u/gardengeo

Originally posted by user Alternative_Corgi301 in r/ amItheAsshole

Original: Feb 28, 2024

Update: March 5, 2024

Status: concluded

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Original: AITA for "ruining" a baby name?

I am Brazilian, but I've been living in the US for 3 years. My first language is Brazilian Portuguese.

I have a 4yo son, and I'm pregnant with a girl due in May. My son is friends with a girl whose mother (I'll call her Becca) is also pregnant. She's due a couple weeks before me, and is also expecting a (3rd) girl. Since we take our kids on playdates almost weekly, we frequently talk about our pregnancies.

Becca is into unique names. Not "Yooneeks" or "Tragedeighs", but names that she and her husband create. It's not my style, but she managed to come up with genuinely nice names both her older daughters, so there was never really a reason for me to say anything.

This time, Becca and her husband had a lot of trouble coming up with a new name. She first brought this up last December. For months, they'd try to create something that sounded good, with no success.

We took our kids on a playdate at a park this weekend. When we sat down for a snack, Becca excitedly told me they'd finally settled on a name. I was really happy for her, and asked what they'd chosen.

Narina. To those who don't know, that's Portuguese for "nostril."

I managed to control myself, and told her it sounded lovely. But my son let out a giggle (my husband and I are raising him bilingual, so he speaks Portuguese), and Becca wanted to know why. I tried to brush it off, but she kept insisting. Eventually, I told her that while Narina could be a lovely name, it was also the Portuguese word for "nostril."

Becca seemed really sad to hear that. She said she'd think of something else, but had fallen in love with Narina.

After we went home, Becca's husband called me. He was furious at me for ruining the only name they had agreed on. Apparently, he had a fight with Becca because she told him she wanted to think of something else. He argued they'd "never visit Brazil anyway", so they shouldn't have to change the name, but Becca refused to use Narina.

My husband agrees that their fight is not my fault, but thinks I didn't need to tell Becca anything, since Americans are unlikely to know what Narina means.

AITA?

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Comments:

Comment1: NTA
I'm shocked they didn't bother googling their name ideas as they came up with them. I see narina as nostril on the first page of search results

>OOP: I don't think they ever do. Apparently, their eldest daughter's name also means something in a different language (though a much cuter word), and they had no idea until someone who spoke it told them.

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Comment2: NTA. You responded in a diplomatic way by initially not telling her. Your son had an age appropriate response and giggled. Becca knew something was up so you told her.

It was an adult conversation. You didn't mock her choice. It is up to Becca and her husband if they want to pursue the name or not.

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Comment3: It is also a really popular Armenian name meaning "the flower of pomegranate", and pomegranate is Armenia's national symbol, which is way nicer.

With 5000+ languages on Earth, you are bound to end up with a weird-sounding name in at least one of them, so if I was this parent who's not a part of Portuguese-speaking community, I wouldn't bother changing a thing

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Comment4: I googled it. Narina is a type of bird. And it means ‘fresh, pomegranate flower’ as a Persian name. NTA but they way overreacted. Many names and words mean something different in another language.

At least the word is innocuous.

The name Bill sounds like Bil in Dutch, which means buttocks correction, buttock. Do you think people are going to stop using Bill as a name? William has to be one of the most common names in existence. Tod is the German word for de@th.

She needs to chill and just use the name she likes.

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Comment5: Ben means "feces" in Japanese. My husband and I weren't gonna name either of our sons Ben (we met while working in Japan and still have friends there, and I still work as a translator), but we don't go around giggling at all the Bens we meet, either.

It's not a deal-breaker for everyone, nor should it be.

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Comment6: I'm hungarian and when I was a kid watching american shows/movies I never understood how could anyone name their daughter Rhonda. Ronda (same pronounciation) means ugly in hungarian.

>Comment7: I can't wait to have the English equivalent of this someday- watching a foreign show or movie and someone is named something like "toilet" or "nailclipper"

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Update 0.5

EDIT: This was not my son's fault. He is 4 years old and had an honest reaction to hearing a baby would essentially be named "Nostril." I get that some people might think I was the AH, but don't blame my child for this.

EDIT 2: Okay, a lot of people are misreading "Narina" as "Narnia." No real comment on that, but "The Chronicles of Nostril" has a nice ring to it.

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Update 1 (week later)

Hey, Reddit! Thank you for all your feedback and advice on my original post.

First of all, I want to clarify that I never told Becca not to name her daughter Narina. I just told her what it meant in Portuguese, and only because my son laughed (again, this wasn't his fault). It was my translation that made her change the name, but that was still her decision.

I got a DM about how I "shouldn't have involved my native language into Becca's choice for her daughter's name", which was also not the case. I found no joy in telling Becca what it meant.

There are plenty of "normal" names in the English language I can "ruin" with Portuguese (I've actually been listing some since my first post), but I wouldn't translate them without being asked to.

Many of you came forward saying that "Narina" was also a flower, the Finnish word for a creaking sound and an actual Persian name. I didn't know any of that, but it was interesting to find out. I listed most of the meanings you guys gave me with the intention of showing them to Becca.

I also got plenty of comments suggesting similar names (Marina, Nara, Nerina, Nerine, etc.), and I wrote down some of them as well.

Becca and I met for another playdate with the kids and I showed her my lists. I also emphasized that she could still use the name Narina if she wanted to. At first, she politely turned everything down, including that last part.

While Becca said she did like some of the names I told her about, her method consists solely of creating new names with her husband. Apparently, they got to "Narina" by mixing and matching syllables until they had something that sounded nice. And finding out the name they'd created for their daughter also meant "nostril" was enough for her to lose interest in it.

Becca did love the name Nerina, though. She didn't admit it until we were about to go our separate ways, but she said she'd mention it to her husband.

And speak of the Devil... her husband, as far as I know, is still pissed at me. He didn't try to contact me again, but Becca said he rolled his eyes when she mentioned the upcoming playdate. Apparently, he's the one who came up with the order of the syllables that resulted in "Narina", and was upset I'd ruined it.

I told Becca I didn't want to hear from her husband again. She agreed his phone call was extremely inappropriate, and promised to tell him to not contact me any further.

Look, I'm not gonna lie, I'm really fucking glad they're not naming their kid "nostril." I'm also really proud of myself for holding in my laughter when I first heard that. But I know that Becca is a great mother who is perfectly capable of naming her children, so I know her daughter's name will be beautiful.

I think that's all. Becca's baby might be named Nerina (that will depend on Nostril Sr., though). Also, for justice's sake: my daughter will be named Luciana. Feel free to translate it.

But seriously, thank you guys!

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Comments:

Comment1: Just remembering Star Wars character Count Dooku  had his name changed to Count Dokhan in the Brazilian release as it sounds like "Count of Ass" in portuguese!

And brazilian translators just gave up on adapting the name of the japanese character Kaga Kōko (it sounds like "shits a coconut" or, worse, "shits a poop") from novel/anime franchise Golden Time.

Also, Pia was not a that uncommon brazilian and portuguese name in the past, but meaning "pious" instead of "sink".

>OOP: Oh shit I remember Count of Ass!
Also, the title of Pixar's "Coco" was changed to "Viva: a Vida é uma Festa" (Live: Life is a Party) in Brazil to avoid the coconut/poop comparison. The title character's name was changed to Inês.

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Comment2: Yeah, some names are normal in certain languages or cultures but very inappropriate or funny in others. Like in Vietnamese, we have the name Dung, meaning purity and harmony, but well you know how that sounds in English.

In Thai, there are a lot of girl names end with -porn (means blessing), like Ittiporn, Amporn, Ratanaporn, Siriporn, etc. and it is self-explained for English speakers.

The only a-hole here is the husband.

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Comment3: Someone should remind them they’re naming a real person and not a fanfic character lol

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user Material_Ad9529 in r/ AmItheAsshole

Original: Jan 17, 2026

Update: in post itself

Status: no further updates from OOP

Note: thanks to u/Key_Advance3033 for suggestion to BORU;
OOP referred to sons as oldest and youngest, included names for easier read

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Original: AITA for telling my son his gf can only come over when he is home?

My two son's (Theo 21, Henri 19) live in a house I own. I specifically have them paying only utilities because we know times are tough. Its equally divided between the two. The conditions were pay utilities, keep a room for me and get along. The younger, Henri has a gf. Lets call her Liz.

Ever since I moved out Liz has been inviting herself over whenever she wants even when he's not home. I had no problem until today when Theo was sharing a story.

See my room growing up was the "hang out" spot for the kids. The living room was always vancant because they liked my room and tv best. So that's basically been the comon room their entire lives. But since moving out Henri moved his bed in with my permission. But with the understanding that it is the common room and his brother Theo likes hanging out there.

Well a couple days ago Liz came over when he wasnt home. Theo has no issues with her so he let her in. He went to my room to watch movies and she followed. He was on the futon in the corner she was in the bed Henri moved in.

Half way through the movie they were watching (again in my room a common shared space) she tells asks Theo to leave bc shes uncomfortable with him there and wants to nap. He leaves cause what is he to say?

The next day Henri confronts Theo asking about what happened and told him to stay out of the room. I found out today about this. Like I said my room has always been a common room and that was the understanding of my leaving.

So I set a rule that the gf can only be at the house when Henri is home and to never be at the house when hes not there. He thinks this is unreasonable. I told him his if his gf is uncomfortable with Theo being around in his house when hes not there then she shouldnt be there. Am I the asshole?

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Comments:

Comment1: The girlfriend has a lot of gall telling the other brother to leave the room, ANY ROOM, when it’s not her house. I 100% agree with OP.

Comment2: NTA. And it kind of protects your son too. Your son shouldn't have to leave the room or the house because the gf is there.
I understand her feeling uncomfortable with him there while she wants to nap, but her bf wasn't in the house. She could go take a nap in her own house or while her bf is there.
And why come to hang out while her bf is not in the house and then feel uncomfortable with the person who also lives there?

>Comment3: The girlfriend is doing a soft launch move in, that's why.
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OOP: My fear as well. If thats the case Henri needs to find a different place to live.

Comment4: NTA.
If she’s uncomfortable in someone else’s home when her bf isn’t there then she doesn’t need to be there. I’m not saying all women are like this, but if she was cruel, she could accuse him of something awful and there would be a he said she said situation. That would put bf in a REALLY tough spot.
You, OP, are paying the rent and are setting a boundary that protects both your son and gf. This rule is the best solution imo to prevent any possible rifts in the future.

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Update 0.5

To answer common questions

Why do I have a room at a house I dont live in?

>I wanted a room for me to stay in when ever I came into town to avoid paying a hotel as I come visit frequently when its warmer weather.

Do they have own rooms?

>Yes each has their own room aside from mine.

Why was Henri allowed to move bed?

>I asked Theo if it was okay he had no issues with it as long as he could still go hang in there. Now theres issues so Henri will be moving bed.

Why is gf there when hes not there?

>No idea she invites herself over.

Do I like her?

>Doesn't matter if I like her or not, my son picked her its his issue. I had no issues with her until she created issues in a home my sons share.

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Update 1

I moved my trip up to today as Henri was giving me a feeling he wasn't going to give up the room. Fortunately with a ton of protest he moved his stuff back to his original room. I have put a lock on the door and the room will only be accessible to me when I come into town.

I also brought a lease which they both have signed as rules apply to both. His gf was here and was understanding of where I was coming from and understands that she can only be over when her bf is home. No in between waiting.

Thank you to those who reached out privately giving me ideas of how to look up legal leases for my state and for giving me words of encouragement.

Son is a bit upset as of now but he also seems to understand where I am coming from. Everyone is hanging out with me in my room even though both guys are upset with each other. A little peace has been brought to the land for now.

Hopefully everything is now clarified for all parties. I will enjoy my long weekend with my boys. Will not update unless something related occurs. Thank you everyone for your insights and opinions.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user pangolindsey in r/ airbnb_hosts

Original: July 15, 2024

Update: July 18, 2024

Status: concluded

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Original: Person who showed up in my airbnb is a 15 year old kid who doesn't speak much English.

He is attending a 3 week pre-college program at a nearby university. The person who booked the unit (months ago) now admits she lied - she said she was taking a course at the university and would be staying alone. She claims she is the kid's cousin but I doubt this.

The kid referred to her as a "counselor" and she is an educational consultant according to her airbnb and linkedin profiles. The pre-college program has a residential option that costs 12K. Without housing/food/supervision, the program is 6K.

What I think happened is that the kid's family (who presumably speak even less English than he does) paid this educational consultant to put their son in this program, and she decided to put him in our airbnb rather than pay for housing/food/supervision through the university so she could make more money.

Now I'm trying to figure out what to do. I think I will notify his university program, which specifically prohibits minors living unsupervised like this. I will make sure he gets some dinner tonight. I will report the person who did this to airbnb.

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Comments:

Comment1: All I have to say is poor kid. What language does he speak, do you know anyone who can translate for him? But I think what you are doing is probably the right way to go about it.

>OOP: He is Chinese. His English is better than I initially thought. We've been texting. We just had trouble communicating when we first met and we didn't know who he was and he couldn't explain this complicated situation.

Comment2: Aw the poor kid, I wanna hug him! In his defense, a 15 year old doing an educational program abroad, is probably pretty smart and savvy and could figure out how to dinner. But that doesn’t feed his soul!! Alone, in a foreign country! 15 year olds should feel taken care of, regardless if they need it or not.
Thanks for thinking about dinner for him.

Comment3: Wow that’s both insane and criminal. Def call the school and report her so she can’t do this again. Crazy she thought some underage kid would get away with living alone for several weeks.

Comment4: I work at a university that hosts these programs over the summer and I know we would be VERY interested to know of this is happening. Please, report the consultant and let them know the student is living on their own.
There are so many red flags/things that could go wrong and no one would know who to contact for this poor boy.

