r/okstorytime

[removed]

⚠️⚠️⚠️TRIGGGER WARNING: mentions of substance use, mention of g*ns, mentions of toxic relationships ⚠️⚠️⚠️

To start, I want to say that I (25f) love my brother, “Jacob” (26m) very much. We had a hard life growing up; our mother passed when we were 10/11 and things for him seemingly one went downhill from there. Jacob has always been the “weird” kid. He’s awkward, tries to make unfunny edgy jokes all the time, and being albino doesn’t really help. Despite having other half siblings, Jacob was my only fully related sibling and we were the closest. Looking back I can confidently say he’s most likely on the spectrum but not only did we not have the the vocabulary or understanding of autism, but once our mom was gone we didn’t have anyone who really cared. We got sent to live with some shitty (ab*sive) relatives after our mom passed, but after Jacob kept messing up in school and getting into arguments with them, we were separated and he was sent to live in another state with another relative right after starting high school.

Since then our lives took very drastic changes in direction. I eventually ended up in the psych ward, which helped me out of my living situation but also forced me into therapy, which I really enjoyed. I was in a group home for a while and ended up being sent to live with yet another relative. Despite them not being much better, I had a lot of freedom and was able to go to a much better school. I was on my own once I hit 18, which also wasn’t great but I learned a lot about myself and was even able to take college courses for a while. Now, I’m happily married to my best friend from that high school, working on my BA degree and pursuing a career in special education.

Things for Jacob, however, went very differently. The relative he lived with was old and had very outdated views on education, career choices, discipline and other things that Jacob disagreed with. They lived in the middle of nowhere, which made getting to/from school and jobs difficult. He began to not only resent the relative, but the whole world. He also became convinced that HE knew better than anyone else when it came to just about anything. At one point he got mixed up with red-pilled organizations, then some pretty racist ones. His “humor” turned into 4chan level harassment and attempts to bait people into reacting. At one point in my early 20s I’d invited him over to spend the weekend with me and my then-boyfriend. By the end of it, we’d come to the understanding of never wanting him in our home again. At one point Jacob decided that he wanted to live a “nomadic” life by living in his car for a few years and driving around the country doing odd jobs. And honestly, it seemed to be doing him some good. He became calmer and a lot more level headed, so I thought he was on a better path…until he met his girlfriend.

Another major issue my brother has is his choice in women. He seeks out women with issues that he feels like need fixing; that way he can feel as if he’s responsible for any progress they make in life, and he can blame them for any issues. They never last and he’s always the one dumped, but I always ended up hearing a rant about how they should’ve been lucky he even looked their way. His latest girlfriend, Becky, is apparently a “frequent user” of pharmaceuticals. He met her and within 3 or 4 months he want from telling me how much he loved her to telling me that he doesn’t trust her, she’s incapable of making proper decisions for herself, and basically positioning himself as her savior. He even insisted that he knew better than her rehab doctors and that her therapist was “too easy” on her. Within 5 months of dating, they were engaged.

A month or two later he was on a rant about she allegedly cheated on him with her ex, who also happened to be her substance provider. And he knows this because he’d often FOLLOW HER AROUND when she went out. He said that she had ghosted him for days and when she finally answered the phone, she told him she didn’t want to be with him. Instead of accepting that, he camped out in front of the guys house until the police were called and he was trespassed!!! Then he took to social media to call her every name in the book! I had to tell him he was acting absolutely insane and he needed to leave her alone. He said he would, then, two weeks later they were back together 🤦🏽‍♀️. I told Jacob that the relationship was clearly toxic and they were not good for each other. Becky needed to stop dragging him along and focus on her recovery, and he needed to stop trying to control her and get his own mental health help before things got worse. Naturally, he ignored me. Becky eventually reached out to me because she wanted to get to know her “future sister in law” and I told her the same thing. That night she informed me that Jacob had told her not to speak to me because I didn’t want them together.

Cut to last week, about a year into them dating, I get a message from Becky. It was a long paragraph stating that my brother was incarcerated and that she needed money to help bail him out with NO other relevant details. I assumed the best case scenario was that she had relapsed and this was some ploy to get money for more substances. At worst, she had relapsed and Jacob had broken the trespassing order to go after her, but he’d ultimately be out in a couple days. I asked for more information and she sent me a social media post with his MUGSHOT. Still skeptical, I took the information from the post and searched online. There it was; multiple first degree felony charges for breaking into a house and assaulting a man with a g*n. My heart dropped. I asked Becky very plainly “what happened”. She responded “I relapsed”. Then I ask “who is the man”? Her response, “my ex”.

From the digging I’ve done, the story goes as follows: Becky once again started disappearing to her ex’s again for substances. Jacob finds out, they have some kind of conversation and it ends with him driving to the ex’s house with a r*fle. It’s unclear how he got in; some articles say “his girlfriend had a key and opened the door” others say he barged in. Becky won’t say anything beyond “I should’ve stopped him” “there was nothing I could do” “he was so set on it” etc. Apparently the guy was LIVE STREAMING when Jacob got upstairs and began confronting him. The argument went from words to wrestling over the g*n and it going off twice. One in the guys leg and one in Jacob’s. The guy ran for the door with Jacob firing, and thankfully missing every shot. He then took off and convinced himself that because the guy was a substance supplier, he wouldn’t go to the cops or wouldn’t be taken seriously. He began operating as if everything was fine, they went on dates and hung around her family as if everything was normal. He even texted me and we made plans to take a trip to visit family in a few months. He sent me and my husband memes at least a few times a week for OVER A MONTH before finally being arrested.

Now, Becky is asking me to go around our family to help bond him out and pay for a good defense attorney. He could’ve called me at any point prior and told me what was going on. I would’ve called him a dummy and some other words I can’t say on here, but I could’ve helped him come up with a plan for representation and heard his side of things. But instead I have this girl who I know can’t be trusted with money, and won’t give me a straight answer, asking for thousands on a daily basis. And asking ME to be the one who breaks the news to the rest of our family.

I’ve told a handful of family members whose contact info I do have, and they said they’d tell the others. I’m sure they’re coming up with a plan for paying those things but I don’t want to ask. And I don’t want to contribute. I might put money on his books here and there, and send messages, but I don’t want any part in trying to get Jacob out of this situation. I’m mad at him. And hurt. And sad. We have other, much older, siblings who’ve faced legal trouble and even been to prison. But we convinced ourselves that it was because they grew up during a different time; they ran the streets, were involved with gangs and activities that would land them in trouble, but they also didn’t have the emotional support that Jacob and I have always had with each other. Even states away, I was there for it all. I begged him not to keep getting involved with Becky’s antics and he pushed me away and got worse. Then casually came back and had the nerve to make plans with me, knowing what he’d done. My husband and I had an intimate courthouse wedding but have been planning an actual ceremony that he likely will not be apart of. We plan to start having children within the next 5 years. Our little sister graduates high school next year, and our little brother graduates college in 2. Each one of his charges range from 3-15 years. And just from the information we do have it’s going to be an extremely difficult one to beat. I’m so angry and sad and don’t know what to do. He definitely needs mental help, to be away from everything he was previously doing, and to face the consequences of his actions but I don’t know if prison is the right answer or if he may just wind up worse.

Hello everyone,

I initially created an account so I could tell my story and ask for advice, but in the end, I mostly spent time reading other people's stories, and after a lot of hesitation, here I am.

This is going to be a long post retracing about 15 years of my life, with several trigger warnings: pregnancy loss, suicide attempt, and self-harm. If you are sensitive to these subjects, you can stop here. If you decide to keep reading, thank you.

Well, I (35M) have a whole life to rebuild, and despite a lot of effort, I sometimes struggle to find motivation and feel like I am stagnating. I will start by giving a lot of context.

