I am not OOP. This was originally posted on r/trueoffmychest by u/tinydreamerywisher

Status - Concluded

Original - 11 March, 2026

Update - 3 April, 2026

I'm alone after ruining two friendships by being jealous.

I (16) had two friends who we will call Lisa (16F) and Charles(17M). Both of them have been my friends since we were little, a few changes but they had always been the friends who I could count on when something happened.

Last year they got together. I rooted for them and tried to help them to become a couple. What I didn't expect was jealousy. I don't have feelings for either of them but it was obvious that they both having someone else to rely on and starting to spend time together alone (like all couples) affected me.

I, unconsciously, started to get mad because I felt like I was being pushed away and loosing both of my friends. And, eventually I noticed them actually getting distant with me.

Suddenly I didn't know what to share with them because I felt like I was crossing some boundaries. But, it was obvious that I did made them uncomfortable in others ways I didn't notice until now.

All vacation, our friend group (who is them, a few friends more and I) didn't hang out. When we hanged out where in biggers groups and neither of them really talked to me at all. I tried to be part of it but I was too socially awkward and anxious to be being a burden. When classes started, this became even more obvious since I was left out, they don't talk to me and make me feel awkward when I try to talk to them.

After talking with my psychologist, I decided to talk to them to find out that I was the problem. They confessed that they had issues with me and Lisa was the one who actually told me that the problem was that I have made her feel like it was her fault that Charles didn't talk to me and she became jealous for some attitudes I had (I truly don't know which ones but I'm sure that, if they made her feel bad, I was wrong).

To be clear, I must say that I told Lisa AND Charles some comments that I thought were jokes about both of them "stealing" my best friend. I know for sure now that those comments were out of place and that I did wrong by saying those things and getting mad instead of making them know that the problem was I and not their relationship neither them.

Now I'm left alone since they are way more liked on my classes, they have more friends and they aren't the big asshole like I have been. In some way, my jealousy and fear of losing them ended up making me lose them.

I think what hurts most is that now I'm just alone to feel this burden knowing that they had "forgiven" me but that I can't go back and I will never have that relationship that I appreciated so much.

Thanks for reading, sorry if there are mistakes, english isn't my first language. Know that the names are fake and that I truly just want to talk to someone.

By ruining two friendships I found somewhere where I feel comfortable

Hey, this is an update for my last post since various things happened this month.

So, a bit of context. A few weeks ago I (17) noticed my friends who are a couple (Lisa, F16, and Charles, M17)acting weirdly suddenly. I reached out to Lisa, since she was the one who was treating me the worst (didn't talk to me, answer dryly and overall ignored me) asking what was going on after Charles told me I have done a few things wrong. By the time of the post, i knew nothing more than what Lisa told me who didn't really give me the attitudes I had but how I made her feel.

I felt like shit, I really just wanted to vent because I thought I didn't have who to talk to since they were ignoring me and Lisa had told me that it was all alright but that she forgives but no forgets.

I was ashamed, these two friends had been in my life for almost all my life. The next day I build up courage and confessed the situation to my mom, who told me to talk to Charles and made me realise a few things from Lisa's messages.

Now is when I get more mad than sad. By talking with the couple, the problem at the end was:

The attitudes I had all my life with my close friends (like bullying in a form of love, only joking) had become something Charles, who was the one who I did this the most because I knew Lisa didn't like it, didn't like (this of course they talked to the group and didn't tell me)

That I had expressed that I felt left out by the couple had made them uncomfortable (I made jokes around it since they asked me to hang out so they could go out and always arrived late to the hang out, or I asked to hang out and they couldn't because they had to do things and the whole week then went out or didn't watch movies when we hang out to watch movies because they "didn't like new things" and just ignored it) and that I wasn't true they excluded me, the whole group have apparently talked about it and didn't tell me, but they ended up leaving me out and excluding me because I had say it made me uncomfortable too many times

And finally that I had made Lisa feel like she had stolen my best friend (again I had made jokes to Lisa AND Charles about stealing my best friend, it always had been for both of them).

So with this I found out it was a topic which they had talked about with the whole friend group but didn't talk to me because they didn't want me to feel bad.

This made me mad, I shared it with my physiologist, family and a friend because I was mad, I didn't understand why they didn't have the trust to tell me when I was bothering them so much. For me this was new. I especially got mad because Lisa and Charles know I have problems with friendships, it took me years no doubt myself when I'm with them and suddenly classes start and I was ignored by them.

The week after we talked, Charles was ignoring me, making me uncomfortable to talk to him, instead of Lisa who had done this until I said sorry like a thousand times (the day of the original post).

Now the positive part that I wanted to share.

I knew what I had done wrong and apologised but now I was mad, sad and lonely for a good two weeks, even I can say now but far more comfortable with the idea of them mad at me or not, since both said nothing was wrong before just ignoring me.

I had started theatre so I was hopeful of the space. And, it seems, I was right.

In less than a week, the group from the theatre had made me more comfortable with myself than I have ever felt with my classmates. Suddenly, I had a group where I could be weird, talk about musicals, films, sing and do stupid things and I wasn't judged. I even was open with my sexuality and they didn't even mind when my other friends made comments making me feel unsafe.

This group made me feel comfortable enough to actually chat with other friends who made me feel comfortable too but lived far away. It still makes me kinda uncomfortable talking in chat, since I feel a bit like a burden, but I do it more.

Also, for the first time, I don't feel like a weirdo in general, I see hope for me going on in my life, something that I had never felt before when I had a problem.

It might be a lot for people I just knew, but this just proves that they are people who like me being weird and how I am. We will see if it's a problem for a long time or not, until then I will be comfortable with how I feel.

I had waited so long to make this, first because nobody asked for an update, but also I wanted to see what happened on my birthday.

This week it was my birthday. My classmates were polite about it, Lisa and Charles had forgotten and needed reminders. I didn't organise anything with my friends from school because I was scared of making someone uncomfortable and because I wanted to see if they wanted to do something, if they told me. Nothing happened.

I decided, instead, to celebrate with the new group. When I told them it was my birthday, they asked to hang out and since then, they sent messages asking what I was going to do.

Yesterday I celebrated it, it was amazing. We sang, played just dance, talked and, especially, they were there. For the first time in years it felt right to celebrate. I asked my mom what she thought and said "It's the first time you don't have to beg to do things that you want to do".

Thanks to the few people who commented in the original post, I really followed the advice you gave me and I'm doing better, or at least I think I'm. Thanks also for reading this, i really just needed to say this. Sorry if there is bad english and all names are fake.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Saltylikeapretzel

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: March 26, 2026

• Final Update: July 03, 2026

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Main Post

^(March 26, 2026)

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AITAH for getting pregnant without considering my roommates feelings?

I’m living with a friend in a two bedroom apartment in a major city (separate bathrooms. She also lives in the master and we split rent evenly). I have a long distance partner and I recently discovered I am pregnant (very early on). The current lease we are in ends on June 30, and I asked my friend/roommate if she would be down to do a month to month lease for a few months after our lease ends until I get close to my due date and then I would move in with my parents.

My parents live in another major city that is about a 3 hour commute from my workplace, where I work in person twice a week, so understandably I wouldn’t want to be doing this commute for longer than I have to. My roommate said she did not want to do month to month and I said that was fine, I would just move down in July when our lease is up.

Today, my roommate informed me that she is “not comfortable” living with me until our lease ends because she ”did not sign up to be responsible for someone who is pregnant or trying to start a family” and therefore I needed to pay to break our lease so she wouldn’t have to live with me for the next three months.

I asked in what way me sharing a wall with her for the three months as per our lease would impact her in any way given that I have not asked her for any support in my pregnancy so far. She said that it did not matter that I was not relying on her for support as because she had to advocate for herself and she didn’t want the responsibility of living with someone who is pregnant because what if something goes wrong? She also mentioned the possibility of my mom or a friend taking me to appointments and therefore “forcing her to be a part of this”.

She said she was very upset that I had not considered her feelings and what she was “forced to be a part of” when getting pregnant, and that it was my responsibility to pay for all the costs associated with breaking the lease early as I am the one who “changed the terms of us living together.”

To be clear, I am not nor have I ever asked her to live with me close to my delivery or after I give birth, just to end our lease on Jun 30, at which point I would be 4 months pregnant. She said this was an unfair and selfish ask of me and she was disappointed that I didn’t have the capacity to put myself in her position and think about how my pregnancy would affect her (she does have previous trauma relating to a pregnancy that did not end up going to term, to be fair).

I told her I was ok with never mentioning my pregnancy to her or asking anything of her, but she insists that it is unfair of me to ask that we finish our lease through June 30 because i will “still be pregnant” and it will be so hard for me to move in June. So therefore I have to pay thousands of dollars to break the lease early.

Am I the asshole for asking to finish out this lease for the next three months and forcing my roommate to coexist with me while I am in early pregnancy, given I did not consider how this would affect her and the potential “liability” she would have if I live with her while pregnant? Alternatively, am I the asshole here for asking that we split the costs of breaking the lease given SHE is the one that no longer wants to live with me ?

 

COMMENTS

OOP to a long comment thread >Thank you. Prior to literally yesterday, I was close friends with my roommate. I did know about her trauma and have routinely been a listening ear and validated her feelings surrounding what happened. I won’t go into more details about her trauma because it’s not my story to tell, but it’s something we have discussed extensively beforehand. > >I definitely feel bad that I triggered her by accidentally getting pregnant, but I was shocked that someone that I considered a friend could be so callous and self centered and unsupportive during a time that she, better than anyone, would understand is so difficult to navigate already without the added stress of housing instability. Before yesterday I loved her very much and felt and showed a lot of empathy for her and tried to accommodate her many traumas in our living situation. > >For example, she has a reactive dog that she refuses to actively train. Prior to moving in I expressed my own desire to get a dog in the wake of losing my soul dog last year. She assured me she would need time to get settled but that this would be fine. When I brought up getting a dog two months into living together, she immediately said she would move out because she could not deal with the anxiety of having her reactive dog around another dog all the time. > >I offered to pay for training myself and she refused, insisting her anxieties would not be eased by a professional dog trainer, so I accepted it and never brought up the dog again. I am willing to work with people’s, especially my friend’s, mental illness and traumas, but what she demanded I do in this situation felt beyond the pale.

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WinEquivalent4069 > Her not wanting to do month to month after the lease is up is totally fair. Her thinking you needed to factor Her emotions and wants in your pregnancy are way out of bounds. Definitely NTA. She wants the lease broken then she can pay to do it. > > OOP >> Thank you! I agree maybe I shouldn’t have asked if she wanted to do month to month (for clarity, I imagined extending the lease by two months or so, not all the way up until my due date in late November), but as soon as she said no I completely respected that and assured her I’d made my own arrangements once our lease ended. 

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OOP regarding roommate's mental health and their relationship > She’s been in therapy for most of her adult life and her mom is a mental health professional which makes this all the more baffling.  > >& > > Thanks. For the record we were not long distance when we started dating three years ago, but he’s had to move to a different state for a job. He’s also currently studying for a masters degree, which he will finish next year. We have the rest of the pregnancy figured out and we will be living together after baby is born! 

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Salt-Trade-5210 > Would she have had the same reaction if you'd broken your leg or developed migraines or some other medical issues? > She's an idiot. Ignore her drama and move out when your lease ends. > > OOP >> The funny thing is I literally do have migraines! And other chronic health conditions! Which she knew about before living with me. 

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Chicken_nuggie9510 > NTA but where is your partner in all this? Why would you move in with your parents and not your partner you’re pregnant with? > > Every-Chipmunk-4259 >> Yeah it doesn’t sound like he wants this baby… >> >> OOP >>> He very much does! He’ll be telling his parents this weekend :) I just didn’t mention this all in the post as I didn’t feel it was relevant.  > > OOP >> My partner is very supportive but unfortunately has legal/other ties to a different state, which makes moving immediately financially impossible. I cannot move to be with him as my job requires me to be in person twice a week, and without doxxing myself entirely, my job depends on a license, which I only have in my current state, not my partner’s. It’s not possible for me to up and move to him either as I would be unable to get a job in his state. Thankfully he’s worked it out with his employer and his school to where we will be living together post baby/in late pregnancy! 

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EmiliusReturns > NTA. I really don’t see how you being only 4 months pregnant by the time you move out is going to affect her at all. You’re going to be long gone before the baby is born. > > OOP >> I truly wish I could understand how having a friend pick me up to take me to a pregnancy appointment would force her to be a part of anything but she insists that other people “being in and out of the house” is forcing her to participate in my pregnancy. By seeing them I guess? She refused to elaborate and said “do you not see how this is forcing me to be involved?” 

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Thin_Rub_4739 > Am I misunderstanding? Are you one month pregnant now? > > OOP >> Six weeks!

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Final Update - after 3 months, 7 days

^(July 03, 2026)

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UPDATE: AITAH for getting pregnant without considering my roommate’s feelings

Now that my lease has ended I thought an update was warranted. TL;DR at the end.

First, a little more background on my roommate. She and I were friends for about a year before we decided to live together. The pregnancy related trauma I mentioned in my earlier post was her getting an abortion two years ago because she decided she did not want to have a child with her fiancé at the time, as he was verbally abusive and got her pregnant without her consent.

She was open about this happening-she told me about her abortion the literal day that I met her. We also had a mutual friend who was trying to conceive with her husband at the time I got pregnant. This mutual friend would openly talk about her attempts to get pregnant, including a miscarriage with my roommate and my roommate appeared to have zero issues discussing these topics with her and remaining this person’s friend.

Now onto what happened next. I took the advice of a lot of you (and my IRL friends) and told my roommate via text (to have it in writing) that I would not be leaving the apartment until our lease ended June 30. I told her that if she felt uncomfortable, that was on her to manage and she was welcome to make arrangements with the landlord. In response, she said “👍” which viewers of RHOSLC will recognize as a Gen Z “fuck you.” After I stood my ground, things at the apartment were tense.

I spoke to her in person only once more, when I asked if she would move her car so I could out our trash bins out. She said she would do it and then didn’t, leaving me to scramble to get the bins out in time the next morning. She also routinely had guests over, in particular one former friend of mine that I had a falling out with (unrelated to roommate) to antagonize me. She also replaced all the pictures of us in the apartment with pictures of her and this former friend.

I’ll admit that I was petty too. I took my microwave and toaster out of the kitchen and put up a single ultrasound picture in a common area (but I removed it after two days since I felt bad). In general though, I stayed in my room 99% of the time I was in the apartment and did not see or speak to her again after early April. I completely stopped using the kitchen and common areas. Even when I had my mom visit, she and I would spend all our time locked in my room.

Unexpectedly and without telling me, my roommate moved out on May 8th. She took several of my things, blocked me in the driveway for hours, and refused to reimburse me for the couch we had bought together and utilities she still owed me. When I asked her to reimburse me for these things over text, she said that she would not be paying me anything because I had “bullied her out of the house” an “had been hostile to her friends so they could not come over.”

These texts were a little concerning because, again, I had not even spoken to her in over a month at this point. I had never asked her not to bring certain people over and did not consider my taking the microwave and toaster away “bullying” anymore than I considered her putting up photos of a person I disliked all over our apartment “bullying.” Regardless, I thought I was finally free and was willing to lose the half grand I paid or the couch and the hundreds she owed me in utilities if it meant she was out of my life.

Despite taking several things that belonged to me, she was kind enough to leave her side of the fridge full of rotten food, leave trash strewn all over her old room, leave unpatched holes in the wall, and leave a cabinet her dog had chewed up unrepaired.

Surprisingly, she paid rent for the month of June. Prior to her moving out and this conflict arising, another mutual friend (though he was primarily my friend, to be fair) had asked if he could stay with us on and off for the month of June while he completed a residency for his physician’s assistant program in our city. Both of us had said yes and planned to let him stay in our spare room.

After roommate moved out and been out for over a month, my friend came to stay. Since my roommate had had the master bed/bath (and paid the same in me as rent, btw) I set up an air mattress in her old room as well as a desk. The spare room was on the other end of the apartment from the bathrooms and was adjacent to the kitchen, so I thought setting him up in my roommates old room made more sense and gave him more privacy. As he was a guest, I didn’t charge him any rent or utilities, just let him stay because I appreciated the company.

Two weeks before our lease ended and well over a month after she had moved out, my roommate and her dad used a spare key to re enter the apartment. My friend was there at the time, but I wasn’t. She told my friend she and her dad were there to “patch holes in the wall” but left after only a few minutes without making any effort to repair the property damage she and her dog had caused.

Instead, she sent an email to the landlord alleging that I was violating our lease by illegally subletting her room and demanding that I reimburse her for rent. My landlord was thankfully a rational person who also thought my roommate was crazy and told her that any dispute was between the two of us and he would not be reimbursing her for rent.

Shortly after the landlord politely told her to get fucked, she emailed me, CCing her parents (she is a 28 year old practicing attorney, btw) alleging that I had violated the lease, that she had it on “good authority” that I had multiple people living with me for months, that my friend visiting was “trespassing/squatting” and was at the apartment illegally and that if I did not reimburse her for her rent for the months of May and June she would be “escalating the matter.”

Unfortunately for her, I too am an attorney who evidently paid much more attention in torts and property class than she did. I read through the lease and saw that it did not proscribe guests but did limit occupancy to two adults (not lessees) at one time. A violation of this portion of the lease entitled the landlord to raise the rent, but did not entitle the co-lessees to any liquidated damages for the breach.

I wrote her a very strongly worded email in which I detailed that I had not broken our lease, she had suffered no damages, my friend was not trespassing nor squatting as he had my permission to be there and I was a cotenant that had the right to possess the entirety of the property, and that I would therefore not be reimbursing her for absolutely anything. I also included texts of her agreeing to reimburse me for the couch, admitting that her dog had destroyed the property, and giving me permission (though again this was not necessary) to have guests, including my friend in question) over “any time.”

Finally, I defined reproductive coercion and abuse for her and told her that her actions were essentially an attempt to coerce me into an abortion and then abusing me financially when I refused to terminate the pregnancy at her request. I told her not to contact me again and that she was welcome to take me to small claims court and explain to a judge why she had moved out early—if she did so, I would be countersuing her for her unpaid utilities and the couch.

