r/lonely

People who have sisters close to their age are so lucky if I had a sister I’d be the happiest girl ever

I am a girl with three brothers it feels like a nightmare

Not sure what to do anymore

Hey all, second and probably last time posting in this subreddit, I'm still feeling lonely and trying and failing to talk to new people but still on the fight. Days ago I recieved a notfication that a post I made got deleted by mods because I was glorifying offing yourself or such when it's not true, literally the end of the post (which I reposted in my own account) said: "I'll manage to keep going somehow, but it sucks so much." but maybe they read it with their feet or didn't care to pay attention.

I'm writing this taking for granted it'll be deleted, but I wanted to vent about it, if anyone who see this wants to chat my DM are open and I try to check daily. anyway, have a nice day, or night, depending where you are.

I'm 34 and recently lost my two best friends. I'd known one for 11 years and the other for 20 years. I got caught in the middle of an argument between them and ended up losing both friendships.

The thing is they were pretty much my only friends. I don't really have anyone else I can call up or talk to about what's going on in my life.

It's a strange feeling to reach this age and realize how alone you are. I keep thinking about how long I've known these people and how suddenly I now have nobody I'm close to.

I'm posting because I'd really like to hear from anyone who's been in a similar position. If you've been in your 30s with no close friends or lost your entire social circle later in life I'd appreciate hearing your experience. I just want to feel a little less alone in this.

No friends going insane

I turned 18 a couple months ago and I could always cope by saying “it’ll get better as an adult” and now I can’t even say that anymore. Fuck my life.

Bonjour, je ne sais pas si je me sens déprimé mais bon, je travaille de chez moi et je n'ai pas d'amis. J'ai une sœur qui a un emploi normal, elle est divorcée et je peux l'aider, je reste toujours chez moi après mon travail pour être avec ses enfants ou les ramener de l'école. Eh bien, c'est quelque chose que j'apprécie, mais quand je pense que la seule amie que j'ai est sa fille qui a 10 ans, on passe notre temps à regarder des animés et des films des années 90 et 2000. Quand je suis avec elle, je me sens comme un enfant, y a-t-il quelqu'un comme moi qui a 30 ans et se sent comme un enfant ? Ou est-ce de la dépression parce que je n'ai pas de personnes âgées avec qui parler ?

I’ve made so many posts about this, but nothing changes. No matter how hard I try , and it is so hard, everything stays the same. I promise I’m making an effort, I chat with people, I go out, I’m even at a new school, trying to find places that match my interests feels like a juggling act. And then, there’s the exchange of contact info, but what happens next? I get ghosted.

Honestly, sometimes I feel like my loneliness is killing me little by little, it’s a truly painful feeling...

I’ve been struggling with loneliness for a long time, and I feel like I’ve gotten myself stuck in a really frustrating cycle.
I want connections so badly. I want people to talk to throughout the day, people I can share things with, and people who actually want me around. But I’ve spent so long being alone and depending on myself that I’ve gotten used to it, and now I feel like I’ve almost become too comfortable with isolation.
The weird thing is that I actually get opportunities to connect with people. I’ve gotten a lot of matches on dating apps, and people seem interested in talking to me, but I end up struggling to keep the conversations going because I don’t have the social battery, I feel too lazy to put in the effort, and replying just feels like too much work even though I’m the one who desperately wants these connections in the first place.
Another problem is that I overthink my responses wayyy too much. I’ll want to reply to someone, but instead of just sending a normal message, I’ll sit there trying to come up with the perfect response. I want to say something interesting, funny, or engaging, and I end up exhausting myself before I’ve even replied.
Then I end up all alone again, wondering why I don’t have friends, even though I can recognize that I’m not helping myself when I act this way.
It feels like I’m constantly self sabotaging my own chances of not being alone. I want connection, but I struggle with the effort and consistency that maintaining relationships requires. And the longer I go without connections, the more natural it feels to just keep to myself even though it’s not what I actually want.
I don’t know if I’ve genuinely become lazy, if I’m socially drained from being alone for so long, or if I’ve just gotten so used to relying on myself that making room for other people feels exhausting now.

Has anyone else experienced this??

I had to ask my husband to step back from over the road trucking and switch to local runs because I genuinely couldn't handle being so isolated and alone for weeks at a time. But making that choice just highlighted how empty my world is and how isolated I really am.

