r/AuDHDWomen

I’ve just started dating women and have noticed that I FREEZE whenever I’m getting hit on IRL. Online/over text I have the time to think and craft up witty responses, and most importantly, I don’t have to SEE the person’s body language/reaction, which always makes me overthink in anticipation or after the fact.

There’s been so many times where someone is clearly flirting with me and even though I may be very attracted to them I will be stiiiiiff and just smile and chuckle awkwardly even though my brain is screaming DO SOMETHIIIIING. For example I was at the club with my friend the other day and a ton of women were very obviously hitting on me but I would just dance awkwardly next to them and start hovering back to my friend to the point that my friend physically turned their back on me to push me to be in closer proximity to the (very pretty and nice and respectful!!) ladies that wanted my attention. It’s really frustrating because I want to dance with them, touch them, etc, but it’s like my brain gets overwhelmed with the logistics of it and makes me freeze.

The overthinking plays a big role I think because I’m ND, like I was sitting next to this girl on a date recently and I was like (in my head) “our legs are close to each other. Can I let my leg touch hers? Is that too much? What if she moves away” etc etc etc. The only times in my life I have flirted with someone irl is when I was tipsy which I know isn’t a healthy coping skill! Ugh can anyone help a baby gay out plz??

I just don't understand how and when people consume news. It's so boring. Any fun tips, news letters, etc y'all are subscribing to?

i feel like of all the wearable tech, nothing truly covers the data im looking for when it comes to my bruxism.

Edit: I repeat: my driveway was blocked. I don't like having to call the police but my driveway was blocked. The fireworks were also causing damage to cars on the street.

Yes I know life isn't fair, it just sucks. I had a pretty bad meltdown in front of my husband and my best friend on the 3rd because neighbors were blocking my driveway with fireworks and we had to wait for the fireworks to stop and the neighbors to clean them up before we could get the car into the driveway.

I called the police because 1. Fireworks are illegal in this city 2. Our driveway was blocked due to said fireworks and 3. It wasn't the 4th it was the 3rd. If it were the 4th I would have let it go. I don't like it but whatever it's a holiday.

I didn't say anything to the neighbors but I was pretty loud on the phone when giving their address.

My husband was pissed at me and my best friend left pretty quickly because she "didn't want a confrontation" whatever that means.

I apologized to both later but my husband is steering clear of me and my best friend said she needs space from me.

These people have known me for a long time. Whenever anyone I know freaks out around me, my first instinct is to think "wow that was really out of character, I'd better see what's up when they're calmer" but whenever I freak out in front of anyone no matter how long they've known me, they write me off as crazy and need space.

I wish people could give me a break the way I give them a break.

I was head hunted for a really good opportunity to almost double my salary and I took it… and now I just feel like an empty shell. The place where I work now is 5 days in office and I thought “maybe this routine will be better for me” HAHAHAHA WHAT WAS I THINKING

I hit my 90 days, but also within that 90 days, I got reprimanded for talking too much and having too much “non business chatter.” But then, I had a great review and it only left me feeling nervous and confused.

I then got assigned a new manager and had to have another one on one with her and during that she basically told me that I need to comprehend things better and read things more carefully. I feel like I just keep on making mistakes. I know I do good work but it feels like it’s just expected and not appreciated. I am a shell of myself when I’m there. I mask so hard that I just hope I’m making enough eye contact and sounding interested enough so my coworkers don’t feel like I’m being rude. I have been applying to places but I just know that corporate life is NOT for me. Yet, I feel so stuck and honestly I am only there for the money. I don’t go out of my way to make friends (nor do I want to) and being in an office environment is just so exhausting.

I’ve been here for 6 months now and it just occurred to me that I hate it. Too much office politics, too much masking, and I envy those who can stay in an environment like this, why is it so easy for them? I got in trouble again today and I feel like this one might cost me my job. Every week I just pray that I can make it to Friday, at this point I just feel like a corporate mule.

