u/Anonymotron42

AITAH for buying a hot tub after my brother's friends' parents kept refusing to allow him or anyone else in their pool that my brother helped to buy?

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Spirited_Shelter4655 posting in r/AITAH

Editor's note: For ease of reading, I have replaced the initial "J" with "Jay" and, at the request of OOP, the initial "C" with "Chris."

Original Posted Friday, August 7th, 2026

AITAH for buying a hot tub after my brother's friends kept refusing to allow him or anyone else in their pool that my brother helped to buy?

*friend's parents [Note: originally titled 'AITAH for buying a hot tub after my brother's friends kept refusing to allow him or anyone else in their pool that my brother helped to buy?']

My brother Pete (14) and his friends, Chris and Jay (both 14), got the idea in the middle of June to buy a pool for the rough summer we usually have because the local community pool is being shut down. When Pete or his friends couldn't convince anyone to buy it for them, they got motivated to work for it. Pete mowed lawns and did other yard work around the county, and the other two did their own work, and after a few weeks, they pooled their money together and were able to buy a cheap above-ground pool. Me and Chris and Jay's parents were really impressed and thought they deserved it after working for it. We all agreed to set the pool up in Chris backyard because their backyard is the biggest. They filled it up and did all the work for it, and the first weekend it was available, Pete and his friends all hung out in the pool.

The problem is, that was the ONLY time Pete or Jay has been in the pool. Chris, apparently, is allowed to go in whenever, but nobody else. His parents have been asked multiple times, and they're always shot down. One time, Pete ended up sneaking into the pool while I was at work, and when Chris's dad found him out there, he came out and yelled at him. Chris was in the water too, according to Pete. He and Jay were obviously confused, so when I went to talk with Chris's parents about Pete sneaking into the pool, I asked why they weren't allowed in at all. Chris's dad kept harping on the fact that Pete went in without permission, which I understand, but what I don't understand is why whenever they are asked to come over and swim, they're never allowed to. They both explained it's a 'liability' reason, meaning if anything were to happen to anyone in their pool, like if someone drowned, they don't want to be responsible and it's easier to just not allow anyone but their son in the water. But these are TEENAGERS, not toddlers, and they all know how to swim.

At the end of the conversation, Chris's dad was like, "The pool is on my property, and we used our water to fill it up, so we decide what to do with it." I raised my voice a little bit by reminding them that they didn't buy that pool, it belongs to their son, my brother and J. I understand that it's on their property, but it's unfair to gatekeep it from the people who helped to buy it. They wouldn't answer that and threatened that Pete wouldn't be allowed at their house at all if they were asked again, which Pete would hate to hear since he loves their house, so I left it at that.

Pete was pissed, to say the least, and loved to rant to anyone who listened while gaming with his friends about the situation. He asked if they could really do that and we should call the cops, but I told him let's not go that far yet, even though I agreed those people basically stole from him. But he and Chris have been friends for nearly 10 years and they do EVERYTHING together, so I'd hate to see them be separated over something petty like this.

So I came up with another idea and I went shopping online and found an inflatable hot tub for about the same amount of money they spent on the pool. It might've been just as petty, and I dipped a bit into my savings, but I bought it. Could I have bought the pool myself? Maybe, but at the same time, Pete wanted it bad and I got other things to worry about, and he's learning to work for what he wants. And a hot tub's good for my back. Pete's been in the hot tub nearly every day since it's been set up. His friends are welcome inside it too, my only rule is they gotta shower (at their own houses) before or after they get in it. It's big enough for like 5 people.

Jay and Chris have been over a lot to go in the hot tub, and their parents have noticed. Jay's dad is totally okay with it and thinks that what Chris's parents are doing is bullshit too, but he agrees that they still get their reward for all their work with the hot tub. Chris's parents, on the other hand, aren't too happy. Chris told me himself that he prefers to be in the hot tub, with his friends, rather than swimming alone in his pool, and his parents don't understand that. I haven't spoken to them directly about this, but Chris has heard rants from his mom about how everyone thinks they're some kind of child-hating monsters for not allowing anyone in their pool (that they didn't buy). It hasn't helped that Pete still loves to rant about it too, and he knows a lot of neighborhood kids who also come to dip in the hot tub. I do see Chris's mom at the store sometimes, but she doesn't make eye contact with me anymore.

