This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/biggurl22

Published on: r/relationships

Trigger Warning: >!Sexual Assault!<

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 24, 2015

• Final Update: September 25, 2015

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Main Post

^(September 24, 2015)

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How do I (19F) let my b/f (19M) that everything he feared about me going away to college ended up being true?

I am so heartbroken and scared right now I don't know what to do. Forgive me for the wall of text but I don't know where else to turn. I love my b/f with all of my heart and never ever should have gone away to college. This first semester has been an absolute hell on earth and now it is about to get whatever is worse than hell.

We have been with each other since our sophomore years and are each others first everything. I know he loves me as much as I love him and this is going to break his heart, as it already has done mine.

He told me before I left he was very scared that I would fall out of love with him (never going to happen). We have never been apart in all of our time together. He went to school at home and I went to one that is about 150 miles away (not all that bad but with both of us in full time school we new we wouldn't see each other that much).

I have a very hard time making friends, I'm kind of introverted and really would rather just sit in my dorm and read. However my roommate is a party girl and even told our RA that she thought I was depressed because I spent so much time alone in our room. After trying to explain to her that I wasn't depressed I was just studying a lot and preferred to read in private I agreed to go to one of our campus sponsored party's on the quad.

This is where my life went to shit in a matter of minutes.

I go with my roommate to the party and as is normal she is the center of attention and tries to make me indulge like she is. She gets with a group of her friends and drags me along. I am now stuck in a group of people I don't know and do not have anything in common with. They are all loud and half of them are already drunk. The campus party ends around 10 and I try and make an exit to head back to our dorm when she tells me that we are both going to a house party. I tell her I am not going an that I am going home. She then convinces me that if I go home she goes home but she will be mopey and make a giant issue out of it for the rest of this year (trust me she is the queen of drama so I believe her).

At the house party there is a group of her friends who start dancing and I just start to hug the wall when one of her friends grabs my hand and pulls me onto the floor. I tell him that I don't dance and start to walk away. He follows me to the side and stands there talking to me. I'm trying not to be rude but I also don't want him getting any ideas that I'm there for any other reason than to babysit her.

I'm not dumb I know not to drink alcohol at these events. I had two diet soda's, both of which I saw their bartender pour out of the can. So I know it was good.

Next thing I know this guy I'll call him Andy asked me if I wanted to try Molly? I have no idea what the hell that is but figuring that it was some form of drug I told him I did not want any. He kept pressuring me and calling me a chicken and making clucking sounds. I tell him that he could say or make any noise he wanted I wasn't going to do it. I see him take two capsules and break them open and he then puts sugar in it and he licks it.

This is where someone, it could not have been him, had to pour some into my drink. I assume it was the same substance but I don't know for sure. All I know is that within 20 min. I felt a hot flash come over me, became very nauseated and then very sleepy. Sleepy to the point that I try and make it out the front door and that is the last thing I remember until the next morning I wake up by my phone alerting me to a text (which when I look has dozens of text's and voice mails from my b/f that I missed) and I am in bed with some guy who I have never seen before. It wasn't Andy and I don't even remember seeing him at the party.

I had my cloths still on but they were very oddly shifted on me, not the way I normally wear them. This guy is out cold and from what I can tell he is at least wearing some form of shorts and a shirt but I don't bother to look at anything else.

I get my phone and get out of there. I get to the front door and it hits me what might have happened to me, I have no idea what happened to me. So I'm crying as I'm leaving this house, which is right off of campus. I get back to my dorm room and my bitch roommate is sound asleep in bed. I slam the door and she sits upright and I'm sure I looked like a wild woman but I get in her face and start yelling at her for making me go and then leaving me there.

She proceeds to tell me that she never saw what happened to me, she saw me talking with Andy and just assumed that I spent the night with him. I go ape shit and start throwing things at her as I ask her why the hell I would have stayed with this guy when I have a LTR? I call her all forms of names (some of which I am ashamed of using) and then curl up in bed and proceed to bawl for the next several hours.

Once again our all knowing RA is called and tries to comfort me. It was all I could do to not choke her when she came in. We went to the campus clinic and I did a kit (lots of fun I assure you) and I made a report to the campus police. I also had to take a blood test to determine what I was given and oh joy for STD testing.

Now I have to figure out some way to call my b/f and tell him what has happened and pray to God he believes me. At best he will be very hurt for me and upset that he wasn't here to protect me. At worst he will think I'm full of shit and that I either cheated on him or put myself into a position that I knew would be a problem. This was why I was so damn careful about not drinking or taking drugs because I did not want to end up how I ended up.

At the end of the day I don't even know what happened to me, that's the bitch of it all. I have no memory after the front door period.

Either way I know this is going to break my b/f heart.

tl;dr: I an introvert idiotically take advice of stupid RA telling me I need to socialize. My party girl roommate takes me to a house party where someone dopes my coke and I end up in bed with someone I still have no idea who he is. I now have to try and explain all of this to my b/f who was afraid that I was going to fall out of love with him or cheat when I left for schoola

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COMMENTS

NahpoleonBonaparte > You were raped. Seek medical attention and help as soon as possible. I've been through this and your campus will have many resources available to help you. If you're not comfortable going alone you can confide in a RA. Leave your roommate out of this if possible. Worry about what to tell your boyfriend later and care for yourself and your health. > > OOP >> See that is the thing, I don't even know if I was. The kit I spoke about was a rape kit and I am waiting on the results. All of my cloths were in place just shifted. I have no idea who the guy was or how I even got there. >> >> Confiding in my RA would result in a homicide as it was her damned idea that I needed to get out and party. I know this was not what she meant to have happen but I was never depressed, I was studying and once I was done studying I would watch Netflix with my b/f online and then would read a book when we weren't together online.

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Kemintiri (downvoted) > >This is where someone, it could not have been him, had to pour some into my drink. I assume it was the same substance but I don't know for sure. > > Why did you drink it? > > You didn't know this guy, you didn't know anything about the drug, and you drank it still?
> > I don't understand. > > Have you asked Andy for details? > > The end result seems unfortunate, and I hope it all goes well for you.
> > OOP >> I was drinking the diet coke before and during my conversations (if you want to call them that) with Andy. The drink was out of my hands for maybe and I mean maybe 30 seconds when I sat it down to pick up a napkin that I had dropped. I have no idea though if that is when they put it in or if they did it while I had it in my hand but off to the side when I was talking. >> >> Andy for certain is not the person who did this. He was never out of my visual site as I did not trust him. >> >> Kemintiri >>> Did you talk tot he person you woke up next to? If your outer clothes were feeling weird, were your underclothes ok? Dead weights are difficult to carry and that could account for your clothing feeling awkward. >>> >>> If your boyfriend loves you, and trusts you, and it's as you said, he would be King Assface to blame you. And if you still love him, his whole doomsday prophecy didn't come true.
>>> >>> There's probably not much comfort to be found from strangers on the internet, but even if the worst of the worst occurred, you're not to blame. Our world isn't always pretty, and it's shitty that people have to always keep that in mind. >>> >>> I hope you hear back good news. >>> >>> OOP >>>> All of my clothes were shifted, however some was shifted less than others and yes my undies were shifted but not nearly as much as my outerwear.

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okrahtime > Go to the real police, not the campus police. I am sorry this happened. > > OOP >> Campus police here are real police. They have guns/cars/arresting powers and everything. They even have a special Detective division dedicated to rape, which is who I am dealing with. The Detective I spoke to was very nice and caring but also brutally honest in saying that since I have no witnesses that this will almost all fall on DNA testing or someone confessing (which is about zero chance of that happening). >> >> N0_Soliciting >>> No but the thing is, if they end up finding who did this, you need to make sure they are criminally prosecuted. Not just found in violation of the schools code of conduct >>> >>> OOP >>>> Oh for sure. If they ever get anyone on this I will prosecute to the fullest extent of the law. >>>> >>>> I am so very lucky to have a supportive b/f and family but I know many girls are not so lucky so I don't want anyone else to ever have to go through this.

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Final Update - after 1 day

^(September 25, 2015)

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UPDATE How do I (19F) let my b/f (19M) that everything he feared about me going away to college ended up being true?

My post didn’t get a lot of attention but for those of you who read it I wanted to let you know what happened.

After hours and hours of worrying and crying I just decided that I had to tell him and just pray that he would believe me.

I’ll just say it now in some ways my fears came true (I’ll explain in a min) but in the end I have the best b/f in the world and tonight I feel so loved and comforted that it has made the last few days almost seem like a distant memory.

I waited till I knew he was done with classes for the day (he only had a morning class) and called him just before he would have went to lunch. When I told him there was a long pause and I feared for the worst but he came back with a very cracked voice asking me if I was okay? I tried to tell him I was and I could hear in his voice he was very emotional. After I tell him I’m okay he starts apologizing to me profusely because he wasn’t there to protect me. I convince him that he has nothing to apologize for and we talk for a few minutes more and we hang up.

I feel very relieved after that conversation because he didn’t even question me about what I was doing or anything. He never once showed even a moment of doubt.

I think that is the end of it.

Three and a half hours later he is standing at my door. He hung up with me, went right to his car and drove all of those miles to be with me. I’m typing this because he went out to get us some food.

My roommate agreed to stay with another friend tonight so we can be alone. BTW I have apologized to her for getting crazy on her.

Anyway we spent the first half hour of him being here holding each other and crying. I felt like an entire world had been lifted off of my shoulders when this happened.

My only down side to this is that I know he is skipping his classes tomorrow and I am going to talk with him to make sure that he does not let this effect his studying. I know that this is going to weigh heavy on his mind (he really is a caring person and puts a lot of effort into us and thus can let that impact other area’s of his life).

So after him being here awhile and us talking about everything I just came out and said that I was afraid to tell him and the reason why.

This was the only down side to the whole night but even in being a downer I felt like it was a positive. He got a little offended that I thought that he would think like that. He got real serious with me telling me that I am never to be afraid to tell him something because his default setting is to believe me and trust me. It never entered his mind that I was cheating or did anything to put myself in a bad position. In fact I ended up apologizing to him because I could tell I really hurt his feelings by confessing this.

I don’t know why but this made me happy. He really loves me guys if I ever had a moment of doubt before (which I didn’t) I know for a fact now that this guy is dedicated to me.

He has been so gentle with me as well and has asked me how he should treat me because he didn’t want to upset me. This is the funny part, I don’t feel like a victim here. In fact the more the day has gone on the more I am beginning to believe nothing happened to me other than I was probably molested (felt up) but I don’t think I was penetrated. So in other words nothing my b/f did or was going to do made me cringe or anything.

Anyway no matter the results of anything else, barring some horrific STD, I think its safe to say I can close this brief but horrible chapter of my life.

tl;dr: Told b/f everything. He was nothing short of amazing and has made me feel like a Goddess tonight.

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COMMENTS

magagoo > Now that's a keeper. > > itsallminenow >> Honestly, when I ever read another post about a someone being molested or raped and the g/f, bf, husband or wife acts like an asshole about it, I'm going to link straight to this post. This is what a real person does when their partner has been abused in some way, they drop their life and come hell or high water be there for them. It's 101 Relationship.

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squeeshka > 2 things. First, your boyfriend is amazing. Second, make it clear to your roommate that you are never going out with her again. > > Mokarran25 >> Just imagining if anything like that happened to my girlfriend, I would be explaining that in no uncertain terms to the roommate.

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Teflon_wulfie > I just read your original post, no - that wasn't Molly that caused that to happen to you. Molly is pure MDMA (the main ingredient in Ecstasy, but not mixed with the other stuff Ecstasy usually is such as heroin or meth or...whatever else and it also doesn't last nearly as long as Ecstasy). > > I've done a lot of drugs in my life and I've done them in lots of different places with lots of different people and I've seen lots of different reactions to those drugs within myself and other people, but one thing is for certain - Molly doesn't make you tired and pass out. > > In fact, it's relatively harmless even in larger than normal doses. > > The reason I'm telling you this is to notify you that you were most likely drugged with a date-rape style drug - a strong depressant that knocks you out and immobilizes you (which is nowhere near the effect of Molly). > > I don't know if you can report that or anything. But, to me, that's more sinister and potentially dangerous than someone spiking your drink with Molly. If someone spiked your drink with Molly, it would be a minor annoyance, definitely nowhere near moral, and completely uncalled for, but I would assume the person doing it was stupid enough to think you'd have fun. > > Someone who pours an immobilizing date rape drug in your drink is NOT that stupid person - they are a predator and if they did it to you, they'll do it to other people. > > Again - that was NOT Molly - that was some kind of sedative or opiate.

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Possiblytrapped12

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 24, 2015

• Final Update: September 29, 2015

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Main Post

^(September 24, 2015)

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I (28/m) found ovulation sticks and a pregnancy test in my girlfriend's (26/f) room. I do NOT want a baby and I thought she was taking her pill.

Throwaway because my girlfriend knows my main. I've been with her for two years and for most part I think we have a good relationship. We've talked about marriage and children and she knows I'm not ready for either right now. She says she understands but lately when we go out she points out things like baby Jordan's or Timberland boots saying that's what our kids are going to wear and looking at kid's clothes. I figured that's just a girl thing and let it go.

Today I was going through a drawer and found an kit that tests to see if a female is ovulating. Further digging in the drawer revealed two unused pregnancy tests. I assumed she's been taking her pill and I'm freaking the fuck out. Am I overreacting? Is there a legitimate reason for a girl that's taking her birth responsibly to have those things? How the fuck should I confront her?

Tl;dr: Found an ovulation testing kit and pregnancy tests in my girlfriend's drawer. She claims she's been using her birth control properly and she knows I don't want kids for awhile. What do I do.

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COMMENTS

simplyspider (downvoted) > The pregnancy test is one thing, but the ovulation kits are a sign from hell. I would confront her about it, and if I didn't feel 100% fine with it after that conversation, she would be gone. > > ninjette847 >> They look a lot alike and they're right next to each other at the store, it's possible she accidently bought them. This is one of the many posts where they just need to talk. Google pictures of ovulation tests and pregnancy tests. They look exactly the same. >> >> nowandlater (downvoted) >>> It's possible if she's a total idiot. That would be another sign to stay away. >>> >>> ninjette847 >>>> Dude, Google first response ovulation test and first response pregnancy test. They look exactly the same and are right next to each other.
>>>> >>>> OOP >>>>> That's the brand that was in the drawer. Hoping it was all a huge mixup.

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Zman5778 > Be like "hey....I was doing XXXX the other day and happened to stumble across an ovulation kit and pregnancy tests...what's going on?" If she stumbles on an answer, you know what to do. > > > Oh -- and in the future....if you really don't want kids right now, don't trust someone else to do the "dirty work" for you. Wrap it up. Even if she says she's on BC. Always wrap it up. The pill isn't 100% effective anyways.....at least if you have a condom, you're in control of your own prophylaxis. > > GraveMercy >> > Oh -- and in the future....if you really don't want kids right now, don't trust someone else to do the "dirty work" for you. Wrap it up. Even if she says she's on BC. Always wrap it up. >> >> FFS I'm on the pill and I have NEVER used it as my sole form of BC. Why? Because I don't want a fucking baby. Like I really really don't want a baby. And when you really don't want a baby 99% ain't fucking effective enough. And the pill doesn't do shit to protect you from STDs. >> >> OOP (downvoted) >>> We've been monogamous for two years and the pill has 99.9% effectiveness if it's used right. I thought we would not need to backup.

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[deleted] > Ask a medical or public health subreddit about "patient compliance" and taking medication. People who might die without their heart medication sometimes don't take it regularly enough. The general population is just kind of bad at this sort of thing. > > If I were a dude, I think I'd like to often shoot my swimmers somewhere other than a vagina even if I had a regular partner. > > msb4464 >> Compliance is the key. I'm a pharmacist. I literally have a doctorate in drugs, and I forget my BC sometimes. >> >> OOP (downvoted) >>> If someone doesn't make up a missed pill how likely is it that they ovulate?

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teresajs (downvoted) > She's planning on having a baby. > > As I tell my teen son, if a guy has sex without a condom, he's saying that he would be willing to have a baby with that girl. A guy has one chance to make the decision not to be a father. Just one. > > OOP (downvoted) >> Excuse me while I breathe into this paper bag.

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Main post update - same day

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confronted her. May have sounded a little accusatory. She became furious and told me that she bought the kit because she fucked up one of her pills when she got food poisoning and wanted to make sure her pill was still stopping her from ovulating instead of going through the hassle of using condoms. She got frustrated with trying to figure it out and caved in and bought condoms...and showed me the unopened box she just bought from the store. She won't speak to me now.

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COMMENTS

backupbitches (downvoted) > I'm sorry, but in what universe is it less of a hassle to buy and use an ovulation kit than it is to use condoms for a little while while your cycle evens itself out again? > > OOP >> We both hate condoms and I guess she wasn't 100% sure that her protection was compromised. She's beyond pissed at me.

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Final Update - after 5 days

^(September 29, 2015)

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Update: I (28/m) found ovulation sticks and a pregnancy test in my girlfriend's (26/f) room. I do NOT want a baby and I thought she was taking her pill.

Very short update. I apologized repeatedly and profusely, and she stayed pissed. It took an edible arrangement bouquet, a dozen red roses, cupcakes, and a steak dinner at Ruth's Chris to make up for accusing her of trying to trap her into marriage/kids. Things are now finally back to normal after I groveled and she promised to keep me informed about possible mishaps in the future.

TL;DR: The moral of the story: keep calm. Do your research. Talk to each other. NEVER TAKE ADVICE FROM PEOPLE THAT TELL YOU THEY'RE FROM THE RED PILL.

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COMMENTS

OOP to a deleted comment > I'm going to be honest, I wasn't very nice when I confronted her. All the people here telling me that she was trying to trick me (and trust me I got a ton of comments and PMs telling me so) combined with my paranoia made my head explode. I'm shocked that she didn't dump me on the spot.

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OOP About the dinner >Dinner for both of us was around $200 not including tip. But the food was ON POINT. > >it included drinks, the steaks, the sides, an appetizer, and a dessert for each of us. It was worth every penny.

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reirarei > Ruth's Chris? DAMN. > > Glad you made it up to her. NOW, you know. > > Dank_1 (downvoted) >> Made what up to her? He didn't do anything wrong. OP had a perfectly valid concern, due to the SO's lack of communication. But now she knows that all she has to do is act angry and all will be well, with gifts too! I think OP still needs to reflect on what actually happened and how they both dealt with it... >> >> OOP >>> If I had asked her what all of the stuff she had in the drawer was for, I'm 100% sure I would've had a decent discussion with her. If she had communicated her misstep with her birth control, we would've had a decent discussion. Instead, I found the stuff on my own, freaked out, and yelled at her. >>> >>> We both made mistakes, but I'm the one that lost my temper, jumped to conclusions, and accused her of being a liar and tricking me. I ended up fucking up hard.

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My_Bad_Bruh (downvoted) > How often do you two use condoms? That should be a good indicator if she's full of shit or not. > > > OOP >> We stopped using them after we'd been dating a year. We figured the pill + pullout would leave us pretty safe from any kids. >> >> [deleted] (downvoted) >>> [deleted] >>> >>> OOP >>>> We use both methods. Pullout isn't our sole method.

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NOTE: OOP made a tifu post with combining both posts.

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TIFU by asking Reddit for relationship advice after I found an ovulation kit and pregnancy tests in my GF's drawer when we agreed not to have kids right away.

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/100percentjuices

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 29, 2015

• Final Update: October 01, 2015

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Main Post

^(September 29, 2015)

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Me [32F] with my husband [36 M] 5 years. Found upskirt shots of mutual friend on his phone.

I have been married for about 4 months and but with him for 5 years. We (seemingly) have a great relationship - we communicate, we have our own hobbies, shared hobbies, had a wonderful wedding, have fun together etc.. we don't often fight and when we do we forgive and move on.

Since I have known him, he's always been more vocal about women's rights than I have been. He thinks guys who use women are terrible, has shunned friends for such behavior, has many friends who are activists, work for sexual health clinics etc.. he even feels things like spanking in the bedroom are rooted in violence against women.

So on the weekend I grabbed his phone and went to his pictures to send myself one of me and our niece he took earlier in the day. I'm scrolling through, smiling at pics from the wedding, from vacations over the summer etc.. I keep scrolling and suddenly there are pics of a friend of ours and her daughter sitting on another friends couch. First pic - her and her daughter. Second pic, zoomed in to her waist, third and fourth pics - zoomed to her crotch, her dress pulled tight against her thighs and her undies showing.

WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK DO I DO WITH THIS. My initial urge was to freak out and call him a disgusting piece of shit. But I haven't said anything yet. I think it's disgusting, violating, vile, ugh. I'm really alarmed that he would not only do such a thing, but leave them on his phone. I can't imagine if he found out someone did that to me that he would be ok with it.

Do I just go delete them? Do I tell the friend? Do I confront my husband? Do I hope it was just something stupid and immature and ridiculous?

tl;dr: Husband took upskirt pics of a friend and i found them on his phone.

EDIT: I am reading every comment, just too much to respond to everyone.

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COMMENTS

Exner2 > Just to clarify, was it the same picture three times (zoomed in and cropped after the fact) or was it three separate pictures? I ask because for me, the first scenario would be creepy but forgivable. While going through pics he may have realized that he could see your friend's underwear and then, in an immature teenage throwback moment, zoomed in to confirm. But if he TOOK three separate pictures, increasingly focused on your friend's underwear, that's a whole other thing altogether. > > OOP >> I can't tell if it is one pic that he did crop and they saved or ones where he zoomed but it definitely zooms in.

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Thornnuminous > Screenshot and send them to yourself so he can't delete the proof and gaslight you. > > Then sit him down, tell him what you found. > > "[husband's name] I found upskirt shots of [friend's name] on your phone. Explain. Right now. And you had better tell the 100% Truth." > > OOP >> Yeah I think this is likely the route I will take. I'll save the freaking out for after whatever pathetic explanation he has.

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BullshitPoster > If there is no completely unimaginable perfectly legitimate excuse when you confront him, see a Lawyer and get an Annulment. > > How could you possibly stay with someone who would violate another person like this, let alone do so while MARRIED to you, let alone do so while she has HER KID ON HER LAP. What a disgusting creep! What a pervert! What a shitty friend, husband, human being! > > Also make sure you keep proof and show the poor woman in question > > OOP >> Her child wasn't on her lap or in the creepy photos, thank god.

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hugged_at_gunpoint > Do not freak out. DO confront him calmly about this. Do not tell the friend unless you value your relationship with the friend more than your relationship with your husband. DO hope that it was just something stupid, immature and ridiculous. So far its just one picture and that should not be enough to shatter your faith in your spouse of 5 years. > > OOP >> I definitely wont be "lawyering up and divorcing" like so many people are fond of suggesting (bring on the downvotes). If I had never found out about the photo I would have only good things to say about him and our life. I am willing to figure it out but I just needed to get ito ut of my head before I spewed it at him. I'm still in shock honestly.

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supernaturalradio > >work for sexual health clinics etc.. > > Regardless of how this incident impacts your relationship/marriage, consider giving the clinics your husband works for a heads up. Unless there is an explanation (which there very well might be), it's sick to think vulnerable women could be hurt by this opportune monster. > > OOP >> Sorry I wasn't clear enough, he does not work at a clinic, he has a friend who runs one. He is not in a power position over any vulnerable women.

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Final Update - after 2 days

^(October 01, 2015)

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[UPDATE] Me [32F] with my husband [36 M] 5 years. Found upskirt shots of mutual friend on his phone

I went through husbands computer, nothing out of the ordinary - history intact, reddit open - nothing creepy, nothing worrisome.

So last night my husband got home, we made dinner together then just sat on the couch chatting while waiting for it. I asked if I could show him something on his phone and he said sure. I opened it up and scrolled to the picture and said “what is this?” At first he didn’t even seem to understand what the picture was of. I said “Why do you have upskirts of mutualfriend?”

He didn’t freak out or fly off the handle but he seemed genuinely confused as to what I was showing him. I scrolled through the photos before, and the photos after and he said “100percentjuices! Look at the next picture!” I looked at the very next picture after the zoomed in crotch shots and mutualfriend is holding our friends newborn - the rest of the pics after that are zoomed in and of the baby.

I didn’t even really look at those once when I saw the ones that disturbed me. He said “do you really think I’d do something like that to mutualfriend? Or to you?” We talked about it for about 20 mins - why I felt concerned, why I needed to ask and he didn’t once get defensive, cranky etc.. He reiterated that I have full access to his devices when needed and that I can always come to him with concerns but that I shouldn’t wait 5 days to do it.

tl;dr: We talked it out. All is well.

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COMMENTS

czhunc (downvoted) > Not to rain on the parade, but do you completely buy his explanation? Taking an upskirt picture completely by accident is one of those things that's just on the edge of believability. The angle is pretty difficult to achieve, for one. > > Of course, if you have full access to his electronics and everything else checks out, giving him the benefit of the doubt does seem fair. > > Edit. My bad. It's not like anyone would ever lie about having creepy pictures on their phone. > > OOP >> She was sitting and wearing a short dress, he was standing. It isn't like a between the legs while she was standing shot.