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Update 0.5 (same day)

early update: university person in charge of minor students responded to me immediately and we'll talk in the morning. The kid is perfectly fine. He went out and got himself dinner.

He'll go to the 1st day of classes tomorrow. I would never have known he wasn't an adult except I asked to see ID because he clearly wasn't the (female) person who booked the place.

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Update (3 days later)

The university took charge of the situation immediately, as many commenters predicted.

They moved the kid into a dorm room. Minor students in this program are not allowed to live unsupervised. I don't know who is paying for the dorm room. He is going to have a much better experience in the dorm with other kids than he would alone in our airbnb.

The person who booked the airbnb for the kid requested a refund which I denied, explaining that

1. we have a strict cancelation policy and
2. she broke pretty much every airbnb rule in existence.

She tried to claim that kids as young as 13 are allowed to book airbnbs and also that I invaded her privacy by calling the university, then we stopped communicating. I reported the situation to airbnb support who canceled the stay (so I can rebook to someone else) and they will likely ban her.

The comments here about calling police and FBI for a possible trafficking or drug mule situation didn't match reality at all. The kid was fine, perfectly happy ordering ubereats, made it to his first day of class without any problems. He did lock himself out of the apt twice, but plenty of adults have done that too.

I would never have known he was under 18 and not the person who booked the stay except he was a different gender, and that made me ask to see ID.

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Comments:

Comment1: OP mentioned that you looked her up on LinkedIn. Does she say she is a member of either IECA or NACAC? If so, please report her to them.
These are the two professional organizations for Independent Educational Consultants. They hold their members to high standards, and this is an obvious breech.

>OOP: I will do this. thanks

Comment2: As someone who works in international student services at a college, thank you for handling this the right way!! If I ever tried to pull anything like this with a minor student, I would expect nothing less than being fired.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user Eyad2020a in r/ AITAH

Original: Oct 22, 2024

Update 1: Jan 6, 2025

Update 2: June 11, 2025 (new to sub)

Status: concluded

Note: Previous BORU was posted in Jan 2025.

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Original: AITAH for suggesting to my friend next time she can bring her own food

I wondering if I was TA here. So I love cooking and love to host. Bearing in mind all of us including me are Muslim and we all eat halal meat. One of my friends became vegan last year.

When we go out for meals we try to accommodate her by going to places that facilitate vegan food. That limits most of our choices as most places that serve halal food don’t cater very well to vegan food. So we moved to a new place and I decided to invite friends over for dinner.

I called my vegan friend beforehand and asked her what she would like me to make and what brand she wanted me to use. I assured her I would cook everything separately for her so there would be no cross contamination. Food was served and she liked it.

One of my friends brought for dessert home made cheesecake that her mum made. I had already brought a vegan dessert for my friend so I assumed no problem. Well she had a meltdown and screamed at the person who brought the cheesecake.

I asked her to calm down and not raise her voice in my house. She took offence and left and said I didn’t appreciate her. Mind you for a whole year we catered to her choice of food and places to eat out.

Later on we decided as a group we decided we couldn’t let her selfish antics affect us. In a group chat we discussed going out in two weeks to this new halal buffet opening in town and we checked it did have vegan products. Well said friend straight away objected so I told her when we next go out you can bring your own food and we can enjoy eating out. AITAH?

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Comments:

Comment1: Ok but, since there was already a vegan dessert there for her, why would she feel the need to cry about the cheesecake?????
Just like you provided a vegan meal for her that’s most likely different than what your other guests had, her dessert was also different. She did not cry about the meal, why would she cry about the dessert? 
What is this bizarre unnecessary behavior from her???? I’m mind blown over here lol

>OOP: I think because all this time we would not have non vegan deserts in homes. In restaurants she had no choice if there were any but when any of hosted we made sure desert was vegan even if main meal wasn’t wholly vegan.
I think she didn’t expect that after a year

Comment2: NTA. She’s not the only person in the room and she doesn’t have the right to tell anyone else what to eat. That’s why it’s called personal choice.

Comment3: Vegan here. NTA. Your friend sounds unhinged. You already accommodated her far more than I would expect anyone to.

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Update 1 (3 months later)

This is an update to my previous post - I don’t know how to add to original - see my profile for original

Quick recap - I hosted dinner at my home and my friend who is vegan had a meltdown regarding a non vegan cheesecake my friends mother made and she brought for us despite us for over a year accommodating my vegan friends diet.

So after what happened I created a new what’s app group with all my friend apart from the vegan one to discuss what happened and what to do going forward. We all agreed that we had enabled her behaviour by being too accommodating and she was rude.

Someone suggested I have a chat with her one to one and see if there were issues going on with her as her outburst is unlike her - she can be self-centred but never been that rude before. I agreed to the suggestion but told the group I will keep the chats as back up that we all are on same page in case she accuses me of bullying her and she would know it is just not me.

I texted her and asked her to meet me at my place. The reason for that is so that number one she doesn’t have a meltdown in public and number two if she crosses the line I was going to ask her to leave my home.

My husband was on board with this and he said he would wait outside in the car so she doesn’t feel uncomfortable (she wears a headscarf and when we get together we usually are girls only so those of us who wears headscarf can take it off). She agreed to come.

We met and after greeting I asked her upfront if there was a issues. She was taken back and asked why. I informed her that what happened last time was unlike her and if she is having a hard time. She denied it in beginning but then burst into tears.

That day she had an argument with her fiancé in regards to her future MIL. She is the only vegan in the family and wanted the wedding menu to be all vegan.

In our culture (Middle Eastern) the groom pays for the wedding and her MIL said while some of the menu can cater to some vegan dishes there will be non vegan as well for others. And her MIL said that is not up for discussion as they are paying for the wedding.

Her fiancé while supports her agrees with his mum as he stayed to her she can eat what he wants but he is non vegan and will not adhere to her diet at home or when eating out. I asked what happened since - she said relationships is shaky and she gave him an ultimatum - either her and her views or his mother.

He bluntly told her while he loves her he wants a partner that would accept both him and his family. He said if his mother disrespects her or anyone else in his family he would berate him and defend her but in return she has to also give same amount of respect back to him and his family.

I asked her did her MIL ban vegan food from the menu completely. She said no - she said they will be both. I asked her when she visits her fiancé family do they provide vegan food for her. She said yes they do. I told her she was selfish and only thought of herself.

I said to her that if they had not accommodated her at all I would tell her to leave the relationship. I told her we had tried to be respectful of her choices for over a year but we won’t be doing that any longer. That she is entitled and the world doesn’t resolve around her.

I showed her the group chat where we all agreed if she continues to be disrespectful that she won’t be invited out any longer with us. I told her that she needs to be grateful her fiancé was being patient with her - if my husband had been rude to my mother like that I would have broken of the relationship.

She raised her voice at me and slapped me all of a sudden. I told her to get out of my house before I call the police for assault. She said who would believe you - then I told her I had recorded our whole conversation (in case she lied later on).

She left and I messaged the friend group- explained what happened and told them I am done with her and if they want to hang around with her I am fine with it - just to tell me as I don’t want to see her. They were all shocked and I am now grieving the loss of a friend who’ve I’ve known since I was 11 years old.

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Comments:

Comment1: Frankly, you should send that video to your ex-friend's fiance. She's a bullet he needs to dodge.

Comment2: What an entitled weirdo. I laughed at her wanting only vegan food at a Middle Eastern wedding - the guests would be so baffled!

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Update (6 months later - new to sub)

It’s been a while since I last posted about my friend who is vegan. We ended it with her slapping me. What I didn’t mention in previous post was I was heavily pregnant.

Needless to say my husband was furious and wanted to press charges especially since I had it all recorded. He said what if you or baby were harmed. Also we had a 4 year old who was asleep in his bedroom when ex friend came.

Anyway I convinced him to call her fiancé to discuss. I honestly was shocked because that wasn’t what she was like. Her fiancé came.

I asked to listen without interruption and showed him the video. He was shocked and kept apologising. He said he will deal with it and asked us not to contact the police.

Three weeks later my husband came and updated me. The fiancé had basically spoke with her about what happened. She started hysterically crying and threatening to hurt herself. He called 999 and they sent an ambulance. In A&E they decided to keep her till they see her mental health and stability.

The fiancé kept by her side alongside her family. Their is no definite diagnosis but it’s more likely Bipolar Disorder. Unfortunately it runs in her mothers side of the family but being Middle Eastern never been acknowledged and back in Middle East those who had it were kept at home to keep the reputation intact.

Unfortunately the fiancé broke up with her. He said he doesn’t have the understanding to cope even if she stabilises on medication and his family basically gave him an ultimatum - if he chooses to stay with her not to expect family to support them. While he had a good job it doesn’t cover the wedding costs which his family 100% were paying for.

I know many of you told me to ignore her and not a friend she was. However I am glad she got a diagnosis as that wasn’t like her. In retrospective she was always had a bit of drama - could go from sad to happy easily. Being her friend did put blinkers on - she was just like that.

I still am keeping arms distance but not opposed to having a relationship in the future. Now my focus is on my own family and I hope one day she meets someone who accepts her for who she is including her BPD

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Comments:

Comment1: What I didn't read about is her lengthy apology and vow to change her behavior. I didn't read how she acknowledged any character flaws, which can't be attributed to Bipolar Disorder. I didn't read how she asked forgiveness from the group she held hostage.
Did she?

>OOP: I’ve blocked her in everything. Also her family are keeping things quiet due to the stigma of mental health in Middle Eastern families so I doubt she will get in touch soon

Comment2: BPD refers to borderline personality disorder, not bipolar disorder. Big difference.

>OOP: Thanks Didn’t know that
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Comment3: BiPolar Affective Disorder acronym is BPAD, (don't forget the 'A' !).I hope your friend manages to stabilise OP. Thanks for sharing your story.

Comment4: Are we sure she isn’t having a reaction to lack of nutrients? Being vegan in a healthy and safe way is extremely hard and she may have damaged herself to the point her reactions are mimicking BPD.
Not really likely since her mom was suspected of having the same thing but maybe it’s something that needs to be looked at.

>OOP: To be honest all the information we have is via her now ex fiancé so the information is limited. I hope she gets better and gets along with her life

Comment5: The vegan diet does not provide the B vitamins. This can lead to personality changes unless supplemented.

>OOP: Thank you for telling me this. To be honest my parents being Middle Eastern and born and raised in U.K. we have always had meat or dairy in our regular diet.
While my family don’t eat meat everyday - I do like have days meat free due to my upbringing and dishes we make it would be hard to cut all animal products

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Additional details in comments:

[on grace for friend]
OOP: Thank you for this. Like mentioned so many times her behaviour was out of character for her. Yes she can be dramatic but we just assumed it was her personality. Being violent was never something she had done before.

I cannot comment on her diagnosis or what she is going through as I am not her psychiatrist or medical team. All I hope is she gets better.

It doesn’t mean I will allow her back in my life in the future - after all I have two children and a husband to think off but if she truly gets better and stabilises I won’t close the door forever. Obviously it won’t be like before. I don’t want to be of those who have Middle Eastern family and judge mental illness as a taboo and to be avoided

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[about the ex-fiance of friend]
OOP: To be honest I think he is an AH too. Before he was supporting her in being a vegan and his family too. But then we don’t know what happened between them when he called 999 nor what happened after. And maybe it is better for her - if he cannot support her now that she is ill then he isn’t the right person for her.

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[status of friendship]
OOP: She isn’t my friend any longer. However I don’t want to dismiss a friendship of 24 years since we were 11 years old. We may have grown apart but I would rather remember the good things rather than the latest unpleasantness

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user Informal_Parsley_775 in r/ mystery

Original: June 20, 2026

Updates: in post itself

Status: mystery solved

Note: thanks to r/OopsiFuck for suggestion to BORU

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Original: Baguettes are disappearing from my apartment without a trace, and I have no idea how or why.

First time redditor here, I have never been one to post things on the internet, but I am genuinely SO confused and need to figure this out for the sake of my own sanity.

For a little background, I, 26-year-old female, have recently gotten into sourdough bread making, and after some of my coworkers bought baguettes from me, my hobby became a successful side hustle. I get around 20-35 orders a day.

Around two weeks ago, I baked Exactly 50 baguettes, which I know because each baguette form/tray makes ten baguettes, and I baked five forms, SO 50. when all of the baguettes were done, I went to bed and left them to cool on my counter.

When I woke up, I immediately went to package the cooled baguettes, and I came up two baguettes short, so I recounted, only 48 baguettes. Because I always bake a few extra baguettes for myself and to give to my friends, this was not a problem, but I still was confused as to what happened few days later, the same thing happened again, except I came up four baguettes short.

The very next day, I took EXTRA care to count out the baguettes, exactly 30. After they baked, I lined them up I three equal rows of ten, SO 30.I went to bed, and the nest morning, each row only had 9, so 27 baguettes. This confirmed that the baguettes were in fact going missing.

Honestly have no clue how they could be disappearing, I don't have any pets that could eat the bread, no roommates or a partner to steal it, and no one other than myself has a key to my apartment.

I highly doubt that anyone would be able to break in through my front door without me noticing, and while I do have a balcony, I am on the fourth floor, so i doubt that anyone would scale the building. I do have neighbors that I suppose could access my balcony from theirs, but each balcony has about an 8-foot gap. The door to my balcony does not lock, so if someone could get to my balcony, they would easily access the bread.

The fact that anyone would ever break into a house to steal bread is so weird and unbelievable. I am not a sleepwalker to my knowledge, I am not schizophrenic, and I am not on any medications nor do I need to be. All of the reasonable answers to this mystery are so unlikely and frankly silly.

I ordered a small hidden game camera to see if the baguettes are truly being stolen, which should arrive tomorrow. I am pretty sure I am of sound mind, so if this happens again, I will really start to get scared. At this point, I really just need the reddit community to help me solve this. I would greatly appreciate any of your theories and will hopefully update in a few days about the situation.

