r/okstorytime

First off, thank you to everyone who validated how insane my last post was. To recap, my roommate "Michael" (30F) holding the washing machine hostage, trashing the kitchen, throwing up in the sinks because the toilet "grossed him out," breaking our bathroom door, and dodging utilities. I contracted H. pylori from his lack of hygiene and almost dropped out of school from the stress. Then, he left the country for a month with one night's notice.
Well, rent day came while he was gone. He didn't send his share. We called him, and this man literally said, "Why would I pay rent when I'm not using the room? You guys figure it out."
So, we did. We packed up his stuff, deep cleaned his room (where we found used condoms left behind, absolutely disgusting and that is literally the least disgusting thing we found), and rented the room out to a new tenant so we wouldn't drown financially. Michael told us on the phone his girlfriend would come get his stuff, but she never showed, he said he will send someone else and send us his keys back and he never did.
Two weeks later, at 10 PM, Michael just... walked into our apartment using his key. He opened his old bedroom door, saw someone else living there, and coward yielded out. He just said he "had stuff to do" and left, saying we'd talk the next day.
The next day, he showed up completely drunk, holding beer (we are an alcohol free house since i am a recovering alcoholic) , and demanding his room back. He started screaming and lying, saying he never agreed to give up his room, and even claimed he tried to pay rent but my boyfriend refused the money! The new roommates almost got into a physical fight with him because of how disrespectful he was. I screamed at him too because I couldnt handle the lies. I was so angry I actually had to leave and go to a friend's house.
My boyfriend stayed. Michael finally agreed to take his deposit back, stay on our living room couch until he found a place, and said he'd come back that night to sleep. He never showed up.
The next morning, I was deep cleaning the house and we had friends over. Suddenly, my partner comes upstairs and says, "Michael called the police, they are coming up right now."
Michael told the cops we kicked him out and rented his room without permission. At first, I was so stressed I forgot about our message history and just told the cop everything saying we agreed verbally. The cop said since I didn't have immediate proof, he might have to take me and my boyfriend to jail. My heart was in my throat. But then, I dug through my phone and found the text proof.
The second the officer saw the proof, the tables completely turned. The cop turned to Michael, told him he was entirely in the wrong, and told him he had to leave. Michael immediately flipped into victim mode and started crying fake tears.
Even then, the audacity didn't stop. Michael tried to tell my boyfriend that he "betrayed" him. On the night he was drunk, he actually tried to claim I was the dirty one, trying to use my period against me and claiming I leave the toilet bloody this coming from the man who gave me a fecal oral bacterial infection!
When the cop told him to hand over the apartment keys, Michael refused. The officer literally had to rip the keys out of his hand.
In the end, we handed him his deposit and his packed bags right in front of the police officer. He is officially gone, we have his keys, and he can never come back and i hope i never see him again. We can fnially breathe, our new roommates are great, and we are finally safe in our own home

I (26F) and my partner (36M) have been together for about 4 years. We have a son who’s only a year old. Since he’s been born my partner was very helpful and constantly being with me to help with him and making sure I don’t lose my sanity.
Here recently I. The past few months he’s barely been around to help. He’s constantly working outside or running errands for everybody else. Now I don’t drive for personal reasons. So this very much sucks when he’s the only way I’m able to get out of the house. Whenever he gets home from work anymore he’s barely been here emotionally or physically.
Now before any kinda nasty or rude comments start with this, lemme clear the air on some stuff. For the past 4 years I am the main one doing everything in the house. Dishes, laundry, cleaning, tending to our dogs and cats as well as being the only one to mainly figure out what to make for breakfast lunch or dinner.
After 4 1/2 years of just keeping my head down and doing the normal stuff. But since our son has been able to crawl and walk on his own my partner basically clocked out. He stopped helping with laundry, dishes, or cleaning. He stopped picking up after himself and leaves it to me. I had enough and about 3weeks ago I went off on him. Saying how I’m tired of being stuck in the house and being the only one to do anything in the house. The only response he could give was that he was tired and didn’t wanna work after work. But what he does realize this is driving me to further madness.
About a week ago I yelled at him again about the same thing plus how I just don’t feel seen anymore. Same thing he just said that he’s tired and how he’s been busy trying to get things done. And tried pointing out how instead of gaming with my friends after our son goes to bed, I can help do some more stuff around the house to help keep it clean. Which I ignore.
The issue is he’s working on things constantly or he’s inside with us but isn’t actually there and is trapped into his phone. I’ve been trying for months to get him to go back to the loving helping partner he used to be but I genuinely don’t know what to do or why this has happened. So AITA for going off on my partner when he’s not being a partner?

Now I know the title makes me look bad but I really need to vent this out because I feel like I’m going crazy.

I (25 f) got really drunk one night with my best friend (22 f) let’s call her T. Drinking was not uncommon, we studied together and drank most weekends to let off some steam.

Background, I realised around 22-23 I had a bad relationship with alcohol, I would tend to keep going until I blacked out and did some really stupid things. Once I started it was very hard for me to stop. When I met T we instantly clicked, I had never felt a platonic soul connection with someone ever before. She understood me like no one else had before, we had similar upbringings and could talk about anything. She was literally the light in my world. Now, her family owned a bar in our small town and when I was 18-21ish I used to work for them, that was in the peak of my blacking out days (I was running from things), they did not like this friendship at all. As me and T got closer it felt like I had found my other half, her family slowly started to accept me and I felt like life was coming together again.

Fast forward we go out one night and get incredibly drunk, like 4 bottles of wine, tequila shots and 12-16 drinks each kinda drunk. I remember us having some sort of silly argument, me running away (typical) and then bumping into her dad. I remember hysterically crying scared I had ruined the friendship, he comforted me and then next thing I remember we are kissing in a different location. I will spare you the details but I 100% am sure it was her dad (who is married and has kids btw). I’m not sure what happened after but I ended up back at Ts house screaming and crying in her arms, guess my subconscious knew I fucked up reaaaallll bad. T didn’t know why I was crying but stayed up with my till I fell asleep. She was a really good friend to me.

The next day i tried to ignore it, told myself it didn’t happen and wondering if I keep it to myself or tell her. I ended up walking back home while she was asleep. After a few days I texted T telling her we needed to talk. My stomach dropped when she came over, I told her that me and her dad had hooked up and yalll, watching the smile from her face drop was the biggest heartbreak, I knew then the friendship was over. She ended up calling her step mum and everyone in her family and told them what I had said, which resulted in me getting a few phone calls from upset people. I 100% owned my shit.

The dad denied the whole thing, said I was making allegations and that he would never do such a thing. He started to convince everyone that would listen that I was crazy and making up lies because that’s apparently “who I always was”. I don’t even know how, but he even got to all the people I studied and do theatre with. He went as far to claim I had put up a rape case against him (I did not), all I did for months was hide in my room filled with the guilt and shame about how much I hurt my best friend. I ended up having to leave my degree because everyone believed him and not me, that honestly hurt so bad. I felt like I was fighting a loosing battle because why am I out here trying to convince people that it did happen, it doesn’t make me look good at all. I tried talking to T again thinking we could make study work but all it did was make me more paranoid that everyone around me thought I was this crazy girl. It got to me so damn much that i actually attempted to end my own life. Yeah dark times, I’m still here though, so yay?

