I genuinely don’t know how I’m supposed to keep working full time like this
I’m writing this through tears because I feel completely trapped, and I’m hoping other AuDHD women might understand what I mean.
I work a full-time corporate WFH job, and I am barely functioning at it. I’m doing the absolute minimum most days, sometimes less than the minimum, and constantly scared that eventually someone is going to notice and I’m going to lose my job. The problem is that I also just… don’t care about the work. I don’t like what I do. I have almost no motivation or executive function left for it, and trying to force myself to care for 8 hours a day feels impossible.
I’m looking for another job, but the job market is awful, and increasingly I’m wondering whether another full-time corporate job would even solve the problem. I feel so burnt out that the thought of getting a new job and having to be enthusiastic and “on” and learn a whole new company and prove myself all over again sounds exhausting.
If money weren’t an issue, I genuinely think working 20–30 hours a week would be ideal for my brain. I could work and still have enough of myself left over to exercise, take care of my house, pursue creative things, see people, cook, and generally be an actual human being.
But financially, I can’t do that. I don’t have enough savings to take significant time off or intentionally make less money. I have debt I’m trying to pay down. I need health insurance and benefits. I need a full-time income.
So I feel stuck in this horrible loop:
I need a full-time job to financially survive.
Working full time seems to be burning me out to the point that I can barely function.
Burnout makes it incredibly difficult to look for a better job.
And even if I find a better job, I’m afraid I’ll eventually end up in exactly the same place.
I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
For other AuDHD women who have been here: how did you build a life that was actually sustainable? Did you find a type of full-time work that didn’t destroy you? Did you change careers? Find accommodations? Take medical leave? Somehow make part-time work financially? Accept that you can only do the bare minimum at work and stop feeling guilty about it?
I’m not really looking for “find your passion!” career advice. I think I’m trying to understand how people with brains like ours actually make the economics of adulthood work when our capacity doesn’t seem to match what the standard 40-hour workweek demands.
Because right now, I cannot see a way out, and I’m really scared.