r/AITH

My (F) birthday is on Halloween, while my friend (F) is on the 28th. I want to start of by saying while we used to be sorta close we aren’t really anymore and she was invited more as a formality. Originally, i was going to have my birthday party on the 29th…but because of work stuff the only day i could have it was the 28th, so i changed it. I only realised when one of my other friends told me in passing that it was her birthday. I was going to say something to her but then i got really sick and lowkey just forgot all about it. I was in school and she sits on my table, and starts getting really angry about it to me. Obviously i told her id see what i could do to change to another day, but i haven’t been able to.

The day she said this all to me i sent her a paragraph apolagising and trying to explain the situation.

(Also I’ve been told by multiple people that she told them she never intended on having a party le any friends over/ go out with anyone that day)

Its been two weeks since this, and she’s left me in delivered since (im guessing she’s half swiping but i don’t want to assume). I also found out she’s talked shit about me both before and after our encounter and and wont even look at me since. I would talk to her but I’ve gotten too scared to since she cant even make eye contact when she sits across from me, so I’ve just been praying she’ll respond to my message. (I know i should talk to her sooner i just have no balls) im worried that if i ask her can we talk she’ll just say no.

Honestly from the moment she said it to me i feel like i am in the wrong, the only thing that i feel iffy about is the fact she went and talked about it to my friends before me, and the fact that I’ve talked to those girls and they’ve all said she’s just being Hella dramatic…like girl i get jt people have party’s on my birthday all the time!! My sister also thinks she’s treating me like the shit on her shoe.

Im going to ask her if we can talk about it tomorrow and apolagise again, but all my friends have been saying not to and idk what to do! I really cant tell if im in the wrong here and don’t know what i can do to make it right.

EDIT!!
I forgot to mention but i have a twin sister and we’re doing a joint party, so its the only day that suits her as well, I’ve been trying to get her to change it but she wont budge… tysm to all the replies!

what i texted her:

IM SO SO SO SORRY idk what it is about birthdays i don’t even know my parents, and i don’t know why i keep forgetting yours. I talked to my parents and M(my sister) about it but my parents have work the next day and the days after so we can’t change it. I know it sounds so like I’m lying but I promise I’m not and I’ve really took all this to heart but I’m so so sorry. I’m so sorry I never asked you or even told you before hand but I didn’t realise until like two days ago when A(mutual friend) mentioned it to me but I still should’ve said something to you then. I get it if this puts a rift in our friendship or you don’t want to talk to me for a while you have every right to be angry with me, and if u want to have a party that night or just have a friends over obvi they should go to yours instead. I’d still love you there but I 100% get if you don’t want to come. Idk why I’ve gotten so forgetful but I should’ve gone to you not the other way round. again I’m so so so sorry and I love you so so much.

I’m still gonna try get them to change the date but my parents r too stubborn for their own good I’ll lyk tmr im also srry if I’ve made this a big deal i just care a lot about our friendship

also forgot to say she was out the next day of school (Friday) so i didn’t get to speak to her then just got too scared to (i know that’s shitty of me)

My brother(M 20) and I(NB 17) have a great relationship, we were always very close and we joke around often and enjoy each others company. After the pandemic I became a somewhat depressed and we grew apart a little, with that we began to disagree frequently and bcs of my anger issues we sometimes have minor fights. He finished school 2 years ago and had to enter a preparatory course for university entrance exams(like ENEM, an exam you have to do to qualify for public uni, in the country i live) bc he didnt pass the exam the year he left school, and studied for that year, and passed the exam at the start of this year. He start his classes at uni in the second semester so he's been doing basically nothing all this time after he knew he had passed uni, playing games, watching videos, playing on his guitar and sleeping and waking up late almost every day, and that pisses me off for some reason(I know I might be in the wrong for that). One day i saw him playing on his PC and jokingly called him a addict, and he got pissed and told me to scram, i understand, I don't like being called name but it was a joke, and he usually does not get pissed at things like that. This year i got a job at my grandmas/grandpas company(an ice cream company at a small town) they make good money so they were willing to put me to work at the cashier and that was one of the best experiences i could've have to improve my patience and how i deal with strangers. So i wanted to brag about it to my family and i did, but my brother got pissed once more, saying that he didnt have the obligation and he did what he wanted, but i just can't get around how he spends our parents money with the things he wants and does not want his own money to be independent and buy whatever he wants without asking our parents if he can buy this or that. I told my mom that it was strange for me seeing me work my ass off studying(i'm not saying he did not study, he is very dedicated to studies and helps me when i don't understand a subject) and still wanting to earn on vacation, and he just sits there doing nothing all day just because he got into uni, if i were him i would have started applying for jobs the day i found out i had passed and wouldn't start immediately. And my mom told me that i was being harsh and he had all the rights to rest, but she understood me. I think being LGBT+ gives me a more weighted perspective on independence, but i'm not sure. What do you think, am i the asshole in this situation? Not a big deal but just wanted to know if i was being annoying by acting this way.