TL; DR baguettes have been going missing from my apartment, and I cannot figure out why or how

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Comments:

Comment1: Do you own a carbon monoxide detector?

>OOP: the way I SPRINTED TO the detector!!(it was running fine but I still replaced the battery to be safe!)

Comment2: Rat?

>OOP: i don't think it is a rat, because I only have full loaves neatly missing without even a crumb left. I checked all of my other food and there are no signs of rats! THANK GOD that would be a nightmare. (I think I would prefer the person breaking in rather than rats)

Comment3: Have you tried putting something else out to see if it dissappear as well? Maybe fruit of some kind.

>OOP: i will also do this tonight!
i have set out 15 cookies

Comment4: "I am not schizophrenic"
Correction, you weren't schizophrenic.

>OOP: i have an appointment with my physiatrist on Sunday!(not specifically for this, for my anxiety and trauma) I'll bring it up to be safe😂

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Update 1

I have no idea if this is the right way to update, so please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong:)

I want to thank all of you that offered advice and theories!!! checked my carbon monoxide detector, and it was fine! I do not use weed or even alcohol, and I don't wake up full, so really don't think i am the bread thief.

as for my landlord, I believe she would never do something like this, she is a very sweet middle-aged lady and has never given me a reason to believe that she would go into the apartment without my knowledge.

at this time, I am afraid that it is likely a human thief, because of how neatly the baguettes disappeared. I have taken some precautions, by barricading the front door, the balcony and my bedroom door. Honestly, I don't feel unsafe, because I highly doubt a bread thief would try to kill me lol.

because of my baking schedule, I did not bake today but set out 15 cookies on a plate to see if any disappear. (they are oatmeal chocolate chip, homemade) the camera should arrive at around 4 Tomorrow. I will also be baking tomorrow, and I will be able to set up and video.

I ordered a lock for my balcony, but that won't arrive until next week. I have not contacted the police yet because I don't really have much evidence, and nothing else has gone missing. Wish me luck! Ill update tomorrow morning to let you know if the cookies were taken :)

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Comments:

Comment1: Do you also wake up feeling full and groggy?

>Comment2: lol I really hope the answer to this is sleep eating
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OOP: I WISH, but no I sadly don't think I am eating the baguettes 😞
we shall see when the camera arrives!!!!

Comment3: Heyyy, baguette-about ittt 🥖😎
No but seriously, it's probably gnomes. The same ones that steal one earring or one sock at a time.
No but for REAL - I have no idea, sorry lol

>OOP: at this point i am open to anything

Comment4: I'm invested in this mystery immediately. When does the camera arrive tomorrow!!?!?! 😂

>OOP: the camera is to arrive at around 4 tomorrow, so hopefully I will be able to set it up to video overnight!

Comment5: I hope your bedroom door locks OP, because if someone is actually breaking in to take bread while you’re sleeping, that is terrifying!

>OOP: yes! i plan to lock and barricade all of my doors tonight!

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Update 1.5

I was just scrolling through the comments. and one commenter gave the link to this confessions post;

 this post was submitted after my initial post and after my mention of the cookies.

I know that this is fake. because you cannot see or smell the cookies from the balcony, and i have been home all day, with no possibility of anyone entering my apartment

i honestly think that this is funny, and i am not upset, but i just wanted to clarify that the confession is illegitimate :)

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Update 2 (next day)

I woke up this morning safe thank goodness :)

when I took down the barricade for my room and went to the kitchen, I checked to see if any cookies had gone missing. All 15 were still there. The balcony and front door barricades were both intact!

this could mean a few things:

1. Rats don't like oatmeal chocolate chip cookies
2. The barricades stopped an intruder

3.The thief knows my baking schedule, every other day breaks in, and because I'm baking today, will smell the bread and try to steal bread again

I fear the third option is most likely. For now, I will have to wait until the camera arrives. Ill update soon!

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Comments:

Comment1: I don't believe you can bake 50 baguettes in a home oven at a time. Can you post a photo or describe this baking setup? you have a job so you aren't there all day to cycle loaves through...
Mystery solved you are a liar

>OOP: I understand why you could think that! I definitely should have explain my process better!
I have custom baguette baking trays that fit ten baguettes each. Each batch of ten takes 1 hour to bake, so it takes 5 hours to bake 50! it sounds like a long time, but I just start baking when I get home and go on with daily activities, stopping hourly to take the baked ones out of the oven and putting a new batch in. ❤️

Comment2: Is it possible you only think you have all 10 count trays and one or two are a 9 count? 

>OOP: I recounted them just to make sure!
they are 10 count trays, and I always bake full trays!

Comment3: I'm so invested. Since you're theorizing the thief knows your schedule, do you think it's someone you know?

>OOP: I doubt that it would be a friend, but the smell of bread IS powerful, so anyone remotely close could figure out my schedule!

Comment4: I think squirrels or baby raccoons are breaking in and nabbing the bread. Have you found any teeny tiny turds? Checked the cupboards to check for gnawed holes?

>OOP: no droppings, no damage!

Comment5: Any possibility of someone in the apartments having exotic pets? My friend used to date a guy that had rescued a monkey and if they forgot a window open they would wake up with some strangers knickers in the house or once a small tiny parcel with a piece of meat and a chicken drumstick like this mofo stole someone’s bbq take out.

>OOP: not that i know of! but if it is an illegal exotic pet they might not tell everyone

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Update 3

the cameras have arrived!!!!

there are actually four motion activated game cameras that my father recommended for the quality and easy use! (he is a hunter)

I set one at my entryway, one at my counter, one at the balcony, and one on the balcony.

I am currently baking baguettes, so if the thief's signal to break in is the scent of bread baking, I suspect I will have a guest tonight. I briefly considered the idea of staying in a hotel tonight to be safe, but i have a Glock to defend myself if needed.

Yet again, I don't think a bread thief is going to try to kill me lol. I will still barricade tonight though. I think that the cameras will be able to reveal what's been going on :) my hope is that somehow, I am the problem, but I fear that someone may be breaking in!

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Update 3.25

a few commenters suggested checking for secret panels or other places someone could break in. I thoroughly checked the apartment and didn't find anything suspicious, so my intruder most likely came in through the balcony.

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Update 3.5

no sign of the thief yet!

the baguettes are in position; I am barricaded safely :)

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Update 4 (next day)

THE THIEF HAS BEEN REVEALED!!!!

at around 1 am in the morning, the cameras picked up some movement, and when I looked at the live footage on the counter, THERE WAS A MAN. (worst case scenario)

so, I called the police and stayed in my room. While they were on the way, I was watched the man steal two baguettes (I wasn't crazy), and then it clocked to me how he got in. THE HUGE VENT ON MY CEILING!!

(For context the vent is almost directly above the refrigerator) he has been climbing out of the vent, onto the refrigerator, then the counter, and lastly the floor. This was confirmed by watching him disappear.

The police arrived maybe 2 minutes later, and when I explained what was going on, they went into the vent after him. He was arrested for breaking in, and I was asked to go down to give a statement. This took a really long time, so sorry I could not update sooner! as to who this man is, he IS one of my neighbors!

because this is now a legal thing, I don't think I should say much, but what I will say is that I never would have expected this from him! I didn't know him well at all, but he seemed nice enough. The thing is that I still can't figure out his motivation? Like I know that baguettes are good, but how do you figure out the vents, and go onto break in and steal baguettes?

obviously, I notified my landlady, and she was very understanding that I will be leaving. The officers said that I will be able to go and get my things later today. Since I don't have anything else to do today, I am going to see my psychiatrist and then stay at my friend's house until I can find a new apartment.

thank you so much for your support, ideas, and funny comments! I am giving you all metaphorical baguettes! :)

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Comments:

Comment1: This is crazy! I am so glad you are safe! People are wild... why on earth break into someones apartment for baguettes.

>OOP: no idea!
he literally could have just asked and I would have given him baguettes for free

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The recipe:

WAIT NO ILL JUST GIVE YOU THE(scaled down) BAGUETTE RECIPE (makes about 4)

WARNING: vague instructions, I am really bad at explaining things :), also may cause thieves to break in and steal baguettes

ingredients:

1.370 grams unbleached bread flour

2. 200 grams warm water

3.100 grams active sourdough starter (you can order one online )

4. 10 grams salt

instructions:

1.mix all ingredients and knead dough. Cover and let rest in a bowl for 1 hour.

2.perfom stretch and pulls, let rest for another hour.

3.repeat second step two more times, then let rest for 4-5 hours

4.shape into baguettes, and cold proof in fridge overnight.

5. preheat oven to 420 degrees Fahrenheit, place baguettes in oven. on the lower oven rack place a cookie tray with ice cubes to create steam.

6. bake for 1 hour, let cool completely

7. get baguettes stolen

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Update 5:

I am doing well today! It hit me that this all happened when i went to my psychiatrists yesterday.

she helped me process this as much as possible!

also, apparently the thief is not able to pay his bail, so he will stay in jail until the court hearing, which makes me feel a lot safer :)

I'll try to update as soon as we get a verdict!

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user _TheReposter_ in r/ amItheAsshole

Original: June 12, 2026

Updates (in post itself)

Status: concluded

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Original: AITA For refusing to play AI generated music at a wedding

The title just about sums it up. My sister-in-law asked me to DJ her wedding a few weeks back. I own some decent speakers, and I’m the music person in the family, so I said I’d be happy to.

Fast forward to today. The day before the wedding. I messaged her asking for the list of scheduled songs (father daughter dance, etc.) and she sent back half a dozen songs generated using some random AI song generator.

Now I’m not strongly anti-ai like some people, I use it for work and to answer random questions. But I’m a semi-professional musician, and music has been my passion for most of my life. It honestly feels immoral for me to publicly support AI music like this.

I haven’t responded to her yet. She sent the songs and I just left her on read, but I’ll have to see her this evening for the dress rehearsal.

I am pretty set on telling her that she can use our equipment and I’ll help setup, but I won’t be the person on stage controlling the playlist if it includes any AI music.

TLDR; My sister-in-law wants me to play AI generated music for her wedding, and I’m planning on saying no.

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Comments:

Comment1: Interesting that it’s immoral when it infringes on your livelihood and passion but not when it’s doing the same to others. Also the wedding is literally tomorrow. Decide what you’re doing and communicate it asap, don’t wait until the rehearsal dinner that’s just callous. And if you’re not going to do it, prepare for a strained relationship with her for the years to come

>Comment2: I mean, who expects to get a playlist full of AI songs?
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OOP: She had sent me a full playlist a few weeks ago. I was specifically asking for the special dance songs

Comment3: NTA fuck AI. But why does she have these songs in mind? Is she clueless that they're AI and just likes them or is that what she really wants for other reasons?
I'm more fascinated by people who don't care they're listening to fake music and pretending it's otherwise. But then again, some folks are souless, clueless and ignorant.

>OOP: Her and her fianee generated them together. And also the songs really suck, like the chorus of their first dance song is her whole first-middle-last name on repeat.
I hadn’t actually listened to the music when I first made the post. Now I’m honestly more concerned by her general lack of taste

Comment4: She doesn't need a DJ if she is going to have AI music.
She wanted to use your speakers.

>Comment5: He’s not playing an edm show of his own music. He’s a glorified playlist button pusher. Just press play on the songs she wants. It’s not that serious.
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OOP: I mean yes, I am just a glorified playlist pusher. But to give this some more context, the laptop is on a stage visible to the whole room, and I’d have to queue up the AI songs manually. So I would have to be in front of the crowd playing the music…

Comment6: I mean to be fair, OP is not even anti AI, they're anti AI that affects their passions directly. Hardly a strong moral position. They're fine with AI that destroys other people's careers and passions and even uses it themself, but heaven forbid it extends to music.

>OOP: Just to clarify. I’m anti AI art in general, not just music.

Comment7: The day before the wedding?! Not even the day.. you're waiting for the night before to say you're bowing out? YTA.

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Update 0.5

A lot of people are pointing out that I should have had this conversation with her sooner. I did try, I’ve been messaging her for more than 3 weeks asking for these songs, and this morning was the first time I heard about the AI music.

A few people have mentioned “her wedding her choice” or “as the DJ your job is just to play what she wants”. I understand where your coming from, but:

1. I’m not getting payed for this
2. I am a musician, and I’d have to be on stage running the equipment. I worried that would impact my reputation, since I occasionally produce music for contracts with strict no AI policies

I’ve ask my spouse (her sibling) to talk to her first since they have a closer relationship, and I’ve set up a time in 30mins to talk with her about it in person. Currently I’m planning on saying I just won’t be the one on stage to play the AI music, but I’ll help out otherwise.

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Update 1

It’s been a few hours and wow this post blew up. Thank you all for the comments!

My had a chance to talk with my sister-in-law, she decided to take the “it’s not on Spotify which is difficult” route and that mostly work.

Except she was still stuck on one song. The first dance. She really wanted her first dance to be one of the AI songs.

I showed up shortly after they talked and decided to just setup my equipment and play the song for the bridal party. Pretty quickly the song was shut down by the bridesmaids. They were worried about such a special moment being an AI song, and also that the song kinda sucked.

My sister-in-law is still on the fence about it, but it sounds like she’s going to go with a real song.

I’ll update again after the wedding tomorrow, but for now the plan is I’ll continue to DJ and we don’t be playing any AI songs.

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Final update (few days later)

Ultimately I ended playing the AI songs.

Although my sister-in-law was on board the day before, her fiancé was not. He pulled me aside and asked what my deal was. I tried to explain it to him using the same logic as her bridesmaids, but he wasn’t having it.

I told him it was tacky to have her whole first-middle-last name in the song and he said “okay give me two minutes and I’ll generate another one”

Then I mentioned, what if they wanted to have a DJ play it for them at someone else’s wedding later in life and he said “I would just text it to him, I don’t see the problem”…

I guess they went home and had an argument about it that night, because she was pretty convinced they should use a normal song at this point.

