First time posting.

I (38M) was supposed to go on a first date with a woman, let’s call her Kathy (F34). We decided to go to this restaurant which was 20 minutes away from her place. I happen to work close to where she lives so we agreed that I would pick her up and we would go to the restaurant together.

For context, this restaurant is the type of restaurant that will charge you if you cancel less than 24 hours before the booking time (I booked it for 6pm because we agreed on that time).

Kathy calls me at 10am on the day of the reservation. She says she has to cancel and that she is sorry and that we will definitely have dinner in the near future just not today. She didn’t give a reason other than she has to cancel. And I understand. People don’t need to give me a reason if they need to cancel plans. So I had no hard feelings and told her that I hope everything is ok and that I look forward to having dinner with her next time.

Since I couldn’t cancel the reservation, I decided to go by myself. And I had a great time and the food was amazing. And I will be coming back to that restaurant at some point in the coming weeks to try other dishes in their menu.

Now I didn’t think it was a big deal, but when Kathy found out that I went by myself, she got upset. She said that it is weird that I went to an expensive restaurant by myself since the reservation was for the both of us. She is accusing me of being insensitive (that’s the weird she used) for going to the restaurant by myself, knowing that she had canceled. I don’t fucking get it.

I told her that I am sorry for making her feel bad but I do not understand why she is so upset when she is the one that canceled and that she knew that the restaurant would charge me anyway if I had canceled the day of. So I made the decision to go by myself so I wouldn’t waste a reservation, and be charged on the credit card that I had on file. I asked her if she could please explain to me what I did that made her feel bad so that we can discuss it properly and that I could take steps so that it does not happen again. She then continued to say that she does not want to go out to dinner with me next time if I don’t know what was wrong with what I did. And I responded with: “Ok. No Michelin Star restaurant for you.” to which she responded “You’re a fucking asshole.” And hung up.

So AITA?

Throwaway because duh, and some of these events may be out of order.

This happened over ten years ago, so some of the detail may be off. So do takes some things with a grain of salt. Let's start with the one of main characters, shall we? There's twiddle-de and Twiddle-Dumb, they were my next-door neighbour for about 3 months before getting kicked out. Twiddle-De wasn't the issue, a little intense but he wasn't the social type so one could handle him, if sparingly. Then there's his twin brother Twiddle-Dumb and out main character of this story- How do I put it? The guy was a moron! No not stupid, not an idiot, a moron! The poster child on what happens to your brain when you do drugs all the time. He is that stereotypical "Alpha Male" before it was a thing- built like a brick outhouse, IQ as one however while he was built like one he folds like paper. Big mouth... little punches, proof that Darwin has his favourites. And finally, Twiddle-Dumb is the one who gets Twiddle-De in more trouble because the guy cannot help himself to brag about the stupidest of things that if you spent more than ten minutes with the guy, you knew he was just talking out of his ass.

Anywho... Twiddle-Dumb started dating a friend we shall name Grace. Grace was part of the friend group before I joined, but soon I kinda became like her older brother during the time, keeping an eye out for her when she takes it too far. Now Grace did the drugs so did Twiddle-dumb, not my thing but I had a simple rule: Keep it away from me and mine and I don't care. Not my monkeys, not my circus. Anyways they started dating, why? I don't know.

Then came the day or the night rather. For some bizarre reason on that night something told me I should leave my door unlocked, I always locked before going to bed. But on that night, just for some reason I just had to leave it unlocked. I had this feeling while my hand was on the lock, just one flick and this even may never have happened. Ever had that feeling of something telling you that you should go left instead of right even that you always go right, but you decide to listen, only to find that going right was some horrifying accident which you would have been dead in the middle of it if you took that path, like some Final Destination level of foresight. That's what this feeling was for me. So, I did and went to bed. Sometime during the night, I woke up to the feeling of someone stand over me and I turn and its Grace asking she could stay the night. Of course, I said yes and ask why. She then tells me the Twiddle-dumb, hit her. Hit. Her. As in punch her. Now I am not a morning person, it takes three cups of coffee before I even close to awake. That night, oh I was up. I got dressed, I told Grace to stay here and I left. I left in the middle of the night, walking straight to where he lived at the time, with Grace six feet behind me trying to calm me down.

Before I continue, I may need to explain why I was so fired up. You see my parents taught me about morals, the dos and don'ts of the world. But it was my father who taught me that they are three rules we all must apply to. The rules that you will break, rules that you are willing to bend, and the golden rules, the rules that you do not touch and it's up to you on which rules are which. And one of my Golden rules is: Unless she is attacking you, you do not put hands on a woman. And another: You do not touch my family or my friends.

And Twiddle-dumb broke those rules- now back to the main attraction.

I get to his place, my friends see me, they pull me away and try calming me down. Then Twiddle-Dumb friends tried to talk me down all while he is in his house talking, letting his big mouth just digging that grave of his. Then he said something about Grace that I cannot remember, and well- I lost it.

I ran past the small crowd, into his house, and kicked him right in his chest. He fell back and landed hard. I then grabbed him around on his throat and pressed just enough he knew. I looked in the eye, and I told him very calmly, very matter of factly that if he even thinks of lifting a single finger to Grace or I hear that he hit her again. I would come back and I will finish him. I am saying all this while my hand is still on his neck and he just trying to breathe. and to add to the insult I lean in and ask, "Do we understand each other?" his turning all the shades of colours as he nods. I let him go, turned, walked out, found Grace, told her she is staying with me tonight. and we walked back to my place.

Now if this was r/pettyrevenge I would leave their dear redditor, but no. Grace eventually went back to Twiddle-Dumb and I knew, I just knew I had to get him out. Out of Grace's life, out of my life and out of town. it so happened I had a friend who saw my little outburst and wanted to help.

So, we came up with my three-step plan to be rid of Twiddle-dumb for good, while my friend would be my little inside person and send me updates since they spent more time around them than I did. I was in background weaving his downfall and destruction.

Step 1: Break him and Grace up.

This part I am slightly ashamed of, during this time I was working with a girl we will call Honey. Honey was your typical just turned twenty blonde party girl who speaks whatever was floating in her mind in that moment, who to say she was low key thirsty would be saying the Dwarfs in Disney's live action Snow White was a masterpiece. So, I would listen to her moan of wanting to find a guy who could party and have a "Good time" with. Again, she really wasn't subtle on what she meant.

So, I suggested that she should meet Twiddle-dumb, he like a good party and a nice guy, and I would introduce her to him. And I did. Three days later, I am at work and I see Honey skipping, yes actually skipping to work. Thanking me for introducing her to Twiddle-dumb and just went on and on, then she said it. they did it. THREE DAYS. I put on my surprise face and pulled her to the side, I was super apologetic, as I told this poor, poor girl that I didn't realize that's what she meant by a "Good time", that he has a girlfriend. I was so... so sorry. And the Oscar goes to...

What I did not know was apparently Honey was beyond connected. Like knew every single woman in town level. I didn't live in a small town. It spread like wildfire. Grace of course found out. Little fact: When he hit her, he gave her a busted lip, when she hit him, she gave him a black eye and a broken nose. Grace dumped his ass and because of Honey everyone knew he was a cheating ass and no woman worth their salt would touch him. Step one complete.

Step 2: Get him out of the house.

After my little explosion and was working my magic with step one and three, I would come and visit Twiddle-Dumb. I would say everything good, water under the bridge and just being the happy, friendly guy. The moron believed me. So, we hang and would the next-door neighbour's kid, he was about fourteen maybe, but his dad was a super chill guy and would chat with us and let us hang in his house. So, I did, I wanted to learn as much about him. turned out the dad was like the coolest dad around, Ex Navy, single father with the mum out of the picture so was super protective over his son. And was really, really against drugs. Again, acting face on, I act shock and confused by this as Twiddle-dumb does drugs and at times he did it in front of his son (no clue if he did or not). The dad said "Really?" I nodded and that was it. At first, I thought it didn't work and was working on an alternative plan, what I later learned through the grapevine was that the dad got in contact with the house owner. You see, where I am you need to give at least two days' notice when you are doing an inspection. So, when they came around to do the inspection, they found the drugs... on... the... kitchen... table... this idiot didn't clean up after himself. Needless to say, he got kick out.

