r/AITH

I won't let my husband's male friends stay in our house. Don't get me wrong—they're both nice guys, but they're still guys.

We only have one bathroom, and it doesn't have a window. I've been to one of their houses before (he lives with his long-term girlfriend), and their bathroom was honestly one of the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. Picture pee and fecal splashes all over the toilet seat. That bathroom looked like it hasn't been cleaned in years!

So, naturally, my OCD makes me think, "If he keeps his own house like that, what can I expect when he stays at mine?"

We also have a spare room where I use a foldable mattress that I put on top of the sofa. That mattress would be difficult to clean, and this particular friend isn't exactly a guy who believes in deodorant.

Am I a bad wife for preferring my husband to spend time with his friends somewhere else instead? I literally dread it every time it's his turn to host.

I (42M) live next door to a woman (60s) who goes on a month long trip every summer to visit her kids overseas. Two years ago she asked if I could water her garden while she was away since she has a lot of expensive plants and no automatic irrigation system. I agreed because she's a nice neighbor and it only took about ten minutes every other day. Last year she asked again and I did it again, no problem. This year she left a note on my door saying she's leaving next week and listed out watering times, fertilizing schedules, and even asked me to "keep an eye out for pests" and text her photos of the garden every few days so she can "make sure everything's okay." When I told her this year I actually can't commit to that level of detail because of my own work schedule, she seemed hurt and said "I just assumed you'd help again since you always have." I offered to water the basics every couple of days like before, but said I can't do the photo updates and pest inspections. She said that without the full routine her plants "probably won't survive" and that I'm "abandoning" her after two years of help. Now she's asked another neighbor to do it instead and has been noticeably cold to me since, saying I let her down when she needed it most. AITA for not agreeing to the more detailed care routine for my neighbor's garden this year?

I (24F) live with my roommate (26F) in a two-bedroom apartment. About three months ago she bought an e-bike for her commute, which is great, except she insists on bringing it inside every single night and charging it plugged into the kitchen outlet right next to where I prep food. The cord runs across the floor, the bike takes up half the walking space, and honestly the whole setup makes me nervous after reading stories about e-bike battery fires. I asked her if she could charge it in the hallway storage closet instead, or even just near the front door away from the stove, but she said the closet doesn't have an outlet and she "isn't going to baby the bike outside where someone could mess with it." I offered to split the cost of a small charging station or surge-protected setup somewhere safer, but she said I was overreacting and that it's "just a bike, not a bomb." Last night I moved it myself to the hallway while she was out and she came home furious, accusing me of touching her property without permission and putting her expensive bike at risk of being stolen. Now she's barely speaking to me and told our other friends I'm being controlling over "nothing." AITA for not wanting a charging e-bike parked next to my stove every night?

I have been with my gf for over 4 years. We live in the UK and I currently work full time and work has been pretty stressful for a couple of months as I started a new hobby. As a hobby I like to play video games to unwind. I mainly play single player games since I like a good story.

In September-october there are quite a few games coming out that I really want to play. I decided I would take 4-5 days leave to have a nice long weekend in October and enjoy playing them. I mentioned this to my gf and she said it would be a waste of leave since I get 10 days off over Christmas anyway.

I pointed out that I'd be busy for most of that since I'd be seeing family on Christmas day and boxing day, my gf and I have plans to go away for a couple of nights etc so while it will be a fun 10 days, it won't be relaxing.

She just repeated its a waste of leave especially if we're looking at a small holiday abroad in January-February time. I told her this won't affect that and I'll still have the leave. I told her it's my leave to use as I please and me taking a week off in October does not affect her at all. She just repeated that it's a week less that we'll be able to use for things for us both to do.

AITA for booking 4-5 days off to play video games?

My girlfriend and I live in a low cost of living area. It's not a great area but it has good transport links so it's easy to visit other cities.

My girlfriend has been talking about moving away to a city that's not too far from us. She mentioned wanting to live somewhere better than where we currently are and wanting to live somewhere that there is more to do, more events, better bars and restaurants etc and she said it would be better for her mentally.

She stated showing me apartments and houses and they were all at least £150 a month each more in rent and an extra £100 in bills, I pointed out there's no point living somewhere with more to do if our disposable income goes on increased bills.

