u/maybeimbonkers

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I do not have the strength to fight life anymore. I am tired of listening to all the comments—how I might potentially break something, how I am not careful enough, not proactive enough, how so many things have broken in association with me. It’s always me. I am somehow always the culprit, the antagonist, the clumsy, messy, chaotic, dumb, unqualified person incapable of doing anything right. I get everything wrong. I might even get this attempt wrong because of course, how can I get anything right. Not one person respects me. I do not wish the pain I have felt all these years on anyone. No, not anyone. No one should feel inadequate, unworthy, unsure, unaccomplished. No one should have their faith in them steadily decline to the point where they cannot trust themselves anymore. No one should bear the decline of cognition and mental faculties to the point where their brain feels like a spider’s web haze over an empty skull. No one should live every day suffering internal mental breakdowns and then be told they need to fight and be positive or be admonished for harboring negative thoughts. You think if I could fight them I wouldn’t? I have fought umpteen battles in life. For the number of times I have taken hits you should wonder why/how I am still here. Every single, small little thing that could otherwise be accomplished without much difficulty for most people arrives with little result but mired with hardship for me. On top of this I have fought issues for which the resolution and direction arrived much much later, by which time I was well into my 30s.

Anyway. All this is in the past now. I am writing this because today I have chosen to bid farewell to this kind of a life. Enough is enough. I hope you forget me because I do not want to reside in anyone’s memory. But that said I don’t think I am particularly memorable so maybe that should not be difficult.

Thanks to everyone.

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He says the loop gain is given by eq 8.8 as it's identical to the CS stage in fig 8.3b (above). But looking at 8.7c, the loop gain looks to be C1/(C1+C2)?

https://preview.redd.it/wepiv9r792bh1.png?width=1227&format=png&auto=webp&s=b42691285f51664904ca740145c95ad30c3be9a1

here is how I tried to solve by breaking the loop (similar to how he breaks it in fig 8.6)

I got a call the other day from a recruiter a week after I had interviewed with the hiring manager, that they were still interested and it might take a few weeks but he was calling to let me know this. I was a little taken aback because this recruiter's call always goes to spam, but I was able to verify it was him. Then I wrote to him to confirm what he said. He shared this :

"We are still interested in your candidacy while we interview other candidates for the position. I will let you know what the next steps are after all the candidates have been interviewed. 

Please feel free to contact me if further clarification is needed."

Does this mean I'm on a wait-list of some sort and I can't expect next steps 100%?

I really don't. I bought patio cleaner but I think I will use it on myself. I'm 35 and supremely behind in life. I'm a failure. I can't deal with life any more.

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At first glance it seems like In might split into exactly half because the the tail current might see an impedance of 1/gm1 and 1/gm2 at the source of M1/M2, but with the diode connected transistor on one side, wouldn't the impedance of one path be greater than the other? Why does the tail current noise still "choose" to split equally?

Inattentive ADHD, currently on Guanfacine. Can't say it's made a lot of difference.

I wake up feeling extremely depressed. Can't move and feel paralyzed to do anything at all. The only reason I'm surviving is because I currently work from home. I get things ready for my husband 730-8, and then sit in my bed sluggishly moving through the day. I probably get my bearings around 12, and then start to feel like a human around 3-4 pm. By 6 or so I actually feel alert and positive.

Can anyone relate to this ? I was never a morning person, but the extent to which I feel depressed in the day has worsened with age. I'm now 35. I shudder to think of how worse it can get.

https://preview.redd.it/4tlz7c7a7p9h1.png?width=489&format=png&auto=webp&s=5f0478a0e4f0474adcc7def83f9e3c336fdec5b3

I was asked about a source degenerated diff amp half circuit analysis, and then the interviewer said what if the tail current source had a noise current In**2, what would the noise analysis be?

We were nearing the end of the interview and he had more questions so I did not get the time to answer. How would I solve this?

This is what I see in my work environment, which is the only set of people I'm exposed to other than my partner, thanks to the hours I work and becoming a deeper introvert as the years progress.

