u/Background-War9535

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/brinz89.

^(My family disowned me 15 years ago. Complete no contact. Now all at once they want back in my life and are stalking me. I finally confronted them.)

Original Post: April 17, 2025

Disclaimer. Part of this is from a post on AITA that was removed. Then added to the events of today.

I don't know if this goes here. I just needed to get it out. I confronted them today and I can't stop crying or shaking. I don't know why. I don't know whats wrong with me right now. I'm finally calming down a little to get this done.

So I 36 male got into some trouble fifteen years ago.  I take all the responsibility for this and even to this day I carry all the shame, guilt and embarrassment for it. Also. This might come up. This is not cultural or religion. It's just shame to the family name.

The situation when I was 19 my ID was stolen and being used in another state and created a situation where my driver’s license was suspended nationwide.  Somehow any and all notifications from the other state never made it to me.  I started doing all the necessary things I needed to do to try and fix the problem. I however had a couple of tickets in my current state that I needed to pay but couldn’t because I needed to pay my rent and keep my apartment. Also at the time my full time job was having problems and was borderline shutting down, so to try and make ends meet I was doing a lot of freelance work as well. Again my fault. I knew the company was in trouble but I was still holding out hope that things would get better. I was hoping that a couple more freelance jobs and I would be able to finally pay the tickets.  This was never the case and the long story short of it I was arrested and spend two weeks in jail. Not ideal but I guess in the long run it worked out for the best by clearing the tickets in my home state. However my family felt other wise and I was completely disowned because of this.  I lost everything and everyone. The only reason I still had my apartment was because I had enough to cover the rent and the freelance work kept up.  It took another six months, but I was finally able to get the other state to release my driver’s license.  I decided that since my family hated me I didn’t need them, so a year later  I changed my last name, phone number and email.  My social media is locked down so tight you would think I was hiding national security secrets. I was able to finish college and get settled into my career and at this point I’m happier than I have ever been.

Enter current time and two weeks ago there was a knock on my door and it was my mom and dad.  Again it had been15 years and I hadn’t spoken to them not one word.  The only thing I could get out of my mouth was. “How did you find me and what are you doing here?”

My mom’s response was “Five Grand to a PI. Finally a search of Facebook with just your first name found you and the PI confirmed it was you.”

I responded.  “You didn’t answer my second question. What are you doing here?”

My mom again. “It’s been 15 years.  Looking at where you are it seems you have learned your lesson and you are succeeding.  You’ve missed out on a lot of things.”

I ended with.  “Yes I have learned my lesson.  One of them is don’t think anyone will ever help you or be understanding.  Even your family.  And yes.  I did succeed.  And I did it entirely without you.  Please leave and don’t ever come back.” shut the door in their face, locked it, checked the back door and closed all the curtains. I'm guessing they hung around for another fifteen minutes knocking demanding to be let in. I went back to bed, turned the fan on high and went back to sleep.

I did so some research.  And I have missed out on a lot.  I have nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters in laws.  But the truth is.  I don’t know any of them and I don’t think I need to.  I live a very quiet life.  I can count on two hand how many friends I actually have. A friend said I may have taken it too far.  That I should have given them a chance and if I didn’t like what they had to say then I could have told them to go away. 

I was hoping that this was going to be the end of it. But not they have taken to stalking me. I'll be completely honest... They are harmless, but just a real pain in the ass and also I have been fucking with them and having some fun with the help of a friend. He now calls them flees and will check on me asking if I have fleas or not. It's kinda funny. If I say yes then it's game on. The first night he came over and we walked down town to a really expensive restaurant that I knew they were never going to go to. Another night we went to the porn store. That was the best one.

This past week the way my days off fell I had a five day stretch so I decided to go to the city for a few days. I'm walking distance to the Amtrak station and they followed me. I kept my air pods in the whole time and I know they were trying to talk to me, but I ignored the the entire time. People on the platform even were telling me that they were talking to me and I said that I know but I don't want to deal with them. The train came and I got on and left them to watch. I LOVED IT!!!!!