The city would also increase my commute when I'm in the office so it would be a 50-60 min commute each way for me and I’m in the office at least three times a week and would also cost more to get into work.

My gf mentioned she'd be looking for a new job but that's not something I would be willing to do as I like the job I am in now and I would have to take a pay cut if I move somewhere else. I told her moving away isn't something I'd be considering.

She said I should think about it and that it would be better for us living elsewhere. I said I'm not willing to sacrifice my savings or disposable income and double my commute just because she wants to move somewhere else.

I pointed out I’d be over £300 a month worse off by moving so there’s no point moving somewhere where you can do more things if you don’t actually have the time and money for them.

She said I wasn't being fair because it will be good for us but I just said again I'm not doing it.

AITA for refusing to move to a different city?

I (27F) have been with my boyfriend Tyler (29M) for two years now. Every summer Tyler's family rents a large lake house for a week, it's a huge tradition involving aunts, uncles, cousins, everything and everyone. Last year was the first time I went, and it didn't turn out too great with his older sister Brianna (32F).

During the entire week, Brianna kept making snide remarks, such as "must be nice to just show up and not help with anything" (at that point, I was literally carrying bags of groceries into the house), "so when are you two getting married, or is that not really your thing?" to everyone's face, and always comparing me to Tyler's ex, who, apparently, used to fit right in the family. On the last day, after having a couple of drinks, she made a remark that was something along the lines of "I just don't think you're really lake house material, no offense," and everyone laughed it off.

I was hurt by all of it, but didn't want to make a scene during the vacation, so I simply took it all and told Tyler about it afterwards. He claimed that Brianna can be a lot, but didn't do anything in the heat of the moment or later on.

This year the vacation is coming up in a few weeks, and when Tyler asked me if I was excited, I told him that I'm not. I said that I love him, but that I'm not going to spend another week being a punching bag for jokes, especially since he didn't say anything about what she said last year.

He got angry at me and said that skipping the vacation will give off the impression that I don't want to be involved in his family, that it's going to lead to drama, and that it's going to make things very awkward for him. He asked me to come to the vacation and just ignore any comments that Brianna might make.

I told him that I'm not sitting around for a week, taking passive aggressive comments in order to keep the peace, and that if he needs me to come and stop her, then that's not something that I'm going to be able to do, because I need to remove myself from every family event because his relatives won't let go of anything he doesn't address.

AITAH here?

I think of myself as an empathetic person, and I understand that addiction is a complex disease that is very hard to overcome. However, after my friend had her baby, who was born permanently developmentally disabled, told me that she was on all sorts of drugs during her pregnancy, including LSD, pot, alcohol and possibly more, which is what doctors think caused the baby's disabilities, I can no longer look her in the face.

This poor child will have to live the rest of its life with being developmentally disabled, and that is going to be a hard life. I try not to be judgmental, but I feel angry toward my friend because she most likely caused this. She's no longer on drugs or drinking, but was when she was pregnant.

I find it hard to be around her and her baby because of these feelings, and am thinking of just cutting contact. But on the other hand, maybe I should be understanding and try to get over it, because no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. But this mistake cost her child a normal life, and I can't help but feel ill when thinking about it.

She has a supportive family and other friends, so it's not like she's relying on me for support. But am I a bad person for feeling angry and resentful toward her because she ruined her baby's life?

I married my wife over 30 years ago, and we adopted our son when he was young. I've always tried to be a supportive father. I was involved in his Boy Scouts troop, helped him work toward becoming an Eagle Scout, supported his swimming, and encouraged him to continue his education.

Things didn't go the way I hoped. After finishing high school, he decided not to attend college and instead worked various jobs. Eventually, he moved in with us.

He did move out for a while, met his future wife, got married, and had two children. In 2009, they moved back in with us, saying it would only be temporary.

It never really ended.

For more than a decade, my wife and I have provided them with housing, food, utilities, and other expenses. Whenever I've suggested that they should start planning to live independently, my wife has defended them. She is extremely close to our grandchildren, so I understand why she wants them nearby, but I don't think that means we should support another household forever.

Now that my wife and I are retired, we're finally free to decide where we want to live. My son wants all of us to move to Buffalo because he likes the idea of living there. My wife actually dislikes cold weather, but she is still willing to consider it because of our son and grandchildren.