Then the day of she told me the AI songs were what they were going with.

So not to cause a scene I just sucked it up and played the songs.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user No_Demand_8884 in r/ TIFU

Original: June 2, 2026

Update: June 2, 2026

Status: concluded

Mood: slice of life

Note: thanks to u/MeButSecret for suggestion to BORU

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Original: TIFU by accidentally buying a goldmine of vinyl records from a grieving guy for basically nothing

So this is less of a “I did something stupid” and more of a “I did something unknowingly shady and now I can’t sleep”.

Some context my dad (64M) went through a rough divorce about 5 years ago and lost a lot in the process. He’s doing way better now and recently turned his lifelong passion for vinyl into a small online record store. I’m 28F and whenever I can, I help him out like buying used records at thrift stores and flea markets that kind of thing.

Last week I spotted someone selling a box of used records on Facebook Marketplace. I knew what was inside of the box but I didn’t know how much it was actually worth it since I’m not an expert like my dad is and shipped it straight to my dad’s place because the guy seemed pretty solid.

So yeah about that….. Turns out the box had almost the entire Beatles discography, Queen, Michael Jackson, and apparently some pretty rare stuff my dad couldn’t even fully price on the spot. The seller was a young guy whose father had just passed away and was clearing out his things.

He had no idea what he had and neither did I honestly but my dad sure did, and his first reaction was to ask me if I knew what was in there and took advantage of the guy. I didn’t obviously but that question has been living in my head rent free since.

I’m genuinely considering reaching back out to the seller and offering him more money. Not the full market value (my dad does need to make a profit and I definitely don’t have money for that) but something that feels fair and doesn’t make me feel like I robbed a grieving man. I just don’t want to be that person who capitalized on someone’s loss….. What would you do?

TL;DR: Bought a mystery box of records from a guy clearing out his late father’s stuff, turned out to be worth way more than I paid, and now I feel terrible about it and can’t decide whether to reach back out and offer him more money.

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Comments:

Comment1: FYI - Beatles, Queen, MJ albums aren't necessarily valuable. Value of vinyl albums is based on rarity and condition. There were millions of these albums produced back in the day, so unless they're in mint condition, they might be worth like $5 each.

>OOP: Oh yes I know that!! Apparently there were some genuinely rare records in there that my father (who actually knows what he’s talking about unlike me lol) got pretty excited about. I couldn’t even tell you which ones exactly because vinyl is very much his world not mine. What I can tell you is that I paid £35 for the whole box and my dad thinks it’s worth well over £200 so even if the big names are just average copies something in there is making up the difference
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Comment2: If the whole box is only worth £200 you're overthinking this. It's really ok.

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Comment3: Couple hundred pounds? There might be some gems in there, but that’s not heavyweight money for truly valuable vinyl.

Heck, I have some first pressings of albums from 1998 that are worth more than what your dad is valuing the whole box you bought.

I doubt there’s a copy of Yesterday and Today in there, original or even the stickered-over version. Then you’d be talking some serious dough.

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Comment4: you can't take advantage with information you didn't have. you didn't know the value, the guy set his own price, it was fair when it happened, your dad's expertise just revealed it after.

if you want to feel clean, wait until your dad sells the rare ones and send the seller a cut then. solves the no-cash-now problem and you stop wondering. the fact you can't sleep over it is already proof you're not the person you're scared of being

>OOP: That last line actually hit hard lol

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Comment5: I don't think you acted wrong, and you're not obligated to give him more money. But it would be a huge kindness to a man grieving his father, and definitely the honest move

>OOP: Yeah legally I don’t owe him anything but morally it just doesn’t sit right with me. Already planning to reach out

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Update:

Hi everyone!! First I wanted to clear up something because I think a few people misunderstood my original post.

A lot of comments seemed to think I was considering asking my dad to give the records back or somehow taking back a gift. That’s not really what was happening, my dad owns a small record store and I help him out whenever I can so sometimes if I come across records that seem like a good deal, I’ll buy them and send them to him.

He doesn’t pay me back and I don’t get a percentage when he sells them, I’m basically just helping my dad out with inventory so no I wasn’t trying to take a gift back from my dad haha he was completely aware of the situation and actually encouraged me to contact the seller btw, which is exactly what I did.

I messaged the guy and basically told him that after my dad looked through everything, there were a few records in the box that seemed to be worth more than either of us originally thought. The difference wasn’t life changing or anything but it was enough that I felt weird about it and wanted to make sure he knew. I told him that I wanted to give him the chance to look into it and we could figure something out if he felt that was fair.

He was honestly pretty surprised that I even reached out. Apparently his father had been sick for years and had Alzheimer’s and because of that the records hadn’t really been touched or cared for in a long time.

He said the box I bought had basically been sitting around collecting dust for years and he genuinely wasn’t sure what condition the records were in, which is part of why he priced them the way he did. He did know what records were in the box though, he just didn’t know whether they still had much value because they had been sitting untouched for so long.

Then he told me that apparently he has another box of records that he always assumed was the more valuable collection because they’re in much better condition. He’d been trying to sell those too but was having a hard time figuring out pricing and cataloging everything.

At that point he asked if he could get my dad’s contact information so I gave him my dad’s number, gave my dad a heads up and they’ve been talking ever since. Funny enough my dad literally texted me today and told me that this guy apparently went to school with my uncle (my dad’s brother) who passed away over ten years ago, so that was a nice surprise!!

As for the records, they worked out an arrangement themselves. The seller didn’t want to sell the second collection outright because he wasn’t sure what everything was worth, and my dad obviously didn’t want to undervalue anything. So they agreed that my dad would help sell the records individually through the store.

My dad will keep 60% and the seller will receive 40% of whatever sells. The seller said he’d rather do that than let the collection sit around indefinitely and he also told my dad something that honestly made me feel really good about reaching out.

He said that if the records were going to leave the family anyway, he thinks his father would have preferred them ending up with someone who genuinely understands and loves records. It turned into a really nice conversation, my dad may have made a new friend, and somehow we discovered that this guy knew my uncle years ago hahah

Alsooo for some of the people in the comments who were absolutely convinced this man was going to sue me or accuse me of fraud, demand everything back or launch some kind of legal crusade over a box of dusty records….. I don’t really know what to tell you….. sometimes people are just decent

Anyway thank you to everyone who encouraged me to reach out. I’m really glad I did!!

TL;DR: I reached out to the seller and told him some of the records might be worth more than we originally thought. He appreciated the honesty and ended up connecting directly with my dad. They worked out a deal for another collection of records he was trying to sell and somehow we discovered he went to school with my late uncle.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user Infinite-Ad1735 in r/ AITAH

Original: May 19, 2025

Update: May 30, 2025

Status: concluded

Note: thanks to u/Glittering_Diamond49 for suggestion to BORU;

• Bengali -- language and people group, eastern part of India
• Desi - (meaning someone from the land/country) refers to folks from South Asia

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Original: AITAH for telling my ex's mom that I would never marry into their orthodox family and making her cry?

throwaway,

I am still reeling from this myself. We are Indians, and respecting our elders is drilled to us first-hand. But this feels crazy to me.

Ex (24M) and I (23F) dated for a year in high school. A YEAR. And I got good grades in entrance tests, left for a good university, moved for higher studies abroad, and I swear, I haven't seen or heard from this guy after leaving high school.

Last I heard from old school friends was that he was doing a very good job in his career. I haven't been home in two years, so I came back to see my parents, and because of some issues I am stuck here for an extra month.

Again, we grew up in different circles. My parents were never friends with my ex's mom, who since we were in middle school would hound my mother in parents teacher conferences on how nice it must be to " come to your daughter's school in AC cars." and how my ex's family could never do that because they are "humble people".

My dad takes nobody's barbs and after that he would loudly ask my ex's parents every time he saw if if they needed to be dropped off somewhere. And I found out later that his mom used to tell my friends (if I was not there) that my parents were "show-offs". Still, she was nice to me.

My entire school life, both my ex and I competed to be the highest in class. We came from a pretty large town, but went to the same school for years, and I was one of his closest friends. I also happen to be the eldest daughter of a brown household with a mother who has been sick for years, and I have been picking up slack since I was 11.

When I lived at home I used to handle the majority of chores, took care of my younger sister, and managed my studies. I didn't do it to get recognition, and my parents never told me to do all these. They were just constantly in and out of hospitals.

But my ex's mom got it to her head that I would be the 'perfect daughter-in-law'. Mind you I was a kid. Her son was a kid. We were in HIGH SCHOOL. And even though we are a fairly progressive community (Bengalis), he came from a severely conservative family, where women never worked, house help was not allowed, and you can't wear anything except traditional wear.

I would literally rather stab myself in the eye than have married him. And telling my ex this is what led to our breakup.

Ex's mom saw me after a long time, when I was out with my mom and sister at a function. Immediately hugging me, telling me how pretty I've become, etc. I was very respectful, and made small talk, then went away.

Except the next day, she calls my dad up, and sends her son's match to me. She told my dad I'm not getting any younger, her son is doing very good, and she has known for years how responsible and talented I am at household work. How this was the best opportunity for ex and me. My dad passed the phone to me and told me to handle this myself.

At first, I was very polite and told her I didn't see her son that way and that I lived abroad and was not going to marry for at least 5 years. She got mad at that, and told me her son liked me a lot, and I should be respectful of my elders, and that she was praising me, so I should be considerate of her proposal.

I was just done, and I told her our family would not accept her son, and there was no way I was going to marry into her ultra-conservative family. I told her not to bring this up ever again and hung up.

My ex calls me after years. We hadn't blocked each other because the breakup wasn't that bad. But he was so mad that apparently I made his mom cry, and how I am so high up on my own horse that I am looking down on him.

I told him his mom was ridiculous, and why on earth would she ever think I'd sacrifice my happiness to be slave to his family? We got into a pretty nasty fight, and I ended up telling him to go cry on his mother's lap. I think there will be more drama after, because I know he and his mom are people who go around spreading misinformation.

But my own mom thinks I was too rude. She says I could have handled it more respectfully, or made up a lie. My mom is a very soft- hearted person, and she feels I have made my ex's mom feel lesser than us. Two of my old school friends (I don't talk to them) send me texts on how they expected better of me, and this is why they don't like me (I don't care.) But the fact that my mom thinks that I was wrong is making me feel really bad.

AITAH?

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: NTA. There is no nice way of saying no to people like this. She was going to get nasty and cry to every single response except yes. Don't worry about it. Anyone who sides with her is just revealing that they're not the kind of people you want anything to do with.

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Comment2: NTA.

Look I get the desi guilt about making aunties upset but look at it this way - her expectations not being met led her to get nasty and you to get firm on shutting her down which led to her crying. Her emotions are not your problem.

Your former friends getting in touch just to let you know that this is why they don't like you? Not your problem. Maybe they like your ex and hope to use this to butter up his mom. Who knows, who cares. You don't care and that's great!

Your mom is a kind person and felt bad some random lady cried. Great. Your mom is sweet and cares for other random people. You can appreciate your mom's gentle nature while accepting you know what you want and more importantly what you don't want.

Enjoy your time visiting and remember your dad asked you to handle it yourself which you did. You're an adult and handled it well. Your internet stranger friend is proud of you.

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Comment3: NTA. You are respectful to your elders. But she is not your elder, your parents are. Marrying into a family that has badmouthed your parents would be disrespectful to your parents, your elders. You should tell her this. You know he speaks badly of them to your back. So make her accountable and make it her fault (because it is).

Sure, there are more reasons, but this is a reason that is valid even in her World. Don't let her play victim. She wants to pretend that she is your elder and has a right to force you. But she is not (neither she can force you).

So tell this to everyone. She talked badly about your parents, so you don't want to marry into a family that has disrespected your elders. Repeat that over and over again.

Since many people she would go to complain about you would be the same people she talked badly about your parents, chances are some of them blame her and let you be.

--------------------------------------------
Additional details from OOP in comments:

[Is mom a people pleaser?]
OOP: My mom was the youngest daughter of a pretty conservative family. Bullied her entire life, and hardly ever raises her voice. But she fought with her entire family to marry my dad for love.

She is very soft spoken, very kind-hearted. The idea of someone feeling bad because of her is unacceptable. I have been also called very well- behaved since I was a kid and this is one of the rare instances where my mom is not on my side.

I understand that she is still very sheltered, but she's my mom, which is why I'm doubtful.

---------------
[does mom want OOP to marry ex?]
OOP: My mom in no way shape or form wants me to marry. At all. She is much more career oriented than my dad, and I have always had full support from her to do whatever I want.

In this case, it was about rudeness. My mom was like : " I know they are crazy, but you could have let them down more politely. What if they go around telling people we are snobs".

---------------
[about ex?]
OOP: I don't know why on earth my ex even let his mom send the match. Because we literally broke up because I wouldn't have adjusted to a future with him. We had this convo when we were 17.

Yes, my dad is kind of the best. He has always been like "tell this people off for me, because if I start talking I'll curse them out". The problem has never been my dad.

Even when I asked my ex what exactly was he thinking not stopping his mom from calling my dad, he got more mad and accused me of 'thinking that my family is above everyone'

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Update (11 days later)

I booked a ticket, and I am going back home to my city in two weeks. I would have stayed longer, but there are too many cultural programs around this time of the year, and well, as much as I love my parents, I love my late-night walks with my friends and waking and eating whatever, which, living under your parents' roof, is not possible.

Ex's mom called my mom after getting her number, FROM THE OLD PARENT'S WHATSAPP GROUP OF MY HIGH SCHOOL. This woman is crazy. My mom is scared she may be one of those 'psychotic ones'.

