my sister has 3 kids under 10 and somehow over the last few years i became the default backup parent. i work from home, so everybody decided that means im always free. babysitter cancels? she calls me. kid has a fever? she calls me. sometimes she doesnt even ask anymore, she just texts dropping them off in 20 like im a daycare she already pays for or something. i didnt push back much because i love my nieces and nephew and honestly her husband is useless half the time unless somebody is actively watching him parent. plus after my miscarriage last year i think i kind of threw myself into helping people so i didnt have to think too much about my own life.

last sunday we were having dinner at my parents place and my mom joked that i should start charging daycare rates. everybody laughed except my sister. she goes well its not like she has a real job anyway, she just sits at home on her laptop all day. i laughed at first because i thought she was kidding but she kept going. saying she has the actual exhausting life because shes raising kids while i just answer emails all day with no husband, no kids, no responsibilities. it got SUPER quiet after that because everybody at the table knows about the miscarriage. even my dad looked uncomfortable and immediately tried changing the subject. i just grabbed my stuff and left because i could literally feel myself starting to cry and i wasnt about to do that in front of everybody over some boxed wine and dry chicken parm.

since then ive stopped helping completely. no babysitting, no emergency pickups, nothing. now shes freaking out because apparently childcare keeps falling through and she has to miss work sometimes. yesterday she called saying im punishing innocent kids over one stupid joke and that she was clearly kidding. but honestly it didnt feel like a joke. it felt like one of those things somebody has been thinking for a LONG time and finally let slip. now my mom wants me to let it go because the kids are stressed and my sister is overwhelmed. my dad says he gets why im hurt but thinks im dragging it out too long. part of me feels guilty because the kids didnt do anything wrong, but another part of me feels like ive basically been free labor for years and the second i stop being useful suddenly im selfish and dramatic. idk anymore maybe im overreacting but im still really pissed about it.

AIO?

**Edit: Just to remind everyone, I am *not* the OOP. I did not write this. Please show me some respect, though you don't have to show the OOP any respect.**

I (24m) have been dating my girlfriend (24f) for the past two years now, although we’ve been best friends before we officially hooked up. My girlfriend has a little sister named Rio (13f). Rio really looks up to me, and I get along very well with her.

One day last month, I was visiting my girlfriend’s parent’s house. Rio wanted to take me out on a walk, because there is an abandoned treehouse in the woods nearby that she wanted to show me. So I said “sure, why not?” While I was walking with her, it was quite windy outside, and she was wearing a crop top and skirt, so it was difficult not to notice that the wind was blowing her crop top and skirt open (well, of course, I couldn’t see up her skirt, but the wind was blowing enough that her thighs were very exposed). It was so uncomfortable for me, but Rio didn’t seem to notice that so much of her body was showing. Eventually I just stopped dead in my tracks and I bluntly asked her if she was trying to hit on me, because the way she was dressed, together with her request to walk with me alone, just felt so inappropriate. She looked so weirded out and repulsed, and she said the equivalent of “ew, no”. I told her that I just wanted to check, and so I resumed walking, when I noticed that Rio was not following me. I turned around, and she was running back home.

This entire incident has damaged my relationship, not just with my girlfriend’s sister, but with my girlfriend and her parents. Her parents were so angry when Rio told them what happened during the walk, and I was kicked out of their house. My girlfriend refuses to communicate with me or see me now, and the last time I talked with her, she was crying and she told me to stay away from her little sister. I am eager to get back on the family’s good graces, and I’d like to sit down with Rio eventually and have a one-to-one discussion with her about what happened that day.

How do I get back together with my girlfriend? How do I repair my relationship with her family?

**Edit: Just to remind everyone, I am not the OOP. I did not write this. Please show me some respect, though you don't have to show the OOP any respect.**

Also, It seems a mod at the original subreddit nuked it. The text is captured here and the automod scraped the original post.

I’m 32F. I own two houses outright - one I bought 5 years ago before we met, and one I inherited 2 years ago. Both are paid off. I’m financially independent and those properties are my main security.

My fiancé is 34M. We’ve been together 3 years, engaged 8 months. He moved in with me 2 years ago and lives rent-free. He pays for groceries and some utilities, but that’s it. He makes about half what I make.

The issues started when we talked wedding logistics:

1. The house/deed thing
2. He said if we’re getting married, his name should be on my house deeds. “It’s not fair that I live here and contribute but have no ownership. If we’re equal partners, we should be equal on paper.”
3. I said no. I offered a prenup keeping the houses as separate property, and asked him to pay fair market rent if he wants to live here.
4. His kids and debts
5. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage. He pays for their private school and says it’s a huge financial strain. He asked me to “treat them like my kids” and implied I’d help cover that after marriage. He also told me he has about $40k in personal debt from an old business that failed.
6. His reaction
7. He refused to sign a prenup, said it means I don’t trust him and I’m planning for divorce. He said asking for rent is insulting and makes him feel like a tenant, not a husband. He’s now saying I’m being greedy and that if I loved him I wouldn’t protect my assets like this.

I told him I’m not comfortable merging finances or assets when he has debt, won’t sign a prenup, and wants me to take on responsibility for his kids’ school costs. I asked him to move out and told him I’m calling off the engagement unless he agrees to a prenup.

Now he’s telling our families I’m cold and using my money to control him. My mom says I’m being too harsh and should “work it out.”

AIO for kicking him out by the end of the week and ending the engagement over this?

Update:

Thank you to everyone who commented - seriously, reading your replies helped me see this clearly.

For context on our dynamic over the 3 years we’ve been together:
He never did any childcare or housework here. I took care of the entire house. He sometimes bought groceries and paid utilities, which I mentioned before, but that was the extent of it.

