I am NOT the Original Poster. That is throwaway4727281347. They posted in r/TrueOffMyChest

Thanks to u/pepcorn for the rec!

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. This has not been posted here before.

Mood Spoiler: >!just yikes!<

Original Post: October 13, 2022

My wife doesn't follow or know anything about Twitch or video games at all. She doesn't have any knowledge of or connection to the industry I used to work in. She is a paramedic so she works different shifts and does not know I stream at times when she is not home. Her salary is enough to cover our bills although things will be a bit tighter until I starting making money on my stream.

I'm not going to tell anyone until I'm bringing in enough money that I can do it full time. I have never been happier and not stressed as I am now. It's easy for me to lock myself in my home office and say I'm networking and job hunting when I'm really streaming if my wife and/or my 3 year old is home. If she's not working or my daughter is not at daycare it's harder but I make it work. I feel a bit guilty for lying but I have wanted to do this for a long time. No one that I know in real life knows. Obviously posting this with a throwaway.

Top Comments***:***

Deleted Account: So you’re never going to tell anyone…

You’re not going to make money, you’re a fucking loser taking advantage of your wife.

Grow the fuck up and get a job and Help take care of YOUR child

Or you can wait til your wife finds out what a fucking deceitful user you are and hopefully leaves you

DevilDog82nd: This is a fools game you are playing. Stop lying about it and own it.

ackayak: Damn bro lying to your wife is a shitty thing to do.

What if you don't make it and never make money like 90% of the people who try.

What are you going to tell her you have been doing for months/years.

>Circus-wolf: If he does end up making it, imagine him telling his wife. "Hey honey I've been lying to you for months/years but it all worked out. Even though you were the only one supporting us for months and we had to go without often"

Update Post: November 1, 2025 (Over 3 years later)

Title: Update, my wife and everyone else thinks I got laid off but really I quit so I could make a go at being a Twitch streamer full time. An update and my divorce destroyed me and she's dating again now.

I know I'll probably get flamed but I get it. I understand that I am the one who ruined my life and my marriage. My divorce was finalized a year ago. She found out about 6 months after I posted. I understand that I was wrong and that I screwed up. I regret my stupidity so much. She left our flat with our daughter and went to live with her sister and hired a solicitor and that was it. Don't be stupid like me.

We've been divorced for a year and I found out she just started dating again. I'm gutted. I miss her. I miss my daughter because she only lives with me half the time. Whenever I see my wife's sister or other members of her family they give me the stink eye. I can't believe I was such a lazy fuck while she was out there busting her ass as a paramedic. I understand why everyone hates me and sided with her. I know I'll get judged either way but I'm posting in case anyone understands what I'm going through and being gutted when your ex starts dating again.

Top Comments:

wasabinski: I read your original post and the funny thing is that everyone told you this was going to happen, and it did.

>blackdanish: The fact that, everyone told him that was going to happen and it did happen is soo funny to me😂. Like bro even a child would have seen this coming from miles away.

Beginning-Bed9364: How's the streaming career?

>GuardianAlien: Who would have guessed it's not that easy!

DestructicusDawn: what grown man with a family does something like this?

>spkincaid13: Im a police officer and went to an apartment to check on some kids once. Two kids 6 and 8, both non verbal. Both home schooled by dad. They lived in low income housing in a neighborhood where you regularly hear gunshots. They had the bare minimum in the apartment. Except of course for dad's streaming setup. He had a better gaming PC than me and I thought I spent too much on mine with no kids. He was neglecting home school to focus on his streaming career. Absolutely delusional.

cjstr8: You could’ve kept your job and did streams at night, you idiot.

NoeTellusom: If you haven't already, it's likely past time to speak to a therapist about how you sabotaged your job and marriage to find out what happened and how to avoid doing something like this, again.

>justjulia2189: I usually get annoyed by the excessive recommendation for therapy on this site (literally everyone knows it exists, so it’s often just a ton of filler comments that add no value to the conversation) but this comment is actually super appropriate, especially since it defines exactly what he needs to work on. It almost sounds like he might struggle with impulse control or something, but there is definitely a lot to unpack here, and a professional could really help him with moving forward, especially since he is showing a lot of remorse and ownership of his mistakes.

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still DaughterPartyThrow. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/AITAH

Previous BORU here. New Update marked with *****

Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77, u/Starry_Gecko and u/Choice_Evidence1983 for letting me know about the update

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Mood Spoiler: >!good ending!<

Original Post: January 27, 2025

My (33F) daughter “Cleo” (5yo) hates pink. She has disliked the color and almost everything to do with it since she was about three or so. She has one pink shirt she likes and one pink stuffed animal, and that’s it.

My father’s partner, “Prue,” refuses to accept that Cleo doesn’t like pink. Over the years, she’s made several attempts to push the color onto her (pretty much every gift she’s ever given her was some shade of pink), no matter how many times I tell her to stop. She has tried to give me dozens of different reasons why I should encourage my daughter to “try different shades.” It clearly upsets Cleo, but Prue keeps doing it.

About a week ago, my father invited me, my husband and our children for dinner at his place. He said he and Prue had a surprise for the kids.

Right before we left home, my younger sister (who still lives with our father) texted me. She warned me that the “surprise” was actually a small birthday party Prue had planned for Cleo. That alone threw me off, because my daughter’s birthday was in November. My father did miss her actual birthday party due to work, but still. Also, my son turns 9 in March, so I had figured his would be the next party we’d have.

Then she sent me photos of how the place was decorated, and it very clearly wasn’t actually meant for Cleo. Literally every piece of decor was pink. The table, the tableware, the balloons, everything. She had gotten pink banners and glued pink foil fringe curtains on the doors. Even the cake was pink.

