r/AdhdRelationships

Me and my girlfriend have been together for several years. She was officially diagnosed with ADHD 2 and a half years ago (well over 2 years into our relationship), when she started her first job she started taking ADHD medication to help with her focus and her anxiety (unfortunately I do not know what the name of medication was). She was fine on this medication, although sometimes she struggled with very minor mood swings and anxiety, for the vast majority of the time she was fine. Recently, due to her previous medication not doing enough for her, she has started taking Ritalin, slow release medication. I’m unsure of the actual mg in her prescription but I know it is quite high. Since she started taking this medication our relationship has been under strain and I’ve been really struggling recently. She has been going through quite powerful mood swings that last hours at a time, Particularly on the come down of her medication, and just overall changes in her personality all the time. She is more irritable and easily frustrated, she gets almost bored of me, she can sometimes act as if I’m a chore. I do not have ADHD so I don’t understand her POV very well at all, I’m just really struggling at the moment because I don’t know how to be with her, shes the love of my life and the last thing I want is to not be with her but she is acting as if I don’t exist. I’m just looking for some advice or maybe some experiences from people, or maybe an incite to how she might be feeling. Thank you

Hi everyone I wanted to come on here and get some advice about something that’s been bothering me and I just want to know whether im just overthinking things and reading too much into it.

So to start this off, I have struggled my entire life with doing the simplest day to day tasks and I have also struggled with school quite a bit. I was put down a lot by my parents saying I was stupid, lazy, using them, didn’t have any drive or discipline. Once I started college these were things I truly started to believe and I went into a very low state of depression. I barely ever got out of bed, didn’t eat much (also because my mom kept commenting on my body and still does), barely attended classes and I could never start on any homework or especially projects no matter how much I knew I needed and wanted to. I saw everyone around me doing so much better than me and I just thought I wasn’t smart enough. I have failed so many classes and and I have lost many relationships in my life.

It wasn’t until recently Ive started to consider the possibility that I might have ADHD by hearing about the experiences from a few people I have met in school. I started reading up on how this might affect women and almost everything described me to a T. Rejection sensitivity, emotional dis regulation, unable to focus or process information, head filled with thoughts and not being able to think a single one of them all the way through, moments of hyper fixation at the most inconvenient times, etc. So I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist to figure out what was going on with me. I was prescribed anxiety, depression, and bipolar medication to see if those were the causes of my inability to focus, and everything else going on. So far they have not helped and I am almost 100% certain I have ADHD.

I’ve tried telling my boyfriend about what’s been going on and a part of me thinks he doesn’t believe me. A few weeks ago we both were talking to a few friends of his and they were talking about a professor they had that was very talkative and bubbly. My boyfriend looks at me and says, “he has ACTUAL ADHD,” laughed it off and went back to the conversation. This really put me off and I didn’t know what to say or do. I tried contributing to the conversation but I was already in my head. Whenever I try to talk about something that I’m really interested in and fixated on, he kind of brushed me off and interrupts me like he doesn’t want to hear it. A few nights ago I had a very low low where I barely ate and got out of bed and I had been crying. He was busy studying but once he was done we checked up on me asking if I ate or drank anything. He was starting to get concerned about me once I talk him the only things I did that day. I told him about the obsessive negativity thought going through my head. He tried to give me advice telling me the mind is a powerful thing and basically told me to stop the negative thoughts. I tried to explain to him that its not that easy. I gave him a long explanation as to what was going on and I told him if he really wants to know, to do some research on how ADHD affects women. He told me he was doing it right then and there but by the end of the conversation he simply said, “I don’t know what else to say baby.”

He tries to be supportive but I honestly don’t think he believes me. I don’t know what to say or how to bring it up to him. Im scared of what he might say. Im really sensitive to sly comments and I’m worried I’ll start avoiding being around him and talking to him as much if the conversation doesn’t go well. I know this might all be in my head but I just need some advice from other woman struggling with ADHD.

