I've been sober a little while now, and have been off codeine for almost 9 months, after spending 2.5 years abusing large doses 3-5x a week, taking breaks of up to two weeks fairly often (so withdrawal was only hard mentally tbh)

Last night I had a very intense and vivid dream. I was fiending for codeine hard. I remember it consuming my thoughts the same way it used to. Planning which pharmacy I would go to, how I could do a cold water extraction. There was a narrative throughout the dream which wasn't this, but through the whole dream I was wondering how I could get my hit. I don't think I got to the point of taking it, but I remember getting as far as straining the liquid through a t-shirt, the goop of the wet paracetamol.

I woke up thankful it was just a dream, but have been dealing with thoughts of it all day, that it would be nice to feel it once more, that it would be so easy to do it. But I know I can't. I have too much to lose, including a wonderful girlfriend who has already told me she couldn't deal with it if I became a drug addict again. Does this happen to others? How do you deal with it when it does?

I used nicotine daily for 8 years. Four days ago I quit completely, and it has been super easy I haven't had any withdrawals at all, nothing, zero. Was I really ever addicted then? My experience is that quitting nicotine is laughably easy

i used snus in high nic dosages daily for those 8 years

For context, I’ve been severely addicted to ketamine for around a year. I used to do well financially, but now I’m really struggling, its the 20th of the month my next pay coming in more than two weeks. I have nothing, blew it all with ketamine.

I can’t ask for money from my friends because everyone is struggling, I can’t find a way to get quick money. My financial situation has caused me to reduce my monthly use a little. But I’m still very dependant.

I have been feeling awful recently. I have BPD, every time I feel low, depressed, suicidal, I resort to ketamine because that is the only thing I know how to do.

But since I can’t afford it right now, I rely on medication and alcohol that I can get for free. Last night, I was feeling so bad, I mixed the two, in such a large amount, I thought I was going to die. I’m still feeling weird and confused.

I’m afraid it will happen again soon, I’m afraid I will put myself in danger. I can’t get some ket, I dont want to mess around with my medication. But I genuinely don’t know how to unwind, I hate calling the helplines because I had a very bad experience with the people on the phone.

So my question is: what do you when you want to cope with emotional distress with no drugs in sight, I’ve been doing this for so long, I don’t know how to calm myself down without abusing substances.

they say the withdrawals are only psychological but why havent i been able to stop fir more tgan 10 days in 4 years and always replacing it w something else eg alcohol ghb or dxm or kratom? tell that to my sigma opioid receptors. this shit is a curse its not a joke yes im going to treatment in a few days multiple gs per day for 4 years atraight but what are tgey gonna so? ehat can they do? are we alljust boned until a treatment for this stupid fucking addiction is approved? the fuck

I need some advice, specifically from heavily cocaine users. I am addicted to cocaine.. I’ve been trying to take breaks but it doesn’t help because when I do it again I do at least 2grams in one day. My teeth are deteriorating, I’ve noticed significant damage in my gums, they’re receding so badly. My teeth are so wobbly. I’m so embarrassed to go to the dentist because I know it’s not a pretty sight and I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m an addict. I’m only 27 and I’m so scared to lose my teeth, but my addiction is a fucking nuisance and I can’t fucking stop. It’s like I see my mouth and I keep telling myself I’m going to stop but it’s so annoying to constantly think about my next line…
Any of you users has or have had the same problem please help me out with options and advice.
I’m pretty positive I’m going to need dental implants..
My addiction is getting worse, I get so paranoid and anxious. I’m worried that I’m developing cocaine induced psychosis.