I showed everything to my husband, and we agreed not to take the kids there. I texted my father the following: “Hey, (sister) told me everything. We’re not coming. We’re taking the kids to McDonalds and telling them that was your surprise. You and Prue can come if you want, we’re paying.”

We did exactly that. My father did show up (without Prue), but he was cold with us and left 20 minutes after arriving.

Both him and Prue are pissed. My father is angry that my husband and I dismissed his partner’s “heartfelt gesture” towards our daughter. Prue also told me that I’m the reason Cleo is “restrictive” (I also don’t like pink), and I’m raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is unwilling to compromise.

To be honest, I get how I could be in the wrong here. But at the same time, this just felt like Prue trying to push something Cleo doesn’t like onto her yet again.

My sister and one of my brothers are on my side (though my sister did say I had been rude). My other brother is on the fence.

AITA?

EDIT: My daughter doesn't know I dislike pink, nor would I care if she did like it.

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: NTA You handled it well, and avoided the worst. [...]

Your father is the weakest link here. He should be reeling in Prue's pink obsession, not encouraging it.

>OOP: My father never understood I didn't like pink, either. In his case, I think it was more of a memory thing. He had the habit of getting me the same essentials as my sister, who did like pink.
He probably just doesn't care:
Probably. He genuinely has an awful memory (and has since I was a kid), so I feel the need to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Does Prue have kids?

>Prue doesn't have kids. She does have some experience with children, but mostly through mine and her friends'. She has never babysat my kids, and I don't know whether she's ever been responsible for any other children.
To another commenter:
She has a goddaughter. My eldest brother has two children, but he doesn’t have a lot of contact with Prue.

Why brother isn't in contact with Prue:

>My brothers and I had a pretty big fight with our father a couple years ago. It had nothing to do with this. We've all apologized to each other, but our relationships with him and Prue aren't the same. I live the closest to them, so I have more contact.

Cleo's tastes:

>I've said this somewhere else, but Cleo's tastes are pretty balanced. She loves doing ballet and playing with dolls. She also loves cars (her dad is a big F1 guy) and space stuff. Her birthday party last year was themed after Super Mario Bros. (the movie, she's never played the game). The "boy stuff" she likes does also bother Prue, though. Not as much as the pink thing, but enough that both me and my husband know.
I understand the assumption that Cleo picked this up from me, but I don't think so. I wear pink around her. I own pink stuff. I occasionally dressed her in pink as a baby. She doesn't even know I dislike pink.

What ARE her favorite colors?

>Yellow and blue are her favorites! I assume it's because her favorite princesses are Belle and Jasmine.

Does she hate pink because you hate it?

>I don't think she takes the cue from me at all. I've said this in a different comment, but I wear pink around her and own lots of pink stuff. I never told her I disliked pink.
There's a lot of stuff that Cleo loves that I hate and vice versa. I dislike The Lion King, she loves it. I watch that movie with her on a weekly basis, and she has no idea I'd never do that if I didn't love her. She dislikes Mary Poppins, I love it. I never told her I liked it, because I know she might feel guilty.

Commenter (downvoted): I'm of similar age to Prue. When I attended school the girls bathrooms were blue and the boys pink. But within a year of me attending school it changed to pink being for girls. It was incredibly confusing. However Prue's focus on pink is likely her just trying to be a nana, and no matter the colour she made a real effort to celebrate your daughter. I think half an hour or so wouldn't have hurt. YTA Your daughter could then tell Prue I'd love next year to be..

>OOP: It absolutely would hurt Cleo. She would have started crying, because she hates it when people push pink onto her. She has been frustrated with Prue's attempts to do that for a while now.

Commenter (downvoted): Did you ask Cleo what she wanted to do?

>OOP: You mean did I ask her whether she wanted to attend a birthday party she wouldn't like two months after her actual birthday?
No. She already gets upset that Prue ignores how much she hates pink, I didn't want to ruin my father's image too.

Tons of commenters insisted that OOP must be telling or showing her daughter that she (OOP) hates pink. Quite frankly it was ridiculous, but I'm including two of OOP's comments:

>What actions would a 5 year old read as "mom hates pink"? Is there an anti-pink gesture I'm doing subconsciously?
Why is it so hard to believe my daughter simply dislikes a color?
To another commenter:
A lot of children hate colors. I had a similar aversion to green at her age. My mother still talks about how crazy I drove her.
I have literally never said a word about hating pink to my daughter.

Just wanted to include my favorite OOP comment:

>I sincerely believe many of you have never met any 5 year olds.
My daughter has already told Prue she hates pink. The whole point is that she keeps ignoring it.

OOP is voted NTA

OOP adds a Clarifying Post: February 4, 2025 (8 days later)

Hey guys. I ended up leaving a LOT of comments on my AITA post, many of which say the same things over and over. Because I don’t think it will be easy to read them all (and because many of you were quick to make inaccurate assumptions about me and my family), I'm writing this to clarify some things.

