u/Low-Topic8580

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Positive-Rest6444

Originally posted to r/GirlDinnerDiaries

Original Post - June 6, 2026

DISCLAIMER: this is a lot to read, but it’s worth it. and had to post again!

two days ago…i got a text from my boyfriend, now ex boyfriend, who was upstairs in his room btw, that said “im done” followed with “should i find a new place to live?”…um okay? what. let me tell you, i was CONFUSED. me being in the headspace i was, i was begging him to have a conversation with me in person about this. all i wanted was for him to open his door and let me know what even happened. but this dude hid in his room and ignored EVERY text i sent for over an hour. he finally answered and said “i don’t think we’re compatible” along with “i don’t think this is working out for us anymore”… every message sent started with “i don’t think…”. like what? at this point i am sitting outside his door knocking, because why am i being broken up with over text after 5 years??? he proceeded to ignore me for another 30 minutes. his final text he sent me that night was “i think i’m done and i’m not even trying to be an asshole”…you know what, fine. so i went to my moms and SOBBED.

at my moms place, i cried for a good 30-40 minutes, then…i just stopped crying. i ended up being SO mad over the situation. 5 years and you broke up with me over text??? in the same house??? my mom was just as confused as i was. i debated on staying at my moms that night, but then decided i’m going to stay in the damn place i pay for too. i went back to our shared place and spent the night there.

my friend ended up calling me and was just as dumbfounded as i was (she never liked him that much, but understood him and i’s relationship dynamic). i think if she didn’t call me that night, i would have not felt the way i do now. she described our relationship in an outside view perspective, and oh my god…what have i been dealing with for so long???

now…i’m not saying i was perfect, i started fights sometimes, and nagged over certain issues, and there was a point in our relationship where i was on the fence whether i should break up with him. but i will divulge in the specifics later on in these paragraphs.

the following day we didn’t speak at all, i had the whole place to myself while he was at work. i took that time to look for places for me to move in to, thought more about our relationship, and just got even more pissed over the situation. once he came home from work, he went straight into his room and turned on the shower at 7:40pm (this is an important detail). i texted him at 10:23 pm, after being ignored all day, that “we needed to have an in person conversation tomorrow”. his shower is still running 3 hours later, and he ignored me the rest of the night.

yesterday morning i went downstairs to my kitchen and WAITED for him to come downstairs before he went to work so i could confront him about ignoring me. i stood in the kitchen for about 15 minutes before he came down. i said “why have you been ignoring me” in a nice tone, despite how i was feeling. yet i was met with such attitude from him, he said “i have to go to work bro, i don’t have time for this”…understandable, he had to go to work…i wasn’t expecting him to have that conversation with me right then and there. but the attitude??? you broke up with me over text bro, why do YOU have an attitude with me.

that pissed me off for the next couple hours. so i took that annoyance and found myself a 1 bed 1 bath in the same complex we are living in right now (just because i love the area, its nice and quiet, and i wouldn’t have to move far). i obviously would prefer to move out of this town, but nothing is available for a decent price nowadays. i also ended up writing a text that i would send to him if he couldn’t speak to me face to face that night. and then i just waited….

he gets off at 7:10-7:20 every day. he didn’t come back until 9:40. immediately he got home and turned on the shower. i waited an hour to text him if we could talk after his shower (shower is still currently running). this was the text chain, verbatim.

him: “i can’t should i find a new place to live?”
me: “we need to have this conversation in person”
him: “no we don’t”, “i cant”
me: “what do you mean you can’t?”
him: “i just can’t i don’t have the heart to”
me: “you have to get over that and do it anyway”, “i don’t want to have this conversation over text”
him: “there’s nothing to talk about”, “do i need to find a new place to live”
me: “yes there is, we need to figure out what’s happening with this place”, “you at least owe me that right now, once we figure that out we don’t have to speak again”
him: “what do you mean what does talking in person have to do with anything”, “wdym i owe you this was your doing?”

my doing???? YOU’RE the one who broke up with ME over text. anyway….

me: “an in person conversation about what’s happening to our place”
him: “what does that change and what does that mean”, “what is happening to the place”
me: “that’s what we need to talk about”, “that’s all i’m asking”
him: “what does that mean what can’t be talked about over text or me just texting the property people”, “i’m not talking in person”, “i literally can’t”
me: “are you serious”, “you can”, “this is a conversation that needs to be talked about in person so we can figure out a plan”
him: “i just can’t this is the best for both of us this is what you wanted for a while”
me: “i am not asking for you back or to stay together”, “i am soley talking about what the plan is”, “can we end things on a good note and figure out a plan”
him: “it’s not on a bad note there is no difference between talking over text what is there to even talk about with the place you can just text me it?”
me: “you’ve been ignoring me for over a day, i’d rather this just be in person”
him: “there is no difference? i’m not talking tonight i have a headache and im stressed”
me: “seriously, i asked yesterday to have this conversation”
him: “yeah i just can’t”
me: “when can you?”
him: “idk”, “what needs to be talked about in person”
me: “this is ridiculous right now….i’m going to find my own place, something is available next month that i am going to get, so either you stay here and i find someone to live with you, or you pay for this place on your own if you want to live by yourself”, “there’s more stuff regarding the lease that would be easier to talk about in person”
him: “i can’t talk in person and i know it’s ridiculous”
me: “so i need to know the plan”
him: “i’ll pay for this place my self until the lease is up”
me: “okay”

to start off, i am thankful he is willing to pay for this place himself until the lease is up, that takes a lot of stress off me…it’s a very kind thing to do, and i appreciate him for that. but…to not be able to have a face to face conversation with me after 5 years of being together??? that is so disrespectful.

now let me tell you all i have done for this man.

he is not a clean person, even before we lived together, i would have to pick up his room at his moms place because he wouldn’t do it by his own will. his “trash can” is the floor under his desk. he would throw his trash on the floor and leave it there for WEEKS, enough to the point where it piled up almost to the height of his desk. i gave him trash bags to incentivize him to throw it away, but somehow that trash bag ended up in a random corner of his room. his dirty laundry is always all over the floor, i even gave him one of my extra large laundry baskets to help him out. but clearly that never worked. he would sleep on his mattress without sheets for weeks if i didn’t make his bed. one day, i spent over 9 hours doing all of his laundry and putting it away for him, reorganizing his drawers, his closet, where he keeps his towels, and not even a week later, it was back to how it was before. i have had to scrub his toilet, shower, sink, and floor because somehow there was pee everywhere. back to the shower point, he would run his shower for HOURS…enough to where the pain has completely peeled in his bathroom from all the moisture. he would fall asleep on the toilet or bathroom floor. no matter how many times i told him to not run the shower for that long, he still did it anyway. now before i go further…i have ocd, i am a very neat person. i am not perfect, i sometimes leave a pile of clean clothes on my floor that i’m too lazy to put away for about a week, or have empty monster cans on my desk, sometimes i don’t do the dishes for about a week because i forgot about them. BUT i always ended up cleaning it up without being told. i spent the past year and a half of my life cleaning up after him, trying to help him manage his money better, and get him into good habits. i was his mommy. yes, he took care of me financially, but you’re a grown adult, i shouldn’t have to tell you to clean your room. i have two cats, why would i want them to possibly get into the trash on your floor and get sick.

one time i went on vacation for a week, i came back to the place smelling like SHIT. why? because since i wasn’t there, there was an insane amount of trash on his floor, smelling up the entire place.

this led me to not want my mom to ever come over, she came to our place maybe 2 times out of the year and a half i was living here. my mom is my best friend, we have a very close relationship. the fact i was too embarrassed to have her over tells me a lot.

despite the cleanliness situation, he would never spend time with me. there was a point in time for about 3-4 months where he was never home until late at night getting high with his friends, and then hopping on games with them right when he got back. i game A LOT, so i have no issue with the fact he would play games, it’s just that he would never make time to play with me. he would spend maybe 5 minutes with me in total everyday. it was absolute hell. i would tell him about it, and it was a fight every time. during that period we didn’t ever have sex. and his excuse was “my friend and his girlfriend haven’t had sex in a year”. oh i’m sorry? am i your friend, am i his girlfriend??? no, i’m not…so i’m not even sure how that correlates.

now i am not putting the blame ALL on him for the duration of our relationship. i dealt with a lot of stuff for so long that there was always resentment and issues. during the time he wouldn’t spend time with me, i picked fights just so i could get an ounce of attention even if it was negative. i sometimes wouldn’t speak to him for a whole day because i was annoyed i had to clean his room for him. there are plenty of things i did wrong, but i believe it all comes from a place of reason whether he sees it or not.