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Assholewastaken > I'll just wait here and see if all the users that said in the previous post that there could be no other possibility other than having a predator on your hands recant their statements and actually acknowledge they learned something.. > > Tic-toc > > OOP >> The worst comments that I read were talking about mutualfriends daughter, she was never the issue and it was ugh to read.

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MrBleah > Good thing you investigated a bit before instigating the divorce that likely 90% of the people in the first thread advised. > > "Close the accounts! Change the locks! Hire a lawyer! Buy a gun! Store canned food!" > > OOP >> I figure everyone who says to get divorced actually hasn't had a long term relationship.

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AwesomeNameGenerator > And going back and reading the comments on your OP is a great reminder that /r/relationships advice should always be taken with a huge grain of salt. > > OP jumped the gun and rather than giving her husband the benefit of the doubt wanted to call him all sorts of abusive names and assume the worst about him. > > OOP >> My first reaction was to freak out, but I didn't so I think I handled it well. I hardly jumped the gun when it came to talking to him. >> >> FlyingBasset (downvoted) >>> But how did you completely miss a conclusion so obvious he was able to disprove your theory in 5 seconds? You came on reddit ready to rip your husband's head off. You wasted people's time and got your husband bashed hardcore by not getting all the information you could have. >>> >>> OOP >>>> No, I came to reddit because I didn't know how to approach it and I was freaking out. I got some good advice in PMs from normalpeople who have regular relationships and it was very helpful. Those who comment choose to give their time to do so, I wasted nothing.

aegwynn > In the last post, you said she didn't have a child in her lap. So I'm confused how you missed the glaring presence of a newborn. > > OOP >> The photos afterwards. After seeing 2 upskirt shots I went "Back" from the full images and started scanning the entire gallery view.

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futurehennahead > ...why was this newborn not mentioned at all in the original post?! Isn't that an important detail? > > This makes me feel like its a fake story. > > OOP >> The newborn was in the shots afterwards, not the ones leading up to the picture that made me freak out.

&nbsp;

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/TrustIssuesGuy

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 28, 2015

• Update 1: September 29, 2015

• Update 2: September 30, 2015

• Final Update: October 03, 2015

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Main Post

^(September 28, 2015)

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Me [25 M] with my GF [22 F] of over a year, has trust issues and I can't deal with it anymore.

Backstory:

My girlfriend and I have know each other for 10 years now. I met her through her brother, who still is one of my best friends, when I was 15 and she was 12. Over the years, we ended up hanging out a lot, became really close friends but we were never really interested in each other dating wise, until last year, after we hooked up after a party (alcohol was involved, go figure), and we decided we would give it a try.

The relationship:

Thing were going great. I've never felt about someone the way I feel about her. She really loves me (atleast she says she does). I really saw myself building a future with her, but over the year a couple of things have happened that started giving me doubts about us.

Incident 1: 7 months

We go out for a weekend holiday with a couple of our friends (2F+1M). There she decides she doesn't want to share a room with me, but wants to share one with her girls and I should room with my friend. No big deal, whatever. Then she proceeds to tell everyone we meet that we're just "fuckbuddies" and she's single. This really pissed me, but I didn't want to ruin the mood, and she had been drinking, so I talked about it with her later that night.

I ask her why she was telling those thing to people, when we had been dating for 7 months. She tells me "because that's what we are, we're just having a bit of fun." I basically tell her that dating for 7 months is not just having fun. We go back and forth for a bit, until I get mad and my buddy just suggests that we go home (me and my friend).

When we're packing our bags I hear my GF crying upstairs to her friends and when I'm about to leave with my friend, she comes downstairs and asks me If I want to talk. She tells me about her ex-boyfriend and how he was abusive, both mentally and fisically, and that because if him, she's afraid to let someone get close to her, because she doesn't want to get hurt again (this happened when she was 18/19). This hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew the ex-boyfriend was an asshole, but not that it was that bad. I understood why she would be careful letting someone get close to her. We talked it out, I decided to stay for the rest of the weekend and we had a really good time.

Incident 2: 10 months

We're drinving and she notices my ex-girlfriend (3 years) started following me on twitter. She mentions it and I tell her my ex sent me a pm asking me how I was doing. We had a short friendly conversation (just catching up) and that was it. My girlfriend get mad, asking me what I'm up to with my ex. I tell her it's nothing, I even tell her to look at the messages. This isn't enough, and it gets to the point where she tells me to pull over and calls her friend to pick her, because she doesn't want to talk to me. I wait until her friend picks her up and then drive home.

When she comes home, she immediatly apologizes about how she acted, how I never gave her a reason to not trust me and hwo she's insecure because of her above mentioned ex. I tell her its fine, and I think we're done talking about it, until a couple of nights later, she had a little to much to drink and when we get home, she completely brakes down.

She talks about how she's such a shitty girlfriend, how I deserve better and should be with my ex, about her ex, about how she'll never truely trust someone. I try to cheer her up, tell her everythings ok, how I love her, how I want to be with her and eventuelly she starts believing me and she falls asleep.

Incident 3: 14 months (yesterday)

We had plans with one of her friends, but I get a call she has to work late and how I should meet her friend at the bar. When her friend goes to the bathroom, I get approached by a women, asking me the person I'm with is my GF. I tell her no, she's just a friend. She then asks me if she could buy me a drink. I tell her no thank you, I already have one. She then asks me if she could give me her number, so we could hang out later. I tell her I have a girlfriend and I'm not interested.

Out comes my grilfriend with a huge smile on her face, telling me I passed "the test" and that now she could trust me. She paid the women 50$ to hit on me to see what I would do. Turns out, it was her friends idea (she did it to one of her ex-boyfriends).

I get upset that she still doesn't trust me, after 14 months, and I'm done. She starts crying telling me she's sorry, but I tell her I can't deal with it anymore. I don't want to talk to her until I've thought about our relationship and I suggest she should do the same.

That's where I'm at right now. She called me once today(didn't pick up). She left a message about how sorry she was, how she really loves and that it was stupid of her to try and test me, and again the about the insecurity because of her ex. I really love this woman, but I just know that in a couple of month she'll lose trust in me again for some reason, eventhough I've never done anything that should suggest I'm not fully committed to her. I don't want to lose her, but I'm afraid we're on a road to nowhere and that I'll resent her when we eventually brake up. I really hope you guys have some advice for me.

tl;dr: GF has major trust issues due to past abusive relationship. Results in incidents where it's clear she doesn't trust me when I've done nothing wrong. Don't know how to deal with it anymore.

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COMMENTS

TheDandyGuyInSpace > Honestly those issues are going to go away... as far as we know you have not given her a reason to not trust you, and after a year and some change she decides to test you? Fuck that you are in a relationship. I'd be done with her but as we all know its never that easy, so ask your self this, how many more "tests" are going to come? Can you handle being with a person who doesnt trust you? > > OOP >> > how many more "tests" are going to come? >> >> My friend made the same point. "Next thing you know she's tracking your car or listening in on your phone calls or checking in on you at work." I know he's exaggerating, but I'd never thought she'd pay someone to hit on me either. >> >> > Can you handle being with a person who doesnt trust you? >> >> I don't know. When we're a normal couple, everything is perfect. But when stuff like this happens it's really making me feel like crap because I know she doesn't trust me and I don't know what to do to help her.

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juliusstreicher (downvoted) > You don't want to lose her, but, you will. She's just looking for a dick, and that cannot be cured with your promises of being faithful. > > All this shit about her ex is just that: shit. You are not her ex, and comparing the two of you is just her "damaged girl" routine. She wants to blame her not wanting you on her ex. She wants to fuck you, for now, but, not be in a relationship with you in the same way that you want. > > You are/were just her fuckbuddy, as she stated. She will never treat you normally, and, she will run off with, and be happy with, the next person who starts to treat her like shit. Just be happy that you have a fuck buddy who won't be a drain on you for life. > > Learn from one who has been there, my friend. > > OOP >> I've been thinking all the stuff you said for the past couple of hours. Especially the part about "the damaged girl routine", because that's how it's been feeling. She does something bad, makes her excuse and in the end I pity her and make up with her. >> >> A part of me wants to break it off, but there's also a part of me that wants to give her one last chance to work on our relationship, with some terms. I don't want to give her up but I also don't want to waste my time and get hurt in the end. >> >> As for being in a relationship with me, I do believe she wants that. Because when everything is normal, we are perfectly happy. It's not like there are more arguments about other stuff. I might look like a fool, but I believe she wants to be with me, and is not just waiting for the next shithead to treat her like shit. >> >> NalkaNalka >>> Her actions and later excuses sound just like the first year with my gf that had borderline personality disorder. In fact she pulled nearly identical stunts to the ones you mention. >>> >>> Also keep in mind that the intention of the last scenario is not to test you. Its to create the feeling of paranoia and to make you wonder every time you talk to a girl if it's a plant by your gf. >>> >>> Does your gf use the words "allways" and "never" alot? >>> >>> >>> >>> OOP >>>> > Its to create the feeling of paranoia and to make you wonder every time you talk to a girl if it's a plant by your gf. >>>> >>>> Yeah, it's going to take a bit before I'll feel comfortable talking to someone I don't know, fearing it might be a setup. I'll have to make clear to her what she did was not at all acceptable, and how now she made me have trust issues. Not as in scared she's seeing someone else, but in a "is she watching me?" kinda way. >>>> >>>> > Does your gf use the words "allways" and "never" alot? >>>> >>>> Can't really answer that. Only examples I can remember are when she uses them to discribe her feelings. "I always wanted to meet someone like you, I hope we never break up, ..." That sorta thing.

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Update 1 - after 1 day

^(September 29, 2015)

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Update: Me [25 M] with my GF [22 F] of over a year, has trust issues and I can't deal with it anymore.

Today I get a call from my GF's brother/one of my best friends. He ask me if he can come over and have a talk with me about what happened.

GF told him what happened at the bar and I was glad he saw why I was mad. He thought what his sister did was not cool, especially 14 months into a relationship, but he asked me if it was worth throwing away what I had with my GF over "a stupid mistake." I told him it wasn't the only thing that bothered me and told him about the two other incidents. He didn't know about these.

He then started telling me the same story GF keeps telling me when she lashes out at me. Abusive ex, trouble trusting people, ... I tell him I've heard it all before and I can't deal with it. I try to help but she won't let me, doesn't trust when I've never given a reason to distrust me and at this point I don't believe she's ready to date someone long term and she should get help. He basically tells me that he knows she really loves me and he knows she should get help, but if I bail on her now, she'll never get better at trusting people. He wants me to help her get better.

He then straight up asks me if I want to break up with her. I tell him I don't know, but it can't go on this way. He tells me he would like it if we tried to make it work, but he can't make that choice for me.

tl;dr: Girlfriends brother/one of my best friends came over to have a talk. Gave his opinion on what I should do.

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COMMENTS

TorchedBlack > Dude, you're already like 75% out the door. Having a shitty relationship history is not an excuse to abuse and her brother is obviously a biased source to be taking advice from. Its not your job to fix her issues. Only she can do that and its not looking like shes wanting to do that. > > OOP >> 75% seems a bit much, I feel like I'm split down the middle atm. >> >> I realise he's a biased source, but in the end, he wants what's best for her. It must mean something that he thinks that us being together is that. If strangers on Reddit can give their opinion, so can he, eventhough his view might be biased. >> >> meowN >>> > he wants what's best for her. It must mean something that he thinks that us being together is that. >>> >>> No no, read that again. They're family, so her happiness comes first, not yours. You need to remember to watch out for yourself and decide what will be best for you. >>> >>> Regardless of what you decide to do, you need to remove his opinion from the equation because it is biased. >>> >>> OOP >>>> You're right. I'll have a talk with him about what he said after this whole thing is setteled.

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defiancy > Look, she probably did have some bad things happen to her with her ex, but it's clear now she is using that as an excuse and justification for the way she acts with you. It's also clear that whatever trauma she had from her past is not going away and she isn't doing anything to get over it. It is not your responsibility to help her "get better", it's her responsibility. For her brother to place that on you, is frankly a really shitty thing. > > If you care about her and want to stay with her, then you need to tell her that you'll consider it, IF she seeks and goes to counseling. Otherwise, I'd break up with her and not look back because you deserve someone who will trust you and respect you for the person you are. > > OOP >>> It is not your responsibility to help her "get better", it's her responsibility. For her brother to place that on you, is frankly a really shitty thing. >> >> I agree with you, but it wasn't really the time to call him out for saying that imo. >> >> > If you care about her and want to stay with her, then you need to tell her that you'll consider it, IF she seeks and goes to counseling. >> >> It's obvious she needs it, because I can't help her deal with her issues. If she's willing to do that, for me, that would be a step in the right direction.

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D-redditAvenger > Give her an ultimatum. Either go to counselling or you are done.
> > OOP >> There will have to be terms if the relationship continues. Her going to therapy is one of them.

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Update 2 - after 2 days (after 1 day from last post)

^(September 30, 2015)

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Update nr. 2: Me [25 M] with my GF [22 F] of over a year, has trust issues and I can't deal with it anymore.

2nd update. First of all, thanks to everyone who responde in my original post and my update post. Because of you I found it easier to express how I felt and what I wanted from her. I also try to give as much details as I can, so you have the best perspective, but apologies if you think I have to much text.

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The thing I wanted/dreaded most these past few days; I met up with my girlfriend to have a talk about what happened at a bar. She wanted to meet me at my place, but I preferred somewhere more neutral. I wasn't 100% sure on what I was going to do, so I wanted to hear what she had to say first.

She apologized for testing me. She realized what she did was out of line and she was thankful I was still willing to meet her to try and talk things out. She told me she was going to get help dealing with her trust issues and she really wants to get better. She still really loves me, she’s willing to make things work and hopes I’ll support her, preferebly as her boyfriend, but at this point she'll take us being friends (which I don't really believe, maybe she was just preparing for dissapointment in case we were breaking up).

I told her I was happy she’s getting help, but I can’t stay in this relationship just because of promises, I needed actions from her. I told her I still love her, but she really hurt me by playing games with me. I asked her when I ever gave her a reason to distrust me, why she didn’t just talk to me instead of doing these things. I understand that what happened to her is horrible, but I can’t be punished for what something else did to her. I asked he why I should stay with someone who keeps pushing me away. Her response:

“Because it’s not an empty promise. I realize I need to learn to trust people, because even if you walk, nothing will be fixed. I’ll lose other people in my life and I don’t want that anymore. I know that if you support me, it’ll be easier for me. What I did to you was horrible, but those things were just a small part of our relationship. The rest of the time I was happy, and I know you were too. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here talking to me. Please give me one last chance. I will try to make everything better for us.”

She basically said what I'd hope she would say. I told her I’d give her one last chance, but there would have to be terms, so I could actually see her try because I can’t keep going based on hope. She just said she would do whatever it takes.

1. she needs to get professional help. I’ll support her in getting it, but I can’t help with her issues. I tried for 7 months and it’s clear I can’t do anything to help her get over it. She needs to work hard on fixing them permanently with a professional.
2. No more tests or unreasonable outbursts. I told her the previous incidents really hurt me and if it happens again, I’ll walk and she’ll also lose me as a friend.
3. Our relationship: she damaged it, plain and simple, and it will take a while to fix it. I’m willing to do my part, but she has to show the effort. We had been talking about moving in together before all of this, but I made it very clear that was off the table, and won’t be discussed for a while. We're not starting from 0, but we're taking a lot of steps back.
4. I wanted the key to my apartment back I gave her. Her test made me a little paranoid and while I know she won’t cheat on me, she took abuse of my trust and now she’ll have to earn it back.

She agreed with all of these terms, overall she just seemed happy I’m giving her a chance. I was feeling some relief as well, because I honestly didn’t expect her owning up to her mistakes, realizing she needs help and accepting my terms to continue our relationship. The only thing that kept bothering me was why she thought that test was a good idea.

She told me her mom brought up a couple that broke up because the husband cheated and she made the comment about how he always looked like the perfect husband, “just like your boyfriend”. This made my GF panic a bit and she went to talk to a friend, who suggested she should test me. Her friend told her she did the same to her ex-boyfriend. I still question why she did it but I was more interested about the comments her mom made. Turns out her mom has making these comments for almost our entire relationship.

• "He'll end up leaving you. And you'll get your hart broken again. You'd think at this point you'd learn."

• "He looked a lot happier when he was with [ex]"

• “You should take your distance from him a bit, he shouldn’t get the wrong idea” (Comment made around our 1 year anniversary)

• “His ex moved back into town, so I’d keep an eye on him. You know how cute they were together. He probably still in love with her. Who could blame him.”

• “When he’s going abroad for his job, he’ll find a mistress. They all do.” (no idea where she's getting this. My work doesn't send people abroad)

Fucking bombshell dropped on me. And the way she was telling me all of this, didn't seem like she was making it up (seriously, if she was, she should get an award). There's about ten more she told me, but typing them out would depress me. Nobody knows this is going on, not even her dad and her brother. I feel they should be in the know, and so is my GF, but she is terrified she'll rip her family apart. What the fuck do I do with this?

Tl;dr: Talked to girlfriend, she’s seeking help. Relationship will continue under terms. Tells me her mother played a part in all of it.

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Final Update - after 5 days (after 3 days from last post)

^(October 03, 2015)

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Final update: Me [25 M] with my GF [22 F] of over a year, has trust issues and I can't deal with it anymore.

Final update. First off, thanks to everyone who responded to all of my previous posts. I don't know if without you guys, we would've come to the solution we have today. Second, I'm sorry I didn't respond to questions or advice in my last update. Between the personal problems and work, I didn't really have that much spare time. Here is, what I hope, my final update. I'll try and give as much details again, so sorry for another wall of text.

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After the talk me and my GF had, we came to the conclusion that in order for her to get the help she needs, two things need to happen.

1. She needs to move out of her parents’ house and get her away from her mom.

2. We need to tell her dad and brother what’s been going on, so everyone important is in the know.

GF was hesitant about the last one, she didn’t want to break up her family. I convinced her about at least telling her brother, so if mom tries to manipulate other family members, we at least have someone on our side. We called her bother over to my place. We first informed him of our talk, what my GF’s plans were and how we are going to try and help her. He asked about our relationship. My GF told him about the terms I set, and how it was up to her to put in the work this time. He was happy that we were able to work things out, and promised us all his support and help wherever needed. I also talked with him about our conversation last Tuesday. I told him it was unfair of him to put all the pressure on me to make everything right. He apologized for putting me in that position and told me his only excuse is that he was trying to help his sister.

When we told him about what his mom had been doing, he was furious. He had noticed she had been making off handed to comments to him too, but he never really let them get to him. He supported my stance on the issue of telling her dad, feeling he deserved to know. He also supported us in getting her out of the house. He assumed she would be moving in with me, but after my GF informed him that wasn’t an option, he offered to let her stay at his place for as long as she needed.

We met their parents the next day. Her brother and I agreed that she needed to confront her mother. She was scared, but we told her that whatever was going to happen, we would be there to support her. She told her parents what happened between us, what had been going on the past few day, and how she was going to get therapy to get over her issues. This is how the conversation went:

GF: “… I’m getting therapy.”

Mom: No, you’re not. You’re not getting therapy. You don’t need therapy.

GF: Yes, I do. What I did is not normal. My problems need to get fixed.

Dad: [mom’s name], If she wants to get therapy, let her. If she’s fine, it’ll be over in a couple of sessions.

Mom: SHE’S NOT GETTING THERAPY. Therapy is for crazy people, SHE IS NOT CRAZY.

Me: Yeah, you’re right, she isn’t crazy, she needs help, and if you’re not willing to help her, I will.

Mom: Don’t you speak to me, this is all your fault.

Me: What did I do?

Mom: You have been manipulating her since day one. I always knew you were no good. You're making my daughter paranoid and then blame her for it. I won’t stand for it.

Brother: If anyone’s making her paranoid, it’s you.

Mom: HOW DARE YOU? I AM YOUR MOTHER. I RAISED YOU AND DON’T YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY.

Dad: Calm down, [mom’s name].

Mom: NO, I’AM BEING DISRESPECTED IN MY OWN HOUSE BY THIS LITTLE SHIT (points at me) AND HE’S DRIVING A WEDGE BETWEEN ME AND MY CHILDREN. I’M CALLING THE COPS.

Brother: Yeah, you do that. They’ll have a good laugh.

Mom: Look [GF’s name]. Please listen to me, he’s just like [Ex’s name]. He’ll hurt you, just like [Ex’s name]. I’ve told you this time and time again. Listen to me. Who did you come to after all the beatings, after all the cheating, the humiliation? Me, I was there for you. Listen to your mother. He doesn’t care about you, he’ll use you and throw you away, you know I’m right. I told you a thousand times then and I’m telling you know.

GF: No he won’t. He cares about me, unlike you. All you’ve done these past few years is telling me how I fucked up going out with [Ex’s name]. How stupid I was going back. And yes, it was stupid, but you reminding me every chance you get doesn’t help me. I told you a million times how happy me and [my name] were, but you always needed to shit on my happiness.

Mom: WELL, IF YOU’RE REFUSING TO LEARN, YOU CAN PACK YOUR BAGS AND GET OUT.

GF: That’s the plan.

Mom: WHAT! I REFUSE TO LET YOU LEAVE WITH THAT PSYCHO (alluding to me). YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER.

GF: I’m leaving, and that’s the end of it. You are ruining my life and I won’t allow it anymore.

Her mom then left the room and her dad went after her. We decided to get my GF’s valuables, some clothes and stuff most important to her. We heard her mom screaming at her dad from downstairs. As we are trying to leave, the police arrive. She called them, telling her I was kidnapping her daughter and how I assaulted her when she tried to stop me. GF explains to the cops what's going on, meanwhile mom's yelling at them to arrest me. Cops end up arresting her. That's how it ended. GF hugged her dad goodbye, telling him how she'll call him but it's not good for her to be at home right now. They were both crying. I really felt bad for the guy, he was always a nice guy and he doesn't deserved this. We went to her brother's place, unpacked everything and that's the end of our night.

Today (saturday), GF gets text from her dad. Mom came home and smashed all of the things we couldn't get out, trashed everything and talks about how she doesn't have a daughter anymore. GF doesn't care, she's happy she's out and she's has her first therapy session next wednesday. Whether or not I'm part of any sessions is up to her/her therapist. I'll do my part and it seems GF is willing to do hers. We have a long way to go, but atleast we've set the first steps.

Tl;dr: We confront her family, mom flipped out and got arrested, girlfriend moved out and starts therapy next week.

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COMMENTS

jakabab > Holy fuckin guacamole. > > Good on you for giving her a chance. That chance gave you so many more pieces of the puzzle and maybe now your GF can really work on her issues, instead of constantly having someone whisper awful things to her. > > It would've been understandable if you didn't give her a chance, for the record. I'm just glad that your GF has some true support. I wish you both luck! > > OOP >> That's been going through my mind all day. What if I just walked away? In her eyes, I might have proven her mom's point. Her mental state isn't in the best shape right now, last thing she needs is someone feeding her more insecurities.

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MissTheWire > You are a stand-up guy and I hope she realizes how much you have done for her to try to get over her mom's BS. I hope things work out; even if they don't, you treated her (and yourself ) with compassion and respect. FYI, going into therapy for issues this deep-seeded can be really rough, prepare for some ups and downs (although that doesn't give her a pass for treating you badly). > > And she needs to dump the friend who told her to give you a "test." > > Just curious, you knew the family a long time, did you suspect the Mom was this crazypants? > > OOP >> Yeah, I know it'll be hard on both of us, but I'm prepared to work on it, and it looks like she is as well. At the end of the day, we're on the same team and we want the same thing. I hope we don't lose sight of that. >> >> As for her mom: she was always friendly to me, I never noticed any resentment. She could have made some backhanded comments, but I probably never even realised it. Maybe in time, I'll think back about things she said, and with what I know now, I'll realise what she actually ment. >> >> Edit: >> >> As for her friend: I've not asked her to cut ties with her. That's for my GF to decide. Her friend isn't really a bad person, she didn't mean for any of this to happen. She has never show any intention of sabotaging us and was really upset about the whole aftermath. She has felt really bad about this whole ordeal. >> >> I received a apology from her after the "test" happened, and I'll be honest, I wasn't upset with her, I was upset with my GF. She was the one who went with the idea. She could have said; "That's horrible. I won't do that." I told her that after all this, instead of taking actions right away, she should think about what concequences those actions could have.

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pepcorn > Her mom sounds like she wants to protect her daughter, but she's going about it in all the wrong ways. Too bad she so anti-therapy, I feel it could benefit her too. > > OOP >> Maybe she'll realise it and gets the help she obviously needs. But the fact that her daughter walked out of her life and her first response was to destroy everthing that reminded of her, doesn't give me hope. >> >> Anyway, at this point, my GF is done with her mother. She'll be able to get the help she wants and that's all that matters to me.

