want to hold the secret with someone I was planning a future with. But I can't tell her without losing her either. And so for the first time, I'm facing the consequence of my behavior. And I know if I don't tell her, if I don't face it, I will do it again. I don't even know that I won't if I tell her.

Maybe I’m completely unaware but I feel like I don’t hear about a lot of women who struggle with addiction sexually. I’m a 25F and 100% feel that it’s ruined being able to build a genuine connection with someone. I’m just looking to hear about other women’s experiences and how they either are currently working on or have overcome that.

I'm 24m and I am a sex addict. I started watching porn regularly at the age of 9 after seeing Game Of Thrones sex scenes and it quickly it became a habit. Every night at bed, I would watch porn for an hour or 2, staying up until 11pm/12am. I'd memorise all the pornstars names like they were footballers so that I could find them again easily. I still remember how I'd use my finger to block out the genitals and I started watching softcore/film scenes instead. Eventually that wasn't enough anymore and by the time I was 11 or 12, I was fully hooked on vanilla hardcore porn and had learnt at least 100 pornstar names.

I started secondary school which was a difficult time for me. Lots of new people and lots of change in a short period of time. My family became more distant as my siblings got older and went away for their studies. I became increasingly alone and isolated. Whilst I did have friends at school, I still couldn't shake this loneliness. The late night porn binges meant I was tired throughout the day so when I'd get home from school, I'd go straight to bed. This was when I started watching porn and masturbating at least 2-3 times a day. I'd get home, go to bed and watch porn for an hour before having a nap. I'd wake up for dinner, eat, play some games then go to bed at around 11pm and then binge on porn for another 2, 3 hours. Sometimes not the full 2, 3 hours but at least to begin with. Anyway, this set a precedent for my subconscious that sleep isn't important compared to dopamine.

My therapist says this routine was most likely a way to seek control in a period of change.

For the last 15 years, I've sacrificed sleep to feed my addiction. This has contributed greatly to depression, anxiety, eating disorder and just a lack of motivation and energy.

Watching porn has completely destroyed my perception of women, as I was warned when I used to search if porn was bad for you. Walking down the street, if I see a somewhat attractive women, I'll reflexively categorise them or compare them to a pornstar they might resemble or share features with. I have taken pictures of people on the street so that I can look up pornstars that look like them when I get home.

I've always been good with names, whether it's athletes, actors or musicians but pornstars have always been my secret obsession. I've reached a weird point where I'm so desensitised to sex and porn that I barely see the difference between them and more traditional celebs.

As I got older, I got more resourceful. When I started earning money, I started seeing escorts.

I've also met other addicts off the Internet to watch porn with them and discuss our fantasies and history. Naturally I never really found that connection I was looking for.

That understanding of the guilt and shame yet the complete submission to the addiction that has overcome me for 60% of my life. I struggle to connect with girls due to my intimacy issues and distorted perception of them.

The closer I get to a girl, the less I see them sexually as i wouldn’t want to ruin them. I find it hard to flirt in the fear I'll be seen as the perverted creep I am. I find it hard to be engaged in anything unless there's potential sexual gratification. I have modded video games to have sex in them because I'd get bored otherwise.

In the end, my coping mechanism for loneliness has become the cause of it. Sorry if this is a ramble, hopefully as I post more, my clarity will improve.

Thank you.

Ciao vi scrivo perché sto soffrendo riguardo al disturbo ossessivo compulsivo è un disturbo d’ansia, in cui mi ha fatto ossessionare riguardo al fatto che davanti alla visione dei porno etero non mi eccito più e il mio cervello mi ha portato a trovare qualcosa di più estremo come per esempio guardare porno transgender, il mio cervello ha la
Visione di questo video ha avuto un impatto nel cervello come se fosse qualcosa di nuovo, un erezione fortissima
Che se provo a farlo con un porno etero non funziona.
Vi ho citato il doc perché qui lui fa la sua parte mi fa fare test, mi riempie di dubbi e di domande a cui non riesco a trovare una risposta.
Io sono sempre stato etero come persona e infatti mi sono sempre visto con una ragazza a livello di futuro e di vita, ma da questa cosa non riesco proprio a uscirne, se c’è qualcuno che ha vissuto tutto questo, vi chiedo semplicemente una mano.

I’m 28, married, and I genuinely love my wife. We have a good sex life. Despite that, I still get strong cravings for sex with sex workers. I’ve been looking at online ads for escorts near me, masturbating to them, and even texting some. I haven’t met anyone in person yet, but I can feel myself getting closer and it’s scaring me.

I feel completely torn. I’ve been upfront with my wife about these urges. I saw a therapist two weeks ago and it didn’t help much. He basically said there’s nothing wrong with me and suggested focusing on better sex with my wife (more foreplay, turning it into more of a ritual). He also asked to look at my private parts, which felt weird and uncomfortable, so I said no.

I hate my job and a lot about my current situation. I’m not happy overall and I know this is partly escapism, but I’m starting to be afraid of myself and what I might do.

Has anyone been through something similar — strong urges toward paid sex even when the relationship and sex life at home are solid? I’m looking for experiences, advice, or resources. I feel like I’m running out of options.

