I don't know if I spelled the title correctly, but please help. How can I stop this? I spent all day yesterday masturbating, going to bed at 4 a.m. because I was on sex chats. It's still going on today... I have no physical strength left, but it's still nagging at me. I sit, crying, not wanting this... and then I'm back on sex chat. How can I stop it, or I'll go crazy...
I’ve always struggled with hyper-sexualizing women, going to strip clubs, massage parlors and escorts growing up.. I kept up a few of these vices at the start of my relationship. I would be sober for years and then all of the sudden go to a strip club when I had a chance or a massage parlor a few times years ago. My partner knows my sexual history and that I had been to massage parlors twice in the relationship. We went to therapy years later but I had a relapse a few months ago overseas. I told her I was a sex addict but didn’t disclosed the full laundry list of times I had gone to strip clubs in the relationship or the time spent on cam sites and not the massage parlors I visited recently. Now I’m in SAA meetings, working with a therapist in couples therapy but I’m scared of full disclosure. Do I have to go in explicit detail of every time I can remember ? How did you deal with this? Bringing up past indiscretions that you withheld.
Title: Hypersexuality, Childhood Sexual Exposure, and the Shame I’ve Carried for 20 Years**
I want to share something publicly that I’ve carried in silence for most of my life.
From ages 1 to 13, I slept in the same room as my parents. They regularly had sex in that room while I was there. They believed I was asleep, but I wasn’t. I heard everything. I felt everything. The sex was often forced — my mother would say “stop,” and my father wouldn’t. My father was alcoholic. When he hugged me, he would whisper abusive words about my mother in my ear words like motherfucker bitch prostiute in my ears
I felt uncomfortable and scared and inappropriate and he used to carryout voices like Aah and all that .
By the time I was 8-10 something had already changed in me. I became hypersexual. I started masturbating in ways no child should even know about. By 12, I was obsessed with sexual release, regardless of gender
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At 12, an older boy (around 14) came to my house. I was already sexually charged and confused from years of exposure. I sat on his lap and rubbed against him under my clothes. When I got down, I saw that his penis was erect and coming out of his pants. He knew I had seen it. He smiled and told me it was an “elder thing.” Instead of stopping the situation, he turned around and offered his back so I could continue rubbing against him until I discharged. He did not guide me away. He did not stop it. He allowed it and directed it. I was 12. He was older and understood more than I did.
So I donot know what to say about it
After this incident
Between 12 and 18, I had sexual experiences with boys my age. At 17, a 19-year-old pressured me to perform oral sex after telling me he knew about my past behavior. I refused, but the pressure was there.
At 16, I made a serious mistake. I kissed and hugged an 8-year-old in a way that made him uncomfortable. That should not have happened. I regret it deeply. I stopped, but I carry the shame of it.
Now I’m 32. I’ve struggled with hypersexuality, porn use, compulsive behavior, and confusion about my sexuality for over 20 years. I’ve had sex with men, women, and trans women. But I don’t believe I was “born” this way. I believe my brain and body were shaped by early sexual exposure, chaos, and trauma before I even understood what sex was.
I never had the chance to develop naturally. My childhood environment sexualized me before I knew what sexuality meant.
I’m not posting this for sympathy. I’m posting this because people are quick to label, judge, and simplify. Hypersexuality in children doesn’t appear out of nowhere. Sometimes it’s the result of an environment that no child should have to survive.
I am still trying to untangle what was trauma, what was coping, and what is actually me.
But at the end I living everyday in shame and guilt
I think only option left is to end myself
I just to tired to tired
I donot know if I have the symptoms of ptsd or cptsd
But I donot sleep my whole night
I donot eat in a day
I donot take bath on regular basis
I feel constantly heaviness in my chest area
I’ve never posted on Reddit like this before… I’m going to exclude details for the sake of my boyfriend.
We have been together two years and I love him so much, but I never feel sexually satisfied. But I think that’s my problem not his, and I believe I have a sex addiction. What do you think?
When we see each other (we don’t live together) we have sex almost everyday. But we’re long distance so it would be like 2 weeks no seeing each other, then 4 days together. During those two weeks I go mad, it’s almost physically painful how horny I get and I feel so unsatisfied. I ashamedly watch porn and touch myself almost everyday.
This sounds evil- and I’m admitting it- but whenever my boyfriend does something to upset me in our relationship (eg we had an argument) I feel so upset, and then I want to retaliate. Impulsively I sex chat with strangers online… a couple of times I sent nudës.