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throwawayathrowaway0 > Wow, you are an awesome person, OP. I hope you know that. > > It sounds like your girlfriend's mom is verbally abusive and as someone who grew up in that sort of environment, it really fucks with you. Some people never gain the confidence or support to get out of a situation like your girlfriend was in and it kills me knowing that there are still people (usually children) stuck in toxic environments feeling hopeless. I know your girlfriend is not a child, but it sounds like for at least part of the time you guys have been in a relationship, she's sought approval and wisdom of her mother. > > Maybe I'm reaching a bit and making assumptions about your girlfriend's upbringing and relationship with her mother. Regardless, I'm so glad she's finally realizing how fucked the things your mom has been saying and how that's impacted her treatment toward you. You have been so understanding, patient, and supportive. I really hope therapy helps her out and that you relationship grows stronger because of all of this. Thank you. > > OOP >> Thank you. I try my best. >> >> I assume that her mother has been doing this since she was with her ex. I know at the time, she was right, her ex was absolutely shitty to her and she needed to get out, but wouldn't listen. I'd hate to be a parent in that situation. >> >> But after it ended, instead of comforting her, she kept blaming her and reminding her how she was right the whole time. When your head isn't in the right place already, that's the last thing you want. Anyway, since mother was right about her ex, mother must have been convinced she was right about me. The fact that GF kept repeating we were happy, must have been reason for her to keep pushing her ideas on GF. >> >> Or maybe I'm wrong and her mother has been abusive her entire life. The fact that her brother has similar experiences worries me, but right now I'm afraid to dig deeper into the issue. I'll leave that to the professional.

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materiaVII > It sounds like your gf will be much better off without her mom, as sad as that is. > > Her poor father though. His daughter leaves and his wife goes nuts. If I were you, I would have your gf regularly invite her father and brother out for family nights. It sounds like it would be good for all three of them. > > OOP >> Definatly. Her dad has been nothing but cool to me, and I really felt bad for the guy. He will always be welcome at my place.

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MuppetManiac > Does she have her birth certificate? Social security card? Passport if she has one? Forget about the valuables, make sure she has these things. Go get them when mom isn't home. Get dad to help if you can. > > OOP >> We have all those thing, or atleast a way to access them. Birth certificates are obtainable via city hall.

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GoldenAthleticRaider > Man I really hope this isn't your last update! Things can only get better from here. > > OOP >> Maybe I'll do one a couple of months from now, depending how everything goes.

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Saltylikeapretzel

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: March 26, 2026

• Final Update: July 03, 2026

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Main Post

^(March 26, 2026)

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AITAH for getting pregnant without considering my roommates feelings?

I’m living with a friend in a two bedroom apartment in a major city (separate bathrooms. She also lives in the master and we split rent evenly). I have a long distance partner and I recently discovered I am pregnant (very early on). The current lease we are in ends on June 30, and I asked my friend/roommate if she would be down to do a month to month lease for a few months after our lease ends until I get close to my due date and then I would move in with my parents.

My parents live in another major city that is about a 3 hour commute from my workplace, where I work in person twice a week, so understandably I wouldn’t want to be doing this commute for longer than I have to. My roommate said she did not want to do month to month and I said that was fine, I would just move down in July when our lease is up.

Today, my roommate informed me that she is “not comfortable” living with me until our lease ends because she ”did not sign up to be responsible for someone who is pregnant or trying to start a family” and therefore I needed to pay to break our lease so she wouldn’t have to live with me for the next three months.

I asked in what way me sharing a wall with her for the three months as per our lease would impact her in any way given that I have not asked her for any support in my pregnancy so far. She said that it did not matter that I was not relying on her for support as because she had to advocate for herself and she didn’t want the responsibility of living with someone who is pregnant because what if something goes wrong? She also mentioned the possibility of my mom or a friend taking me to appointments and therefore “forcing her to be a part of this”.

She said she was very upset that I had not considered her feelings and what she was “forced to be a part of” when getting pregnant, and that it was my responsibility to pay for all the costs associated with breaking the lease early as I am the one who “changed the terms of us living together.”

To be clear, I am not nor have I ever asked her to live with me close to my delivery or after I give birth, just to end our lease on Jun 30, at which point I would be 4 months pregnant. She said this was an unfair and selfish ask of me and she was disappointed that I didn’t have the capacity to put myself in her position and think about how my pregnancy would affect her (she does have previous trauma relating to a pregnancy that did not end up going to term, to be fair).

I told her I was ok with never mentioning my pregnancy to her or asking anything of her, but she insists that it is unfair of me to ask that we finish our lease through June 30 because i will “still be pregnant” and it will be so hard for me to move in June. So therefore I have to pay thousands of dollars to break the lease early.

Am I the asshole for asking to finish out this lease for the next three months and forcing my roommate to coexist with me while I am in early pregnancy, given I did not consider how this would affect her and the potential “liability” she would have if I live with her while pregnant? Alternatively, am I the asshole here for asking that we split the costs of breaking the lease given SHE is the one that no longer wants to live with me ?

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COMMENTS

OOP to a long comment thread >Thank you. Prior to literally yesterday, I was close friends with my roommate. I did know about her trauma and have routinely been a listening ear and validated her feelings surrounding what happened. I won’t go into more details about her trauma because it’s not my story to tell, but it’s something we have discussed extensively beforehand. > >I definitely feel bad that I triggered her by accidentally getting pregnant, but I was shocked that someone that I considered a friend could be so callous and self centered and unsupportive during a time that she, better than anyone, would understand is so difficult to navigate already without the added stress of housing instability. Before yesterday I loved her very much and felt and showed a lot of empathy for her and tried to accommodate her many traumas in our living situation. > >For example, she has a reactive dog that she refuses to actively train. Prior to moving in I expressed my own desire to get a dog in the wake of losing my soul dog last year. She assured me she would need time to get settled but that this would be fine. When I brought up getting a dog two months into living together, she immediately said she would move out because she could not deal with the anxiety of having her reactive dog around another dog all the time. > >I offered to pay for training myself and she refused, insisting her anxieties would not be eased by a professional dog trainer, so I accepted it and never brought up the dog again. I am willing to work with people’s, especially my friend’s, mental illness and traumas, but what she demanded I do in this situation felt beyond the pale.

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WinEquivalent4069 > Her not wanting to do month to month after the lease is up is totally fair. Her thinking you needed to factor Her emotions and wants in your pregnancy are way out of bounds. Definitely NTA. She wants the lease broken then she can pay to do it. > > OOP >> Thank you! I agree maybe I shouldn’t have asked if she wanted to do month to month (for clarity, I imagined extending the lease by two months or so, not all the way up until my due date in late November), but as soon as she said no I completely respected that and assured her I’d made my own arrangements once our lease ended. 

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OOP regarding roommate's mental health and their relationship > She’s been in therapy for most of her adult life and her mom is a mental health professional which makes this all the more baffling.  > >& > > Thanks. For the record we were not long distance when we started dating three years ago, but he’s had to move to a different state for a job. He’s also currently studying for a masters degree, which he will finish next year. We have the rest of the pregnancy figured out and we will be living together after baby is born! 

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Salt-Trade-5210 > Would she have had the same reaction if you'd broken your leg or developed migraines or some other medical issues? > She's an idiot. Ignore her drama and move out when your lease ends. > > OOP >> The funny thing is I literally do have migraines! And other chronic health conditions! Which she knew about before living with me. 

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Chicken_nuggie9510 > NTA but where is your partner in all this? Why would you move in with your parents and not your partner you’re pregnant with? > > Every-Chipmunk-4259 >> Yeah it doesn’t sound like he wants this baby… >> >> OOP >>> He very much does! He’ll be telling his parents this weekend :) I just didn’t mention this all in the post as I didn’t feel it was relevant.  > > OOP >> My partner is very supportive but unfortunately has legal/other ties to a different state, which makes moving immediately financially impossible. I cannot move to be with him as my job requires me to be in person twice a week, and without doxxing myself entirely, my job depends on a license, which I only have in my current state, not my partner’s. It’s not possible for me to up and move to him either as I would be unable to get a job in his state. Thankfully he’s worked it out with his employer and his school to where we will be living together post baby/in late pregnancy! 

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EmiliusReturns > NTA. I really don’t see how you being only 4 months pregnant by the time you move out is going to affect her at all. You’re going to be long gone before the baby is born. > > OOP >> I truly wish I could understand how having a friend pick me up to take me to a pregnancy appointment would force her to be a part of anything but she insists that other people “being in and out of the house” is forcing her to participate in my pregnancy. By seeing them I guess? She refused to elaborate and said “do you not see how this is forcing me to be involved?” 

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Thin_Rub_4739 > Am I misunderstanding? Are you one month pregnant now? > > OOP >> Six weeks!

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Final Update - after 3 months, 7 days

^(July 03, 2026)

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UPDATE: AITAH for getting pregnant without considering my roommate’s feelings

Now that my lease has ended I thought an update was warranted. TL;DR at the end.

First, a little more background on my roommate. She and I were friends for about a year before we decided to live together. The pregnancy related trauma I mentioned in my earlier post was her getting an abortion two years ago because she decided she did not want to have a child with her fiancé at the time, as he was verbally abusive and got her pregnant without her consent.

She was open about this happening-she told me about her abortion the literal day that I met her. We also had a mutual friend who was trying to conceive with her husband at the time I got pregnant. This mutual friend would openly talk about her attempts to get pregnant, including a miscarriage with my roommate and my roommate appeared to have zero issues discussing these topics with her and remaining this person’s friend.

Now onto what happened next. I took the advice of a lot of you (and my IRL friends) and told my roommate via text (to have it in writing) that I would not be leaving the apartment until our lease ended June 30. I told her that if she felt uncomfortable, that was on her to manage and she was welcome to make arrangements with the landlord. In response, she said “👍” which viewers of RHOSLC will recognize as a Gen Z “fuck you.” After I stood my ground, things at the apartment were tense.

I spoke to her in person only once more, when I asked if she would move her car so I could out our trash bins out. She said she would do it and then didn’t, leaving me to scramble to get the bins out in time the next morning. She also routinely had guests over, in particular one former friend of mine that I had a falling out with (unrelated to roommate) to antagonize me. She also replaced all the pictures of us in the apartment with pictures of her and this former friend.

I’ll admit that I was petty too. I took my microwave and toaster out of the kitchen and put up a single ultrasound picture in a common area (but I removed it after two days since I felt bad). In general though, I stayed in my room 99% of the time I was in the apartment and did not see or speak to her again after early April. I completely stopped using the kitchen and common areas. Even when I had my mom visit, she and I would spend all our time locked in my room.

Unexpectedly and without telling me, my roommate moved out on May 8th. She took several of my things, blocked me in the driveway for hours, and refused to reimburse me for the couch we had bought together and utilities she still owed me. When I asked her to reimburse me for these things over text, she said that she would not be paying me anything because I had “bullied her out of the house” an “had been hostile to her friends so they could not come over.”

These texts were a little concerning because, again, I had not even spoken to her in over a month at this point. I had never asked her not to bring certain people over and did not consider my taking the microwave and toaster away “bullying” anymore than I considered her putting up photos of a person I disliked all over our apartment “bullying.” Regardless, I thought I was finally free and was willing to lose the half grand I paid or the couch and the hundreds she owed me in utilities if it meant she was out of my life.

Despite taking several things that belonged to me, she was kind enough to leave her side of the fridge full of rotten food, leave trash strewn all over her old room, leave unpatched holes in the wall, and leave a cabinet her dog had chewed up unrepaired.

Surprisingly, she paid rent for the month of June. Prior to her moving out and this conflict arising, another mutual friend (though he was primarily my friend, to be fair) had asked if he could stay with us on and off for the month of June while he completed a residency for his physician’s assistant program in our city. Both of us had said yes and planned to let him stay in our spare room.

After roommate moved out and been out for over a month, my friend came to stay. Since my roommate had had the master bed/bath (and paid the same in me as rent, btw) I set up an air mattress in her old room as well as a desk. The spare room was on the other end of the apartment from the bathrooms and was adjacent to the kitchen, so I thought setting him up in my roommates old room made more sense and gave him more privacy. As he was a guest, I didn’t charge him any rent or utilities, just let him stay because I appreciated the company.

Two weeks before our lease ended and well over a month after she had moved out, my roommate and her dad used a spare key to re enter the apartment. My friend was there at the time, but I wasn’t. She told my friend she and her dad were there to “patch holes in the wall” but left after only a few minutes without making any effort to repair the property damage she and her dog had caused.

Instead, she sent an email to the landlord alleging that I was violating our lease by illegally subletting her room and demanding that I reimburse her for rent. My landlord was thankfully a rational person who also thought my roommate was crazy and told her that any dispute was between the two of us and he would not be reimbursing her for rent.

Shortly after the landlord politely told her to get fucked, she emailed me, CCing her parents (she is a 28 year old practicing attorney, btw) alleging that I had violated the lease, that she had it on “good authority” that I had multiple people living with me for months, that my friend visiting was “trespassing/squatting” and was at the apartment illegally and that if I did not reimburse her for her rent for the months of May and June she would be “escalating the matter.”

Unfortunately for her, I too am an attorney who evidently paid much more attention in torts and property class than she did. I read through the lease and saw that it did not proscribe guests but did limit occupancy to two adults (not lessees) at one time. A violation of this portion of the lease entitled the landlord to raise the rent, but did not entitle the co-lessees to any liquidated damages for the breach.

I wrote her a very strongly worded email in which I detailed that I had not broken our lease, she had suffered no damages, my friend was not trespassing nor squatting as he had my permission to be there and I was a cotenant that had the right to possess the entirety of the property, and that I would therefore not be reimbursing her for absolutely anything. I also included texts of her agreeing to reimburse me for the couch, admitting that her dog had destroyed the property, and giving me permission (though again this was not necessary) to have guests, including my friend in question) over “any time.”

Finally, I defined reproductive coercion and abuse for her and told her that her actions were essentially an attempt to coerce me into an abortion and then abusing me financially when I refused to terminate the pregnancy at her request. I told her not to contact me again and that she was welcome to take me to small claims court and explain to a judge why she had moved out early—if she did so, I would be countersuing her for her unpaid utilities and the couch.

Since then, she’s been silent. I moved out last weekend and asked the landlord to split out deposit in half, which he agreed to. My pregnancy is progressing well and I’m nearly halfway through! And it seems like this saga is finally over, fingers crossed.

TL;DR roommate is an entitled c*ntmp that tried to wield her trauma as a weapon to coerce me into terminating my pregnancy and, when that failed, tried to fuck me over financially in revenge. I resisted those attempts and successfully moved out, and despite some remaining harassment on her end she has left me alone for the past few weeks.

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COMMENTS

ReceptionPuzzled1579 > She’s an idiot and you are too nice. I would have taken the entire deposit, her part being reimbursement for unpaid utilities and the couch since you had evidence of these debts. > > OOP >> I truly considered asking the landlord to just send the deposit to me and keeping it all, but I’m honestly a little afraid of her because she doesn’t seem to be in touch with reality and I didn’t know what she might do in “revenge” for me “stealing” from her. >> >> Corfiz74 >>> You should have kept it as reimbursement for cleaning up the mess she left behind - I bet you documented everything, so you could have argued that the deposit was your payment for cleanup and repairs. >>> >>> OOP >>>> I wanted to, but I was (and to some degree still am) afraid of her and don’t want to take this to small claims court. I’m confident I would win but I don’t want to see her ever again and having her leave me alone forever is honestly worth every penny.

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Beginning-Fun6616 > No damage deduction for the holes made by the ex-roommate? > > OOP >> Doesn’t seem like it! My mom and I patched the holes and the cabinet and repainted the patches before I moved out.

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RamenNoodles620 > Well done. Did her parents ever say anything? Her including them in this was pretty funny. > > OOP >> No, I have no idea why she included them in that chain as neither of them are attorneys. Ironically enough, one of them is a couples therapist.

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AZDarkknight > Im assuming she didnt have any deposit left as that would have been required for the repairs to the property? > > OOP >> No, I paid for the costs to repair the damage/repaired it myself before the move out inspection as I figured that would be cheaper than the landlord making an exaggerated claim of how much it cost to repair the walls and cabinet. She never contributed to these costs but oh well.

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Life-Wealth-3399 > Please, please tell me when you replied to her email you reply all so her parents can see what she is doing, please tell me you did that. > > OOP >> Oh I replied all to that motherfucker. Hope her parents got a wake up call but I doubt it since they raised her to be this entitled. >> >> TheBearOnATricycle >>> Hell yeah. My other question is this: did she ever show any other behaviors to suggest she was into you romantically? This reads like an incel who throws a fit because the barista he thought was into him has a boyfriend. >>> >>> OOP >>>> You aren’t the first person to mention that. I never got the sense that she was into me romantically but she did treat me very differently to her other female friends. She often told me I was a “safe person” for her an often expected me or outright told me to suppress my own needs and wants because hers were more important or her mental health was worse. Looking back I think it was just a toxic relationship and she felt like she had the right to control my behavior. When I stood up to her by refusing to move out it was like she’d suffered the biggest betrayal ever because I think she really expected me to apologize for getting pregnant without considering her feelings and move out, shouldering all the expenses without question.

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TheBearOnATricycle > As a former social worker trained on it, that sounds like romantic attraction that turned into bitter toxicity when you didn’t reciprocate (which blew up when you got pregnant, which cements that you are in fact serious about your partner), although with her behavior like that it makes me question if the partner who had gotten her pregnant was the abusive one after all, because it sounds like she treated you the way an abusive partner does to their victim.
> > Did she ever try to control you in any other ways, such as controlling who could come over or judging/critiquing outfits or with who/where you chose to spend time?
> > Assuming you have left the apartment, if she tries to make contact with you now I’d suggest considering a no contact order in case she goes fully off the rails. But hopefully you won’t hear from her any more after this! > > OOP >> You’re right on the money. She labelled my partner as abusive and would often tell me stories about things my partner had done that were entirely untrue, exaggerated, or made up. When I would tell her she was wrong, she’d insist that I had told her these (often outright lies) things about my partner. for example, confided in her that once, in our over three years of dating, he told me “fuck you” during an argument, something I agree is unacceptable behavior and which he has only done the one time. After learning this she told me he was not allowed in the apartment because he triggered her, comparing him to exes that had sexually and physically assaulted her and tried to kill her. As we’re long distance, that meant I had to pay for a hotel any time he visited. I pushed back on this and she told me she had “decided I had a right to have him visit” but that I had to constantly text her updates of where we were so she would never have to look him in the face. I once asked her if my partner ever did something to her to make her feel uncomfortable or afraid and she said no, but that she was in therapy to try and understand how I could remain in a relationship with a man like him. >> >> TheBearOnATricycle >>> Ooh yeah if you’ve got an iPhone you might try to check your belongings for an AirTag, you seem to have a bit of a fan 😅 >>> >>> OOP >>>> I didn’t mention this but her initial reaction to my pregnancy also shocked me. I told her I was pregnant and she said “oh. Don’t worry, the abortion isn’t that bad.” When I told her I was actually thinking of keeping the pregnancy, it felt like things were immediately off. Five days later she told me she no longer felt comfortable living with me etc. etc. I remember at one point I said “it feels like you’re giving me the choice between getting an abortion and having a place to live or keeping my pregnancy and suffering financially” and she said “no, I’m just asking you to take responsibility for your actions.” The she told me I was making it very hard for her to self advocate because I was acting like I was attacking her. I was like is that not literally what you’re doing??

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turBo246 > Wow! I remember reading the original post and not seeing this going well! > > Thanks so much for the update!! > > I am positive that she behaved this way and wanted you to get an abortion, not because of her trauma - since you said she is fine with other pregnant people out and about in her daily life. But she wanted to renew your lease and not live with a baby. > > She just went completely off the deep end when you said you were keeping it though. > > Girl definitely needs a new therapist, as the one she's been seeing for years, is clearly not working. 😬 > > OOP >> I think in general she projected a lot of her trauma onto me and generally expected me to manage her mental illnesses for her. She once told me she had a hard time saying no so therefore I was not allowed to ask her for things she would have to say no to. I asked her if I could get a dog (which was allowed so long as I notified the landlord and paid the pet deposit) and she said she would just move out instead and that it was manipulative of me to ask her when I knew she has a hard time saying no to things, and thus I was basically forcing her to to either say yes or move out. That was back in September and I should have taken that as a sign she was unwell but at the time I thought I could make it through the end of the lease.

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/oldmangeralt

Published on: r/Advice

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 19, 2026

• Final Update: July 01, 2026

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Main Post

^(June 19, 2026)

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My childhood bully is now bullying my son.

My son is 6, and he's such a sweet soul. He has his ups and downs as any child does, but he's gentle and at times too got for this world. We haven't had many instances of him being bullied up until now, and he's not taking it well.

Back when I was a child/young teen, a certain girl decided to make my life living hell. She disguised herself as my friend and made me do all kinds of things for her, only to call me all the names under the sun for them. She'd make me sit on the floor and call me unworthy to touch any furniture. It was the kind of mental torture no 10 year old should endure, and I lived through it up until I was 17.

I'm 28 now, I have a child of my own and my number one parenting goal has always been to make sure my son never bullies anyone. Well, hers wasn't. She has a son as well, a year older than my kid. It hasn't been an issue up until a few months ago when they moved back to our hometown after spending the first years of the kid's life in the nearest big city.

My son, the friendly little guy he is, became friends with the boy and they had some play dates and fun outings together, which I've been trying to accept, despite that gut feeling. Turns out I was right to worry about it, though.

My son has been coming home, saying that all of his friends have been laughing at him saying he has rabies. He wants us to get rid of our dogs, and there had been instances of him telling me his 'friends' were saying he lives in a rabies infested house. The reason? I'm a K9 handler and trainer. We have 4 family dogs, and I have my own business training dogs for the army/police/armed forces, or just protection dogs in general. I've been doing this for 10 years, way before my son was born.

The most terrifying part is that the grown ass adult woman, my former bully, is the one who came up with the amazing idea of calling a 6 year old rabies infested. A friend of mine showed me a group chat she's been added to (along with other parents of the kids in my son's friend group), where she's been relentlessly bullying my 6 year old child, and me by proxy, with the other parents agreeing or laugh-reacting. She's editing pictures, downloading them from my website (regarding to the dogs we have, I obviously don't post my son) and using the photos the boys have together. I've seen an edited photo of my son's happy face in that hospital isolation room, or my dog's pictures with my son edited so that they all are foaming at the mouth.

An adult ass woman doing this to a 6 year old little boy.

My bub is obviously upset, but he doesn't know about the extent of it. It's just that his friends don't want to play with him because they think he has a deadly, infectious disease. He cried himself to sleep tonight, and it makes my heart break, because I promised myself he'll never go through what I did – yet, he is going through it now.

Other than the obvious, which would be going to the school, I'd like to get back on her for all the years she's spent terrorising me, and worst of all, terrorising my son now. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Any payback ideas, if legal, would be appreciated too.

TLDR: My childhood bully is secretly bullying my 6 year old son claiming he has rabies. She's making disgusting edits of his pictures and sending them to a group chat I'm not a part of to laugh about it with other parents. I'm lost and my child is heartbroken.

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NOTE: There were comments from OOP

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Final Update - after 12 days

^(July 01, 2026)

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[UPDATE] My childhood bully is now bullying my son.

Hi all! About two weeks ago I posted on here about a very concerning situation regarding myself, my son and my childhood bully. A whole lot of you have been asking for an update, so here it is:

After reading through all of the comments, I decided not to post her on SM for everyone to see, mostly because I don't need a defamation case on top of everything that's going on right now. I did, however, look into her life and why she had to move back to our home town, and with the help of some childhood friends I was able to find out she did something similar to one of her coworkers (no children involved, though), and ended up getting fired, hence was unable to stay in the city. I did, however, file a police report, and got a half assed, scared shitless apology from her via Messenger. I can't say more about how it's been going when it comes to the claim and court dates etc., so I'm sorry I can't give you an update on that as of now.

Some of you mentioned I should also go to the school and show off the dogs to kids, so they all understand what the dogs actually do. I can't do that, sadly, because school's out. However! I was able to work with the town and organize a meeting in the park, where I was able to show what my dogs did. It was for everyone to attend, but from what my son has told me, a surprising amount of his peers actually did show up. I have another show scheduled for this weekend during the summer festival in town, and my son will be actually 'performing' this time as well. He's super excited, and I'm glad I was able to have him make some good memories after all that.

Lastly, for the people who wanted me to beat her up: I am 22 weeks pregnant, so no thanks. My partner beat me to it, though. He's a firefighter, so for most of this I wasn't really able to talk to him about my feelings when he was working his double shifts, but the moment I was able to sit down with him and tell him, he went straight to that house to have a word with her (bully) husband. He came out of it in one piece, he's fine, and the other dude is alive, but if I wasn't a mother with another baby on the way + an adult woman, I would say it was entertaining af.

Another small piece of information people have been wondering about: I did say I'm 28, and that I've been doing this for 10 years, and someone mentioned it's impossible. Well, I've actually been working with dogs way before I turned 18, my dad did it for a living my whole life as well. I did not, however, open my business when I was 18, lol. I joined the army as soon as I could, so that was my first real, adult job.

So there's that. Thank you all for helping me out with it and getting mad alongside me. We're all doing much better. It's my son's birthday tomorrow, so I've got cake pops to dip and a back yard to set up, but for any of you who were actually worried about him: he is happy, smiling and excited as hell for presents tomorrow.

