r/HowDoIRespondToThis

so I (19F) and my friend, I’ll call him Ben (20M) have been on thin ice recently and it’s pissing me off more than it should so I just want an outside opinion on whether or not I’m being cruel with how I went about this situation.

so me and Ben have been friends for a while, we met through mutual friends and he was kind of shy and quiet at first, I got to know him better because we have similar taste in tv shows or general media we like. I thought I finally found a friend that liked was a fan of most things I liked and finally had someone to share these things with because my other friends aren’t really into it, and I don’t want to force them to be.

It was nice because he gave things I like a try even if it wasn’t his thing, and he ended up liking it! He’s very kind and caring, and sometimes offers to do things like cover the bill or get me a small personal gift for my birthday. I felt really bad because I was broke and didn’t get him anything for his birthday but I was hoping to change that once I was able to, and he was understanding about that.

However, recently a few weeks ago I reconnected with an old friend (19M) that I had history with in highschool, and he reacted very strangely 

As if mentioning him was a trigger for something, I just ignored it. And then he messaged me saying he was upset that he didn’t feel our friendship wasn’t reciprocated enough, so we talked it out because I understood where he was coming from, but I also argued that it may have felt that way to him because I didn’t ask him to do all those things for me and if he wasn’t able to he didn’t have to and it would make no difference. It felt like to me he was asking for me to give more than I could because that’s what he had been doing.

But after we made up from that argument, he was still sensitive about stuff I was posting on my story about dating different cultures and whatnot and how it was targeted at him, that he gave me another chance and was disappointed in me

that was where I drew the line because it started to feel like he has more than platonic feelings for me and is upset that I’m not behaving considerate enough about it, even though he never outright said it and refuses to acknowledge his behaviour

I was starting to get really angry because I didn’t appreciate his tone, it felt like he was scolding me as his girlfriend for exposing him when that was not our relationship at all. I’m kind of angry I have to lose another guy friend because he developed feelings for me.

So I asked him for space and he said okay but I checked and he blocked me on Instagram.

is this justified? Am I overreacting for being upset about his feelings? 

EDIT: for context, the old friend from highschool was a guy I was close friends with, but he also developed a crush on me and we lost touch after that. Ben knows a bit about how we were close and needed space after graduation because he wasn’t the nicest person at the time

the old friend reached out to me and we hung out in person, I would be lying if I said I wasnt interested in dating him now because he’s grown a lot. It was when I mentioned we hung out that Ben kinda became a bit distant and upset.

Ben was never really one to act like this so it really threw me off guard, he’s usually supportive in whatever I do as I’m supportive in his career. Even after I drew a boundary and complained about his subtle but belittling tone, he became passive and over apologizing asking to just start fresh begging to stay friends. But I just felt uncomfortable with the possibility that he doesn’t see me that way so I lost my cool a bit

Something happened an incident with police and my long distance bf doesnt even have access to a phone . U have to give the police your number to put it on the pin but idk if he even remembers it. I know he has probably called his mum so i was gonna send her a text saying

Btw this has happened before and she let me know how it works
This time its happened again but we have had arguments and im guessin hes being frosty with me
But im the type of women who reaches out first i dont really hold back but i will back away if the vibe is off

I was gonna say

Hey i hope your okay :)
I was wondering if (name) is okay , would you be able to give him my number as i want to speak to him

Would you be okay if i did to you as a mum? I havent met his mum yet. But he gave me her number we have spoken once or twice regarding him but thats it

Am i gonna sound demanding or would you not mind it?

Im asking because our relationship isnt a typical one otherwise id just text her , we has had ups and downs and we made up right before this incident do idk if hes just not ringing because our relationship is unclear rn and hes playing it cool doesnt wanna bother me or what

Is it desperate if i text this to her?

It all started with her systematically destroying my friendships. I had a best friend over from London, I told her they should meet, call her D declined, so we didn't go, I came homework her stuff outside. And her wanting it to be over. I wasn't allowed any female friendship I stopped having them.

At the same time she would stay out all night going co ke with her guys. She even bexame a dealer and was arrested by gangcrime. I was never allowed to meet the men....obviously.. she was being dodgy with them

She took a baseball bad to my car because I was angry she talked to another guy in my house and pretended I didn't exist. This happened multple times and attacked my AMG! No paying back the money of course.

She put in a phony DV report to police and wasted 6 months and 30k of lawyer fees.

She broke into my house 3 times. Once while I was at a funeral.

I got a FVRo which she has breached 700 times. Its hard to report thought because they make you wait for hours... but she was arrested once.

I bought her an 11k watch, a 2k, a 3k pearl pair of valentines, offered her free living at my house with nor rent, she used my car, she took money off me for drugs..

I bought her a 5k dog.

I keep the place tidy, I buy her wine, I but her food, or whatever she wants. Has she contributed...a couple of Tshirts and bathmats cool. I pay $1000/week mortgage.+ bills

Even on mothers day I bought her mum flowers and chockolated cos she was asleep all day. Do you think she mentioned that, nope.

Her friends thought wee were broken up for 2 years!!!!! Imagine her friends completely thinking didn't exist..

Yes I cheated on her.... why? Because she told me she didn't love me anymore and she was going to ride another guys dick. That is on her. Its her fault. I acted immature, but she started it.

I have a FVRO and I have video footage of her breaking in and assaulting me as well as smear campaigns. I've had enough. I admit I hit her back one time..she punched me about 50 times ( have video footage of a few times) and once I snapped and open hand slapped her. I don't judge myself, there areimits to apersons patients are someone who attacks constantly deserved an open face slap back..