I know it was petty, but AITAH?

EDIT [Note: same post]: Holy shit, this blew up a lot more than I thought. Thank you all for your input. I wanted to clear up some things in an edit.

I'm a 30 year old man.

Chris's parents are pretty wealthy. I really don't think the water bill or anything they're paying for with that pool is gonna break them.

Yes, I know Pete is owed his money back for his pool. But we're on thin ice as is with Chris's parents and I'd hate to make things even worse. He hasn't really asked about getting his money back, all he really wanted was to use the pool.

No, small claims court is out of the picture right now. It'd be a waste of everyone's time and money, and tbh, the only people who aren't satisfied with this outcome are Chris's parents.

I'M NOT GONNA VANDALIZE THE POOL.

Top Comment:

>Empty the pool and put it in someone else's yard.

Comment:

>Chris's parents should reimburse Pete and Jay and/or the pool moved to your house.

[Generally OOP was labeled NTA]

Update Posted Monday, August 17th, 2026 (10 days later)

UPDATE: AITAH for buying a hot tub after my brother's friends' parents kept refusing to allow him or anyone else in their pool that my brother helped to buy?

So the overall response I got to the last post was very unexpected and I appreciate everyone's input. This has been a weird situation for everyone involved.

I wanted to clarify something about the pool first. It's not inflatable, it's one of those frame pools that you set up and then fill up. I'd say it's around 15ft round, at least big enough to fit 3 teenagers and two adults all at once. And like I said before, the only reason we set it up in Chris's parents' backyard is that my backyard isn't that big, so the pool would be crossing into our neighbor's yard. Jay and his dad live in a townhouse. And Chris's family lives in a big house with at least 2 acres of open land around them. Obviously, they have the most room. I couldn't believe the number of people who suggested draining the pool or slicing the pool open. I get the idea, but that thing cost the boys like over $400 altogether.

Since I last posted, Pete and his friends have still hung out in the hot tub. Also, because people were curious, it wasn't on most of the time so they still cooled off. They liked to leave it off and then turn it on when they got too cold. The ironic thing is it's been raining this past week, so neither the pool or the hot tub has been used much. But the effects of 'poolgate' are still in effect as Pete and Jay were talking about how they could use it without having to deal with Chris's parents (who still never let them near it). The one thing nobody has done yet is call the police, because what's the point? There was no contract signed, the boys paid in cash, and we all mutually agreed to set it up in Chris's backyard, so legally they're all clear to do what they want with it, especially because they used their water to fill it up. Ethically, they're assholes, but legally, the police can't do anything if they claimed that they bought it and we have no real proof that it's mutually owned.

Jay's dad, who was angrier than I thought he was, actually ended up making several posts on Nextdoor and Facebook basically outing Chris's parents for stealing the pool. The Facebook post got some pretty good attention for like a few days before he took it down, but suffice to say, a lot of our mutuals know about it now. I got a lot of messages asking about Pete, especially from the people he worked for. I didn't put in any of my own thoughts because to be honest, I thought this was all behind us with the hot tub. But the more I thought about it, the more I understood that a hot tub wasn't enough. The boys worked hard for that pool, and they at least deserve their money back if they couldn't use it.

But then, on Friday, Pete told me that Chris let him know that the previous night, he had to help his dad drain and dismantle the pool. It was only used sporadically and not for more than a month. Chris had to help his dad throw the whole pool IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD DUMPSTER! We had to go over and check it out ourselves to believe it. Saturday afternoon, with Jay and his dad's help, all four of us managed to pull everything out of the dumpster and we brought it back to Jay's house. They, as mentioned, don't have the room to set the pool up in their backyard, but they do have a shed, and Jay's dad is letting them store it there for the time being. Jay's dad has a pickup truck, so it wasn't that hard to transport it. Chris had no idea, and neither did his parents, but we both did get some questioning texts asking if we 'took' the pool. Neither of us denied it. Pete hasn't been able to talk to Chris ever since because, I assume, his phone's been taken away and he's been occupied with other things. That's my way of saying, of course he was grounded.