She called my mom and told her they got off on the wrong foot, and she got too excited at the prospect of me being in the family, but her son said he wouldn't marry anyone else, so please consider. My mother told her she would never ask me to marry a man who did not have the guts to talk to me myself and got his mother to do his work for him (yay, mom).

My mom had a very stern tone towards her then. She told both my ex and his mom that since we are "snobs", then these snobs are not ruining their daughter's life by forcing her to marry into such a conservative, problematic household. And yes, since they think we think of them as lower than us, they are lower than us. So they should stop bothering us because we are such awful people and they are so 'humble'.

I knew letting my ex piss of my mom was the right move because she is actually terrifying when mad. My sister and I were laughing when Maa was on call, so I didn't hear the last part. But she told me she handled it, and I should focus on my work on not let such idiots bug me again.

Turns out it was my ex's idea, as I suspected, and he made his mom harass me to agree to be with him again.

I still don't understand why, because my ex had made it very clear how much he hates me and everything I stand for; he said my independence would make me a horrible wife, I am selfish and can't love anyone, etc. Every time I replied, " I can love, you are just not worth it", he would yell at me. Our breakup all those years ago, looking back, seems pretty funny to me.

I had a trusted mutual friend deliver a sober message to my ex that I did not like him. I stopped liking him at 17 and have always considered him an annoyance at best. There was no way anything was happening. And he should apologize to his mom for embarrassing her. From what I heard back, he was told our friend he understood, and wouldn't bother me again. So there is that.

As much as I like drama, I am thinking of skipping it for the next couple of visits to me parents, so I think I'll ask them to come stay with me instead.

Thank you for all the comments. I just needed some insight and those were very helpful.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user problemwithmysister in r/ AmItheAsshole

Original: May 28, 2020

Updates: in post itself

Status: concluded

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Original: AITA for firing my sister after seeing her blog and not rehiring her without an apology?

Basically what happened is read my sisters blog. It was sent to me by a friend of mine who was asking if one of the “characters” was me. Spoiler alert, it was me.

Its couple years old and really popular. She doesn’t use our family’s real names but they are very similar and use the same first letter. So think real names: Katy, Julia, Marissa and Brad then the fake names being: Kathy, June, Marnie and Bob.

It’s descriptive enough of our lives and what we do for work that my friend identified me from it.

Its mostly about her and her life but there is still a lot about us.

A year ago I had an abortion. It was during the lowest point in my life so far and only she and my husband knew about it. She swore to me that she would take the secret to her grave. Yeah, she dedicated a whole entry to it.

A couple months ago she and her husband got laid off due to world events. I run my own business that wasn’t really affected and I offered her a job there to help her out. She’s not qualified in my field so I essentially made up a position for her so she could have a steady paycheck. She basically does data entry and other random tasks online from her home.

Her blog since then has basically centred on how much she hates it. She called it demeaning work and says a bunch of bullshit about how I obviously don’t respect her intelligence. I say this is bullshit because 1. She would need years of training to work any of the open positions 2. I told her what she would do when I offered it and she gushed about how grateful she was and that I was really helping her.

I called her and told her what I had read and how hurt I was. Her defence is that the blog is her online diary where she vents and that I should know not to take any of it personally. She actually had the gall to tell me that she is hurt that I read it! Apparently the right thing to do was ignore it??

I told her off for telling the internet my secrets and dragging me online where I could be, AND WAS, found by people who know me. She just said she did all her due-diligence by changing the names and it wasn’t her fault my friend found it.

We argued for a bit, it got increasingly heated, and I fired her. I told her that if she couldn’t apologize or see how she was wrong here, then she wasn’t who I thought she is and she could find a job where she felt more respected.

It’s been a week and I haven’t spoken to her at all. Her husband has been contacting me on her behalf trying to get her job back as they need the money. He claims she is sorry but I think if she was, then she could tell me herself.

My own husband is telling me I am overreacting and that she’s family and I should just forget it. I don’t agree.

Am I the asshole here?

TLDR: Sister drags me and reveals my secrets on her blog and I fire her, am I the asshole?

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: NTA - she took your secret to the internet instead of the grave and constantly bitches about her job. A diary, if intended to be private, isn’t posted online for the whole world to read.
For her to claim it was private is some next level delusion. If it’s so awful, why the fuck does she want it back. Frankly, even if she really is sorry, would you put up with any other employee bitching how much working for you sucks online? Or would you fire their ass?

>OOP: Thats my mentality. If I found an employee posting online about how bad a boss I was and how much he hates his job I would show him the door.

Comment2: INFO Does she have her name on the blog, or did your friend find it because of her close relationship with your family? Is it only people who know your family that can link you guys to this blog, or does she outright claim authorship?

>OOP: Her blog name is just a fake name that shares the same initials. My friend who found it is an old high school friend I am not that close to anymore.
Anyone that knows me now or in the last decade could probably connect the dots if they read enough of the entries.
I think the blog got a lot more popular since the pandemic has everyone on the internet more. The more popular it get, I would think the more chance someone else will find it.
Its just a public blog, anyone could see it or find it on google.

Comment3: INFO. Did you go through official channels to hire her? As in all the paper and stuff the government requires.

>OOP: Yes. She is in a probationary period though and I have full legal rights to fire her.

Comment4: NTA this is like the classic cautionary tale about why people should be careful about what they say online.

--------------------------------------------

Additional details from OOP in comments:

[will it impact sister's finances?]
OOP: To clarify, this wont make her homeless or anything. They have savings that they will be forced to dip into. I am basically just putting her back into the position she would be in if I had never offered her anything.

---------------
[will this impact the business?]
OOP: What this post is really making me realise is how screwed I am if any of my other employees or a competitors finds her blog. Youre right, its on there forever now. Not only my abortion, which a competitor could use to hurt my business, but my whole life from her perspective.

I just cant believe she doesnt see how it affects me. The friend who sent it to me isnt even a close friend, just an old high school friend. She now knows about my darkest secret, some embarrassing stories from my childhood that involved my sister, my parents marriage issues, how I met my husband, and so much more.

I just feel so sick right now

---------------
[do parents know?]
OOP: My parents dont know yet. They asked why I fired her but I just told them it was between us and they backed off. Im terrified they will find it, not only because of the abortion but she posted a lot of stuff about them and their marriage issues. It could implode the whole family

---------------
[on family dynamics]
OOP: My parents have taught us our entire lives that family issues stay in the family. I mentioned in other comments she talked about our parents marriage issues. Along with all the other private moments and little fights and arguments that we have had over the years, it feels like an expose on our lives.

They would absolutely freak out to see all of that out there for the world to see. I feel sick for the violation of privacy and there is way more about them and her relationship with them then there is about me.

My stomach is sinking thinking about the fight we would have.

---------------
[what about this post?]
OOP: I have said this in another comment but there is a huge difference between this post and her blog. My post is on a subreddit where no post remains active for more than 24 hours, then it is lost to the thousands of posts made every day.

It has no names, no identifiable information. A hundred friends of hers could read this and unless she told them that she and I had a fight about her blog and I fired her, assuming they even know she has a blog, they would have no clue its about her.

Her blog is hundreds of entries over the course of years. It contains story lines, recurring characters, and is followed by tens of thousands of people. There is enough detail that its without a doubt me and my family to anyone who even kind of knows me or her or my parents.

If she found this I wouldn't apologize and I wouldn't feel hypocritical. Its comparing apples to oranges.

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Update 0.5

Edit: After reading a lot of the response I have become more and more sickened by this situation. I sent my sister an email detailing how much damage this is doing to me emotionally and could do to me financially and professionally. In the email I am asking her to delete all entries in her blog that include private details about me, my business or our family.

I am giving her an ultimatum. She can do as I asked, delete the entries, and I will consider it water under the bridge. We can move on with our lives and try to repair our relationship.

OR

She can continue to ignore me, keep her blog, and can consider me out of her life. We can see each other at family events and keep things civil but I will no longer share my life with her. She wont be an aunt to my future children or a real sister to me.

Ill update if and when she responds.

--------------------------------------------

Edit2: She replied to my email asking me to facetime her tomorrow. She wants to talk to me after we both have had the night to cool down. I agree with her as I am pretty heated right now.

Will update after our talk. Thank you everyone for the support, has really opened my eyes to the gravity of the situation.

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Final update

I talked to my sister early this morning. We had a really productive conversation! I won’t go into too much detail since it was a long and emotional call.

The reason she had not reached out during the week we weren’t talking was a bit surprising. It turns out her husband knew about the blog but had never read it at her request.

After our blow up he wanted to see what had made me so upset. She allowed him to read some of the entries and he ended up siding with me. There was also some information on him and his family that he was upset about so they were having a separate fight about that.

I guess my email to her put into perspective to her how much damage her blog and the information she shared there could affect others.

She showed me over the videochat that she actually deleted the whole thing. She told me that the blogging started out as a place to vent, but when it got more popular people started emailing her asking for updates on certain “characters” (ie her family) and she started seeing hundreds of comments. She became obsessed with it basically.

She apologized for sharing my secrets and for being ungrateful about the job. She claims that she was exaggerating in the blog to get more views and likes and I can see that.

Our relationship is damaged but not beyond repair. She is not coming back to work for me, instead I am just sending them a small amount of money to help cover their rent. It not as much as she was making but I really do love her and I still want to help her. Once one of them gets a job they will get back on their feet. This way they at least have less stress.

Once things start to reopen in our area she promised to set up a regular therapy appointment where she can vent all she wants and get actual advice. As well as help for what she described as a “blogging addiction”.

I want to thank everyone for the comments. Some of them were harsh and some of them were crazy but it helped a lot to figure out how I actually felt about the situation

I am planning to delete the original and this post in a day or two so it will be fair for both of us.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user No-Mall1172 in r/ AmItheAsshole

Original: July 7, 2025

Update: in post itself

Status: no further updates from OOP

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Original: AITA for drinking fruit juice when my partner has said he doesn't like it?

Let me give you some background. I (26F) have been drinking diluted summer fruits juice all my life because I hate drinking water. When I do try drinking water I physically wretch due to the anxiety it gives me trying to drink it. So I stay hydrated by drinking diluted cordial.

When I met my current partner (34M, let's call him Jim) I was drinking 30% cordial 70% water, which I admit now was strong.

About 6 months into my relationship with Jim, he confessed he didn't like me drinking the juice because it made my breath smell bad (of the juice), it stopped me trying new foods and it stopped us from travelling cheap because we would have to pay for baggage just so I can take the juice on holiday.

He even compared it to an addiction and how he was able to quit smoking so I can quit this. We decided to compromise and 1 year later I had reduced it down to 5% cordial. I was able to take my juice in mini aeroplane bottles and I had to admit I was tasting food better.

However Jim was still not happy and we keep getting into fights about how 'disgusting' it is and it is putting him off wanting to kiss me. I can't even have other fruit flavoured drinks because Jim says it smells and tastes too similar.

So I tried to give it up for him. It has been a month of attempting to drink sugar water. I am getting panic attacks and dehydrated because I'm not drinking enough. I am considering going back to the cordial because of this but I am worried I'd be letting myself and Jim down.

AITA for wanting to drink fruit juice or do I need to keep pushing?

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: You should really clarify what cordial is where you are. It seems like it's an alcoholic thing in the US but in many other places, it's just concentrated fruit juice.
ESH.
He's weird and controlling. You can drink what you like. Brush your teeth, use gum/mints, mouthwash - lots of solutions if he doesn't like the way it makes your breath smell.
But you do sound weirdly addicted. You're getting panic attacks because you can't have cordial? And why are you taking it on holiday with you? Can't you buy juice in whatever place you're visiting? That's nuts, sorry. If he's annoyed by that, I can hardly blame him.

>Comment2: If she drinks the summer fruits cordial, and she refers to it as "juice" she is most likely in the UK - this specific drink doesn't have sugar in it and it's not actual juice. Just to clarify. The summer fruits is a specific flavour.
You mix a small bit of it with water. Like 5% and 95% water. Also, this drink does give me a bit of odd taste in my mouth if I drink it often over a few days, I think it's the artificial sweetener causing it.

Comment3: ESH
If the thought of drinking water makes you retch, you need to see a doctor.
If the thought of kissing someone who drank fruit juice makes him sick, he needs to see a doctor.
And he's a control freak

>Comment4: And a dentist. Maybe he doesn't want to kiss her because her teeth are fucked from literally never drinking anything without sugar or acid.
------------
Comment5: Yeah that will fuck up the bacteria in your mouth and shift the balance so I fully believe that their mouth would taste disgusting.
It's like how after drinking your mouth tastes gross because the dehydration and alcohol fuck up the bacteria and cause certain groups to grow out of control for a bit, making your mouth taste gross.

Comment6: Needing to bring EXTRA BAGGAGE on vacation just to be able to bring juice with you is fucking nuts. This post is insane. There are so many options beside cordial? Like wtf is going on here?

Comment7: Just out of curiosity, have you ever been tested for diabetes? You mention drinking only sugary drinks, and diabetes can cause your breath to smell like fruity acetone. Has he ever described it that way?

Comment8: ESH. You really need to see someone if you can't even tolerate water without gagging and are now trying to drink sugar water because you can't mix it with juice. There are a number of reasons this is beyond unhealthy.
Your BF sucks for being controlling, but to a degree I don't blame him. I would have just left though, instead of acting the way he is.

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Update

I have seen a few people not understand what I mean by 'cordial' in the UK it is concentrated fruit juice that is diluted with water- it is not alcohol. Also the juice 'smells' to Jim because of the artificial sugar that's usually put into cordial.

As for the situation, I know it seems like a strange situation to many of you, my parents were soft and let me have whatever I wanted- which has come to bite me in the ass. I realise I have some psychological issues regarding water, I know it is not normal to wretch at water.

A lot of you have said I should dump 'jim' but I feel like I shouldn't until I have dealt with this issue.

