u/Charming-Bike-427

She’s old. Probably at least 13-14 years old. She’s still pretty active for her age, she likes playing and can still climb up and down her cat tree. I think my bed is getting hard to be on though because I have hardwood floors and jumping probably hurts her joints.

But for a while now she has been coming into my room at night and just is screaming. Wandering out. Coming back to scream. She’ll walk back and forth a lot too. When I start playing with her her interest lasts a few minutes max and then she is done and out of my room again. At some point in the night she calms down to sleep. In the day she is mostly sleeping too.

So I looked up the signs vets use.

Vocalization. Yes.
Interactions. Pulling away but becoming very clingy
Sleep cycle. She is pacing at night and sleeping all day.
House soiling. Not really. Only when the litter box gets missed with its cleaning.
Disorientation. I haven’t noticed.
Activity. Less playing
Learning and memory. Good there, she knows her names and nicknames and knows where her food is.

I don’t know if what she is experiencing is dementia or old age, she would have to go to a vet.

It makes me so sad though because she is getting old and she is my childhood pet. I love her so much and just having her in the same room brings me peace. She makes me feel less alone when I’m struggling with my loneliness. Her cuteness brightens up my mood so much. I don’t want her to die even though I know it’s getting closer.

I check her breathing every now and then because I’m so paranoid. I keep imagining she’ll live as long as I do too which is a hard dream to be crushed.

I’m not a heavy drug user. I only smoke weed and have done shrooms a few times. Ativan is prescribed.

I felt so loopy, heavy, relaxed, couldn’t open both my
eyes without it being blurry, and I was knocking into things because I couldn’t walk straight. It was also great because when talking to family I could straighten up real quick.

I took it because today was a really bad day. It was at the point I self harmed so I needed medication. I took one earlier but it didn’t work so I ended up taking two more and started to smoke. I know I shouldn’t smoke with it but it heightens the relaxation.

This is the first time i technically abused my prescription and now I realize why people do. I don’t even care about what I was upset about earlier. It’s like a reset in my brain. Usually with 1mg it calms me down but it can’t help when it gets really bad.

I’m not out to anyone except my boyfriend and I told him to call me everything I’m assigned to not raise suspicion. It sucks but I feel like I won’t be taken seriously so this is easier than facing that I won’t be taken seriously by most people. It’s just what I’ve seen so much.

I saw this person online say that people who are ftm deserve a name as iconic as dolls for people who are mtf. I was reading the comments and someone asked what non binary people should be called. Someone said “jester”.

It’s been pissing me off for two days and they are acting like historical context matters. When you call someone a jester now they are just a joke. You aren’t saying it to be nice.

I ended up calling someone pathetic because they said “fun police”. Pathetic used to mean passionate so I was being a dick to prove a point.

It’s not going to affect my daily life so I don’t know why I’m upset for two days. I’m an adult probably arguing with kids. I’m just so insecure and the thought of being called a jester gets to me. I don’t want to be seen as a joke I want to be seen as who I am.

I just had to get this out somewhere. I know it’s not as big of an issue as many people face but I just can’t stop thinking back on it.

Also, from the POV of people who came out, was hiding it more painful than being out and not being taken seriously by people?

My boyfriend really likes anime and wanted to watch this together because it seemed funny. We both are addicted to vaping so it seemed relatable, neither of us read the manga though.

The pissing scene was so gross to me I wanted to skip it 😭 ive watched movies/shows with nastiness or sex scenes but nothing to that level. I wasn’t expecting something like that so when it came on it it was gross. I felt like a gooner watching it. I heard that ep 4 is real gooner levels too lol.

I’m still going to watch the whole season but that made me have a physical reaction. It’s a good show so I’m not trying to have those scenes put me off it because at the same time it’s something new.

Idk the creators intentions but I don’t think it’s supposed to be a gooner show, just to show the things severe addiction can bring.

Still makes me feel weird though and I can only watch this at my boyfriend’s house lol.

I’ve been struggling with social anxiety for years now where I didn’t leave the house for a long time. This last year I’ve been going to exposure therapy and now I’m at a point where I think I can start volunteering. Just getting out and buses were the hardest for me but I actually took the bus 4 times this week and felt okay.

The thing is the reason I can do volunteering and not jury duty is that it’s on my own time. I can see how I’m feeling and then sign up for it then, I can do it the day before. And the place I’m going is easy work, just cleaning up and dog shelter.

Jury duty is so stressful. Besides getting there and needing to do it consistently it can be something serious. I don’t want someone’s future in my hands and what if I zone out like I do a lot and miss important things.

So I’m calling today to see what I can do. My psychiatrist told me she would write a doctors note if needed so that’s out of the way. And my therapist said you can defer for a while so I can always do it when I’m doing better.

This is so stressful and it couldn’t have come at a worse time. I hate that this is a part of being a citizen even though it’s honestly good.

Edit: I called today for my exposure therapy and at first the guy was mean wondering why I called. I thought it was at a later date but it’s on the 7th so I didn’t have any time to mail.

