r/AuDHDWomen

I have watched people do things in order to learn how to cook, clean, organize, etc. After watching an NT cook so easily and one move her things I couldn't help but think, wait? you can do that? how did you not spend 4 minutes picking out the bad pieces of food, and what do you mean, you just take your clothes and throw them in a bag, hangers on? What tom-foolery is this? Can life really be that easy? I tried to get the best, fastest, and most efficient at routines in my life and I feel imposter syndrome. Lmk if you relate

What’s some things that neurotypicals do in day to day life that society sees as normal, and expects, that you have actually cut from your life? Things you felt guilt for not doing in the beginning but now makes your life so much easier/better because you don’t do it anymore?

Open to anything 🫠

Has anyone else noticed a connection between AuDHD and spirituality, especially after becoming detached from everything?

I’ve been wondering whether being more isolated from social expectations, old relationships, routines, and external noise can make people with AuDHD experience spirituality more intensely.

Bless you

...hated tight clothes like leggings by the end of the day.

...couldn't stand lukewarm food.

...twirled their hair until it hurt their scalp.

...felt physically ill when touching certain surfaces and materials.

...got angry when there were too many noises, smells, or lights.

What's yours?

One of the biggest recommendations I hear for late diagnosed is to find community but this is easier said than done. I have joined some Discords but no one really posts or they seem too cliquey, Reddit feels like it's difficult to actually connect to people on. Facebook is trash lol, tried that and gave up. There's no where in my local community although we do hope to move soon as this place is so isolated from the world for non-drivers.

I really am fresh out of ideas. I really do want to make friends but just don't know where to begin. I am lucky enough to have my boyfriend and he has a friend he wants me to meet who also wants to meet me, but the pressure of that is also getting to me lol.

What has worked for you guys?

Edit: spelling

Tl;Dr

(To me) Malicious earworms signify an under stimulated mind.

Bonus: when properly cared for, my mind apparently - by way of my subconscious - uses earworms to point out unrealized issues.

Context:

I have been frustrated with my brain to the point of tears, the past decade.

It drives me completely insane on the regular by latching on to some song and then playing it over and over and Over AnD OVER!! (I'm sure you know the feeling).

And not just the song but bits and pieces like the lady half of the chorus, that one almost-screamed word, three words from one line, on repeat ad nauseam, until I want to stick an icepick up my nose and give it a good stir.

Sometimes it's songs I genuinely love and they're ruined for me. Because if I listen to them or even just think about them, I risk starting this shit up.

But.. something occurred to me yesterday when I was reaching levels of frustration where tears may appear; I'm under stimulated.

It's happening because my brain is desperately bored and needs SOMETHING to play with. It's like a caged animal chewing on the bars or pacing a rut in the floor.

So I put on a random playlist as background noise, something I used to always have as a matter of course, but haven't these past years for some reason? Dunno why, actually.

And.. it helped.

And I remember that yeah, I used to get these earworms back then, too, but much less severe and usually if there was something in the lyrics mirroring my current situation or emotions - usually subconscious.

Pretty much half the time I got them, I'd spot unnoticed frustrations or hangups just by looking closely at whatever was plaguing me, and then the earworms would stop when I'd figured it out.

So.. yay?

My brain isn't actually my enemy?

I've just been neglecting it criminally.

Go me.

So I'm in college and I usually sit at the disabled table. This in and of itself I already feel like a fraud because my issues aren't that severe. I can still walk, I just can't walk very far, have a lot of back pain, and a lot of chronic fatigue. I'm also morbidly obese which always makes me question if I'm actually disabled or just fat but that's a whole other can of insecurity worms.

It's also the only disabled designated table in the whole dining hall which I didn't know. One time I was sitting there and one girl in a wheelchair A came up and didn't want to socialize so she went somewhere else. I only learned that it was the only table later and profusely apologized because I would have moved. (Mind you, you can still sit at the other tables, this is just the only designated one)

Anyways, so today I was sitting at the table and a group of the disabled people I usually chat with walked by and I started having a conversation. Side note, most if not all of these people are new here. I knew one at my CC and the other I met at orientation and we talked the other day. They then went and sat at one of the bigger tables cause they had more people. I asked if I could move over and join them and they said yes.

So I gathered up my food and stuff and walked over to the other table. Instantly A stops talking and has a look I can't really identify. I sit down next to her (the only seat) and she says she isn't feeling well and doesn't want to socialize and is going to leave. It was very clear that it was because of me. I straight up ask her if she wants me to go and she nods. So I do. I went back to the other table and sat by myself.