The latest disagreement is about housing.

My wife thinks we should buy a house for our son and his family. I'm not comfortable simply handing them a house, especially after years of financially supporting them.

I suggested a compromise: we could purchase a house for them, but they would rent it through a professional property manager under a formal rent-to-own agreement. They would make regular payments, and ownership could eventually transfer to them according to the agreement.

My son doesn't like this idea, and neither does my wife. They think that because we can afford to help, we should just give them the house.

I'm starting to feel like I'm expected to provide for my son indefinitely. I love him and my grandchildren, but I also want to enjoy retirement and make decisions about my own finances.

I'm considering buying a home for myself and my wife wherever we actually want to live, while letting my son and his family arrange their own housing or enter a formal rent-to-own agreement if we decide to help.

Some family members think I'm being selfish and putting money ahead of family. I think I'm simply asking my adult son to take some responsibility for his own household.

AITAH for wanting my 40+ year old son to become financially independent instead of continuing to support his family?

My husband has a lot of qualities that make me love him, but since my mom came to visit he’s been acting really weird in my opinion. My mom isn’t staying full time with us but he seems annoyed at anything she does. If she helps around, he doesn’t like it or gets annoyed if she puts things in the wrong place, or does thing in a different way we usually do. If she doesn’t do anything, he gets annoyed that she doesn’t help. If she’s quiet, he thinks she’s being moody and should improve her attitude (she has severe health issues and she’s not as bubbly as she used to be). He thinks we aren’t taking advantage of the time we have together because we don’t go out much. She and I are fine with it, we prefer to have time to talk and that she plays with the kids. You get the use. This is all the time. I see his face, his attitude, the general vibe is weird while he’s around.
I’ve talked to my mom about it and she just never meant to cause any issues or isn’t moody because she’s quiet. Sometimes she goes to rest in bed because she’s not feeling ok, she’s not avoiding anyone. You can think she’s lying but my mom isn’t like that. She’s what you see, and she’s like me: she just doesn’t have any second intentions on anything. Her moto is live and let live. I admit having visits can be annoying, but I think he’s the one that has problems, it’s his perception.
He’s also having issues at work. He just doesn’t like most people there and he says they do things to annoy him on purpose. He also always leaves a job because he starts having issues with people. I thought it was because he’s a perfectionist, but I’m starting to see a pattern. But I’m worried I might be the crazy one. I’m going through perimenopause and I know I’m not as patient as I used to be. But also maybe I was putting up with too much?
Tonight he was annoyed at something. There was a small event and we were taking pictures. My mom wanted us to take a family picture alone (me, husband and kids), and then take one with us.ti turns out my husband took this as something bad, like she didn’t want a picture with us? Isn’t that like an insane take? AITA for thinking there’s something wrong with him and not believing my mom is the problem?

Update: thanks for your inputs, I honestly have a hard time discerning whether this is normal or not. We have had difficulties and I have a large part in it (I just found out I have adhd and peri has made it more evident, and I have a hard time keeping up with my chores, and also we don’t see each other a lot), and I thought that was all causing the tension and his view that everything was wrong, but i think something is really wrong and it has been for a while and this is just making it more evident. I can’t say he will see a therapist, I brought it up and he said he didn’t need it, so I think he just rather end things. I don’t have much will to fight left, I love him but I know by experience that someone who doesn’t want to be helped can’t be helped. So I hope he reconsiders, but I don’t want to keep my hopes up because my heart can’t take any more pain and I need to be functional for my kids sake. Thanks for the reality check and your comments. I’ll be enjoying my mom and getting my things ready for what’s coming.

I have this best friend who I’m very close with. We call each other sisters and I love her so much. We had a little petty argument (I forget what it was even about at this point, it’s always so stupid and pointless) and then she ignored and avoided me while I desperately tried to talk to her and resolve it.

It felt like a huge deal to me, but it obviously wasn’t to her. She seemed totally fine hanging out with her other friends, and seeing that made me very angry and feel like shit. Especially when our mutual friends told me to just leave her alone.

So I thought, “screw her.” I was really upset and angry with her. Then I was completely unbothered and didn’t care either. Or at least I tried to convince myself that.

