I mean...technically, she got herself fired? But I still feel bad.

I work in marketing as an Art Director at a tech and branding company. 50+ employees, fully remote. We recently hired a college graduate whose degree I still don't know what is, but she was our Associate Social Media Manager and I rarely spoke to her.

Just this past Monday, she took it upon herself to send one of our highest paying clients an AI-generated design to "inspire ideas" for a social media campaign. She didn't consult with any members of the Creative Team beforehand.

Obviously, the generated designs were very impractical, off-brand, and unrealistic to achieve, but the client loved the photo-realistic illustration style so much that they wanted us to now illustrate a campaign for them. In summary — it's going to take...maybe 60+ hours and cause several other clients of ours to be deprioritized to achieve this.

Initially, I assumed she meant well, but I spoke to her privately about why she can't do that. Instead of a mature response, she sent me several links about how "AI is the future" and said, "I think you should read these, I'm surprised someone at your level hasn't. Hope this helps!"

I crashed out.

I immediately spoke to her manager, whom I've known for 8 years, and she agreed that she's not fit for the role, too impulsive, and disrespectful.

I was like...wait, we aren't firing her are we? I just thought she was out of line. Nope, she got fired by 4PM.

Whoops. If you're reading this, sorry Kayleigh.

EDIT: Since some of y'all seemed curious, she's 25 and I'm 34. Like I'm literally not a boomer so it's not an age thing and our company actually utilizes AI internally lol. Appreciate all the discourse though! Didn't expect all of these comments. And I'm sorry but we're not hiring. Gonna outsource for social deliverables for now. :(

EDIT #2: To give context to how risky this client is to displease, they have us on a $150k/month retainer.

Budding bromance! It was a joy listening to them talk about getting their big break years after starting in the business

I was invited to a friend’s dinner party. Beforehand, she told everyone she was making vegan lasagna. I’m not vegan, but I like plenty of vegetarian and vegan foods, so I figured I’d give it a try.

When dinner was served, I was surprised to find that it wasn’t really lasagna at all. There were no noodles, no cheese, and no sauce. It was basically layers of vegetables stacked together. The “pasta” layers were lettuce leaves with slices of tomato and other raw vegetables in between.

I ate my serving of “lasagna” but was still hungry afterward. I didn’t complain about the food or say anything negative about it to her as she is just getting into the vegan lifestyle and trying new foods. After dinner, I decided to leave early.

A few of the other guests ended up leaving around the same time, and we went to a local pizzeria and got dinner together. None of us made a social media post about it or anything, but somehow she found out.

She later called me and said it was rude and insulting that we went for food after she spent time preparing dinner for everyone. I told her I appreciated the effort she put in, but I was very hungry and didn’t want to ask for something else to eat in front of other guests. She says the fact that multiple people left and went out to eat made her feel humiliated and like everyone was making fun of her cooking.

Some friends think I should have stayed longer and sucked it up. Others think if you invite people over for dinner and tell them you’re serving lasagna, it’s reasonable for them to expect something more substantial than layered lettuce and tomatoes.

AITA?

I have been dating my boyfriend for a while now.
He is deaf, and honestly we’ve always had amazing communication and a great relationship.

Recently he got a huge promotion at work that he’s been stressing about for months. I was so proud of him and wanted to celebrate BIG.
I saved up and booked a reservation at a fancy restaurant in our city. It’s known for having incredible food but also it’s quite dimly lit

When we got there and were seated I could tell he was getting tense cause of the very dim lighting, he was struggling to read my lips clearly and couldn't see my facial expressions well, which made it hard for us to carry on our usual conversation.

I noticed this so I pulled out my phone and started typing out messages in a notepad app to communicate with him so he wouldn’t feel left out.

He got deeply offended. He typed back that the atmosphere was making him feel incredibly isolated and anxious and that I should have known better than to pick a dark restaurant where he can't communicate properly.
He said I cared more about the aesthetic of a fancy place than his comfort.

I whispered that I literally spent weeks trying to get this reservation just to surprise him, and that using the phone was a perfectly fine temporary solution for one night.

He just shook his head, stood up, and walked out of the restaurant. I had to pay for the drinks we ordered, cancel the dinner, and leave by myself.

I feel like walking out on me and wasting that effort was a huge overreaction.

AIO for being angry and deeply hurt by his behavior? Or was I actually in the wrong here?