Nobody said anything. Nobody came and joined me. I just sat at my table by myself and cried. Meanwhile A is chatting with the other people at the table. She just didn't want to talk to me specifically because, from what I gathered, she doesn't know me.

I know that I have a very polarizing personality. I am extremely talkative and tend to interrupt people when I get excited. I know I can be really overwhelming to some people. But for some reason, this time it just hurt so much more. I don't know if it's because it was rejection from "my own" (ie other disabled/neurodivergent people), the fact that none of them said anything or joined me, or that I wanted to be friends with A cause I thought she was cool. It just... it hurt so bad. It just hit different.

Also I had just finished up training to do the school's access vans as my job and was so excited to talk about it with the people who would be actively affected by it. I wanted to ask for feedback and what I can do to make it a good experience for them. I know a lot of times they get treated shitty so I wanted to do right by them.

I was so excited and it just... I don't understand. Why am I always rejected by every friend group. I'm always the third wheel. The outsider. The pity invite. The backup friend. Always.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I need more rest than my AuDHD/ASD/ADHD friends. And it somewhat makes me feel guilty that I need this much rest. With a little bit of stress, I reach my limit and it takes so many days to recover. All I want to do is rest, even though technically, I have a lot less work to do than others.

I thought I recovered from my burnout since it’s been more than a year, but I guess not.

I (24) recently started this job program a month ago with OVR, since OVR is going to help pay for my driving lessons at the rehab hospital, where the program is held, it makes sense I would do both. However, in the past month, I honestly don’t love this program. Some of the job coaches have made Lowkey ableist comments, which I’m sure they didn’t realize, have us do puzzles to “get the mind moving” that I literally made the comment of saying “ a literal child could do this” and the job coach laughed it off, and I also got a micro aggression comment from him as well 🙄.
I’ve easily had crying breakdowns over the work I’m tasked with (unit attendant).
For context my family is very much ADHD/anxiety but I was born with cerebral palsy and was never diagnosed with having either ADHD or autism but very much neurodivergent, I have Dyscalculia from my mom and general learning disabilities, anxiety and ocd. (I suspect it could be audhd, and so does my therapist).
Even though I’m able-bodied, I feel like jobs are so hard to keep because of how they destroy you mentally, I have to retain so much information and put a smile on my face for others, talk to people and masking etc.
i’ve also been struggling with my hormonal reactions due to my first IUD from the summertime as well and the program happening not long after it was put into effect didn’t help, it’s 5 days a week and I had to go home yesterday because of really bad cramping, they already know about me needing to take ibuprofen and/or Tylenol to help with the pain. But it’s just so hard to do it 5 days a week, I last had a part time job 3 years ago and been unemployed since and I’m currently making a list to help explain for certain accommodations I might need at the program. At the end of the program internships, they have something called job development, which is basically job hunting with resume tweaking and going to interviews, they hope I can get a job at the end of the internship and I would like to get a part-time job, despite the current job market and I did ask them about that and one of the job coaches said “oh, we’ll see how it is in 9 months” but it’s so hard to find one that’s just right for me, no matter where you work, jobs tend to also just be ableist and not give a f*ck about your accommodations half of the time and hope to find one that I actually like (I’m also a digital artist and if I had a part-time job, I would like to work in a cozy bookstore or library and do my illustrations(probably commissions)/stickers or other art business merch on the side, until i’d be able to make it my full time if possible despite ssi)
Can anyone relate to this when it comes to having a job? If so, please help me feel not alone 🫶🏽. Thanks!

I've spent hundreds of dollars looking for a mental health provider to assess me. These directories and telehealth establishments are smoky mirrors. I swear this is by design, why is it so damn hard to find a physician to perform assessments? This is really discouraging and makes me just want to live the rest of my life as a mad woman.

I am about to settle on one last telehealth that advertises for ASD assessments. I hope they don't waste my time and money. But I really need my suspected BD assessed, it is the highest risk for me that needs to get checked. I'm so scared y'all. I'm afraid my case is too complicated and needs some super human doctor.

I put flair as vent, because that is what I am doing, but please share if you have any advice on how to accurately find professionals (in Cali), and not targeted/misleading services that take my money just to say "Oh I don't do assessments" 🤬

My doc recently switched me to brand name Ritalin by Sandoz to see if it would be more consistent/effective than my previous generics (KVKTech) and it’s honestly been worse. Same dose of 15mg but the name brand makes me feel sad and this feeling of doom for absolutely no reason. On the generics, I felt calm focused and in a great mood. Now it’s the opposite? I thought brand name was supposed to be the best? I paid soooo much for it as well. What’s everyone’s experience with sandoz or brand name in general? Any tips ?