I’m also an anxious attachment type of person, so my intrusive thoughts are like “fuck him if he doesn’t love me I’ll just cheat on him”.
But those are intrusive thoughts, I don’t actively want that and I have no idea how to stop it.
Recently he decided to take this job which was 10 weeks without telling me much… so we’d have to be long distance for 10 weeks. I knew this was going to be an issue for my libido and I raised my concerns with him, but there’s ultimately nothing he could do. He’s taken the job, it’s good money.
In this time I also planned to travel. I’ve been watching porn everyday and it makes me feel disgusting. But it’s a way to relax and the only thing that makes me feel better for a bit. I think about sex all the time.
I went alone to a club and fucked a stranger impulsively. I feel fucking disgusted with myself but I really enjoyed it in the moment and I hate that.
This is after my boyfriend told me he’s spending one on one time with a coworker on this 10 week travelling job. And logically I know that doesn’t mean anything, and he wouldn’t be unfaithful to me. But I feel jealous and the thought of another woman getting to be around him instead of me makes me sad.
So somehow in my twisted mind I used that as an excuse to fuck someone else. I really hate this about myself and I don’t know what to do. I want to stop and I feel so alone, does anyone else relate to this?
Another note is: in my last relationship, when I was 18, it was pretty toxic and we had an argument and he blocked me for a few days. So in retaliation I downloaded a dating app and fucked someone else. This is just another example of my behaviour which I really want to change now.
I’d be so grateful for any help, thank you for reading.
My girlfriend found out about my pornography addiction, and I know it deeply hurt and betrayed her. I’m taking responsibility and actively working on my recovery.
She recently moved to NZ, and we’re now long distance. She told me, “I wish I could trust and love you again. I’m willing to love you, but I don’t trust what you’ll be doing once we’re apart.”
I know trust takes time, and I’m not looking for a quick fix. I just want to understand how I can best support her while she heals.
For those who’ve been in a similar situation, what helped rebuild trust? When painful memories came back, what did your partner do that made you feel emotionally safe instead of making things worse?
I’d really appreciate any advice, especially from people who have experienced this from either side.
I don’t know where to start, I blow an solid relationship with an incredible woman. I am 28 m who accepts that I have a sex addiction. Wednesday, I spend the night at my then girlfriend house. I leave my iPad over there, I realize I leave it there when I got to work. She went through my iMessage and photos. She saw everything. On Thursday, I tired to fix things but, it didn’t work. I understand why she feels damaged. I did not deny anything. During the conversation, she made me call my mom. She told everything to my mom. I know I might be get made fun of for it but, I tired to fix things with her. My mom said my son needs help. I am sorry for everything that he did and I was not unaware of it.
Since Thursday, I scheduled an appointment with therapist for Wednesday. I will attend my first sa meeting with Friday. Today, it finally hit me the hardest because, I deleted every single x rated post and videos from my phone and iPad. I started this addiction since I was 14 years old. I started buying content since 2017, when I was 19 years. I felt dirty and, I call my mom for comfort. She came to pick me up. I been at her house since there.
I spend my money on sex, I felt behind so bad that I just filed for bankruptcy. I am ashamed of my personal finances. I lost a great relationship, I am constantly cheating without noticing the consequences. When I saw her face and she was devastated. I finally admitted I had a problem.
I have a solid career, decent income and great support around me. One of my friends reach out to me once he notices my location went down. He didn’t even hesitate to call. How do you guys in recovery notice it was a problem? How do you guys in recovery changes since there? I am ready to change and will try to gain her back.
I dated Asian women for most of my life. I remember my first sexual encounter in 2018. It was a hookup at university, and it completely changed me.
After that, I dated women from China, Chinese Americans, Japan, Korea, and many other Asian backgrounds.
In 2022, after a breakup, I discovered massage parlors and escorts, and I became heavily addicted for about eight months.
I'm not dating now, I don't watch porn, and I don't go to massage parlors anymore, but that period definitely affected my mental health.
In 2025, I discovered an area where I approach tourists, mostly Asian women. I've had experiences where I hooked up with someone the same day, sometimes even multiple times, or the next day. It felt amazing in the moment, but I always wanted to repeat it. I kept going back, "hunting" for the same kind of validation from women who were willing to meet me that day. It almost felt like a performance or a mini vacation.
I used to work in customer service, so I'm good at talking to people. The fact that a woman changes her plans and decides to follow me gives me the biggest dopamine hit.
I'm not interested in a relationship. It's the thrill of the chase that excites me the most. The urge to go there comes about once every two weeks, and I can literally spend from 12:00 p.m. until 8:00 p.m. walking around that area. By the end of the night, I often see 35,000 steps on my watch.
