AITA for not wanting a relationship with my mom after she abused me for years, even when she’s sorry!
Hello Reddit, I’m new to this whole thing so please bear with me.. I also figured I could give you guys a story that’s deep to me in order to get some advise on how feel about everything…(this will be long but gonna try to sum it up a bit) ***TRIGGER WARNING***
I (28f) and my mom (46f we’ll call her Tracy)have never really been great on our relationship.. I will say up until my sister (25f we’ll call her Liv) was born she was a fantastic mom to me.. I mainly think that because the guy she had my sister with is the one she truly wanted to have a kid with even tho he was more of a deadbeat then my dad( dad wasn’t a deadbeat in my eyes but from her mouth). After Liv was born was when it slowly started happening.. she was obviously my moms favorite, she got babied a lot and was in all treated way better then I was. Just for example I was 6 my sister was 3 we both had on whitish dresses and we went and played out in the rain at family reunion/gathering.. I can’t get the whole story but what I was told was my great uncle went and got my grandma (let’s call her Ann) and said Tracy has been in that room with her (me op) for 30 minutes just screaming about how embarrassed I made her for playing in the rain and letting my outfit get wet to wear my colorful underwear was showing through (I never understood why that would be embarrassing). My grandma listened for a few and then went in and stopped her from what she was doing and told her how wrong she was for treating me like this. Just to clear some stuff up I have always been a grandmas girl, that women is my life and the one I see more as my mom than anything, she has always had me from the time I was born to even now. After that it would get worse and worse. From isolating me in participating in fun stuff, to me being the one to get in trouble or the blame for everything, the yelling, to borderline physical abuse with spankings.. she has always chose men over us as well, and going out every other day leaving us with multiple family members or random people she worked with. When I hit 12 was when it got REALLY bad.. that’s when she started heavily drinking hard alc***l every single day while using men for money. She targeted this one old man who was old enough to be my grandpa because he had gotten a large amount of money from selling his farm. This man was a scumbag like all typical men who want 1 thing, but he treated me and my sister like we were his own grandchildren. He was also part of the blame for my mom’s dr***ing by giving it to her when she wanted. Around 12-13 was when the dr***ing would get so bad that she was being ab***ve to me in every way you can think of. Verbally, emotionally, mentally and physically, there would be times she’d come after me and pull patches of hair out of my head and ch**e me so hard I would see black and stars. On top of that I got called every single name in the book. I may wanna add in here I’m not skinny, I’ve always been a bigger girl, not fat just chubby and she knew she could use that to her advantage cause that’s what I was most insecure about so I’m sure you can guess what names were being used towards me. At 13, I was r***d by a then boyfriend who held a point object( trying to be as pg as possible for yall) to my neck and threatened to off me. My mom did not believe me at all and her thinking I was lying made her dr**k even more than before. I even offered her and the police to do a lie detector test and both said no to it. From 13-15 was pure chaos and h**l for me, I felt so alone and depressed and like I was worthy of this world, the only thing to keep me grounded was my grandma, if it wasn’t for this women I probably would still be here, she’s my literal angel. At 15 I got pregnant by my son’s dad. (He’s a deadbeat that has nothing to do with my son) she was still being abusive in every way like before when I was pregnant. When I was half way through my pregnancy we had to move in with my grandma cause my moms problem got so bad all our utilities got shut off and we were weeks from being evicted, not to mention the house was over run with fleas cause my moms problem would sleep and drink all day and night. I’m between all this I had to take care of my sister during the day and take care of her at night or else she was going to kill all of us from gas poisoning, burning the house down or whatever else. When we moved in with my grandma was when things got better slightly, she put a stop to the physical abuse. I turned 16 and then 3 months later I had my son. From then she was still drinking heavily, while having a lot of health issues come up from it. Even tho the physical abuse stopped there was still the verbal, mental, and emotional going on. I put on more weight after having my son and the name callings got worse. On my 18th birthday weekend my mom took us to this little place called bogeys, it has an indoor play area, arcade games, bumper cars, go cars, batting cages, etc. During this something ticked her off and she left me, my son and my sister at bogeys without a way to get home and was sending me weird messages. My grandma came and got us and I walked in on her trying to off herself. I’m sure you can imagine how that went down, called an ambulance, she went to a psych ward and got “better” for a few months. Drinking started back up after 6 months, and this time she went NUTS. A second attempt was made where this time she went for her thr**t and almost succeeded if I didn’t push the point object away in time. Ambulance came and she went back to the psych ward. After that me and my grandma moved out into a house of our own my sister was old enough to take care of herself but would not leave my mom’s side. Things got so much better. I was still getting messages and calls from my mom with the same verbal and mental abuse tho. Almost as soon as I moved I met a guy (let’s call him Keegan) he stepped up and became the man me and my son needed and he moved in with us. (Granted he was 18 I was still 19). He took care of me and my son very well even at a young age. My mom got back into her old ways and this is were she did her 3rd attempt and at the time I was 5 months pregnant with my second child. this one almost ended her. It was bad. Instead of a 72 hour hold she was there for 2 weeks in the psych ward but it still didn’t stop her. Shortly after that she had to move in with us cause she was gonna be out on the streets and my grandma couldn’t let my sister be homeless. My mom thought she ran the show here like it was her house, got in my face and screamed at me, calling me so many awful names and saying she wished she never had me, etc. even went as far as to almost push me down my stairs all cause I told her she needs to lower her voice my kids were asleep. This all happend for a couple months and then my mom and sister found their own place. After this things weren’t so bad I quit replying to my mom and she didn’t contact me every often at all. When I was 24 she became homeless and because I refused to have her stay here with us (cause now I had 3 kids and no room and didn’t want to put my kids through what I did) the long paragraphs and verbal/mental abuse was happening again. After this point it got to were I just quit responding, quit giving her a reaction, and just stayed silent. My mom’s health problems have gotten 75% worse and most of it was from 15 years of hard dr***ing, some was genetics. She hops from house to house with random people so she has a roof over her head. At this day and time she has been sober for 6 months. She has profusely apologized for her actions but at the same time still won’t own up to everything she has done, she won’t get help for her mental health and won’t go to therapy. I can’t even be around her without throwing myself into a panic attack. She’s caused me so many mental health issues that can’t be reversed because of how she was to me. I can’t look at her in the eyes I can’t talk to her but she’s mad and doesn’t understand why I can’t forgive her or try to build on our relationship again.
So Reddit, AITA for not wanting a relationship with my mom after all the abuse she did to me?