I talked to him about how much anxiety this has been causing me and my craving to go back to the juice. We ended up agreeing that we will go to a doctor together and he wants to support me getting used to water, even if it means going back to juice for while. I don't want to throw away a relationship with Jim, just because of my weird psychological problem.

Thank you everyone for your messages.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user throw_friescountry in r/ AmItheAsshole

Original: Feb 21, 2021

Update: June 14, 2021

Status: concluded

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Original: AITA for accidentally calling out a new colleague on lying about her language skills?

Last week a new colleague "Cathy" (33f) started at my (25f) work place. She instantly stood out in the team, because she seems like someone who is very... loud and assertive? Two of my colleagues, me and Cathy were having coffee in the break room (we were the only ones in there and we were sitting far apart), when the subject of travel was brought up.

My colleague said she wasn't booking trips anymore because it'll probably get cancelled because of covid anyway. Cathy, immediately cut in about how sad she is because she travels so often and she goes on these far "exotic" trips to Europe as her hobby. When I think exotic I think the Bahamas or something instead of Europe but. Cool.

Cathy then jokes about how all this "no travel business" is making her fear that she'll lose some of her foreign language skills. I asked what languages she spoke. She claimed to be fluent in 3 European languages, among which were French and Dutch. Cathy said she was "at a native speaker level" and went on about how people in Europe were always surprised when they found out she wasn't from there.

I was excited, because I never get to speak Dutch over here. I was raised in Belgium, which has three national languages: French and Dutch (which are my mother tongues and the most commonly spoken there) and German. It's quite common to be pretty fluent in at least two out of the three languages in Belgium, because you're required to learn them at school (along with English) from a young age.

I told Cathy "oh leuk, dan hebben we iets gemeenschappelijk!" ("oh fun, we have something in common then!")

She immediately pulled this sour face and asked me if that was supposed to be Dutch. I said yes. She laughed awkwardly and said she "couldn't understand because I have a terrible accent and must not be that good at speaking it." Now see, I don't have an accent. I speak Dutch more fluently than I speak English.

I told Cathy that I grew up speaking Dutch and speak it to my family all the time. She got miffed and asked what languages I speak and where I'm from. I told her I'm from Belgium, so I also speak French and I added "which you just said you speak as well, cool! We can speak French instead!"

I acknowledge that I was a bit of a dick here, because by that point I knew she probably lied about speaking French as well. She then shoved her chair back and angrily got up, said "whatever" and stomped off. It was awkward. My other colleagues just kinda shrugged and said she shouldn't have lied.

However, she later approached me and told me I embarrassed her by acting "superior" about my European heritage. I told her there was no way for me to know she'd lied about speaking those languages. She rolled her eyes and told me I was immature.

A colleague told me that Cathy had called me a "little b-word who enjoys bullying new colleagues" behind my back later. I don't think I was a bully at all, but I don't want this to turn into a huge thing. Do I just apologize to keep the peace? AITA?

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: Cathy calling Op immature is rich especially when she insulted Op and used a derogatory term.
I honestly would report Cathy to HR in case she decides to submit a complaint against Op and spin the narrative to her favor. She already showed her character by lying at the break room, I would be on high alert to what lie she will tell to HR.

Comment2: As a Dutch person, I can confirm she is lying, also about the dialect. Sometimes the Dutch and Flemish have some difficulty understanding each other, but the sentence OP used would cause no confusion at all, as it doesn't contain any typical Flemish words.

Comment3: But wouldn't a Dutch speaker from Amsterdam still understand a Dutch speaker from Belgium? I understand there may be an accent but the basic greeting would be understood, right?

>Comment4: Yes, if someone speaks Dutch fluently they should be able to understand Belgian Dutch with no problem. The difference in mostly noticeable in the phrasing, with a few differences in words, but the differences are relatively minor.
If I had to give a frame of reference, I'd say the difference is like the differences between standard English in the US, the UK and Australia. One person may think the other talks a bit weird and uses odd phrases, but you know what they mean.
The difference between standard English and heavy regional accents from rural parts of English speaking countries is, in my opinion, much bigger than Dutch from the Netherlands and Dutch from Belgium.
----------
OOP: As others have said, yes Dutch speakers from The Netherlands have no problem talking to Dutch speakers from Belgium, unless one of them is speaking a very specific dialect, which you wouldn't do with someone who isn't from the same region as you.

Comment5: NTA. She claimed to speak a language. It’s not your fault that she lied. It’s a risk she ran in telling the lie!

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Update 0.5

Edit1: I'm not sure about escalating this to HR, which a lot of people have told me I have to do. I feel like this might make me look immature to the rest of my colleagues (of which I am the youngest) and it might not need to go that far...

It depends on if Cathy is willing to put this behind her and be professional. If all else fails I do have "witnesses" who would be honest about what happened, so I think I might be in the clear if she tries to twist the story.

---------------
Edit2: Some people have taken offense to me giving the Bahamas as an example of an "exotic" place and are trying to make this into a race issue.

I didn't know "exotic" was an offensive term in the US. Do I think of The Netherlands, Belgium, England, Norway, which were countries she was describing as being faraway exotic destinations, as my idea of an exotic trip? No. Not because there's a lot of white people there, but because when I think of exotic I think of a place with nice sunny weather, white sand beaches and a blue ocean.

Maybe it's because I'm from Belgium, but I don't really feel like being in my home country where it's dark and rainy all the time is quite that experience.

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Edit3: Some people think she might not have understood me because she is fluent in Dutch, but learned it in the Netherlands, which has different accents. While it is true that The Netherlands and Flandres have different accents, I didn't speak a very specific dialect like West-Flemish or something.

I spoke the general Dutch you'd see in the news in Flandres. I didn't speak quickly to try and make it incomprehensible to set her up. I genuinely believed she spoke Dutch because that's what she was saying, so I talked to her in normal, conversational Dutch. The same kind of Dutch I'd use in a work environment back in my home country, the same kind of Dutch I use with friends from The Netherlands. (But with a soft "g" lol.)

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Update (4 months later)

So a couple of months ago things went down with a new colleague who was lying about her language skills.

Many people gave the advice to go to HR, others said NOT to go to HR because that would be escalating the situation. I decided not to go to HR right then, but I did take the advice to write down what happened, with the time and the names of the other colleagues present just in case. I thought the situation might blow over, because Cathy was probably just embarrassed.

Well, I was wrong. Cathy kept being cold to me, rolling her eyes at me in meetings and talking behind my back. Another colleague came to confront me at one point to ask me why I'd been so mean. Apparently Cathy was telling a different version of what happened.

Cathy said that I'd said mean things to her in Dutch and was making fun of her in Dutch, so no one else but her could understand. She was smart enough to only tell these stories to colleagues who weren't actually there for it. Word got around and it turned into a bigger issue, with a couple people actually questioning my character, mostly just colleagues that don't work very close to me.

HR got wind of it after a while and I got called in close to a month after the incident. They had already met with Cathy and she'd told them the "she cursed me out in Dutch and was very mean to me" story. I told them the full story and everything that happened after.

They asked me if there was anyone else present who could confirm this, so those colleagues came and told them that Cathy had lied about speaking a language, stormed out and then started calling me a b-word etc. to others. They thanked me for my time and I got on with work.

Nothing happened until a week later when I was informed that Cathy was asked to leave. Apparently Cathy had doubled down on the lies and told everyone I was the one lying and she did speak those languages, so my boss told her in that case she'd have no problem talking to one of our Canadian colleagues (who wasn't involved in the situation) in French in front of him, just to confirm. At this point Cathy admitted she had been lying.

It turned out she didn't speak a word of French either, or Norwegian, which was the third language she was lying about. This was enough for them to let her go, because part of the reason they hired her was that they were so impressed by her speaking multiple languages and work experiences she'd had abroad. The work experiences were made up as well.

I'm just happy it's over. I'm confident it wasn't really my fault it blew up now, if it wasn't me who caught her in a lie, someone else probably would have down the line. The few people who kind of believed her ended up coming to me and apologizing for questioning me about what happened, so that's all sorted

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Edit: some people asking why they didn't test her language skills in the hiring process: our jobs don't actually require us to speak Dutch, French or Norwegian. I think they probably just saw it as a "plus" or something that made her stand out from other candidates.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user Disastrous-Froyo-530 in r/ AmIoverreacting

Original: May 13, 2026

Update: May 26, 2026

Status: concluded

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Original: AIO for thinking my friend is faking their death?

I hadn't heard from my friend in about a month, so I sent over a text just checking in. I got a response in the middle of the night from their "family member" saying that they had passed the day after I last spoke with them.

I, of course, was torn to bits. I cried and kept reading the message over and over just in denial of it all.

However, as I kept reading I realized that the family member texted exactly the same way they did. I also got the text around the same time they usually text me as they work overnights. Then I realized that I had texted them from their work phone that no one should have access to due to the security of their job, like if they did pass, the phone should've been turned in by now.

I looked for obituaries, nothing at all, looked for death certificates, nothing again. I sent over my condolences and asked if there was a service for them, they told me they did and where my friend was "buried". Once again, normal time for them to text due to their schedule, not for normal people with a regular 9-5.

I called another friend to vent because I was just in a bad frame of mind, I had recently lost a family member earlier this year so things were just piling up. He called the cemetery for me and they said they had no one under their name that was buried there.

I'm crushed. We didn't have any issues the last time we spoke and if they didn't want to be friends anymore I would've much appreciated that instead of thinking this. I feel like I overreacted and perhaps I'm just a deep state of denial, but deep down I just feel like they're not dead. AIO?

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: Phone their workplace and ask to speak to them. The response should give you an idea of whether they are dead or alive.

Comment2: If it’s true, my condolences, it’s tough losing a friend. If it’s not true and they’re faking, spread it all around that they’ve died, call the job, school, church all mutual friends and host a Candle light in Homer of them and post invites and photos on all social media. 😂 then when the truth comes out tell em 🖕no one needs that kind of friend!

Comment3: Trust your gut. My ex-husband lied about having terminal cancer and after a miraculous recovery, lied about it again.
My friend sent me screenshot of texts to her where I said what the $@#% is wrong with me but I don't believe him. She actually convinced me it was true because "nobody would be sick enough to do that to their wife and children."
Except he did. He never had cancer. And the second time, he disappeared leaving a note saying he was going to die alone. My gut knew. Trust your gut.

Comment4: This takes ghosting to a whole new level.

Comment5: This happened to me!
It was a very close friend. Left behind a grieving widow that was in on it. Staged the services back in Spain last minute so no one that knew him in the US could go.
Turned out he was in the jewelry business and made some bad deals with some bad people. And he panicked and faked his death.
People were sending all this love, support, taking care of his widow, sending her money, and she continued that spiel for a couple of years before stopping replying to people and going dark online.
Then I find Facebook suggested their alternate names to me, where they had been posting and living their life happily for those past 2 years evidently. Shit was soooo fucked upppppp

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Update 0.5

Edit:

I wanted to clear up some common questions. Yes, they were an online friend, but we met once and called a few times so I know at least they're real lol.

We've known each other for about a year now, we used to talk everyday, but due to stress and personal issues they dwindled every so often.

No, I don't know any of their family members personally, but I know of a specific few, only a couple by name.

I will see about calling their work, but I don't believe its a job that I can call up and ask for them. I will if I can.

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Update (13 days later)

Hi all. I'm updating on my account as I don't feel as though my update is substantial enough for the subreddit. A lot of people have asked and continue to ask so here it is.

They're alive. Woohoo, I guess lol. I did some digging the see I posted and saw that they were still posting on another social media platform during the time they were supposed to be dead and they changed their profile/avatar on here multiple times after I last spoke with their family member, aka them.

I haven't reached out and neither have they so I may never know the true reason as to why they decided to jump ship. At this point, I couldn't care less.

There was some common questions/comments on my post, but I understand and wanted to clear somethings up. On mobile so sorry if it looks weird.

• What did I do to make them do this?/Am I batshit insane?/Why didn't I take the hint before hand? Etc...

>I didn't do anything that would warrant this. The last time we spoke they wanted to speak with me, but I had already turned it in for the night. The following day they told me their plans for that week and then I got no reply afterwards.
It was normal, sometimes they'd just disappear, but even after they always seemed happy to talk to me. Last time they stopped talking to me for a few months was due to a mental breakdown, so maybe that's what happened.

• I've only known them for a year, so why do I care so much?

>I don't think people understand the impact that a sudden death can have, especially when you're not expecting it. I'd probably be sad if I heard someone I met/talked to breifly passed.
My therapist said that my reaction was normal, so I'm going to take her word for it. I don't think I did anything wrong.

• Why did they do this?

>Idk. Like I said above, think it's just mental illness and issues they may not want to tackle head on so they let it fester. They weren't a good communicator in the past when they had a previous breakdown.

• Were they lying about their life?

>I know for a fact they were not lying about their job as I've seen them in their uniform both in and out of work. However, I'm not sure the full extent of their life, I will admit that and this situation has made me question it.

I'm not contacting them again as I don't wish to be friends with someone who cannot communicate their feelings in a functional way, especially a grown adult. If they contact me, I want a full explanation and apology, but even then I wont allow them back in my life.

I also wanted to acknowledge everyone who commented and sent me kind messages. You have no idea how much I appreciate you as I was spiraling a bit while making that post. I feel a lot better now and am working through life itself.

Anyways, I had tacos and beer for dinner and wanted to update. I hope everyone had a great weekend and enjoy the rest of your week.

I'll be deleting this account soon as I'm over it, but I'll answer any questions anyone has in the mean time. Thanks.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user TheBaldNerd in r/ AmItheAsshole

Original: May 19, 2026

Update: May 23, 2026

Status: concluded

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Original: AITA for flipping off my Aunt over Skype?

While this incident happened 13 years ago, it’s being brought up by my aunt now since she’s coming to visit our hometown. And because it’s my mom‘s sister, my mom is asking me to apologize for it.