Starting my journey and I just want to know from people who were daily cocaine users and have since gotten sober, what did you do those first few weeks off of it? What helped you the most to get through those daily urges when all your brain wants is another bag? I’m ready to let go…

I love you and I'm sorry.
Our addictions came between us.
I won't let it ever happen again. We can rebuild

Hello kind people. On May the 4th I broke my nose. I was at a barcade and got the highscore on Joust and in my attempt to celebrate I forgot I was standing with my legs crossed and I slammed my face into the concrete floor. Since then I have been on a steady stream of painkillers both hydrocodone and oxycodone. I have one more script to pick up but after stopping use yesterday I feel like I'm definitely experiencing opiate withdrawal. I'm nauseous, anxious, no appetite, tremors in my hands, and my foot feels numb. I'm a recovering alcoholic and I do NOT want to get addicted to this. So with my last script could someone provide some advice for weening myself off? I'm not sure how many pills I will get but I'm guessing between 9-12. Any and all advice is welcome. Thank you!

Update: Thank you for all the responses! I decided to go to the ER and the doc prescribed Clonidine to manage symptoms. He also recommended I ween off the pk's then switch to Clonidine so that's my plan for now. Thank you again everyone I have a path forward now!

Hi Reddit. I’m looking for advice or insight from people who have experience with binge drinking, addiction, trauma, or supporting someone through it.

A loved one of mine is a man in his mid-40s who binge drinks heavily — usually litres of vodka over a 3–5 day period, then stops drinking completely for around 1.5–2 weeks before repeating the cycle again.

From what I understand, a lot of this comes from untreated trauma and likely undiagnosed mental health issues. He struggles to reach out for help because of fear, shame, and the feeling that drinking is the easier option compared to facing what’s underneath it all.

I’m trying to better understand:

- What effects can this kind of repeated binge drinking have mentally and physically over time?
- Is this pattern considered severe alcoholism even though there are “dry” periods?
- How much can unresolved trauma or mental health issues fuel this cycle?
- What approaches actually help someone who avoids or fears getting help?
- How do you support someone without enabling them or burning yourself out?
- If you’ve been through something similar personally, what helped you stop or begin recovery?

I’m not looking to judge or shame him. I care about him deeply and want to understand what he may be experiencing internally, and what realistic support can look like.

Thank you to anyone willing to share their experience or advice.

Hey, I need to get something off my chest that’s been bothering me for quite a while.

First of all: I’m from Germany and I used ChatGPT to translate this because my English isn’t the best. I hope that’s okay 😅

So, this is about a friend of mine, and honestly I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve known her for years, but we only became really close friends last year. She calls me her best friend.

The problem is that she’s heavily addicted to drugs. I’m talking heroin, speed, benzos, etc. And I genuinely feel helpless. I want to help her, but she doesn’t want to get clean at all. She’s been to several rehab clinics but always quit. Right now she’s living in a homeless shelter.

And I’ve started realizing how toxic this friendship actually is. All my friends tell me I should cut contact, but I feel incredibly guilty about doing that. (I’ve already tried several times, but I always gave in again.)

Why do I think it’s toxic? Here are a few things I wrote down for myself:

• You don’t respect me or my time.
Making someone wait without feeling bad about it (often for half an hour or more) is really shitty.

• When it comes to accompanying you to your appointments, that’s fine. But as soon as I ask you to come with me somewhere, you refuse, because you only do things that benefit you. And I don’t think that’s fair.

• I try to care about your interests, while you couldn’t care less about anything that interests me. That hurts.

• You’re unreliable as hell.
(Why am I even putting up with this?)

• You once called me “replaceable” when talking about me to a friend. I will never forgive you for that.

• You know I have a terrible relationship with heroin, and yet you still wanted to tell me how much money you saved because of it? What the fuck. My sister died because of that. That’s disrespectful.

• You don’t listen to me.

You only pay attention to things that might help keep the relationship between us alive.
(Everything else disappears from your mind as quickly as it was said.)

• I know I’m just a means to an end for you.
You’re extremely selfish and you hurt everyone who cares about you, and it almost seems like you enjoy it.

• If there was someone else, I’d already be gone. You know that.
Why do you think everyone eventually leaves you?

Of course, all of this is from my perspective but it’s true. She doesn’t have any real friends, only junkies she can take drugs with. Every genuine friend she ever had pushed away because of the way she acts. And still she complains about everyone else and never understands that she’s the problem. It’s always other people’s fault.