Thank you so much for reading this far. All of this is so new to me I don’t know how to navigate through this.

When I first met my husband, he was wonderful. He was kind, funny, wanted to try many hobbies and activities with me, and helped around the house equally, contributed to cooking etc. it felt like I had finally found my person and I was so happy.

After 2 years, he started to have some health problems, (they have since resolved) but during that time he became inattentive, developed an alcohol addiction and spent all his time ignoring life/me and spending all his time and money on video games. When I tried to get him to do anything he would throw a tantrum and scream at me. This has gone on gradually worsening for 3 years even with the resolution of the health problems.

I walked out, and it seems to have actually made him acknowledge that he needs to change. He’s stopped drinking (hasn’t drank for 6 weeks), started working out, cooking and cleaning again, etc. He went to the doctors and they diagnosed him with ADHD and PTSD, for which he is receiving talking therapy for the PTSD. They are currently investigating potential BPD and mood stabilisers.

He is acting again like the man I first met, but instead of being happy I am terrified. Why did my words for 3 years not matter until I broke and left? I’m terrified of it being roses again for a while and then descending into hell once again when I become comfortable and let my guard down.

I have been talking to someone for about a year now who told me they have adhd. I'm at my wits' end about what exactly to do. We had been talking for months, both in person and over text, with many of these in-person chats happening after we'd both left the gym and lasting an hour, maybe sometimes even two. About 2 months into knowing each other, I asked them to hang out, and we managed to meet up, and the hangout went well; it lasted approximately 3 hours, and overall I enjoyed the experience; we were talking and joking the entire time.

After this, for the following 6 months, no matter how I asked, they were either busy or didn't give a response; it didn't matter if I made it walking distance, time-bound, etc. In spite of this, we kept talking after the gym; we kept having these long conversations, sometimes ending at 11 pm, sometimes 12 pm. feeling a shift in how they looked at me, the way they held eye contact, the topics we spoke about, etc. I shared my feelings for them; they said they'd like to be friends for now.

They seemed quite flustered; topic switching not too long after the exchange, I leaned into the topic they brought up, and it led to a 2 hr conversation. Following that, they more or less avoided me for 7 weeks; they'd see me, but they didn't exactly engage in interactions or text me.

By chance, one week we bumped into each other, and we started talking about once a week again, having expansive conversations. This lasted approximately another 3 weeks before it seemed like life stress got to them, and they barely interacted with me for a month before again having an almost 2-hour conversation.

After that, I was busy, so I didn't see them around, but in that time they sent multiple paragraphs of texts after we got engaged on a topic, but when I saw them in person, mild avoidance again. Frankly, I was content being friends because I enjoyed their company, but this feels quite thin, and I don't know if I should just ghost them or say my final piece about all this. They've shared so much with me- being anxious about things, wanting to be perfect, self-sabotaging behavior, etc and I believe they feel guilty about it; hence, I was content just being a sentinel friend, but it barely feels like they want to even interact with me at times.

Any advice welcome. My partner has adhd and is soo messy. Ive tried everything i can think of and ive compromised. Ive tried every form of communication, post it notes ect. Im 99% bedbound with an illness but I have a carer come in a few times a week but shes not meant to be there to clean up his mess. He genuinely so lovely and we click in so many ways but I honestly dont know what else to do. He has his own room that I just close the door on as you cant even see the floor but when the rest of the house( my sanctuary beacuse i cant leave) is effected its really affecting me. He was diagnosed about a year ago and has been on meds since.

EDIT: Just to clarify — I’m 36 and have had severe ME/CFS and POTS for 4 years. When I say 99% bedbound, I mean I can sleep up to 20 hours a day, spend most of my time isolated in a dark room, only get up to use the toilet/occasionally shower, and most days I can only talk for a few minutes at a time. At my worst I can’t talk or feed myself.

I already have a carer 3x a week who cleans, does washing and cooks because I physically can’t. The problem is that within 24 hours the shared spaces can be a bomb site again.