During my twenties, I was in a long relationship with my ex GF, Let’s call her Amy. We had been together for 7 years, with ups and downs, but overall it was a rather healthy relationship, with good communication, plans for the future, and we were slowly building a comfortable life together.

During our relationship, we went through two miscarriages at 26 and 30 weeks, two years apart. It truly broke us. Both times, our loved ones, family and friends, put pressure on me to hold on, to be strong, to be the one who stayed strong for both of us because Amy was so devastated. I felt like my pain was not being acknowledged, like I was not allowed to grieve as well. So I tried to hold on as much as possible and did my best, but there was a scar in my heart that has not fully healed yet and probably never will.

We managed to get back up the first time, but our relationship did not survive the second time. There was too much pain, and we were not in a state where we could climb back up together. Our relationship deteriorated, and we separated a few months later.

After the breakup, I completely broke down, and everything I had been trying to keep inside eventually exploded. I fell into a deep depression, and by chance, I ran into a girl from my past, someone I had met at work at the time. Let’s call her Katy. We stayed in touch, and I fell very quickly and madly in love with her, at least that is what I believed at the time. Today, I think I saw her as an escape from reality, and I entered the most toxic relationship I have ever had.

We started seeing each other, and even though I was a complete mess, things between us were going well. Until I learned that I was not the boyfriend, but just the affair partner. She did indeed have a boyfriend. I already had feelings for Katy, and I am ashamed to say it, and you can judge me, but I agreed to continue that relationship even though I knew it was morally wrong toward the other man.

After that, the relationship had nothing healthy left on either side. She often promised me that she was going to leave him, and every time I found the strength to distance myself from her because the situation was only dragging me down even more, she always found a way to pull me back in. Still, my behavior was pretty toxic too. I did not listen to my friends, who explained to me how unhealthy and toxic this dynamic was. I was clearly mentally unstable at the time. I saw her as a way to save myself, when I had not taken the time to grieve my two children, my relationship with Amy, and I was not seeing a psychologist or getting any real help.

The relationship with Katy ended when she finally left her boyfriend for a third man, leaving me even more destroyed. You can say I deserved it, and maybe part of me still thinks that too.

The depression that was already there intensified, and I could no longer concentrate at work. Since I was responsible for my own safety and the safety of other people, I decided to resign before there was an accident. I started having self-destructive behaviors, and self-harm became the only thing that managed to calm me down when my emotions were too strong. I pushed away the friends who tried to support me, and I refused all the help they tried to give me. I was the worst version of myself I have ever been, and I ended up hurting everyone around me. My friends distanced themselves and gave up. I truly cannot blame them, considering my behavior.

I should clarify here that I am not close to my family. I am on good terms with my sister and my parents, but much less with my brother. My sister has a serious illness, multiple sclerosis, and my brother has always been problematic, which creates a lot of stress and sadness for my parents. I have never, in my life, wanted to add my own suffering onto their shoulders, and that is still the case today, so I do not turn to my family during hard times.

After that, I found myself alone. I could spend weeks without speaking to another human being other than saying “hello, thank you, have a nice day” while grocery shopping. I kept sinking until I made a suicide attempt. I was seized by a moment of panic and went to see my neighbors, who contacted an ambulance, and I was admitted to the hospital. After a few days and meetings with the psychiatrist, I was able to leave and began real follow-up with a psychologist.

At that stage, I hated life. I did not know what to hold on to. I had become a person I did not recognize and hated. I am normally rather cheerful by nature, and without false modesty, I was often the person people around me called for help, to listen to them and support them. Truly, I was an extremely reliable person, someone close friends liked to turn to, and at that stage I had completely lost myself.

I spent several years working on myself, learning to regain control of my emotions, and finding the person I used to be again. It was a huge amount of work, and I still made many mistakes with people I met during that period, mainly online through video games. But little by little, I managed to regain control, to stop my toxic and self-destructive behaviors, and to stop self-harming. I am going over it quickly here, but that was a lot of work on myself for years.

After that, I had a herniated disc, which led to surgery. The operation went very well, but it limits me slightly professionally and forced me to train and learn a new field, one that is less physical and more administrative and social, where I work with people going through difficult stages in their lives. And I like it a lot. I feel like I am finding myself again.

Anyway, that brings me to my current situation and my request for advice. Sorry, this was already a huge wall of text.

A few years ago, I managed to make a group of friends I first met online, who live about a 6-hour drive away from me. I go see them 2 or 3 weeks a year, and some of them also come to see me from time to time when our schedules work out. I have a plan to move closer to them if I find a job there and they are really waiting for me to move closer.

I have not managed to meet people close to where I live, so I spend most of my evenings and weekends alone. I have tried dating apps and stepping out of my comfort zone by going alone to concerts or local events, but I find that approaching people has become difficult. I am thinking about looking for a club or an association, but I have a lot of trouble finding the motivation, even though the loneliness is heavy on a daily basis, especially on weekends when I have no one to see and my group of friends are all together having fun, like at the moment when I am writing this post.

Professionally, over the last two years, I had a mission one hour away from home, so two hours of driving every day. Since I am still a beginner in my new field, it was a good opportunity to gain experience. Once the contract ended, I have been looking for a new opportunity since March 2026, but my field is quite niche, so opportunities are rare. I am looking both around where I live and around where my group of friends live. The lack of results and the few opportunities available remain a source of anxiety and mental exhaustion.

On the romantic side, after the story with Katy, I had a few flings that did not lead to anything serious, but it was during a phase where I should not have been in a relationship at all. It has now been 5 years since I last had a relationship, affection, tenderness, or even a hug. And in all honesty, I miss feeling the gaze of someone who loves you and building something with someone. In the last few years, I have only had dates with one girl meet on a dating apps, and it seemed to be going well until she started ghosting me and distancing herself. I assumed she had met someone else.

I am not physically attractive. I have gained quite a lot of weight with everything that happened, around 5.9'' for approximately 210 lbs, and I have about a hundred scars on my body from self-harm, some of which I find truly disgusting and that I will have to explain at some point, even if I can temporarily hide them with clothes. And I am reaching the point where I regularly tell myself that I must not be good enough, or that no one can be attracted to me, or simply that I do not deserve it after all my mistakes.

Anyway, after making a lot of effort to rise a little back to the surface and find myself again, I feel like there are still mountains left to climb in order to rebuild an entire life, and sometimes I get discouraged. I feel like I will not make it, like there is too much. I do not really have support on a daily basis, and I feel relatively alone going through this. I should add that I stopped being followed psychologically when I felt better, but I started therapy again about a year ago.

As I already said, I am not close to my family, and my friends are very good friends. If something happens to me, they will listen to me, but as for being daily support, that is not the kind of relationship we have, and the distance does not help.

So there it is. If you have any advice on how to keep trying, how to manage to motivate yourself when things are not simple, I would gladly take it. I know very well that no one will have a miracle solution, but every piece of advice is appreciated.

Thank you to those who read until the end. I imagine few people will have had that patience, and I hope you will not judge me too harshly either.