• Cleo and Prue are both fake names.
• We’re not American.
• Prue is 46 years old. I don’t call her my stepmother because she’s only 13 years older than me. Also, she’s not married to my father, but they’ve been together for 12 years. I have nothing against her, we’re just not close.
• Cleo’s interests are pretty balanced. She likes princesses, cars, robots and dolls. She loves science and outer space. She does ballet and loves it too. She’s the only girl in her ballet class who wears black. Her teacher calls her Black Swan. She’s not a girly girl, but I wouldn’t call her a tomboy either. She’s just a kid who hates pink.
• Cleo’s favorite colors are yellow and blue.
• Though I understand the assumption Cleo dislikes pink because of me, that’s not the case. I hate pink, but I’m not disgusted by it. I wear pink clothing around my children, I occasionally dressed Cleo in pink as a baby, I own pink stuff and buy it for myself.
• My kids don’t know I don’t like pink. They’ve chosen pink gifts for me in the past. According to my son, I “love all the colors.” My father and Prue know it because I’ve disliked pink since long before I had children.
• There’s plenty of stuff I hate that my kids like and vice versa. They don’t have to care about these things, so I don’t tell them.
• Cleo’s more “boyish” tastes also annoy Prue. Not as much as the pink thing, but enough that my husband and I know. Cleo’s birthday party last November was themed after Super Mario Bros., and Prue actually asked me why I was allowing that.
• Cleo is open about hating pink. She has expressed that to Prue several times, specifically because she keeps pushing it.
• Both my kids are polite. Whenever Prue gives my daughter something pink, Cleo thanks her. She'll sometimes ask Prue if she can give her something yellow next time, and she doesn’t act as excited as she gets when other people give her something she actually likes, but that’s it. 
• We let Cleo choose which of her gifts she wants to exchange. She always asks to exchange pink stuff. If it can’t be exchanged, she won’t play with it or wear it. We either give those away to her friends or donate them to charity.
• Cleo does have friends who like pink (her best friend loves it), and wouldn’t complain if they threw pink parties for themselves. She’d know those aren’t about her. But the second you made it about her (AKA, threw her a pink party), then she’d be upset.
• Cleo would have loathed the party. She would have started crying immediately. She wouldn’t have eaten the cake, she wouldn’t have had fun. 
• I didn’t tell Cleo about the party for a number of reasons. Most importantly, I didn’t want her to get upset. I also knew that letting her see it would ruin my father’s image in her eyes. Cleo is already upset that Prue doesn’t care about what she likes, and I didn't want to get frustrated at her grandfather too.
• Yes, my daughter does in fact hate pink. Yes, I’m very well aware that might change someday. No, I wouldn’t care if it did.

I think that’s all I wanted to say here. Feel free to ask me any other questions you may have.

Update Post: February 4, 2025 (Same day as clarification post, 8 from OG post)

First of all, I apologized to my sister a few hours after I made my original post. I am very grateful for what she did, but I’ll do my best to keep her away from these conflicts moving forward. Thank you to those who defended her.

Secondly, I went through your comments with my husband, and our main takeaway was that we did what we had to do to protect Cleo, even if it wasn’t what we’d do in most circumstances. 

Had either of us been surprised with a party decorated with something we openly hated, we would have sucked it up and ignored it. It sucks, but we’re adults and it comes with the territory. Cleo, however, is 5 years old. She wouldn’t deal with this the same way, nor would we expect her to. Knowing my daughter, she would have been miserable at the party. So ultimately, we don’t regret not taking her there.

On Saturday, we took the kids to spend the afternoon at my brother’s place with their cousins. In the meantime, we invited my father and Prue over to talk. 

My husband and I told them we wanted them to abide by the following: 1) No more surprise parties without our knowledge and approval; 2) No more pushing the color pink onto Cleo (including pink gifts); and 3) No more calling our children spoiled for being allowed to dislike something. If they didn’t agree to our terms, we would no longer take the kids to their place, and there would be a good chance we’d lower our contact with them in the future.

Prue didn’t say anything at first. My father tried to argue that we should at least thank her for the party, but I said no. I told them the problem wasn’t that Prue threw a party for my daughter that was dedicated to her own interests, it was that she specifically chose something she knows my daughter hates and centered everything around it. We wouldn’t thank her, and we wouldn’t apologize.

That’s when Prue chimed in. She tried to tell us we were raising our daughter to be a brat again. So I asked, “Why are you so insistent on pink?” She didn’t answer at first, but then said she knew Cleo did love pink, she just didn’t know it yet. And to that I asked, “Would you be this pushy if it was about any other color?”

Prue tried to say that didn’t matter, but when my husband asked her if she’d care if Cleo hated blue, she said, “She doesn’t need to like blue.” He replied that she didn’t need to like pink either.

He told Prue that she had no right to decide what Cleo should and shouldn’t like. Cleo hates pink, and if she can’t be an adult and respect that, then she doesn’t need to be around our children.

In the end, my father and Prue agreed to our terms. I’m not confident about her, but I did speak to my father. I said I know that he has a hard time saying no to Prue, but he will ruin his relationship with me and my children if he keeps enabling his partner. My father promised he wouldn’t let this happen again.

I hope this works out. Cleo is a great kid, and I hope my father and Prue can finally start seeing that.

Thank you all for everything.

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: Narrator: It was, in fact, not over.

>OOP: Oh yeah, I don't trust her at all. I've already warned my father what will happen if he doesn't stand up to her, but I wouldn't be surprised if Prue tried something again. At least my siblings are on my side.

Commenter: There’s no way Prue is dropping this. To even ‘throw’ the party in the first place shows that she cares not for Cleo’s feelings, but only for herself - as she basically showed with throwing the party in the first place.

Still NTA OP but you definitely need to lessen contact with Prue.

>OOP: I don't think she's dropping it either.
My sister told me that from what she saw, the party was entirely Prue’s idea. When she started getting pink stuff for the decorations, both my sister and my father tried to remind her Cleo didn’t like pink. Prue barely acknowledged them, and my father eventually stopped arguing, which was why my sister sent me the pictures.

Commenter: Your father is enabling her behaviour. You need to tell him that your daughter’s wants and needs take precedence over that of a grown woman with selective hearing.

>OOP: I wouldn't be surprised if we had to either stop visiting or lower contact with them in the near future. I don't trust my father as much as I wish I did, but I've warned him. If he cares about what his granddaughter thinks of him, he will listen. If not, we will learn.

Commenter: I wouldn't allow my daughter to be alone with her. Who knows what venom she could spew in her ear.

"No one will like you if you like blue and space, people only like proper girls."