I started crying immediately and he canceled it right away and told me 3 months to get things together lol. At least he was kind in the end!

I’m not in psychosis but I’ve been having delusions like this one. This is the biggest one that bothers me.

Usually I’m not insecure like that. I’ll have moments of he gets hit on or something but it would pass because I know who he is and he wouldn’t cheat.

But I take everything as evidence that he’s cheating now. The seat in the car moved, cheating (even though he Ubers). Waiting so long to start driving for uber. Cheating. While he is working I always think he’s cheating.

This happened out of no where and it’s very hard to deal with. The other delusions are easy to push away but since I care so much about him this one is amplified.

My grandpa died a month ago. He moved back to his home state to be with his kids and so they could take care of him. He was there for a few years and they did end up putting him in a nursing home because his condition was bad. It was a very good one though because my grandma made sure he would be set with money when she died a long time ago.

I didn’t go to the funeral because I don’t handle death well so I didn’t want to see him dead. I just want to remember his body as alive.

My brother brought back a hoodie of his for me but I don’t know if I can wear it. I want to wear it sometimes but it makes me feel weird that he is dead and I’m wearing his clothing.

Should I wait a while and see if time changes things or should I just never wear it?

He never answers my calls. He wants me to wait for him to call me. He says he’s doing stuff but it takes him at minimum 4 hours to get ready when all he does is shower and brush his teeth. He says it’s because his family stresses him out and I’ve told him he’s an adult and that’s his responsibility, it shouldn’t be taking him that long. He’s just in bed from my point of view. He’s genuinely addicted to TikTok and it’s hard to pull him away from it.

He’s telling me that I have to wait for him to call me because he never answers my calls and when he does he’s upset that I called him. We’ve been together almost 6 years and he says he wants to marry me :/

I told him I just want to be able to call him and him pick up without being upset but he’s basically saying that’s too much because he gets stressed out.

Is it an overreaction to think I deserve better than this?

Btw I wasn’t checking his phone, he was scrolling through his likes like he usually does to show me videos he saved.

I don’t know what that term means really but i understand it as “when time catches up” basically. The TikTok was saying how the white rabbit catches up to us and we finally aren’t together anymore basically.

We’ve been having a lot of issues. He was acting like he accidentally saved it to see what that term meant. I don’t believe it.

He keeps saying he wants to marry me but why like a post like that if he does. Marriage isn’t going to automatically fix our issues.

I just can’t stop thinking about it and he kept telling me to stop when I was asking questions about it. I’m not going to break up with him just to beat him to it or something, I’d rather keep trying on mine end. It just sucks that he is thinking that way and I am one of the reasons.

And just today I was spam texting him when I woke up because I had anxiety before I was even awake and I’m out of my PRN and I was freaking out. He wasn’t upset this time but usually he is and I hate that I did this again. I try to control my anxiety but it gets out of control quickly. I’m working on it with my therapist but it’s a big process that idk if he can wait for.

Not looking for advice, just wanting to get this out.

We’ve been together for almost 6 years, in November is our anniversary. I met him when I was 16 and he’s become the love of my life. We’ve done so much together and have been through really bad lows, staying by each others side.

A big thing I always think about is tha stayed with me when I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 after I had a really bad basically year long manic episode. He was a big part of my delusions and I was terrible honestly. I was a big part of the reason he got his car repossessed because he was too busy caring for me to work. But he saw the real me still and stuck with me. Even the police officers responding to me one time privately said to him most would have left.

We’ve had so many fun dates. A recent one was my favorite. He picked out the park and it was so beautiful. I made him climb up a steep hill and he lost his shoe for a second lol. And he accepts that I don’t like to go out in public places really and our dates are usually in nature where I can ignore people more. He’s even been fine when I cancelled non refundable plans he paid for because of my anxiety.

He is really the best person ever. He is so caring for the ones he loves, he can make me laugh to the point my chest hurts, he takes me where ever I want to go because I can’t drive yet, he’s has never made me pay for the weed he gets me, he has written so many cute letters to me, he gives me all the time in the world. I can just keep thinking of reasons why I love him.

But my parents don’t like him because of the issues we have. He’s not even allowed at our house anymore. I would go to my mom about our issues too much and then one time after a bad fight they saw me crying really badly. My dad ended up calling my boyfriend and threatened him and his family. My boyfriend called 911. My dad denies he said anything. My mom believes my dad. And so now he’s not allowed over because he called 911.

I don’t know if I want to tell them anything about our relationship going further. I don’t want to deal with the judgement and opinions. No wedding either, my dad would be pissed walking me down the aisle and my mom and brother would be pissed too.

It’s kind of sad. I know it’s my fault for going to my mom too much too. I want my mom and I to be happy and see the ring he got me and go out shopping for a dress. Also the dream party I could put together. But it would just be tainted with negativity.

They’ll obviously know at some point that I’m married but I think I’m going to do everything in secret. I’ll get proposed to and then we will plan a courthouse wedding. My family will be upset either way so I’m choosing the option that makes me comfortable. This just sucks and I really wish I did things differently.