I (29F) was dating a 33M. We first met in May 2023 through work. We work in the same village but in different departments, and he also happened to be my senior in school. At the time, we just exchanged phone numbers and never really kept in touch.
Fast forward to July 2025, when he randomly messaged me out of the blue. We went on our first date, and after that we were practically inseparable. We saw each other almost every day, and by August we were acting like a couple in every way—except neither of us had actually defined the relationship.
My sisters kept asking, "So...what exactly are you two?" Eventually I decided to ask him directly whether he was looking for a serious relationship or just a friends-with-benefits situation. I made it clear that casual wasn't something I wanted. He told me he wanted a real relationship, so we officially started dating.
For some context, he was previously married. According to him, his ex-wife would self-harm during arguments, and their relationship became physically abusive. Their divorce is still ongoing. Because of that, he wanted to keep our relationship very private. Ironically, I was the one who initially suggested we wait until his divorce was finalized because I didn't want to complicate an already messy situation. He insisted that we date anyway because we both liked each other.
When we were together, things were honestly great. But when we were apart, it felt like I barely existed. There were days when I wouldn't hear from him at all, or I'd get a single text or call for the entire day. Communication always felt one-sided.
Another thing that increasingly bothered me was how protective he was of his devices. Every single time I walked anywhere near him, he'd immediately angle his phone away, minimize whatever was on his laptop, or turn the screen so I couldn't see it. I never once asked to look through his phone, demanded passwords, or accused him of cheating. It wasn't about wanting access—it was the behavior itself that made me uncomfortable.
Five days ago, while I was staying at his place, I finally decided to bring it up. I calmly told him that constantly hiding his screens came across as "sneaky."
That one word completely changed the atmosphere.
He immediately raised his voice. No matter how many times I explained that I wasn't accusing him of cheating and was only describing how the behavior made me feel, he stayed fixated on that single word. It was like nothing else I said mattered.
I don't handle conflict well in the heat of the moment. Once emotions get too high, I need space to cool down before I can have a productive conversation. So instead of continuing the argument, I grabbed a blanket and slept on the couch.
At one point he came out and asked me to come back to bed. I was still too upset, so I said no. He shrugged, went back to the bedroom, and fell asleep.
The next morning, I woke up emotionally exhausted. I didn't feel comfortable staying there anymore, so I called my friend (let's call her M) and asked if she could pick me up. While I waited, I packed the things I had at his place.
I'll admit something I'm not particularly proud of: deep down, I hoped he'd stop me. I hoped he'd ask me to stay, tell me we should talk, or at least acknowledge that neither of us wanted things to end like this.
Instead, he watched me pack.
He watched me leave.
He didn't say a word.
After I got home, I figured maybe we both just needed time to cool off. I waited for him to reach out.
One day passed.
Then two.
Then five.
Nothing. Not a single text. Not a single call.
Finally, I decided to be the bigger person and messaged him. I said we should talk like mature adults and figure out what had gone wrong instead of letting our relationship end over what I believed was a misunderstanding.
That's when I found out what had apparently been bothering him all along.
He wasn't upset about the argument.
He wasn't upset about me calling his behavior "sneaky."
He was furious that I had called my friend to pick me up.
According to him, involving my friend made him look like a bad person and made it seem as though I was painting him as the villain. Because of that, he had decided he wanted to end the relationship.
Now, and hour ago he dropped off the rest of my belongings outside my door and left without even meeting me, just knocked and left.
One thing I'd like to clarify is that this wasn't part of some ongoing fight about his phone. This was the very first time I'd ever brought up how uncomfortable his behavior made me. In previous arguments, I usually stayed quiet because I prefer taking time to process my emotions before talking things through.
So now I'm wondering...
AITA for calling my friend to pick me up after our fight?
Ik, many people have been through this situation, this shit hurt, my heart is so heavy, i want to cry and ask him to come back but ik that’s not the right thing to do. Helppp🥲

TLDR: How do i have a conversation with my friend who i have trouble connecting with, that I would love her to still play a big roll, but id like her to step down as a bridesmaid since were not that close anymore?

Hello to everyone!

I'm writing this on mobile so I apologize if my paragraphs combined.

So, I'm not quite sure where to post this, but I need advice, so i think this is the place.

Kind honest feedback is welcome please!

Fake names used, I typed it our and realized "her" was not identifiable enough for the post.

Basically, I(24F) have a friend, Juliet, (22F) whom I was really close with. Our friendship has been off and on as far as hanging out and communication goes, but she's always been really supportive, and vice versa.

We used to be close, but she made other friends who more closely followed her partying lifestyle, and with me being pregnant then having a newborn, it hasn't really been my scene.(No judgements, I just couldn't go out and keep up with her, as shed be out at after party's downtown in our Capitol, till like, 4am)

Juliet made a lot of decisions I didn't agree with, and found herself in a lot of dangerous situations, so while I was always there for her and supportive of her, I stopped trying to connect as much because I couldn't stand by and watch it happen.

She stopped talking to me completely at one point, as someone took advantage of her at an after party, and she shut down entirely. It took a long time for her to reach back out, and I tried to be as supportive as I could, with the access she gave me. I tried to give her what she needed from a friend in the moments she did reach out. She wanted to rely more on her BF at that point. He encouraged her not to file a police report, so one was never filed and the hospital was denied taking the proper procedures.

We drifted apart further when she became official with her BF. Her responses went from once or twice a week to every two, to once or twice a month. She doesn't open my messages unless to ask for something, or vent about things going on in her life. Yes, i still double, triple or quadruple text or Snapchat, and get no response to pictures, messages, Instagram reels, etc..

I know she is actively not answering and opening my messages because when were together she is the type to always be texting. She calls me her best friend, but I don't feel that she's my best friend anymore, after everything and all the distance.

My wedding party is already small, only 3 people including Juliet, and i really want people in my wedding party who I'm close with and are actively part of my life. My two other party member have been, respectively, in daily contact consistently for the past, year for one, and 9 years or so. I've known my one bridesgroomsmen since grade 1, and met my best friend during my pregnancy and we've been inseparable since.

There's a lot going on in Juliets life, so theres no blame on her, but I need close friendships where we at least touch base couple times a week. That's not for everyone, and i have plenty of good friends who i talk with less that I'd still give my left kidney to if they needed it, same with her, but i didn't ask them to be my bridesmaids... I've talked to her before about how i understand she's going through a lot and wants to pull away, but I can't help if she won't allow me to reach out, and it was good for awhile... evidently things didn't stick.

I don't want to be already questioning it now, have this be a point of contention and resentment, and then have it explode after the wedding. After photos have all been taken... Hopefully that doesn't sound stupid or mean. Is it mean to not want photos of your wedding to have someone you barely speak to anymore in them?

I know this needs to be a conversation with Juliet, but i don't know if this would be a bridezilla move, how to even have this conversation with her without ruining the friendship etc.

A big part of why I asked juliet was my people pleasing ways. I wanted to life up her spirits and draw us closer together, but it didn't help long term, and now I'm honestly regretting asking. I fear it would've almost broken our friendship if I hadn't asked because the minute Juliet found out i was getting married she labeled herself my bridesmaid(I had told her I wouldn't be having a maid of honor, but that's just because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I was going to make my mom the MOH, but I kinda want to make my childhood bestie and longtime friend the maid of honor or my friend I've become really close with)

I already lost one of my other bridesmaids/friends(childhood bestie had reached out, but slowly drifted off until she hasn't responded to my messages now in over 2 months... last I heard she couldn't respond cause she "got locked out" of all her social media and couldn't connect to her old number since she had moved and gotten a new phone.) I had asked her after she moved and she was already growing distant at that point, she doesn't really believe in long distance friendships, so we went from calling 3 times a week on her drives home from work at 3am to no contact...

So I'm a little jaded, and a little scared.

How do I not be a people pleaser in this situation? Would i be a people pleaser if I just said whatever and didn't ask her to step down?

Also, she hasn't been with anyone in over a year and a half and just got diagnosed with chlamydia, as well as her boyfriend, who has convinced her it was negligence on the part of the doctor who last tested her when she was SA'd instead of him admitting to cheating... so i don't really want him there either but THAT feels like a big bridezilla move...

TIA for reading!

Apologies in advance for any typos.I'm using voice typing because i'm about to be late for work due to this. I'm gonna be late already, I might as well get my answers.