I, 36 M, was at the time, 23. I had lived on my own for about 3 1/2 years, but I had to move back home after losing my job at the time.
When I came back, I took whatever work I could get. This included temp jobs through agencies. I wanted to get back on my feet as fast as possible.

I started working a warehouse job. The pay at the time was slightly above minimum wage. Let me tell you, it sucked. Work started at 4:30am and went thru 4:30pm. 12 hour days. People aren’t kidding around when they say warehouse jobs break your back. I was trying to get back out on my own while also paying for college tuition.

With the context out-of-the-way, here is the incident itself.
The bedroom I was staying in at my parents house was on the main floor of the house, and the dining room was just outside the bedroom door. The family computer was in that dining room.

With work starting so early in the morning, I had to go to bed early and I wanted to get as much sleep as I could. My mom has a habit of drinking a lot of rum and Coke. That night she was chatting with my aunt on Skype via a video call.

They were both drinking on the video call and they got around being pretty loud and obnoxious. I came out of my room two or three times asking them to please keep it down because I had to wake up early for work. It was around 10:30pm and I had to be awake around 3:30am for work.

After the third time of me asking them to please keep it down, my aunt piped up and said “Well if you don’t like the noise, maybe you should move out” and then she laughed at me. It was this rude, sarcastic cackle type of laugh.

I will admit, I got upset. I walked over to the computer, flipped her the middle finger into the WebCam and unplugged the computer.

I told my mom that I was going to bed, and that I needed to wake up early. My mom ultimately decided to call it a night with all the drinking she had been doing, and went upstairs.
That’s the incident.

Now 13 years later, I am married and have a seven-year-old daughter. We bought a house in 2022.

Now that my aunt is coming to visit my mom, she wants me to apologize all these years later. My mom, being 70, says she doesn’t remember the incident. She has been having memory issues so I’m not going to debate that.

Should I apologize 13 years later? AITA?

ETA: I think I deleted this detail on accident. This occurred around 10:30pm and I had to be awake around 3:30am for the warehouse job I was working at the time.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: Yes, you should apologize.
Right after she apologizes for being drunk, loud, obnoxious and telling you to fuck off out of your house when you asked her to be considerate to you and not be so loud.

>OOP: I am more than open to apologizing if she apologizes for that first
------------
Comment1: I think we both know she won't apologize, and in that case you shouldn't either. Tell her it's crazy to hang on to a grudge for so long and when she's ready to get over it you will be too.
-----------
OOP: I haven’t thought about this incident in so long. I can’t remember the last time I thought about it to be honest. I’m just surprised she still is.

Comment2: INFO: If your mom doesn't even remember, how is it a problem?

>OOP: Good question. Honestly, I just needed a sanity check to make sure.

Comment3: YTA. Not your house. 10:30 is hardly the middle of the night. She was right. If you wanted quiet, you should have never moved home. And. Unplugging the computer? YTA. It’s stunning that you don’t see this at 36 years old.

>OOP: Having to wake up at 3:30am for work didn’t count for anything? Paying rent to my parents didn’t count for anything? How was I supposed to get any sleep with two people being excessively loud right outside my bedroom door and refusing to quiet down? I asked nicely three times before getting upset.

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Update (4 days later)

I hope I’m doing this right, on mobile.

I got a fair amount of feedback with the middle ground being for both me and my aunt to apologize and move on, let it be water under the bridge. That was the route I was planning to take.

I wasn’t expecting to post an update but, here I am.

A few days after my post, me and my wife went to my mom’s house to pick up our daughter. Thursday is “Grandma day” for school pick up. My mom is a very involved grandma and I appreciate that.

My aunt was at my mom’s house visiting.

We walked in and before I could even greet my daughter, my aunt came up to me and said “do you have anything to say to me?”

I’ll type the conversation here.

Me: I’m more than happy to apologize. However, both of us did wrong that night 13 years ago and I think it would be best if we went that route.

Aunt: I did nothing wrong. You were freeloading and being a bum. I simply told you to move out if you didn’t like the noise.

Me: I was working and going to school, that’s hardly freeloading. I had to be up for work at 3:30am.

Aunt: Well, that doesn’t matter. You don’t get to give me the finger over the internet.

Me: I asked both you and my mom nicely 3 times to please be quiet as I needed to sleep. You both had iPhones at the time with Skype also on those. Wasn’t it possible to talk somewhere else that wasn’t outside my bedroom door?

Aunt: I don’t have to listen to this. Now, I have a present for your daughter. If you don’t say sorry to me, she doesn’t get it.

At that point. I had enough. I told my wife and daughter that we were leaving. My mom apologized for her sister’s behavior. My aunt got snippy with my mom for not siding with her.

I told my aunt that she can insult me all she wants. But she will not disrespect my daughter like that by holding a gift over her head over something like this.

So, I didn’t apologize. I was more than happy to take the middle ground and let it be water under the bridge because honestly, this was so long ago and honestly it’s very petty. I wasn’t going to let it take up more energy than it needed to.

If we could’ve had a civil conversation, the outcome would have been very different. It just didn’t go that way. We left my mom‘s house without any incidents and I don’t plan on talking to my Aunt anymore. It’s as simple as that.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user Kind_Ground3549 in r/ AmItheAsshole

Original: March 27, 2026

Update: in post itself

Status: concluded

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Original: AITA for resciding our gift for SIL's wedding?

My spouse and I had been planning and booking our Europe trip for April 2026. We finalized all our tickets and reservations in November 2025.

Around the same time in Nov, my SIL announced they would have their wedding in Oct 2026.

My spouse and I immediately offered, as an early wedding gift, to pay for them to travel with us on our European vacation, including flights, hotels and activities.

SIL refused because it would be "weird" and they preferred to save their PTO for another destination they have yet planned. fair enough.

This Thursday, literally the last full week of March, the SIL called and said they changed their minds and wanted to redeem our offer and tag along. Our trip is literally in less than two weeks.

I looked up the last minute flight tickets and hotels, and everything is massively expensive now. We literally would have to spend almost $4K more than if we had booked for them in November 2025.

I told my spouse I no longer wanted to pay for that; we're doing well for ourselves but that is a ridiculous $ difference.

I volunteered to be the bad person and told them we could no longer offer that gift to them.

Inevitably drama ensued, and the entire vibe is very awkward at the moment. Some family members sympathize with me, while some others said along the line "well it's just the thing with weddings, everything is expensive, and you offered".

AITA?

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: I’m having a hard time time believing that anyone would say you should honor an offer made months ago that now costs $4000 more. Who genuinely thinks that’s reasonable?

>OOP: Naturally the aunties who don't have any stake in this drama. Seriously, I don't even know how news travel this fast considering it's not been even 2 days.

Comment2: NTA, but INFO: please. Were they going to go on an early honeymoon? Being a wedding present I guess led me to the assumption that your trip coincided with their honeymoon … 🤷🏻‍♂️

>OOP: Thanks for your thoughts. The trip would be before their wedding, since we're traveling in April and their wedding is in October.

Comment3: They not only declined your generous offer but said it was ‘weird’ so why is it suddenly not weird anymore? NTA

>OOP: Thank you for your thoughts. I assume when they said "weird", they meant it would be like a long awkward double date. But I agree, why not weird now?
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Comment4: I'm guessing they realized what an overseas honeymoon would cost them right now and the threshold of "weirdness" they were willing to deal with adjusted haha.

Comment5: This person does not sound aware of how life works. Also how can they now get time off 2 weeks away?
That was an incredible offer to make in the first place. If they do go I wish you the best of luck…it does not sound like they’ve traveled much if they think it’s plausible to tag along to Europe two weeks away.

>OOP: The SIL owns their own artisan business, and the fiance is a consultant so i guess they can work from anywhere.

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Update:

Thank you folks for your thoughts, and for suggesting the option to offer my SIL the original $X that we would have paid for them in November. Overwhelmed in our fluster and frustration, we didn't even think of that.

We will offer to gift them the $ (plus the KitchenAid we already bought as a replacement gift). We honestly don't want any drama, and hope this will be water under the bridge.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: NTA. I just find it funny that your replaced a European trip (flights, accomodations and activities) with a Kitchenaid.

>OOP: My SIL mentioned to their mom that they had been wanting a KitchenAid for some time. Where we live, KitchenAid cost starts from $4-500. We didn't really want my MIL to pay that much so when the SIL said no to our vacation offer, we bought the kitchen aid instead.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user sg-throw in r/ AmItheAsshole

Original: April 29, 2020

Update: in post itself

Status: concluded

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Original: AITA for accepting an inheritance?

Throwaway because some of my cousins might recognize the situation.

I won't mince words: I'm (22F) the product of an affair. My father comes from a wealthy family and is a businessman in Asia, and my mother used to be a flight attendant in the 90s. My dad has always been there when I was growing up, even if my mom and I live in the US, and has provided for us financially.

His “real” family knows about me: he and his wife “Sarah” got married out of business convenience and she’s never resented me or made me feel bad in any way. I’ve always respected her for letting me have a relationship with my older brothers, and letting me come with their family on summer vacations.

She even sent our family flowers when my mom got married a few years ago. Sadly Sarah passed away from cancer a few months ago. It’s been rough on my dad and brothers, she was a wonderful, kind woman and I miss her a lot.

Sarah was very, very wealthy and left my brothers a significant inheritance. Apparently she also left me something in her will: a few thousand dollars. I burst into tears when my brothers called me with the news, I didn’t expect her to even acknowledge me in any way as her husband’s bastard child even if we had a good relationship.

The problem is my family: my uncles and grandma think that I shouldn’t accept the money because I’m “not family.” My brothers have been saying that over in their country, Sarah’s family is also contesting the will to remove me because I’m not her daughter or related to her in any way.

I’ve been feeling pressured to not accept the money even if my dad and brothers say I have every right to accept it. AITA for thinking about taking my inheritance?

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: INFO: You say she was very wealthy and also that you only received a few thousand dollars. If that is true, why do her apparently wealthy family members even care about this pittance?

>OOP: They live in a pretty conservative Asian country and her family was never really okay with them being accepting of me. I think they just don't want any part of her associated with me

Comment1: NTA. She wanted you to have it.
Why should other people, even family, have a greater say in what she does with her money than her?
If she were alive, is this what she would have wanted? Clearly not. She put it in writing!
Again, respect her wishes.

Comment3: In Asian cultures, especially with wealthy families, its all about outward appearances and perception. Money is just the tool used to control that. Agreed the amount is peanuts here, so thats probably not the issue. Think given the circumstance, it wasn’t something they could just pay to go away in the past. And I bet its driving them nuts. Sorry OP that side of the family sucks except the Mom.

Comment4: NTA, but I also wanted to add, if it all goes bottoms up and they somehow don’t let you have the money, you can still hold onto to the memory that Sarah clearly cared for you and planned for your future after her life was over. They can never take that from you.

>OOP: Thank you so much for this comment! My brother found this post and after confirming that I was the one who posted wants to thank everyone for the nice comments about his mother. She is as kind as you all think she is 😄

Comment5: Guessing Singapore from the name? Are you trying to maintain a relationship with that part of the family after this?
Have you considered cutting a deal with your half siblings? Publicly give the money back, have them pay you back in private? Basically, lie to keep the peace?

>OOP: Hello! Not from Singapore, but SE Asia so close enough 😄 I don't know much about the laws of our home country but my brothers say legally it's binding. I'm just waiting for the mods to approve an update post talking more about it

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Update:

I am honestly floored with this response. I just posted on here to kinda vent about my situation since a friend brought it up yesterday and asked how I was doing. Thought I'd post an update to share context and how things are going.

My mom, dad, and Sarah are all from the same home country. When she got pregnant my mom was already in the process of moving to the US. That's the only reason I grew up away from my dad.

They're from a country where having a "second" family is pretty common for men of a certain social class (even prominent politicians have several families on the side), but our situation was frowned upon because it's expected that you treat it super discreetly and in secret, and we were pretty open about it which is practically unheard of, and apparently embarrassing for some members of the extended family.

With regards to how things are going now: my oldest brother is a lawyer and has assured me several times over the past few months that the family doesn't really have a legal claim with contesting the will, and with the courts closed because of [redacted] he's confident that this will all blow over soon.

The entire situation really isn't about the money, a lot of the comments were right in saying that it's mostly about appearances and keeping money within the family.

He actually saw this post and called me, and he agrees that I should honor his mom's wishes in keeping the money, and that if I feel a bit uncomfortable taking it to think about it as a last gift from his mom to show that she thinks of me as family, too. I admit I had a good cry over that.

My brother says I should go and buy something nice for myself, but I'm thinking of using some of it to donate to animal charities since Sarah really loved her dogs (they were in her will, too!). All in all, I feel so much better about the situation knowing my family has my back.

So that's it. Thank you for all your kind comments, especially the ones talking about how lovely Sarah was. My brother really loved those!

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user ExternalWelder_ in r/ AmItheAsshole

Original: July 29, 2025

Update (in post itself)

Status: concluded

Note: OOP posted in Fahrenheit and used initials;
Included names and Celsius for easier read

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Original: AITA for leaving work early without telling anyone because it was over 130°F where I work.

So i (18M) am currently interning at a very prestigious nursery in the Midwest. Its a really big deal for me because the company has government connections, and having this on my resume basically guarantees me future job opportunities.

But here is the issue. My boss (lets call him Mark) has been out of town on vacation for the past week. Normally, he's the one who works alongside me and checks in. But because he is gone his boss (Wilma), who works out of a completely different office across the state from where I’m stationed, has been “supervising” me remotely using the security cameras in the greenhouses.

The greenhouse I work in is about a mile away from mine and my bosses office building, and since Mark is gone, I haven’t had access to the air-conditioned office at all. I’ve been stuck at the greenhouses the entire time in the heat.

