I dont know what to do. Due to give birth tomorrow
I dont know what to do. Due to give birth tomorrow
I am 44f about to be induced tomorrow with my third baby but first baby with my adhd partner. He is 45m.
I want advice from both ppl who do and dont have adhd.
He is undiagnosed and unmedicated but we both are 100% certain he has adhd. He currently is on a spiral and has left the house after an argument that I started. The crux of the argument is that he wont allow me to see his snap chat or his location and has made big spends behind my back without telling me. Hes poor with money and dosnt like to chare his finances or his where abouts.
He used to, he used to be such a loving and caring man. We r together 2.5 years but ive known of him from i was 16. He love bombed the life out of me at the start and bent over backwards for me. As our relationship has gone on things have progressively gotten worse. Any fight we have he leaves. If he starts it he ends it by leaving. If I start it he ends it by leaving. He could spend anywhere from 2.days to 2 weeks away from the house and will ignore most txts or calls. He blames me for leaving at all times. He will apologise when he comes back for his part in the argument but will use those words exactly and will never get into the facts or what was said or how we hurt each other. I dont think we have ever had a true heart to heart.
The turning point is when we got engaged. He seemed to get angrier more, ran away more and was more nasty. I then discovered I was pregnant not long after getting engaged and I didn't feel the joy I should have. The pregnancy has been awful. Hes hardly been here literally will leave every other week. Its a terrible habit we are in and I dont know how to break it.
But he will blame me for the way he treats me. Yes ive done things wrong but I've tried to make amends. Ive never done anything wrong that I feel was detrimental to the relationship tho. Silly things tho. When he does anything wrong I forgive him and we move on. When I do something wrong he will punish me and every thing ive done wrong will get brought up in every single argument. He also has issues with my past relationships. Ive had 10 past partners all who I tried to make a go of it. My adhd partner was very loose in his younger days so we are talking 60+ girls he has slept with yet my past is always a problem.
When hes good hes amazing. When hes not its an absolute head f\*\*k.
I carry everything. I own my own business. I own the house that he dosnt contribute towards unless I cry about it. I keep the house running. The cars the kids the bills the mental load of running everything and now im about to have another kid. What have I done to deserve this all. Does he care. Did he lie about wanting a home a family and a life with me? Was that all false. Im in a constant state of confusion....... when im stuck with something (car has broken down) (someone dented my work van) hes right on it. In the next breathe he puts me down about how manly my hands look or how Im a terrible cook etc. He snaps at me and tells me im not doing enough to keep him happy and I should make more of an effort. This was at 8 months pregnant. Please help. What is this. This jekyll and Hyde routine has wore me down to nothing. Im due to be induced tomorrow morning at 10 and he dosnt know that because hes been gone the past four days again. Am I a fool for trying to make this work. Will this ever change? I cant seem to get through to him about how his negative ways are affecting me and how much they are making me unhappy.