This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Nervous-Good9547

Published on: r/Marriage

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 18, 2026

• Update 1: May 19, 2026

• Update 2: May 20, 2026

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Main Post

^(May 18, 2026)

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My inlaws bought me a Fiat and that somehow led to finding out my husband had not only an affair, but a whole other family.

My husband (M38) and i (F36) have been together since highschool. We have two daughters 16yo and 14yo and 3 dogs. I work from home, he drives a truck for trips that last up to a week, then comes home, spends a couple of days then gets back on the road. This hasn't been so much of a problem since the pandemic when the company i work for, like many others, switched to the home office model. Even after we were able to go back to the office, i decided to keep working from home so i could be around the kids and honestly, without so many unnecessary meetings and interactions i could get my work done faster, i even started taking small marketing jobs on the side.

The way we manage finances at home is we split all bills and expenses in half and each gets to keep their money. Yes, we have a couple shared savings accounts, for emergencies, family trips etc. But other than putting in our share, we dont really bother asking the other what we do with our money. It wasn't always like this but it has been for a long time and i always thought that's just how our relationship progressed. Since it wasn't really an inconvenience i thought we were just two very independent individuals and our relationship works so why think about it too deep. Right?

Well, for the last year, my inlaws have been asking how my new electric car has been working out for me. At first i had only wonderful reviews, but later i started noticing some inconveniences and i shared them when they asked. I told them about needing to pay a subscription to use the navigating system, and at some point even the radio. I told them about the system updates taking very long and the car staying locked for the entire process. Also joked about needing to either park in the living room or moving the router to the garage for better wifi.

Anyways, my sweet inlaws worried i might need a reliant back up vehicle just in case. Two weeks ago they showed up in front of my house with a cute little Fiat. Used, but perfectly functional. I could tell they worried i wouldnt want to take such a gift because the first thing my FIL mentioned is how cheap it was, a bargain he couldnt pass. Such sweet gestures from them, always worrying about my girls and i being safe while their son is away always melt my heart. They've always been there looking out for us. I could never refuse. So i said thank you and took them for a ride.

Anyways. I have always lived for the flair. Every single vehicle i have owned has gotten a pink or purple paint job or been covered in stickers. Call me tacky or whatever i dont care, it brings me joy. So as soon as we got the keys to this cute little thing, my girls and i were off to get it wrapped. We got a smokey lavender wrap that sparks just a little in the sun. When my eldest saw it, she said "it's beautiful" like the millenial i am, i said "like diamonds". So we knew what was next. Bumper stickers. "THIS IS THE WRAP OF A K*LLER, BELLA," "Hold on tight, spidermonkey" and my favorite "Is she even italian?" Get it? Lol.

Anyways, if you're here still here even after cringing, let me tell you about the absolute meltdown my husband had when he saw the car. Something neither of us had ever seen before. And he has seen every vehicle i have owned my entire life. What was wrong? Well, that was fine when the cars were mine, but this one was purchased by his parents so technically it was his. I told him they bought it for me, gifted it to me, the title was in my name.

He said then, it was OURS. I said, okay i could understand that logic i guess but then still, why the meltdown. He said the car lost its resale value with everything i did to it. I said okay, it's a wrap. Also, no one is selling it so what? He said he already had a buyer, and we needed the money. Need the money? For what? As far as i know we're doing okay. Even if he told me he lost his job that very day, i have a job, some work on the side and we have savings.

We are doing okay given the current political climate and all that. What could be so bad that he needs to sell a car we didn't have until 2 weeks ago and never told me about it? Well folks, it wasn't a buyer. It was his other "wife" no kidding, he wont call her a mistress. She stalks us on social media and was tired of the "favoritism" so she threatened to tell everyone the truth unless he gave her the car. Why? Because his parents have never met her and she has never gotten anything from them like i have. Favoritism? Lady, we didn't even know you existed.

I learned they have a child too but i will not be talking about the child since it is not his fault so i will keep him out of this. In the end, me refusing to "sell" the car and my kids posting it on social media made her come out and DM us everything about their relationship with recepts and all. And i would say im still processing but im not. Im numb. Honestly, just posting to make sure it's not a dream. I feel angry, heartbroken, stupid, i question how I've lived so long without noticing or even suspecting anything. And all i can actually do is laugh while i cry real ugly.

Still don't know what to do first. Lawyer? Therapist? Inlaws? Do i even get to talk to them about this? He is their son, and they have a gandchild they didn't know about. I can't ask them to take my side even if there's a possibility they would, am i even allowed? My girls are devastated too. Our family, our lives, everything is upside down it feels unreal. And it all started with a little kawaii Fiat.

 

COMMENTS

whatashame_13 >That is horrible!! Is he still trying to contact you? Did Ap reached out again! How did he reffer to her as other wife? > >OOP >>We fought over the car in the afternoon, she messaged me in the morning. Screenshots showed they argued all night over the car, she said "im not playing, I will tell her" and she did. I was making breakfast and he came when the fire alarm went off because I burnt the toast. When he saw my face he knew. He was talking but I couldnt hear him. I was shaking. Then he said something around "I had to take responsibility for my son," and at some moment he said "my second wife" idk what he was saying but I thought "second wife?" When did we get divorced for him to have a second wife? I told him to stop talking and leave. And then my kids came down screaming, she messaged them too. That's when I lost it. How dare she contact my children? I screamed too, he went upstairs to grab a bag. I screamed after him that he take everything he could because I would burn everything else. She kept on sending me photos and screenshots and at the time I got a message from my best friend so I told her what was happening and she came over. He was leaving as she pulled up. She kicked his car and he left. He sent me his live location from a motel. I didnt reply.

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Ttttequila >You must lawyer. He is a massive liar and nothing he has ever told you is true. Even the ‘truth’ of where he goes everyday is marred by lies. A whole other LIFE. > >Get your affairs in order and get out as best you can; this is a business transaction now. I’m so sorry. > >OOP >>We've been together since we graduated high school. So my entire life has been a lie. Everything I've ever said, like I married my high-school sweetheart and we've been eachother's first and only love. To being worried he's out there driving, has he eaten yet? Is he getting enough rest? What if he gets in an accident? To find out what he was actually doing while I was at home thinking I was holding down the fort like a caring understanding partner. I was only being fooled. >> >>Southern-Midnight741 >>>It’s interesting that it was his parent’s kind gesture that led to this discovery. >>> >>>Do his parents know about her now? >>> >>>OOP >>>>Im 99% sure they dont. They aren't good with social media so even if she tried to contact them they'd think it's a hacker or something. Plus, they haven't showed up. They are the type of people to call me if they drive by my house and they don't see one of my dogs. 1% they might know and felt so ashamed of the son they raised they went into an underground bunker.

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Negative_Till3888 >Where is your husband right now? I’m so curious. This is insane. I would talk to the in-laws soon so he doesn’t spin a narrative. > >OOP >>He's at a motel. I know because he sent me his location like it matters now. To my knowledge he has to work on Wednesday. But that is what I thought I knew about his work schedule. He always sent me pictures and videos of him on the road. What where they recycled? I can't imagine him prepping videos to send later when he's with his other family with?!

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reddpapad >Wow. Did he even apologize? Or explain his actions? Not that it matters I’m honestly flabbergasted at people who think they can get away with this. > >I’m so sorry. Best wishes for you and your girls. > >OOP >>I think he tried. I couldn't hear him. All while he talked, there was too much proof to deny. There are pictures, videos, entire conversations. All I could hear was a ringing in my ears and then I told him to please just leave and he did like he understood there was no going back from this. She did apologize, something like she was sorry but didn't want to live in the shadows anymore. I didn't say anything.

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Different_Nothing973 >Lawyer and in laws. Lawyer first then meet your in laws. If you are as close to them as it sounds they will support you. They sound like good people. Your soon to be ex husband however is garbage! What he did is disgusting and affects the whole family. And his mistress because she is in fact his mistress sounds nuts. > >OOP >>She said she was sorry, that she only told me because she didn't want to live in the shadows anymore. However, that doesn't explain why she stalked us on social media. That means she knew about us, and watched us closely, for what? Also, I understand not wanting to live in the shadows or whatever but then why over a car? Couldn't it be over ber kid or something more important? Also, why do I care about her when he is the one who hurt me. He is the one who broke his promise and my trust and our family and our hearts.

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Life_Wall2536 >How do you know she stalked your social medias? > >OOP >>Because of all the screenshots she sent. In their conversations she confronted him with pictures taken off my daughter's account. Not only of the car but also, my daughter posted when we took on ticket master for bts tickets. Which he and I also split. She complained about the things my girls get. Which, I dont think I need to explain but I still will. When I said we are okay financially, I didn't mean like we are rich, I meant we have our basic needs covered. The tickets, my daughters said they didn't want birthday parties or gifts. My daughter turned 16, and all she wanted was a ticket. The car, was a gift from their grandparents and it was out of concern my EV's reliability could depend on our wifi. Idk what kind of life he's living out there with her, but I work really hard to give my girls the best I can. Idk if she knew the entire context when she complained about favoritism and the car and the tickets.

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xoxogossipgirl2890 >Op how long has this been going on wtf?! > >OOP >>She sent pictures of the two of them with two children and said only the youngest is his but he helped raise the oldest so over 6 years at least. I dont know if they thought I'd give him credit for being a good step-dad, while I've been at home with his two daughters.

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OOP to a long comment >Thank you. Yes, he wanted to talk, but I asked him to leave. I do want a divorce. My best friend is helping me look for lawyers rn because I feel too numb. She said go to reddit so you can snap out of it. I think it is slowly working. My girls chose to go to school even though I told them they could take time off. They said he broke so many things he won't break their perfect attendance. I know they want to be out of the house and surrounded by their friends. I will call my in-laws tomorrow. Not today. Today I haven't even showered.

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Update 1 - after 1 day

^(May 19, 2026)

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Update: My inlaws bought me a Fiat and that somehow led to finding out my husband had not only an affair, but a whole other family.

1. Took care of our savings accounts this morning. Moved half of our emergency fund first. When i got to the savings we have for leisure, vacations etc., he had already taken his half. Probably thought i would empty it and decided to make the first move. At least he only took half? I didn't touch the college savings accounts we have for our girls. There's penalties for withdrawal and other stuff to consider. I did print a statement to prove the amounts as of today in case he does anything.

2. Had meetings with two different lawyers and explained the situation. Both were very professional and reassuring. I will be contacting the one i chose later this afternoon to provide bank statements and other stuff.

3. Called my brother and told him what is going on. Wish i could say it was like in the movies where they drop everything and get on the first plane, but this is real life and he can't do that. He promised to stay in touch every day.

4. Yesterday my best friend took over my phone so she could reply to the other woman (seriously don't know what to call her in this situation). Anyways, i wasn't in the mood but my friend said we must ask all the questions now that she is willing to talk. Once he gets on the road he will probably make her his first stop and convince her not to say anymore. So she asked all the questions. So here it is :

They met 7 years ago, after she separated from the father of her first child. They started dating. He didn't interact with her son at first but he paid for the babysitter so they could go on dates. The pregnancy wasn't plnanned. When she revealed the pregnancy he revealed he was married. She said she would ask for child support.

He didn't want that because i would find out so he offered financial support and to stick around. He moved her out of her 1 bedroom to a 2 bedroom apartment. They have moved twice since. Her family doesn't know about the situation. They think he is a very discreet person not into social media. She was okay with their arrangement at first but she did draw comparisons about us living in a house while they live in an apartment, and i bought a new car a little over a year ago while he got her a used one. (I bought my own car btw so whatever little amount he spent on hers he didn't spend on mine so i should be the one upset here).

Our mortgage is still on for another 2 years so he promised once the house is paid for they can look for a better place. (Good luck with that, we could only afford this house because at the time we bought it he was in the military and got help getting the credit approved so he could live in the area. Prices weren't as high as they are now, this place wasn't yet gentrified and also I'VE BEEN PAYING MY HALF TOO).

So when she saw that my girls got concert tickets and his parents gave me a backup car, she felt wronged by him. She didn't mean to actually tell us at first but seeing him ignore her warning made her actually want to spill the tea. She said she knows it is wrong that she lurked on social media but she couldn't help it. I guess we got a lot of evidence from her. Everything is saved and conversation is exported.

I called my inlaws, they're coming over for dinner. I still don't know how I'll bring it up. I guess just rip it off like a bandaid.

That is all, maybe too little, maybe a lot. My best friend said things are falling into place but all i see is everything we've built crumbling.

Thank you all for your thoughtful advice. Next step is probably going to be getting us some therapy and to stay on top of the legal stuff.

 

COMMENTS

whatashame_13 >Did he try to reach out again in the morning? Did she try to reach out again? Did you talk to his parents? > >OOP >>I blocked him on my phone so he was blowing up the landline. I wasn't home, I was taking care of the bank accounts and went to see a couple of lawyers. He did leave a message saying he would go to work for a week and hopes we can talk when he gets back. My best friend talked to the other woman pretending to be me and got a lot of info while she was willing share. There i learnt that his work trips only take 5 days, not 8 like he's been telling me. Basically this man spends the same amount of time with them as he does with us.

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BurnerPhoneToronto >OP - Do you have a trusted friend or someone who can come and help you with making calls and appointments and sorting out the logistics? I can relate to the 'numb' feeling and how it makes it impossible to handle anything more than what you have going on. > >Sometimes you just need someone to take the reigns and tell you what to do for a minute while you catch your breath and process. I hope you have someone? > >Even if no - you've got this. You've been smart about money and keeping your independence so you and your kids will be ok because of your strength. It also sounds like you're not putting up with his crap which is also amazing. Your daughters are fortunate to have you to help them through this. What a shmuck (him). > >OOP >>Yes. My best friend came over the moment I told her what was happening. She got here as he was leaving for the motel and has stayed by my side. Her husband said she can stay as long as needed, but I won't abuse ofc. She helped me get dinner ready and picked up the girls from school yesterday, helped me make appointments with a couple of lawyers and accompanied me this morning to see them too. I also had to stop by the bank for some stuff I couldn't do on the apps, he took half of a savings account we had for leisure but didn't touch the others. I already moved my half of the money too and got a full record of all the transactions.

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Update 2 - after 2 days (after 1 day from last post)

^(May 20, 2026)

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Update 2: My inlaws bought me a Fiat and that somehow led to finding out my husband had not only an affair, but a whole other family.

Talked to the in-laws. They were shocked. My MIL had a harder time believing it was real. It's not like she called me a liar she just kept on reciting my sentences back to me as a question, like she couldn't make sense of it. i don't blame her. FIL was the first to start reproaching his behavior and the way she did things, the fact that she contacted the girls made him so upset i worried for his health.

After i told them how everything went down, the fight over the car, her contacting us, him leaving to a motel etc., I told them about the info i gathered from her. How long it's been going on, where they live, all that.

They were honest. They told me my girls and I will always be their family. They understand there's no going back from this, they would never advice me to try to work it out. They said I have their support in everything regarding this situation, our divorce, that I could rely on them for anything I need. But they also were clear that at the end of the day he is their son so as disappointed as they are in him and don't even want to see him right now, they can't lie and say they'll cut him off. That he is their son and they hope i can understand that they wont disown him. As for the other grandson, they haven't met him in almost 7 years, they can wait until our separation is final. They don't want contact with the other woman, even if one day they get to meet the boy, what she did, messing with someone else's children, is unforgivable in their books. They said they'll cross that bridge when it comes to it, but as of now, they won't create more conflict. Also for my girls, they want them to know their grandparents will always be on their side.

I feel very grateful to them. I can't say I'll be relying on them as much as i used to. But we wont become strangers either. I can understand them not cutting off their son, and i appreciate their honesty, because they didn't lie to me about kicking him to the curb only for me to find out he's moving in with them or something.

=====Also on a second note, some of you mentioned getting STD tests. On it. already booked an appointment. Although this may be tmi, we've used protection for the last 8 years. And guys, i think he gaslit me into thinking it was for me. See, i had some issues with birth control and at some point he, a very caring husband said since he isn't home most of the time, it wasn't fair for me to be the one pumping all those hormones into my body. He could be the one to use protection, not a vasectomy because we were too young and we might want another baby later though. I really felt so cherished. Thinking of the timeline, that's probably when he thought of cheating and that was the best way for me to not find out. Anyways, I will be getting tested but it is kind of funny how when the drain gets unclogged all the shit comes out.

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/Salty-Limit411.

Trigger Warnings: >!Abusive Behavior, Stupidity.!<

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AITAH for telling my girlfriend her best friend has 2 years to find someone or we're moving ahead without that condition?, Posted May 20th, 2026.

So me (28M) and my girlfriend (28F) have been together for 3 years now and i recently brought up the marriage and kids talk. My reason is pretty simple, i want to be fit and active while my kids are growing up. Like if we have kids at 30 ill be 48 when they turn 18 which still feels decent enough to actually be involved and active in their lives. So i wanted to start planning ahead.

She said she also wants to get married and have kids but she had one condition. She wants to get married around the same time as her best friend. Not the same event necessarily just the same season or timeframe. Honestly i found it cute at first.

Here's where it gets complicated. I actually know her best friend personally and she is genuinely terrible at relationships, never lasted more than 6 months with anyone and is currently single. But the bigger issue is her best friend doesn't even want to get married. So my girlfriend's whole plan is to first convince her that she wants marriage, then find her a guy, then hope that guy proposes, then coordinate weddings.

I told her i don't mind waiting but i'm not comfortable with our future basically being in someone else's hands. She got upset saying i don't respect the friendship. So i said fine, 2 years, if things fall into place great but i can't wait forever with no end in sight. That got her even more riled up.

AITA for putting a timeframe on this?

EDIT: so after reading through all the comments i decided to reach out to her best friend and told her everything. and honestly her friend found the whole thing just as ridiculous as you guys did and immediately went and talked to my girlfriend trying to knock some sense into her. now my girlfriend is mad at both of us lmaooo. but hey at least her friend and i are on the same page. will update if anything changes.

EDIT 2: Did not expect this to blow up like this so here is a quick update. GF is currently giving me the silent treatment. But the wildest part? Her best friend texted me again apologizing for the collateral damage. She said she explicitly told my GF to drop the ridiculous condition. Instead of listening, my GF lost it on her and accused her of “betraying their friendship”, "not supporting her dream" and “choosing a guy over our friendship.” So now the two of them are fighting. After reading all your comments about codependency and projecting the red flags are glaring. Im taking a few days of space to seriously re evaluate this relationship. I dont think this is just about a wedding anymore. Will update if anything changes.

EDIT 3: Its been a few hours since the last update. I had a long talk with my GF earlier. She is still very upset and keeps saying that I don’t understand how important her friendship is and that I’m forcing her to choose. The best friend also messaged me again saying she is done trying to explain and is taking a step back from my GF for now. Honestly after everything that’s happened in the last 2 days I think I need more than just a few days of space. This whole situation has made me question a lot of things about our future. I will give one final update in a day or two after I clear my head.

EDIT 4: The situation is finally over. this post was getting way too long to keep updating with all the edits, so i posted the final conclusion in a new thread. you can read it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/nsD5Fi3Ap9

Relevant Comments:

u/Plastic-Cabinet67:

>Ok. The girlfriend thing should tell you exactly where you srand in this relationship. Girlfriend come first. Think about it.

OP:

>i hear you and i won't pretend that didn't cross my mind too after this whole thing. but in 3 years she has never once made me feel like i come second. this condition genuinely came out of nowhere which is why it hit me so hard. i think it says more about how much that friendship means to her than it does about where i stand with her. still doesn't make it okay though

u/Music_withRocks_In:

>If she really cared for her girlfriend she would respect her not wanting to get married (or have kids??).  She doesn't respect her friend as a person, she just wants some Instagram girl power movie montage of them doing things together, and is willing to actually plan her adult life around it!!!!

>Honestly that sounds like someone so selfish with so little empathy that I would never have kids with them. How can she respect her kids choices if she can't even respect the choices of her best friend?  This isn't someone mature enough to have kids.  

OP:

>this actually hit different because you made a point i hadn't even thought about. she's basically trying to force her friend into something her friend doesn't even want, all for the sake of this picture perfect moment she has in her head. and you're right, if she can't respect her best friend's choice of not wanting to get married then that is a bigger issue than just the condition she put on me. i'll be honest this comment made me think more than most of the others here

&nbsp;

u/Affectionate-Food266:

>You're going to have to state your case and set a hard boundary. Or let it go. Having a grown ass woman plan her life around other people than herself is insane. Nta!

