r/SexAddiction

This only started around 4 months ago. It all started with a holiday, and my friends and I went to a strip club. I got a lap dance from a stripper (usually not my thing but why not try it), and she offered a happy ending for an extra $50. I did it, but I didn’t want my friends to know as it would just become a life long joke. I really enjoyed the happy ending but wanted it over quickly so that none of my friends would know. Because of that, I felt like I wanted to experience it properly with no need to rush.

I searched online escorts in my area for all different prices. I eventually met an escort and loved it in a way but also hated it. The next weekend I met another escorts. I knew I needed to stop but I also loved it. I met 4 different escorts in 4 weekends in a row with different escorts, and then eventually was like this needs to stop. Simply because how expensive it is, just feeling unhygienic, I feel dirty and realise I’m literally paying a girl to have sex with me.

I stopped for 2 months and thought never again, it was a bad period in my life. Fast forward to this weekend, I did it when drunk and absolutely hated myself the next day. It only happens when I’m drunk.

How do I stop myself from doing it again?

I hope this post is allowed. Is anyone aware of an online group focused on sex or porn addiction for accountability? I'd like something that can better help hold me accountable

I'm attending my first SAA meeting on Monday. I'm nervous but I know it's the right step.

Does anyone have any tips, advice or words worth noting?

Thanks

Yeaterday I wasn’t successful staying away from my from my inner circle behaviors. Today will be challenging because I don’t have my blockers and filters on. I am going to break the day up into hour segments and try telling myself this next hour I won’t engage in my inner circle behaviors.

Sorry if this post seems like a rant, I don't know what else to do. I'm 38 M and I've been addicted to porn and sexting since my early twenties, when i first felt like i had an issue anyway. I finally went to therapy 3 years ago for help after years of continuous failed attempts. I continue to fail. I can't even get through the morning on the weekends. I just want a relaxing morning to read or play video games, then work on house projects or go for a long hike. But before i know it I'm relapsing, and 6 hours later I'm right back to where i started. I've been single for the majority of my adulthood as well, and i know this addiction zaps any energy i have from finding and developing a real connection with anyone.

My therapist says it's normal to relapse, even going through years of therapy. Is that true? What finally worked for you?

I used to believe that a cure to addiction was to be in a happy relationship, but even when I am in a relationship, I am drawn to escorts. I am wondering: am I doomed with this addiction for the rest of my days or do I stand a chance to “beat it”?

So I'm married and have a kid. Been focusing on being a good dad and can't bare to take time away from family to act out. Escorts have been cut out for over a year now, but the financial damage from years of it lingers (that's another story).

I realize I still get stuck in the habit of reaching out to women in my life, with what I think are "harmless" messages or check ins. I would never send anything really sexually forward but people must wonder why I'm messaging anyway.

Of course, they likely read through the messages to the intention behind it and there I am, left on read and sometimes feeling like they are sketched out by me next time they see me in person.

A recent example of this really drove it home. In the grip of addiction, it seems like there is nothing wrong. But people will make their own assumptions (which can be correct) and talk about you behind your back, and judge you and then want to keep their distance.

I feel like that feeling of being rejected, being viewed as a creep, just always brings me back to the insecurity and rejection that fuels my addiction in the first place. My CSAT has identified FOMO and insecurity as main causes of it, where I seek validation via sex. I want to break that cycle and just focus on my wife, kid and career.

Can anyone else relate?

Over a span of fifteen years, my wife caught me acting out twice. Both times were agonizing, yet both times she chose to offer me grace out of genuine love and kindness. My in-laws extended a similar grace to me as well, though I recognize that flowed from my wife’s decision to forgive first. (A fellow addict might ask: if I truly received that gift, why did I act out a second time? It wasn’t because I lacked gratitude. Rather, it was rooted in the deadly illusion that I had somehow "graduated" from my addiction. I let my guard down, forgot my powerlessness, and slipped back into denial. That mistake taught me the hardest lesson of my recovery: honoring grace requires daily humility and active, rigorous work.)

That lived experience made me reflect deeply on what grace actually is. For over twenty years, I have studied world religions, and throughout that journey, one reality has continually stood out to me: Christianity is distinct in the sheer depth and centrality of the grace it offers. I see grace woven into foundational rites like baptism—an unmerited cleansing of sins—and sustained through confession, which serves as an ongoing renewal of that sacred gift. In a deeply personal irony, my wife once shared with me that I was the one who brought her back to her faith—a faith that ultimately gave her the spiritual foundation to extend profound grace to me when I shattered our lives.

In recovery, I have had to take a hard, honest look at what grace actually is, and just as importantly, what it is not. Grace is not a legal pardon, nor does it wipe away or forget the very real harm I caused. Most critically, receiving grace does not mean the person offering it has submitted or shown weakness; it is, in truth, a staggering act of strength on the part of the giver.

Grace is never an entitlement or a pass to take for granted. In this life, we naturally expect justice—and sometimes, we endure injustice—which makes true grace completely unexpected. It arrives as a rare gift of pure love. When I receive it, grace is not a permission slip to rest; it is an open door to cleanse, an urgent lever for action that demands dedication and sustained effort. If I simply return to my acting out, I cannot expect grace to remain an endless safety net.