EDIT: Just to clear a few things up since the comments are getting wild. Yes, I know dimly lit places make communication hard I just didn't think this specific restaurant would be that dark inside based on the pics i saw. Also my bad for using the word "whispered” we use a mix of sign and lip reading and I meant I was trying to sign/talk quietly so the whole room wouldn't stare at us, not that I expected him to magically hear a whisper.

we live together so we already talked about it at home and it's fine now. I wasn't trying to force him to stay or look at the menu to eat there I just wanted to see if we could transfer the reservation deposit to another night or just grab a quick drink before heading out since I saved up my own money to pay for this whole night.

He did tell me he wanted to leave, but he just walked out before we could even figure out anything. I’m not trying to be the victim here it was just a frustrating misunderstanding.

Long, true, and overly detailed.

As a teenager, I worked on an island at a Grocery store as the store receiver. Technically I was the night receiver, but I worked 9-6 pm and was in charge of receiving the most important truck of the day, getting it unloaded, all our garbage and returns and extra pallets, cardboard etc loaded, and back out the door in time for it to drive halfway around the island and catch the same ferry it had come on, before it left. So time was of the absolute essence.

The island is a pretty chill place in the winter, but in the summer it is a rich mans playground, and we often got people parking in our loading bay, so 30 minutes before the truck comes, I always put out three foot tall cones. One day a lady in a red convertible desides to push aside one of the cones and parks direclty in our loading bay.

I saw her do it and ran out after her, telling her to move. She refused and went into the store anyhow claiming "I know Danny (store owner) and he said it was fine". Well I also knew Danny, and knew he didn't say it was fine, but after making repeated announcements and instructing all the cashiers not to let her checkout and pay until she moved the car, she came fuming out and moved her car.

The next morning the store owner Danny asked me what happened, and I told him exactly what I had done, as the truck was on it's way. He told me that was fine, and he would speak to her. Surprise suprise, she did in fact know Danny, but he hadn't given her permission to ark in our dock. He did ask me not to tow her car, as she was his neighbour, but said since it was a convertible, he didn't see why we couldn't pull her ebrake and push it out of the way.

Which sure enough is exactly what we did a week later when she again parked in between my cones, and then facing the loading bay door, where I was giving her a clear look flipped me off.

I went inside got a couple other grocery guys, and after releasing the handbrake on her little red convertable, just pushed it straight across the parking lot. It barely gave enough room for our truck to get in, and she was completly blocked in for 30 minutes while I unloaded it. She came into the back of the store as I was unloading trucks and in order to stop a pallet from hitting her (the loading bay was at a wicked angle) I had to jam my foot under the pallet jack wheels, causing it to jump over my steel toes and land on my foot. I screamed at her to get out of my loading bay and she was so shocked she actually did.

Well the next afternoon, when I came in to get some things I needed to finish reporting, which i could do from home, as my shift manager had already approved a couple days off to heal my foot, Danny didn't know any of this yet, as he had just arrived and immediately asked to speak to me.

I had already been to the hospital, and filled out my Workers Comp forms about the injury, fortunately my foot wasn't broken, but was extremely badly bruised. Danny (actually a really decent boss) said he had, a complaint from a customer about me screaming and swearing at a customer, and wanted to know my side of the story. I asked if it was the same lady with the red car, and he confirmed it was, which to him confirmed that I had in fact screamed at her. I then asked him if he had seen the security tapes from the dock, there are several cameras. He hadn't so I told him, that until he had watched the tapes I didn't want to say anything.

In front up me he pulled up the tape, So he saw me on the dock, asking the lady not to park there, He saw her flip me off, and leave the car anyhow, A few minutes later he saw me push her car with the grocery clerks, and then he saw how it was blocked by our truck.

Switching to the inside cameras he saw how she pushed right past the employee only doors, and barged into the loading bay, and how I had used my own foot to stop her from being smashed by the pallet of milk I was wizzing down the loading bay. I litterally saved her life with my foot. You couldn't see my foot or what stopped the pallet jack, but by then I had my shoe and sock off, and Danny. only took one look at my bruised foot to understand the cause for my rather loud yelling that was being showed on the screen. Funny how red car lady forgot to mention all these things when she was complaining to him.

Danny said, if she ever parked in the loading bay again to call a tow truck immediatly, regardless of the time of day. He knew full well, that I could have had a much more serious injury because of this lady and even after having an entire pallet of milk on my foot, and admittedly screaming at her to get out of the loading bay, I hadn't in fact even swore at her. And if I wanted to, I could have used the injury to get a lot more time off work, costing the business a lot of money, instead of the two days, I really did need to feel like I could walk again.