"What you want/like doesn't matter. When a grownup wants you to do something, you have to do it, otherwise you're a bad girl." The damage could be real.

>OOP: I don't trust Prue to babysit for a number of reasons, but that's exactly what I'm worried about.

New Update

*****Update Post 2: October 6, 2025 (8 months later)*****

Title: FINAL UPDATE: AITA for refusing to take my daughter to "her" birthday party?

Hey guys. I wasn’t planning on coming back, but stuff happened recently and I remembered writing my previous posts.

Things with Prue were mostly fine the months after my last post. On one hand, she didn’t try to push pink onto Cleo in any way. No pink gifts, no preaching, no weirdly timed parties. 

On the other hand, Prue didn’t change much about the rest of her behavior. She was still annoyed whenever my daughter’s non-girly tastes were mentioned. She wouldn’t say anything, but I could see she was making an effort not to. Cleo didn’t seem to notice it or be bothered by it. I don’t have much to say about my father’s behavior, but I will say we didn’t have any problems related to this.

Anyway, Cleo’s 6th birthday is coming up in early November. Her best friend’s birthday is about two weeks before hers, and we’re doing a joint party for them near the end of this month. The girls have both become obsessed with the Wicked movie this past year, so they’ve decided that will be the theme. We’re also looking into taking them to see the musical sometime between their birthdays. The girls are very excited.

Last month, we had dinner with my father, and Cleo started talking about the party. Prue was happy about the theme until Cleo mentioned she’s going to wear an Elphaba costume and her friend will dress as Glinda. The kids eventually shifted the subject, and Prue didn’t say anything else about the party.

I got a text message from Prue later that night. It was long and not in English, so here are some bullet points:

• She’s been “holding a lot in” these last few months.
• I’m influencing my daughter, and raising her to be a tomboy “isn’t as cool as I think.”
• Cleo is obviously confused and it’s my fault.
• It’s embarrassing that I won’t “let my daughter be special” on her birthday.
• It’s bad that my husband lets Cleo watch F1 with him (why she felt the need to bring that up is beyond me).
• It’s sad that I won’t let my daughter be herself (which I found very funny).
• I’m failing my daughter.
• She wasn’t going to say anything, but “couldn’t help herself.”

The text solidified everything I already thought about Prue. She won’t drop this, and she won’t change. And I don’t want to keep putting my daughter around someone who won’t respect her for who she is.

Both me and my husband blocked Prue the next day. I sent my father a screenshot of her text and told him we’re lowering our contact with her. We’ll only see her during family events. That means the only other time we’ll see her this year is Christmas Eve. He can still see the kids without her. And if she tries to pull anything in front of the kids, we’re cutting ties permanently. A few hours later, my father asked, “I can’t get you to change your mind, can I?” I told him no, and he said he agreed.

I told my siblings everything. My sister is moving in with her boyfriend in January, so I’m not too worried about her getting mixed up in this any further, but I told her to let me know if anything happened. So far, all she’s had to say is that Prue has been telling her she wants to apologize to me. I don’t care whether she does anymore.

Also, Cleo found a type of pink she likes. It’s a deep magenta, she calls it “purple pink.” She still hates every other shade, but it’s something. And because of the theme, there is going to be a lot of pink at her birthday party, even if it's not "her half." Both my children are doing great, and I grow prouder of them every day.

I have zero intention of updating again. I have a lot going on in my life right now, and just thinking about the fact all this happened because a grown woman couldn’t accept that my child hates a color exhausts me. I’m more than happy to stop talking about this.

Once again, thank you for everything.

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: My favorite color is pink and I like Elphaba more. Prue is insane, and your daughter sounds like she’s doing great. Awesome job Mom!

>OOP: Cleo actually likes both, but she loves Elphaba. She didn't like Glinda until she "stopped being mean."

Commenter: Yeah, I didn't like Glinda either until she got a shot of character development. Hoping to see more of that in the second film.

Not to mention, it's concerning how Prue threw a fit because your kid likes Elphaba.

>OOP: My best guess is that she was upset my daughter specifically chose the character who doesn't wear pink as her favorite. As if she wasn't well aware Cleo hated pink.

Parenting:

>We always try to be as supportive of our kids as possible. My son is into sci-fi, but he's also been getting interested in film and theater lately. Cleo loves ballet, and currently wants to be an astronaut when she grows up.
And I do have to say I know very little about F1, but Cleo loves watching it with her dad.

Commenter: Prue's issues are deeply rooted in misogyny and traditional gender roles. She just won't say that bit out loud. [...]

>OOP: She doesn't have to say it out loud, it's always been pretty obvious. Her reaction to Cleo's 5th birthday party being themed after Super Mario Bros. will never not annoy me.

Commenter: Is Prue generally socially conservative? Something about this story feels like she's scared you're "turning her gay" or some similar paranoid conspiracy religious right bullshit.

>OOP: She is religious and leans mostly conservative, but I'm not sure that's what this is about. I have two close relatives who are LGBTQ+, and she's on good terms with both. I think she's just upset my daughter is not the girl she wants her to be.

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still ThrowawayGenReveal. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/AITAH

Previous BORU here. Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar for letting me know about the update. New Update marked with *****

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Mood Spoiler: >!OOP and baby are doing well!<

Original Post: July 13, 2024

I'm pregnant with a baby boy due in November. My fiancé and I didn't care much about the sex of our child, so we didn't make too much noise about it once we found out. The only people we'd informed were our parents, their partners and our siblings.

Prior to this, my father's girlfriend of 3 years had been asking me about my plans for a gender reveal party. I've always been clear about not wanting one. When I announced my son's gender to them, she expressed disappointment that I hadn't changed my mind about a party.

I don't like gender reveals. Never have, never will. I prefer baby showers, which I think feel more about the actual child. I never tried to hide that opinion, either.