It got to the point I finally had to acknowledge them. They weren't going to go away so we met at the park across from my apartment. I didn't hold anything back. I told them this was the one and only time I was going to talk to them. I took a page from the Matlock series and told them I was their judge. I was their jury. (Thank you Olympia Lawrence) I then told them that as far as I was concerned they were guilty of anything and everything and all I was doing was hearing what they had to say before I walked away from them. I asked them that why now after fifteen years they are demanding to be back in my life and why they made the decisions they did to disown me. They told me that I ruined the family name and that the shame I bought to the family was horrible and that this was the only way to make it right was to get rid of me. They said that recently my name has been coming up in conversation and that the "family" has grown with a lot of new people. That brother and sister in law are asking questions about who is Brinley. That I have a niece who they think I would love and get along with and the same for a nephew who was born last year and now should be the time to fix things. They said that looking at my apartment and the life I had that I must have learned my lesson about being a better person and managing my life better.

I finally cut them off and told them that I couldn't stand to hear anymore. I was at the point I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I told them that I did everything completely by myself. Nobody from that life exists anymore. Not one person. That they just need to tell everyone the truth that I was in jail for two weeks and because of this the decision was made to get rid of me. I told them that I did it all on my own and that my one cousin Jean who is only a cousin by marriage was the one who was there for me hence why I took her last name. I told them that to this day I'm doing everything on my own and rely on nobody and don't need or want them in any way of my life. They made their decisions and I'm making mine. I told them this will be the last time we talk and that I would be going to see a lawyer to see if there was anything that could be done to keep them away from me and that if they continue to follow me around or show up at my apartment I would have them arrested for trespassing. And I went back home and again locked everything down, pulled the curtains and have been crying since.

Update: April 23, 2025

Many of you have been asking for an update. First and foremost. Thank you all for your responses. I was overwhelmed. I read every single one. I just couldn't keep up to respond to them. I also worked some extra shifts and had some really nice over time which right now comes in handy. Please just know I was not ignoring you. I just couldn't keep up.

This isn't the update that many of you were most likely hoping for. I haven not heard from my family since I confronted them. I'm hoping that it's all done and over but at the same time I'm thinking they are trying something else. I wanted to address some other things. Many are saying they are out for money or body parts. That they see I'm successful and such. I can't see this being the case. I truly don't think it's money. If they were able to drop $5,000.00 for a PI then I can't see them hurting financially. My dad worked as a ORD for his entire career and made good money. My mom worked for a global corporation as a historical document manager. I didn't ask but I'm thinking that they might even still be working. Others said maybe they need body parts. I can't see this being the case either because all of these would have been mentioned the first or the last time we talked.

People have mentioned they see me successful and want in on it and take the credit saying that they are responsible for that in how they treated me. I'm successful in my own way. My education is in Healthcare Management and I work as a Unit Secretary. I have been here for a while and I truly love my job. I'm at the top of my pay scale and thats okay. I have made a life for myself. Yes I do have some money stashed away. I live below my means to do what I have done. I'm single no kids so it has allowed me to save money.

And now on with the update. (This is a long update because it's part of a conversation I had with my cousin.)

I have not heard from any of them since the last meet where I confronted them. I'm hoping that they are just gone at this point. I truly don't want anything to do with ANY of them. I don't care that I have nieces or nephews or that I have new brother and sister in laws. I would have to know my sister and brother and my parents to know all these new people. And frankly all of them are strangers. And it just brings up a lot of bad emotions. My cousin Jean is the only person who I have anything to do with and she has been my rock. I can't begin to thank her enough for all she has done. She has been on vacation for a few weeks so she doesn't know much of what happen. She got back and came over the other night. She showed up with wine, pizza and cheesecake. God I love that women. I opened the door and was greeted with "The wise women has arrived and has brought the makings of a great evening." I started crying to her response. "However it looks like I should have arrived a few days ago."

She set everything on the counter and just hugged me to get me calmed down. Finally as she opened the wine and fixed up dinner I told her everything. At the end she got a vindictive smile on her face and was like "We need it to talk. It's time for some family secrets to be told.

