r/ADHDers

Hey everyone,

I’m a 24F, diagnosed and medicated for about a year now. During the day, my medication works incredibly well for my focus and alertness. However, the nighttime side effects are becoming unbearable, and I need some advice on how to manage them.

Even if I take a single dose as early as 8:00 AM, I cannot fall asleep that night. To make things worse, every time I'm stuck awake, I experience intense hypersexuality. I’m not sure if it’s a direct chemical side effect or just a result of being awake and restless, but it happens every single time.

I’ve already tried three different types of medications with no luck, and my doctor essentially told me there isn't much else to do about these side effects. Because the price I pay at night is so heavy, I've started avoiding my medication altogether.

For those who have dealt with severe insomnia or hypersexuality from stimulants:

How do you manage these symptoms?

Do specific bedtime routines, supplements, or sleep aids help you "turn off" the meds?

Should I push my doctor to look into non-stimulants, or is it time to find a second opinion?

I really want to stay on my treatment because it helps my daily life so much, but I can't keep living on zero sleep. Any tips or experiences would be highly appreciated.

I cant wake up on time in the morning and im scared of losing my job. Ive tried everythinggg like loud alarms, putting my phone across the room and even those apps that make you solve puzzles to turn the alarm off but i either turn them off while im half asleep and dont even remember doing it, or just completely sleep through them

im not lazy, i need this job and want to wake up for it. i feel like its an adhd thing but im not sure. im really desperate atm and would love to know if anyone knows how i can fix this, or even if anyone else struggles with this too?

Please let me know what helped you or that im not the only one dealing with this rn

About 8 months ago, I met this guy online. He was cute, funny, and we really clicked. At some point he told me he had ADHD. Honestly, I didn’t know much about ADHD at the time.

A few months after we started talking, we made things official. A few months after that, he moved in with me. He had some things going on at home, and since he was my boyfriend, I felt like offering him a place to stay was the right thing to do.

The thing is, he moved over 14 hours away from home to be with me.

When we were long-distance, things were manageable. But now that we live together, his ADHD seems to be affecting our relationship a lot more. It feels like the smallest things can turn into arguments. I’m also someone who doesn’t like backing down when I genuinely believe I’m right, so that obviously makes things worse.

I’m not trying to insult my partner, but sometimes I feel like we just process things very differently. I’m 25 and he’s 24, and he is medicated for his ADHD. There are things he does that he attributes to ADHD, and sometimes I genuinely don’t understand how ADHD explains certain behaviors. I find myself wondering, “Is this actually ADHD, or is this just him?”

And that’s where I’m struggling.

Sometimes he’ll do something hurtful, frustrating, or irresponsible and blame it on his ADHD. I understand that ADHD can affect things like impulsivity, emotional regulation, forgetfulness, communication, etc., but at what point does an explanation become an excuse?

There are also moments where I genuinely wonder if some of his behavior is narcissistic or manipulative, and then I question myself because I don’t know enough about ADHD to know where the line is.

I love him. He’s genuinely a great person in many ways, and I don’t want to reduce him to his ADHD. But I’m extremely stressed in this relationship right now, and I can feel myself starting to lose who I am.

So I guess my question is for people who have ADHD themselves or have been in long-term relationships with someone who has ADHD:

What is it actually like? Can a healthy relationship work when one person has ADHD? How do you distinguish between ADHD-related behavior and someone simply refusing to take responsibility for their actions?

I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me “leave him” or “stay with him.” I’d really like to hear from people who have actually lived this and can give me some perspective, because right now I’m genuinely struggling.

I feel like I can’t function without meds as someone who was late-diagnosed. Without meds, it’s always me masking 24/7 until I go into burnout and all I can focus on is school and work. I was on a non-stimulant, but it gave me bad side effects (I was on Strattera; it helped with my executive functioning but that was it), so I stopped taking it. I wanted to try a stimulant, but they’re requiring testing for it, which means I can’t use mary j anymore. Idk what to do cuz I wanna learn how to unmask, but I feel like I literally can’t unmask w/o substances, but I also can’t use anything because I’m going to be tested. I’m a junior in college and classes start on Monday. I also am working while in school to save up money, and I didn’t realize how extensive the ADHD process is, cuz I originally just got diagnosed through an app like ZocDoc.