I absolutely understand ADHD is a disability and I’m not expecting him to be perfectly tidy. His room can be as messy as he likes. I’m just trying to find a way to accommodate his ADHD without the consequences falling on me or my carer.

I (23TM) have a partner (27NB) of almost four years and we are both neurodivergent. I have combined ADHD and I struggle with patience which is especially important in my relationship. My partner is AUDHD and also have memory problems, auditory processing issues, and are quite slow in their thought process due to heavy disassociation. I’m very fast paced, raring to go, and talk at a mile a minute. I never stop thinking ever, I have 10 billion thoughts going at once.

Now for the issue. When they ask me to repeat myself multiple times, don’t understand what I’m talking about, or interrupt me I get really frustrated. When they tell me they can’t hear me I get huffy. It takes the wind out of me sometimes and I might feel not seen.

But then I feel guilty about getting frustrated at all. I’m a very expressive person too, it’s hard for me to mask my frustration. I sigh, look cross, or take on a less enthused voice rather impulsively. My partner says it doesn’t really bother them but I feel like it should. They’re disabled after all, it’s not their fault and it’s not like it’s on purpose. I know this logically and yet I still struggle to get rid of the frustration in the moment.

What do I do? I can’t help but feel like I’m hurting them. I feel awful about it.

To be emotionally intelligent, one has to have the skill of emotional regulation. Being able to control anger, not letting it to turn into aggression is one or
the many ways in can regulate their emotions.

Since ADHD brains are impulsive due to executive dysfunction, I want to know how can one create that precious 10 second gap which is necessary to prevent anger turning into aggression. Since we fail to think and then act, I always fail to identify the cues like clenched jaws, heavy breathing etc when I’m angry and I end up being aggressive.

So folks who who have mastered the skill of emotional regulation despite having ADHD which makes emotional regulation difficult thanks to their impulsive behaviour and executive dysfunction, what helped you to develop the skill of emotional regulation and hence become emotionally intelligent?

My husband (30M) and I (30F) have been married just about two years, together for 6. He was dx ADHD in elementary school and was medicated for most of his childhood. He eventually went off the meds in HS because he didn’t like how they made him feel & they were affecting levels of something in his organs that his doctor didn’t like.

I want to first say that I love this man. He is pure of heart, works hard, does things for me on a regular basis that I am so grateful for. I know he loves me, values me and wants me to feel cared for. But his actions when it comes to actually following through on household things do not make me feel loved.

It is practically a monthly basis of me asking for support, him saying he will, doing a few things but not finishing anything, and then waiting until the absolute last possible moments when I’m resentful and angry and stressed because I now feel like if it’s going to get done I have to do it (like today, when my family is coming over at 4 PM & at noon I’m frantically doing everything he said he would do over the past 2 weeks that I’ve been mentioning they’re coming & that I’d really appreciate his help; plus what I planned to do today).

It seems like I have to be at this point, frantically doing all the things, for him to contribute and then he gets sad and mopey that I’m upset with him. It’s getting to a point where I feel distrustful and resentful of him over things as minor as doing the freaking dishes and not letting them get moldy over the course of a MONTH. (I’ve been trying to not swoop in and do things after he says he’ll do them, and it has not helped at all. It just belabors the pain because he’ll do the bare minimum amount of dishes he needs in order to make something and then not wash those after so he didn’t even make a dent in the sink.)

I’m so angry and disappointed and hurt by this continued lack of care. To top it off, we have been trying to get pregnant for a few months and I hate that I have this thought, but part of me is truly wondering if I’m insane to add a baby to this stress load. I can only imagine how overwhelmed he will be with a newborn & then I’ll be doing everything for all 3 of us.

In the past I have floated the idea of us paying someone to come in weekly or monthly to clean (we both travel for work so time is limited) and he was negative about it and said basically we need to do it ourselves. But he doesn’t do it at all. Which puts it on me if I want the house to be somewhat clean. And I am just so tired of crying and asking him to do better. I welcome your constructive advice. ♥️