Spouse with ADHD (inattentive/anxious subtype?) - any tips for good resources?
My wife recently got diagnosed with ADHD (mixed subtype but more on the inattentive side). As an outsider, she looks like the opposite of a typical person with ADHD: very structured, lots of lists and Excel sheets, great at organizing and time management.
However, she's also had multiple burnout or burnout-like periods throughout her life, and so her understanding is that she developed a ton of coping strategies early on but they come at a cost (exhaustion, anxiety, and over time burnout).
She also is very selective in her social interactions - who she gives time and energy to - because almost always they end up draining her battery. She is more introverted than I am, but possibly ADHD also plays a role here.
As her spouse I'm trying to learn more about ADHD, and how it can/has been showing up in our marriage, her job, and parenting (we have 2 under 5), energy for talks, dates, intimacy and so on.
Because a lot of books and podcasts focus on hyperactivity or what's going on inside the ADHD brain and not so much on practical ways of working with it/creating space for it, I feel frustrated and impatient because I'd like to show up in better ways for her. (Incidentally, she is half-jokingly convinced I also have ADHD).
If anyone recognizes these specifics and/or has tips for good resources to learn more, I'd be very grateful!