u/PretPangolin

I (27F) have been with my boyfriend Tyler (29M) for two years now. Every summer Tyler's family rents a large lake house for a week, it's a huge tradition involving aunts, uncles, cousins, everything and everyone. Last year was the first time I went, and it didn't turn out too great with his older sister Brianna (32F).

During the entire week, Brianna kept making snide remarks, such as "must be nice to just show up and not help with anything" (at that point, I was literally carrying bags of groceries into the house), "so when are you two getting married, or is that not really your thing?" to everyone's face, and always comparing me to Tyler's ex, who, apparently, used to fit right in the family. On the last day, after having a couple of drinks, she made a remark that was something along the lines of "I just don't think you're really lake house material, no offense," and everyone laughed it off.

I was hurt by all of it, but didn't want to make a scene during the vacation, so I simply took it all and told Tyler about it afterwards. He claimed that Brianna can be a lot, but didn't do anything in the heat of the moment or later on.

This year the vacation is coming up in a few weeks, and when Tyler asked me if I was excited, I told him that I'm not. I said that I love him, but that I'm not going to spend another week being a punching bag for jokes, especially since he didn't say anything about what she said last year.

He got angry at me and said that skipping the vacation will give off the impression that I don't want to be involved in his family, that it's going to lead to drama, and that it's going to make things very awkward for him. He asked me to come to the vacation and just ignore any comments that Brianna might make.

I told him that I'm not sitting around for a week, taking passive aggressive comments in order to keep the peace, and that if he needs me to come and stop her, then that's not something that I'm going to be able to do, because I need to remove myself from every family event because his relatives won't let go of anything he doesn't address.

AITAH here?

(28F) got engaged to Derek (30M) three months ago. His younger sister Kayla (24F) has never really warmed up to me, polite but cold, the kind of vibe where you can tell she's just tolerating you for her brother's sake. I chalked it up to normal sibling protectiveness and tried not to take it personally.

At our engagement party two weekends ago, Kayla asked to give a toast. I was actually touched, thought maybe this was her extending an olive branch. Instead, she stood up with a glass of champagne and gave a toast that was a highlight reel of my flaws dressed up as jokes, she brought up an old breakup I went through publicly and joked I finally found someone who'll actually stick around, mentioned a time I got a little too drunk at a family barbecue two years ago, and ended with Derek could definitely do better, but hey, he seems happy so who am I to judge, followed by an awkward laugh like it was all in good fun.

The room went dead silent for a beat before some nervous laughter. I felt my face burning but I smiled through it because I didn't want to cause a scene at my own party. Derek looked mortified and pulled her aside afterward, and I heard part of their conversation, he told her that was out of line, and she said she was just being honest and that someone needed to say it.

A few days later I told Derek I didn't feel comfortable having Kayla as a bridesmaid anymore, that I could still be civil with her as his sister but I wasn't going to put her in my wedding party after she used a toast to humiliate me in front of both our families. Derek didn't fight me on it and agreed she crossed a line.

The problem is Kayla found out and is now telling their extended family that I banned her from the wedding out of pettiness and jealousy, leaving out the part about what she actually said. Derek's mom called me asking why I'm punishing Kayla for a joke, and a couple of his cousins have gotten frosty with me at family gatherings since.

Derek says he supports my decision but wishes I'd let him handle smoothing things over with his mom instead of me defending myself directly when she brings it up, since it's making things messier.

AITAH here?