I am a 36-year-old female, and my husband is a 37-year-old male, let us call him John. We have been together for 10 years and married for two. After the wedding, I became pregnant and moved from the country I had been living in to the country where John works, which is on the opposite side of the continent. I am a stay-at-home mom for the time being, but I am going to start working soon. I do have my own salary. My husband works between ten and twelve hours daily. Since I moved here, my mom has visited once to help when I delivered my baby; she stayed for one month, and my father-in-law was here as well. John owns a restaurant where his cousin and my father-in-law work, both live in a neighboring country twelve hours away. Since I moved here, we have had someone living with us constantly. If my father-in-law leaves, the cousin comes; when the cousin leaves, my father-in-law comes, and occasionally my husband's uncle does too. I forgot to mention that we live in a two-bedroom apartment. My husband, my son, and I share one room, and the other one is for whoever is visiting at the time. In the best month, I get ten days, non-consecutive, with no visitors. I have been doing all the cleaning, changing all the bed sheets, doing the laundry, cooking, and buying the groceries, sometimes I pay and sometimes my husband does, but never our guests. They use everything I buy, including toiletries, shampoo (we need a new one every 3 days) , shower gel is enough for 4 days top) , and deodorant, you get the picture. I lost count on how manytimes i went in to shower, only to find out that all the bottles are empty. It has been a little over a year now. The last time the cousin was here, I had bought four bottles of deodorant that John and the cousin shared, and they used them all in one week. So, i decided enough is enough and stopped buying anything. A few days later, the cousin came out of his room while I was in the living room, holding a deodorant of a different brand than the ones I buy, and asked me to buy more because he had run out. This man had been keeping his own things untouched while using my husband's supplies all this time, and he had the audacity to ask me for more. After this incident, I asked my husband to tell them to stop coming, as I want the room for our son and I am uncomfortable having someone here 24/7. Since then, my father-in-law came twice and stayed 10-15 days, and now the cousin is here. I have had enough. I spoke to John and told him to speak to his cousin to find other accommodation because if we are living like this, I am leaving him. He said he understands and he will fix it. The day after, nothing happened. I woke up to find the whole milk carton I bought for my son empty. Guess who drank it all. If you say the cousin, you win. I woke John and told him to go get milk before I lose my temper. I gave the ultimatum again and told John to give me a date when the cousin will move. "Soon" is not cutting it for me anymore. He said before Friday; today is Sunday. If any visitors are here on Friday, I am leaving and not coming back! So, am I the a-hole for giving my husband an ultimatum that it is me or his family?

Full story: Nearly two years ago, Me (45) and BF (46)were in my hometown for my dad’s funeral. So, while I’m trying to handle my dads funeral and burial and all the family stuff with my sister, my aunt and cousins got out the Trump VooDoo doll and we’re teasing him with it and giving him shit about who he voted for. I was not part of this and was only aware of the hooting and hollering and laughing as they were all drinking and I was busy dealing with my other aunt and sister. It had been a long day. I later found out what had happened and that I had betrayed his trust, that he was upset I told my family who he voted for, and that I should have come to his defense (I had no idea what was going on), and he would throw it in my face any time I would bring up anything that I was upset about that he did or if he hurt my feelings and I wanted to talk about it. I had apologized profusely way back when he first brought it to my attention and never brought him around my aunt again and never told my family or anyone anything he told me. Yet it would still be brought up during any disagreement. I was burying my father. AITAH? Did I over react?

Since childhood, my dad has been loving and loyal and provides whatever my mom asks for. He seems a lil emotionally dumb and usually struggles to verbally express his emotions, but I think whatever he does for her makes up for it. They have been married for about 23 years and have an age gap of 7 years.