OP:

>already did that, gave her a 2 year window as a compromise. if she still wants to stay angry over that then i guess that tells me everything i need to know about where this is going.

[UPDATE] AITAH for telling my girlfriend her best friend has 2 years to find someone or we're moving ahead without that condition?, Posted May 21st, 2026.

Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/WtQjLGxhq2

Since the original post was getting way too long to keep updating, i'm putting the final conclusion here.

First off a massive thank you to everyone who commented. A lot of you pointed out things about codependency and enmeshment that i was completely blind to and honestly it gave me the clarity i needed.

Before getting into the update i just want to address two things that kept coming up in the comments.

To everyone roasting me about my timeline, yes i know you can still be a fit and active dad well into your 30s and 40s lol. It was just a personal goal i had in my head but fair point taken.

To everyone jokingly suggesting i should just date the best friend since she's apparently the sane one, absolutely not lmaooo. We are cool but i am staying far far away from that entire dynamic.

A lot of you were also asking how i missed such a massive red flag for three years. Honestly i didn't understand it either at first. I think as a guy you are sometimes so starved for affection and care that you hold onto it tightly when you finally find it. But it wasn't just that, i genuinely felt loved and cared for. She worked from home for her dad's business and there was no lack of emotional or physical intimacy either and she made my life so easy like would always make food for me, handled all the household stuff willingly without ever complaining and even when i offered to help she'd just wave me off saying she had it. This whole condition truly came out of nowhere and blindsided me completely.

After my last edit i left our apartment and spent the night away to clear my head. I made up my mind that i was going to sit her down calmly and try to make her understand how absurd this whole thing was. My plan was that if she finally understood we could look into couples therapy together to get to the root of it.

We had that final long conversation this morning. I tried to explain why having my future tied to a third party was a dealbreaker for me. But instead of trying to understand my perspective or even taking the lifeline of therapy she doubled down. She said her best friend is "abandoning" her and that i am being unsupportive of her vision for her life.

I even asked her directly to be honest with me if she simply wasn't ready for marriage or kids yet because that would be a completely different and understandable situation, one i was willing to work with and make compromises for because i genuinely didn't want to lose her over some fantasy plan. But she said no, she loves me, she does want marriage and kids, she just wouldn't drop the condition. And when i brought up the fact that her best friend had literally told her she doesn't want to get married, she just waved it off saying "she will come around, i know her better than she knows herself." That's when it became obvious that i was essentially the third wheel in my own relationship and that no amount of reasoning was going to get through.

It was a long hard conversation and there were a lot of tears but i made the decision to end the relationship. We want fundamentally different things and i can't build a future with someone who prioritizes a fantasy timeline over our actual partnership.

We are currently sorting out the apartment situation and i'll be staying with family for a bit while we untangle everything. It hurts right now, not going to pretend it doesn't. But reading through all your perspectives genuinely gave me the clarity and reality check i needed to see things for what they were.

Thanks again everyone. Won't be updating after this, just focusing on moving forward now.

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Reminder - I am not OP.

Originally posted by user FelliniFreak in r/ travel

Original: Jan 5, 2026

Update (in post itself)

Status: concluded

Note: OOP used chatGPT " to help with the English" to write the post

Mood: slice of life

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Original: Someone stayed at a Marriott in Boston under my name while I was in Brazil. Hotel says it was “me.”

A few days ago, a completed hotel stay suddenly showed up in my Expedia account under my full name. The reservation was for Residence Inn by Marriott Boston Burlington, dates Dec 30–31, 2025.

Problem:
I didn’t make the reservation.
I wasn’t in Boston.
I wasn’t even in the US.
I was in Brazil.

I contacted Expedia immediately. After checking with the hotel, Expedia told me the following, based on what the front desk confirmed:

• The guest checked in and checked out normally
• The reservation was completed
• The guest used my name
• The guest presented valid ID
• The hotel stated no one could have checked in without valid identification

Expedia also said the payment was made with a Mastercard ending in 1125. That card is not mine. I checked with family. No one booked anything for me.

So according to the hotel, someone showed up, presented an ID that apparently matched my name, stayed the night, and left. And the system now treats that person as me.

I asked how that’s possible, since I was in another country. Expedia told me to contact the hotel directly and speak with the front desk.

At this point, I’m not even focused on the money. I want to understand:

How does a hotel confirm identity at check-in?
What kind of ID would allow this?
Is this a case of identity theft, or just shockingly weak verification?
Has anyone seen something like this happen before?

I’m documenting everything and escalating with Marriott, but I’d love to hear if anyone here has dealt with something similar or knows how this usually plays out.

Because right now, the official version of events is that I magically teleported to Boston for one night and forgot about it.

And yeah… I promise I would’ve noticed.

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Comments:

Comment1: How unique is your name?

>OOP: Definitely not a unique Portuguese name, someone could definitely have the same name as me, which is totally fine... my only concern is how is this showing up on my Expedia account. Human error? Or someone is having access to my account? My main concern is basically privacy and/if someone is using my personal ID.

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Comment2: Customer support failure is very possible. With how clunky and slapped together a lot of the systems are, things fall between the cracks, and so humans have quite a bit of leeway to fix those problems.

Hotels don’t have any way to confirm your passport as an ID — they just check your name (and are likely trained to also check your birthday, but people get sloppy).

Social engineering attacks often abuse stuff like this — it’s not hard to convince a company that I’m you, if I know even very basic public info about you. Think about how many services still use “birthday and place of birth” as a security question, despite many people openly posting that exact info.

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Comment3: I stayed in a Marriott in December and at checkin they said there was some other guy’s name attached to my Marriott rewards account. He wasn’t a scammer. He was in Spain. I was not.
They were having some issues with their rewards system that was cross referencing people incorrectly within their rewards system.

>OOP: Oh, good to know! I think marriot recently made some change to their rewards program. Maybe they are having some issues?

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Comment4: Without doxxing yourself, how unique is your name? Is it possible some sort of Expedia mixup of your account with someone else with an identical name? If they used their own credit card I doubt it was some sort of attempted identity theft situation.

I’m guessing it’s some sort of account mixup error. That’s bad enough, but the problem is probably with Expedia and not someone trying to commit fraud on your name. Expedia is trying to push the blame on the hotel, but I’m guessing it’s their database issue. I had a somewhat similar situation with a rental car company blending my account with another customer’s.

>OOP: Yeah, totally, I changed my passwords and add the two factor authentication.
I also got really confused that they used their own CC. It does seems like some sort of human error, which it is still bad... at least I think so lol

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Comment5: Document forgery, or perhaps you lost your identity document and someone has impersonated you. The latter—if that’s the case—it’s better to report it to the police just in case. A Spaniard was placed on a wanted list in Italy after losing his personal document because a criminal committed fraud using his identity card.

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Comment6: I had something similar happen, also through expedia and oddly also a Boston hotel. I never got an answer as to how it happened and ended up having to dispute the payment through my credit card company.

>OOP: Interesting. Oddly enough as I said, they used a card that is not mine. I can't see the full number, just the last digits and it's not mine. I saw with my fiancé and even with my mom, and they don't have Mastercards, so this is just very odd.

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Comment7: Is it possible you stayed with a friend at one point and they paid but it was booked under your account?
With Hilton, somehow they linked a friends account with mine because we did that. I only knew because I once got an email at a place I knew they were staying which I thought was odd.
The second time, they got locked out of their room because it put me as the primary guest. Even though I was halfway across the country, yet somehow he was able to check in the first time.

>OOP: This have crossed my mind, but I can't even find a single friend who was in Boston during this date. It's just weird.

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Comment8: Isn’t it possible that someone with the same name checked in and the desk clerk just wrongly tied your point account to the reservation?
How were you harmed by this?

>OOP: So far I wasn't harmed by this.... but having someone else's reservation showing up on my account just raises questions if this is some sort of identity theft of if it was human error. Trying to get to bottom of this lol

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Update

Just an update in case anyone is curious. It was someone with the same first and last name, but wasn't me. Marriot accidentally linked their reservation to my Expedia. So, just a human error.... but it was creepy when I had no idea what was going on.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ThrowRA_anothertwo

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 06, 2025

• Final Update: May 17, 2026

---

Main Post

^(July 06, 2025)

---

My (M26) Wife (22F) wants to make things work after things with her AP (M48) aren’t going great. How do we go about rebuilding trust?

Just to skim through our background; My wife and I have been in a relationship for just over 2.5 years, married 6 months. My wife cheated on me ~2 months ago, and was planning to divorce me for the AP. I only found out about the AP last week, I thought the divorce talks were just personal failings of mine and stuff I needed to work on. She moved out earlier this week (framed as a trial separation before divorce) and we’ve kept in low contact since then. However, we had a mental check in to see how we’re doing tonight since things were kinda messy during the last days. Turns out, AP’s not so good now that I know about the affair and there’s not any adrenaline anymore. He keeps talking about how he’s been with better women, and how he could still pull better women. She regrets leaving, and wants to end things with him and work on our marriage again.

As things are, we are currently planning on working it out. I said I still wanted to work it out after I discovered the affair and before she moved out. I’m ok with the concept of non-monogamy. We had long-term plans to open up sometime next year, and eventually hope for a triad down the line. For me, it’s more so the matter that it happened before we agreed on officially opening, and it was with a person who I said at the very first discussion was on my NO list. Yes, a boundary was crossed, but we both needed to work on a lot. Yes, I have an individual therapy appointment set up for Tuesday to work on myself mentally, and also why I’m more ok with everything than I thought I would be. Yes, we will be getting couples counseling if we do end up getting back together.

So, we both want to give it a go again, but everything’s kinda fucked now that she officially moved out. Since her original plan was that they were gonna get in a relationship after our divorce, AP is the co-signer on her lease, spent ~$8K on furniture for her / their new apartment, and was gonna be paying for part of her rent. If she tried to break things off with him, he has a key, could take all the furniture back, and she wouldn’t be able to pay for the rent on her own. And that’s just on the logistics side.

The main part I’m mentally stuck on is, they hooked up 3 times total before she moved out. That went up to 4 times 3 days after she moved out. After she told me she wants to work things out, she got high and it went up again to 5 times total. We agreed on giving her a month to end the situation with him / tell him that she wants to work things out with me, but she’s also said there’s a chance that number could still go up again before that month ends because she has no idea how to end things with him since he’s so involved in the new apartment. Part of me understands that, but part of me is also very not ok with that. More shit to work on in therapy.

I know most of the advice I’m probably gonna get is “leave her”, but at least currently, we both want to make it work. Any advice on what to do going forward would be appreciated. Mainly ways that she could end things with him, and ways that we could begin to mend trust.

TLDR; Wife had an affair, moved out to start a life with him, and is having regrets after not even a week. We both want to make things work, but he’s tied up in her new apartment as a co-signer. What are some ways she could go about ending the relationship with him, and what are some ways we could go about rebuilding our relationship?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

lofi_drone >If you have no kids, I can't imagine trying to get back. It wasn't a one time mistake; it was a series of choices. She was out the door and ready to leave you! She only wants you as a safe haven now that her other choice flopped. She doesn't want you! She wants the safe life! Respect yourself and stand tall. Move on!

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ThanosSupporter3000 >This might be one of the most pathetic posts I’ve ever seen on Reddit. > >You all need help.

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coolexecs >TBH you both need to leave this poor kid alone. She's a mess. She needs therapy and time to figure out who she is and what she wants.

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Final update - after 10 months

^(May 17, 2026)

---

UPDATE: My (M27) Wife (23F) wants to make things work after things with her AP (M49) aren’t going great

Dang, I was deep in the denial stage when I wrote part 1, huh? I was already in therapy at that point as some comments suggested, but was still quite early into it. Still really desperate to save a relationship that I should’ve given up on way earlier. It’s wild to read that now and see what I was willing to let myself be put through. And then seeing how much I still let myself be put through after that initial post.

Welp, I am happy to report that I finally gave up! It still took me way longer than it should’ve to pull the plug, but the plug has been pulled. We had a final talk in December (See paragraph 1), where I finally said enough was enough. We had already filed at that point, and were just waiting for the court date. And currently we’re 4 months past our divorce being officially finalized.

I do have some fun details I could get into. How her AP apparently has 2 other side chicks besides her, how my ex and AP were planning a trip to Vegas while she was telling me she was going to actually take time to herself, or how she keeps breaking no contact post divorce to ask if I’m starting some drama or another, to just scratch the surface. But there’s kinda not really a point(?). I’m in a significantly better relationship now with someone who actually values me, and not the money I could spend on her, and now I get to have dates where we make Pokémon teams for characters in the DND podcast we both listen to.

Like, there’s not really a point in getting into all the tomfuckery with my ex cause I’m in an objectively happier situation now. And frankly, it wouldn't be worth the brain power to reopen those. I'd much rather spend that energy thinking about my new GF. This just feels like the final line to write in the story between me and my ex, so I’m writing it so I can permanently close it.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

AllInkalicious >Good for you! Very happy for you and your better future. > >I’m curious about one thing though. When you were dragged over the coals about reconciling in those insane circumstances, did you consider there was truth in there or just angry strangers venting while not being in your shoes? > >OOP >>Bit of both? There were probably some coming from a place of genuinely trying to get me to see it, but there were also some that were definitely not. Optimistically, some were just more blunt about it than others, but even the blunt-est ones are semi-funny to read back on now and see how far it's all come. >> >>I was trying to listen to all of them too, cause like. I think once I found out about the cheating, there was always a part of me that knew we probably weren't gonna come back from it? You can probably even see that when I said "I know most of the advice I’m probably gonna get is “leave her”" in the first. Because deep down, I did know that was the right answer. But like. You read a post or two about a couple that did work it out and came back stronger, and you're desperate for that to be your story too when you're actually in it. Especially when it's still really fresh. Like, I made that first post 5 days after I found out about the cheating, and 3 days after she moved out then immediately was regretting it. Very, very, deep in denial, and still had a lot to work through. I can forgive myself for that

---

CorgiManDan >Good for you. If you live in Hawaii, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Dakota, Utah, or Illinois, I'd sue for Alienation of Affection. > >OOP >>Alas, a no-fault divorce state. Ended up being a clean break with no ties in either direction. Wrapped it up on the very first court date, which is probably the best I could ask for

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user dvthrjtjbrbtht in r/ amItheAsshole

Original: Feb 8, 2022

Updates (in post itself)

Status: no further updates from OOP

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Original: AITA I fed my son curry rice

My wife and I have been married for 5 years. We have a 3 year old son.

Yesterday, my wife had to go to meet her mom immediately because her mom had fallen from the stairs and was admitted in the ER.

My wife called a babysitter but our usual babysitter was busy so she couldn't come. I told my wife I had a day off from work and I'd take a sick leave as well so I didn't have a problem taking care of our son but my wife said that I wouldn't possibly be able to take care of my son all by myself.

She has a history of not trusting me with our son ever since he was born. She thinks I can't possibly take care of a child on my own because I'm a man. Her father didn't know to take care of her and her siblings so she thinks even I'll not be able to take care of our son properly. That's why she even became a SAHM after our son was born.

So she prepared some food for our son and told me to not feed him anything else apart from what she had prepared because she doesn't trust me not to burn down the kitchen. I'm actually a very good cook so I was pretty offended but agreed to do what she said because she was already stressed.

At around lunchtime, when I tried feeding my son the porridge, he spat it out and wasn't eating it. So I tasted the porridge myself and found that it had too much salt in it.

My wife hadn't prepared anything else apart from porridge so I fed him the curry rice I had prepared for myself. I mashed the rice well and added just the curry without any beans to prevent choking. He ate it without complaint. For dinner I fed him rice with curd.

When my wife called me this morning, she asked me if everything was fine. I told her that the porridge she prepared had too much salt in it so I fed our son curry rice and curd rice. She blew up saying that I must've lost my mind to have fed our son despite her repeatedly telling me not to cook for him.

I got mad at her and asked her what I was supposed to do if our soon didn't want to eat the porridge. I couldn't have let him starve all day obviously so I fed him what was there at home. She said that I'm very irresponsible and that she should've just taken our son with her to meet her mom. She cut the call abruptly on my face and had been ignoring me since then.

She texted me a while ago saying that her friend would come to take our son and that her friend would be babysitting our son until she comes home. I told her immediately that she's delusional if she thinks I will let a stranger take my son. She said I'm being a jerk to her when she's already stressed about her mom.

AITA?

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: NTA, Does your son eat other things besides Porridge? 3 years old seems old to not be eating a variety of foods.

>OOP: Yes, my wife feeds him veggies as well. She usually mashes them up though.... That's why I mashed the rice so it wouldn't be too difficult for him to swallow

Comment2: Does your child have a medical condition? It sounds like she's super controlling about the food and mashing up rice and veggies at age 3... Seems odd unless there is a medical/sensory issue.

>OOP: She doesn't let me go to doctor appointments so I'm not sure if it's due to a medical issue but she's always feeding him soft foods
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Comment3: The [bleep]? And you just go along with this why?
Imagine the genders were reversed. Would it be okay to be this controlling? No? Then it's not okay this way either. You need to stand up for yourself.
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OOP: The last time I tried to go against her, she changed the pediatrician and has yet to disclose the name of the new pediatric. She also has locked up all of our son's medical reports

Comment4: Jesus. What happens if heaven forbid you need to take him to the emergency room? You have no idea about his medical history.
I'm sorry to say it, but you wife is putting your son in danger by shutting you out of his care. I would get a lawyer, and not leave your son alone with your wife.

>OOP: When I try and force my way into activities with our son, she takes him and goes to her mom's place. She doesn't return until I apologize and agree to listen to her

------------------------
Additional details from OOP in comments:

OOP: My son is about 3' 3" tall and roughly around 13 kgs in weight. My wife usually does everything for him like dressing etc. However, yesterday, he buttoned up his shirt himself without needing me to do I think it's just my wife babying him.
He also doesn't talk much but my wife said that some kids don't start talking a lot until preschool so I didn't push the topic anymore.
My wife gives him some pills everyday. The bottles are however unnamed so I have no way to know what they actually are. She told me they're just nutrition supplements because he's a little underweight.
He tries to eat by himself if given a spoon but my wife usually is too impatient to let him eat at his own pace so she feeds him herself.

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OOP: Yes, I am Indian but I'm living in Toronto....

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OOP: It's actually one of those burglar proof metal safes in which we keep money and expensive jewellery and important documents. It has a number lock on it

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Comment5: As a Canadian father, you have a lot of rights, among which is access to your child’s medical info. If this continues and you’re continually denied access to your child/his information, you need to get CPS involved and potentially lawyers. This is a mess waiting to happen, but just know that you have rights!
Also, if your child has ever been to Sick Kids or any hospital, you can access those records as a parent and they could have paediatrician info within them, just as an FYI. SickKids has MyChart which is available online to sign up for this.

Comment6: After reading all your comments… is there a chance that your son isn’t yours? Why is she going to such great lengths to prevent you from knowing your son’s medical history? Why is she trying so hard to prevent you from having a relationship with him? Break open her wardrobe locker and get his medical records.
She has no right to keep them from you. She’s going to be pissed off but you should have been too, the second she shut you out of your kid’s care. Do not allow this to continue.

Comment7: A google search says babies can start eating rice from six months onwards and to introduce spices from 6 months. Tumeric seems safe from 9 months.
The only thing to be cautious about is chilli and hot type spices as they can cause tummy upsets. But your child is 3 years old. Something isn’t right here. You say he is only eating soft foods - by this age he should be eating a variety of solids.
Either your kid has a medical issue that your wife isn’t disclosing to you, or your wife has some serious control or other issues.
NTA

Comment8: NTA this is extremely concerning. A 3 year old should be whole ass learning to use utensils by this point, not being spoon fed only mashed foods. Your wife is going to developmentally stunt your son.
I have two three year olds and they entirely feed themselves (mostly) uncut foods. There are of course some exceptions, like sandwiches, hot dogs, and small round food like grapes, but a 3 year old is at extremely low risk for choking on a bean. This is something you need to see a pediatrician about, WITH your wife, before she causes your son permament issues. This post is extremely concerning for so many reasons.

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Update (next day)

As some commenters suggested, I called home a locksmith. He managed to open it and I found the documents.

One of the documents was the birth certificate and it has my name on it. I also found the medical records. He has anemia and also has had an epileptic fit before.

I also found the pediatrician's details along with the medical reports and prescriptions.

But the thing is...... The seizure has never actually happened. Because my son never had a hospital visit that was for so long. I would know if he was hospitalized because then he'd have had to stay at the hospital for at least 2 days.