Step 3: Give him a reason to stay away

This is where my friend came into play, the one who came over after the 'incident'. She did the drugs not as bad as Twiddle-dumb did, but that's not point of the story. I wanted to get in touch with his seller. after some time, I got a meeting. We met up, skinny man, thinning hair. we sit down and he get to the point, why did I wanted to meet with him. So, I explained I had heard one of his buyers has been ripping off other buys in town, that been talking some series stuff of stealing from the dealers and I just wanted to inform him about this just encase. This buyer being Twiddle-Dumb. He sat there and thank me.

HERE'S THE CRAZIEST THING! Remember when I said that Twiddle-Dumb gets his mouth into more trouble? The dumbass was boasting about that he steals from his buyers after I and the friend who was helping me egged him, stating he doesn't do anything dangerous. He did this in front of the whole group, that some of them doing the drugs. Word strangely got out... no idea how...

Again, through the grapevine it turns out some of dealers were indeed low on some of their stash, so when they got word, he was boasting about it... they blamed it on him and were out looking for him.

So, after getting humiliated in front of everyone he knew, after every woman learning he was cheating ass and to stay away, getting kicked out and an actual price on his head. he left town with his tail between his legs and never came back. I ruined this man's life because he hit a friend and doesn't even know. Last I heard he is in prison, his crime? Drugs! Who could have guessed? I can't remember if he was selling it to an undercover cop or was trying to steal from an undercover cop. For Grace, she is now a mum to a little boy, got off the drugs and living her life and I could not ask for more than that really. As for me, I stopped being around those circles and no longer in contact of any of them and just living my life knowing that the saying "Don't fear the loud ones, fear the quiet ones" is very, very true.

So, a few days ago, my girlfriend thought it would be absolutely hilarious to make me think that I had eaten a spider. I couldn't eat for the rest of that day.

I decided to get her back by pranking her back.

So lately, I've been searching the internet and I've come across some lists about the worst things to do and say when in a relationship. So from that, I constructed what I thought was the top 5 worst things ever to say to your girlfriend.

Three days ago, I went through that list throughout the day by saying those five things. By the end, she was extremely irritable and left my place fuming. I told her it was a prank after the final one and that I was just getting her back but she didn't care and left.

I've tried calling and messaging her but she hasn't answered.

Did I got too far?

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/10172025Throwaway

Originally posted to r/offmychest

I'm headed for divorce but my lawyer has given me the best news ever

Trigger Warnings: >!infidelity / adultery, manipulation!<

Mood Spoilers: >!positive!<

---

Original Post: October 17, 2025

My lawyer gave me the best news. My [F38] husband (soon to be ex-husband) has been cheating on me and he wants her instead of me. I'm probably naive because I didn't see this coming at all. I was researching vacation options for our 10th anniversary next year and meanwhile he [M39] was running around with another woman (she's either 25 or 27, I can't remember which). I never thought heartbreak like this was real, but he broke my heart.

I've known people who have gotten a divorce and you have to live separately for a year before you can get a divorce. But I wanted to be prepared so I made an appointment with a lawyer now. It was probably the best thing I've ever done. She told me that in 6our state, alimony is forbidden if there is adultery. Since my husband cheated I won't have to pay alimony. I was prepared that I would have to pay out the nose. But I have proof that he cheated (that he gave me himself) so I won't have to pay him. This was the best news I could have gotten.

Also, the living separately for a year only applies to no fault divorces in my state. Since I have proof he cheated my lawyer went ahead and filed on my behalf based on adultery. Technically my husband and I still live together. Our lease expires on the 31st and the countdown on our separation was supposed to start November 1st.

I wish I could be there to see his face when 1) he gets served with notice that I filed and 2) he finds out he won't get alimony because he cheated. He wanted a no fault divorce and I know he was counting on getting alimony. It was the best news I could have gotten. I don't even have words for how amazing I feel.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Congratulations! Come back and share his reaction. Please.

Commenter 2: I love this for you (and him). The best revenge is to live your best life and leave him in the dust.

Commenter 3: I've never been so excited for a stranger to get a divorce in my life. Buy that lawyer an Edible Arrangement!

&nbsp;

Update: December 4, 2025 (1.5 months later)

UPDATE: I'm headed for divorce but my lawyer has given me the best news ever

This is kind of anticlimactic but there were some comments on my original post asking me [F38] to update what happened after my husband was served with the divorce papers. I also wanted to thank everyone for the kind comments they left. Even though I had gotten good news from my lawyer this has still been the most horrible time of my life and all the encouragement did help.

My husband (soon to be ex-husband) [M39] was predictably not happy when he was served and found out I had filed for divorce. He was under the impression that we had to be separated for a year first. I just told him to talk to a lawyer. We both moved out of our condo during the last week in October when the lease ended, and we live separately now.

A few days after he was served and I told him to talk to a lawyer and leave me alone, my husband told me he has changed his mind and asked if we could work things out. I said no fucking way and told him to have his lawyer talk to my lawyer because I'm done talking to him. He was upset and almost in tears when I said I wouldn't reconsider.

It's been a month and I have not seen or spoken to him, he hasn't tried talking to me again (Edit: and I'm extremely happy about it because I don't want anything to do with him ever again.) Our lawyers are doing all the communicating. He may have been upset but he broke my heart first and even the good news from my lawyer hasn't erased how broken I feel.

Edited to add: I'm turning off my messages so people will stop DMing me and calling me two faced (or other names) for being disappointed that he hasn't contacted me again. I'm actually happy he hasn't because I want nothing to do with him ever again. I'm the opposite of disappointed.

Relevant / Top Comments

OOP's only comment to a downvoted comment regarding the divorce can be difficult and how complicated feelings about how it's playing out.

> OOP: I'm ecstatic that he hasn't tried to contact me again. I had hoped he would stop trying to talk to me after the first time when I told him to get a lawyer. I'm upset he contacted me a second time. I thought I was clear the first time, but I'm glad he got the message the second time because I want nothing to do with him ever again.

Commenter 1: I’ll bet she dumped him.

Commenter 2: He realized he derailed the gravy train and his new girlfriend dumped his broke ass. Good for you! You deserve better.

Commenter 3: I bet his girlfriend dumped him! Plus he has nothing to gain from the divorce so of course his pathetic ass wants to reconcile. I’m sorry you have to go through this but time will dampen the pain. Wishing you the best.

&nbsp;

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Hi guys! I’m (21f) a Bulgarian tour guide who accompanies groups to Sicily. On a recent trip, one woman who was travelling alone (mid-30s) was consistently oversleeping.

The first day after we arrived, we had a day trip to Etna and Taormina, for which we depart at at 8 am, as we do all other day tours. I make sure that all tourists are informed of the departure times on the bus the day before and they also have my number to call in case they forget so I can remind them. They also all have printed out pamphlets with the schedule made by the travel agency that I hand out that has the time for departure on it.

All of the group was on time, except one woman. She was late by 10 minutes, which, okay, maybe she got caught up in something and was late. I excused it, then mentioned to the whole bus in the mic that I do not tolerate lateness beyond 15 minutes at most in case of emergency like a forgotten possession, and that I must ALWAYS be called and informed in case someone is running late. Trip went by okay otherwise.

The next day this same tourist was late again, by TWENTY FIVE minutes. Almost an entire half hour. I called her twice to no answer and we were just about to leave without her when she came out running and got on the bus (she got lucky, as the receptionist of the hotel asked me about a missing piece of info on the rooming list and earned her some time). I reminded everyone AGAIN that I will not be waiting anymore for late tourists in the morning, and waking up on time is their responsibility.