Since then, she’s been silent. I moved out last weekend and asked the landlord to split out deposit in half, which he agreed to. My pregnancy is progressing well and I’m nearly halfway through! And it seems like this saga is finally over, fingers crossed.

TL;DR roommate is an entitled c*ntmp that tried to wield her trauma as a weapon to coerce me into terminating my pregnancy and, when that failed, tried to fuck me over financially in revenge. I resisted those attempts and successfully moved out, and despite some remaining harassment on her end she has left me alone for the past few weeks.

 

COMMENTS

ReceptionPuzzled1579 > She’s an idiot and you are too nice. I would have taken the entire deposit, her part being reimbursement for unpaid utilities and the couch since you had evidence of these debts. > > OOP >> I truly considered asking the landlord to just send the deposit to me and keeping it all, but I’m honestly a little afraid of her because she doesn’t seem to be in touch with reality and I didn’t know what she might do in “revenge” for me “stealing” from her. >> >> Corfiz74 >>> You should have kept it as reimbursement for cleaning up the mess she left behind - I bet you documented everything, so you could have argued that the deposit was your payment for cleanup and repairs. >>> >>> OOP >>>> I wanted to, but I was (and to some degree still am) afraid of her and don’t want to take this to small claims court. I’m confident I would win but I don’t want to see her ever again and having her leave me alone forever is honestly worth every penny.

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Beginning-Fun6616 > No damage deduction for the holes made by the ex-roommate? > > OOP >> Doesn’t seem like it! My mom and I patched the holes and the cabinet and repainted the patches before I moved out.

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RamenNoodles620 > Well done. Did her parents ever say anything? Her including them in this was pretty funny. > > OOP >> No, I have no idea why she included them in that chain as neither of them are attorneys. Ironically enough, one of them is a couples therapist.

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AZDarkknight > Im assuming she didnt have any deposit left as that would have been required for the repairs to the property? > > OOP >> No, I paid for the costs to repair the damage/repaired it myself before the move out inspection as I figured that would be cheaper than the landlord making an exaggerated claim of how much it cost to repair the walls and cabinet. She never contributed to these costs but oh well.

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Life-Wealth-3399 > Please, please tell me when you replied to her email you reply all so her parents can see what she is doing, please tell me you did that. > > OOP >> Oh I replied all to that motherfucker. Hope her parents got a wake up call but I doubt it since they raised her to be this entitled. >> >> TheBearOnATricycle >>> Hell yeah. My other question is this: did she ever show any other behaviors to suggest she was into you romantically? This reads like an incel who throws a fit because the barista he thought was into him has a boyfriend. >>> >>> OOP >>>> You aren’t the first person to mention that. I never got the sense that she was into me romantically but she did treat me very differently to her other female friends. She often told me I was a “safe person” for her an often expected me or outright told me to suppress my own needs and wants because hers were more important or her mental health was worse. Looking back I think it was just a toxic relationship and she felt like she had the right to control my behavior. When I stood up to her by refusing to move out it was like she’d suffered the biggest betrayal ever because I think she really expected me to apologize for getting pregnant without considering her feelings and move out, shouldering all the expenses without question.

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TheBearOnATricycle > As a former social worker trained on it, that sounds like romantic attraction that turned into bitter toxicity when you didn’t reciprocate (which blew up when you got pregnant, which cements that you are in fact serious about your partner), although with her behavior like that it makes me question if the partner who had gotten her pregnant was the abusive one after all, because it sounds like she treated you the way an abusive partner does to their victim.
> > Did she ever try to control you in any other ways, such as controlling who could come over or judging/critiquing outfits or with who/where you chose to spend time?
> > Assuming you have left the apartment, if she tries to make contact with you now I’d suggest considering a no contact order in case she goes fully off the rails. But hopefully you won’t hear from her any more after this! > > OOP >> You’re right on the money. She labelled my partner as abusive and would often tell me stories about things my partner had done that were entirely untrue, exaggerated, or made up. When I would tell her she was wrong, she’d insist that I had told her these (often outright lies) things about my partner. for example, confided in her that once, in our over three years of dating, he told me “fuck you” during an argument, something I agree is unacceptable behavior and which he has only done the one time. After learning this she told me he was not allowed in the apartment because he triggered her, comparing him to exes that had sexually and physically assaulted her and tried to kill her. As we’re long distance, that meant I had to pay for a hotel any time he visited. I pushed back on this and she told me she had “decided I had a right to have him visit” but that I had to constantly text her updates of where we were so she would never have to look him in the face. I once asked her if my partner ever did something to her to make her feel uncomfortable or afraid and she said no, but that she was in therapy to try and understand how I could remain in a relationship with a man like him. >> >> TheBearOnATricycle >>> Ooh yeah if you’ve got an iPhone you might try to check your belongings for an AirTag, you seem to have a bit of a fan 😅 >>> >>> OOP >>>> I didn’t mention this but her initial reaction to my pregnancy also shocked me. I told her I was pregnant and she said “oh. Don’t worry, the abortion isn’t that bad.” When I told her I was actually thinking of keeping the pregnancy, it felt like things were immediately off. Five days later she told me she no longer felt comfortable living with me etc. etc. I remember at one point I said “it feels like you’re giving me the choice between getting an abortion and having a place to live or keeping my pregnancy and suffering financially” and she said “no, I’m just asking you to take responsibility for your actions.” The she told me I was making it very hard for her to self advocate because I was acting like I was attacking her. I was like is that not literally what you’re doing??

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turBo246 > Wow! I remember reading the original post and not seeing this going well! > > Thanks so much for the update!! > > I am positive that she behaved this way and wanted you to get an abortion, not because of her trauma - since you said she is fine with other pregnant people out and about in her daily life. But she wanted to renew your lease and not live with a baby. > > She just went completely off the deep end when you said you were keeping it though. > > Girl definitely needs a new therapist, as the one she's been seeing for years, is clearly not working. 😬 > > OOP >> I think in general she projected a lot of her trauma onto me and generally expected me to manage her mental illnesses for her. She once told me she had a hard time saying no so therefore I was not allowed to ask her for things she would have to say no to. I asked her if I could get a dog (which was allowed so long as I notified the landlord and paid the pet deposit) and she said she would just move out instead and that it was manipulative of me to ask her when I knew she has a hard time saying no to things, and thus I was basically forcing her to to either say yes or move out. That was back in September and I should have taken that as a sign she was unwell but at the time I thought I could make it through the end of the lease.

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/weddingabsurdity96 posting in r/offmychest

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Short

Original - 1st December 2025

Update - 4th July 2026

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I can't believe how entitled some people are when it comes to other people's weddings

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We aren't going to change our wedding. I'm not looking for advice. I'm just venting.

We are going to have a 10-15 minute ceremony at sunset. Afterwards we'll have dinner and a reception. The two of us plan to take most of our photos before the ceremony. Only a few with our families will be needed after the ceremony. Additionally, all guests must be above the drinking age, so no one under the age of 18 is allowed inside. This is the policy of the venue, not ours.

I would like to think we are being reasonable to our guests. The ceremony and reception will be four to four and half hours long. If any guests want to leave earlier it's not a problem. We'll be providing transportation to and from the venue for anyone who wants it. The wedding will be on a Saturday so no one we're inviting will need to take time away from their jobs. The wedding is local and all of the people we're inviting live here. No one has to travel or pay for a hotel. None of our guests will have to pay for their food/drinks/transportation (I've heard of that happening) and we've told everyone we don't expect gifts. There's no pressure for that. And of course we obviously can't force anyone to attend. If anyone declines our invitation we won't bother them about it.

The two of us are paying for our entire wedding ourselves. But everyone seems to think we want their opinion. The biggest complaints are about children not being invited because of the age policy of the venue. So many people are upset and say we need to get married somewhere else so their babies or kids can come. Other people say the wedding is too formal and they don't want to dress up or have a more formal dinner like what the venue offers. The two of us would never tell anyone what to wear but people are reacting to the venue because it's a more upscale place. Also many of the same people who are complaining about children not being invited say our wedding is too formal or too late in the day. They want us to move the time and have a less formal atmosphere. We've had people (mainly both sets of our parents) offer to pay for the wedding so they change things to what they want. It is not just one person complaining, it's several including some of our siblings. All of it is maddening.

We have told them all we're not changing the wedding. We don't want to elope so please don't suggest it or give any advice. We were clear that if anyone doesn't like what we're doing for the ceremony or reception they can decline our invitation. I just can't believe how entitled some people are. I would die of embarrassment if I ever tried to tell someone they had to change their wedding to what I wanted instead. I didn't think our wedding would be so controversial but here we are. I'm just here to vent about how entitled some people are. IT'S OUR WEDDING. If want to have a formal wedding at sunset that's what we'll do. There is nothing wrong with a couple having the wedding they want if they are paying for it. People have some nerve telling others to change their wedding. I just needed to get that off my chest.

​

Comments

​

SamanthaL10

100% agree, it is YOUR day and everyone else can screw off. stand on business and DON’T let them convince you.

​

Update - 7 months later

​

My wife and I didn't budge, and we had the wedding we wanted. I couldn't believe that anyone would get so angry about someone else's wedding. It wasn't just one person or a handful of people. There were a lot of complaints and my wife and I were surprised at how entitled some people were being. We just got back from our honeymoon and some people are still upset with us. We ignored anyone who complained or decided not to come to our wedding, but we are both glad we didn't cave to the pressure and kept things the way we wanted. It was the perfect day and we have no regrets.

We had our ceremony at sunset. It took less than 15 minutes. Then we had dinner and a short reception. Our entire wedding (ceremony, dinner and reception) lasted four and half hours. We got married locally so no one had to pay for flights or hotels. We hired a taxi service to provide free transportation to and from the wedding for anyone who wanted it. We had an open bar and free food. We got married on a Saturday so none of our guests would have to take time off work. My wife and I had nearly all our photos taken before the ceremony, so we only needed to do a couple of photos with our families and there wasn't a delay between the ceremony and dinner. We told our family and friends we didn't want gifts. We didn't pressure anyone to attend if they didn't want to. We thought we were being relaxed about things but it wasn't enough for some people.

The complaints were related to the venue having a policy that all guests had to be above the drinking age, the venue being upscale/formal and the wedding being so late in the day. People were upset they couldn't bring their children since the venue only allows people who are 18 years old and older. People were upset about having to dress formally. People thought the late time and formal dinner were not child-friendly. We had so much pressure to get married somewhere else or to have the wedding earlier in the day. I still can't how entitled people were about our wedding. How do you tell someone else what to do for their own wedding?

​

Comments

​

tj0911

OP, it sounds like the wedding I'd love to attend. Don't let these people who are complaining live rent free in your head instead just think if they are complaining even though they made it, then they would anyways have had under any circumstances. There are always people who aren't ever happy with anything and have an opinion about everything. Live your best life. Congratulations to you and your spouse on your wedding.

quedeusmeperdoe

i had 2 friends that stopped talking to each other because of something like that. bride and groom set the date and friend was angry because they did not ask if the day was ok for her. I told her they can chose the date they want and she also stopped talking to me. Good for you op!

FitAd8822

I like you had a child free wedding, a lot of my family and friends had kids. 99% were glad to have a night off from their kids and let their hair down and relax. Only 1 couple complained saying they couldn’t get a baby sitter (they had 6months to find one) i told her well it will be sad that she can’t attend but I understand. A day later she said she found one. (She always had one she just wanted them to come, but I’m not a pushover) Don’t let these annoying people ruin your day. Just remove them from your life moving forward.

​

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/DovaBunny posting in r/pregnant

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Short

Original - 30th April 2026

Update - 6th June 2026

Editors Note - FTM = First Time Mum

​

NIPT test vs ultrasound - one says boy, one says girl

​

I'm 29wks, 34 FTM. All's been good so far, we opted to do the nipt test earlier on and said we'll want to know the gender.

It said boy. We were so excited, had a baby shower recently, picking names and fixing the baby room.

Now today at 29wks the obstetrician says the ultrasound looks like a little girl to him.

He says it might be one of them is wrong - which is unlikely - or it's a bigger issue. He offered an amniocentesis, but says it won't change anything really.

We were so excited and happy and suddenly things feel uncertain and unclear. I don't know what to think.

Very open to any advice or wisdom right now.

​

Comments

​

wigglygoat

I'd assume the nipt would be accurate. Ultrasound is just looking at the baby and guessing. The nipt is picking up a y chromosome in your blood. There would be no y chromosome found in the blood if it was a girl.

Spiritual_Sea_1808

I agree with this but the only thing I would flag is that the only times I’ve seen an incorrect result by NIPT which is super rare btw is when the mother herself has a gender disorder she didn’t know about that skews the test. Again so rare so it’s more likely that the ultrasound was wrong but could be worth looking into. Also gender can be seen in ultrasound by 16 weeks so it’s strange to me that this only coming up now. Can you get another scan?

Messycrown2

other occasions of it being wrong are when the mother has twins and doesn’t know it but losses one early on around when testing was done.

Ironinvelvet

Almost assuredly a boy. Ultrasounds can be wrong when angles aren’t good. A lot of times inexperienced techs will say “girl” when they don’t visualize the penis and scrotum, rather than actually seeing the labia lines.

NIPT is genetic bloodwork so it detected a Y chromosome, which means boy.

There are some cases where there can be XY females and appearance differences resulting in some ambiguity, but it’s more likely that the tech just didn’t get a good look.

​

**Judgement - NIPT will be correct (boy) **

​

Update - 2 months later

​

For those who asked for an update and for anyone who might have a similar situation.

TLDR is that our (35f FTM, 37m) baby's NIPT came back as boy. We were excited and picked a name, prepped, etc.

Then I just had an odd hunch during a routine visit and scan to ask them to just check what they could see. Our excellent OBs said that's female genitals. Cue panic.

Fast forward - she was born by elective C section Thursday. We had a Neonatologist and paeds endocrinologist ready who did a full check and ultrasound.

By all accounts - the is pure girl. The NIPT was wrong.

Our midwife had spoken to the lead geneticist in the country at the NIPT lab who said it's incredibly rare - but it can happen in the case of a vanishing twin or miscarriage just before the pregnancy. I suspect I had the latter as I had a sudden very heavy period a few weeks before I learned I was pregnant.

So that's it - the NIPT is near perfect, but it can get it wrong.

​

Comments

​

Calm_Bother_3842

I have a friend who had the same incorrect NIPT result, but it turns out they messed up whose test is whose in the lab, and it wasn't vanishing twin or anything.

questionsaboutrel521

Yes. Lab error, or also it’s possible the sample was contaminated. Likely if OP took a second NIPT or even one of the drugstore sneak peek tests, would have confirmed girl.

Professional-Pop-136

That’s a very important post! Thank you for sharing.

This is what I’ve told my doctors and they didn’t want to believe me.

I had a vanishing twin which stopped to develop at 6 weeks. My doctors pushed me to do the NIPT starting week 10. I told them that false positive gender might be a very possible outcome since the NIPT is looking for any Y-Chromosome and not the strongest chromosome quantity in blood.

I waited until the online recommended 8 weeks of vanishing and did the NIPT at 17/18 weeks. It confirmed the ultrasounds before 🩷.

If I would have given in I’m sure it would have said boy as well.

Edit: I would like to add that depending when the vanishing occurred it might take longer to get exact outcomes but generally 8 weeks of waiting are recommended and to wait until the embryosack is absorbed.

This might prevent false gender predictions but also false chromosome predictions if the vanished twin didn’t develop because of chromosomal abnormalities.

​

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/oldmangeralt

Published on: r/Advice

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 19, 2026

• Final Update: July 01, 2026

---

Main Post

^(June 19, 2026)

---

My childhood bully is now bullying my son.

My son is 6, and he's such a sweet soul. He has his ups and downs as any child does, but he's gentle and at times too got for this world. We haven't had many instances of him being bullied up until now, and he's not taking it well.

Back when I was a child/young teen, a certain girl decided to make my life living hell. She disguised herself as my friend and made me do all kinds of things for her, only to call me all the names under the sun for them. She'd make me sit on the floor and call me unworthy to touch any furniture. It was the kind of mental torture no 10 year old should endure, and I lived through it up until I was 17.

I'm 28 now, I have a child of my own and my number one parenting goal has always been to make sure my son never bullies anyone. Well, hers wasn't. She has a son as well, a year older than my kid. It hasn't been an issue up until a few months ago when they moved back to our hometown after spending the first years of the kid's life in the nearest big city.

My son, the friendly little guy he is, became friends with the boy and they had some play dates and fun outings together, which I've been trying to accept, despite that gut feeling. Turns out I was right to worry about it, though.

My son has been coming home, saying that all of his friends have been laughing at him saying he has rabies. He wants us to get rid of our dogs, and there had been instances of him telling me his 'friends' were saying he lives in a rabies infested house. The reason? I'm a K9 handler and trainer. We have 4 family dogs, and I have my own business training dogs for the army/police/armed forces, or just protection dogs in general. I've been doing this for 10 years, way before my son was born.

The most terrifying part is that the grown ass adult woman, my former bully, is the one who came up with the amazing idea of calling a 6 year old rabies infested. A friend of mine showed me a group chat she's been added to (along with other parents of the kids in my son's friend group), where she's been relentlessly bullying my 6 year old child, and me by proxy, with the other parents agreeing or laugh-reacting. She's editing pictures, downloading them from my website (regarding to the dogs we have, I obviously don't post my son) and using the photos the boys have together. I've seen an edited photo of my son's happy face in that hospital isolation room, or my dog's pictures with my son edited so that they all are foaming at the mouth.

An adult ass woman doing this to a 6 year old little boy.

My bub is obviously upset, but he doesn't know about the extent of it. It's just that his friends don't want to play with him because they think he has a deadly, infectious disease. He cried himself to sleep tonight, and it makes my heart break, because I promised myself he'll never go through what I did – yet, he is going through it now.