He does make money, but most of it goes toward spending on himself and his kids’ school back in Europe. He doesn’t spend much on them outside of school because they live with their mom. He also has his own assets in Europe. He never wanted to marry me until now, and it’s obvious it’s because he wants the green card.

The irony is he had no problem charging me Airbnb-level rent to stay in his place when we visited his country. He can dish it out, but the second I ask for a fair split on the house we’d live in together, I’m the villain.

I’m not signing over my safety for someone who’s been using me for access. I’m single now, and honestly, I feel lighter already.

Thanks again for keeping me grounded.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/sunflower92828

Am I overreacting about my nanny family having sex during the day?

Originally posted to r/Nanny

Thanks to u/Toketsupuurin for help with the comments

MOOD SPOILER: >!Crazy!<

Original Post Oct 31, 2025

Hi everyone, I’m a full time nanny for a stay at home mom with an 8 month old baby. The baby is honestly perfect, so sweet and happy, naps great. I’ve been with the family for about 7 months now. The mom and dad are both amazing employers. They’re super nice to me, the mom gets me Starbucks and açaí bowls, even makes me lunch sometimes. I make $32 an hour with great benefits in a MCOL area, so overall this is a dream job.

Here’s my only issue. I’m pretty sure the parents are having sex during the dad’s lunch break, maybe every day or every other day. They go to their room and I never see anything inappropriate, but sometimes I hear what I think might be the bed moving. It’s not loud or anything, just enough to make me realize what’s going on. Afterward, her hair is messy, clothes changed, that kind of thing.

Today I asked the mom what she was up to when she came out of the room, and she didn’t really say much. I kind of jokingly said, “Oh, were you napping?” and she got a little red and awkward. That pretty much confirmed it for me.

I know they’re married adults and it’s their house, but it still makes me feel a little uncomfortable since I’m there taking care of their baby. They’re not being disrespectful or obvious, but it just feels weird.

Would it be totally out of line to ask them not to do that while I’m working? Or am I overreacting and should just let it go? They really are such a great family and I don’t want to make things awkward if this is just me being overly sensitive.

What would you do?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

SnooTangerines

>You are over reacting. I don’t think you should make comments to them about what they are doing behind closed doors. I personally feel you should not ask them not to do “that” you’re overstepping and making it an issue. You said they aren’t loud nor making it obvious. Adults do adult things.

OOP

>>But I’m working. You don’t think it’s disrespectful to fuck while someone’s taking care of your kids under your roof.. it’s making me uncomfortable. They both go in the bedroom and come out messy hair and smiley. It makes me feel weird

New-Philosopher-2558

>I mean, good for them. Many parents end up hating each other during the baby years. These guys are lucky they can afford a nanny and maintain a healthy sex life! They treat you well, you can’t actually hear anything so I would not be making things awkward.

OOP

>>It’s very awkward. They both come down smiley and happy and in a good mood. Like guys I know what you just did. You just had sex..

LucyfromKzoo

>Then quit.

OOP

>>This is super good paying job. The parents are beyond nice. This is the only flaw . I still think maybe I should mention it and maybe they’ll stop fucking during my workday

~

AppropriateUsual7711

>why are you this concerned about your NPs lives and their comings and goings IN THEIR OWN HOME??? read a book, rearrange the diaper holder, literally anything other than making your NPs embarrassed in THEIR HOUSE. THEY OWN.

OOP

>>It’s weird because like she’s so giddy after having had sex. Mood shifter. Happy. It’s odd. Like it puts it even more in my face oh I got laid

OOP Added in a similar comment

>>I think it’s weird for adults to be having sex everyday or every other day. There’s other ways to support a relationship

~

SnooTangerines

>Concentrate on your job which is the baby not what the parents are doing!

OOP

>>The baby is napping at this time usually

~

fieryvirgo

>I personally would feel like they shouldn’t be having sex while I’m at WORK. BUT, I also wouldn’t say anything. It’s their home!!! I’d feel weird about it too, but because it’s their home your hands are tied.

OOP

>>I guess I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m shocked how many people would be fine with them fucking while you’re at their house…

How old is OOP

>I’m 28 years old and have been a nanny for a decade

Update to my nanny family having sex during day Nov 2, 2025

That Friday morning I told my MB I wanted to talk during the baby’s nap, and she said okay. I brought up how uncomfortable I felt about what I thought was going on, and mentioned how I could sometimes hear or notice things that made me think they were having sex while I was there. I told her it made me uncomfortable, and that’s when everything went downhill.

She was very direct with me. She said my only job was to take care of the baby, not to worry about what she and her husband were doing. She told me if I had downtime I could watch TV or read a book.

I told her it just seemed weird that she’d come out with messy hair or different clothes, and she explained that sometimes they do workout videos in their room, sometimes it’s sex, sometimes cuddling, and sometimes her just napping. She said whatever happens in her bedroom is none of my business.

After that, things got really quiet. She wasn’t mean, but I could tell she was uncomfortable and hurt. Then she told me I could go home for the day, and I just knew that meant I was done.

Later she texted saying they were going to move in another direction, and that was it.

I feel horrible. I know I crossed a boundary, and I regret bringing it up so much. I miss them terribly, the money was amazing, my MB was so kind, and their baby was absolutely perfect. I really wish I could fix this and somehow get my job back.

How do I get my job back?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

No_Assignment_1990

>You're allowed to feel disappointed that you messed up but you need to understand that this was your fault and it's your job to take the consequences.

OOP

>>I regret it now. I’m hoping they can forgive me. But everything else pays like $22-$23. They were giving me $32 and so nice . I’m realizing I messed up

No_Assignment_1990

>>>You need to let the idea of forgiveness go. You are only hurting yourself by hanging on. The job is a loss, end of story. You will find something new. Next time if you love a job so much, don't jeopardize it.