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COMMENTS

361days > Wait so your husband fought the other husband? > > OOP >> It was a bit of a scuffle, yeah

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Curious_Owl197 > Are we accepting of sending the kid to karate class and then punching the bully kid in the mouth? > > OOP >> He will be doing Krav Maga, starting September. Both me and my brother did, and it really gave us both a confidence boost, so I'm signing him up as well

&nbsp;

---

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/AngryWifeThrowaway

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: October 20, 2015

• Final Update: October 22, 2015

---

Main Post

^(October 20, 2015)

---

Coworker is falsely accusing me of having an affair with her husband...what should I do?

Ok, so first a little backstory...I (27F) have been working at a small restaurant for the past 4 years. I supervise a small 6 person crew, and we all get along very well. Since my first day, my dishwasher "Jim" (65M) and I clicked the most. He's retired army, and has the same crazy sense of humor as me. On our breaks, we like to share stories and jokes (sometimes inappropriate ones). However, this is always only between the two of us, never in front of other staff or customers. I see him as a good friend and coworker, nothing more.

Everything has been going fine and dandy until a couple days ago when his wife (60ish) confronted me out of the blue. She's our receptionist, and has been working there for about 7 years.
She seemed quite angry and shaken and told me that she's seen how I look at her husband, and it makes her uncomfortable. I apologized, obviously, I never meant to make her feel that way. I hoped that would diffuse the situation, but she got even angrier, and told me that she knew we were having some kind of relationship behind her back. I had no idea what to say, I was just floored. She started to ramble, saying that I shouldn't be looking up to him as a father figure, just because my father most likely abandoned me, (which he didn't) and that i'm abusing my position as his supervisor to make him do whatever I want, and to keep him quiet about it. She warned me that if this behavior continued, that she would report me for sexual harassment.

I spoke to Jim about this, and we both tried (separately and together) to convince her that she was wrong, but she was still very upset and didn't want to talk about it. She told us we can deny it till we turn blue, but she doesn't believe us. I don't know what to do. I feel like I should go talk to HR, but should I just wait for it to all blow over? There's obviously something going on between the two of them that I don't know about, but from everything I've seen, it looks like they have a good marriage. Jim and I agreed to take breaks at different times, and keep our interactions professional for the time being. I'm really worried what she might do, and a lawsuit would ruin my career. Help Reddit!

TL/DR- Coworker is threatening to report me for sexual harassment...I never slept with her husband...

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Imsolost123456789 > Take it to HR. Say that she is accusing you of things and creating a hostile work environment- because she is. > > fluorowhore >> A small restaurant is unlikely to have an HR department. Talk to the owner. >> >> OOP >>> We're part of a larger corporation that has an HR department, though I've never really dealt with them.

---

OOP > Wow, thank you guys for your advice. It all pretty much confirmed what I think my next steps will be. Our HR department is pretty quick to judge, so I think I'll have to be very cautious of what I say when I bring this to them. I do want to nip it in the bud before it blows up into something bigger. Going to start drafting an email to them tonight, and I'll post an update if I hear anything back. :)

---

alanaa92 > No one has mentioned this but I would immediately cool your interactions with Jim to strictly professional matters. It sucks, but your job is on the line. > > Do that first and see if it pacifies his wife before you visit human resources. > > WHUFC118 >> It also sucks if your husband is going off for private jokey/flirty sessions with his female boss when they're both supposed to be working, wouldn't you say? >> >> OOP >>> It's not like that at all. We've never flirted with each other, and we typically eat lunch around the same time, so it's nice to have someone to sit with and share a laugh or two. I guess I can see how his wife could have misconstrued this, but if there had been anything blatantly inappropriate going on, I feel like other people would have noticed.

---

1fuathyro > You exchanging 'sexy' stories with your employee is poor judgement on your part. YOU are the manager. You are not your employee's friends, or did you miss the memo about that. > > It cracks me up how many boundaries managers cross. When you are the boss you really have to watch yourself. I'm not saying that you can't be cordial and that there aren't 'friendly' things you can do (like attend a wedding, a shower etc.) but what you did was inappropriate. > > Also, a little tidbit about men. You give them attention and they think you are interested. My husband goes on and on about how women at work want him all day-all because they give him attention. It pisses me off because I only get his side of the story. I'm sure his wife doesn't appreciate all the attention you are showing HER husband and perhaps he eggs her on with his stories about your little 'times' together. > > I can see you being fired for this, actually. You better hope the company finds you valuable. Live and learn. > > OOP >> Did you even read my post at all? We've never flirted, and definitely never shared "sexy stories". Our jokes mainly consist of puns and one liners that are 99% of the time stupid and juvenile. I'm appalled that people jump to these conclusions. And just so you're aware, our "secret, sexy" meetings involve us sitting at the same table for lunch. Most of the time we don't even talk. So if you have nothing constructive to say, keep your judgments to yourself.

---

Final Update - after 2 days

^(October 22, 2015)

---

Update: Coworker is falsely accusing me of having an affair with her husband.

Me (27F) Jim (65M) Karen(60F) (forgive me for any formatting issues, i'm not tech savvy)

Ok, so A LOT has happened in the past few hours that has pretty much cleared everything up, but it's a doozy of a story. So I decided to call HR, and tell them what happened. I was calm and objective, stating only the facts and what Karen (Jim's wife) accused me of. My HR rep said that they appreciated my honesty, and while my actions weren't wise or appropriate for the workplace, it wasn't necessarily considered harassment. Karen never said that she overheard any of our conversations, just that the way I looked at him and sat with him at lunch made her uncomfortable. If she did contact them, they would look into it, but otherwise, just try to keep my interactions at work professional from now on. Fair enough.

After Karen confronted me the other day, she hasn't shown up for work the past 2 days. I asked Jim what happened, and he confided in me that they had a huge fight. Karen has been on psych meds for the past few years, and without his knowledge, she's taken herself off of them. (I didn't ask what they were for, it's not my business.) Things at home had been getting tense, so for the past month or so, he's been going to the bar after work with his old Army buddies. That's probably why she was getting suspicious that we were meeting behind her back. He told her that I spoke to HR, and she flipped out. She called them screaming, and said that I was lying, and for the past 2 years I've been soliciting her for sexual favors, and making unwanted advances towards her. (This is of course 100% bullshit).

It took a little while, but he eventually calmed her down, and convinced her to call HR back and tell the truth. She recanted everything she said, and asked them not to punish me for her misjudgment. Her paranoia and anxiety are getting worse, and even her children are getting concerned. After talking to Jim, I got a call from HR this morning telling me that her report was unjustified, and no further actions would be taken. I was also told by my manager that Karen is taking some time off "for her health". Jim says that they're reevaluating whether working is a good idea for her right now.

For those of you who urged me to talk to HR, THANK YOU!! I'm glad I said something before she had a chance to spin another web of lies that could have been much much worse. At the same time, I feel terrible for her. She's usually such a sweet person, and I'm glad she's taking the time she needs to get things back in order. Crisis averted!

TL/DR- Coworker had a psychotic break. Still didn't sleep with her husband.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

ForeverChasingEchos > I said in your other post it sounded more like a break down or mental illness. I really hope the lady gets the help she needs. She sounds like she should be in a hospital until they can fix her medication to get her stable > > OOP >> Yeah, that's what I was sort of assuming. It was like talking to a completely different person, her personality made a complete 180.

---

Hisbaby4 > I think I'm the future you need to not be Jim's sounding board. > Be professional but leave personal things out. > > eightiesladies >> Right!? They told her to be professional and she said "no problem," Then went right to him and asked about her. >> >> OOP >>> To be fair, he came to me with that info. I just asked him if she was ok. He thought I deserved an explanation, and I appreciated it. I didn't badger him for gossip.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Fantastic_Sorbet9395

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 30, 2026

• Update: July 02, 2026

---

Main Post

^(June 30, 2026)

---

My [30/F] husband [33/M] wants to try Polyamory with one specific woman. How do I talk to him about it?

We’ve been married for 7 years. Mostly good marriage until the last year.

My husband got promoted at work and started bringing up this one coworker [26/F] a lot.

The first time I hung out with them all outside of work, alarm bells started ringing. My husband spent the whole night entertaining her while I felt like the third wheel.

I asked husband to distance himself from coworker and he said he would implement some boundaries.

Months pass. I stop hearing about coworker. I think everything is good.

Then last week husband sat me down and said he wanted to try polyamory. He didn’t want to talk about who at first, but eventually he admitted he wanted to take coworker out on a date.

I told him I am monogamous. Our relationship has always been monogamous. I have no interest in being poly.

He asked me why I didn’t like her.

The conversation ended when I said he couldn’t have a wife and a girlfriend but he’s been mopping around and crying on and off since.

I want to save my marriage but it’s not in my control. It’s up to my husband and what he wants to do next.

Nothing physical has happened yet. He hasn’t even told her about his crush yet. He said he wanted to ask me first.

I think I could forgive him for this if things change, but I don’t know what’s reasonable to ask him for. What are reasonable stipulations? Couples counseling for sure, but what else?

Tl;dr: My husband picked out the woman he wants to cheat on me with and asked me for permission. Now what?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

justcozitscool > It’s not up to him, it’s up to you. You aren’t powerless here. If he’s going to act like that because he wants a gf and wants you to be ok with it. You leave. It will hurt and suck for ages but you WILL get over it. And find someone that wants you and only you. > > OOP >> I want to believe. It just feels so far away

---

MiloTheMagnificent > He’s already cheating on you. They have definitely been physical. Something has happened with her to make him attempt this “soft launch” of the affair, like she’s told him she’s pregnant or she’s given him an ultimatum because she doesn’t want to be the secret side piece anymore or people who know you have already seen them together and he’s trying to get ahead of it. Find yourself a lawyer and start focusing on protecting yourself through the upcoming divorce. He’s seeking forgiveness by framing it as permission there’s nothing here to save. > > OOP >> I’m so scared you’re right. This felt like it had to come from somewhere

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Southern-Midnight741 > The fact that he is asking for a threesome means he has discussed this with the other women. They are at the point where discussing or fantasy about sex with her has been occurring > > OOP >> He isn’t asking for a threesome. He wants me to be his wife and separately he wants her to be his girlfriend

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hiKlementine > Married for 7 years but 3 years ago you were a lesbian based on your post history? > > OOP >> This is my friend’s throw away account. She lent me her login

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Sinusaur > > My husband spent the whole night entertaining her while I felt like the third wheel. > > The Audacity of some dudes. All of their coworkers can see this. > > OOP >> Another coworker asked if he was poly… he says that’s what put the idea in his head >> >> Shironaku >>> Why would a coworker ask that? Unless they've already witnessed something weird (I assume they know he's married) >>> >>> OOP >>>> That’s what I’m afraid of but I didn’t want to accuse him of “asking for it”

---

doeskyleevershower > I love how all the answers are like high-school kids saying "leave" lol yeah a 7 year marriage that they built a life around and built a life on dual incomes and tied their names to everything. I would dig deeper into your husband's needs of why he feels like this. Not one comment I've seen has mentioned looking into why he is feeling the need to sleep around. How often are you guys making love? Not just sex but actual romantic love? How often do you initiate it? > > OOP >> 3-4 times a week. I really think the change is he got the promotion at work and his confidence improved. He started going out with coworkers and changing up his style

---

Update - after 2 days

^(July 02, 2026)

---

Update: My [30/F] husband [33/M] wants to try Polyamory with one specific woman. How do I talk to him about it?

I don’t know how to link my original post, but to summarize, my husband of 7 years wants my permission to start a relationship with his coworker. We have always been monogamous and I told him no. I came here looking for advice on how to save my marriage.

Update

I talked to our two best friends (a married couple who have been like family to my husband and I for many years) about what’s been going on.

To say they were upset on my behalf is an understatement. While I was telling them what happened, one of them started writing down her thoughts.

Once we finished talking, she had me call my husband over and she basically talked/yelled at him for being an idiot while we went through each of her bullet points basically calling out everything you all said. Starting with “Coercion isn’t a valid entrance to Polyamory,” and ending with “What are YOU going to do to fix this.“

But the most damning accusation was “You don’t want to try polyamory, you just want to fuck your coworker”

I’ve never seen someone so upset on my behalf.

My husband didn’t say much and when he did, our friend clapped back with a comment that I could tell really affected him. His whole mood changed after that.

Then I said my piece. I told him that while I may not raise my voice the way our friend had, that I felt betrayed by him. I reiterated all the points made and told him divorce was something I was seriously considering. By the time I finished, he was crying again.

Then I sent him home to think about his actions while I stayed with our friends.

I’m sure I’ll get flack for having our friends help me talk to him but I honestly felt better having their support. It made it so he couldn’t twist the situation to get me back on his side.

And it seemed to knock some sense into him because when I came home later that night, he was crying on the phone with his mom telling her about how badly he fucked up and how scared he was that I was going to leave him.

We talked again and he really seemed to grasp the severity of the situation. He scheduled us a couples therapy session and assured me I was his top priority. He said during his next shift he would talk to his coworker and tell her that if she thought anything was going on between them, it was over now and they would be strictly platonic moving forward.

Well, he came home from work last night and he hadn’t had the talk with her. Instead he doubled down on being “poly.”

He insists nothing has happened yet but that his coworker probably does think there is something between them. I asked him why she would think that and he said “by her behavior.” At this point it doesn’t matter to me either way.

He is already so in love with another woman, he is willing to break my heart.

Looks like there’s nothing left of my marriage to save. It hurts but I’m not going to beg someone to choose me.

So now we are separated while I figure out what comes next. We are in a no fault state and he has no assets. Does anyone have any advice for an uncontested divorce?

TL;DR: He decided not to choose our marriage, so I’m leaving him. Divorce advice?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

milquetoastsandwich > I’m a little confused about bringing the friends in but sounds like you got to a healthy decision. Best advice I have is to retain an attorney asap if you can. Ask for local recs. But if there are no assets to fight over then maybe you can get out without spending too much $$. I’m sorry. It’s very hurtful he doubled down on the fake polyamory. > > OOP >> I asked them if I could stay with them for a while and felt the need to explain why. They are his friends too so they wanted to talk to him to get his perspective. It got more heated than any of us expected. >> >> But thank you for the advice. I am hoping to get out without spending too much. I don’t think he will fight for the marriage and this would be a simple dissolution

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Cream_of_Teet > This seems fake. You went from "My friend called him to wring him out" to "I sent him home to think about his actions while stayed with our friends" implying that this was an in person confrontation. Which one is it? Was this over the phone or was this at your friend's house. The inconsistency screams fake > > OOP >> It was in person. I went to their house to ask to stay for a while and after telling them what happened I called my soon to be ex and he drove over.

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BeholdBarrenFields > I am so sorry. From your first post I knew this would be the outcome. But you have handled it perfectly, and I’m so glad you have wonderful friends who have your back. > > It is unfathomable to me that he is throwing everything away when he doesn’t even know if this woman reciprocates his infatuation. And even if she does, infatuation is all it is. The rush of something new and exciting. When things don’t work out there, he will be back with his begging and crying. But after reading this update I don’t think I have to tell you not to take him back. You have shown strength dignity, and respect for yourself. Your future is brighter without this manchild. > > OOP >> I honestly can’t believe this is my life right now. I never expected to be looking down the barrel of a divorce and staying in my friend’s guest room. >> >> I am so grateful to have them. >> >> But god damn does it still feel like my whole world is crumbling. >> >> BitchKitty_9 >>> You said in another comment that he basically has nothing (not even health ins.) so what does your housing situation look like? Is he on the deed/lease? In my opinion, you shouldn't have to stay in a friend's guest room since your husband is the one who ruined your marriage. He should be the one to leave. >>> >>> OOP >>>> We are co-signers on our lease and our fully paid off car. He can have the shitty car and the apartment if it means I can have my divorce finalized before he comes crawling back asking for another chance

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CompetitiveCoconut16 > Find a divorce lawyer. You don’t need to spend an arm and a leg. I think my uncontested divorce cost about $2000 when everything was said and done. If he has a 401K/retirement, make sure you take half of that… take every penny you are entitled to. > > OOP >> He has literally nothing. He doesn’t even have health insurance

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Prudence_rigby > What do you mean by separated? > > All of a sudden all his crying and blubbering stopped? Im sure his mom will be happy with his whining. > > OOP >> I mean I’m staying with friends and pursuing a divorce >> >> ReallyBadDisguise >>> Do you think he actually told her the full truth? >>> >>> OOP >>>> I think he explained his version of polyamory to her. I don’t know if he told her he’d already picked out another woman.

---

Brief_Hippo5187 > Separate your finances as much as you can. Get tested for STDs. I'm not trusting your husband when he says nothing happened. Can i ask how old everyone is? Updateme > > OOP >> I’m 30. He’s 33. The coworker is 26

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gardengirl99 > He has no assets whatsoever? Not even a life insurance policy that you can stipulate that you remain the benefit of? Not even a 401(k) IRA somewhere? > > OOP >> If there is life insurance, it’s the free coverage offered through his employer. He thinks 401ks are a scam so he doesn’t contribute to one. Same thoughts on the health insurance

&nbsp;

---

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Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/roolw

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 14, 2026

• Final Update: June 27, 2026

---

Main Post

^(May 14, 2026)

---

WIBTAH if I didn't invite my dad's wife to my high school graduation?

Notice how I said my Dad's wife, and not my step mom. I don't see her in that capacity at all.

English is not my first language.

My (18M) parents had a rough divorce, and my Dad immediately moved on and got married to his former high school gf (before my mom). So my dad's wife was someone who was forced into my life without me wanting her in it. She doesn't have kids, so she's always clingy and trying to make it seem like me and my sister are her kids and we are this one happy big family. Imo, excuse my language, she is emotionally and socially a dumbass. She just doesn't know how to act. Once when they first got married, they had a get together and me and the kids were apparently making lots of noise so she took us to a room and locked us in (she was inside with us). She refused to let us out unless we vowed to not make any more noise (we were 6 and 7). Would love to add the fact that I got a lot of shit for that because "she was just joking" and I "don't know how to take a joke". She just doesn't know how to act.

This is going to sound crazy, but I actually love her mother (my dad's MIL). She's stood by my side during a lot of problems and has called out her daughter's behavior.

Now my graduation is coming up. My mom thinks I need to invite her because I have previously stayed over at her vacation home, in addition to the fact that she doesn't have kids and I am "the closest thing she'll ever have to kids". Now she and my Dad were very horrible to me in their first year of marriage, so personally, I've never liked her, and still kind of resent my Dad for the way things went.

I don't have enough tickets to invite her anyway, in addition to the fact that even if I did I want to invite people that in a way or another raised me or helped my parents raise me. Those include my grandparents, and my aunt and uncle (who one of which doesn't have a kid and I'm the actual closest thing he'll ever have to a kid, in addition to the fact that I share last name with him).

My mom thinks it's going to be very awkward for my Dad to leave the house to go to my grad, and for her to ask him and for him to reply and say [my name]'s grad. I think it's insanely inappropriate for her to be there, my mom is trying to avoid problems with my dad. But what business does she have being at the same event (concerning me) with my mom and grandma. Personally, I don't care about what people will think. I care about my happiness and the fact that I don't want her there. I feel like I shouldn't need to justify this to anyone and it's my decision.

I probably need to get over a lot of the things that happened in the past, but that's an issue for another day. Inviting her won't change that. Just to add, if I wanted to invite her, I'd have to sacrifice inviting one of my aunts/uncles. Which I'm not doing, and I'd rather not have a graduation then invite her. Also I wasn't invited to their wedding.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

HumanistProclivities > How about also not inviting your dad and instead picking someone else? Is that an option you've considered if it's so hard for him to go on his own? > > OOP >> Yeah, regardless of the stuff that happened he is my Dad though. She isn't shit to me. And honestly speaking, our relationship has gotten a lot better. So no need to make a big problem like that.

---

Vivid-Win-4801 > Ywbta. You're dad will provide demand to bring her anyways so why fight it when you have the tickets. > > This is your dad's chosen wife. She's not going anywhere. No need to be difficult. > > OOP >> You just said it, his chosen wife. Not MY wife or MY mother. I think I made it clear that I don't have enough tickets to invite her even if I wanted to.

---

Ok_Tonight_3703 > NTA. It’s your decision not your mother’s. She locked in a room when you were a child and nobody thought that was fucking unhinged? > > ”… My mom thinks I need to invite her because I have previously stayed over at her vacation home, in addition to the fact that she doesn't have kids and I am ’the closest thing she'll ever have to kid’s’…” > > So fucking what? You are not her child and she did a shit job of trying to connect with you when you were you g. Locking you a room with her is not the way to bond with a child. > > Stop discussing this with your mother. Invite who you want. Don’t JADE, justify, argue, defend or explain. Givd out the invites. If your father chooses not to come oh well. Sounds like he was a good dad anyway. > > Congratulations on your graduation! > > OOP >> They thought it was a funny joke, and that I can't take a joke. >> >> Exactly! >> >> Thank you! >> >> Again, thank you! :)

---

outsidelookingin641 > YTA - sorry but time to grow up. You talk about an incident that happened when you were 6 so this lady has been in your life for 12 years. Are you willing to damage your relationship with your father because you want to throw a toddler tantrum and show her? Your mother sounds wise and classy, you should listen to her. > > OOP >> She's actually done a lot similar shit to what she did back then, most recently in November and before that in July. Yeah I actually am. >> >> outsidelookingin641 >>> Then you have your answer, and you’re just looking for validation. Go forth and live with the consequences of your decision as comfortable as possible. Quick question before I go, how’s your college graduation or wedding gonna go? Your children’s baptisms, birthdays? This is just the first of many life events. Are you asking your dad to come alone or don’t come at all? No response needed, just food for thought. >>> >>> OOP >>>> >Then you have your answer, and you’re just looking for validation. >>>> >>>> You're on r/AITAH, what do you expect? I've made my decision and am looking for advice on how to do it as cleanly as possible. >>>> >>>> >Quick question before I go, how’s your college graduation or wedding gonna go? Your children’s baptisms, birthdays? >>>> >>>> College graduation will go the same way. As for wedding, there is going to be 2,000+ people there, many of who I don't like. So I won't care. As for baptisms, I think you know how intimate that is. >>>> >>>> Come alone.

---

Fluffmuffin09100 > You said you don’t even have enough tickets to what’s the problem? Just tell them you don’t have enough tickets? > > OOP >> My mom thinks this is a bad approach because she says my Dad might think I'm trying to be a smartass. >> >> s_4_evrysing >>> So who do they want you to disinvite to include your dad's wife? Either way it's your event, your day. Don't invite anyone you don't want there. If there are limited tickets it should not be an issue. You can explain to your dad that your mom tried hard to convince you, that way he can't blame her. You got this. You will respect yourself a lot more years down the road if you stand strong and don't cave. Good luck OP and congratulations! >>> >>> OOP >>>> One of the aunts/uncles. I won't cave, hopefully. Thank you so much!

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OkBreadfruit2181 > I missed the part where you told your Dad that this woman was abusing you. You DID tell him, right? > > NTA > > OOP >> I did. >> >> "..but she was joking, she didn't mean anything."

---

Electrical_Beach169 > Also have you considered just inviting your dads mother in law and not inviting his wife or him. > You can frame it as you only had one ticket left and you didn’t want to make your dad choose between your graduation and his wife’s feelings so you chose someone you feel close to who wouldn’t make your day about themselves and would truly be there to celebrate you. > > OOP >> As much as I'd love to do that, his wife is the type of person that would cut off her mom if something like that happened. She would get into a fight with her and say shit like [her mom] stole me from her. It would create a massive headache that would last months.

---

Final Update - after 1 month, 13 days

^(June 27, 2026)

---

UPDATE: WIBTAH if I didn't invite my dad's wife to my high school graduation?

When I wrote the post, I wrote it as a hypothetical scenario. Despite my mom and brother's warnings, I thought my Dad wasn't going to ask me to invite his wife. Boy was I wrong.

After I wrote the post, I went to my mom and I told her that there will not be a graduation if [his wife] comes. I then listed a bunch of shit she did over the past few months (oldest was November 2025), and my mom was shocked. One of those things was her trying to turn my Dad against me because "I don't tell him my school grades", the reason I don't is because he goes and runs to her and tells her everything. My mom sided with me, ultimately.

Two weeks after the post, I was in the supermarket with my Dad and he told me to do a favor for him. "Invite your step mom". Initially I told him I wished I could, but there wasn't enough tickets. He then told me no problem, I'll call [his uncle] and tell him to not come. He was really willing to not have his brother come just to appease his wife.

I told him no. There's not enough tickets, and that it'd be very inappropriate for her to be there with my grandma and mother attending. He told me that I'd be making him a huge problem, and that he might not be able to come. So I told him, "good riddance, now you're making it so I can be able to invite my friends who weren't gonna be able to come." Then he secretly went to my brother and started getting mad at his wife saying that she's causing him problems and he's sick of her and what not.

After I got home, he started talking badly about my mom and her family saying that he's paying for the tickets ($200) and that they're coming on his pay. He then started insulting my mother's brother, and my grandma saying how they're coming on his pay and how he doesn't like them. So I immediately went to the bathroom and messaged my mom to pay the tickets. To which she did. To which he was at shock.

Then he started saying how upset his wife would be and what not. I told him it's your job as your husband to tell her when you can't get something done for her. Not everything she asks is going to be possible, especially at my expense. He then started breaking and told me that his wife came to him and said: "why did [myself] not invite my to his graduation, when I want to make a large family gathering to celebrate him".