Understandably, EVERYONE is pissed now. Jay's dad and I are pissed, especially that those guys just up and tried to throw away something these boys earned by working. The boys are pissed that not only have they been prevented from using the pool, except for Chris, but their hard work has been literally thrown away because his parents don't want to be responsible for it. THE PARENTS are beyond pissed that they were publicly shamed and that their son snitched on them and we got to the pool before the dump truck did. And yes, we did get questions by neighbors when we were digging in the trash. We told them the truth. The worst part is, because the weather's getting colder, there's no point in trying to set the pool up anywhere else even if we could. Thankfully, they still have the hot tub.

So now, as it should've been from the beginning, Jay's dad and I are gonna sit down and talk with Chris's parents about what compelled them to try to get rid of the pool like that instead of just letting the boys use the thing THEY bought, and also find out exactly what the issue is behind this whole situation. I have a feeling it's not gonna go well. If they won't at least refund the boys, which we're gonna demand, then we're both taking them to small claims, which we both know we might get screwed with considering they can afford good lawyers and neither of us can. All we want is $300 split between Pete and Jay, and then this whole thing will be behind us. It sucks that Pete and Chris's friendship may be over after this, but it isn't either of their fault.

Top comment:

>Most small claims courts do not allow lawyers. My parents sued in small claims court once. The defendants brought a lawyer, and once my parents pointed him out, the judge told him to leave.

Reply from OOP:

>We'd probably be screwed anyway, since we all agreed to it being on their property.

Comment:

>You have the pool now. Sell it and let the boys split the money. At least they’ll get some money. They sure leaned a lesson about buying things with other people.

New Update posted Tuesday, August 18th (11 days later)

UPDATE: AITAH for buying a hot tub after my brother's friends' parents kept refusing to allow him or anyone else in their pool that my brother helped to buy?

We had our conversation.

Jay's dad (who I'll call Russell) and I showed up at Chris's parents' house after work under the guise of trying to mend whatever problems haven't been settled over this whole pool thing yet. We've all known each other for about as long as the boys have (so about 8 years for Jay and 7 for Chris). It's not like we're strangers, so it wasn't uncomfortable. We got offered some drinks and we sat down, and the first thing I asked was what this all was about. They wanted to focus on the fact that we dumpster dived to get our pool back, but we were firm that we knew this wasn't about the pool.

Chris's dad, who I'll call Greg, was mostly quiet the whole time. He just sat back and nodded while his wife, who I'll call Lorraine, spoke for the both of them.

I asked if they really were okay with the boys setting up the pool in their yard to begin with, and they both looked at each other before saying no, they weren't. They both thought it was a waste of money, and pools are a seasonal item so they should've bought something that they could use year round. Russell said they should've said that when we all agreed, including them, to set it up. They said it made Chris happy and they thought he deserved something he wanted for all his hard work. Lorraine mentioned that, at the end of the day, they felt 'pressured' to do it.

Then we got into the whole liability thing, and if that was really why they wouldn't allow anyone but Chris in the pool. Lorraine kept claiming yes, that was the reason, despite our attempts to tell her we could've worked something out if she wanted them supervised. It didn't matter, we both just wanted to give the boys what they worked for, and they're the ones who were preventing that, and we wanted to know the truth about why.

She went on to say that she wasn't happy with the idea of a pool in their backyard because a) she was actually planning on building a greenhouse in the same space, and b) they were both concerned that having the pool would be a distraction. Like, Chris would want to spend more time outside, in the pool, getting sunburnt and all that, than staying inside and studying when school started. It was all another excuse to stay away from the books. And this would give Chris's friends, including Pete and Jay, reasons to 'trespass' on their property. Lorraine brought up when Pete snuck in the pool without permission and apparently it was such a big deal that it warranted second thoughts on keeping the pool at all.

We were dumbfounded. They've NEVER acted like this before in all the years we've known them. And honestly, I didn't buy that explanation, and neither did Russell. Greg supported her comments, but they could see that we were unsatisfied with that answer. We wanted to know if they had something against either of our boys.

Lorraine then asked if she could be honest with both of us. I had a feeling we were gonna get answers so I said yes, hit us with your best shot.