But then I would go back to feeling extremely abandoned and spiraling and trying to talk to her again. She would either listen for a bit and then leave, or we would continue to argue. It was affecting me so much and I just wanted my best friend back. I missed her so much.

But then I’d also think, “no, she clearly doesn’t care about me as much as I care about her.” That went on for about a week, and eventually she finally came back and we went back to being our usual close selves. I was so happy and relieved. I apologized a million times and I think she apologized maybe once.

This has happened so many times. I genuinely love her so much, but when this happens I feel like she hates me and is only tolerating me. But at the same time, we’re like sisters and always have fun together when we're actually together.

Is my behaviour bad? Is my reaction normal?

AITAH?

AITA Me 56 year old female married to 56 year old male for 23 years. My husband and I work at the same office but work on separate projects and different areas of a large building. He has a coworker that works similar projects but they don't need to work or collaborate together. She is much older and a widow which gives me pause. It feels uncharitable of me... but evertime I walk to their wing they would be talking. It got uncomfortable. I asked him to stop and he did. But she continues to text him ask him for help with her car or other small jobs around her house she pays him... One time she asked him to swing by Christmas Eve. I put my foot down. She makes no attempt to be my friend or include me. When I tried to talk about it again my husband said "but I made the corrections you asked" That is the hard part I want it to stop but I wish he would acknowledge how much this is bugging me and make the corrections I feel like if I put that much energy into an older man he would have a fit. If anyone has some words of advice I would appreciate them... Thanks in advance

My friend helped me with a difficult assignment last week when I was struggling, and I really appreciated it.
Yesterday, he asked me to send him my completed homework because he hadn’t done his. I told him I could explain the questions he was stuck on, but I didn’t want to send him my answers because we could both get in trouble if the teacher noticed.
He got annoyed and said I was being selfish because he helped me last week when I needed it. I told him helping me shouldn’t mean I owe him something that could get me in trouble.
Now he’s saying I’m not a real friend and has barely talked to me since.
AITA for refusing to give him my homework?

I have been dating my girlfriend for almost two years and I'm getting really tired of feeling like Im constantly being tested.

At first it was little stuff. She would tell me some guy at work was flirting with her and then watch my reaction. Then a few months ago she actually asked one of her friends to message me and see if I would flirt back.

She said it was because she wanted to know she could trust me.

Then last weekend she took it even further. She said she had to work late and could not meet me for dinner. Later that night one of her friends showed up at the bar where I was with some friends and started openly flirting with me.

I shut it down and left.

The next morning my girlfriend admitted she had asked her friend to do it.

She said I passed another test.

Thats the part that really bothers me. Not even the flirting itself. She basically set up a situation where she expected me to fail just so she could feel better about whether Im loyal.

She says she is scared of being cheated on because of what happened in her past. I understand that. But how many tests am I supposed to pass before she actually trusts me?

Now she is saying Im overreacting because technically nothing bad happened.

AITA for seriously considering ending the relationship over this?

I’m a guy in my 20s, and my younger brother recently asked me to cover for him.He had told our parents he was staying home that night, but he actually went out with his friends. Before he left, he told me that if our parents asked, I should say he was in his room.I didn’t think much of it at first, but later my parents asked me directly where he was. I didn’t want to get dragged into his lie, so I told them the truth My brother was furious when he found out. He said I should have had his back and that I made him look irresponsible over something that wasn’t a big deal.I told him that he’s free to make his own choices, but I’m not obligated to lie for him when someone asks me a direct question Now he says I betrayed him and that I should have just stayed quiet.AITAH?

My brother asked me to cover for him because he had told our parents he was staying at home studying, but he actually went out with his friends.I initially agreed because I didn't want to get involved. Later that evening, my parents asked me directly where he had been. I told them the truth instead of lying for him My brother found out and got extremely angry. He said I betrayed him over something that wasn't even serious and that I should have just kept my mouth shut.I told him that if he wanted to make his own decisions, that's fine, but he shouldn't expect me to lie for him when I'm asked directly Now he says I'm the reason our parents don't trust him anymore.AITAH?

My brother asked to lend him $1,500 because he was behind on some bills. The money was lent with no pressure about when he had to pay it back.

He eventually paid back $300 and then completely stopped mentioning the remaining $1,200.