So me (f23) and my husband (m23) Live with two roommates (m24 and f 23). We all get along pretty well as we're friends. We've all lived together about a year and in that time I could count on my hands the number of times my roommates have cleaned up after their cats. It's disgusting. We used to live in a cramped apartment with a closet dedicated to litter boxes.That was always pretty gross until I took over cleaning it. At the time I wasn't paying a lot for rent, and they were kind of letting us stay with them, So I didn't mind taking over a chore like this to contribute some kind of labor.

We have since moved into a beautiful house. When we first moved into this home I was interested in staying for a long long time. However, I just can't see that being something I want to do anymore. Most of the chores generally don't get done unless me and my husband do them, That I don't mind at all. I'm definitely a very domestic person with aspirations of being a mother and homemaker. In fact, I do the majority of chores for me and my husband through an arrangement I decided upon. But there's one chore that they explicitly said they would handle one hundred percent when we all moved in: cleaning up after their 3 cats.

Twice my roommates have cleaned up the litter box they put in our bathroom. My husband cleans that litter box. He certainly avoids it, But I don't blame him , it's not really his responsibility. The only reason it really gets cleaned is because I expect it to be clean, And I'll start asking or clean it myself if it gets bad. That's not the bad part.

The worst of all of this is where the cats poop other than their litter box. The hallways consistently Have cat poop all over the floor at varying levels of dryness. They poop right in front of my bathroom door and the laundry room door, Which means three things.

1. Consistently , my morning is ruined by stepping out of my bathroom feeling fresh as a daisy, and then stepping directly into a pile of cat feces.

2. The entire floor of the house smells terrible.

3. My roommates regularly do laundry. This means they've seen the piles, probably step in them too, and just walk away like that's not a literal biohazard that they are responsible for.

I'm talking , like five separate logs in different spots in the same hallway. It's just so gross.

This is where my husband is involved. He kind of isn't. Typically, when I get fed up with the piles building up.I will send a message in our household group chat about it and it gets cleaned in a few days. I spent the past couple of days telling him explicitly "I'm like a couple of days from flipping out over the cat poop" or "just stepped in cat poop again! Please say something to them." Because I am so sick of being the only one to bring it up. It makes me feel like a nag. I know it bothers him, But he is very resistant to bring it up to them. I feel like he's just trying to be noncontational to keep things cool between everyone, But I don't think it's cool for my roommates to be leaving feces around the house like this and expecting us to just be okay with it.

Today I crashed out a little. I stepped out of the shower in a good mood, Ready to go to work. Foot went right into a pile of cat poop. I kept my cool, Washed my foot, Carried on getting ready for the day. Then I step in a different pile. I did not keep my cool. I'm now late to work from recovering from my minor breakdown and rewashing my foot. I sent a few paragraphs to my husband about how frustrated I was and how I never signing a lease with them again, As well as my frustration with him for not confronting the situation at any point and letting me be the one to handle it while communicating my understanding of his position as a nonconfrontational guy. I then called him even though he was at work because I was just so worked up and felt hearing some affirmation from him would help. He picked up the phone, Heard me sob for about twenty seconds and then hung up on me with no message to explain. It's been like forty minutes with no text or anything.

It's been seven months of this , and I have to deal with five more, It would be so much easier to handle this if I felt like I had a teammate. Please help me, aita for Expecting him to confront this so I don't have to anymore?

Edit: spoke to husband and he HAS tried to tell one of them (he's closer to one than the other) to stop leaving the cat poop one on one in casual settings and this hasn't changed anything. They won't listen when he is gentle or when I am direct.

I tried posting this awhile back but it was apparently removed by Reddit filters? I don’t know. I’m not sure why I’m posting here other than to type it all out and maybe get a little input. Buckle up for a very long kinda crazy story. So I (33F) married my stbx (39M) 12 years ago. We met in college when I was 19 fresh out of my first relationship of 2 years. I ignored a lot of the red flags from the get go, he never wanted to do things with me and my friends, and was very stoic when they tried to involve him. He ended up driving most of them away. He was like that with my family as well but I felt like he was just different with me. Fast forward we got married a week after my 21st birthday had our first child a year later. He only went to one prenatal appointment and brought his computer to the hospital to work and play video games in the delivery room. I gave birth at 36 weeks due to pre e and was terrified. I was partially stay at home working part time the first year and went back to work full time when his job forced him to quit. While he stayed at home there were times I would come home to our daughter wearing the same clothes and when asked what she’d eaten he’d respond “idk something” I figured he was depressed and made sure there were plenty of easy to grab food for our 18 month old and arranged for my mom to spend time with her. Fast forward again and we planned for baby two. At the 20 week ultrasound we found out she had problems with her brain. I was devastated, but once again he never attended appointments, only the initial mfm. I went to mfms alone after that, amniocentesis alone, children’s hospital to discuss care after birth alone. I was alone when I was told my baby would die, I was alone when I was told the dx had changed, I was alone when they stuck a giant needle in my belly to see if it was genetic, for so much of it I was alone. The week leading up to our child being born I was given hope for our child and I couldn’t even tell him because he was giving me the silent treatment as “punishment” for taking a farm animal that my daughter loved that was sick to the vet because in his words “it’s just gonna die anyways”. The day I went into labor I forced him to talk to me by telling him if he didn’t he wouldn’t be in the delivery room. I was so stressed that my water broke almost as soon as our argument ended. He took me to the hospital and complained about my water having broke and gotten the seat of his car covered in amniotic fluid. He ended up dropping me off across the street from the hospital (not entirely his fault layout was wonky and there was a sky bridge) I walked up and down many hallways, rode up and down to different floors until I finally found l and d as I was supposed to be a scheduled c section a week later. I gave birth that night and remained a patient for the next week due to stroke level bp. Our daughter was immediately transported to the NICU and I didn’t get to see her for 24 hours. He left the hospital the next day because his dog went missing and he wanted to go look for him then he didn’t return. Our daughter had her first brain surgery at 3 days old, I was there alone until my parents showed up halfway through the procedure to find me quietly crying and impatiently waiting for news. At some point a couple days later he came to see us at my prompting to bring our eldest to see me and her sister. While at the hospital (I didn’t leave) he drug his feet about bringing me my truck (I wanted it to sleep in on nights I didn’t get a parent room and to be able to leave if necessary) he fought with my mom bringing me into the middle of it. One of the few times he brought our eldest she was wearing clothes 2 sizes too small smelling like pee. I bathed her in the nscu room (they gave us one with a bathroom) and sent her home in one of my limited shirts so she wasn’t wearing soiled clothes. I had to go home to take her to the dr for a UTI because he refused saying he wasn’t comfortable taking her for that. Our daughter’s second brain surgery came and went, still no husband. Two months later and she finally got discharged, a milestone I didn’t dare hope for, and he chose not to pick us up and instead opted to allow my parents to (my truck was not there due to needed repairs) About 1 year later and shortly before I spent a week in the hospital with our youngest as she got her g tube placed I discovered spicy messages between him and a “friend” he made here on Reddit. In my stupidity I gave him six chances to end the dalliance. The messages included spicy pictures, plans to meet irl, messages insulting me, evidence of phone calls, talking of procreating and the like. At one point he told me he could not decide between us. I was scared to leave and scared to stay. With the amount of medical care our youngest required caring for her was my full time job. So I stayed. Shortly after she got her g tube I ended up hospitalized. I had developed a chronic health disorder and nearly died. This was at the height of the pandemic. While hospitalized I got a call to my room that our youngest was having her first seizure since discharge and he asked me what to do. As I was still a patient myself I called the on call nurse for her hospital had them connected instructed them to bring her to the hospital I was at for stabilization (they couldn’t transport direct as her home hospital was an hour from the house) and waited. I met them in the pediatric er and gave the drs all her medical info where I discovered my stbx had been “eyeballing” his words (he wasn’t actually measuring the meds just pulling some like eh that should work) our daughter’s anti seizure meds while I’d been hospitalized. They transported her and I demanded to be discharged so I could follow as he chose to go home saying ”she wouldn’t know the difference”. Come to find out, he hadn’t been the one to discover her seizing in our bed at 1 in the morning, our 5 year old daughter did. Fast forward again, our youngest was 3 years 9 months 7 days and 8 hours old when she took her last breath in our living room. I had awoken at 4 in the morning with alarm bells going off in my head. I went to check on our daughter and she was unresponsive. I told him to call 911 and started cpr. I was too late. After they took her away he went back to bed while I broke down into a million tiny pieces. I planned the funeral, I ordered the photos, wrote the obituary, picked out the urn and I stood alone in front of a couple hundred people talking about the impact my daughter had. He stood in the lobby. 2 weeks after my daughter’s passing I sat on the couch and he told me I needed to “get the fuck over it” he forced me to erase her bed and toys from the living room in less than 9 months. There’s the laundry story too where I was depressed and unmotivated. I had washed and dried baskets of laundry but could not bring myself to fold them. He gave me the silent treatment for two weeks that time. When he finally responded it was to demand I write an apology essay expressing how great he is, how I had fucked up and what I would do to ensure that this “mistake” never happened again. Then read and record it. I refused. I’m honestly getting a bit exhausted enumerating the things he did as the list goes on. I used to tease about how I had a new moniker such as lazy, fat, or degenerate. He would guilt me anytime I spent time with friends. He stalked me on a night out with friends one time, drove through the parking lot to “try to catch me in a lie” despite my going out maybe 4 times a year max. Badgered me about my weight or my medical devices being “unsightly” and “off-putting” when they literally keep me alive. I moved out with my daughter 9 months ago now. Been trying to be nice. Get him to agree to terms to avoid drama. It’s not going great with that. I work my own decently paying job, have since before my youngest passed away. But I can breathe now. I don’t dread coming home anymore. He needs to be reminded of parenting time. He doesn’t participate with her when he has her but most of her time is spent with me.