another thing was promises. i told him when we first got together that promises and pinky promises are held to the HIGHEST standard with me. if you promise me something, you have to follow through with it. if you can’t do that, then don’t promise me. he would break promises CONSTANTLY. he would promise me he’d clean his room, or take out the trash, or not take my drinks or food. in the past year, he hasn’t kept a single promise other than taking care of the cats when i’m gone. i slowly started to lose trust in his word. he would tell me things i wanted to hear then never act upon them. i shouldn’t have to remind you for 5 days in a row to clean the trash off your floor…after you promised me it would get done the first night. or i shouldn’t have to hide my drinks and food in my room just so you don’t eat them in one night, after promising you wouldn’t do so. from the broken promises, became lies, he would lie over little things…like getting high, or ordering food at night when we both promised we would eat better. he would shove door-dash bags under his bed and they would MOLD. and the ones that weren’t old, he would convince me that they were from so long ago, when the receipt would show it was ordered last night, or the day before. i have never lied to him in my life, let alone broke a promise.

i was never taken on dates, he never truly wanted to spend time with me (disregarding the past two months of our relationship, he spent more time with me towards the end, that’s why this whole thing surprised me). he never just planned anything for us for us to do. most of our relationship living together was me helping him be a clean person, being disregarded, and left alone.

i take this as a big win. this is not what i deserve. i don’t deserve to be broken up with over text while he is in the other room. i don’t deserve someone who can’t have a face to face conversation with me after the fact. and i deserve someone who wants to spend time with me without me having to beg for it. i thought i would be more sad over the whole thing, but i honestly just feel relief.

my little snack: açaí bowl with mango, honey, and granola in hawaii

UPDATE - June 18, 2026 (12 days later)

EDIT: here’s the link to my first post: bf of 5 years broke up with me over text while living in the same house.

So. This is my little two week update after all this went down.

Since that night, he has not spoken to me since. It’s mostly him hiding out in his room whenever gets off work or on his day off.

I have reached out to him over text for housing related questions, because….well, there needs to be SOME sort of communication. When I reached out, the question from him followed: “are you 100% sure you’re done?”, along with “is this what you really want?”. Yes, this is what I want…and NEED. You can’t break up with me, ignore me for two weeks, and expect me to get back with you!

With that….I FOUND MYSELF A PLACE!!! It’s a nice little 1 bed 1 bath with my own balcony! I move in at the end of the month! I am so excited to be able to be on my own, in my own space, CLEAN space, and be able to invite whoever I want over without feeling ashamed.

I have reconnected with people these past two weeks, and made some new friends as well! I have never been better. I am actively looking for a job at a vet clinic to help further my career. I have the motivation and confidence to do things now, because I am on my own. I was so dependent for so long that this is all so exciting for me. I am doing things I never thought I would do.

My skin has never been clearer, most of my anxiety went away, my hair isn’t falling out as much anymore. I have truly never been better. I am not settling for anyone anymore, I know what I want and how I want to be treated. I FUCKING love life!!!!!

Little dinner: SCALLOPSSS 😌

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Just for context, my husband 32M had an affair with a 22F for half a year when I 32F was pregnant and subsequently gave birth. He was emotionally disconnected for me and I feel only did the bare minimum for the baby.

After unraveling everything she received, like money, lingerie and clothes, fancy hotel rooms, taxi rides, romantic kissing, hugs, daily videocalls, masturbating to her, car sex, lunch, dessert, sending her to the airport for holiday and probably many more, I believe I am actually quite jealous. She didn't even need to spend a single cent.

It's not that he didn't provide during our dating life and marriage, he did. Albiet during our dating life, he wasn't earning as much as he is now. It's just that she got to receive it too, and that's the root cause of my jealousy.

He said he has stopped contacting her, but it doesn't change that she received so much in the last few months.

How can I move past this, if she gets to linger in his memories forever? Is it a good idea to recreate these memories so I'm the one he thinks about and not her? How do I find my self worth and stop being jealous of this homewrecker?

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/iliketoplaydmc

Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting

AIO by stepping back from my parents after finding out how they plan to leave everything to my older sister?

Trigger Warnings: >!favoritism!<

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Original Post: June 22, 2026

I’m 27F, and I have an older sister who’s 35F. Growing up, my parents were always very big on independence and responsibility. They made it clear that once we became adults, we were expected to handle our own lives

I really took that to heart. I worked through college, lived with roommates to keep my expenses down, and built everything for myself step by step without asking them for help. It wasn’t always easy, but I’m genuinely proud of where I’ve ended up. I have a stable career now, I’m in a good relationship, and for the first time in a long time, my life feels steady

My sister’s path has been very different. She’s never really been able to get fully settled. She has tried a few different jobs over the years, but nothing has really stuck. There always seems to be some new issue, some reason it doesn’t work out. My parents have stepped in over and over again, helping her with rent, paying bills when she gets behind, and giving her money to help her make it through the month

For a long time, I told myself it wasn’t worth keeping score. I figured maybe that was just how families were supposed to work, helping the person who needed it more. But a few days ago, when we all got together this summer, they brought up something that really threw me off

My parents asked to speak to both of us about their future plans. They’re getting older, and their health hasn’t been great, so they’ve started putting things in order legally. During that conversation, they told us that most of what they have, including the house and their savings, will go to my sister. Their reasoning was that she won’t be able to manage on her own without that support

Then, almost immediately after saying that, they told me they want me to be the one handling everything else. Medical decisions, finances, paperwork, basically making sure everything is taken care of if something happens to them.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt that kind of quiet resentment before. It wasn’t even really about the money. It was the feeling that I’ve spent my whole adult life proving I can stand on my own, and somehow that has turned into me being expected to carry everyone else too

I tried to explain how hurtful that felt, but they kept telling me I should be more understanding

Since then, something in me has shifted. I don’t call as often. I don’t jump in to help the way I used to. When my dad asked me to come over and help sort through some documents last week, I told him I couldn’t and that maybe my sister should start taking on some of that responsibility. That didn’t go over well.

My sister called me afterward, sounding uncomfortable and apologizing even though none of this is really her fault. I told her I wasn’t angry at her, I was hurt by the way our parents are treating us differently. Now everything feels tense. Every interaction feels careful and strained

I feel guilty abandoning them but Its unfair I take all the responsibility while my sister gets all the support AIO?

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this original post

Top Comments

(editor's note: NOR = not overreacting)

Commenter 1: NOR If they are leaving everything to her then she (editor's note: sister) needs to step up and do the hard part because trust me when I say trying to take care of aging parents is hard

Commenter 2: They will give everything to older sis who will piss it away and still expect little sister to help her out of the mess. Everything should go into a trust and OP should be the responsible party.

Commenter 3: Decline to be POA, being designated as medical durable power of attorney etc. if the still name you as executor of their will you do not have to accept. Say no.

Maybe they need to sit down with lawyer and a financial advisor and set up a legal trust for sister so you don’t need to be involved at all.

You have every right to feel like you do.

Commenter 4: NOR

Op, they’re telling you that you should do all the work, and then let your sister take all the money and property.

And that’s won’t be the end of it, I bet you’ll have to help your sister once she blows through the money and can’t afford the house .

Op, I would go no contact, if the sister is getting the bulk of the inheritance then she needs to do the work , and step up.

I think it’s imperative that you take a large step back , your parents created a monster not really capable of surviving on her own and they’re setting you up to be her ‘parent’ once they’re gone.

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Update: June 23, 2026 (next day)

UPDATE: AIO by stepping back from my parents after finding out how they plan to leave everything to my older sister?

So after reading through all the advice and messages, I realized the sooner I stepped back from this situation, the better it would be for me

I called my parents today and tried to explain how I felt. Part of me still hoped they might understand, even though I knew they probably wouldn’t. I gave specific examples, how I’ve supported myself since college and never asked them for financial help, while they’ve consistently stepped in for my sister when she struggled

I brought up the estate conversation too. It hurt to hear that most of what they have will go to her because she “needs it more” while I’m expected to take on all the responsibility, medical decisions, finances, paperwork when things get difficult. It made me feel like my role in the family is based on what I can handle, not how I’m valued as their child

They didn’t really let me finish. They kept interrupting and repeating that I’m “independent” and “capable” and that my sister isn’t, so this is just how it has to be. When I said it still felt unfair, they got defensive and told me not to expect anything from them. At one point, they even said that if I truly cared, I should be helping more with my mom’s care. That was the point where something clicked for me. Being capable doesn’t mean I don’t have limits, and it doesn’t mean I should carry everything. I told them I couldn’t accept a situation where I’m excluded from support but expected to take on all the responsibility

I said they should completely remove me from their will and any roles like executor or medical power of attorney. I don’t want anything from them, financially or otherwise. I also told them they should plan accordingly, whether that means hiring help or making other arrangements, because I’m no longer willing to take that on

The call ended badly. There was a lot of yelling and crying, and I eventually hung up. But afterward, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a while, relief. Like a weight I didn’t even fully realize I was carrying is finally gone

I have a good life. I have a supportive partner, a stable home, and I’m preparing to start my PhD. We’re even talking about starting a family. For the first time, I feel like I can focus on my own future without this constant sense of obligation hanging over me. I don’t know what happens next with my parents, and I’m sure things will stay tense for a while. But for now, I feel at peace with the boundary I set

TLDR: I stepped away from the responsibility they expected me to carry and chose to prioritize my own life.