Now he is asking for another $2,000.

When reminded that he still owes $1,200, he got annoyed and said everything was being made about money.

The response was basically that family should help each other and that refusing to lend him more money was unfair.

The problem is that this isn't really about the $2,000. Its about already owing money and then asking for more before paying back what he already owes.

The parents also think the money should just be given because family should help each other.

So AITA for refusing to lend him more money until he pays back what he already owes?

TL;DR: My ex ended our relationship because his toxic ex gave him an ultimatum: get back with her and see his son daily, or stay with me and only see his son on holidays. I want him to choose us, but he caved to her. AITA?

My (30) ex (40) chose to sacrifice our relationship because his ex whom he has been separated from for over 2 years, and who was even in another relationship during that time manipulated him using access to their son. Ever since she found out he found someone else, she has constantly weaponized their child. She gave him an extreme ultimatum: either he breaks up with me and gets back together with her so he can see their son daily, or he stays with me and she will restrict his custody to only seeing his son on holidays.
He caved to her because he couldn't bear the thought of missing out on his son's daily life, even though he is completely miserable now and living a life driven by fear and obligation. I am furious and heartbroken, and a part of me wishes he had chosen our relationship and fought through the legal system instead of folding to her emotional blackmail.

AITA for being angry and wanting him to choose me and build our life together, even though it meant fighting for better custody arrangements instead of just giving in to her demands?

I recently found out that my husband has been talking to the same woman online for almost two years. They never met in person, but they talked regularly and apparently had a very close relationship.

What shocked me was finding out that he had told her that if our marriage ever ended, he would want to be with her.

When I confronted him, he said it was never meant to become a real relationship. He described her as someone he could "fall back on" if things between us didn't work out.

He insists he never cheated because he never met her, never slept with her, and never planned to leave me for her while our marriage was going well.

I feel differently. To me, knowing he had another person waiting in the background makes me question how committed he actually was to our marriage.

He says I'm making something harmless into a much bigger issue because nothing physical happened.

AITA for considering this a form of cheating?

I (28F) have been dating Tyler (30M) for three years. We were supposed to go on a five day trip to the coast next month for our anniversary, something we've been planning for the past six months. I arranged the cabin, pre paid for couples spa day and made a non refundable reservation for a private dinner totaling $1,400, split evenly.

Tyler recently informed me that his ex college girlfriend is getting married the same weekend as our trip and he has to go because they are friends and he is part of the wedding party as a groomsman. The kicker? I find out that he has known about this for at least two weeks. Apparently, he forgot to mention it and thought I would understand that he had a prior commitment to his friend. That's all nice and dandy because you promised her, but you made plans with me months ago.

I told him that I am fine with him going to the wedding, but he shouldn't expect me to eat his half of the bill since he's going to miss the whole trip. I have already paid the deposits and cannot cancel since they are non refundable, and he can do what he pleases. Tyler was livid at me for mentioning money at all, and that as a couple it was his duty to help pay for it even when he is not coming.

To which I said that if he is choosing his ex girlfriend's wedding over something that we planned as a couple, then he can pay for his half regardless of his attendance because the bills are pre paid anyway. Tyler took it as guilt tripping and said that real couples don't keep track of things like this. His sister, whom I get along with well, texted me that I should just let it go and weddings mean more than a couple's trip.

AITAH here?

I’ve recently gotten engaged and have been with my partner for 5 years. Her family threw us an engagement party this weekend and when we got home and opened some of the cards there was money in most of them. 

I mentioned it was generous of her family to give us so much and my gf mentioned planning on buying a few things she wants for the house with it. I pointed out it’s both of our names on the cards and the money should be going towards the wedding/honeymoon or things that we both want so we should be discuss what the money is being spent on.

She mentioned that it was her family that gave us it so the money is hers to choose and that she’s spending it on both of us since it’s things for the house but I disagreed since she was just choosing things she wants with no input from me.

I said the engagement party was for both of us and so are the cards and any gifts we’ve received. I pointed out it’s selfish of her to expect everything to just be for her. 

She said I was trying to take advantage of her family’s generosity but I pointed out that’s exactly what she’s doing by just spending it on things she wants. 

AITA for expecting the gifts to be for both of us?