Also, such a hospitalization would also cost quite a bit so if my wife used our joint account to pay for it, I'd have gotten to know. Which means she probably has another account with enough money to cover our son's expenses that I do not know of.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: That’s fucking weird, dude. I think you need a lawyer.

>OOP: Yes, I currently do not have a lawyer so I'll have to look up some good lawyers as soon as possible.

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Update 2

I just came back from the pediatrician. I had to show a number of id proofs along with the birth certificate because theydidn't believe I was the father since I'd never been to the pediatrician. I had taken the unmarked pills with me and asked the doc what those were.

He said those are seizure medications and that my son had been prescribed those meds by the previous pediatrician but the new pediatrician(the one I went to today) had asked my wife to discontinue the meds. My wife has been giving my son the meds even after the doc had asked her to stop doing so.

I'm thinking what to do next right now. I hid the prescription because I don't want my wife to be buying anymore pills and I handed over the remaining pills to the doctor.

I also did clarify the mashed foods diet of my son with him as well and told him that I and my wife had been giving our son only mashed foods. The doctor said our son's teeth are quite healthy than he would have expected them to be from eating just soft foods. He said to start transitioning into hard foods gradually.

For now, he asked me to give my son something to chew on even if it is just semi hard, for example cooked veggies cut up into small pieces so my soon can still chew but it won't be too hard for him all of a sudden as well.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: Uff. Best of luck. Do you have family in Canada besides wife? Any support network? Wishing the best for you and your son.

>OOP: No one apart from my wife's mom. Her father disappeared when she was a teen.
My parents live in India. I've not visited them for almost 3 years due to covid. In India, the lockdown is going on and off so I didn't want to be stuck there after going to visit my parents.

Additional details:

OOP: I do not want to contact CPS before contacting a lawyer because I need to know what exactly CPS will be doing in this situation and be prepared for that.

>Comment2: CPS will most likely interview yourself and your wife and your son. They do not just take kids away, they will offer opportunities for education especially given your wife's medical neglect. Depending on how deep it goes they may recommend you get custody of your son.
I highly recommend you call both and you leave your wife now.
Edit: As well, you should get a head start on reporting it. Your pediatrician is a mandated reporter and this is classified as medical neglect, they have most likely already called as they legally have to.
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OOP: Ohh ok. I actually thought CPS will just take away my soon and I'll not be able to see him again until the custody gets decided etc.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/davidb1976

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: December 05, 2025

• Final Update: May 18, 2026

---

Main Post

^(December 05, 2025)

---

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here?

My girlfriend of 2 years and I were recently having one of those drunk tell me something shocking conversations. Everything was lighthearted until she dropped something that completely rewrote the origin story of how we became a couple, something I’ve always held as a romantic and somewhat dramatic beginning.

A little over a month into dating, I told her I wanted to be exclusive. Up to that point, everything between us, her behavior, our connection, the way she talked about us, made me feel like she was on the same page. But during that conversation, she suddenly got overwhelmed, said she needed to leave, and basically walked out. I was confused and pretty upset. I went home thinking maybe that was it.

A few hours later, she called, said she wanted to talk, and drove to my place. That night, outside my apartment, in the rain, she told me she did want to be in a committed relationship, and that she had just needed time to “meditate” and collect her thoughts. I took it as a cinematic beginning to our relationship.

That entire story changed during our recent drunk conversation.

She told me that she didn’t go home to reflect, she left to go have sex with a dude. Apparently she met this guy at a party the week we first started going out. They hooked up and the sex was apparently good enough that she had been hitting him up every few days after. My gf is usually pretty blunt but this one hurt to hear, especially in context.

According to her, when I brought up exclusivity, she suddenly realized that if she agreed on the spot, she wouldn’t be able to sleep with him anymore without it being cheating. So she got up, left without an explanation, went to his place, and they had sex for a few hours to get it out of her system. Afterward, she drove straight to my place to officially start our relationship.

She says this wasn’t cheating because TECHNICALLY SPEAKING we weren’t exclusive yet. She also said she never felt guilty about it but didn’t say anything until now because she didn’t want to ruin “the mythology” I’d built around our relationship origin story. A story that I loved bringing up whenever people ask us how we met.

I honestly feel completely blindsided. Even if this wasn’t cheating in the strictest technical sense, it feels like a massive betrayal. It was the fact that she effectively scheduled one last hookup before agreeing to be with me. It makes the beginning of our relationship feel tainted, and it makes me question how she views commitment and honesty.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

ezagreb >She obviously didn’t feel about you the way you felt about her now that might’ve changed in the interim period but that’s the question you should be asking yourself > >OOP >>I suppose that’s what’s been going through my mind since. She is a very sex positive person and just sees sex as something fun people do. So I know this wasn’t a huge value judgement on me she made here by choosing some fun with him at that point.

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RedplazmaOfficial >Ya no id be done. It was so important to her to do that i doubt shes stopped thinking about it even with you now. > >OOP (downvoted) >>Per her, once she’s with someone she’s with them, she doesn’t see herself as a cheater type. I suppose if you consider that evening in the rain the official start, she’s been loyal.

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Valuable-Marzipan761 >Ah that's brutal. The fact is that the sex was so superior that she needed to squeeze one last session in. I'd bail. > >OOP >>We hadn’t had sex at that point, so I don’t think there was a comparison taking place on sex quality then. But yeah, I have had some insecurity thinking about how GOOD it must have been to hit him up in that moment. Honestly haven’t wanted to probe her on that point, would rather not know if that was what brought her back to him. >> >>molson5972 >>>I would also be upset that she meets a dude at the bar and is having sex with him every couple of days. But she made you wait a month plus. This to me would be a major incompatibility about sex and being perceived as a “guy you can have a family with” compared to someone she sexually desires so much. OP has your sex life been active these last 2 years? >>> >>>OOP >>>>She has a high sex drive and we have a great sex life. No concerns on that front. But yeah she did make me wait at the beginning as a relationship check to see how serious I was. Although I wouldn’t really judge her if she was sleeping around in the first week or so when we barely knew each other. Just wish I didn’t find out about this now tbh.

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Sweaty_Knee_7425 >That would be a dealbreaker for me. > >People get so wound up on "technically we weren't exclusive" but I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who was fine with hurting me, didn't give a shit about my feelings, as long as they could get off on a technicality. > >feelinjustpeachyyy >>Perfectly said. There’s something really gross about this girl’s reasoning to me, like she just had to squeeze one last passionate bang with someone else before being “tied down” to OP. I wouldn’t be able to get over this personally. And also if she truly is so sex positive and this wasn’t a big deal to her, why did she feel the need to hide it from him for so long? >> >>OOP >>>I would like to note that she really hasn’t taken this as someone who got caught on hiding something. No guilt since in her mind there wasn’t any cheating and it doesn’t really change the fact that we “officially” began exclusively dating later that night. >>> >>>If anything she’s taken the attitude of a gf whose boyfriend found out her ex had a big dick or something. Like it’s in the past and it’s an insecurity if I ruminate on it.

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wh0wants2kn0w (OOP mentions this comment in update) >How sure r you that this is the full story? Could her plan A have been the other person? Is it possible that she went to see him, had sex, asked him if he wanted to be exclusive, he said no, so she came back to you? > >OOP >>I legitimately hadn’t even thought of this.

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Long_Cause_9428 >Did you guys have sex after she said yes to you? > >OOP >>No we did not, she went home after. Hindsight 20/20 I’m glad we didn’t, would have made me look back at our first time together a lot differently. But on the other hand now I’m thinking that she didn’t want sex because she had already gotten some. I dunno not vibing with any of it right now.

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ThrowRA-SuperCod9654 >Trying to be open minded and helpful here because this exclusivity thing comes strangely to me. To me, I wouldn't have been ok with her sleeping with other people at all while we were dating, unless it was very clear that that was the arrangement, were you ok with it? I think the fact she doesn't think it was a big deal, would show me that we were on very different pages. On the other hand, if she's been the perfect girlfriend since, it's maybe not worth throwing that away over this. Only you can really decide that. I don't think I'd be able to get past it, it just seems like she used a technicality to sleep with someone else and that wouldn't sit well with me, or I suspect most other people. I'd explain how you feel and ask if she'd really be ok if the rules were reversed. > >OOP >>I wasn’t aware she was sleeping with the dude at all until now. But I was hardly under the impression she was exclusive to me after the first date, hence me trying to have the conversation a month in. I wouldn’t have been bothered by finding out the dude existed if their last time had been before that convo and this weird timing thing didn’t happen.

---

Final update - after 5.5 months

^(May 18, 2026)

---

UPDATE: My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here?

I wasn't planning to come back to this. I posted the original mostly because I was going in circles in my own head and couldn't find a single thread on here that exactly matched what I was dealing with. But when I logged back in I was surprised to see how many people saw the post, and honestly the DMs alone were enough to make me type this out. Also found out the post got picked up on other sites which is a weird feeling. Typing this out on phone if formatting is weird I will fix later.

We broke up. A little over a month after the post. I ended it.

For a while it felt like a mistake. Not a I miss her way, more like a constant worry if I'd just let some insecure macho part of my brain torch a two year relationship over something that was actually acceptable. She wasn't a bad girlfriend in many ways. The relationship wasn't bad. That made it harder for me to be honest. I’ve got experience in dumping solidly bad girlfriends.

What actually happened in that month was a cycle. We'd argue about the hookup, eventually get somewhere that felt like real understanding, and then some random thing would surface it again and we'd be back at zero. The back and forth quickly got annoying and toxic.

But that's not what ended it. Something a few commenters mentioned in the original thread stuck with me. A specific detail I had touched on but hadn't really thought through. I did eventually bring it up to her directly and she answered honestly, which I'll give her credit for.

Before they had sex, she had asked him whether he saw any future between them. Not as a condition to sleeping with him apparently, but just probed to double check if he was up for that.

He said no and that he was just looking for casual sex. She slept with him anyway, drove to my apartment later that night, and told me she wanted to be with me.

I sat with that for a long time. On paper it changes nothing about the timeline everyone discussed in the last post. She still came back. She still chose to be with me afterwards. But something about the sequence of it just hollowed me out. She went to him first to get a no before choosing me. Not to mention the whole idea of me sitting at my apartment when this all went down.

Although on that point just to be clear, I’m not a little nice guy and him some sexed up alpha male like some of you guys in the DMs were describing haha. I’m perfectly confident, having honestly gotten too much info from my ex when we talked, that this was simply just another dude in the lineup that she wanted more than me.

But all this resulted in me feeling less like a guy she had wanted and desired, and started me feeling like a second place trophy. That's probably the most honest way I can put it.

For what it's worth, I don't think she's a bad human being. I really don't. But we clearly had completely different wiring around what commitment means and when it starts mattering. She didn't think what she did was a big deal and also seemed to undervalue the emotional value of sex in general in the post relationship analysis I’ve been thinking over.

Breakup itself was painful. She took it hard initially but seems to be doing fine now, seemingly better than me from what I’ve heard from a mutual. I've been pretty numb these last few months. Not in a worrying way to be clear, just going through the motions and it’s getting better every day. I've had bad breakups before and I know what the other side of one looks like, so I'm not too concerned.

A few people from the original post left some genuinely kind comments and I wanted to thank you for that.

I think the thing I keep coming back to is pretty simple. I just want to be someone's first choice. Hopefully that's out there somewhere.

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COMMENTS

becooldocrime >That’s tough, but you absolutely made the right decision. I would feel sick at the thought of that, particularly what would have happened if he hadn’t rejected her. > >OOP >>You worded what I was trying to say in my post even better than I did haha. Like if he said yes would there have even been any effort to ping me for another check in? >> >>When we argued this she tried to tell me that if he said yes then she would have had to really think it over and probably would have chosen me. But I came to realize that was total BS. >> >>Odd_Instruction519 >>>If he had said yes, she'd be with him. But he didn't. Life is full of those little accidents. It doesn't mean she's less into you now. >>> >>>Most people though have the brains to keep quiet about such things. >>> >>>OOP >>>>Hey I get it, I’ve gotten into relationships where I had to close of some half started things I had going on myself. I think when I got into those relationships though, it felt like I was jumping into something more exciting than what the side activity offered me. >>>> >>>>Clearly she didn’t see me this way when we met. Also we aren’t together anymore if that wasn’t clear haha

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Ecstatic-Reply-3356 >Sometimes it isn't a matter or right or wrong, but rather what you're personally ok with and able to live with. So sorry this all went down the way it did, but it honestly sounds like this might be for the best for both of you. All the best in your ongoing healing! > >OOP >>A healthy angle on this. I’ve been trying to take this one. I’m sure she will take a lot of heat in the minds of people who read the post for something plenty of dudes wouldn’t give a shit about. No diss to them at all, I just didn’t want to stay with her given this information.

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cmhwsu02 >I was in your same spot. At about the same age. It will get much better. Just be sure to do the self analysis that time allows. I wish I had done more. You really need to make sure you grow from this. Were there warning signs with her that you missed and why did you miss them????? Very important. Just take the time for self reflection and get better at all of the mistakes that were made....and then....it will be time to be back out there. > >OOP >>In retrospect, I think she telegraphed that she really wanted to keep having fun in her 20s and have hookups rather than be in something more committed. Other than that maybe more time will tell.

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Safe_Abroad7506 >I’ll be honest man I gave up a long time ago thinking that I’m the only dude a girl talks to before the official/exclusive stage. And before I used to be angry but then I accepted it. There always a reason why someone decides to lock it down with you. A little bit of a gray area however you know that you weren’t exclusive so it is what it is. At that point in time you guys weren’t official and honestly unless there was a baby involved or a possible std she should’ve just kept that to herself. Now I will say that it’s a gray area because if you’re planning on locking it down with someone especially if it’s something you’re gonna do in the next couple of days then you really shouldn’t be sleeping around with other people because that creates a lot of unnecessary problems and drama. Versus a situation where she so happened to hookup with someone when she just started talking to you. But hey people are people. > >OOP >>Honestly in the months since all this went down I’ve come to not really worry about the idea of her having sex with the guy as much as it was clear I was the settled for second choice. >> >>Like her sleeping with the dude just signaled to me that he was clearly the goal those days we were moving towards exclusivity. I don’t know if you saw my other comment, but near the end we argued about whether if he had said yes if it would have been a choice between us in her head or an automatic text to me ending what we had. >> >>Now, I feel like after 2 years I would have gotten an over the top “Of course I would have thought it over and chose you!”, but she said she probably would have had to think about it, and she isn’t sure how she would have chosen back then. Which is kinda BS to me because she fucked the guy on a “no”.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Due_Improvement8342

Published on: r/adultery

Thanks to u/huhzonked for the BORU recommendation

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: March 13, 2025

• Final Update: September 22, 2025

NOTE: AP = Affair Partner

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Main Post

^(March 13, 2025)

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Are all affairs this intense so quickly?

I am a 34m and have been married for almost nine years, we have a 13 month old son. My wife is my best friend and we are still having sex, though not as frequently as before baby. I sometimes feel like we are roommates, coparenting. Admittedly, I have not taken to fatherhood in the way I was hoping and a lot of parenting tasks fall on my wife.

Seven weeks ago, I started an affair with a married coworker who has three kids. First affair for both. This coworker is well liked and I find her attractive. She started paying me extra attention, coming into my office regularly, hugging me before I left for the day. I invited her to walk together on lunch and she took me up on it that day. During these walks she would mostly vent about her home life, troubles with her kids and husband. She would tell me how nice and sweet I was for listening to her, she made me feel really good. I also liked that a lot of people seemingly like her, and here she was paying attention to me! She would grab my hand during these walks. The following Monday she worked, I did not. I asked is she still wanted to meet up to walk, she did and I kissed her at the end of the walk. It’s been full throttle since then.

After I kissed her, we had sex for the first time three days later. We have been having sex during lunch breaks at work. And when we are not working I make up elaborate stories to see her. Like helping my brother hang a TV. It’s all been very intense. Two weeks after we started being together she would drop weird things like “im in love with a married man.” She asked that I not refer to my wife as my wife because “it is super triggering for her” and that it makes it sound like she is the side piece. She is very against using an app to communicate because that “screams affair” we do, but she complains about it often.

A week after having sex for the first time she found a conference for me to go to so we could spend actual time together for three nights, we went after being together for 4 weeks. It was a disaster, she was drinking and smoking cigarettes the entire time. One night my wife called to say goodnight, so I stepped away to take the call when I did so AP stormed off and I came back to find AP talking to some dude at the bar. That same night she messaged me on regular iMessage instead of the usual app we use because “she forgot.” She told me she loved me on this trip and I said it back, though I do not think that is true. I love the way she makes me feel and definitely love having sex with her. On the way back from the trip she kept going on how I have to promise I will never leave her for my wife. When we got back into town she almost forgot one of her scarfs in my car but I caught it before she shut the door, additionally I found one of her lipsticks in the door of my car that she had forgotten later on.

Since getting back from the trip two weeks ago it is like gasoline has been put on the fire. She needs a lot of reassurance and constant validation, if I am not at work with her we message all the time and if I don’t reply to her quickly she goes on about how I’m just leaving her for my wife and she can take a hint. She has made statements like “you’re probably still sleeping next to your wife” (I am), “you don’t let your wife see you naked do you?” (I do). Things of this sort.

She said that it’s very important to see her every day so I’m making up crazy excuses to get out of the house to see her. My wife is starting to ask questions “are you feeling okay you’ve been in the bathroom a lot lately” “why didn’t you dump the coffee I made just to go buy some and not drink it” “why did it take so long to go to the store” She has also complained that I have been really disconnected and not present while home.

My AP’s husband apparently saw our messages, she told him everything except who and he is planning to move out. Since then AP has been pressuring me to leave my wife so we can be together “for real.” I have never said I wanted to do this but I have gone along with some seriously declarations of “true love” “never feeling like this about anyone” “nothing could be more perfect than her and what we have.” AP keeps saying things like “it’ll be six months from now and you still won’t have left your wife.”

The thing is, I never wanted to leave my wife but since getting back from our trip things have been so intense and quite frankly I’ve been an asshole to my wife and then she gets upset and I’m like “maybe I do want to leave my wife all we do is fight?!” We have started to have some serious conversations about separation and she is genuinely very concerned about me and where this is coming from and is crying a lot about how our marriage and family is worth fighting for and I can’t just give up. Our last conversation she told me that she wouldn’t hear the word divorce until we actually tried, that the first time she is hearing about a problem she is also hearing about a divorce and she wouldn’t allow that to be how our family ends. I tell my AP some select parts of these conversations to get her off my back so she can see like “see things aren’t so great at my house either.”

AP paints a really nice picture of what being together for real would look like. That I would still see my son 50% of the time, when she had her children. Though, she has two different fathers for her kids and my son is still breastfed and has literally never not been with my wife except for the odd appointment here and there and I would have him. And when we didn’t have our kids we could just be together doing whatever we wanted. AP thinks I should just tell my wife the truth and that after some time my wife will be okay with it and we can all get along. AP does not know my wife, my wife WOULD coparent amicably because she is a really good mom and that would be what was best for our son. But, it would be a cold day in hell before she lets AP sit at her table if she knew the actual start of our relationship. My wife is also not stupid.

I just don’t know what to do, something’s is going to give if I don’t make some serious choices. AP is laying on the pressure and wife is asking me to keep trying, if she isn’t suspicious yet, she will be soon. She has asked if there was someone else, but seemed to drop it.

So, what is it Reddit? Is my life about to explode?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Dreammmyyyyyyyy >Holy shit. I didn't even make it all the way. This woman is ruining your life and you are going along with it and you haven't taken to fatherhood like you hope you would have. Get it together, bro. Seriously. Drama. Holeeeeee shit. > >OOP >>How do you suggest I navigate this? I was not expecting this to be so intense, though I can see how AP was showing her intentions early on and I ignored them. The day after we had sex for the first time she asked “you aren’t just using me for sex, you want an actual relationship?” How do you say “well actually, yes I am just using you for sex” >> >>I don’t know if you tell you self something for long enough you start to believe it.

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THATbitch124 >She’s going to blow up your life and soon. Grow a pair and stop letting this train wreck of a woman dictate your every move. I also suggest you at least TRY to be a father to your very young child and make it work with your wife because it’s not going to be any easier when you have him every other weekend either all by yourself or with a psycho gf who is jealous of the attention you give him. > >OOP >>As I have learned more about affairs I am starting to suspect that maybe AP was seeking an exit affair and she thinks I am a soft place to land. She makes a lot of comparisons between herself and my wife. >> >>For example my wife is a SAHM, which I’ve never had a problem with and actually think is best for our son and AP will make comments about how she works full time and is the breadwinner and takes care of her kids. I just don’t know how this all escalated so quickly.