I’ve tried adderal before twice and it helped a lot with my anxiety and executive dysfunction as well, but the crash was really bad.

My biggest issue is that I feel most energetic at 9:00 at night but that is when I want to start winding down. If you have this issue as well, when do you workout?

Looking for any and all creative suggestions to get over a certain executive dysfunction block I have

I think about swimming all the time, everytime I get into a body of water I feel immediately better and more regulated. I truly enjoy it so much.

The problem is- it's hard to make myself go and swim because it feels like there are too many steps to it- finding somewhere to swim, getting parking, packing a bag, putting on sunscreen, etc etc etc. But specifically the thought that curtails my desire to swim immediately is thinking about how I have to shower afterwards, schlepp off wet, cold clothes, wash my hair and everything else.

Honestly? It pisses me off lol. I resent it because my brain is like "BUT I WAS ALREADY WET."

This has been true since I was a kid and grew up swimming in the ocean, I would procrastinate my showers for as long as I could.

I struggle with transitions so I already find it hard sometimes to get into the shower but any advice or unorthodox methods to make it a bit easier would be appreciated. If I owned a home I'd put in an outdoor shower but sadly, I don't

TLDR: love swimming and want to go much more but the thought of having to shower afterwards makes me want to stay home and forget the whole thing.

I’m like 90 percent sure I have adhd
I have a relative that confirmed it and that is a doctor
My family refuses to take me for a official checkup
I just gave my a level exams and flunked badly
I feel like absolute shit and hate myself right now
My family has been taunting me for weeks about how I’m a loser
My mom called me dumb today
is it true that adhd can effect my studies or am I really just dumb

Undiagnosed (don't see much of a point at 48) ooh!! Sorry its longer than I expected...got on a tangent!!

So I had suspected, for a long time, that I had ADHD as a child, but the echos of me just being lazy was a pretty loud obstacle to get past, until recently.

I'm in Peri, and things that I had managed to ignore soon became impossible to ignore.

Huge realization #1: I have never been able to drink water (until now!!! Best water bottle EVER!!!), so I stayed hydrated by drinking 4-6 cans of soda a day.

I JUST made the connection as to why I have felt mentally exhausted for YEARS!! Stimulates make me sleepy! I was keeping myself down all the time!

Realization #2: my (innatentive) ADHD brain craves novelty to keep things interesting enough to keep going. So I just switch things up a bit, and make it more interesting for me, AND take advantage of my creative thinking!

Example: I hate taking showers. They are a waste of time, and I hate wet hair (long) and it's so boring.

So I got a speaker to listen to music. Then I got shampoo bars instead of liquid. Then I got a wrap for my wet hair, so before I even step out of the shower, my wet hair is taken care of!

Then, I realized that i don't like wet hair in the shower, either, so I wash it and immediately put it up in a clip. Then, to make it even more interesting, I bring in my vape and take a few hits 😆

I’m 22 years old, and I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 7. I stopped taking medication when I was 13.
When I was a kid, my family wasn’t doing very well financially, so I didn’t have a computer or LEGO, and I couldn’t really afford to play games on my phone either. But I absolutely loved puzzle-solving and strategy-type games. I was obsessed with chess and used to play it by myself all the time because no one around me played chess.
During high school, I had this motivation to become an engineer and isolate myself from other people so I could focus entirely on my work.

*\*Time skip\**

Now I’m 22, a guy working an average-paying job. I finally bought myself a computer and some nerdy hobbies and stuff I always wanted, but unfortunately, none of it makes me happy anymore.
Right now, the only thing I really want to do is go out and have fun with friends—which I don’t have. I want to drink, grab a coffee at a café, go on vacation, swim in places I’ve never been to before, and have some romantic experiences with a girl.
I love my job, but I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I still feel like I need to improve myself and become a better version of myself, but my brain just doesn’t seem to give me any dopamine anymore.
I don’t have anyone to share these feelings with, so I wanted to ask for your advice. I honestly have no idea what I should do.