Everything that happens is completely consensual. However, the fact that I'm repeating the same route, using the same script, making the same jokes, and returning to the same places is starting to feel dangerous. I worry that I might eventually be recognized or somehow get myself into trouble.
I need advice. I'm not able to stop through willpower alone.
What do these women give me? My nervous system feels relaxed in those moments, and I receive something that my family never gave me.
I also think that after seeing more than 50 women through massage parlors, I may have damaged my ability to bond deeply or fall in love. I'm 30 years old, and I genuinely need help.
For the past 12 years I have used escorts whenever I wanted to and was financially able to; most of the time. A six figure job and a life in a metro area gave me access to whatever I wanted for the most part. I used escorts through two long term girlfriends and with my wife. Im still married atm. I was never caught or even asked about it by any of them. I have a job that enables me lots of random free time and an excuse to be lots of different places whenever I wanted. I doubt I ever would have been caught. But… I told my wife about everything last month. I willingly turned my life inside out and upside down. Getting caught wasn’t a motivation as much as ending my own agony. And seemingly at her cost. I go back and forth daily about whether my truthfulness was self serving completely or has some righteous qualities as well.
For me, I had crossed so many preconceived redlines that there was nothing left to ponder, I knew I was an addict. And I severely worried where my addiction would take me. Behaviors were changing, getting riskier, getting bolder; yet at the same time I was trying to stop as hard as I could, I felt. I was also choosing to get more and more intoxicated (weed and alcohol) to get myself to a place where I wanted to go through with the act. And I would. It was a strange reality. Was I using to feel more alive, more excited in the moment or was I using to break down my own inhibitions. Sometimes acts were enjoyable, many times they were not, many many times I wound up in a ball on the floor of my hotel room, crying about my own stupidity, my own inability to control myself. Lost in shame and worry about stds. And yet again repeated my pattern over and over. For twelve years. Surely you won’t do this when you’re married. Surely you won’t when you have kids. And the list goes on…
I’m sober rn, and haven’t relapsed yet. In a couple groups and therapy. But, the sexual struggle is real. My hand is not going to be enough forever.
My question to you all. My SA hasn’t left yet. Though I think they only stays for our child and their stability. I can understand that. Of all the things, I can at least understand that. I offered all the support I can give her, like many of seem to do, even if she leaves. So, if you have a SA that has stayed with you, how do you get through the months of abstinence. Maybe years? This is all new territory for me. As selfish as it sounds I feel my recovery would be so much easier if she could somehow find it in herself to be intimate with me again. So I could focus that energy on them. We never had a great sex life before, however I did this far before I ever knew my SA, so it’s hard to attribute any of my problem to them. I have so much fear that our poor past sex life, our mismatched sex drive, and their now extreme distaste for me, will be a death blow to us. They won’t so much as let me hold their hand, so how and when will this ever build back into anything intimate. If that is the case, that they are never able to see me as her intimate sexual partner again, what are we doing besides co parenting and prolonging the inevitable? While that is righteous to put our child first, wouldn’t both our pain be lessened by a cleaner split? I’ve made my bed, and will lay in it, but I want happiness for us both, not prolonged misery. I’ve caused enough of that already.
32M a month porn and goon free
I find myself constantly getting distracted by women in tight gym clothes. It's not that I'm trying to stare, but my attention keeps getting pulled away from my workout, and I have to consciously redirect my focus. It honestly makes it harder to train.
I'm wondering if years of porn use and gooning have conditioned my brain to constantly scan for sexual stimuli in environments like this. Or perhaps it's something else.
Anyone else in the same boat? If so, did it improve after staying away from porn for a while? Any strategies that helped you stay focused on your workout?
I’m a 49F and I’ve always had a high libido. As long as I can remember I’ve always loved sex. When dating I always warned the guys I was with that one of my biggest flaws is that I love sex..I treat sex like breathing it’s a non-negotiable in a relationship. They all say it’s cool until they realize they can’t keep up. I can have it (orgasms and sex) multiple times per day and prefer to have it everyday. I was in a marriage for 23 years and would actually get mad at my husband for barely keeping up with 4x a week. We opened our marriage and I was with him and my boyfriend and only then was I satisfied sexually. We would have threesomes every weekend for 10 months. Until my husband started realizing he couldn’t keep up. It was one of the reasons why ended up separating.