Days later, my father's girlfriend invited me over for tea at their apartment (my dad was out of town). When I got there, about a dozen people popped out of hiding to surprise me. There were pink and blue decorations everywhere, which made what was going on pretty clear.

As I stood there in shock, my father's girlfriend excitedly told me they were throwing me a surprise gender reveal party. Since I'd already told her, she had taken it upon herself to order a cake with colorful frosting, decorate the apartment and invite a bunch of people over.

The guests included her mother (whom I don't get along with), some of her friends, my MIL (not my mom) and four of my friends. As I later found out, my MIL and friends had been told I'd changed my mind about gender reveals.

I had not. Still in the doorway, I looked over at everyone and said, "It's a boy. You guys can go home now." I left without looking back.

Hours later, my father called me furious that I'd ruined the party. He said his girlfriend had put a lot of effort, money and love into planning it, and I should have shown respect and gratitude for it. Apparently, she hadn't stopped crying since I left.

It's been almost a week, and they're both still upset. Even after I explained I never wanted that party in the first place, they're insisting I could have sucked it up for an hour, or at least cut the cake.

AITA?

Relevant Comments:

Commenter (Top Comment): NTA. This smacks of her trying to “prove” that she cares about you more than your mom, especially seeing as how either your mom wasn’t invited or she turned down the invitation to respect your wishes. She doesn’t seem to get that the way to prove she cares about you at all is to actually listen to what you want and don’t want.

>OOP: I asked my mom, she confirmed she wasn't invited. According to my father's girlfriend, she didn't have her number. That's probably true, but I have no idea how she could have gotten my MIL's.
(to another commenter): I think the real reason is that she knew my mom wouldn't back her up. Had my mother been invited, she would have told me everything. She knows I wouldn't want a gender reveal.

Commenter: There was cake! You could have have deliverately misunderstood and said, "Thank you for the baby shower for my baby BOY" and then stayed for cake."

Then you could have also, in between bites of cake, acted all confused to the guests and said, " I'm so glad she respected my wishes on not having a gender reveal party and threw ne a shower like I preferred " and then went and got another slice of cake. SMH, missed opportunity to have your cake and eat it too.

>OOP: Wouldn't have worked. The moment they all yelled "surprise", she said it was a gender reveal. The decorations also made it obvious.
My fiancé did get me cake after all this, so I didn't really miss out on that.

Commenter: NTA. Is your dad’s gf infertile? Does she have kids ?

>OOP: She doesn't have kids, but I have no idea whether she's infertile.

Commenter (downvoted): I mean... I guess I don't blame you, but it sucks for the other people who just showed up for a party that they thought you wanted and got ditched. Your mother-in-law and friends didn't do anything wrong and they got punished too.

>OOP: I talked to them afterwards to clear things up. They were all confused and upset on my behalf. I made it clear I understood they had been lied to and it hadn't been my intention to put them in that position. We all apologized to each other.

Commenter (part of a longer, downvoted comment): Your actions were a reflection of how you feel about the gf, not at all about spending time with people who love and respect you and are looking forward to your little one’s arrival.

>OOP: If she wants a get together, she can throw a party. She does not need to make that about my child's sex, specially after I told her not to.
My friends and MIL did indeed think they'd come for me, and I spoke to them afterwards. But I will not buy that her mother and friends were there because they cared about me.
You're not the only one assuming I don't like my father's girlfriend. That is not true. But when I tell someone I don't want something (multiple times) and they go ahead and do it anyway, I don't have to stick around. And no, this was not about the hormones.

OOP is voted NTA

Update Post: July 27, 2024 (2 weeks later)

Thank you for all your replies. Especially those who called me the AH for having a gender reveal. I'm assuming you didn't read my post, but you still cracked me up.

All jokes aside, I've been expected to be a pushover for most of my life (older daughter of divorced parents), so it was good to know I was right to stand my ground on this issue.

After reading your comments, I've concluded that the only thing I did wrong was leaving without talking to my friends and MIL. They were lied to and put in an awkward position after I left. I did talk to them the next day and apologized, but I wish I'd told them what was going on.

A few days ago, my fiancé and I invited my father and his girlfriend over. I told them I was extremely upset with them both, but I wanted to sort this out peacefully.

We still ended up fighting. My father agreed with some points I made, but kept insisting that I was ungrateful and owed his girlfriend an apology. She was quiet at first, but started crying about 20 minutes into the fight.

My father's girlfriend said she threw the party because she cared about me, and that she'd want one if she was pregnant. She started talking about all the gender reveal videos she'd watched on TikTok, and how happy the parents look in them. She told me she genuinely thought I'd love it, and couldn't understand why I'd been so rude to her.

To my surprise, my fiancé was the first to snap at that (he's usually the calm one). He told her to stop calling it my party, since she clearly threw it for herself. I had expressed countless times that I didn't want a gender reveal, and I was well within my rights to leave when she tried to ambush me with one.

The fight didn't go on for much longer after that. Near its end, my father asked me why I hadn't at least played along for a while.

I told him I went there expecting to spend an hour with someone I've been meaning to get to know better, not to spend my entire afternoon entertaining a dozen people (more than half of whom I either didn't know or didn't like) who got together to talk about my child's privates. I didn't mean to upset anyone, but I had to get out. My father didn't argue with that.

There were two main pieces of advice from your comments that I decided to follow. The first was to tell my father's girlfriend she needed to apologize to my friends and MIL for lying to them. She agreed (and they later confirmed she did).

Secondly, neither of them will be allowed to meet my son at the hospital when he's born. My father had been looking forward to this, so it wasn't an easy decision, but I made it clear it was final.

My father called me the next day to apologize for everything, and I forgave him. I don't expect an apology from his girlfriend, but I'm done feeding that fire. My life is stressful enough as it is.

