r/aromanticasexual

I want a kid someday. I definitely don’t want biological kids, but I’d like to adopt. I want to be a parent, I want to have that relationship, that experience, even if it is hard, and expensive, and gross at times, and all the other things; it’s something I hope to do someday, even as an AroAce person.

It feels like pretty much everyone I see on here bundles being Aro/Ace with not wanting kids, which is perfectly okay! People should live their lives how they’d like to. But it just makes me feel like an outlier in the community in that regard.

I’m sure there are others in the community who feel the same as me. Has anyone actually done it? Can you share your experiences? I’d love to hear about it!

Long read. Also my name is a default name reddit gave me, so it's kinda funny I'm asking this sub for confirmation despite my name suggesting otherwise.

I'm wondering if this story reads as aromantic or avoidance of some kind as I'm struggling with reflecting on my own here. Don't got lots of peeps to ask so I'm here.

HI! Hello. ....bello???

Ok. Anytime I feel attracted to someone I always get excited thinking about them and can easily imagine myself running around with them all happy and fun like. But when the rare chance happens that I do actually get close with them and things are moving forward there's a sudden loss of interest.

If we were going to kiss (never have yet) I would be excited. But when we have to talk I just speak as if the person is a friend. Any romantic gestures I'm supposed to use, I just don't have any interest at all.

I apparently can't catch onto someone having feelings for me and I also can't notice when my Interest in someone is obvious.

One time in my senior year this girl (lets call her Owl) would often have fun conversations with me alongside playful banter between ourselves. I knew her from my junior year and the same dynamic was there upon first meeting. Bantering about which military branch is better or discussing medical stuff, etc.

Later on in the same year she'd offer me a seat with herself and friends during class, call me tommy-boy (tommy is not my same but it sounds similar enough to match what she'd match "boy" with) and walk around with me after school discussing shish before we left.

She then offered me a ride home and I got really excited because I personally consider being offered rides a really personal and vulnerable act. I can't drive and have to walk looooong distances so I get all bubble-y eye'd when offered rides.

I offhandedly told a friend about this and he basically said I'm being crushed on and these were all romantic gestures. I was of the mind these were just ways of being fun and friendly as outside our little dynamics we weren't ...frieeeeends?? Only really two nerdy students having fun seeing each other.

Anytime during Owl offered a ride I then felt the need to act all romantic like telling Owl her eye are pretty while she frickin driving or talk about my personal interests like drawing or whatever else I did to show Owl: IM PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU AND THE SIGNS I THINK YOU'RE GIVING ME!!!

(Oh! And during Christmas break! She gave me her number when she first offered me rides in December and after being told she likes me I then texted her throughout break to I guess keep some kind of momentum?)

During all this I'd get back home exhausted and wanting to either create distance or hope she just started ignoring me. Since the most I felt for her was just wanting to kiss her once with nothing beyond that and the apparent buddy-buddy fun dynamic we had.

Eventually I asked her if she wanted to call what we were doing dating. Owl said she'd prefer, y'know, what we had going over anything romantic and I felt CRAZY RELIEF!

Anytime I learn about any form of romance happening between myself and a guy or girl, I just default back to the friend stage if we were friends or I default back to the acquaintance stage if things started here.

I'd be happy to be platonic with someone but anytime I learn that things are actually romantic I just loss interest and become exhausted suddenly for the dynamic we have as I either feel the need to act romantic myself or I just tell the person it won't work for me and leave because things become awkward.

So I ask: is this aromantic stuff or avoidance of some kind?

since June is in 12 days, I was curious on what everyone is doing for the month.