First of all: I have only been diagnosed with autism, but I show many ADHD symptoms, and I was prescribed Vyvanse (which helped tremendously, especially at first days; I am now temporarily off Vyvanse and it is horrible)

I walk a lot during the day... Even at home while working, if possible...

The problem is that when I go for a walk with my family, I find it terribly boring.... The slow walk through nature gives my family a pleasant break, but it makes me irritable, apathetic, anxious, depressed etc. My family rarely talks about anything I'm interested in. In this case, I reduce boredom mainly by:

\- Playing with something in hand (stick, cone etc.)

\- Close observation of the surroundings ("what is that strange flower here by the road?")

\- Translating a family conversation into English (we are Czech)

This only helps temporarily, at best. It's even worse when I have to walk a long distance alone. I switch things up on my phone (mobile games, podcasts, music, Instagram reels, movies). I walk for a while, sit for a while, stretch for a while, imagine for a while (For example, when they say some numbers on their Instagram reel, I imagine them in my head. ) All of them at best reduce boredom for a while.

The only thing that really works to reduce boredom is daydreaming (which rarely starts - I can't turn it on myself - without it my head is empty, I don't want to think about anything)

It's great when I get an appetite for food - food increases vitality/motivation - and then I try to use that state to do boring useful activities on my mobile phone

That's my situation, very simplified and concise. Any tips for reducing boredom that you use yourself? I've also tried things like "pedometer with achievements", but it doesn't give me any sense of achievement. Primitive cookie clicker games also give me zero dopamine.

Thank you for your answer.

Diagnosed at 56. I was expecting relief, and I got that, but there was a second thing underneath it that nobody had mentioned.

It is not dramatic. It arrives while you are doing the washing up. You find yourself thinking about school reports, and the jobs that got harder exactly when they should have got easier, and every list you rewrote instead of doing.

I left school with no qualifications, completely certain I was thick. I taught myself to program at 30 and filed that under discipline. It was hyperfocus. Same brain, two labels, and I picked both of them wrong.

The annoying part is not the past. It is that I spent fifty odd years being fairly harsh with someone who was doing his best with equipment he did not know he had.

I am not in bits about it. Mildly annoyed covers most days. But if you have just been diagnosed and you are wondering why a good answer has left you feeling flat, that is what it is. It is not ingratitude. It is a lot of years arriving at once.

Did anyone else get this, and did it pass.

I thought I will share this as someone might benefit , I have been taking dexamphetamine aka dexedrine which is similar to Adderall for 3 years to treat my ADD. I had known I had ADD for a while but what got me to get treated was me failing classes in engineering school, I was a straight A student in high school but I didnt find my course interesting and its all optional physical attendance. The meds definitely did help alot initially with focus etc but I did feel alot of side effects I didnt like, it felt like time was passing so quick and months would pass without me really feeling them like I used to, It also made me feel totally unmotivated when the medication was not in my system, over the years I realised that my drives and motivations were only really triggering me to move forward in life whilst I had the medication in my system, when I would take 5 day breaks or so I would realise that I dont actually have proper aim or motivation in my life that actually aligns with me on a real level, almost like the meds were driving me solely. Considering that I definitely had times in my life were I was driven before the meds when I reflected on them I realised that I used to feel far clearer headed and happier during those times. So I stopped taking the meds to see if my natural drive would return or be recovered again, the first 2 weeks I was very close to a zombie just sleeping all the time, now its been 2 months and I feel the best I have felt in a long time, yes I do struggle more with focus and concentration but my work feels far more intentional and is far sharper, I realise now that for me at least the meds were "intoxicating" in a sense and to quit them and return to your "natural state" or a functioning state without them takes far longer than people usually advice.