Anyway, I’ve been going to therapy and AA since the attempt and been put on meds but this event keeps repeating in my head. Am I the asshole for hooking up with my best friend’s dad? Or should he have put me in a taxi knowing how intoxicated I was. Like even if I threw myself at him he should have pushed me away and made sure I got home instead of carrying it on? Idk I feel like I’m going crazy, consumed by guilt most days but something in me is so angry that I am the only one who is facing the consequences while he gets away with it all. What do I do now?? How do I move on? I feel like I’ve lost my other half and on top of that, no one (expect my family) believes me. Any advice welcomed

Greatings and salutations! I didn't expect anyone to want an update on this post. Who knew me ranting about stuff was actually interesting to some people. To those of you who read my post thank you for the advice it was much appreciated. Now for some minor context about the gift. It is a $128 Build-a-bear of Cinnamaroll™.

Now to the story. I messaged Jason cause I'm a coward and couldn't ask him in person also it wouldn't be a spectacle at our work place since everyone there talks and I figured we wouldn't be interrupted. I asked him straight up why he got me the bear. He explained that he noticed that I was stressed out at work, he saw I had reposted a video about the bear on my social and thought it would make my day so he bought it for me. Which is really sweet.

I told him that I was happy to receive the bear but it honestly made me stressed out because I thought this was him saying he had a crush on me. He reassured me that wasn't the case and then we continued talking and sending funny videos.

For those of you who told me to give him back the bear I'm sorry to disappoint but I will not be giving back the bear! I have grown very fond of it and it sits amongst my other plushies on my bed. He smells like sugar cookies and is the cutest cuddliest thing. Plus what would he do with it? Give it to another girl after saying he tried to give it to someone else?

But anyway things are back to normal between us. We're currently talking about how my family and I accidentally expanded the frog population in our area with our pool. Thank you so much for reading this. I hope you all have an amazing day.

This may get a little long and convoluted so apologies in advance! I tried my best to put years by events, since it’s a bit of a jumbled timeline to explain the relationship with my sisters.

I (25f) and my Fiancé (26m) got engaged a few months ago and are in the midst of wedding planning. My Fiancé and I met in late 2021 through a mutual friend, stayed just friends for a bit, started dating in late 2023, moved in together mid 2025, and he popped the question in early 2026. Our relationship has honestly been amazing, after only a few weeks of dating it was obvious to both of us and all of our friends that it would be forever. After only a few dates our mutual best friend who introduced us asked if she could officiate our wedding and we replied “No sorry it’ll have to be a priest because we would marry in the church” and she was dumbfounded because yes, we were already that in sync (But don’t worry she’ll be my MOH and we’re planning a surprise at the wedding to thank her for being our matchmaker)

Anyways, on to the story.

I was talking to my parents (Mid 60s) on the phone the other day,. We were chatting on how wedding planning is going and life in general. My parents decided to broach the topic of my bridesmaids, and asked me if I was going to have my sisters in my bridal party. For a little context, I have my eldest sister, Kelly (33f) and lives about an hour away from me in the Midwest with her husband and kids. Then there’s my middle but still older sister, Lacey (28f) who moved to the Pacific Northwest in 2021.

I told my parents that Kelly would 100% be a bridesmaid, that decision was a no brainer. Kelly and I are close, and she asked me to live with her during the pandemic when her husband got relocated for work. Kelly also has two young daughters, my amazing and adorable nieces, who will be our flower girls. I’ll admit I look up a lot to Kelly, we weren’t close as children due to our age gap, but she helped me through my first heartbreak at 17 and has been there for me since.

However, Lacey was a different story. I had to break it to them that I was considering not having Lacey as a bridesmaid. Lacey and I are closer in age and growing up we had a typical but tense sister relationship. Without going into too much detail, Lacey was the sibling with the knife, and I was the one being chased. If altercations were physical my parents almost always took my side since I rarely started it. However, Lacey’s seemingly favorite thing to do was constantly berate me, insult me, and gossip about me to her friends when I was a freshman and she was a senior. In those instances I was told by my parents “you know how your Lacey is, just be the bigger person”. And that’s how it was. At holidays our Aunts, Uncles, cousins, etc. would make comments to me about Lacey being a bit difficult, which honestly helped a lot. It made me feel better knowing even family that only saw her a handful of times a year could tell what kind of person she was. Now, I know I may be making Lacey sound like a devil child, but she was still well loved and celebrated by all family, immediate and extended. Our parents loved us all, and they did their best to be equitable among their children. Though Lacey often instigated fights with our mom, causing our mom to unleash some occasional menopausal wrath upon us while we were teens.

Before I get into this next part I want to add some context from Kelly’s wedding, which happened about ten years ago. It was the day I really realized just how narcissistic Lacey can be. Leading up to the wedding she complained constantly, gave her opinions when she wasn’t asked nor warranted to give them. She hated the bridesmaid dresses Kelly picked out for us and paid for, and made it very obvious to everyone. Lacey has always been a huge tom boy (important for later) so just about anything girly she had to do she complained about (hair, makeup, shoes). Lacey had also gained 30 lbs in the six months leading up to the wedding, and so her dress barely fit (Her own choices to “get big and strong” with questionable supplements and bad exercise caused her to develop a hormonal imbalance, took multiple doctors telling her to stop before she did), and she made it everyone else’s problem.

Luckily I was able to keep Kelly from hearing too much of it the day of. I did feel for Lacey as she had to face our entire family and all of our family friends not feeling or looking her best, and looking a bit squished in her bridesmaid dress, but it wasn’t her day and she should’ve kept her complaints to herself. I get being unhappy, but Lacey didn’t even pay for the dress so it’s not like she had to spend money on a dress she hated.

During a visit back home in 2023, Lacey asked to stayed with me instead of our parents. I was so happy I planned some things for us to do and invited some of my friends along as well per her request. The distance between us from her moving had honestly been helping our relationship and the last few times we had seen each-other went pretty well, so I was excited to have stay with me.

We ended up going out one night to drag bingo and then hit clubs. She insulted me, multiple times, right infront of my friends. And not just insults, but insults where she puts me down and lifts herself up. One in particular that stuck with me was her saying how I didn’t look nearly as good as her even though she only took five minutes to get ready and an hour for me to (respectfully, she didn’t, but I guess that’s subjective). Guess she didn’t understand the girlhood of the slow getting-ready while drinking and blasting music things my friends and I were doing, so she kinda insulted them too. Lacey also took multiple digs at my now Fiancé, who she STILL has never even met. There were a few other similar incidents that weekend, and I was so over it. After she left I called my parents and told them she was never staying with me again, and she would have to stay with them, Kelly, or get a hotel. Kelly doesn’t seem to apt to have Lacey to stay with her either, though that may trace back to some issues between Kelly’s Husband and Lacey. Let’s just say my brother-in-law is NOT afraid to call out Lacey’s BS.

Now, for the final bit of context: Lacey is a Masc Lesbian. She came out to our parents in 2020, with the support of Kelly and I (even went viral on tiktok for it) Our parents have always been more conservative, Fox News was on often at our house when I was younger (Luckily they’ve moved to getting their news from independent reporters). However, we all knew our parents well enough to know that they’d love us regardless. You wouldn’t catch our parents at Pride, but they’re accepting of the lifestyle. So overall that all went well. There’s no big, sad, devastating coming out story for her. She came out, my parents had some questions but were accepting, and life went on. She moved to the PNW shortly after and basically completely rebuilt her life and personality around what’s popular within the LGBTQIA+ community. Honestly other than her narcissistic tendencies, her ability to tear me down, and our shared love of Star Wars, I don’t recognize her much. I do try to visit every other year, and she visits the midwest the other years, and we occasionally plan visits to our parents (now retired to florida) at the same time.

So, back to being on the phone with my parents. All the context I just said above is stuff I have discussed with a therapist. I have a good handle on how my sister’s actions and words have affected me throughout my life. Because of that, I was already on the fence of having Lacey as a bridesmaid since I have a really hard time picturing her NOT doing something that will upset me the day of. My parents understood my hesitation without me having to explain, but still wanted me to consider my sister.

