Sexting addiction
Hi everyone,
It's my 1st post on the internet about this, and even just sharing it in a safe place makes me feel better. Hopefully it's just another (positive) step towards a better version of myself.
I've been sexting pretty much since I started masturbating when I was 11, now I'm 35.
The mechanics and root causes changed during this period of time: exploring sex when I was a teenager, a more interacting and fun way to play with myself when I was in my 20s, a way to cope with stress due to work or lack of personal space during the last few years.
I've been in therapy for >4 years, but sexting addiction has been the main topic during this year. I have a wonderful partner who's being supportive in this journey. I have friends who don't judge me and accept this process of mine. Of course, the hardest one in this matter is myself.
The most frustrating thing is feeling like Superman when I find motivation, and then forgetting everything when a trigger presents. The worst thing is feeling like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: my thoughts seem to be coming from two different people, depending on when they present themselves.
I've been improving a lot: identifying triggers, writing down how I feel (even here now!), starting new habits to deal with the root causes, trying to find pleasure by myself in new ways.
Still, sometimes it feels like I'm definitely not doing enough, and that this will eventually blow in a dramatic way.
I know I'm getting better, but I still feel hopeless. I feel like I win some battles, but I'm losing the war.