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in the update

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Editor’s note: marking this concluded as OOP has deleted their account soon after the update

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

My (23F) bf (26M) of 3 years doesn’t want me to hang up my framed IUD in the bathroom. I got my IUD replaced today and asked my doctor if I can keep the one she is removing as a memento. This was my first IUD ever and was easily the most physically painful experience I’ve ever had. I’ve seen a couple women keep their IUD and other medical devices as a way to feel proud of what they’ve done but also as a fun keep sake.

Now that I’ve gone through a SECOND insertion and have my original IUD in my possession, I think it would be fun and silly to make a mini frame and hang it up in our bathroom. We don’t have any roommates, it’s just us two. He thinks it’s weird for me to hang it up instead of keeping it tucked away but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. If anything it’s reminder of what women have to go through for pregnancy prevention. It’s like a trophy to me.

Is it weird if I hang up my IUD in our bathroom?

My wife and I have been together for 10 years. We have been married for two. Baby was planned. I was excited at first to be a dad, but quickly started to get a bad feeling. She had two early ultrasounds that I could not attend because of work, which was discussed ahead of time and she told me she would rather I get paid and then take a day off (paid) for the anatomy scan. A couple of days after the first scan she took my phone to work with her and left me with hers. At first I didn't realize and I saw she had texted her guy friend, who is technically only supposed to be a friend because he's dating her bestie, and shared the scan picture with him before she texted it to me. I also saw they had texted a lot but didn't read them all. I tried to shake it off and left the phone alone after that. I was doing good at convincing myself there was nothing to worry about.

But then she left her phone at home another day and it was ringing constantly so I answered it. There was a guy on the other side who hung up the second he realized I wasn't her. The name was unfamiliar so I wasn't sure what that was about but he sent a text a few minutes later and it made me suspicious so I looked. I then realized it was the same contact she sent the scan picture to. The name was changed and they had texted since then. She sent him the second scan picture and then I saw he had brought her to both scans. She told me she went alone so I was like wtf. Their texts weren't really flirty or outright screaming affair but there were a lot of them and the recent ones were strange. The last one was freaking out that I answered her phone and another from her was freaking out that I had her phone when she took mine that other day.

I asked my wife about it when she got home and she got mad at me for going through her phone. She refused to answer because I had looked. I sat on it for the rest of that day and the next morning I told her I wanted a paternity test. I expected her to be mad, which she was, and she told me if I didn't trust her I could leave. I told her I wanted the test regardless and she said no. Then a few days later she said fine but accept our marriage is over. I told her okay. But the test was being done. Then she asked me if I had calmed down yet and was I ready to get over this. I told her I still wanted to do the test. She asked me why and she told me she was sorry for lying and sorry for changing the guys name but she didn't want me to be uncomfortable with another man taking her. I asked why change his name though. I said it made no sense unless she was hiding something. She claimed she wasn't thinking straight. I agreed to meet her to discuss it more and said we needed to discuss the guy too.

She brought him, and he wasn't the friends boyfriend, when we met up and he was clearly very awkward about it. He left after a few minutes. She told me she hoped that was enough to put this to rest and I told her I would still need that test. She told me she would never cheat and she couldn't believe I would deny the baby we planned. I told her I needed to be sure because the whole thing was weird. She has been pleading with me since to trust her and not to do this.

I still want the test. The baby could be mine. I'm not denying that fact. But I still think something is weird about this whole thing. She's really trying to make this marriage work but I don't know what to do if the test shows the baby is mine because I can't say she's cheated but this has rattled us. Her reluctance to do the test as well is playing on my mind. The very last time we talked she said we would do it. But I'm not sure what the future holds. I know this is a very big thing and asking is marriage ending either way.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/nathaliebeta

Me [31/F] with my Fiance [33/M] Fiance best friend [33/F] have a weird relationship, driving me insane

BoRU 1

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Stalking, obsessive behavior, controlling behavior!<

Editors Note: because of character count and length, all previous posts will be summarized. The previous BoRU has all full posts

Original Post  May 3, 2015

In the original post concerns OOP and her fiancé regarding his lifelong best friend, Sandy. Who he selected to be his female "best man" at their upcoming wedding. While OOP tried to accept their exceptionally close bond which included daily contact, late-night phone calls, and open expressions of love, she became increasingly uncomfortable with their history, lack of typical boundaries, and a tip from a friend hinting at a potentially sexual past between them. The final straw came when the fiancé admitted that during a past trip to Jamaica when they were both single, they participated in a "couple swap" with another married pair. Though he insisted that he and Sandy never actually slept with each other.

Update 1  June 6 2015 (1 month later)

OOP confronts her fiancé, demanding that Sandy be replaced as best man and cut out of their lives entirely. When he refuses to abandon his best friend but offers to ease contact and skip the bachelor party, she gives him an ultimatum to choose between them prompting him to immediately call off the wedding and end the relationship stating that if she cannot trust him after years of complete honesty, it isn't worth the trouble. Before leaving, he confirms the Jamaica story but clarifies that while they were all naked and swapping did occur, he and Sandy only slept with the other couple's respective partners and never with each other. In the aftermath, OOP realizes she acted out of jealousy and regrets sending harassing texts to Sandy, and desperately tries to win her fiancé back only to find he has packed his things, left his keys and cut off all communication completely.

Update 2  Dec 29, 2015 (6 months after last update)

In update 2 OOP reveals that months of stalking and harassment towards her ex and Sandy led to a meeting with Sandy, where OOP realizes how everything is messed up and she went too far. Things such as following the breakup OOP repeatedly tried to corner her ex-fiancé at his workplace, tracked his movements and flooded him, his sister, and his parents with messages leading her ex to block her and change his phone number twice. Sandy eventually met with the OOP to deliver a final warning that the ex-fiancé was preparing to file a restraining order if the harassment did not cease. OOP tried to downplay her behavior as a series of misunderstandings and blamed Sandy for being toxic and threatening, the intervention OOP to come to terms that the engagement was permanently over and that she needed to cut contact, focus on her own therapy and attempt to move on with her life.

New update

10+ years update consequences and lesson learned  June 22, 2026

Have not been in reddit for a while here is the original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/34r6ah/me_31f_with_my_fiance_33m_fiance_best_friend_33f/

Hello

I am Alive...well, it has been a little over 10 years from my last update.

The other day I was listening to some facebook reel, and what do I find? My old story, I haven't been on reddit for a while and had a hard time tracking my old account and my password, I have some news, this is going to be long.

First let me tell you I am doing much better, I had to move in with my mother as her health has not been the best, I am a single mother and have a wonderful daughter unfortunately due to circumstances she lives with her father. My sister is not doing so good, she has struggled with weight issues and depression , things are improving for her and she has some lovely pets to keep her company.

I am in a much better place now, I have had a lot of therapy and it has helped me cope with a lot of issues, understand things differently, making me a better person. My life has been a lot tougher than I expected, I am trying to focus on being a good mother, a good daughter and good sister.

I have some nice co-workers. Sometimes we go out and hang out after work, just a shade of the old social life I used to have. It has been humbling.

I have not been lucky on the dating scene.

I will be as honest as I can, it's been a long time so I can't remember every detail, however I believe it to be therapeutic to get this out.

I did get served with criminal charges for stalking and harassment, it was a lot of trouble for me, it is too long and painful, but the highlights are.

My sister and I could not contact my ex in any way.

I had to stay some distance away from him, I could not contact him via third parties nor use anyone else to get messages to him.

His family was off limits

I could not contact his work

I could not go to his house

I did not see him in person again, it was all through his attorney.

I had to get a lawyer, at first I thought I did not need one, in my hubris I believed I was in the right and had nothing to fear, I was angry and felt wronged, however my ex's  lawyer contacted me and told me I needed one asap because this was no civil court, the charges were coming from the state, he told me I would most certainly go to jail, my mom helped me pay for one, it was not cheap.

It was humiliating and very eye opener, we met with someone from the prosecutor’s office (can't remember the title) they presented a large number of printouts of the messages I had sent my ex, sandy and his friends. There were prints out of the social media post I made, there were recordings of the voice messages me and my sister left him, his sister, Sandy and a couple of our friends, there were call logs of when I contacted his work, recordings of said calls, statements from our old group of the people who I believed were my friends, from his family, from his sister including the ones in which I was just venting, emails I had sent, emails my sister had sent, even some from fake accounts in which I pretended to be someone else. They did not paint me in good way, now all these years later I admit they were too much, in particular the ones were I threaten him.

There were incident reports from his HR department due to the harassment I had done, there were several police reports as well, video of me driving by his house, parking outside of his new place, he took the videos. He knew I was watching so we weren't as sneaky as we thought we were.