So this needs alot of backstory so me 18m have been struggling alot with if I have ADHD or not it started when I was about 13 and got a video about ADHD and when they said the symptoms surprisingly all of the symptoms fit me so perfectly I was surprised

So I told my dad about it and he told me that no you are normal you're fine so I started doubting myself but everytime I saw a video of people describing their experience with ADHD how you know you have to do something but your mind won't allow it the consistent thoughts while trying to sleep the constant repeating of random songs or just words in general

So after finally deciding to confront my dad about this and I had told him many times after the first time my dad finally agreed to take me to a psychiatrist

Now for more information my dad is a hard old generation back in my day kinda guy so he didn't believe me at all when I mentioned ADHD and told me that he doesn't even know what ADHD is and my dad is also a doctor and works in a hospital now in that hospital there is a psychiatrist an old lady

My dad seeing that he won't have to pay money told me that we would do it at her work place I agreed

So we go there and enter before I can say anything my dad tells her about how I am perfectly normal and he thinks that I am scared and a little paranoid about this ADHD stuff before I can say anything (in context he whispered that to her I only heard it from him after we left)

So she first asks me why I am here and my first response is I think I have ADHD and after my first question she immediately says no you don't no other questions asked and her reasoning for that is that ADHD people deny having ADHD?

And that was all just one question asking me why I am here and that's all she just said you are paranoid cause you are entering a very challenging year in school (basically if I don't get good grades this year I am pretty much fucked in life) I then tried arguing with her about how I struggled with it for many years took many online tests but she refused to budge telling me that you can't diagnosis yourself

She then wrote us a few medication and told my dad to make me stay away from ADHD medication cause that stuff can mess your brain

Now I am confused I don't know and don't wanna talk to anyone I kinda argued alot with my dad sister and pretty much all my family

So here I am asking was this a correct diagnosis or no am I just paranoid but everytime someone mentions ADHD symptoms and how their life is it's exactly like me the not eating , focusing on the most random stuff for like 3 days then forget about it I just don't know what to do and really need help

Scenario- I am starting a new job soon, I was doing some required training and the instructor made some comments essentially defending some common sexist practices related to our industry (sorry, I’m intentionally being vague about my line of work). So I spoke up and (politely) pointed this out, he disagreed with me and we had a brief back and forth. I could tell I wasn’t going to change his mind and it definitely wasn’t the time or place to get into a debate so I just shut my mouth and stopped talking. Everyone then moved on and it wasn’t a big deal, but I was still kind of fuming inside and found it really difficult to calm my emotions fully and participate in class the rest of the session. I’m trying so hard to get better at letting things go and not letting my emotions overwhelm me, especially in a professional setting.

I think a lot of us with ADHD struggle with emotional disregulation, so I’d love to know what your best tips/tricks are for calming yourself down when screaming into a pillow or leaving isn’t really a viable option.

Not sure if this is the right spot for this. Sorry it's long, I wanted to give some background.

Me (32F) and my fiancee (31M) have a great relationship in general. We get along amazing, don't fight often (we disagree sometimes, but talk like rational adults), and we both love each other to bits. We are truly each other's person.

We have been together about 4.5 years now, living together almost 2 years, and engaged about 6 months. We both have ADHD, neither on medication. The pills don't usually work for him and I take medication for other (more important imo) stuff already and don't want to add to my collection. However, we're both fully aware of our ADHD and do try to shape our lifestyle to accommodate it.

That all being said, the one thing that's always pretty rocky is our sex life. In the beginning it was wonderful. We waited until about 7 months in, after dropping the big L, to do anything. Not sure if this info is relevant, but I've been with a couple other men, not all willingly, so sex had never been something I craved or looked forward to in the past. My partner was a virgin and I am his first everything. When our first time together happened, it was amazing and silly and the first time I ever truly experienced what "making love" meant. (I know that's cheesy, but it's true). We both lived with our parents though, so we would rent day motels or spend the weekend together at a hotel every couple of weeks, not just for sex, but to spend intimate time together in general.