I'm seeing quite a lot of posts about only developing sexual interest in people after getting to know them and getting close emotionally (demisexuality), which is basically the opposite of fraysexuality (when someone only experiences sexual attraction towards those that they are not deeply connected with, and loses that attraction as they get to know the person).

Mind you, this is not the sex drive naturally going lower the longer the relationship lasts, it's it dropping to zero and feeling repulsed by the same partner you were thoroughly attracted to just a few sexual encounters ago.

This quite literally sums up all my past relationships and I hate it, because at the same time I'm very romantic (and can be monogamous in that). My perfect relationship would be to only have sex for the first few weeks/months and then never again, but stay together forever or even get married. I just cannot understand the point of routinely having sex with the same person for a few years (or more), after this initial adrenaline and mystery are gone. It's only awkward and I'm 0% aroused by the person I already know well (even if I find them physically attractive). Does that make sense to anyone? How do you cope?

genuinely confused about social stuff!!

so i work in a tattoo shop and have like 4 coworkers around my age, one of them my partner. three of them (not my partner) seem really close, go out together, have their own groupchat (the whole shop has one too), seem a bit secretive sometimes about hanging out together (im assuming to not make others feel left out?), talk more often together, etc

i try to talk to them too and hang out in the shop, we all seem friendly and on good terms, im just sort of confused why they don’t seem to want to hang out with me? ive had bad experiences in the past of groups within groups starting without me (im assuming im weird or different cuz i always aim to be honest, kind, not overly people-pleasing, etc but i feel also very different and odd compared to most people) so im wondering if anyone thinks i could be overthinking things and just assuming they dont like me or is this a normal thing that happens in workplaces (like tiny groups form even though there seems to be mutual interests and good interaction)?

i also have adhd so maybe im wondering if that can be a part of it? do audhd folks come across as annoying without meaning to? im so confused and everytime they are talking while im also trying to hang out i get this feeling that they’re just being kind but would rather me just let them hang out even if they don’t say anything

i know they’re not bullying me or being mean or anything, i’ve experienced that before and this definitely doesn’t feel like it but genuinely sometimes i feel like im too weird for them. idk. am i overreacting? thanks for any advice

1 month is my limit for everything - hobby, work and pretty much everything. I just can't show up after a month like a curse. My attention span is just so trash and I genuinely can't handle the anxiety just from the thought of having to go to places that I just don't want to be there anymore so I only have quitting as an option just to function normally on a daily basis. I want to be a rock or a tree that doesn't have to do anything to simply exist.

Looking for Autism/Audhd friendly primary care provider near downtown Chicago (transit-dependent, living in Hyde Park neighborhood). Online search is degraded so much that what I find is very general and having a hard time getting calls returned. Thanks for any ideas you can throw my way!

Gosh, I hate these. I can do well on them if my mask is firmly in place, but sometimes things come out of left field that throw me right off.

I was just talking to HR for a place where I interviewed and didn't get the job, you know, getting feedback. She said that one of the two questions I didn't score well on was about "interpersonal skills."

big sigh

Two problems there. Of course, being ND makes doing interpersonal skills so much harder.

One is RSD and masking. One of the questions was what do I do when someone has a different working style than I do. What do I do? I adapt to the other person because I want everyone and their dog (especially their dog?) to like me. Apparently that's the wrong answer.

The same goes for "describe a time you had a conflict at work." Well, as someone who is highly conflict-averse, I simply go out of my way to avoid conflict at all costs. Until it becomes unavoidable. Then I have a mental breakdown (meltdown -> shutdown -> burnout for literal years).

Fun times.

And the second problem? Oh, I forget. Because I forget everything! I walk into an interview and suddenly have no past at all. Fuck you very much, faulty frontal lobe.

SYSTEM ERROR: Memory violation. (49)

Access Violation

General Protection Fault (GPF)

Yeah. Anyway. How 'bout those <insert sport team here>?

Noticed having a slow morning with a movie or tv episode helps start the day nicely.

For context I am an early riser but getting started with the day's things has always been challenging.

What shows would you lovelies here @r/AuDHDWomen recommend?

Old or new, we are not picky.

Animations, reality,documentaries...anything really

Watched Monsters.Inc in two days and the day battery capacity was boosted flawlessly🤗