My son will be here in November. He already has a name, and we've just started working on his nursery. I truly can't wait to meet him.

Also sorry for including "for" twice in my first post's title. (Editor's note- fixed that here)

Relevant Comments:

Commenter (top comment): Gender reveals are still a cringe. And always will be.

>OOP: Meh. There are dozens of reasons I dislike gender reveals, but I don't think that's one of them.
I do agree with it, though. But I like plenty of cringe stuff, so that wouldn't be enough for me to dislike something.

Commenter: Does your dad and his gf have a large age gap? She just revealed that she wants kids

>OOP: They're 16 years apart, I think.

Commenter: For the sake of your mental health, do not tell anyone the names you have chosen.

>OOP: Oh, we're not saying anything until birth. The only people who know besides us are my best friend (who will be my son's godmother) and her husband.

*****New Update Post: February 19, 2025 (7 months later)*****

Hey everyone. It's been a while. Hope it's ok for me to update here. I remember promising myself I'd make a final post as soon as the dust had settled, and I'm pretty sure the time has come.

First of all, I'm a mom! My son was born in November, and he turned three months old a little over a week ago. He's beautiful and perfect and I still can't believe he's here.

Secondly, I have some updates on my father and his girlfriend. Most importantly, they broke up last month. Turns out they were cheating on each other. I don't know much about this that isn't gossip I can't confirm, but I did have some minor problems with her after my last post.

About a week after the conversation I mentioned in my previous update, she became fixated on trying to find out my son's name. According to her, there was a personalized gift she wanted to get me that would need it. She spent three weeks asking around about it before giving up.

I didn't invite my father's girlfriend to my baby shower. Almost definitely a dick move, but I didn't want her there. She was still on her name crusade at the time, and it was becoming exhausting to deal with. My mother was the one who threw it, so it didn't make sense for her to be there anyway. My fiancé and I had dinner with her and my father instead, which did end up being nice. She gave us diapers instead of the "personalized gift," and it was quite honestly the best thing she could have gotten me.

Nothing happened when I went into labor (at least not on that end). I introduced my son to my father through video chat. He kept his part of the deal and didn't visit us, but I later found out his girlfriend did try to convince him to.

They came over to meet the baby a bit over a week later. Her mother was visiting them at the time, and I allowed her to join us despite the fact I never got along with her. Awful decision. She complained the whole visit. Also, according to her, I "had it easy" because of my C-section, so she felt the need to tell me her whole birth story. Joke's on her, my kid can kill Macbeth.

All jokes aside, my father was particularly upset about this. He told me he had a huge argument with his girlfriend afterwards because her mother "ruined his first time meeting his first grandchild."

The holidays went fine. The breakup happened early in January. Again, I don't know much about it.

A few days after I found out, my father's (ex) girlfriend texted me. She apologized for whatever stress she had put me through during my pregnancy. We wished each other well.

I'm sure both she and my father will start dating their affair partners now. If I learned anything these last few months, it's that my family is a fucking mess. Moving forward, I'll do my best to protect my child from this. I still have over a year until my wedding, so we'll enjoy our time away from the spotlight while it lasts.

This will be my last post. Thanks everyone!

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/SisterGroundedThrway. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/EntitledPeople.

Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know about the update.

Previous BORU here. Newest Update marked with *****

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Mood Spoiler: >!OOP stands up for herself!<

Original Post: April 29, 2024

I (25F) live in a three bedroom apartment with my fiancé (27M). We have a six month old son.

My younger sister Mia (fake name; 20F) recently started attending a university that's closer to where I live than both my parents' places. Because she needs to get to class early in the morning, my fiancé and I allowed her to move into our spare bedroom. She's been living with us since January.

There's a set of rules I've been having Mia follow since she moved in, mostly to make sure everyone can live peacefully. One of the most important rules concerns arriving after my son's bedtime (usually between 19h and 20h). Mia is allowed to come home however late she wants, as long as she doesn't make too much noise.

The door to the apartment has an electronic keypad lock, and the one we use also has a normal lock under it. Everyone has a copy of the key, but we all prefer typing in the password. However, the keypad is very noisy, and my son's nursery isn't far from the door. Every time the keypad is used after I've put the baby to sleep, he wakes up.

So naturally, the rule about getting home late includes not using the keypad. Everyone, including Mia, has known about this since day one.

At first, we had no problems. But now that Mia has gotten used to college life, she's been going out at night frequently. This past month, she has arrived home after midnight every Friday and Saturday night. She always forgets the "don't make too much noise" rule, and she has, on multiple occasions, used the keypad. My son wakes up crying every. Damn. Time.

I'd sit her down and remind her of the rule whenever this happened, but she'd continue to do it. My fiancé and I got tired of putting our baby back to sleep because of that, so I changed the password and told Mia she was no longer allowed to use the keypad. She agreed, and promised to try to make less noise.

On Friday night this week, Mia went out with her friends. She came home very drunk at 4AM, and forgot that I'd changed the password. Not only did she use the keypad, she also got the password wrong so many times that she triggered an alarm.

I was furious. Not only did my baby wake up crying, but I also got complaints from my neighbors.

The next morning, I told Mia that I'm establishing a curfew: while living with me, she needs to be home by 20h. She won't be allowed to go out at night for the rest of the semester.

Mia put up a fight, saying I have no right to "ground" her (EDIT: I never used that word) like this or dictate what she does with her free time, but I held my ground. I told her she'll be free to do as she pleases when she has her own place and raises her own family. While living with mine, she has to do as I say.

She told our parents about this. Our mother and stepfather are both on my side; our father is on Mia's. He's saying I'm not her mother, and I have no right to treat her like a child. He also thinks it's unfair to do this to her over a drunken mistake.

