Am I the a-hole for putting my service dog in retirement while pregnant?
AITA for putting my service dog on an early retirement/rest period during my pregnancy?
I’m a 20-year-old woman, and I’ve had a serious medical condition since birth that causes seizures, fainting, severe dizziness, and episodes where I have an almost complete inability to speak. Unfortunately, there is no cure for my condition and there isn’t really a treatment that can prevent it. Because of this, I’ve dealt with these symptoms my entire life.
When I was younger, I started talking to my family about getting a service dog. My mom told me that if I still needed one when I was an adult and living on my own, I should pursue getting one. At the time, we already had other dogs that didn't do particularly well with being introduced to new dogs or puppies into the household, so it wasn't really an option while I was living with her.
When I was 16, after my dad passed away, I moved in with my grandparents. That was when I started seriously researching service dogs and figuring out exactly what tasks I would need one trained to perform. I eventually found a trainer who was willing to work with me, and I started looking for the right dog.
When I was 18, I finally found Estella.
Estella has been my absolute rock ever since. She is trained to alert me to changes related to my condition, including changes in my heart rate that can happen before an episode. She has helped me more times than I could possibly count, and having her with me has given me a level of independence and security that I didn't have before.
Earlier this year, I found out that I was pregnant. My husband and I have been together for almost three years and married for about a year and a half. We had been trying to have a baby since we got married, and after going through a round of very expensive medication, we were incredibly lucky to find out that we were expecting our daughter. She is due in December.
One of the changes that can happen during pregnancy is an increased heart rate. Since Estella is trained to detect changes in my heart rate as part of her work, I spoke with both her trainer and my medical team about what pregnancy could mean for her ability to work.
After discussing everything, we collectively decided that the best thing for both of us would be to put Estella on an early retirement/rest period while I’m pregnant.
The plan isn't necessarily to permanently retire her right now. After I give birth, we'll reassess the situation with her trainer and my medical team and see how she does around the baby. Depending on how everything goes, she may fully retire, or she may eventually return to work in full or partial capacity. We don't know yet.
Last week was the first family gathering I had attended since becoming pregnant, other than my gender reveal. Estella came to my gender reveal because, honestly, I wanted her there for that moment. She is going to be a big sister, and she's a huge part of my life.
At this family gathering, I went without her for the first time.
One by one, family members started asking me where Estella was. I explained that she was taking a break from working because of my pregnancy and that we were trying to figure out what would be safest and healthiest for both of us.
Most people seemed completely understanding.
Then I got to my grandmother.
She looked at me and said, "See? We all knew you were faking and didn't really need her."
I tried to explain that I absolutely do need Estella, but that right now I believe giving her a break from working is the responsible thing to do. She laughed and basically told me that everyone knew I had been faking needing a service dog all along.
This really hurt me.
What makes the situation even more confusing is that I'm not the only person in my family with a service dog. My aunt has a seizure-alert service dog, and several other members of my family have PTSD service dogs related to their military service. So it's not like my family has never been around working service dogs or doesn't understand what they are for.
My mom has also told me that I could have avoided the whole situation by simply continuing to bring Estella with me instead of putting her on a break.
But I don't feel like that's fair to Estella.
She's not just a piece of medical equipment. She's a living animal who has been trained to work, and pregnancy has changed the things her body is being asked to detect. I don't want her constantly working or becoming stressed trying to figure out changes in my body that are happening because of pregnancy.
I made this decision after talking with the people who actually work with me and Estella, and I thought I was doing what was best for both of us.
Now I'm questioning myself because of what my grandmother said.
So, Reddit, AITA for putting my service dog on an early retirement/rest period during my pregnancy instead of continuing to bring her to family events?