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HereWeGoAgain0123 >My dude, get a firehose and put out this dumpster fire while there is maybe a slight chance you still can. In not a single corner of the multiverse does this end well with the AP. > >OOP >>I’m not entirely sure AP’s husband does actually know and AP isn’t just using that as a manipulation tool. Like she will jump after I do sort of thing. I just know that if I found out my wife was having an affair I wouldn’t be as cool as he seems to be acting.

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Tisjustforfun2 >His AP is the clearly a bunny boiler. Think the movie Fatal Attraction. > >OOP >>What is a bunny boiler and how do you know AP is one? I also love bomb her and mirror things she says to me like true love and a connection unlike anything I’ve experienced. I don’t actually feel these things but AP really likes to hear them. >> >>Tisjustforfun2 >>>Watch the movie Fatal Attraction. The AP boils the family pet bunny. Thus A bunny boiler is an AP who get so obsessive she starts to take physical actions to hurt the family if her lover. I hope your AP doesn’t go that far, but if you are not a troll, then you have some work to do to extract yourself from this situation. >>> >>>You are playing with fire especially leading her on. Best option is a slow retreat

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Worth_Energy_6619 >Sorry dude, but you’re naive to think she won’t just do it again with someone else when she’s bored with you. She already has two baby daddy’s. And those are just the guys she let come inside her. Who knows who she hasn’t told you about. > >Question for you… what makes you so special to think she won’t do it again once your sex becomes boring? She’s looking for a rush, and once she has you, that rush goes away and the relationship problems start all over again. > >Do you want to do this all over again in 7 years with a new coworker? How will this lady take that news? > >OOP >>I guess I just take her word for it, but I know that I am lying to her about my feelings and definitely embellishing my home life to fit what she wants to hear, but I honestly try to not talk about it. She brings it up and is always talking poorly about her husband and when she can slip it in my wife.

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kinxnwinx >OP, are you trolling? > >AnxiousAvoidant584 >>Not a chance in hell anyone posted—THAT—thinking they were going to get sympathy and kind advice. Has to be a troll. >> >>OOP >>>Not looking for sympathy at all, I mostly am just trying to understand what is going on. Do all affairs escalate this quickly, like not lifestyle affair but ones that sort of just happen? I have no idea how I ended up here in just seven weeks. I went from “I wonder what she’s like in bed” to telling her she could park her car in my garage so she didn’t have to get the snow off. What’s the psych going on here?

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Final update - after 6 months

^(September 22, 2025)

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Divorce Finalized Today

About six months ago I came to this sub looking for explanations of these reckless and intense feelings I was have for my then AP of six weeks. Her and I were mirroring each other, love bombing, future faking, the whole lot. The dopamine rush felt so good, I thought maybe I could feel like that all the time, maybe I should peruse these feelings out into the real world.

This sub dragged me pretty hard, and I was deserving of it. Many people made predictions of how it would all explode, that was AP was crazy, that I was going to get caught, that I was an idiot, all of these true. While I was off in some fantasy world thinking how wonderful it would be to be with this person who seemed utterly obsessed with me, my (now ex) wife was getting all her ducks in a row, and presented me with divorce papers a few days following my post.

My wife discovered my affair TWO WEEKS before she served me papers, she found out on her own. She was playing chess, while I was playing checkers. Many here suspected that my AP was going to blow it all up and tell my wife, and if more time had passed I think she would have. I later discovered a lipstick and hair holder in my car that she left behind, and she called me on my phone number one night because she “forgot” we were using the app. Though, we had never talked outside of it before. So, yes it was only a matter of time.

The fallout and aftermath was pretty gruesome and I knew immediately that I was going to try to reconcile with my wife. AP thought that since my wife found out that her and I were going to be together, when I informed her otherwise the next day she was late for her period. She later told me she miscarried. I do not know what story is true here. I do know that her husband was in contact with my wife and he told my wife that he suspected she was intentionally trying to get pregnant as he saw her birth control and apparently hadn’t been taking it for weeks. He also told my wife that when he saw this (after discovery) she took a test in front of him and it was negative.

AP was very unhappy with the way everything shook out, and to be fair I told her I wanted to be with her. I just didn’t think it would actually ever be a check I had to cash. There was a lot of drama, work got involved and AP was fired. She had some fire able behavior happening and it is my belief that when her husband called HR to report the affair, in the investigation the fire able offenses came to light and work decided to make the problem go away by that reasoning.

Also, I would like to make note that AP told on herself to her husband. She said she wanted a clean break and told him everything, right down to my (wife’s) address. AP could have rode off, scratch free with him none the wiser. I wasn’t going to tell him and my wife had decided against it because she wanted me safe and my job safe stating “angry people make angry decisions.” He later reached out to my wife just to make her aware.

Anyway, my wife gave me ONE chance and reconciliation with very clear boundaries and guidelines and I squandered it away. AP called me and I just couldn’t not know why she was calling. It was a pointless phone call with no substance. I deleted the traces of it. Wife found out and I lied. I came home from work to the locks changed, suitcases packed and a hotel reservation taped to them. She remained steadfast on the road to divorce since.

I came out of the affair fog and out of the protective bubble of the affair and quickly realized that my relationship with AP was not based on any reality and we had no actual real world compatibility whatsoever. I put her on a pedestal and idealized her. I got the best bits of her and she me. When I really started to reflect on all of this it was very clear to me that what I liked about AP had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. I liked that she made me feel sexy, I liked that she made me feel wanted and important and I loved when she validated me and I could do no wrong. I wasn’t a bad guy for forgetting diapers on the way home, my wife was inconsiderate to ask me to do that after a long day. (I don’t agree with this, just providing an example). I liked getting the dopamine hits from her and I liked she was jealous of my wife, like I was a prize to be cherished.

Now, I am divorced. Taking some time to work through some stuff in therapy, focusing on trying to be a strong coparent and really lean into being a dad, a good one. My ex wife was fair in the divorce but she did not yield in the least. She will likely continue to be a stay at home mom until our son starts school, even after custody is established at 50/50 (he is still being breastfed and I am not pushing early weaning), she has the marital home, and for some I’m sure symbolic reason, INSISTED she have my car.

I have a lease on a two bedroom apartment, paying alimony and child support and now looking for a new car. I am doing okay, and every day is a little better but today really sucks.

&nbsp;

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/throwra_notrad

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Previous BORUs:

• BORU-1 by u/SharkEva - June 11, 2025

• BORU-2 by u/dualportaldestinies - August 17, 2025

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 04, 2025

• Update 1: June 10, 2025

• Update 2: August 17, 2025

• Update 3: May 02, 2026 [NEW UPDATE]

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Main Post

^(June 04, 2025)

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AITAH for saying if my wife wants to be a trad wife then she must always look her best, wait on me, and provide sex without question when asked?

I’m 35 and my wife is 40. We’ve been together 15 years. The last couple of years she’s really fell down the trad wife black hole and it’s driving me crazy. At first it started off with her saying she doesn’t want to work anymore and lately it has escalated to saying men who make their wives work are abusive.

We both have well paid jobs. I’m a self employed builder with a team and earn around £100k a year. She works in management for the NHS and earns around £50k a year. We both work (I guess I should say worked for her) really hard and have no kids and three years ago managed to pay our mortgage off and lived in a nice enough area where I would have happily stayed forever. She however suddenly wanted a massive house that we didn’t need. I should have saw what was coming. She was looking at £700k houses which would require a mortgage of £500k after we sold our house.

I gave in and we bought a house. She then wanted a new car which again I caved to and she got a car that is worth more than she earns a year. She then decided she didn’t want to work anymore. She said her job was crap and I said take a lower paid one then that you’ll enjoy more. She said no. She just doesn’t want to work full stop. She also doesn’t want to give up anything she has. Over the past couple of years it has been obvious she is trying to lose her job without leaving despite me saying that I can’t afford the house and car and holidays on my own.

She started bringing this trad wife crap up but said she’d want to hire a cleaner as the house is too big for her to clean alone and she prefers my cooking to hers so I’ll still do all the cooking! So I said you basically want to dress up pretty and bake the odd cake. She stormed off and said I don’t get it.

She again brought it up yesterday and I said fine she can do it but she’s got to get up before me and make sure my breakfast is ready like in the videos she watches. she’s got to be dressed as a sexy version of a 50s housewife like in the videos she watches from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I close them. The house must be spotless at all times like in the videos she watches. I want huge packed lunches for work like in the videos she watches. I want to come home and have beautiful pies and cakes ready for pudding like in the videos she watches. I want a bath ran for when I get in and then come down to a proper meal every night like in the videos she watches. I then want a foot rub while I eat the cakes and pies she makes like in the videos she watches. I also want sex on demand, how I want it when I want it, like in the videos she watches.

She called me abusive, a user, sexist etc and stormed out to her equally delusional sisters house (don’t get me started on her). I’ll be honest I’m ready for divorce if this carries on.

AITAH?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Casual-J >Get the divorce, mate. It’ll be cheaper and less stressful than dealing with a crazy wife every minute of the day and night. It’s not about the ’tradwife’ lifestyle, she simply doesn’t want to work. She merely wants to sit on her backside, enjoy the things she has badgered you into paying for, and do nothing. There is a lot of this kind of crazy going around. It won’t get any better either. What will it be next? Vacations on the French Riviera? A bigger, nicer, (more expensive) car? The list goes on and on. > >OOP >>I am leaning this way mate. I think a divorce is more likely than anything else at this moment in time. Luckily she’s afraid of flying so I’ve managed to avoid the expensive holidays apart from the odd Eurostar trip to Paris. She’s makes me feel like a ten pound millionaire though trying to be something we aren’t. I know we are better off than most but we don’t earn footballers money which is what I think she aspires to. >> >>JediFed >>>You were crazy to agree to the 700k house. You'll be ok, but it makes things so much tougher. If she wanted that, why not save up with the old house and then work up to the new one and both of you work together? >>> >>>OOP >>>>That’s what I suggested. With my job we could have bought a cheese house, done it up and made some money and then moved upwards slowly and stayed debt free. I have modified our house a bit and it’s probably worth £800k now but it’s still not a nice feeling having such a big mortgage and knowing she wants me to cover it alone.

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shyfidelity (downvoted) >It’s so weird that “trad wife” is even enough of a thing to inspire so many weird fake posts > >OOP >>Ok mate. For the record I have no problem with stay at home partners. It’s the expectations of my wife I have a problem with. And also her gullibility for falling for the stupid TikTok videos.

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Delicious-Charity334 >Definitely not the AH. Could y'all go for marital counseling or sum? > >OOP >>I’ve asked she is not interested in the slightest.

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Medical-Pie-1481 >You have no kids, escape quick before there's a 'sunrise pregnancy' and you're trapped > >OOP >>We haven’t had sex for a year I doubt that surprise will be happening lol.

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Horrorbbscreams >I don’t have any issue with a woman wanting to be a trad wife and wanting to stay home and be soft and feminine I guess, but she does have to contribute to the relationship somehow and correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t being a trad wife entail domestic contribution? Cooking and cleaning are part of the role no? > >I take a lot more issue with her desire to spend all your money to live above your means AND not contributor in any meaningful way. > >She doesn’t want to be a trad wife she wants to be a sugar baby. Divorce her and set her free. Let’s see if she successfully finds herself the sugar daddy of her dreams. > >OOP >>I agree with you completely. I have no problem with it if it’s an affordable lifestyle. If we stayed at our old house I could afford it. Now we have a £2500 a month mortgage and £700 car payments! That’s 32k a year straight away! >> >>I think she wants to be a sugar baby but I don’t want to be a sugar daddy! I want an equal partner.

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Medusa-1701 >So what you mean to say is that you pay yourself a salary of 100k per year, being self-employed, and you invest the rest back into the business, correct? How much does your actual business make? I'm curious to know that yearly number. How successful is your business? You must be making a profit, yes, if you take such a large salary!?? I'm just curious to know more. > >OOP >>Once the lads are paid, the rent on the yard is paid, the bills are paid I’ll split what’s left and pay myself half and leave the other half in the business. Some years i earn £70k, last year I earned around £150k. May was a bad month however due to a job that should have brought in around 50k, the last payment of a 150k job, have told me they have gone bust. So the lads got paid, the bills got paid, I didn’t get paid. >> >>The business account has just shy of £700k in it

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Update 1 - after 6 days

^(June 10, 2025)

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UPDATE: AITAH for saying if my wife want to be a tradwife she must always look her best, wait on me, and provide sex without question when asked?

I’d like To answer a few questions from my first post before an update.

No my requests were not serious and I can’t believe how many people thought they were. It was me trying to prove a point of how ridiculous she is being. Like I said in the comments I don’t want a maid or a slave I want a partner.

Before my wife got on this train she was a very ambitious, career driven person who wanted to climb to the top. She was never really on social media until the pandemic. The trad wife thing started a couple of years ago.

A lot of people suggested couples counselling. I’ve asked many times and always get the same response “I don’t need counselling there’s nothing wrong with me”.

On to the update. We spoke Saturday morning and I told her that I can’t go on like this. I said to her bluntly the trad wife thing is never happening and she either accepts it and we go to couples counselling or we split up. I’m don’t dancing around her bullshit. She chose to split up. I asked her if she even really wanted to be a trad wife or if she’s just trying to force me away, like she’s trying to force her job to sack her because she doesn’t have the balls to quit herself. She said yes she does and there’s plenty of dating sites that cater to this dynamic. I told her I’d seen them and they are more sugar daddy dynamics and without being horrible she’s too old for that.

This set her off. She said I’m wrong and that I’m the one who can’t support my wife so I’m the bad one in the marriage and a real man would be able to give her the life she wants. She was shouting and screaming this at the top of her lungs. It’s about the only time I’ve been glad to be in our new house so the neighbours didn’t hear. I got a bit petty at the real man comment and said “you can’t cook, you can’t clean and you don’t have sex, what part of being a trad wife do you offer?” I then stole a comment from my last post and said she doesn’t want to be a trad wife she wants to be a trophy wife.

She just said I’m unbelievable and has gone to her sisters again. I’m going to take the next couple of weeks and start talking to a divorce lawyer to see what this entails. Then once this ball has got rolling I’m fucking off to Portugal for a couple of weeks to myself.

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COMMENTS

Marine_olive76 >Yeah, you two are just not compatible. Good luck with your journey towards finding your other half, who will actually discuss things with you instead of name-calling and gas-lighting. > >OOP >>Agreed. It’s heartbreaking. I miss the woman my wife was so much. She was an inspiration to me. >> >>abzhanson >>>That's so sad :( was there anything you can think of that might have triggered her change? >>> >>>OOP >>>>The pandemic when she started spending all day on social media and then seeing her niece make half a million a year from onlyfans. It turned her bitter.

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Lambsenglish >Trying to be a trad wife in the UK? Social media will destroy us all. > >DuckSaxaphone >>I mean none of this is real right? >> >>If it is, she's had a mental crisis of some kind and needs help. This isn't even just obnoxious idiot behaviour. It's manic destruction of her entire life, sabotaging her career and marriage. >> >>OOP >>>Ive offered her tons of help. She isn’t interested. Shes been watching too much Tik Tok and seen her niece making half a million a year from onlyfans and thinks the world suddenly owes her a living and a lifestyle. Shes bitter because she works (worked) hard and sees all these people living a fake life on social media and has fallen for it. This isn’t mental health problem it’s a bitterness and jealousy problem.

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Truewitch26 (downvoted) >She changed her views and communicated that to you and chose to split up. I don’t get what you are bitter about tbh… > >OOP >>I’m bitter I lost the woman I love. I’m bitter we took a half a million pound mortgage only for her to announce a couple of months later she no longer wants to work and I’ve got to shoulder that responsibility alone to keep a roof over our heads. I’m bitter that when I said I wasn’t comfortable with that I was labelled an abuser. >> >>tender_abuse >>>what parts of her personality made you fall in love when she's obviously a selfish narcissistic dumbass >>> >>>not trying to be snarky, genuinely curious, it's scary to think these personality traits could be hidden until you're well into a marriage >>> >>>OOP >>>>She was loving, funny, sweet, kind, fun, ambitious, work hard play hard woman, she was daring and confident. The pandemic came, she spent all day watching videos on her phone and just became really bitter with life and people.

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Truewitch26 (downvoted) >Well, I see your point but you said she was changing for years. Especially because economic crisis hit I can see that she tries for a different approach. Maybe you asked a bit too much of what she could handle. > >OOP >>I didn’t ask anything. She asked for more. She wanted a bigger house and a nicer car. She’s the one who wanted to stop having sex and said if she ever wanted ANY physical contact she’d initiate and I’m not allowed to. She’s the one who asked for everything. I never asked for anything.

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XxxDarkSasukexx >In my opinion, in this situation he should tell everyone that can understand his side of the story before she does. > >Because when she WILL label him as an abuser to other, he's done. > >OOP >>I’ve got 100s of messages and links she’s sent me saying exactly what she wants to do with her life so she can’t lie about me for long.

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laurenj1992 >She just wants everything handed to her on a plate without effort! You’ll be carrying all the weight and she thinks that’s normal. She provides nothing a “tradwife” does, not one single thing. Cooking, cleaning, children, intimacy are all non existent so I just don’t get it. Chances are it’s a midlife crisis brought on by doomscrolling the net for too long! > >She’ll end up in a crappy flat, on universal credit benefits, which commitments to actively search for work or be cut off. I’m sure being with you and pulling her weight is a far better option. Is she even attractive? Does she even bother with her appearance like a “tradwife” does? > >OOP >>She used to be very attractive but, I feel awful saying this, she’s had a lot of lip fillers, Botox, fake boobs and she’s lost a lot of her looks. I look at photos of her from 4-5 years ago and she was glowing with happy eyes and a beautiful smile. Now it’s all gone. I look at her twin sister, who she calls old looking, and I think she looks so fresh.

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Update 2 - after 74 days (after 68 day from last post)

^(August 17, 2025)

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UPDATE 2: AITAH for saying if my wife wants to be a tradwife she always look her best, wait on me, and provide sex without question when I ask?

I’m 35 my ex wife is 40 and we have no kids.

About two and a half months ago I posted about my wife leaving me because I refused to live the tradwife lifestyle.

In my original post I mentioned the big house and car she got me in debt for over half a million pounds and then decided she didn’t want to work anymore.

Starting with the car. After she left I took half our savings and half the money in our joint account and put it in my own bank account. I told her to take the rest (around £60k) and she can either pay off the car with the money or keep the money and I’ll take the car back as it’s in my name. She said neither she’s keeping both. This has been a struggle that ended with me having to ring the police to assist me in taking the car back. I got there and the police were already there. My ex was crying, the two police officers looked at me like I was a piece of shit, my sister in law was shouting “yeah take her independence and go back to your mansion while she sleeps in the spare room” the neighbours were all out looking. I very nearly caved and told her to just keep it but it’s £1.5k a month I can’t warrant. I took it, sold it, and had to pay £12000 difference in what I owed on it. I’ll be honest I was expecting worse.

Now the house. We paid £700k for it with 200 down. I’ve spent about 100 on it doing it up and when I got valued I was pleasantly surprised at £1m and even more surprised that within two weeks of it going on the market it’s sold to one of my neighbours! A lovely Indian family who had asked me to work on their house but they said it’s just easier to move in to mine! They do however want me to build a granny annexe on the side once they’ve completed the purchase. That’ll be another couple of months yet but we’ll both walk away with around £250k each and I’ll be looking to buy a house for around £200k so I’ll be back to mortgage free and debt free in a couple of months!

On to my wife. She’s still living at her sisters and as far as I’m aware hasn’t found anyone who wants a 40 year old tradwife who doesn’t cook, clean, or have sex. She has asked me back twice but I’ve said no. One was a drunken proposition the other one more heartfelt. It’s too late now though. We’ve already started the divorce proceedings and that should be done early next year.

All I’ve been doing is working and plodding along. Nothing else I really can do. I thought I’d update because I still get 10-20 messages a week asking how I’m doing and I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

313378008135 (downvoted) >Taking half the money before the divorce financial remedy settlement isn't wise. > >If she spends her half completely and rocks up to financial remedy hearing with nothing to her name, she's still entitled to half of what's in husband's account as it was earned as a matrimonial asset. Doesn't matter who spent what before the hearing. Its what's available in the pot and what debt there is on the day of the hearing, along with future housing needs. > >OOP >>Here in the uk I’ve been assured that the documents we signed when we split are legally binding and cannot be contested.