Other than the obvious, which would be going to the school, I'd like to get back on her for all the years she's spent terrorising me, and worst of all, terrorising my son now. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Any payback ideas, if legal, would be appreciated too.

TLDR: My childhood bully is secretly bullying my 6 year old son claiming he has rabies. She's making disgusting edits of his pictures and sending them to a group chat I'm not a part of to laugh about it with other parents. I'm lost and my child is heartbroken.

 

NOTE: There were comments from OOP

---

Final Update - after 12 days

^(July 01, 2026)

---

[UPDATE] My childhood bully is now bullying my son.

Hi all! About two weeks ago I posted on here about a very concerning situation regarding myself, my son and my childhood bully. A whole lot of you have been asking for an update, so here it is:

After reading through all of the comments, I decided not to post her on SM for everyone to see, mostly because I don't need a defamation case on top of everything that's going on right now. I did, however, look into her life and why she had to move back to our home town, and with the help of some childhood friends I was able to find out she did something similar to one of her coworkers (no children involved, though), and ended up getting fired, hence was unable to stay in the city. I did, however, file a police report, and got a half assed, scared shitless apology from her via Messenger. I can't say more about how it's been going when it comes to the claim and court dates etc., so I'm sorry I can't give you an update on that as of now.

Some of you mentioned I should also go to the school and show off the dogs to kids, so they all understand what the dogs actually do. I can't do that, sadly, because school's out. However! I was able to work with the town and organize a meeting in the park, where I was able to show what my dogs did. It was for everyone to attend, but from what my son has told me, a surprising amount of his peers actually did show up. I have another show scheduled for this weekend during the summer festival in town, and my son will be actually 'performing' this time as well. He's super excited, and I'm glad I was able to have him make some good memories after all that.

Lastly, for the people who wanted me to beat her up: I am 22 weeks pregnant, so no thanks. My partner beat me to it, though. He's a firefighter, so for most of this I wasn't really able to talk to him about my feelings when he was working his double shifts, but the moment I was able to sit down with him and tell him, he went straight to that house to have a word with her (bully) husband. He came out of it in one piece, he's fine, and the other dude is alive, but if I wasn't a mother with another baby on the way + an adult woman, I would say it was entertaining af.

Another small piece of information people have been wondering about: I did say I'm 28, and that I've been doing this for 10 years, and someone mentioned it's impossible. Well, I've actually been working with dogs way before I turned 18, my dad did it for a living my whole life as well. I did not, however, open my business when I was 18, lol. I joined the army as soon as I could, so that was my first real, adult job.

So there's that. Thank you all for helping me out with it and getting mad alongside me. We're all doing much better. It's my son's birthday tomorrow, so I've got cake pops to dip and a back yard to set up, but for any of you who were actually worried about him: he is happy, smiling and excited as hell for presents tomorrow.

 

COMMENTS

361days > Wait so your husband fought the other husband? > > OOP >> It was a bit of a scuffle, yeah

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Curious_Owl197 > Are we accepting of sending the kid to karate class and then punching the bully kid in the mouth? > > OOP >> He will be doing Krav Maga, starting September. Both me and my brother did, and it really gave us both a confidence boost, so I'm signing him up as well

 

---

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Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/AngryWifeThrowaway

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: October 20, 2015

• Final Update: October 22, 2015

---

Main Post

^(October 20, 2015)

---

Coworker is falsely accusing me of having an affair with her husband...what should I do?

Ok, so first a little backstory...I (27F) have been working at a small restaurant for the past 4 years. I supervise a small 6 person crew, and we all get along very well. Since my first day, my dishwasher "Jim" (65M) and I clicked the most. He's retired army, and has the same crazy sense of humor as me. On our breaks, we like to share stories and jokes (sometimes inappropriate ones). However, this is always only between the two of us, never in front of other staff or customers. I see him as a good friend and coworker, nothing more.

Everything has been going fine and dandy until a couple days ago when his wife (60ish) confronted me out of the blue. She's our receptionist, and has been working there for about 7 years.
She seemed quite angry and shaken and told me that she's seen how I look at her husband, and it makes her uncomfortable. I apologized, obviously, I never meant to make her feel that way. I hoped that would diffuse the situation, but she got even angrier, and told me that she knew we were having some kind of relationship behind her back. I had no idea what to say, I was just floored. She started to ramble, saying that I shouldn't be looking up to him as a father figure, just because my father most likely abandoned me, (which he didn't) and that i'm abusing my position as his supervisor to make him do whatever I want, and to keep him quiet about it. She warned me that if this behavior continued, that she would report me for sexual harassment.

I spoke to Jim about this, and we both tried (separately and together) to convince her that she was wrong, but she was still very upset and didn't want to talk about it. She told us we can deny it till we turn blue, but she doesn't believe us. I don't know what to do. I feel like I should go talk to HR, but should I just wait for it to all blow over? There's obviously something going on between the two of them that I don't know about, but from everything I've seen, it looks like they have a good marriage. Jim and I agreed to take breaks at different times, and keep our interactions professional for the time being. I'm really worried what she might do, and a lawsuit would ruin my career. Help Reddit!

TL/DR- Coworker is threatening to report me for sexual harassment...I never slept with her husband...

 

COMMENTS

Imsolost123456789 > Take it to HR. Say that she is accusing you of things and creating a hostile work environment- because she is. > > fluorowhore >> A small restaurant is unlikely to have an HR department. Talk to the owner. >> >> OOP >>> We're part of a larger corporation that has an HR department, though I've never really dealt with them.

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OOP > Wow, thank you guys for your advice. It all pretty much confirmed what I think my next steps will be. Our HR department is pretty quick to judge, so I think I'll have to be very cautious of what I say when I bring this to them. I do want to nip it in the bud before it blows up into something bigger. Going to start drafting an email to them tonight, and I'll post an update if I hear anything back. :)

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alanaa92 > No one has mentioned this but I would immediately cool your interactions with Jim to strictly professional matters. It sucks, but your job is on the line. > > Do that first and see if it pacifies his wife before you visit human resources. > > WHUFC118 >> It also sucks if your husband is going off for private jokey/flirty sessions with his female boss when they're both supposed to be working, wouldn't you say? >> >> OOP >>> It's not like that at all. We've never flirted with each other, and we typically eat lunch around the same time, so it's nice to have someone to sit with and share a laugh or two. I guess I can see how his wife could have misconstrued this, but if there had been anything blatantly inappropriate going on, I feel like other people would have noticed.

---

1fuathyro > You exchanging 'sexy' stories with your employee is poor judgement on your part. YOU are the manager. You are not your employee's friends, or did you miss the memo about that. > > It cracks me up how many boundaries managers cross. When you are the boss you really have to watch yourself. I'm not saying that you can't be cordial and that there aren't 'friendly' things you can do (like attend a wedding, a shower etc.) but what you did was inappropriate. > > Also, a little tidbit about men. You give them attention and they think you are interested. My husband goes on and on about how women at work want him all day-all because they give him attention. It pisses me off because I only get his side of the story. I'm sure his wife doesn't appreciate all the attention you are showing HER husband and perhaps he eggs her on with his stories about your little 'times' together. > > I can see you being fired for this, actually. You better hope the company finds you valuable. Live and learn. > > OOP >> Did you even read my post at all? We've never flirted, and definitely never shared "sexy stories". Our jokes mainly consist of puns and one liners that are 99% of the time stupid and juvenile. I'm appalled that people jump to these conclusions. And just so you're aware, our "secret, sexy" meetings involve us sitting at the same table for lunch. Most of the time we don't even talk. So if you have nothing constructive to say, keep your judgments to yourself.

---

Final Update - after 2 days

^(October 22, 2015)

---

Update: Coworker is falsely accusing me of having an affair with her husband.

Me (27F) Jim (65M) Karen(60F) (forgive me for any formatting issues, i'm not tech savvy)

Ok, so A LOT has happened in the past few hours that has pretty much cleared everything up, but it's a doozy of a story. So I decided to call HR, and tell them what happened. I was calm and objective, stating only the facts and what Karen (Jim's wife) accused me of. My HR rep said that they appreciated my honesty, and while my actions weren't wise or appropriate for the workplace, it wasn't necessarily considered harassment. Karen never said that she overheard any of our conversations, just that the way I looked at him and sat with him at lunch made her uncomfortable. If she did contact them, they would look into it, but otherwise, just try to keep my interactions at work professional from now on. Fair enough.

After Karen confronted me the other day, she hasn't shown up for work the past 2 days. I asked Jim what happened, and he confided in me that they had a huge fight. Karen has been on psych meds for the past few years, and without his knowledge, she's taken herself off of them. (I didn't ask what they were for, it's not my business.) Things at home had been getting tense, so for the past month or so, he's been going to the bar after work with his old Army buddies. That's probably why she was getting suspicious that we were meeting behind her back. He told her that I spoke to HR, and she flipped out. She called them screaming, and said that I was lying, and for the past 2 years I've been soliciting her for sexual favors, and making unwanted advances towards her. (This is of course 100% bullshit).

It took a little while, but he eventually calmed her down, and convinced her to call HR back and tell the truth. She recanted everything she said, and asked them not to punish me for her misjudgment. Her paranoia and anxiety are getting worse, and even her children are getting concerned. After talking to Jim, I got a call from HR this morning telling me that her report was unjustified, and no further actions would be taken. I was also told by my manager that Karen is taking some time off "for her health". Jim says that they're reevaluating whether working is a good idea for her right now.

For those of you who urged me to talk to HR, THANK YOU!! I'm glad I said something before she had a chance to spin another web of lies that could have been much much worse. At the same time, I feel terrible for her. She's usually such a sweet person, and I'm glad she's taking the time she needs to get things back in order. Crisis averted!

TL/DR- Coworker had a psychotic break. Still didn't sleep with her husband.

 

COMMENTS

ForeverChasingEchos > I said in your other post it sounded more like a break down or mental illness. I really hope the lady gets the help she needs. She sounds like she should be in a hospital until they can fix her medication to get her stable > > OOP >> Yeah, that's what I was sort of assuming. It was like talking to a completely different person, her personality made a complete 180.

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Hisbaby4 > I think I'm the future you need to not be Jim's sounding board. > Be professional but leave personal things out. > > eightiesladies >> Right!? They told her to be professional and she said "no problem," Then went right to him and asked about her. >> >> OOP >>> To be fair, he came to me with that info. I just asked him if she was ok. He thought I deserved an explanation, and I appreciated it. I didn't badger him for gossip.

 

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Fantastic_Sorbet9395

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 30, 2026

• Update: July 02, 2026

---

Main Post

^(June 30, 2026)

---

My [30/F] husband [33/M] wants to try Polyamory with one specific woman. How do I talk to him about it?

We’ve been married for 7 years. Mostly good marriage until the last year.

My husband got promoted at work and started bringing up this one coworker [26/F] a lot.

The first time I hung out with them all outside of work, alarm bells started ringing. My husband spent the whole night entertaining her while I felt like the third wheel.

I asked husband to distance himself from coworker and he said he would implement some boundaries.

Months pass. I stop hearing about coworker. I think everything is good.

Then last week husband sat me down and said he wanted to try polyamory. He didn’t want to talk about who at first, but eventually he admitted he wanted to take coworker out on a date.

I told him I am monogamous. Our relationship has always been monogamous. I have no interest in being poly.

He asked me why I didn’t like her.

The conversation ended when I said he couldn’t have a wife and a girlfriend but he’s been mopping around and crying on and off since.

I want to save my marriage but it’s not in my control. It’s up to my husband and what he wants to do next.

Nothing physical has happened yet. He hasn’t even told her about his crush yet. He said he wanted to ask me first.

I think I could forgive him for this if things change, but I don’t know what’s reasonable to ask him for. What are reasonable stipulations? Couples counseling for sure, but what else?

Tl;dr: My husband picked out the woman he wants to cheat on me with and asked me for permission. Now what?

 

COMMENTS

justcozitscool > It’s not up to him, it’s up to you. You aren’t powerless here. If he’s going to act like that because he wants a gf and wants you to be ok with it. You leave. It will hurt and suck for ages but you WILL get over it. And find someone that wants you and only you. > > OOP >> I want to believe. It just feels so far away

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MiloTheMagnificent > He’s already cheating on you. They have definitely been physical. Something has happened with her to make him attempt this “soft launch” of the affair, like she’s told him she’s pregnant or she’s given him an ultimatum because she doesn’t want to be the secret side piece anymore or people who know you have already seen them together and he’s trying to get ahead of it. Find yourself a lawyer and start focusing on protecting yourself through the upcoming divorce. He’s seeking forgiveness by framing it as permission there’s nothing here to save. > > OOP >> I’m so scared you’re right. This felt like it had to come from somewhere

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Southern-Midnight741 > The fact that he is asking for a threesome means he has discussed this with the other women. They are at the point where discussing or fantasy about sex with her has been occurring > > OOP >> He isn’t asking for a threesome. He wants me to be his wife and separately he wants her to be his girlfriend

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hiKlementine > Married for 7 years but 3 years ago you were a lesbian based on your post history? > > OOP >> This is my friend’s throw away account. She lent me her login

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Sinusaur > > My husband spent the whole night entertaining her while I felt like the third wheel. > > The Audacity of some dudes. All of their coworkers can see this. > > OOP >> Another coworker asked if he was poly… he says that’s what put the idea in his head >> >> Shironaku >>> Why would a coworker ask that? Unless they've already witnessed something weird (I assume they know he's married) >>> >>> OOP >>>> That’s what I’m afraid of but I didn’t want to accuse him of “asking for it”

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doeskyleevershower > I love how all the answers are like high-school kids saying "leave" lol yeah a 7 year marriage that they built a life around and built a life on dual incomes and tied their names to everything. I would dig deeper into your husband's needs of why he feels like this. Not one comment I've seen has mentioned looking into why he is feeling the need to sleep around. How often are you guys making love? Not just sex but actual romantic love? How often do you initiate it? > > OOP >> 3-4 times a week. I really think the change is he got the promotion at work and his confidence improved. He started going out with coworkers and changing up his style

---

Update - after 2 days

^(July 02, 2026)

---

Update: My [30/F] husband [33/M] wants to try Polyamory with one specific woman. How do I talk to him about it?

I don’t know how to link my original post, but to summarize, my husband of 7 years wants my permission to start a relationship with his coworker. We have always been monogamous and I told him no. I came here looking for advice on how to save my marriage.

Update

I talked to our two best friends (a married couple who have been like family to my husband and I for many years) about what’s been going on.

To say they were upset on my behalf is an understatement. While I was telling them what happened, one of them started writing down her thoughts.

Once we finished talking, she had me call my husband over and she basically talked/yelled at him for being an idiot while we went through each of her bullet points basically calling out everything you all said. Starting with “Coercion isn’t a valid entrance to Polyamory,” and ending with “What are YOU going to do to fix this.“

But the most damning accusation was “You don’t want to try polyamory, you just want to fuck your coworker”

I’ve never seen someone so upset on my behalf.

My husband didn’t say much and when he did, our friend clapped back with a comment that I could tell really affected him. His whole mood changed after that.

Then I said my piece. I told him that while I may not raise my voice the way our friend had, that I felt betrayed by him. I reiterated all the points made and told him divorce was something I was seriously considering. By the time I finished, he was crying again.

Then I sent him home to think about his actions while I stayed with our friends.

I’m sure I’ll get flack for having our friends help me talk to him but I honestly felt better having their support. It made it so he couldn’t twist the situation to get me back on his side.

And it seemed to knock some sense into him because when I came home later that night, he was crying on the phone with his mom telling her about how badly he fucked up and how scared he was that I was going to leave him.

We talked again and he really seemed to grasp the severity of the situation. He scheduled us a couples therapy session and assured me I was his top priority. He said during his next shift he would talk to his coworker and tell her that if she thought anything was going on between them, it was over now and they would be strictly platonic moving forward.

Well, he came home from work last night and he hadn’t had the talk with her. Instead he doubled down on being “poly.”

He insists nothing has happened yet but that his coworker probably does think there is something between them. I asked him why she would think that and he said “by her behavior.” At this point it doesn’t matter to me either way.

He is already so in love with another woman, he is willing to break my heart.

Looks like there’s nothing left of my marriage to save. It hurts but I’m not going to beg someone to choose me.

So now we are separated while I figure out what comes next. We are in a no fault state and he has no assets. Does anyone have any advice for an uncontested divorce?

TL;DR: He decided not to choose our marriage, so I’m leaving him. Divorce advice?

 

COMMENTS

milquetoastsandwich > I’m a little confused about bringing the friends in but sounds like you got to a healthy decision. Best advice I have is to retain an attorney asap if you can. Ask for local recs. But if there are no assets to fight over then maybe you can get out without spending too much $$. I’m sorry. It’s very hurtful he doubled down on the fake polyamory. > > OOP >> I asked them if I could stay with them for a while and felt the need to explain why. They are his friends too so they wanted to talk to him to get his perspective. It got more heated than any of us expected. >> >> But thank you for the advice. I am hoping to get out without spending too much. I don’t think he will fight for the marriage and this would be a simple dissolution

---

Cream_of_Teet > This seems fake. You went from "My friend called him to wring him out" to "I sent him home to think about his actions while stayed with our friends" implying that this was an in person confrontation. Which one is it? Was this over the phone or was this at your friend's house. The inconsistency screams fake > > OOP >> It was in person. I went to their house to ask to stay for a while and after telling them what happened I called my soon to be ex and he drove over.