OOP

>>>>You don’t think it’s worth a try? They are Christian and believe in God. Christian’s believe in forgiveness

Some advice OOP was given

>I am getting messages saying I should file a police report for sexual harassment in the work place

thataverysmile

>>Dude, do not do that. I saw that comment and the person is insane. You do not have a case. Also, what do you want here? You either want your job back, or you want them in trouble? You think they'll give you your job back if you call the police on them?

Final update to… my nanny parents were having sex. I lost my unicorn family Nov 3, 2025

I sent a text message to my MB on Sunday morning, and she responded this morning saying she forgives me, and that she hopes I take this as a learning experience, but they will not hire me back, I miss her so much, she said she talked to her husband about everything, and they decided to give me a month’s pay until I find a new job, I honestly didn’t expect that, it was really kind of them even after everything that happened, I miss my unicorn family so much, I was completely in the wrong, and I take full responsibility for that, I know I hurt people who trusted me, and that’s something I have to live with and learn from, I will not be filing any sexual harassment report, the people who were telling me to do that were not giving me good advice, and I will be keeping my distance from them from now on, I miss my nanny baby so much, I can’t believe I won’t be going back, it breaks my heart because they were such a big part of my life, I keep replaying everything in my head and wondering if there’s anything I could say or do to make things right, I know trust once broken is hard to fix, but I wish I could show them how much I’ve grown and how truly sorry I am,

I’m trying to find a new job now, and honestly everyone’s been so rude, it’s been really hard, I can’t believe my old employers still paid me $5200 after letting me go, that was so generous of them, I really didn’t deserve it after everything that happened, to be honest maybe part of the problem was that I was a little jealous of her, she’s a stay at home mom, beautiful, only 28, rich, has this gorgeous home, and her and her husband are truly happy, she’s such a good mom, and it just felt like she had this perfect life, her dream life, and I’m the same age, and I think that made me feel small in ways I didn’t even realize at the time, I hate admitting that, but it’s true,

now I just feel so lost, I miss them so much, I keep wishing I could go back and do things differently, I know I can’t, but I still hope one day I can find a family even half as good as them, I don’t know if I should try reaching out again down the road or just accept that it’s over and move on, part of me wants to hold onto hope, but part of me knows I need to respect their decision, any advice on what I can do to maybe get them back or should I just leave it and start fresh, I’m really debating and feeling lost about what the right thing to do is,

learn from my mistakes guys, don’t leave a good family, let everything go, don’t let jealousy or pride get in the way of something real, some things just aren’t worth losing the people who truly care about you, appreciate what you have before it’s gone,

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/MissionAtmosphere16

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITA for cutting my wife's stepmother off from my kids until she deletes her Instagram account?

Trigger Warnings: >!invasion of privacy, emotional manipulation!<

---

Original Post: January 3, 2025

My wife and I have two children (8M and 5F) and we’re expecting a third. Since our eldest was born, we have been clear and consistent about not wanting pictures of them posted online. It was my wife’s idea, but still a mutual decision.

Most of our friends and family have no problem with that, but we’ve had problems with my wife’s stepmother. She has, on several occasions, posted photos of our children on her Instagram account without our consent. Most are harmless (pictures of her with them or family photos with more people in them), but there have been a few times she took pictures of the kids behind their backs and posted them.

Every time we see a photo of our children on her Instagram page, we tell her to delete it. She always does, but the next time she sees them, it happens again. We have been having this discussion with her since our daughter was born. She never listens.

Anyway, my family spent New Year’s Eve at a rented beach house with some of my wife’s paternal family. We returned home on Jan. 1st. That same day, my wife’s stepmother posted several pictures from the trip. Buried between them were three photos of our kids on the beach. They’re both wearing swimsuits and (except for one of the pictures) don’t seem aware they’re being photographed.

My wife and I talked, and we both agreed we’ve given her stepmother enough chances. As long as she’s active on social media, she will continue posting pictures of our children without our consent.

We called her yesterday and said that she won’t be allowed to see our kids unless she deletes her Instagram account. That means she won't have any kind of contact with them, receive pictures or be invited to their events.

She cried during the call, and tried to promise us she would delete the New Year’s Eve post and never do anything like this again, but we told her we can’t trust her. She can keep her account if she wants to, but she won’t be allowed near our kids if she does.

My father-in-law (who is also against posting pictures of children on social media) called my wife last night. He agreed that her stepmother crossed a line, but said cutting her off from our children was an exaggeration. He said she has just started to make money with social media, but she also loves our kids very much, and it's cruel to force her to choose.

I don’t think we’re in the wrong here, but I’m still worried we’re taking this too far. AITA?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the unanimous votes of NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: You've been telling her to stop doing this for FIVE YEARS? NTA.

> OOP: She started doing this around the same time my daughter was born. She eased up during the pandemic (though it was probably because we barely sent her pictures of them then), but went back to it as soon as she started seeing the kids again.

Commenter 2: How exactly is she sneaking pics if you are supervising? It's sounds more and more like you just don't like your in-laws and want to phase them out. You are going to wreck your marriage if your wife is even remotely close to her parents and you force this.

> OOP: She once took a picture of my daughter while she was pretending to text her mother. She finds a way. > > I have nothing against my in-laws (I actually get along well with FIL). My wife is not close with her stepmother, and I wouldn't cut ties with FIL without consulting her first. She is completely on my side.

Downvoted Commenter: What’s the point of grandkids if you can’t show off a picture of them or with them? I’m a parent of two daughters and as long as it’s family oriented photo with clothes on I could care less what my family posts. Why do you suck the joy out of the grandparents for harmless photos?

> OOP: The point of grandkids is absolutely not posting pictures of them online. And the second a picture of my child is posted without my consent, it's no longer harmless.