I do by at least 3am (I can sleep until 11am) it is just that I push so hard to continue what I am doing when I am tired. Right now it is listening to music and I'll only go to bed once I'm bored of it.

I know it isn't mania because I still get a strong tired feeling around the same time but it feels similar to mania. Where I'd rather spend the whole night being awake doing something.

It's because I feel good at night with how free it feels. I don't have to worry about doing exposure therapy and how I am failing so hard. The rules aren't the same at night time and it feels better because truly no one is expecting anything from me then.

I just am always afraid it will slip into mania. And with me falling asleep so late it makes me worry a lot because even though I don't work I have to stick to 11am wake up time. If I fall asleep later than 3am it can really mess with me because I wake up when I sleep.

I just wish I could pull all nighters doing what I want like other people.

He cums in less than 10 minutes and I always have to give him head before sex. It’s because it gets me wet enough for it and he says if he does anything to me I get too wet and he can’t feel it as good.

And it is true that I get too wet quickly if he’s doing stuff to me but I still want it. I don’t ever get foreplay done to me. It’s just after sex and that’s a big maybe. I had to ask for it yesterday because I didn’t even cum with how quick it was. Even during sex I rarely get touched even though I’ve told him it’s my favorite.

It’s getting frustrating. I didn’t even want to give him head before because I was too pissed off.

I told him about it and how sex doesn’t feel the same as it used to. He’s 24, almost 25, and I’m 22 and it’s like our libidos don’t match anymore. Our emotions are the same but it feels like he’s slowing down because he’s getting older, idk how all of that works though.

Like we went to a hotel for my birthday and we had sex for 10 minutes before we went to bed. He’s getting everything but I’m left to masturbate at night when I’m alone. I’m tired of watching porn too, it’s tiring just looking and it makes me want the sex that I’m not getting even more.

I’m going to see if things get better with more talking. It’s just terrible right now because I’m realizing what people mean when they are sexually frustrated. I really hate having my hand be a third in the relationship.

ALSO I know how people are online. This isn’t an invitation to DM. I’m with my boyfriend and even though there’s issues I have I’ll never do anything with another person while I’m with him.

I just can’t wrap my head around people defending a person letting a baby drown in human feces when they have no idea what happened too. It’s a tragedy why are people acting like it’s an attack on women when people get upset at the situation? I’m a woman before anyone says shit, I fr think it’s dumb to defend this because it’s a woman.

I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m imagining myself in the babies spot and it brings me to tears. It’s one of the worst deaths possible in my opinion. The baby didn’t even have a chance of human touch and warmth before death. It drowned it waste. How can you defend that when you don’t know what happened????

It’s hard to scroll past and I’m commenting on the defenders a lot which makes it show up more. I don’t know how to get away from this in my head too.

Please don’t create an argument in the comments. I won’t reply here if you defend so don’t comment if you just want to create a rise out of me. I’m just getting this out and wanting to see if other people feel the same because it makes me feel so upset.

I have to delete this after a bit because my boyfriend sometimes checks my phone I just need to get my frustration out.

My boyfriend spent hours getting ready (not getting ready I should say) because he was thinking about a dream and was scared about it. What do you think was getting him about the dream? That he remembered going to the place before and the dream was vivid.

I am so annoyed. I had a vivid dream where I was kidnapped and pulled from my brother and the next dream was me about to be gang raped with men naked around me. Yeah it fucked up my head for a bit and thought it was a warning or something but I moved on with my day because ITS A DREAM. it’s my subconscious and your subconscious stores weird shit sometimes.

It’s just annoying because he was supposed to come at a certain time and he’s not now. He is always late and it’s always something stupid like thinking about a dream.

Like I’m sorry as an adult you shouldn’t be stopping your day because of a dream. I really won’t listen to any argument against it because it’s literally fake. It reminds me of the people who start arguments because their partner cheated on them in a dream.

Don’t think I was mean to him when he was talking to me. I was kind and I helped him calm down because even though I think it’s stupid he’s still my boyfriend and I love him. I’m just so frustrated.

It would need a lot of space (game is 55gb and adding and another game is 15gb) and at least 4GB RAM.

I don’t want an iPhone, I’m starting to go against them for personal reasons, so anything except those.

Under $2000 would be best and it doesn’t have to be a gaming phone, these two games I play run fine on normal phones like my iPhone 14.

Thank you for any help. There are so many phones to look at and it’s overwhelming when I don’t know much about tech. Samsung seems good though so maybe one of those?

It would need a lot of space (game is 55gb and adding and another game is 15gb) and at least 4GB RAM.

I don’t want an iPhone, I’m starting to go against them for personal reasons, so anything except those.

Under $2000 would be best and it doesn’t have to be a gaming phone, these two games I play run fine on normal phones like my iPhone 14.

Thank you for any help. There are so many phones to look at and it’s overwhelming when I don’t know much about tech.