r/AutisticDatingTips

I F(25) have recently been diagnosed with level 2 autism. My main issues are social skills and growing up many thought I was just extremely shy and I rarely had friends and I never dated in highschool. My family isn’t the the type to ask or pressure me to settle down but my grandma would ask me a couple of times if I am seeing anyone even agreeing with me that it is hard to find a good man.

But one day she was crying to a relative saying she is worried no man has ever wanted me or I will never be loved by one for “the way that I am.”She has also told me once my friend gets married one day I will be very lonely. I never knew how to respond but she probably doesn’t realize her comments sound backhanded. I don’t plan on telling my family about my diagnosis and how it’s the reason why I’m not able to date or even make friends. My hispanic family doesn’t believe in mental health but it really sucks the older I get the more awkward it is being single.

I would like to try dating but it’s so hard for me to talk to guys they seem to back off because I’m too nervous, awkward, and don’t know what to say most of the times. Plus many guys seem to think I’m gullible and want to take advantage of me since they’ve mostly just wanted something not serious. I’ve mainly avoided dating because of that even if I managed to find someone that accepted me it would be uncomfortable if their family or friends would probably make comments about me and he’d eventually get fed up with my issues. It makes me sad sometimes knowing I’ll most likely never experience dating and I will literally have no one since I’d have no friends, no partner, and my relationship with my parents is estranged.

Okay so this post is taking a bit of confidence on my part im a 25M im a high functioning autistic....and for a few years ago I learned a few things about myself....I dont mind clingy or possessive partners and I know that's generally a red flag..I guess I like it because it makes me feel cherished instead of suffocated....is there something wrong with me? Maybe im just wired differently but I could use some objective advice thanks

i’m specifically looking for advice from autistic people who are in relationships or have experience with physical affection in relationships!

my boyfriend is autistic, and we’ve been together for almost 2 years. i know he loves me, and i’m not questioning his love for me, but we show physical affection pretty differently. i’d say i’m affectionate about 90% of the time, whereas he’s maybe 20–30%. he does show affection, but i usually initiate it, and he tends to be more affectionate when i am.

he doesn’t compliment me very often unless i do my makeup, and he doesn’t usually kiss or hug me as much as i do him. sometimes i’ll ask him why he doesn’t initiate kisses or hugs more often, and he says he doesn’t really know why. i don’t think he does it intentionally, and i’m not trying to make him feel bad or force him to show affection in ways he’s uncomfortable with. i just sometimes wish he would initiate it more because physical affection makes me feel loved and comfortable.

i’m wondering if this could be related to his autism, like whether initiating physical affection or expressing affection comes less naturally to some autistic people, even when they genuinely love their partner. i know everyone is different, but i’d really appreciate hearing from autistic people themselves about how affection works for them in relationships and whether you’ve experienced something similar. i want to understand him better, not change who he is. ❤️

We have been together for 2 years, and recently she has been tickling me. Since childhood, I have absolutely hated being tickled. With her, it isn’t as bad, but it is still physically irritating and stressful. When she tickles me, she tickles very hard with her nails. She does it so often (sitting, standing, walking, inside, outside, etc) that it’s almost hard for me to relax around her. I hate to be constantly tense in front of someone, and the last person I want to stress me out is my partner. All I want is to be able to unwind and relax at least SOMETIMES while I’m around her, and not be worried about a sudden, sharp pain in some of the most sensitive areas of my body.

However, not tickling me would be very hard for her, and would make her very sad (and upset/quiet). I want her to feel fine being herself and not having to hold back because of me, and I don’t want to upset her or cause her any grief. How can we resolve this to fit for both of us?

I (33F) recent started doing oil painting as a hobby. The art teacher (43M) and I have really hit it off and things felt..flirty. My instructor definitely gives me more attention than others in the class, sharpens my pencils for me, grids my work, and even spent 15 minutes looking for a specific art book for me one day. We also laugh a lot and sometimes tease each other. He doesn't really do this with any other student; he usually VERY serious.

I decided I wanted something romantic to happen between us and picked out a rock and a seashell for him when I went to the beach, as a way to..move things forward (I am AuDHD and get the feeling he may also be neurodivergent.)

When I'm told my therapist this, she kind of freaked out and said if anything happened, it would be an "abuse of power", but I'm attending this class voluntarily, I don't get any credit/compensation/ reward for it, and I can leave whenever I want. I don't want to be a professional artist and I don't idolize him, so I'm a little lost on why she thinks anything romantically happening between us would be bad. She also said there's "no evidence" he's interested in me. (I might need a new therapist).

Anyway, I gave him the rock and seashell and told him why the rock reminds me of his art. He seemed to really like it and told me he collects rocks. But today during class he was super serious with me until the very end and then started asking me questions about where I'm from and things felt very nice/flirty again.

How crazy/inappropriate would it be for me to ask him if he would be open to getting to know each other outside of class??

TLDR - is it a bad idea to ask my recreational art teacher if he would be open to hanging out outside of class??

I can sometimes tell that people are interested in me, like they’ll ask a question about something that I know they don’t actually care about but they wanna show they like me, the problem is, I answer their question then just don’t know what to say back. Like, I know I “should” then ask about them, but it feels so fake and dirty… I’m not actually interested in what this random person’s hobby is. I don’t think their baseball card collection is cool, I don’t wanna know more about their dog, but that’s what I’m “supposed” to do.

I know this sounds cold, but I just don’t care. NOW HERES THE THING, if I actually found myself in a future relationship with them I would care about these things in the sense I would wanna know what kinds of gifts and stuff I could get them, but as for just knowing? Like i just don’t care. AND I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS. I’m gonna guess this is linked to the rigid interests autism trait, and wow I hate it when it comes to this…

I think my best bet to find a boyfriend is through shared activities, because then we’re just enjoying each others company and getting to know each other organically, but the issue is my hobbies are almost exclusively for old people or women, and all the clubs/groups are all women or old people (I’m a straight woman).

Then I try to branch out to other activities, like board games, but it doesn’t work because I truly don’t care about them so it’s hard to bond with people in a club if you don’t even like the club!

I just want to skip the early relationship stage and get right into the calm and settled relationship stage.

I wish I could care but when I truly don’t care, pretending AKA masking just feels so fake. I don’t wanna build a relationship on masking, I want a relationship to be an ESCAPE from masking!!!! But that means if I don’t have masking to survive conversations then my dating life is basically DOA (masking in this sense is just answering the “right” way, like if he said “wow what are you knitting”, I answer, then ask back “what kinds of hobbies do you like?” He says “I like trains and sports” then me, who doesn’t care about either, will pretend and mask by saying “what do you like about those?”)