When we came back that evening, she asked me if I could 'make sure to wake her up on time'. I reminded her a THIRD time that I’m not responsible for waking people up. Everyone gets a printed itinerary with departure times, and I announce everything the day before. She kept saying, "No, no, just knock on my door if I’m not out by 8:15" and I kept repeating "I really can’t do that for everyone, please set an alarm."

Well, on the day we were visiting Syracuse, she didn’t show up. I waited 15 minutes after the supposed departure time, called her twice to no response, then left with the bus and the rest of the group. She called me in a panic about an hour later asking where we were. I explained the situation calmly. She got angry and said that I had one job and that I cheated her out of the money she paid to go on that day trip.

She missed the whole day trip and was furious the next day. Later she told the rest of the group that I abandoned her and also called my agency, leaving a bad review about me.

AITA for not personally waking up a grown woman despite warning her multiple times I wouldn't?

EDIT: I talked to my manager today!! I was nervous at first because I was already tired of this whole shenanigan and didn't want to spend ages defending myself, so I went to him first and explained the situation before he approached me. He told me, word for word, "Hun, I deleted that bs from my e-mail as soon as I read it" LOL! An icon. They'll remove the bad review!

[removed]

I received a call from my friend’s mother asking me if she knows where he is and this is something that happens from time to time. I told her he was with me for a night then he left the next days in the evening so I don’t know. She said do you know anywhere he could be. And suddenly i remembered one time when i went for my job centre interview he asked me to come and see him so i could collect my pokemon card from him and i was asked to come inside a back garden where 2 other females were sat and we all smoked some za and called it a day i took my pokemon card and went home. So i told his mother about the female i could remember and her address. And she scurries right over to realise the door of the address was open and inside the carpets were disgusting and it smelt horrible and even when i was there in the back garden there was around 30 minimum bin bags stacked in the back. Furthermore after nobody came outside the address as the female had recently moved out. His mother began to tell me she knows her older sister and has her number and that i should call her older sister and ask her to ask her younger sister (The female at the address) where my best friend is. So i called her and said could you tell your sister if he knows where he is because his mother is worried. She said she’ll ask her and ended the call. I also sent her a message saying please let me know if she says anything ive met her before just let her know it’s me. She replied asking how did you get number by the way. And to which my friends mother said to say that her sister gave it me when i went to see then at the address and told me that her sister is a single mother of 2. So i started to realise my friends mum was kind of on demon time and i replied to the single mother saying her sister gave me number and told me your a single mother of 2 and followed up by i dont know whats going on but im dying from laughter. So after this the younger sister messaged me also and asked me the same question about how i got the number. And i said to her you gave it me and that she was smoking weed and probably forgot she gave it me. So my friend comes back in to contact with his mother and they have a back and forth on iMessage about why she is calling people asking where he is and to stop and why did she call that younger sister to which the mother replied i never called that B\*\*\*\* tell her to stop making up lies, to which i thought to be fair she never did call her we only called the older sister asking her if she just knows where he is, and this is when the mother told me to lie and tell them that the younger sister provided me the single mothers contact number and I willingly did it because she justified it by saying she lied to her son saying she called her when she never did. So next thing you know my friend calls me and speaks to me like hes never speaken to me before saying im weird and that im that bored to disturb his friends lives to which i replied your mother always calls me you’ve never had an issue before and i tried to call you multiple times before speaking to her again she just kept telling me to do shit and i was smoking some absolutely fire weed and was just laughing and doing what she said not thinking much about the consequences But he continued to disrespect saying he’s going to “crash me” meaning beat me up as if he doesn’t call me his brother and say im his day 1 so i told him if you have an issue come to my house and we’ll fight it out come alone because how dare you speak to me like that when i let you sleep over and put food on your plate and book you ubers. So anyways i chilled out and was playing rocketleague and i hear my ring bell going off to which i thought thats weird its midnight and someone has rang my doorbell. So i turned the lights on and looked through the peep hole to see nobody and thought i may have just heard something. Little did i know my father who controls the device and was on holiday sent me a video of someone sneakily ringing the alarm and then kind of walking running back out of the gate and then 2 other people walking beside him stutter a couple of inconceivable words and walk off. Then i receive a no caller and it was him and he says i came and you didn’t even come out, This is when i got really angry because he knows at my house before you see me you tell me to turn the wifi off so my dad dosent know my friends are over cause he dosent like them. So i said to him that he was a b\*\*\*\* and didn’t follow protocol if he had told me to turn the wifi off i would’ve been outside and would have taken on all 3 of them and i called him a b\*\*\*\* repeatedly for purposely not wanting to actually see me or fight me but to annoy me by pressing the ring and getting my dad on my case. So this got me really mad because i said to him come back now im gunna smash your head in he decided to turn his phone off and for the next hour i spoke to that younger sister and said to her tell him to come back call him look what he did is he a disney princess doing knock and runs the little sass pot i sent her the footage of him running/walking out elegantly like a princess as soon as i turned the outside lights on and all of them walking away and told her to tell this guy how much of a bitch he’s being the little sass pop princess. I think hes come out of his closet and everyones found out so now hes turned his phone off otherwise he would’ve been a man if he told me turn the wifi off so i could come out. So turns out he went back home to his mother that night after doing that and slept at home and ignored everyone’s calls. But when he woke up and seen the younger sisters messages about me sending her the footage and showing how embarrassing it was for him and also seeing my messages saying that the younger sisters thinks your an absolute bitch you little princess are you not a man. So when he woke up that morning oh trust me he woke up that morning. First he smashed his mums houses windows then his brothers car window. Then he left home and came outside my house and threw something at my window but nothing broke. So i quickly turned the wifi off and went outside and told him im gunna do exactly what i said i would do to you which is dodge all your punches hold you down and piss you off more. I went outside and he threw 20 punches and missed every single punch and i held him down and told him i dont even wanna hit you while holding him down a lady driving by stopped as asked him if hes ok to which he replied fuck off old hag. And the lady drove off saying alright then stay down. Then another car pulled up and low and behold its his mother and he gets up straight away and starts running towards her car and she skedaddles but comes back around and he picks up half a brick and throws it at her car and walks off screaming i dont need none of you.

i was never someone who enjoyed posting alot on instragram or even pretend to be someone i was def not, back in my high school due to constant pressure from my frnds i made an acc and by the end of my high school ( 2023 jan ) i found my childhood frnd there ( he was my neighbour and we would go to the same schl but during covid he moved out to diff location ) i initiated the convo and luckily it was his bday so i posted a story and thats how we started talking and infact started dating like ok we were kids i was 15 at that time he was 14 and it was our first rs like for both of us. but in jan 2024 i broke up w him because he used to be sooo freaking busy idk why and stopped talking to him and got to know 3 months later he started dating someone else and i was ok w it but feb 2025 he contacted me to wish all the best for my exam we started talking and agreed to be frnds

the whole march and april we didnt much but during may and half of june he was in saudi for hajj ( hes a muslim and am hindu ) and he treated me soooo nice etc but idk what happened a few days back he said talking to girls is haram etc so he will contact me once in a while. i feel like deleting instragram again bcz he was the reason i made my acc, i keep getting the nostalgia of may and the time when he wasnt w me and i used to be so carefree and happy like rn whenever i open insta am anxious if he texted or not and yea his last text was so fucking rude. im so lost atp no matter what i do hes on my mind and i cant stop crying meanwhile looks like he doesnt give a fuck.

im unable to enjoy the creators i once loved, the food, the hobbies, the games etc everything. i dont even feel like laughing

My husband has been dealing with sone health issues the past few weeks and has been frequently visiting the dr. I asked if I could go with him but he refused saying it wouldn't be neccesary and when I asked why he wouldn't want me with him he said he felt more comfortable having privacy with his doctor. I jokingly asked if his doctor was a women and he glanced at me.

