r/OhNoConsequences

My friend (19F) and I (18F) went to a concert together last weekend. It was about an hour from where we live, and we agreed beforehand that we were sticking together and leaving together.

Halfway through the concert she started talking to this guy near us. I didn’t really care and was doing my own thing, but eventually I realized they were both gone.

I texted her asking where she was. Nothing.
Called her twice. Nothing.

After like 20 minutes she finally texted me saying she was outside with him and to stop worrying about her.

I asked if she was coming back because the concert was almost over. She said “idk probably.”

Concert ends. Still no sign of her.
I called her again and she declined it.

I waited around for almost 45 minutes while everyone was leaving. I texted her one last time saying I was leaving in 10 minutes if she didn’t come back.
Nothing.

So I left.

About 30 minutes into my drive home she started blowing up my phone asking where I was.

Apparently the guy had left and she came back to where we were parked expecting me to still be there.

She ended up having to call her mom to come get her.
Now she’s furious because we specifically agreed we wouldn’t leave each other, especially being that far from home.

I told her that agreement goes both ways. I’m not standing in an empty concert parking lot indefinitely because she disappeared with some guy and kept ignoring me.

She says I should’ve never left without physically knowing she had a safe way home.

I do feel bad that her mom had to drive an hour to get her, and I know girls are supposed to look out
for each other in situations like that.

But I also gave her multiple chances to come back.
AITAH?

Edit: After reading your comments, I definitely agree that I could have called security or done more to make sure she was actually safe before I left.

I was frustrated and upset in the moment because this shouldn’t have even been a problem in the first place. We specifically agreed to stay together because she is known to do things like this, and then she did exactly what I was worried she would do.

And for everyone saying I could have called her mom, I couldn’t. She had already been living on her own when I met her a year and a half ago. I have never met her parents, never spoken to them, and definitely don’t have their phone numbers.

I understand that 19 is young, but she is still a 19-year-old adult who has been living on her own for at least a year and a half. You would think someone in that position would make better decisions, and I honestly never thought I would need her mom’s phone number in case she disappeared with a guy and stopped answering me.

I can admit that I should have done more to confirm she was safe before leaving. I should have contacted security, and if I could go back, that’s what I would do differently. But I also don’t think it’s unreasonable that, in the moment, I expected another adult to be responsible for the decisions she was making.

I (19) have a sister (21) who has always been a troubled pos (most of my family doesn’t talk to her after her extended bullying of me for half of my life)

To my continued hell on earth, we have rooms in my parents house attached by a jack and jill bathroom (google it, it’s important). So when we visit home, we are inevitably within constant proximity of each other. 

About the jack and jill bathroom, our two doors have two different locks. The lock attached to her door is an average door lock- just press it in and there’s a little click. It unlocks when you turn the handle or on the other side (her room) you use a tiny key to unlock it. 
My lock is a little turning lock. On the other side of the door, there’s no key to unlock it but if you use something thin like a coin (or your fingernail if you also want to break your nail) you can manually turn it open from the other side (my room)

Ever since moving into this house a decade ago, my sister has a habit of going into the bathroom and locking the door no matter what she was doing and then not unlocking it when she is done. Then when I want to use the bathroom Id have to bang the door to ask her to unlock it, or if that didn’t work, get one of my parents to go into her room to force her to unlock it. Her excuse to locking the door is that “you can just unlock it from your side”. Sure I can if I have some random dime or feel like breaking a nail! Also it’s just a pain in the ass to unlock.

Ten years now of this. I thought maybe once she grew up out of her petty teen phase she might change. But no. She’s 21 and despite daily fights about her locking the door she still does not unlock the door when she is done

My newfound adulthood no nonsense attitude has left me to be petty now. Every time my door is left locked, I won’t say a word. I’ll just unlock it myself, go to her door, and lock it. If she can’t learn from any other methods, I am just going to be petty and give her a taste of her own medicine
(other methods have included previously locking her door, annoying her, having my parents intervene, physical altercations, and even taping up the lock on my door which she promptly tore off and locked the door again.)

Now she is pissed of course. Calling me a terrible person a narcissist saying she can’t unlock her door (the key is right outside her room. One foot away from her door.) but I can. I told her that I couldn’t care less and if she is 21 years old now and after 10 years can’t learn to unlock a door when she’s done, she deserves this inconvenience

My mom is mad at me. She says that retaliation is never the answer and that I’m acting like a first grader and I’m being petty and she can’t stand the arguments I cause in the house etc. I said that the passive mindset and just taking it is what made my sister not learn to be a decent person. My mom wants me to keep the peace for this month. She always wants me to be the bigger person but i’m sick of doing that and don’t really care to anymore if petty childishness is the only language she speaks

So AITA for locking my sisters door every time she forgets to unlock my door and thus creating tension and conflict in the family (???)

[some extra context was removed for lengths sake but I’ll answer any questions in comments]

edit: my mom after much arguing agreed to put the tape back up. I did take it a step further and shove tape in the locking mechanism as well as just tape the lock shut. I also added a note on the door reminding her she’s an adult holding a job studying for med school so if she couldn’t even remember to lock the door she doesn’t deserve the lock at all. My sister hasn’t come home yet but we’re all preparing for the fireworks
granted last time we put duct tape on the door it only stopped her until the tape was off and she just returned to her old ways. i don’t think she can ever learn

Shipping/receiving Manager. Called to the carpet for excessive internet use: 15 pages of urls. Had no idea each upvote or downvote on Reddit would log a new url. Wish I had demanded copies, in hindsight I could rack up several pages in a few minutes. Also, one of the threads that I was browsing was "Adult Jokes," which even though nobody could see or even access the content, was deemed "inappropriate content."