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BeholdBarrenFields > I am so sorry. From your first post I knew this would be the outcome. But you have handled it perfectly, and I’m so glad you have wonderful friends who have your back. > > It is unfathomable to me that he is throwing everything away when he doesn’t even know if this woman reciprocates his infatuation. And even if she does, infatuation is all it is. The rush of something new and exciting. When things don’t work out there, he will be back with his begging and crying. But after reading this update I don’t think I have to tell you not to take him back. You have shown strength dignity, and respect for yourself. Your future is brighter without this manchild. > > OOP >> I honestly can’t believe this is my life right now. I never expected to be looking down the barrel of a divorce and staying in my friend’s guest room. >> >> I am so grateful to have them. >> >> But god damn does it still feel like my whole world is crumbling. >> >> BitchKitty_9 >>> You said in another comment that he basically has nothing (not even health ins.) so what does your housing situation look like? Is he on the deed/lease? In my opinion, you shouldn't have to stay in a friend's guest room since your husband is the one who ruined your marriage. He should be the one to leave. >>> >>> OOP >>>> We are co-signers on our lease and our fully paid off car. He can have the shitty car and the apartment if it means I can have my divorce finalized before he comes crawling back asking for another chance

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CompetitiveCoconut16 > Find a divorce lawyer. You don’t need to spend an arm and a leg. I think my uncontested divorce cost about $2000 when everything was said and done. If he has a 401K/retirement, make sure you take half of that… take every penny you are entitled to. > > OOP >> He has literally nothing. He doesn’t even have health insurance

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Prudence_rigby > What do you mean by separated? > > All of a sudden all his crying and blubbering stopped? Im sure his mom will be happy with his whining. > > OOP >> I mean I’m staying with friends and pursuing a divorce >> >> ReallyBadDisguise >>> Do you think he actually told her the full truth? >>> >>> OOP >>>> I think he explained his version of polyamory to her. I don’t know if he told her he’d already picked out another woman.

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Brief_Hippo5187 > Separate your finances as much as you can. Get tested for STDs. I'm not trusting your husband when he says nothing happened. Can i ask how old everyone is? Updateme > > OOP >> I’m 30. He’s 33. The coworker is 26

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gardengirl99 > He has no assets whatsoever? Not even a life insurance policy that you can stipulate that you remain the benefit of? Not even a 401(k) IRA somewhere? > > OOP >> If there is life insurance, it’s the free coverage offered through his employer. He thinks 401ks are a scam so he doesn’t contribute to one. Same thoughts on the health insurance

 

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user Material_Ad9529 in r/ AmItheAsshole

Original: Jan 17, 2026

Update: in post itself

Status: no further updates from OOP

Note: thanks to u/Key_Advance3033 for suggestion to BORU;
OOP referred to sons as oldest and youngest, included names for easier read

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Original: AITA for telling my son his gf can only come over when he is home?

My two son's (Theo 21, Henri 19) live in a house I own. I specifically have them paying only utilities because we know times are tough. Its equally divided between the two. The conditions were pay utilities, keep a room for me and get along. The younger, Henri has a gf. Lets call her Liz.

Ever since I moved out Liz has been inviting herself over whenever she wants even when he's not home. I had no problem until today when Theo was sharing a story.

See my room growing up was the "hang out" spot for the kids. The living room was always vancant because they liked my room and tv best. So that's basically been the comon room their entire lives. But since moving out Henri moved his bed in with my permission. But with the understanding that it is the common room and his brother Theo likes hanging out there.

Well a couple days ago Liz came over when he wasnt home. Theo has no issues with her so he let her in. He went to my room to watch movies and she followed. He was on the futon in the corner she was in the bed Henri moved in.

Half way through the movie they were watching (again in my room a common shared space) she tells asks Theo to leave bc shes uncomfortable with him there and wants to nap. He leaves cause what is he to say?

The next day Henri confronts Theo asking about what happened and told him to stay out of the room. I found out today about this. Like I said my room has always been a common room and that was the understanding of my leaving.

So I set a rule that the gf can only be at the house when Henri is home and to never be at the house when hes not there. He thinks this is unreasonable. I told him his if his gf is uncomfortable with Theo being around in his house when hes not there then she shouldnt be there. Am I the asshole?

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: The girlfriend has a lot of gall telling the other brother to leave the room, ANY ROOM, when it’s not her house. I 100% agree with OP.

Comment2: NTA. And it kind of protects your son too. Your son shouldn't have to leave the room or the house because the gf is there.
I understand her feeling uncomfortable with him there while she wants to nap, but her bf wasn't in the house. She could go take a nap in her own house or while her bf is there.
And why come to hang out while her bf is not in the house and then feel uncomfortable with the person who also lives there?

>Comment3: The girlfriend is doing a soft launch move in, that's why.
----------
OOP: My fear as well. If thats the case Henri needs to find a different place to live.

Comment4: NTA.
If she’s uncomfortable in someone else’s home when her bf isn’t there then she doesn’t need to be there. I’m not saying all women are like this, but if she was cruel, she could accuse him of something awful and there would be a he said she said situation. That would put bf in a REALLY tough spot.
You, OP, are paying the rent and are setting a boundary that protects both your son and gf. This rule is the best solution imo to prevent any possible rifts in the future.

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Update 0.5

To answer common questions

Why do I have a room at a house I dont live in?

>I wanted a room for me to stay in when ever I came into town to avoid paying a hotel as I come visit frequently when its warmer weather.

Do they have own rooms?

>Yes each has their own room aside from mine.

Why was Henri allowed to move bed?

>I asked Theo if it was okay he had no issues with it as long as he could still go hang in there. Now theres issues so Henri will be moving bed.

Why is gf there when hes not there?

>No idea she invites herself over.

Do I like her?

>Doesn't matter if I like her or not, my son picked her its his issue. I had no issues with her until she created issues in a home my sons share.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update 1

I moved my trip up to today as Henri was giving me a feeling he wasn't going to give up the room. Fortunately with a ton of protest he moved his stuff back to his original room. I have put a lock on the door and the room will only be accessible to me when I come into town.

I also brought a lease which they both have signed as rules apply to both. His gf was here and was understanding of where I was coming from and understands that she can only be over when her bf is home. No in between waiting.

Thank you to those who reached out privately giving me ideas of how to look up legal leases for my state and for giving me words of encouragement.

Son is a bit upset as of now but he also seems to understand where I am coming from. Everyone is hanging out with me in my room even though both guys are upset with each other. A little peace has been brought to the land for now.

Hopefully everything is now clarified for all parties. I will enjoy my long weekend with my boys. Will not update unless something related occurs. Thank you everyone for your insights and opinions.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Medical-Angle-549

Published on: r/relationships_advice & r/AmIOverreacting

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 15, 2026

• Update: June 27, 2026

---

Main Post

^(June 15, 2026)

---

AIO My sister and husband text privately and spend time together. Should I be concerned?

My husband and my sister have developed what I think is an unusually close relationship, and I’m trying to figure out if I’m overreacting.

My husband travels for work to the area where my sister lives, so they have opportunities to see each other when he is in town.

Some examples:

• They text directly about travel plans, shopping, TV shows, and random family/life stuff.

• My sister has gone shopping one-on-one with him before and bought clothes for him because she remembered his size.

• She frequently sends me photos of outfits, earrings, dresses, etc. asking for my opinion, but often it feels more like she wants validation than advice.

• Once she modeled a dress in front of me, my husband, and her husband. Her husband complimented her, but she immediately asked my husband what he thought.

• She has privately texted my husband asking when he’ll be in town and told him when she would be away, seemingly so he wouldn’t visit when she was gone.

• When my husband mentioned a possible birthday-week visit, she got very excited and immediately said she would start looking for reservations.

• She often seems unusually interested in my husband’s reaction to clothes or style choices.

• My husband says nothing inappropriate has happened and that it’s all harmless.

Am I overreacting, or does this sound like emotional flirtation / blurred boundaries? If you were in my shoes, would this bother you?

 

Note: There were over 100 replies from OOP across multiple subs, i've convetred them into Q&A

Have you talked to your husband about how uncomfortable this makes you feel? >Yea once I kind of hinted at something kind of mild like what are you texting so much about and he said “relax”. > >I have not flat out called him out on it. Just every time I remotely suggest something he either ignores my comment or dismisses it. One time I brought up going with he did not shut it down but then it turned into oh I will be going for only 1 day quick turn around.

---

Have you read their messages? What did you find? >Yes I have and they both seem complicit. Its like watching a tennis match with the texts back and forth inside jokes but nothing obvious like everthinh has some > >Plausible deniability. > >They did but one could read them and think nothing obvious > >Great advice! Some of what I have seen in texts spills into her making minor annoyances about her husband or issues with the kids but nothing openly blatant. But I can’t say I have seen all their texts. I also don’t understand why they have a private lane when in other instances I’m in chats and it’s usually when she’s sending photos of herself. If she sent that in private it would be an open flag but instead all > >Those texts include me.

---

Do they spend time alone together? >He works quit a bit. They do things together with him but seems like a a lot without him. Also the texts never mention him in the plans. Like he will meet her at a mall just the two of them spend time together then meet him. > >They mostly hang out alone then meet up with BIL but it’s so orchestrated to avoid him. > >Thank you this is helping at least confirm I’m not insane. As to your question they never tell me ahead of time. But one time he left his busness meeting early i could see he was heading tomher neighbohood. I called multiple times and he did not pick up. Later it came out they met up for coffee hung out shopped and then met her husband for dinner.

---

Does the texting increase around his work trips? >I feel terrible for saying but I check his phone. Aside from a few blips once a month a funny clip and small chat it ramps up just before one of his trips. > >Not so much missing sections if anything the texting escalates when he’s there and I’m > >Going to sound insane but feels like they are giddy and trying to find ways to get together. On one shopping excursion she had him take pictures of her trying on clothes. Nothing too sexy mostly winter clothing but she got all her make up on and hair done up.

---

How often do they shop together? Does your husband even like shopping? >They went shopping together multiple times and always alone. > >He hates shopping that’s something I did not connect the dots on I have to pull teeth and yet every time he’s out there they just happen to end up at mall together.

---

What does your brother-in-law know? Why haven't you talked to him? >Yea she’s married I don’t know what he thinks worried if I say something to him I might escalate and everyone will think I’m Insane. > >We are all in our 40s. Her husband and don’t have that kind of open line of communication and he certainly has not hinted anything to me. He kind of worships her and does whatever she says. So not sure if the light bulb is not going on but I can’t go to him about this without more concrete evidence. It’s hard to explain I worry I will look like an insane possesseve jelous person and im not but all of it seems > >Just off without a real smoking gun. They both play it like this is just normal. > >No bc i know based on our relationship she will 100% say im insane and jealous. As for her husband i dont have a read on his take and it could get ugly fast if im reading this the wrong way.

---

Why do you believe your sister wants your husband's attention? >He has control of his travel schedule to a certain extent. She will include him on some of the photos. They would include her husband but why not include him in the texts for celebration. Her text are always like it’s bw the two of them. Like they are playing a couple. He doesn’t hide them but as I said they have this plausible deniability something feels off but I will look like a jealous B if I say something that’s the difficult part. > >I never ask her husband. One time she tried two tops asked all of us which we Liked better we all gave response my husband mentioned the one the others voted down she wore what my husband picked and then I caught her saying to him see what I picked.

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Did your sister invite your husband to stay at her house? Do you think they're having a physical affair?

>He stays at hotel but I found a private message where she told him he should stay at their house. > >He said thanks but I need to be close to the office. > >The shopping started about a year and a half ago. But I don’t think they having physical intimacy I think it might be emotional and could get to the physical.

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Has your sister always been competitive with you? Why haven't you confronted your sister?

>Older than me and yea competitive > >She is going to say I’m insecure and crazy

---

---

Update - after 12 days

^(June 27, 2026)

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AIO UPDATED-My sister and husband text privately and spend time together. Should I be concerned?

Since my last post, I found out more context that made me feel even less like this was “just one weird moment.”

I learned from my niece that during the purse-shopping trip, my sister encouraged her son to leave and go with his sister, which left my husband and my sister shopping together. My husband then took multiple photos of my sister trying on purses. My niece also later mentioned that the sales associate assumed they were husband and wife. My sister corrected her, but apparently found the whole thing funny and entertaining.

I’ve seen the purse photos now, and they do not feel like “quick shopping reference photos.” They feel like my husband photographing my sister modeling.
There was also another visit where my husband stayed at my sister and her husband’s house. After her husband left, my sister did her hair and makeup, modeled a winter coat, and my husband offered to take photos so she could see it. Later that night, when she was dressed up for an event with her husband, she sent my husband a photo of herself with no comment attached.

Again, any one thing could maybe be explained away. But added to the private texting, the skirt saga, the jeans gift, the dress/top opinions, the way she seems to care about his reaction to what she wears, and the fact that she keeps creating these little moments where he becomes her photographer or appearance judge it started to feel like a pattern I could not unsee.
So I talked to my sister first.

I told her I needed to discuss something awkward, and I tried to be calm. I said I was uncomfortable with the texting, the outfit photos, the shopping, and the way she seems to use my husband as an audience for how she looks.
She immediately got very calm. Almost too calm.
She said, “He’s my brother-in-law. We get along. I didn’t realize that was a crime now.”

I told her it was not that they get along. It was how they get along.
She asked, “How do we get along?”

I said, “You use him as an audience.”

That was when her tone changed. She gave this small smile and said, “Or maybe I’m just comfortable in my body and you’re uncomfortable watching someone else be comfortable in hers.”

I told her that was unfair.

She said, “Then what exactly was I doing? Modeling too aggressively? Wearing leggings at you?”

I said I was trying to set a boundary.

She said, “No. You’re asking me to shrink so you can feel bigger.”

That one really hurt.

When I brought up the photo she sent him after the coat situation, she said, “I sent a photo in a conversation we were already having.”

I said, “With no comment.”

She said, “Because it didn’t need one.”

Then she said, “Maybe you should try sending him photos. Maybe then you wouldn’t be so worried about him looking at mine.”

I told her that was unnecessary, and she said, “So is accusing your sister of trying to tempt your husband because he took a few pictures while shopping.”

I asked if she would stop texting him privately about clothes, outfits, shopping, and photos.

She said, “Stop what, exactly? Existing around him? Being friendly? Letting him take a photo if I ask? Laughing when something is funny?”

I said, “You know what I mean.”

She said, “No, I don’t think you know what you mean.”

The conversation ended with her saying, “If your issue is with your husband looking, talk to your husband. If your issue is that I look good, that’s not mine to fix.”

That was probably the most painful part, because she made me feel insane and jealous for noticing something that still feels real to me.

She did not apologize. She did not agree to stop. She basically framed the entire thing as my insecurity and said I was trying to control a normal family friendship because I felt threatened.

I walked away feeling worse, not better.

And honestly, that conversation left me more confused.

So now should I have a conversation with my husband….? wtf do i say I thought confronting her with the facts would be easy but I felt stupid petty and jealous. I need a sanity check.

 

COMMENTS

Lanky_Emu_1184 > girl if that was my sister I’m slapping her across the face, but besides that, my sister would never be like that towards me because she doesn’t have this underlying competition that your sister seems to be having with you. Did you guys grow up getting compared a lot? > > OOP >> We did >> >> Noonull >>> Your sister wants the attention you get from him. She might not necessarily want him, she just wants to take what you have or she likes having the ability to do it. >>> >>> Talk to her husband and yours and tell them the boundary. If they are okay with what she’s doing, then you know that you need to pack it up and leave and go NC with her. He should not be entertaining her and her husband should not be happy with her toeing the line. She will escalate it for fun now that she knows you don’t like it. >>> >>> OOP >>>> I think you’re right although she has done a few things that lead me to believe she might be attracted to him.

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Suki_13 > NOR. Your sister is a classic narcissist. Personally, the older I get the more I distance myself from energy vampires like this and people who bring nothing to the table, even if it’s family. That being said, I would have a heart to heart with your husband and find out what his motivation is behind all of this and let him know you feel disrespected. His response will tell you all you need to know. On a sidenote, does your sister not know how to use a mirror?! > > OOP >> 🙏🏻and such a good point 🤣

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kittendollie13 > NOR. If I remember your original post, your sister was recently divorced or was in the middle of one. She is a shark going after your husband, and she is a conceited b&$"ch. I can't tell just how clueless your husband is or if he is putting on an act but both of y'all need to block your sister. > > OOP >> No she is not divorced or divorcing but don’t know if that’s in the works that she has not told me.

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swhertzberg > I feel like there is a big difference between OP's husband using his phone to take pictures, vs OP's sister in law handing her phone to him and asking him to take pictures. > > OOP >> I had not pinpointed this but I think you are 100% on why it bothers me. She’s letting him take photos that he can revisit. That’s going on my list of arguments

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/JustADude183

Published on: r/AskReddit

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 18, 2022

• Final Update: August 14, 2022

NOTE: The original post was a reply to an AskReddit question. OOP later posted an update on their own profile.

---

Main Post

^(July 18, 2022)

---

What's a secret you'll never tell your partner but are willing to tell strangers on Reddit?

Using my alt because she follows my main account

My girlfriend of 5 years has been deaf since she was 6. She reads lips pretty well, but prefers Sign Language. I didn’t know a single sign when I met her, but I could tell right away there was something between us so I started learning after I got home from our first date.

Fast forward a few years, I’m now fluent in ASL and we use it to talk almost exclusively. When she’s not looking though, I talk to her even though she can’t hear me or see my lips to read. I tell her how much I love her, how I’m going to marry her someday, how beautiful she is, etc. I’ve even been practicing proposing, so it’s not so terrifying when I actually do it. She has no idea and I plan to keep it that way.

 

NOTE: This story was also reposted to r/wholesome, where OOP shared a lot of additional details in the comments. I've included comments from both posts, so don't skip the comments section.

 

COMMENTS

Present_Champion1662 >I need an update on this. That’s wonderful! It’s surprising how many family members of Deaf people that don’t learn sign language. > >OOP >>She’s lucky, her immediate family are all fluent and most of her extended family has learned at least a few simple phrases and words. My side of the family has started learning too, since they know she’ll be part of the family pretty soon. Most deaf people aren’t so lucky, I’m really glad she has such good people in her life.