None of this is to act like I was a saint, I lost my identity. I cried… a lot. I got overwhelmed. I bottled things up until I exploded. I was forgetful. I made myself smaller. I would act impulsively at times. I am human and I have made many many mistakes. I continue to make mistakes. I sometimes snap at people I love and have to stop and apologize for my actions. I don’t share my feelings easily. I’m terrified to open up and be blamed for my boundaries or requests. I’m learning how to set boundaries and create good habits now. I still do all of these things but I’m learning from my choices and my mistakes.

So if you made it to the end kudos. Feel free to ask me anything (just don’t be creepy about it).

TLDR I left my emotionally abusive ex of 12 years and it’s crazy how much lighter I feel.

Welp, hello all! I (24f) caught my (27m) fiancé cheating. I had never gone through his phone so I felt absolutely gross to do so, but his phone said it was going to delete something in storage in half an hour. He’s not one to delete anything, so I thought that was odd. We’ve always had each other’s passwords- just bc there was never anything on our phones we’d needed to hide. But I noticed one week it was like he wouldn’t leave it anywhere, wouldn’t sleep without it under him, never had his ringer on, had to leave when replying to “people”. Etc. So the night it said it only had half an hour before it was going to fully delete whatever was in storage, my heart dropped immediately. I opened it with shaky hands. Went through the recently deleted and found a conversation of him and his best friends mother who ALSO happens to be my (unfortunately- he sucks, for many reasons) stepbrothers mom. It was vulgar and left a pit in my stomach and heart. I left it on his screen and took a screenshot on my phone so he couldn’t just delete it and tell me I was crazy (previous relationship trauma) and to my surprise he woke me up just to cry and tell me he was sorry and he was stupid and blah blah blah fast forward to a day later i am sitting on the couch and we are talking or trying to. He tells me ask anything- when I ask how many times he says ONLY 3. We’ve been together awhile since then and I just can’t seem to shake this feeling away. I don’t know what to do or how to tell him I’m not coping well. He already gets upset when it’s brought up at all bc he doesn’t want anyone to know & doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. “It feels like it’s being held over his head, he already feels like a bad person and bad father.” (Because mind you at this time I had just had my son 7 months ago and had to go back to work because he no longer could ((got herniations in his back discs.)) ) Now I’m the only one working and I work crazy long hours and am always just thinking, what if it’s happening right now? What if I’m just so blind I don’t care? My son deserves to have a happy family, I deserve to not have to think about this every day and he deserves to live his life if our relationship or even me and his son aren’t what he wants. What do I do? Do we get counseling? He offered it when I first found out about everything but everytime therapy is brought up he says it’s dumb and doesn’t work and he doesn’t want to just sit and talk to people who “will judge him and his choices”.

I f(26) my bf m(24) at the time, blindsided me and broke up with me out of the blue. Okay so ima try to make this as short as possible but alot happend. For context I have a child (6) that he has been a parent to and cared for and treats him like his own. Im posting here cause the way he handle everything was very hurtful. So 2 days ago my ex bf lets call him Milo told me he wanted a "break" I was completely taken back bc I knew we were going thru a bit of a rough patch but I didnt know it was this bad. We were arguing more often but it had calm down and we were just tired of working so much all the time. Sorry if im all over the place, this just happened. Okay so first I notice he was being distant and it started 2 weeks ago and I was concerned cause when I would try to talk to him about it he would just not communicate as to what was happening or he would brush it off. I felt like I miss him even tho he was right next to me and ive told him this several times.

Then 4 days ago I wanted to look at his phone for his paystubs since he just got a raised and i do the budgeting in the house hold. Weirdly he did not want me to look at his phone, this was a shock to me cause in 3 years we been together this has NEVER EVER happened and we have an open phone policy. I got suspicious and try to take his phone away but couldnt. Later the next day I did took his phone but he change the password and now every alarm was going off in my head. I was so so anxious, because never in a million years I would think he would ever cheat because thats just not the type of person he is, i did eventuallygot in his phone while he was chasingme down the apartmentfor like his life depended on it and i saw he was infact talking to someone but souldnt see much since i was literallyrunning away and it was chaotic. Now the night that he wanted to go on a break with me I ask him if there was someone else because he kept giving me excuses and going around the subject.

He said no, I didnt believe him (this was before i found out about the other woman, sorry yall so much happened my own timeline in my head is confusing cause im still not okay)and I told him if there was no one that he would show me his phone and he didnt want to and I said then that proves there's someone else. He swore up and down that it is not true.

Okay then I said why was he using the word break if it sounds more like he wants to breakup and he said he needed space andthat he doesnt wana give me false hope and i said why you need space from what? He said he needs to work on himself and that I do too. I wasnt born yesterday this is literally what every dude says whenever he wants to be on some bs so i ask him if thats the only reason, he says he dont know and that maybe but he is just tired. I said tired of what? He said of everything? Of having responsibilities. Im like huh? Responsibilities? So being an adult? He said no that but that being a parent is too much on him and that he thought he could handle it but he cant and that he has already sacrificed so much and he cant do it anymore. I said okay so after 3 years you just dont wana be a parent? I told him that ship sailed long ago bc when we met i especially told him if he is not ready to do something like this to tell me so we can move on with our lives and find someone else and that having kids is not for everyone. He always insisted that no he can do it and that he is fine here.

Okay so I said I feel like theres more you not telling me as to why you wana break up. He said that he doesnt know he said " I guess I just dont want to have no responsibilities after work" I said okay I get that but do you mean a child or other responsibilities. He said cleaning and cooking and house work which I was confused because he barely does any of that. The last time he cooked was 3 months ago and the last time he cleaned anything was weeks ago. I told him he keeps switching his story and to just give me a straight answer bc after 3 years of dating I deserve an explanation as to why he is breaking up with me.