I told him then you're making a very big deal of nothing. She just asked a question, you could've said there's not enough tickets. You didn't need to talk to me about any of this. I then told him that he better tell his wife that whatever gathering she makes, I'm not attending.

Anyway, a couple of days later was my senior trip, so on the day before I called him and told him, that just to get the facts straight, I don't want your wife there. It's not my mom or grandma, it's the fact that I don't want her. He was kind of shocked at that, but then I was boarding the plane so I had to hung up.

I haven't seen his wife really since a couple of days before the original post, I saw her briefly in a funeral two weeks ago, to which I was very cold and distant. Going on, I'm not going to their house, and I'll be cutting contact with her completely.

Yesterday was my graduation, and his wife didn't attend, but my Dad came. It was a lovely day where I was surrounded by people who love and respect me. Not people who try to force themselves into my life.

:)

&nbsp;

NOTE: I've linked their comment below

COMMENTS

OOP > u/Ok_Tonight_3703 their comment, u/notwhoyouthinkc their comment, u/Leading-Summer-4724 their comment, u/CatJarmansPants their comment, thank you guys for your advice it really helped me a lot. > > Ok_Tonight_3703 >> Yes! I was so happy to read this update. It sounds like you had the graduation that you deserved. Drama free and supported by people who love and respect you. >> >> Keep your boundaries and remember that you are not responsible for any adults feelings. I wish you all the best that life has to offer. >> >> Again congratulations 🎊🎈🎉 >> >> And thank you for the shout out! >> >> OOP >>> Thank you so much! I really couldn't have done it without your advice! :)

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BothTreacle7534 > Did he attend without her? > > OOP >> Yes >> >> BothTreacle7534 >>> Thank you for your answer, I hope he was not a ‘Debbie Downer’. >>> >>> Congratulations, and the best future possible! >>> >>> OOP >>>> Nope nope, realized that I didn't mention that in the post😂😂 so you reminded me to edit it. :)

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Crickettb > You are allowed to have boundaries with family members and their spouses. I get you…my dad’s wife has done some cruel things in the past. I told my dad before my wedding that if he and his wife couldn’t be kind to my mom then they shouldn’t come. And if they come and are unkind I will ask them to leave….and my uncle was on standby to walk me down the aisle. They behaved fine, in fact I caught her and my mom comparing a few things about my dad. That was crazy. I am glad he came without her. Keep strong with your boundaries! > > OOP >> Honestly, I think the time for boundaries is done. It's time to just cut her out. My Dad is always going to be her, our relationship is perfect. When she isn't in it. >> >> Crickettb >>> I get you… I saw my dad two years ago for the first time in 15 years. I can’t deal with her. It has severely impacted my relationship with my dad. He didn’t even attend my brother’s funeral cause she didn’t want to fly. Yep, his only son’s funeral. He always picks her and her kids over us. Just be prepared. >>> >>> OOP >>>> Yup, this is exactly my issue. Not having a spine to say no.

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Medusa_7898 > Glad he was sensible.
> > yobaby123 >> True, but I'm still upset over what he did/tried to do to OP. He needs to understand that OP is and will most likely never be a fan of his wife. >> >> OOP >>> I still am to be honest, I just tried to forget it for the graduation.

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MaryMaryQuite- > NTA. I’m glad it worked out for you. It’s been an important life lesson for you. > > This was the first of many important lifetime events, so by setting the precedent now… Dad is invited, his wife isn’t, your opinions are crystal clear. This will put you in good stead for future events like your university graduation, getting engaged and married etc, and for when you have kids. > > Dad’s wife just isn’t included in your life. Period. > > OOP >> Indeed it has been. >> >> Now we're entering the real world, which sounds a bit crazy to say 😂. That is the system moving forward. >> >> 100%

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AllInkalicious > My comment is not about what you endured at his wife's hands, but you're inability to communicate with your dad and still feel wronged. > > I know you're 18, but specifically waiting to get on a plane to tell your dad how you really feel is pretty immature. Everyone knew your true feelings, except your dad. You made it about the availability of tickets and you expect him to understand the situation. Then drop the truth in a phone call where you can hide behind no reception. > > However your dad is also pretty self-serving and immature, so you need to ensure you're not emulating him without realising it. > > People and relationships can be hard work, so support is welcome but sometimes you need to face-up to the hard discussions by yourself. > > OOP >> Look, I tried to avoid a fight that was going to happen regardless and that was wrong. I now know that whenever a person stands up for something (their opinion, in this case) they are bound to make enemies. >> >> Last year, I explained to my Dad that I dislike his wife. He keeps lying to himself every year thinking that the status quo has changed. It hasn't. I'm not going to keep reminding him of my feelings towards his wife. As my Dad he should know that.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Medical-Angle-549

Published on: r/relationships_advice & r/AmIOverreacting

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 15, 2026

• Update: June 27, 2026

---

Main Post

^(June 15, 2026)

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AIO My sister and husband text privately and spend time together. Should I be concerned?

My husband and my sister have developed what I think is an unusually close relationship, and I’m trying to figure out if I’m overreacting.

My husband travels for work to the area where my sister lives, so they have opportunities to see each other when he is in town.

Some examples:

• They text directly about travel plans, shopping, TV shows, and random family/life stuff.

• My sister has gone shopping one-on-one with him before and bought clothes for him because she remembered his size.

• She frequently sends me photos of outfits, earrings, dresses, etc. asking for my opinion, but often it feels more like she wants validation than advice.

• Once she modeled a dress in front of me, my husband, and her husband. Her husband complimented her, but she immediately asked my husband what he thought.

• She has privately texted my husband asking when he’ll be in town and told him when she would be away, seemingly so he wouldn’t visit when she was gone.

• When my husband mentioned a possible birthday-week visit, she got very excited and immediately said she would start looking for reservations.

• She often seems unusually interested in my husband’s reaction to clothes or style choices.

• My husband says nothing inappropriate has happened and that it’s all harmless.

Am I overreacting, or does this sound like emotional flirtation / blurred boundaries? If you were in my shoes, would this bother you?

&nbsp;

Note: There were over 100 replies from OOP across multiple subs, i've convetred them into Q&A

Have you talked to your husband about how uncomfortable this makes you feel? >Yea once I kind of hinted at something kind of mild like what are you texting so much about and he said “relax”. > >I have not flat out called him out on it. Just every time I remotely suggest something he either ignores my comment or dismisses it. One time I brought up going with he did not shut it down but then it turned into oh I will be going for only 1 day quick turn around.

---

Have you read their messages? What did you find? >Yes I have and they both seem complicit. Its like watching a tennis match with the texts back and forth inside jokes but nothing obvious like everthinh has some > >Plausible deniability. > >They did but one could read them and think nothing obvious > >Great advice! Some of what I have seen in texts spills into her making minor annoyances about her husband or issues with the kids but nothing openly blatant. But I can’t say I have seen all their texts. I also don’t understand why they have a private lane when in other instances I’m in chats and it’s usually when she’s sending photos of herself. If she sent that in private it would be an open flag but instead all > >Those texts include me.

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Do they spend time alone together? >He works quit a bit. They do things together with him but seems like a a lot without him. Also the texts never mention him in the plans. Like he will meet her at a mall just the two of them spend time together then meet him. > >They mostly hang out alone then meet up with BIL but it’s so orchestrated to avoid him. > >Thank you this is helping at least confirm I’m not insane. As to your question they never tell me ahead of time. But one time he left his busness meeting early i could see he was heading tomher neighbohood. I called multiple times and he did not pick up. Later it came out they met up for coffee hung out shopped and then met her husband for dinner.

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Does the texting increase around his work trips? >I feel terrible for saying but I check his phone. Aside from a few blips once a month a funny clip and small chat it ramps up just before one of his trips. > >Not so much missing sections if anything the texting escalates when he’s there and I’m > >Going to sound insane but feels like they are giddy and trying to find ways to get together. On one shopping excursion she had him take pictures of her trying on clothes. Nothing too sexy mostly winter clothing but she got all her make up on and hair done up.

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How often do they shop together? Does your husband even like shopping? >They went shopping together multiple times and always alone. > >He hates shopping that’s something I did not connect the dots on I have to pull teeth and yet every time he’s out there they just happen to end up at mall together.

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What does your brother-in-law know? Why haven't you talked to him? >Yea she’s married I don’t know what he thinks worried if I say something to him I might escalate and everyone will think I’m Insane. > >We are all in our 40s. Her husband and don’t have that kind of open line of communication and he certainly has not hinted anything to me. He kind of worships her and does whatever she says. So not sure if the light bulb is not going on but I can’t go to him about this without more concrete evidence. It’s hard to explain I worry I will look like an insane possesseve jelous person and im not but all of it seems > >Just off without a real smoking gun. They both play it like this is just normal. > >No bc i know based on our relationship she will 100% say im insane and jealous. As for her husband i dont have a read on his take and it could get ugly fast if im reading this the wrong way.

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Why do you believe your sister wants your husband's attention? >He has control of his travel schedule to a certain extent. She will include him on some of the photos. They would include her husband but why not include him in the texts for celebration. Her text are always like it’s bw the two of them. Like they are playing a couple. He doesn’t hide them but as I said they have this plausible deniability something feels off but I will look like a jealous B if I say something that’s the difficult part. > >I never ask her husband. One time she tried two tops asked all of us which we Liked better we all gave response my husband mentioned the one the others voted down she wore what my husband picked and then I caught her saying to him see what I picked.

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Did your sister invite your husband to stay at her house? Do you think they're having a physical affair?

>He stays at hotel but I found a private message where she told him he should stay at their house. > >He said thanks but I need to be close to the office. > >The shopping started about a year and a half ago. But I don’t think they having physical intimacy I think it might be emotional and could get to the physical.

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Has your sister always been competitive with you? Why haven't you confronted your sister?

>Older than me and yea competitive > >She is going to say I’m insecure and crazy

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Update - after 12 days

^(June 27, 2026)

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AIO UPDATED-My sister and husband text privately and spend time together. Should I be concerned?

Since my last post, I found out more context that made me feel even less like this was “just one weird moment.”

I learned from my niece that during the purse-shopping trip, my sister encouraged her son to leave and go with his sister, which left my husband and my sister shopping together. My husband then took multiple photos of my sister trying on purses. My niece also later mentioned that the sales associate assumed they were husband and wife. My sister corrected her, but apparently found the whole thing funny and entertaining.

I’ve seen the purse photos now, and they do not feel like “quick shopping reference photos.” They feel like my husband photographing my sister modeling.
There was also another visit where my husband stayed at my sister and her husband’s house. After her husband left, my sister did her hair and makeup, modeled a winter coat, and my husband offered to take photos so she could see it. Later that night, when she was dressed up for an event with her husband, she sent my husband a photo of herself with no comment attached.

Again, any one thing could maybe be explained away. But added to the private texting, the skirt saga, the jeans gift, the dress/top opinions, the way she seems to care about his reaction to what she wears, and the fact that she keeps creating these little moments where he becomes her photographer or appearance judge it started to feel like a pattern I could not unsee.
So I talked to my sister first.

I told her I needed to discuss something awkward, and I tried to be calm. I said I was uncomfortable with the texting, the outfit photos, the shopping, and the way she seems to use my husband as an audience for how she looks.
She immediately got very calm. Almost too calm.
She said, “He’s my brother-in-law. We get along. I didn’t realize that was a crime now.”

I told her it was not that they get along. It was how they get along.
She asked, “How do we get along?”

I said, “You use him as an audience.”

That was when her tone changed. She gave this small smile and said, “Or maybe I’m just comfortable in my body and you’re uncomfortable watching someone else be comfortable in hers.”

I told her that was unfair.

She said, “Then what exactly was I doing? Modeling too aggressively? Wearing leggings at you?”

I said I was trying to set a boundary.

She said, “No. You’re asking me to shrink so you can feel bigger.”

That one really hurt.

When I brought up the photo she sent him after the coat situation, she said, “I sent a photo in a conversation we were already having.”

I said, “With no comment.”

She said, “Because it didn’t need one.”

Then she said, “Maybe you should try sending him photos. Maybe then you wouldn’t be so worried about him looking at mine.”

I told her that was unnecessary, and she said, “So is accusing your sister of trying to tempt your husband because he took a few pictures while shopping.”

I asked if she would stop texting him privately about clothes, outfits, shopping, and photos.

She said, “Stop what, exactly? Existing around him? Being friendly? Letting him take a photo if I ask? Laughing when something is funny?”

I said, “You know what I mean.”

She said, “No, I don’t think you know what you mean.”

The conversation ended with her saying, “If your issue is with your husband looking, talk to your husband. If your issue is that I look good, that’s not mine to fix.”

That was probably the most painful part, because she made me feel insane and jealous for noticing something that still feels real to me.

She did not apologize. She did not agree to stop. She basically framed the entire thing as my insecurity and said I was trying to control a normal family friendship because I felt threatened.

I walked away feeling worse, not better.

And honestly, that conversation left me more confused.

So now should I have a conversation with my husband….? wtf do i say I thought confronting her with the facts would be easy but I felt stupid petty and jealous. I need a sanity check.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Lanky_Emu_1184 > girl if that was my sister I’m slapping her across the face, but besides that, my sister would never be like that towards me because she doesn’t have this underlying competition that your sister seems to be having with you. Did you guys grow up getting compared a lot? > > OOP >> We did >> >> Noonull >>> Your sister wants the attention you get from him. She might not necessarily want him, she just wants to take what you have or she likes having the ability to do it. >>> >>> Talk to her husband and yours and tell them the boundary. If they are okay with what she’s doing, then you know that you need to pack it up and leave and go NC with her. He should not be entertaining her and her husband should not be happy with her toeing the line. She will escalate it for fun now that she knows you don’t like it. >>> >>> OOP >>>> I think you’re right although she has done a few things that lead me to believe she might be attracted to him.

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Suki_13 > NOR. Your sister is a classic narcissist. Personally, the older I get the more I distance myself from energy vampires like this and people who bring nothing to the table, even if it’s family. That being said, I would have a heart to heart with your husband and find out what his motivation is behind all of this and let him know you feel disrespected. His response will tell you all you need to know. On a sidenote, does your sister not know how to use a mirror?! > > OOP >> 🙏🏻and such a good point 🤣

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kittendollie13 > NOR. If I remember your original post, your sister was recently divorced or was in the middle of one. She is a shark going after your husband, and she is a conceited b&$"ch. I can't tell just how clueless your husband is or if he is putting on an act but both of y'all need to block your sister. > > OOP >> No she is not divorced or divorcing but don’t know if that’s in the works that she has not told me.

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swhertzberg > I feel like there is a big difference between OP's husband using his phone to take pictures, vs OP's sister in law handing her phone to him and asking him to take pictures. > > OOP >> I had not pinpointed this but I think you are 100% on why it bothers me. She’s letting him take photos that he can revisit. That’s going on my list of arguments

&nbsp;

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/JustADude183

Published on: r/AskReddit

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 18, 2022

• Final Update: August 14, 2022

NOTE: The original post was a reply to an AskReddit question. OOP later posted an update on their own profile.

---

Main Post

^(July 18, 2022)

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What's a secret you'll never tell your partner but are willing to tell strangers on Reddit?

Using my alt because she follows my main account

My girlfriend of 5 years has been deaf since she was 6. She reads lips pretty well, but prefers Sign Language. I didn’t know a single sign when I met her, but I could tell right away there was something between us so I started learning after I got home from our first date.

Fast forward a few years, I’m now fluent in ASL and we use it to talk almost exclusively. When she’s not looking though, I talk to her even though she can’t hear me or see my lips to read. I tell her how much I love her, how I’m going to marry her someday, how beautiful she is, etc. I’ve even been practicing proposing, so it’s not so terrifying when I actually do it. She has no idea and I plan to keep it that way.

&nbsp;

NOTE: This story was also reposted to r/wholesome, where OOP shared a lot of additional details in the comments. I've included comments from both posts, so don't skip the comments section.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Present_Champion1662 >I need an update on this. That’s wonderful! It’s surprising how many family members of Deaf people that don’t learn sign language. > >OOP >>She’s lucky, her immediate family are all fluent and most of her extended family has learned at least a few simple phrases and words. My side of the family has started learning too, since they know she’ll be part of the family pretty soon. Most deaf people aren’t so lucky, I’m really glad she has such good people in her life.

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Toadie9622 >This touched my heart so much. I hope my youngest daughter meets somebody like you. > >OOP >>I bet she will, I’m not the first guy she’s been with who went to great effort to accommodate her. I’m just the one who was lucky enough to win her over

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WinterPickles31 >Dude.. from the mother of two young Deaf daughters.. THANK YOU! The fucking world feels scarily unaccommodating sometimes and it's so good to know good hearts like yours are out there. > >OOP >>My girlfriend often feels like the rest of the world would rather she didn’t exist, so I go out of my way to show how glad I am she does. All it takes is one person who really cares to make all the difference, so try to be that difference for your daughters. It helps them more than they’ll ever say

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NOTE: The following comments are from the repost on r/wholesome: A legend of a man, this is love right here

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OOP >Hey, I’m the OP! A lot of people are asking for an update. It’s only been 4 days so there’s not much to tell, but here you all go anyway. > >We’re still together, of course. She’s trying to convince me to get a puppy, I’m having a hard time convincing her not to. I still talk to her when she doesn’t know, and she still has no clue. After some comments on the original post, I’m getting ready to propose soon, but it still won’t be for a little bit. I’ll definitely record it, but I probably won’t post it anywhere. She’d be pretty uncomfortable with that, and tbh I would too. That’s about it I guess, I have no idea why people are so interested in my love life. Y’all are creeps. > >EDIT: oh fuck now even more people are pushing for the puppy

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TheTTT10 >How come you don’t want the puppy? Is it because you don’t like them or is it more economical? > >OOP >>It’s just economical. We already have two cats, and we aren’t exactly rich. However, she does this thing with her eyes that I just can’t say no to, so… >> >>We’re going to the Humane Society tomorrow. She knows exactly how to convince me.

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GunieapigCooper >How did you meet her and why made you connect with her on the first date? > >OOP >>We met through mutual friends, she had just gotten out of a toxic relationship and they thought she needed a reminder not all guys suck. Still don’t know why they chose me, but I’m so glad they did. >> >>In the first 30 minutes, we both made the same obscure reference. We have practically identical humor, even finishing each other’s jokes, and honestly she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen in real life. I’m not exaggerating, she’s WAY out of my league. As for her, she told me on our 1 year anniversary that she knew I was the one because I didn’t even mention that she was deaf, I treated her more normally than even her family. I honestly had no idea I did that, it wasn’t conscious at all, but I sure am glad it worked.

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Final update - after 27 days

^(August 14, 2022)

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UPDATE: I proposed

After all the comments urging me not to wait, I decided to do it. Life is too short to waste even a day. I bought a very nice ring, silver with three small synthetic diamonds. It’s nothing too special, but it’s exactly her style and expensive by our standards without breaking the bank, so it was perfect.

I told her family my plans and they approved, of course. My family was 100% behind it too. With that arranged, I started planning the proposal. Both of us had already agreed that we didn’t want it to be a huge disruptive event, just the two of us, no family to make a scene. She trusted me to pick a good place. I decided on the beach, and we happen to live just a few hours from one of the best beaches in the world, so it was perfect.

Our anniversary was coming up and we both had the day off. We had planned to go to a local museum, but I asked to change plans to the beach. She was definitely a little suspicious, but she didn’t say anything at the time. At the beach, I let the first few hours pass normally. Just relaxing, playing in the waves, and snacks. I kept the ring hidden in a zippered pocket in my shorts, and even though I knew it was safe, I think I checked it every 5 minutes at least.

When the sun started to go down, I led her away from the crowded area to a more secluded spot. We had a great view of the water, the sun, and some boats further out, but a cluster of palm trees and low bushes blocked us from other people. At this point, she realized something was up. She started looking at me funny, so I knew I had to be quick. I reached for the ring, and…

This is where the anxiety hit. I’m not a very confident person. I knew she would say yes, and I knew I’d planned everything perfectly, there was no possible reason this could go badly, but I was still nearly paralyzed. That’s probably why I dropped the ring.

As soon as I grabbed the ring, it slipped out of my fingers and got lost in the sand. I fucking PANICKED. I got on my knees and started digging through the sand like an animal, the whole time she was trying to ask me what was going on. I wanted to explain, but where would I even start? I found it after about ten seconds, which felt like ten hours, unharmed.

As soon as I picked it up, she saw it and realized what happened. She completely froze for a second, then she started shaking and wheezing like she was having an asthma attack. Then I panicked AGAIN, because I had no clue what was happening and I thought something was even more wrong than it already was. Then I realized she was crying and laughing at the same time, and I started crying and laughing too.

I figured the proposal was already a mess, so it couldn’t get any worse. I held it up to her and just said “I think you dropped this.” It sounded a lot better in my head, to be fair. She fucking lost it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her laugh that much. Once we both calmed down, I did it right, and of course she said yes. Despite the complications, it couldn’t have gone better, and we’re both very happy. We talked about the wedding a little, and it will probably be sometime next summer, but we haven’t decided yet.

I’m not expecting to make another post on this account after this. As far as I’m concerned our story is told, and now it’s time for the next one to start. I have no idea what’s next for us after the wedding- we’ve talked about living in a van to travel the country, so maybe that. Whatever happens, we’ll still be together, and I’ll still be talking behind her back, for as long as I can. To all you guys, I hope you all have wonderful lives. There’s someone out there for all of us, just be patient and you’ll find them. And if you found them, but haven’t made it official yet- do it. Life is short and you only get one, so you shouldn’t waste a single moment of it. Don’t let anything hold you back.

Jake and Lex, signing off!

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/account_throwaway812

Published on: r/TrueOffMyChest

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 12, 2022

• Final Update: June 27, 2026

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Main Post

^(August 12, 2022)

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I hate my sister for how hurtful she was to my girlfriend. It was completely unnecessary

I have a girlfriend but the relationship is still new. My girlfriend has a prominent scar across one of her cheeks from a melanoma. To me the scar makes no difference but she has good days and bad days about it.

My sister is getting married soon. I'm not taking my girlfriend because a wedding with hundreds of guests and family is a lot of pressure for a brand new relationship, plus I had already RSVP'd that I was going alone before and bought my plane ticket back home before we were serious.

My sister took the time to look up my girlfriend's work email and sent her an email saying she's sorry she didn't make her a bridesmaid but her scar would make it not possible because of photogenics. #1) My sister chose her bridesmaids when she got engaged over a year ago #2) she didn't even know I had a new girlfriend until after the RSVP's were due back and #3) she and my girlfriend have never had contact and my girlfriend would have never thou thought she should be a bridesmaid for someone she's never met.

I don't know what my sister was thinking but I hate that she was so hurtful to my girlfriend for no reason at all. She hasn't answered my calls or texts asking why.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

flip_chipdickerson > I wouldn't go to the wedding but I don't have a healthy relationship with my sister so I'm probably being biased. > > 3Heathens_Mom >> Nope not biased. OP’s sister is a piece of work and sounds like she must be incredibly insecure to have to insult someone she has never met. >> >> Perhaps OP should ask his parents what is up with his sister and as she won’t answer his texts please let her know he won’t be attending. >> >> . >> >> greeneyeswarmthighs >>> Not biased. He shouldn’t go. His sister is disgusting > > pnb10 >> My siblings and I are really close, but if any of them pulled a stunt like this, I wouldn’t go. Bullies are bullies, family or not >> >> USarmyWAC >>> This is beyond bullying it's clearly a mental illness issue. The sister needs mental health treatment. I feel sorry for any future kids she has. >> >> Lumpy-Spinach-6607 >>> Bullies are Pus Boils and deserve to be popped and the inner gunk wiped away with a wipe and disposed of in the bin, in front of an audience

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ypranch > That would be a deal breaker for me. Cancel RSVP unless she apologizes. That was nasty, hateful and needlessly rude. What a piece of work.

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Busy_Conflict527 > 🥹 bloody hell. Is your sister Satan's spawn?

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Swampwolf42 > Step 1: Find yourself a good horror make up artist… > > Moon96Moon >> Ooohhh the satisfaction I felt reading your comment 🥴 > > K9queen >> A big, prominent scar running across your face would be nice >> >> queen_of_potato >>> Best comment >> >> galaxyveined >>> Or, do SFX to mimic the girlfriend's scar, and show up to the sister's wedding like that. Showing the GF support and putting the sister in an awkward position of either having to deal with it, or commenting on it so OP gets to explain her nasty actions to onlookers. 🙃 >>> >>> (Not a real suggestion, I imagine it might end up hurting the GF more, and that's the last thing we want.)

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StellaBella2010 > That was unnecessarily cruel. I'm guessing your sister doesn't want you to go at all, because otherwise why would she do that? > > Scars add character. I get it: No one wants a scar... but people can still be very attractive with a scar. Maybe noticable scars should be the next big thing in body positivity.