So I told my parents “Look, (Fiancé) and I want a fairly traditional wedding. I will ask her how she feels about wearing a dress to the ceremony, given that she can change after into a suit for the reception if she wants. Her response is going to heavily dictate which way I leaned in my decision.” My parents felt this was fair - it was basically a test to see how Lacey responded. If she was willing to compromise a bit, then I’d consider it.

Guess what? She immediately said no and started complaining saying she isn’t going to look good in a dress with her big shoulders and short hair (half of my bridesmaids have big shoulders, and so do I so that’s a stupid excuse). Then she started cracking jokes about it. I am thinking now of having my Fiancé’s sister as a bridesmaid instead. I am decently close with her and she has been a huge supporter of our relationship since the my Fiancé set his eyes on me.

I say Lacey is probably expecting to be in the bridal party simply because she is my sister, and because Kelly had both of us in hers. It’s possible I may have made a comment or two about her being a bridesmaid for me at a younger age, but at this point that was way before my Fiancé and I started dating.

To me it’s two-fold:

1. She refuses to compromise, she’s been like that her entire life, and I’ve been the one who got the brunt of that before she moved away. I know she prefers to dress masculine, however I’ve always wanted a fairly traditional wedding with my bridesmaids in dresses and at least SOME makeup like mascara and lip gloss. In my opinion, most bridesmaids don’t like their dresses, it’s part of life.

Lacey

1. hasn’t even met my Fiancé nor has she expressed any interest in doing so, yet continues to put down him and our relationship. She holds on to a few comments I made about my Fiancé to her before we started dating (He came on a bit too strong originally right after I went through a breakup) and now tries to throw them back at me to insult my Fiancé. Lac

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1. even tried to tell ME that “You are not really in love with (Fiancé), you just want to be in a relationship”. That comment didn’t hurt, because I know how in love I am with my Fiancé, but I am glad she made it. She hadn’t even asked me about my Fiancé once in any of our phone calls, she knew nothing about our relationship, yet she still tried to tear it down.

But in the end, she is still my sister. I do love her and want her to be successful and happy in life. I keep up with how she’s doing in her career, as she has to pass many exams to move up positions in her field. I know Lacey has some issues in her personal life, and that dating has always been hard for her. She’s had nothing but bad relationships these last few years. She’s the type of person who makes impulsive decisions, and it seems like every year she wants to move somewhere new and start over (NY, England, LA) though these ideas are always half baked and end up falling flat once you start asking her the logistics of everything (job, visa, moving, pets, etc). I am honestly concerned for her mental health a lot, she’s very much so the type of person that sees “signs of Autism you didn’t know” on TikTok and self-diagnosed herself. She does get therapy, and for some reason when she started she texted our mother “I hope you know you’re the reason I need therapy”. I do have concerns of her having NPD, Bipolar Disorder, depression, etc. because to her it really is “my happiness above all else even if im hurting people i claim to love”. Lacey’s first GF broke up with her because she was battling depression and was thinking of moving home. Lacey instead claimed “she’s just pushing me away because she’s scared.” and ended up mildly stalking her after the breakup, even contacting family members to try to get to her ex. Luckily some mutual friends sat her down and told her to stop, but I don’t believe those friends hang out with my sister at all anymore.

I guess my reason for that context and my indecision is the concern for her. I worry that cutting her out of my bridal party may damage our relationship significantly and for a while. I also worry about how it’ll affect her mental health - especially having to see all of our family at my wedding as just a guest when her sister is the bride. Most family and family friends haven’t seen Lacey since she moved in 2021. Lacey also obviously loves attention, so I worry what she would do if she isn’t getting the extra attention she would’ve in the bridal party.

I have discussed this with some friends and my other sister Kelly to get their input and I gotten mostly “That’s a hard situation I don’t know if there’s a right answer.” But to be fair, these are all friends that WILL be in my wedding party so I’m conscious of the fact that they could be just holding in their true opinions as to not interfere or stress me out.

So here I am asking reddit - WIBTA if I didn’t have her as my bridesmaid even though she may be expecting to get asked?

My Fiancé wants to have the same number of groomsmen as bridesmaids, and he’s got his 7 locked down. I’ve got 6 of my 7, with the last spot potentially being for Lacey or my future SIL.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years, roughly 5 of those years we spent living long distance. About 2 years ago I moved to his country to be closer together and got a flat in the same city as him but still lived separately. 6 months ago we bought a house and finally started living together.

I was really excited with this since we finally got to spend more time physically together, but now he says it's too much. I can see his point since we work at the same company as well, so we'll often drive to and from work together and then we're at home together after work. I however don't feel the same way. We work in separate departments so I never cross paths with him at work, we're not even on the same floor as each other. When we're at home after work we're both sitting in the same room but we're on our own individual PC's playing our own games separately. I enjoy living parallel to him but doing our own things, still though I want to make him happy and respect his needs.

I've suggested to him that if he wants some alone time he can take a walk around the neighborhood or plan time to see his friends as he makes no effort to leave the house alone. He however thinks that I'm the one who needs to leave the house. He says because I have no friends he would feel guilty going to see his friends and leaving me behind. I have friends back in my home country who I text on occasion but I haven't really made any new friends since moving however, I don't feel like I'm lacking anything by not knowing anyone here to go spend time with. I'm quite introverted so I'm more than happy spending time by myself doing crafts or gardening.

I feel like I get a good amount of time by myself focusing on my own hobbies. Yes my boyfriend is physically always nearby but I'm doing my own things. I've told him this and told him he doesn't need to worry about leaving me by myself if he wants to go see his friends. I've even asked him if it would work better for him if we schedule one night a week as a dedicated night for him to have some uninterrupted "me time". He doesn't quite seem to like my suggestions but yet doesn't have any suggestions himself. When I ask how we can try to fix this he just tells me he doesn't know.

Does anyone have any ideas I can bring up to him to try?

I (38m) have been friends with this girl sense we were 2 years old. In 2020 she (original a male) came out as trans. I accepted her. I was the first to use her new name and pronouns. Over the last 6 years she has been getting more hostile towards anyone not originally born female or those who haven't transitioned to female. She's also made racist comments. At times I can't help but think I'm talking to a trans Hitler. She often will say things like "I guess straight people are aloud to exist too." In that pissy HOA lady kinda way....so, my question is. How do I get her to back off the everyone needs to be a woman or die thing...and maintain the 36 year friendship. Or is it over??....I hate to loose a good friend. But, I can't support the 'convert to my ways or die' thing she has going.

Love you guys on OKStorytime!

Some backstory: I (34f), my brother (32m), and my sister (30f) inherited some acres of land and a house from our grandparents. Our father lives in one of the houses and plans to stay there until he pass away. Think of a situation where the father isent trustworthy, for example gampeling. So they skipped him.

Now we want to split the inheritance, and I’m not very happy with how things are going. I really want to get through all this inheritance stuff peacefully, but it starts to feel unfair.

At first, we agreed to split everything equally, meaning I would get most of the land while my siblings would share the houses and rest some land. Neither of them wants to live there, so for them it’s mostly a financial matter. I liked the idea, even though it meant letting go of the house I grew up in.

Later in the process, they suggested that they should get more, because they would be taking the family home and “keeping it in the family.” In my opinion, if you want a larger share because you take the family home, that should also mean staying nearby and helping the elders when they eventually need support, things like driving, shopping, or basic household help. I’m not talking about full-time care, just the basics.

Guess who actually lives nearby and never planned on leaving? Me. My sister lives about two hours away with her family, my brother lives alone in an other country plans to stay there.
And even if I dont get along with my father that well, Ill be there when its needed.