They cut off my overtime. The last time the overtime policy applied to me (two or three years ago) it was ten minutes before/ten minutes after. Second writeup (last chance agreement) was because the policy was changed to five minuted before/after, and I wasn't following the new policy. I had no clue the policy had changed. Also, I was overheard telling a true story about three names on a mailbox by a person who was DEFINITELY not offended, to a person who was also not offended. Can't go into detail, but it was about three last names on a mailbox that made a funny but off-color phrase.

I ramped down my Reddit usage to literally two or three minutes a day, but it was still deemed excessive and a violation of the terms of the first write-up.

My co-worker/trainee was obstinate and disrespectful, and she would get angry if I interfered or offered advice on particular shipments. Apparently she said I was making her do all the hard stuff while sitting on the computer, but for the last several weeks I had given her essentially free reign to choose which tasks she wanted to do. But because HR guy walked through the department once or twice a day and saw me at the computer (generating shipping labels and routing truck freight) while she was packaging parts, I was still making her do all the "hard stuff."

Fast forward a few weeks, and I made a judgement call (similar to those I've been making for three years) that an urgent shipment could wait a day longer in order to save the company several hundred dollars in shipping costs. My co-worker took it upon herself at the end of the day to book the shipment the next day with the higher cost carrier, so I made the call to re-schedule the shipment with the lower cost carrier. The process took about 15 minutes, which put me nine minutes past the cutoff for "pre-approved over/makeup time." I had taken a half-hour of sick time earlier in the week, so the time was not overtime.

I spoke with the foreman late in the day, and told him of the decision I had made regarding the urgent shipment. I asked the question, "does this need to go today, or will tomorrow be acceptable (the next day was month-end, which I assumed was the reason behing the urgency) and the answer I got led me to believe it would be ok. I could have still gotten the shipment out with the more expensive carrier, but based on the answer I got, I assumed I could book it the next day. In my exit meeting, HR guy said I was disobeying direct orders by my supervisor.

A couple weeks ago, Inoticed that the security camera that was pointed at the two roll-up doors had been turned so that I was in the field of view while sitting at my desk. I mafe it a point to record my start and stop times for my 10-minute break. While scrolling (Reddit, of course) on my phone while sitting at my desk, I could not see over the top of my computer screens, so every time it sounded like somebody was coming in, I raised my head to see if/who it was. Somebody came out and asked me a question, and according to HR guy, they saw "a woman wearing lingeree" on my phone. That's absolute bullshit, but I can't prove it. Now I realize neither can he.

There's an orange traffic cone that I used to notify a particular carrier that we had a package for them, because pickups after 11 or so wouldn't show up until the next day. It worked great, but I forgot to bring the cone in one day. When confronted about it by my co-worker/trainee, I was dismissive of the concern for losing a traffic cone to tweakers walking through the parking lot at night, but did say I would make the effort to bring the cone in at night (once or twice a week, at most). In my exit meeting, I was accused of "not having respect for company property. For a traffic cone that was ordered by mistake (one of eight, btw) that had served no purpose until I found a use for it.

Location: PNW, USA

We can all agree 2020 was a shit year. Particularly for my (29m) family. We lost our dad beginning of the year after he had a heart attack and my little brother (12) had no one to take care of him. Our mom died when he was 3 so our dad was all we had left.

I fought for custody and was appointed his legal guardian.

Honestly it hasn’t been easy. We’re still adjusting to these life changes and my brother is taking it the hardest. For months he was just not himself. Bad attitude, lashing out. I got him in therapy because I knew he was just hurting, plus stress of pandemic.

His behavior has improved so much since then, even if sometimes there’s days where he’s withdrawn.

Days before Christmas he was feeling sad since it was our first holiday w/o dad. That day, he asked to be left alone. We had a talk to discuss his feelings and I gave him his space after that.

My girlfriend was over that day and I went out to buy groceries. When I got back my brother was out of his room and helping out. I didn’t think anything of it at the time.

Yesterday my brother and I were out having some guy time before going back home to get ready for NYE.

My brother opened up about how grateful he is for everything and he hopes that I don’t change my mind about taking care of him. I asked why he’d think that and he told me what happened.

That day when I was out my GF went to his room to tell him he needs to change his attitude and stop moping (her exact words)because he should be grateful I’m taking care of him at all. And that we can still hand him over to the state if we wanted to.

I was furious about this and had to reassure him that was never gonna happen because he really was worried about it. We went home, I confronted my GF and she didn’t deny it.

She told me it’s true and there was nothing wrong with telling him to stop acting like that when he should be grateful I “gave up my life” to take care of him. And the thing about giving him up isn’t that big of a deal to her because it’s not like I’ll actually do it.

I said she still scared him with that threat and told her to leave my apartment because honestly, I was far too mad and because I didn’t want her to be near him right now. She started crying, there was more fighting but she left in the end. It was just me and my brother for New Years.

Since last night I’ve been bombarded with calls from all our friends for kicking her out knowing she has no family and nobody else to spend the holiday with. Everyone has sided with her and even my best friend says I may have overreacted by making her leave when she probably thought she was helping.

They’ve heard my side of the story but still think I was an ass for making her cry and spending the new year alone. I’m having trouble seeing how I could be so here I am looking for internet strangers to weigh in on this.

UPDATE: OK wow this has gotten a TON of feedback. Thanks everyone for your kind and encouraging words. I might not have replied to a lot of the comments that made me smile but just know that I read an appreciate them!

I know I only posted this a few hours ago but I’ve had a day to clear my head and really think about this. I talked to my brother because I wanted to know if she’s said anything else to him. Thankfully she hasn’t and we had another serious chat to remind him everything she told him is completely false. I would never in a million years give him up and that shouldn’t have been put in his head.

Another thing I told him was that I’m grateful he’s here with me. Without him I wouldn’t have made it through the year and I thanked him for giving me that strength to keep going. Someone who DM’d me suggested reassuring him that he’s not somehow “ruining” my life incase he feels any guilt for what she told him. Thank you for that suggestion!