Recently, I found out that my mom has been seeing a guy 15 years younger to her. I haven't let her know that I'm aware. She tells him that she absolutely loves him and that my dad doesn't care too much about her, that she's lwk scared of my dad (he's never been abusive in any way).
I have enough proof of her emotional infidelity but I have not been able to confront her about it. Now it seems like she's gathering her documents and soon will be going on an overnight trip with the boyfriend. Should I confront her? Should I tell my dad about this? And am I a bad person for violating my mom's privacy to find out what she was up to? Am I an asshole for being a bystander?

Edit: I simply don't know how to tell my mom that I violated her privacy based on a suspicion. And I have no idea about how I'm supposed to tell my father. I'm considering having a talk with my mother, but I know she'll never come clean to my dad and will ultimately manipulate me into shutting up too.

My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years and got engaged last year. When he proposed, he gave me a beautiful family heirloom ring that belonged to his late grandmother. I cherished it, but it was a bit loose, so a few months ago I gave it to his mom so she could safely get it resized by her family jeweler.

Since then, she kept making excuses about why it was taking so long. Meanwhile, my fiancé bought me a simple temporary band to wear so my finger wouldn't feel bare.

Last night at a family dinner, his younger sister walked in showing off her new engagement ring. When I looked closer, it was MY original heirloom ring. His mom casually mentioned that since I was "already wearing a ring he bought me," she decided the heirloom should stay in the main family line for the sister instead.

I was in complete shock. I turned to my fiancé expecting him to back me up, but he just whispered that we shouldn't make a scene in front of everyone and we can "talk about it later." I felt so disrespected that I got up, took my purse, and left the dinner alone.

Now my fiancé and his mother are calling me childish and dramatic for walking out and causing a scene, saying a ring shouldn't ruin family peace.

Am I the asshole for walking out?

My (44F) partner "Dave" (50M) and I are in an open relationship. We both see other people, and I'm happy with the arrangement. I watch his child so he can go on dates, and I sometimes encourage him to make plans when I'm free. I thought we had an understanding that if one of us calls while the other is out, it's for a good reason. I always answer when he calls me.
Friday night he went out with a woman he sees. I was happy to have the house to myself. Around 12:20 AM the dog started going crazy, and I heard the front door open and shut. I was upstairs and didn't see anything. I called my stepchild to ask if they'd come home, and they said they were about 30 minutes away. I figured it was Dave, so I went downstairs to say hi, and the house was empty and his car wasn't out front. That was the moment I freaked out.
I called Dave because I wanted to make sure it wasn't him before I called the police. Maybe he'd opened the door and run to 7-Eleven or something. He kept sending me to voicemail. I texted to explain that someone had just opened the front door and I was scared. He replied that he'd answer in a couple of minutes.
I'll be honest: at that point I lost it. I texted "fu-you," told him someone had literally broken into the house, told him not to bother calling later, and said he clearly didn't care if I got murdered. Not my finest moment, but I was alone and terrified.
I called the cops and they went through the house. There's an 18-year-old who has broken in before and harasses my stepchild, and he only shows up when Dave's car is gone. It was probably him. It doesn't help that our doors are never locked, because Dave doesn't want to carry a key. One of them doesn't even have a working lock. I've begged him to fix it, but he keeps saying it's a safe neighborhood and I’m overreacting.
When Dave got home, he was angry at me for “ruining” his date. He said no one broke in and I made it up to control him. I don't understand how he could think that. The only other time I've ever called him while he was out was when he said he'd be home by midnight, and I woke up alone at 4 AM thinking he might be dead.
This isn't the first time something like this has happened:
He was at lunch with his ex-wife and youngest child and left me stranded with a flat tire because he wouldn't pick up his phone.
I was having an asthma attack and asked him to pick up my prednisone. He rolled his eyes and huffed so loudly that I felt too guilty to push it, so I drove myself to the drugstore in the middle of the attack. He made no attempt to stop me.
He has it in his head that I'm always overreacting and trying to control him. I'm not. He has full freedom to go out, and I help make that happen. After Friday, I told him he needs therapy and that if he won't go, I'm leaving. I can't live like this.
AITA?

Why I might be the AH: I don’t have the right to ask another adult to go to therapy.

