u/Hot_Way_7427

I am absolutely adamant: I wouldn't see them. But the problem is having to eat, pee, and wash; the problem is that the guests would realize I was locking myself in my room to avoid them. I can picture them knocking on my door, telling me to come out, and all criticizing me together. All I want is to be left alone in peace. I’m an adult, and I don’t want to have to lock myself in my room like this, but I don’t want to talk to guests when I’m neglecting my personal hygiene, doing nothing with my days, and being loathed by the parents I live with.

I am ashamed of having been hit because I am an adult.

I'm in this situation because of them, so I don't feel guilty about taking advantage of them for now but I would so love to save up enough money to leave!

Right now, I feel numb, and I’m forced to stay in a place that constantly reminds me of all those bad memories. For a large part of my life, I was a victim. I already felt unloved, and on top of that, a lot of people openly mocked my appearance in groups, multiple times. Others disrespected me in different ways. The fact that I froze and didn’t know how to defend myself adds another layer of shame and self-hatred for me. Of course, I’m doing everything I can to become stronger, but sometimes I feel like I’m going backwards.

There’s also the fact that I’ve bottled up so much over the years that when I finally let everything out at once, people think I’m crazy, even my therapist.

I've told my whole life story to several people, and there are still messages proving it. I've embarrassed myself in front of people.

I wonder if those people would reveal what they know about me if they saw me become successful.

I'm so socially awkward that, on top of being bullied, I often ended up humiliating myself too. Even though it's been years since I've felt like I was part of society, there are moments when those awful memories suddenly come back. I feel the exact same shame I felt at the time, and I can't help thinking that the people who were there still remember me that way that the embarrassing version of me is the only version they ever kept in their minds.

- You won't be mistaken for being autistic at work or have to watch your coworkers openly make fun of you. You won't be given extra work you're too afraid to refuse, get yelled at, or live under constant pressure.

- You won't have to feel miserable after spending the day at work being rejected, only to come home alone feeling worthless, then repeat the same cycle every single day.

- You may have avoided being assaulted or having a flower pot fall on your head simply because you stayed home today and on many other days too.

- You won't have to see awful people outside who seem happy and madly in love.

Every time you go out, something happens that reminds you why you prefer staying isolated?

Not during adolescence, and certainly not in adulthood. Things went completely off the rails right at the onset of the pre-teen years. On top of that, the world I grew up in has changed, and it hurts.

and those who are more reserved open up more (if everything goes well). Agreed?

When I'm disrespected, I don't respond, and I always end up in situations where I'm attacked. I don't dare defend myself; I'm always silent.