Now, I know you were all waiting on this news. Yes, I did break up with her. Thinking about what a lot of you said, talking to my brother about how this made him feel, and my own thoughts about how badly she acted, I decided that’s not someone I want around me or him. I can’t risk her doing something like this again and ruining any progress he makes in therapy.

I know many of you think I should’ve done it on the spot, but I wanted to make this decision with a clear head and not when my emotions were extremely high.

She came by my place earlier and we talked outside. Her reaction was as bad as you’d expect and she STILL believed she did nothing wrong, even after I explained it all to her. There was just no making her understand and I told her it was over. I gave her a couple of her things that were lying around my apartment and she left.

My phone started going off like an hour later so I had to put it on Do Not Disturb. That’s all the drama I could handle for one night. I’ll deal with my friends some other time. Honestly, I’m exhausted. Mentally and emotionally drained right now.

I think this weekend we’ll do something to get our minds off this. I definitely need it after everything and I know my brother does too. It’s been a hard year already without all this extra drama. Anyways sorry for the really long update you guys but I didn’t want to leave anyone hanging.

I’m sure more comments will keep coming. I probably won’t be sleeping much tonight so I’ll keep my mind busy by reading and replying to more of you. Thanks again for the support! What a shitty way to start the new year but here’s hoping for better things :)

I was sent home early today by HR. I had an autistic report that was gunning for an office position and I told him that it won't happen.

I refused because his meltdowns would be a major issue in the office because its customer facing and it would create a bad work environment for those in the office because they would be walking on eggshells.

He put in his 2 weeks on Friday and in the exit interview, he said he got a job elsewhere because he didn't have growth opportunities here. I had to sit in on the exit interview and mentioned that quitting because he didn't get his way was unprofessional.

They went through his employee records and saw my notes on 1 on 1, yearly reviews etc. They saw he was a stellar employee, so they asked why I told him that he would not be promoted, I brought up that he was autistic and HR's response was just "So?" Went on to explain my reasoning that his meltdowns would lead to a bad work environment and they told me that wasn't my decision to make.

They launched an investigation to see if there was the possibility of a discrimination lawsuit and found there is a chance so I have been put on leave the rest of the month and if they don't fire me, when I get back I will be demoted and work his position on the floor.

What are my options in this?

yes, there are documented occurrences of meltdowns at work.

you don't hire someone with epilepsy to drive a truck because of the risk. someone like him shouldn't be in a customer facing position for a similar reason. imagine if he had a meltdown in front of a customer, that would put the company at risk. besides, he's really good at production work.

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/aitathrow6 in r/amitheasshole

trigger warning: >!manipulation!<

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AITA for telling my girlfriend that we’re done if she doesn’t want another kid in the future? - 26 March 2019

obligatory throwaway because friends know my real account.

background: I’m 28 with no kids. My girlfriend is 26 and has an 8 year old son from her previous relationship. She was with the guy since they were kids but when she got pregnant, he dropped the ball. She had it pretty hard during the early years and it was a huge struggle for her to balance work, school and her son. She made it work and is now in law school. (The kid’s dad made a change about three years back when his own father died and has since been helping.) We’ve been together for a year and two months and I really do love her.

However when we first got together she did mention that she doesn’t see herself having other kids because it was incredibly hard, she values her time alone when her kid is away, and she wants to travel with her son being that he’s bigger now. Also that she has a school-age kid and doesn’t want to start over with an infant. We were too early for me to complain about it or try to change her mind. It wasn’t bought up again for some time.

Fast forward to last night, we were watching something and I mentioned that my coworker has left work to have her fourth kid. She said that she couldn’t imagine having that many kids. I got a little offended being that my parents had 5. She told me that that’s what worked for my parents, but it wouldn’t work for her. I asked why and she listed the reasons above and that 4 kids is “just excessive.” I tried to reason it down to 3 or even 2. She said she doesn’t want any children but her son.

The way I see it, the only reason it was so hard was because of her age when she first had him. My logic is that any future children we produce will be secure and she won’t be alone or have to struggle. for background, I have 4 siblings while she has one sister who lives in another state. She doesn’t understand how important siblings are. I told her if she’s unwilling to have even one child for me in the future then we’re done. She agreed and said we’re done then and I’m incredibly hurt.

This is a hill she’s willing to die on. She’s super smart, but so hard headed. No matter what I said all night, she wouldn’t hear it or budge her views at all. I’m hurt because I made the empty threat and she very easily went through with it. I’m not feeling valued at all. I love this woman and the thought of us having an expiration date kills me. I want to marry her and have kids with her and she’s just uninterested. She also said I was being an asshole and not taking her experiences into account when I totally am! I acknowledge how hard it was for her which is why I think she would have a totally different experience if she tried again. She’s not 18 anymore and will have me by her side.

I want her back but don’t know what to say. She seemed very certain when she agreed to the breakup.

Please tell me AITA?

Verdict: YTA

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Comment from OOP: > jesus christ, I am a fucking asshole. she has a condition, I unfortunately do not remember what’s it called, but during her pregnancy she used to have like mini-strokes that would make her face and hands go completely numb. I didn’t even think about that. thank you for your judgement. I know she doesn’t want me back. but I am going to profusely apologize anyway. the other commenters said this, and I’m putting value over a baby that isn’t real over her life.

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update: AITA for telling my girlfriend we’re done if she doesn’t want more kids in the future? - 14 April 2019

Well, it’s been about three weeks since my post and my breakup. And it took almost that full time to let it sink in what I’ve really done. I self wallowed for some time and attempted to guilt trip her and get my siblings to talk to her for me. What a mistake that was. She called and ripped me a new one worse than you guys did. She told me that she was thrilled we’re not together and that I’m manipulative and “disgusting.”