I (26F) work at a company in the marketing field. A few months ago I spent almost six weeks building a client presentation on my own, including the research, the design, and a lot of late evenings. A coworker (28F) only helped by proofreading the final slides. Last week, in a team meeting, our boss praised the presentation and asked who was behind it. Before I could answer, my coworker said, "Yeah, we put a lot of work into it." Everyone nodded and the boss thanked her too. I was shocked, but I stayed calm. I did not want to make a scene in front of everyone, so I waited until the meeting was over. Then I said to my boss, politely, "Just to clarify, I built the presentation from scratch, and my coworker helped with proofreading." My boss looked surprised and said okay. My coworker looked embarrassed and has barely spoken to me since. Later, she messaged me saying I "humiliated her in front of the boss" and that I could have handled it privately instead. A couple of other coworkers think I did the right thing, but a few say I should have just let it go to keep the peace. I did not raise my voice or accuse her of anything. I just corrected the record. But now the office atmosphere is awkward and I feel a bit guilty. So, AITH for correcting the credit in front of my boss?

My husband is always making comments about my weight and how he thinks I just don’t care about my health anymore. For background, I was once a marathon runner, competed in CrossFit and was in far better shape and ate healthier than he did when we first started dating. The past ten years I have gained a substantial amount of weight after our second child, and then a serious accident left me unable to walk for almost a year let alone work out like I used to, despite trying desperately to get back into shape after. Then , perimenopause came and losing the weight became even more challenging. Needless to say I am not happy about the way I look either, and it has caused me to be very my depressed and the weight has also made it harder to run or do a lot of physical activity that I actually enjoy doing. His comments and lack of empathy have been very discouraging and I have told him many times that if he were more supportive instead of cruel then it would be easier to boost my self confidence and not raise my cortisol levels which are also inhibiting my progress.

His excuse is that he is just trying to help but it doesn’t. He has been pretty hurtful saying how it embarrasses him to go on vacation with me being that he is so “in shape” and I am not. Needless to say I have tried GLps, and a slew of drugs, none of which worked, and had all kinds of tests that just turn out to be normal. It has been incredibly frustrating to be doing everything I can to lose weight and yet being told by him I am lazy and just don’t try hard enough. So when I told him that there was a specific gym that I wanted to join for their specific class they had, but I felt guilty about spending the money, he agreed to pay for it for me.
A few weeks after, I signed up our oldest child for tennis because they really had been wanting to play. When he found out, he was furious and asked why, if I could pay for our child’s lessons, why could I not pay for my gym membership? I told him that I am not one to spend money on myself and feel guilty because I am always prioritizing my family and home before myself (which he never seems to notice). We got in a big fight and he said that I needed to “prioritize my health first”. I told him i dont want to spend money on myself when that money could go toward the children. I assumed that he was doing a nice thing by paying for the gym membership for me so that I didn’t have to feel guilty about doing something for myself for once. I do try to work out at home but with the kids always needing something and not wanting to take time away from his workouts, it made it harder to find time, though I usually could make it work. Anyway he blew up at me for this and I just felt worse because I was under the impression he had agreed to pay for my monthly gym membership as kind gesture to absolve me from guilt but it was not the case at all. I now realize it was just because of his notion that I don’t work out enough and he thought me going to the gym would solve my problem when in fact, I just wanted to have some “me “ time which i thought was “prioritizing my health.”

After the blowup and feeling like complete crap , I decided that if he was going to say that I need to “prioritize my health” I should take that to mean that i should no longer feel guilty about spending money on my version of health after suffering from his mean comments and depression for so long at my current weight. So I used his credit card to get a massage, get a pedicure, and buy an expensive meal delivery service which I had never done before. When he found out he was furious and I told him these were all things I needed to “prioritize my health” and isn’t that what he wanted all along? I feel like I am finally not only prioritizing my physical but also my mental health, given the verbal abuse and body shaming I have suffered for so long and if he really cared about my health he shouldn’t be such a cheap bastard. AITA?

I’m 21, and my partner, Caleb, is 22. We’ve been together for about seven months and recently found out that we’re expecting a baby. We’re trying to decide where to live before the baby arrives, but my parents strongly oppose our current plan.