I just walked into my bathroom and chopped 6 I vibes off my hair! I am so over hair AND boobs… they are so overstimulating. Anyway…. If anyone else is over the summer heat and your messy bun isn’t staying on your dang head…. Chop it! I feel so much better

Hello! Curious to hear from you all. My mantra lately has been “I’d be happy with one, I’d be happy with none.” I’m 30 years old, with a wonderful partner who I think would be a wonderful dad, but I have some concerns of my own. To name a few: I’m AuDHD with chronic pain, PCOS, and a severe fear of childbirth. Seriously, I’d have nightmares about it as a kid, but just figured “I’ll have to do it someday!” Well now I’m seeing lots of women going childfree by choice and I find that empowering. It’s such a huge decision and I’m really trying to look inward to decide if having a kid aligns with my life. I don’t ever want to do something because of pressure from family, friends, society, or my biological clock. Most of my previous jobs have involved working with babies and children, which is TOTALLY different from being a parent, but all that is to say I love children and have changed many a diaper lol. Currently, my life feels peaceful. I live in a small beach town with my partner and two kitties. I work as a therapist and feel fulfilled by this work most days. My partner is also on the fence about kids which is helpful but also not?! Lol. If anyone out there struggles with similar issues (AuDHD, PCOS, chronic pain, fear of childbirth, wanting to maintain your current peaceful life, etc) I would truly love to hear from you. Thank you 🫶🏻

"This is my first time hearing about ____." and etc.

Bc there's been a few people who keep interpreting this reaction = me calling them a liar based on their defensive responses :( But really I'm trying to warn them that I'm not well versed in that topic or (in most cases) I want to hear more about it.

I get that there'll always be people who'll read my energy wrong, but there are times I feel like I'm missing something in my lingo to turn this exclamation into genuine interest.

Also, the URGE to know every little factoid makes me overly eager and if I'm on low energy (which is most of the time), the mask slips and I can't help myself and go "WOW." And in the same way that my enthusiastic compliments have been read as me being snarky/ sarcastic, I know this is a big part of why I'm being misread.

It's ok if there's no advice. Just commiserating is welcome 🥲

I.... like it..? I started going because everyone says its good for mental health. And I was desperate for anything to improve that.

I have checked in 3 times so far and I am already feeling the mental benefits. I have had a sedentary lifestyle for a few years now and my body taps out very quickly. And I am sore as a mf the next couple days. I love that no one talks to me and I just get to be in my own world in my headphones for an hour.

But starting the morning feeling like I accomplished something does a ton to set the tone of the rest of the day to be more positive.

I am trying to approach this focusing on the process rather than the outcome. So I am doing it for the sake of my mental health overall, rather than trying to meet some goal weight. This is how i am going to avoid developing an unhealthy relationship with exercise and body image. (Which i am guilty of in the past.)

What do you do to incorporate movement/exercise in your life?

Edit: also if anyone has advice to deal with the sensory hell that is being sweaty that would be amazing. Its SO uncomfortable but I just deal with it

SZA has been one of my favorite artists for about a decade now and it makes so much sense with her being diagnosed. her album ctrl has a song called “normal girl” and it has been one of my most listened to songs ever. ctrl is the album i’ve listened to the most. now that i think about it, her song “20 something” is also super relatable to the autistic woman experience.

i don’t know what i’m feeling, but i can’t stop thinking about this. i guess it’s comforting knowing that an album that i so heavily relied on and love so much was created by someone so similar to me. i’m really glad she’s opened up about her diagnosis. i really hope her talking about it helps other undiagnosed and late diagnosed woc.

who are some of your favorite idols with autism? :)

I know I am a perfectionist and it stems a lot from that... but also when I am wrong in front of NT, it's like it completely invalidates everything I've ever said, ever. They never address valid points and then focus solely on where I made a slip, regardless of whether it was relevant to the conversation. So many times I've been made to feel dumb to the point where I am not even sure if I did actually make sense.

This problem was especially highlighted in childhood because people automatically don't take children seriously. I learned to be quiet, that my contribution didn't matter, and that when in arguements its more effective to give them scathing quick remarks than communicate the problem or point. Now in my older age, especially with current politics, I really want to be able to function in a debate without feeling foolish or hesitant. It's like everything I've learned cannot be conveyed properly and so therefore I'm stuck in the loop of being 'wrong' in some way all the time.

I often just revert back to 'why say many word when few word do trick?' but its exhausting. I just want to be heard.