The final incident that made me think long and hard and convinced me to snap out of it was when me and my sister were following him in her car and we got pulled over by the police, we were detained, my ex had called emergency services... that was .. the moment that made me realize I had gone too far, that was of course included, it scared me.

My mom was devastated when she saw all the information. She was crying and weeping asking me and my sister on how we could have done this.

Believe me it was damaging, did not paint us in a good way, and there was no excuse for what me and my sister did, I can't believe how unhinged I was.

My ex's lawyer was not working for the state, he was the one who gathered everything, he was very friendly and not aggressive at all, he told us my ex just wanted this solved, and be done with it, very professional, not like they appear on tv or shows, he was like: you messed up bad, but we don't want to screw you 100%

At that time I asked my attorney if we could fight the charges or do something about it, he said we could but we would have to find someone else, he was not taking it. He told us this had been going on for a long time and we would be lucky if I stayed out of prison, he did not hold back, there were tears, fights and blames between my mom, my sister and me.

I contacted my uncle, my moms older brother who has always been a father figure, he met with the lawyer as well, when he saw all the evidence and heard all the story his eyes filled with tears, he could not believe what we had done, still 10 years later our relationship has not recovered, he looked so shocked, he said he had failed. The look of disappointment in his face is something that still haunts me

He told the 3 of us to take the deal, accept the restraining order, the probation, the misdemeanor, as it was the best we could get and it could get very ugly if we fought it, including possible jail time. We came to an arrangement, he would reach the prosecutor.

I had to go in front of a judge and admit to it all, the prosecutor was there, he was the one that recommended the terms. I would accept the restraining order, no contact... probation for 3 years, community service, a big fine, therapy, group therapy, my ex was not present, his lawyer was but said nothing.

The Judge was very harsh, she did not mince words, she told me people have done prison time for less, that I was lucky my ex fiance had spoke kindly about me to the prosecution otherwise she would have imposed a more severe punishment, she asked me directly if I knew the difference between a felony and a misdemeanor? - she explained it- She asked how would we feel if the roles were reversed and my ex had done all these things to me,how would my family feel about it? That one hit hard and we all cried. Terrible terrible things I did. She had me read out loud some of the emails, texts and transcripts of the voice messages I had sent my ex and Sandy, it was so bad that it still rattles me, she asked me what I was I thinking? My attorney several times tried to say something, telling the judge that it was summarized, but she told him to shut up and to keep reading, she said I had to be accountable for all this, I was crying so hard when I read the messages, it was terrible, even when I was sobbing, the judge made me pause, compose myself and then to keep reading, the ones we sent Sandy were the worst of all, she made me read them all, my mom, my sister and me were crying the whole time, my lawyer was shocked about the reaction of the judge, It was horrible, long, time consuming, expensive and it was all on me, the Judge said at the end that she was not pleased with the results and if it were up to her my punishment would be severe. My lawyer was rattled and told us we were lucky, as he had worked with this judge before and had never seen her so upset. I had to get a bank loan at terrible rates to pay my mother and all this mess.

My ex did not want any restitution, so he did not go the civil court way, which my lawyer told me that once again we were lucky because we would have to pay a lot of money due to the amount of evidence and the length of time it had been going on. We got a separate private agreement, the lawyer made it clear that this was not a reward for my actions but a generosity as he wanted to move on cleanly.

At the end my ex would let me keep the car (it was his, I was using it ) transfer the title to me, and he would pay for therapy.

I did not see this coming, I was so caught up with the drama and thinking stupid scenarios that it bit me hard, still at the end he was being the better person.

The Lawyer provided me with a list of therapists, the first 2 were no good, the third one was the best.

After the 6 months were up I contacted his attorney and asked if my ex would be willing to pay for more sessions, his lawyer said my ex agreed if I kept my part of the bargain and not contact him ever again, he paid for an additional year of therapy that was in 2016 - 2017

He got married in 2018, of course I was not invited to the wedding.

All of my old group of acquaintances who I thought were my friends, stopped contacting me and cut me off. That tells me something right?

The wife of one of my ex friends, let's call her Jenny, was pretty much the only one of that group that had anything to do with me, She got divorced from her husband shortly after my trial, even though she did not say, I believe it was related to all this Sandy ordeal. We meet every once in a while. Later on She was the one who showed me the posts and the pictures of my ex wedding.

His wife seems nice enough, however looks simple and bland. They have 2 kids now.

I had a meltdown when I saw the pictures and it took me a lot to contain myself. Regarding Best friend Sandy, what can I say She was indeed the best man at his wedding, she wore a tux with bow tie and everything.

She seemed very close to his new wife, they had plenty of pictures together being friendly and going out, some at the beach. They had a bachelor party at San Diego instead of Las Vegas, I Believe for a convention or event or show of some sort, costumes and all that, a lot of pictures, some at bars smoking cigars and drinking,  couple of male friends with them as well, some I knew and recognized, some I didn't .

The old group was at the wedding.

I had a ton of question in my old posts that I could never answer so I will  do it now:

• I did not kill myself ,neither did my sister

• yes I  checked his phone, he didn't care about it, no he did not check mine, he could if he would have wanted , he did not.

• Yes I was honest, I did leave out some parts, like finding his new place and calling his work, following him around, and some more things I can't remember.

• Yes I lost my job at that time , that's the main reason I had so much time on my hands.

• The box of toys were not sex toys, they were some action figurines and some ships? cars?

• I stopped posting because my lawyer told me to shut it all down, I told my therapist about it and she said It was not the smartest move to take advice from stranger who only get a fraction of the story and even though it was a nice way to vent, it was not good to follow shitty advice

• Yes I was definitely a lot to handle and making demands were not the correct way to go. I can see it now, sad.. a very sad time for me. I have no excuse

• Yes I had feelings of abandonment

• Yes I have gotten help, a lot of help

• Yes I was angry, mostly angry with myself.

• Yes I was an idiot and got exactly what I deserved

• His family is not wealthy, they are maybe above middle class american, he did, does? very well in his work. He also has a younger sister whom I did not mention, she was nice to me at first then she just stopped interacting with me, I think she did not like me, this was way before the break up.

• I was immature and learned that ultimatums are not good unless you can live with the results of them.

• I was selfish and entitled, boy was I entitled

• Mom was very protective of me and my sister, I was kind of like the golden child so I felt I deserved things that were not my right.

• I was focusing on the wrong things

• My job was in retail, still is.

• Yeah she was always happy to see him

• No she was never rude to me , no she did not insult me

• No my Ex did not pay her things, not that I was aware, she was ok financially but I think that's because the father of her kids

• Pretty sure my ex was not the father of her kids, they are very similar to their father.

• I am not sure about the sneaking around when they were teens, she would sleep at his house, maybe in the same bed? His parents didn't care or didn't know, yes one time he was gone for about a week for something school related and she stayed at his parents house in his room while he was away,

• Yes when they were in collage she would stay in his dorm? apartment? cant remember

• He works in IT or worked in IT? made? makes? very good money. He was an expert in ZAP or SAP or TAP  (I remember he spoke about it all the time)

• I have to admit I was stalking him, I crossed the line and did not respect his limits, I was not thinking straight I noticed some of the messages were egging me on, and telling me I should confront him, find his new place, send him messages ..not to beg....that I would wear him down...that he would come crawling back ...not very bright on my part. Only a couple of people called me out and told me I was wrong and acting crazy, some offered help, some contacted me directly telling me to reach out to a professional, some let me vent, thank you from the bottom of my heart, The rest was just feeding my anger, my ego, my entitlement, I recently read all the crap I wrote, I can't believe some people would think it was ok or justified to act the way I did, it is not completely understandable to demand an answer or an apology from someone who has made clear that does not want to be contacted, Only one redditor posted that they were only getting one side of the story and that the community should stop enabling me, thank you.

Some things I did not mention, like the car was his, I was the one using it, he paid our rent and all the services at our apartment, when he left he removed himself from the lease and paid for the last 3 months I was on my own after that and could not afford it , that was the reason why I moved with my sister.

Yeah he left all the furniture and electronics when he moved, he only took his things even though he had purchased all the rest. I sold some, took some and gave a little bit away.

Jenny from the friend group, used to say Sandy wasn’t “one of them,” and at the time I didn’t question that the way I should have. I think that was the same reason my ex's older sister did not like her, she was always a little snobbish, she said Sandy was like a stray that her brother had adopted. When I asked her to elaborate  she said it was because her family was trailer trash (sandys), she was always at their house, that my ex would feed her, teach her manners, help her at school and then send her on her way back to the hood and for that reason sandy followed him around..hence a stray. My ex and his family grew up in a very nice neighborhood, sandy family was on the other side of the road.. if you get the meaning.

How did they meet? I think it was some kind of summer camp when they were 8- 9 years old? elementary school?