Literally everyone is better than me. They speak better. They work better. They are not as chaotic, as garbled, as messy, as awkward, as behind as me. They're lauded, recognized, respected. But I'm the perennial black sheep. In my head I think I know something but I will never articulate it well. I have 15 tabs or sessions always open. They are always freezing when I need to share my screen in a meeting. I'm dumber than a bag of rocks. Heck there are probably children out there who are smarter and sharper than me. Every day my brain feels like a heavy bag of lead with a fog of dust over it. Accessing information and thoughts is an actual chore.

Why? I can't go through life this way. I'm sick of looking like an incompetent nincompoop.

I seem to shut down in interviews if a topic comes up that I have to think about, or haven't extensively reviewed before the interview. Like the other day I was asked questions about differential amplifier orientations and which one I would prefer as a designer, and then a transfer function when there is a parasitic cap across the tail current source. I was also asked a feedback question.

I analyze feedback loops in detail and use 2 or 3 sanity points to check my analysis every time. I answered wrong the first time, the interviewer's face fell and he coaxed me with some leading questions. Then I explained my thinking and eventually realized where I went wrong and answered again.

Then he asked another question about slowing one of the feedback loops in a current mirror down and we eventually got to adding a resistor. It was leading to adding the resistor as an added benefit of filtering the reference noise on the current source. Again, a concept I had studied and solved problems on before and just went blank in the interview.

I even answered the point about the tail current source with a parasitic cap across it wrong. The cap should not factor in the differential half circuit but I said it would. Although I knew it should affect common mode gain.

Admittedly I've been under tremendous stress at work but this seems to be happening a lot. Also each interview feels like a pressure point where I just have to make it. How do you remain calm and answer confidently in interviews?

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I have this schematic of a serializer retiming stage followed by 2:1 mux (not shown). When sampling even and odd data, they are sampling even when clk is low, using a latch, and odd through a FF on the rising edge of the clock. Even is muxed when clock is high and odd when clock is low. Why can't we use a latch for the odd data which would be transparent when clock is high? Would that violate setup time?

Homegirl finally got her diagnosis ! After fighting for one with Kaiser, switching psychiatrists, taking 2 CPT tests and being gaslit into believing it's only depression and anxiety, feeling like my life and work were falling apart as I increasingly lost control on being able to function, increasingly made simple mistakes, forgot, spaced out, procrastinated, and missed so many important tasks that older adults had to step in. I faced immense shame and I have faced a lifelong fear of being dumb because of the pronounced brain fog I have always had. It was really well masked when I was a kid because I was quiet and subdued, overworked to get my homework/exam preparation in time and was responsible and patient because I was the older child.

Finally got in touch with SF Stress and Anxiety Center after a chance mention to a counselor over an EAP call that I had been suffering from symptoms that I strongly suspected were ADHD. After a month long of evaluations, questionnaires and interview for my family members, and sharing all my previous test history, today I got my official diagnosis: Inattentive ADHD. (Take that, kaiser!)

In almost all symptoms, I ranked in the 99th percentile. I am 35 years old and I have no goddamn idea how I managed life all these years. I actually got a masters in electrical engineering (went into probation for 2 semesters), got a job after a lot of struggle, then switched to a different job in 2022 and have been drowning since then.

I am not a drinker but I really want to down some mad dopamine shots (because of course) now!

Homegirl finally got her diagnosis ! After fighting for one with Kaiser, switching psychiatrists, taking 2 CPT tests and being gaslit into believing it's only depression and anxiety, feeling like my life and work were falling apart as I increasingly lost control on being able to function, increasingly made simple mistakes, forgot, spaced out, procrastinated, and missed so many important tasks that older adults had to step in. I faced immense shame and I have faced a lifelong fear of being dumb because of the pronounced brain fog I have always had. It was really well masked when I was a kid because I was quiet and subdued, overworked to get my homework/exam preparation in time and was responsible and patient because I was the older child.

Finally got in touch with SF Stress and Anxiety Center after a chance mention to a counselor over an EAP call that I had been suffering from symptoms that I strongly suspected were ADHD. After a month long of evaluations, questionnaires and interview for my family members, and sharing all my previous test history, today I got my official diagnosis: Inattentive ADHD. (Take that, kaiser!)