My boyfriend on the other hand, has a super high sex drive like me and we are very sexually compatible we have sex at least 2-3 times a day and are having sex daily. We also go to sex clubs…I thought this type of libido was normal for all women…but quickly realized after posting on a different subreddit about the frequency I’m having sex that in fact it isn’t the case. They either didn’t believe me or they said I have a problem. I feel like a freak.
Tbh…especially now that I’m older I feel even being perimenopausal my drive has gotten out of control. I can have sex multiple times per day and still masturbate at night when my BF is asleep. I feel like I need help. I realize it does affect my life, like I will call in sick because I want more sex..and I get very bitchy when I don’t get it..in terms of timing. I use sex to deal with stress and while at the same time I’ll use it for pleasure. I feel so alone in this feeling. It’s starting to become a problem because a kink of mine is to do risky sex (like risky potentially getting caught in public sex) during an argument over this, my BF had mentioned opening up our relationship so I can find someone who can satisfy me…I have to admit it hurt to hear him say that..it made me realize I truly have a sex addiction. I don’t know what to do..I love him so much and only want to be with him. I love sex but I don’t want this to ruin my relationship.
I don't know what is wrong with me, as far back as I can remember I have struggled with this porn and sex addiction. The past few years I have seriously tried stopping and changing my behavior. The problem is that every relationship with a woman I have hurt them. It brings me so much shame. I think I need to get back into attending myt SA meetings. My ex girlfriend I was in a relationship with for almost a decade. In that time frame I had an online affair, and did shameful stuff with ai. She found out about all of this, and I couldn't explain why I did it. The only explanation I had was that I was a sex and porn addict. It's pathetic to say that. My ex's family just found out and she said I'm not ever going to speak with her, and that my actions have ruined her life. Maybe I would be better suited for SLAA. I was just going through the motions with my ex and it was horrible for her. I hurt her so badly.
The thing is every relationship I have, eventually I just hurt the person I'm with. No one I have hurt as bad as my ex. But fuck man, I don't want to hurt anyone. I hate feeling like I'm a creep. I hate feeling like I'm a shitty person. Fuck this addiction. I don't know how to be better, and I desperately want to be a better person.
I was little bit torn of writing here my story, but I think it will help me to get better.
Since I was like 11-12 years old I struggle with porn addiction and orgasm, sex played always a big part in my life. I get pleasure out of somebody needing me and I feel that somebody wants me badly, thats the "Drug" I am chasing.
Over the years the situation got worse and worse, got married, but didnt had a lot of sex inside the marriage but outside of the relationship with everybody who was attracted to me. I am not a "hot guy" but I think a big part of women enjoy my intelligence and they find that sexy 🤷♂️
Got divorced, because it got boring, had a couple of other relationships but as a sidegig always chasing some other women (or just simply sex with someone, even meaningless sex with men, even knowing the fact that I am not gay. (sounds funny, but I think the people in here get me)
One of my office flings got me to a wonderful women who I am currently with, she is awsome and everything I could ever wanted! I. tried to rawdogging it, and dont act out. Got a little problem with porn again, and had some. relapses regarding sex but no major stuff.
Always tried to get better and this went well for around a year. Now I got into a new job, a new environment and have a coworker who has a crush on me. We had some sexting, swapped pictures, that kind of stuff.
Now comes the funny part of my story. Not so long ago I went on a business trip with my coworker and we decided befoerhand that this will be the last time that we do anything with each other intimately because she is married. And we did.
In the process she started masturbating and told me that she cannot get an orgasm naturally because she masturbates a lot. And I felt that she dont even enjoy sex and just was focused on her own orgasm. I really realized that this is pathetic.
Am I the same? Can I know start over and change my life and be happy? I never got caught and I dont plan to tell anybody about it. I am just affraid that after this relapse this will put me in a spiral where me girlfriend I love will leave me :/
I’m 24, I’ve dealt with sex and porn addiction since I was 17. Once I graduated and got a job it only got worse because then I started paying escorts. Depression, anxiety, body issues etc. all fed my addiction. Led to me cheating in relationships, missing work, avoiding people, blowing through all my cash etc. I feel beyond help. Spoke to a group recently about my relapse and tried to get help but failed. I’m typing this out after seeing an escort trying not to cry in my car because I feel so disgusted and ashamed with myself. For some added context I don’t have anyone in my life, I haven’t parents but they’re emotionally shut off, I have no other friends or family to turn to. Distractions like gym, gaming etc only work temporarily, I’m honestly desperate to try anything that works at this point, I’ve accepted the fact that I have a genuine issue and a problem but I just don’t know how to stop.
