u/mpcurrier

Hey everyone. Throwaway account here. Just need to vent a bit, share where I'm at, and get some realistic perspectives from people who’ve dealt with compulsive sexual behavior or 12-step programs.

How things got out of hand I’m 23, and I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 6 years. I started watching porn around 14, but over the last two years it escalated into something way more disruptive. I ended up making fake IG accounts, jumping on video chat apps with strangers just to masturbate for external validation, and even crossing lines by bugging people I knew just to watch me finish. I’d lose 1–2 hours hiding in the bathroom on my phone instead of being intimate with my partner. Deep down, I know this was never really about high libido—it was pure emotional avoidance whenever I felt overwhelmed by college exams, stress, loneliness, or just boredom.

Joining SA & the red flags About two months ago I realized I couldn't keep living like that and joined Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To give credit where it's due, the fellowship worked like an emergency brake: I immediately cut out the fake accounts, the video calls, and the boundary-crossing behavior, and I’m currently on day 10 of strict SA sobriety.

That said, some huge red flags have started bothering me:

• The ultimatum on my relationship: In SA, sobriety is strictly defined as no sex outside of heterosexual marriage. Because we're 23 and not married—despite being together for 6 years—my sponsor and several members keep pushing me to either marry her immediately or break up to "save my recovery."
• The "chaser effect" amplified by moral guilt: When I do have sex with my girlfriend, the next day I feel completely off and get intense urges to go back to screens. But honestly, half of that spiral comes from overthinking and beating myself up because SA tells me having sex with my long-term partner is a "relapse." If I push through that 24-hour guilt trip, I stabilize again.
• Gatekeeping recovery: Members in my meetings constantly trash other fellowships like SAA or SLAA, calling them "too soft," "watered down," or ineffective because they let you define your own middle circle/bottom lines.

My questions for you guys:

1. Has anyone here been in SA and felt that the rigid moral/religious doctrine created a cycle of shame instead of actual psychological healing?
2. If you walked away from SA, what was your next move? Did switching to SLAA/SAA help, or did you make real progress only after going to a licensed therapist (CBT / CSAT / sexologist)?
3. How did you learn to separate healthy, reciprocal intimacy with a long-term partner from compulsive screen-based escapism without having to go fully celibate?

Really appreciate any honest advice or shared experiences. Thanks for reading.

Hey everyone. Throwaway account here. Just need to vent a bit, share where I'm at, and get some realistic perspectives from people who’ve dealt with compulsive sexual behavior or 12-step programs.

How things got out of hand I’m 23, and I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 6 years. I started watching porn around 14, but over the last two years it escalated into something way more disruptive. I ended up making fake IG accounts, jumping on video chat apps with strangers just to masturbate for external validation, and even crossing lines by bugging people I knew just to watch me finish. I’d lose 1–2 hours hiding in the bathroom on my phone instead of being intimate with my partner. Deep down, I know this was never really about high libido—it was pure emotional avoidance whenever I felt overwhelmed by college exams, stress, loneliness, or just boredom.

Joining SA & the red flags About two months ago I realized I couldn't keep living like that and joined Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To give credit where it's due, the fellowship worked like an emergency brake: I immediately cut out the fake accounts, the video calls, and the boundary-crossing behavior, and I’m currently on day 10 of strict SA sobriety.

That said, some huge red flags have started bothering me:

• The ultimatum on my relationship: In SA, sobriety is strictly defined as no sex outside of heterosexual marriage. Because we're 23 and not married—despite being together for 6 years—my sponsor and several members keep pushing me to either marry her immediately or break up to "save my recovery."
• The "chaser effect" amplified by moral guilt: When I do have sex with my girlfriend, the next day I feel completely off and get intense urges to go back to screens. But honestly, half of that spiral comes from overthinking and beating myself up because SA tells me having sex with my long-term partner is a "relapse." If I push through that 24-hour guilt trip, I stabilize again.
• Gatekeeping recovery: Members in my meetings constantly trash other fellowships like SAA or SLAA, calling them "too soft," "watered down," or ineffective because they let you define your own middle circle/bottom lines.

My questions for you guys:

1. Has anyone here been in SA and felt that the rigid moral/religious doctrine created a cycle of shame instead of actual psychological healing?
2. If you walked away from SA, what was your next move? Did switching to SLAA/SAA help, or did you make real progress only after going to a licensed therapist (CBT / CSAT / sexologist)?
3. How did you learn to separate healthy, reciprocal intimacy with a long-term partner from compulsive screen-based escapism without having to go fully celibate?

Really appreciate any honest advice or shared experiences. Thanks for reading.

Hey everyone. Throwaway account here. Just need to vent a bit, share where I'm at, and get some realistic perspectives from people who’ve dealt with compulsive sexual behavior or 12-step programs.

How things got out of hand I’m 23, and I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 6 years. I started watching porn around 14, but over the last two years it escalated into something way more disruptive. I ended up making fake IG accounts, jumping on video chat apps with strangers just to masturbate for external validation, and even crossing lines by bugging people I knew just to watch me finish. I’d lose 1–2 hours hiding in the bathroom on my phone instead of being intimate with my partner. Deep down, I know this was never really about high libido—it was pure emotional avoidance whenever I felt overwhelmed by college exams, stress, loneliness, or just boredom.