How did we meet? He was with some friends, I was with my sister at a bar and they bought us a round of drinks and invited us over to join them

He was very extrovert and friendly , very confident, I am kind of introvert and not so friendly

He was  handsome, was tall, wore thick rim glasses and that gave him a nerd look, he did not like to wear contacts, he was in shape and had a nice smile yeah in those days I would think that Sandy was way out of my ex fiancee league

Regarding Sandy ex, he was wealthy, older than us, a couple of times he took us on holidays all inclusive on his dime. I don't know the reason why he divorced, but at my ex wedding I saw him in the pictures.

He did not seem to care about my ex and Sandy relationship. He was really sophisticated guy and seemed like a good father to his kids

After Jenny's divorced all the friend group cut her off. I am still in touch with her every once in a while but would not consider her a friend

Yes, my ex paid for the holidays and the trips. We went to Germany once for some work training, I did not like it very much as I was alone for the whole time.

Yes I was judgmental and I think the social status clouded me

No I am not still stalking him, every once in a while curiosity gets the best of me and I snoop on his wife's social media or on one of his friends

My therapist mentioned one thing that the judge said, that has stayed with me. How would I feel or how would my family feel if my ex did everything I did? It would be scary..very scary and I would probably be traumatized.

I wanted to post this long update because it is very important to get the message  across, actions have consequences I faced and still am facing mine. We are only getting one side of the story, I must confess when me and my sister did all those things we felt right and justified, for some reason I believed I could change the outcome of something I had created, if it was a man doing these things to me, my sister or my daughter, I would be terrified. I have been to support groups, therapy session, victims advocacy, did a lot of community service, I heard horrifying stories, with horrifying results, justice was kind to me, I do not know what my ex told the prosecutor or if he spoke with the judge or sent a letter, but I was lucky, people have gotten more for less, my ex could have been cruel, he could have requested the judge for the maximum penalty, a felony charge that would most certainly have landed me in prison, he could of taken his car back, he could have not paid for the therapy, he did not, he just wanted to be left alone, The judge made it very clear that she was not happy with the end result, my lawyer told me so.

Help your friends, help your community if someone close to you is having trouble with obsessive behavior, anger issues, harassment, depression, trouble thoughts, get them help, listen to them, if you are in a dark place, it's ok to ask for help, there is no shame in it. Once in a relationship it is on you and on your partner how much you have to reveal about your past, honesty is good, but not a deal breaker, we all carry luggage and we all have a past that we cannot change.

No means No

This will definitely be my last update, I am done with this saga. It's been 10 years and that's enough, also I finally learned what TLDR stands for so

TLDR: Girl finds old reddit post, updates, gets what she wants, gets consequences, gets help, learns, and gets better.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original posts by u/Kindabrokenhearted in r/relationships

trigger warnings: >!concerns about mental state, medication induced hallucination!<

mood spoilers: >!not what was expected!<

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My (28f) husband (26m) took his ex's(26f) side, kissed her and went to a bar with her to spite me - 12th September 2015

This happened maybe last week, and I am still a little shaken up by it. I really need advice. On what to do/how to fix this/what is right or wrong....

So my husband's good friend was living with us over the summer. Since it will conceivably be the last summer he's going to be here, he often had friends and whatnot over to visit. Well, the night before he left, friend invited over a ton of his friends and his sister... who also happens to be my husbands long-term ex girlfriend. They were pretty serious, dated from when they were 15 to 19.

She immediately starts acting like nothing has changed between them- like she's still his girlfriend. Behaving cutely, asking him to do things for her, etc. At one point, she's eating chicken wings (we ordered a ton of food, and despite this awkward mess, I hung around) and chokes a little on the spiciness. My husband offers her a paper towel, and she thanks "her Sky-Bear". This is when I ungraciously flip my shit. I tell her not to call him that and she needs to leave, right now.

My husband immediately bridles and stands up for her. "No she doesn't. She's not going anywhere." I'm a little stunned. I have no idea what to say, but I back down, not wanting to push him.

"Okay, she doesn't have to leave, but I'm going. And it's weird that the person in this situation who's the wife has to leave."

"Fine." He retorts and tells me he and his ex, and his friend are all going to the bar. And no, I'm not invited. I leave and go to bed, but before they go, I go down to use the bathroom and see him and his ex kissing.

Mortified, I run back to bed. He joins me about three hours later, well past midnight. I ask him why he's acting the way he has been, and he admitted he just didn't like me reacting so strongly against his ex, and my tone irked him. We fell asleep, and I have no idea what to say or do. Apparently my irrational bitchiness drove my husband to kiss his ex and go out with her to a bar for a few hours without me.

Now what the fuck do I do?

tl;dr: I acted like a bitch to husbands ex, he reacted strongly to my negative behavior, kissed his ex and left to go to a bar to spite me (his exact words). Now what the fuck do I do?

Relevant Comments (Before Edits/Update): (OOP does not reply to these comments but they're relevant to her first update)

> Commenter 1: Schedule a consultation with a divorce attorney. And I don't mean that to be cheeky or funny, either. That kind of cold, intentional disrespect and cruelty is just mind-boggling > >> Commenter 2: He wasn't even apologetic about it! He blamed OP's "tone" for his despicable behavior.

Commenter 3: > Apparently my irrational bitchiness drove my husband to kiss his ex and go out with her to a bar for a few hours without me.

No. Your husband being a shit person drove him to kiss his ex. You did absolutely nothing wrong! You're his priority, she isn't. His reaction to your being uncomfortable with how she acts around him is bizarre. He was more concerned about his ex than his own wife. Let that sink in for a moment.

If I were in your place, I would leave. Why? Because the moment he sided with her + kissed her meant he lost respect for you and your marriage. Who's to say this won't happen again? People don't just go around kissing their exes because their wife got mad at them.

Commenter 4: I think you mean your EX kissed his ex...

This guy is garbage. Divorce and go be happy and appreciated properly elsewhere.

Commenter 5: He's cheating on you.

Commenter 6: Maybe you need to sit down and really read what you just wrote and process this. He chose his EX-Girlfriend (who was acting like they were together again), KISSED her, and then left with her to go to the bar. You do know he also likely had sex (PIV or oral, it doesn't matter) with her OR is planning to. From what I can tell, you haven't even discussed the kiss or how you feel. You need to find out everything that happened that night. Are you always such a push over, because it sounds like you aren't willing to confront him. I mean, personally, if my husband did even half of what your's did to me, I probably would have changed the locks that night when he chose her and told him to find somewhere else to sleep. Seriously, these are 100% divorce-able offenses...it's not like you'll ever forget that he doesn't have your back or watching him kiss his long lost Ex. Just, seriously, THINK !!! Stand up for yourself and get a backbone.

Commenter 7: Wait, what? Listen, this isn't your fault, he's just a dick. What in the actual fuck? This is unacceptable behavior on his part and you need to talk to him and tell him if he ever disrespects your marriage like that again, you're dropping his ass. Take control of this situation, don't let him do shit like this!

OOP later adds the following edits to the original post:

EDIT 1: based on all of your reactions, it gave me the courage to confront my husband. I really don't know what to say. He was completely confused. He told me such an event never happened. He hasn't talked to his ex in years, much less kissed her, and he would never think inviting her over without consulting me would be okay. I texted his friend, and he didn't remember ever doing something like this, either (inviting over a ton of people and sister). I even texted a person invited over- he kind of laughed and said he hadn't been over to our house in months. I texted him the same time I was texting husbands friend, so there was no way for them to collude.

I am so scared.

EDIT 2: my husband came home. He was scared when he say the mess I made he thinks this is serious. He gave me a NyQuil, and I am getting ready for bed I am going to bed there's nothing more to say tonight goodnight. Thank you goodbye. I am going to give him my phone.

Relevant Comments (After Edits):

Commenter 1: Wait, what? What's up with that edit..either you just dreamt all this OP or they are gas-lighting you...either way, I'm confused.

> OOP: don't know, I'm really really scared right now.

Commenter 2:
Or...Check the garbage for the old food containers.

And how was the food paid for? If not cash, there's got to be a record of it somewhere.

> OOP: There's nothing there- there should have been a big mess from the party, but I can't find anything. I would have remembered cleaning up, and feeling pissed about it, but there's nothing but normal garbage from the week. There's no extra dishes left places. There are no leftovers, and there was a TON of food- like three pizzas and five boxes of wings, plus someone brought Chinese. And there was a ton of soda, and now I can't find any of it. > > The paper towels aren't even out of place. They're full, just like I left them. Oh Jesus, I am so fucking scared right now, I swear to god I'm not fucking crazy I'm really not

Commenter 3: That edit is so weird... Either you're having a dream or everyone just play along with your husband's scheme.

> OOP: I don't understand I'm really scared- do you mean I dreamt the whole thing or I'm dreaming right now? I've been crying since my husband talked to me- I told him I need to sleep. I don't understand.

Commenter 4: If this is true, you should make your way to the nearest hospital as soon as possible because you have a serious medical issue that needs to be addressed immediately.