He doesnt give me a straight answer then he says we lost our spark, mind you I know when this man is lying so im looking at him and I say be so fr, cause yall last month he was talking about some he wana marry me and the day before he broke up with me he was so sweet cuddling with me in bed so make it make sense. He said its been a usar and a half!!! I ask him why he leading me on for a year in a half if he felt this way. He said he was lying to himself and that everyone is right he is mot ready for a child. I was like you ain't got now balls if this is really whats going on. You couldve bee a man and told me but no you decided to lead me on and cheat. Yall the way I love this man, he was the air that I breath and I was very much in love and I still love him but it just hurts fr. He said he still loves my son and that he cares about him.

The he starts saying that he will be back the next day to start packing his stuff. So im like oh so he has been planning this bc he already had in mind what he was gona do. Okay so next day comes he brings his 4 friends to help pack okay why do you need for people for 2 Xbox, a TV and some clothes? Likeee he wanted a show and that shit was embarrassing. So I told 3 of them to stay at the door and they cant come in and the other friend is his best friend he just recently became a cop. He was off duty mind you and he was there as his friend not a cop.

This dude try to use his cop voice on me bc I was explaining the stuff I seen him say on the chat and the way milo is handling things ain't right and he started talking to me like a cop be talking to people idk how to explain it but I called my mom right away cause I felt unsaved in my own home even tho im not even doing nothing wrong. Then they leave and my mom calls milo tells him if his friends come back and his friend cop harassed me again that she will call the police and she doesnt care if his friend is one cause he is off duty and shouldn't be trying to go on a power trip.

Later that day he comes back by himself to get more clothes. We talk about logistics, bills, and rent ( our lease is over in 3 more months). We were trying to sign a new lease for a new place but I have to cancel that. Anyways I'm trying to have an honest heart to heart with him and he is shutting me out. I give him a letter I wrote, this is important bc when I first met him I wrote him one and thats kind of my thing to right letters to him. He reads the letter with the coldest voice and then says "thank you i guess" no gon lie that hurt really bad cause I kinda pour my heart out. Anyways I also ask him if this is real ( none of this feels real tbh, the switching up, the coldness everything just weird) he says yes it is and I said okay and he said if I was done he has to leave and that he wont be home for the weekend. Also we have 2 cats that im keeping they are my babies my world. So thats a silver lining I guess.

I know this might be confusing Ive been having a hard time and between bawling my eyes put and working and being a mom, its been rough.

So I (39f) am helping my Dad (72m) who is currently in the hospital for rehab after having surgery to remove rectal cancer and currently has a colostomy bag that once healed is going to be reversed.
He didn’t tell me that he wasn’t walking and getting around after 3 weeks of being in the hospital 3 hours away from where we live.

So he’s discharged (because there’s no longer a medical reason from the surgery to keep him in the hospital) and I believe the hospital and him that he’s ready to go home. He fell after walking 6 feet from the car trying to get into the house. Had to call my mom and stepdad (my parents are divorced over 15 years) to help me get my dad up. We got him into the house and into his recliner and my dad’s response is “just leave me here but get me containers to empty everything, I will be ok”

So I’m pissed that I would have made rehab arrangements if I knew he was that bad. Thankfully my dad reached the conclusion that this is not safe for him and had me call in a non-emergency call for an ambulance to transport him to the local hospital for the rehab he needs.

But today I wasted over 3 hours on the phone because he’s running out of colostomy bags and “the hospital isn’t ordering them” (his words to me) and he got a kit through the mail (don’t know if doctors or surgery hospital ordered it) and I thought I was ordering the kit…. No there’s all individual pieces and parts that I needed to order. Ok lesson learned, but when trying to get a medical supplies company send them monthly they can’t help me because “it’s the hospital’s job to order what he needs” (I understand) but from what I’m being told they’re not and I’m having to do it. So 3 hours later I finally get a number for the nurses to call to order supplies from now on. I call my dad to let him know when I bring his dinner tonight I have a solution to get his supplies sent. He then tells me to bring his credit card with me so he can pay for it. I tell him “No. It’s the hospital’s responsibility to order and Medicare and his insurance will pay for it.” He then tells me “well never mind because they’re ordering bags that are being paid for by insurance but I don’t like those bags.”

So I wasted 3 hours begging for help for my dad and getting the run around of “we can’t help it’s the hospital that needs to do this” but yet I’m not getting the full story. I go to college online part time, I work full time and feel like I’m taking care of of all his responsibilities and trying to get him “the help he’s telling me he needs” but actually it’s just a waste of my time.

I love my dad, but I’m tired of half stories, having to postpone everything I’m doing to make sure I get him extra food because hospital food isn’t preferred and wants it nearly immediately, paying all his bills by check, and getting phone call after phone call knowing I’m going to visit him the same night after I get off work if I checked the mail? Did you update my checkbook? Did you mail my bills? Can you get me tacos from the taco truck but I need them before you go to work.

I’m burning out here. And today was just icing on the cake.

This happened back in 2022.

I (18F at the time) moved out for the first time with my best friend (20F). I’ll call her “Liz.”

We rented a house together in April 2022. We were both single. Liz was casually seeing multiple guys, while I was still in an on-again, off-again toxic relationship with my ex.

One of the guys she was seeing, “James,” was around all the time. He helped us move into the house, came clubbing with us, and was over almost every day. He was funny, outgoing, and easy to get along with, so we became good friends.

One night I was home alone after a huge fight with my ex. James came over, we drank together, vented about our relationships, and one thing led to another. We ended up sleeping together.

The next day I told him he needed to stay away from me because I wasn’t okay with him sleeping with both of us. He stayed away for about a week, but Liz started wondering why he wasn’t coming around anymore since he’d practically been at our house every day. Eventually he started coming back over, and although we tried to keep our distance, we both realized there were genuine feelings developing.

To make things even messier, my ex still came over sometimes, so the four of us would hang out together. What made it even more awkward was that my ex had cheated on me with Liz about a year earlier while we were still together.

A little while later, I realized I had genuine feelings for James. I planned to tell Liz while we were glamping together, but before I could, she said she needed to tell me something first.

She told me she was pregnant.

I asked who the father was, and she said James.

Before this, I had asked her multiple times if she actually had feelings for James because I didn’t want to cross any lines. Every single time she told me no. Even after telling me she was pregnant, I asked again, and she still insisted she didn’t have feelings for him.

After hearing she was pregnant, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her how I felt about James.

In September 2022, I moved out because I felt overwhelmed with guilt and didn’t know how to face her anymore. I let her and her cousin keep all of the furniture and even the rental bond because I felt so bad. After I moved out, James and I quietly started seeing each other.

Not long after, James met up with Liz to discuss the pregnancy and he asked for a paternity test because he wasn’t the only guy she was sleeping with at the time. The conversation became a huge argument. At the end of fight, he told her that we were together.

She completely lost it.

I wasn’t there, but afterwards she told James she wanted nothing to do with him and didn’t want him involved with the baby.

After giving her some space, I tried everything to repair our friendship. I called her, texted her, and even went to her house, but she refused all contact.

The only time she came to see me was to drop off some of my belongings. My brother told me she wanted to talk, but I was extremely sick that day and could barely stand up, so I said I couldn’t.

Fast forward to today: James and I are still together, and it’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in.

Liz has since moved on and is raising the child with her new partner. The child looks exactly like James, but James still has no relationship with his son. His own father abandoned him when he was a baby, so he always said he’d never do that to his own child. Unfortunately, Liz still refuses to let him see his son, and we haven’t been able to afford taking the matter to court.

Ironically, Liz and I now work for the same company. We’re on different shifts, so we only see each other occasionally, but when we do, we don’t speak. After all these years, she still wants nothing to do with me.