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Toadie9622 >This touched my heart so much. I hope my youngest daughter meets somebody like you. > >OOP >>I bet she will, I’m not the first guy she’s been with who went to great effort to accommodate her. I’m just the one who was lucky enough to win her over

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WinterPickles31 >Dude.. from the mother of two young Deaf daughters.. THANK YOU! The fucking world feels scarily unaccommodating sometimes and it's so good to know good hearts like yours are out there. > >OOP >>My girlfriend often feels like the rest of the world would rather she didn’t exist, so I go out of my way to show how glad I am she does. All it takes is one person who really cares to make all the difference, so try to be that difference for your daughters. It helps them more than they’ll ever say

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NOTE: The following comments are from the repost on r/wholesome: A legend of a man, this is love right here

---

OOP >Hey, I’m the OP! A lot of people are asking for an update. It’s only been 4 days so there’s not much to tell, but here you all go anyway. > >We’re still together, of course. She’s trying to convince me to get a puppy, I’m having a hard time convincing her not to. I still talk to her when she doesn’t know, and she still has no clue. After some comments on the original post, I’m getting ready to propose soon, but it still won’t be for a little bit. I’ll definitely record it, but I probably won’t post it anywhere. She’d be pretty uncomfortable with that, and tbh I would too. That’s about it I guess, I have no idea why people are so interested in my love life. Y’all are creeps. > >EDIT: oh fuck now even more people are pushing for the puppy

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TheTTT10 >How come you don’t want the puppy? Is it because you don’t like them or is it more economical? > >OOP >>It’s just economical. We already have two cats, and we aren’t exactly rich. However, she does this thing with her eyes that I just can’t say no to, so… >> >>We’re going to the Humane Society tomorrow. She knows exactly how to convince me.

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GunieapigCooper >How did you meet her and why made you connect with her on the first date? > >OOP >>We met through mutual friends, she had just gotten out of a toxic relationship and they thought she needed a reminder not all guys suck. Still don’t know why they chose me, but I’m so glad they did. >> >>In the first 30 minutes, we both made the same obscure reference. We have practically identical humor, even finishing each other’s jokes, and honestly she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen in real life. I’m not exaggerating, she’s WAY out of my league. As for her, she told me on our 1 year anniversary that she knew I was the one because I didn’t even mention that she was deaf, I treated her more normally than even her family. I honestly had no idea I did that, it wasn’t conscious at all, but I sure am glad it worked.

---

Final update - after 27 days

^(August 14, 2022)

---

UPDATE: I proposed

After all the comments urging me not to wait, I decided to do it. Life is too short to waste even a day. I bought a very nice ring, silver with three small synthetic diamonds. It’s nothing too special, but it’s exactly her style and expensive by our standards without breaking the bank, so it was perfect.

I told her family my plans and they approved, of course. My family was 100% behind it too. With that arranged, I started planning the proposal. Both of us had already agreed that we didn’t want it to be a huge disruptive event, just the two of us, no family to make a scene. She trusted me to pick a good place. I decided on the beach, and we happen to live just a few hours from one of the best beaches in the world, so it was perfect.

Our anniversary was coming up and we both had the day off. We had planned to go to a local museum, but I asked to change plans to the beach. She was definitely a little suspicious, but she didn’t say anything at the time. At the beach, I let the first few hours pass normally. Just relaxing, playing in the waves, and snacks. I kept the ring hidden in a zippered pocket in my shorts, and even though I knew it was safe, I think I checked it every 5 minutes at least.

When the sun started to go down, I led her away from the crowded area to a more secluded spot. We had a great view of the water, the sun, and some boats further out, but a cluster of palm trees and low bushes blocked us from other people. At this point, she realized something was up. She started looking at me funny, so I knew I had to be quick. I reached for the ring, and…

This is where the anxiety hit. I’m not a very confident person. I knew she would say yes, and I knew I’d planned everything perfectly, there was no possible reason this could go badly, but I was still nearly paralyzed. That’s probably why I dropped the ring.

As soon as I grabbed the ring, it slipped out of my fingers and got lost in the sand. I fucking PANICKED. I got on my knees and started digging through the sand like an animal, the whole time she was trying to ask me what was going on. I wanted to explain, but where would I even start? I found it after about ten seconds, which felt like ten hours, unharmed.

As soon as I picked it up, she saw it and realized what happened. She completely froze for a second, then she started shaking and wheezing like she was having an asthma attack. Then I panicked AGAIN, because I had no clue what was happening and I thought something was even more wrong than it already was. Then I realized she was crying and laughing at the same time, and I started crying and laughing too.

I figured the proposal was already a mess, so it couldn’t get any worse. I held it up to her and just said “I think you dropped this.” It sounded a lot better in my head, to be fair. She fucking lost it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her laugh that much. Once we both calmed down, I did it right, and of course she said yes. Despite the complications, it couldn’t have gone better, and we’re both very happy. We talked about the wedding a little, and it will probably be sometime next summer, but we haven’t decided yet.

I’m not expecting to make another post on this account after this. As far as I’m concerned our story is told, and now it’s time for the next one to start. I have no idea what’s next for us after the wedding- we’ve talked about living in a van to travel the country, so maybe that. Whatever happens, we’ll still be together, and I’ll still be talking behind her back, for as long as I can. To all you guys, I hope you all have wonderful lives. There’s someone out there for all of us, just be patient and you’ll find them. And if you found them, but haven’t made it official yet- do it. Life is short and you only get one, so you shouldn’t waste a single moment of it. Don’t let anything hold you back.

Jake and Lex, signing off!

 

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

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Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/roolw

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 14, 2026

• Final Update: June 27, 2026

---

Main Post

^(May 14, 2026)

---

WIBTAH if I didn't invite my dad's wife to my high school graduation?

Notice how I said my Dad's wife, and not my step mom. I don't see her in that capacity at all.

English is not my first language.

My (18M) parents had a rough divorce, and my Dad immediately moved on and got married to his former high school gf (before my mom). So my dad's wife was someone who was forced into my life without me wanting her in it. She doesn't have kids, so she's always clingy and trying to make it seem like me and my sister are her kids and we are this one happy big family. Imo, excuse my language, she is emotionally and socially a dumbass. She just doesn't know how to act. Once when they first got married, they had a get together and me and the kids were apparently making lots of noise so she took us to a room and locked us in (she was inside with us). She refused to let us out unless we vowed to not make any more noise (we were 6 and 7). Would love to add the fact that I got a lot of shit for that because "she was just joking" and I "don't know how to take a joke". She just doesn't know how to act.

This is going to sound crazy, but I actually love her mother (my dad's MIL). She's stood by my side during a lot of problems and has called out her daughter's behavior.

Now my graduation is coming up. My mom thinks I need to invite her because I have previously stayed over at her vacation home, in addition to the fact that she doesn't have kids and I am "the closest thing she'll ever have to kids". Now she and my Dad were very horrible to me in their first year of marriage, so personally, I've never liked her, and still kind of resent my Dad for the way things went.

I don't have enough tickets to invite her anyway, in addition to the fact that even if I did I want to invite people that in a way or another raised me or helped my parents raise me. Those include my grandparents, and my aunt and uncle (who one of which doesn't have a kid and I'm the actual closest thing he'll ever have to a kid, in addition to the fact that I share last name with him).

My mom thinks it's going to be very awkward for my Dad to leave the house to go to my grad, and for her to ask him and for him to reply and say [my name]'s grad. I think it's insanely inappropriate for her to be there, my mom is trying to avoid problems with my dad. But what business does she have being at the same event (concerning me) with my mom and grandma. Personally, I don't care about what people will think. I care about my happiness and the fact that I don't want her there. I feel like I shouldn't need to justify this to anyone and it's my decision.

I probably need to get over a lot of the things that happened in the past, but that's an issue for another day. Inviting her won't change that. Just to add, if I wanted to invite her, I'd have to sacrifice inviting one of my aunts/uncles. Which I'm not doing, and I'd rather not have a graduation then invite her. Also I wasn't invited to their wedding.

 

COMMENTS

HumanistProclivities > How about also not inviting your dad and instead picking someone else? Is that an option you've considered if it's so hard for him to go on his own? > > OOP >> Yeah, regardless of the stuff that happened he is my Dad though. She isn't shit to me. And honestly speaking, our relationship has gotten a lot better. So no need to make a big problem like that.

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Vivid-Win-4801 > Ywbta. You're dad will provide demand to bring her anyways so why fight it when you have the tickets. > > This is your dad's chosen wife. She's not going anywhere. No need to be difficult. > > OOP >> You just said it, his chosen wife. Not MY wife or MY mother. I think I made it clear that I don't have enough tickets to invite her even if I wanted to.

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Ok_Tonight_3703 > NTA. It’s your decision not your mother’s. She locked in a room when you were a child and nobody thought that was fucking unhinged? > > ”… My mom thinks I need to invite her because I have previously stayed over at her vacation home, in addition to the fact that she doesn't have kids and I am ’the closest thing she'll ever have to kid’s’…” > > So fucking what? You are not her child and she did a shit job of trying to connect with you when you were you g. Locking you a room with her is not the way to bond with a child. > > Stop discussing this with your mother. Invite who you want. Don’t JADE, justify, argue, defend or explain. Givd out the invites. If your father chooses not to come oh well. Sounds like he was a good dad anyway. > > Congratulations on your graduation! > > OOP >> They thought it was a funny joke, and that I can't take a joke. >> >> Exactly! >> >> Thank you! >> >> Again, thank you! :)

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outsidelookingin641 > YTA - sorry but time to grow up. You talk about an incident that happened when you were 6 so this lady has been in your life for 12 years. Are you willing to damage your relationship with your father because you want to throw a toddler tantrum and show her? Your mother sounds wise and classy, you should listen to her. > > OOP >> She's actually done a lot similar shit to what she did back then, most recently in November and before that in July. Yeah I actually am. >> >> outsidelookingin641 >>> Then you have your answer, and you’re just looking for validation. Go forth and live with the consequences of your decision as comfortable as possible. Quick question before I go, how’s your college graduation or wedding gonna go? Your children’s baptisms, birthdays? This is just the first of many life events. Are you asking your dad to come alone or don’t come at all? No response needed, just food for thought. >>> >>> OOP >>>> >Then you have your answer, and you’re just looking for validation. >>>> >>>> You're on r/AITAH, what do you expect? I've made my decision and am looking for advice on how to do it as cleanly as possible. >>>> >>>> >Quick question before I go, how’s your college graduation or wedding gonna go? Your children’s baptisms, birthdays? >>>> >>>> College graduation will go the same way. As for wedding, there is going to be 2,000+ people there, many of who I don't like. So I won't care. As for baptisms, I think you know how intimate that is. >>>> >>>> Come alone.

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Fluffmuffin09100 > You said you don’t even have enough tickets to what’s the problem? Just tell them you don’t have enough tickets? > > OOP >> My mom thinks this is a bad approach because she says my Dad might think I'm trying to be a smartass. >> >> s_4_evrysing >>> So who do they want you to disinvite to include your dad's wife? Either way it's your event, your day. Don't invite anyone you don't want there. If there are limited tickets it should not be an issue. You can explain to your dad that your mom tried hard to convince you, that way he can't blame her. You got this. You will respect yourself a lot more years down the road if you stand strong and don't cave. Good luck OP and congratulations! >>> >>> OOP >>>> One of the aunts/uncles. I won't cave, hopefully. Thank you so much!

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OkBreadfruit2181 > I missed the part where you told your Dad that this woman was abusing you. You DID tell him, right? > > NTA > > OOP >> I did. >> >> "..but she was joking, she didn't mean anything."

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Electrical_Beach169 > Also have you considered just inviting your dads mother in law and not inviting his wife or him. > You can frame it as you only had one ticket left and you didn’t want to make your dad choose between your graduation and his wife’s feelings so you chose someone you feel close to who wouldn’t make your day about themselves and would truly be there to celebrate you. > > OOP >> As much as I'd love to do that, his wife is the type of person that would cut off her mom if something like that happened. She would get into a fight with her and say shit like [her mom] stole me from her. It would create a massive headache that would last months.

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Final Update - after 1 month, 13 days

^(June 27, 2026)

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UPDATE: WIBTAH if I didn't invite my dad's wife to my high school graduation?

When I wrote the post, I wrote it as a hypothetical scenario. Despite my mom and brother's warnings, I thought my Dad wasn't going to ask me to invite his wife. Boy was I wrong.

After I wrote the post, I went to my mom and I told her that there will not be a graduation if [his wife] comes. I then listed a bunch of shit she did over the past few months (oldest was November 2025), and my mom was shocked. One of those things was her trying to turn my Dad against me because "I don't tell him my school grades", the reason I don't is because he goes and runs to her and tells her everything. My mom sided with me, ultimately.

Two weeks after the post, I was in the supermarket with my Dad and he told me to do a favor for him. "Invite your step mom". Initially I told him I wished I could, but there wasn't enough tickets. He then told me no problem, I'll call [his uncle] and tell him to not come. He was really willing to not have his brother come just to appease his wife.

I told him no. There's not enough tickets, and that it'd be very inappropriate for her to be there with my grandma and mother attending. He told me that I'd be making him a huge problem, and that he might not be able to come. So I told him, "good riddance, now you're making it so I can be able to invite my friends who weren't gonna be able to come." Then he secretly went to my brother and started getting mad at his wife saying that she's causing him problems and he's sick of her and what not.

After I got home, he started talking badly about my mom and her family saying that he's paying for the tickets ($200) and that they're coming on his pay. He then started insulting my mother's brother, and my grandma saying how they're coming on his pay and how he doesn't like them. So I immediately went to the bathroom and messaged my mom to pay the tickets. To which she did. To which he was at shock.

Then he started saying how upset his wife would be and what not. I told him it's your job as your husband to tell her when you can't get something done for her. Not everything she asks is going to be possible, especially at my expense. He then started breaking and told me that his wife came to him and said: "why did [myself] not invite my to his graduation, when I want to make a large family gathering to celebrate him".

I told him then you're making a very big deal of nothing. She just asked a question, you could've said there's not enough tickets. You didn't need to talk to me about any of this. I then told him that he better tell his wife that whatever gathering she makes, I'm not attending.

Anyway, a couple of days later was my senior trip, so on the day before I called him and told him, that just to get the facts straight, I don't want your wife there. It's not my mom or grandma, it's the fact that I don't want her. He was kind of shocked at that, but then I was boarding the plane so I had to hung up.

I haven't seen his wife really since a couple of days before the original post, I saw her briefly in a funeral two weeks ago, to which I was very cold and distant. Going on, I'm not going to their house, and I'll be cutting contact with her completely.

Yesterday was my graduation, and his wife didn't attend, but my Dad came. It was a lovely day where I was surrounded by people who love and respect me. Not people who try to force themselves into my life.

:)

 

NOTE: I've linked their comment below

COMMENTS

OOP > u/Ok_Tonight_3703 their comment, u/notwhoyouthinkc their comment, u/Leading-Summer-4724 their comment, u/CatJarmansPants their comment, thank you guys for your advice it really helped me a lot. > > Ok_Tonight_3703 >> Yes! I was so happy to read this update. It sounds like you had the graduation that you deserved. Drama free and supported by people who love and respect you. >> >> Keep your boundaries and remember that you are not responsible for any adults feelings. I wish you all the best that life has to offer. >> >> Again congratulations 🎊🎈🎉 >> >> And thank you for the shout out! >> >> OOP >>> Thank you so much! I really couldn't have done it without your advice! :)

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BothTreacle7534 > Did he attend without her? > > OOP >> Yes >> >> BothTreacle7534 >>> Thank you for your answer, I hope he was not a ‘Debbie Downer’. >>> >>> Congratulations, and the best future possible! >>> >>> OOP >>>> Nope nope, realized that I didn't mention that in the post😂😂 so you reminded me to edit it. :)

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Crickettb > You are allowed to have boundaries with family members and their spouses. I get you…my dad’s wife has done some cruel things in the past. I told my dad before my wedding that if he and his wife couldn’t be kind to my mom then they shouldn’t come. And if they come and are unkind I will ask them to leave….and my uncle was on standby to walk me down the aisle. They behaved fine, in fact I caught her and my mom comparing a few things about my dad. That was crazy. I am glad he came without her. Keep strong with your boundaries! > > OOP >> Honestly, I think the time for boundaries is done. It's time to just cut her out. My Dad is always going to be her, our relationship is perfect. When she isn't in it. >> >> Crickettb >>> I get you… I saw my dad two years ago for the first time in 15 years. I can’t deal with her. It has severely impacted my relationship with my dad. He didn’t even attend my brother’s funeral cause she didn’t want to fly. Yep, his only son’s funeral. He always picks her and her kids over us. Just be prepared. >>> >>> OOP >>>> Yup, this is exactly my issue. Not having a spine to say no.

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Medusa_7898 > Glad he was sensible.
> > yobaby123 >> True, but I'm still upset over what he did/tried to do to OP. He needs to understand that OP is and will most likely never be a fan of his wife. >> >> OOP >>> I still am to be honest, I just tried to forget it for the graduation.

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MaryMaryQuite- > NTA. I’m glad it worked out for you. It’s been an important life lesson for you. > > This was the first of many important lifetime events, so by setting the precedent now… Dad is invited, his wife isn’t, your opinions are crystal clear. This will put you in good stead for future events like your university graduation, getting engaged and married etc, and for when you have kids. > > Dad’s wife just isn’t included in your life. Period. > > OOP >> Indeed it has been. >> >> Now we're entering the real world, which sounds a bit crazy to say 😂. That is the system moving forward. >> >> 100%

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AllInkalicious > My comment is not about what you endured at his wife's hands, but you're inability to communicate with your dad and still feel wronged. > > I know you're 18, but specifically waiting to get on a plane to tell your dad how you really feel is pretty immature. Everyone knew your true feelings, except your dad. You made it about the availability of tickets and you expect him to understand the situation. Then drop the truth in a phone call where you can hide behind no reception. > > However your dad is also pretty self-serving and immature, so you need to ensure you're not emulating him without realising it. > > People and relationships can be hard work, so support is welcome but sometimes you need to face-up to the hard discussions by yourself. > > OOP >> Look, I tried to avoid a fight that was going to happen regardless and that was wrong. I now know that whenever a person stands up for something (their opinion, in this case) they are bound to make enemies. >> >> Last year, I explained to my Dad that I dislike his wife. He keeps lying to himself every year thinking that the status quo has changed. It hasn't. I'm not going to keep reminding him of my feelings towards his wife. As my Dad he should know that.