First she started with telling me that regardless of what others had said what happen wasn't my fault. I was stuck in the perfect storm which just blew up. She told me she saw my folder that had all of the work I had done to fix the problem. But it just didn't go fast enough. She reminded me that I didn't kill anyone, I didn't deal drugs or anything like that. I was stuck in a situation that didn't get fixed fast enough.

She went on to tell me that it was no surprise that when I did the name change that I chose the one I did. Come to find out it was the last name I was born under which was my Grandmothers (my mothers mother) last maiden name. Jean "Don't let your parents fool you. They are not the pure pillars of community that they want you to believe." I have always known that their relationship was not the best. But when I was born they were split up and my mom was trying to hide me from my dad. My Grandparents didn't like him so it was decided to give me my grandmothers family name.

She was getting more and more pissed off as she spoke. "So lets talk about names since they are so hell bent of how you shamed the family name. Your mother was the one who was born under the influential names. Her mothers family the name you took was pretty much owned two of the local towns in our county. Your grandfathers name owned owned a few businesses in a different town. Your fathers family was never heard of. They were from a different state and moved here for work purposes. Your dad has been riding off of your mothers name and connections. Even to this day your dads family is pretty much a bunch of unknowns. On top of that. Even if your Grandparents were alive they would have been completely behind you and wouldn't have bought into that whole bull shit of shaming the family name." The only time I ever saw her in a mood like this was when I was in college and when she introduced herself to the class she looked square at me and made it clear that she had no favorites.

All of this has really made me look at my parents in a different way. And none of it's positive. It just reaffirms what I want even more which is for them to just go away and never come back.

To the small few of you saying this is fake, fan fiction and what not. Go for it. Apparently all of you live in perfect worlds with perfect families and you most likely say the same thing to every post you read. I couldn't give two shits, a flying fuck or a rats ass what you think. I just need to get this out.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I (24F0 am currently pregnant. The pregnancy wasn’t planned, it was a one careless weekend and now were here kinda thing, but myself and my now fiancé(26M)  are trying our best to get ready.

For extra background, my fiancé and I have been together for 4 years this august. Marriage has been something we have talked about and agreed on, but my fiancé was always anxious about what ifs and wanting everything to be perfect.

About a Month ago, his younger sister (25F) got engaged  and since then she’s had a “this is my year” type mentality and I have been all for it.Then we found out I am pregnant.

My fiancé took it as a sign he was being a chicken and needy to make that next step happen of getting married. So he proposed, nothing flash or big. He recreated our first two dates and we ended the day with a bbq at my parents house.

She had texted my fiancé how we overshadowed her and that between the pregnancy and the engagement we’ve stolen all the attention. She said she was tired of having to hear about us and how excited her aunts were while they were at her house helping her plan her wedding. 

My fiancé and I aren’t even planning a wedding right now, hers is next august and were kinda buy preparing for a baby.

His sister has also always had a short fuse especially when it comes to my fiance. For example, last year when we all attended a wedding, my fiance was kind of the life of the party. Dancing, sociallizing, getting other people hype and dancing, was literally voted life of the party by the bride and groom. The next morning at breakfast his sister went in on him calling him a embarrassment and attention seeking.

My fiance has a lot of social anxiety and I finally understood why. But to the main issue, we recently stayed with his parents for a weekend because they wanted to celebrate the pregnancy and the whole first grand child. Most of the weekend was great we went to the beach, hikes, dinner, but the whole time his sister was visibly upset and making aside aggressive comments everyone mostly ignored.

Things really blew up while i was washing dishes, his mom came in to tell me how I shouldn’t be doing that and that i should be restin. His sister laughed and said “I thought we weren’t supposed to roll out the red carpet for unwed, unplanned pregnancies”. His mom screamed her name and I responded with asking what her problem was. It turned into an even bigger arguement and screaming match wer his mom was crying trying to pull his sister away and both fiancés and his dad came from the den to see what was happening. 

After my fiance told me I shouldn’t have responded to her and made everything worse in a already stressed relationship. Part of me feels bad because I know things get really intense with his sister and that conflict really hurts and messes with him, but also another part of me feels like I shouldn’t have to just take her bitching just to keep the peace that clearly isn’t there. 

I recently saw a town hall with the head of my DOD agency (and yes, I said DOD. I’m not using that DoW bullshit promoted by that drunk Fox and Friends weekend host). Once the floor was opened up for questions, telework was a popular topic because, spoilers, the people want it back. Now this agency was not a fan of remote and would have pulled it back even if people didn’t return the orange pedophile to power, but at least he was going to go hybrid and leave the people distant remote be.

Needless to say, there was little he could do even if he wanted. But it shows that the workforce want remote back, or at least maybe go hybrid.

What can we humble employees do? Right now, very little other than vote for candidates who are willing to support remote. And if those candidates win in November, start lobbying for them to force you-know-who to back off.

link to the original : https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/7fyQEXbh3P

Hey guys , first of all thank you all so much for the messages

some people asked for an update , and i’m here for it , the last 48h were the most insane i’ve ever had honestly ,

so to go back where we left off , my husband arrived yesterday afternoon ,can u guess who also came ???? yeahhhh his mom ! nothing i was already expecting , but it’s always surprising ig

when he car pulled up , my MIL was the first to come out , they both got in , my child was in my old bedroom (in my parents house ) with my sister and mother , and in the living room my brothers, dad , me and them

the first thing that came out of her mouth was “quit the bullshit , my baby is a girl right ?” i said that my baby is a male , my family confirmed , my MILs face completely changed , she started crying saying that this one was meant to be a girl , and if she knew i would give her another boy she wouldn’t have been so nice to me

(for context , my husband has 1 brother only , and he is already done having kids , he has 3 boys )

i told her to go fuck herself , this child is MINE not hers , and i surely didn’t had a baby so she could fulfill her wired desires .

she was about to raise her voice , but my brother stopped her and told her that it wouldn’t be accepted in this house and asked her to leave and wait for my husband in the car .

(yes after she found out the gender , she didn’t even asked to see him )

she left , giving my dirty looks , but left

my husband looked at me and asked me how could i rob this moment from him, as u can imagine i replied with the plan they had , he turned pale , and then i think it all clicked together in his little brain .

he started apologizing and saying that it was just to shush his mom and that he would never actually do it , but after being pressured, his speech changed to :”but im also going trough a lot in the delivery room , i need support “

my whole family started laughing in his face , he got angry , and demanded to know my sons name and see him , i told him the name , and allowed him to see im from a far , he asked to hold him and i declined .

after this , i talked alone with him, and told him that i wanted a divorce , he cried , pleaded , and asked for another chance , i told him my decision was final , and that he didn’t had to financially support my child , but that our marriage was over , i asked him to come around the next day so we can discuss this better.

then he came , his eyes were puffy im guessing from crying , and he and his mom came here , looked at my husband and said OUT LOUD, that he should give me the divorce and forget about this kid since it was a boy , he should find a woman that would give him a girl . finally i saw that dude get a little of a backbone , and he told her to get out , that she already ruined this enough . she yelled as expected and left .

he cried and told me finally understood the kind of harm his mom was making to our family and told me that if i needed him to go NC with her to save our marriage he would .

i told him that i needed time to think , and told him to give me some days , he is returning to NC , and im abt a week he will come down again so we can talk

now i know what he did was horrible , but being a single mom at 23 is not ideal , and weather i like it or not , i still feel smt for this man….

any opinions and recommendations are welcome !

I’m engaged. My fiancee told me today, she expects me to pay 100% of the bills after marriage (and give her $500 monthly allowance too). She will keep her earnings totally for herself.

Her income is approximately the same as my income, so I said we should share the burden of paying bills & supporting the family. I said that’s how it was with my mom/dad and grandma/grandpa and great-grandma/grandpa (married 1930s). Both worked; both paid bills & shared household chores. A partnership.

She said my family is weird & that’s wrong. The man should be 100% the provider.

[supprimé]

I am a highly regarded scientist and researcher at a private security firm. Granted the firm is ran by a cold blooded alcoholic with an… let’s just interesting dynamic with her equally alcoholic, and probably nymphomaniac, son. But who am I to judge, especially since she does give me a great deal of scientific freedom.