Commenter 3: Nta. If you think it might be genuine, give another shot. Seems like this time it struck a nerve. Maybe she will remember. What is your wife’s relationship like with her dad and step mom? Seems like that would be a relevant part of this discussion.

> OOP: I don't think it's genuine. She's been apologizing and saying she'd stop for 5 years. I've heard a hundred different excuses for posting pictures of my children ("It was an accident", "I forgot you guys didn't like this", "It was so cute, I couldn't help myself"). > > My wife is not close with her stepmother (she started dating FIL when my wife was 20).

Commeneter 4: So make the policy no cell phones while children are there. If she takes out her cell phone the visit ends. Or have them come visit at your home and ask for cell phones to be put in a basket until they leave. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. How is her father supposed to see the children without his wife? It will cause problems in their marriage if he does, possibly divorce. How will it impact your wife and kids if they never see your father in law again? There are repercussions for such drastic measures.

> OOP: Prohibiting cell phones has already been suggested here, and I'd be willing to discuss this with my wife. That said, FIL can absolutely see my kids without his wife. And if we do have to cut ties with her, I'd expect him to.

Is OOP's wife willing to cut her father off if he doesn't respect the boundaries?

> OOP: You don't know my wife. > > My kids don't think of my wife's stepmother as a grandparent. They'd be upset about my FIL, but we know how to talk to them about this.

&nbsp;

Update: January 22 2025 (2.5 weeks later)

Hey folks. I thought I’d give you an update.

I think I got into a lot of detail in the comments, but I feel like I should mention the following:

• My wife’s stepmother is 45. I’m not “bullying the elderly” here.

• She has 60k followers on Instagram.

• Her Instagram account is not focused solely on my children. She started out as a “lifestyle” blogger. A few years ago, she started posting “family stuff” as well, and now at least half of her content revolves around that.

• She tries to post pictures of my kids every time she takes them. Almost every time we see her, she posts a new picture. She has also posted more photos of my daughter than of my son.

• Both me and my wife are on Instagram, but not very actively. She has a private account and another one for her job. I only have my personal account, in which I rarely post anything. Neither of us have ever posted our children’s faces in any of these accounts.

• My wife doesn’t see her stepmother as a parent (she started dating my father-in-law when my wife was 20), and they’re not very close. My children don’t see her as a grandmother, either.

• This isn’t about me looking for a reason to cut ties with my in-laws. I get along very well with my wife’s father, and besides her behavior concerning social media, I have no problem with her stepmother. I really shouldn’t have to explain why me and my wife don’t want pictures of our children online.

• If you are a parent who has no problem with others posting photos of your kids, that’s fine. I’m not here to change your mind, nor would I attempt to if I were. Your decisions regarding your children are your own, as are mine.

• None of us live in the United States.

I read your comments and talked things through with my wife. As upset as we are about this, we feel the need to deal with it fairly. So we have to take into consideration that:

1. Her stepmother’s account is not focused solely on our children; and

2. We had never threatened her with loss of contact before, so our ultimatum might have been too sudden.

That said, we are still not comfortable with our children being posted on social media, and we regret not effectively stopping this sooner. So however we move forward, we need to make it clear that we are serious about this boundary.

A few days ago, my wife and I met her father and stepmother at their place. We left the kids with my wife’s mother. We sat them down and told them we’d retract the ultimatum, but we don’t trust her stepmother not to sneak pictures of our children again.

We decided to propose something many of you suggested: a no-phone policy (which we would ALL abide by) whenever my wife’s stepmother saw our kids. She also would no longer receive any pictures of them from anyone. And if she ever posted a photo of our children anywhere again, then we would cut her off from them.

My father-in-law agreed right away, but his wife got offended. She said we couldn’t control how she used her phone. She tried to promise us she’d stop posting the kids again, but we said no. We can’t trust her anymore, and we have no intention of giving her more chances.

The four of us had an argument about this. My father-in-law mostly took our side. It lasted a while. My wife’s stepmother started by apologizing, but eventually started trying to defend herself. She told us she always thought we were overreacting, and that lots of people post pictures of their children online everyday without any problems.

We asked her why she was so insistent on posting pictures of our kids. She tried to dodge the question at first, but she admitted that posts with the kids got more engagement. She used the New Year’s post as an example. It was only up for a little over 24 hours before she took it down, but she claimed it was one of her most successful posts ever. When I asked her why she thought that had happened, she said it was because the kids “looked so cute in them.”

My wife looked at her stepmother and said “No, it’s because they’re barely dressed in them. You cannot convince us that a photo of our five-year-old daughter in a swimsuit is getting attention from thousands of strangers because she’s cute. Either you’re an idiot, or you know what you’re doing by posting these pictures.”

She started crying. She said her content was wholesome, her followers were good people, and we had no right to control her like that. My father-in-law was silent.

That’s when we gave up. We told her to keep her Instagram, but accept she is losing access to our kids. She tried more excuses (including “some of my followers think they’re my kids,” which my wife is especially furious about), but we stood our ground and went home.

My father-in-law called me and my wife later that night. He told us he was disappointed in his wife and was taking our side. We’re not sure how to deal with him. Neither of us want to cut him off, but we’re not certain we can trust him. My wife just told him we needed some space, and he said that was fine.

I’m exhausted, and my wife is doing even worse. But we've spoken about this, and we’re both also relieved. We’ve still got work to do, but nothing we can’t handle. For now, we have two amazing children and a baby on the way, and they will always be our #1 priority.

Thank you for all your support. I’m busy with the kids, so I can’t promise I’ll reply to as many comments this time, but I’ll do my best.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Still NTA. You’re not wrong to want to keep your kids images/info off the internet, my wife and I feel the same way about our kids. There are too many creeps/predators out there to take chances.