That left me really shocked and I had to review my behavior over the time we had been together. I think over my life I always had an idea that with enough perseverance anyone’s mind can be changed. I don’t know where I got this from. I guess I thought it was a sign of being a strong person. Like taking what you want from life even when the chances are slim. It sounds stupid because it is.

I reread my post just now and cringed the whole way through. Even the language I used showed that she was right and I am manipulative. She’s a human being and I didn’t treat her with respect. I played with our relationship to get her to change her mind about something very important to her. I deserve what happened.

I also have realized that our views on the relationship were a little different. She had never brought up marriage or anything while it had crossed my mind almost daily because I really was so enamored. So I probably looked insane going on about having three children. It sounds so stupid to me now. Among the things she said on the phone, one was that she found my lack of respect for her body and choices appalling. I wasn’t asking her to be forgiven, but I wanted to express how much her and her son meant to me.

And as most dumped people tend to do, I couldn’t even give a shit about what I was bitching about in the first place. I miss going to the park with her and her son. Those days were nice and calm and I didn’t appreciate them. I let some fictional children and my bad habits ruin something good. I have a lot of self reflecting to do, and while I’m still sad, I know now that her dumping me was really for the best. Thanks guys for being honest.

tldr: we didn’t get back together and I’m the asshole.

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Reminder - I am not the original poster.

My girlfriend has online summer courses and she had an exam for one of them this morning.

I usually wake her up for pretty much everything because she sleeps through her phone alarm no matter how long it buzzes or how many she sets.

She has joked that I’m her butler before and within the context of a relationship it’s ok so I didn’t mind, obviously I want to love my partner and try make her life easy.

However last night she was chatting with her friends and she thought I couldn’t hear. She was bragging that I’m her little bitch and I do everything for her when she tells me to, etc. It really hurt my feelings because they were making comments like ‘good, put him in his place’ and she was agreeing.

She specifically said ‘yeah I’m not worried about tomorrow because the bitch will make sure I’m up and he’ll probably have breakfast ready for me too’

I went to bed pretty hurt by it, and come morning I didn’t bother to wake her up when her alarm started to go. She usually only gets up when someone physically shakes her, but I let her turn off her alarm and she slipped back into sleep and I turned around and went back to sleep too.

When she woke up she was yelling at me saying I’m an asshole and I’ve cost her her exam and I’m a piece of shit for what I did.

EDIT: sorry for not responding sooner I wrote this up on my break at work and now I have to get back to it (can’t have my phone, work with food) I wasn’t expecting this many replies so fast.

I think we’re breaking up. I told her this morning after she called me a ‘bitch’ for being upset re being called a bitch, lol, but she says she’s not done with me.

I’m just trying to get through today’s shift and then deal with stuff later. I’ll try and get back as I can. We’ve been together a year and it was my first real relationship but I’m tired of her not acknowledging how shitty she made me feel and still calling me a bitch. That word is really making me feel shit and small.

Please be kind. I am lost and I have no clue what to do. I live away from family and have limited funds.

I messed up bad and I have tried to be better in the past year. DH and I have been together for 9 years and I was originally excited to have a daughter. I met his daughter when she was 9. His marriage was sexless/ loveless and he left when the baby mama was pregnant with their second and he realized he didnt want a relationship like that. SD struggled with the divorce and BM often whined about how she had to take care of newborn duties alone (he was denied 50/50 at first because she wanted to only breast feed) so his family cut him off.

SD and I didn't get along. She would cry and kept trying to manipulate me to get her way. I would set up play dates and she would do what she could to get out of them. I was told I wasnt wanted at school events. She didnt want to be in my wedding party when I asked to be my "maiden of honor" and also refused to stand with her dad.

When I redecorated the home/ swapped rooms around when she was in junior high, she told everyone that I got rid of her room (she just had a different one) and made me into the bad guy. We have a home free of animal products and I wouldn't let her bring certain clothing items inside. Rather than respect the house rules, she called DH's parents to take her home to her moms after DH and I told her no. By the time she was 16, I went full NACHO with her and her brother (a whole different story).

I had my babies and my oldest is disabled. I ended up leaving my job that payed well to care for them full time. We hit some financial trouble because of this and DH worked more. We were lucky if daughter would join her brother for EOW visits. I was full NACHO and told DH he was in charge of taking care of them. I cooked for myself, my kids, and him, but told him that he had to deal with them. If I planned something, they could come along if they were pleasant. There was an incident where I will admit, I was the petty one and I lost my temper and dropped SS with his grandparents on the way to the zoo after he whined about not getting plushie money. SD loved to tell this story to everyone despite me apologizing to SS.

I NEVER STOPPED DH FROM HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. We have a special needs child and we both made sacrifices. The only problem we had was with child support. My in-laws cut DH off during the divorce and baby mama refused to work with us (apotr her getting remarried to a doctor and her kids throwing their lifestyles in our faces) and said it as was for her kids. The courts were no help and DH had to get a second job.

The issue was last month. SD turned 18 and completely ignored her father's attempts at congratulating her. She went out with her mom and SF and my husband was heartbroken after seeing the pictures on FB. I was furious and made a comment about how she was happy to take his money but couldn't even answer his texts. He has paid enough in child support thay she never had to go without and had help with college. BM ended up causing a stir over that and DH was pissed at me.

Well, he got a letter in the mail from her. She accused him of leaving her mom for me, putting me first (his partner), and said that her SF was more of a dad to her. We have issue with SS (possible ODD) and he does whatever his sister does. DH has been crying and keeps accusing me of ruining his relationship with his kids. We have been fighting all week and he is staying with his brother until labor day.

Is there any way we can save this? He blames me for his kid cutting off contact. We have a severely disabled child, a toddler, and another on the way. I am scheduling marriage counseling but we don't have the money for much more. DH isn't talking with our kids either besides the evening phone calls. I have never seen him break down like this.