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Final Update - after 3 years, 10 months, 15 days

^(June 27, 2026)

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Update: I hate my sister for how hurtful she was to my girlfriend. It was completely unnecessary

(Almost four years ago I posted about how I had gotten serious/exclusive with my then girlfriend ‘Katie’ AFTER my sister sent out her wedding invitations. No one in my family had ever met, spoken to or otherwise had contact with Katie because our relationship was still new. My sister took the time to find Katie’s work email address and sent Katie a nasty email about how she could never be a bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding because the scar on Katie’s face would ruin the pictures. Katie had survived melanoma and the scar on her cheek was from having it removed. I didn’t even know Katie when my sister started planning her wedding, and Katie would never expect to be a bridesmaid for someone she never met for a wedding that was less than two months away. I was furious with my sister and I posted to vent about the situation).

A lot has happened since I posted. Firstly, I’m gay. To say that my family was unhappy when I came out would be a colossal understatement, and I haven’t had contact with any of them in three and a half years. Katie and I are still friends. She is actually one of the most important people in my life and even though we aren’t together anymore I am still angry about how my sister acted and how my family supported my sister. To this day, I have no idea why my sister did what she did. (Not that it would have excused my sister, but Katie was the same race/culture/background as my family and I cannot figure out why my sister was so hostile to someone she had never met).

I grew up in a relatively strict Jewish household. My family is very old school and conservative/traditional and I knew none of them would ever accept me being gay. But once I stopped being in denial about it I realized there was no way I could marry a woman or keep pretending to be straight. After I fell out with my family I was still in a relationship with Katie, and she was the one who asked me if I was gay. At the time I was so angry with her and I ended things and didn’t talk to her for a while. Until I realized she was right. It wasn’t just her either. My friends had suspicions too. I ended up apologizing to Katie for getting angry with her. Looking back I had been in denial because of how I grew up. Katie is Jewish too but she didn’t grow up in a family like mine and she clocked it a few months into our relationship. She is one of my best friends now and was the first person I came out to.

I will forever be grateful that I moved to another province to pursue my Master’s degree because if I had not gotten away from my family and met supportive people like Katie and my friends I would still be deep in the closet. My friends all supported me when I told them. I have been going to therapy for the last three years to deal with my upbringing and my family disowning me. I am an atheist and I stopped being observant when I came out. This year I am going to Pride for the first time. I am nervous but a bunch of my friends including Katie are coming with me. I am going to dip my toe into dating because I feel ready.

Anyway, sorry if I rambled too much. I only remembered my first post recently and I wanted to come back because everyone was so kind after such a horrible thing happened. I appreciated people validating that I wasn't wrong about my sister and that was probably when one of the first cracks started appearing in my old life. So thank you to everyone who replied back then. I appreciate it.

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COMMENTS

misskatebakescakes > This stranger is proud of you for finding out who you are, and it's wonderful that Katie could be part of that journey. She's your true family.

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Key-Kaleidoscope6549 > I am so proud of you and everything you have overcome. I know it wasn't easy for you, as you knew what the outcome would be with your family. But sharing dna with people does not automatically make them your family; you can chose your own family. I'm glad Katie is still in your life, and I'm sure having her as a crutch has been beneficial in your healing. Your blood family sucks, especially your toxic and weird sister. I won't even comment on your parents and their inability to support their son, because my words won't be kind. Again, I am proud of you. You should be proud of yourself!! I just know it felt like you removed a weight off your shoulders when you came to terms with your identity. ❤️❤️

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PuzzleheadedTap4484 >I’m proud of you and for standing up for Katie at the time against your family. Sorry you have a toxic family but I’m happy that you found a chosen family. I hope you have a wonderful time at Pride and good luck with dating!

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/viserya127

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 03, 2026

• Final Update: June 29, 2026

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Main Post

^(June 03, 2026)

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AITAH I don't want custody of my sister's 3 kids?

I (29F) have 1 kid (11F). My sister (32F) has 3 kids (11F, 8F, 6F). The oldest is also autistic. About 3 years ago my sister lost custody of her kids. The girls were split up in the system for a little over a year before our mom (52F) got custody 2 years ago. Over the last 2 years the girls have been really thriving. They're happy, healthy, doing well in school...

Recently my mom got some unexpected health issues that are severely impacting her mobility and energy. There is no cure. She called me last week to ask if I would take the girls so they aren't split up in the system again. My heart sank.

I LOVE my nieces. There's no denying that. And my daughter loves her cousins. The kids all get along great. They live on the opposite side of the country, but I visit whenever possible. I'm always planning all sorts of activities and experiences for them, and encouraging them to pursue the things they love. The oldest loves art, the middle child loves gymnastics and the youngest loves pokemon and video games. I plan things we can all do together and I make sure they each get one on one time too. I would die for these girls. But I just don't have the means to care for them full time.

My husband and I are considered a low income family. After a decade of saving, we finally bought a small 2 bed townhouse, but there's barely enough room for the 3 of us, let alone another 3 kids too.

I suggested my mom move closer so I can help more day to day, but she shot that down rather quickly. Her reasons were she didn't want to pull the kids out of their current school (but I guess it's ok if I do??), and with her health issues she didn't want to have to find a new Dr (that one is pretty valid, there's a serious health care crisis in my country). Us moving closer to them is not an option, we would both have to find new jobs and my husband's current job has really good benefits we can't afford to lose. My mom is retired so the only thing tying her to her current location is her Dr.

My heart is breaking. I don't want to lose my nieces to the system again. I love the relationship we have. But I don't see how I could sustainably take on the 3 of them full time. My mom and my sister have been calling me heartless and that I haven't fully thought it through, but I have. I've been thinking about it every day for over 3 years when my sister first lost custody.

TLDR: My sis lost custody of her 3 kids years ago. My mom got custody a couple years ago but now she has health issues and asked me to care for them instead. I don't think I have the means financially or the space.

EDIT: Oh wow I already can't keep up with the comments so I'm going to address a couple questions here. The dad is not in the picture, he has 2 other kids from 2 other women that he also walked out on. My sister is on drugs and living in a tent (but it's got a great view of the lake! 🙄). There's no other family that could help.

My mother is also low income and her retirement funds barely cover their costs of living as is but I will definitely be looking more into other resources and government funding. Thank you to those providing actual helpful advice and suggestions.

I am not in the US

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COMMENTS

Flat-Description4853 > Why can't the sister regain custody at this point? its been years. > > OOP >> She hasn't given up the drugs yet >> >> Flat-Description4853 >>> Well, anything she says is just worthless in that case. You also probably recognize that since you've focused so hard on your mother and clearly she's a really good woman. >>> >>> Discussing financial support could help, though anything you needed would have to just ignore any promises from your sister. If it comes between providing for her children and drugs we already know the choice she has made. Foster support and possible child support from the dad could help too, though unlikely the father has the two cents it sounds like. >>> >>> Not to mention, it sounds like you haven't fully considered the responsibility of taking care of an autistic child and how draining that can be at times? Sounds stressful. Of course, they're going to lean on you hard but you need to make the right choice for you here....hopefully you can find something that works but if ever anyone tries to guilt trip you know that's manipulation and you're doing what's right while those doing it are just trying to lessen the guild on themselves and create a scapegoat. >>> >>> OOP >>>>> it sounds like you haven't fully considered the responsibility of taking care of an autistic child and how draining that can be at times? >>>> >>>> She struggles socially, but she's incredibly smart and likes being independent. With the right guidance she's going to go very far in life. I have all the patience in the world for her beautiful soul

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Ipso-Pacto-Facto > Someone who lost custody of her kids doesn’t get to have an opinion about my parenting choices. Where’s the dad? Because she & he let them down, not you. Time to be honest. > > OOP >> The dad is a dead beat with 2 other kids from 2 other women >> >> CluesLostHelp >>> What's your husband's view on this? Because his opinion matters too. >>> >>> OOP >>>> He works 60 hours a week with an hour + commute. He's barely home unless it's to sleep. At the end of the day he supports whatever I decide, but I think that's because he knows it'll be me doing the vast majority of the heavy lifting

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Apprehensive_Suit773 > Certainly not TAH. If you asked child services to come take a look at your house and tell you if you could take in three more children and still have them thrive, I am sure they would say no. You don’t have the space, the money, nor the time to take in all three. Your mother can’t move closer to you, and you having just gotten a new place certainly can’t move closer to her. I don’t see a way in which this works without the girls getting taken again anyways. > > That being said, my heart breaks for you and I’m deeply sorry. It’s not your fault. Can you still keep contact with them if they’re in foster care? Even just knowing that their family didn’t give up on them would make a world of difference I think. And what is your sister doing? Does she see the kids at all? Is she helping your mother in any way? Or is she out of the picture and just pointing fingers at you as the only person left? That doesn’t seem fair to me. > > OOP >> My sister is not allowed to see the kids unless it's CPS supervised AND she can provide a clean drug test (which she can't)

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Soonerpalmetto88 > Yes. This is what family is for. If my brother were on his deathbed and asked me to take his kids I'd do it in a heartbeat, even though I know nothing about being a dad. I'd also happily donate a kidney or a piece of my liver to anyone who asked, even a stranger. In both life and death, we get what we give. > > OOP >> I would happily take them in in a heartbeat. But where would they sleep? The closet?

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Kip_Schtum > NTA So your daughter would spend her teenage years sharing her room with her two female cousins, who are highly likely to eventually have behavior problems from their trauma. And the boy cousin would probably be sleeping on the couch I guess? You can’t do this- it would harm your child and your primary responsibility is to your child and your husband. Your marriage and your daughter would not come through this unscathed. > > OOP >> The kids really do all get along great. Whenever we visit my nieces say they want to adopt my daughter as their 4th sister. I get where you're coming from with the behavior issues from trauma, but my fist instinct when my mom first got custody was to put then in therapy and she did. They really are thriving now. And my patience knows no bounds when it comes to those kids >> >> Kip_Schtum >>> Four teenage girls sharing a room for their entire adolescence. Even if conditions were perfect in their upbringing, that would still be fraught with drama. If you are officially fostering them, would you be receiving money for that from the government? Would that enable you to move to a larger place? Maybe you could rent out your condo and rent a bigger place. >>> >>> OOP >>>> Oh I agree the 4 kids to 1 room is not feasible. That and the financial aspect are the biggest reasons I'm saying I can't take them in. If I did have the money and space though, my daughter and my nieces would love all being under 1 roof

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LilacRed > NTA. What does your Mom expect? She is ok with 4 kids crammed together in one room to sleep in, 6 people to 1 bathroom?? And the emotional fallout of the change and everyone in a small space together as well as 3 more hungry people to feed a d clothe. Your Mom knows how expensive it is to have these kids, how does she expect YOU to do it? > Its entirely plausible to temporarily place them through a case worker while the family comes together to brainstorm any possible solutions even if the end result is still no. > Your Mom has to know that it's not like you HATE these kids. The money and the resources aren't there. What is she expecting? Very cruel for people to dump it all.on you and call you heartless. Not cool.. Im so very sorry! You are doing the best you can. Huggzz🥰 > > OOP >> Thank you! It's been a very long running pattern that I'm expected the pick up the pieces of every mess in this family. I've worked my butt off to give my own daughter a better life than I had. I would do the same for my nieces in a heartbeat if I thought I could actually sustain it

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Ic3_pop > Do the kids have godparents you could get in contact with or is that you? because if it is u did ultimately agree to care for these children in the event of an emergency this is that emergency or does your sister have any old friends that aren’t addicts that could care for them while you figure stuff out? > > OOP >> The godfather (kids uncle) is dead. We all went no contact with the godmother (our cousin) after she married a pedo. My sisters only friends are just as reliable as my sister

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Lakeview121 > My goodness, that’s heartbreaking. My question is why can’t your sister move in with your mother and help raise her own kids? That’s the logical decision. > > You can’t sacrifice your family. You don’t have the space or the resources. It’s terrible that your sister made so many bad decisions.
> > If you had a larger home with more money perhaps things would be different. What they are requesting is impossible. It’s not right for them to put that on to you. > > OOP >> My sister is not allowed visitation unless it is CPS supervised AND she provides a clean drug test (which she can't). If my mother let my sister move in, she would lose custody too.

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Final Update - after 26 days

^(June 29, 2026)

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UPDATE: AITAH I don't want custody of my sister's 3 kids

It's been a hectic month, but before I dive into the update I wanted to address a few more comments and questions from my last post that I was just too overwhelmed to elaborate on at the time. I'm sorry if it's a bit long. You can skip to the bottom for the update.

I've spoken to the kids case worker. She interviewed me when my mother was first trying to get custody to ask about my upbringing and ensure it would be a good environment for the kids. I reached out more recently to go over logistics if I were to take them in. The case worker told me she thinks I would be a great fit to give them a stable home but I lack the adequate space needed to be approved as their guardian. She offered to look into low income housing options in my area that would be big enough but the waitlists are unbelievably long.

Finances:

Yes, we would receive a decent chunk of funding per child (and twice as much for the eldest on the spectrum) to help cover the kids costs. But its money that I would be spending on food, clothes and other day to day necessities, not money I could put towards a down payment on a bigger house. That financial assistance also wouldn't be considered income as far as my mtg approval goes because its money for the kids, not me. And when I say we JUST bought a small townhouse, I meant we closed a little over a month ago and haven't even finished getting settled yet. It also took our entire savings to do so.

We are financially sitting back at square 1 again. Breaking our brand new mortgage (not to mention the legal costs and realtor fees etc) is not financially feasible. We also received first time home buyer rebates in our closing costs/ land transfer tax (thousands $$) that we would have to pay back if we don't live in our new house as our primary residence for at least a year. The rent prices where I live are about twice the cost of my mtg, so even putting aside all those other factors, renting again still just doesn't make sense. The math is not mathing. If I could just win the lotto my problems would be solved.

Luckily my husband has an amazing benefits plan through his work, so dental, glasses, meds, and even therapy are all covered and would extend to the kids if we got custody. All 3 need glasses and the youngest has a nasty habit of losing or breaking hers.

Caring for special needs:

I mentioned the eldest on the spectrum struggles socially and with emotional regulation. She's also incredibly bright and appreciates her space and independence. I spent a lot of time volunteering with special needs kids when I was in high school and I know how difficult it CAN be. My niece is not what I would consider difficult. She might operate a little differently, but it's nothing out of my scope. My daughter is actually very similar to my niece in all of these aspects and as I said before, my patience knows no bounds when it comes to these kids.

I'm also fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work from home when needed. I do have to go into the office a couple days a week for some tasks that can't be handled remotely, but it's flexible enough that I can be home for emergencies, sick days, or even if it's just to go see their school talent show or something. My husband on the other hand has a very demanding job. It's impossible to do remotely and it's not something he can easily call in sick from. Even if I had a huge emergency, he would have to wait for his replacement to enter the control room before he could leave.

Building resentment in my husband and daughter:

I've talked about this with my husband extensively since my sister first lost custody. He knows how much I love those girls and would support my decision to take them in if we could swing it. While I haven't talked to my daughter about it because I don't want her to get her hopes up over something that likely can't happen, I can say that she's begged me for a sibling every year since she was a toddler. She's had a really hard time with bullies at school and her cousins are her best friends. She would happily welcome them all with open arms even if it meant being cramped in 1 room.

THE UPDATE:

My mom and nieces are currently visiting me (we're camping just outside my city) and we seem to have found our compromise. My mom is going to take the year to scrape together what money she can for a down payment to move closer to me. She's also going to ask her dr about referrals to a dr in my city. In the meantime, I've offered to take the girls during major school breaks (summer, spring break and Christmas). The house will still be very cramped during those weeks but we spend the majority of the summer camping anyway, so the tight quarters aren't for very long periods of time.

My husband (I truly don't know what I did to deserve him) has offered to work as much overtime as he's allowed to help us replenish our savings and hopefully get a bigger place when it's time to renew our mortgage. My work won't let me do any overtime. On a totally unrelated note, does anyone have any advice or insight on how to get into selling feet pics? Asking for a friend 🤣

My sister found my original post and has been blowing up my phone with nasty texts and voice messages, she even made some wild Facebook posts about what a traitor of a sister I am. I simply don't have the energy to listen to her 2 cents on the matter so I'm ignoring her on all fronts.

We definitely can't take custody any time soon, but we haven't shut down the possibility of taking them in in the future when it makes more sense. I think this possibility is what's keeping my mother cooperative for the time being.

This will likely be the last update unless the plan for my moms move next year craps out (knock on wood). Thank you to everyone that gave genuinely helpful advice and support. Time to go swimming.

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COMMENTS

1RainbowUnicorn > Renew your mortgage? A mortgage is a loan to purchase a home that is 15-30 years. Do you mean a lease? A lease renews yearly > > OOP >> Our mortgage is 30 years but it get renewed every 3 years > > Crafter_2307 >> Depending on where OP lives, mortgages can be renewed every few years, e.g. take advantage of better interest rates, switch from fixed to variable. Etc. >> >> OOP >>> Yes, this is how it works where I live

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Onefinephleb > Are you going to this over the kids heads? If this angers you don’t help them. It sounds like you’re more concerned about money. You don’t break a mortgage. You sell for more or rent it out for income. Kids need to know they’re more important than money > > OOP >> I'm not more concerned about money than the kids. Money was the one thing everyone stressed in my original post so I elaborated here to provide clarity. Yes money is a big factor, but the anger you sense here is you projecting. >> >> Where I live, selling or paying out your mortgage before the term is up is called breaking the mtg and it comes with very large pre payment penalty fees. As I mentioned in my post, that's not feasible at the moment.

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KnowsIittle > Careful about the first time home buyer rebate. Many people found out the hard way it was a loan and they had to pay it back. > > OOP >> The FTHB rebate isn't a loan. If they had to pay it back then they either weren't a FTHB or they didn't live in it as their primary residence for at least a year.

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Blogger8517

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 23, 2026

• Final Update: June 24, 2026

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Main Post

^(May 23, 2026)

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AITAH For Cutting Off my Pregnant "Friend" Who Has Cancelled Last Minute On Everything For The Last 3+ Years.

There will be a lot of information in this post so bare with me.

I 24F know someone 26F who is currently pregnant and due to give birth very soon, but for the last 3 years have consistently cancelled last minute on plans, deflected blame, and I feel used and disposable. AITAH for blocking her? For context, over the last year I can count on one hand the amount of times she has showed up to things our friend and I planned for months in advance.

We all live 2-3 hours from each other, so driving to do dinners, celebrate bdays, etc is very time consuming and expensive. However, I'm happy to put in the effort when it is appreciated, but over the last 2 years the excuses became that she was too tired or she wanted to spend time with her bf, and now most recently, I haven't even gotten a text at all- just straight up feeling disrespected that she would rather sit at home and not put in the effort to come to plans she supposedly wanted to make.

My birthday was my last straw- 2 months ago- I picked the restaurant, activities, and everything surrounding her due to the pregnancy. There were multiple texts sent out in the week and month leading up to this- texting her multiples times to confirm the plans. Shocker- she did not come but heres the kicker- she tried to make it seem like it was my fault for not reminding her or telling her about the plans. I followed that up with screenshots of the texts of all the times of me telling her.

That being said, I continued to try and be there for her throughout her pregnancy and supported her. However, it's clear I'm no longer wanted in any capacity. I'm posting on here for the fact that I can't talk to anyone else about this due to her being pregnant and knowing that her cancelling last minute wil be seen as excused- but I've felt used and disposable over the constant disappointment and expectations for me to show up for her over the years prior to this.

I truly don't understand how someone can be this selfish and I almost want to say that this is why she will have nobody in her corner, because how is it fair to continue to try and show up for someone who is so disrespectful of my time and everyone else's time besides her boyfriend who she always cancelled on me last minute for.

Due to the timing of this I have chosen to block her and not discuss anything about my grievances because of two reasons,

1. It's not going to change anything as she's very aware of how rude she's been.

2. She's pregnant- and I refuse to be painted in a negative light that I stressed out a first time mom. However, I just felt like I needed someone to hear my perspective.

Today, she planned something but of course, she didn't even cancel last minute she just texted our other friend saying she is using this time to get her hair and nails done. The sad part is- I never even planned on going solely for the fact that I wasn't going to waste the time, money, and gas for someone to stand me up. It's a hard lesson to learn that no matter how much you try with someone whether that be a friend, family, or a man, that some people just don't care, ever. I blocked her because I don't want to see the inevitable text of "omg I miss you let's make plans." Truly at this point it just feels like she got pleasure from knowing she has someone care about her and she could do whatever she wanted and I'd still be there. I felt used.

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COMMENTS

Parking_Bar1399 > INFO: Does she give you adequate time when she's planning to cancel or is she cancelling while you are literally on your way/already there? > > OOP >> She cancels plans 1 hour before, sometimes she doesn't even say anything. After we have already done the labor. >> >> Parking_Bar1399 >>> Then NTA. >>> >>> Being a flake isn't a huge deal if you are considerate enough to give decent notice (Controversial, I know). Life gets in the way or people have their own issues to deal with, or sometimes you just plain and simple can't be bothered. >>> >>> Cancelling with no warning after time, money and labour has went into the plans is being a bad friend. She doesn't value your friendship like you do. >>> >>> If you are constantly the one doing the heavy lifting in a friendship then you need to leave - the foundations of friendship are based on mutual respect and effort, which she is not providing. >>> >>> OOP >>>> This. I personally have been raised to never cancel except in serious emergencies, it's not really the cancellations that have pushed me this far, it's the deliberate and intentional action of knowing I was fully invested into the plans and she never had to be.

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bakeacake45 > She is clearly telling you that she doesn’t want a friendship with you. It would be easier if she would just come out and say that, but her consistent behavior tells you all you need to know. > > Just walk away… > > OOP >> What’s crazy is that she says she’s treated me the best out of her other friends.

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cthulularoo > I wouldn't have bothered blocking her.  Just let her propose plans and never intend on joining her.  If flakes, it's as expected.  If she makes it, bitch her out for not reminding you.  Or give her a low energy excuse... this avocado I have just got soft, I needed to eat it right away. > > > NTA, block and move on. > > OOP >> I just want her to feel at least a portion of how she’s made me feel especially over the last year with making very detailed and careful plans to try and make her feel included just for her to literally do anything else. >> >> oldtimehawkey >>> Unblock. >>> >>> Make plans. Let her complain. Move them. Once. Be ready for her to not show up. Ignore her excuses. Don’t expect her to show up. Don’t think she’s late, just continue with your plans. You have plans to eat at 7? Start at 7. >>> >>> Start making plans with only the friends that show up. Don’t include her in the group chats anymore. >>> >>> Formal stuff, don’t invite her at all. Why waste an invitation or time stressing if she’s going to show up? >>> >>> OOP >>>> That’s what I’ve been doing.

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IceDragonPlay > NTA
> > Did you talk to the other friend that you usually plan things for the 3 of you? To let them know how you were feeling and that you do not want to include preggers friend anymore due to years of constant cancels. It seems like the two of you might want to make a separate chat to coordinate plans. > > OOP >> Yes, but she’s less angry about it than me likely due to her accepting it.

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Final Update - after 1 month, 1 day

^(June 24, 2026)

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Update AITAH For Cutting Off my Pregnant "Friend" Who Has Cancelled Last Minute On Everything For The Last 3+ Years.

Hi all, please see original post above.

My friend had her baby a few weeks ago, a couple of days ago I got contacted by one of her family members. They asked me why I hadn’t come to see her and the new baby and that if I was “so excited” and supportive of her why haven’t I made an attempt to visit. Keep in mind, I’ve done a lot of things this summer so I’m assuming the insecurity came from all of my posts.

I happily informed said family member of the constant updates I have asked for, and included screenshots of the times I’ve asked to come see her. No response. I understand that in my previous post I said I had blocked her, but it’s a complicated situation with her being postpartum. The reason why I have unblocked and have reached out is so now I can report to the family member that yes, I have asked to come see them, and no, I’m not getting a response.

They apologized immediately and said they were not told the full story. My friend told the family member that she was feeling isolated and alone that she has not had anyone at her house. Essentially, my purpose with this is to show proof of doing everything in my power to not be the person I’m made out to be.

I hope at least in this aspect, they can start to put the pieces together and see that she’s being controlled. Still have not received a response btw.

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COMMENTS

stormwaterwitch > Glad you have stood up for yourself and set records straight. Pregnancy brain is real so I could see her getting the message and forgetting to respond, but that doesn't excuse her icing you out completely and lying about it like she has. You've done the right steps to protect yourself and I agree that keeping her unblocked for now is a good thing but that'll dropping the rope to low contact is also what's best in this situation. Hope you can enjoy some peace > > OOP >> Thanks. Yes, pregnancy brain is real but doesn’t excuse lying. I don’t think it’s entirely coming from her- she’s isolated because she allowed herself to become that way due to her BD. >> >> Lopsided-Beach-1831 >>> Are you saying she devalued your friendship by making plans and cancelling them last minute or are you saying she is being isolated by a controlling boyfriend? Those are 2 very different scenarios. Your first post mentions none of this, this current post alludes to it a couple of times. The advice for you is very different based on is she being controlled or is she just not being a good friend? >>> >>> OOP >>>> I think it’s both, she’s done this for a long time but the recent isolation is making me think it’s being influenced. The reason why my first post mentions none of it is because her cancelling last minute was not anything new but the isolation is.