 

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/account_throwaway812

Published on: r/TrueOffMyChest

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 12, 2022

• Final Update: June 27, 2026

---

Main Post

^(August 12, 2022)

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I hate my sister for how hurtful she was to my girlfriend. It was completely unnecessary

I have a girlfriend but the relationship is still new. My girlfriend has a prominent scar across one of her cheeks from a melanoma. To me the scar makes no difference but she has good days and bad days about it.

My sister is getting married soon. I'm not taking my girlfriend because a wedding with hundreds of guests and family is a lot of pressure for a brand new relationship, plus I had already RSVP'd that I was going alone before and bought my plane ticket back home before we were serious.

My sister took the time to look up my girlfriend's work email and sent her an email saying she's sorry she didn't make her a bridesmaid but her scar would make it not possible because of photogenics. #1) My sister chose her bridesmaids when she got engaged over a year ago #2) she didn't even know I had a new girlfriend until after the RSVP's were due back and #3) she and my girlfriend have never had contact and my girlfriend would have never thou thought she should be a bridesmaid for someone she's never met.

I don't know what my sister was thinking but I hate that she was so hurtful to my girlfriend for no reason at all. She hasn't answered my calls or texts asking why.

 

COMMENTS

flip_chipdickerson > I wouldn't go to the wedding but I don't have a healthy relationship with my sister so I'm probably being biased. > > 3Heathens_Mom >> Nope not biased. OP’s sister is a piece of work and sounds like she must be incredibly insecure to have to insult someone she has never met. >> >> Perhaps OP should ask his parents what is up with his sister and as she won’t answer his texts please let her know he won’t be attending. >> >> . >> >> greeneyeswarmthighs >>> Not biased. He shouldn’t go. His sister is disgusting > > pnb10 >> My siblings and I are really close, but if any of them pulled a stunt like this, I wouldn’t go. Bullies are bullies, family or not >> >> USarmyWAC >>> This is beyond bullying it's clearly a mental illness issue. The sister needs mental health treatment. I feel sorry for any future kids she has. >> >> Lumpy-Spinach-6607 >>> Bullies are Pus Boils and deserve to be popped and the inner gunk wiped away with a wipe and disposed of in the bin, in front of an audience

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ypranch > That would be a deal breaker for me. Cancel RSVP unless she apologizes. That was nasty, hateful and needlessly rude. What a piece of work.

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Busy_Conflict527 > 🥹 bloody hell. Is your sister Satan's spawn?

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Swampwolf42 > Step 1: Find yourself a good horror make up artist… > > Moon96Moon >> Ooohhh the satisfaction I felt reading your comment 🥴 > > K9queen >> A big, prominent scar running across your face would be nice >> >> queen_of_potato >>> Best comment >> >> galaxyveined >>> Or, do SFX to mimic the girlfriend's scar, and show up to the sister's wedding like that. Showing the GF support and putting the sister in an awkward position of either having to deal with it, or commenting on it so OP gets to explain her nasty actions to onlookers. 🙃 >>> >>> (Not a real suggestion, I imagine it might end up hurting the GF more, and that's the last thing we want.)

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StellaBella2010 > That was unnecessarily cruel. I'm guessing your sister doesn't want you to go at all, because otherwise why would she do that? > > Scars add character. I get it: No one wants a scar... but people can still be very attractive with a scar. Maybe noticable scars should be the next big thing in body positivity.

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Final Update - after 3 years, 10 months, 15 days

^(June 27, 2026)

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Update: I hate my sister for how hurtful she was to my girlfriend. It was completely unnecessary

(Almost four years ago I posted about how I had gotten serious/exclusive with my then girlfriend ‘Katie’ AFTER my sister sent out her wedding invitations. No one in my family had ever met, spoken to or otherwise had contact with Katie because our relationship was still new. My sister took the time to find Katie’s work email address and sent Katie a nasty email about how she could never be a bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding because the scar on Katie’s face would ruin the pictures. Katie had survived melanoma and the scar on her cheek was from having it removed. I didn’t even know Katie when my sister started planning her wedding, and Katie would never expect to be a bridesmaid for someone she never met for a wedding that was less than two months away. I was furious with my sister and I posted to vent about the situation).

A lot has happened since I posted. Firstly, I’m gay. To say that my family was unhappy when I came out would be a colossal understatement, and I haven’t had contact with any of them in three and a half years. Katie and I are still friends. She is actually one of the most important people in my life and even though we aren’t together anymore I am still angry about how my sister acted and how my family supported my sister. To this day, I have no idea why my sister did what she did. (Not that it would have excused my sister, but Katie was the same race/culture/background as my family and I cannot figure out why my sister was so hostile to someone she had never met).

I grew up in a relatively strict Jewish household. My family is very old school and conservative/traditional and I knew none of them would ever accept me being gay. But once I stopped being in denial about it I realized there was no way I could marry a woman or keep pretending to be straight. After I fell out with my family I was still in a relationship with Katie, and she was the one who asked me if I was gay. At the time I was so angry with her and I ended things and didn’t talk to her for a while. Until I realized she was right. It wasn’t just her either. My friends had suspicions too. I ended up apologizing to Katie for getting angry with her. Looking back I had been in denial because of how I grew up. Katie is Jewish too but she didn’t grow up in a family like mine and she clocked it a few months into our relationship. She is one of my best friends now and was the first person I came out to.

I will forever be grateful that I moved to another province to pursue my Master’s degree because if I had not gotten away from my family and met supportive people like Katie and my friends I would still be deep in the closet. My friends all supported me when I told them. I have been going to therapy for the last three years to deal with my upbringing and my family disowning me. I am an atheist and I stopped being observant when I came out. This year I am going to Pride for the first time. I am nervous but a bunch of my friends including Katie are coming with me. I am going to dip my toe into dating because I feel ready.

Anyway, sorry if I rambled too much. I only remembered my first post recently and I wanted to come back because everyone was so kind after such a horrible thing happened. I appreciated people validating that I wasn't wrong about my sister and that was probably when one of the first cracks started appearing in my old life. So thank you to everyone who replied back then. I appreciate it.

 

COMMENTS

misskatebakescakes > This stranger is proud of you for finding out who you are, and it's wonderful that Katie could be part of that journey. She's your true family.

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Key-Kaleidoscope6549 > I am so proud of you and everything you have overcome. I know it wasn't easy for you, as you knew what the outcome would be with your family. But sharing dna with people does not automatically make them your family; you can chose your own family. I'm glad Katie is still in your life, and I'm sure having her as a crutch has been beneficial in your healing. Your blood family sucks, especially your toxic and weird sister. I won't even comment on your parents and their inability to support their son, because my words won't be kind. Again, I am proud of you. You should be proud of yourself!! I just know it felt like you removed a weight off your shoulders when you came to terms with your identity. ❤️❤️

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PuzzleheadedTap4484 >I’m proud of you and for standing up for Katie at the time against your family. Sorry you have a toxic family but I’m happy that you found a chosen family. I hope you have a wonderful time at Pride and good luck with dating!

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/viserya127

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 03, 2026

• Final Update: June 29, 2026

---

Main Post

^(June 03, 2026)

---

AITAH I don't want custody of my sister's 3 kids?

I (29F) have 1 kid (11F). My sister (32F) has 3 kids (11F, 8F, 6F). The oldest is also autistic. About 3 years ago my sister lost custody of her kids. The girls were split up in the system for a little over a year before our mom (52F) got custody 2 years ago. Over the last 2 years the girls have been really thriving. They're happy, healthy, doing well in school...

Recently my mom got some unexpected health issues that are severely impacting her mobility and energy. There is no cure. She called me last week to ask if I would take the girls so they aren't split up in the system again. My heart sank.

I LOVE my nieces. There's no denying that. And my daughter loves her cousins. The kids all get along great. They live on the opposite side of the country, but I visit whenever possible. I'm always planning all sorts of activities and experiences for them, and encouraging them to pursue the things they love. The oldest loves art, the middle child loves gymnastics and the youngest loves pokemon and video games. I plan things we can all do together and I make sure they each get one on one time too. I would die for these girls. But I just don't have the means to care for them full time.

My husband and I are considered a low income family. After a decade of saving, we finally bought a small 2 bed townhouse, but there's barely enough room for the 3 of us, let alone another 3 kids too.

I suggested my mom move closer so I can help more day to day, but she shot that down rather quickly. Her reasons were she didn't want to pull the kids out of their current school (but I guess it's ok if I do??), and with her health issues she didn't want to have to find a new Dr (that one is pretty valid, there's a serious health care crisis in my country). Us moving closer to them is not an option, we would both have to find new jobs and my husband's current job has really good benefits we can't afford to lose. My mom is retired so the only thing tying her to her current location is her Dr.

My heart is breaking. I don't want to lose my nieces to the system again. I love the relationship we have. But I don't see how I could sustainably take on the 3 of them full time. My mom and my sister have been calling me heartless and that I haven't fully thought it through, but I have. I've been thinking about it every day for over 3 years when my sister first lost custody.

TLDR: My sis lost custody of her 3 kids years ago. My mom got custody a couple years ago but now she has health issues and asked me to care for them instead. I don't think I have the means financially or the space.

EDIT: Oh wow I already can't keep up with the comments so I'm going to address a couple questions here. The dad is not in the picture, he has 2 other kids from 2 other women that he also walked out on. My sister is on drugs and living in a tent (but it's got a great view of the lake! 🙄). There's no other family that could help.

My mother is also low income and her retirement funds barely cover their costs of living as is but I will definitely be looking more into other resources and government funding. Thank you to those providing actual helpful advice and suggestions.

I am not in the US

 

COMMENTS

Flat-Description4853 > Why can't the sister regain custody at this point? its been years. > > OOP >> She hasn't given up the drugs yet >> >> Flat-Description4853 >>> Well, anything she says is just worthless in that case. You also probably recognize that since you've focused so hard on your mother and clearly she's a really good woman. >>> >>> Discussing financial support could help, though anything you needed would have to just ignore any promises from your sister. If it comes between providing for her children and drugs we already know the choice she has made. Foster support and possible child support from the dad could help too, though unlikely the father has the two cents it sounds like. >>> >>> Not to mention, it sounds like you haven't fully considered the responsibility of taking care of an autistic child and how draining that can be at times? Sounds stressful. Of course, they're going to lean on you hard but you need to make the right choice for you here....hopefully you can find something that works but if ever anyone tries to guilt trip you know that's manipulation and you're doing what's right while those doing it are just trying to lessen the guild on themselves and create a scapegoat. >>> >>> OOP >>>>> it sounds like you haven't fully considered the responsibility of taking care of an autistic child and how draining that can be at times? >>>> >>>> She struggles socially, but she's incredibly smart and likes being independent. With the right guidance she's going to go very far in life. I have all the patience in the world for her beautiful soul

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Ipso-Pacto-Facto > Someone who lost custody of her kids doesn’t get to have an opinion about my parenting choices. Where’s the dad? Because she & he let them down, not you. Time to be honest. > > OOP >> The dad is a dead beat with 2 other kids from 2 other women >> >> CluesLostHelp >>> What's your husband's view on this? Because his opinion matters too. >>> >>> OOP >>>> He works 60 hours a week with an hour + commute. He's barely home unless it's to sleep. At the end of the day he supports whatever I decide, but I think that's because he knows it'll be me doing the vast majority of the heavy lifting

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Apprehensive_Suit773 > Certainly not TAH. If you asked child services to come take a look at your house and tell you if you could take in three more children and still have them thrive, I am sure they would say no. You don’t have the space, the money, nor the time to take in all three. Your mother can’t move closer to you, and you having just gotten a new place certainly can’t move closer to her. I don’t see a way in which this works without the girls getting taken again anyways. > > That being said, my heart breaks for you and I’m deeply sorry. It’s not your fault. Can you still keep contact with them if they’re in foster care? Even just knowing that their family didn’t give up on them would make a world of difference I think. And what is your sister doing? Does she see the kids at all? Is she helping your mother in any way? Or is she out of the picture and just pointing fingers at you as the only person left? That doesn’t seem fair to me. > > OOP >> My sister is not allowed to see the kids unless it's CPS supervised AND she can provide a clean drug test (which she can't)

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Soonerpalmetto88 > Yes. This is what family is for. If my brother were on his deathbed and asked me to take his kids I'd do it in a heartbeat, even though I know nothing about being a dad. I'd also happily donate a kidney or a piece of my liver to anyone who asked, even a stranger. In both life and death, we get what we give. > > OOP >> I would happily take them in in a heartbeat. But where would they sleep? The closet?

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Kip_Schtum > NTA So your daughter would spend her teenage years sharing her room with her two female cousins, who are highly likely to eventually have behavior problems from their trauma. And the boy cousin would probably be sleeping on the couch I guess? You can’t do this- it would harm your child and your primary responsibility is to your child and your husband. Your marriage and your daughter would not come through this unscathed. > > OOP >> The kids really do all get along great. Whenever we visit my nieces say they want to adopt my daughter as their 4th sister. I get where you're coming from with the behavior issues from trauma, but my fist instinct when my mom first got custody was to put then in therapy and she did. They really are thriving now. And my patience knows no bounds when it comes to those kids >> >> Kip_Schtum >>> Four teenage girls sharing a room for their entire adolescence. Even if conditions were perfect in their upbringing, that would still be fraught with drama. If you are officially fostering them, would you be receiving money for that from the government? Would that enable you to move to a larger place? Maybe you could rent out your condo and rent a bigger place. >>> >>> OOP >>>> Oh I agree the 4 kids to 1 room is not feasible. That and the financial aspect are the biggest reasons I'm saying I can't take them in. If I did have the money and space though, my daughter and my nieces would love all being under 1 roof

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LilacRed > NTA. What does your Mom expect? She is ok with 4 kids crammed together in one room to sleep in, 6 people to 1 bathroom?? And the emotional fallout of the change and everyone in a small space together as well as 3 more hungry people to feed a d clothe. Your Mom knows how expensive it is to have these kids, how does she expect YOU to do it? > Its entirely plausible to temporarily place them through a case worker while the family comes together to brainstorm any possible solutions even if the end result is still no. > Your Mom has to know that it's not like you HATE these kids. The money and the resources aren't there. What is she expecting? Very cruel for people to dump it all.on you and call you heartless. Not cool.. Im so very sorry! You are doing the best you can. Huggzz🥰 > > OOP >> Thank you! It's been a very long running pattern that I'm expected the pick up the pieces of every mess in this family. I've worked my butt off to give my own daughter a better life than I had. I would do the same for my nieces in a heartbeat if I thought I could actually sustain it

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Ic3_pop > Do the kids have godparents you could get in contact with or is that you? because if it is u did ultimately agree to care for these children in the event of an emergency this is that emergency or does your sister have any old friends that aren’t addicts that could care for them while you figure stuff out? > > OOP >> The godfather (kids uncle) is dead. We all went no contact with the godmother (our cousin) after she married a pedo. My sisters only friends are just as reliable as my sister

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Lakeview121 > My goodness, that’s heartbreaking. My question is why can’t your sister move in with your mother and help raise her own kids? That’s the logical decision. > > You can’t sacrifice your family. You don’t have the space or the resources. It’s terrible that your sister made so many bad decisions.
> > If you had a larger home with more money perhaps things would be different. What they are requesting is impossible. It’s not right for them to put that on to you. > > OOP >> My sister is not allowed visitation unless it is CPS supervised AND she provides a clean drug test (which she can't). If my mother let my sister move in, she would lose custody too.

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Final Update - after 26 days

^(June 29, 2026)

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UPDATE: AITAH I don't want custody of my sister's 3 kids

It's been a hectic month, but before I dive into the update I wanted to address a few more comments and questions from my last post that I was just too overwhelmed to elaborate on at the time. I'm sorry if it's a bit long. You can skip to the bottom for the update.

I've spoken to the kids case worker. She interviewed me when my mother was first trying to get custody to ask about my upbringing and ensure it would be a good environment for the kids. I reached out more recently to go over logistics if I were to take them in. The case worker told me she thinks I would be a great fit to give them a stable home but I lack the adequate space needed to be approved as their guardian. She offered to look into low income housing options in my area that would be big enough but the waitlists are unbelievably long.

Finances:

Yes, we would receive a decent chunk of funding per child (and twice as much for the eldest on the spectrum) to help cover the kids costs. But its money that I would be spending on food, clothes and other day to day necessities, not money I could put towards a down payment on a bigger house. That financial assistance also wouldn't be considered income as far as my mtg approval goes because its money for the kids, not me. And when I say we JUST bought a small townhouse, I meant we closed a little over a month ago and haven't even finished getting settled yet. It also took our entire savings to do so.

We are financially sitting back at square 1 again. Breaking our brand new mortgage (not to mention the legal costs and realtor fees etc) is not financially feasible. We also received first time home buyer rebates in our closing costs/ land transfer tax (thousands $$) that we would have to pay back if we don't live in our new house as our primary residence for at least a year. The rent prices where I live are about twice the cost of my mtg, so even putting aside all those other factors, renting again still just doesn't make sense. The math is not mathing. If I could just win the lotto my problems would be solved.

Luckily my husband has an amazing benefits plan through his work, so dental, glasses, meds, and even therapy are all covered and would extend to the kids if we got custody. All 3 need glasses and the youngest has a nasty habit of losing or breaking hers.

Caring for special needs:

I mentioned the eldest on the spectrum struggles socially and with emotional regulation. She's also incredibly bright and appreciates her space and independence. I spent a lot of time volunteering with special needs kids when I was in high school and I know how difficult it CAN be. My niece is not what I would consider difficult. She might operate a little differently, but it's nothing out of my scope. My daughter is actually very similar to my niece in all of these aspects and as I said before, my patience knows no bounds when it comes to these kids.

I'm also fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work from home when needed. I do have to go into the office a couple days a week for some tasks that can't be handled remotely, but it's flexible enough that I can be home for emergencies, sick days, or even if it's just to go see their school talent show or something. My husband on the other hand has a very demanding job. It's impossible to do remotely and it's not something he can easily call in sick from. Even if I had a huge emergency, he would have to wait for his replacement to enter the control room before he could leave.