I’m also in contact with her mother. Two weeks ago I went to her place to pick up my hoodie. I was drunk and ended up pouring my heart out to her.

She told me she’s very grateful that I try my best to look after her daughter, but sadly she also doesn’t know how to help her anymore (because of the drugs and her life situation). Honestly, her mother is one of the reasons I haven’t cut contact completely. She kind of convinced me not to, because her daughter keeps hurting me over and over again and I can’t stand watching her suffer anymore.

We recently had another argument. A few days ago I went drinking with a friend, and after wasting four hours waiting to meet up with her because she “just wanted to dye her hair,” we weren’t exactly in the best mood about her anymore but things were still okay.

We met at the central station, where she bought heroin. My friend made a disrespectful comment about the junkie dealer, which she understandably didn’t like and honestly, he shouldn’t have said it. But she was angry at me too, and when she decided to leave with the junkie, I just shouted “great friend” after her.

I also apologized for my friend’s behavior and told him it wasn’t okay, but she didn’t care.

Okay, sorry for the long text, but maybe now you kind of understand the “friendship.” That’s why I’m asking: what should I do?

I also want to mention that I myself have problems with drugs, mainly speed and alcohol, and she is the only person in my circle of friends who is still in contact with it. It triggers me a lot as well, but that’s my own problem. She has never offered me anything of her own accord, except when I asked her for a line, so at least there’s that. But if I can’t handle it, would it be selfish to reduce or cut off contact because it harms me myself?

but to be fair, she’s not a terrible person. she was also there for me when I was feeling bad, but it always felt to me like she only does that so our friendship doesn’t fall apart, but somehow it’s also hard to explain.

The last thing I want is to end the friendship, but it keeps hurting me again and again. How can I get her to actually want to get clean on her own? How can I make her understand how I feel? And do I even have the right to pressure her into changing her life?

I’m grateful for any advice. If you have any questions, just ask. And thanks in advance

i did cocaine around 10:00-3am and i’m struggling to breath my heart is beating weird and my pulse is super high. i’m just trying to fall asleep but i am wide awake . i’m so scared im gonna have a heart attack should i try to go to the er?

i have a huge suspicion that my coke is laced with meth or some kind of speed bc i’m still up and i feel like shit. i’ve done meth before and this is usually what the comedown feels like it’s terrible. my body won’t calm down

i bought a $20 bag from a good friend of mine last night and i started using around 10pm-3am. thruout the entire time each tiny line i did felt like a huge ass rail and my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. flash forward to around 4am and my heart is pounding rlly abnormally, i can’t take a full breath, and my pulse is extremely high. this lasted til about 7 am. now i have experience w meth and when i used, i would ALWAYS stay up all night. but when i would do coke, i was always able to fall asleep w some downers like pills or alc, etc. i’m really leaning towards the fact that my coke had meth in it and i’m honestly rlly disappointed and mad bc ive been doing rlly good at staying sober from meth. is it stupid to snort some more tomo b4 i go out to the club?? i mean that WAS the plan if it was coke but now i’m thinking ts was something else so i dont rlly know if its the safest idea. i wanna have a good time tonight but im not tryna kms.. any advice? i rlly don’t wanna throw the bag away hahaha