She said that they both believe that Pete and Jay are bad influences on their son. That as they've gotten older, Chris's become louder, more vulgar, and less willing to join them on their own family activities. That our boys, primarily Jay, are loud, violent and smart mouthed and they've always felt that Chris should look for new friends. That they're concerned that the things and words that Chris has learned from our boys are gonna impact him in the long run and ruin his chances of the life they, I guess, have always dreamed for him. Then she went on this tirade about how they have 'planned' Chris's future already. He's gonna get into a top university that they're already prepared to pay for, he's gonna get a good job after he graduates, meet a woman and get married, have kids, and essentially live a 'normal' adult life. All this apparently is never gonna happen because of Pete and Jay.

We were silent. Lorraine kept saying 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry' over and over again, and that we wanted to know the truth, and it's just a concern they have.

Russell spoke first. He asked if they've always felt this way, and Greg said in a way, yes. It wasn't that bad when they were little and just hanging out at school, but as the boys have gotten closer, it's become a 'problem'. When asked what exactly is so bad about these teenage boys, Lorraine again mentioned their mouths, their violent tendencies, their habits (like video games), and all the usual stuff you hear that's bad for growing kids. They also said that, in their opinion, both of them are missing things in their lives that they believe will keep Chris out of trouble when he gets older. They were, of course, referring to mother figures. Pete's never had a relationship with our mom, and Jay's dad is divorced and Jay's mom lives in another country with his sister. So because neither of them has had a wise, loving mother to powder their little asses and warm their bottles like Chris does, they're bad kids. Oh, and because they're devout Christians and neither of us go to church, that was brought up too. They've just kept their mouths shut about these problems the whole time for the sake of their friendship.

Then, Lorraine dropped this little bomb. She basically implied that they have the means to give Chris a 'proper' future, meaning money, and just because we don't for our boys, that doesn't give us the right to try and bring Chris down to our level. Our level, according to her, is not having the means to care for children properly, denying them opportunities, and all these different little nitpicks about our lives that, in their opinion, reflect on Pete and Jay and their attitudes that Chris has learned from them.

Now we were PISSED. Russell actually got up and raised his voice, and I had to restrain him and calm him down a little bit. Greg threatened the police if there was any trouble, and that's not how we wanted this night to end. Lorraine was crying and kept saying 'I'm sorry' again and again.

When he calmed down, Russell spoke in a pretty low voice and told them both that we all have different situations, and we're raising these boys in our own ways. If there's something they don't like about either of our boys, you don't hold it against them, you mention it to us. That's how I'm gonna grow as a parent, at least. And nothing about either of our situations gives them the right to say these boys are bad influences. None of them have been to prison or had the cops called on them or anything.

We had to remind them of our histories. I asked them to consider that I'm Pete's brother, not his parent, and I wasn't prepared to raise him when I took him in. I had no choice other than putting him into the foster system. Russell brought up personal problems he had with his ex-wife and her distant relationship with Jay. We both said we're doing our best raising these boys, just like they are, but if they're so concerned about how they're being raised, what makes them think they're any better just because they have more money?

And if they wanna compare our kids so badly, then let's do it. Chris is constantly on his phone, because Lorraine always wants to know where he is and what he's doing. Chris doesn't like to stay home all the time. Chris always takes junk food from either of our houses. Chris would rather hang out with his friends in a hot tub than swim in a pool that was four times bigger. The only extracurriculars Chris does for school are the ones his friends do. Chris was introduced to and now loves all these geeky things that Pete and Jay love, and he taught them things he likes. And why were the boys working together to buy a pool to begin with? Because they wanted another reason to hang out with each other despite the heat.

And now, they were both silent. They had these ashamed looks on their faces, especially Lorraine, who just kept crying.

Now, onto the main point, how gatekeeping the pool and then throwing it away when it wasn't being used for the one person they let inside it wasn't how they were gonna treat these boys anymore. Not ours, and not theirs. That's when Greg asked if we were gonna tell them how to parent their kid now. Russell and I both emphasized that the way they're treating Chris is actually setting him up for failure in his life. He already has self-esteem issues being a teenager, he needs to be able to make his own choices. When asked what choices, I asked if they were sure he even wanted to go to college when he got older. Greg said he 'won't have a choice.' That they've worked too hard to let him pass any opportunity just because he was 'influenced' to do something different, and that's what they're trying to avoid with Pete and Jay. They were on board with him working, but helping to buy a pool wasn't what they had in mind. I asked what exactly they expected him to buy with the money, and they didn't really have an answer, just something different.