Hello! I’m looking for some advice or input about being aro/ace and I’m wondering if that’s me.
For a while I (19F) thought I was bi and then lesbian and then bi again and then lesbian again.
But I’ve never dated anyone, never been on a date, never kissed anyone, and have no real desire to at the moment.
What’s conflicting me is I fantasize about relationships and what not, but the thought of actually being in one usually feels wrong/repulsive to me (same for sex, except this always feels repulsive to me, the idea of having sex with another person feels really gross).
Even though this seems pretty cut and dry, I still often feel conflicted and that something’s wrong with me.
Any advice/input is appreciated :)

i'm an older teen (upper high school) who's been questioning their romantic/sexual identity since age 10. i thought i was bi, then pan, then maybe lesbian for a trifling moment. i've also had a bit of trouble figuring out my gender identity, but have yet to find a label befitting of my emotions (which is perhaps a post for another time). as of the current moment, i identify as a panromantic asexual, yet have been questioning my identity again for the past few months.

for a bit of background: i've experienced very strong platonic affection for peers/friends since i was a small child, and aesthetic attraction is something i'm all too familiar with. i'm on the neurodivergent spectrum and one of my main struggles is differentiating platonic feelings from romantic ones. i also easily develop these feelings to the point where i get highly attached to and obsessed with people. additionally, i get hyperfixations on fictional characters (in place of celebrity crushes), but more of a "if you were real i'd be best friends with you" than a "if you were real i'd kiss you senseless."

however, in recent years, i've realized that said emotions are commonly coupled with romantic/sexual attraction and a desire to preform such acts with individuals. i am, respectively, uninterested in and repulsed by both. i have never once kissed anyone and, despite dating people of many different sexual/gender identities have never once felt romantic attraction to them. any relationship i have been in was due to feeling starved for affection or wanting to belong among my peers (or not knowing that the attraction was merely strong platonic love). if anyone has expressed romantic attraction to me, my affection for them has swiftly dwindled; even if i did harbor feelings for them, those feelings dissipate once they express anything reciprocal.

i've expressed these feelings to my family, and while my father doesn't mind, my mother has offered me a very helpful "maybe you haven't crushed on anyone yet." my brother (transmasc) has difficulty relating to my struggles as he is attracted in every way, shape and form to those of the female sex.

to sum up this incredibly long yap sesh: my main question is whether or not i can properly identify as aroace, especially being not yet a grown adult. am i too young to know my sexual identity? was my mother right about me not having yet experienced romantic attraction? i know i'm somewhere on the aroace spectrum, but where is that somewhere? ...and thus, i turn to you, people of the internet, to help me in my self-discovery journey. if you have any stories i'd be happy to hear them and am eternally grateful for any wisdom you have to offer.

For some time now I thought I was an aromantic. But lately I've done a lot, and I mean A LOT of thinking and I'm just confused.

In my previous relationships, I wasn't happy at all. I had feeling that the person just invided my sacred time and place. I just simply wanted to be alone. Have my own timetable, doing my things, without the other person. I didn't feel any romantic attraction to them. So I came out as aromantic. After this, it seemed to make sense.

After some time, all my feelings got mixed. All I knew about asexuals was the general discription. But when I sit and thought for a second, I find out that I'm not sexually attracted to any person. I think I always was just aestheticly attracted to them. I didn't want to kiss a person and I actually didn't want to have a s*x with them. So I came out as aroace.

But now, I don't feel the same way about the aro part. Because I really like romance in games and media, I always did. I envied the emotional connetction between people and I want that for myself. But I don't feel like dating people. I don't want to spend all my time with another person. I don't want a messeges for "good morning" or "what did I have for a lunch". I don't want to live together or sleep in same bed.

I'm just lost and I don't understand myself anymore.

Maybe I'm just emotionally attraced to people in platonic way?

Because I adore someone who dedicated their all feelings to one person. I don't think I can do that but I would like to meet someone who is going to dedicate themselves to me.

Does it even make sense? Am I a horrible person for thinking like this?

I don't know.

(english is not my first language so I apologise in advance for errors)

So i think i might be aroace, i don't really feel attracted to people most of the time. But there are some situations that i get attracted to certain people and also i still have some sort of libido, but almost always it's not for real people (and if it is, it isn't for someone i know). And i think i may have a crush on one of my frieds, but it's really wierd (it's in a platonic way but still romantical in a way, idk how to explain)

And funny / interesting story’s

I explain. I mostly interact with people of my own gender, but when interacting with the opposite gender, I feel a bit more restricted and slightly uncomfortable. I feel like I have to keep the interaction as short as possible, not look too much at the face, so as not to seem interested and be misunderstood, even though I'm not capable of feeling that myself. That is worse when a family member or someone I know is present.