I have struggled with being sober. I had gone almost a year without drinking and my second year of sobriety was really hard. I went mostly without it but then I started falling back into the bad habits. I was sneaking drinks and trying to hide it from my partner and everyone. Lying about being sober. Making everyone believe I was sober and on a good path. I was in a dark place when I finally stopped two years ago and was getting on a better path. I got a job and recently got promoted. I had saved so so so much money because we are going to Disney World in a few weeks and I saved money for my family. I was taking classes at the local community college and that just ended. I also have an online store that I have built up to be a passive income. And on Monday I screwed everything up royally. The main stressor is that my last living grandparent is in the hospital having problems with a blocked intestine. She fell in her house with terrible pain and luckily she is sharp enough call 911 and was hospitalized. It seemed as if she was going to pass away. I had a horrible feeling and so did my dad. My dad and his brother are there thank god and everything is taken care of. Apparently she is doing better but I still felt very stressed out from it. My partner and I live together but she broke up with me because of my drinking. That is really what made me stop two years ago but it slowly started to get bad again. And I was sneaking and hiding it. My house is a constant disaster because my partner does not know how to clean and it all falls on me to do. And I just dont have the time it takes to do it. I work retail and with school and my other job I just dont have the time. Every weekend has been taken up by work or some other obligation. My partner is home on the weekends and just sits around playing Warcraft. My birthday was a little over a week ago and my friend and I had a big plan to go to a little town nearby and have lunch and do some shopping. She canceled on me that morning which I knew she would because she always cancels plans and it was not surprising but it made me angry with her because Im pretty sure she was lying about it so she didnt have to go do this because she just didnt feel like it that day. I hate being lied to. I dont even want to talk to her right now because she always pulls this shit and thats not being a good friend. Anywho, I decided I was going to go have my "fun day" I got up and left early. I went to a thrift store (I sell vintage kids clothes online) and I headed to the small town. I sat by the river and journaled. I walked around and chatted with some people. And then I made a bad choice. I went to sit at the bar and got a beer. And I am a binge drinker. I thought I could have one but I cant. One turned into 2. 2 turned into i dont know how many. At least 8 or 9. I ate a salad. I paid and decided to go make even more bad decisions. I went shopping around and spent IDK how much on my credit card. Drunk shopping. I dont need anything. I have an over abundance of everything because I have a shopping addiction. I bought a bunch of junk I did not need. An overpriced purse, glass figures, a notebook, candy and some jewelry. And then I made an even worse desicion. I got in my car and drove. I should have hung out a little more, let it wear off a little, I didnt even go to my favorite place there. (The church which is gorgeous) I just wanted to get home. And I bought more beer and poured them while driving home. I was wasted. I admit it. I was shoving in peanut butter cups and drinking and not paying attention. At all. I just wanted to get home and give my partner the dish towel I bought her. I was flying high. I finally had my "fun day" and was on top of the world. And then I saw a cop behind me. I dont know how long he was there. I didnt even think I was getting pulled over. SO I pulled over. Two empty beer cans in full view. I tried to deny it. Showed him my shopping bags. Said I ate a salad and was on my way home. He did a field test. Which I failed miserably. The next thing I knew I was arrested and taken to jail. I could not stop crying. I sobbed for hours. Jail was absolutely horrible. Scary people everywhere, the guards were so so so so nasty even if I tried to be polite, A concrete bed, no TP, treated like an animal instead of a human.I couldnt sleep because the gusrds were so fucking loud and kept laughing and yelling. And the noise echoed down the hallway.I think I drifted off once or twice but I would keep getting woken up by laughing and yelling. I never want to go there again. They towed my car and it cost me $550 to get it back. My Disney money just gone down the toilet (well some of it) Absolutely disgusting price to get my car back. They have some nerve to charge that much for a quick tow and letting my car just sit there doing nothing. And they refused to take my card so I spent my entire morning trying to get cash and had to get one of my friends to help me out all while I kept crying and feeling like an absolute piece of shit. I am so ashamed of myself. I have been doing so good. I thought things were going so good. Disney World has been my one thing getting me through. I have been focusing on the donut not the hole. And I made an absolutely stupid and terrible decision. I am so ashamed and embarrassed and I cant tell my family because they think I have been sober for awhile now and I cant let them think Im not. I have not been drinking in front of them to keep up the facade. And really I go days without drinking months even but the second I feel stress or something stressful happens my first instinct is to drink. And I fell back into it and now I am screwed. I am going to have to pay so much money, probably be on probation, hopefully avoid jail time and deal with this shit for an entire year of my life. Everything was going so good. I was so proud of myself for everything I was doing. And I let stress get in the way. I take full responsibility for my actions here. This is all my fault and I recognize that. I am just so ashamed and embarrased. All because I Wanted to have a fun day and screw off. I will now pay the price for this "fun day" I need help for my alcoholism and I dont know how to get help. AA is not for me. I get that it helps a lot of people and its great for some but it was horrible for me when I got in trouble when I Was younger. I was preyed on as a young stupid person and it ruined me inside. Its part of why I am so screwed up now. I dont want to feel this fucking pain anymore. And I do have a therapist, I have done a TON of work on myself and have healed some major trauma. This is bringing all that trauma back up again. I have finally accepted some things I needed to accept and thought I Was doing better. And I ruined everything just for some dopamine hits and fun. I am so disgusted with myself. Im glad I didnt hurt anyone else. Im glad I was stopped because this is a huge wakeup call. But I cant get over the shame and embarrassment. Im exhausted.

