u/Lilynight86

Okay, this is flagged no advice. I am open to some advice, but mostly just need to yell into the void. I am sitting here in my bathroom. The shower is right there, right TF there. Why is it so hard to just get into the shower? I can shower just fine, it is just getting in there is so hard. I have steps I follow in the shower and thinking maybe those steps are what is freaking me out.

One of the things I did after diagnosis was make a morning routine and night routine list on Canva. I actually made 2 morning routine ones. One was for going to the office and one was for when I didn't have to go to the office. It has helped a lot to have them written down somewhere and "out of my head". Might need to go do one for my shower, but it will have to wait until AFTER the shower.

I didn't go to work today because I had a mini-panic attack because I am on day (redacted for hygiene safety police reasons 😅) of no shower and I felt so gross and was sure everyone could tell, etc. Had to take a half of one of my immediate anxiety meds (I also have one I take morning and night as well). I also realized I didn't take any meds yesterday, so I also get this is probably from no anxiety meds, anti-depressants, & no ADHD meds.

*breathes slowly* i just need support right now as I go battle the terrible shower monster 👻 and hopefully emerge victorious in my battle. Also, why is the cat currently laying on me holding me down? Does she want me to be stinky?

I was recently reminded of reading Amelua Bedelia books when I was younger. I always loved them and really identified with her. Especially the "dusting" and "undusting" part. She was a very literal character and I loved her and thought just like she did. I got in a LOT more trouble when I did things the way she did, though. Lol I don't know if she was just supposed to be a funny character or if she was actually autistic to some point. I do know now why I identified so much with her. Need to go back and re-read some to know better.

I was watching Criminal Minds, my other binge show, and Season 3 Episode ep 7 has Bobby as a Montana Sheriff. Dude has some weird sideburns and one he'll of a mustache in this episode! Just wanted to post here.

I just started taking my first ADHD med, Vyvance for reference, and yesterday was my first work day on it. I am not even taking a therapeutic dose, just a starter dose to make sure I don't have crazy side effects. My day was so much easier. Like I could finally take the time to plan out my day, listen to my voicemails, make a plan to respond to them, stick to the plan, and get my normal work done (I have claims I deal with and only get "credit" for claims worked). I was able to work more claims in a smaller time frame.

I am super pissed about this because I am 40 years old and I have spent my whole damn life trying to figure out how to do stuff that other people found "easy". My life could have been so different if I had gotten diagnosed as a child. I may not have lost my first job out of college because I made mistakes and didn't file stuff (I am an accountant for reference).

I'm just really angry. I know it isn't anyone's fault and essentially I just need to go through the stages of grief about the possible life I could have had. I was married at the time of the fist job, and losing that job helped show me how abusive my ex was. I got out and now I am a happily married NB girlie girl (I prefer they/them/she pronouns). Has anyone else gone through this when starting meds?

Edit: Title should say "Started ADHD meds". Apparently, the meds hadn't kicked in yet and forgot a word. Lol

I (40NB) got diagnosed a couple of weeks ago and it was very helpful to me to know this about myself. My problem has become when I tell people, I keep getting the, "I already knew that." Or "I could have told you that." response. I am not denying people their responses per se, but if everybody knew, why didn't they mention it to me sooner?

I feel a bit like I am being gaslit by some of the people I know in my life. I was told by the evaluator that I am VERY high masking, which is fine. I didn't even think about being Austic until the past year or so. I worked with one guy for like 8 years and he just now tells me? After I got diagnosed?

I am frustrated and am starting to wonder if what they mean is, now that I am diagnosed, it makes sense based on how they have seem me acting in the past? Just annoyed and confused why I am apparently the last to know. Anyone else had to deal with this?