In the beginning, my partner had a decent sex drive. We would have sex every chance we got. He would call me sexy, be super turned on when I wore lingerie, got boners in public with me, that kind of stuff. But after we moved in together, he slowly started to lose his sex drive. I know it's his ADHD because he did go get checked out by the doctor for ED and we've had extensive talks about attraction. He still calls me beautiful, cute, that kind of stuff and says he's still attracted to me, and I believe him because he does still show a lot of physical affection towards me. Plus, he always tries to tell me that it's not me, it's just that he can't get into the right mindset.

My ADHD, however, causes the opposite. I'm a hyperfocus ADHDer, especially on things that bring me intense satisfaction, like sex with my partner. I do have rejection sensitivity too, so it's rough for me when I try to initiate and he turns me away, hence why he explains it's not me.

I'm struggling because it's been a couple months now, and he says he doesn't have energy because it's too hot, he's too tired, or too stressed to be in the mood. He's super vanilla and has intense sensory overload, so I have to be careful with what I touch, how hard/soft I touch, how aggressive/gentle, etc. He has a big thing about smells, so I try to shower beforehand and/or aim for the morning before the days stinch gets to us. He's willing to try some not-so-vanilla things, but if he's not into it, then I risk it ending right there. I'm trying to be patient and understanding, but I'm Demisexual, so it's all about connection for me. Even if we don't have penetrative sex, I'm okay just making out, maybe feeling each other up, clothes on, that kind of thing, but I need it to help me feel intimately close with him. I've already explained this to him a few times, but I don't think he fully gets it because he thinks it's "just sex" and it's not the biggest part of a relationship.

I guess my question is this: how can I help him be more in the moment? What can I do to help him stay focused and relaxed? I've tried asking him about what he needs to make it happen, but I either get an "I don't know" or the answer changes based on his mood that day. I know in the beginning, we would make sure to have music playing, but that's the only real difference other than only getting to see each other a couple times a week compared to living together.

Side note: we do both have trauma we're in separate therapy for, so we are working on our personal issues already.

Any advice would be great. Thanks for reading.

I have no idea if I'm lazy or if ADHD is something to consider, please help!!!

I do really simple things like I push all my work till the last possible deadline. Recently I've been forcing myself to sit down and do my work, so this year my work submission is still okay. In the past when I was about 9-12, I used to have horrible submission, I literally had homework that were months to years overdue. I was too busy obsessing over my fiction media that I didn't even try to finish my work due to the sheer amount of it stacking up. Now, I get horribly stressed and I get really worked up when I have multiple homework or tasks to do during the day, and I cannot feel accomplishment when I finish them, but more impending since of the "next task is coming.."

I have things where I have 30 minutes to get ready, but I push it off until I have 5 minutes since I think I can get ready within that time, but I suddenly can't find anything or realise I haven't packed my stuff and I often show you late to any event, activity or meeting, especially school. I'm late so much my conduct grade is practically stuck at fair, which will really impact my opportunities to go for school related events :(

I misplace EVERYTHING, I'm on my 4th set of keys and my parents had to change the locks with how often I lose my keys, and I'm on my 17th pair of earbuds and earpieces with how often I drop them or lose them or break them..

I can't really focus in class and fidget alot since I find it really boring, and so my grades are tanking since I don't understand anything. But for subjects like math, I can do the work in class, but whenever I'm doing tests, I make the stupidest careless mistakes it's so sad

and idk if I need to mention but I'm really horrible with emotional regulation. I can't tell if it's hormones, but I've had this since I was 3. I guess it's just growing up but I still cry over anything, and when I'm frustrated the waterworks start. I get angry about every day over the smallest inconveniences.

I can't tell if this is something that could be ADHD, since I went to counselling and they suggested taking a test. My parents are very very opposed, they're convinced I'm just very undisciplined since hey always see me on my phone.
but that's another issue, I'm so bored on my phone, I don't even want to scroll or talk to my friends since it takes too much mental energy, and I don't want to do my hobbies because it's boring and takes too long!!!

Perhaps it's a discipline issue or a phone addiction...