While, the next week came and went, and sure enough friday afternoon who pulls up and parks not in the loading bay, but infront of the dumpster beside the loading bay, Still effectivly blocking our truck from making the wide turn to get into the bay. Sure there are no cones there, but I was done. I didn't even say anything to her as she flipped me off again, like she thinks she won somehow. I called a tow truck, but sadly they were on an accident and couldb't come for an hour, so I grabbed the produce guy, and a grocery guy, this time unable to push her car, as she has put the top onto it, and rolled the windows up. I didn't care. I just took the pallet jack, and had the Produce guy drag out a few pallets. I put a pallet under her car, and using the pallet jack lifted and moved her car all the way across the parking lot, and then dropped it onto a stack of two more pallets.

Her tires werent even on the ground. I just left her like that, and then told the tow truck where her car was when he had time. To her credit she didnt come into my back end screaming like last time, but the screaming was loud enough that one of the managers called Danny, and he came down to the store, and without even talking to me, just backed me, and banned her from the store. I guess she wasn't as good a friend as she thought.

Petty yes, Rewarding yes, Danny actually gave me a .10 raise right after that and never told me I did anything wrong, so I guess even he thought she had crossed a line.

My brother and I both still live at home. He’s 22, I’m 20. He had his driving test yesterday morning and had been talking about it all week because he already failed once before.

The night before, he stayed up gaming with his friends until like 3am. Before I went to bed he literally said “make sure I’m awake by 8” and I told him to set alarms because I wasn’t planning on being responsible for him.

Next morning I got up for class around 7:30 and could hear his alarms going off nonstop. He kept snoozing them. I thought about waking him up but honestly figured he’d get up eventually because this test mattered to him.

He didn’t. He woke up at almost 9:15 and completely missed the appointment.

Now everyone in my house is acting like I sabotaged him on purpose because apparently I “heard the alarms and did nothing.” My mom says it would’ve taken me 10 seconds to knock on his door. My brother’s mad because now he has to wait another month for a test slot.

I kinda feel bad, but at the same time he’s an adult and it wasn’t even my appointment.

AITAH?

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/throwaway____27

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

Previous BoRU

[Repost]: AITA dad gave the business to brother, so I left

Editor's note: made small edits for ease of readability and added relevant comments for more context

Trigger Warnings: >!manipulation, betrayal, favoritism!<

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Original Post: June 11, 2021

AITA dad gave the business to brother, so I left

My older brother (30M) went to university and then worked in the city as an accountant, I (27M) stated to work for my dad as a plumber at 15 and went to college to get my qualifications in plumbing and gas, about the time covid started my brother moved back from the city and started working for my dad (55M) in accounting, my dad has been unwell for the last 4 years due to asbestosis it has been really hard on the family and he is getting worse but is still loving life.

I have been running the business for the last 2 years we have expanded and now have 50 vans in the fleet and one qualified and one trainee allocated to each van, covid was hard in the beginning but we have bounced back, my dad still works on tools with me on Fridays (half day then back to my place for some beers), Friday is the only day I'm on tools now as I'm doing everything to run the business.

well last month he told the family he is stepping down from the business due to health and wants to spend more time with my mother, and is giving the business to my brother and for me to step down from acting CEO, this upset me I've been with the business for 12 years, at the beginning it was only me and my dad my brother never wanted to be in the business said it was not worth his time and now he’s the boss, and I’ve been dumped back to a heating engineer with a £20,000 (editor's note: close to $27,140 USD) pay cut, he doesn’t have any clue what we do or how to do it.

I spoke to my dad, and he told me that my brother deserve it for all he has done, that he has a family and I don’t and that he went to uni, a lot of the workers are upset about the decision and have told me they will go where I go.

I told my dad that if that is how he feels then I will leave and start my own business I have not spoken to my dad or brother since and have told them to never contact me, for the last month I’ve had thousands of calls and messages from family saying some very hurtful things and telling me I’m ungrateful for what I have so AITA???

EDIT I want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words there are so many to reply to I will do my best to thank you all, to hear my father tell me in his own way he doesn’t think I’m good enough was hard and for my family to take his and my brother side was even harder.

In the morning I will contact the large clients I’ve worked with over the last 6 years I know we had some site postponed due to covid (big money), and will try and take them over I have 20 of my colleagues wishing to come work for me I’ve saved nearly all of the money I have earned over the last 12 years so think I have enough to get myself on my feet.