I anticipated his next dr appointment and decided to go meet him there. He went and 10 minutes later I entered the office (I identified myself as his wife) and he was shocked when he saw me. I greeted his doctor (a man lol) and we talked but my husband refused to even look my way and refused to speak as well.

We left the office together and he went off on me in the car saying I shouldn't have "followed" him and came into the dr office after he asked me for some privacy. I said it was alright I'm his wife I already even know what his issues are and just wanted to show support. He said I overstepped his one boundary and refused to respect his wish and made him more stressed than he already is in these hard times he's going through.

I thought he overreacted but AITA?

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Purple_Winner_8587

AITA for telling my girlfriend to go and ask to be adopted by the couple she is so obsessed with?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Neglect!<

MOOD SPOILER: >!Predictable!<

Original Post - rareddit Feb 7, 2023

My girlfriend Katie made a new friend a few months ago, Mary. Katie talked about her a lot, Mary said this, did that, started teaching her something, etc.

I thought it was a bit weird how much Katie seemed to look up to Mary, but I didn't think much of it until Mary's husband, Joe, entered the picture too. From then on, Katie talked about their relationship all the time. How they do things, how they divide the chores, how respectful are they to each other. Basically how they are just the best couple ever.

I've met them to and they are honestly nothing special, maybe a bit on the boring side even.

Yesterday evening Katie was once again going on about them, saying things like Mary and Joe are true soulmates and theirs is the healthiest relationship she had ever seen, blablabla. I had a really fucking long day at work, so I told her I don't want to hear about them. I don't care about her creepy crush on this random ass couple, but if she likes them so much, she should go and ask them to adopt her or ask if she can be their third.

Katie then gave me the cold shoulder and left to go home to her apartment instead of sleeping at my place like she was supposed to. I need to know if I'm right and her obsession is creepy or if I'm not seeing something right and I'm the asshole here. AITA?

VERDICT: ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

RayWencube

>YTA -- my friend, she's trying to tell you what she wants out of your relationship without hurting you or making you feel defensive.

Practical_Entry_7623

>>While you’re not wrong and he is TA she needs to open her mouth and actually say what she wants all of this hinting and subliminal messaging is not the way and all its doing is creating discord. He isnt picking up on hints all he sees is her constantly fawning over two people and he doesnt get it even after meeting them. If she wants her boyfriend to change then she needs to lay it out for him what she is looking for in a relationship.

Ms_Cats_Meow

>>>To be fair to Katie, a bunch of internet strangers read a secondhand account of what she said and we got it.

Alarming_Reply_6286

> YTA > > Bet Joe would never tell Mary to shut up. Do you often feel threatened from hearing that other people have their shit together? Katie was talking about her friends. That’s a pretty normal conversation. You’re taking it personally, why? Do you think Katie is trying to tell you something?

~

PreferenceHungry8181

>YTA. She is trying to tell you what she wants in y'all's relationship. And you are just showing her that you don't give a shit.

OOP updated same day/Same post

Update:

She finally texted me back. She wrote a long ass message saying that she had tried everything with me and she thought if she was patient and clear about her needs, I would eventually change for her. But she realized thanks to Mary and Joe that it's not her job to raise a man and get her boyfriend to respect her. She wrote a lot of other things about Mary too, like that Mary is truly proud of her husband and looks up to him, meanwhile she (Katie) can't find it in herself to look up to me in anything and so on... So yeah, I hope you all are happy, you got what you wanted....

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DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/gauntletthrowaway

Me (21F) with new boyfriend (24M)--His friends (20s M) "tested" me and I passed, is this as weird as I think it is?

Original Post Nov 7, 2015

Hi relationships, need some outside perspective here on a small but weird problem.

I've been dating this guy "Sam" for about three months now, just recently made it official and I met his friends on Thursday. Sam's awesome, and his friends seem awesome too...or so I thought.

We were all hanging out playing games, watching Netflix, etc on Thursday after having come back from the local bar. It was a good time and we were all having fun. Then Sam left the room, and his friends almost immediately started talking shit about him. They were ragging on his appearance, calling him a loser, etc, and it made me very uncomfortable. They tried to get me to join in, and I kept brushing them off. They persisted so I finally told them to knock it off and informed them that I would be telling Sam all of this. They got quiet and then Sam came back, and they tried to go back to just hanging out. I was so pissed off that I said I was going to bed and went to Sam's room.

Sam came in about half an hour later and asked me if everything was okay. I told him that his friends were talking shit about him and it pissed me off. I said that I know I had no right to tell him who to be friends with, but I think he should ditch them. And then he did something that totally threw me off. He grinned. I asked him what he was smiling about, and that's when he told me the following:

Apparently, they do this with every girl Sam meets to test her and see if she'll talk shit about him behind his back. If she does, He dumps her. If not, hooray. Sam's in on it, and says it's pretty harmless. He says I'm the first girl to have told him about what happened, which means I'm the best...?

I am inclined to agree that it's harmless, but I find it weird. Am I right in thinking that this is strange? Is this something normal? Do all guys do this? Just need some perspective, thanks.

TLDR: New bf's friends "tested" me by trying to get me to talk shit behind his back. Am I wrong in thinking it's weird?

TOP COMMENTS

GirlWhoPoops

>Your boyfriend still has a lot of growing up to do. This is high school level stuff. You need to decide if you want to date a child, or do you want to move on and find a real man.

~

[deleted]

>Well you may have passed his test but he sure as shit failed yours. Why would you want to be with someone who is going to set you up like that?

~

RoamingAmber

> Wow... You may have "passed," but Sam and his friends failed miserably. Setting people up in uncomfortable and made up positions is not only mean and childish, but it's also unrealistic and pointless. You don't lie to people to gain the truth. > > Your mileage may vary, but I'd be moving on from people who feel the need to manipulate me and put me through stress for their own benefit and amusement.

Update Nov 8, 2015 (Next Day)

Hello again! Wow my post blew up yesterday, thanks everyone for the advice. Sorry I didn't respond to anyone, I posted it while on my break at work, so I had no time to do so. I thoroughly appreciate all of you taking time to comment, you're all radiant unicorn moonbeams and you're awesome!

Everyone pretty much unanimously said a) Sam is a dick and b) dump the dick. This confirmed my suspicions, but I figured I'd talk to Sam about it anyway just to give him the benefit of the doubt because I am nice like that.

Welp, long story short, a) Sam really and truly is a dick and b) the dick has been dumped. The conversation lasted all of five minutes before he started getting defensive. The climax was him calling me a bitch for not being grateful that I had passed his stupid test. At that point I just said "Yeah, it's over, I may have passed your test, but you failed mine" (thanks u/RoamingAmber for that line!) and I walked away. He tried to blow up my phone but I nipped that in the bud by blocking him.

So yeah, thanks everybody, for helping me dodge a massive Bullet Bill sized bullet! Much appreciated, y'all are a bunch of beautiful sunlit diamonds!!

TLDR: Sam is a dick, and also no longer my bf.

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Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

Previous BoRU

[Repost]: AITA dad gave the business to brother, so I left

Editor's note: made small edits for ease of readability and added relevant comments for more context

Trigger Warnings: >!manipulation, betrayal, favoritism!<

---

Original Post: June 11, 2021

AITA dad gave the business to brother, so I left

My older brother (30M) went to university and then worked in the city as an accountant, I (27M) stated to work for my dad as a plumber at 15 and went to college to get my qualifications in plumbing and gas, about the time covid started my brother moved back from the city and started working for my dad (55M) in accounting, my dad has been unwell for the last 4 years due to asbestosis it has been really hard on the family and he is getting worse but is still loving life.

