u/Rafooleh

I wanna know if anyone here has had similar experiences:

In my senior year of college, I was infatuated with a friend of mine. He and I had been hooking up for a couple months and I believed that what I felt was genuine affection. I learned later that I am really sensitive to any sort of rejection--even perceived rejection. I take it way too hard and personally, and it becomes an intrusive thought for the rest of my life. (OCD is fun, eh?) I also later learned that I just enjoy spending time with people. You might even say that quality time is my love language.

One day, I went to support him at a campus bench-press competition. I couldn't care less about bench-pressing. I didn't care about the crowd of muscular, "conventionally attractive" men around me. I just wanted to convince my friend to agree to spend more time with me.

Before he went out, I casually asked him if he'd like to do something this weekend and, annoyed, he pointed out this tall, ripped Adonis of a man and said something along the lines of, "Why don't you ask him?"

Well, I actually knew the Adonis guy already. He and I were on the residence hall advisory board together.

I was crushed and FUMING. So, I went straight up to "Adonis" and asked if he had any plans that night. He told me where he was going to be and I said, "great, see you then."

I got all dolled up and met him at the noisy, crowded bar. Barely five minutes into insufferable small talk, he suggests we hook up. And because I'm still feeling the hurt from earlier, I nonchalantly responded, "Sure, let's go." He seemed really surprised, which made me giggle, because, yeah, it's not the most "romantic" or subtle way of going about things XD

Long story, short: we hooked up and it was terrible. He was attractive, sure, but I wouldn't say I was attracted TO him. I barely knew anything about him. Ultimately, we agreed that it was a one-off thing and went about our lives.

I didn't even tell my friend about it. What was the actual victory here? I craved genuine human connection and replaced it with the most boring, impersonal sex I've ever had.

But it took years to learn that what I was actually experiencing was the AroAce spectrum/umbrella. I firmly believed that whirlwind romances and spontaneous sex was what everyone wanted, so for YEARS I threw myself into relationship after relationship. I'd date and realize I hated it, breaking the guy's heart and feeling like there was something evil about me. I put myself in situations where I felt I had the upper hand, and thus, no risk of being rejected. So unhealthy.

So, yeah. Those are some of the experiences and lessons I had to learn to become a more genuine, healthy version of myself. I wish society would stop framing these desires as universal. They can cause so much damage, you know?

Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences! <3

p.s. I ripped the image from this article: https://www.edyoung.com/article/fear-of-rejection. This isn't an endorsement of the article, just giving credit to the author/artist.

After watching a few documentaries and exposés around religious fundamentalism and the birther movement, I’ve seen way more mommy and family vloggers than I ever thought could (or should) exist.

Like, I get that vlogging is popular among the LDS specifically due to their penchant for record-keeping evolving with the internet and social media.
But other folks who wake up and think, “you know what would be fun AND make us lots of dirty money? Pimping out our kids’ personal lives and our family drama for all the world to see and judge.”

I can tell you that much of my childhood was panic attacks and subsequent punishment—events that should never be public. And now there are moms that eagerly antagonize their kids to get “juicy content.” How is this not child abuse? Why is this not banned?

One mommy vlogger issued an apology to her followers for not having filmed in four hours because she was experiencing stress and grief over a recent miscarriage. For the love of god, woman, take a fucking break!

And imagine being the kid or kids who are being raised by a TV personality and manager instead of a loving, caring parent. Your most private moments are permanently accessible and exploitable by strangers all over the world, including those in your neighborhood and school.

The most fucked up part is the birther movement in it all. Pregnancy and live birth videos rake in a lot of views and advertisers. So before their first kid says their first word, they’re already planning another. Like the first one didn’t count ‘cause they wanna see how many more views they can get with the second.

It creeps me out to no end and I wish this genre would die out—either from a cultural shift by realizing the practice is completely unethical, or by policy that protects the children above all else.

I’m interested in your experiences and thoughts around this phenomenon, especially as ND folks who spend so much time masking already…

*Hints joint* okay, but what if the game of LIFE was designed without amatonormativity and compulsory heteromonogamy? So, instead of marriage and children being part of the required path, what are some other milestones of life? Like those based on some sort of personal or professional fulfillment, ya know?

For extra points: try to take away the capitalism, too. Like instead of getting money on paydays you get something cool, like a rare book collection or a free buffet of your favorite food?

I love this game ('cause RPG-ish), but I hate that none of it really applies to me.

Pretty neat looking.

For months, I've been dealing with harassment by the landlord and his cronies property management team. I've sought advice from everywhere I could think of (within my budget), which means reaching out to non-profit legal aid societies who couldn't seem to agree on which areas of NY they helped. I always seemed to be "outside their network."

I submitted an intake form online to this free legal aid society and they called to schedule an over-the-phone intake with a paralegal a week later. Okay, I re-explain the situation to the paralegal, who schedules another phone appointment with a lawyer, who apparently hasn't read my intake form or the information I provided the paralegal. So, once again, I'm explaining the entire situation over the phone and all she can say is, "tell the AG."

Fine. I remember visiting the NYS AG site months ago and deciding to wait to get more info and advice before using the "submit a complaint" feature. (I wanted to make sure my complaints were valid before wasting the AG office's time.)

Well, that was a naive attitude because it appears the AG can't help, either! I go to the website to file a complaint and just look at the options! My complaint is about management’s harassment and interference with tenant organizing, but there is no link to submit a complaint! The click journey ends with "Unlawful evictions" and that's not what I'm dealing with!

So, I called the number on the site and it was the same cyclical hell, but worse! The pre-recorded voice kept suggesting going to the website.

What hell have we wrought upon our own people? And for what?

My neighbors and I continue to be ignored and/or harassed, our rights merely a shadow on the cave wall.

Okay, now that the rant is over, deep breaths. 😮‍💨

At this point, I’m still taking advice, but it appears my only option is to wait until things get “actionably” worse. (I also accept good vibes. 💚)

Edit: I live in Upstate NY, not NYC 😕