Hello, everyone. I've been honestly thinking and reconsidering a lot of things regarding my addiction to substances (alcohol and, especially, tobacco and marijuana), but I can't find a clear way to understand it enough, to find a way to put an end to it.

I must say, first and foremost, that taking drugs feels great for me. I love smoking a big fat joint while sipping a beer because it makes me relaxed, at ease, totally comfortable in my own skin, able to enjoy music and conversations and/or alone time with such an enthusiasm that sobriety supposedly could never offer. I don't necessarily hate drugs, because now I know the personal benefits I get from using them.

The problem is exactly that: "real life", i.e. the life without this euphoric and exiting state induced by these substances, feels kinda like bland oatmeal. Music feels mundane, conversations feels boring, etc... Well, they may actually be in reality -- but the artificially-induced euphoria makes everything nice. Why would I want otherwise, right?

But if I could have a good life sober, I would do it. I can actually imagine something like that. I'm not sure if it is entirely possible tho, because our bodies can only produce so much dopamine at a time, and drugs liberate way more dopamine our brains could produce and handle well by themselves. I've also been in this game for more than a decade, with sober intervals and the eventual relapse. This thing of refusing the first time never worked well for me. Also, all my circle of friends have their own struggles with substance abuse and I would never distance myself from them just because of that.

Thank you for reading

Im only 16 and i feel addicted to a number of things in my life.

so when i was 15 i had major body issues which led to binge eating, gaining weight and then just a bad relationship with food where i would obsess over it constantly (still sort of do now). i managed to stop but to block out the food noise i resorted to cigarettes which i also eventually got addicted to. so i switched to vapes - then also got addicted as well.

during this time i also started drinking every 3 weeks or so with my friends. getting piss drunk on a empty stomach off of shots of vodka until we threw up. and i have to say getting drunk feels like one of the best things in life. however one of these times i remember accidentally taking weed at the same time and getting crossfaded which absolutely traumatised me. however i know for a fact if i try weed by itself i will get addicted to it, so im staying clear of it for now.

unfortunately alcoholism runs in my family (especially on my dads side ) and i can see my self indulging in it substantially just like my dad does which i really dont like - especially because my mum has been dealing with his drinking since before they were married, i dont want to add to the pressure.

a few months ago when my dad was taking cocaine recreationally (even though one time i quite literally heard him taking it), i dont know what came over me but i decided to take a little bit - i was feeling restless and angry with him and there was no nicotine in the house at the time. so i had some but all i got was a mild headache and sore hands that were hard to flex.

i didnt think much about this until the day after and i realised that i had taken an illicit drug that could've seriously hurt me if i had too much. i realised how impulsive this action was - and it worried me because i can definitely see myself making similar impulsive and reckless decisions like this in the future.

things aren't going so well at home, especially after a recent family suicide related to former drug and alcohol abuse as well as just mental health issues - but i'm scared to go down that similar path.

a few months ago i was really trying to stay on track with school, study hard and remove all these addictive substances from my life - but now i feel myself slipping. some days i feel somewhat hopeless and completely unmotivated because i dont really see a future for myself. and i get these terrible feelings or visions that i'm going to wind up dead either by my own choice or because of my own stupid self destructive actions.

sorry for the rant and im really sorry if this is triggering for some people - but some words of advice would be really helpful right now haha.