I have been running the business for the last 2 years we have expanded and now have 50 vans in the fleet and one qualified and one trainee allocated to each van, covid was hard in the beginning but we have bounced back, my dad still works on tools with me on Fridays (half day then back to my place for some beers), Friday is the only day I'm on tools now as I'm doing everything to run the business.

well last month he told the family he is stepping down from the business due to health and wants to spend more time with my mother, and is giving the business to my brother and for me to step down from acting CEO, this upset me I've been with the business for 12 years, at the beginning it was only me and my dad my brother never wanted to be in the business said it was not worth his time and now he’s the boss, and I’ve been dumped back to a heating engineer with a £20,000 (editor's note: close to $27,140 USD) pay cut, he doesn’t have any clue what we do or how to do it.

I spoke to my dad, and he told me that my brother deserve it for all he has done, that he has a family and I don’t and that he went to uni, a lot of the workers are upset about the decision and have told me they will go where I go.

I told my dad that if that is how he feels then I will leave and start my own business I have not spoken to my dad or brother since and have told them to never contact me, for the last month I’ve had thousands of calls and messages from family saying some very hurtful things and telling me I’m ungrateful for what I have so AITA???

EDIT I want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words there are so many to reply to I will do my best to thank you all, to hear my father tell me in his own way he doesn’t think I’m good enough was hard and for my family to take his and my brother side was even harder.

In the morning I will contact the large clients I’ve worked with over the last 6 years I know we had some site postponed due to covid (big money), and will try and take them over I have 20 of my colleagues wishing to come work for me I’ve saved nearly all of the money I have earned over the last 12 years so think I have enough to get myself on my feet.

Verdict: Not the Asshole

Editor’s note: OOP made lots of responses onto the original post, I am listing the significant details for more context to the situation

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA - sounds like either some “he’s older” or “he’s smarter because uni” bias from your dad. If your brother knows so much, you really don’t need to be there at all do you? /s. Leave them all to it and leave. Staying after all this drama will still be awful

> OOP: My father has away gone on about how his son went to uni and is loving life in the city it never bothered me till I realized he never spoke about all the stuff I had done for myself or the company

Commenter 2: You should seek legal advice OP. Poaching their clients could land you a law suit. I am not giving legal advice at all, and you need to speak to a local business law specialist.

> OOP: I've looked my contact and have found nothing perks of being a son of the owner but will be taking to a lawyer to make sure they can come after me for anything

Commenter 3: NTA at all. At least your father could have split business 50/50. Brother in charge of accounting side. You in charge of production. I would make that offer back. If father refuses. I would cut contact.. Block relatives. I would go start my own business. Never look back.. Brother turned back on family business while you worked our arse off to build business.

> OOP: To be honest that’s what I thought was going to happen and was happy when my brother came back to be one big family company I talk to my father, but my brother has always been the golden child

Commenter 4: NTA. I would answer all these messages with "12 years. 12 years I have labored for this company, for our family. For what? To be thrown aside for someone who has never shown interest in this business? Don't say I'm ungrateful, as I've put in the work. If I have so little value to the business, then stop me from leaving? You won't miss what you can easily discard."

> OOP: Thank you it was hard to hear it when my father told us the first 2 year he couldn’t pay me much as he was trying to start up the business I was on £20 (editor’s note: about $27USD) a week I was only 15 but was not easy working 7 days a week from 6 in the morning to 8 at night all the stuff I missed going out with friends going clubbing doing dumb stuff kids do to be looked down on by my family was hard

Commenter 5: I don't know the law in Britain (assuming because of £) but I'm my country there are strict laws governing companies, including the board of directors and execs. Did they go through the proper channels to fire or demote you? Was there a reason for the demotion. Do you deserve severance or compensation? What type of company is it?

> OOP: Due to the size and not having a board my father holds all rights and final decisions even as acting CEO he can overrule me in favour of something or someone else I have no say

Commenter 6: NTA. I agree with others, I really don’t understand the motive behind this.

> OOP: My father has away been more favourable towards my brother they are basically the same person, I don’t understand why myself and it makes me even more upset that he did it he has away told me that I will take over and that he wants me to carry on the business but then gives it to my brother

Commenter 7: Can you be clear if the decision involves handing over the entire shares of the business to your brother or rather your share of any future inheritance? I am curious what your mother thinks of all this? The move by your Dad is extremely hurtful and cannot even be justified by favouritism... Respectfully, Is it possible you aren't a biological son?

> OOP: Everything has been signed over to him I have no say if my father was to die today there would be no share in the business to be split, and the hardest part was to watch my mother cry telling my brother how proud she is of him and how he deserved it. And sometime I question it

Commenter 8: NTA. And it needn't have been this way. Even if your father wanted to have your brother in the business, co-ownership would've been an option. Many businesses have one person that has the technical knowledge and one person that has business/accounting knowledge.

> OOP: To be honest that would make sense he know more than I do about the accounting side and stuff like that and I know the business and what are boys need to do their job and to do it safety and I know the clients some are old school and like to talk business over dinner or golf and that was some of the best times I’ve had strange to think I’m a plumber play on some of the best golf courses in the world

Commenter 9: NTA There is something more going on. Could be as others have said and your dad is just a narcissist. There is no reason he couldn't have split the company ownership up, even if not 50/50. Bad enough that the person who has been running the company doesn't get the company, but the business has 50 vans, and they feel it necessary to cut your pay? That is just adding insult to injury. Obviously they believe you can be replaced. Let them.

> OOP: To be honest I’m not sure what’s going on over the last year my brother and father have spent a lot of time together even though my father has a lung condition I try not to spend a lot of time around due to covid, but we talk on the phone every day before it all happened and as soon as we all had are vaccines we would be together nearly every day.

OOP on not mixing business and family

> OOP: Working with family is the hardest thing in the world, me and my dad have had our ups and downs both in the business and in are relationships but always came back together and got it done after talking to people I can see why he might have chosen my brother he’s had more experience in large companies but he’s has no idea about the industry I don’t understand why they would drop me in an engineer with everything I know

Commenter 10: INFO: First, I am really sorry to read this story, it makes me sad and angry for you. What a betrayal. I am really curious about one detail here, because it seems so weird and petty from your brother. Did he tell you why he demoted you and cut your salary by 20,000? Because those two things are hostile on the face of it, and it makes me wonder why your father (and your brother for that matter) expected you to suck it up and deal. And I am also curious as to if your dad had a response to that event.

> OOP: My brother has never like how well I did without going to uni and after talking to everyone on here I believe it’s more of a revenge thing.

&nbsp;

Editor's note: OOP made all updates onto the same post with the original

Update #1: June 12, 2021 (same post, next day)

Update 1 I want to inform everyone that I’m not starting a business to destroy my brother, as much as I want to I’ve spent almost 13 year build it and I don’t want to see anyone out of a job or for the business to die it’s about 0500 in England you have all helped me so much.

I will be going over to talk to my father about 0800 and take him out for breakfast and talk, I’m not sure if I will get a proper answer from him but I love my family and want my future kids to know them.

I will update after the events of later today.

&nbsp;

Editor’s note: OOP was likely to make the next two updates throughout the day, as the dates were not given on when the updates were made

Update #2: June 12, 2021 (same post, same day, hours later)

Update 2: as I said in one of the comments I believe my family had found my post and they did.

This morning when I arrived at my parents’ house my mum opened the door and looked like she had been cry a lot my dad came over to talk to me and we went out for breakfast, he didn’t say a word on the way there or when we arrived, when on the way back he asked if we could pull over and talk I can honestly say this was the first time I saw my dad cry, I asked why he did this to me he said doesn’t know I keeper pushing and he finally told me he owed it to my brother for not being about for him as much as me when we were growing up and there was times my brother needed him but we was working.