> OOP: We made that decision when our son was a toddler. The more stories we hear about what can happen to these pictures, the more we're convinced it was the right decision.

Commenter 2: Bruh, her account is public?? She’s pretending to be their mom?! Yeah step MIL is cut off. I’m deciding for you. I’m not even as restrictive with my kids pics, as long as my family has private accounts, I don’t mind. (No one has all that many followers and the ones they do are all people I know personally. We aren’t big on social media really). But damn, even with private accounts, I would still be uncomfortable with my 4 yr in a swimsuit on someone’s page. And then if anyone tried to claim fame by being my kids mom, I would just believe they’ve truly lost it. Unstable people have no room to be around my kids. NTA!!!

> OOP: She didn't really get into the "some of my followers think they're my kids" thing (that was literally all she said), but I'm inclined to believe it was more of a mistake she didn't correct than an actual lie she told them. My wife and I saw every post she made of our children, and she never claimed they were hers in the description.

Commenter 3: Did you make her delete all the existing pictures of them?? NTA of course.

> OOP: We made her delete every picture she ever posted of them. My wife would check her account frequently to make sure.

Commenter 4: You did your due diligence by offering to hear her out and find a middle ground solution. Then she revealed that not only does she have no intention of respecting your boundaries (because that’s the only reason to question and minimize them like she did), she’s been misleading people into thinking those are her children. I hope you’re now completely comfortable in permanently denying her access to your children.

> OOP: We're 100% fine with cutting her off. My wife and her were never close, and we're done giving her chances.

Commenter 5: Your wife‘s stepmother has shown her true colours. She values engagement not your kids. Your kids are a means to an end, she will never respect their privacy nor value a relationship with them.

I would stick with a no phone policy with your wife’s father and not send him photos of any of your kids. Any visit has to be supervised and under circumstances that you can fully control. I am sorry to say this but your wife’s father sounds like a hypocrite, he is against posting children’s photos on social media but did not actively stop his wife from posting photos of his grandkids on social media, what is worse one of them was his young grandkids in swimsuits. It would take a very long time before I can trust him, if at all.

> OOP: That's why we're not certain how to proceed here. We don't want to cut him off, but we can't ignore the fact it took him 5 years and an argument with his wife for him to start siding with us. Most likely, we'll lower our contact with him for a while.

Commenter 6: does stepmother understand that anyone can take those photos and do what they want with them including photoshopping their faces onto images of abuse? They don't have to be one of her 60k followers who she obviously can't vet individually.

Do you also have the option to report any images to IG if they occur or are still there? I know it's probably not very effective but if she's putting her IG account before family this might hit her where it hurts

> OOP: If this happens again, we're reporting it. Some people here have said Instagram tends to take these things seriously. > > To be honest, I think she does understand, and is doing this on purpose. This has been a problem for 5 years now. It got even worse a few months ago, when she started getting a couple minor brand deals. We explained why we have this boundary countless times, and she never made any effort to respect it.

&nbsp;

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Due_Improvement8342

Published on: r/adultery

Thanks to u/huhzonked for the BORU recommendation

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: March 13, 2025

• Final Update: September 22, 2025

NOTE: AP = Affair Partner

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Main Post

^(March 13, 2025)

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Are all affairs this intense so quickly?

I am a 34m and have been married for almost nine years, we have a 13 month old son. My wife is my best friend and we are still having sex, though not as frequently as before baby. I sometimes feel like we are roommates, coparenting. Admittedly, I have not taken to fatherhood in the way I was hoping and a lot of parenting tasks fall on my wife.

Seven weeks ago, I started an affair with a married coworker who has three kids. First affair for both. This coworker is well liked and I find her attractive. She started paying me extra attention, coming into my office regularly, hugging me before I left for the day. I invited her to walk together on lunch and she took me up on it that day. During these walks she would mostly vent about her home life, troubles with her kids and husband. She would tell me how nice and sweet I was for listening to her, she made me feel really good. I also liked that a lot of people seemingly like her, and here she was paying attention to me! She would grab my hand during these walks. The following Monday she worked, I did not. I asked is she still wanted to meet up to walk, she did and I kissed her at the end of the walk. It’s been full throttle since then.

After I kissed her, we had sex for the first time three days later. We have been having sex during lunch breaks at work. And when we are not working I make up elaborate stories to see her. Like helping my brother hang a TV. It’s all been very intense. Two weeks after we started being together she would drop weird things like “im in love with a married man.” She asked that I not refer to my wife as my wife because “it is super triggering for her” and that it makes it sound like she is the side piece. She is very against using an app to communicate because that “screams affair” we do, but she complains about it often.

A week after having sex for the first time she found a conference for me to go to so we could spend actual time together for three nights, we went after being together for 4 weeks. It was a disaster, she was drinking and smoking cigarettes the entire time. One night my wife called to say goodnight, so I stepped away to take the call when I did so AP stormed off and I came back to find AP talking to some dude at the bar. That same night she messaged me on regular iMessage instead of the usual app we use because “she forgot.” She told me she loved me on this trip and I said it back, though I do not think that is true. I love the way she makes me feel and definitely love having sex with her. On the way back from the trip she kept going on how I have to promise I will never leave her for my wife. When we got back into town she almost forgot one of her scarfs in my car but I caught it before she shut the door, additionally I found one of her lipsticks in the door of my car that she had forgotten later on.

Since getting back from the trip two weeks ago it is like gasoline has been put on the fire. She needs a lot of reassurance and constant validation, if I am not at work with her we message all the time and if I don’t reply to her quickly she goes on about how I’m just leaving her for my wife and she can take a hint. She has made statements like “you’re probably still sleeping next to your wife” (I am), “you don’t let your wife see you naked do you?” (I do). Things of this sort.