AITA?

EDIT: No, I can't mute the keypad.

Relevant Comments:

OOP clarifies:

>She is living here for free, but only for now. The deal is for her to start paying a small portion of rent once she gets a job.

Commenter: What if she never gets a job or takes months? What if she gets a job but doesn't tell you because she prefers freeloading?

>OOP: If the latter happens, I will find out. She tells our mother everything, and my mom would tell me. I know my family.
But honestly, I don't need her to pay me right now. My father still gives her some money for personal expenses, so I'm not spending too much on her.

Commenter: I'm having genuine trouble how unlocking multiple locks and jangling keys into a door is quieter than a keypad (excluding the alarm) and also wouldn't wake the baby up.

>OOP: It's only one lock. It's not noiseless, but it's quiet enough that it doesn't wake the baby.
The keypad makes very loud noises every time something is typed in, as well as another one once the door is open.

How loud it is:

>OOP: Very. It makes noises whenever something is typed in, as well as another one once the door has been unlocked. And she's not just quietly typing in the password, she's being loud besides that (slamming the door, knocking stuff over, etc.).

Commenter: I believe some electronic locks have a silent function. At least my alarm system's keypad does. Although I'm not so sure. I don't have electronic doorlocks, which is why I asked the question in the first place.

>OOP: The one we use doesn't have a silent function.

Commenter: Just curious, is it possible to move your nursery to a different room that is further from the door? Not saying that you have to or anything, just wondering if it is a possibility would it help at all. You are definitely NTA though.

Also have you thought about saying she can go out later, but can't come home between 8pm and 6am? Basically she can go out, but has to crash elsewhere?

>OOP: A lot of people are asking this, so let me explain why this is not an option.
Technically, it is possible. But moving my son from the nursery that I lovingly prepared while pregnant to the room my sister has been messing up since January would require time, effort and patience, none of which I'd have for this situation. I have a baby and a job, as does my fiancé, and I'm 99.9% sure my sister wouldn't help us. I'm making enough efforts as it is, and I refuse to do something like this when she can easily just use her key.
As for crashing somewhere else, I have suggested it before. There's always a reason why she can't do it.

Commenter: NTA and you've given her way more chances than I would have. I would tell her that if she wakes the baby up one more time, she's out. I can't imagine how annoyed your husband must be that you keep letting your adult sister act like an entitled 16-year-old.

>OOP: My fiancé is actually the reason I've been giving her this many chances. A big reason why I'm establishing the curfew now is because the situation has gotten bad enough that even he's sick of it.

Commenter: Have you considered making her get the baby back to sleep? (not if she's drunk of course) Perhaps she would then understand the problem better.

>OOP: The problem is that she usually is drunk, so there aren't many opportunities for her to help.

Commenter (downvoted): Yeah. And I'm not sure if women like OP understand this but babies can and should get used to people making normal sounds when living in a household. She probably is entitled and expects everyone else to cater around her baby.

>OOP: I'm not sure I appreciate the "women like OP" comment there, but my son is used to normal sounds. The door beeping loudly at 4 in the morning is not a normal sound.
No, I don't expect everyone else to cater to my baby, but I do expect those sharing a space with him to let him sleep. It's not hard to use the normal key.

Commenter: The school year is probably just about done though, right? Maybe she should live with friends for next academic year.

>OOP: We don't live in the US. The school year started in February.

OOP is voted NTA

Update Post: May 10, 2024

Before I start this update, I want to recommend reading my comments on my previous post. There were many questions that I was able to answer there.

It's very hard to explain my relationship with my younger sister in proper detail, but I will say that, while I love her dearly, Mia has always been a very inconsiderate person.

I have countless examples. She almost didn't attend our cousin's wedding last year because she didn't want to walk to the venue (which was two blocks away from our mom's place). We shared a bathroom when we were younger, and she'd insist on having the top drawers because she "didn't want to crouch down", but she was cool with me doing so. She slept through my college graduation, and didn't apologize for it.

I'm bringing this up now because whenever I asked Mia why she kept forgetting to use her key, her excuse was that looking through her bag took too long and the keypad was quicker. In her head, bothering other people is better than slightly inconveniencing herself.

After I established the curfew, Mia tried different ways to make me change my mind. She'd talk about not being able to cancel her tickets for Party X, or about the fun her friends had at Party Y. She'd show me her "developing" LinkedIn profile, and tell me she had learned her lesson and would be more responsible.

At first, I really didn't want to have to kick her out (which many of you suggested), but I have limits. A few days ago, I heard her complaining to her friends on the phone about her "bitch of a sister" who wouldn't let her do anything.

Later that day, I asked her which of our parents she planned on moving in with. Cue more fighting.

I managed to tell her that I had no obligation to continue housing her (for free!) if she couldn't respect my family. Mia could either move back in with our parents or continue living with me for the low price of respecting my infant son and stop complaining about it.

We did have a very productive conversation afterwards. I managed to get a lot off my chest, as did my sister. Mia apologized for everything. She admitted she'd been selfish, promised she'd make efforts to change and mature.

I'm a strong believer that people can change, which is why I'm not kicking her out right now. But I made it very clear that Mia is on thin ice, and the next time she does anything like this will be the last time she ever sees the inside of my home.

The curfew will continue until the end of the semester, as originally planned. My father also agreed to pay for Mia to go back to therapy. It helped her a lot when she was younger, so I'm hopeful about the future of this living situation.

I also want to thank those who suggested a white noise machine. My son is not a light sleeper, the keypad is just very loud and startles him awake, but my fiancé and I are still looking into getting one. Anything that helps our baby sleep better is welcome.

Thank you, Reddit!

