u/unstable_vampire

i feel so good rn. sorry anyways, im not diagnosed with bipolar. and im only 15. not tryna self diagnose or ask for one. i just want people with bipolar to tell me if this seems like something thats worth talking to a professional about. when i take adhd meds and dont sleep, i feel euphoric and wired and good and hyped up and i feel so good right now. but i also have this underlying irritability. my whole body feels warm and buzzing and my head feels light and good. when im in these elevated states, i feel like life is worth living and im made for something bigger and i need to find out what it is. and im secretly an evil person. like i have a secret identity that i need to find. like i have a different life im supposed to be living. but i also feel aggressive. i wanna go out and do crazy things but i can’t. i wanna go out and socialize but people piss me off. i don’t want to sleep cause that means failure. i feel tired under all this but i try to gaslight myself into not feeling it. im prescribed sleeping pills but i dont take them cause i like feeling like this. i like not sleeping. last summer i was barley sleeping and energetic and social as ever. so is this just normal sleep deprivation or adhd ? i feel insane

i feel so good rn. sorry anyways, im not diagnosed with bipolar. and im only 15. not tryna self diagnose or ask for one. i just want people with bipolar to tell me if this seems like something thats worth talking to a professional about. when i take adhd meds and dont sleep, i feel euphoric and wired and good and hyped up and i feel so good right now. but i also have this underlying irritability. my whole body feels warm and buzzing and my head feels light and good. when im in these elevated states, i feel like life is worth living and im made for something bigger and i need to find out what it is. and im secretly an evil person. like i have a secret identity that i need to find. like i have a different life im supposed to be living. but i also feel aggressive. i wanna go out and do crazy things but i can’t. i wanna go out and socialize but people piss me off. i don’t want to sleep cause that means failure. i feel tired under all this but i try to gaslight myself into not feeling it. im prescribed sleeping pills but i dont take them cause i like feeling like this. i like not sleeping. last summer i was barley sleeping and energetic and social as ever. so is this just normal sleep deprivation or adhd ? i feel insane

also i took my adhd meds and coffeeeee

i want someone to talk to me cause i feel like talking and socializing

i don’t even know why i posted this. im probably just overreacting. i just feel so good. but there’s this bad void that i can feel underneath and im scared that it’ll come up. i have a call with my doctor today. what should i say?

i wanna talk and socialize but people piss me off and don’t match my energy

i feel somewhat normal now. but still good and hyped

why am i so pissed off and irritated rn

now im also euphoric

im not saying this is whats happening and im not diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but when i’ve taken vyvanse and foquest, i feel almost manic like. i feel super euphoric and my whole body is buzzing, my head feels good and i dance in my room in the dark listening to loud music in my headphones. i feel like life is worth living and im made for something bigger and i need to find out what it is. i text everyone and say how much i love them. i felt like i was going insane. like i had a secret identity that i needed to find. like i had a different life im supposed to be living. i want to see how long i can go without sleep. i experience this without medication, its just less intense. last summer i was barley sleeping and had urges to self destruct as much as possible and see how long i could go without sleeping. i only made it to 48 hours. i need help cause i need medication to manage my adhd, but when i take meds, i feel insane.

also in in this state now and i haven’t taken any medication. i didn’t sleep last night, as i usually don’t

tw: talk of csa

ive been exposed to csam before, and its obviously affected me deeply. i feel so sick. i could throw up. i can’t get it out of my head. all i can think about is how im a disgusting person. those poor fucking kids. i wish so badly that i could take their place and save them from that horrific nightmare. they deserve to be cared for and loved and live a happy and healthy life and it breaks my heart knowing people go through that. im spiraling, idk what to do. i feel so disgusting and i cant escape this feeling. why do i want horrible things done to me. why can’t i be a normal person. what do i do

need help

when ive taken vyvanse and now foquest, i start by feeling super super good. like euphoric. i can’t stop smiling and i feel buzzing in my body and head and i dance to ella boh in my dark room and feel like the whole world has suddenly become built for me. like im made for something bigger. but then after one an hour or two, i become very irritated and angry and i lash out easily. is this normal ? what does this mean ? im in the euphoric stage rn. also i haven’t slept. i have bad sleep issues that arent related to meds. also i get impulsive

can someone please help. i really need help. i feel like im going insane. i dont feel stable. i don’t know what to do. i only took my meds today to feel some euphoria

is this age regression ? does anyone else do this ? i will get hypersexual but then feel suddenly repulsed by sex and i need to escape my body. i feel the need to become a young child again, where i was innocent and naive. i’ll watch old cartoons, cover up as much as possible, cuddle with my stuffed animals. i feel extremely uncomfortable when someone mentions anything related to sex when im in that state. i don’t know why my mind does this but i hate it

i was doing so good, but now im starting to do it again, and every time i do i get even worse. genuinely how am i supposed to stop and get better

i recently realized how much this is affecting me, and i don’t know what to do. i feel lost. i feel like im broken forever. i’ll never be normal. i wanna talk about it in therapy, but i can’t do that cause obviously my therapist will have to tell my parents and get the law involved. which i don’t want. i just need help to stop this and to process it all

so what would my therapist have to do if i told her. like what are the things that would make her have to get people involved ?

i think ive been getting groomed and exploited since july of last year. i remember i had hundreds and hundreds of messages coming in, wanting to see my body. but i feel like i can’t call myself a victim cause i wanted it. it wasn’t like i was an innocent child who got preyed on online. i was actively seeking it out. i go from being hypersexual to feeling repulsed by sex and feeling violated and used, even though ive never actually been sexually assaulted. i’ve only had detailed messages saying how much people want to do all these horrible things to me. my pics and videos have been spread around. that will forever haunt me. men have enabled and encouraged my self harm and eating disorder. i’ve heard so many times that im just a worthless slut and my only purpose in life is to please men and let them abuse me. men have sent me csam and that will forever haunt me. i feel like throwing up just thinking about it. i’ve been sent death and rape fantasies about me. but i wanted it. i wanted the attention and validation and the bad treatment. i wanted my pain to come from an outside source, not just from myself. i don’t even know if i was groomed or exploited or abused. is it even sexual trauma. did what i go through count as csa ? i feel so disgusting and ashamed

i just want to get away from those men. please i just want validation. what happened to me ? am i being dramatic ?