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dirtyphoenix54 > Where is the isolation and the idea of her boyfriend being abusive come from? I read the original post and her partner was barely mentioned. How is she now being *controlled*? She just seemed like a pregnant flake who's a bad friend. Where is all this other stuff coming from now? > > OOP >> She’s been flakey for a long time. I only mention the isolation because that’s an abuse tactic, it’s hard to know what it is since I’m in the dark. I was just saying it’s a possibility. >> >> FelineCompanionCube >>> I'd be extremely cautious in throwing "abuse"/"isolation" out there when it's a "possibility". She's been a flake for "a long time", yet somehow NOW she's being isolated? >>> >>> When did the flaky behavior start? Was it right around/right after she started dating the BD? THEN you'd have a semi-decent reason to suspect abuse/isolation. >>> >>> But if she's been flaky before him, suddenly trying to make him out to be an abuser is pretty shitty behavior. >>> >>> OOP >>>> I’m not making him out to be anything I’m just trying to assess all options. I don’t use those terms lightly at all- there is isolation going on and isolation CAN correlate to abuse is all I was saying.
>>>>>>>> Yes, she’s been flakey but since she got has been with him it’s become much worse.

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Dipshitistan > NTA, but has anyone said you are? > > OOP >> Her family member assumed I was. Also, she has tried to make me feel like I was in the past for her own actions (see previous post.) >> >> Dipshitistan >>> Do you need to have her in your life? She sounds like a lot. >>> >>> OOP >>>> Not really but it bothers me.

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Galactic-System > I think you're NTA, but it's possible that this isn't the result of abuse. > > If she was a flaky liar even before her partner, she may have just escalated the behavior because you & everyone else in her life enabled it. You kept letting her disrespect your time & you in general, so once you stop letting it happen she gets all huffy. Like a spoiled child. > > I really hope she isn't being abused, but c'mon man... If she's always been like this, then it's more likely because it's just the way she is. > > OOP >> Honestly that’s the best case scenario. I’m tired of being nice.

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/GarbageStation666

Published on: r/AmIOverreacting

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 22, 2026

• Update: June 24, 2026

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Main Post

^(June 22, 2026)

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AIO for telling my boyfriend to plan his own birthday dinner?

Hello people,

I (30F) and my boyfriend (now 28M) have been together for 5 years.

This year I decided to throw a surprise party for him since his birthday was on a Monday, I did it the Saturday. I was able to use my friend’s AirBnB, that wasn’t currently being rented that weekend, to have a nicer place and to reduce suspicion since I do an overboard deep clean. I didn’t have any help and I work about 70 hours a week so I decided to go to my local grocery deli department to get food and the cake for the party. I ordered some decorations and went on my lunch during the week to set them up. I put a lot of thought effort into this and I was spent a lot of time getting things together and planning.

On the day of the party, (Saturday) i gave him his gifts and I spent all day doing one of his hobbies with him, and trying to keep him busy. He wasn’t happy that I wasn’t doing anything for his birthday (as he knew of) and he wanted to do other things but that would spoil the plans. (He wanted to go to a city 2 hours away and spend the weekend out there, but I needed him here for the party he didn’t know about yet)

I made some plans with a friend so he went out with him while I ran to the Airbnb to finish setting up things. It was a pretty good turn out, about 25 people. Our friend got him the house and he was very surprised. Everyone ate, drank, and had a good time. Lots of laughs. The night went really great. Everybody left, I cleaned it all up by myself while he sat down and brought things into the house when we got home. That night, he thanked me a million times and kept telling me how amazing the party was.

The next morning I was beat, we got home late and I cleaned up everything by myself. I worked all week, and had a health issue on top of everything with the party and I needed a break. I bought him food from his favorite places all day, even when he had a lot of leftovers from the party.

He pretty much was upset all day because he didn’t want to be home. I told him to go hang out with his friends but he refused. I asked him what he wanted to do and he would just pout and not want to do anything other than go to that town two hours away. He wouldn’t even attempt to ask his friends if they wanted to go and I think it might be because he wanted me to pay for everything but I was pretty tapped out.

I spent pretty much $1,000 for everything for the weekend including gifts and getting things to participate in his hobby that I don’t even really like, I just put on a smile and did it for him. I don’t make crazy money so in general so that’s a lot for me.

I go to work Monday and he asked me if we could go to dinner since it was actually his birthday. I said yes, he told me that I needed to invite all his friends, call in a reservation and pay for it to make it up to him for not planning anything on his actual birthday and only one day and not whole weekend.

I feel insulted and hurt. I told him he can do it himself and i wouldn’t be attending. I reminded him that on my birthday a few months back, we only did things he wanted to do, and I didn’t get anything planned for me with friends or something special. Not even a simple $15 cake that he can just grab from the Walmart bakery two minutes down the road. He has never put half of as much effort into my birthday as I have done to his for the 5 years we have been together. I understand this is not a competition, and we don’t really one up each other on anything, but I don’t get how I ruined his birthday???

This obviously turned into a fight and since we live together, he has been staying with dad because “I ruined his birthday.” Idk if we are breaking up or what because he will not talk to me. I’m hurt and insulted. I don’t understand how I am the bad guy here.

Am I overreacting for telling him that he should plan his own dinner and I did not attend?

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COMMENTS

susandeyvyjones > All the friends he wanted you to invite to dinner, they were invited to the party, yes? I’ll say NOR, but it seems like you planned something you would like and did not listen to what he wanted. > > OOP >> Yes they came to party and he did not tell me he wanted to do that until Saturday. We go there at least once a month already. >> >> susandeyvyjones >>> All right, I retract the final clause of my comment >>> >>> OOP >>>> I do appreciate the feedback.

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Beginning_Flower_390 > NOR it may not have been on the day but you planned a whole big party and went all out on it and then he was ungrateful and complained expecting you to do even more still while he does literally nothing for your birthday. Sounds like you’d be better off without him to be honest he doesn’t sound like he really likes you > > OOP >> He seemed to be very happy about it and thanked me so much to turn around and do all that… I’m so numb, I feel like letting this relationship go. It’s been good up until this point.

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BlessedHealer > Girl the fact that you’re questioning this makes me wonder how low the bar has to get  > > NOR - majorly underreacting > > OOP >> Yeah… therapy has been scheduled and I’m going to talk to him tonight about splitting up… I’ll update. 👍 >> >> mikesbaby14 >>> What was his response when you pointed out he put in minimal effort for YOUR birthday but expects a whole weekend of plans for his? >>> >>> OOP >>>> He just went on about how he tried everything he could on my birthday and he didn’t get to do what he really wanted… which was go to that town two hours away. I told him that on Sunday I told him to go! Go with your friends, get out of the house, I’m just not feeling well, I’m beat. He blamed in on me saying I didn’t want to be alone… I told him I was fine with being alone and idk why was bringing that up from a previous incident we had, from a month ago, that had nothing to do with this.

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alliez34 > NOR. So he loved the surprise party but it wasn’t enough because it wasn’t on his actual birthday? He sounds childish. I guess next time just ask him what he wants and do that, even if it’s just dinner with his friends two hours away. > > OOP >> He just wanted to have dinner in town. I doubt it even happened but I’m not going to reach out to people and ask because I just don’t care anymore.
>> Even on the Sunday I told him to go to that town with some friends or something because I just wasn’t feeling well. We go to the town at least once a month for him. It’s not a big deal to me, we do the exact same things when we go.

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sassy_doilies > NOR. He is acting like a child at almost 30. You “ruined his birthday” by planning an entire surprise party and then he wouldn’t do the ONE thing he said he wanted, because it seems like he would have to put in a modicum of effort?? > > Y’all need to talk, and you need to decide if you want the rest of your life to be spent being told the effort you put in isn’t enough. > > Does he work? Because what the hell. > > OOP >> In 2024 he did plan a dinner and surprised me with a few of my friends there. I was grateful even though I didn’t want to go because I was miscarrying at the time. My birthday generally gets overshadowed because it’s on a major holiday. >> >> Top_Technician_7034 >>> And did HE pay for everybody at your birthday dinner? And were there as many friends at your dinner as the number of friends he wanted you to pay for? >>> >>> OOP >>>> They all paid for themselves and he paid for me, that’s why I’m so freaking confused. Idk how many people because I never got that far to even ask. I doubt they even went to dinner. At least the 25 that were at the party I’m guessing. And that’s not including people I invited that didn’t come to the party so who knows who would’ve even showed up.

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Far-Safe-4036 > I hate surprise parties. I mean he said what he wanted to do. So the party happened and then .. he wasnt able to have ' his day ' his own way . I kinda get it .
> He sounds like a brat, but guys can be
> brats. Relationships are hard . > > OOP >> He would just tell me “ I don’t know “ for what he wanted until Saturday when everything was already set in stone. I’ve had parties for him similar to this in the past and he always loved them. I had no problem with doing the dinner I just didn’t want to do all the extra at the last minute and I don’t have the funds to pay for that. Even Sunday i told him to just go to the town with his friends because I wasn’t feeling well and I don’t have an issue with it. Idk. Idk why I had to be there or be the one to manage everything. He got off at work at noon that day when I didn’t get off until 6 and he still expected me to plan a last minute dinner with everybody that was literally at the party when he was at home playing video games and I was supposed to be working.

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#Small Update in comments

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Comment update

I called him and told him that’s we need to speak face to face today, he said sure and asked if he should spend $700 on something.I told him that’s the majority of his money he has on his side of the account… and just argued with me when I told him he shouldn’t. I’m taking my portion out of that account and breaking up with him tonight.

COMMENTS

tomeito_tomatou > I dont get why he asked u about that $700, but if i’m delusional enough i’d think he’ll try to mend this up with some expensive gift, ring or smth. If that‘s the case, DONT FORGIVE HIM! You’ve just realised how peaceful it is to not have him around, dump his ass! > > OOP >> We have a shared account for bills, emergencies and just to save and we talk about taking money out of it before anything. He bought a gun at the pawn shop, nothing for me. >> >> The-Bees-Knees-6969 >> OP did you finally get to talk to him? >>> >>> OOP >>>> No. It’s a little more complicated than just a text and put his stuff on the lawn unfortunately. I waited at his dad’s house for an hour yesterday and he never showed up or answered my calls.

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Grumpy-Bumblebee > What? Text him he has an hour to collect his stuff otherwise you throw it on the streets! Make a stand for yourself. > > Grumpy-Bumblebee > He knows. > Did you talk at all with his dad about it? > > OOP >> No his dad wasn’t home. He owns a busy restaurant and is there a lot. >> >> 🫩 que the side eye. My name is on his vehicle and he already has no credit that I know he doesn’t care about and I really need to separate that before he gets mad and ruins mine.

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stankenfurter > How did it go? You ok? > > OOP >> 🫩 been slammed at work with some bs happening there. I do have a little bit of update when I get a chance to type it out.

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No_Transition_8293 > NOR. Send him home to his mother, who can gather all his little friends and give him a party at McDonalds. You gave him an amazing celebration and he was a pouty, obnoxious manchild. > > You deserve a whole lot better. > > OOP >> He doesn’t even know his mom since she left when he was a baby so who even knows.

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#Update - After 2 days

^(June 24, 2026)

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Update in comments

Thank you for all the comments and people checking up on me. I have a little bit of context and update of what’s going on currently.

I was supposed to meet up with him that night to break up with him and talk about how we will need to separate things. My name is primary on his vehicle but he is a co-signer and on the title so I couldn’t report it stolen or anything. He has shit credit and anger issues (yes I know shocker) so I had a feeling he would just stop paying and ruin mine for fun.

We also had a joint bank account where we would save money, put things towards bills, the house, the cats and so on. I did take all of my money out. There’s a certain amount allocated that we have for ourselves or our “ fun, trip “ money etc, so when he called to spend a big chunk of his side that is not uncommon. Yes, he did buy a gun, I told him it was stupid but he has quite a few so it was not uncommon, it was not to try to hurt or threaten me.

So, anyway, he did not show up for the meeting at his dad’s house and his dad wasn’t there. I just went home. I got a weird text message that morning from a random number calling me an asshole and it blocked me, never figured out who it was. He wasn’t answering me for a good while but this wasn’t unusual from his behavior since he left. Well I got a call yesterday afternoon they found his car abandoned and smashed with nobody in it. ( thank god for gap )

I was 3 hours away dealing with an issue at one of my farthest stores from my city. I finally called his dad and he was very surprised to hear what I had to say…. You guessed it, he was told a whole different story that made me look awful. Tried telling his dad that he paid for all the party and I didn’t do a thing and told him that he couldn’t celebrate his birthday and all kinds of insane shit.

His dad did agree that my story made a lot more sense but I digress. Apparently my ex has been going through bottles of alcohol like water and his dad was trying to kick him out of his house. He was drunk and crashed the car by himself (thank god he didn’t hurt anybody) He started to walk, who knows his destination, and walked through people’s yards and the cops got called on him from somebody in the neighborhood I’m guessing. He fought the cops and got arrested. I still haven’t talked to him or know if he ever got out or what.

I have given some major things of his to his dad, and he knows it is over between us. I don’t think he will do anything to me but I’m kind’ve uneasy. I’m looking for a new place to live.

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/AdventurousBet6537

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Previous BORU: BORU

Thanks to u/unoqueloes for letting me know about the update

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 01, 2026

• Update: May 02, 2026

• Final Update: June 23, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

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Main Post

^(May 01, 2026)

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I 23F think i need to move out of the house after Dad 48M requested I pay 1k a month in rent.

I just made this today dont want it on my main.

I 23F live at home with my Dad, Mom and younger brother and I also work from home.

So here is the short version, I work for a pharmaceutical company as a data analyst and hopefully soon to be a data scientist once I finish some certifications, I have worked at this company for 3.5 years, I started as an intern and once I finished my degree I was given a full time position. My parents deal for me to live at home as an adult was to always contribute to the household, so we came up with “what contributions” to make sure there weren’t any discrepancies.

1. Pay the light bill because I am home the most (roughly $200 a month during winter and 350 during summer…Texas)

2. I opted to pay for the water ($150), gas ($50-80), internet ($100)

3. My mother added for me to drive my brother around – at reasonable requests so I usually pick him up after school from practice and he plays like a million sports and is in a trillion clubs, this is until he can get a car. I also drive him to places if I can.

4. I pay for my own cell phone, car insurance and subscriptions.

5. I still have chores, cooking, cleaning, etc. so does my brother.

Well, my dad came to me last week and asked that I start paying $500 a month (cheap yes I know) because he desnt think I contribute enough to the house. This rubbed me the wrong way because I feel that I do, I know $500 is cheap and I wont get anything cheaper out there but that will mean I will be paying 1k a month to live at home. So I said if I am going to start giving cash for living at home then I am a tenant not a family member contributing to the house. If I am going to pay rent then I want a lease, I want to be able to come and go as I please, I don’t want to pay the monthly bills because then it should be covered in my rent and the obligation of driving my brother around should also go out the window (he is my brother and I will always accommodate him because we get a long but not the point). He got upset and said I want being petty and not thinking clearly and if I leave I will not be allowed back when I realize the real world is harder than 500 a month and when I fall on my ass, he will not help me.

I looked around and I can get a studio apartment or a 1 bedroom for $1200, and I get my own space and privacy and more than likely not spend too much more money. I would save on the utilities alone so it wouldn’t be that much more expensive, and I can get my desk out of my room. He has been ignoring me for the past week until today.

My mom asked for me to take the day off to discuss this and didn’t want my brother home because she didn’t want him to see us arguing, which is weird because why would we be arguing and not discussing?!

My mom tried to negotiate, that I don’t pay utilities and my rent is $750 a month but I still had to do chores and keep the same routine with my brother. Also, the house rule would be no noise or company past 9 pm Sunday through Thursday and midnight on Friday and Saturday unless requested a head of time and absolutely no men can spend the night or be in my room (weird because this was never an issue).

My dad stayed quiet the entire time, but I could tell that he was bothered, I said that wouldn’t work because I spent money on gas to drive my bro everywhere and I don’t want it to be a rule of tenancy to be my brother’s chauffeur. That’s when my dad blew up and called me selfish and he is just trying to teach me responsibility, accountability and that me harping over giving them money just shows that I am not part of the family and want to be an outsider because I should want to help. I argued that me paying over 500 a month in bills, gas driving around my brother, and chores should be enough to show how unselfish I am, but if its necessary for him to receive payment from me then I will pay the $500 and none of the bills and I will gladly drive my brother around.

My mom argued that 750 was reasonable, and I said no its not if you still want me to live here like a teenager, dad said 500 so that 500 should cover everything. My dad stormed off and my mother said I am treating this like a business negotiation and that she is disappointed in me because my dad only said 500 because I was paying other bills and only wanting to pay 500 all included is a low blow, and renting is a waste of money and they would feel better if I moved out to a purchased home. Like what?! I am not ready for that level of commitment. It’s not the money but that is a major purchase and now I feel like the trust I had with them is fractured.

Before anyone asks idk if they are in financial distress, my mom is an MRI tech, and my dad is a pipe fitter. Also, if my parents where in financial distress I would help them 100%, I went to school here in the city, I have been saving 60% of my salary for the past 3.5 years and the other 40% was to my car that I paid off and my student loans (which I only have 25k left).

TLDR- dad wants me to pay 1k a month and keep responsibilities, it feels like its too much and I should move out. Torn if I am making a big deal of the $750 vs $500 and if this is a hill I want to die on.

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COMMENTS

Valthar70 >I dont know where you live but just be sure to get the deets on what else would be required for that $1200/mo 1br apartment. Normally that doesn't include utilities, or not all of them, nor does it usually include internet. Or laundry. Do you have furniture? Pots, pans, plates, utensils, toiletries, tables, bedroom set, dining stuff? Ability to also buy groceries? > >Not as easy as you think to outfit an entire apartment and live there and think... It's just $1200 > >OOP >>Well I do have savings, I know its going to be more expensive but it wont be large enough to make me change my mind. >> >>Alone my light bill will be roughly 75-150 depending on the apartment, gas $40, groceries for myself I pay about 150 a week because I meal prep, internet 50 dollars, water/sewage depending on the apartment. >> >>I have enough saved to fully furnish an apartment, will it suck yes but I have the money to do it and I know its more than 1k a month that they are offering.

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CaityR1986 >I would just cut the cord and move out. It will cost a bit more than what your parents want Joh to pay then but the freedom from their rules and having to be your brother’s driver is worth every penny extra than you will be paying. It might even cut closer to even when you factor in all the gas savings you will have not having to drive your brother everywhere > >OOP >>omg this week alone I drove him around over 500 miles, I know this because I had to fill up my gas tank twice this week. School x 2, taekwondo 3x a week, swimming, then the basketball games, football games, now he wants to do swimming in the summer and work as a life guard, on top of that he takes music lessons 2x a week. his weekly in person DND night, taking him to the stores, dropping him off at the movies, mall, whatever. I love the kid but I cant wait until he gets his own license. From 4-7 its just me driving him around at least 3-4x a week. >> >> >>InsertCleverName652 >>>500 miles??? That's insane. >>> >>>OOP >>>>It probably wasnt 500 miles but I did have to fill up my tank twice this week. I have a mazda 3 so the stopping and going the mileage is less. Our neighborhood was rezoned, so my brothers school which used to be half a mile away is now 2 miles away, and his taekwondo is a mile from our house so just on that day its 4 miles to drop and pick up and 6 miles for the extras. I would have to look at all the other stuff he has but it was 40-50 bucks to fill up. I just remember thinking damn thats a lot lol.

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MermaidxGlitz >are you not allowed to come and go as you please now? I’d move out simply for the freedom > >OOP >>I leave as I please but its a full lecture when I return, god forbid I have brunch with the girls, or come home past midnight. I didnt mind at first because its their house their rules but now it feels more confined with their requests

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Unleashd99 >$1k a month is not terrible amount of money but you make a very valid point. For just a few dollars more you get your independence. Which at 23 makes a ton of sense. Maybe instead of focusing on the details of what they are asking from you, you could ask your father, “Why now? What happened that made you suddenly think I needed to pay an extra $500 more?” > >That question might help you both to be less defensive about the specific details of the topic and find a more fruitful answer. Because you are right to request more independence as a woman at 23. And maybe he has a good reason for what he is suddenly demanding too and we just haven’t heard it yet. Or maybe he just really wants you out of the house. You won’t know unless you ask. It seems unlikely that it could make things worse by asking. > >OOP >>I tried asking and he wont answer, he is pretty stubborn and when he thinks he is being challenged or undermined he shuts down and gives you the cold shoulder and my mom has to mediate. I heard them on the phone talking about me because he went for a drive and he said I was stubborn. Maybe I am stubborn, maybe if they would have had a talk with me about it I wouldnt be so defensive. But he is a blue collar man and he speaks like he is barking orders and once you say no or dont agree with the tone he will double down and it becomes a screaming match.

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OOP to a long thread >No men have ever stepped in my room, now what I do outside of my house is my business thats the unspoken rule. > >Honestly 750 isnt horrible, but when he started it as a demand and said I didnt do enough without explanation and me not backing down it escalated. My parents are not rich they ok. My dad is 49 and my mom is 48 and my brother is 15 about to be 16.

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Electrical_Ad_947 (downvoted) >Who paid for you to go to university? > >OOP >>scholarships, loans and working through school. They would help if I was in need for like gas, food, and the occasional books or extras. Scholarships paid 70% of school.

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Update - next day

^(May 02, 2026)

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Update: My parents are just ridiculous and I am going to look for apartments this weekend

So its 545 right now and my Dad is getting the full exposure of driving around my brother and my Mom and I had a conversation as to what happened which solidified that living here will just end up to us having a horrible relationship.

My dad as previously mentioned is a pipe fitter in the union, sometimes he has to travel for work but not all the time and he works long hours so he doesn’t see everything that happens. Now to the update.

3 years ago when I went from intern to full time I was making 62k a year as entry level and that was generous because they already knew my work. Well last year a position opened up and I was offered the position now making 82k a year and quarterly bonuses up to 10%, I have never received the full 10% because I didn’t see the value of working 60 hours for an extra paycheck a month. Last week my dad was home more than usual and just saw me holed up in my room “doing nothing just staring at a computer and watching netflix” well I had a grey’s anatomy running in the background but I always shut it off when I am in meetings and its just comforting to hear other voices in the house when you are alone all the time. When I left for my brother my dad walked in my room and saw my W2 and that my gross last year was 78k (promotion money included) and he asked my mom how much am I contributing to the house and she said well she doesn’t give any money. Well that was enough for him to say I wasn’t contributing, no follow up questions. He also forgot that I was paying the utilities – why? Because my mom handles all the bills.

When he told me I had to pay because I am not contributing enough he thought I was just picking up my brother, doing chores and cooking twice a week for dinner. So when I pushed back saying I pay bills, pick up my brother, drive him around 3-4x a week between 4-7, give him money when he is short for food and take him out to eat during the outings, plus everything else, he got flustered and thought I was exaggerating and doubled down. The silent treatment for the whole week he was asking my mom and brother to “validate” and when they did he got even more mad that he didn’t know all this because its obviously my fault for not ANNOUCING it to the world.

During the 1st conversation of the 750 and driving my brother around was my mom being selfish because she knew it would fall on her and teaching him to drive! But I explained he knows how to drive, he went to driving school and has a learners permit so when he is with me I do let him drive to get comfortable. She didn’t realize that he completed his courses which again is weird to me because SHE literally signed him up!

Even with all this my dad biggest issue is that I no longer need them which is not true, you always need your parents. But after this back and forth and reading a lot of the comments, and me saying my dad has quirks or shuts down I just come to realize he and I trigger each other so much. He and I will get into a screaming match because he refuses to admit he is wrong and I refuse to let him walk all over me, but I know how to apologize as well HE DOESN’T, he will just pretend like it didn’t happen.

This is just not going to work out. She finally agreed to it and will speak to my dad because it will just continue to escalate. I did offer for them to come and walk some apartments with me so they feel involved and my mom said yes but she will see what my dad will say because he doesn’t want me to move out and is really upset that I wont back down from that. But I honestly don’t see us coming back from what happened this past week and today, I know it will just escalate – I haven’t even addressed why he was in my room and looking through my stuff to see my W2’s.

Right now my dad is getting frustrated driving around to just wait on my brother and then drive again in high traffic times, which has been my life for 3 years. The only difference is that when I took that role/responsibility my brother was only 13 years old so he didn’t have a lot of extra circulars. My mom knew but she was happy with the arrangement because she didn’t have to deal with it. She also apologized for her role in saying that I am trying to negotiate because she understands that I do a lot for my brother and that will fall on them at least until he gets his license. Once I move out depending on where I move I wouldn’t mind helping out and driving him around maybe once or twice a week because I do enjoy spending time with him and so do my friends. Once a week after once of his extras we go to Chili’s and eat and hang out with my friends and I know I would miss him too much if I just stop being around him. There are so many times we just sit in the car eat and laugh or gossip. But hopefully we find something this weekend and I can move within the next month.

Hopefully my dad and I will be on speaking terms by the time I move out. I am going to step away and go get dinner with my friends and just get it off my mind.

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COMMENTS

OOP to a long thread >ugh yes we are Mexican American. My mom's family is from Texas before it was Texas and my dad is 1st generation.