I’m 26M, been engaged to my fiancée (25f) for 8 months now, been together for 3 years. I’m in quite the predicament. I LOVE her to death, she’s amazing and loves me for who I am. But, I have a very addictive personality and am always entertaining the idea of sex with another woman. I’ve sexted countless amounts of women, and even had a quick hookup with someone I met online a little over a year ago(I hate that I did this). She has no clue, and has made comments about how she could never “forgive someone for cheating” and “once a cheater always a cheater”. I hate how this is something I have to battle. I would rather struggle with any other form of addiction than this. I wish my thoughts didn’t wander like this. I feel like if I opened up to her about my addiction, I would shatter her heart and put her into a very bad, severe depression that would ruin her. I don’t feel like I could live with myself for doing that. In the same token, I feel that opening up to her about my addiction and struggles I have is the only way to really help myself heal. I feel as if my marriage will be doomed from the start if I always have this secret with me. I am lost, I don’t know what to do. Any advice is appreciated

hey all, im GiF and I am a sex addict This June I reached my 11 year milestone in SAA. I work a imperfect EDA program and lean deeply into ACA and Alon programs. This time 14 years ago or so I was sitting on my couch alone at home in a pity party. I had so many emotions and no fellowship.

I learned in that chapter a big emotion I don't like without outlet will pave its own path.

Over the years holding on to the pain that ensued months after that pity party I stay sober one day at a time because I just can't go back. To honor that I have qualified every year on my milestone.

Yet, this year felt borrowed. I know I have grown. I see how I respond better. I am proud that through the darkest chapters of my adult life I put my program first and I earned every one of the 4077 days I have today away from my inner circle behaviors.

I pay the gift given to me foward. I sponsor a lot of newcomers and recent in the past week have held space for (2) 5th steps, a 6th and 7th steps including finding my own step 4,5,6,7,9 and the letter to my first spouse. It has been an emotionally heavy week.

In a recent 10 step call with a fellow I took ownership of how I keep making rain checks when I get upset. Which is difficult to admit as I feel rage every single day for the last 8 years. I have found many ways to be less reactive to angry. Yet, this is exhausting.

When I pray, my prayers are always answered. I have everything I need. My anger is not helpful.

I have tried CBT, DBT and change talk I got trained in motivational interviewing to help talk myself out of this anger.

Yet, this anger does not feel tethered to just this incarnation. There is no radically accepting how much anger has always exsisted in me.

My disease is evolving and every monthly heat cycle i feel closer to numbing in new ways. I have been celibant since my marriage ended. When I did date not one person moved foward to so much as holding my hand.

I just can't repeat what happened in my second marriage.A different fellow keeps asking me if I'm relationship avoidant. Yet, today once again I rained checked. The disease is telling me all types of wild things.

So in my morning meditation the question surfaced what would be the impact of committing to a life of celibacy?

Is that in of itself escapism?

Hi everyone,

It's my 1st post on the internet about this, and even just sharing it in a safe place makes me feel better. Hopefully it's just another (positive) step towards a better version of myself.

I've been sexting pretty much since I started masturbating when I was 11, now I'm 35.

The mechanics and root causes changed during this period of time: exploring sex when I was a teenager, a more interacting and fun way to play with myself when I was in my 20s, a way to cope with stress due to work or lack of personal space during the last few years.

I've been in therapy for >4 years, but sexting addiction has been the main topic during this year. I have a wonderful partner who's being supportive in this journey. I have friends who don't judge me and accept this process of mine. Of course, the hardest one in this matter is myself.

The most frustrating thing is feeling like Superman when I find motivation, and then forgetting everything when a trigger presents. The worst thing is feeling like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: my thoughts seem to be coming from two different people, depending on when they present themselves.

I've been improving a lot: identifying triggers, writing down how I feel (even here now!), starting new habits to deal with the root causes, trying to find pleasure by myself in new ways.

Still, sometimes it feels like I'm definitely not doing enough, and that this will eventually blow in a dramatic way.

I know I'm getting better, but I still feel hopeless. I feel like I win some battles, but I'm losing the war.

basically, my main addiction is sexting. however, i also like watching porn. i don’t think my porn watching habits are quite as bad. but sometimes, once i start watching, my mind wanders and i want to start sexting as well. i’m wondering what others have done to help themselves. do you think porn could be like a “gateway drug” type of thing and it’s better to avoid it, or is it perfectly fine? what other outlets do you use to avoid your behaviours? i would really love some advice. thanks!

I apologize if this is not within the intended purpose of this subreddit.

Like many people here, I’ve been addicted to porn for quite a while. As such, I’m at a point now where extreme and “out there” material is the only way for me to get off.

Pornographic edits and PMVs (porn music videos) featuring extreme content have been an unfortunate staple in my selection of adult videos. Because of that, I’ve been drawn to make content of my own, and have uploaded my own video creations here on reddit and elsewhere. My edits gaining traction is a major source of dopamine for me, but the shame and disgust of proliferating such things will inevitably lead me to delete them alongside whatever alt account I have at the time.

It would seem I’m not just addicted to the material itself, but making more of it, getting off on the idea of others watching my creations.

My desire to create pornographic content has been the primary driver of my addiction for the past few years. I’ve made and deleted a few accounts at this point because I inevitably become guilty and ashamed. Making these kinds of videos, and spreading things I find personally reprehensible, has been a major source of mental anguish for me.

So I’m 20F and up until I was 19 years old I was a virgin due to a medical condition that essentially prevented me from being able to have sex (vaginismus) - I got on medication for anxiety and it kind of just went away so I had my first experience with a casual hookup and IMMEDITALEY got hooked- since February of this year I have accumulated 23 “bodies” I don’t know how to stop but I do know the root of the problem is loneliness and craving comfort - i don’t get emotionally attatched and really go about it in the way most men stereotypically do ; I guess it’s just starting to worry me and I’m not sure what to do; for context I do have a relatively hard childhood history but no sexual abuse or anything like that at all. I guess I just feel super isolated because I feel like no other woman my age are struggling with this and kinda just want someone to relate to!!