I'm not sure if this really fits but another story I saw reminded me of this.

It was fall a few years back I had just bought my house so wanted to decorate. I ran to the ross that's right down the road and grabbed a cart and started shopping.

Right away I noticed I was being not so subtly watched/followed by a certain employee. I did try and approach to ask a question but when I got close they took off to another section. But as I continued to shop I would notice they were not too far away.

Well I get to checkout and load everything from the cart up and I probably spent around 500 better clothes and decorations. I noticed that the employee was waiting at the end of the checkout section but didn't think anything.

After I already paid and everything this employee tells me they've been watching me and wanted me to dump my purse out. A tiny handbag that fit a wallet and keys. I laughed and asked if they were serious considering I just bought so much stuff. They said if I didn't they would call the cops.

So I emptied it in front of the employee and security guard and all that was in there was my wallet and keys.

After I put the items back in my purse, looked at the employee and said take me to the returns because I am returning everything I bought here today.

They tried to back peddle and say it wasn't needed but I said, neither was stalking a customer and accusing them of stealing, so you can either return this stuff now or I will make a scene and go to corporate. They said that this would look bad on the store for having a massive return. I reiterated that's the consequences. They returned everything very begrudgingly but I have yet to set foot in that store since.

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

So me and my gf have been together for 5 years. She takes great care of me, and has been supporting us financially since I lost my job a few months ago. She's never complained once, not even when I'm having a bad day and take it out on her. I don't deserve her fr.

Okay so here's the situation. I have a fart fetish. She was already comfortable farting around me before I told her, which is honestly what got me into it. When I finally confessed, she laughed at first but said she was fine with it. I told her she could do it whenever she wanted, anytime, even in my face. She was surprised but didn't judge me and eventually said she will try it.
I told her she can be fully relaxed, described how I like each part of her etc.

It started gradually but fast forward to now, she farts on me any chance she gets.
She used to be so insecure about her body, wouldn't like to be seen naked without the lights off, apologized for every little sound her stomach made etc. But once we started doing this she completely transformed. She's confident now, walks around the apartment naked, lets it rip without a care in the world. Even our sex life has never been better.

But almost every day when she comes back from work tired she will lay on the couch and call me to put my head on her butt, and if i'm around she will put her butt in my face and fart casually. She said it makes her feel worshipped and like it's "our" thing and how we bond.
And most of the time I liked it. But sometimes especially when I'm in the middle of something or just not in the mood I find myself making excuses to be in the other room. It just gets annoying sometimes.

I was about to talk to her about it. I asked how much she likes doing it, and she said she loves it. She said it makes her feel worshipped and free, and that it's just "our thing." Then I asked her what if I wanted to stop doing it, she looked surprised by the question and she said if I ever stopped, that would crush her because she would think something is wrong, that I don't find her attractive as much anymore and it would ruin everything.

What should I do? It's not that I hate it, I love her and I don't want to hurt her, but I also feel like now I can't back out anymore without it being a whole thing.

I have been dating my girlfriend, Emily, for two years. We were supposed to visit my parents at their vacation home on the beach over the 4th of July. She knows my parents' attitudes and the kind of impression they value. However, on our date night, she showed up with bright pink hair. I expressed my concern about how my parents might react to it and asked if she could go back to her natural hair color before we go. She said she's not going to change it and that she likes the pink. She mentioned that her workplace has a "casual summer" policy for those who are not in court roles, and since she's in a litigation support role, she's allowed to participate in casual summer with her support staff co-workers.

I asked her to consider my parents, and she immediately started: first it’s hair, then clothes, to how she talks, what wedding dress to get, and even how we would raise our children. She said she was done with this and stormed out of dinner before we even ordered.

I tried texting her, and we got into an argument about the cost I put in for our plane tickets. She told me to sue her. This was the last I talked to her on Sunday and my texts are still green. I didn't think it was that big of a deal for her to blow up on me about.

I am NOT OP. That is u/Complex_Anteater_607. She posted in r/AITAH.

Trigger Warning: >!verbal harassment!<

Mood Spoiler: >!mostly happy ending!<

Original post - March 7, 2025

I (35F) am still friends with some of the people I went to college with. One of them, Debbie (fake name, 36F) got married this past January, after being engaged for two years.

Early in the planning process, Debbie had asked my 6-year-old daughter (who was 5 at the time) to be the flower girl. We agreed, and she had the dress sent to us right away. We barely spoke about the subject for a while.

Then the wedding was delayed by almost a year (the original date was in March ’24). I’m still not sure why, I’ve heard 3 or 4 different reasons. By the time the actual wedding date came around, the flower girl dress did not fit my daughter anymore.

We didn’t find out until roughly 10 days before the wedding (admittedly my fault), and I texted Debbie right away to ask what I should do about it. Her first reply was “Figure it out.”

I tried to ask her where she’d bought the dress, where I could get a similar one or whether it would be okay for my daughter to wear a different dress. I basically gave her a list of ways I could fix this and asked her what she preferred. Debbie responded with “I don’t have time for this. Stop making your whale daughter my problem.”

Obviously, I decided against attending the wedding after that. As far as I’m concerned, we’re no longer friends. And to be clear, I know that up until this point, I was not the AH.

I didn’t tell anyone about it at first, but our absence was obvious (my friends missed me, and my daughter was supposed to be the only flower girl). Whenever Debbie was asked about it, she apparently just said we’d had an argument, but it wasn’t a big deal.

When our mutual friends and acquaintances asked me, I told them the truth, without sugarcoating it or trying to defend Debbie. I even showed my friends the text messages that proved everything. Everyone took my side.

About a week ago, Debbie called me. She apologized for what she said about my daughter, but told me I have no idea how stressed she was at the time. She said it wasn’t fair for her to lose friends over a mistake she’d made when she was under so much pressure.