Building resentment in my husband and daughter:

I've talked about this with my husband extensively since my sister first lost custody. He knows how much I love those girls and would support my decision to take them in if we could swing it. While I haven't talked to my daughter about it because I don't want her to get her hopes up over something that likely can't happen, I can say that she's begged me for a sibling every year since she was a toddler. She's had a really hard time with bullies at school and her cousins are her best friends. She would happily welcome them all with open arms even if it meant being cramped in 1 room.

THE UPDATE:

My mom and nieces are currently visiting me (we're camping just outside my city) and we seem to have found our compromise. My mom is going to take the year to scrape together what money she can for a down payment to move closer to me. She's also going to ask her dr about referrals to a dr in my city. In the meantime, I've offered to take the girls during major school breaks (summer, spring break and Christmas). The house will still be very cramped during those weeks but we spend the majority of the summer camping anyway, so the tight quarters aren't for very long periods of time.

My husband (I truly don't know what I did to deserve him) has offered to work as much overtime as he's allowed to help us replenish our savings and hopefully get a bigger place when it's time to renew our mortgage. My work won't let me do any overtime. On a totally unrelated note, does anyone have any advice or insight on how to get into selling feet pics? Asking for a friend 🤣

My sister found my original post and has been blowing up my phone with nasty texts and voice messages, she even made some wild Facebook posts about what a traitor of a sister I am. I simply don't have the energy to listen to her 2 cents on the matter so I'm ignoring her on all fronts.

We definitely can't take custody any time soon, but we haven't shut down the possibility of taking them in in the future when it makes more sense. I think this possibility is what's keeping my mother cooperative for the time being.

This will likely be the last update unless the plan for my moms move next year craps out (knock on wood). Thank you to everyone that gave genuinely helpful advice and support. Time to go swimming.

 

COMMENTS

1RainbowUnicorn > Renew your mortgage? A mortgage is a loan to purchase a home that is 15-30 years. Do you mean a lease? A lease renews yearly > > OOP >> Our mortgage is 30 years but it get renewed every 3 years > > Crafter_2307 >> Depending on where OP lives, mortgages can be renewed every few years, e.g. take advantage of better interest rates, switch from fixed to variable. Etc. >> >> OOP >>> Yes, this is how it works where I live

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Onefinephleb > Are you going to this over the kids heads? If this angers you don’t help them. It sounds like you’re more concerned about money. You don’t break a mortgage. You sell for more or rent it out for income. Kids need to know they’re more important than money > > OOP >> I'm not more concerned about money than the kids. Money was the one thing everyone stressed in my original post so I elaborated here to provide clarity. Yes money is a big factor, but the anger you sense here is you projecting. >> >> Where I live, selling or paying out your mortgage before the term is up is called breaking the mtg and it comes with very large pre payment penalty fees. As I mentioned in my post, that's not feasible at the moment.

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KnowsIittle > Careful about the first time home buyer rebate. Many people found out the hard way it was a loan and they had to pay it back. > > OOP >> The FTHB rebate isn't a loan. If they had to pay it back then they either weren't a FTHB or they didn't live in it as their primary residence for at least a year.

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/AdventurousBet6537

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Previous BORU: BORU

Thanks to u/unoqueloes for letting me know about the update

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 01, 2026

• Update: May 02, 2026

• Final Update: June 23, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

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Main Post

^(May 01, 2026)

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I 23F think i need to move out of the house after Dad 48M requested I pay 1k a month in rent.

I just made this today dont want it on my main.

I 23F live at home with my Dad, Mom and younger brother and I also work from home.

So here is the short version, I work for a pharmaceutical company as a data analyst and hopefully soon to be a data scientist once I finish some certifications, I have worked at this company for 3.5 years, I started as an intern and once I finished my degree I was given a full time position. My parents deal for me to live at home as an adult was to always contribute to the household, so we came up with “what contributions” to make sure there weren’t any discrepancies.

1. Pay the light bill because I am home the most (roughly $200 a month during winter and 350 during summer…Texas)

2. I opted to pay for the water ($150), gas ($50-80), internet ($100)

3. My mother added for me to drive my brother around – at reasonable requests so I usually pick him up after school from practice and he plays like a million sports and is in a trillion clubs, this is until he can get a car. I also drive him to places if I can.

4. I pay for my own cell phone, car insurance and subscriptions.

5. I still have chores, cooking, cleaning, etc. so does my brother.

Well, my dad came to me last week and asked that I start paying $500 a month (cheap yes I know) because he desnt think I contribute enough to the house. This rubbed me the wrong way because I feel that I do, I know $500 is cheap and I wont get anything cheaper out there but that will mean I will be paying 1k a month to live at home. So I said if I am going to start giving cash for living at home then I am a tenant not a family member contributing to the house. If I am going to pay rent then I want a lease, I want to be able to come and go as I please, I don’t want to pay the monthly bills because then it should be covered in my rent and the obligation of driving my brother around should also go out the window (he is my brother and I will always accommodate him because we get a long but not the point). He got upset and said I want being petty and not thinking clearly and if I leave I will not be allowed back when I realize the real world is harder than 500 a month and when I fall on my ass, he will not help me.

I looked around and I can get a studio apartment or a 1 bedroom for $1200, and I get my own space and privacy and more than likely not spend too much more money. I would save on the utilities alone so it wouldn’t be that much more expensive, and I can get my desk out of my room. He has been ignoring me for the past week until today.

My mom asked for me to take the day off to discuss this and didn’t want my brother home because she didn’t want him to see us arguing, which is weird because why would we be arguing and not discussing?!

My mom tried to negotiate, that I don’t pay utilities and my rent is $750 a month but I still had to do chores and keep the same routine with my brother. Also, the house rule would be no noise or company past 9 pm Sunday through Thursday and midnight on Friday and Saturday unless requested a head of time and absolutely no men can spend the night or be in my room (weird because this was never an issue).

My dad stayed quiet the entire time, but I could tell that he was bothered, I said that wouldn’t work because I spent money on gas to drive my bro everywhere and I don’t want it to be a rule of tenancy to be my brother’s chauffeur. That’s when my dad blew up and called me selfish and he is just trying to teach me responsibility, accountability and that me harping over giving them money just shows that I am not part of the family and want to be an outsider because I should want to help. I argued that me paying over 500 a month in bills, gas driving around my brother, and chores should be enough to show how unselfish I am, but if its necessary for him to receive payment from me then I will pay the $500 and none of the bills and I will gladly drive my brother around.

My mom argued that 750 was reasonable, and I said no its not if you still want me to live here like a teenager, dad said 500 so that 500 should cover everything. My dad stormed off and my mother said I am treating this like a business negotiation and that she is disappointed in me because my dad only said 500 because I was paying other bills and only wanting to pay 500 all included is a low blow, and renting is a waste of money and they would feel better if I moved out to a purchased home. Like what?! I am not ready for that level of commitment. It’s not the money but that is a major purchase and now I feel like the trust I had with them is fractured.

Before anyone asks idk if they are in financial distress, my mom is an MRI tech, and my dad is a pipe fitter. Also, if my parents where in financial distress I would help them 100%, I went to school here in the city, I have been saving 60% of my salary for the past 3.5 years and the other 40% was to my car that I paid off and my student loans (which I only have 25k left).

TLDR- dad wants me to pay 1k a month and keep responsibilities, it feels like its too much and I should move out. Torn if I am making a big deal of the $750 vs $500 and if this is a hill I want to die on.

 

COMMENTS

Valthar70 >I dont know where you live but just be sure to get the deets on what else would be required for that $1200/mo 1br apartment. Normally that doesn't include utilities, or not all of them, nor does it usually include internet. Or laundry. Do you have furniture? Pots, pans, plates, utensils, toiletries, tables, bedroom set, dining stuff? Ability to also buy groceries? > >Not as easy as you think to outfit an entire apartment and live there and think... It's just $1200 > >OOP >>Well I do have savings, I know its going to be more expensive but it wont be large enough to make me change my mind. >> >>Alone my light bill will be roughly 75-150 depending on the apartment, gas $40, groceries for myself I pay about 150 a week because I meal prep, internet 50 dollars, water/sewage depending on the apartment. >> >>I have enough saved to fully furnish an apartment, will it suck yes but I have the money to do it and I know its more than 1k a month that they are offering.

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CaityR1986 >I would just cut the cord and move out. It will cost a bit more than what your parents want Joh to pay then but the freedom from their rules and having to be your brother’s driver is worth every penny extra than you will be paying. It might even cut closer to even when you factor in all the gas savings you will have not having to drive your brother everywhere > >OOP >>omg this week alone I drove him around over 500 miles, I know this because I had to fill up my gas tank twice this week. School x 2, taekwondo 3x a week, swimming, then the basketball games, football games, now he wants to do swimming in the summer and work as a life guard, on top of that he takes music lessons 2x a week. his weekly in person DND night, taking him to the stores, dropping him off at the movies, mall, whatever. I love the kid but I cant wait until he gets his own license. From 4-7 its just me driving him around at least 3-4x a week. >> >> >>InsertCleverName652 >>>500 miles??? That's insane. >>> >>>OOP >>>>It probably wasnt 500 miles but I did have to fill up my tank twice this week. I have a mazda 3 so the stopping and going the mileage is less. Our neighborhood was rezoned, so my brothers school which used to be half a mile away is now 2 miles away, and his taekwondo is a mile from our house so just on that day its 4 miles to drop and pick up and 6 miles for the extras. I would have to look at all the other stuff he has but it was 40-50 bucks to fill up. I just remember thinking damn thats a lot lol.

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MermaidxGlitz >are you not allowed to come and go as you please now? I’d move out simply for the freedom > >OOP >>I leave as I please but its a full lecture when I return, god forbid I have brunch with the girls, or come home past midnight. I didnt mind at first because its their house their rules but now it feels more confined with their requests

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Unleashd99 >$1k a month is not terrible amount of money but you make a very valid point. For just a few dollars more you get your independence. Which at 23 makes a ton of sense. Maybe instead of focusing on the details of what they are asking from you, you could ask your father, “Why now? What happened that made you suddenly think I needed to pay an extra $500 more?” > >That question might help you both to be less defensive about the specific details of the topic and find a more fruitful answer. Because you are right to request more independence as a woman at 23. And maybe he has a good reason for what he is suddenly demanding too and we just haven’t heard it yet. Or maybe he just really wants you out of the house. You won’t know unless you ask. It seems unlikely that it could make things worse by asking. > >OOP >>I tried asking and he wont answer, he is pretty stubborn and when he thinks he is being challenged or undermined he shuts down and gives you the cold shoulder and my mom has to mediate. I heard them on the phone talking about me because he went for a drive and he said I was stubborn. Maybe I am stubborn, maybe if they would have had a talk with me about it I wouldnt be so defensive. But he is a blue collar man and he speaks like he is barking orders and once you say no or dont agree with the tone he will double down and it becomes a screaming match.

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OOP to a long thread >No men have ever stepped in my room, now what I do outside of my house is my business thats the unspoken rule. > >Honestly 750 isnt horrible, but when he started it as a demand and said I didnt do enough without explanation and me not backing down it escalated. My parents are not rich they ok. My dad is 49 and my mom is 48 and my brother is 15 about to be 16.

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Electrical_Ad_947 (downvoted) >Who paid for you to go to university? > >OOP >>scholarships, loans and working through school. They would help if I was in need for like gas, food, and the occasional books or extras. Scholarships paid 70% of school.

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Update - next day

^(May 02, 2026)

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Update: My parents are just ridiculous and I am going to look for apartments this weekend

So its 545 right now and my Dad is getting the full exposure of driving around my brother and my Mom and I had a conversation as to what happened which solidified that living here will just end up to us having a horrible relationship.

My dad as previously mentioned is a pipe fitter in the union, sometimes he has to travel for work but not all the time and he works long hours so he doesn’t see everything that happens. Now to the update.

3 years ago when I went from intern to full time I was making 62k a year as entry level and that was generous because they already knew my work. Well last year a position opened up and I was offered the position now making 82k a year and quarterly bonuses up to 10%, I have never received the full 10% because I didn’t see the value of working 60 hours for an extra paycheck a month. Last week my dad was home more than usual and just saw me holed up in my room “doing nothing just staring at a computer and watching netflix” well I had a grey’s anatomy running in the background but I always shut it off when I am in meetings and its just comforting to hear other voices in the house when you are alone all the time. When I left for my brother my dad walked in my room and saw my W2 and that my gross last year was 78k (promotion money included) and he asked my mom how much am I contributing to the house and she said well she doesn’t give any money. Well that was enough for him to say I wasn’t contributing, no follow up questions. He also forgot that I was paying the utilities – why? Because my mom handles all the bills.

When he told me I had to pay because I am not contributing enough he thought I was just picking up my brother, doing chores and cooking twice a week for dinner. So when I pushed back saying I pay bills, pick up my brother, drive him around 3-4x a week between 4-7, give him money when he is short for food and take him out to eat during the outings, plus everything else, he got flustered and thought I was exaggerating and doubled down. The silent treatment for the whole week he was asking my mom and brother to “validate” and when they did he got even more mad that he didn’t know all this because its obviously my fault for not ANNOUCING it to the world.

During the 1st conversation of the 750 and driving my brother around was my mom being selfish because she knew it would fall on her and teaching him to drive! But I explained he knows how to drive, he went to driving school and has a learners permit so when he is with me I do let him drive to get comfortable. She didn’t realize that he completed his courses which again is weird to me because SHE literally signed him up!

Even with all this my dad biggest issue is that I no longer need them which is not true, you always need your parents. But after this back and forth and reading a lot of the comments, and me saying my dad has quirks or shuts down I just come to realize he and I trigger each other so much. He and I will get into a screaming match because he refuses to admit he is wrong and I refuse to let him walk all over me, but I know how to apologize as well HE DOESN’T, he will just pretend like it didn’t happen.

This is just not going to work out. She finally agreed to it and will speak to my dad because it will just continue to escalate. I did offer for them to come and walk some apartments with me so they feel involved and my mom said yes but she will see what my dad will say because he doesn’t want me to move out and is really upset that I wont back down from that. But I honestly don’t see us coming back from what happened this past week and today, I know it will just escalate – I haven’t even addressed why he was in my room and looking through my stuff to see my W2’s.

Right now my dad is getting frustrated driving around to just wait on my brother and then drive again in high traffic times, which has been my life for 3 years. The only difference is that when I took that role/responsibility my brother was only 13 years old so he didn’t have a lot of extra circulars. My mom knew but she was happy with the arrangement because she didn’t have to deal with it. She also apologized for her role in saying that I am trying to negotiate because she understands that I do a lot for my brother and that will fall on them at least until he gets his license. Once I move out depending on where I move I wouldn’t mind helping out and driving him around maybe once or twice a week because I do enjoy spending time with him and so do my friends. Once a week after once of his extras we go to Chili’s and eat and hang out with my friends and I know I would miss him too much if I just stop being around him. There are so many times we just sit in the car eat and laugh or gossip. But hopefully we find something this weekend and I can move within the next month.

Hopefully my dad and I will be on speaking terms by the time I move out. I am going to step away and go get dinner with my friends and just get it off my mind.

 

COMMENTS

OOP to a long thread >ugh yes we are Mexican American. My mom's family is from Texas before it was Texas and my dad is 1st generation.

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Informal_Meeting_577 >Serious question, if you've been living at home, and getting paid 60k then 85k, why not just buy a home? Should you not have significant savings at this point? > >OOP >>There are few reasons not to buy a house right now. Yes I have savings but the savings will be a full down payment and leave me with little money to cover 6 months. I bought a car because I needed that and paying my student loans so this past year it has been saving and student loans. In houston if I want to buy a decent home in a decent area the avg is 300k plus unless I look at town homes etc. I did look once I received a pay increase to see what I would need and it would be somewhere between 55k-65k for 20% down because I dont want PMI.

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NEW UPDATE

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Final Update - after 1 month, 22days

^(June 23, 2026)

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I moved out and everything went to hell but it has been eye opening!

Hello! I am not sure where to post so I will just keep it on my page, if anyone finds this or is following then you can have your update if it goes into the void thats ok because it will be therapeutic.

Apartment update!

I moved out! I went apartment hunting at first with my mom to look at apartments near by and hated every single one of them. The next day I went further into the city where its best for young people and those where too expensive for "fake luxury". After the first few dead ends my friends mom put me in contact with a realtor friend and helped me find the perfect spot! Its a 2 bedroom townhouse close to places I would want to be and in a nice neighborhood, I pay 1300 a month for 1200 sqft, it has a community pool, tennis court, park, close to some walking trails and its mostly young families since they are townhomes so I dont feel out of place! I love this place so much and the area! I also love decorating my place and picking out furniture and going thrifting! The girls come over and we can have girl dinner, wine and binge watch shows without interruptions!

I love that the bedrooms are upstairs so it separates my work and life, having a 2nd bedroom that is an office/guest room has been the best thing ever. I did buy a pull out couch because I anticipated my brother would spend the night but its been so great, to be able to walk out of that room close the door and not think about work! Speaking of work I have done so much better at work because I am not looking at the clock to go pick up my brother or run errands and it has been noticed at work. I mentioned before I dont want to work 60 hours a week for an extra paycheck to hit all the KPI's but honestly moving out of my house and leaving the stress helped me reach all my weekly KPI's without working more hours than usual.

Getting to places to eat is so close, if there wasnt a serial killer killing people in the bayou, I would definitely be out there more lol.

Brother Update

Well this is where things went sideways. My father was not there when I moved out as he was still giving me the cold shoulder. Since moving out and its now summer time, my mom had to change her schedule to get off in time to be able to take my brother around but he was home all day by himself and that really messed with him and he ended up having a panic attack and called me for help and then I sent the bat signal to my grandparents and parents, since I now live about 20-30 minutes away I worried that I wouldnt get there in time, time for what? idk but I never heard my brother this way and I was scared, some how I got to my brother in 15 minutes and I am sure I broke many traffic laws. By the time I got there my Mom and Grandparents where there and he locked himself in the bathroom and it took a while to get him to open the door.