Now, the weather has been brutal lately, with highs around 100–105°F (37.8°C - 40.6°C). Inside the greenhouse, it's even worse. There’s no fan, no AC, and barely any ventilation. The only way I can cool it down is by opening the roll-up walls about 3 feet, but that doesn’t do much.

Even with shade cloth, the temperature inside reached over 130°F (54.4°C) today. I was working in those conditions for 6 hours straight before I started feeling lightheaded and got a headache. Since I couldn't cool off and had nowhere to rest (again, I had no access to the office), I made the decision to leave about 2 hours early.

I didn’t notify Wilma because I knew she’d be upset, and I don't have any sick leave to use anyway. About 30 minutes after I got home, Wilma checked the security cameras, saw I was gone, and called me. She asked where I was, and I told her I had gone home because I wasn’t going to keep working in a greenhouse that was 130°F (54.4°C).

She told me that if I didn’t return immediately and finish out the day, I’d be suspended with no pay for a week. Problem is, I live about 30 minutes away and can’t work past 5 p.m (it was already 4:30), so there wouldn’t have been enough time to drive back and get anything done.

So here is where I might be the ass I told her that even if I could make it back in I wouldn't go back in because it was just too hot there and that if she wants to make sure the plants in there are fine she should come out of her nice ac'ed office and try working in there when it is as hot as it is.

She then told me her intern isn't having any problem with the heat (she only has one greenhouse to take care of and it actually has ventilation unlike the 6 I have to take care of). So I just gave up on the conversation said I was sorry and hung up.

So now I might be suspended, and I’m worried it’ll ruin my reputation at this company. I get that I probably should’ve told someone, but I also think I shouldn’t be expected to work in dangerous conditions with no break and no access to AC. So AITA for going home early without telling my boss?

Edit to add more context in my contract it does state that I cannot work in conditions about 115 degrees. (46.1 °C)

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: Yeah, not telling the boss you're leaving and why is the #1 fastest way to get fired. 

It's also not like facilities to cool down in didn't exist, they just need a key to get in them. The odds that it's an oversight on Wilma's part is pretty high.

Op should have called Wilma LONG before he left as Wilma could have remedied the situation by temporarily giving op a key or by just unlocking the office.

>OOP: The problem is Wilma is in an office 3.5 hours away from where I was working. So even if I would have called or texted (which I couldnt because i dont have her number or email, in case of emergency i was to speak to her through the cameras using their call feature) she still wouldnt have been able to give me access to ac on the job site.

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Comment2: Fellow horticulture person here. YTA for leaving without telling her - but it would have been ridiculous to stay. It’s not just the temperature inside the poly house, it’s the humidity.

I would have either called her and told her I was leaving, or if I had a vehicle there, I might have gone and sat in that with the air conditioning running for a while.

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Comment3: I agree with other posters who said that you screwed up by leaving your job without telling the boss. For that, YTA. However, your work environment sounds like it violates OSHA regulations as far as having cooling off spaces. I probably would have left too, cause you don’t want to get heat exhaustion or heat stroke, but I would have called and told the boss first.

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Comment4: My question is: Why do you have greenhouses that have no air circulation? Most plants would die at 130 (54.4 °C). Were they tree saplings?

>OOP: They are tree saplings and drought resistant perrenials mean to be used in the rebuilding of wind breaks. The air circulation was definitely not a though on the architects mind who made the plans and that whu we have misters that run every 20 minutes in 30 sec spurts during days over 90.
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Comment4: I've worked in really hot greenhouses many times, but not 130 degrees. That really sucks! I really feel bad for you. Its easy to make bad choices when your brain is being baked.

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Comment5: So why didn't they provide training for OP on the procedures for managing heat?

>OOP: The only training I had when i started was the mandatory sexual harasment training. I was picked personally by the company because of my work in other greenhouses and landscape projects throughout high school.
I should habe known better but I just wasnt expecting the heat to jump the other greenhouses Ive worked at never got above 105 (40.6 °C). EVER!

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Comment6: YTA from a nursery professional. You MUST communicate with your bosses, even if you want to avoid the uncomfortable-ness of getting told off.

You should have gone to the boss and said that you were literally feeling the heat and needed a break from that space. WE GET IT, and won’t risk your actual life if we know that a problem exists. I’ve gotten heat exhaustion working in hoops and greenhouses, and eventually learned that it was better to ask for an alternative task to fill the rest of my time.

The kicker here is that dealing with any kind of perishable crop (from petunias to chickens) doesn’t stop just because someone doesn’t feel well. If you just flip out and disappear, nobody knows that they need to make up for your absence. You could kill an entire crop by opting out of communication.

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Additional details from comments:

OOP: Of course it wasnt 130 (54.4 °C) tne whole time. As most people would understand it is colder in the morning and hotter in the afternoon. Clearly throughout the day the greenhouses temp would rise. When I first got their it was probably abt 90 (32.2 °C) degrees.

OOP: I wont argue with you that I should have waited but its hard to catch your breath when even when you go outside its still 105 (40.6 °C) degrees and worse there is no shade because you are in the middle of a prarie.

OOP: We dont have a normal office setup usually during the summer i would do 4 hrs or greenhouse work and then 4 hrs of office work but im not allowed to have a key to the office because there are important documents in there. But right now i am expected to do the work of 3 people by working 8 hrs in the greenhouse.

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Update

I am cleared of all trouble by HR and my boss (who was not happy to be called into an emergency zoom meeting). I sent an email and image of the thermo and was swiftly contacted by HR for a meeting as my contract had not been upheld by Wilma (mainly the temp part).

I am now under the watch of a different manager who is closer to where I am working and I will have 1 other employee with me until the end of next week when my boss returns.

Thanks for all the comments you guys left. A lot of them helped open my eyes to the fact I truly walked out on my job. I hadn't thought about that before but the comments really brought it to the forefront of my mind.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user JaneHoney

Original: Sept 21, 2023

Update: March 20, 2026

Status: change in the air

Note: OOP posted in r/ Montreal (city sub, part of Canada Reddit space);
QC refers to the province of Quebec where French is the major language

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Original: Going back to university at 34 years old

Hi,

I was hoping to connect with anyone who has gone back to University at a later age and how this worked out for them, if they are happy with their choice or not.

I am going back to become a psychologist and the total time will be 7 years of full time study. At my age this is quite a commitment and I am hoping to find people in similars situations I can talk to.

On top of this, due to the nature of the job I want and being in QC I am interested in going to UQAM. So I also need to perfect my French (written especially) to pass their language test if I hope to be accepted.

I have attended English schools my whole life and am from an Anglophone home. My spoken french is okay and I can have a conversation with others. The main issue is grammar and writing. Has anyone had experience with becoming proficient in the language? Did you hire a tutor or enroll in French courses at a university?

Thanks!

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Comments:

Comment1: Before you commit to anything, it’s important to know that psychology is ridiculously competitive because only a very low percentage of graduates from the bachelor actually get accepted to the doctorate. And since the program itself isn’t exactly the most difficult, there’s no margin of error and you continually have to get perfect scores to have a chance.

Getting into this at a francophone University, without perfect fluency in french, is asking for a really bad time imo.

>OOP: Yes it is very competitive that’s true. There are anglophones who do it though, so it’s possible and that’s what I am interested in. I want to hear about people’s personal experience and honestly regardless of the program I would be taking French classes anyways to get to that level because I need it in almost any job I do.
Currently a business owner and that really made me want to sign up for French class, to learn the grammar and all that. So either way that’s happening. It’ll definitely be a crazy challenge if I get into it and pursue this path, that’s not a question. 😅
I spent a lot of time in jobs I hate and now I’m like let’s try being a dreamer see what happens. Worst case I go back to teaching elementary. There’s always a plan or solution.

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Comment2: What’s your end goal in becoming a psychologist. I started uni at age 28. 38 now and I’m halfway through a PhD. I’m in an adjacent field and might have some insights. I’m very happy with what I’m doing.

>OOP: Hi! I love working with children and originally was interested by the SACP program at McGill. My background is in education (bachelor and master) which I completed at McGill finishing in 2014. I would like to have options like being a guidance counselor, doing private practice, working to create and implement educational policies, working at universities to either teach or be a psychologist.

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Comment3: Sorry I see you already have an MA. What keeps you from just becoming a therapist with your MEd?

>OOP: I have an MEd not MA. You can't be a therapist with the MEd.
For example, 2 jobs I was interested in..one as a therapist at Concordia for students and another at elementary school to be a guidance counsellor (both required you to be part of the ordre des psychologues du quebec).
Once I started paying attention to the types of jobs I was attracted to, I saw that most required you to be part of the order. To be admissible you need to get a PhD and they list on their site which schools and programs are eligible.
So no, the MEd doesn't get me there. Had I known all this before and done research when I was young, I'd have definitely altered my trajectory then. But...live and learn!

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Comment4: I went to Concordia at 37, still worked full time and took courses over the summer to spread my course work out a bit.
With age comes wisdom and an ability to manage your time and responsibilities. I never missed a lecture for a random party, graduated with distinction, was on the dean's list etc.
Age was definitely a benefit to me and even made a few friends. I would never have survived at UQAM, my conversational french is great, written is terrible.

>OOP: Oh that’s great. I agree at this age we can take our responsibilities more seriously and manage things better. Good point 😄
For the French, honestly I see it as an investment. So for a psychologist to practice I’d need to apply to become part of an order and to do so I’d need to pass a test.
Not to mention all the jobs requiring bilingualism (written). I’ll have to face it as some point, especially if I do get to the doctorate and become a psychologist. That’s where I’m coming from.

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Comment5: You should absolutely go to uni in English if your end goal is a PsyD/PhD. The acceptance rate in the French program is ridiculously low, I’m talking 12 spots out of 300 undergraduate students, which is 4%.

The ones entering the psyD/phD have 4.2 GPA with thousands of hours in volunteering, research/lab experience + intervention. I can’t stress enough how difficult getting into a psychology doctoral program is in Québec. I know someone who was rejected from ALL Quebec unis who offer such programs and got into McGill medicine without trouble 3 months after.

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Comment6: I dont really have shit to bring to the table but Im really proud of you!!
Im actually toying with the idea of going back to Uni and your story is really inspiring!

>OOP: Wow thank you! 😂 don’t read the other comments then, they can be harsh and most people just want to tell you all the reasons you’ll fail.
But I already know all the reasons I could fail so I’m filtering for some good insight and ideas If you can afford to (in terms of financials but also time and home life) I don’t see why we shouldn’t explore and continue to learn.

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Comment7: I know someone who did this at about age 40 maybe a little more. She studied psychology I believe and now is a social worker/ counselor.
Linguistically, it really depends on how well you can currently converse. If you are fluent and using verbs correctly, then getting the hang of grammar is definitely doable with intense effort.

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Update (3 years later) - happy ending/beginning

When I wrote that post 3 years ago, I got a lot of pessimistic feedback. To be expected, it's the internet. I went ahead anyways, I was afraid to regret not trying.

I'm writing this now to anyone who's thinking of following a crazy dream that seems out of reach or impossible. Autumn 2024 I began the journey, I did the courses required to have the credits needed to apply to the doctorate. Today I received my letter of acceptance for the doctorate in psychology. I begin in the fall.

If you want to do it, you need to give it a go. You never know what could happen, even when you least it expect it. And my anglophone ass did not expect this.

GO
FOR
IT

Have a great weekend all 😄

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Comments:

Comment1: my parents both finished their degrees in their 50s - they’re now teaching internationally with masters and love their life!
do what you want when you want! make the life changes!
getting to watch my dad cross the stage at STFX was one of the coolest things - my sister and i were the loudest people in that room that day cheering him on. congratulations!!!

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Comment2: Congrats brother! I had a similar case, I went back school for engineering at age 31. It took me 7 years to complete, working full time and part time school. I graduated in 2023 and have a really good job with engineering company. I am glad that I went back or I wouldve been stuck in my retail job.

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Comment3: I appreciate you sharing this! I’m just returning to my undergrad at 42 and sometimes it feels like I’m making a terrible mistake, I appreciate the encouragement!

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Update 0.5

EDIT (motherhood): Didn't expect to get such amazing feedback you guys are so kind!! Well ... you might enjoy this too then : I'm due May 22 with my first (and only) baby girl (I know, seriously!?). I thought I couldn't have children then was told, listen if you want a kid it's now never but it's gotta be IVF.

It's not ideal, the timing is wild, but I wouldn't be able to live with the choice to have never had a child that I thought wasn't even possible. She's basically a miracle, we only had 2 embryos make it, first transfer failed but she stuck around, the last hope. So.... there's that! Time off this summer with her and starting the doctorate in September !

EDIT 2 (finance): Several wonder about finances and that if I did this it's only because I am "rich". I want to say that I know many students who do not have the help I've had but are following a similar path, and I admire them greatly. It isn't right to put people in boxes.

That being said, I can't deny my privilege and I'll get some hate for the help and support I've been lucky enough to have, but here's what I did :

I had bought a tiny little one bedroom house on the riverfront pre-COVID, which was my dream starter home. I then met my now-husband who moved in and it was wonderful. Post-COVID, when I was thinking about going back to school, even though he had a full-time job, it was clear we couldn't pay bills and the mortgage on one salary.

I decided to sell my home, which turned a profit because the market was a lot different than it had been when I bought. It still makes me sad to think of that house.

The biggest game changer here is, I was lucky enough to be offered to live rent-free in one of the two 4 1/2 apartments above my parents home. I know that I am very lucky.

I'm also grateful because the other 4 1/2 across my door is occupied by my 93 year old grandmother. She is a very talkative woman who has been missing her counterpart, my grandfather, since his passing. It is a blessing that we get this time together and we have espresso and chats on the regular. It also allows me to practice my Italian, shame to say it's gotten rusty over the years.

I also got a part-time job in my first semester back at school as a research assistant, which is also good for your CV when applying to higher education.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments