u/Jaded_Tour520

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some advice please. My ex partner (female 45) and myself (male 43) broke up 2 months ago. She has undiagnosed ADHD and the relationship ended due to another meaningless argument. We were together about 4 years.

The relationship had its great points but some absolutely rock bottom points, she would cause some pointless arguments just for that dopamine hit and say some really cruel things to me, constantly tell me to leave or pack my things like I was nothing. Even message other guys.

She is constantly starting and quitting hobbies and has had a lot of jobs too, she never seems to be happy about anything in life. She struggled financially before we were together but when I moved in I pretty much paid for everything.

We have kept in contact but nothing much, the odd message regarding collecting things or bills/money. She wanted to come and see the dogs which I reluctantly agreed to, but the other day she changed her mind again and telling me to never message her again. Which is fair enough after a break up. What I’m concerned about is her saying she feels like driving off a cliff or driving in to a tree and she doesn’t want to be here anymore. I don’t know what to do? I paid for her therapy and also managed to get her to the doctor to speak to them and see about meds but she flat out refuses. I’m worried she might do something stupid but I don’t want to reach out and check on her as she’s told me not to message. The last time I got worried I called her family which made it even worse.

Some advice needed please, I’m worried something bad is going to happen

Hey everyone,

Me (male) and my partner of 4 years (female) split a couple of months ago. She has ADHD and struggles with mental health. Our relationship ended after another argument over nothing really. She used to pick fights for absolutely no reason to get that dopamine hit. She’s was constantly getting pulled in to meetings at work regarding conflict with workmates or management. She wasn’t exactly the nicest to me in the years we were together but I gave her a pass due to the ADHD and mental health issues but towards the end I grew fed up of it and didn’t want to be treated like a punchbag anymore. I even found out that she had been messaging two different guys at one point in our relationship also.

We have kept in touch regarding her seeing the dogs or me still having stuff to collect etc, just the usual stuff after a breakup. I moved in to a nice new home with my dogs and she messaged saying she would bring the rest of my things and see the dogs and take them out etc. I sent her my new home address and a day or two later I got a message saying it’s not a good idea her coming round or seeing them now.

I guess I’m just looking for advice really and to why she’s being like this, messaging and organising to see the dogs then I give her my new address then a message saying I don’t want to see them now, so confused. She wasn’t exactly an easy person to be with and I’ve definitely been treated better in previous relationships so why I’m I so bothered about this breakup?

I guess I’m just looking for some advice really

Thank you.

Me and my ex partner split up 4-5 weeks ago and barely had any contact at all. We have been trying to sort out collecting things and finances the last few days and yesterday I went to drop a few things off. When I saw her she looked totally different, new hairstyle and clothes, she was acting like she did when we first met it was so weird. The breakup wasn’t exactly great, I left due to her behaviour and her being pretty nasty and shitty. She has ADHD but refuses medication or any sort of help and doesn’t see a problem in her behaviour.

When I was leaving she asked if she could come to my new place and visit the dogs. I won’t lie she was amazing with them and created a great bond. I’m just not sure if it’s the greatest of ideas. I’m just looking for some advice please, thanks.

My ex partner has went so cold, quiet and at times mean. We hadn’t really spoke in a good few weeks. Last night we exchanged a few messages regarding collecting/dropping off things.

She said on her last message-I don’t hate you I’m just trying to protect myself? What does this mean? Why is she acting like a completely different person?

Me and my ex partner split up a a few weeks ago and I left as she packed up all my things after an argument. It’s not the first time she’s done this as she can’t have an argument or conversation, she gets overwhelmed and shouts and swears and asks me to leave or packs my things. We were together 4 years and in that time she’s packed my things like 5 times.

She has said some horrible things over the years, like if she says something really bad I’ll go, it’s like self sabotage. She has ADHD but self diagnosed, refuses to get a proper diagnosis or try meds. She spends a lot of time off work and isolated. Like she’s scared of the world.

I’m just wondering if I should reach out to her? I worry about her mental health and what she might do. She’s turned so cold and horrible even after everything I’ve done for her. Should I message or call? Or just leave it alone?

Me and my ex partner split up a a few weeks ago and I left as she packed up all my things after an argument. It’s not the first time she’s done this as she can’t have an argument or conversation, she gets overwhelmed and shouts and swears and asks me to leave or packs my things. We were together 4 years and in that time she’s packed my things like 5 times.

She has said some horrible things over the years, like if she says something really bad I’ll go, it’s like self sabotage. She has ADHD but self diagnosed, refuses to get a proper diagnosis or try meds. She spends a lot of time off work and isolated. Like she’s scared of the world.

I’m just wondering if I should reach out to her? I worry about her mental health and what she might do. She’s turned so cold and horrible even after everything I’ve done for her. Should I message or call? Or just leave it alone?

Me and my partner split up last week and we have had very little contact until today when I rang to arrange a date/time for the removal men to get my stuff. She mentioned last week if I didn’t get my things within a few days it was getting put in the skip but today she said you have to come too as I won’t let the removal men in unless you are here, she didn’t want to see me at all last week but now I have to be with them when collecting my things. I also still have a key for the house.

How do I go about this as I’m not keen on going along, not to be nasty but I just don’t want to see her. The breakup was rough as she just threw all my things in boxes, and damaged a lot of stuff and was just being really shitty with me.

She refuses to take ADHD meds and her mood is all over the place, can’t control her emotions and flys off the handle at the slightest things. She has said very horrible things lately but when I have questioned her behaviour suddenly I’m the bad guy. This ain’t the first time she’s done this but it’s definitely the last as I’ve had enough and already got my own place, I just want peace as the last 4 years have been a lot to deal with.

What should I do? I have a lot of things at the house and don’t want more damage or confrontation.

Me and my partner of nearly 4 years broke up a few days ago after her overreaction to a joke, she pretty much told me to leave so I did, this has happened a lot over the years. She loses her temper, calls me all the horrible names etc then after a week or so messages me asking to start over. And it’s all over the slightest things.

She goes from absolutely adoring me to hardly talking or giving me the silent treatment, shouts, swears and loses her temper. Constantly contradicts herself, I’m just so confused by it all. One minute she is saying I’m the best guy she’s ever known etc etc to saying I’m lazy and don’t treat her right.

We moved in together a year ago, she was desperate for me to do so, and in that time she has packed up my stuff 5-6 times. I gave up my home, all my furniture etc to move in and now I’m left with nothing having to start all over again. She doesn’t seem to take any accountability for her actions but when I do something wrong It’s a different story. She constantly complains about house work and me not doing my fair share but I’m out of the house most of the day working, pretty long hours. She works part time. In my opinion I do more than my fair share of chores considering I work 6-7 days a week and pay all the bills.

In our time together I have caught her messaging two guys, one of them saying she misses him and the other arranging a coffee date, but i was told accept or move out, or words similar to that. I take her and pay for all our meals out, date nights and holidays but nothing I do was good enough.

I’m just wondering if this is ADHD or is she using that as an excuse? Has anyone else had the same issues where you do everything but it’s still not good enough. She has a teenage boy who I thought I treated the same, spoilt him with new trainers, clothes, days out etc as his biological parent doesn’t really bother with him. But again she complained I didn’t treat him right, I’m so confused of what’s she see’s and what she thinks. Like I said the relationship is over now as I can’t deal with it anymore. I just wondered if anyone else has had similar experiences

Thank you 🙏