So we agreed to split as planed 1/3 for everyone.

Now my brother wants to back out and give “his” part of the house to my sister. That would basically mean giving her a gift worth around 100K.

I wouldn’t technically get less, but it still feels unfair. My sister is someone who’s very good at taking, but not always great at giving back. I kind of hate that I resent her, but for example, when they were working on their house, I helped a lot. In return, she was rarely around when it came to helping with mine. Sure, she has a family and three children, but I now have children too.

I kind of feel like a jerk for thinking this way, but I also think it sounds legally questionable. If you inherit something, why should one person get to decide that their share simply goes to another sibling? They also want to give him a “right to live there” to reduce the taxable value of the gift, even though he never plans to live there. Sounds like a tax scam to me.

So guys, what do you think? I have let ChatGPT clean the text a bit, cause Im no native speaker.

Trigger warning: mentions abuse.

I (28F) have been with my spouse, Eric, (27M) for over 10 years and married for 3. Eric and I come from very different family dynamics. I grew up the youngest of 6, dirt poor (not white poor, genuinely dirt poor), in a predominantly physically abusive home with only 1 parent. Eric is a twin and grew up at the bottom end of wealthy, with both parents that probably should've divorced, and with a family dynamic that predominantly had psychological and emotional abuse.

My whole family is autistic and is extremely blunt and direct as a communication style that works for us. While I've cut off my parent years ago, I have some limited contact with some of my siblings, but we all GET it. For example, one of my siblings (who wasn't invited to my wedding) caught wind of it and let a sibling (that was invited) know that they totally understood and wouldn't say a word of it to our abusive parent. My siblings independently communicated that if they weren't invited, they understood. Weddings are expensive. My siblings and I all understand that we love and support each other, but we also all live in different states and are content to not interact very much. When we need to communicate something, we just talk things out. I've done years of hard therapy and still have more years to go, but healthy communication and respecting boundries amongst me and my siblings is not one of the issues.

Eric's family's communication style is extremely indirect. It took me a couple years to actually pick out the social differences. In Eric's family, his feelings and opinions don't matter. Anything he might have an interest in gets railroaded into whatever his mom or twin want. When they don't get what they want, they lash out verbolly, saying whatever they think will cause you the most hurt. To Erics mom particularly, any information you give her is a weapon to get what she wants. If you said the worst case scenario would be a house fire, she would threaten to light the house on fire. And when shes done, she pretends nothing happened. They're so used to getting whatever they want from Eric that when we started dating they accused me of controlling him, because Eric hadn't ever really pushed back before. I've done a lot of work with Eric to see that what he wants and how he feels matters and to start setting reasonable boundaries with others.

Eric and I both have a hard time when it comes to dealing with his mom. He's done enough of his own therapy to really start grasping that it's not his responsibility to be managing her emotions, while she makes up false narratives that take things to negative extremes and lashes out at everyone around her as though the lies shes made up were fact.

Eric is an extremely emotionally level person, which works very well for me, but the randomized volatility of his mom triggers me. She might make empty threats but I grew up with promises, and that's what my nervous system is hardwired for.

Eric's twin attends college in a different state. He's graduating soon and we're both very happy for his twin and would love to celebrate him. But their mom would be there and I'm not okay with being around her at this time.

You might say, we could try and avoid her, except we can't afford to go. Eric's mom offered to cover plane tickets and a hotelroom if we decided to go and Eric's twin has offered us staying with him, but the first would leave us indebted to his mom with no garenteed emergency exits and for the ladder, Eric's twin relates to their mom and stated his home is a safe place for their mom. We know for a fact if we went and didn't do a family dinner, they'd throw a tantrum. And I really don't want to put ourselves in those conditions. I also don't want to risk setting something off that detracts from Eric's twins' accomplishment.

To Eric's family, it's not really a big deal if I don't go, but it would be if Eric didn't go. Eric's twin has expressed upset toward Eric if he opts not to go.

Eric wants to go and support his twin in spite of their mom and he wants to make sure he's also properly supporting me. It had never occurred to Eric to even go without me.

I would love to go, if it weren't Eric's mom and finances. (Eric's twin doesn't view finances as reason enough because Eric's twin doesn't believe in debt and never learned to be financially responsible. And while their mom offered to pay for flights and a place to say, that still doesnt cover transport or what we'd eat while there or that we won't be able to work while there. We are currently barely making enough to pay all of our bills). Eric's twin plans to come down to visit next month anyways with his partner and his partners kid, so I intend to celebrate his accomplishments in person at that time.

So I will not be attending. I let Eric know that if he wants to go, he can go. When he pressed for what I want, I honestly told him I'd prefer if he stayed. My ptsd is very debilitating in my day to day and he's my biggest support. I've been working hard and getting better and don't want that to hold him back, but I'm also anxious and would really like to have my person with me.

And while this is an important thing to celebrate, I am a little worried that him going dispite financial concerns because he's worried about his twin being upset with him would just continue to feed into the unhealthy family dynamic where he does things just to appease and manage everyone else's emotions.

Eric's twin being upset honestly doesn't make sense to me. Celebrating him when he's in town and wanting to avoid the parent is something my family would be totally down with. They might be a little sad, but they also get it and move on to actually enjoy the celebrations as they come. My siblings wouldn't create this dynamic where you have to leave your spouse behind because it wouldn't be good for them. My siblings would find a work around that works for everyone. My siblings are all very compassionate, selfless people and Eric's twin is an extremely self centered person who seems to have a hard time understanding what someone else might be experiencing. I recognize that a graduation might not be the "right" timing but at the same time, lines need to go somewhere.

In Eric's family dynamic, he is simply treated as someone who does things for them and who's wants and needs don't matter before their own ever. And I am placed even farther below that by extention.

We're not really sure what to do. So, would I be the a-hole for not wanting my spouse to go to his twin's college graduation?

AITA (40M) for refusing to take back my pregnant ex (38F)?

This is a long story, so I’ll try to shorten it as much as possible.

Names changed for privacy.

I met “Stacy” about 15 years ago. We hit it off quickly and started dating within a few weeks. A few years later she moved in with me, and for a long time I genuinely thought we had a solid relationship.

Like any couple, we had ups and downs. Around four years into the relationship, she cheated on me once. I stupidly gave her another chance and tried to move forward.

Looking back now, there were a lot of red flags that I either ignored or convinced myself weren’t a big deal. Her phone was always locked down. The password constantly changed until she switched to fingerprint unlock. It never left her side, always had Notifications turned off, and she became defensive anytime I questioned anything. Whenever I brought up concerns, I somehow ended up being made to feel paranoid or unreasonable.

Then COVID hit, and like a lot of couples, we were suddenly around each other constantly. Honestly, things still weren’t terrible at that point. We rarely fought.

Around the same time, her father passed away and her mother started having serious health problems. I stepped up as much as I could. I drove them to appointments, helped financially when needed, and tried to support them however I could.

Over time, though, things slowly changed.

Stacy became increasingly distant. She stopped putting effort into the relationship. She forgot birthdays and anniversaries repeatedly. Her work schedule changed constantly, and she was spending more and more time on her phone. Meanwhile, I felt like more and more responsibility was being placed on me emotionally, financially, and practically.

For years I basically became the reliable one who handled everything. I worked full-time during the week, then spent most weekends driving her and her mother around, helping with errands, appointments, dinners, and whatever else was needed. Eventually I started pushing back because I was exhausted and beginning to feel taken for granted.

Over the last year of the relationship especially, Stacy pulled away both emotionally and physically. During the final six months, she also started contributing less financially outside of rent and shared bills.

At the same time, she became obsessed with Instagram and TikTok lifestyle content. I wish I was exaggerating when I say she was averaging around six hours a day doom-scrolling.

Then one day I discovered she had been quietly preparing to leave the relationship behind my back.

I confronted her that night, and she admitted she “wasn’t happy anymore.” The conversation mostly turned into her explaining why she felt unfulfilled and wanted a completely different lifestyle than the one we had built together. She talked a lot about wanting a more "traditional wife" lifestyle without children, where she could focus on hobbies and stop working altogether.

A week later she moved out.

What hurt the most wasn’t even the breakup itself. It was how cold the entire thing felt. She cleared out almost everything she could take quickly. Cookware, dishes, towels, sheets, pantry food. Basically anything she considered hers. She did leave the ring I gave her years earlier because she said I “didn’t propose the right way.”

I was devastated.

The last six months have honestly been rough. I started therapy, went to the gym, and reconnected with friends and family I had drifted away from during the relationship. Some mutual friends later admitted there had apparently been concerns about her behavior in past relationships too.

Just as I was finally starting to feel somewhat normal again, Stacy sent me a message out of nowhere asking to meet up and talk.

I agreed because I was curious.

When I saw her, she was visibly pregnant.

We sat down at a coffee shop and after a little small talk she told me she was (obviously) pregnant and initially implied the baby was mine.

I was confused because the timeline made no sense. We hadn’t been intimate in around nine months, and she had moved out about six months earlier. She was 4-5 months pregnant.

I pressed her on it, and then the truth finally came out.

She admitted she had been involved with a coworker during the final stretch of our relationship. Apparently she had expected that relationship to become serious after leaving me, but things fell apart after she became pregnant. According to her, the guy eventually disappeared from the situation entirely.

At that point it became obvious why she had contacted me.

She admitted she was overwhelmed, scared, and struggling financially. She basically asked whether there was any possibility we could “work things out.”

Honestly, I didn’t even know how to respond at first.

Then I laughed, and laughed hard. But I realized I couldn’t go back to that relationship after everything that happened.

I told her I couldn’t be her backup plan after the way she treated me throughout our relationship, especially how things ended.

Then I left.

Since then she’s been repeatedly trying to contact me. As far as I know, she still hasn’t told most people yet and has apparently been trying to hide the pregnancy from her mother and coworkers.

So… AITA?

I am not sure what to do and I am hoping that having an unbiased opinion will help me so here it goes. I am a single parent to a 9 year old, the father basically walked out the day I found out I was pregnant. There were many excuses involved none of which I actually think was enough of an excuse to walk out and not be a part of the pregnancy. Due to him not being in my life anymore I didn't call him until the day after I gave birth and let him come see our child. I had to be induced it was very scary and all I wanted was my mom and sister there he would not have been aloud in the room and visiting hours were over by the time my child was born. He only stayed 30 minutes then left. I did not see him again until a month later when I called and said I was moving states so if he wanted to come see his kid now was the time he came and visited for an hour. So over the course of the next few years he saw our child 2 more times in person a couple of video calls and pictures from me. He stoped paying child support he managed to do this the legal route. So for the last about 4 almost 5 years I have not heard anything from him until about 2 weeks ago. He messaged me apologizing saying he wanted to start sending me money and hopefully build trust to start being involved,as well as admitting to being in the program. So before I said anything back I called and verified that if I accepted this money it would only be considered a gift and for him to have any rights he would have to take me to court. With that I messaged back saying that if he does send money I would take that and open up a college fund and anything they send would go to that. I want to make it clear that before he stopped messaging I always maintained that I would not deny him the right to see his kid whether it was pictures or video calls I tried he did not. So while my child is aware of who their father is and has seen pictures they do not know him. My replies have been short but polite, if he asks a question I answer but I am not overly sharing, I do not want to lose my temper so I am trying to just feel out what the situation is. He has tended in the past to want to be involved for a short time then stopped talking to me after a couple of weeks so I want to take things slow and see what happens. The problem is when he messaged me I freaked out and told my family and they have been bombarding me with their opinions ever since. My mom and sister think I should not have him involved at all (keep in mind they are more in the loop of all that I went through with him over the years) While my dad and brother are of the mind set I should keep a father away from his kid and give him a chance to step up. While I can appreciate their points of view I also think that protecting my child's emotional well being should be my first priority and should keep him at a distance until I can see that he is going to stop around this time. But now I can't help but feel like maybe I am wrong so please any advice would be great.

Quick back story for context: I (47F) was married to a man we will call Eddie, (53M) for 10 years. We’ve been divorced for 2.5 years now. During our marriage I developed a close relationship with his sisters that I still maintain to this day.

My ex husband was not very financially literate and I handled all finances in our family while married. We had 6 kids between us and we provided everything for them. I’m a widow and his first wife did not support the kids financially at all.

Finances were also a source of stress in our relationship, because of major things he had hidden at the start of our marriage that caused me to have to pay $40K of money I earned before we were married to keep us from foreclosure/bankruptcy/taxes. This is why I took over after we’d been married a little over a year. His financial irresponsibility was one of many reasons I asked for a divorce. When we separated, I found out he had opened credit cards in his name and was over $8k in debt on them with only $175 in his checking account. He makes $150K a year and gave me a portion of each check for household expenses. Any money he spent was solely for his hobbies or meals he ate without the family or outside of the home. He also only had $40K in his 401K so he wasn’t stashing money there either.

When our divorce was final a year later, he was $50K in debt. He received $44K from my 401K and another $50K in cash from the sale of the house. I would’ve thought he would have paid the debt off with the cash so that he could start with a clean slate. I just received a call and a letter stating he’s more than $50K in debt still and his credit score as dropped over 100 points as it appears he has maxed out multiple credit cards, the letter only mentioned a high credit usage, less than 20% of his credit was available. The collections contacted me as they thought we were still married which would make me liable so no, I didn’t do anything illegal.

Here’s my conundrum: he’s been dating a woman about 20 years younger with three kids, he was her boss when they started dating so she quit her job and remained unemployed for 10 months so I can only assume he was covering her bills. She’s still legally married and has a bit of a history of using men and then returning to her husband for a while and then starting the cycle over again.

I have no ill will towards my ex, he isn’t a bad guy, he just wasn’t a good husband for me. I don’t want to see him desolate, used, and downtrodden and either not being able to retire or trying to live off of social security, unfortunately that seems to be the path he’s headed unless there’s an intervention and awareness that this woman may just be using him. He takes her on trip constantly, buys her jewelry, concert tickets for her and all the kids. None of this is cheap and should be manageable on his salary if he weren’t in so much debt already.

I’m genuinely worried about him as are our kids (we didn’t have any bio kids together but I raised my bonus kids through their critical years and am still very close to them). The kids are all over 18 but are not aware of his financial issues, nor do I think they should be. As mentioned previously, I am still very close to my sisters in law, we talk or text several times a week, our discussions never include him. He is also close with them and they can have very frank conversations with him.

Should I alert his sisters to my concerns about his finances and the woman he’s dating? I feel like they may be able to talk some sense into him.

I’m not a bitter ex at all, I genuinely want the best for him in life. I took a job across country and I’ve moved on and am in a wonderful relationship. He dated a wonderful woman while we were separated, but he wasn’t ready for a new relationship then and really broke her heart. I was truly hoping they would work out because she was a really positive and supportive influence in his life. This new woman seems to be the opposite.