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: The fact that she'd rather wake a sleeping infant than go through her purse is just... Selfish and lazy is too weak a descriptor for that. Also the idea that you, not her, is keeping her from doing stuff... Mind boggling! 

I'm really happy that she's in therapy 'cause that shit aint normal. Did your parents never allow her to suffer any  consequences for her actions as you were growing up? And/or is she incredibly stupid? 

>OOP: She did suffer consequences, but Mia never liked hearing the word "no", specially from me. I wouldn't even call her lazy, she just genuinely doesn't think about anyone else. If it's a minor inconvenience to her, she probably won't do it. That's why I'm so glad she's returning to therapy

Commenter: You realize that this summer will be her “hot girl era “ and she will still be her. But kudos for second chances

>OOP: I live in the Southern Hemisphere. Summer starts in December, and we'll all be traveling for the holidays. But I don't think she'd want to stay with us during the Summer anyway.

Commenter: You should've kick her out that night,why are you being so nice??? That's not gonna help you or son.And lives rent free she would of been out so fast.

>OOP: I'm being nice exclusively because Mia is going back to therapy, which was very helpful before she quit.
And I do believe things will get better. My sister is smart enough to understand that the extra time it would take for her to get to class if she moved back in with one of our parents is WAY more of an inconvenience than just using her key.
But this is her last chance. If she ever tries anything like this again, she's out.

*****New Update Post: October 4, 2024 (5 months later)*****

Title: I kicked my sister out (UPDATE)

Okay, you guys called it. A little under a month ago, my fiancé and I kicked Mia out of my apartment.

This actually had very little to do with the keypad thing. After my last post, things were relatively peaceful for a while. And then June came, and Mia decided to go back to her old ways.

At first, it was just run of the mill entitlement. She started taking my stuff without permission, whining whenever my baby cried and complaining about having to "do everything" (literally just her own laundry). All of that was more annoying than unbearable, so I'd just take my stuff back and let her clothes stink.

Then, early in September, Mia went on a holiday beach trip with her friends. The day after she left, I noticed my diaper bag and one of my son's blankets were missing. Both were expensive gifts my best friend gave me for my baby shower. I checked every room in the apartment, and found all of the items that had been in the diaper bag dumped on Mia's bed. 

She had emptied the bag to use it as extra luggage. The blanket was in a separate pocket, so she took it by mistake. Later, when I got them back, they were both dirty and sandy. 

I called Mia as soon as I found the items. Her reasoning for taking the diaper bag was that she didn't want to empty her school bag, and her computer wouldn't fit anywhere else. She also called me dramatic when I told her to apologize. 

That's when I kicked her out. I told her that once she got back, she'd have one week to grab her things and move back to either of our parents' places.

My sister spent the rest of her trip trying to convince me otherwise. She also tried to get my parents on her side. My mom told her she'd brought it on herself. My father did try to convince me to "be nice", but I told him I already had been. Mia tried to pick a fight about it when she got back from her trip, but I didn't budge. 

She moved out officially a couple weeks ago. My mom is making her save money so she can pay me back for the (almost) eight months of rent she owes me.

To be honest, I'm writing this mostly to vent. Being an older sister is exhausting. The house is always on fire, but you can never be the one freaking out. You're like a second mother, but not an actual parent, so your younger sibling feels no need to respect you. At least that was my experience growing up. 

My mom is fantastic, but she still acknowledges that I was basically Mia's third parent. My father was a good dad, but a mediocre parent, and he refuses to understand that. He also doesn't accept that after the divorce, I was more responsible for Mia than he was.

I love my sister dearly, but she's always treated me as an afterthought. For a few years, she'd contact me almost exclusively when she needed a ride. I'd spend a shit ton of money on presents, she'd give me a $2 gift two months after my actual birthday (this happened three separate times, including this year). The list goes on. 

It always felt like I was the last thing on her mind. I'm not saying I was perfect, but I was always there for her. I will always love my sister, and I do believe she loves me too. But I also understand she's too selfish to realize she treats me poorly. I have to focus on my son, and I can't put up with Mia's immaturity right now.

Do I regret letting her move in with me? No. Do I regret not kicking her out back in May? Also no. To be honest, I think I needed that. Knowing I tried has always helped me sleep at night. Plus, living with Mia wasn't all bad. Accompanying the Drake/Kendrick Lamar feud with her was pretty fun (at first, at least).

My sister and I are on speaking terms. She was pissed at first, but got over it once she realized that literally no one was really taking her side. She's back to transitioning between our parents' places every week. I don't miss that lifestyle. Mia hates it, as it takes her longer to get to her classes every morning. She's apologized, but I'm not letting her move back in with me.

My son's turning one in a couple of weeks. Mia is invited to his birthday party, but I'm not expecting her to show up. My fiancé and I are getting married in a little under a year, and she's invited to that too.

I hope my sister can learn to be more considerate, and that we can improve our relationship someday. But I'm done being the only one putting in the effort.

This will be my final post. Thank you, Reddit.

Some of OOP's Comments:

On not regretting letting sis stay at first:

>OOP: I don't regret anything. I needed to accept I can't keep giving my sister these chances. And I don't think I could have truly achieved that without knowing I'd tried.

Commenter: Just be aware of her mood heading up to your wedding. She could show up happy and excited for you, she could show up and sulk...and she could be goaded by her friends or tiktok into showing up just to cause problems. Shredded inappropriate dress, bridal gown, "interesting" hairdo, who knows. Security exists for people like that, sadly.

>OOP: Nah, these things take effort. At worst, she'll sulk through the whole wedding. I know for a fact no one would support her if she tried anything more drastic.

Commenter: dad sounds like he’s still enabling the sister

>OOP: My father's stance here doesn't have much to do with wanting to enable Mia. He's just always expected me to bend over backwards for others. That behavior has been improving lately, but there's still traces of it every now and then.