But it doesn't happen often, very few times, because I don't usually interact with people, and most of those I do interact with are men and adult women *(Not my age)*. But I'm curious to know if you sometimes feel the same way.

I don't feel any sexual or romantic attraction, but I feel a tremendous emotional attraction, and I'd like to have a girlfriend, but only to love me, hold hands, and cuddle without sex. I want to remain alone; I don't want us to live together. I want to live my life alone, but I just want to be loved and valued and accepted.
That makes me a crazy person who has no pity and is selfish.

CW (maybe?): internalized aroace-phobia?

hi. I recently had an experience that made me realize I might be aroace. I definitely do not experience (or have not experienced) sexual attraction, and all of my romantic experiences have felt more like really strong feelings or friendship or admiration. Maybe I just don't know what any of it feels like yet, but the possibility that I may be aroace makes me sad. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with being aroace. it’s just that I’ve always fantasized being in a relationship. i’ve always wanted a boyfriend or girlfriend, someone who makes me feel safe, like I can be myself, and the idea of trusting someone so much that I’d let them see me exposed (both literally and figuratively) sounds great. but I can’t have that now, because that’s not how relationships work. you can’t just be in a romantic relationship if only one of you is romantically attracted. and you could have sex with anyone in theory, but I don’t want to enjoy stuff like that with just anyone. i want someone special too.

I don’t know. just feels like my dreams are being crushed a little bit.

Dude i kinda always had a feeling of me beign aroace but since ppl keep telling me it was js a phase it hought id trya relationship told the dude that but he was still willing to try, i broke up with him and i feel bad cause he was in love with me apparently(which is so very weird cus tf u mean youre in love with me we barely even knew eachother for like two months) like he was a green flag and every nice and crap, he wouldve made a great friend, but i felt like vomitting evrry time he got too close or said i love u and it was like pulling teeth trying to say it back. It hurt cause i didnt want to hurt him but i felt happier, better than in the relationship once it was over. He took the break up kinda hard even thlugh ive been telling him from the start about me, i told him everything and we would have been bestfriends if he wouldnt have fallen in love with me, am i the asshole for thinking that?

Anyways we havent talked since and i get it ive gave him space, but like, he sent me a paragraph and then blocked me about his insecurities about how he was sorry for not being attractive and interestign enough to make me fall in love which made me disgusted. I respect him, but hearing that even after i told him thats just how i am, made me feel as if he didnt catually understand me at all this entire time. I think this is very mean of me because he just got his heartbroken and here i am thinking he is dramatic.

Is it weird that im so dam happy being aroace? It feels..like me, im free, im who i want to be,yk?

Thought i should say this here, maybe someone can relate. Again i am in no way in love with him, but this(not a relationship but conffesions which i have to reject) can happen again, and i dont know how am i supposed to keep friendships without worrying constantly in case they might fall in love with me?(which never used to be a problem before this dude somehow idfkhow fell in love with me, because i was...100 percent sure i was/am only great friend material and 0% person to be in love with. As in..i love a lot but im never in love, so idk why i thought people will always only see me as a friend and not a lover just as i do)

I know your normally meant to wear them on your hands but I don’t want to show them that publicly would it still count if I wore them as a pendant /necklace? And I just don’t like wearing rings in general I find them uncomfortable

I realised I was aroace almost a year ago now and I realised this after a couple relationships I was kinda manipulated into and that’s how I realised I was arowace

Since then I have had people ask me who I like or just general romantic questions but being very strongly aroace i dont do that stuff but they never realy accept that answer and i have very conservative (i think I’m using that word right but if I’m not i mean not very open minded )so I can’t openly say to people I’m aroace is there any other alternative ways to say it ?

so i’ve noticed my entire life i can’t get aroused, and also my body won’t produce lubrication no matter what.

as well as the fact that i can only come through repetitive touch and it doesn’t feel that great just gets me annoyed and overstimulated it’s not great at all! and i can’t put anything up there because it’s usually rock solid and dry as hell 😭

and once in a blue moon when i do get aroused, it lasts for like 3 minutes and then it’s over and it SUCKS

i know sexuality is innate and whoever says asexuality is a preference count your days because why the hell would someone want THIS?