Suffice to say, this wasn't a nice conversation, and we excused ourselves out before either of us said anything that we'll regret, or do something that warrants the police being called, because believe me, we BOTH felt like punching Greg. We never demanded anything from them or threatened legal action like I mentioned in my last post. I kinda said that out of anger, so I apologize for that.

Me and Russell spent a while in his truck just talking about what we can do. What they've done and said wasn't cool, but we had to be careful. We can't control how they raise Chris, but they can try to control who Chris can hang out with. They have every right to ban Pete and Jay from their house if they want to. They don't have to pay for his extracurriculars if they don't want to. They could even move houses if they want to. At the end of the day, it was all about keeping the peace between the boys, which hasn't been a problem because they're all on the same page. In fact, Russell and I both agreed that the boys were behaving more maturely than any of us were, and we laughed at that.

So for right now, we're gonna spend some time thinking of what else we could do. If anyone has any advice, I'd love to hear it. But the one thing I know we have to do is talk to Pete and Jay, and if possible, talk to Chris. His parents can try all they want to, but Chris is a smart kid, grounding him isn't gonna keep him from staying in contact with his bros. And I have a strong feeling he's got some interesting things to say about his parents. But again, we're not doing anything until we have solid proof and a solid plan.

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AITA for refusing a name for my baby that everyone loves and but I don’t?

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Accomplished-Owl8796 posting in r/AmItheAsshole

Original Posted Thursday, June 18th, 2026

I (27f) and my husband (28 m) are expecting our first child in the fall. It’s a girl! We’re both really stoked and have wanted kids for a long time now.

Ever since we decided to start planning on having kids, my husband has been using a joke, place-holder name for our baby. He’s second generation Irish and he’s been calling our baby Siobhan. He likes that it’s traditional Irish and, don’t get me wrong, it really is a pretty name but my major hangup is: we live in the US, we were both born and raised in the US, and the US is known to be kinda garbage at pronouncing traditional Irish names right, on the first try anyway. I do not want to send my daughter to 12+ years of public education and have teachers, substitutes, and fellow students unable to say her name right on the first try. My name is a pretty standard name here but it’s spelled differently because my dear sweet mother wanted me to be “unique” but all I got was grief for it. Kids can be mean and I don’t want my kid to have a name that might get her bullied or cause her teachers to call her “Si-o-Bo-Han” (not at all how you’d pronounce it) every time they call her name in class.

The problem? EVERYONE is telling me that I TOTALLY need to use the name Siobhan. My own parents say that it’s pretty and unique (again with that word, Mom rolling my eyes) my aunt and cousins are saying “well, that’s what you call her anyway” (my husband does, I don’t) and my husband’s family gush over it too. I’ve told everyone that it’s not what I want to go with, but it’s like talking to a brick wall!

My husband’s cut down on calling the baby Siobhan since he knows it’s not what I want and that it bugs me. He’s told them that I was really just a joke name and he kept using it just to tease me (we have a very playful teasing type relationship. I’ve given as good as I’ve gotten in that respect). He’s said multiple times it’s not what we’re actually going with but things are starting to get out of hand. My mom and sister have already tried getting embroidered blankets with Siobhan ordered for the baby! They only failed because they called me to confirm the spelling and I shut it down hard. Now they’re pissed because I still can’t make up my mind on what I ACTUALLY want to name my daughter and I’m just a mess. I’m pregnant, my head hurts, and…I don’t know. Am I just making a big deal over nothing? Should I just name the baby Siobhan and get it over with or is this worth putting my foot down on?

AITA if I don’t name my baby Siobhan?

Top Comment:

>This is why you don’t discuss baby names with anyone who isn’t the mother/father of the baby until after the baby has been named. I had zero people commenting on my kids’ names. It was fabulous.

Comment:

>Only parents get a vote on the name and it needs to be a two yes agreement. One no is a complete no.

