u/im_so_fucking_sadXx

i (18m) am going to rehab next monday (it was entirely my decision) and have a family friend who's giving me a ride but she JUST WONT stop telling me how proud she is of me and it feels so overkill. if anything its making me feel worse though i'm not sure why. i mean im completely fucking miserable tbh and am just hoping that maybe if i quit drugs i could feel just a little better and there was just this horrible terrifying week long spiral that lead to the decision to go. it was either try to fix myself in some way or put a bullet in my skull but death is failure by default and i dont so failure so i figured getting off drugs might help. she doesnt know that but her constantly congratulating me is kinda just reminding me about it. its annoying too. i haven't even really done anything yet and she just wont shut up about how big of a decision this is. i told her to dial it back and that its annoying me and feels patronizing multiple times but she just doesn't get it and obviously i cant tell her it was the alternative to offing myself because that would just create more problems. Idk. Im kinda just complaining about it but shes seriously annoying tf out of me. Its like that one person who shows off while singing happy birthday with a group of people. i just want her to stop making such a big deal of it and keep treating me normally but instead shes just so overly positive and it makes me wanna rip my hair out or smt

anyway, long story short, shes annoying the absolute fuck out of me and i have no idea how to make her stop.

in a few weeks i (18m) will probably be in treatment. we've gotta finish the referral (doing it one week from today) and I'll have some sort of zoom call with the ppl who run the place or something like that. From what ive been told the wait is pretty short atm so theres a high likelihood that i may have to wait around 2 weeks afterwards. i know this may sound stupid but currently my main concern is that my "legal caregiver" has to sign a permission slip for me to be able to smoke cigarettes there. she doesnt know about me going yet actually, ive got a family friend whos gonna tell her once everythings all sorted out and get her to write that i can smoke lmao. i'm sure she'll say yes because she didnt stop me from smoking at their (failed but dont let them know that) eating disorder intervention almost a year ago

Also, this isnt an intervention. its all my idea, they didnt even know about this, no one knew. not really. A few friends seemed suspicious but no one actually knew and somehow i managed to make the choice to get clean all on my own which is insane to me.

i also get a few weeks to clean my room a lot because theres no way im going away for months and not making sure they cant snoop in my room while im gone.

idk if im being dramatic or anything rn but i really hope she lets me smoke my cigs istg im not quitting hard drugs AND smoking at the same time

I (18m) Got a lot of mdma, cam barely type this and a slurpee and somev darts, five 2 be exact

Trippin out in the best way. Wish i had a bf to makeout with rn

I (18m) just messaged a friend of mine (31f, a family friend) asking if she would give me a ride to treatment when i go and im fucking terrified now, my heart is literally racing. For the last 3 years she's been nagging me to go to treatment (not for drugs though lol) and ive been **HEAVILY** denying that anything was wrong and i just asked for help for literally the first time ever and ts is scaring the fuck outa me but ik it'll be good in the long run, i dont wanna end up like my parents and im starting to get really worried about my nose, thats whats making me do this, the last straw so to speak. Idk what to do idk if i regret it but i cant unsend the texts and i cant just say "oh, nevermind" cuz now she fuckimv knows. Fuck. Im just panicking over nothing. This is good. This is gonna be good for me so i shouldnt be so scared, gonna have to clean the fuck outa my room some time before i go though because i cant have anyone going through my shit while im in treatment and they (the relatives i live with) are gonna be a hell of a lot more likely to snoop around if they know. These last few days everything has gone downhill so fucking fast i cant even explain it, idk how its possible for me to hit rock bottom in a matter of days but i did, maybe i should get an award or smt. But yeah, ig im gonna go. Im just really scared no one knows let alone family/family friends. This is good for me, ik it is. But holly fuck i regret it already but ik its not a mistake

not much to say, thats it. i might go, i might get high and change my mind but rn i think i can think clearly. i'm planning on getting a job and moving out so maybe this could be a fresh start, idk why but i'm feeling a bit better right now. i'm going to tell a friend that i'm thinking about it, no gaurantees but im considering it

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

the top bit near the front of my (18m) left nostril hurts, a sorta stinging chemical burning flavour whenever i inhale and it only been like this since i took a shower this morning and blew my nose, something came out, a small solid blood clot and then when i looked there was a small hole, more like a burrow in the side of my nostril and thats when breathing through it started to hurt. i'm really scared tbh, it doesnt feel right at all but idk whats going on, this isnt how they used to be, i think. for a bit of context this morning was day 3 of a meth and mdma binge, snorting it all back to back, i havent slept or eaten or drank anything (except for the small cup of water i had at the hospital earlier today because i started to come down and thought the insides of my nose were melting and that i was gonna die. i calmed down after a few hours and walked back home from the waiting room. i wasnt being weird in the hospital btw, i probablyjust looked stressed af) and i dont think i'll be sleeping anytimw soon even though im all out of drugs now. i put all the left over molly dust on my fingers and licked it off when i got back from the hospital, it was really strong stuff too so that brought me back up. i just dont feel hungry or tired, just scared but i think maybe thats because i might be starting to come down a bit now. after a few hours of being home tbe pain in my nose started to die down and go away, i could comfortably breathe again but then like the retard i am i had to fuck it up and thought nasal spray might help (not a stupif thought) but it made it worse and now the pains bacl and i started crying, not from the pain, but just due to the situation itself amd maybe out of frustration. meth isnt my drug of choice (lol, i wish it were, it would be if i actually had a job. its great, too bad its so great tho) ive got a concerta prescription and ive basically just been snorting that everyday since i was 15 but ive been doing so much better this last month, not doimg it everyday and sometimes i dont do it right when i wake up, i even made it a whole 7 days without it when i first decided I'd "never use again" (specifically referring to stims, i also thought that I'd reconsider in a year and maybe take some molly and get laid or smt lol) the main point was that i'd do no morw damage to my nose and a week in i found some pills in a old coat pocket and snorted them and used that as justification for "doing it sometimes".ive still made progress ig, i dont do it as much anymore but idk it just seems like theres no actual point in gettinv clean cuz ik i'll just keep messing it up and no one knows how much this is hurtinv me, not really. most ppl just think i do shit on the weekends and the few who suspect its a problem dont think its that serious and i cant tell them bc then they'd know i lied to them. Ive got so much other shit going on too and its not fair because the only reason i even ended up in this mess is cuz i got bored one summer when i was 15. it didnt actually start to bother me until around 5 months ago when i finally realized i couldnt just "stop whenever". idek bro. I just called my friends and told them about the last couple days and no ones taking me seriously. I might just be freaking out for no reason and its maybe not that deep but idk bro. Ima try to have a sandwich cuz im also pretty underweight and sometimes i get symptoms similar to this minus the nose stuff when i go a certain amount of days without eating. Im such a fucking moron if im wrong. agh. Whatever, i dont even care anymore if somethings actually wrong im not gpimg to the hospital cuz i begged my friends to go withme and no one cared.maybe its just se kind of fantom pain idk. I once thought there was s spider in my ear for 18 hours and made someone pour oil in it so maybe nothing is real. Idk. I hate not being able to trust whats right in front of me