My Insane Suboxone Withdrawal Story

Hey everyone,

I’m writing this because I feel like I need to journal my entire Suboxone journey and how it almost completely ruined me.

Quick background: addiction runs in my family, and I started taking opioids at a young age — around 15 or 16. I would steal them from my dad’s stash, and they gave me this superhuman confidence and energy that no other substance could match.

Fast forward to now: I’m 29 years old. I had been sober for 120 days until one day at a family gathering, my dad came up to me and told me to try this product called 7-OH. I could instantly tell by the way he was acting that he was already hooked on it himself — I just didn’t realize how intense it actually was until I tried a 10mg dose.

The second it hit me, I knew I was going to get addicted to this garbage.

At first, I only dabbled with it for a few weeks at a time because I was trying to avoid acute withdrawals. I’m a very active person and LOVE long-distance running, and honestly, 7-OH seemed perfect at first. It numbed the pain in my joints and made running feel more interesting and enjoyable. I mainly used it to push my fitness goals further.

But eventually, I took it too far.

I went on a 3–4 week binge using this stuff while trying to “get my life together” with work, training, fitness goals, etc. The entire time, I was hiding it from my girlfriend, who lives with me. I carried so much guilt every single day because I constantly had to lie about why I felt sick or exhausted when really I was in withdrawal.

Eventually, the binge got so bad that I folded and turned to Suboxone.

Huge mistake.

I didn’t dose it properly at all. I was taking 8mg every 48 hours, then using 7-OH for two days, then going back to another 8mg Suboxone dose. I did this cycle for about two weeks.

At the time, I was training for the Cleveland Marathon, and I told myself:

“Once I finish this race, I’m DONE with both Suboxone and 7-OH forever.”

The marathon was Sunday, March 17th. My last 8mg dose of Suboxone was Wednesday, March 13th.

I thought I would be okay.

I was wrong.

By Friday, the withdrawals started hitting, and it was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life. The anxiety, depression, insomnia, and restlessness were on another level. I was standing in my condo feeling like I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

I tried my best to hold it together, but the symptoms just kept getting worse throughout the day and night.

Friday night, I barely slept at all. I couldn’t stop moving. I was anxious, restless, sweating, pacing — everything came in waves. I maybe got two hours of sleep total.

Saturday morning, I felt emotionally numb and physically exhausted. I had zero desire to eat, talk, or do anything productive, but at the same time, my body wouldn’t let me sit still. Anyone who’s gone through acute opioid withdrawal knows exactly what I mean.

The only thing that temporarily helped was the sauna. I stayed in there for hours trying to sweat everything out and calm my nervous system down.

By Saturday night, I had maybe five total hours of sleep over the previous 48 hours, and the marathon was the next morning. My withdrawals were peaking hard. The restless legs were unbearable, and it took every ounce of strength I had not to cave and take more Suboxone.

But somehow, I held the line.

I spent the entire night scrolling Reddit and reading other people’s withdrawal stories just trying to stay mentally positive.

Then 5:30 AM hit on race day.

I had slept maybe five hours total in two days, and I honestly questioned whether I should even attempt the marathon. But I still had 100mg of 7-OH saved specifically for the race.

So I took about 20mg.

Thirty minutes later, it hit me like a truck.

For the first time in days, I felt temporarily back inside my own body again. I felt human. I felt alive. I felt ready to run no matter what.

At 7:00 AM, the countdown hit zero and I started the marathon.

I carried the remaining 7-OH with me and took small amounts throughout the race whenever I felt myself crashing.

The run itself was brutal, but somehow I finished in 4 hours and 2 minutes. Considering the heat and the condition my body was in, I’m honestly shocked I didn’t collapse or die out there.

I literally ran an entire marathon while going through Suboxone withdrawal — with the help of 7-OH, of course.