She said that it’s very important to see her every day so I’m making up crazy excuses to get out of the house to see her. My wife is starting to ask questions “are you feeling okay you’ve been in the bathroom a lot lately” “why didn’t you dump the coffee I made just to go buy some and not drink it” “why did it take so long to go to the store” She has also complained that I have been really disconnected and not present while home.

My AP’s husband apparently saw our messages, she told him everything except who and he is planning to move out. Since then AP has been pressuring me to leave my wife so we can be together “for real.” I have never said I wanted to do this but I have gone along with some seriously declarations of “true love” “never feeling like this about anyone” “nothing could be more perfect than her and what we have.” AP keeps saying things like “it’ll be six months from now and you still won’t have left your wife.”

The thing is, I never wanted to leave my wife but since getting back from our trip things have been so intense and quite frankly I’ve been an asshole to my wife and then she gets upset and I’m like “maybe I do want to leave my wife all we do is fight?!” We have started to have some serious conversations about separation and she is genuinely very concerned about me and where this is coming from and is crying a lot about how our marriage and family is worth fighting for and I can’t just give up. Our last conversation she told me that she wouldn’t hear the word divorce until we actually tried, that the first time she is hearing about a problem she is also hearing about a divorce and she wouldn’t allow that to be how our family ends. I tell my AP some select parts of these conversations to get her off my back so she can see like “see things aren’t so great at my house either.”

AP paints a really nice picture of what being together for real would look like. That I would still see my son 50% of the time, when she had her children. Though, she has two different fathers for her kids and my son is still breastfed and has literally never not been with my wife except for the odd appointment here and there and I would have him. And when we didn’t have our kids we could just be together doing whatever we wanted. AP thinks I should just tell my wife the truth and that after some time my wife will be okay with it and we can all get along. AP does not know my wife, my wife WOULD coparent amicably because she is a really good mom and that would be what was best for our son. But, it would be a cold day in hell before she lets AP sit at her table if she knew the actual start of our relationship. My wife is also not stupid.

I just don’t know what to do, something’s is going to give if I don’t make some serious choices. AP is laying on the pressure and wife is asking me to keep trying, if she isn’t suspicious yet, she will be soon. She has asked if there was someone else, but seemed to drop it.

So, what is it Reddit? Is my life about to explode?

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COMMENTS

Dreammmyyyyyyyy >Holy shit. I didn't even make it all the way. This woman is ruining your life and you are going along with it and you haven't taken to fatherhood like you hope you would have. Get it together, bro. Seriously. Drama. Holeeeeee shit. > >OOP >>How do you suggest I navigate this? I was not expecting this to be so intense, though I can see how AP was showing her intentions early on and I ignored them. The day after we had sex for the first time she asked “you aren’t just using me for sex, you want an actual relationship?” How do you say “well actually, yes I am just using you for sex” >> >>I don’t know if you tell you self something for long enough you start to believe it.

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THATbitch124 >She’s going to blow up your life and soon. Grow a pair and stop letting this train wreck of a woman dictate your every move. I also suggest you at least TRY to be a father to your very young child and make it work with your wife because it’s not going to be any easier when you have him every other weekend either all by yourself or with a psycho gf who is jealous of the attention you give him. > >OOP >>As I have learned more about affairs I am starting to suspect that maybe AP was seeking an exit affair and she thinks I am a soft place to land. She makes a lot of comparisons between herself and my wife. >> >>For example my wife is a SAHM, which I’ve never had a problem with and actually think is best for our son and AP will make comments about how she works full time and is the breadwinner and takes care of her kids. I just don’t know how this all escalated so quickly.

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HereWeGoAgain0123 >My dude, get a firehose and put out this dumpster fire while there is maybe a slight chance you still can. In not a single corner of the multiverse does this end well with the AP. > >OOP >>I’m not entirely sure AP’s husband does actually know and AP isn’t just using that as a manipulation tool. Like she will jump after I do sort of thing. I just know that if I found out my wife was having an affair I wouldn’t be as cool as he seems to be acting.

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Tisjustforfun2 >His AP is the clearly a bunny boiler. Think the movie Fatal Attraction. > >OOP >>What is a bunny boiler and how do you know AP is one? I also love bomb her and mirror things she says to me like true love and a connection unlike anything I’ve experienced. I don’t actually feel these things but AP really likes to hear them. >> >>Tisjustforfun2 >>>Watch the movie Fatal Attraction. The AP boils the family pet bunny. Thus A bunny boiler is an AP who get so obsessive she starts to take physical actions to hurt the family if her lover. I hope your AP doesn’t go that far, but if you are not a troll, then you have some work to do to extract yourself from this situation. >>> >>>You are playing with fire especially leading her on. Best option is a slow retreat

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Worth_Energy_6619 >Sorry dude, but you’re naive to think she won’t just do it again with someone else when she’s bored with you. She already has two baby daddy’s. And those are just the guys she let come inside her. Who knows who she hasn’t told you about. > >Question for you… what makes you so special to think she won’t do it again once your sex becomes boring? She’s looking for a rush, and once she has you, that rush goes away and the relationship problems start all over again. > >Do you want to do this all over again in 7 years with a new coworker? How will this lady take that news? > >OOP >>I guess I just take her word for it, but I know that I am lying to her about my feelings and definitely embellishing my home life to fit what she wants to hear, but I honestly try to not talk about it. She brings it up and is always talking poorly about her husband and when she can slip it in my wife.

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kinxnwinx >OP, are you trolling? > >AnxiousAvoidant584 >>Not a chance in hell anyone posted—THAT—thinking they were going to get sympathy and kind advice. Has to be a troll. >> >>OOP >>>Not looking for sympathy at all, I mostly am just trying to understand what is going on. Do all affairs escalate this quickly, like not lifestyle affair but ones that sort of just happen? I have no idea how I ended up here in just seven weeks. I went from “I wonder what she’s like in bed” to telling her she could park her car in my garage so she didn’t have to get the snow off. What’s the psych going on here?