> OOP: im going to talk to my husband. I think I need help.

OOP's comments on if there was any evidence of the party at all:

Comment 1: I've looked, there's no record anywhere of the party. I can actually remember the night it was supposed to have happened, and it couldn't have. The more I go through this the less scared I am, he more I realize it couldn't have happened. My husband wants to take me to the doctor tomorrow.

Comment 2: I am so scared I don't want to be going crazy. But thinking about it, I never remember husbands friend talking about inviting anyone over before hand. I just remember the night when everyone was over. But I can't remember the rest of that day- the only thing that I can think of was seeing everyone sitting at the table and Grace looking at Sky and Sky looking at me.

Comment 3: My phone has nothing. My husband says he remembers his friend dropping in, saying he was going to hang out with his sister and friends, and then coming back disappointed because everyone was being an asshole that night. Then friend wanted to get Chinese food, and wanted us to come along because he felt lonely.

OOP in reply to a deleted comment: I think it may have been a hyper realistic dream. It's the only way this makes sense. I can't be crazy.

OOP replies about to a comment asking about family history:

i may have dreamed it, since I can't remember my husbands friend mentioning inviting anyone over before the event, like asking us if it was okay which he always did before. Especially his sister, who has never come over before, or the one particular friend I texted because my husband and I don't get along with him.

This sort of thing used to happen to my grandmother. I don't want it to happen to me. I don't want to tell my husband. It was probably all just a dream. I think I will ask my husband's friend'd gf. She wasn't here, but he may have mentioned it to her.

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(Update): My (28f) husband (26m) took his ex's(26f) side, kissed her and went to a bar with her to spite me - 14 September 2015 (2 days later)

Hey guys, great update! First, thank you all for your outpouring of love and support! I got on this morning and was overwhelmed by all your love, help, and compassion! You guys give me hope for humanity. And thanks to the a-hole who told me I was a crazy drama whore, that my husband should dump me and get a restraining order.

So, yesterday morning, my husband took me to the doctor's, who asked me a lot of the questions you guys did. No, I didn't hit my head recently, no I don't take recreational drugs. However, I have been feeling ill lately, so the night I had the dream/hallucinations, I had taken NyQuil and Benadryl to help me sleep and not drown in my own snot. Oh, and I also had a few hot toddies, so alcohol.

Apparently, Benadryl has been known to cause weird reactions in perfectly normal people. Such as vivid hallucinations or waking dreams.

So instead of scheduling expensive tests, we chalked it up to weird drug interactions, was told to come back if anything similar happened and to get a goddamn PCP. Husband took me home and I slept. Btw, while I was freaking out and still hopped up on drugs, I did check the call records, and his ex's number wasn't on the call or text list.

EDIT: Yeah, guys, in retrospect, mixing two kinds of drugs that (apparently, never knew this, and thanks for telling me, bc I wouldn't have known) do the same thing was really damn stupid. I won't be doing it again. Also probably never taking acetaminophen either, judging from some of your comments. Or alcohol. Also, I'm actually really relived I'm not alone in the whole mind-trip thing. I'm sorry for anyone who experienced what I did and doubt their own reality.

tl;dr NyQuil, Benadryl, and alcohol should not be mixed as Benadryl is evil.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter 1:

Any follow-up to this comment you made?

> "This sort of thing used to happen to my grandmother. I don't want it to happen to me. I don't want to tell my husband."

>> OOP: The doctor seemed to think my experience was just drug-related. He said if I experienced any other hallucinations, especially ones that didn't go away, to consult a psychiatrist. My grandmother would see aliens, and remember conversations that never happened. However, she was also a big drug and alcohol user, so...

Commenter 2: What about that part where you said that this sort of thing happened to your grandmother?

> OOP: It's hard to tell if my grandmother was just mentally ill because she was also a drug and alcohol user. I mention it in another comment, but she would see aliens, and remember conversations that never happened.

Commenter 3: I've used benadryl (diphenhydramine) as a sleep aid and have had some crazy dreams. I think even sleep walked a couple times. I've also heard that if you take a high enough dose you can see some crazy shit while awake but nothing that you'd want to see.

> OOP: I also sleepwalk just in general. About a week ago, I woke up in my car about halfway to work. I was having a dream one of my charges was dying (I work with animals) and I had to go save her and give her medication. > >> Commenter 4: WOAH WOAH WOAH. OP, this is a HUGE red flag about your sleep quality. You could have killed someone! Please get yourself to the doctor for a sleep study. I can't believe no one has commented on this! > > OOP: I know, I feel really bad about it, but I can't really do anything about it or prevent it. I make sure I leave my keys in the house and lock the car doors now, though, so it's harder for me to go places while asleep.

Commenter 5: The kids call this DMX, if I'm not mistaken. Fun, huh?

> OOP:* Nooooope. Not sure why anyone would think this kind of feeling is fun. It makes you bug shit crazy. I honestly didn't even think about what I was doing while I was doing it. I was like "hey I think my allergies are more severe today" when I started coughing and couldn't breathe, so I took Benadryl. And then I realized I was actually getting sick, so I unthinkingly took NyQuil so I could sleep. And then I was getting chills a little while later, so I mixed myself up a hot toddie, and felt better. Fell asleep pretty damn fast.

OOP Replying to a deleted comment: Thanks- I feel pretty stupid, and though ppl here helped hammer it home (apart for my husband, who is pretty upset) people saying I deserved this are out of line. I, personally, don't care if anyone believes me or not, though people believing me means I get advice. But the people telling me you hope my husband dumps me, or I'm a crazy bitch is actually hurtful and a little damaging. I know you're "people on the Internet"- but if I were a person in real life, telling this to people she knew, would you feel good about yourself, walking up to me and saying "dumbass bitch, I hope your husband gets rid of your crazy ass"? And if you would, what does that say about you?

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Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs.

My partner and I are both in our mid-20s, and we've been together for about a year and a half. Like a lot of couples, we sometimes talk and fantasise about what it'd be like to have kids one day.
Early on in our relationship, whenever the topic came up, I'd always say, "I'm definitely getting the epidural." He never really had much to say about it—he'd just nod or agree.
Fast forward to about 5–7 months into our relationship, when things were getting more serious. We were talking about kids again, and out of nowhere he goes, "Nope. No epidural for the mother of my future kids. I don't want it fucking up the baby."
I was honestly stunned. Since we've been together, I've taught him much about women's bodies, pregnancy, and childbirth because he didn't know how much of all of it goes on :’). Then he comes out with that.
I’ve seen his baby photos, big head🥲
It honestly makes me a bit scared for the future. Not because we disagree, but because it's my body and I'd be the one giving birth. I feel like decisions about pain relief should ultimately be mine, based on what's safest and recommended at the time—not something someone else gets to veto.
My eastern euro mum was like “I would go psycho with no epidural, I had 44hs of labour with you with the worst back pain in my life, you do want you want when it comes to having kids in the future, especially if you’re gonna have the back pain I did”

Has anyone else had a partner with opinions like this? How did you handle it?

I had always wanted to be a mother. It was my lifelong dream. I looked at motherhood as my ultimate goal. I wanted a good relationship with my partner and a baby. I couldn't wait to be pregnant and feel the glow everyone talked about. And I couldn't wait to have a cuddly baby with whom to snuggle and coo at.

I knew it would be hard too, the sleepless nights and the crying and the overwhelm. And I was so sure I was ready.

My husband and I love each other, we are best friends and before we had our baby it was the happiest we had ever been.

Pregnancy was a nightmare, I was constantly ill, swollen and in pain. I couldn't wait for it to be over, but I also felt an insane amount of guilt for how much I hated being pregnant and the fact I felt no connection to the baby.

And then I had my baby, 4 months ago, and it's been absolute hell on earth. My husband and I try to share the load as equally as possible. But he works a lot more than I do. He takes care of me but the distress I feel is inconsolable. My mother helps me but I confess I've never been more unhappy.

My baby is not calm, or cuddly. I know babies cry, I know babies are hard. But even my PD said she's especially difficult. She had severe reflux for the first 3 months of her life. Then she had the sleep regression. She's not sick, she's healthy and beautiful and I love her.

But I wish I could go back and never have had her.

Every day makes me want to peel my skin off. She cries non stop. All day. Unless she's asleep. And with the regression she barely sleeps at all. I have started shaking in terror every morning before I get up at the thought that I have to start over. Every day is the same nightmare. It feels like I'm in hell.

And yes, she sometimes smiles at me, and she coos and it swells my heart with love. And I kiss her chubby cheeks all day and when she falls asleep in my arms I want that moment to never end.

But this experience has been so incredibly traumatizing and isolating. I've never felt more exhausted and miserable in my life.