…it’s inevitable…I can’t go a day without one. And since my kids are home for summer break..I feel horrible about dozing off a few hours after getting up. I get 8-9 hours of sleep a night. Vitamins are good. Cpap machine. Iorn is in check. Just constant fatigue. Ugh

I wanted to run an open poll, not for actual research, but to test a personal hunch lol. My questions are

1. Do you feel you have trouble making friends or keeping friends?

2. Do you feel inherently unlikable or like there's something wrong with you?

3. Were you diagnosed in adulthood, or did you realize late?

4. Did you have a good relationship with your parents?

My answers are 1. yes 2. yes 3. yes 4. no

I feel like us neurodivergent folk and especially women are having an easier time while young. When we mature, we start to stick out like a sore thumb. The fact that we get burnout from masking isn’t helping either. People expect wisdom and diplomacy especially from women of a certain age. Whereas here I am, still ditsy and weird after all this time, probably more so by comparison with peers. I have been rejected more than ever lately and am more sensitive to micro-rejections too. This makes me noticeably depressed and anxious, to the point of seeking specialized help to finally get a diagnosis. I had a first appointment confirming my ADHD, and I didn’t know how to say that “you know, I’m quite sure I’m autistic as well, at least mildly” without sounding like a self-diagnosing know-it-all. The assessment lasted only a bit over half hour and was quite honestly underwhelming. I was recommended trauma therapy for starters (I do have CPTSD as well). Meanwhile I have to deal with life, masking more than ever before. It’s honestly exhausting and I prefer withdrawing from social interactions unless it’s something fun such as hikes or acoustic concerts (I’m very sensitive to sound).

I was talking to my friend the other day about how my boyfriend has basically proposed. She’s my oldest friend and she’s very, very excited about the prospect of planning my wedding.

I’m super excited at the prospect of being married to my boyfriend, and ✨the dress✨.

The rest of it, not so much if I’m being completely honest.

We’re both AuDHD, but he’s more heavy on the autism while I’m more ADHD.

We both hate loud noises and crowds. Especially him. He also doesn’t enjoy attention being directed at him (unless it’s him talking about his special interest).

He doesn’t really care if we elope or have a big wedding, because it’s equally “him being the center of things”. But his stance is “whatever makes me happy is what he wants”.

I do want friends and family to celebrate us. But I want it done in a way that is respectful to us, and I’m scared that repeatedly having to put that boundary into place (mainly with my friend actually) is going to suck.

She’s already talking about how she’s going to plan a bachelorette with a male stripper, spa, brunch and karaoke.

My preferred bachelorette party? Not having to participate in one.

Okay, I do see how this is actually a “that one friend” problem.

Anyways, I just wanted to hear some success stories (if there is any) and warnings for things I should avoid.

And thank you for reading all that if you made it to the bottom.

So I'm starting grad school in the fall! Excited and super nervous. I've been a procrastinator my whole life and though it's worked this far, I would like to try not do that in grad school 😅

My partner is also starting school in the fall. He is going to get a big dry erase calendar to hang up in the room to help him visually with remembering assignments and what not. But I know that won't work for me because I've had white boards in the past and I'll write out one month or whatever and can't be bothered to erase and write out the next month when the time comes 😂 so I need an app or something that doesn't involve manually erasing and writing.

I use Google calendar pretty successfully for general life stuff but I'm hoping to have something completely separate so that my Google calendar doesn't get too muddled with stuff, when that happens I subconsciously start blocking it out lol.

I'm hoping for something super visual that I can maybe put on my phone background, a big widget, or even better if there is also an option to have it be a huge thing on my computer desktop. Just something where it is always visually in my face.

It's tough because I even try to use Samsung reminder app for stuff and have it go to my watch but I either forget to put stuff in there altogether or I just ignore it. So if y'all have tips or hacks to stop ignoring reminders or any other tips for this topic of thing that would be amazing 🙏🏽

Thanks y'all!

I was diagnosed with AuDHD some years ago, in my early fourties, to the complete surprise of others but not really myself. It has been interesting to realise that many of my 'quirks' are not really quirks but the basic architecture of me.

Anyway, like many of us, I found out that my inability to do any completely normal routine task, such as cleaning, is not me being lazy but some combination of reward system and executive function differences.

Cleaning also usually leads me to some existential crisis, questioning why I am cleaning, and from there it is only a short way to the meaning of life and the pointlessness of existence...

I also found that the weird bursts of restlessness and energy are also probably AuDHD. Often I do not know what to do with myself, or I am angry, I cannot focus, I want to do something but I do not know what.

So now when I feel this happen, I put on some appropriate music, personally I find that angry music is very effective, and I just start cleaning. It is a perfect way to get the house clean and get out of this feeling! I can clean for hours dancing around listening to music. No existential despair, just me and the vacuum cleaner and Green Day having fun.