Again, I don’t think I was in the wrong for skipping the wedding, but I’m wondering whether I took it too far by telling our mutuals why.

EDIT: Yes, I know I should have made sure the dress still fit sooner. I already know that was my mistake, and I'm not blaming Debbie for it. That's not what I'm asking about.

Relevant Comments:

"NTA- doesn’t matter how stressed and overwhelmed you are, you never talk about a child or adult in that way."

>That's part of the reason why I believe I might have been the AH. I don't believe she would have talked about my daughter that way if she wasn't extremely stressed out. Obviously not an excuse, but certainly something I have to take into consideration.

"'Stop making your whale daughter my problem.'

She actually said that??!!! And you're asking if telling the truth somehow makes you an AH? She spoke her 'truth' why can't you? Now she has no friends and is trying to backtrack...smh...

NTA....but you would be if you accepted her back as a close friend...even after an 'apology'..."

>I won't. I will appreciate any apologies that come my way, but we're no longer friends.

More on Debbie's behavior leading up to the wedding:

>I don't know much about how she was to other people these last few months. She was polite to me until what she said about my daughter. Out of all our mutual friends, two of them would definitely stop being friends with anyone who spoke about a child like that.

Would the dress have still fit had the wedding not been delayed?

>She sent us the dress in October '23, five months before the original wedding date. It was a little big on my daughter at the time, and I believe it would have fit just fine had the wedding not been delayed.

+

>It's possible. I remember her Halloween costume (also a dress) still fit her very well around April, and it was also a little big in October. I can't be certain, but I think it would still fit.

"ESH. Dress doesn't fit - then go to seamstress and order alterations. If it can't be saved, buy a different one. She said figure it out. It's not rocket science. And how didn't you expect that kid had grown?
But calling child a whale is also AH move."

>I've said this elsewhere, but I'm not dealing with something like this without being certain how I should do it. What if I'd bought a different one and she didn't like it? I agree I should have had my daughter try on the dress again sooner, but I don't think asking Debbie how I should fix this was a mistake.

"You made certain that you got revenge by telling everyone what she said. It was okay for YOU to make a mistake with the dress but it was not okay for her to make a mistake with a few bad words. Feel better about yourself? (Downvoted)"

>Revenge was never the point. I never said what I did was okay - I literally admitted it was both a mistake and entirely my fault - but that's not what I'm asking about here.

In response to a series of downvoted comments from a user implying the solutions offered were "crap" and that she's playing victim:

>It wasn't crap. I was more than willing to do whatever she asked me to do to fix this. I apologized and gave her solutions. All I wanted was for her to give me a direction.

>I admitted I should have made sure the dress fit sooner in the post (more than once), in the comments (also more than once), to my friends and to Debbie herself. And I told my friends everything I wrote here, including that part.

+

>I didn't paint myself as the victim. I told them exactly what I wrote here. I didn't gloss over anything - they know about the dress thing - and they still sided with me.

Several commenters voted YTA due to the fact OOP didn't make sure the dress fit her daughter sooner. Some are openly insulting her, while many are accusing her of harassing the bride, playing victim or lying to her friends. Here are some of her replies to those:

>I did apologize for the sizing mishap. Having read the comments, I don't yet think I owe her an apology. I didn't come here for validation, but most people seem to be judging me for not checking the dress, not for telling people what happened.

>From what I've gathered, people have approached Debbie about this, and she has had the opportunity to present her side of what happened to our mutual friends. Either it's the same thing I said (literally what happened) or it was simply not enough to get people to agree with her.

>There is no doubt whether she insulted my daughter, or whether I was asking her for directions. Both those things are factual and I have provided people with evidence. I have also informed my friends I took too long to check the dress. I have no reason to lie about that.

+

>I wasn't harassing her, I was asking for information only she could provide me. I didn't want to do anything without making sure she was okay with it. As the bride, she should have the final say. I didn't want to proceed in a way she didn't appreciate. I don't see how that could be an asshole move.

>I'm also not playing the victim. I'm very well aware I was wrong for not checking sooner and I was more than willing to correct that. I have expressed that multiple times, and that's not what I'm asking here.

+

>I don't see "figure it out" as carte blanche. I see it as "figure out a way to solve this." I figured out different ways and asked the bride - who should have final say in the matter - which she preferred. That's not "dumping it on the bride." It was also not the question I asked.

Is OOP's daughter overweight?

>I don't think it matters here, but I will say that my daughter is not overweight. The dress doesn't fit purely because she's growing up.

"INFO: Did she name call your kid to you in privately or in front of your daughter?

She's still 100% the AH unquestionably, but I'm an internet stranger concerned about your kid's mental health and want to make sure she is OK and didn't hear this cruel fat shaming."

>In private. Otherwise, her dentist would be buying a new car.

AITAH has no consensus bot. OOP was voted NTA based on the comments, but there were several YTAs as well.

Update - August 22, 2025 (6 months later)

Hey guys. I wasn’t going to update, but a friend of mine brought the situation up a few days ago and I remembered posting here.

After my post back in March, I didn’t hear anything from Debbie for a while. I did speak to my friends a lot, and they told me that she did continue trying to get them on her side for a while.

From what I gather, her story always matched mine: I forgot to make sure the dress fit, I apologized and asked how she preferred I fixed it, she insulted my kid (and as I remember discussing in the comments, “whale of a daughter” is a better translation). 

Everyone continued taking my side. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one Debbie had problems with before the wedding, my case was just the worst one.

There’s no doubt that the dress fiasco was my fault. I had a lot going on at the time and several reasons why I forgot to make sure it fit sooner, but no excuse can change the fact that I messed up. 