I couldn’t believe it after 12 years of hard work that was his reasoning I told my father I had spent half my life working to do everything for the business and how he throw me to the side just because he’s son came back hurt more than I could explain, he told me he knows as they had been shown the post I put up, to my surprise he wasn’t mad he seemed remorseful, he told me my mother has been in pieces after reading the comments about how bad she treated me and thinks I will never talk to them again, my dad told me after reading it all he released he should have split the business between us as it will need both of us to keep progressing and apologies to me for never telling me how proud he was of everything I had done and thought I know how proud he was, but my brother has full control my father has no say any more and my brother would never go 50/50, he told me he wants me to go back as my brother will need me I told him that’s not my problem anymore after the demoted me and cut my pay I tried to make it work for 3 weeks but my brother wouldn’t listen didn’t believe I know what I was talking about telling me he knows how to fund a business, so I left why work my ass off there when I could do the same work and make more money for myself.

My dad broke down said that he had destroyed the family and should never had done what he did I don’t understand why I took this long to release I was a valuable piece in the company.

&nbsp;

Update #3: June 12, 2021 (same post, same day, hours later)

Update 3: as I said I have had a couple of zoom calls with some clients today and they have gone very well, I have been informed that they we all be sending be signed proposal letters for the up and coming work, lucky the site start dates don’t clash that was one of the main things I was worried about, 3 of my colleagues have now left the business and have spoken to my dad informing him about why they left and that they will be coming to work with me under their own choice, to hear them tell me this meant a lot, they all have between 5 - 10 year more experience in the industry, at the moment I have all we need to start a new business with the 3 vans I own and tools I have built up over the years, I am looking forward to the new venture in my life and can’t wait to share this with my children when I have them.

Then I received a call from my father asking me to come over for dinner I was unsure at first but thought it was probably a step in the right direction, on arrival my whole family was there, I went in and the atmosphere dropped my mum wouldn’t look at me and my brother just sat there acting as if I didn’t exist, my dad came and asked me and my brother to come in to his office, he started to ask when I was going to return to the company as they need me in early Monday morning, I could not even believe what I was hearing I told them both I’m not coming back and have started my own company, and what does he mean we you gave the business to him (my brother), my brother stated to lose his temper telling me if I cared about to company why would I leave, I have some very choice words before telling him that I have always cared for the company and spent 12 years of my life working to make it successful, unlike him who swans in and takes all the glory and that I will not sit there and be treated like that, I told my brother to f**k off so I could talk to dad, I asked what was this morning all about telling me he’s sorry but then expects me to going running back, he couldn’t even look me in the eye so I left said goodbye to my cousin, nieces and nephews and walked out I’ve been riding for about 3 hours on and off coming back on here to talk to people.

I just want to say thank you to everyone for the personal message, comments, rewards and all the kind words and encouragement I’ll try and message everyone but I’m exhausted and will most likely fall asleep.

Relevant Comments

Commenter: Best wishes on your new business venture, OP. I’m astounded that your father still expected you to turn up to work Monday morning as a salaried employee with no ownership or profit sharing in the company, or any job security for that matter. I also want to go on record to say that I think father is lying that he has completely and legally turned over ownership of the company to your brother. Complete management maybe, but not ownership.

Consider this: if your brother legally outright owns the company now, how will your father get a continuing income if your brother decides otherwise? Maybe your father has a contract with your brother about the income from the business your father and your mother will continue to receive? I suspect your father still has not been honest with you.

> OOP: It’s very confusing I’m not sure what my father games is right now but he has enough money to sit back and do nothing for the rest of his life

&nbsp;

Final Update: June 26, 2021 (two weeks later)

Update 4: sorry it’s been a while I’ve had a lot going on in the last couple of weeks, I'll try and explain the most I can, so the new business is going very well we have a lot of work coming in and making good money, at the end on the year I will be looking at expanding so very happy with that.

me and my fiancé are very happy she is very busy planning the wedding of her dreams she wants me to wear a suit but tough lucky I’ll be in my kilt, I couldn’t be happier than I am right now waking up to her every day, she is there for me no matter what and has been my rock through everything.

Then my family my father and brother still refuse to talk to me and have told me they will not be attending the wedding even though they haven’t been invited, my mother has called my fiancé but hasn’t said much only to ask about wedding stuff and will not talk to me, my fiancé family have been amazing my soon to be in-laws have been helping with the wedding and everything else and I am extremely thankful for everything they have done for us.

My other family have now backed off and apologised and want to make amends for everything that was said.

Myself and my fiancé are set to have are wedding in November, we sat down together and have decided to trying to have children after we are married, we are both excited to be parents.

&nbsp;

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THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still DaughterPartyThrow. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/AITAH

Previous BORU here. New Update marked with *****

Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/Starry_Gecko and u/Choice_Evidence1983 for letting me know about the update

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Mood Spoiler: >!good ending!<

Original Post: January 27, 2025

My (33F) daughter “Cleo” (5yo) hates pink. She has disliked the color and almost everything to do with it since she was about three or so. She has one pink shirt she likes and one pink stuffed animal, and that’s it.

My father’s partner, “Prue,” refuses to accept that Cleo doesn’t like pink. Over the years, she’s made several attempts to push the color onto her (pretty much every gift she’s ever given her was some shade of pink), no matter how many times I tell her to stop. She has tried to give me dozens of different reasons why I should encourage my daughter to “try different shades.” It clearly upsets Cleo, but Prue keeps doing it.

About a week ago, my father invited me, my husband and our children for dinner at his place. He said he and Prue had a surprise for the kids.

Right before we left home, my younger sister (who still lives with our father) texted me. She warned me that the “surprise” was actually a small birthday party Prue had planned for Cleo. That alone threw me off, because my daughter’s birthday was in November. My father did miss her actual birthday party due to work, but still. Also, my son turns 9 in March, so I had figured his would be the next party we’d have.

Then she sent me photos of how the place was decorated, and it very clearly wasn’t actually meant for Cleo. Literally every piece of decor was pink. The table, the tableware, the balloons, everything. She had gotten pink banners and glued pink foil fringe curtains on the doors. Even the cake was pink.

I showed everything to my husband, and we agreed not to take the kids there. I texted my father the following: “Hey, (sister) told me everything. We’re not coming. We’re taking the kids to McDonalds and telling them that was your surprise. You and Prue can come if you want, we’re paying.”

We did exactly that. My father did show up (without Prue), but he was cold with us and left 20 minutes after arriving.

Both him and Prue are pissed. My father is angry that my husband and I dismissed his partner’s “heartfelt gesture” towards our daughter. Prue also told me that I’m the reason Cleo is “restrictive” (I also don’t like pink), and I’m raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is unwilling to compromise.

To be honest, I get how I could be in the wrong here. But at the same time, this just felt like Prue trying to push something Cleo doesn’t like onto her yet again.

My sister and one of my brothers are on my side (though my sister did say I had been rude). My other brother is on the fence.

AITA?

EDIT: My daughter doesn't know I dislike pink, nor would I care if she did like it.

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: NTA You handled it well, and avoided the worst. [...]

Your father is the weakest link here. He should be reeling in Prue's pink obsession, not encouraging it.

>OOP: My father never understood I didn't like pink, either. In his case, I think it was more of a memory thing. He had the habit of getting me the same essentials as my sister, who did like pink.
He probably just doesn't care:
Probably. He genuinely has an awful memory (and has since I was a kid), so I feel the need to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Does Prue have kids?

>Prue doesn't have kids. She does have some experience with children, but mostly through mine and her friends'. She has never babysat my kids, and I don't know whether she's ever been responsible for any other children.
To another commenter:
She has a goddaughter. My eldest brother has two children, but he doesn’t have a lot of contact with Prue.

Why brother isn't in contact with Prue:

>My brothers and I had a pretty big fight with our father a couple years ago. It had nothing to do with this. We've all apologized to each other, but our relationships with him and Prue aren't the same. I live the closest to them, so I have more contact.