In almost all symptoms, I ranked in the 99th percentile. I am 35 years old and I have no goddamn idea how I managed life all these years. I actually got a masters in electrical engineering (went into probation for 2 semesters), got a job after a lot of struggle, then switched to a different job in 2022 and have been drowning since then.

I am not a drinker but I really want to down some mad dopamine shots (because of course) now!

Homegirl finally got her diagnosis ! After fighting for one with Kaiser, switching psychiatrists, taking 2 CPT tests and being gaslit into believing it's only depression and anxiety, feeling like my life and work were falling apart as I increasingly lost control on being able to function, increasingly made simple mistakes, forgot, spaced out, procrastinated, and missed so many important tasks that older adults had to step in. I faced immense shame and I have faced a lifelong fear of being dumb because of the pronounced brain fog I have always had. It was really well masked when I was a kid because I was quiet and subdued, overworked to get my homework/exam preparation in time and was responsible and patient because I was the older child.

Finally got in touch with SF Stress and Anxiety Center after a chance mention to a counselor over an EAP call that I had been suffering from symptoms that I strongly suspected were ADHD. After a month long of evaluations, questionnaires and interview for my family members, and sharing all my previous test history, today I got my official diagnosis: Inattentive ADHD. (Take that, kaiser!)

In almost all symptoms, I ranked in the 99th percentile. I am 35 years old and I have no goddamn idea how I managed life all these years. I actually got a masters in electrical engineering (went into probation for 2 semesters), got a job after a lot of struggle, then switched to a different job in 2022 and have been drowning since then.

I am not a drinker but I really want to down some mad dopamine shots (because of course) now!

I have just started working with 3nm FINFET. Prior to this we were working with 5nm FINFET, but I don't understand how to tell the difference in terms of actual design challenges and performance. Do you create a custom inverter and characterize Vt, etc? So much of our design is semi-custom and standard-cell based that it's hard to pinpoint exactly what 3nm is "yielding" in terms of speed/threshold voltage/temp drift, etc. Also, how do you pick your nfin/nf, what numbers do you start with?

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I can't deal any more. My life is not getting better. Just this week itself I got officially PIPed and found out all my fertility hormones are very low. My life has been one series of failures. I don't have it in me to fight any more. I bought something from Amazon to drink and finish it off.

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I have been trying for SERDES positions for awhile now. I hardly get any calls. I recently interviewed for a position which was in fact mostly behavioral (first round) and I was even told I would be contacted for next steps, and then boom, I get ghosted and rejected. Do you have any feedback for me please? Also, given that I don't have SERDES experience I am even trying for entry level and senior engineer positions.

I interviewed with them (screening round) 2 weeks ago for an IC design position. I thought the interview went well, especially the first one of two (both behavioral with the managers). The second one was a little more lukewarm-- I would probably give it 6-7/10 conservatively. But in the first interview, the manager told me the HR guy who contacted me would be in touch with me for next steps. And then nothing? I contacted HR once last week and once yesterday. Absolute radio silence. I am dying to move from my current job because of a lot of issues. Anyone had this experience?

This is the 3rd cycle where I'm noticing my flow is very light (lasts maybe 2 days where there is actual flow ) and arrives by the 23rd or 24th day. I had gained about 10 lbs in the last 3 months but I didn't think that would cause my period to arrive early ? In the past it usually used to get delayed every time I would put on weight. About an year ago I got a full blood panel done and although in the luteal phase, my estrogen was only 87 pg/ml. I'm very worried about having such low estrogen and wonder if I'm going through premenopause? I talked to my doctor but in my last visit I had told her my periods were regular (24-27 days) so she didn't advise a hormonal panel. But now I'm worried. Does seed cycling work for hormonal balance ? I'm 232 lbs, 5'7, 35.

Like the title says, I interviewed with 2 hiring managers right before the announcement. Layoffs announced 2 days later. Now I am under the gun for a job due to some complex circumstances. I am barely getting any leads. Has anyone interviewed in the last week or 2 and received a response? I am sick of being ghosted by companies. :/ I also thought the interview went alright and the first hiring manager seemed happy.