Sex wasn't even good. It was mediocre at best.. but my dad and close friend dried at the same time and I needed someon to lean on..

Problem, is I'm isolated and alone now while she has a new boyfriend.

Don't date BPD, PYSD, or Narcs. Simple..

Its ruines all self respect.

So this isn’t a current thing anymore but I want to know for future reference, I was talking to this girl a while back and we had gotten pretty close to making it an actual relationship, unfortunately the way I handled her sending me nsfw pictures might have been a major reason she lost interest, I don’t really understand how I’m supposed to react over text when I’m sent something like that in public, it’s not like I’m able to send anything back. This girl had a habit of sending me those things when she knew I was outdoors and because of that I had never really responded with anything. So I ask, to any women out there… how are we men supposed to respond when you send us a spicy picture?

So i’ve been friends with this girl and had feelings for her, come to find out she likes me back i asked her out, the feelings were mutual and all, this all happened this week but i think she’s ignoring me now.

I tried starting a conversation but she hasn’t replied, however i saw her online on multiple occasions on both tiktok and discord.

Im just worried because she usually takes just a few hours to respond but it’s been more than a day now.

idk i think im just paranoid 😭.

For context, I added this person a few weeks ago when I didn't really know her that well but we were both in a group chat for our state competition, so I thought I'd add anyone on there. Actually, she is in one of my classes, so I guess I knew her, we just never really talked (I am also a VERY quiet and shy person, so she probably didn't see me as approachable). Yesterday she joined me and my friend in class and started studying with us. We spoke a little bit and made jokes and we're laughing with my other friend. Today, she finally added me back (I guess because she saw that I was a real person). Anyways, should I say anything? I was thinking (since she is a very sarcastic person) I could say something like "wow so u only added me back after seeing that I was a real person. I see how it is 😭" Does that come across as too mean or strong? I would usually never text this to anyone else and it's completely out of character, but I feel like it's funny and light hearted enough to start a conversation. I am also worried about how class will be like and how the dynamic will change after I send the text.

So I go to a school where we get to play music. Like actually a band where we play all sorts of music like Linkin Park, Deftones, System Of A Down, Tool. The program is split up into 2 different classes. One is the rock band class where we get to play almost whatever we want. The whole point of the rock band class is to teach you how to play with a band. Then there's the show band. The show band is meant to be the professional class where you play pop, classic rock, top 100 songs, and anything else famous. Basically the crowd pleasing class. Ever since I joined the class all I've wanted to play was metal. And there was this constant pushback from my teacher. Let me tell you about my teacher. He plays in a pop/disco cover band and plays for mainly people that are 50+ years old. So of course there's pushback from him. Whatever that's fine we all have our opinion. We played One Step Closer by Linkin Park for the whole school and there was a moshpit and we had the loudest reaction from a crowd that the band had ever heard. So we're like oh yeah people like metal lets play more metal. So we sent out a survey full of all sorts of genres, artists, bands, basically everything you'd expect on a music survey. The top results were hard rock and metal. We started pumping out that good hard rock because that's what the people in the survey said. Everytime we tried something new and hard our teacher would basically tell us this sucks and it won't work or it's not popular enough. So we decided to do one of the most popular metal songs of all time. Chop Suey. 2 BILLION streams across all streaming services. Guess what he says. SOAD is a niche band and that Chop Suey Isn't popular. What do I say for him to understand that people like hard rock and metal music?

So in December of 2025 I met a girl on Bumble. We started hitting it off. At first we used to talk more often via chats . Talks were about her interests and later about daily life. Then one day I asked if we could talk via call. I thought we could be good together and all. Fast forward to February I had Final exams so I could not talk much. After that we have been in a situation where there have been times where I think she definitely ignores me and she is not willing to talk anymore but all of a sudden when we are on a call talks go for as long as 2 hours .

There is little to response to messages on WhatsApp to her . I don't want to be too creepy that's why I don't bombard her with messages and do not blame her too because it's her life too and she decides what role I get to play in her everyday life. I have my own life too and am preparing for competitive exams too.

What should I do next ? Sometimes it feels a little farce to continue this relationship? Is this normal?

I don't know what to do?

I got my MA results yesterday and I am terrified.

I'm worried and terrified about my results. I saw them yesterday last night. And it's NOT good. 3.95 GPA on a ten point scale.

196 total. The highest is 256. Most of my classmates got good results.

I want to speak to my parents but at the same time can't.

Because they have high expectations. They expected atleast a 6 GPA.

I have brown parents. They wxpect a lot from me. I feel guilty too. I keep giving them hope only to destroy it.

In school, in college, now in university.

I'm terrified of telling them. They will insult me, mock me, scream and shout at me. It will go on for days and weeks .

And when that stops, they will argue themselves. Say harsh words to each other. Especially my dad to my mom. Who will cry and this will go on for days. I hate seeing her cry. She does and sacrifices a lot.

As much I want to tell them to relieve my burden of telling them, I'm terrified. I had anxiety attack last night but handled it myself, do they won't know. I couldn't eat yesterday. I couldn't eat my breakfast today.

Before you wonder, yes my parents reaction will really be bad. They warned me this time.

And no, please don't advice me against taking any step against them.

I love my parents, but really wish someone tells me what to do.

I'm think if only it was a 4, I could tell them . Yes I'd still be insulted. If I ask for a reassessment or recheck, I'll have to pay, and they will know.

I need help.

Pleaseeeeeee. I'm shaking, trembling and constant urge to throw up. Help me please.