Verdict: Not the Asshole

Editor’s note: OOP made lots of responses onto the original post, I am listing the significant details for more context to the situation

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA - sounds like either some “he’s older” or “he’s smarter because uni” bias from your dad. If your brother knows so much, you really don’t need to be there at all do you? /s. Leave them all to it and leave. Staying after all this drama will still be awful

> OOP: My father has away gone on about how his son went to uni and is loving life in the city it never bothered me till I realized he never spoke about all the stuff I had done for myself or the company

Commenter 2: You should seek legal advice OP. Poaching their clients could land you a law suit. I am not giving legal advice at all, and you need to speak to a local business law specialist.

> OOP: I've looked my contact and have found nothing perks of being a son of the owner but will be taking to a lawyer to make sure they can come after me for anything

Commenter 3: NTA at all. At least your father could have split business 50/50. Brother in charge of accounting side. You in charge of production. I would make that offer back. If father refuses. I would cut contact.. Block relatives. I would go start my own business. Never look back.. Brother turned back on family business while you worked our arse off to build business.

> OOP: To be honest that’s what I thought was going to happen and was happy when my brother came back to be one big family company I talk to my father, but my brother has always been the golden child

Commenter 4: NTA. I would answer all these messages with "12 years. 12 years I have labored for this company, for our family. For what? To be thrown aside for someone who has never shown interest in this business? Don't say I'm ungrateful, as I've put in the work. If I have so little value to the business, then stop me from leaving? You won't miss what you can easily discard."

> OOP: Thank you it was hard to hear it when my father told us the first 2 year he couldn’t pay me much as he was trying to start up the business I was on £20 (editor’s note: about $27USD) a week I was only 15 but was not easy working 7 days a week from 6 in the morning to 8 at night all the stuff I missed going out with friends going clubbing doing dumb stuff kids do to be looked down on by my family was hard

Commenter 5: I don't know the law in Britain (assuming because of £) but I'm my country there are strict laws governing companies, including the board of directors and execs. Did they go through the proper channels to fire or demote you? Was there a reason for the demotion. Do you deserve severance or compensation? What type of company is it?

> OOP: Due to the size and not having a board my father holds all rights and final decisions even as acting CEO he can overrule me in favour of something or someone else I have no say

Commenter 6: NTA. I agree with others, I really don’t understand the motive behind this.

> OOP: My father has away been more favourable towards my brother they are basically the same person, I don’t understand why myself and it makes me even more upset that he did it he has away told me that I will take over and that he wants me to carry on the business but then gives it to my brother

Commenter 7: Can you be clear if the decision involves handing over the entire shares of the business to your brother or rather your share of any future inheritance? I am curious what your mother thinks of all this? The move by your Dad is extremely hurtful and cannot even be justified by favouritism... Respectfully, Is it possible you aren't a biological son?

> OOP: Everything has been signed over to him I have no say if my father was to die today there would be no share in the business to be split, and the hardest part was to watch my mother cry telling my brother how proud she is of him and how he deserved it. And sometime I question it

Commenter 8: NTA. And it needn't have been this way. Even if your father wanted to have your brother in the business, co-ownership would've been an option. Many businesses have one person that has the technical knowledge and one person that has business/accounting knowledge.

> OOP: To be honest that would make sense he know more than I do about the accounting side and stuff like that and I know the business and what are boys need to do their job and to do it safety and I know the clients some are old school and like to talk business over dinner or golf and that was some of the best times I’ve had strange to think I’m a plumber play on some of the best golf courses in the world

Commenter 9: NTA There is something more going on. Could be as others have said and your dad is just a narcissist. There is no reason he couldn't have split the company ownership up, even if not 50/50. Bad enough that the person who has been running the company doesn't get the company, but the business has 50 vans, and they feel it necessary to cut your pay? That is just adding insult to injury. Obviously they believe you can be replaced. Let them.

> OOP: To be honest I’m not sure what’s going on over the last year my brother and father have spent a lot of time together even though my father has a lung condition I try not to spend a lot of time around due to covid, but we talk on the phone every day before it all happened and as soon as we all had are vaccines we would be together nearly every day.

OOP on not mixing business and family

> OOP: Working with family is the hardest thing in the world, me and my dad have had our ups and downs both in the business and in are relationships but always came back together and got it done after talking to people I can see why he might have chosen my brother he’s had more experience in large companies but he’s has no idea about the industry I don’t understand why they would drop me in an engineer with everything I know

Commenter 10: INFO: First, I am really sorry to read this story, it makes me sad and angry for you. What a betrayal. I am really curious about one detail here, because it seems so weird and petty from your brother. Did he tell you why he demoted you and cut your salary by 20,000? Because those two things are hostile on the face of it, and it makes me wonder why your father (and your brother for that matter) expected you to suck it up and deal. And I am also curious as to if your dad had a response to that event.