(29M)This story is going to take long to explain.
My mother sent me to live with my father when I was 14, her excuse was that I was getting very rebellious, I was just a normal teen with some school performance issues due to multiple school changes in a very short period, a new acquired taste for heavy metal, not wanting to be Christian, and wanting to spend more time with my father and grandparents.
She spent my whole childhood using me and my brother as a bargaining chip to get more allowance money from my father all my childhood, and at that moment she was forbidding us to see him just for the same reason, I insisted that I wanted to see my family and that it was what was agreed upon after their divorce.
She then decided to send us both me and my brother to live with him, a year later we went back to live with her, She sold the house my father bought for us, and we moved to another state, things went bad pretty soon, I dropped out of middle school for a brief time and managed to get my degree doing self study, this and the constant fighting made me decide to go back with my father, she was pushing me to work because she ran out of money.
My father welcomed me with open arms, my brother followed me two months later, we started high school, and finished with good grades without changing schools, then I started college and graduated, I did friendships that have lasted all these years, during those years my contact with my mother was very unstable, sometimes we talked good for a few months, then she started asking me for money, often inventing a very catastrophic situation, of course I didn’t have much, I was just a student, her response to this was calling me a bad son, we broke contact, then we communicated again, this went on all of my high school and college years.
Even after this I invited her to both my high school graduation party and my college graduation, She refused both telling me She wouldn’t go if my father and grandparents were going, but of course they were, in the end they were the ones supporting me in my studies.
Even after this, I tried keeping contact, after college I managed to get a job in finance, which didn’t pay much, but I started sending her some money every month, bought her a fridge when she needed one, and kept visiting her when possible, things went well for two years.
When I was 24, in the midst of the pandemic, she started saying that the neighborhood she lived in was very unsafe, and started asking me for more money, I told her I wasn’t earning enough to even pay rent for myself, and to hold tight, during that time she started dating an old friend of hers, this made me happy for her, and I thought this would bring her some peace.
She moved in with her boyfriend, and then one day shit hit the fan, she told me things were hard and she needed to move out as soon as possible, I explained her that I was very short in money after getting sick and spending a lot in doctors and meds, She then told one of her friends we never supported her and the woman called me urging me to support my mother, even when I already did, I sent my mother the last 20 dollars I had to finish the month, she told me this was not enough, and I told her it was all I had, a few hours later she called me to say she exaggerated things and that she was OK, here I knew she was lying again.
So I decided I was done, I was not going to allow this anymore, a few weeks after I got better she texted me asking if I was better now, I decided not to reply, and She didn’t write anymore, I understood that silence and moved on.
Five years passed, I stumbled through most of my 20’s, went to therapy for long periods, but then, finally at 29, I started getting a grip on things, I moved into a better paying job, started a very loving and healthy relationship, and things kept going smoothly, one day I received a text from her, it just said “good afternoon X”, I felt the mail was even colder than corporate mails, and I knew she was up to something, I told my dad and my brother about the text, my brother kept contact with her all these years, they told me how she was asking for money because she needed to leave her boyfriend because he was cheating her, I didn’t believe a word, my father insisted me, as many times before that she was my mother and I needed to sort things out with her, I told him his intentions were good but I had enough of her a long time ago, and the people I’m supporting are the ones that helped me when I needed it most, those being him and my grandparents.
Knowing her intentions I just wrote her she was a parasite, a manipulator, and a liar, and to never contact me again, then blocked her.

So, obviously the post head speaks for itself. But my husband of almost 8 years engaged in an emotional and physical affair with my bestfriend while I was dealing with a family emergency..and we also were living with his parents. We split up and during that timeframe we were split it had come out that they were emotionally connecting. But denied heavily of anything else. I had my suspicions but what can you do. We ended up reconciling and I spent the last year in heavy turmoil while also working heavily on myself as my mental health was a big reason he used for us to split to be begin with. We had another kiddo. We worked on us for over a year…with the reasoning for us splitting to begin with being that my mental health and his mental health drove us apart along with our extreme living situation. And then my bestfriends ex reached out to me to inform me of texts he found that proved it was a physical relationship…and not only that but it started happening when I was out of town for said family emergency...before any talks of divorce or anything happened. I left for my family emergency and things were pretty okay in my eyes. Then I left and things went south so fast. Now I obviously know why. My issue is we worked on our marriage for an entire year on a lie…rebuilt my life moved our family (we now have four kids all together) back together. And now I find out it wasn’t me that caused the divide…but that he was planning an entire life with not only a woman but my best friend…they were planning to stay secret for a long time before telling me they were a couple. And now even after all this I can’t decide what my next move should be. I have so many little lives to think about. But I also have to think about how I feel. I’m unsure I’ll ever fully get over it. Day to day life is so normal and good but any time a thought creeps in my head goes crazy with it. I love the man and I can tell he’s remorseful of the entire thing looking back at it now. I just don’t know what to do in the end. We have so many different people this thing effects. And it’s so unfair I was put in this position after mending our life back together instead of having all the pieces to begin with.

I’m honestly not even sure where to start with this, so I’m just going to jump right in.

My fiancée ("T," 32F) and I (36M) have been together for about three years. I have two teenage kids from a previous marriage, and she doesn't have any. When we first got together after my divorce, it was well-established that we were not going to have children together. Early on, she was completely fine with that. I had a vasectomy eight years ago and was always very clear that I was done having kids.

A couple of months ago, T started dropping comments about how we would make "cute kids." At first, I thought it was just innocent daydreaming, but it became more and more frequent. Then, one night in bed, she flat-out told me she wanted a baby. I reminded her of our agreement, and she admitted she always thought I would change my mind. I told her that wasn't happening, my kids are teenagers, and I'm not looking to start over, let alone undergo a surgical reversal.

That's when she told me she already had a "solution."

T's best friend, "R," recently found out she is infertile after years of trying to conceive with her husband, "F." They can’t afford IVF. T explained that she, R, and F had been talking behind my back and "came up with a plan". T would carry a baby for them, using F's sperm. Once the baby was born, we would do a 50/50 co-parenting split; the baby would spend one week with us, and one week with them.

Before I could even process how insane this was, she added the kicker, since no one has the money for medical fertility treatments, the plan was for the four of us to do a "couple swap" until T gets pregnant, pitched as a "fun time for all."

I was completely paralyzed with shock. When I finally found my voice, I told her absolutely not. I am not comfortable with my fiancée sleeping with her best friend's husband, nor am I comfortable sleeping with her best friend. I gave a firm "no," and she completely flipped. She accused me of "stealing her dream" of becoming a mother and stated she was going to do it with or without my approval.

As of right now, she is actively planning a threesome with R and F for this upcoming weekend to kickstart the plan.

So, Reddit... am I actually the asshole here for "stealing her dream"? Or is this as completely unhinged as I think it is?

