u/MaleficentPeak8586

Alright buckle up this one is going to be a long one.
I (29f) have 5 children. My oldest 10M I had at 19, due to a very bad circumstance. He has and never will know his donor. Then I have 9M, 7F, 3F from my ex husband (almost ex he refuses to pay his half of the retainer fee). Then I have a 4 month old baby boy by my current BF (40M).

Here’s some background for context. I’m adopted! I didn’t find out till I was a little over 18. I grew up an only child for my mother but my father had 3 children from a previous marriage, all of whom were out of the house by the time I came into the picture. Therefore they never really wanted anything to do with me. My birth mother was 19 when she had me and due to already having my bio brother, didn’t want to keep me. She ended up doing hard drugs throughout her pregnancy, which caused me to be addicted for the first 18 months of my life. Come to find out I’m the second oldest of 8! My birth mother went on to have two more daughters and my birth father married and had four more children (2 girls 2 boys). It literally flipped my world and my heart I swear grew because it’s all I ever wanted was siblings.

My ex (30M), we will call D, and I met in high school before I knew I was adopted. He and I were together for a little over 10 years. We became Romeo and Juliet with our parents constantly separating us. I even At one point got sent to a boarding school in NC at 16 (utter hell there, and it wasn’t therapeutic like they claimed, be strip searched weekly then tell me it was hell at 16). When I got back we made plans to get married after my 18th birthday. But we got caught. So we had to separate again. I ended up starting my partying stage since I was no longer under lock and key with my parents being 18. Mind you I was a great kid straight As and graduated 6 months early with a near perfect GPA and went straight to college at 17. I fell pregnant by an awful guy who just doesn’t deserve anyone’s breath. As soon as I found out I ran for the hills so he wouldn’t be able to hurt me or harm my baby ever. D came back when I was pregnant and wanted us to be together again. So we did. After I had my oldest I got pregnant again 3 months later. Then after having him I got pregnant 5 months later with my oldest daughter. Things were great! Till, I was working my server shift at the restaurant. I was 39 weeks pregnant with baby number 4. I got a notification on my phone, how was your stay at the quality inn? Well I’m not there I’m at work so wasn’t me. Sure enough he attached his Google to my Gmail account. I could literally see where he had been on the map. Guess where he was! Yup you got it! At the hotel. I made his bank account login so I checked it. Sure enough he pulled $100 out of the atm across the street. But I didn’t act on it yet. Let’s get all the evidence first. Got off work and went home. He came shortly after and set his phone on the couch beside me to go take a shower. As soon as I opened the phone, there was a Craigslist add for a prostitute. He kept lying I got his mother involved and that was that. Immediately went to get tested and thank the lord I came back clean. Apparently it was his fourth one.

I took about 2 years before dating again. Then I met my current bf (40m) we will call M. At first things were great! Our spicy sleep was amazing ! We went out all the time. Come to find out he lives off mommy and daddy. We had issues with his family as it was. I never got invited to family events if my kids would be coming (my kids are normal freaking kids). However newer gfs to other family members always got to come! Just not me. He stopped paying for food and drinks and always asked me. Stopped working. Never bought me flowers or presents never took me on a date that wasn’t a bar. But he wasn’t cheating right? We ended up getting pregnant accidentally and sure enough we now have this beautiful 4 month old boy. However his mother and I provide everything but he gets so overwhelmed with the baby he shuts down. Mind you the baby is such an easy baby and happy little man. I would understand if he was always inconsolable but he really isn’t like that at all. He also has 2 kids from his exeife(still married on paper though). Which is a story for another time. Both kids have extreme mental issues and go to a school meant for their issues.

Now here’s what’s going on. We went home to Alabama for a week. We got to spend time with my sister and her kids and see the rest of the family. My oldest was coerced to staying home with my adoptive parents. During this time I received many nasty messages that he ended up wanting to go and I’m separating him from the rest. I tried every day multiple times a day to get him to go too! Even as I was putting the suitcases in I was begging my child to come with me but he refused and wanted to stay home. So I went without him. But somehow I was the terrible parent who didn’t want him to go? I wasn’t the only one trying to convince him to go too. So I have been berated through text then as soon as I get home in the door they drill me again. On the drive home (700 miles) D messaged me to stay a couple more days. Which would’ve been impossible. He gets upset at me even though he hasn’t seen his kids for 8 days at that point because he wants to go run off with this chick he has been seeing for a year. He has lied to her about ever having kids. So she doesn’t know me or the kids exist. Now he starts name calling me again (has been doing this since I left him). He basically doesn’t want his children at this point. Now I thought this entire weekend since we got back he would be with his children. Nope. He dumped them on his mother. So the kids now haven’t spent any time with him for 11 days.

Now the current boyfriend. I told him to go out Friday night with his friend but please be home by midnight 1 at the latest because we had planned an adult night together. And promised several things (guess what he broke) So I stayed up waiting for him. Finally get a call at 2am saying he is going to his buddy’s house (the bar is literally walking distance from his place it’ll take 2 mins to walk there that’s how close it is). I told him no I really want him to come home. He guilt trips me and says he will only stay there for an hour. At this point there’s no means of arguing with him. Well 3 am comes and goes then 4. 4:30 I get told he is having a moment. I ask over what? Apparently he is crying over the wife again!!!! Not the first time he has done this to me. He also disappeared at night when I was pregnant laying in his bed…. (4x). Well I said good luck and went to sleep. He apparently walked home still super drunk. Got home about 7am. But his behavior was completely off and everything was my fault? Mind you we don’t fight or scream we can usually talk. But now he was acting like an ass!! So I said whatever and was about to go to work when the baby started crying. I saw him pick him up still super drunk and nearly fall over. So safety first I stayed home to take care of my baby. His other kids (10M, 8F) come during the afternoon to stay the rest of the weekend into tomorrow. I have been taking care of everyone and everything. I haven’t heard a sorry from him yet only been blamed for his actions then he is mad about my reactions to his actions! Also he has never said I love you (unless skunk drunk then gets mad he said it) because he hates those words. Which the biggest bs I have ever heard in my life. But he disregards my feelings. So I already feel our relationship has been burnt to a crisp and I’m fed up.

This is just the surface of everything. Now for the move. My sister has a house directly behind her for rent! $950 a month 3 bed 2 bath. My BIL has an admin job available starting at 80k yearly Monday through Friday. My sister would be willing to help with child care and my bio dad is willing to co-sign and front the money for the rental house. The schools down there are so much nicer then here and way less bullcrap (I’m near the dc line and things have gotten out of hand at these schools, kids aren’t learning essentials anymore). It would be a hard uproot and move but I feel as though I’m just someone everyone takes advantage of up here and get used as everyone’s punching bag. My adoptive parents are a whole story themselves but the relationship is extremely toxic (we currently reside with them but I stay at bfs on weekends). So would I be the ahole for moving my kids 700 miles away and starting a new life?