In the morning my brother was finally able to express himself, he said he felt trapped and alone that no one noticed him but me. I didnt realize how much he depended on me, he said it started during COVID, since my Mom was picking up extra shifts at the hospital for extra money and they needed staff she isolated herself at a hotel, my Dad went to the oil fields to rack up extra money since everything was shut down, it was just me, my brother and grandma.

Well our grandma on my dad's side doesnt speak a lot of english so we went from an English house to straight Spanish and my brother was a "no sabo" kid but he picked up enough for a conversation but that alone made me the only person he felt really comfortable talking to. Then he had online school and I was the only one who could help him with homework so I kinda became more than a big sister.

He feels like our parents are strangers forcing a conversation with him. Then his worst fear happened Mom and Dad asked him to give up some of his activities because they couldnt manage working and his schedule or find rides or start taking Lyft (all this through text) because Mom wasnt able to get off work in time and Dad was onsite somewhere and at the time our grandparents where grocery shopping.

He said during COVID he felt so trapped that when everything was lifted he just wanted to be outside all the time and not be stuck inside at all he didnt want to feel like that again and that is why he started joining all activities he could. I just figured he was just an active kid not that he was running from lockdown. He is staying with me for the summer until he can get his license and has become my neighborhood dog walker for money and to get outside and meet people. He really needs human interaction. He is also going to start therapy his first session is in a few weeks.

I did start putting boundaries on my brother about him going places and needing me to take him everywhere, he really does need to take Lyft, Uber or whatever, if I can drive him I will, I am his sister not his mother and we definitely let that sibling line blur into his codependency.

I am also to blame because I didnt realize it sooner, but again I really do like hanging out with my brother I never thought that he saw me as the only trusted adult. Since he isnt driving he did give up a lot of summer activities, but he likes the area, there are kids his age and being a dog walker he is definitely getting attention, plus it doesnt help that we are so close to the Galleria (mall) which he and his friends are spending a lot of their time at.

Parents Update

Well after those wonderful updates my parents and I sat down for a conversation, my Dad finally apologized for how everything happened, my Mom apologized for her role in all this as well. I did not apologize. I dont feel like I had anything to apologize for other than to my brother for letting this get so far. All this is a lot for my Dad and he would like space to figure out what to do which is a deflection.

It ended on neutral ground that they have to do better and I need to step back, (yet my brother is staying with me) so yeah they will be no change, because my brother will have his license, get a car and they will never see him because he will stay out of the house as much as possible. I told them that and my Dad kinda waived it off but you can tell it got to my Mother. From my understanding from pieces of what my Mom says and grandparents, my parents are not doing well. They are fighting, my Dad is being stubborn and they are blaming each other for us not being in the house...idk if divorce is happening but I do know they have never fought like this before.

My Dad thinks everything will go back to normal once my brother is in school again, my Mom thinks she lost her children. She does come by a few times a week and she is really trying with my brother and taking him out and spending time with him, my Dad, well he thinks my brother helping him in yard, or doing stuff around the house is enough to get back on track.

TLDR! I moved out to a great townhouse in the perfect area. Brother had a panic attack and is staying with me for the summer. Mom and Dad are fighting.

 

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

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Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/GarbageStation666

Published on: r/AmIOverreacting

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 22, 2026

• Update: June 24, 2026

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Main Post

^(June 22, 2026)

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AIO for telling my boyfriend to plan his own birthday dinner?

Hello people,

I (30F) and my boyfriend (now 28M) have been together for 5 years.

This year I decided to throw a surprise party for him since his birthday was on a Monday, I did it the Saturday. I was able to use my friend’s AirBnB, that wasn’t currently being rented that weekend, to have a nicer place and to reduce suspicion since I do an overboard deep clean. I didn’t have any help and I work about 70 hours a week so I decided to go to my local grocery deli department to get food and the cake for the party. I ordered some decorations and went on my lunch during the week to set them up. I put a lot of thought effort into this and I was spent a lot of time getting things together and planning.

On the day of the party, (Saturday) i gave him his gifts and I spent all day doing one of his hobbies with him, and trying to keep him busy. He wasn’t happy that I wasn’t doing anything for his birthday (as he knew of) and he wanted to do other things but that would spoil the plans. (He wanted to go to a city 2 hours away and spend the weekend out there, but I needed him here for the party he didn’t know about yet)

I made some plans with a friend so he went out with him while I ran to the Airbnb to finish setting up things. It was a pretty good turn out, about 25 people. Our friend got him the house and he was very surprised. Everyone ate, drank, and had a good time. Lots of laughs. The night went really great. Everybody left, I cleaned it all up by myself while he sat down and brought things into the house when we got home. That night, he thanked me a million times and kept telling me how amazing the party was.

The next morning I was beat, we got home late and I cleaned up everything by myself. I worked all week, and had a health issue on top of everything with the party and I needed a break. I bought him food from his favorite places all day, even when he had a lot of leftovers from the party.

He pretty much was upset all day because he didn’t want to be home. I told him to go hang out with his friends but he refused. I asked him what he wanted to do and he would just pout and not want to do anything other than go to that town two hours away. He wouldn’t even attempt to ask his friends if they wanted to go and I think it might be because he wanted me to pay for everything but I was pretty tapped out.

I spent pretty much $1,000 for everything for the weekend including gifts and getting things to participate in his hobby that I don’t even really like, I just put on a smile and did it for him. I don’t make crazy money so in general so that’s a lot for me.

I go to work Monday and he asked me if we could go to dinner since it was actually his birthday. I said yes, he told me that I needed to invite all his friends, call in a reservation and pay for it to make it up to him for not planning anything on his actual birthday and only one day and not whole weekend.

I feel insulted and hurt. I told him he can do it himself and i wouldn’t be attending. I reminded him that on my birthday a few months back, we only did things he wanted to do, and I didn’t get anything planned for me with friends or something special. Not even a simple $15 cake that he can just grab from the Walmart bakery two minutes down the road. He has never put half of as much effort into my birthday as I have done to his for the 5 years we have been together. I understand this is not a competition, and we don’t really one up each other on anything, but I don’t get how I ruined his birthday???

This obviously turned into a fight and since we live together, he has been staying with dad because “I ruined his birthday.” Idk if we are breaking up or what because he will not talk to me. I’m hurt and insulted. I don’t understand how I am the bad guy here.

Am I overreacting for telling him that he should plan his own dinner and I did not attend?

 

COMMENTS

susandeyvyjones > All the friends he wanted you to invite to dinner, they were invited to the party, yes? I’ll say NOR, but it seems like you planned something you would like and did not listen to what he wanted. > > OOP >> Yes they came to party and he did not tell me he wanted to do that until Saturday. We go there at least once a month already. >> >> susandeyvyjones >>> All right, I retract the final clause of my comment >>> >>> OOP >>>> I do appreciate the feedback.

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Beginning_Flower_390 > NOR it may not have been on the day but you planned a whole big party and went all out on it and then he was ungrateful and complained expecting you to do even more still while he does literally nothing for your birthday. Sounds like you’d be better off without him to be honest he doesn’t sound like he really likes you > > OOP >> He seemed to be very happy about it and thanked me so much to turn around and do all that… I’m so numb, I feel like letting this relationship go. It’s been good up until this point.

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BlessedHealer > Girl the fact that you’re questioning this makes me wonder how low the bar has to get  > > NOR - majorly underreacting > > OOP >> Yeah… therapy has been scheduled and I’m going to talk to him tonight about splitting up… I’ll update. 👍 >> >> mikesbaby14 >>> What was his response when you pointed out he put in minimal effort for YOUR birthday but expects a whole weekend of plans for his? >>> >>> OOP >>>> He just went on about how he tried everything he could on my birthday and he didn’t get to do what he really wanted… which was go to that town two hours away. I told him that on Sunday I told him to go! Go with your friends, get out of the house, I’m just not feeling well, I’m beat. He blamed in on me saying I didn’t want to be alone… I told him I was fine with being alone and idk why was bringing that up from a previous incident we had, from a month ago, that had nothing to do with this.

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alliez34 > NOR. So he loved the surprise party but it wasn’t enough because it wasn’t on his actual birthday? He sounds childish. I guess next time just ask him what he wants and do that, even if it’s just dinner with his friends two hours away. > > OOP >> He just wanted to have dinner in town. I doubt it even happened but I’m not going to reach out to people and ask because I just don’t care anymore.
>> Even on the Sunday I told him to go to that town with some friends or something because I just wasn’t feeling well. We go to the town at least once a month for him. It’s not a big deal to me, we do the exact same things when we go.

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sassy_doilies > NOR. He is acting like a child at almost 30. You “ruined his birthday” by planning an entire surprise party and then he wouldn’t do the ONE thing he said he wanted, because it seems like he would have to put in a modicum of effort?? > > Y’all need to talk, and you need to decide if you want the rest of your life to be spent being told the effort you put in isn’t enough. > > Does he work? Because what the hell. > > OOP >> In 2024 he did plan a dinner and surprised me with a few of my friends there. I was grateful even though I didn’t want to go because I was miscarrying at the time. My birthday generally gets overshadowed because it’s on a major holiday. >> >> Top_Technician_7034 >>> And did HE pay for everybody at your birthday dinner? And were there as many friends at your dinner as the number of friends he wanted you to pay for? >>> >>> OOP >>>> They all paid for themselves and he paid for me, that’s why I’m so freaking confused. Idk how many people because I never got that far to even ask. I doubt they even went to dinner. At least the 25 that were at the party I’m guessing. And that’s not including people I invited that didn’t come to the party so who knows who would’ve even showed up.

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Far-Safe-4036 > I hate surprise parties. I mean he said what he wanted to do. So the party happened and then .. he wasnt able to have ' his day ' his own way . I kinda get it .
> He sounds like a brat, but guys can be
> brats. Relationships are hard . > > OOP >> He would just tell me “ I don’t know “ for what he wanted until Saturday when everything was already set in stone. I’ve had parties for him similar to this in the past and he always loved them. I had no problem with doing the dinner I just didn’t want to do all the extra at the last minute and I don’t have the funds to pay for that. Even Sunday i told him to just go to the town with his friends because I wasn’t feeling well and I don’t have an issue with it. Idk. Idk why I had to be there or be the one to manage everything. He got off at work at noon that day when I didn’t get off until 6 and he still expected me to plan a last minute dinner with everybody that was literally at the party when he was at home playing video games and I was supposed to be working.

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#Small Update in comments

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Comment update

I called him and told him that’s we need to speak face to face today, he said sure and asked if he should spend $700 on something.I told him that’s the majority of his money he has on his side of the account… and just argued with me when I told him he shouldn’t. I’m taking my portion out of that account and breaking up with him tonight.

COMMENTS

tomeito_tomatou > I dont get why he asked u about that $700, but if i’m delusional enough i’d think he’ll try to mend this up with some expensive gift, ring or smth. If that‘s the case, DONT FORGIVE HIM! You’ve just realised how peaceful it is to not have him around, dump his ass! > > OOP >> We have a shared account for bills, emergencies and just to save and we talk about taking money out of it before anything. He bought a gun at the pawn shop, nothing for me. >> >> The-Bees-Knees-6969 >> OP did you finally get to talk to him? >>> >>> OOP >>>> No. It’s a little more complicated than just a text and put his stuff on the lawn unfortunately. I waited at his dad’s house for an hour yesterday and he never showed up or answered my calls.

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Grumpy-Bumblebee > What? Text him he has an hour to collect his stuff otherwise you throw it on the streets! Make a stand for yourself. > > Grumpy-Bumblebee > He knows. > Did you talk at all with his dad about it? > > OOP >> No his dad wasn’t home. He owns a busy restaurant and is there a lot. >> >> 🫩 que the side eye. My name is on his vehicle and he already has no credit that I know he doesn’t care about and I really need to separate that before he gets mad and ruins mine.

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stankenfurter > How did it go? You ok? > > OOP >> 🫩 been slammed at work with some bs happening there. I do have a little bit of update when I get a chance to type it out.

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No_Transition_8293 > NOR. Send him home to his mother, who can gather all his little friends and give him a party at McDonalds. You gave him an amazing celebration and he was a pouty, obnoxious manchild. > > You deserve a whole lot better. > > OOP >> He doesn’t even know his mom since she left when he was a baby so who even knows.

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#Update - After 2 days

^(June 24, 2026)

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Update in comments

Thank you for all the comments and people checking up on me. I have a little bit of context and update of what’s going on currently.

I was supposed to meet up with him that night to break up with him and talk about how we will need to separate things. My name is primary on his vehicle but he is a co-signer and on the title so I couldn’t report it stolen or anything. He has shit credit and anger issues (yes I know shocker) so I had a feeling he would just stop paying and ruin mine for fun.

We also had a joint bank account where we would save money, put things towards bills, the house, the cats and so on. I did take all of my money out. There’s a certain amount allocated that we have for ourselves or our “ fun, trip “ money etc, so when he called to spend a big chunk of his side that is not uncommon. Yes, he did buy a gun, I told him it was stupid but he has quite a few so it was not uncommon, it was not to try to hurt or threaten me.

So, anyway, he did not show up for the meeting at his dad’s house and his dad wasn’t there. I just went home. I got a weird text message that morning from a random number calling me an asshole and it blocked me, never figured out who it was. He wasn’t answering me for a good while but this wasn’t unusual from his behavior since he left. Well I got a call yesterday afternoon they found his car abandoned and smashed with nobody in it. ( thank god for gap )

I was 3 hours away dealing with an issue at one of my farthest stores from my city. I finally called his dad and he was very surprised to hear what I had to say…. You guessed it, he was told a whole different story that made me look awful. Tried telling his dad that he paid for all the party and I didn’t do a thing and told him that he couldn’t celebrate his birthday and all kinds of insane shit.

His dad did agree that my story made a lot more sense but I digress. Apparently my ex has been going through bottles of alcohol like water and his dad was trying to kick him out of his house. He was drunk and crashed the car by himself (thank god he didn’t hurt anybody) He started to walk, who knows his destination, and walked through people’s yards and the cops got called on him from somebody in the neighborhood I’m guessing. He fought the cops and got arrested. I still haven’t talked to him or know if he ever got out or what.

I have given some major things of his to his dad, and he knows it is over between us. I don’t think he will do anything to me but I’m kind’ve uneasy. I’m looking for a new place to live.

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user pangolindsey in r/ airbnb_hosts

Original: July 15, 2024

Update: July 18, 2024

Status: concluded

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Original: Person who showed up in my airbnb is a 15 year old kid who doesn't speak much English.

He is attending a 3 week pre-college program at a nearby university. The person who booked the unit (months ago) now admits she lied - she said she was taking a course at the university and would be staying alone. She claims she is the kid's cousin but I doubt this.

The kid referred to her as a "counselor" and she is an educational consultant according to her airbnb and linkedin profiles. The pre-college program has a residential option that costs 12K. Without housing/food/supervision, the program is 6K.

What I think happened is that the kid's family (who presumably speak even less English than he does) paid this educational consultant to put their son in this program, and she decided to put him in our airbnb rather than pay for housing/food/supervision through the university so she could make more money.

Now I'm trying to figure out what to do. I think I will notify his university program, which specifically prohibits minors living unsupervised like this. I will make sure he gets some dinner tonight. I will report the person who did this to airbnb.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: All I have to say is poor kid. What language does he speak, do you know anyone who can translate for him? But I think what you are doing is probably the right way to go about it.

>OOP: He is Chinese. His English is better than I initially thought. We've been texting. We just had trouble communicating when we first met and we didn't know who he was and he couldn't explain this complicated situation.

Comment2: Aw the poor kid, I wanna hug him! In his defense, a 15 year old doing an educational program abroad, is probably pretty smart and savvy and could figure out how to dinner. But that doesn’t feed his soul!! Alone, in a foreign country! 15 year olds should feel taken care of, regardless if they need it or not.
Thanks for thinking about dinner for him.

Comment3: Wow that’s both insane and criminal. Def call the school and report her so she can’t do this again. Crazy she thought some underage kid would get away with living alone for several weeks.

Comment4: I work at a university that hosts these programs over the summer and I know we would be VERY interested to know of this is happening. Please, report the consultant and let them know the student is living on their own.
There are so many red flags/things that could go wrong and no one would know who to contact for this poor boy.

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Update 0.5 (same day)

early update: university person in charge of minor students responded to me immediately and we'll talk in the morning. The kid is perfectly fine. He went out and got himself dinner.

He'll go to the 1st day of classes tomorrow. I would never have known he wasn't an adult except I asked to see ID because he clearly wasn't the (female) person who booked the place.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update (3 days later)

The university took charge of the situation immediately, as many commenters predicted.

They moved the kid into a dorm room. Minor students in this program are not allowed to live unsupervised. I don't know who is paying for the dorm room. He is going to have a much better experience in the dorm with other kids than he would alone in our airbnb.

The person who booked the airbnb for the kid requested a refund which I denied, explaining that

1. we have a strict cancelation policy and
2. she broke pretty much every airbnb rule in existence.

She tried to claim that kids as young as 13 are allowed to book airbnbs and also that I invaded her privacy by calling the university, then we stopped communicating. I reported the situation to airbnb support who canceled the stay (so I can rebook to someone else) and they will likely ban her.

The comments here about calling police and FBI for a possible trafficking or drug mule situation didn't match reality at all. The kid was fine, perfectly happy ordering ubereats, made it to his first day of class without any problems. He did lock himself out of the apt twice, but plenty of adults have done that too.

I would never have known he was under 18 and not the person who booked the stay except he was a different gender, and that made me ask to see ID.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: OP mentioned that you looked her up on LinkedIn. Does she say she is a member of either IECA or NACAC? If so, please report her to them.
These are the two professional organizations for Independent Educational Consultants. They hold their members to high standards, and this is an obvious breech.

>OOP: I will do this. thanks

Comment2: As someone who works in international student services at a college, thank you for handling this the right way!! If I ever tried to pull anything like this with a minor student, I would expect nothing less than being fired.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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June 2026 Top Contributors

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