> OOP: My brother has never like how well I did without going to uni and after talking to everyone on here I believe it’s more of a revenge thing.

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Editor's note: OOP made all updates onto the same post with the original

Update #1: June 12, 2021 (same post, next day)

Update 1 I want to inform everyone that I’m not starting a business to destroy my brother, as much as I want to I’ve spent almost 13 year build it and I don’t want to see anyone out of a job or for the business to die it’s about 0500 in England you have all helped me so much.

I will be going over to talk to my father about 0800 and take him out for breakfast and talk, I’m not sure if I will get a proper answer from him but I love my family and want my future kids to know them.

I will update after the events of later today.

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Editor’s note: OOP was likely to make the next two updates throughout the day, as the dates were not given on when the updates were made

Update #2: June 12, 2021 (same post, same day, hours later)

Update 2: as I said in one of the comments I believe my family had found my post and they did.

This morning when I arrived at my parents’ house my mum opened the door and looked like she had been cry a lot my dad came over to talk to me and we went out for breakfast, he didn’t say a word on the way there or when we arrived, when on the way back he asked if we could pull over and talk I can honestly say this was the first time I saw my dad cry, I asked why he did this to me he said doesn’t know I keeper pushing and he finally told me he owed it to my brother for not being about for him as much as me when we were growing up and there was times my brother needed him but we was working.

I couldn’t believe it after 12 years of hard work that was his reasoning I told my father I had spent half my life working to do everything for the business and how he throw me to the side just because he’s son came back hurt more than I could explain, he told me he knows as they had been shown the post I put up, to my surprise he wasn’t mad he seemed remorseful, he told me my mother has been in pieces after reading the comments about how bad she treated me and thinks I will never talk to them again, my dad told me after reading it all he released he should have split the business between us as it will need both of us to keep progressing and apologies to me for never telling me how proud he was of everything I had done and thought I know how proud he was, but my brother has full control my father has no say any more and my brother would never go 50/50, he told me he wants me to go back as my brother will need me I told him that’s not my problem anymore after the demoted me and cut my pay I tried to make it work for 3 weeks but my brother wouldn’t listen didn’t believe I know what I was talking about telling me he knows how to fund a business, so I left why work my ass off there when I could do the same work and make more money for myself.

My dad broke down said that he had destroyed the family and should never had done what he did I don’t understand why I took this long to release I was a valuable piece in the company.

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Update #3: June 12, 2021 (same post, same day, hours later)

Update 3: as I said I have had a couple of zoom calls with some clients today and they have gone very well, I have been informed that they we all be sending be signed proposal letters for the up and coming work, lucky the site start dates don’t clash that was one of the main things I was worried about, 3 of my colleagues have now left the business and have spoken to my dad informing him about why they left and that they will be coming to work with me under their own choice, to hear them tell me this meant a lot, they all have between 5 - 10 year more experience in the industry, at the moment I have all we need to start a new business with the 3 vans I own and tools I have built up over the years, I am looking forward to the new venture in my life and can’t wait to share this with my children when I have them.

Then I received a call from my father asking me to come over for dinner I was unsure at first but thought it was probably a step in the right direction, on arrival my whole family was there, I went in and the atmosphere dropped my mum wouldn’t look at me and my brother just sat there acting as if I didn’t exist, my dad came and asked me and my brother to come in to his office, he started to ask when I was going to return to the company as they need me in early Monday morning, I could not even believe what I was hearing I told them both I’m not coming back and have started my own company, and what does he mean we you gave the business to him (my brother), my brother stated to lose his temper telling me if I cared about to company why would I leave, I have some very choice words before telling him that I have always cared for the company and spent 12 years of my life working to make it successful, unlike him who swans in and takes all the glory and that I will not sit there and be treated like that, I told my brother to f**k off so I could talk to dad, I asked what was this morning all about telling me he’s sorry but then expects me to going running back, he couldn’t even look me in the eye so I left said goodbye to my cousin, nieces and nephews and walked out I’ve been riding for about 3 hours on and off coming back on here to talk to people.

I just want to say thank you to everyone for the personal message, comments, rewards and all the kind words and encouragement I’ll try and message everyone but I’m exhausted and will most likely fall asleep.