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Final update - after 6 months

^(September 22, 2025)

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Divorce Finalized Today

About six months ago I came to this sub looking for explanations of these reckless and intense feelings I was have for my then AP of six weeks. Her and I were mirroring each other, love bombing, future faking, the whole lot. The dopamine rush felt so good, I thought maybe I could feel like that all the time, maybe I should peruse these feelings out into the real world.

This sub dragged me pretty hard, and I was deserving of it. Many people made predictions of how it would all explode, that was AP was crazy, that I was going to get caught, that I was an idiot, all of these true. While I was off in some fantasy world thinking how wonderful it would be to be with this person who seemed utterly obsessed with me, my (now ex) wife was getting all her ducks in a row, and presented me with divorce papers a few days following my post.

My wife discovered my affair TWO WEEKS before she served me papers, she found out on her own. She was playing chess, while I was playing checkers. Many here suspected that my AP was going to blow it all up and tell my wife, and if more time had passed I think she would have. I later discovered a lipstick and hair holder in my car that she left behind, and she called me on my phone number one night because she “forgot” we were using the app. Though, we had never talked outside of it before. So, yes it was only a matter of time.

The fallout and aftermath was pretty gruesome and I knew immediately that I was going to try to reconcile with my wife. AP thought that since my wife found out that her and I were going to be together, when I informed her otherwise the next day she was late for her period. She later told me she miscarried. I do not know what story is true here. I do know that her husband was in contact with my wife and he told my wife that he suspected she was intentionally trying to get pregnant as he saw her birth control and apparently hadn’t been taking it for weeks. He also told my wife that when he saw this (after discovery) she took a test in front of him and it was negative.

AP was very unhappy with the way everything shook out, and to be fair I told her I wanted to be with her. I just didn’t think it would actually ever be a check I had to cash. There was a lot of drama, work got involved and AP was fired. She had some fire able behavior happening and it is my belief that when her husband called HR to report the affair, in the investigation the fire able offenses came to light and work decided to make the problem go away by that reasoning.

Also, I would like to make note that AP told on herself to her husband. She said she wanted a clean break and told him everything, right down to my (wife’s) address. AP could have rode off, scratch free with him none the wiser. I wasn’t going to tell him and my wife had decided against it because she wanted me safe and my job safe stating “angry people make angry decisions.” He later reached out to my wife just to make her aware.

Anyway, my wife gave me ONE chance and reconciliation with very clear boundaries and guidelines and I squandered it away. AP called me and I just couldn’t not know why she was calling. It was a pointless phone call with no substance. I deleted the traces of it. Wife found out and I lied. I came home from work to the locks changed, suitcases packed and a hotel reservation taped to them. She remained steadfast on the road to divorce since.

I came out of the affair fog and out of the protective bubble of the affair and quickly realized that my relationship with AP was not based on any reality and we had no actual real world compatibility whatsoever. I put her on a pedestal and idealized her. I got the best bits of her and she me. When I really started to reflect on all of this it was very clear to me that what I liked about AP had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. I liked that she made me feel sexy, I liked that she made me feel wanted and important and I loved when she validated me and I could do no wrong. I wasn’t a bad guy for forgetting diapers on the way home, my wife was inconsiderate to ask me to do that after a long day. (I don’t agree with this, just providing an example). I liked getting the dopamine hits from her and I liked she was jealous of my wife, like I was a prize to be cherished.

Now, I am divorced. Taking some time to work through some stuff in therapy, focusing on trying to be a strong coparent and really lean into being a dad, a good one. My ex wife was fair in the divorce but she did not yield in the least. She will likely continue to be a stay at home mom until our son starts school, even after custody is established at 50/50 (he is still being breastfed and I am not pushing early weaning), she has the marital home, and for some I’m sure symbolic reason, INSISTED she have my car.

I have a lease on a two bedroom apartment, paying alimony and child support and now looking for a new car. I am doing okay, and every day is a little better but today really sucks.

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

As the title says my friend went out to bucking horse this weekend. Had fun, met a girl danced and they ended up going to his place her name started with an R and was from Indiana F 30’s. The ended up having sex and after she admitted that she has a boyfriend and cheated because her boyfriend decided not to come with. He was ok with it because he wasn’t cheating. I’m struggling with it because her complete lack of morals.

Wife Lisa (38) and I (37) have been married 4 years, together for 15. Strong relationship for the most part.

This weekend we attended my family’s annual big Christmas event. All the extended members were there. 50 people or so

My brother (39) was there with his girlfriend Amy (34). Amy has 4 boys from a previous marriage and 1 daughter with my brother. Daughter Eliza just turned 2 and this was the first time she was meeting most of my extended family.

The reason is complicated. Amy’s ex husband is an addict and abuser (fact, not opinion). No one knew that Amy and my brother started seeing each other during her separation. When she got pregnant with Eliza, Amy’s ex insisted the baby was his. Due to legalities in our state, Amy’s ex was considered Eliza’s father because they weren’t divorced. Correcting this and establishing paternity for my brother was a long, painful, difficult process.

My wife Lisa has gossiped to (mostly) her mother about this in the past. I didn’t like it but I won’t police her conversations. Lisa thinks it’s a scandal and is convinced that my brother was sleeping with Amy before she and her ex separated. In my opinion, the timing is irrelevant. My brother adores Amy and her children. They’re a very happy family and we should be focusing on stability for the kids, especially Amy’s boys.