Hi im 21 yo (female) and my bf is 20 (male), so for some context im indian and i went to new zealand for 6 months recently for an internship and i met my now boyfriend there, it was really nice we met online so we used to chat all the time and from the first day itself we knew there was something between us so we wanted to meet and hangout, (we used to stay in different states) so after a month he came to meet me and it went really well and from the first day itself we started dating.. everything was good and my boyfriend wasn’t really close with his family but i pushed him to give tkme to them and reconcile things, but then he started neglecting me and saying stuff like he wanted to “be a better son”.. and he knew the fact that he was neglecting me.. some instances are, he didn’t come on my birthday to see me (didn’t work the entire week and he didn’t had money) but he could’ve tried picking up shifts knowing the fact that its my birthday.. Didn’t give me anything even like a belated gift or anything but kept saying he wanted to buy me something for my birthday and his mum as well cuz we have our birthdays one day apart and he did buy gifts for his mum but not me, and then when my internship was ending he was suppose to come pick me up and i was really really sick and i called him 2 days early from the day he was suppose to come, i took two days off from my work and i told him can you come pick me up today.. he immediately said yes and then later on didn’t come cuz his mum said not to go and it was late at night and then he said he’ll come the next day and the next day he said can he come on the day he was suppose to come from the start because if he stays a night with me for one day his dad will get angry?? And then this went on for ages and he argued with me so much but he eventually came (but the whole conversation was really hurtful because he was telling me from months that he’s gonna come pick me up we’ll go to queenstown bla bla bla and nothing happened and he was even considering me just bussing all the way from dunedin to christchurch because his mum said i can just bus and he shouldnt come to pick me up), then we went to a hot pools with his family and his mum commented something about some other girls boobs and she was talking to him in arabic and i didn’t understand but i knew what she was saying and then i asked him he said yeah she was talking about those girls boobs and i got angry that this is weird and why did he look and then he stopped talking to me and didn’t even say sorry and his mum kept saying “aww you made my son sad” and i cried after because i was the one who he made sad and my boyfriend didnt say a single word to her when he was “joking” with me.. then we were in car and i was sitting in front and his mum and sister were sitting at the back and he wanted to lean his seat a bit back but his sister didnt move to the middle so he couldnt and his mum said I’ll just go in the middle and he said no no you dont go and then he told me to go sit at the back in the middle so he could lean his seat back and his mum could sit in the front and i felt really bad and i was chatting with him the other day and i asked him if your mum asks you whos more prettier she or me so what will u say he said he’ll tell her she is prettier and i was shocked and i said do u hate me and he just brushed it off and said baby you can’t ask me all this she’s my mum and i justt said okok and he never noticed that i was sad.. am i just overthinkingg or is this actually wrong? Am i ever gonna be his priority? Even tho he says i am but he seems changed..

I genuinely don't know what to do with him. I've always had a bit of a problem with him because he makes racist jokes and says racist shit but he always apologized or at the least doesn't seem to understand how he was being racist and asks me to explain it to him (which drives me nuts cause it is constantly NGL).

He generally has a clueless way about him. It isn't even just the racism that he is clueless about. It is practically everything. He has severe unmedicated ADHD which probably contributed to that and he grew up in an abusive environment which has led to him having PTSD, anxiety issues, and seeming to dissociate from negative experiences.

But none of that is why I'm writing this post. I'm writing this post because we got into an argument about the Confederate flag and it's meaning. He seemed to think it was a good thing despite claiming to be antislavery and anti racist. Towards the end he seemed to be coming around as I explained the history of the flag more but then he said something that had me literally jumping from the car and speed walking away (we were at a red light and not extremely far from home).

Apparently he had hung one of these flags up for a time on the front door of his apartment because of some guy in some tv show he liked. But the flag also had words on it. He seemed to realize these words were going to be racist but was telling me he didn't know what they meant. He was obviously hesitant to tell me but in the end told me the flag has the words "white power" on it.

Now I don't get how he didn't understand what those words meant. It seems very obviously racist to me and very obviously something you should at least look up before hanging on your door for all your neighbors to see. I felt instantly disgusted and instantly sorry for all his neighbors and any POC who saw that flag. And I didn't know how to handle the situation and simply noped my way out of the situation.

We've kind of made up now. He was apologetic and even suggested we maybe stop talking for a bit since he obviously made me uncomfortable which I didn't think would help the situation at all but I also don't know what the hell to do either. I'm not sure how to feel or how to react to something like this. He has kind of just brushed the experience off too which also pisses me off a bit. I feel he should feel much worse about this if it was as simple as not understanding what it meant. I mean is this a sign he isn't just ignorant racist but actual full on racist. We have a mutual friend who is a POC. She brushed off the experience too but I just don't know. What would you do?

I (19F) have been with my boyfriend, “T” (19M, turning 20 next week), for almost 3 years. We’ve been together since we were 16, and honestly, I’m starting to feel emotionally exhausted and resentful.

The biggest issue in our relationship has always been his anger, drinking, reckless behavior, and inability to take accountability. Every year there’s some huge incident — either we break up for a while, he ends up needing serious help/rehab, or there’s some major blowup because of his choices.

The thing is, this isn’t a one-time mistake situation. He is constantly doing things that get him in trouble. He acts impulsively, does reckless stuff, and honestly sometimes seems disrespectful just because he wants to be. It feels like he’ll intentionally do things to upset his parents or push boundaries because he doesn’t care in the moment.

When he’s with me, he’s usually calmer and stays out of trouble, but when he’s with friends, it’s like all common sense disappears. He makes terrible decisions constantly, and then somehow I end up in the middle of it all.

Recently, he crashed his mom’s car into a light pole while on his phone because he’s an overconfident driver. Then three days later, he got a DUI and crashed into a mailbox. Obviously, those are major mistakes, and yes, I understand he needs help and needs to get sober.

But now his family — especially his mom — seems to expect me to revolve my entire life around his recovery. She constantly texts me, adds me to group chats, blows up my phone about what he’s doing, and puts me in the middle of situations that honestly shouldn’t be my responsibility. It feels like I’m expected to monitor or somehow fix him.

Here’s where I feel conflicted: I smoke weed occasionally and drink sometimes. I’m not out partying every weekend. I work two jobs, I’m in school, I stay out of trouble, and I’m genuinely trying to build a future for myself. I’m also in therapy and actively working on myself — my anger, communication, and personal growth. Even my therapist has pointed out that I’ve put a lot of work into changing.

Meanwhile, I feel like he hasn’t really changed at all.

Now I’m being told I’m selfish or an asshole because I don’t want to completely stop smoking just because he has sobriety issues. To be clear, I already said I wouldn’t smoke around him, wouldn’t be high around him, and wouldn’t drink around him anymore. I understand supporting someone in recovery and not triggering them. But why am I expected to completely change my life because of decisions he made?

I already feel like I’ve sacrificed a lot. We barely got to do “normal” young couple things because he couldn’t handle himself. At a concert once, he got so drunk that I had to call my grandpa to come get me because the whole situation became unsafe. Holidays, events, nights out — so many memories have been ruined by drinking, anger, or outbursts to the point where it almost feels normalized in his family.

At this point, I’m wondering: why do I have to keep changing when he doesn’t? Why am I expected to sacrifice more and more when I’m already working on myself and he doesn’t seem interested in changing his behavior?

AITA for feeling like I shouldn’t have to completely stop smoking or keep rearranging my life because of my boyfriend’s repeated mistakes and refusal to change?

If anyone remembers, I am the woman who found out that my boyfriend of over 5 years was getting sex workers behind my back and told me I had 3 months to make him fall back in love with me. I secretly decided to leave and started taking things to storage, got a new car, and was looking for housing options.

I wish I could say this update was that I’m happy and thriving and found housing. I didn’t. Every housing option has fallen through and it’s becoming clear that I might only have the option to live with my mom. This is such a traumatic thought for me that I’m almost considering staying just to avoid it.

I had a really difficult time growing up. My mom hurt me a lot, and she let her boyfriends hurt me too. It was really bad for me. I can’t be too descriptive, every time I have been the post has been taken down. From the age of 11 I was marketed by one of my mom’s boyfriends. My time, energy, and body were all for sale 24/7 from the ages of 11-19.

This among other things, my mom being disabled, my little sister, homelessness, my father’s addiction to both making children and substances.. I have severe CPTSD.

Living with my mom is risking so so much for me. I’m genuinely worried that I’d have a mental health crisis if I were forced to live with both the failure of my relationship and the trauma of sleeping under the same roof as her.

To top things off my insurance company for my old car has charged my account more than I can afford for cancelling my plan… so now my accounts are all in the negative and the wind has been completely knocked from my sails. I’ve been babysitting and DoorDash and still, I had to ask him to pay $200 of my rent until I got paid again.