And my husband is so happy, he is such an involved and loving father. He is so supportive and helpful and he's still my best friend. But my daughter is so all consuming we barely have time to each other. We've had sex once in almost 6 months. And it's not for lack of wanting. I feel like such an ugly, terrible person. It's not like I want her to be gone. It would be the most devastating thing that could ever happen. I just wish I had made a different choice.

I hate my life now. I miss my old life.

I wish I had never had my daughter. I wish I had never wanted to be a mom.

I wish I had realized I was too weak to be a good mother.

I feel like I'm drowning.

EDIT: I realize I might have PPD ...the problem is postnatal psychologists are rare in my country and not included in insurance. I can't afford any therapy outside my insurance. So I have no way of dealing with this. At least on the medical side...

EDIT 2: I really didn't expect so many people to reply so kindly to my post. It honestly made me cry. I'm so grateful to everyone who bothered commenting. Sometimes it can feel so isolating, especially when you don't have a village who can help. I love my daughter and I want to trust that things will get better. Today was a breaking point, I called my husband and he pressed that we should pay for therapy. Even if it's out of our budget. So I guess I'll be starting therapy soon. I don't really know if it's PPD. Just like my baby I'm an extremely emotional person. And this added to the sleep deprivation, the overstimulation and the isolation; I'm sure has taken a toll. Regardless I'll be seeing a specialist about it soon.

EDIT 3: I am in genuine awe at the amount of empathy, love and support in the responses to this post. I never could've imagined how many people felt this way and the responses have been so touching. I swear I have read every single comment even if I didn't reply. And you all have truly saved my life today. I have cried so much while reading all the comments but I feel much less alone. Parenthood is so hard and I am so grateful to all of you. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Like the title says, I recently (think very recently) found out that my "sister" who has hated me my whole life is not actually my sister at all but is my biological mother. I never had any idea before. She was always hateful toward me but I kinda assumed that my arrival had changed a bunch within the family and maybe there was less money for her to go to college or something because I was born and so she took it out on me.

When I was seven or eight my parents (biologically my grandparents) had to end their relationship with her because she was so hateful toward me. She called me names every time she saw me and she was aggressive toward me. Like if I sat too close to her she would tell me to get the fuck away from her or she'd push me. She would tell me to leave the fucking family because nobody wanted me and I was a disgusting freak. She even tried to convince my other siblings (aunts and uncles) to lock me out of the house if my parents weren't home and let me run away. They told our parents and when they confronted my sister she told them life would be so much better if I ran away and got hit by a car in the process. So that was it for them with her.

But even without direct contact I was aware of how hateful she still was about me. I heard adults in the family discuss it. I heard my siblings talk about it. Nobody ever brought up the fact I was her bio kid.

When my sister found out that I found out (and for reasons I don't wanna explain how that happened) she told me she hated me and I never deserved to exist. She said she wanted to see me broken and mangled and that if I ever called her my mom or my mother she would find some way to end me. She said she was repulsed even looking at me and that she owed me nothing and she was not here to answer any of my questions. And she told me if I wanted to do everyone a favor I could go and kill myself. My parents went nuts when they found out.

This has really shaken me because I suspect something bad happened to my sister and that's why I exist. But I have no way to really know. My parents don't even know. They had always planned on telling me but the way my sister has treated me gave them pause. I think they worried it would be super damaging to feel so hated by the person who gave birth to me, especially when we don't know for sure something bad happened or if she maybe just hates my biological father.

The whole thing has made my relationship with some of my extended family weird. I still call my parents my parents and my siblings my siblings which some find weird. But I also just have so many weird feelings about my sister. I don't know how to feel about her. But I am afraid to say she's my biological mother when speaking and even in the post I prefer to say sister because it feels safer.

I'm feeling kind of lost and I'm not sure if my relationships should change or not. Or if I should be angry with my close family for not telling me. Because I'm not angry with them. In all honesty I think it has fucked me up knowing how much my biological mother hates me and if I found out as a kid I know that would have been worse.

So, we have been officially dating for about 2 months now. well man honestly, as a man who has committed to this relationship, I did so because she (this woman as a whole) truly captivated my heart, both her mindset and her physical appearance attracted me

she is indeed a highly capable and intelligent woman in her university life. She is part of a major student organization (the Student Executive Board) and excels academically in her studies, her major is even considered 'difficult' to get into

as our connection grew more intense, she made a confession to me regarding something very heavy, because we agreed to have "transparency" in our relationship. and yeah, she opened up and told me that when she was around 5 years old, she was abused by her own biological father, who inappropriately touched her

moreover, from the age of 17 onwards, she engaged in taking baths together with her biological father. for me honestly, well i was spontaneously shocked hearing this and asked her so many questions

when i found out the extent of it (that she kissed her father on the lips), well i spontaneously asked her "do you see him as a man?' and she answered "yes". honestly.... i felt like i was competing with him, and then i realized that she has been subjected to severe authority manipulation and grooming by her biological father

when i asked her who she loves the most while being in a relationship with me, she answered, 'my father.' And then... she suddenly defended herself by saying, "at least I didn't do it with another guy". for me personally, my heart broke hearing that statement. it is blatantly clear that there is a severe cognitive distortion happening with my girl right now... i feel so sad about it.... honestly... i... cry... to hear that statement.. yeah..

should I walk away, just ghost her or etc, and then yeah she said she will kill me if i leave.. (she indeed dead serious about it) ?

Im a teenager, and a couple years ago when I was around 10 or 11, I had an iPad my dad gave to me. He didn't wipe it of any of its contents and when I looked in the photos I saw old pictures of my dad, mom, and their friend having sex. It was definitely traumatic in a way.

I've unfortunately always been nosy. Its my fault for finding out about these things. When I was 12 I snooped through my dads phone and found out him and my mom had been hooking up with their friends and other people (specifically black men). I felt very betrayed, and I was angry for months. I saw a video of my mom using a dildo, and pictures of her naked with cum on her (on the iPad, and phone).

Throughout the years I've tried to avoid the videos and pictures and deleted any that I saw off my iPad so my younger sister wouldn't see.

I recently discussed everything with my dad, saying I knew what he and my mom had been doing and I felt betrayed at first. We had a good conversation.

Fast forward to now, I recently got my old iPad back, and my dad tried to fix it. In "fixing" it, he synced his phone to it again for the first time in years.

I made the bad and nosy decision to go to the hidden album. I regret it. There were tons of videos of my mom fucking black guys, my parents having sex with their friends, and many more.

I already knew this was taking place, seeing it was still horrible and made me a bit nauseous, but I noticed the date on one of the videos. It was a date me and my sister were in school, and we weren't on vacation. I went back into my old snapchat memories and found out my parents had left in the middle of the night to go to a hotel to have sex with this man, and left me and my sister home alone for hours.

I feel betrayed, and upset. I cared, but not as much as I do now. To know that they have been repeatedly leaving me and my sister alone in the middle of the night, sometimes all night only arriving right before we go to school upsets and angers me. If something had happened they would have been far away, unable to answer the phone and busy with sex.

Edit: I'm a female.

Edit: Someone was confused on how i determined i knew they were out all night. It was a school night, there was a video of us all watching tv at 10 pm, assuming i went to sleep at around 11pm-12am that night, they had left soon after, the video was taken at 5am, and i have a picture of me the next day at 7;30am getting ready for school.

Edit: I feel like it matters to say this is MY ipad. MY device that was given to me. First time around i deleted everything from hidden as well, checked it after he messed w it and everything reuploaded including more stuff.

I (27m) took my nephew (15m) swimming at the public pool. We ran into an old friend of my sister (the kid's mother). He is in his early to mid 30s like her. From what I know they lost contact a while ago.

Before leaving I was waiting outside for my nephew to get dressed in the changing rooms and suddenly he comes running out to me. He told me that the man from earlier had followed him into the changing room and then repeatedly asked him to let him watch as he changes. Of course my nephew declined and the guy got angry and tried to literally tear his swim trunks down and also grabbed his crotch. That's when he ran away from the creep.

I went back in to look for the guy but he was already gone. I called the police and also my sister. We told the police exactly what happened and they checked the camera at the exit, but it only captured the top of the man's head and there wasn't much to work with. My sister took about 2 hours to get there even though she lives 20 minutes away, which already irked me a bit. Then once she was there she acted like the whole thing is no big deal and said that we should "drop it" to the police. I told her to give them the guy's full name (I only know his first name) and tell them where he lived when they were in contact, but she refused and made very lame excuses. She said she didn't know his last name and that he never took her to his place and she doesn't know the address, only that it was here in the city. As far as I'm concerned that's complete bullshit. She's been friends with him all throughout her last year of highschool, university and even a few years after that. There is no way she doesn't know his last name or where he lived. Especially because she would stay at his house, and I know that. I argued back and forth with her but she kept playing dumb and brushing the thing off. I called our parents and asked them if they still remembered more information about him but they didn't.