When I got home afterward, I was destroyed. I couldn’t do anything except lay on the couch. I was nauseous, exhausted, and I could already feel the Suboxone withdrawals creeping back in.

I somehow dragged myself back to the sauna and stayed there for almost four hours until they closed, just sweating, hydrating, and trying to survive.

That night, I knew sleep wasn’t happening.

I had this horrible feeling in my chest — almost like the comedown from Adderall where your nervous system is so overstimulated that you know there’s no chance you’re falling asleep anytime soon.

Desperate, I drove to my dad’s house and stole comfort meds because I knew he had everything imaginable as an active addict.

I took five 0.3mg clonidine pills and some trazodone.

That was Sunday night.

I maybe got four hours of sleep.

When I woke up Monday morning, I was completely soaked in sweat and felt even worse than before. At that point, I think I was also experiencing mild withdrawal from the 7-OH on top of the Suboxone withdrawal.

I called off work and blamed it on soreness from the race and lack of sleep — which technically wasn’t a lie.

Then I went right back to the sauna and repeated the detox process all over again.

At this point, heat was the only thing bringing me any relief.

Fast forward to now: it’s Day 6 since my last Suboxone dose, and I still feel exhausted writing this. Last night, I finally managed to get around seven hours of sleep, probably thanks to the comfort meds and the fact that my body was completely wrecked from running 26 miles in withdrawal.

I’m working from home today, but I still feel the symptoms — just not as intensely as before.

Please listen to my warning:

If you’re taking Suboxone, even for just a week or two, do NOT assume you can stop cold turkey without consequences. You absolutely can experience full-blown withdrawal if you don’t taper properly.

Don’t make the same mistake I did.

I will never touch this stuff again.

If anyone has questions, feel free to ask. I’ll try to keep updating this post as my recovery continues day by day.

to get a basic understanding i have been heavily addicted to mainly Benzos, ketamine, Cocaine, and XTC

I have been basically using 5/6 different drugs every day for last 2 yrs. i have used maybe 60 different substances.

I have AdHD and have serious mental health issues (diagnosed Depression, Anxiety, and Drug induced psychosis. I fear my ADHD has led me to become obsessed with drugs

I am okay with ecstacy now but in 2025 i did over 60 pills and probably taken like one a month since then

i am heavily addicted to ket and i don’t know how to stop \\\[serious\\\] \\\[1-2 ounces a month for over a year\\\]

so i’ve been doing ket for 2/3 years . i’m 19 UK

got into it autumn 2024, doing maybe a couple grams a week, this went on for a few months i was also on large doses of benzos and cocaine everydsy

i spent £2k on cocaine within like 2 months here

after a year. autumn 2025 came by. i was doing about 2 grams a day of ketamine

october/November/decemeber 2025 was the worst of my addiction. i was going 4-7 grams a day every day. one day i even did 14 grams to myself. sometimes i would do 9gs etc

this year. 2026. i have been doing ket heavily. not as bad as last year, but the last 2 months i’ve been doing about 1-2 grams a day. last 3 weeks i’ve probably done an ounce of ket.

every day is different for me

in the last 2 weeks i’ve had a job interview and got the job, gone to college 6 times, done 1g of ketamine everyday atleast. done xtc twice

sold £300 worth of Valium

did a bunch of cocaine, speed, tramadol , 2cb 3 times this week

did ketamine in college every time i went to colly too. js use the toilet and rail a half a gram

as i type im on my way to get some ketamine. HOW DO I STOP THIS CYCLE

i’ve gone to rehab twice, im on medication (benzo 3x a day) (antipsychotic+ wellbutrin), seen psychologists psychiatrists doctors everything and i can’t stop it’s all in my head

ive even had severe ketamine induced psychosis and am still doing it.

everytime i finish a bag i always tell myself never again. it never works. this morning i was convinced i wasn’t going to do drugs this week. yet here i am about to pic up

on top of this i am addicted to stimulants and benzos which i commonly mix with ketamine almost every day too. such as xanax valium cocaine and speed.