u/Hikkimori-Forever

Staying alive only to hide my shame.

I'm unsure if posts like this are applicable to people who spent 12 years in their bedroom. I have less opportunities, less connections, no employment records for this period. I also have the same physical flaws that lead me to becoming hikikomori in the first place.

Any time I've wanted to re-engage with life it's met with the scorn of people who don't suffer from suicidal ideation. When I engaged with services after two years of being hikikomori according to my résumé I was met with the equal scorn that I am today.

I am unsure how to proceed at it would be known and looked down on in the area that I am a complete hikikomori.

Living at home at 35. I would love to take up employment of some kind. However I feel unable to engage with reality to go through the hoops to get me into employment. Been a Hikikomori for over 10 years.

Everything looking for résumés.

35, M, Single, hikikomori for 10+ years. I live very rurally. If I reach out to a Financial institution for a loan for transport, I am dismissed as I cannot pay it back. Therefore I cannot leave the house.

If I present myself for looking for independent living housing support, I am looked down on for presenting myself, my income and employment status so I am dismissed. As a result I am living this way and kept living this way for years despite making attempts to leave it.

I can't take this anymore. I can't leave the house at all.

I occasionally and increasingly have hikikomori spaz outs where I leave when things get too much at home.

For me it is unbearable. My Hikkimori state is no longer tenable.

Whether to a person in therapy, in health or employment service, to present like someone who gave up on yourself and society and became a recluse ten years ago, is looked down on with disgust. It's seen as a choice, any reasons or traumas you have for becoming a long time Hikkimori are not good enough to the person receiving you.

The rules are not made for re-entry.

It never happens because it's a life lived in my head. Nothing manifests and I have been Hikkimori since the mid 2010's.

Any changes I imagine start with moving away physically which I cannot do

I am the shame of my family. Being a Hikkimori gives the impression to my internal self that I'm cut off from the world, a sense of private peace etc. But this is not the case for me. I live with my parents at home and have my Hikkimori shame and social failings broadcast to all my extended family and the local community. This is becoming an unbearable situation for me.

My experience is that people, particularly those closest to you don't want you to change and grow. They want you the way you are.

My equally, lifelong, unemployed father acts personally attacked anytime I bring up that I want to get I to employment.

Meaning that you own a vehicle of your own but choose not to leave? If you don't own a vehicle or a licence is this by choice or by having your family members or circumstances dictate that towards you? Would you leave the house if you had a vehicle?

*Question aimed at the older Hikkimori not the just left education ones.