Finally, experiencing grace has forced me to examine how I extend it to others within the rooms of SAA. In our fellowship, we sit beside men and women who have done unspeakable things. Extending grace to another addict does not mean I condone their actions, minimize the gravity of what they did, or turn away from feeling deep sorrow for their victims. I can support the hurting and still recognize the humanity in the addict sitting across from me. Grace is the unearned lifeline that was handed to me when I least deserved it, and living in gratitude means working every day to honor that gift while holding space for others fighting for their lives.

Regularly scrolling through pictures of women on social media, and consuming pornography. Looking at pictures of my ex-girlfriend, female friends, and my partner while masturbating.

Masturbating every day; if I don’t, I experience significant tension and restlessness.

Seeking out the company of attractive women and flirting with them despite being in a relationship.

When drunk, showing female friends pictures of myself on two occasions, this escalated to kissing.

Pushing boundaries in both my current and previous relationships.

Having sexual fantasies on a daily basis about women other than my partner. Even when my partner is part of the fantasy, I feel the need to include a second woman. Unfortunately, I find it particularly arousing when that woman is one of my partner’s attractive female friends, even though my partner is uncomfortable with this. The fact that it feels taboo unfortunately makes it even more exciting for me.

An overwhelming urge to have sex with another woman in addition to my partner. I bring this up repeatedly even though I know my partner is not comfortable with it.

BDSM dynamics in which I am dominant and humiliate the other person, including emotionally. At the level of fantasy, these scenarios can become very extreme.

I continue these behaviors despite knowing that my partner is suffering and that I am hurting her through them. I often feel guilty and disgusted with myself. At other times, I feel that these desires could potentially be acted on or explored consensually, and I wonder whether this is simply hypersexuality.

First post.

I can't stop recycling these thoughts. I guess if I share them here they might warn at least one person, besides just torturing me on repeat.

I had a wife. I also developed an addiction for sex workers for years. Thought I had it totally compartmentalized. I then started seeking not only sex, but limerance (it rarely is only about sex), then repeated workers, then just one, then it turned into an affair. My wife discovered it, she eventually discovered the addiction too. I'm not sure what broke her the most.

A relationship of 20 years, gone.

3 years later I wake up every day in misery. Dreaming of my wife every other night doesn't help. Short after I lost my job and have been unemployed ever since. Seems unrelated but isn't, even beyond karma. I live with my elderly parents now.

I continued with the addiction, but recently stopped because of the lack of money and the reclusiveness of the depression.

I know the addiction was just a small component and that a series of despicable conscious choices came next. But I guess it shows how it can snowball.

I did seek help years before all of this, but I sabotaged it repeatedly with this concept: "I don't want to just stop the actions, I want to stop needing them". Foolish.

This is getting long and I haven't rambled on the extent of the loss, the regret, the guilt, the hurt to my parents, the self-pitty yet.

I'll end with this fantasy I have: I want to write down every little memory of the joyful life we built with my ex-wife, hand them to her, give her a hug and then... be gone for good.

Even as a last act, validation is all we seek.

I can't go on.

So for the past 16 years from my early 20's till now I saw both ts and cis escorts regularly, led on countless women, trans women and men, never had a relationship longer than 7 months and my body count is well over 300. Ive also had lots of problems with substances. Through out my whole life ive suffered from clinical depression. 5 weeks ago I started taking spravato at a mental health clinic near me after my therapist suggested it. 2 weeks ago I lost the urge to drink and this week I lost the constant urge to have sex. I have zero desire to hookup or pay for sex. Im sure people have different reasons for having sex but mine was a coping mechanism and my self destructive coping mechanisms now seem to be falling by the wayside. Just wanted to share my experience with this incredible drug.

I wish I could say that after 118 days, temptation is gone.

It isn’t.

Some days are easy.
Some days my old thoughts come back out of nowhere.

But something has changed.

I used to hide after I failed.
I felt ashamed to even pray.

Now, when temptation comes, I pray before I fall.

Sometimes it’s literally just:

“Jesus, help me. I don’t want to go back.”

That’s it.

No superpowers. No perfect discipline.

Just 118 days of learning that I need God more than I thought I did.

One day at a time. Thank you, Jesus. 🙏

Hi Reddit guys, I recently started reading atomic habits and I really liked it and there are few concepts and theories and practices that can help us become better every single day. In that book there is also written on how to get rid of bad habits. My bad habits include, frequent sexual stimulation, masturbation, etc. I do not have any other habits like smoking, drinking, taking drugs, etc. The only habit I want to get rid it stopping sexual stimulation. I know you guys will suggest to make the cue invisible but my problem is when I look a person attractive on my way, without knowing I start fantasizing and start admiring at him. I tried to not see anyone but subconsciously im doing everything and cant get rid of it. And once I start looking these keeps on adds with my previous things and start a feeling to masturbate. Though I control, I am getting night fall. After seeing all these patterns, I came to understand that the main problem here is my thoughts. And I need to get rid of those or control them. But reading Atomic habits book is not enough. So I need your suggestions.

Thanks in advance!