If this doesn’t make sense i apologise, my hands are literally shaking typing this out, and i realise this sort of turned into a rant sorry.
Hi everyone, I wanted to share my distress.
I'm an 26 yo man and I’ve been suffering from a sex addiction for as long as I can remember. When I was 9 years old, my uncle abused me — he touched my intimate parts — and I feel like that’s when I became addicted to porn, and later to sex as an adult.
I’ve never had a girlfriend. Every time an emotional connection starts to form with a woman, I can’t make love anymore because I get erectile dysfunction. I’ve been seeing prostitutes since I was 20.
I’ve never loved myself. I’ve always thought I was a piece of shit, incapable of doing anything, and especially incapable of being good enough for all the great women who showed interest and cared for me.
I’ve read a lot of testimonies from adults who were abused as children, and many of them share the same suicidal feelings. Sometimes I feel like killing myself for no reason — I just don’t feel okay.
I wanted to know if any of you share the same experience.
I've been through a long journey, got clean of self- harm, got in a steady relationship I got a boyfriend,I'm studying a career, I even got off my meds with help of my psychiatrist, I'm at an all time high in my life, I'm living with my fiancee and I'm HAPPY ,but I'm not sexually satisfied, and what I'm asking of him is far above what he can do AND FAR ABOVE WHAT ANY HUMAN NEEDS AND (he's on SSRIs.) and I'm fixated on the same recurring sexual though: cheating on him, going with someone else for an hour and just having this itch scratched... Last night I told him I've been thinking of this, I hurt him and what for? I worry that I'm keeping this locked in and it could come out in the shape of a sex binge (something that has happened to me before in similar situations)...
At the same time I feel incredibly alone, no one close to me understands how desperate I get about sex, this is something that even if I try to talk with people... They don't get it... Even less my female friend who told me I sound like a male... I'm alone out here and I hope someone gets this message (vent) in a bottle.
I, 25M tried attending meetings to deal with my sex addiction and felt like they could help however I stopped going because I didn’t expect there to be so many child molesters there. I understand we all have our problems I just found it difficult to be in their presence as I was molested from the age of 6 to 13 by an older aunt and babysitter. My first time becoming aware of sex I was 5 or 6 when I found a porn tape in my mother’s closet and I would sneak and stare at the cover when she was at work.
That coupled with the molestation I think turned me into the man I am today. My step dad gave me my first condom at 12 or 11 and my uncle taught me to “enjoy variety” rather than staying committed in a relationship. I masturbated about 8 times a day from the age of 13 til about 23. I’m still at the point of at least once a day and my thoughts are almost always on sex if I’m not actively doing something. I have a girlfriend we own a home and have 2 beautiful children and I am afraid I’m allowing my addiction to get in the way of that. I’d love to attend meetings and learn healthy ways to cope I just don’t know how to be in the same room as people who have hurt people the same way I was hurt so young. Any advice?.
I have been in recovery for a few years and I made great strides over the last few years but now I find myself struggling and having set backs. My wife supports me and cares for me, and I am so scared to hurt her again. Help me please!
I've been wrestling with this addiction for a long time now and I've made very little progress in my recovery. I'm at a point where I want to throw the towel and just walk away, but something clicked today. I talked to my mom earlier today and she asked me if I ever met a guy who briefly dated a friend of mine. I said no and she informed me that this guy, who was only 23 years old, was working on his car on the side of the road and got hit by a semi truck, instantly killing him.
This really got the gears in my head rolling. I know he was most likely imperfect and had flaws of his own, but I couldn't help but ask "Why not me?" I'm the addict, I'm the one who's destroying my life. Here I am, 31 years old, and this guy is now in a casket. Again, he was only 23 years old. He was just getting started on life and here I am, withering away because I'm choosing this addiction that's destroying my body and mind.
I feel upset and confused by the loss of this stranger and a part of me wishes I could've taken his place because all I know how to do is live a selfish and destructive life.
I’m just horny all the time. I’m trying my best to chill out and distract myself including working out again, but I feel like nothing helps.
My boyfriend back in the day demanded I go to therapy for it. But it was freaking group therapy and I was the only girl there… now I’m worried I’ll have to do some kind of lore invasive medical therapy… but this is literally melting my brain.
My sex addiction has ruined relationships in the past, but I feel that I am genuinely improving in every day life, and not engaging in destructive behaviors anymore. However, when I am aroused, I can’t stop extreme thoughts and fantasies from racing through my head, and it makes me feel a great deal of shame after my arousal passes. Any advice?