Relevant Comments

Commenter: Best wishes on your new business venture, OP. I’m astounded that your father still expected you to turn up to work Monday morning as a salaried employee with no ownership or profit sharing in the company, or any job security for that matter. I also want to go on record to say that I think father is lying that he has completely and legally turned over ownership of the company to your brother. Complete management maybe, but not ownership.

Consider this: if your brother legally outright owns the company now, how will your father get a continuing income if your brother decides otherwise? Maybe your father has a contract with your brother about the income from the business your father and your mother will continue to receive? I suspect your father still has not been honest with you.

> OOP: It’s very confusing I’m not sure what my father games is right now but he has enough money to sit back and do nothing for the rest of his life

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Final Update: June 26, 2021 (two weeks later)

Update 4: sorry it’s been a while I’ve had a lot going on in the last couple of weeks, I'll try and explain the most I can, so the new business is going very well we have a lot of work coming in and making good money, at the end on the year I will be looking at expanding so very happy with that.

me and my fiancé are very happy she is very busy planning the wedding of her dreams she wants me to wear a suit but tough lucky I’ll be in my kilt, I couldn’t be happier than I am right now waking up to her every day, she is there for me no matter what and has been my rock through everything.

Then my family my father and brother still refuse to talk to me and have told me they will not be attending the wedding even though they haven’t been invited, my mother has called my fiancé but hasn’t said much only to ask about wedding stuff and will not talk to me, my fiancé family have been amazing my soon to be in-laws have been helping with the wedding and everything else and I am extremely thankful for everything they have done for us.

My other family have now backed off and apologised and want to make amends for everything that was said.

Myself and my fiancé are set to have are wedding in November, we sat down together and have decided to trying to have children after we are married, we are both excited to be parents.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I fell short at the start of this month. My bank processed condo fees and insurance payments, and now I'm overdrawn by $350. I didn't have an overdraft by choice. I'll be starting a temporary job as an enumerator later this month, but right now help would be appreciated. https://www.amazon.ca/hz/wishlist/ls/3G4S0RXK6AEMH?ref_=wl_share

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still ThrowawayGenReveal. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/AITAH

Previous BORU here. Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar for letting me know about the update. New Update marked with *****

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Mood Spoiler: >!OOP and baby are doing well!<

Original Post: July 13, 2024

I'm pregnant with a baby boy due in November. My fiancé and I didn't care much about the sex of our child, so we didn't make too much noise about it once we found out. The only people we'd informed were our parents, their partners and our siblings.

Prior to this, my father's girlfriend of 3 years had been asking me about my plans for a gender reveal party. I've always been clear about not wanting one. When I announced my son's gender to them, she expressed disappointment that I hadn't changed my mind about a party.

I don't like gender reveals. Never have, never will. I prefer baby showers, which I think feel more about the actual child. I never tried to hide that opinion, either.

Days later, my father's girlfriend invited me over for tea at their apartment (my dad was out of town). When I got there, about a dozen people popped out of hiding to surprise me. There were pink and blue decorations everywhere, which made what was going on pretty clear.

As I stood there in shock, my father's girlfriend excitedly told me they were throwing me a surprise gender reveal party. Since I'd already told her, she had taken it upon herself to order a cake with colorful frosting, decorate the apartment and invite a bunch of people over.

The guests included her mother (whom I don't get along with), some of her friends, my MIL (not my mom) and four of my friends. As I later found out, my MIL and friends had been told I'd changed my mind about gender reveals.

I had not. Still in the doorway, I looked over at everyone and said, "It's a boy. You guys can go home now." I left without looking back.

Hours later, my father called me furious that I'd ruined the party. He said his girlfriend had put a lot of effort, money and love into planning it, and I should have shown respect and gratitude for it. Apparently, she hadn't stopped crying since I left.

It's been almost a week, and they're both still upset. Even after I explained I never wanted that party in the first place, they're insisting I could have sucked it up for an hour, or at least cut the cake.

AITA?

Relevant Comments:

Commenter (Top Comment): NTA. This smacks of her trying to “prove” that she cares about you more than your mom, especially seeing as how either your mom wasn’t invited or she turned down the invitation to respect your wishes. She doesn’t seem to get that the way to prove she cares about you at all is to actually listen to what you want and don’t want.

>OOP: I asked my mom, she confirmed she wasn't invited. According to my father's girlfriend, she didn't have her number. That's probably true, but I have no idea how she could have gotten my MIL's.
(to another commenter): I think the real reason is that she knew my mom wouldn't back her up. Had my mother been invited, she would have told me everything. She knows I wouldn't want a gender reveal.

