u/LadyofDungeons

My Fiance wants to have his bachelor 1 week (2weeks at most) before our wedding day. We have been together for 5 years and we got engaged this past December. We are planning for an October 2027 or November 2027 wedding.

Neither of us have ever been married before and as you might imagine, the thought of him having the party so close makes me nervous. But probably not for the reason you are thinking.

I want to start by saying that i trust my fiance. However, he isn't without faults and has made mistakes in the past. It is not fiance i am worried about. In fact, if it was up to him- his bachelor party would be probably sitting at a kitchen table with the boys playing board games and drinking.

It is one of our mutual friends i am worried about.

Our close friend group, which makes up the wedding party, consists of mostly men. Most of them i would trust to actually tell me if anything happened, but there is one that i cant trust all the way. Lets call this friend Sir Gregory. Greg has a very bad habit of using white lies to avoid consequences or avoid difficult conversations he doesnt want to have.

Its often little things too that dont matter enough to bring up but ive caught him in several lies before. I would give some examples but that would make this too long.

Anyway its happened enough that like you KNOW its a bad habit of his. He has never hurt anyone in the group enough for us to really have to address it.

Well the talk of the bachelor trip comes up.

Another one of the groomsmen lives in the UK and despite making a very large income (6 digits), he asked if we could accommodate doing it tbe week before the wedding so that he wouldnt have to spend so much on plane tickets. Reasonable, i know.

However, during this same conversation, Sir gregory makes a joke about strippers and escorts. It sounded like it was supposed to be joking but i wasnt sure. Fiance starts to shoot it down but sir gregory basically implies he will be hiring someone of the female persuasion to show up. I step in and i say HELL NO. I say yall can do what you want but my three rules are 1. No strippers 2. No paid sex workers /escorts 3. Nothing that will fuck up our wedding photos (like fights that end in black eyes)

Everyone seemed to agree except sir gregory who asks if male strippers are okay and i say no- none.

I think thats the end of it.

Later my fiance tells me that his brother (best man) and sir Gregory were discussing in the chat inviting struppers or escorts anyway behind my back... as if fiance isnt going to tell me right away??

So not only did he hear me LOUD AND CLEAR and acknowledge he wouldnt do it, he immediately went to lie and started planning it anyway against my (and frankly fiances) wishes.

Soooo yeah. I cant trust him. Im still kinda pissed about it actually but im not interested in blowing up the friend group right now. I have taken a step back from that friendship but he is still in the group.

The other ones in the group who i know i can trust assure me they wont let anything like that happen but im not sure that matters here. I cant trust sir gregory not to do something or not invite strippers/escorts even jokingly.

I think i would be upset if any even showed up and fiance didnt do anything bad. I have heard the horror stories of people doing things irreversible while drunk. Just them being present makes me so uncomfortable.

It will cause me undo stress and harm a WEEK before our wedding and absolutely WOULD ruin my day for me because its all i would be able to think about. I dont want that drama in my life a week before the wedding. I dojt want to deal with potential fall out a week before my wedding.

If it happened a few months before okay fine i can deal with it. But a week? Nah. Ill have a brain aneurysm.

It just makes me super uncomfortable and i dont think o really need to justify it more than that. I know that our UK friend is basically spending a lot to come to our wedding and bachelor but idk what other solution there is here and at the end of the day- it is our wedding.

I have voiced these concerns and everyone in the group including fiance have been telling me to think of UK friends finances. I dont feel heard at all. My feelings feel overlooked. Its literally my wedding too, why isnt my opinion being taken seriously? Uk friend doesnt have to come to bachelor party or he could save for a year. Unfortunately i can't suggest we pay for it because we are not wealthy. We are doing okay but most of our expenses are going to wedding stuff and we just cant afford it. Again i know its a lot for hotels and plane tickets but no matter how much i think about this- i am extremely uncomfortable if Sir gregory is actively involved in planning with best man.

I dont want to be controlling or be a bridezilla but my friends are basically making me feel like one for not wanting this party to happen a week before the wedding. Even my fiance is saying we need to consider UK friends expenses when i push back.

I'm always asked for an explanation i veto but none of my responses apparently seem ro be valid. Again when i share concerns about sir greg, i am told they'd never let that happen. When i talk about needing help with last minute wedding issues, i am told it will apl be sorted by then. When i say im uncomfortable with it, i am told we would be asking him too much to fly to the US twice in one year.

AITA??

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Even if strippers or escorts are invited and fiance doesnt do anything wrong all night, i think i would still be upset they were even there because it feels disrespectful to our relationship and me. And those feelings absolutely would ruin our wedding day for me.

If youre just going to say 'you dont trust your fiance', please dont post at all. Thats not helpful. This is but a snapshot of our life and not a full picture. I do trust fiance and i am not going to leave him or not marry him. Not unless he does something catastrophic to our lives. Thank you

Sorry for any typos i am on my phone.