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Firecracker048 >>On to my wife. She’s still living at her sisters and as far as I’m aware hasn’t found anyone who wants a 40 year old tradwife who doesn’t cook, clean, or have sex. > >Wants the benefits, none of the work > >OOP >>As someone said on my other post. She wants to be a trophy wife not a trad wife.

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mynameisnotsparta >NTA. > >Glad that you unwound yourself but sorry it had to come to this. > >Is her sister a housewife? Does her sister work? Have money? > >I have been reading your posts and comments and have to say that what your wife saw on social media is what people want her to see. People drop videos and build a brand to monetize it. Those trad wives on TikTok? They work at and have assistants, etc. > >OOP >>Sister is a single mum who lives on benefits. >> >>TurkeyBLTSandwich >>>when do you think your former sister in law will start getting your ex to starting paying her share? especially when she finds out she has about 310k euros just sitting in a bank account? >>> >>>OOP >>>>Knowing my sister in law that is why she took my sister in.

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Moondiscbeam >I hate to ask, but has she seen a doctor or examined because this seems like erratic behaviour. > >OOP >>Yeah she’s been for all sorts of tests etc and all clear. >> >>Moondiscbeam >>>Including a tumor? Goodness, she is just stupid then. >>> >>>OOP >>>>Yep full health scan. I did it under the guise of we need it doing for life insurance on the big house. She came up completely clean.

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NEW UPDATE

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Update 3 - after 11 months (after 8.5 months from last post)

^(May 02, 2026)

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UPDATE 3: AITAH for saying if my wife wants to be a tradwife she must always look her best, wait on me, and provide sex without question when I ask?

I’m 36 ex wife is 41. No kids involved.

This all started about a year ago. I still have people asking for updates which really appreciate so I’ll post one here. I tried on AITAH but for some reason it wouldn’t post. I don’t know if I’ve been banned or something. I’ll post on my profile and hope people see it.

So the divorce is now finalised. We agreed to split the profits from the house and we’d have got about £230k each after fees etc. Then about a week before it was all ready to go through she decided she as entitled to half my business too. She argued she help me grow it and I couldn’t do it without her. When challenged she didn’t even know the address for the yard and couldn’t name a single one of my employees. Didn’t prove anything though and it was getting messy and looking like I’d have to give her something because it started and grew while we were married. In the end we agreed she could keep all the spare money from the sale of the house and we’d call it quits at that.

My plans to buy a cheaper house with half the equity from the house and live mortgage free were now up in smoke. I left with no money from the house I paid for and modernised and shed already had half the bank account and half the savings and I had to pay 12 grand out of my own pocket when I cancelled the finance agreement on her that I was paying for.

Feeling down I did something spontaneous. I bought a plot of land, moved a big static caravan on there and lived in there while I’m building my own house on my own plot of land. There’s no rush to do it and I can just plod along at my own pace.

My ex is still living with her sister but also has a young boyfriend in Egypt she met on holiday so is spending her time between her sisters and there. She doesn’t work still is just living on the half a million or so she got from me.

I don’t really do much other than work and build my house. Just trying to rebuild my life. The lads at work really help me they are a great bunch. They keep trying to set me up on dates etc but I’m a bit too scared I think. I’ve not really spoke to anyone since it all happened. A couple of women on here messaged me and sent me some helpful pictures which I appreciated though so thank you for that lol.

All in all thank you everyone for your kind words and reaching out you all really helped me and made me realise I wasn’t going crazy.

Thank you 🙏

&nbsp;

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user liteliya2

Original: Aug 1, 2025

Update: Aug 8, 2025

Status: concluded

Note: OOP posted in r/ amithekameena sub (the AITA sub equivalent in India Reddit space).
So YTA is YTK and so on.
OOP used initials; replaced with names for easier read.

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Original: WIBTK (Would I Be The Kameeni) if I don’t invite one of my best friends to my bachelorette night because of her controlling husband?

I (28F) am getting married soon and planning a night out with my 4 closest friends my chosen bridesquad since college. Think dancing, drinks, and one last wild night before shaadi* season swallows me whole.
[* translation -- wedding]

Here’s the issue: one of these friends, let’s call her Maya, got married a year ago and ever since then has basically disappeared from our lives. Her husband is extremely controlling . she doesn’t drink (which is totally fine), but beyond that, he doesn’t “allow” her to go out at night at all. As in, she once skipped a 7 PM dinner because he said no.

The rest of us (including another married friend) are very independent and wouldn’t tolerate that kind of control, so it’s been frustrating to watch her fade into this new version of herself. She hardly meets us anymore, and whenever we plan something, there’s always a “let me ask him” vibe.

Now for the bachelorette ,I really wanted all my girls there. It would’ve meant something to me. We planned a club night (which I want), and Maya immediately said she can’t come because her husband wouldn’t approve. Fine . disappointing, but okay.

But THEN she suggested we scrap the whole plan and just do a brunch instead, so it’s “easier” for her. I’m sorry, but I’m not rearranging my bachelorette to suit the comfort zone of a man I don’t even like. We wouldn’t force her to drink or dance or do anything she’s uncomfortable with .we just wanted her there. But if she can’t come, that’s on her, right?

So WIBTK if I just don’t invite her at all at this point?

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Comments:

Comment1: Nope. Why dont u have a brunch as a bridal shower and the club scene as your bachelorette though ? Just tell Maya ud like her to come but if she cant then too bad.

>OOP: Yeah I thought of doing something like that, but the issue is Maya doesn’t want to be left out. She feels that it’s unfair of us to have a party without her since we’re best friends

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Comment2: I'm sorry to say this but she sounds nothing like a friend & completely like an daily soap nanand* 😭 You guys must really love her to continue to hold on to her, bcs most people would drop such a person like hot plate.
[* refers to evil sister-in-law trope in telenovelas -- typically jealous, spoiled and cooking up schemes]

>OOP: Ik, she wasn’t like this before. We’ve been best friends for over 15 years so I don’t want to drop her but she’s changed a lot since marriage

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Comment3: Most people don't opt for divorce in India and most men who are controlling like that will never change. So she's probably made her peace with that life.

I was once controlled like that to an extreme level by an ex during college, and I struggled to leave due to emotional manipulation and also due to the fact that he would chase me around until I agreed to patch up again.

I was also having vitamin deficiencies at that time and would constantly fall asleep during class. My classmates/"friends" (more like acquaintances though) all dropped me since they got fed up of my lack of presence. I didn't hold it against them either, I understood.

Since you have a 15 year friendship, I understand not wanting to drop her, but it would be best for her to get some similar conservative bahu* type friends of her age, who she can socialize with during the day time and bitch about their in-laws together.
[* refers to the trope of doormat daughter-in-law in telenovelas]

Being friends with you 4 with just make her more resentful that she doesn't have similar freedom and that negativity will seep into your lives as well whenever you make plans.

You can have the brunch for now along with the club night, and just make it simple and clear that you won't cancel it for her. Don't give in to arguements and negotiations. But in future, it would be better if you guys met and don't inform her at all, unless the timings will be possible for her. That kind of negativity can be draining.

>OOP: That’s the issue though, she’s also upset that we meet and go out without her in general. We used invite her most of the time but it’s always impossible for her. She’s only available between 3-6 pm on the days when she is available and that timing does not work for the rest of us, we have jobs
I don’t understand her logic that we should all meet or else not meet at all

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Comment4: OP & friends are past the age to need parental permission for small plans. That is one of the good things about growing up.
It shouldn't be OP's responsibility that instead of adulting, her friend just found a new weird daddy. The problem is the friend trying to make it everyone else's problem. She needs to grow up & either show up or opt out.

>OOP: Can’t call him a new sugar daddy when he doesn’t even let her spend any money. Guy is the biggest miser I know

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Comment5: Invite her, if she chooses not to come it's her choice. Atleast you wouldn't have any regrets of deliberately excluding her.
I do feel sorry for her though, she reminds me of my father's friend who basically did this and after she had a kid made her quit her job forced her to become a housewife. She has basically no support system now, losing all her friends and him barring her from meeting her parents. YWNBTK either way, it's your friend's call to blame you or her husband.

>OOP: She’s def gonna blame me cuz her husband can never be wrong 😑 but can’t help it now

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Update 0.5

Edit - thank you for all your comments, some of your supportive comments really helped deal with my anxiety.

A lot of people are suggesting doing both a club night and a brunch so Maya can be included. Just to clarify, I have no issue doing brunch with her. I’m open to seeing her separately anytime, and I’ve tried to keep including her ever since she got married.

But the problem isn’t that I’m refusing to include her .it’s that she didn’t suggest doing both. She’s very clearly asking us to cancel the night out altogether and only do a brunch, because her husband and in-laws don’t approve of her going out at night.

That’s what I’m frustrated about. This is my bachelorette, and I don’t want to reshape the whole thing around someone else’s restrictions.

And just for context ever since she got married, Maya hasn’t been trying to accommodate us at all. She doesn’t work and is generally free during the day, but I work long hours and finish after 8. Still, whenever we try to plan something, she always insists on meeting on a weekday before 6, and then complains that we don’t make time for her.

If we suggest dinner, she usually cancels. She doesn’t join weekend brunches because her husband is home, and he doesn’t let her do dinners unless he’s invited too.

The last two times I met her, I had to leave work early and plan everything around her. And even after all of that, she’s not willing to be flexible for my bachelorette. That’s where the frustration is coming from.

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Update (week later)

Hi again, and thank you so much for all the thoughtful comments on my original post. I wanted to share a final update now that things have played out more.

After I told Maya about the bachelorette plans, she completely ghosted me. No replies to messages, no calls, nothing. I let it go, but one of my bridesmaids, Nina, ended up calling her to ask if she was coming or not because we needed to finalize bookings.

That’s when Maya said she felt we were being unreasonable. She told Nina that her husband strongly feels we should just do a brunch instead of a night out, and that hanging out until 6 PM is more than enough. She said we weren’t being understanding about her situation with her in-laws and that we should change the plan to accommodate that.

Now here’s the important part. Nina told her that we can definitely do a brunch too, and I’d be more than happy to. No one is excluding her. But she also said it would be really nice if Maya could make it for the club night too, since it’s my bachelorette and that’s the plan I’ve chosen.

That’s when Maya started crying and said we were being unfair. She told Nina that we weren’t understanding her situation, and that she doesn’t want us to have a night celebration at all. She said if she can’t be part of the night, then we shouldn’t have it. And then she said the only way she might be able to come to the club night is if her husband is invited too. Yes, she actually said that. To my bachelorette. On a girls’ night. At a club.

At this point I honestly don’t know what to say anymore.

I’ve tried so hard to include her in everything. A few weeks ago I reached out to her to get her opinion on wedding dresses and planning details. She didn’t even make the time to meet me or check in. She’s been distant for months and I’ve been the one trying to keep her involved. But now it feels like she’s not just stepping back from the friendship, she’s trying to control what I do as well.

I am sad and disappointed. I miss the friend she used to be. But I’m also tired. There’s a lot going on in my life right now, and I don’t have the energy to keep making space for someone who doesn’t show up for me and expects everyone else to revolve around her husband’s preferences.

So I’ve decided I’m not reaching out to her again. Once we finalize the club night, I’ll send her the invite out of courtesy. If she wants to come, great. If not, that’s fine too. But I’m done bending, done chasing, and done feeling guilty for wanting a celebration that’s actually about me.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: Some relations come with an expiry date.
Your relationship with her is one of them.
It was good till it lasted but it's time to bid goodbye..
Don't even rethink..
It's your wedding and the events around..
Please do it your way...
Congratulations on your wedding.

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Comment2: Why can't her husband be accommodating. Why is she asking three women completely unrelated to him to agree to his commands. And be allowed to the bachelorette party. Why does he want to ruin a girls night. The audacity some men have.
Your friend really needs to stand up to her husband. Imagine not letting your wife spend time with her own friends. Things will only be worse, if she let him treat her like that.

>OOP: Ikr. I honestly hate that guy and she doesn’t stand up to him at all. Instead will keep fighting with us for him so there’s no point anymore. For her, whatever he says now is like the ultimate truth, it’s actually sickening.
She even said not too long ago she cannot “disobey” her husband for religious reasons. She was never even religious before marriage. Since then i try not to give her any advice because it’ll always be some weird shit like this

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Comment3: Maybe send the invite and try explain your POV (in writing) for deciding to go ahead with the club night. Sometimes expressing oneself with written words helps land the message better. Worst case, Atleast you will get your closure that you tried your best. Good luck 😄

>OOP: Already dropped her a long text in writing, how it’s important to me and this is possibly the last time we all get to hang out like this (other friend is moving to US early next year), I’m also moving away after my wedding so this could really be the last time all of us get to hang out together in the same city (because her husband is def never going to allow her to travel outside town to meet any of us, I didn’t mention this part in the text but this is reality).
I wrote a really heartfelt msg, we were also willing to do it on a date that works best for her.
And she just ghosted me. Hasn’t called till date so f this. I’m done with her

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Comment4: Just because your friend can’t take a stand for herself and lets herself be controlled by her husband (in a way it’s not her fault too, but that’s another topic) you don’t need to cancel your plans especially when you have agreed for the brunch. She can stop being an ass and making it about herself by asking you to either cancel your night plan or invite her asshole of a husband too.

Edit: I re read the entire thing again and I realised she is being emotionally abused and controlled by her husband AND in laws. Feel bad for her but she needs to fight her way out of this relationship but I think she doesn’t realise it yet. It’s a tricky situation given she is close with you, but you’re NTK, you’re allowed to have your fun for YOUR bachelorette.

>OOP: How is it not her fault though? Nobody forced her to marry the guy. She married him and got herself into this situation KNOWING very well how he is and how his family is
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Comment4: Ok if she knew all this and still married him then she is just dumb. What’s the point of education when you will only let go of your free will and independence. She should grow a spine and divorce his ass.
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OOP: She doesn’t have a spine to stand up to him, what will she divorce lol. She’s going to put up with it her entire life and also subject future kids to it

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Comment5: Dont send her an invite to the bachelorette at the club . She will bring her husband who will use this as an occasion to flirt with the ladies and be a nuisance and completely ruin the vibe. If you send her the invite, she is bound to think that you have agreed to her request to bring her husband along.

>OOP: Nope Nina specifically told her that our partners will be uncomfortable if her husband shows up at our girl’s night, told her in a language she’ll understand 😂🤣

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not OOP. The OOPs are u/ICryAfterSexAMA on r/TwoHotTakes and u/Dizzy_Soup4866 on r/AmItheAsshole

Original by u/ICryAfterSexAMA- May 11, 2026

I (39M) have been married to my husband, Dean, (40M) for almost 9 years. I have a friend, Nate (38M), that I met in grad school and we have been close until about 5 years ago. For the past 5 years we have remained in touch but our meetings have been reduced to every 3-4 months despite living in the same city. I have a child, Lucy (7F), which contributed to our distance as kids take priority.

Nate got married 2 weeks ago to a woman, Lisa (I don't know how old but probably our age? F). I have never met this woman prior to the wedding and only heard about her with discussions with Nate. Nate and my husband have met a lot, as Dean usually comes to our dinners and they interact well as far as I could tell. Nate and Lisa are quite religious, but Nate has never had an issue that I'm married to a man. No microaggressions, nothing. He also told me that Lisa has no issue either.

However, when the RSVPs went out about 2 months ago, it was addressed only to me which I thought was odd. I didn't think it was weird that my daughter wasn't invited, however, I thought it weird that Dean wasn't. I asked Nate and he stated it was a very small ceremony so they were not doing +1s except those in the wedding party. I accepted this and spoke with Dean. Dean encouraged me to go to help preserve my friendship with Nate (and also because he doesn't like large events). My husband is Deaf and large groups of people make him extra anxious. He doesn't lip read well (as, contrary to popular belief, most Deaf don't) and to my knowledge no one else at the wedding knows ASL so he would have to rely on me or technology to communicate.

All was well and good until the wedding 2 weeks ago. I get to the wedding which was at a very large church and filled with people. Not just filled, packed. And almost everyone had their spouses attending, including 2 classmates of ours from grad school who I know Nate probably hasn't spoken to more than once or twice since Grad school. I asked one of my friends, Marty (45M) who said that his invitation said "and guest". I then noticed something else, every other couple was heterosexual. There were no LGBT couples at all. I was upset, but kept it to myself until this past weekend when I saw Lisa at another friend's party.

I asked Lisa if there was a reason why my husband wasn't invited and why I was told there were no +1s if every other attendee had "and guest" on their RSVP and numerous couples were invited. In fact, multiple kids were there as well much younger than my daughter Lucy. I asked if these had something to do with the fact we were an LGBT couple. Lisa acted offended at this accusation and stated that was not why Dean or Lucy was invited. I asked why because, at first glance, this appears to be quite offensive and asked why my husband and daughter were singled out.

Lisa explained that our family wouldn't fit the "aesthetic". My blood boils as I even write this. I asked why my family wouldn't match an aesthetic on a day meant to celebrate love and stated that I felt like my family was singled out for being LGBT. Lisa explained to me that we weren't singled out because we were LGBT but because Dean and Lucy are Deaf. I asked what this meant, and Lisa explained that they felt having an ASL interpreter up front would take away from the aesthetic of the ceremony and distract the guest. She also said that it would be "awkward" for everyone involved because no one knows ASL and she commented and I quote here "plus, it would look very weird if people saw you and Dean throwing your hand signals to each other".

I thanks Lisa for her honesty and said my husband is not an "aesthetic choice" and that our communication is not "throwing hand signals". I told Lisa that I wish her the best, but that her insensitivity is doesn't match my aesthetic and left the conversation.

I called Nate this morning to discuss my conversation after I cooled down and Nate explained that it was Lisa's big day so she was entitled to make those decision regardless of whether or not he agreed with it. I asked Nate, "Well, do you agree with that decision?" and Nate explained that it would have been expensive to hire an interpreter and that it might have been awkward for other guests and for Dean if he can't communicate. I stated Dean can communicate just fine, he has a FUCKING PhD IN ECONOMICS. Nate only replied "you know what I mean". I said "No, I don't". I told Nate I wasn't interested in continuing this friendship if he doesn't show me the same respect that I show him.

I told Dean what happened and Dean told me I shouldn't have said anything and that it wasn't worth losing a friendship over attending a wedding he didn't want to go to anyway. I stated it was more about the disrespect for my family. I spoke to multiple friends and they agree that Nate was wrong and that he was deflecting the decision to Lisa so he didn't look bad.

I guess my question is this, would you end a friendship over this? I am worried that I may have gotten heated and picked a fight/ended a friendship with Nate because of a decision his wife made. Dean insists he doesn't care and "would have tried to find a reason to get out of anyway". For background, my husband is passive to a fault. I joke that someone could punch him and he would still offer to drive them home after. I admit part of my post is also just to vent because I'm filled with such rage and I know if I posted this my personal social media it would cause absolute chaos.

Bridezilla's side by u/Dizzy_Soup4866, May 12 2026

Long time lurker, first time poster. Real names because I have nothing to fucking hide.

I (35F) just got married to my husband, Marc (38M), a couple weeks ago. Marc went to grad school with Liam (38M). During this time, Liam got married to Max (40M). Max is deaf but Liam communicates with sign language as Max can't speak.

Marc and Liam were close in grad school but grew apart after graduating which Marc attributed to Liam and Max having a child and Liam being flakey.

I met Marc, the love my life, 3 years ago but never once met Liam because Liam made no attempt to meet me. When we were planning our wedding Marc demanded Liam and Max be invited. This was late into our planning process and many invitations had already been sent out. So we agreed to only include Liam.

Before you accuse me of being "homophobic" I had gay friends in college. This has nothing to do with Liam and Max being gay. However, because Max can't hear he would need extra accommodations. For example, an interpreter during all points of the wedding and reception. Plus, like, how are other guests supposed to talk with him? No one else knows the signs, so I am sure it would be weird for everyone involved. I don't know how much an interpreter would cost but we were already having to make cuts to decoration and even delayed our honeymoon so my wedding could be perfect. Becuase of this, we didn't allow Liam to bring any guests. Liam RSVP'd and months go by without him questioning anything about this so I assumed he understood why.

During the wedding, my maid of honor pulled me aside to tell me that Liam was asking guests if they were allowed to bring guests and questioned why they thought his invitation didn't include a +1.