I don't have many people who would say they're my friend, and the few I thought were true friends don't show up. When you're sitting in a house by yourself day after day, yearning for simple human connection and feeling like nobody gives a damn to check in, it breaks you down.

I made a post earlier just to my friends and over 150 people saw it, and not a single person reached out. It hurts to feel this invisible. It makes you feel pathetic when you can't even pay people to spend time with you. People love to talk about how mental health matters, but the second you actually speak up and show your raw struggle, you're met with silence. Or people actively make it worse.

I'm crying out for human connection because I am so goddamn lonely, and people's reaction is to isolate me even more. It's clear I'm not important to anyone. I deactivated my Facebook and uninstalled the app because it's obvious I won't be missed.

I long for a deep connection.

I feel like I have so much love to give.

Even just a good conversation I'm so hungry for it.

But I am continually disappointed in people.

Maybe abuse has ruined me.

Maybe my standards are too high.

I live in constant fear of two things.

1. I will never love or feel loved ever again, I will never feel excited or truly interested in someone else.

2. I will fall hard and fast into the wrong hands, and I will waste years of my life and incur irreversible damage.

I hope neither happen.

But I know one things for sure, I feel most lonely when I am around many other people.

I like not being simple or standard.

I have so many interests, hobbies and passions, but I would have thought by now I would have found a small home somewhere.

I'm 31 and depression and anxiety has kept me socially isolated for the better half of 17 years.

Everytime I try to reach out I'm either burnt or just dissapointed.

Ugh, what a drag.

I just throw myself into my hobbies until the feeling passes.

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My whole life, I've been single, and I'm in an impossible position to change that right now, which sucks, so save the bull crap. I need to put my circumstances in there because I'm 21 and can't drive. My parents refuse to teach me unless it's an absolute must. I'm a college student and a Starbucks barista working on my phlebotomy certification, and while my parents won't teach me unless it's necessary, they will help me get a car once I can afford it. It's crap, honestly, because so much of my lifeline revolves around them.

I don't have many friends in the States because some have treated me badly, while others live in a different state or country. With my job being as social as it is, I truly do try. I get to know my customers, and I talk to them. I've been there for three years, but I've never been flirted with, and it sucks.

I have sisters who have a very normal experience when it comes to men being attracted to them. My older sister is even getting married, and I'm happy for her. I really am. I always wonder, though, whether that will happen to me. I feel like I'm slowly losing my humanity, or at least my ability to care. My younger sister talks about all the creepy guys who hit on her, and all I can think about is telling her to consider herself lucky because at least she knows guys find her attractive and that she's wanted. That's something I've never been sure of myself.

I'll post a picture of myself, deadass. I don't think I'm ugly, but it's easy to get into that mindset when you've never experienced romantic attention.

I try to stay social through social media with my friends. I even tried Hinge, but I got ghosted after talking to someone for three or four months when I was 19. Now, at my grown age of 21, I feel like I'm losing my mind over my Japanese teacher. I don't even know why I picked that language in the first place. It's hard as hell!

I'm falling for my Japanese teacher. He's around my age, and I try to stay realistic about it. He's my teacher, so I tell myself he's doing his job, to let him do his job and let myself be a student, which I do. But then he does things that make me wonder. He showed me the message his friends had written on his bedroom wall that said, "Don't forget her." He was lying in bed with the wall in front of him while I was on the computer, so he turned the computer around to show me. He even told me he wanted me to see it.

He also told me during our last session that he wanted a girlfriend. He said Starbucks workers in Japan were cute. I'm a Starbucks worker. Sure, I'm not in Japan, but I'm still a Starbucks worker. We also talked about cute people, and he was pointing at himself while I was talking about my perspective on attractiveness.

And yeah, I know I sound crazy. Sometimes I wonder if he sounds like a bad teacher because of how he's acting, but he actually has good ratings, and his bio says he wants people to learn Japanese like they're learning with a friend. I tell myself he just doesn't realize how he's acting and that he's doing it unconsciously. He's Japanese, so I sometimes wonder if he even realizes that the way he's acting can be considered flirting. I know I can't assume that just because he's Japanese, but I do wonder if he knows how his behavior comes across. He could also just be playful, which might explain why he's acting like this.