Comment:

>Americans, say it with me: Shee-oh-mega-tron-oh-vin-genie-in-vaughn.
NTA

Reply from OOP:

>Exactly what I was afraid of lol
Thanks for this! I needed the belly laugh

[OOP was deemed NTA]

Update Posted Monday, June 22nd, 2026

UPDATE: AITA for refusing a name for my baby that everyone loves but I don’t

Guys, you made a pregnant woman cry in the good way!

I’m was so glad to see all your comments and everything! Even the YTAs and downvotes were welcomed looks at both sides, so I want you all to know that I really appreciate it I got a DM from someone with the name Siobhan and not only was it validating, but it gave me a great idea. They told me they go by the nickname Bonnie and I almost instantly fell in love with it. After more pregnancy crying, I ran the idea past my husband. His response: “we could give her Anne for a middle name, like the pirate!” (My husband’s a pirate/nautical geek but I love him for it!) So, we have a new working name: Bonnie Anne! If we end up not liking it when she’s born, we’ll switch things around but, for now, that’s what we’re going with.

I haven’t told our families yet and I think we’re going to keep it that way, at least for now. I’ve stressed the “we want it to be a surprise” angle and while we got some flack for it, it’s gone down some. My mom and sister were sour because, apparently, they wanted to do a name reveal at my baby shower coming up and, again, have personalized gifts made, but they’re sticking to my boundaries for the time being.

For all the Siobhans out there and all those who also love the name: I see you! I really do. It’s a beautiful name from a beautiful culture. Wear it with pride, my dudes! But, for us, there’s just too much negative energy around it for us personally. Overall, I made this account for this dilemma specifically (I don’t use social media a lot as if it’s not great for my mental health) so I don’t know how long I’m gonna keep it up. But I want to share this update with you guys and thank you again for all your help.

Me and baby (maybe) Bonnie are doing just fine!

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments.

WIBTAH if I don't show up to the bachelor party I specifically have said I don't want

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/manbearpigserial posting in r/AITAH.

Original Posted Tuesday, May 12th, 2026

I'm getting married in a little over a month. It's a small wedding, immediate family only. Less than 25 people on the guest list. Dinner after at a restaurant my fiancé likes, that's it.

I have told everyone from the moment I got engaged that I do not want a bachelor party. I grew out of my party phase long ago and would rather spend my weekends with my fiancé and soon to be stepson than drinking and everything else a bachelor party entails. I thought everyone understood I didn't want one until yesterday.

At Mother's Day yesterday my sister let it slip to me that my dad asking me next weekend to come help him put his boat in the water is a cover story for a bachelor party him and my brother are throwing for me. She did it because she didn't want me unknowingly walking into an ambush. I was instantly absolutely furious, but I bottled it up because it was Mother's Day and I didn't want to make a scene on a day that was for my mom and grandma.

Today I sent my dad a text asking about helping with his boat and asking when I should come, etc. I said thanks and let him know after I helped with the boat I'd be going home due to commitments with my stepson. This was my way of not selling out my sister. He started saying no I have to stay because he wants to take me out to dinner to say thank you and take me for a boat ride etc.

I said thanks but no thanks, I don't care about boat rides and he knows that. I'll help with the boat but then I have to go. He kept trying to convince me but after being unsuccessful he confessed to it being a cover for a bachelor party. This is when the real conversation began.

I told him in no uncertain terms again that I don't want a bachelor party and also that I'm not coming to this planned bachelor party. I don't want one, I've been abundantly clear I don't want one, and he should just cancel it. He said him and my brother had already bought food and drinks for the party, they had invited my friends and everyone was excited and looking forward to it so it was too far in to cancel it. Besides if I come I'll end up enjoying it so why fight it. A good friend of mine from out of state is even flying in to attend.

I then informed him they can enjoy their party, but I will not be coming. He called me selfish and that I should be grateful to have friends and family who want to do this for me. That I should come and enjoy myself because this isn't just about me, it's about all of them showing how happy they are for me for my wedding.

I called my friend from out of state and told him to cancel his flight, to not come into town because I'm not having a bachelor party, and that I'm sorry people had told him I was. He said not to worry about it, that he was coming into town a couple days early to see his newborn niece anyway. I made plans with him to get dinner the night of my bachelor party to make up for everyone else inconveniencing him.

