should i send this or just save it in my notes app?
so you have been on my mind for a long time now, haven't had anyone for so long as you in my mind. initially i had thought of us being partners or so but things changed between us. I thought we had something between us, but I guess most of it was in my mind only.
Now I think the time has come to let you go and make myself free from your thoughts, those expections of your messages or so... I tbh never really prioritised beauty over brain and I think it was one of the reasons why you never choose me in the first place, because person like you would choose someone who is very smart and talented and highly successful. I think I don't present my self in a way that makes me look flashy or very cool because my personal philosophy is that I don't want to attract the surface-level influenced people who are attracted to the limelight and all. and to some extent I even hate those people who try to snatch the limelight all the time.
I was very friendly and kind to you, which in general i'm not with most of the people. now I think I can close your chapter and move on, because there's nothing left between us, I feel like I have become your convinience person who will be available all the time for you. I genuenly feel happy for being that comfort person for you, but what hurts is that you not being available for me, or reciprocating that same energy. You want me when there is no one to entertain you, or when you don't have your friends but not when I need you. You are like a chalak person who know how to use people and then keep them at their disposal. you dragged me into things which i never wanted to do, now i'm just making things miserable for myself even there as well.
I though we were good friends and you a good friend but I guess that was not the case, you clearly were someone who was very chalak, who exactly knew what to do and when to leave....I was never that kind of person, all in the way I was trying to become that one person for you, with whom you could open up and tell your things...but I failed at that...I failed to understand you. or maybe I wanted to understand you more but you made your boundaries high enough for me so now I'm done with you.
My biggest fear now is that I might become cold to you, like from couple of months I have been trying not to become so much cold and noticiable with my actions but now since this chapter is going to be closed I believe that I will have just maintain that distance a bit more with you, your thoughts and dreams. deep down I'm not someone who likes to play games or do stuff that makes other person feel like shit or something like that but I just wanted to become your goto home person.
I clearly wanted much more than you were ready to give, you had you boundaries...and maybe I am the stupid one who had forgot his boundaries and limits or maybe I was someone whose attention you enjoyed that made me look like a fool. maybe all this was for my character development to feel like stupid in infatuation about you. Thinking about you still my heart pound faster but now i have to let that go now, because if i don't let you go now then a day will come when all this will be over and I'd be still dreaming about you...even when everything would have changed completely between us.
whenever I think of you I never really think about anything bad about you, you had that magic on me, I'm stupid sometimes. just know that I loved you, and adored you, but since we don't have a future, I'll have to let you go.
I might have failed with you, but I will not become bad with others. I have other people as well, and for the fact, I will not treat you badly or anything like that, because that is not my nature, I might not talk on the surface much but i will never want something bad to happen to you, just be happy GOODBYE. today the date is 18Aug,2026 and timing is 1:39AM.