I saw Liam recently at my girlfriends birthday party and he confronted me about why Max wasn't invited. He accused me of being homophobic. I explained that it wasn't because they were gays but Max required significant accommodations that we would not be able to provide. How will he know when to stand or where to go? Also, it would be just unfortunate if he couldn't dance because he can't hear the music.

Liam got angry and accused me of being "insensitive" and walked away. He wouldn't look at me the rest of the night and honestly, I didn't care. I don't know him from Adam, but I won't have someone accuse me of being insensitive or trying to take away my perfect wedding. Marc called Liam and confronted him about how inappropriate it. Marc had my back and reinforced that we couldn't make special accommodations for everything and everyone but Liam refused to hear it.

Marc told me that I am not wrong, but I could have worded my concerns better. My MoH on the other hand said I was correct in what I did and showed compassion by being honest rather than beating around the bush and that Liam and Max need to stop thinking the world caters to them.

Bridezilla commented on the original post, with OOP making two update comments as well.

Bridezilla comment:

> What the actual fuck, Liam. Did you really think making a post on reddit about this was appropriate?

> This is "Lisa" and it's important that you all hear both sides of this story.

> First, fuck you Liam. "Nate" wasn't going to invite you but I encouraged him to because you complained about losing touch with people but that's because you and "Dean" don't put any effort into staying connected.

> Secondly, we are very tolerant and I object to the criticism I see here that we excluded them because they are gays. I have plenty of gay friends.

> Third, you don't have the right to judge decisions o make about MY day. This isn't your decision about who I do or don't include. Our wedding had over 100 people, I know others didn't bring their spouses or kids, but we can't make accommodations for everything and everyone. I am sorry you are jealous that your wedding only had 20 people.

> Oh also, do you remember how you asked multiple people at the wedding if they had a guest invited on their RSVP? That's not only inappropriate it's fucking weird. You asked at least 5 people who told me you were trying to start drama wondering why Dean wasn't invited.

> I'm sorry Dean is deaf (not a proper noun, btw, so don't capitalize it) but the world doesn't revolve around him or you. Interpreters are expensive and having them next to the priest or us staying our vows would absolutely distract from MY DAY.

> You all are so quick to pass judgement, but it was my wedding and it was a beautiful occasion. I'm sorry we can't bend over backwards for a couple that makes an effort to reach out only on season changes.

> One last thing, you know why you never met me prior to the wedding? Because you never invited ME. I'm not accusing you of excluding me because I am a woman.

> Fuck you Liam, don't contact us again.

OOP comment 1

> Hello everyone,

> I woke up and read through so many comments and am so thankful to hear everyone's thoughts. I feel so validated. While I am still angry, I feel much, much better.

> One thing I didn't think about until now is that Nate and Dean have know each other for almost as long as I've been together with Dean (10 years) and Nate has never learned a single sign. He doesn't even sign Thank You or How Are You? Both of which are simple signs to learn. I now think that he put 0 effort into our friendship so I don't feel so bad about not reaching out as much as I could have.

> As far as posting this to my social media, I will not because my husband doesn't like high visibility and would not want to be involved in drama of any kind. I am also not sure he wants to played off as a victim.

> I also see that Lisa decided to comment on this post. I have nothing to say to you other than I truly wish you two the best. I hope others show you compassion and love that you denied my family.

OOP comment 2:

> Hello again!

> I have received so many kind and thoughtful messages both on this post and through DMs and wanted to thank everyone. I no longer feel anger, just pity towards Lisa.

> I want to answer a few questions people have messaged me:

> I am aware that Lisa has posted her side of the story, I haven't read the post and I won't because while I clearly live rent free in her head, she won't live rent free in mine.

> If my husband were to have attended, while an interpreter would be nice, it's not needed as I am fluent in ASL and am completely capable of interpreting for him.

> I will say, I did ask people at the wedding if other people had a +1. I do not think I was aggressive but it may not have been the best timing for me and I realize that. That was a mistake on my part and I will own up to it.

> I am also aware that Lisa has given everyone's real names except her own. I will not give her real name. Also, one person sent me a linkedin profile asking if it was my husband. It wasn't, thank God, but please please please, stop trying to find our actual profiles. I've debated deleting this post but unfortunately our real names are on Lisa's. Thank God my daughter was left out, probably because she doesn't know her name.

> Thanks again for all the kind comments.

Again, I am not OOP.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Critical-Willow-6270 posting in r/endtipping

1 update

Original - May 15, 2026

Update - May 18, 2026

I think kids are being tricked into tipping at a snow cone truck at school

My daughter's school has a snow cone truck come by after school so the kids can buy a treat. This morning I gave her a $10 bill to buy one because it's hot outside and she has to wait at least 30 minutes for her bus to take her home.

The snow cones are $5 so I expected her to bring home the change. Low and behold, she comes home without change and I asked her if she bought two (which is fine if it's for another kid who wants one). She said the guy who took her money said that the change was a tip and that is normal to do this because "all the customers (these are kids!) do".

Not to be dramatic but this sounds like theft and that the owner is possibly stealing money from kids. I feel like marching over there on Monday to demand answers but don't want to come across as unhinged.

Comments:

AssSpelunkingAtheist

This isn’t tipping, this is taking advantage of kids, and that’s despicable.

OverallSpring6568

100% tip is insane

TheLastTime128

you need to tell the school.

Ok-Wolverine-4660

Time to form a parental coalition and bombard this man with a much needed lesson for taking advantage of children.

Critical-Willow-6270 (the OOP in reply to the above comment)

We're trying that right now. Something has to be done

UPDATE: We forced the snow cone truck owner to give back extra money solicited from children

I just wanted to update everyone on the status of the situation involving a snow cone truck that was basically stealing money from kids. The original post is in the comments for reference. There was a sizeable coalition of angry parents (most of us had to call in to work) that went up to the school and told the principal what has been happening after school involving kids being tricked into giving the owner "tips" but in reality was just stolen money.

The principal was appalled and contacted the truck owner. When he showed up, we issued our complaint and told him that he was stealing from kids. Although he denied the allegations, the principal brought each kid that wanted to speak down (separately and alone with principal and owner) to give a statement about what was going on. My daughter also told them what happened with her experience. The school, with good reason, decided to terminate the contract with the truck owner and he gave back the extra money that was solicited from the kids.

Thank you all for the support.

Comments:

SeaConstruction697

Love this, I will crack up if somewhere on Reddit the snow cone truck owner made their own post about this making them the victim lol.

Blowingleaves17

Good job, parents! Teach your kids young not to be shook down by anyone!

CoolDragon

This is a cool case of “We did it, Reddit!”

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/educatedvegetable posting in r/antiwork

Concluded as per OOP

2 updates - Long

Original - 15th March 2026

Update - 19th April 2026

Final Update - 18th May 2026

Editors Note - Added in some more comments from OOP

Noified my work weeks ago I'm leaving for a family vacation in July, tickets were bought, non-transferrable, and they are panicking, begging me to cancel This whole situation is absurd and I need a sanity check.

Noified my work weeks ago I'm leaving for a family vacation in July, tickets were bought, non-transferrable, and they are panicking, begging me to cancel This whole situation is absurd and I need a sanity check.

I work in admin in a niche but important, multi-national industry. I am a knowledgeable, reliable cog, and I pick up alot of slack as we are incredibly short-staffed with plans to add more because "its working out fine for right now" blah blah.

My boss is going on vacation, and she and I were comparing dates and realized they line up. She immediately told me I had to cancel. I told her I can't, things are non-refundable, since I am a cog, I never considered my manager's schedule. That is not my job. She told me she could deny my PTO, and if I go, I would be released.

Great.

I go to her boss, and say "lets make a plan". They say "ok great" and I build a schedule for task coverage, including him taking a few hours each day to sit at my desk and doing my in person job of fielding industry questions (or taking their info and I'd follow up later), and I offer to log in (paid) for a couple hours every day to help support. He says "Cool, I'll present this to the higher ups."

My bosses boss told me that the higher ups think that he's "too important and high paid" to sit at a front admin office for any amount of time. Then the board comes up with a great idea, we'll just offer to reschedule MY VACATION. They offered a few hundred bucks to cover scheduling fees. I calculated the fees, they are way more than a few hundred dollars. Talking thousands as hotels, travel, transport, everything for 4 I book in advance so I can just relax. We do this because it's not just my life, but my partners summer schedule and his two kids, and their crazy schedules with sports, split custody, their bio mom's vacation plans, a whole thing.

They asked me to cancel it and go some other time. I said a firm no. The kids are finally old enough to comfortably travel internationally, they are excited, and I'm not telling them we can't go because "work won't let me". HUH???

My thing is, I'm a cog. Should I have double checked everyones calander before scheduling? Sure, but I'm not a managing party. I haven't experienced something like this in my entire working life. I've previously notified upper management of my vacation time at the beginning of the year just like this and they just say "ok great thanks for letting us know".

Why is my leaving for 7 working days leaving the office in SUCH A PANIC? There are options to resolve this, like having someone come from another department for a couple days here, another a couple days there, and I offered to support remotely. Also, my vacation is scheduled for JULY?? I tell you in February???

Also, shouldn't this be a reasonable indicator of how short-staffed a department is if TWO people being out for any extended period of time throws a wrench into everything?

Did I do something wrong? Is there something I'm not seeing?

Any insight or advice would be amazing.

ETA: I am a woman.

Comments

Southern_Orange3744

July is ample time for them to figure out a temporary situation If they truly can't because you're just that unique then they can't exactly fire you

ThePinkMohawk

Sounds like a good reason for a VERY healthy raise in fact...

Silver_Adagio138

Maybe your boss is too important and high paid to have a vacation.

reddot_comic

I love how the boss rescheduling their vacation was never an option….

AdventurousLet3834

Just imagine if you were in an accident and were incapacitated, they'd have to figure it out. Never think you're so indispensable you can't be replaced. You can and will be without thought.

>OOP: That's a good point.

MyLadyBits

Take your vacation. Say out loud to them if you can’t do without me for 7 days what will you do without me if you fire me.

>OOP: I did. They told me I was a valuable employee but ultimately replaceable and should start looking for other work.

Update - 1 month later

Interesting update in this saga(OG post linked, hopefully), and I need another sanity check.

Summary: I notified my workplace in March that I would be going on vacation in July. Dates overlap with my boss's, who panicked and told me she would deny my leave and it would be job abandonment. Cool.

So, some time has passed, and upper management is absolutely begging me to reconsider, reschedule, cancel, anything so that I am here for the time our dates overlap. Overlapping time? 5 work days.

They keep telling me they have to consider the needs of the business, that they will pay for rescheduling fees (in the thousands), they keep asking me to pull up or answer for my personal calander to conjole me into rescheduling to come back early to cover some of the time, they keep saying "but you know how busy it gets, look at your metrics!". On top of this, we had two people leave the department in as many months, and we are being told no additional personnel will be hired. The reason why no one is being hired? Is because I've absorbed most of the workload and "see, it's fine, we don't need more people!" Great.

The thing is, know how busy it gets. That's why I booked a family vacation during the slowest time of the year and told ya'll in March that I wouldn't be here. I wasn't asking.

I feel like I'm going crazy with 6 people telling me I'm being unreasonable, inflexible, and "putting them in a bad position." I even made a temporary schedule for other departments to cover my work for that time (again, 5 days) and was told it's not going to be considered, because other departments are already short-staffed. It just really is making me feel like all personnel issues are falling onto me

The thing is, I'm looking at the job market right now, and it is BLEAK out there, recession indicators waving red flags. Sure, I could get a new job, but not at my pay scale or in my field right away. I'm seriously considering making my part of my family trip shorter so I can come back early.

Do I hold strong, or do I let them bully me into changing my vacation plans so I have job security? Seriously asking, because I feel like I'm actually going crazy from the stress.

Comments

Adventurous-Depth984

If they can’t live without you for the duration of your vacation, what sense is letting you go?

Kapowpow

Piggybacking top comment to add, if you fold on this, they’ll expect you to fold on absolutely everything moving forward, so strap in to completely lose all agency for the rest of your time there. You never deal with bullies by caving, you deal with bullies by standing up for yourself. That’s the only way to earn respect. Lastly, unless you got some sort of ironclad , explicit agreement to compensate you the thousands of dollars in rescheduling fees, they’re not going to pay you jack.

redguru02

A job tried pulling this on me with their "blackout week". It was towards the end when everything was slowing down. I was their best front-end guy, customers loved me, one of the employees did a little too much as well. That's why I was taking the break. The manager made all these threats and said I wasn't allowed to call off. I told them "I wasn't asking, I'm just letting you know." Came back and nothing happened. Coworkers were kinda pissed/jealous. I left 2 weeks later and got a better job.

ATFLA10

You gave them four months notice and they can’t or won’t come up with a backup plan. Enjoy your vacation!

Steakonanopenfire

You gave plenty of notice. If they legit cannot cover for 5 days, there are serious structural issues with this company. Also, they can absolutely cover for 5 days. It is unlikely that they will fire you right away for this. However, you should look now for the next employer. You have to ask yourself if you want to work for a company that treats you like that.

>OOP: Yeah, that's where I'm ultimately leaning. At this point I have such a bad feeling about this whole thing and questioning if my own sanity is worth the cost of staying employed here and it just isn't.

MakeNDestroy

Yeah, if I had to guess OP does the work of multiple people and they’re too greedy to hire more people so that they can be ok with OP gone. If your company can’t run without you, you should be rich as fuck. A software company I worked at wouldn’t bother me while I was on vacation unless it was about certain systems that I built myself and they had exhausted all of their resources. In all the years I worked there they emailed me 2 times. And both times I paused my vacation to 30 minutes to fix something for them. And they’d always give me a fat bonus for not leaving them high and dry.

Update - 1 month later

Final update, hopefully I linked the post correctly.

Thanks to all who commented or interacted with me on the previous posts, all comments were read, considered, and offered many perspectives I didn't consider, so thank you.

In short, I notified my employer months in advance that I was leaving for vacation. They needed coverage for 5 days, and they told me that if I went, I would not have a job when I returned. Cool.

After some reflection and your encouraging comments, I decided to look for another job in the industry I work in. It's pretty niche so the major players know of or have met each other. I reached out to a vendor of the company I currently work for and they immediately offered me a position, fully remote and at the same pay scale. They said I can start now, later, whenever; they are stoked to have me on the team. They mentioned I have a great reputation, and all of our vendor interactions have been positive, and because they were a vendor they couldn't approach me, but they were happy I reached out to them.

I'm over the moon!

I gave my current position a month's notice, am training my replacement over the next two weeks, taking a short break, and then starting my new remote position. And, I get to keep my vacation with no hassle :)

All in all, I'm really happy how this all worked out and not sure if I would have persued anything new without my current position treating me so poorly, so honestly, kind of have to thank them for opening my eyes.

Comments

Feeltheforceharry

How did they react to you leaving? If they can't cover you for five days I would expect them to panic even more over replacing you?

>OOP: They were mostly resigned, made a counteroffer but I respectfully declined. They asked if I could stay an additional week and I also declined that saying I wanted to establish my routine with the new company and that I wanted to focus on my growth there.

>I thanked them for everything I've learned while with them and the opportunity to move on wouldn't have been a possibility without them, which is true.

>These last couple weeks have been a mad scramble for them to get a replacement, and frankly they are in for a fun awakening when they realize they are taking on the job of about 3 people, but this workload will be up to management to decide how to allocate. Not my problem anymore :)

FortuneTellingBoobs

Yay! I love it when everyone gets what they deserve. Congrats on the new job!

Oddsee

The new recruit she is training probably doesn't deserve this. But hey, maybe after this the company will treat its employees better (doubtful tho).

Round_Computer_6404

Bad management never learns. They deserve to get fired but rarely do. Best talent leave because of bad management, ALWAYS. It’s either unfair wage to a top performing / most knowledgeable person, general disorganization causing the team to be excessively stressed out and so on. A bad manager can make even the easiest job hell.

zoosha2curtaincall

Please make sure to thank your current role for prompting you to see what was out there. And congrats!

HotspurJr

I know a lot of people are saying you're being too kind here, but this is exactly the sort of situation where I don't think a "fuck you" on the way out the door serves you. It's not about your employer deserving better, although the kindness to your replacement is the sort of thing would pay benefits in a just universe. But it's really easy to say "burn it down" to someone else.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/nerdinredlipstick

Published on: r/TwoHotTakes

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: April 13, 2026

• Update: May 15, 2026

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Main Post

^(April 13, 2026)

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My sister slept with a guy I was dating, gaslit me, never apologized, and is now getting married. My mom wants us to be close again. WIBTA for skipping her bridal events?

Long-time lurker, first-time poster so please excuse any formatting issues!

I (33F) have a surface-level relationship with my family at best. I was kicked out by my mom at 18 and have been fully independent ever since. I've never had a close relationship with my mom, but my sister (30F) and I used to be close...until one specific event permanently changed that.

Nine years ago, I paid for my sister to fly out and visit me as a treat. While she was there, she slept with a guy I was dating. When I confronted her, she told me it was my fault & that I shouldn't have introduced them if I didn't want this to happen. She has never apologized nor have we talked about it again over the last nine years.

Our relationship never recovered and pretty much ended. We're cordial at family gatherings but that's it.

Now, she's getting married in October to a youth pastor. I plan to attend the wedding but my mom (who has no idea why my sister and I aren't close) is organizing bridal showers and pre-wedding events and expecting me to show up for all of it. I live about 1.5–2 hours away and my family has a pattern of always expecting me to make the drive while never meeting me halfway...literally or figuratively.

I have three things I'm genuinely conflicted about and would love y'alls perspective on:

1. WIBTA for skipping her bridal shower and pre-wedding events? I'm willing to attend the wedding, but I'm struggling to authentically show up and celebrate someone who has never acknowledged or apologized for how she betrayed & gaslit me.

2. Should I tell my mom the full story? My mom blames me for distancing myself from the family and has no idea what actually happened. Part of me wants to finally stop being the one who looks like the problem but I also worry that telling the truth will either blow things up or result in me being told to "forgive & get over it".

3. Should I try to have a direct conversation with my sister before the wedding? The only reason I'd want to mend things at all is to make it easier to have a relationship with her 8-year-old son, my nephew.

I'm exhausted from being expected to show up for people who have never shown up for me and I don't know what I actually owe her at this point.

EDIT: To clear up some confusion, my sister was already pregnant when she hooked up with my ex during her visit. But no one knew because she had kept the pregnancy a secret from everyone. My ex is not my nephew's father nor is he her fiancé (the youth pastor she's marrying later this year). Those are three completely different people. The identity of my nephew's biological father is unknown, but it's definitely not my ex (thankfully).

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

MydogsnameisChewy >I know that talking to your sister would be a popular choice, so hopefully she’s grown up in the past nine years because her reaction to your pain nine years ago would be an indicator of how she would view a new conversation regarding it. If that makes any sense, she seems rather selfish and shallow. I would definitely tell your mom though I would’ve told your mom right away I don’t know why you held back. I would go to the wedding, but I wouldn’t go to any pre-wedding activities. > >OOP >>Honestly, my mom and I have never been close so going to her wasn't really an option I felt comfortable with at the time. Right after my sister's visit, she ended up going through a lot of unrelated drama that shifted the family's focus so, at the time, I didn't feel like it was the right moment. Looking back I probably should have said something sooner but I was young and trying to keep the peace.

---

Live-Motor-4000 >Was your boyfriend who became her hookup the dad of the nephew? > >OOP >>Fortunately not nor is he my sister's fiancé...the silver lining I suppose. It was truly just a vacation hookup for my sister.

---

javel1 >NTA. I'm so happy this isn't a post about revenge. I agree with the other commenters who say to talk to your sister. Tell her that you're happy for her, but since you are no longer close, don't feel comfortable attending all the pre wedding events. > >Maybe she'll gaslight you or maybe she will apologize. Make your decision based on that. > >OOP >>Thank you for this advice! I've matured a lot as a person and really don't wish my sister ill will even if we don't have a relationship.

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That-Ad757 >Are u buying a wedding gift?? > >OOP >>Everything that I buy my sister as a gift, it's usually for my nephew such as gift cards to buy him things he needs, telling her about contributions to a custodial brokerage account that I'll control until he's 21, etc. I'll probably do something along those lines for her wedding. My attitude is very much "my gift is my presence and anything additional is for my nephew". If that makes sense.

---

Budget-Pepper-6797 >All 3, but also setting clear boundaries with the mother who kicked her out of the house and insists on OP complying family duties > >OOP >>I've established many more boundaries with my mom now than I have historically...but it's still a work in progress for sure. Probably need more especially when it comes to my mom's opinions about my relationship with my sister.