My family have been texting me all day today about it being incredibly selfish of me to refuse to go to the party they spent so much time and effort planning. I feel I made it really clear I didn't want this and they brought this on themselves.

So WIBTAH if I go through with my plan to no show my own bachelor party?

Top Comment:

>I'd rather be grateful for friends and family that listen to me when I say I DO NOT WANT A BACHELOR PARTY!

Comment:

>INFO

>You know the word "party" doesn't exclusively mean getting rowdy and wasted, right?

>It can mean just spending time with people who love you and enjoy your company.

Reply from OOP:

>They're planning basically a kegger on a lake. this is a get wasted party.

Update Posted Thursday, May 14th, 2026 (2 days later)

Long story short the party is off and my dad is pretty pissed about it.

Last night when I got home from work my fiancé asked me how things were going with my family. Her mom was over so I told her what was going on. My future MIL's first reaction was "Are they nuts?" We talked about it and she told me I absolutely shouldn't go and I should let my friends know that I wasn't going to be there so they don't go there and are disappointed when I'm not.

I took her advice and texted some friends that I figured got invites to let them know the bachelor party was never cleared with me and I wouldn't be there but if they still wanted to go there and party then to have at it. They helped me figure out other people who were invited and I let them all know too.

Pretty much all of them understood and were cool about it. A couple of them I have plans with soon anyway, so we said we'll just see each other then. Some of them I had no plans with, but we made plans for other days in the next couple of months. Others we made no plans, but they seemed cool.

Apparently pretty much none of them were wanting to go to the party if I wasn't going to be there because I got an irate call from my dad asking me why he got a bunch of calls and texts from people saying they weren't coming to the party because I wasn't going to be there. I told him, well, that's because I'm not going to be there, like I told you a couple days ago, and I figured people should know since this was supposed to be my bachelor party that the bachelor wasn't going to be there.

He said he's had enough of my anti-social crap and demanded I be there. I said no. He then said he was planning on paying for my after wedding dinner but now wouldn't to make up for the money he wasted on this party. I said that was fine because I already paid for the dinner months ago when we booked the dinner with the venue. He then said fine it's going to come out of my wedding present fine. I was like we don't need your wedding present, but if that makes you feel better then fine go for it.

My brother and sister both sent me texts basically saying I should have just gone and sucked it up. My brother mentioned being out some money himself because of this. I said maybe next time you'll learn to think for yourself instead of blindly following our dad's orders all the time. That shut him up. My mom has been suspiciously silent about all of it. I did talk to her today, but the subject never came up.

That's pretty much it. I'm gonna enjoy a nice night with my fiancé and her son tomorrow night and go to his soccer game. Saturday my buddy and I changed plans, instead of dinner we're going to my local MLB team's game instead since it's a day game and we found decent tickets pretty cheap.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments.

AITA My friend invited herself to my vacation and I won't let her stay with me

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Significant_Break316 posting in r/AmItheAsshole.

Original Posted Sunday, March 22nd, 2026

Everyone involved is in their early 40s F. I recently got divorced and it has been very rough going. I went to therapy and it helped me tremendously. I am finally starting to feel like my old self. I got off of my rusty-dusty as my grandma would say, hit the gym, reconnected with my friends, I feel good again. My ex and I used to take frequent vacations, which I enjoyed. There is no reason for me to stop now. So I decided to organize a trip with my friends. I asked five of my friends if they wanted to go and three said yes. Diane was one of the ones who said no as she already scheduled a few vacations and had limited time available. No problem.

So I researched and found a four bedroom Airbnb. Everyone will have their own room. One friend and I each have the master rooms (one bed in each room) and the other two friends each have a double room (two separate beds in each room). Everything is set, flights are booked, it’s one month away, we’re excited!

And that brings us to this weekend. Diane called me and said one of her trips fell through and she now has availability to go with us on our trip. Great! I told her that our host has multiple properties, I’ll ask her if she has another one near ours or if she can recommend a hotel that is close to us. Diane got upset and asked why can’t she stay with us. I told her all rooms are taken. She knows this, I was telling her about the trip all along. She then asked why can’t I switch rooms with one of my friends, and she and I share a double room. I told her that I didn’t want to.