I spend most days researching and developing equipment for the organization to do their ranging from surveillance to covert weapons. But that is just to keep them off my back while I do my real science, often on their dime and requires some creative accounting and the occasional side project, like a proprietary tea so he can pass a drug test, for our head of budgets to keep things going.

I am the leading expert on biological experimentation, or at least the only one willing to do the research since most scientists in my field are cowards who are afraid of things like ethics and morality. My work with livestock, mostly pigs and goats, have yielded fascinating results after I infused human DNA. I am committed to taking this to the next level despite leading scientific agencies calling my work an abomination.

But my greatest work goes back to helping the son of our agency’s lead. Like I said, he tries to sleep with every woman he can, often with surprising success, but he only has two true loves. One, our best field agent, has an on-off thing with him and tires quickly of his infidelity. The other, a Russian defector who is honestly the most beautiful woman who has ever lived and he is smitten with her to the point she has actually got him to stop drinking. Alas, she seemingly died after saving him from a rival by flinging both of them off our building and right on to my van!

This is where my genius comes in. Thanks to my research into biology and cybernetics, along with contributions from hobos from my…. other hobbies, I have saved her life. Some, like the aforementioned son, are impressed and grateful. Others, like everyone else, think I am playing god and have gone to a place no one should ever go.

So, AITA for pushing the boundaries of what is scientifically possible?

I'm hoping you all can sympathize, whether you have kids or don't, have sons or don't. There's hardly anywhere I can talk about this, which I'm sure doesn't shock you given the world and the consciousness most women have.

I'm pregnant with my first baby and was told a couple weeks ago it's most likely a boy. Too early to be sure but odds are good, I guess.

So, now, I have to come to terms with the reality of what I'm doing, how my son is most likely to turn out, and what that makes me responsible for in the world. It's hard to sit with. The extent of my powerlessness as a mother over what this man will be like. All the possibilities of him harming women and girls, even in childhood. The way he's going to see me as a woman. What I'll have to be around and live with in my home, as far as his male friends and shit like porn, video games, podcasts, etc. Everywhere I turn, I'm reminded of how misogynistic males are, at every age. And now I'm adding to that. And there is very little I can do to prevent it.

I made the mistake of posting about my feelings in a pregnancy sub, where women across the political and philosophical spectrum congregate, and of course got flamed by a bunch of triggered boy moms who act like my realistic expectations are worse than male behavior toward women and girls. It just reminded me that I'll never be able to talk to other mothers in real life about my experience raising a boy and how the boy moms around my son are likely to be enablers of their own sons' sexism and misogyny, not allies in trying to minimize how much our sons embrace it.

I know there isn't any real advice or solutions you can give me. This situation is what it is. Men are what they are. I just wanted to vent to women who can understand. Loving a son while also holding a realistic awareness of what he is, is going to be incredibly difficult. And I am afraid that the worst will happen, and I'll have to spend the rest of my life feeling guilty for making another woman's suffering possible. ​

Zach’s story, part one

Yes, I’m that Mel. I came across my ex-husband’s posts about our divorce and how he not only exiled my college boyfriend Kyle to a rural high school making a fraction of his corporate salary, but took Kyle’s daughter and her mother as his own. Funny, I never thought Zach, that’s ex-husband’s name, capable of that.

I had a career in finance that was taking off as I landed several high net worth clients. And I won’t lie, I did have to seduce a few of them to get them to sign. A couple of them were good in bed and actually made an effort to satisfy me. The others took what they wanted with no regard for my pleasure. It was never about betraying Zach with those guys. It was strictly business as I offered my body and they deposited their considerable wealth into my firm. My bosses suspected, but as long as the clients kept coming in and I managed their portfolios in a professional and successful manner, they turned a blind eye. At least they never pressed for favors from me.

I did love Zach. He was a decent lover who made a decent paycheck that went further thanks to the house his grandpa left us. Or I should say Zach’s since both our lawyers made it clear that I had no claim to it. Things were going well for both of us career and financial wise and our marriage was in a healthy place that we were seriously talking about having children (I no longer had to seduce clients by that point since my wealth management and rates of return did that for me).

But then Kyle walked back into my life.