I know this whole situation is incredibly messy. I know sleeping with someone my best friend was seeing was wrong. But they were never in a relationship, and every time I asked if she had feelings for him, she told me she didn’t. On the other hand, she had previously slept with my boyfriend while we were together.

So… AITA?

I’m in a college sorority, and we had a member who we assumed was in her mid 20s, going off her looks and the fact that she’s a student. Some members had heard her say that she was a millennial, but the vibes were good and none of us really thought much of it. However, it was noticed shortly after and that she was 39 years old. This was pointed out to us by a member of the school staff, because they wanted to make sure that the situation wouldn't become volatile as a result of this.

 

On her forums she never lied about her age. She apparently told members of her pledge class her exact age but had told them that she doesn't discuss it widely because people “get weird” after finding out and she wanted to avoid it. This ranged from people not wanting to be around her all the way to thinking that she needed/should be in charge of things automatically. She also told them she just wanted a normal college experience, since her personal circumstances didn’t allow for her to go earlier because of an online college scam.

 

We held a meeting with the entire chapter, including our AAC members. One of the chapter members suggested that she might have had malicious intent once our AAC members told us that we could not change our mind and have her revoke her bid simply because of how old she is. Another pointed out that we had nothing negative to say about her until we found out about her age. After that, another member suggested that she “withheld information that could damage the reputation of the chapter.” Again we were told that what we were doing was illegal.

 

After this, our AAC members that were present that night were not consulted about things like they normally were and we didn't invite them around. The chapter president at the time said that one of them sent an e-mail that did not reflect well on either side but would not show it to us. When initiation came, they showed up because one of them volunteered to be the 39 year old member’s big. However, we did not tell them when initiation was. She found out because of talking to her little.

 

Privately, this was not received well because they were not wanted around us. Some of the members felt that they did not take our concerns seriously and blew us off. This made us feel like we were not in a safe environment.

 

She eventually left the chapter. She did not talk to all of us about her decision, we found out because we got a request for her to have undergraduate alumnae status in the middle of the night. When she was asked why, she said that she hadn't felt wanted by the chapter for a long time and cited times where she was either ignored when she tried to set up events that were asked for or when one of our members got really rude with her in charter notes and in an e-mail. But she still seemed to be OK with most of the chapter.

 

A few days later, rumors started flying about what happened and the biggest one was saying that the AC members told her about the meeting that was supposed to be private. I'm not sure if it was simultaneously or just after but one of the members that was present at that meeting told several other members in the caf during lunch one day. She allegedly accused this member of bullying and grooming younger members of the charter. This is when things seemed to really explode because a Title IX complaint was filed by the member that quit.

 

During that meeting with the member that called her a groomer, she was told to stop talking about this publicly because it was harassment. In return, the member brought up social media posts that were made by the one that quit. She felt like she was being targeted by a social media campaign. When Title IX Investigated they found that no one had been named and she was really only talking about her feelings. She's also not a small TikTok creator, so she had some ongoing story plot lines that seemed remarkably similar to the situation, but that could have been a coincidence.

 

Afterward, anonymous posts appeared on campus apps criticizing her for being nearly 40 and spending time with younger students. Some of the posts also accused her of hiding her age, even though it had been included in her paperwork. But they met some pushback. She has not publicly named the sorority and still says she cares about many of the members, but one of the ones that was concerned about her inclusion says they’re concerned about her behavior, even though she’s not here to witness it.

 

The former member has refused to talk to me and the other two members that had concerns after the details of the meeting were made public. But she sent texts to some of us to tell us the AAC members didn’t tell her about the details of the meeting, but that she was sitting 15 feet away when it was being discussed. We’re not sure we believe that though.

 

At the time, I thought the age difference was enough to justify concern. Now I’m wondering whether we treated her like she had done something wrong when the only concrete issue was that she was older than we expected.

I (24M) am currently doing my master's degree, but for the past three years I've felt like I'm just existing instead of living.

I don't feel hope, ambition, excitement, love, happiness, or even sadness the way I think I should. It's like I'm trapped in a prison inside my own mind. Every day feels the same, and it's as if I'm an NPC just going through the motions.

I thought maybe traveling would change something, but it didn't. Last year I moved to my dream country and got into my dream university. I thought that would finally make me happy, but I still feel nothing. It scares me because I achieved something I had wanted for years, yet I couldn't even enjoy it.

The only time I've genuinely felt happy in the last three years was for one night when I got drunk for the first and only time. I drank alcohol all night, and for those few hours I actually felt happy. I never drank again because I'm afraid I'd become addicted if I relied on alcohol just to feel something.

I've also never been in a relationship. Even having normal conversations feels difficult because I observe people too much. I'm constantly watching how they talk, react, and behave instead of naturally joining the conversation. My mind always feels foggy, like I'm stuck in a trance, and I honestly don't know what's happening to me.

I love my family very much, but when they came to visit me after nine months apart, I barely felt anything emotionally. That made me feel guilty because I know I should have been happy to see them.

When I was a child, my father passed away. I feel like a part of me died with him. After that, I watched my mother go through so many difficult situations that I slowly lost my trust in people and in society. Maybe all of that changed me in ways I still don't understand, but I honestly don't know.

People tell me I'm kind and compliment me, but I never believe them. It feels like they're talking about someone else.

Sorry if this post is messy. My thoughts are all over the place, and honestly, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

And if anyone has been through something similar, how did you start feeling alive again? I'd really appreciate any advice.

So I (19F) have been living with my stepdad (65M) for my entire life basically. Almost two years ago my mom left in a really hurtful way, leaving my brother and I to take care of my stepdad since he’s disabled. I’ll admit I was resentful towards my mom for leaving the way she did but to be fair I haven’t had the worst of the caretaking duties since we’d have nurses come in and we have an IHSS worker. But regardless for the last two years I’ve had to take care of my stepdad, cooking meals for him (while simultaneously learning how to cook) and having to inform the EMTs after his falls. I’ve dealt with mental health issues for 7 years now and even when I could barely take care of myself I had to be there for my stepdad. About two weeks ago we had an argument cuz I wasn’t “respecting” him, I said that I wasn’t over my mom leaving and burdening me with the responsibility of taking care of him. He said I don’t take care of him and so on and so forth. I stormed out of the house to cool off and when I was ready to go back inside the door was locked. I had literally nothing but the clothes on my back, I banged on the door begging to be let in, after no response I went knocking on the neighbors door hoping they would let me use their phone. I called my dad and he picked me up when I got there we decided it’d be best for me to stay at his place. And I have for the past two weeks. I could be making a bigger deal out of this than it actually is but he has yet to apologize or reach out directly (I haven’t blocked his number) and I’m just so confused about it all… AITA for not wanting to reconcile or for moving out in the first place?

I’m not really looking for answers or asking “AITA”. This is more of a venting session because I’m so fed up.

Story time.

Last autumn I matched with a guy on bumble. Let’s call him “Ghost” because that’s what happened. 32 male. I’m 25 at the time, didn’t think the age gap was an issue due to my life trajectory and his. 

Over the course of 5 weeks, Ghost and I went on a few dates. It was great, until mid October, when the excuses started. Family stuff, feeling under the weather, work, too tired, etc. Individually, they all seemed reasonable excuses to cancel plans or not being able to schedule plans. I responded with “no big deal” and “don’t worry about it” while also trying to reschedule or make different plans with Ghost. I was trying to be accommodating and reasonable because I understand life gets busy sometimes. 

But then it was mid December. Two full months went by without a date. So I called him out on his silence and BS. He just never responded. Hence the nickname “Ghost”.

End of story right? Nope.

I want to say it was mid March? A guy I don’t know sends me a friend request on Facebook with the same last name as Ghost. Turns out, it’s his older brother. Let’s call him “Eww” 🤪. Ew is somewhere between 35 and 38. So about a 10 year difference. 