I have no idea how the conversation at the party started, I walked up in the middle of it. Lisa was at a table with several people including my mom and she was loudly “venting” about Amy and my brother. When she mentioned paternity testing, my mom quietly said “Lisa, that’s enough.” Lisa got frustrated and said something like “No, people have a right to know what really happened” and continued explaining. The cousins she was speaking with tried changing the subject, it didn’t work.

I stepped in at that point and snapped at her. Told her that was ENOUGH and she needed to get her things. I apologized to the table and took Lisa home. She has been furious with me ever since, saying that I embarrassed her and that I’m asking her to lie for Amy. She’s very angry we left the party.

I don’t need her to lie, I just think that the details she brought up aren’t anyone’s business and don’t matter in the long run. In my opinion, she embarrassed herself. Maybe it was overkill to leave altogether. But I was embarrassed as well and worried Amy’s kids might get wind of the conversation.

Ironically, the only person understanding of Lisa’s side is AMY who told my mom that she knows people will talk about it and she’s strong enough to accept it. Maybe that’s true, but I don’t think Amy, my brother or the kids should have to worry about that around family.

Am I the asshole for expecting better from my own wife? Or is this just reality of the situation?

UPDATE: Showed this post and the comments to my wife and now she’s crying. Definitely going to discuss this more with her.

UPDATE 2: Have spoken with her on this again and she’s more upset about the post than the altercation at this point. Asked her where these ideas of old fashioned traditions came from and apparently she’s been watching some guy on YouTube who “made some good points” on how society sucks now because how we’ve destroyed the idea of men and women. So I have a crap ton to unpack with her about that as well!

So I (32M) was with my wife(32F) and our son(11M) at a Christmas party for his youth group. They were all making Christmas ornaments at their tables when a young lady came in late into the room. All the tables were full so there wasn’t anywhere for her to sit.

Well my wife noticed this and walked up to our son and told him to give up his seat for the girl. He told her he didn’t want to as he wasn’t done making his ornament yet. She told him to be a gentleman( loudly I might add) and that he should always give his seat if a girl is standing.

I thought this was ridiculous so I went over to them and told her to leave him alone and that he doesn’t have to give up his seat, and when someone is done they can get up so the girl can have her turn.

My wife got flustered as the kids and the table and other parents were starting to look at us so she walked out the room.

She then gave me attitude during the party and on the car ride home said I shouldn’t have challenged her and I made myself look like a bad husband and father by telling our son to not give his seat.

I said that’s ridiculous to expect our son to just drop what he’s doing because he’s a boy and the kid standing was a girl. She said that’s what men are supposed to do and she is raising our son to be chivalrous. When I told her that’s old fashioned she said that being old fashioned is correct and that’s why society sucks now. I was starting to get upset because she was raising her voice at me the whole time. So I yelled at her and said if she wants to be old fashioned then she needs to stop questioning her husband and what I say is final. This got her really upset and she has been giving me the cold shoulder since.

TlDR; Am I the AH for telling my wife is she wants to be old fashioned she needs to listen to me?

My brother and I both still live at home. He’s 22, I’m 20. He had his driving test yesterday morning and had been talking about it all week because he already failed once before.

The night before, he stayed up gaming with his friends until like 3am. Before I went to bed he literally said “make sure I’m awake by 8” and I told him to set alarms because I wasn’t planning on being responsible for him.

Next morning I got up for class around 7:30 and could hear his alarms going off nonstop. He kept snoozing them. I thought about waking him up but honestly figured he’d get up eventually because this test mattered to him.

He didn’t. He woke up at almost 9:15 and completely missed the appointment.

Now everyone in my house is acting like I sabotaged him on purpose because apparently I “heard the alarms and did nothing.” My mom says it would’ve taken me 10 seconds to knock on his door. My brother’s mad because now he has to wait another month for a test slot.

I kinda feel bad, but at the same time he’s an adult and it wasn’t even my appointment.

AITAH?

I (31M) am going through a very rough time. A little over a year ago, my life fell apart. My now ex girlfriend (25F) suddenly broke up with me after an almost 6 year relationship. We met in college, but I had to drop out due to financial issues. For her, money was never an obstacle; she supported me financially without ever questioning me and loved me truly for who I was.

We had a long-distance relationship (about an hour away). She always made the effort to come see me, never demanded a cent, and never pressured me about work. Eventually, she started worrying about my future and pushed me to enroll in a technical school so I could have better career prospects. She even bought me my uniform.

The last year of our relationship was very turbulent due to the distance. I made the worst mistake of my life: I cheated on her with a girl I met at said school. She found out because the other woman messaged her on social media. Instead of leaving me right then, she suggested we open the relationship. I hesitated because I didn't want to "share" her, but I ultimately agreed because I was terrified of losing her.

She immediately started seeing an old flame, and our intimacy completely died. I felt miserable and eventually asked her to close the relationship again, but she told me she’d rather just break up. I was in a very dark place mentally, and since she was my only friend and confidant, she agreed to stay and close the relationship for a while longer. However, she became a ghost. She didn't invite me to her graduation, stopped telling me things, and didn't visit me for three months. I still loved and adored her and thought things were getting better because I was putting on effort. I even visited her a couple times. On December 1st, 2024, (only a couple weeks before our 6th anniversary) she broke up with me over the phone out of nowhere. When I tried to reach out a few days later, a man I didn't recognize sent me an audio note telling me never to contact her again.

That hit me harder than anything. I’ve tried to get back out there and meet new people, but I feel incredibly disillusioned. It feels like every woman I meet now is extremely transactional or only interested in what I can pay for… something she never cared about. I feel alone, I’ve lost my ability to trust, and I’m exhausted. I feel like I lost the only person who truly understood me, and even though I know the relationship became toxic, it feels like everyone else is worse.

TLDR; Cheated first, she opened the relationship just to spite me and then left me at my lowest for another man.

So AITA? I know I messed up but I feel like she overdid it