We dated in college. And when I say dated I mean seriously dating as in there was every indication that we would get married. I had told Zach that Kyle and I broke up when he graduated and got an overseas job. That was mostly true. What I did not tell Zach was that Kyle had proposed to me after his graduation. I wanted to say yes, wanted to follow him overseas. But I also wanted to finish school and ultimately, we agreed it was for the best that we pause things. Kyle even supported me when I went for an abortion. It was Kyle’s and while I wanted to raise that child with him, we knew neither one of us were in a position to do so.

But despite our pledges to each other, life had other plans and we drifted apart. Eventually I met Zach and after three years, he proposed and I said yes. We were married a year later. Just before the wedding, he gave me a draft prenuptial agreement. A lawyer reviewed it and it had the standard language about marital assets versus inheritance and after making a couple of changes, we signed.

After three years of a good marriage, Zach and I went to a party put on by his company. We normally didn’t go to these things and in hindsight,, that night should have been no exception. And that was when I saw Kyle for the first time in years. At first we caught up with the basic how do you do and so on. Then, we started talking about deeper topics.

Zach wasn’t bothered by our conversation at first, but he must have suspected something because he was insistent we go home. I reassured him on the way that nothing was going on, even having sex with him later that night to prove it.

It began when Zach started staying late, then started to be away from home a lot. Kyle was Zach’s boss, which I knew since the first night, and was deliberately keeping Zach out of the way. I was mad at Kyle at first, but it didn’t take long for our old feelings to reemerge and soon we were in a full blown affair. As it progressed, we talked about our past, what could have been, and what could still be. We even let some of our friends from college know. Some were… apprehensive about me being married to someone else, but they did not say anything about it.

While I loved Zach, and maybe still do a little, I couldn’t deny my feelings for Kyle. While he wasn’t the first person I stepped out of my relationship with Zach for, those times were purely business. Kyle was the first one I had feelings for. I wanted to do something, either break it off with Kyle or divorce Zach, but I couldn’t do it. I tried to express my love for Zach both emotionally and physically, but the passion I had for Kyle was just so overwhelming.

Then the day came. Zach had a rare weekend home and I decided to spend it with him, seeing if I could recover a spark between us. But Zach had other plans. I came home to find boxes in the front lawn packed up. Zach sat on the porch with a drink in hand and the most unreadable I had ever seen him. When I demanded to know what was going on, he gave me an envelope and told me we’d talk through lawyers.

I put the boxes in my car and left for Kyle’s. I was angry that Zach could do this to me. I know this was hypocritical of me giving the affair, but it still hurt. Kyle told me that he would make Zach regret this decision and told me that I need to destroy him in the divorce.

I, obviously, did not destroy Zach. If anything, I was lucky. It was when Kyle was arrested and facing corporate fraud charges that I realized how screwed I was. I still tried to make the divorce painful for Zach, but he had evidence of our affair, and I later learned he had evidence of Kyle’s illegal activities. If I had pursued this divorce further, Zach would destroy my career. My bosses were willing to overlook me sleeping with potential clients as long as I got them signed. An affair with someone facing what Kyle and his uncle faced was a different story. So I agreed to Zach’s demand for a quick and clean divorce.

Yet that did not save my career and it was Kyle who derailed it. He came to my office after my divorce was finalized wanting me to take him back. He made quite the scene when I turned him down and my bosses noticed. While I had a legitimately good record, they couldn’t afford any association with Kyle’s scandal. While I was not fired, I was transferred from high net worth wealth management to regular banking and sent off to a branch three states over, along with a substantial reduction of salary.

I have been at a small town branch ever since. Not much to do since a lot of work is now done online. I should be thankful that I managed to preserve my savings from before, but that’s it. It’s highly doubtful I’ll ever get to the heights I once occupied.

As for my personal life, I am not sure. I hurt the man I pledged to love for all time in the deepest way and for whom? A guy from the past who helped executives commit fraud? A guy who abandoned his daughter? I have not been serious about anyone and I have to drive a couple towns over for any one worth mentioning. The closest thing has been a woman, the first I ever been with. We met up a few times and I know she wants something more. But I don’t know if I can give that to her. I want to move on, but it’s hard knowing what I did and thinking that I deserve to be alone.