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dippedinmisq >Tell mom, not like she will care, she is probably the golden child hence a behaviour > >OOP >>The dynamic is nuanced...my little brother (21M) is the true golden child being the "baby" & my sister was honestly never held accountable for much while I've always been the black sheep. >> >>My sister also became a "born-again Catholic" when she got pregnant which conveniently made her the "good, pious, dependable one" and she's leaned into that ever since. So the bias is definitely real.

---

Update - after a month

^(May 15, 2026)

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[UPDATE] My sister slept with a guy I was dating, gaslit me, never apologized, and is now getting married. My mom wants us to be close again. WIBTA for skipping her bridal events?

I'm not sure how to post an update so please excuse any mistakes! I've linked my original post in the comments.

First of all, THANK YOU to everyone who commented and reached out directly. I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond to everyone...the support and advice was overwhelming in the best way.

My mom ended up sensing that something was off and kept pushing for an answer about why I was acting withdrawn and unenthusiastic about my sister's pre-wedding events. So I finally had a conversation with her. I didn't get into all the details, but I told her that I've carried a lot of hurt and resentment toward my sister and gave her the rundown of why we don't have a real relationship anymore.

At first, she said it was understandable that I was hurt and encouraged me to talk to my sister directly and give her the chance to apologize. She mentioned that my sister has expressed missing our relationship and that she's "grown a lot in her faith and is a different person now." But the part that really stung was when she said, "You've both probably hurt each other in different ways. Maybe you did something to make her act that way". Implying that my sister slept with the guy I was dating because I somehow provoked it. When, in reality, I had literally flown her out to visit me and paid for her trip because we were close and I wanted to do something nice for her. It felt like my mom was making excuses for my sister while minimizing what I actually went through.

I told my mom that, if my sister truly missed having a relationship with me and had genuinely grown, she should be the one to reach out. I'm tired of always being expected to take the first step and be the bigger person with my family...especially when I'm the one who was hurt. My sister hasn't reached out to me and I don't know if my mom said anything to her. Either way, the silence tracks.

My conversation with my mom ended without real resolution and kind of...landed flat. But, it's a relief my mom finally knows why I've been withdrawn and unenthusiastic about the pre-wedding events specifically. I have a complicated relationship with my family (yay Catholic guilt) so I'll still be attending the wedding. But, I'm opting out of the pre-wedding bridal events. I can't show up and genuinely celebrate someone who has never acknowledged how she hurt me and I'm done sweeping things under the rug just to maintain appearances.

The one thing I'm still sitting with is my nephew. He was a big part of why I even considered trying to mend things with my sister in the first place. I'm more conflicted about that now than I was when I first posted...but I don't have a clean answer there yet.

Will update again if anything significant changes (for better or for worse). Thank you again! I really appreciate y'all.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

pillowmite >Aren't you glad you introduced your sister to her new husband? > >OOP >>THANKFULLY her soon to be husband isn't the guy that I was dating who she slept with. I'd literally crash out so hard if that was the case.

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Previous-Werewolf709 >My only concern is you will go and it will give your family a chance to let you down again. The first sign the vibes are off get out of there. I read through both and it seems like your family does a lot of enabling and your sister doesn't seem like the type to learn anything. I do hope everything goes smoothly if you choose to attend the wedding > >OOP >>Thank you for this! It's historically been a pattern of mine to allow my family to mistreat me and let me down repeatedly but, with a lot of hard work in therapy, I'm learning to not allow them to do this anymore. Agreed that bad vibes = get out ASAP!

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IntrepidMuch >I think I responded to your original text suggesting that you pass on all wedding related activities. Since you decided to go to the wedding, take one thing to heart. Even if she apologizes, your sister is not sorry. How do I know that? Because she's been talking about you to your mom. Instead of trying to bring you to heel, she could have used that energy to say, and mean, she was sorry. Instead she chose to talk about you and rewrite history. > >OOP >>I agree. Since my sister became a "born again Catholic", she's become the spitting image of my mom. I don't doubt she's talked about me with my mom while leaving out key details about her actions towards me that would paint her in a bad light.

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Substantial_Maybe371 >Typical Catholic mom always victim blaming, implying you asked for it. > >Screw that. > >OOP >>Basically sums up why I decided to leave the church at 18. Some of the worst people I ever met went to mass every Sunday. >> >>WarDog1983 >>>Bet you mom also cheated on her spouse OR you father cheated on her and she forgave him 🤮 >>> >>>OOP >>>>My dad was actually the only person in my family who loved me and never judged me. He passed a few years ago but what truly an amazing man. My mom on the other hand...

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BabserellaWT >Has she been the golden child for your entire life, or is it a new thing? > >OOP >>My brother is actually the golden child due to being the youngest and the only boy in a Chinese-American family. My sister is the #2 golden child because she's been more subservient and plays the role of the "perfect Catholic woman". I've always been independent, outspoken, and knew at an early age that the life I wanted to live was the antithesis of what was expected of me from both my Chinese family and my Catholic family.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/PaleMind4963

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 03, 2026

• Final Update: May 11, 2026

---

Main Post

^(May 03, 2026)

---

I(29M) am planning to break up with my girlfriend(25F) because she made plans to go out one on one with a guy that likes her without consulting me.

Hi everyone,

Would like to seek your thoughts and advice on this matter of mine.

Basically my girlfriend has a coworker that likes her and always helps her with her struggles at work. They are always together at work and have regular dinners together(which she had consulted me and i said yes).

She always updates me about their dinners and what they talked about so i was fine with that.

Now i have a job that requires very long working hours and i was unable to spend time with her during a weekend as i was rushing out a project. She knew this(she was unhappy about me not spending enough time with her)and made plans with her coworker to go for an ice skating outing and she just confirmed with me that i could not meet her during that weekend and told me that she will be going on the outing with him without even asking me about it, only informing me. Now from what i know, ice skating is a totally date activity which involves holding hands and physical contact. So i got mad and told her that i was uncomfortable with because of this. She still went out on the outing with him and now i told her i wanted a breakup and she started apologizing and said she will not do that again and persuading me to talk to her after i had calmed down but i refused.

Did i do the right thing or was there another alternative?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

OOP to a long comment >Hi thanks for the reply. No she doesnt usually ask permission from me for anything but in this case, this guy confessed twice to her. So she consulted me about it. > >Prestigious-Ad1346 >Ohhhh thanks for answering and clearing that up ! > >Your girlfriend isn’t cool for hanging out with him and leading him on, and even less cool for seeing him after you said it makes you, rightfully uncomfortable. > >It’s not worth being with someone like that for forever

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BeardBoiiiii >You lost me at the regular one on one dinners ngl.

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Mdaro >Your girlfriend has a boyfriend and it isnt you. > >Necessary_Tap343 >>OP gave her permission to date her coworker by telling her it was okay to go on regular dinner dates with the coworker as long as he had advance notice.

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iAnkou >what I find funny is this. She went on a date activity with a guy who likes her and then told you "we can talk once you've calmed down" > >bro imagine doing something like this with a girl who likes you and your gf getting upset and you telling her "we'll talk once you've calmed down". Man...... > >But anyway, congratulations for having a spine. You 100% did the right thing. She disrespected you and the relationship. If you allowed it to happen, it'd have happened again where she'd push the boundary further little by little until she cheated. > >You had work one weekend so she immediately goes to some bozo that likes her? If she's on her period and you're horny, can you go fuck your coworker since ur gf won't put out? Same stupid logic. > >Good job.

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Taminella_Grinderfal >I would have already been uncomfortable with the regular dinners. Maybe as a group work activity all this would be fine, but it’s unnecessary to spend that much one-on-one time with someone.

---

mrhooha >Break up. She will be fine. She already has a new boyfriend.

---

Final update - after 8 days

^(May 11, 2026)

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[Update] I(29M) am planning to break up with my girlfriend(25F) because she made plans to go out one on one with a guy that likes her without consulting me?

Hi everyone,

Firstly, many thanks to everyone who contributed their opinions. I read them all and I would like to give everyone an update on what happened afterwards.

She kept contacting me to talk and in the end I decided to hear her out. She tried to apologize and make amends. As reluctant as I was, i decided to keep a small possibility that she did not actually cheat. Therefore, I asked her on the spot to let me see her chat with her coworker and she immediately refused. I asked another few more times and she refused them all and turned more hostile, starting to blame me for other matters in the relationship and diverting the topic. She was extremely slow to divulge details on how the date came about when I asked her and in the end gave very half assed answers that didnt answer my questions and kept crying.

Therefore, i ended it right there and she said that I did not fight for the relationship and I told her that no way I could continue when she was hiding so many things from me. A week later, i found out that they were planning to go on a trip together. I do still feel very depressed even though i was the one who initiated the breakup and felt the pain of betrayal. I hope that I can get over this soon.

Again, thanks to everyone for your opinions and kind advice, even to those who disagreed with me.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Electrical_Sun_7116 >Next time you see them, buy that guy a drink and say thanks for him doing you the enormous favor of showing you who she really is before you waste another second on her. That guy saved your life man, you owe him bigtime for taking that cheating liar off your hands!!

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Perfect_Delivery_509 >If it makes you feel better, she will come back when it implodes and yes it will implode. Dont ever talk to her again.

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Riker_Omega_Three >Never date a woman who expects you to "fight" for the relationship > >Women are not prizes...they are partners > >A woman (or man for that matter) who views themself as the prize...is not relationship material and will NEVER be relationship material > >PS: He was plan A, you were plan B. But she is going to soon find out that he was only interested in her because she had a boyfriend and wouldn't expect a relationship from him. Now that she expects more from him, he's gonna bail. I would bet good money on that

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/unraveledwords

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 12, 2026

• Final Update: May 14, 2026

---

Main Post

^(May 12, 2026)

---

I (21f) slept with two people after my boyfriend (23m) opened our relationship and now he wants to break up with me.

Sorry for the long post, I feel as though this is a very nuanced and unusual situation and so I struggled to explain it briefly.

So my boyfriend and I have been together throughout our times at university, coming up on three years now. He is my first relationship and my first body whereas he has slept with a number of people before we got together. We have spoken before about wanting to have a future together and potentially kids once we both have a stable source of income. For the first time in years we are spending a few months apart as he has a graduate job and I don’t. I have been living in my family home and working in hospitality so we haven’t seen each other in a few weeks.

Prior to this our relationship was a little strained due to academic stress and we were arguing for the first time ever. We also almost entirely stopped having sex for months and the relationship felt like it was getting dry. I have a higher sex drive than he does anyway and so it was mostly me who was finding this difficult. We spoke about it and he suggested we opened up our relationship and allowed each other to see other people until we could move back in together when I found a job in the same city as him.

He even implied that the idea of a threesome/ watching me have sex with someone else would excite him. As much as this might seem strange to other people I was quite excited he suggested this as I have never really had the opportunity to explore my sexuality. I was experiencing some anxiety about the fact that I have only ever been in a committed relationship and I was worried I would one day regret not exploring more when I was younger. Despite this I still love him a lot and know he is the one I eventually want to settle down with.

Since we opened our relationship about a month ago I have slept with two people, a girl and a boy. I met them both on dating apps, and I was very open about the fact I had a boyfriend and I just wanted to explore. Both people were very accepting of this. I enjoyed the experiences a lot and I ended up spending a few nights with this girl in her apartment.

It was mostly just because I find living at home very frustrating after having the freedom of living with my friends/ boyfriend throughout uni and my parents still treat me like a child. She and I only actually had sex a couple of times after drinking and mostly when we would hang out we would just play Minecraft or go to the pub. It was more like a friends with benefits situation. I was very open about the fact I was staying at her place with my boyfriend and she was totally ok with the fact I had a boyfriend.

So anyway, my boyfriend has been planning to visit me this coming weekend and I have been thinking about what he said that he would like to have a threesome. I asked this girl about it and she said she would be down so I brought it up to my boyfriend and his reaction totally shocked me. He went absolutely nuts after finding out I had had sex with this girl already and said he had no idea.

He feels like he has been cheated on because I didn’t explicitly tell him that I had sex with this girl, only that I had been staying at her place occasionally. I was sidelined. I assumed that he had also been seeing other people as there have been a few nights where he has not replied to me in the evening or asked to call like he usually does. However he is saying that when he spoke about opening up our relationship he meant only for threesomes and not for us to explore on my own.

This surprised me as I got a completely different impression from our initial conversation where we spoke about us both getting a chance to explore before we settled down and became adults. One of my friends from uni also sent me a screenshot of him on a dating app from a couple of weeks ago which I told her I was completely fine with as we were both using them. He says now he only had the app to look for a third, not for him to do his own thing.

Now he is saying that he isn’t sure if he can look past me ‘cheating on him’ and that he needs some time to think about whether or not he wants to be with me. I am completely devastated. I have deleted the apps from my phone and blocked the two people I slept with no explanation. Although I did want to explore I have always been certain that he is the man for me.

We get on so well and he is dependable, caring, driven, everything I could ever want in a partner. My friends and family love him and we also share most of the same friends so our lives are intertwined. We have even decided on our kids names and the street we want to live on one day. I have tried to explain to him that this was just a lack of communication and that I never wanted to hurt him. I have never even looked at another person until we agreed to open the relationship. But he is just saying this changes the way he thinks about me entirely. He has barely spoken to me since finding out and pretty much ignored my apologies.

How do I earn his trust back?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

DepartmentDapper9823 >I didn't quite understand your post... Does your boyfriend know you had sex with another guy (not a girl)? If so, that's probably the real reason for his anger. > >But either way, it's his fault. He shouldn't have suggested an open relationship if it wasn't a sincere decision. > >OOP >>He knows about both now as he began questioning me about it when I told him about the girl

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AffectionateTrash146 (downvoted) >In the eyes of most poly relationships you have cheated. You said you made the new people aware of your BF but did he know you were actively going on dates and intending to sleep with people? Usually opening the relationship means having honest open communication about your actions and intentions with other partners, not the ins and outs of the activities just an understanding that somethings brewing. I don't think you guys have the right communication and maturity for an open relationship. In terms of earning his trust back, it will take a lot of time and effort but it's difficult for things to ever go back to how they were. > >OOP >>I didn’t tell him at all about the guy until he asked, but I was under the impression that he knew I had slept with the girl. I guess it is poor communication on my behalf that he didn’t understand the nature of my relationship with her. The reason why I didn’t tell him details is because I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with knowing the ins and outs of what my boyfriend was doing with other people and I stupidly assumed he felt the same. I just assumed that he was, and assumed he knew I was as that was what we had both agreed to do

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OrwellianIconoclast >Classic. He wanted to open up the relationship because he thought he'd get to sleep with other people, now he's mad & trying to punish because you had success on the apps and he didn't. > >You didn't misunderstand, he's lying because he played himself and wants to make it your fault. > >Mischiefmanaged715 >>For real. This happens so much, it is practically a cliche. The man wants to open the relationship to get some side action, inevitably it is way easier for the partnered woman to find others, and the man gets pissed off about her success and wants to shut things down. OP, this isnt for you to fix. Your boyfriend needs to own his actions rather than punishing you for them. Until he does that, I wouldnt be trying to beg for his forgiveness. His behavior is juvenile and a red flag. >> >>OOP >>>After receiving a few comments saying to unblock the girl i definitely will be! She was really great and I think we could have a friendship if nothing else now. I just did it out of blind panic because I wanted to salvage my relationship

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theclosetenby >You didn't misunderstand. He's lying. > >dirndlgrl >>Co-signed. This is such a transparent lie

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lenusniq >"How do I earn his trust back?" What are you talking about??? How did you lose his trust? You agreed on an open relaitonship. Dump this insecure hypocritical boy. > >Omgoodtimes >>THIS!!! He’s gaslighting you!!! It was his idea, but you got action and he didn’t, so he’s pissed and trying to change his mind. He told you to open it so you could both see people while you’re apart for months AND that he thought a threesome would be hot. He sounds like a loser, don’t fall for his emotional manipulation

---

Final update - after 2 days

^(May 14, 2026)

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Update: I (21f) slept with two people after my boyfriend (23m) opened our relationship and now he wants to break up with me.

Thank you everyone for the helpful comments! I didn’t expect this post to get so much attention and I don’t normally use Reddit so I’m not sure if this is the correct way to do an ‘update.’

So he finally called me after he finished work last night for us to ‘talk.’ I apologised again for the miscommunication and said that I didn’t feel we had a detailed enough conversation to establish boundaries and to define what an open relationship means to us. He agreed but didn’t apologise for his role in that. He then said that he was mostly hurt because I seemed to have developed an emotional connection with this girl which I can understand and I apologised for again. Then he asked me if I felt like I was happy in our relationship. And to my surprise I told him I wasn’t. He said he wasn’t either and so we decided to break up. I haven’t even had a text from him this morning and I haven’t tried to reach out either.

I do feel hurt and a bit lost but after the last few days of crashing out I also feel a huge sense of relief. As well as reading all the comments under this post I also spoke to a couple of my friends and came to the conclusion that if the two of us were truly happy together we wouldn’t have felt the need to open our relationship in the first place. I am going to give it some time to heal but now when I am ready I am free to be a young adult without the pressure of a big future looming over me. It has also opened up new jon opportunities as I don’t just have to look in the same city as him so we could move in together.

I know a lot of people are calling him a piece of shit and a gaslighting liar but I am still very fond of him and so I don’t really care at the moment to argue with him and question his side of the story; whether he changed the terms of our open relationship or did end up sleeping around and didn’t want me to know. Maybe at some point I will bring him up on this but I think the most important thing is for us to both try and move forwards.

As for the ‘Minecraft girl,’ I sent her a text saying I will give her a call at some point soon to explain and she said that was totally ok and to take my time! So hopefully I have at least made a friend and something good has come out of this.

Thank you once again everyone for the help and support xx

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/AmItheAsshole and their own profile by user tafornoweg. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Mood: >!It gets better!<

---

># Original July 21, 2023

My husband (39) and I have been married for 5 years. We have two children of our own, both girls, aged 5 and 2. I also have a son (10) from a previous marriage, but I was widowed.

My husband's ex is barely involved in stepson's life at all. They got divorced when stepson was 2, and his ex wanted "a fresh start" so my husband did the decent selfless thing and had complete custody of their son, even though he'd wanted shared custody.

I got a bonus at work and I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once. We've been on family vacations all together lots of times. But just once I want to spend MY money going on vacation where I'm not looking after someone else's kid. I want stepson to stay with his mom while we go on vacation. My husband sees my point of view and is okay with it. I don't think I'm being at all unreasonable.

My mom found out what I was planning and says I'm being a complete AH. These are the reasons she says I could be the AH:

1. My mom says that if stepson's mom isn't properly involved in his life, I should be even more involved in his life to compensate (I think this is a completely unfair expectation).
2. She also says that I'm being a hypocrite taking my son, but I think that's totally different because my son DOESN'T HAVE ANOTHER PARENT. I'm all he's got.

If stepson's mom won't take him just for once then obviously he'll come on vacation with us. But I don't think I'm the AH to ask if I can have a vacation with my own family just one time. It's not like I hate stepson or something, he's a nice kid, he's just not mine. Am I the AH?

---

># Consensus:

Gaping and inflamed.

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># Comment by OOP:

INFO: If my math is right, you and your husband got married when stepson was 4?

What kind of relationship does stepson have with you versus with his bio mom? [AsinineAdeline] > Yes, he was 4, and as I said, he barely sees his bio mom. I'm not sure what point you're making? [OOP]

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># Update July 23, 2023, 2 days later

We definitely won't be going on vacation without stepson.

After a couple hours of replies, I decided to show this to my husband. We sat down and had a really long talk about it. He told me he's never been comfortable with my attitude to stepson, but didn't know how to say to me before.

I don't want to be a bad person, I just never thought of stepchildren being "yours". I don't think it would be easy for anyone to accept this level of criticism, but all your replies have shown me I have a LOT of work to do. As many of you suggested (and so did my husband) I intend to see a therapist to help me with that. As I said, I don't hate stepson in any way, I have never been deliberately cruel to him, I've just always thought of him as my husband's child. But I realize my mindset needs to change.

So I'm going to start working on that. I want my family to be the best it can be, and I need to accept that it includes my stepson. I understand that now, and I'm going to start seeing a therapist to become a better person (we've also talked about maybe having family therapy too). I've also made up with my mom, and she is 100% behind the changes I want to make in my life.

It wasn't easy to hear everything you said, but I understand that I needed to hear it.