We currently live in an older trailer near my parents. It has three roof leaks and needs significant repairs before it would be safe and comfortable for a baby. Caleb’s parents own a five-bedroom, one-bathroom house that is currently vacant, and they have offered to let us lease it temporarily. The house would be about 10 minutes from my new job and 20 minutes from Caleb’s. Although it would be farther from my parents, moving there would allow us to save at least $450 per month.

My parents own property that they eventually want us to use for a new home. We appreciate their offer, but because winter is approaching, there isn’t enough time to build before the baby arrives. We also cannot currently afford to contribute toward construction.

When we told my parents about our plan to move into Caleb’s parents’ house, they became very upset. They yelled at us, called us names, and said they would cut me off and stop speaking to me if I moved. They are concerned that Caleb and I have only been together for seven months and that I could become homeless if we broke up or if his parents asked us to leave. They also believe I’m being lazy and depending too much on Caleb.
I understand their concerns and agree that we need a backup plan. However, I’m in the onboarding process for a new job and intend to continue working and contributing financially.
We see this move as a temporary way to live in a safer home, save money, and become more financially stable before deciding what to do about building a house.

Would moving into Caleb’s parents’ house be a reasonable temporary decision, and what steps should we take to protect ourselves financially and ensure that I would have somewhere to live if our relationship ended?
I also want to add in that we would be moving 45 minutes away from my family.

My parents divorced when I was twelve. It was a messy split, and my father cut off almost all contact with me shortly after, starting a new family across the country. My mother worked two jobs to keep our home, and my small bedroom became my safe haven through years of anxiety and feeling abandoned.

Three months ago, my father reached out unexpectedly. He explained that his second marriage had ended, he was struggling financially, and he needed a place to stay while getting back on his feet. My mother, being far more forgiving than I could ever be, agreed to let him and his seven-year-old daughter move into our spare room temporarily.

Having him back in the house brought up a lot of buried pain, but I tried my best to keep the peace. However, last week, my dad approached me privately. He said the spare room was too cramped for his daughter and asked if I would swap rooms with her. My room is larger, gets natural light, and has all the sentimental items and art I’ve collected over years of coping with his absence. When I told him no, he accused me of being cold-hearted toward a child who had done nothing wrong to me.

During dinner yesterday, the issue came up again. My dad mentioned how "unwelcoming" I was being to my half-sister. I broke down and told him that he lost the right to ask me for sacrifices the day he walked out of my life, and that forcing me out of my only comfortable space in this house was unfair. My dad called me resentful, and even my mother later pulled me aside, saying that while she understands my hurt, making things difficult for a child isn't right and that I should just give up the room for a few months to keep peace in the home.

I feel overwhelmed with guilt because my half-sister is innocent in all of this, but part of me feels like my boundaries and emotional well-being are being completely ignored to comfort the man who abandoned me.

AITA for refusing to give up my room to my half-sister?

Long story short, a coworker and I only get along in a group setting. I’ll call him Allen, and we have mutual friends through work. Recently I’ve been called out for not driving Allen home after group a hang out, even after I expressed that allen makes me uncomfortable.
Allen and I are both queer, but we have different perspectives. Allen believes that straight people are incapable of respecting queer people, while I believe we can coexist with the right communication and understanding. The last time I drove Allen home, he claimed that my roomates are brainwashed. My roomates are all straight, but they are pro lgbtq, and have supported me and my friends. Allen refuses to believe my roomates are good people, and since then I have refused to drive him home.
Here’s where I may be the ah.last night at dinner I said I wouldn’t drive Allen home because he’s unkind to me in my own car. Our mutual friend had to drive Allen home, which was out of the way for her. This added more time to her commute and she sent me a text saying how upset she was that I made her drive allen home. Am I an AH for for making a friend drive allen home when he was closer to me/ am I wrong for thinking allen is unreasonable?

Edit: allen and I live very close to each other, which is why im usually tasked with taking him home

My wife and I have been married for four years, and we have a spare bedroom that we normally use for guests. Last week, my wife told me that my parents were coming to town for a few days and would be staying with us. I was surprised because I hadn't heard anything about it. I asked when they were coming, and she said they had already booked their trip and she told them they could stay with us. I told her I wasn't comfortable with that because I had a really busy week coming up and was expecting to have some quiet time at home. I also felt like she should have talked to me before inviting anyone to stay for several days. She got upset and said they are my parents, not random strangers, and that I was making them feel unwelcome. She also pointed out that when her sister visited last year, I didn't complain about her staying with us. I reminded her that her sister had asked both of us first, and I had agreed. She said I was being controlling and that married couples shouldn't need permission every time family wants to visit. I told her I'm not saying my parents can never stay with us. I just think overnight guests should be a joint decision, regardless of whose family they are. She now thinks I'm putting my parents above her feelings, while I feel like she made a decision about our home without including me.