Cleo's tastes:

>I've said this somewhere else, but Cleo's tastes are pretty balanced. She loves doing ballet and playing with dolls. She also loves cars (her dad is a big F1 guy) and space stuff. Her birthday party last year was themed after Super Mario Bros. (the movie, she's never played the game). The "boy stuff" she likes does also bother Prue, though. Not as much as the pink thing, but enough that both me and my husband know.
I understand the assumption that Cleo picked this up from me, but I don't think so. I wear pink around her. I own pink stuff. I occasionally dressed her in pink as a baby. She doesn't even know I dislike pink.

What ARE her favorite colors?

>Yellow and blue are her favorites! I assume it's because her favorite princesses are Belle and Jasmine.

Does she hate pink because you hate it?

>I don't think she takes the cue from me at all. I've said this in a different comment, but I wear pink around her and own lots of pink stuff. I never told her I disliked pink.
There's a lot of stuff that Cleo loves that I hate and vice versa. I dislike The Lion King, she loves it. I watch that movie with her on a weekly basis, and she has no idea I'd never do that if I didn't love her. She dislikes Mary Poppins, I love it. I never told her I liked it, because I know she might feel guilty.

Commenter (downvoted): I'm of similar age to Prue. When I attended school the girls bathrooms were blue and the boys pink. But within a year of me attending school it changed to pink being for girls. It was incredibly confusing. However Prue's focus on pink is likely her just trying to be a nana, and no matter the colour she made a real effort to celebrate your daughter. I think half an hour or so wouldn't have hurt. YTA Your daughter could then tell Prue I'd love next year to be..

>OOP: It absolutely would hurt Cleo. She would have started crying, because she hates it when people push pink onto her. She has been frustrated with Prue's attempts to do that for a while now.

Commenter (downvoted): Did you ask Cleo what she wanted to do?

>OOP: You mean did I ask her whether she wanted to attend a birthday party she wouldn't like two months after her actual birthday?
No. She already gets upset that Prue ignores how much she hates pink, I didn't want to ruin my father's image too.

Tons of commenters insisted that OOP must be telling or showing her daughter that she (OOP) hates pink. Quite frankly it was ridiculous, but I'm including two of OOP's comments:

>What actions would a 5 year old read as "mom hates pink"? Is there an anti-pink gesture I'm doing subconsciously?
Why is it so hard to believe my daughter simply dislikes a color?
To another commenter:
A lot of children hate colors. I had a similar aversion to green at her age. My mother still talks about how crazy I drove her.
I have literally never said a word about hating pink to my daughter.

Just wanted to include my favorite OOP comment:

>I sincerely believe many of you have never met any 5 year olds.
My daughter has already told Prue she hates pink. The whole point is that she keeps ignoring it.

OOP is voted NTA

OOP adds a Clarifying Post: February 4, 2025 (8 days later)

Hey guys. I ended up leaving a LOT of comments on my AITA post, many of which say the same things over and over. Because I don’t think it will be easy to read them all (and because many of you were quick to make inaccurate assumptions about me and my family), I'm writing this to clarify some things.

• Cleo and Prue are both fake names.
• We’re not American.
• Prue is 46 years old. I don’t call her my stepmother because she’s only 13 years older than me. Also, she’s not married to my father, but they’ve been together for 12 years. I have nothing against her, we’re just not close.
• Cleo’s interests are pretty balanced. She likes princesses, cars, robots and dolls. She loves science and outer space. She does ballet and loves it too. She’s the only girl in her ballet class who wears black. Her teacher calls her Black Swan. She’s not a girly girl, but I wouldn’t call her a tomboy either. She’s just a kid who hates pink.
• Cleo’s favorite colors are yellow and blue.
• Though I understand the assumption Cleo dislikes pink because of me, that’s not the case. I hate pink, but I’m not disgusted by it. I wear pink clothing around my children, I occasionally dressed Cleo in pink as a baby, I own pink stuff and buy it for myself.
• My kids don’t know I don’t like pink. They’ve chosen pink gifts for me in the past. According to my son, I “love all the colors.” My father and Prue know it because I’ve disliked pink since long before I had children.
• There’s plenty of stuff I hate that my kids like and vice versa. They don’t have to care about these things, so I don’t tell them.
• Cleo’s more “boyish” tastes also annoy Prue. Not as much as the pink thing, but enough that my husband and I know. Cleo’s birthday party last November was themed after Super Mario Bros., and Prue actually asked me why I was allowing that.
• Cleo is open about hating pink. She has expressed that to Prue several times, specifically because she keeps pushing it.
• Both my kids are polite. Whenever Prue gives my daughter something pink, Cleo thanks her. She'll sometimes ask Prue if she can give her something yellow next time, and she doesn’t act as excited as she gets when other people give her something she actually likes, but that’s it. 
• We let Cleo choose which of her gifts she wants to exchange. She always asks to exchange pink stuff. If it can’t be exchanged, she won’t play with it or wear it. We either give those away to her friends or donate them to charity.
• Cleo does have friends who like pink (her best friend loves it), and wouldn’t complain if they threw pink parties for themselves. She’d know those aren’t about her. But the second you made it about her (AKA, threw her a pink party), then she’d be upset.
• Cleo would have loathed the party. She would have started crying immediately. She wouldn’t have eaten the cake, she wouldn’t have had fun. 
• I didn’t tell Cleo about the party for a number of reasons. Most importantly, I didn’t want her to get upset. I also knew that letting her see it would ruin my father’s image in her eyes. Cleo is already upset that Prue doesn’t care about what she likes, and I didn't want to get frustrated at her grandfather too.
• Yes, my daughter does in fact hate pink. Yes, I’m very well aware that might change someday. No, I wouldn’t care if it did.

I think that’s all I wanted to say here. Feel free to ask me any other questions you may have.

Update Post: February 4, 2025 (Same day as clarification post, 8 from OG post)

First of all, I apologized to my sister a few hours after I made my original post. I am very grateful for what she did, but I’ll do my best to keep her away from these conflicts moving forward. Thank you to those who defended her.

Secondly, I went through your comments with my husband, and our main takeaway was that we did what we had to do to protect Cleo, even if it wasn’t what we’d do in most circumstances. 

Had either of us been surprised with a party decorated with something we openly hated, we would have sucked it up and ignored it. It sucks, but we’re adults and it comes with the territory. Cleo, however, is 5 years old. She wouldn’t deal with this the same way, nor would we expect her to. Knowing my daughter, she would have been miserable at the party. So ultimately, we don’t regret not taking her there.

On Saturday, we took the kids to spend the afternoon at my brother’s place with their cousins. In the meantime, we invited my father and Prue over to talk. 

My husband and I told them we wanted them to abide by the following: 1) No more surprise parties without our knowledge and approval; 2) No more pushing the color pink onto Cleo (including pink gifts); and 3) No more calling our children spoiled for being allowed to dislike something. If they didn’t agree to our terms, we would no longer take the kids to their place, and there would be a good chance we’d lower our contact with them in the future.

Prue didn’t say anything at first. My father tried to argue that we should at least thank her for the party, but I said no. I told them the problem wasn’t that Prue threw a party for my daughter that was dedicated to her own interests, it was that she specifically chose something she knows my daughter hates and centered everything around it. We wouldn’t thank her, and we wouldn’t apologize.

That’s when Prue chimed in. She tried to tell us we were raising our daughter to be a brat again. So I asked, “Why are you so insistent on pink?” She didn’t answer at first, but then said she knew Cleo did love pink, she just didn’t know it yet. And to that I asked, “Would you be this pushy if it was about any other color?”

Prue tried to say that didn’t matter, but when my husband asked her if she’d care if Cleo hated blue, she said, “She doesn’t need to like blue.” He replied that she didn’t need to like pink either.

He told Prue that she had no right to decide what Cleo should and shouldn’t like. Cleo hates pink, and if she can’t be an adult and respect that, then she doesn’t need to be around our children.

In the end, my father and Prue agreed to our terms. I’m not confident about her, but I did speak to my father. I said I know that he has a hard time saying no to Prue, but he will ruin his relationship with me and my children if he keeps enabling his partner. My father promised he wouldn’t let this happen again.