But I still don’t think giving Debbie options on how I could proceed was the wrong move. I’ve been a bride before, and I wouldn’t want someone else to make a decision about my wedding without giving me the final say. And I can’t ignore that her reaction was to insult my daughter.

Debbie first texted me in June. She asked me to help her clear the air with everyone, because most of our mutuals hadn’t spoken to her since April. I was tired of all this, so I told everyone that Debbie had already apologized to me. I made it very clear that while we’re no longer friends, I sincerely don’t care whether they remain in contact with her or not.

She texted me once again early in July. She told me that a couple of our mutuals were talking to her again, but it wasn’t the same as it used to be. She asked me whether I was still mad at her. I told her I’m not, and I wish her the best, but I don’t think we can continue this friendship.

I said I was sorry for the dress fiasco and I understood that she was stressed at the time, but I’ll never be able to look past what she did. It would have taken her less time to give me directions than it took to call my daughter a whale. I can forgive rudeness with time, but not insults, especially towards my children.

We haven’t spoken since. I haven’t blocked her, but I have no intention of reaching out again, and I don’t think she does either. Some of our mutuals are speaking to her again. Both my best friends from that group want nothing to do with her. 

I sincerely don’t care what anyone does. I won’t pretend this never happened, but I’ve moved on. Like I said, I’m not mad anymore.

My daughter will be a flower girl at my cousin’s wedding in December, and my family is doing very well. Life has been crazy for a while, but things are finally getting calmer.

I won’t post here again. Thank you for your time.

Relevant Comments:

What were the reasons floating around for the year long delay on the wedding?

>I heard she had problems with her in-laws at some point, but I also heard it had something to do with the venue. Early on, she also claimed that both she and her (now) husband were busy at work. I vaguely remember hearing at least two more reasons, but I don't remember them well and can't confirm anything.

"Honestly love how adult you were over it all vs scorched earth. Can definitely forgive never have to forget or be friends after being wronged"

>Scorched earth tends to be more exhausting than it's worth, honestly, and I was already under a lot of stress at the time. I probably wouldn't even have told anyone what happened if I hadn't been questioned about it.

"Honestly I'm still blown away by the fact that you, a mother with a child that can outgrow their clothes in a few months didn't think to check if the clothing still fit after a year. Like you thought the dress would magically stay the size that your daughter was for more than a year and didn't even think about checking it until a few days before the wedding. I just find it hard to believe that a part of this wasn't subconsciously purposeful. Like you weren't really up for the occasion and dreading having to go through all the work of attending a wedding with a child that was in the wedding. Which I get 100%. I'm what you would consider an old spinster and though I've never had my own children I have 17 nieces and nephews and even I, who has never raised a child, knows that up until they're like 14 I have no expectation that something I bought for them to wear would still fit 4 months later let alone a whole year. Me. A person who has changed one diaper in my entire life understands this. So I find it hard to believe that an actual mother did not think about this for such a big event. Inconveniently forgot to think about it until like a few days before the wedding. Again not excusing the friends behavior I just think part of you self-sabotage this a little bit and you're kind of not owning up to that" (Downvoted)

>I'm sorry, but how am I not owning up to that? I have acknowledged multiple times (on my original post, in this update and in comments, not to mention to my friends) that I messed up.

>She delayed her wedding by almost a year. Like I said in this post, I had a lot going on at the time. To name a few things that happened in the time it took for the wedding day to arrive, my father had a heart attack and my husband had issues at work. I also have three children and a job.

>I did not mention any of that because, like I said, these are still excuses, and none of them change the fact that I should have checked the dress. All of that being said, it was still an honest mistake. I didn't think the dress would "magically stay the size that my daughter was for more than a year," I just forgot to check (which I know was my fault). And I did want to go to the wedding, even if I wasn't thinking about it all the time.

Top Comment:

"Good update. Glad your daughter still gets to be a flower girl for someone. Hopefully your ex friend has done some serious reflecting on her behavior. All it takes is one thing said in a moment to ruin relationships forever."

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

Sorry if I'm all over the place. I can't think straight.

My boyfriend worked remotely for a company who I wont disclose for privacy reasons. He would always complain about how his job didn't pay enough and how there wasn't much upward mobility. The only benefit his job had was being able to work anywhere in the country (the USA) and the coworkers were very sweet. I would tag along with him to his after-work functions and I bonded with his coworkers over anime lol

Unfortunately, there is no way possible for my job to be fully remote. I would love for a remote job but its just not possible right now. But, I do make more money than my BF does, and he definitely has more work-life balance than I do. I even told him that he should've taken advantage of the work-life balance because he didn't go out or travel as much unless it was something music related.

He only began traveling recently, and I was happy for him until I found out that he was basically working 2 jobs at once, without informing his company. That's a breach of contract between him and his employer.

So for context, my boyfriend is also a musician and he's been performing a ton with his band, who I will also not disclose for privacy reasons. He has actually been making a decent amount of money through the shows he plays and his band has gotten some interesting offers like playing for festivals and opening for larger acts. I asked him if his company allowed him to work as a traveling musician while clocked into work. The obvious answer was no, they didn't allow that at all because they never knew he was doing that.

We got into a huge fight over this. I told him that he needs to get permission from his job BEFORE he decides to basically work two jobs at once. He didn't think it was a big deal as long as they didn't know. But whats worse is that I had no clue he was doing this for just under a year. This entire time he's been risking his income in such a stupid way. I tried pleading with him but he wasn't taking anything I said seriously, so I privately asked his coworker if she could talk some sense into him.

She didn't care about what he was doing, but she must've mentioned this to other coworkers and it resulting in him getting terminated. He lost his job and now hes freaking out and blaming me for his own recklessness, but this is exactly what I warned him about. We got into another huge argument where he accused me of doing this on purpose and I told him that if he would've just listened to what I told him first, then he would still be employed. He broke up with me after that comment, called me a shithead, and left.

