AITA?
So when my boyfriend 33m and I 37f started to get serious 3 years ago we discussed where we should live. He lived in the south west of England, I live in the north west. About a 4 hour drive, 6-7 hours by train.
My best friend (37f) was horrified at the idea of me moving myself and my children that far away, she was absolutely against it.
We eventually decided that because I have 2 children and need my support system, he would move to live with us. This upset his family and as part of the arrangement we agreed that we would get married in his home town and spend holidays there.
So he finally got a job and moved up to us August last year!
We recently got engaged! Everyone was so happy… including best friend, UNTIL I mentioned it would be in his home town.
She ignored any mention of the wedding, was quiet in the group chat and just avoided me completely.
I feel like I need to background our friendship at this point! We have been friends since midway through high school. We have had one argument in that whole time. She’s been with me through everything and I’ve been there for her through everything too.
She has a daughter who will be 2.5 years old when we get married next year.
I went through a horrific abusive relationship and it affected my ability to be around her, I couldn’t leave the house but I would put myself in danger to be there for her birthdays etc.
she has awful anxiety regarding her daughter and travelling anywhere with her.
I think that’s everything you need for context.
I asked her to be my maid of honour and her daughter to be a flower girl!
I’ve said I will pay for their room and travel, will make sure they have someone to drive them there and back, given her a +3 and invited her parents for support…
But she’s angry and said she “doesn’t know” if she can make it. She does have a partner who could drive her but he won’t take the time off work if he has to work that weekend.
She’s told me I cannot be annoyed that her priorities have changed and that she has a child and relationship to think about now. She likened it to me not being able to leave the house through anxiety… but I know I put the effort in for birthdays despite having a baby and a young child at the time… and would’ve definitely put it in for her WEDDING!!!
I just don’t know what I can do? Am I being the A-hole?! I really don’t want to walk down the aisle without her. The thought makes me cry!
Advice please?