I hope this works out. Cleo is a great kid, and I hope my father and Prue can finally start seeing that.

Thank you all for everything.

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: Narrator: It was, in fact, not over.

>OOP: Oh yeah, I don't trust her at all. I've already warned my father what will happen if he doesn't stand up to her, but I wouldn't be surprised if Prue tried something again. At least my siblings are on my side.

Commenter: There’s no way Prue is dropping this. To even ‘throw’ the party in the first place shows that she cares not for Cleo’s feelings, but only for herself - as she basically showed with throwing the party in the first place.

Still NTA OP but you definitely need to lessen contact with Prue.

>OOP: I don't think she's dropping it either.
My sister told me that from what she saw, the party was entirely Prue’s idea. When she started getting pink stuff for the decorations, both my sister and my father tried to remind her Cleo didn’t like pink. Prue barely acknowledged them, and my father eventually stopped arguing, which was why my sister sent me the pictures.

Commenter: Your father is enabling her behaviour. You need to tell him that your daughter’s wants and needs take precedence over that of a grown woman with selective hearing.

>OOP: I wouldn't be surprised if we had to either stop visiting or lower contact with them in the near future. I don't trust my father as much as I wish I did, but I've warned him. If he cares about what his granddaughter thinks of him, he will listen. If not, we will learn.

Commenter: I wouldn't allow my daughter to be alone with her. Who knows what venom she could spew in her ear.

"No one will like you if you like blue and space, people only like proper girls."

"What you want/like doesn't matter. When a grownup wants you to do something, you have to do it, otherwise you're a bad girl." The damage could be real.

>OOP: I don't trust Prue to babysit for a number of reasons, but that's exactly what I'm worried about.

New Update

*****Update Post 2: October 6, 2025 (8 months later)*****

Title: FINAL UPDATE: AITA for refusing to take my daughter to "her" birthday party?

Hey guys. I wasn’t planning on coming back, but stuff happened recently and I remembered writing my previous posts.

Things with Prue were mostly fine the months after my last post. On one hand, she didn’t try to push pink onto Cleo in any way. No pink gifts, no preaching, no weirdly timed parties. 

On the other hand, Prue didn’t change much about the rest of her behavior. She was still annoyed whenever my daughter’s non-girly tastes were mentioned. She wouldn’t say anything, but I could see she was making an effort not to. Cleo didn’t seem to notice it or be bothered by it. I don’t have much to say about my father’s behavior, but I will say we didn’t have any problems related to this.

Anyway, Cleo’s 6th birthday is coming up in early November. Her best friend’s birthday is about two weeks before hers, and we’re doing a joint party for them near the end of this month. The girls have both become obsessed with the Wicked movie this past year, so they’ve decided that will be the theme. We’re also looking into taking them to see the musical sometime between their birthdays. The girls are very excited.

Last month, we had dinner with my father, and Cleo started talking about the party. Prue was happy about the theme until Cleo mentioned she’s going to wear an Elphaba costume and her friend will dress as Glinda. The kids eventually shifted the subject, and Prue didn’t say anything else about the party.

I got a text message from Prue later that night. It was long and not in English, so here are some bullet points:

• She’s been “holding a lot in” these last few months.
• I’m influencing my daughter, and raising her to be a tomboy “isn’t as cool as I think.”
• Cleo is obviously confused and it’s my fault.
• It’s embarrassing that I won’t “let my daughter be special” on her birthday.
• It’s bad that my husband lets Cleo watch F1 with him (why she felt the need to bring that up is beyond me).
• It’s sad that I won’t let my daughter be herself (which I found very funny).
• I’m failing my daughter.
• She wasn’t going to say anything, but “couldn’t help herself.”

The text solidified everything I already thought about Prue. She won’t drop this, and she won’t change. And I don’t want to keep putting my daughter around someone who won’t respect her for who she is.

Both me and my husband blocked Prue the next day. I sent my father a screenshot of her text and told him we’re lowering our contact with her. We’ll only see her during family events. That means the only other time we’ll see her this year is Christmas Eve. He can still see the kids without her. And if she tries to pull anything in front of the kids, we’re cutting ties permanently. A few hours later, my father asked, “I can’t get you to change your mind, can I?” I told him no, and he said he agreed.

I told my siblings everything. My sister is moving in with her boyfriend in January, so I’m not too worried about her getting mixed up in this any further, but I told her to let me know if anything happened. So far, all she’s had to say is that Prue has been telling her she wants to apologize to me. I don’t care whether she does anymore.

Also, Cleo found a type of pink she likes. It’s a deep magenta, she calls it “purple pink.” She still hates every other shade, but it’s something. And because of the theme, there is going to be a lot of pink at her birthday party, even if it's not "her half." Both my children are doing great, and I grow prouder of them every day.

I have zero intention of updating again. I have a lot going on in my life right now, and just thinking about the fact all this happened because a grown woman couldn’t accept that my child hates a color exhausts me. I’m more than happy to stop talking about this.

Once again, thank you for everything.

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: My favorite color is pink and I like Elphaba more. Prue is insane, and your daughter sounds like she’s doing great. Awesome job Mom!

>OOP: Cleo actually likes both, but she loves Elphaba. She didn't like Glinda until she "stopped being mean."

Commenter: Yeah, I didn't like Glinda either until she got a shot of character development. Hoping to see more of that in the second film.

Not to mention, it's concerning how Prue threw a fit because your kid likes Elphaba.

>OOP: My best guess is that she was upset my daughter specifically chose the character who doesn't wear pink as her favorite. As if she wasn't well aware Cleo hated pink.

Parenting:

>We always try to be as supportive of our kids as possible. My son is into sci-fi, but he's also been getting interested in film and theater lately. Cleo loves ballet, and currently wants to be an astronaut when she grows up.
And I do have to say I know very little about F1, but Cleo loves watching it with her dad.

Commenter: Prue's issues are deeply rooted in misogyny and traditional gender roles. She just won't say that bit out loud. [...]

>OOP: She doesn't have to say it out loud, it's always been pretty obvious. Her reaction to Cleo's 5th birthday party being themed after Super Mario Bros. will never not annoy me.

Commenter: Is Prue generally socially conservative? Something about this story feels like she's scared you're "turning her gay" or some similar paranoid conspiracy religious right bullshit.

>OOP: She is religious and leans mostly conservative, but I'm not sure that's what this is about. I have two close relatives who are LGBTQ+, and she's on good terms with both. I think she's just upset my daughter is not the girl she wants her to be.

[supprimé]

So, this is a little strange of a situation but hear me out.

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I've been married to my wife for almost 7 years now and we have 2 children, one 6 and the other 4. I love her but she is a bit strange sometimes. She is very heavy anti-corporation/government (you know the type. I will give her credit and say she's very moderate with these views though and not crazy). One of her big beliefs though is with holidays. She still celebrates holidays with the family (Christmas, Easter, etc) but likes to keep them minimalist and not embrace the "Money" side of things. We're not monsters though, we still buy our kids stuff for Christmas and for their birthdays but we've tried to make them know this is now what these days should be about and that generosity, not materials, should be what we thing about.

Last year in June my wife told me she doesn't want to celebrate fathers day. Her reasoning was simple, she wanted our children to respect us everyday and not make one day a special occasion for celebrating fathers or mothers. I was a little hesitant but I agreed and we took the day to try to teach them that.

Well, now that mothers day is coming around she's changing her tune. All of the sudden she wants me and the kids to take her out for breakfast, buy her gifts, and do other things for her. I obviously told her no, that we didn't celebrate fathers day and this was her idea to begin with. All of the sudden she got super upset and is claiming i'm the asshole here. She's now saying we should celebrate both days and that it's unfair to her that we aren't celebrating mothers day. We fought about this last night and she's still mad about it.

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Am i being unfair here?