r/aromanticasexual

Idk how else to describe it other than a fake crush. For me it happens very rarely but has happened a few times. Lasts for a while, but fades eventually. Fixation or obsession sounds too extreme though. For example,there was this guy; attractive, nerdy, and I sensed that we shared similar traits which made me take an interest in him. Even though my friend was friends with him, we never really spoke, we ignored each other, but I thought about him a lot, observed him from a distance, and really wanted him to notice me. I'd have random fantasies in my head about him being interested in me (cringe), but if I thought about anything romantic like kissing it would gross me out. Btw I'm not someone who stands out, I'm very quiet, boring, self-contained and probably considered unattractive so maybe that's why I daydreamed of finally being seen, but I dreamt of being seen by him specifically. I'd wonder if he'd thought about me as much as I had thought about him. I even considered the (fanciful, illusory) possibility that, maybe we're both the same kind of people, we want to be noticed by each other but neither of us want to reach out first. I'd over-analyse and ruminate on any little interaction we had (not in a weird obsession/stalker-y way). I liked the idea of him having a crush or interest in me, despite knowing my own feelings weren't romantic. It's not like I'll ever know now, I don't see him anymore, so naturally the feeling, whatever it was, faded.

Has anyone else just never really dealt with the thoughts like "oh why do I not like anyone, what's wrong with me"

Like, I never ever thought that, until I actually figured out that I am aroace

Idk of it is cuz I grew up in a house where the idea of not being straight was impossible, or something else, but yeah

Am I the only one??

so i’m asexual and demiromantic, but i get platonic crushes and experience alterous attraction often. however, sometimes i have fleeting moments of attraction(?) when people do a small action i find cute or hot.

for example, it could be as small as a friend putting their hand on my shoulder or laughing in an adorable way, or even showing off something they’re talented at, and it makes me think “wow… that’s cute/hot.” but i definitely don’t think that in a romantic or sexual way, and i know it’s not aesthetic attraction because i’m not attracted to their appearance but rather the action they did. it isn’t alterous/queerplatonic/platonic attraction either, so i’m clueless as to what it could be. it’s the kind of attraction that might make me giggle or blush for a moment, but it’s none of the types i stated above. the attraction is also very fleeting and goes away after a few moments.

does anyone else also experience this? what kind of attraction would this be classed as?

I genuinely have found this subreddit so encouraging over the past month, as I only came to terms that I am aroace about a month ago, and I have no one irl I can talk with (I do have a person online, who i rarely see irl, we do talk most days but it really isn't quite the same. I still am really grateful for them tho). But this reddit page is just so nice and awesome. It makes me feel like I fit in with a group of people

so thanks

hows life being aroace? goated imo.

First post here, Hiiii <3

I’m Mil, 22, enby and my pronouns are They/Them.

I have very recently accepted that I’m aroace after a very long and to be honest, a very distressing journey to acceptance of this.

But I’m here now and happier than ever and as I look back over the years, I’m realising there were DEFINITELY signs I was aroace growing up.

One of them id like to share with you because I wanna know if anyone else experienced this.

All through my teenage years, I watched everyone around me develop crushes. I did not. every time anyone asked me who my crush was, I used to look around at the boys and either pick one at random that I thought was aesthetically pleasing or even, at the time, unknowingly gave me gender envy.

Other times, I would look around and think “ew.”

This was until I met a girl in my English class. I caught her looking at me. So I looked at her and smiled, she smiled back. And this kept going throughout the lesson until we finally spoke.

We became very close friends, and physically affectionate too and I thought I was developing a crush on her. I was 13 and she remains 1 of 2 crushes I have ever had.

(Now as an adult I realise it was Queer Platonic attraction)

Ever since, every time someone insinuated I liked boys, I would get defensive asf and declare “NOIMGAY”. It even happened one time with my doctor when he asked if there was a chance I could be pregnant.

It felt almost involuntarily, I very loudly stated “OH, NO IM GAY.”

It didn’t feel right. And I felt awful every time I did it. But if someone assumed I was interested in a girl, I would feel just as defensive as I did for boys.

I later realised - stating that I was a lesbian was my only way to vocalise my unavailability and romantic disinterest. And of course- this only worked so long as I wasn’t actually around single queer women.

(I am oriented tho but only in a queer platonic way so that at least feels a little less dishonest ig.)

Lmk if you’ve experienced the same thing or something similar!
Thank you! <3

I am realising that I have a LOT of intrusive thoughts about romance and to a lesser extent sex. I often worry that people will think I have a crush on them when I do things like compliment them or sit physically near them. My friend group at the moment is very queer so people compliment each other, talk about sex and jokingly flirt with each other a lot, but I have freeze up and often don't reciprocate when people do things that feel too intimate to my brain.

I don't think it is because I am repulsed by that sort of thing - I WANT to cuddle next to my friends and jokingly flirt with them, but I'm so scared I am making them uncomfortable and that they would think it was too out character and that I had a crush.

I feel like this less with friends I've known a long time, but it's still there.

It's also frustrating because I am probably demisexual and there is one person I have been sexually and probably alterously attracted to for a longgg time, which makes my fear and awkwardness around them even worse.

All my friends know I am aroace (not demi, it would be difficult to come out about that because I am into one of them), and they are very supportive, but it's awful regardless. My brain also makes me doubt sometimes that I DO have a crush on people, and it is frustrating. It also makes me feel like a bad aro person for thinking that my strong love for people HAS to be romantic, even though I know that's not fair to myself.

Thanks for reading! has anyone had anything similar? Does anyone have any advice?