So AITA?

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/petalfaeriex

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITA for refusing to go to my boyfriend’s house for Christmas dinner?

Editor’s note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

---

Original Post: December 26, 2025

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year. His family doesn’t treat me very well. They make little comments about me and sometimes compare me to his ex. It’s not loud or obvious, but it makes me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.

I’ve told my boyfriend how I feel, but he says they’re just joking and that I should ignore it. He wants me to come to his house for Christmas dinner. I told him I don’t want to go because nothing has changed and I don’t want to spend Christmas feeling awkward or disrespected.

He’s upset and says I’m being dramatic and making things difficult for him. Now he’s barely talking to me. I feel bad, but I also feel like I’m protecting myself.

AITA for refusing to go?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA. But you do realize your boyfriend is the biggest problem in this story, right? He's the one you’re in the relationship with you and he is disregarding your feelings entirely. Think hard about whether you would marry into this family if nothing changed.

> OOP: Like how do I even start explaining to an adult every day about how his family treats me and all of a sudden he sees me as the problem

Commenter 2: NTA. Go where you feel the most comfortable. If he doesn't understand that then that's too bad for him.

> OOP: I love him so much like how hard is it to speak to your family, even if they do not like me it feels like making such degrading comments in my presence are all to rile me up

Commenter 3: NTA! Let him know you’re not to be played with. If they don’t respect you why should you have to show up to support their little dinner.

> OOP: I definitely never attending any of the dinners cus I hate ignoring red flags

&nbsp;

Update: December 30, 2025 (four days later)

UPDATE: AITA for refusing to go to my boyfriend’s house for Christmas dinner?

After my original post, my boyfriend and I talked again. Instead of trying to understand my side, he told me that his family was upset and that I needed to apologize to them if we were going to stay together. He said if I didn’t apologize, we should break up.

I told him I wasn’t going to apologize for not going somewhere I felt uncomfortable. He said I was being unreasonable, so I ended the relationship right then, over the phone.

Since then, he’s been texting and calling me, asking to meet up and “talk things through.” I’ve said no. To me, the ultimatum said everything I needed to know.

It sucks, but I feel relieved. I don’t think I was wrong for choosing myself

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: The ultimatum, his dismissal of your feelings, and the parents’ treatment of you (and your boyfriend allowing it) are more than enough for you to say byeeeeeee

> OOP: I feel a lot of relief but also I now see how much disrespect I’ve had to swallow just reading people’s comments

Commenter 2: That ultimatum showed his true priorities you chose yourself and that is the healthiest call here

> OOP: Just sad I never thought of all this until now …I’m such a loser

Commenter 3: He played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. Ultimatums never work in a relationship. He should have stood up to his family for making you uncomfortable.

Good for you for standing up for yourself.

Commenter 4: NTA. Once someone makes a threat like that, it cannot be reversed. "The toothpaste can't be put back in the tube" kind of thing. If he didn't really mean it and was only trying to intimidate you by threatening to break up, too bad for him. His loss. Ghost him and move on. You can do better.

&nbsp;

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I’m 29M and my sister is 26F. We live about ten minutes away from each other. We get along pretty well overall and this honestly wasn’t an issue until the last couple months.

Last year I gave her a spare key to my apartment because I travel occasionally for work and she agreed to check on my cat when I’m gone. She’s probably used it for that 4 or 5 times and I’ve always appreciated it.

A few months ago I came home from work and she was sitting on my couch watching TV. Apparently she had been nearby, needed to use the bathroom, and figured I wouldn’t care.

I thought it was a little weird but didn’t make a big deal about it. I just told her to text me first next time.

Then it happened again.

The second time she had stopped by to grab a jacket she left at my place. Again, I told her I don’t care if she comes over, I just want her to ask before using the key when I’m home or in town.

She acted like I was being overly formal because we’re siblings, but said okay.

About three weeks ago I noticed some leftovers missing from my fridge. I assumed I ate them and forgot about it until my sister casually mentioned that she had stopped by on her lunch break because my apartment was closer to her work than hers.

That actually annoyed me because at that point she wasn’t even coming over for a reason involving me. She was basically using my apartment as a second apartment.

I told her pretty directly that the key was for emergencies and taking care of my cat, not so she could let herself in whenever she wanted.

She apologized and I thought that was the end of it.

Last Friday I got off work early and came home around 1:30. My sister was in my apartment with one of her friends. They had gotten takeout and were sitting at my kitchen counter eating.

I asked what they were doing there and she said they had been shopping nearby and wanted somewhere to eat before going to another store.

I got pretty pissed off and told her I had asked her multiple times not to do this.

She said she didn’t understand why it mattered because she wasn’t stealing anything or making a mess, and that I’m never bothered when she comes over while I’m actually there.

I told her that’s because I know she’s coming over when I’m there.

She and her friend left. I texted her later asking for my spare key back. She said she would give it back the next time she saw me.

The more I thought about it, though, the more uncomfortable I got because she’s had that key for over a year and I have no idea if she ever made a copy. So yesterday I paid $140 to have the lock changed.

She found out because she came over today to return the old key and tried it before knocking.

Now she’s extremely offended that I actually changed the lock. She says asking for the key back should have been enough and that changing the lock makes it seem like I think she’s a thief or some kind of dangerous person.

Our mom also thinks I went too far. Her argument is that my sister was being inconsiderate, but she never damaged anything or took anything besides food, and I could have just taken the key back and moved on.

I don’t think my sister is dangerous and I don’t think she was going to rob me. I changed it because I had asked her three separate times to stop letting herself into my home and she kept doing it anyway.

The only part making me question it is that she really did help me out a lot with my cat, and now I’ll have to find someone else whenever I travel. I also probably could have waited to see whether returning the key solved the problem before spending money on a new lock.

AITAH for changing it anyway?