I'm extremely pissed at my sister and I don't get why she would protect some pedophile who touched her own child. I could tell how uncomfortable my nephew was with the way she acted. She said that her old friend isn't "that kind of guy" and that her son must be exaggerating the situation. Before we all left I asked if he could stay with me for the night but she said no, he has school tomorrow. At that point she seemed really annoyed and even angry with me for pressing her so much about that guy. I've never seen her act like this and it seriously ruined my perception of her.

Edit: I checked my nephews TikTok account where he sometimes posts videos of him and his friends doing tricks on his trampoline or playing in his pool. The kids are shirtless in most of the videos and I've seen a couple of odd comments, but one account commented under nearly every single post. Very disgusting remarks. Account name is the first name of my sister's old friend and what may very well be his birth year. My nephew told me that he blocked someone with a similar profile before, but afterwards this new account started commenting and he ignored it. The account is following my sister's account and she's following back. My husband went through the guy's other followers and eventually found someone's Facebook page that has the guy linked in a post with his full name. We will be giving that information to the police. Now they'll be able to find him.

My sister herself has left a couple of comments on my nephew's videos and I would bet she saw her friend's very explicit and inappropriate comments on her child's body. My nephew said to me that he told her about this account popping up after he blocked the first one and she told him to just ignore it because "there will simply always be creeps online". I'm so disgusted with her and I'll try everything to make him come live with me instead.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA12082010

My (31M), wife (29F) recently ran into her ex-boyfriend from high school and it's making me insecure

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

Original Post  July 16, 2021

tldr; My (31M), wife (29F) recently ran into her ex-boyfriend from high school and it's making me insecure.

For context, my wife and I have known each other since middle school. I was in the grade above her, we lived in the same part of a small-ish town and our families went to the same church, so it's safe to say we were always bumping into each other growing up. We ran in parallel circles but we never really shared the same group of friends.

During my sophomore and junior year of highschool, we would talk sometimes (I would drive her home every once in a while) and I could tell that she had a small crush on me but I mostly ignored it.

During her junior (and my senior) year, she started dating the ex this post is about. He was pretty much the opposite of what anyone would have expected her to date at that point and her personality did a complete 180 pretty soon after they started dating. She stopped hanging out with her old friends, became more outspoken and ended up skipping her junior prom.

I left for college, on the other side of the country and came back the next summer to find out that he had broken up with her a couple of weeks before graduation and skipped town after, leaving her devastated.  I bumped into her at the local ice-cream parlour where she was working over the summer for some extra money for college and we hungout almost every day after that.

She never really talked about her ex and I figured she was mostly over him. About two weeks after we first started hanging out, we made out, for the first time, in the backseat of my car. It ended with her crying and apologizing because she wasn't over her ex. She said that she was still in love with him and didn't think she would ever get over him. At that point I realized that I was already falling for her and agreed to be just friends. We spent the entire summer together, with me slowly falling in love with her.

Our colleges ended up being pretty close to each other so we would hang out pretty often (we also spent Thanksgiving together). I was pretty sure we would end up together when we went back that winter but she got a letter from him, explaining everything but with no return address, causing her to spiral again.

We ended up getting together the next summer and got married almost three years ago. It was going really well until she ran to get milk about three weeks ago and bumped into him, completely out of the blue, across the country from our hometown, in our neighborhood.

Apparently, he got his life together after leaving his deadbeat dad, went to college and is now a journalist.

My wife currently stays home with our 6 month old, while I work a pretty time intensive job. She's been spending a lot of time with him lately and I don't know what to do. Every time she mentions him or things they did I can't help but feel extremely jealous and insecure, like she still prefers him to me. From whatever little she has told me about their relationship, I know he's the complete opposite of me and that's what attracted her to him. What should I do?

Edit

I'd like to add that:

1. The child is definitely mine, she was conceived during the lockdown and neither of us were really leaving the house without the other.

2. The ex boyfriend showing up was definitely a coincidence- a very specific one but very plausible given the circumstances.

3. A lot of you seem to be under the impression that my wife is hiding this from me. She is not- everything I know about them is because she told me. I've also met the ex a couple of times,  although not for very long.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

[deleted]

> Have you talked to her about that? > > This will end very quickly very badly for you, especially since she is already spending lots of time with him. > > During your relationship she gave you EVERY reason to believe that she isn't over him so the thoughts that you have on your mind right now have a reason to be there. > > Have you EVER been invited to hang out with them too or is she spending time with him alone? Where do they meet, in public or in secluded / private places? Do you know what they are talking about? > > How is she acting with her phone? Do you have access to it? Could you ask her to take a look at the converstions they have?

OOP

>> They mostly go for walks with the baby and lunch every once in a while. He's been over a couple of times I think. >> >> I don't really know what they're talking about but they've always had a lot of common interests. >> >> She's always been very private with her phone (before we ever got together and even with her siblings, parents or friends). >> >> I definitely don't think she's cheating on me though.

[deleted]

> The only real advice that I can give you is to let her in to your thoughts. Explain to her the situation from your perspective like you did in your post and try to make her understand where you are coming from. > > That this whole setup makes you feel uncomfortable is normal and if you want to change that, then she needs to know what is going on inside of you. So sit her down when the baby is asleep, explain your situation to her and then let her speak. > > The one thing that you should do before you talk to her is, to think about what she can actually do to reassure you. What is a acceptable outcome for you and which one is a no go?

OOP

>> That's the bit I'm dreading though. I really, really don't want to have to talk to her about this. >> >> I also don't want to control what she does. She'd definitely see the guy less if I asked her to but that's just never been the dynamic we share.

Update  Aug 14, 2021 (1 month later)

It's been a while since I made the post but I figured I'd update you guys on this anyway, in case someone was still interested.

I ended up burying my feelings again and decided to carry on with my life as if nothing had happened- talking about it to a couple of people on here had really helped me pull myself together, at least for the time being.

I did end up going to the park with her and the friend for a bit once and sort of watched their dynamic for a bit. Everything seemed normal- she mostly spent time with the baby and he was just sort of there, keeping her company.

Things had mostly gone back to normal when she called me at work and asked me to come home early. She'd never done this before and sounded pretty shaky so I left almost immediately.

I got home to find her having a breakdown in the apartment, while one of her old friends, from her old job was there with the baby.

Apparently, this guy had confessed his feelings feelings to her. He'd said that he had loved her since they first started seeing each other but had never felt like he was good enough and now, because he had made something of himself he finally felt worthy. He also said that he wasn't planning on saying anything originally but had decided to because he felt that I was very detached (which was because of my anxiety).

He had been offered a really good job abroad, which he was willing to turn down for her. She promptly told him to fuck off but ended up having a breakdown because she realized that she had essentially lost touch with most of her friends, didn't really enjoy spending time with the women in her mommy group and had noticed that I was being a bit distant.

We had a really long talk that day and I also showed her the post I'd made as well as some of the chats I'd had with someone here (which add way more context). She was very understanding and called me silly for not just talking to her (I agree). So we've basically decided that I should cut back a bit on my work hours and she's going to try to reconnect with her friends a bit more. 

Currently, we're back in our hometown so we can see our families again and they can meet the baby for the first time. My wife's doing much better and she's already reconnected with a couple of her old friends.

tldr; We're good.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I'm (gay male ) in uni rn , and live almost 6hrs from home . I found out my mother ( F , 41, divorced for 10 years ) is getting married to her bf ( I had no idea she was dating ) . I was happy until she told me who he is . It's my high school science teacher , let's call him Mr.R ( M,36) .

My home town is quite small and conservative . So no one knows I'm gay , not even my family. Mr.R was the only adult , other than my psychiatrist to know . He helped me figure out my feelings and validated my desires. He was very kind and loving to me . Didn't judge me , gave me extra time for assignments whenever I needed. Around 9th grade , I started staying at school after hours , cause my house wasn't the most peaceful place for me . We grew close during that time . And long story short started having sex . The relationship lasted for around 3 years, then I left for uni . Now I found out that , not only has he been going out with my mother for the last 2 years but they are also engaged!!!

I dont know how to feels about this . Is this his way of manipulation? He knows how my mother treated me yet he did this ?

Edit : A few things , I live quite far so I'm safe . I don't have a good relationship with my mother ( it's not bad but nothing good either ) . We don't talk much . I haven't been back home since I came to uni . I was going to go for the wedding, but not anymore. Don't know how to tell my mother that without worsening our relationship.

Edit 2.0 : Okay so answer to a few questions. And to the person wondering why I use both American and British English , it's gonna sound cliche but English is not my 1st language, I learned most of it watching movies. To those who were worried , No ,I don't have any younger siblings , or cousins, at least not in the city , so that's there . And I realise, I might have buried that experience in a hurry to leave my home. So I'm going to seek professional help soon . And those asking me to report him , the law is kinda messy here , me being a minor would help but I don't have any solid evidence . Also there is still a lot of stigma regarding homosexuality in my country , only recently was it decriminalized. If I went to the police and it got out , it would also affect my social life , if he gets punished or not is a whole other issue