Commenter: There was cake! You could have have deliverately misunderstood and said, "Thank you for the baby shower for my baby BOY" and then stayed for cake."

Then you could have also, in between bites of cake, acted all confused to the guests and said, " I'm so glad she respected my wishes on not having a gender reveal party and threw ne a shower like I preferred " and then went and got another slice of cake. SMH, missed opportunity to have your cake and eat it too.

>OOP: Wouldn't have worked. The moment they all yelled "surprise", she said it was a gender reveal. The decorations also made it obvious.
My fiancé did get me cake after all this, so I didn't really miss out on that.

Commenter: NTA. Is your dad’s gf infertile? Does she have kids ?

>OOP: She doesn't have kids, but I have no idea whether she's infertile.

Commenter (downvoted): I mean... I guess I don't blame you, but it sucks for the other people who just showed up for a party that they thought you wanted and got ditched. Your mother-in-law and friends didn't do anything wrong and they got punished too.

>OOP: I talked to them afterwards to clear things up. They were all confused and upset on my behalf. I made it clear I understood they had been lied to and it hadn't been my intention to put them in that position. We all apologized to each other.

Commenter (part of a longer, downvoted comment): Your actions were a reflection of how you feel about the gf, not at all about spending time with people who love and respect you and are looking forward to your little one’s arrival.

>OOP: If she wants a get together, she can throw a party. She does not need to make that about my child's sex, specially after I told her not to.
My friends and MIL did indeed think they'd come for me, and I spoke to them afterwards. But I will not buy that her mother and friends were there because they cared about me.
You're not the only one assuming I don't like my father's girlfriend. That is not true. But when I tell someone I don't want something (multiple times) and they go ahead and do it anyway, I don't have to stick around. And no, this was not about the hormones.

OOP is voted NTA

Update Post: July 27, 2024 (2 weeks later)

Thank you for all your replies. Especially those who called me the AH for having a gender reveal. I'm assuming you didn't read my post, but you still cracked me up.

All jokes aside, I've been expected to be a pushover for most of my life (older daughter of divorced parents), so it was good to know I was right to stand my ground on this issue.

After reading your comments, I've concluded that the only thing I did wrong was leaving without talking to my friends and MIL. They were lied to and put in an awkward position after I left. I did talk to them the next day and apologized, but I wish I'd told them what was going on.

A few days ago, my fiancé and I invited my father and his girlfriend over. I told them I was extremely upset with them both, but I wanted to sort this out peacefully.

We still ended up fighting. My father agreed with some points I made, but kept insisting that I was ungrateful and owed his girlfriend an apology. She was quiet at first, but started crying about 20 minutes into the fight.

My father's girlfriend said she threw the party because she cared about me, and that she'd want one if she was pregnant. She started talking about all the gender reveal videos she'd watched on TikTok, and how happy the parents look in them. She told me she genuinely thought I'd love it, and couldn't understand why I'd been so rude to her.

To my surprise, my fiancé was the first to snap at that (he's usually the calm one). He told her to stop calling it my party, since she clearly threw it for herself. I had expressed countless times that I didn't want a gender reveal, and I was well within my rights to leave when she tried to ambush me with one.

The fight didn't go on for much longer after that. Near its end, my father asked me why I hadn't at least played along for a while.

I told him I went there expecting to spend an hour with someone I've been meaning to get to know better, not to spend my entire afternoon entertaining a dozen people (more than half of whom I either didn't know or didn't like) who got together to talk about my child's privates. I didn't mean to upset anyone, but I had to get out. My father didn't argue with that.

There were two main pieces of advice from your comments that I decided to follow. The first was to tell my father's girlfriend she needed to apologize to my friends and MIL for lying to them. She agreed (and they later confirmed she did).

Secondly, neither of them will be allowed to meet my son at the hospital when he's born. My father had been looking forward to this, so it wasn't an easy decision, but I made it clear it was final.

My father called me the next day to apologize for everything, and I forgave him. I don't expect an apology from his girlfriend, but I'm done feeding that fire. My life is stressful enough as it is.

My son will be here in November. He already has a name, and we've just started working on his nursery. I truly can't wait to meet him.

Also sorry for including "for" twice in my first post's title. (Editor's note- fixed that here)

Relevant Comments:

Commenter (top comment): Gender reveals are still a cringe. And always will be.