Now, call me selfish, call me mean, call me whatever, but make sure to add that I’m a grown ass woman who needs her space. I just spent 12 years sharing a room with my ex, I’ve happily adjusted to being alone. The other ladies are rarely away from their husbands and kids so they want their space as well. From the very beginning the decision was that everyone would have their own room. I explained this to Diane. She doesn’t get it or doesn’t want to get it.

She then called my friends (she is friends with them through me) who are going on the trip to see if they will share with her. They all said no and suggested that she get an Airbnb or hotel near us and we'll all hang out together.

I just want to state we all are professional women who make good money, so money isn’t the issue here. Diane often travels solo because she doesn’t want to negotiate with anyone (her words). She had her own room on the group trip that fell apart. We are not suggesting anything that she has not done previously.

So now she isn’t talking to any of us. I feel bad that I don’t feel bad as much as I should. I’ve been through enough in the last year, I’ve just learned how to handle my feelings again, I can’t manage hers as well. She knew we had finalized this trip, she knows everyone is looking to get away for their own reasons. We don’t want drama and she is bringing it to us. AITA for not accommodating her?

Top comment:

>NTA. She said no, she doesn’t now get to inconvenience anyone else because her plans fell through.

Reply from OOP:

>That is how I'm feeling. We are her second choice and she wants us to scramble to accommodate her.

Comment:

>NTA. I get it. I love traveling, and I'm a woman who needs my space. I can share a room if I go into knowing I'm going to share a room, but after all you've been through, and how this trip was planned, nope.

>It's too bad Diane's other trip fell through, but it was planned out this way for a reason.

>Have fun!!

[OOP was deemed NTA by ConsensusBot]

Update Posted Wednesday, May 6th, 2026 (one and a half months later)

Update: AITA My friend invited herself to my vacation and I won't let her stay with me

Thank you mods for approving.

I posted over a month ago about my friend who invited herself last minute to my vacation. I want to clear a few things that kept coming up in the comments. When I wrote the post, everything just happened and my frustration showed in my writing. Diane is a good friend of mine, I don’t hate her, she can just be a bit much at times. I said that she invited herself because she didn’t ask to join us after our plans were finalized; she told us she was coming and expected us to accommodate her.

We all specifically wanted our own rooms. The other ladies wanted to enjoy their spouse/kid free time alone. This was my first vacation in a long time without the ex-hubby, so I just needed some space. I hope you can understand.

Now for the update. Although I was voted NTA, many commented that maybe I wasn’t a good friend. I felt bad about that, so I gave Diane another call to work things out and she answered. She wanted to know why I wouldn’t accommodate her and I told her what I said above. I also reminded her of our previous trips where we roomed together. That took us down memory lane where we talked about all of the things we used to get into, lol. It turned into a pleasant hour-long conversation.

I discussed why it wouldn’t be a good idea for us to share rooms. We just have different travel styles. I like to get up early, walk around, shop. She wants to sleep-in and veg out. The last time we shared a room was a disaster. There were a few hiccups on that trip and she complained about it all day, and then again at night when we were in the room. I had no reprieve from the nonstop complaints. She was not always like that. She grew less tolerant over time, as we all, but she took it to an extreme. She said she doesn’t complain, she just observes where there can be improvements, lol.

We worked it out, the other ladies also made peace with her. Diane and a friend joined our trip and stayed at a nearby property. They were welcomed to join us at our pool and other activities. Of course, the beginning was not smooth sailing.

We had our vacation set up where we had two days of group excursions, the remaining days we would play it by ear, just agree to meet for dinner. I told Diane she and her friend could join us on the excursions, she complained that they started too early. She went to the first one and complained that each stop was too short, we should have went with a private tour, etc. I pulled her to the side and asked her to stop complaining. To her credit, she stopped…until we went to dinner and then she complained about everything all over again.

I suggested that she not join the other excursion as it would be more of the same. She asked if I didn’t want her around, I said not for the excursion, lol. So we met for dinner on the other excursion day and hung out on other days. With the exception of the one excursion, it went pretty well.

So that is it, nothing too dramatic, and we managed to stay friends through it.

Top comment on the update:

>I’m glad you managed to stay friends. I’m actually surprised she didn’t complain more about not going on the second excursion. She sounds exhausting.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments.