My boyfriend keeps having meltdowns and being disrespectful/rude to me help?
My boyfriend is audhd like me and work stress has him in a loop of stress resulting in meltdowns. The last meltdown he said something really rude to me he didn’t remember, but I talked to him about it and I thought we were doing better.
I’m trying to be understanding that meltdowns are complicated and I might not understand-though I myself am also autistic and adhd I do not have as extreme of meltdowns.
He called out of work today and was having a meltdown and I tried my best to respond how he prefers-which is a lot of space. And I backed off when he didn’t want to answer questions. He was supposed to go to a tattoo appointment at 5 and I knew he wouldn’t have eaten so I offered to bring him food and I felt like it just went downwards from there. It only let me attach one image on mobile so here’s my summary:
The first messages were about him appreciating me bringing him food
Then I made a comment about how the hands are a rough place (inferring it’s a good idea to eat)
And he told me. : yeah, well tell somebody who cares
Me: well ? I just mean the stress on the body
Him: Baby, I’ve made my fucking decision. I don’t need anymore analysis or information around this when I do I’ll ask for it.
Him: maybe it’s best we don’t speak for a couple days
Me: okay. I’m just trying to care about you.
(The rest of the screenshot here)
My issue is we’ve already been through this problem once and I told him I will not deal with him being rude to me. He doesn’t think he’s being rude to me because he said he’s been very silver tongued in the past. I don’t really care about that because I’m quiet sensitive and I think he’s being really rude and disrespectful??? Since I’m autistic I’m having a hard time knowing my judgment though.
Everything else we are so compatible on it’s crazy. He’s so sweet and caring and we have philosophical talks for days and our quirks fit together just right. This is breaking my heart because I think it’s going to be a deal breaker and I don’t know what to do. He’s already medicated .
Do I let him sort it out?
Should he quit his job?
Am I being sensitive?
Do other people in relationships bear through periods of stress like this?
Edit: well yall I was gonna let the situation calm down and talk to him and end things peacefully …I do think that’s best. I wanted to encourage him to get some therapy and more skills but I don’t think so now. He text me again last night at 9:30 with:
well, the house is flooded because I couldn't fucking concentrate on what I was doing as I was leaving because someone was making me question my decision for no reason.
One thing I was looking forward to today was getting my fucking tattoo done and we couldn't just leave that alone. We couldn't just let (bf) execute the fucking plan.
No autonomy for (bf), ever. Just demands.
Oh wait, I do have autonomy.
This is over. Better luck next time.
(End text)
So I think the consensus is he’s just an asshole! :/