>OOP: Meh. There are dozens of reasons I dislike gender reveals, but I don't think that's one of them.
I do agree with it, though. But I like plenty of cringe stuff, so that wouldn't be enough for me to dislike something.

Commenter: Does your dad and his gf have a large age gap? She just revealed that she wants kids

>OOP: They're 16 years apart, I think.

Commenter: For the sake of your mental health, do not tell anyone the names you have chosen.

>OOP: Oh, we're not saying anything until birth. The only people who know besides us are my best friend (who will be my son's godmother) and her husband.

*****New Update Post: February 19, 2025 (7 months later)*****

Hey everyone. It's been a while. Hope it's ok for me to update here. I remember promising myself I'd make a final post as soon as the dust had settled, and I'm pretty sure the time has come.

First of all, I'm a mom! My son was born in November, and he turned three months old a little over a week ago. He's beautiful and perfect and I still can't believe he's here.

Secondly, I have some updates on my father and his girlfriend. Most importantly, they broke up last month. Turns out they were cheating on each other. I don't know much about this that isn't gossip I can't confirm, but I did have some minor problems with her after my last post.

About a week after the conversation I mentioned in my previous update, she became fixated on trying to find out my son's name. According to her, there was a personalized gift she wanted to get me that would need it. She spent three weeks asking around about it before giving up.

I didn't invite my father's girlfriend to my baby shower. Almost definitely a dick move, but I didn't want her there. She was still on her name crusade at the time, and it was becoming exhausting to deal with. My mother was the one who threw it, so it didn't make sense for her to be there anyway. My fiancé and I had dinner with her and my father instead, which did end up being nice. She gave us diapers instead of the "personalized gift," and it was quite honestly the best thing she could have gotten me.

Nothing happened when I went into labor (at least not on that end). I introduced my son to my father through video chat. He kept his part of the deal and didn't visit us, but I later found out his girlfriend did try to convince him to.

They came over to meet the baby a bit over a week later. Her mother was visiting them at the time, and I allowed her to join us despite the fact I never got along with her. Awful decision. She complained the whole visit. Also, according to her, I "had it easy" because of my C-section, so she felt the need to tell me her whole birth story. Joke's on her, my kid can kill Macbeth.

All jokes aside, my father was particularly upset about this. He told me he had a huge argument with his girlfriend afterwards because her mother "ruined his first time meeting his first grandchild."

The holidays went fine. The breakup happened early in January. Again, I don't know much about it.

A few days after I found out, my father's (ex) girlfriend texted me. She apologized for whatever stress she had put me through during my pregnancy. We wished each other well.

I'm sure both she and my father will start dating their affair partners now. If I learned anything these last few months, it's that my family is a fucking mess. Moving forward, I'll do my best to protect my child from this. I still have over a year until my wedding, so we'll enjoy our time away from the spotlight while it lasts.

This will be my last post. Thanks everyone!

TW: >!negging!<

Original by u/ThrowRA-doistink in r/relationshipadvice

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and everything has been great except for one thing. Every single day, at least once, he will tell me that I stink and smell of b.o( body odour).

When we met I showered every day, applied regular deodorant in the morning, brushed my teeth three times a day. Now I am so paranoid about smelling bad that I shower at least twice a day, I apply new industrial strength deodorant every few hours (I have a reminder on my phone), perfume, and I brush my teeth anytime I eat or drink something that isn’t water.

I feel like I’m going crazy. I didn’t think I smelled bad in the beginning and I don’t think I smell bad now but I obviously smell bad to him right? Im that weirdo that keeps “sneakily” smelling their own armpits. I have been to the doctor and he has said there is nothing medically wrong. It has honestly gotten to the point where I literally shove my arm pit in friends and families faces asking if I smell bad, they all say I don’t smell like b.o. at all, one friend even said I smelled too clean like a lush store.

I am getting so paranoid. He won’t cuddle or anything when he says I smell. I really don’t know what more I can do?

Update - so unexpected edit. I waited for him to make a comment this morning so I could talk to him. It was less than an hour after waking up that he said “god you stink” I had already showered and put on deodorant. I snapped and asked what exactly was he smelling because, at this point I’m one of the cleanest people on the planet and if I still smell bad to him then we should just break up.

He got all panicked and upset, I eventually got out of him that this is what he father always said to his mother. Apparently his father told him that is was a sure fire technique to have a woman never leave you because “she will feel too low to cheat, will love only you, and will always be clean”.

Needless to say, his father is wrong. He’s packing his things and moving out of my house today

#Reminder: I am not the Original OP.