---

># Update 2 June 20, 2024, about 11 months later

In July 2023, I wrote a post on the AITA subreddit about taking a family vacation without my (step)son. I wasn't given permission to post an update to my original post on the subreddit, because the replies I got were too heated, and the mods advised me to post an update to my profile instead.

When I made my original post, I was told by literally thousands of people that I was TA, and it helped me see how wrong I was and had been for the last 5 years.

I booked a therapy appointment the following week and started working through my issues. My own father died when I was less than a year old. I don't even remember him. My mother married another man when I was 7, but he left when I was 11 and I never saw him again.

It hurt me in a way I'd never processed before. I loved him, he'd been my dad, and suddenly he was just gone. That taught me that step-relatives weren't part of your family. They weren't forever.

I always thought I was doing better than my ex-stepdad. Because I provided for my (step)son and I stayed in his life, I was better than my ex-stepdad. But I made my (step)son feel the way my ex-stepdad made me feel when he left me and I regret it so much.

A little while after I started therapy, we started family therapy too. The therapist helped me explain to my (step)son the way I felt about step-relatives and why I'd always behaved the way I did. He cried and said he was afraid that I just didn't like him, and we had the first proper talk we'd ever had. I told him that wasn't true, and I had just been a bad step-parent like my ex-stepdad had been to me.

My relationship with my (step)son is so much better now. We spend time together just the two of us, and except for this post, I never call him, or think of him as my stepson. He's my son. I accept now that he'll always be my son, that unlike my ex-stepdad, he's forever. Even if something happens between me and his dad, he'll still be my son.

Most of all, he always called me by my first name, but last Thanksgiving, he asked to start calling me mom. It made me so happy. I told him that I loved him and he said he loved me too. Since then, he always just calls me mom.

A lot of people also talked about the ways my husband needed to improve, to be more assertive and protective of his children. He knows that. It's very easy to see the problems when they're presented to you all at once in a Reddit post, but when things happen day to day, it's a lot harder to realise how issues are building up. But he's working hard, like we both are, to try to make our family the happiest it can be.

We both know we still have to keep working at this. I'm still in therapy and we're still having family therapy. But I'm grateful to work at it. I'm grateful to have all my children.

It's very hard for me to write this, to think about the way things were before I started therapy. It makes me cry everytime I think about it. But I want to thank you, Reddit. I wrote my original post just looking for validation for my own point of view, and I never thought the internet could change my life this way. But it has. I feel like for the first time, we're truly a family.

Thank you all.

---

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/SherbertOk6980

Published on: r/AmIOverreacting

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 11, 2026

• Final Update: May 13, 2026

---

Main Post

^(May 11, 2026)

---

AIO Husband and best friend on a trip without me

Hi everyone! Long time listener, first time poster (I’ve always wanted to say that).

My husband (26m) and best friend (26f) are spending the weekend together for a concert and I don’t know how to feel. This whole thing started about a month ago when I was at work and got a text from my best friend asking me if my husband had told me about their plan to go see a concert together yet. I told her I had no idea what she was talking about. Apparently they had been talking and planning that he would drive to her place (6 hours away) and they would go together. According to my friend, my husband had already called off work and the plans were in motion.

Immediately I’m thrown off. To preface, my husband is wonderful. i often joke he’s so healthy and wholesome that he‘s not even real. I had two serious boyfriends in my past and was cheated on by both so i do have some sensitivities to things like this. however, my husband personally has never given me any reason to think he would do something wrong. Nor has my best friend. They have however been getting closer lately. They are both gamers so they play Fortnite together, they text each other (not sure about what), and when she visits, my husband and her are very friendly with each other. I thought it was great because I Love that my friends like my husband.

Some things to note: my husband and I visited my best friend for 4 days about a month and a half ago. during this time my husband slept on her living room floor, I was in her bed with her, and he complained how uncomfortable it was and how bad he was sleeping every night. He also refused to drive because he has anxiety and she lives in a very busy city, which I understand. So imagine my confusion when all of a sudden he’s okay to drive by himself to her place and voluntarily sleep on the floor again.

When I return home from work, I ask my husband if There’s anything he needed to tell me. He says no. It took him almost two hours to “remember ” he was planning to drive 6 hours to stay at my best friends house for 2 nights and go to a concert. Even besides that, we share finances so I did feel that 1. I should have been at least invited and 2. I should have been made aware he planned on purchasing a $100 concert ticket.

I told him the whole thing felt weird and he got defensive saying things like “I just didn’t think about it” or “if you’re going to be like this then I just won’t go” and ”we knew you wouldn’t want to go so that’s why we didn't ask.” After that convo of me basically saying it was suspicious this was all hid from me, he went and bought me flowers.

This is something he does occasionally because he knows I love flowers, but this made it feel like he was guilty. Like he was hiding something. His main defense was that he has never done anything to deserve my suspicion, which is true. he says it’s not fair for me to treat him like my exs when he has never been that way.

After being upset and quiet for 2 days I decided to let it go. Within that 2 days we talked about it multiple times. each time he said “fine I just won’t go” but not once did he text my best friend that he was no longer going, so clearly he never planned on doing that. That brings us to today. He left yesterday and got there around 6pm. I got the text update he had arrived from both him and my best friend and then texts got scarce.

My best friend texted me “we both got the same thing for dinner, twinning.” Which immediately had me thinking about them being out to dinner together. Then barely any texts after that. Today is the day of the concert and I’ve been getting some more texts from my husband but they are texts like “I wish I could kiss you” and to me it feels like all guilt.

Im not sure what im asking for. Reassurance? Validation? I do trust my husband and best friend but people are betrayed by people they love all the time. My brain is telling me something will happen, they will both vow to never speak of it, and I’ll never know. How do I stop thinking like this? Why am I even thinking like this when he’s never shown me a reason to? Is this something normal for a husband and his wife’s best friend to do? HELP.

&nbsp;

NOTE: There were 156 comments from OOP. I tried to select the ones that provided additional information or updates. If you think I missed any important details, please let me know in the comments.

COMMENTS

Normal-Equivalent222 >NOR. You have a husband problem and a BF problem. Why didn’t your husband include you in their plans, why didn’t your BF include you in their plans? > >The fact that he is gaslighting you and being defensive is a major red flag. Either he has a crush on her or they’re emotionally involved with each other. I would rec that you go thru their messages. There is something really fishy here….Are you sure he’s going to be sleeping on the floor? > >OOP >>She asked me like a week ago “he’s not going to try to sleep in the bed is he?” And I responded with “not if he knows what’s good for him” jokingly but not at the same time >> >>DreamcatcherDeb >>>Of course he’s going to be sleeping in the bed. “Just as friends, of course”…🙄 This is all kinds of bad. The fact that they didn’t even invite you says it all. They knew you wouldn’t want to go? No, they didn’t. Not until they asked. This has been an emotional affair and it just turned into a physical affair this weekend. I’m sorry. >>> >>>OOP >>>>I asked and I was told he slept on the floor in the living room so idk. Now they are both texting me like “are you okay??” “What’s wrong?”

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littlescreechyowl >Why…the fuck…don’t these plans include you? Why the secrecy? Absolutely not. My best friend has been my best friend for 39 years, longer than I’ve known my husband. There is ZERO chance she would make plans with my husband without me being included. NOR > >OOP >>I’m not a fan of the singer so I wouldn’t have wanted to go/take off work anyway. Is there no reality where they can have a normal relationship with each other? I feel like they wouldn’t do it in front of my face if it wasn’t normal right?

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smilesbig >Too many red flags in this situation: > >1. She didn’t ask you to join > >2. He didn’t ask you to join > >3. She didn’t tell you right away > >4. He didn’t tell you right away > >5. He went anyways > >They may not be hooking up. On the otherhand, why make smoke when there isn’t fire? A considerate/thoughtful spouse would NEVER place themselves nor you in a position where doubts can occur. This whole thing is an ugh and his dismissive attitude - at best - stinks. > >OOP >>This was my other worry. That even if the hookup wasn’t what I needed to worry about there was still something wrong with the whole thing.

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RaychH90 >Op youre NOR. Also, any update? Did you find out what's truly happening? >I'd be so upset with both my OH and BF in this situation! > >OOP >>I ended up texting them in a group chat and saying “I was just at therapy and she helped me realize I’m having a trauma response to this whole situation that I did not expect to have. I trust you both 100% and you are both my favorite people but I’m having a hard time with it right now. I didn’t mean to ignore you it’s just how I’m feeling. I will get over it” >> >>My husband responded with “we both love you and understand” and my best friend emphasized it. >> >>& >> >>No true update. I texted them telling them I felt like I was having a trauma response to the situation and that I was having a hard time with it and my husband responded with “we both love you and understand” (my bsf emphasized it). After the concert my husband texted me “the concert is over I plan on leaving early in the morning I hope you sleep well” but that’s all I’ve heard from either of them since.

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Small Update - next day

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I haven’t seen my husband yet but I’ve been talking to bsf all day. Shes sent me every text, every photo, answered every question I’ve asked, there is no cheating going on. Not even anything that could be twisted into cheating. If there is anything it’s his own feelings. What I need to talk to him about is his choice to go when he knew I was triggered by it. thats the problem, not an affair.

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Final update - after 2 days

^(May 13, 2026)

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Final Update: AIO Husband and best friend on a trip without me

So I talked to my husband. To put things in short terms: I screamed, I cried, I yelled, all the things. My neighbors definitely think I’m psycho. I’m going to keep the details private but what i will tell you (and it’s probably not what y’all want to hear) but I have one of the good ones. Anything I needed proven was proven, any questions I had were answered, and I could see how i messed up and how he messed up.

He agreed he handled things poorly, said he thought about it many times but because of my poor communication (which is true) he thought it was okay. We set boundaries for the future and this won’t happen again. It was a healthy, honest, long conversation but I’m grateful it was had. I appreciate you all taking the time to respond and look out for me. I hope you can be happy for me.

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COMMENTS

truth_fairy78 >I would really love to hear his explanation for how he knew this was triggering for you and did it anyways. Why was it worth it to him to put you thru that? > >The underlying subtext being that he clearly decided he needed to spend time with her alone more than he needed to protect you and your marriage. That’s why no one here is buying what he sold you. > >OOP >>He said he had a feeling I wasn’t okay with it but I kept saying I was. He admitted he shouldn’t have gone. He said he thought about it everyday for 3 weeks after we first talked about it and he had a feeling it wouldn’t be okay. But he says I was saying it was okay so how was he to feel any different. He also said he thought that I was upset about how it was handled, not also how they would be together. So he thought if he acknowledged it was wrong and everything the rest of it was fine. However, I reacted bc I was triggered and was spiraling

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gdrom123 >Info: who initiated the discussion on going to the concert? Who paid for the tickets? Aside from the concert, what did they do in those 2 days? > >OOP >>Best friend did. They paid for their own tickets. Apparently just eating food and watched a movie >> >>gdrom123 >>>Thanks for answering. >>> >>>1. If BFF initiated the conversation, the onus was on her to tell you about the trip/concert. This doesn’t absolve your husband by any means but she should’ve at minimum said something like “hey OP, fave band is coming to town and I invited hubby since we both like them”. >>> >>>2. Them paying for their own tickets is probably the only good thing I’ve seen in the whole situation. Did he buy her drinks/meals when they went out or did they stay in the entire time, only going out for the concert? >>> >>>3. Soooo he needed to be there for 2 whole days just to watch one movie and eat despite his anxiety with driving and discomfort with sleeping on the floor? >>> >>>OOP >>>>1. They both understand that’s what should have happened now and apologized. >>>> >>>>2. I saw the Venmo’s back and forth so they paid for their own food >>>> >>>>3. There was no need for 2 days I can’t really explain that and he agreed it wasn’t completely necessary just more convenient. He said the couch wasn’t as bad this time. And I got photo proof of the pillow being on the couch so he was sleeping there

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Suitable-Ad-3265 >Can you explain in detail why you dont feel like you have been decieved. Are we all just missing something? Because I just don't understand how they've explained half of the things - the not telling you the okans staight away- the going despite you not being comfortable with it -2 days instead of just the one- the suddenly being ok to drive and sleep on the floor whereas previously not- the lack of communication with you whilst they were together- her getting ready with him (did this include getting dressed?) - just to name a few . We are trying to get at you and we obviously would all wish he wasn't cheating on you but I think most people reading this are just really struggling to fathom what they could have said that made you feel so confident that they haven't cheated > >OOP >>I saw the texts of the plans being made, it didn’t feel anything strange. Apparently my husband didn’t initially tell me bc he said he wasn’t sure if he was even going to go and he was going to wait till he decided. There’s no way they got dressed together they just wouldn’t do that

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Forward-Wolf-8795 >I really think you should make him read this post. Tell him you’re still upset and you want him to read what 2000 strangers think just from hearing the details > >OOP >>He said he didn’t like the idea of there being 2,500 people telling him how bad of a person he is when he understand he messed up so I’m not going to force him. He was clearly upset

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user firiedad in r/ AmItheAsshole

Original: Dec 30, 2019

Update: April 27, 2020

Status: no further updates from OOP

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Original: AITA for missing the birth of my first child so a mate could spend time with her dying grandfather?

This is a horrible situation and I need to know if my wife is justified. My wife gave birth to our first baby 3 days ago. We've had a rough few years with 2 miscarriages and a stillbirth at 37 weeks. So my wife was terrified this whole pregnancy.

I am a firefighter and was on duty when my wife went into labour. Her doctor said that it would likely be a while so I decided to stay at the base for a little longer because it is about mayhem and we're never enough people anyway.

Then one of my mates gets a call that her grandfather had a heart attack and will probably not make it. Obviously she was devastated. Things got really hectic we got called out to another fire and our captain said one of us could go but not both. I told my colleague not to worry she should go and spend time with her grandfather since it will be her last chance. So I had to go out and missed the birth of my child. I got there 2 hours after my girl was born.

I felt horrible and apologised profusely to my wife but she just yelled at me, said I let her down in the scariest moment of her life and then told me to leave. So I left and waited in the hallway.

It's been 3 days and she refuses to say anything apart from the bare minimum related to the baby. They can leave tomorrow and she's informed me that she was going to stay with her sister who recently had a baby too until she "knows what to do about our relationship or what's left of it".

I understand that it must have been scary for her but my reasoning is that only one of us could leave and I will have a whole life to be with my child whereas my mate only had a few hours with her loved one left

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Comments:

Comment1: INFO: Who was with your wife? Was she by herself? Did you call someone who was with her to let her know you were at a fire?

>OOP: Her sister was there. Once we got called out there wasn't time to make a call.
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Comment2: Not even a text??
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OOP: We were fighting a bushfire

Comment3: INFO: Are you fighting the wildfires in Australia?

>OOP: Hey mate, yeah I'm Australian. I'm in NSW. My wife used to he a firefighter too that's how we met but she quit after some traumatic events.

Comment4: Info: was there really no way to force your job to let you both leave? Would you have been fired if you both left? I think your a bit of an asshole for not fighting to go but I’m not sure which one of you had more of a right to leave. maybe your job is the asshole idk.

>OOP: It was impossible for both of us to leave. We're fighting bushfires and you need a certain amount of people to operate safely or as safe as possible.

Comment5: Why didn't you try and get someone else to come in or tell your captain you need him to call someone in? What you did was an impossible no winners situation. You did a kind thing for your friend, but your wife is completely justified and I don't even know what you can do to make this right.

>OOP: There was no one else to be called in. Everyone is out trying to get the bushfires under control. I stayed there hoping that by the time we got called out again another crew would be back already so that someone could go with mine but that wasn't the case.

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Comment6: YTA. Your wife had a stillbirth at 37 weeks. Being in labour again would’ve been ten times scarier for her compared to most (and labour is terrifying already, to anyone). You chose your friend over her when she needed you more than she probably ever has.

Comment7: YTA. You needed to prioritize being at the birth for your wife's sake. You could have called someone else in or asked someone to come in and cover. You didn't even try to be there and your wife is reacting to you showing her where you priorities are - not with her.

>Comment8: Why do you think it was the OP's responsibility to call someone else in? My judgement was that the captain was the asshole, b/c they should've called in someone else for coverage. The captain should be looking out for their firefighters.

Comment9: YTA but not for letting the other guy go see his dying family member. But because you knew she was going into labour you decided to stay at work knowing she was alone and scared because of previous experiences.

Comment10: YTA. This is divorce worthy. I hope it's a shit post. I cant think of words or actions that could enable her to trust you again, but if you love her, I suggest you head to counseling and be prepared to spend your immediate future making this up to her

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Note: 2019-2020 Australian bushfire season, also known as the Black Summer, was Australia's worst natural disaster to date. Exceptionally dry conditions, a lack of soil moisture, and early fires in Central Queensland led to a premature start to the bushfire season from June 2019.

It impacted many Australian states including New South Wales (NSW), Victoria, Queensland, the Australian Capital Territory, Western Australia and South Australia. The wildfires burned from June 2019 to March 2020. The Black Summer's damage was unprecedented in terms of total area burned and impact on livestock and wildlife populations.

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Update (4 months later)

Lots of you wanted an update on my last post. It's nothing spectacular so don't get your hopes up too much.

Many of you said how it wasn't about being there for the baby but that I should have been there for my wife. You were absolutely right. I acknowledged my mistakes and apologised to my wife. I suggested we get therapy and she agreed. We're all back home together now and have been for a while. Things are good for us and we're happy with our little family.

For those of you who suspected that I cheated with my work mate, you were wrong. I may have been an arsehole in how I dealt with my wife giving birth but I would never cheat. I love my wife very much and I'm happy she's given me another chance and intend on being the best husband and dad that my family could wish for.

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Comments:

Comment1: I know that you say that you are not having an affair with your coworker, but is it possible that you have feelings about her that you haven’t acknowledged even to yourself? The fact that you prioritized another woman over your wife makes me think there is something else going on.

>OOP: No absolutely not. She could have been a guy and my decision would have been the same. Now I know it was wrong.

Comment2: I mostly blame the fire chief. Friend probably wasn't thinking straight since this is a loved one dying. The chief knows what's happening to both and should've figured it how to cover the friend while also not letting OP takeover for the friend and be frank with with him that his wife needed him.

>Comment3: I'm an Australian firefighter.
I just read OP's original post and it sounds like he is a paid firefighter. From the fact 'he got a call' suggests to me he wasn't at the bushfires.
As those guys were starting at a FOB and working all day. Not getting a call to attend somewhere for a couple hours.
Our paid fire services are all state wide services. Your station officer is your boss, you dont really know your chief.
You get the call your wife is in labour, you tell your boss you are going, he says no worries. Two of you leave? He takes the truck offline and then he and his boss will arrange to call someone in or get a spare truck from another station to come over for the rest the shift.
Just to add some context.
OP is definitely TA, but sounds like he has at least recognised that and is making amends

Comment4: I remember this, and honestly, I think the AH move was the "first time" you opted not to go to the hospital (before your co-worker even got the call about their grandfather).
I do maintain my position that once you got to the point of having to make the choice between "be there for the birth" or "let co-worker say goodbye to their grandfather" it was a a tremendously shitty situation, where I couldn't blame you either way, and the "asshole" would depend on what happened when the situation cooled.
Being mad (even infuriated) is completely understandable, but this was not a reason to end a marriage.
Glad things worked out, and in the future, take the first opportunity to get out of work so you don't even need to worry about a "tough decision" later on.

Comment5: An apology wouldn't have been enough for me. I would never forgive something like this. I would feel that it says too much about how you feel about me. You are very fortunate she is giving you a second chance. Make the most of it.

Comment6: Wow, your wife is a better person than me.

Comment7: So I’m confused, what was OP supposed to do.
Just quit and walk out? Leave whoever is in the fire to die?
Stop someone from seeing their relative for the last time?
I get the wife is mad, but what is honestly the right choice here?
OP get a lifetime to spend with his daughter and wife. The colleague, not so much.
This overwhelming asshole verdict doesn’t make sense to me.

Comment8: I don't know man, I feel like this is so much less 'black and white' then people are making it out to be. I don't think OP is selfish or an asshole, but was just stuck in a shitty lose-lose situation.
Nobody said he didn't want to be there, he's a firefighter in Australia during a crisis for god's sake and him being there is literally saving lives.
He sacrificed seeing the birth of his own child so another person can be there for their relative in their final moments of life (it's possible the grandparent would've been alone otherwise).
It's a shitty situation and I feel so so terribly bad for the wife, and I'm not saying that what OP did was right, but imo there isn't any good option. But I think people are failing to see this in OP's eyes - although I would've went to see my wife, OP had no bad intentions.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments