Hikkikomori brother
My older brother has been a hikikomori for about 11 years, and I don't know how to help him anymore.
I'm 10 years younger than him, so I don't know the full story. My parents were very strict, especially my dad, who expected everyone to do things his way. My dad also had a difficult relationship with his own father, so I sometimes wonder if this is a family cycle. I believe my brother had a very difficult childhood growing up in that kind of environment.
My brother was always very sensitive and cared a lot about what other people thought of him. He had pretty loww self esteem and felt like he wasnt good enough. He got into one of the best universities in my country, but suddenly dropped out.
After that, he had a major breakdown, destroyed things around the house, cut off contact with my parents, and has barely left his room since. He said he became this way because of my parents, especially my dad.
For some reason, I'm the only family member he still talks to.
He's emotionally distant now. He doesn't cook, buy groceries, or help with family responsibilities. My dad has cancer, and his condition is getting worse, but my brother doesn't get involved. My mom and I take care of everything, and sometimes I feel like I'm an only child. Very exhausted.
I'm about to graduate from university. If I stay, I'll probably get a normal office job, come home every day, and continue living like this. If I move away or study abroad, I'm afraid I'll be leaving my mom alone to deal with all this.
Another thing is that I've never told any of my friends about my brother. In my country, hikikomori is almost unheard of, so I've kept it a secret all these years. Over time, that secret has become a barrier. Sometimes I feel like I've developed an avoidant attachment style because of everything that's happened.
My questions are:
1 .How can I help my brother understand that our dad's condition is getting worse and encourage him to get involved without pushing him away?
- Is there anything I can do to help someone who has been a hikikomori for over 10 years
I'd really appreciate any advice from former hikikomori or family members who have been through something similar.