Joining SA & the red flags About two months ago I realized I couldn't keep living like that and joined Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To give credit where it's due, the fellowship worked like an emergency brake: I immediately cut out the fake accounts, the video calls, and the boundary-crossing behavior, and I’m currently on day 10 of strict SA sobriety.

That said, some huge red flags have started bothering me:

• The ultimatum on my relationship: In SA, sobriety is strictly defined as no sex outside of heterosexual marriage. Because we're 23 and not married—despite being together for 6 years—my sponsor and several members keep pushing me to either marry her immediately or break up to "save my recovery."
• The "chaser effect" amplified by moral guilt: When I do have sex with my girlfriend, the next day I feel completely off and get intense urges to go back to screens. But honestly, half of that spiral comes from overthinking and beating myself up because SA tells me having sex with my long-term partner is a "relapse." If I push through that 24-hour guilt trip, I stabilize again.
• Gatekeeping recovery: Members in my meetings constantly trash other fellowships like SAA or SLAA, calling them "too soft," "watered down," or ineffective because they let you define your own middle circle/bottom lines.

My questions for you guys:

1. Has anyone here been in SA and felt that the rigid moral/religious doctrine created a cycle of shame instead of actual psychological healing?
2. If you walked away from SA, what was your next move? Did switching to SLAA/SAA help, or did you make real progress only after going to a licensed therapist (CBT / CSAT / sexologist)?
3. How did you learn to separate healthy, reciprocal intimacy with a long-term partner from compulsive screen-based escapism without having to go fully celibate?

Really appreciate any honest advice or shared experiences. Thanks for reading.

How things got out of hand I’m 23, and I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 6 years. I started watching porn around 14, but over the last two years it escalated into something way more disruptive. I ended up making fake IG accounts, jumping on video chat apps with strangers just to masturbate for external validation, and even crossing lines by bugging people I knew just to watch me finish. I’d lose 1–2 hours hiding in the bathroom on my phone instead of being intimate with my partner. Deep down, I know this was never really about high libido—it was pure emotional avoidance whenever I felt overwhelmed by college exams, stress, loneliness, or just boredom.

Joining SA & the red flags About two months ago I realized I couldn't keep living like that and joined Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To give credit where it's due, the fellowship worked like an emergency brake: I immediately cut out the fake accounts, the video calls, and the boundary-crossing behavior, and I’m currently on day 10 of strict SA sobriety.

That said, some huge red flags have started bothering me:

• The ultimatum on my relationship: In SA, sobriety is strictly defined as no sex outside of heterosexual marriage. Because we're 23 and not married—despite being together for 6 years—my sponsor and several members keep pushing me to either marry her immediately or break up to "save my recovery."
• The "chaser effect" amplified by moral guilt: When I do have sex with my girlfriend, the next day I feel completely off and get intense urges to go back to screens. But honestly, half of that spiral comes from overthinking and beating myself up because SA tells me having sex with my long-term partner is a "relapse." If I push through that 24-hour guilt trip, I stabilize again.
• Gatekeeping recovery: Members in my meetings constantly trash other fellowships like SAA or SLAA, calling them "too soft," "watered down," or ineffective because they let you define your own middle circle/bottom lines.

My questions for you guys:

1. Has anyone here been in SA and felt that the rigid moral/religious doctrine created a cycle of shame instead of actual psychological healing?
2. If you walked away from SA, what was your next move? Did switching to SLAA/SAA help, or did you make real progress only after going to a licensed therapist (CBT / CSAT / sexologist)?
3. How did you learn to separate healthy, reciprocal intimacy with a long-term partner from compulsive screen-based escapism without having to go fully celibate?

Really appreciate any honest advice or shared experiences. Thanks for reading.

Buenas. Quisiera saber si alguien me podría responder esta pregunta.

Realicé una compra con mi tarjeta de crédito de Banco Patagonia a través de Mercado Pago, pero cancelé la compra. Ya me figura el cobro hecho en la tarjeta, pero hoy realize la cancelación y quiero saber cuánto tiempo se suelen tardar en devolverme el límite de la tarjeta.

Si alguien pasó por lo mismo con el Patagonia o Mercado Pago y me cuenta su experiencia de cuánto demoró, se lo agradezco mucho. ¡Gracias!

Buenas. Quisiera saber si alguien me podría responder esta pregunta.

Realicé una compra con mi tarjeta de crédito de Banco Patagonia a través de Mercado Pago, pero cancelé la compra. Ya me figura el cobro hecho en la tarjeta, pero se realizó la cancelación y quiero saber cuánto tiempo se suelen tardar en devolverme el límite de la tarjeta.

Si alguien pasó por lo mismo con el Patagonia o Mercado Pago y me cuenta su experiencia de cuánto demoró, se lo agradezco mucho. ¡Gracias!