Of course I’m suspicious. This is weird AF. Eww messages me explaining who he is, that his brother is an idiot, and that he would love to get to know me/take me out on a date. Suspicious, but whatever. I ask him why, if he usually goes after his brother’s leftovers… stuff like that. Trying to figure out Eww’s motives for pursuing me. The responses to my questions didn’t reveal anything that would make me end the conversation, so I figured why not see where this goes. Engaging with caution.

We end up going on a date late April. I’m 26 by this time. I thought the date went well! Eww was very interesting. He is a business owner and has hobbies like taking cooking classes, baking, painting, etc. Like calm masculine energy. Seemed like he had good IQ and EQ. 

He doesn’t text me much after the date. I ask him why, if I did/said something wrong. His response was “it seems like we are looking for different things”. I’m baffled. Eww asked ME out on a date. We were flirting over text for over a month. He seemed like he wanted a relationship. I tried to ask for clarification. Nothing. So I deleted Eww’s phone number and unfriended him on Facebook. 

YESTERDAY.

Eww messages me asking if I want to come over. Mind you, this is 2 months of zero contact. Sirens are activated in my head. He said “you know why. To make you scream” 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ gross. No thank you. 

Ugh

So you don’t want to be in a relationship despite you reaching out indicating that you want to pursue one. You don’t want to maintain contact. I’m not good enough for you, but you still want me in your bed??? 

I don’t understand where these men get the audacity. Clearly it’s been on sale somewhere because wtf??? Why? Why would you think I would ever say yes? I gave zero indications I was “down for hookups” 🤮 

I’d rather be single forever with battery powered silicon than let myself get taken advantage of by these idiots. 

Would I be the bad guy to ask the business owner to fire the manager? Back story, I started a job 2 years ago. There’s only a handful of people I work with. Very small group and generally started out as a decent job. After some time I found myself having to learn the managers job mostly ON MY OWN! Initially I was supposed to be back up for when leave was needed. I was ok with that, everyone needs time off of work. Well shortly after starting the manager quit coming to work. They come in maybe a few days every 3 weeks or so. Different excuses as to why and sometimes no word at all. They bust out a bunch of work and disappear again. I honestly don’t understand how or why the owner allows it. I even ran into them on their way to a party on my way home one day! So obviously not “sick” or whatever the excuses are. How do I bring this issue up? How do I politely and very delicately say I want the position and would like to hire a reliable employee for my position? Work is backed up regularly. I literally just can’t do it all on my own. The other employees are exhausted and stressed with the lack of help. Our morale and mental health is suffering every day. What’s the right move here?

I'm using fake names and ages. My older sister (30 female) Angie has four children, and none of them have the same father. Trust me this is relevant. She is also engaged to Chris (34 male) who has a disabled mother. I am now 8 months postpartum and 28 female. My husband is Josh 30 male, we have two boys. One is 7 and we'll call bubba, the second is 8 months old and we'll call bubs. I'm also chronically ill.

Now that that is set, onto the story. Angie had her tubes tied, because she didn't want to get pregnant again after her fourth kid. She says our mother made her, yet in the same breath admits she never wanted to be a mother in the first place. I cut our mother off after my first was born. Angie knows I don't want her around my boys, but she continued to bring her up. Saying things like "Josh made you cut her off." When it's was me who blocked her and I didn't even tell him till after it was done. We'll when I found out I was pregnant I was shocked I could barely believe it when I was looking at both positive pregnancy tests. Josh and I had thought I had become completely infertile. So we were happy and excited. We tried to keep it a secret. But due to bubba being excited and telling my husband family, and Angie running to tell my grandparents. By the time we were ready to tell everyone already knew.

During my pregnancy Angie talked about how Chris was making her want to have another kid. And this is when she started to say our mother made the doctor tie her tubes against her wishes. She also would go on to say she thinks she's pregnant multiple times, even though she never was. She really started trying to get our mother involved in my life at this time as well. Telling me the lies she told her, and saying that it was Josh keeping her away. No matter how many times I said otherwise. She also started calling Josh a narcissist and saying that he was even letting his family mistreat me. None of this was true. She was doing everything in her power to paint Josh in a bad light. And for those who understand what it's like to be pregnant and hormonal can understand it can make you easier to be manipulated.

I tried my best to not let Angie get too me my whole pregnancy, however I'm not perfect. I have since sat and admitted and apologized for even allowing her to manipulate me the little bit she had. When I was in labor, bubs and I nearly unalived. I made a whole post about that. And the only person whoever mistreated me in my husband's family was his memaw, and she was cut off as well. Angie and Josh's memaw tried to make my birth about them and their emotions. When I refused to give Angie the attention she wanted, she really started in. My entire postpartum she tried to manipulate me and make me think Josh and his family were horrible. She was also aware I was on antidepressants at the time.

It didn't really click with me what she was doing till (sadly) I was six months postpartum. Angie and Chris decided to get me alone with bubs and take us shopping. Even bought me a new purse. However, when we got back to my house they both started in on me about how easy it would be to leave Josh. That I would get the kids and the house, and that Angie and Chris could even buy some land to move my house onto. Even tried to say that Josh was cheating on me. Realized then that her goal was to get me to leave my husband so that she could move herself and her four children into my home and continue to manipulate and use me. I refuse to go back out with her. I had even had a flare attack in front of her before so she is well aware of my chronic illness.

When bubba was graduating from kindergarten she tried to say our mother was coming. Even though she knows I don't want her near us. Saying our mother had a gift to give him. Well Josh and I cut his memaw and Angie off at the same time. We are done with their toxicity and manipulation. However, when we went on a weekend trip during father's day weekend we stopped to see my grandparents. I wanted them too see my husband for themselves so they could see what an amazing husband he is. When Angie found out I was cutting her off she exploded on me. Saying that Josh was keeping me prisoner and (to no surprise) he was a narcissist and abusive. I hung up on her because I wasn't going to listen to it anymore. My grandparents had also given bubba not only their gift, but also my mother's gift. I grew very upset, especially when I saw what the gift was. I didn't blame my grandparents as I knew Angie was running her mouth too them behind my back for years.

When we got back from our trip I ended up in a really bad flare. I had horrible fatigue and a migraine that lasted a whole week. I had to take anti nausea medication so I would become sick to my stomach from the pain. When the migraine became bearable I made a post to Facebook. Facebook is the best was my family and I have have stayed up to date on each other. I hadn't yet blocked Angie on there either. The post said what no contact meant and how that included gifts too. And had a list of my no contact and some reasons why they are no contact without going into detail of why they are no contact. Angie didn't like this. Told me she was blocking me because she was going to sit there and watch me sh** talk her on social media. I simply told her I will always love her and her kids and will miss them. Understand she was to block me, that's I wasn't crap talking her simply stating facts and boundaries, and ended with saying goodbye.

She of course sent back "so when I spit facts about Josh and yalls marriage it's disrespectful and cause for me to be cut off". I haven't replied but I did talk to Josh about it. Told him all I want to do now is yell at her that she's only mad because she wasn't able to get my home and ruin my marriage. Josh works for the city and told me the next day that he saw my aunt and Angie in a beat up car, just sitting there staring at him. I told him Angie was probably talking shit about him too her. I'm doing everything to keep my hormones in check and not reply to my sister. I haven't deleted the message because I know if I click on it I will just reply. So for now her message is just being ignored. I am however, worried that my aunt and Angie may start stalking my husband Josh. My aunt for good reason is also no contact along with her husband. Josh is fully aware of how horrible and toxic my whole family is. He holds grudges against them for things they did that I no longer hold a grudge for. Thank you reddit for letting me vent. I'm still getting over my flare and plan to have some hot tea here in a minute to sooth my throat.

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