He asked me on April 22nd if we were breaking up because I was acting different. When I said yes he just nodded and we talked about it a lot. It wasn’t a good one. I was a blubbering mess. He was sometimes emotional but overall very cold about it.

Weirdly, after that everything was fine. We were closer, laughing more. I almost fell for the face he’d put on until a few days ago.

On the 12th it was the one year anniversary of my sister and I going no contact.

For further context, I raised my sister. Our mom was unreliable and the men around us were dangerous. I did a lot of horrible things to protect my sister and I would do it all again. I did everything I could until I absolutely couldn’t anymore.

In 2022 when I was 22 and my sister was 16 I was forced to call CPS to remove my sister from my mother’s custody. For this and a few other reasons, my sister went no contact with me a year ago. Especially after I’d broken no contact with our mother through therapy. My sister doesn’t agree I should have any contact with my mom- which I agree with for the most part… I work on my trauma healing and the relationship I have with my mom through therapy with professional guidance and it has helped me a lot. It works for me.

My sister thinks I am pathetic for having any kind of communication with her. I promise this is relevant because for the one year anniversary of her going to contact with me she sent me a long nasty message about how awful and disgusting I am and it just… broke something in me.

I called a friend. A man I’ve called my brother since I was 13, and has been watching the situation unfold from out of state since then. I ranted for about 15 minutes about how helpless I felt and how heartbroken I was. I raised my voice a little during the call and I said things like “why is it that everyone who’s supposed to love me doesn’t.” And listed out all of the ways I’d been betrayed.

Cheating.
Lying.
Selling me.
Abusing me.

It was midday, 2:30 in the afternoon. It only lasted 15 minutes, I was in my own room.. I thought I was safe. I was wrong.

That evening, he came home and told me that he wanted to remind me that he felt absolutely nothing for me, that he knows he cares about me deeply but feels nothing and thinks he can’t grow into someone who feels if I’m around. This really confused me and threw me off because we’d already talked about breaking up and both agreed it was for the best.. why remind me of that?

Then, he told me his brother heard me on the phone. I was confused. The entire call was me crying about the things my sister said to me and refuting the claims that I was “selfish”. Why would that have anything to do with his needing to remind me that he doesn’t love me anymore?

Well, according to his brother I was screaming so loud that the dogs were scared and the walls were vibrating. He claimed I’d said things like “everyone who’s supposed to die doesn’t” and that I was going to “destroy everything.”

His mom demanded he end things with me and tell me that I have to leave. They contemplated calling the police on me.

They all think that I’m so psycho that i would destroy everything and say that people were “supposed to die”. I would NEVER EVER say anything like that about anyone. They called me names in the group chat.

Now they’re all avoiding me and not talking to me the same anymore. Even the girls that I love so much. They all believe him. I’ve been very open about my mental health, and how much effort it takes me to not collapse under the pain I’m in.. I’ve gone as far as hospitalizing myself when I knew I needed it once. So they all agree that I’m insane and dangerous and handle me with kid gloves.

All because I was cheated on and wanted to vent about my sister for a few minutes.

It’s been 4 days and I’m still numb. Everyone in my life has completely turned against me and I continue to be alone and unloved.

I’m starting to think I deserve it at this point. Something about me is wrong somehow and I don’t know how to handle it anymore. I have nowhere to go. No money. No people, the ones I do have in my life have either hurt me or think I’ll hurt them.

That’s it. That’s the update. I am nothing. I have nothing. Nobody on the entire planet loves me or even really likes me that much and it’s not going to change anytime soon.

New plan: stay here for as long as I can, work as much overtime as possible and try to make enough money to live without people who keep hurting me. It’s starting to click to me that people who won’t and wouldn’t hurt me don’t exist.

Sorry to be a downer, but I have nothing and I can’t pretend to be happy about it.

My sister Beth and I are three years apart and both are pregnant having due dates only a couple months apart. Beth 35f and me 32f. Beth has a problem with going for the jugular and then acting like she's done nothing wrong.

Our older sister Ashley, 40f, she even excluded in a text on the family group chat on mother's day. Beth told our mom and myself happy mother's day but when I included Ashley she didn't even acknowledge her mistake.

Beth is about 7 weeks along in her pregnancy and Ashley told her to wait to tell her 4 year old about in case she had a miscarriage stating that she herself, Ashley, had one and wouldn't wish it on anyone. Beth then did a reaction to that text of laughing. I waited to see if she would change it or apologize for the misclick but none came. Ashley called me crying after leaving the group and I saw red. I don't like people being disrespectful and this was the second time Beth has done so in a week.

I will be transparent and state that my message was harsh and could've been said in a different manner. In a nutshell I told Beth that it had better have been a misclick or that was a b*tch move to do to our sister and not to blame pregnancy hormones because she isn't the only one pregnant. It took some time but she responded and it was nuclear. Beth told me that I needed to watch myself and to not come at her like that again. Stating that she's been pregnant before and she doesn't need advice on when to tell him.

She went on and said if me and Ashley wanted to be b*tches than we can do it together uninviting both of us from her shower. She continued asking if this is how me and my husband fight. When our mom chimed in she apologized for my message. I left the group after that and blocked her shortly after. Before I blocked her she texted me directly saying that she wasn't going to help with our niece that lives with our mom who is currently out of town and that me and Ashley need to figure it out.

I blocked her right after that. I did so because I knew that wasn't going to be the last message she sent and she would continue to antagonize me trying to get a response. I then called our mom apologizing but also told her I was no longer speaking to Beth and that I would not be attending Christmas this year if she was present. Ashley told her the same thing. I went on saying that this was the straw that broke the camels back and she's been doing this for long enough without anyone confronting her. My mom didn't pick sides but told me it was my decision even if she didn't agree with it. I also told her that Beth had removed both me and my husband from Facebook sealing the deal.

Beth then messaged in a group chat with only us three in it. Because she was blocked by me Ashley sent me a screenshot of it.

Her message was this:

Pregnancy symptoms I expected: nausea and fatigue.

Pregnancy symptoms I didn't expect: surviving my sisters.The fact that you genuinely thought I would purposely laugh at something involving miscarriages is honestly crazy and really hurtful. I would never joke about something like that.

Next time maybe ask me directly before launching a full crime investigation and leaving the group chat. especially with mom in the group chat. One of the main reasons I even keep trying with all of this is because Mom has always wanted peace between us, especially since everything she's gone through with cancer. I'm sorry that that button was clicked Ashley. I could see how that would be more than offensive but please don't go to instant nuclear bombs next time. Just fcking ask me you hes Jesus Christ. I maybe a b*tch but I'm not heartless.

I sent the screenshot to our mother saying if she would not take accountability and apologize then I don't need that type of energy in my life or my children's lives. I also said that if she had apologized stating it was a misclick at the time then I would've done the same for my message and the tone of it. But she didn't and still doesn't see a problem with what she said. I theorize that my mom then talked to Beth because the next message that she sent was to another group chat this one included our mom.

This was her message:

Hey Mom, Sky, and Ashley, I've been thinking, and I realize I've been pretty hypocritical lately. I complain about getting hit with attitude, but the moment I'm upset, I've been doing the same thing back. I'm sorry for that. I've taken today to reflect, and I really wish I'd just paused before reacting. Honestly, I'm feeling exhausted, and being pregnant has left me on edge. But I don't think it's pregnancy hormones..more like classic Beth hormones! I've been acting like the old me lately, and I don't want to do that. I'm sorry for being sh*tty.

This is were I might be the ahole. Because her apology wasn't directed at me but to all three of us I don't take it. I still feel like it's a copout of an apology. She hasn't added my husband or I on Facebook either which just makes me feel like she is doing this to cover her own a** not because she actually feels sorry for her behavior. Idk AITA?