But the way he's acting feels like it could at least be taken as flirting. These are the things I tell myself to calm down and be more realistic, but outside of that, I wonder if this is limerence. I feel like it is, and I know I'm going crazy. I feel crazy, in fact.

I just don't know how long these feelings will last, how deep they'll go, or whether I'm seeing this logically or denying myself the possibility that he might actually be interested in me. I don't want to get my hopes up over something that isn't there, but I also don't know if I'm convincing myself that I'm imagining everything because I've never experienced this before.

I’m exhausted by being chronically single and alone. I’m exhausted from carrying all this emotional weight alone. I recently got diagnosed with CPTSD and starting to understand how emotionally neglected I was. I never got the ramp for development that a person needs. Never got the emotional attunement either. I’m estranged from my family. I see friends occasionally but everyone is busy with their own lives.

I’m exhausted by the normie advice of “just join a club!” “Volunteer!!” I’m exhausted by having to generate and propel everything on my own. I’m exhausted what all advice given pretty much boils down to “optimize!!”

I don’t have an expansive social circle that could’ve introduced me to someone. Never having anyone to come home to, talk to about your day with, share “boring” moments with, someone hold your inner world, touch you takes a heavy toll on you eventually.

I’m trying to grieve my lack of connection but it is hard. My therapist (3rd therapist I had) ended our relationship because she thinks I need a different modality. Yes I take meds and go to the gym blah blah but at the end of the day they can’t make you less lonely.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.. everything seems like a dead end.

Im 23 f and i haven’t been able to relax I have depression I’m lonely I just want to be able to vent to someone.

What is your opinion on this? Or, "You'll find someone when you aren't looking."

I personally hate hearing this but maybe it's true. I try to look for a partner or for friends and I am still stuck in the same lonely place. But I don't know. I'm just curious if you guys feel like you'll be less lonely if you just stop looking for friends. But humans just have the desire to be with others.

Hi 30M here and I am just sharing my 3 AM thoughts. Tbh life is pretty shitty now a days or at least it has been for the last 6-7 years at least. But its fine, adulting has never been easy. Loneliness, however, has been a completely different ball game. I have had some good friends (still have a few) and I have been perpetually single for all my life. All those friendships were never really deep enough to not make me feel alone. And the worst part is, I never got used to it. I changed cities and countries, thought that starting in a completely new place would give me new opportunities to make friends and probably meet someone worth spending my life with. Yeah nothing like that happened. You know you have this feeling of missing out when all your friends are getting married and having kids and thinking of settling down. I don't know how to feel better, honestly. I tried quite a few things to feel less lonely, like working out and cooking etc but nope. Going out to clubs or social gatherings aren't particularly my strong suit. Its a very strange and helpless situation.

I sometimes wonder if I’m bad at socializing or if I just don’t enjoy the type of socializing that’s considered normal.
I can talk for hours when the conversation is about something meaningful—ideas, life, philosophy, music, books, goals, relationships, etc. But the moment it’s just “How’s work?” “Did you watch the game?” “What are you doing this weekend?” I lose interest almost immediately.
It’s not that I dislike people. I just don’t understand why conversations have to stay at the surface so often.
Do other introverts feel the same way, or am I just socially awkward?

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I have had no friends my entire life and am 29. I have nothing to do all day because every job rejects me. I have sent thousands of applications over the past three years. I’ve also tried to make friends with hundreds of people (tens of thousands including online) and am always rejected.

I especially never find anyone who is depressed and lonely like me. And at the least, serious and somber. It is valid to have that as a personality type and want to talk about serious and somber things in a serious and somber tone. Why is it so impossible for me even when I see people like this with friends? They reject me too.

Sitting here on my Saturday night with literally no one to talk to or make plans with. No one to call, no “what are you doing tonight?” texts… just me and my phone 😂

I’m 29 and I honestly never expected to feel this lonely at this age. I have people I know, but I don’t really have that person or group of people I can just randomly message and say “want to hang out?”
It’s such a weird feeling watching everyone else seem to have plans while you’re sitting at home wondering who you’d even text.

So if you’re also sitting alone tonight, tell me where you’re from and what you’re doing tonight. Maybe some of us can keep each other company for the evening. 🥲

And honestly, if you just feel like talking, my DMs are open.