AITH for telling her my parents can't stay unless we both agree?

Original post is on my profile. Thank you to everyone who commented. I read pretty much all of them, and I really appreciate that so many of you took the time. Sorry if this is long. The first couple of days after I posted I was a mess. Everyone in the comments said NTA and that helped, but it also made me think about how my message might have come across. I think I made it sound like I was dumping the whole thing on her at once. In my head I was being practical, but I can see how it felt like a no to her. On day five I called her instead of texting. She picked up on the second ring, which honestly surprised me. I told her I was sorry things got weird and that none of this was about not caring about her wedding. I said I was scared of going back into debt after working so hard to pay down my loans and that I'd rather be honest than say yes and then resent the whole weekend. She was quiet for a bit and then she started crying. She said she'd been stressed out of her mind with wedding planning, her mom's opinions and the venue deposit and that when I said no she took it as me pulling away from her. She also said she had no idea what the total came to for me with the dress, shoes and flights because she'd only been looking at the house split. She admitted the credit card comment was a dumb thing to say. I told her the I guess I know where I stand text really hurt and she apologized for that too. Where we landed, I am coming to Nashville for the Saturday only. I'll drive instead of flying, which cuts a lot off. Megan is going to ask the house owner if they'll adjust my share since I'm only there one night. I am also taking charge of the games and decorations like I originally offered and I'll be at the shower and the rehearsal dinner too. About the two bridesmaids who texted me, I did not reply for a day or two. When I finally did, I just said I was not going to argue about it and that Megan and I had talked. One of them said sorry. The other left me on read, which is fine. It is not magically perfect. It's still a little awkward and I think we both have some stuff to work through. But she's glad I told her the truth and I am glad too, even if it was a rough week. Thanks again for all the kind words. I'll update after the trip if anything dramatic happens.

Back in July I purchased concert tickets for my boyfriend as one of his birthday gifts. The month prior I had my car broken into and my wallet was stolen, because of this when I went to purchase the tickets online and it asked for an ID, I didn’t have one and therefore couldn’t purchase the tickets on my own. My solution at the time was to send my mom the money for the concert tickets and have her check out with her ID. I confirmed she got them by asking her if she did and she said yes. Fast forward to now, I ask her to send me the info for the tickets because the concert is this weekend, and she can’t find them. I wasn’t concerned much because I looked them up and there’s still plenty of tickets available to purchase.

My boyfriend has been really stressed about work and the thought crossed my mind that there might be a chance he’d want to postpone the concert anyway due to work stress so I held off on just repurchasing them to ask him if he would want me to buy tickets for a later date at a different show instead. I did tell my boyfriend when I gave him the tickets the whole situation with having my mom be the one to check out because of the ID. We had a phone call and I explained the missing tickets, that there were more available to purchase but I wanted to see if he would feel better going to a different show because of his work situation. He got really upset with me and felt like me having my mom buy the tickets showed a lack of care for him, that I should’ve went to the DMV, got a new license and purchased them myself. The only reason I didn’t get a new license is because the police found my ID and sent it in for fingerprints, I thought it would be a relatively quick process and save a trip to the DMV by just having the police return it when they were done.

He said it was dumb that I left my car unlocked in the first place for my wallet to get stolen. Fair. I apologized for the way I handled the tickets and said I would be less type B in the way I go about things. After that I made a half joke about my mom being way more type B and started to tell a story about her when I was younger, he cut me off and said “I can’t listen to this, you’re 31. If you cared enough you would have made sure you handled it.” And implied he was embarrassed to tell anyone about the situation. I took accountability for the process but I feel really upset with his response to it all. He told me to ask anyone else and they’d feel the same as him.

I also bought him a $600 wallet for his birthday that had to be picked up in store 2 hours away. This doesn’t matter much but I put a lot of care into his birthday and feel him stating it showed otherwise that my mom used her ID to check out wasn’t a fair statement.