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Informal_Meeting_577 >Serious question, if you've been living at home, and getting paid 60k then 85k, why not just buy a home? Should you not have significant savings at this point? > >OOP >>There are few reasons not to buy a house right now. Yes I have savings but the savings will be a full down payment and leave me with little money to cover 6 months. I bought a car because I needed that and paying my student loans so this past year it has been saving and student loans. In houston if I want to buy a decent home in a decent area the avg is 300k plus unless I look at town homes etc. I did look once I received a pay increase to see what I would need and it would be somewhere between 55k-65k for 20% down because I dont want PMI.

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NEW UPDATE

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Final Update - after 1 month, 22days

^(June 23, 2026)

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I moved out and everything went to hell but it has been eye opening!

Hello! I am not sure where to post so I will just keep it on my page, if anyone finds this or is following then you can have your update if it goes into the void thats ok because it will be therapeutic.

Apartment update!

I moved out! I went apartment hunting at first with my mom to look at apartments near by and hated every single one of them. The next day I went further into the city where its best for young people and those where too expensive for "fake luxury". After the first few dead ends my friends mom put me in contact with a realtor friend and helped me find the perfect spot! Its a 2 bedroom townhouse close to places I would want to be and in a nice neighborhood, I pay 1300 a month for 1200 sqft, it has a community pool, tennis court, park, close to some walking trails and its mostly young families since they are townhomes so I dont feel out of place! I love this place so much and the area! I also love decorating my place and picking out furniture and going thrifting! The girls come over and we can have girl dinner, wine and binge watch shows without interruptions!

I love that the bedrooms are upstairs so it separates my work and life, having a 2nd bedroom that is an office/guest room has been the best thing ever. I did buy a pull out couch because I anticipated my brother would spend the night but its been so great, to be able to walk out of that room close the door and not think about work! Speaking of work I have done so much better at work because I am not looking at the clock to go pick up my brother or run errands and it has been noticed at work. I mentioned before I dont want to work 60 hours a week for an extra paycheck to hit all the KPI's but honestly moving out of my house and leaving the stress helped me reach all my weekly KPI's without working more hours than usual.

Getting to places to eat is so close, if there wasnt a serial killer killing people in the bayou, I would definitely be out there more lol.

Brother Update

Well this is where things went sideways. My father was not there when I moved out as he was still giving me the cold shoulder. Since moving out and its now summer time, my mom had to change her schedule to get off in time to be able to take my brother around but he was home all day by himself and that really messed with him and he ended up having a panic attack and called me for help and then I sent the bat signal to my grandparents and parents, since I now live about 20-30 minutes away I worried that I wouldnt get there in time, time for what? idk but I never heard my brother this way and I was scared, some how I got to my brother in 15 minutes and I am sure I broke many traffic laws. By the time I got there my Mom and Grandparents where there and he locked himself in the bathroom and it took a while to get him to open the door.

In the morning my brother was finally able to express himself, he said he felt trapped and alone that no one noticed him but me. I didnt realize how much he depended on me, he said it started during COVID, since my Mom was picking up extra shifts at the hospital for extra money and they needed staff she isolated herself at a hotel, my Dad went to the oil fields to rack up extra money since everything was shut down, it was just me, my brother and grandma.

Well our grandma on my dad's side doesnt speak a lot of english so we went from an English house to straight Spanish and my brother was a "no sabo" kid but he picked up enough for a conversation but that alone made me the only person he felt really comfortable talking to. Then he had online school and I was the only one who could help him with homework so I kinda became more than a big sister.

He feels like our parents are strangers forcing a conversation with him. Then his worst fear happened Mom and Dad asked him to give up some of his activities because they couldnt manage working and his schedule or find rides or start taking Lyft (all this through text) because Mom wasnt able to get off work in time and Dad was onsite somewhere and at the time our grandparents where grocery shopping.

He said during COVID he felt so trapped that when everything was lifted he just wanted to be outside all the time and not be stuck inside at all he didnt want to feel like that again and that is why he started joining all activities he could. I just figured he was just an active kid not that he was running from lockdown. He is staying with me for the summer until he can get his license and has become my neighborhood dog walker for money and to get outside and meet people. He really needs human interaction. He is also going to start therapy his first session is in a few weeks.

I did start putting boundaries on my brother about him going places and needing me to take him everywhere, he really does need to take Lyft, Uber or whatever, if I can drive him I will, I am his sister not his mother and we definitely let that sibling line blur into his codependency.

I am also to blame because I didnt realize it sooner, but again I really do like hanging out with my brother I never thought that he saw me as the only trusted adult. Since he isnt driving he did give up a lot of summer activities, but he likes the area, there are kids his age and being a dog walker he is definitely getting attention, plus it doesnt help that we are so close to the Galleria (mall) which he and his friends are spending a lot of their time at.

Parents Update

Well after those wonderful updates my parents and I sat down for a conversation, my Dad finally apologized for how everything happened, my Mom apologized for her role in all this as well. I did not apologize. I dont feel like I had anything to apologize for other than to my brother for letting this get so far. All this is a lot for my Dad and he would like space to figure out what to do which is a deflection.

It ended on neutral ground that they have to do better and I need to step back, (yet my brother is staying with me) so yeah they will be no change, because my brother will have his license, get a car and they will never see him because he will stay out of the house as much as possible. I told them that and my Dad kinda waived it off but you can tell it got to my Mother. From my understanding from pieces of what my Mom says and grandparents, my parents are not doing well. They are fighting, my Dad is being stubborn and they are blaming each other for us not being in the house...idk if divorce is happening but I do know they have never fought like this before.

My Dad thinks everything will go back to normal once my brother is in school again, my Mom thinks she lost her children. She does come by a few times a week and she is really trying with my brother and taking him out and spending time with him, my Dad, well he thinks my brother helping him in yard, or doing stuff around the house is enough to get back on track.

TLDR! I moved out to a great townhouse in the perfect area. Brother had a panic attack and is staying with me for the summer. Mom and Dad are fighting.

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Kind_Article_8274

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 21, 2026

• Final Update: June 23, 2026

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Main Post

^(June 21, 2026)

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AITAH for not letting my mom help me with my new home?

I (25 F) just bought a house. I got it practically new, it has a huge basement, a nice back yard, a garage, and I got it for relatively cheap so I'm super excited to start putting my personality into it. My family is also very excited, particularly my mom (55 F).

I have depression and I am medicated for it, but sometimes I get a bit lethargic and slow and I am not as productive as most people. My family is made up of busy bodies and go getters, and my mom has a battery that never runs out.

She likes to come sleep over some weekends and thinks of my house as her "vacation", and I've never had a problem with that. But while she is here, she feels the need to "fix" things, or help out in ways that I generally do not want. I have asked her repeatedly for what feels like years to please respect the boundaries that I have set and to not do anything to my place that I don't ask her to do, or that she doesn't ask me to do.

Well, recently every time she is here we have gotten into a fight. The first was because she was criticizing all of the changes I wanted to make (paint colors, furniture, selling some of my old stuff, etc.). When I was younger she gave me a sleigh bed headboard that she really liked, and I wanted to sell it because it was too big for this new place. She saw that as me rejecting her gift and felt I needed to keep it because it was from her and she loves that bed. I told her she could have it if she didn't want me to sell it, and eventually I got her to take it.

The second was because she decided she was going to bring a bunch of furniture she found on Facebook marketplace without telling me as a surprise. I am currently trying to get rid of some of my furniture so that I can see what I like, so I really don't want more stuff I don't want. All of the stuff she was going to bring was exactly what I have always said I did not like lol.

The third was because she wanted to plant a tree in my back yard. I want to get into gardening and want to plant my own stuff when I feel I have the time and energy to do so. She feels that because she already has a bunch of plants and knows a lot about them, she should start doing it. She wanted to plant a fruit tree in my yard and I told her no, and that led to a very large fight between me and both of my parents.

There are a bunch more that have happened every time she has come here. She feels I am ungrateful for all that she is trying to do for me, and thinks that she is making my life easier. I feel like she is not respecting my boundaries, and I just want to take my time to do what I want with MY house.

Am I overreacting, should I let her do what she wants? I am tired of fighting and spending my weekends upset.

EDIT: I feel like a lot of people think that I haven't already talked with her about this. I have, several times. I have been VERY clear with my boundaries to her. She has left my place literally crying because of how big our fights have gotten about this. It hasn't mattered.

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COMMENTS

Vegetable-Branch-740 > As a mom myself, I promise you she’s excited for you and wants you to have a beautiful home that you love and she’s willing to spend the money and do the work to help you achieve that. > > However, she needs to take a step back. It’s hard for us parents to keep our preferences to ourselves, and to not say the wrong thing, or overstep when we think we’re truly helping. > > If you aren’t comfortable having a face to face conversation write her a letter or email. Remind her that you’re thankful for her help, but you want to make the final decisions about your home, much like she did with hers. That you don’t want to fight over what you want versus what she likes. You want to outfit your new nest in your own style not hers. And that you appreciate her help in finding that style on your own time. Some of us need a lot of time to make choices and to follow through. Ask her to work with you on your timeline, not hers. > > I feel like she’s just trying to have fun playing house with you and needs reminders that it’s your house. > > You are NTA, but I don’t think she is either. > > OOP >> I agree with you and yeah, I don't think she is trying to stress me. I have had these conversations repeatedly and often lol, and they never quite stick. I will keep trying.

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TheLastWord63 > NTA. She's just adding to your depression and manipulating you. Are you in therapy and also, does she have a key to your home? > > OOP >> She does and yeah I am. I appreciate the help when I ask for it, it's the extra that just gets to me.

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FormerlyDK > NTA. Don’t let her do what she wants, and stop “asking” her not to and start “telling” her. Make it clear to her that everything is going to be your way, not hers, and if she doesn’t listen, she will be escorted to the door. And if she keeps it up, you’ll be taking a break from her constant interference. > > The furniture she brought from FB marketplace, tell her she has to take it away and deal with it since you don’t want it. Make her take it. You have to be tough to solve the problem of her, or you’ll be dealing with it endlessly. Nicely-nice doesn’t get through to pushy, interfering people. > > OOP >> Oh I didn't let her bring it to my house lol. I haven't been for anything.

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Final Update - after 2 days

^(June 23, 2026)

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AITAH for not letting my mom help with my new home? (UPDATE)

Last post I talked about how I felt my mom was disregarding how I want to set up my house, and trying to essentially take over. We got into a long winded fight before she left my place this most recent time, which ended with both of us upset and no resolution.

For clarity, My family was having a yard sale at my place this weekend because we all had stuff to sell and felt it would be easier to sell everything together.

While my mom was here, she took it upon herself to do some of the chores I had not gotten to yet, because it was a Thursday and I usually do all of my chores on Sundays. She found a bucket of wood stain in my garage and decided that she wanted to stain my shed floor. I told her she absolutely was not doing that, and to please just focus on the garage sale.

She insisted she needed something to do and that staining the floor would be worth her time, so we fought about it, and eventually I went to rant to my dad (who was helping me knock down a wall). He suggested I give her something else to do that I wouldn't mind her doing to occupy her. So I told her she could mow the lawn if she was really that antsy, and she did. And kept pushing to do more. This was before we got into an argument.

After we argued and she left: She sent me a huge long text later saying that she felt she failed me in parenting because I am not maintaining my house with the standards she feels she instilled in me growing up, and that I should try harder to understand her and to think logically. She said that she tolerated it when I was living in apartments that weren't mine, but was disappointed I wasn't doing better in my NEW HOUSE that I just moved to.

She said that if I just thought about it long enough that I would realize that she was right and we could move on. Well, that didn't happen lol. My living spaces have generally always been kept clean, but not always perfect. Sometimes my grass gets a bit long, I don't like the practice of mowing down grass because I feel it's bad for the bugs, but I do mow regularly. I responded and said that the bottom line is that if she doesn't respect my space and stop trying to manage my house for me, then I will stop allowing her over.

She called me later, after she had vented about me to one of her friends, to tell me about a revelation she had. She has gotten into fights with almost every person she cares about in her life for almost the same thing we have been fighting about. She tries to "fix" people's lives, and then demeans their living spaces in the process. You would think that after coming to this conclusion, she would think she needs to change something, right? WRONG.

She told me that her friends accept the way that she is, and that I need to call her friend so that she can explain to me how MY MOTHER is and so that I can understand her better. And she suggested that if I want to avoid fights in the future and prevent her from doing stuff at my place, that I should prep for her visits and make sure everything is done. I told her that that is some seriously flawed logic and that she should get therapy. She hung up on me.

Yeah, she isn't coming to my house for a fat while.

Edit: I don't want to throw my dad under the bus. He has tried, and he has spoken to her on my behalf which has helped a bit. She is a very strong willed woman lol.

Edit 2/update: I've given my dad a heads up. Apparently he has also fought with her and told her she needs to leave me alone. To quote "LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE". PERIOD. I really appreciated that. He said that she has done the same type of stuff with him and it's old. So that's good to know. He asked that whatever I decide to do that I please just not cut her off, and I promised I wouldn't.

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COMMENTS

oop_norf > > I don't like the practice of mowing down grass because I feel it's bad for the bugs, but I do mow regularly. > > Why? It's your lawn, if you want to make it wildlife friendly, you go for it.  > > Our lawn has a path mown round the edges and the middle is just left to grow and has typical meadow plants in it. It's great for wildlife - the plants are good for the bugs, the bugs are good for the plants and the birds, it attracts loads of stuff.  > > If you don't want a putting green, don't have one.  > > Oh yes, and you're NTA - as people like to say around here, your house, your rules.  > > OOP >> I do want to sometime establish a more medow like lawn!! So that I can let it free grow. >> >> Maria_Dragon >>> I have no idea what the rules are where you live but as advice to a first time homeowner, make sure you know the rules of the community/HOA where you live regarding mowing and generally what the minimum requirements are. I disagree with these rules often but it is easiest to follow them. >>> >>> OOP >>>> I live in a shitty neighborhood so I think I'm good lol

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Local-Jaguar5395 > So then, growing up, has she always been an overbearing type parent? If parents don't do a healthy amount of letting go as children mature into autonomous adults, you feel the effects of this right here in this moment. It's painful, but NTA for holding your ground. Always reaffirm to your mom that you love her. But you can stand up against bad behavior and rightfully insist on your space. Some time apart to reflect, then you revisit some ground rules and boundaries. > > OOP >> Yes lol. Always. I feel I turned out okay though. I am doing well for myself! You are right.

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jenna125 > Is she ok? She doesn’t sound ok. This sounds exhausting and so invasive. I’m glad you have your own space. > > OOP >> This entire thread is making me think I need to talk to her about seeing a therapist or a psychologist. 🙃 >> >> Floomby >>> How do you honestly think that conversation will go? >>> >>> She knows what psychologists and psychiatrists are. She also thinks she is fine and that everyone else as a problem, especially you. >>> >>> Guard your peace and maintain whatever level of contact suits you. >>> >>> OOP >>>> Well I did have that conversation and it went about as well as you would expect. A lot of gaslighting, deflecting, "you are upsetting your father", "this has only affected you and my friends accept me", etc. I love my mom, I don't want to cut her from my life I want her to change. My parents are the only family I have. But yeah, if she doesn't try then she's not welcome in my space.

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Swimming-Ad620 > Oh wow. I think your biggest mistake was buying a house anywhere near the area she lives in. I know she's your mom and all that, but she is sucking all the joy out of your new homeownership and she doesn't CARE. It's not her house, it wasn't bought with her money (was it?) and she holds no equity in it. How many ways can you tell her "Mom, this is not your home, it's mine and I do not have to do things your way in MY home. MY home is going to please ME. Not YOU. You have your own home to do that. Go there and be happy. " Never give her a key, under any circumstances. Don't discuss your plans, even paint colors, with her. Stick to your guns, hold the boundaries you set and just get used to saying "No, thanks" and walking away or changing the subject or steering her elsewhere. Get dad to help, maybe she can volunteer someplace! . Yikes, she's out of control (literally, she can no longer control you and it's making her crazier.) Don't get all worked up, just don't allow her access if you're not there and keep saying "No thanks, I've got it." > > OOP >> I live all the way across the state lol.

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Uninteresting_Vagina > I see in your other post she has a key to your home. I'd recommend you change your locks, because one of her next steps will be to "fix" your shit while you're not home, so you can't stop her. > > Also stop letting her come every weekend. She's exhausted me and I don't even know her. > > OOP >> She doesn't come every weekend lol. That would be too much for me too.

&nbsp;

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Sad_Knee_6060

Published on: r/Marriage

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 22, 2026

• Final Update: June 23, 2026

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Main Post

^(June 22, 2026)

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My son claimed that my husband hit him and my husband denied it. Now he wants a divorce.

My son from previous marriage is 13 years old. I have been married to my husband for 5 years and we have a newborn.

My son said that my husband slapped him and I kinda freaked out. I confronted him and he was confused(atleast from his expression). He denied it vehemently and i kinda was not hearing it. He walked away from me.

After i calmed down after , I talked to him and he said that he didn't hit him and he has no obligation to prove anything. So if i want to be mad, be mad in another room. I did leave.

At night, when I joined him in the bed, he said he wants a divorce. He said that my son lied and he doesn't care why he lied. Whether he is jealous of him or want me for himself, he is not interested in finding out. He doesn't wanna deal with it and he doesn't want to be accused of something he didn't do. So he is out.

Here is the thing, I talked to my son in detail and he is being evasive, defensive and I am seriously doubting him but I do have the obligation to protect him..

Did i destroyed my marriage for nothing? What should I do? How do I know the truth. If my son lied than I need to deal with him and I am gonna be talking to him again and getting full story.

But my husband? He just left. I was not gonna leave him over just one slap without knowing the full story. He has never shown aggression towards him or anyone. I would have tried other methods first. Is that bad? Am I a bad mom for it that i didn't jump to divorce straight away?

I have tried to talk to my husband but he basically said that he doesn't want to be painted as a bad person. It's not like he can prove his innocence. So he would rather not wait for another false accusation and just protect himself

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COMMENTS

Lucky-Lie8896 > Yea he didn’t go nuclear over just this one incident. You’ve probably done this before and he’s not willing to loose his freedom over a false accusation. I don’t blame him either. You either get your kid help or loose a good man, but it seems like you already have. > > cocoagiant >> Not necessarily but this is the kind of wakeup call that only needs to happen once. >> >> If the kid is willing to falsely accuse him of this (if truly a false accusation) what else is he willing to accuse the husband of? >> >> People's lives have been ruined by accusations like that and nobody wants to feel like they have to be on guard in their own home.

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Waste-Principle-9327 > Your husband shouldn’t be threatening your entire life together because you were following up on a claim your son made. Sounds to me like he’s more worried about self-image, and frankly kids don’t tend to make this stuff up out of nowhere so as a formerly abused child I’d say maybe interrogate him less and hear him more. Kids should be guided in these conversations to feel comfortable to tell you what’s going on, not thrown the book at them and asked questions about something that made them uncomfortable. To be honest mama, he sounds like a loser who also might be feeling guilty or who was already looking for a way out. Document everything, contact and file for divorce first, and don’t let your son feel like it was his fault.

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crupp876 > I get the husband's side. People go to jail or prison over false accusations all the time and if I thought I might get put away because someone fibbed, I'd bounce too. You pointed out he's not an aggressive person. You can't blame him for wanting to protect himself. > > ILoveLamp_1995 >> Plus if the kid gets away with it this time, the lies will just get more and more extreme. The husband is right to get out now. >> >> crupp876 >>> My step daughter accused me and my husband of hitting her at one point. She was facing punishment because she got caught skipping class and smoking in the girls room. She thought she'd get sympathy and less punishment from the school if she pulled that card. Kids can and do lie. I agree with what you said.

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LessTea6299 > Whether he hit your son or not, I don't know. But the fact that he jumped straight to divorce in a single day and walked away, leaving behind a newborn, tells me everything I need to know about him. I would not trust this man ever again. That is not the behavior of a grown man or a father.

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Final Update - after 1 day

^(June 23, 2026)

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Here is your update, stop harassing me in my DMs

I questioned my son again and he admitted to lying. He has never acted out this way and he is crying now. I am still processing it and figuring it out.

I apologised to my husband and he accepted it but made it clear that he has no interest in living with my son. So he is gonna leave and wants equal custody for our 10 month old, who is still breastfeeding btw. So I was against it

He basically told me that either I just agree or he will take me to court. He would rather not spend the money on lawyers but he will bankrupt both of us if he is forced to. Which has happened to one of our neighbor.

So I am pissed, sad and angry. I have reported your DMs and I am gonna keep reporting if you keep harassing me.

For people who were nice to me, thank you for it

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COMMENTS

Dear-Letter7776 >Congrats to your husband. I wish him all the best. > >If I could, I’d pay for all the beers at the bar for him to celebrate.

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Katie4ler >I can’t blame him. If he stayed, he’d be forever living in fear of your lying son doing it again and you flying off the handle and taking his side without getting the info first. He’s making the right choice to protect himself. Your son’s lies and you blindly siding with him could literally jeopardize his future with his biological child as well if he was wrongly convicted of abuse.

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SR00007 >Husband is right to leave to protect himself. You were right to question him and protect your son. > >It's just a shitty situation for both of you, This seems to be unpopular from the comments I have read but I don't believe you deserve the harassment you are receiving.

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Winter_Dragonfly_452 >Something tells me this is the last straw in a long line of things your son has done. Get a lawyer and get your kid the help he needs.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/1throwaway098748

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED / NO FURTHER UPDATE

Story timeline

• Main Post: October 25, 2015

• Final Update: October 27, 2015

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Main Post

^(October 25, 2015)

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Me [19 M] with my roommates [college age M/F] of 3 months, they adopted a puppy and are furious it has 'bonded' with me.

I 19M live in a five bedroom apartment with a brother sister pair and a two other random female roommates. The two other girls are not really relevant to this situation. We all attend college together and range from freshman to juniors.

Basically, they adopted a puppy all five of us agreed and were fine with it. They told us they would take care of the puppy and have stayed true to that. They walk, feed, play with and are currently obedient training. They are the only ones who give the puppy treats and NONE of us feed the puppy human food.

The issue is the puppy, Lucy, has bonded with me. I walk in the room and she runs up super excited, it does not do this for anyone else. It licks me, also something it does not do to anyone else.

Lucy follows me around whenever I am in the apartment never leaving my side unless I close my room door or she is sleeping.

I do play with Lucy when I am home, but only if no one else is playing with her and she wants attention, I always defer to owners if they want to play with Lucy.

However they are upset at me. They don't understand why Lucy pays so much attention to me even when there are other people around.

They want me to try to break the 'bond' Lucy has with me. I've tried to ignore her when she gets excited when I get home and stuff like that but I don't know what else to do.

I also don't feel like it is my fault Lucy has bonded with me. I can't control her. I know she isn't my dog, at night she sleeps in (male)Owners bed.

I guess my question is how do we resolve this?

I am more worried about calming Owners down then I am about Lucy giving my attention.

My other roommates have a 'we are staying out of this attitude'.

tl;dr: My roommates' puppy bonded with me and they are furious.,

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COMMENTS

AntonChigursCoin > There is no breaking of the bond. This is a living creature. They dont sound like theyre ready for the responsibility of a pet. > > OOP >> They are responsible in all other aspects.

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hucklebug > it's irrational for them to be upset with you. dogs have personalities and prefer certain people - that's not something any of you can control. also it feels shitty to try to ignore small, cute animals that love you. > > is there any chance you can explain it to them and have them understand that it's simply a coincidence? are they normally rational people or are they more prone to emotional thinking?
> > also - how long term is this living situation?
> > honestly, in my experience, it's not possible to 'un-bond' a dog from preferring a person. my sister would actually not allow me around her last dog till it was over a year old (because I'm a dog person who gets along with them naturally). they said my dad & i had 'stolen' their last 2 dogs by bonding with them so strongly that they wouldn't stay with my sister & her family. > > OOP >> Our lease ends in August.

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Ag3nt0 > Do you feed the dog? > > Don't feed it. Animals generally like the people who feed them the best. > > That said, your roommates are being completely unreasonable. They have the maturity of a pair of six year olds. > > OOP >> I do not feed the dog. I do not feed it dog food, treats or human food.

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hiyosilver64 > We have 2 Cavalier King Charles spaniels. The female has bonded closely with my husband. The male has bonded closely with me. > > We are both with them approximately the same amount of time. My husband feeds both of them. > > There really is no rhyme nor reason why this happens but it does. > > The solution could be as simple as them adopting another puppy perhaps. I think Lucy has made her choice. > > OOP >> I do not have the time for Lucy to be 'my' dog and we do not have enough room for two dogs. >> >> hiyosilver64 >>> I think Lucy has a different opinion :) >>> >>> OOP >>>> She might but I am out of the house 12 hours most days, going to classes, clubs, volunteer work, etc. I would be a horrible owner currently.

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saketuyas > Honestly thats just how some dogs are. They love their owner too but you just have something special. My Dad is this way with dogs. EVERYONE'S dogs love him, even mean ones are fucking ecstatic to see my Dad. > > OOP >> I wish all dogs loved me. I only had this situation once before. We got a dog to be my sisters, but it bonded with me because I cared for it (she refused to clean up piss or shit, or walk or anything). My parents made me stop caring for the dog and ignore it. It still never bonded with her. It ended up my moms dog.

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chicken-of-the-sea > They sound like they're not responsible enough to have a dog in the first place if its so important to them that the cute puppy plays with ONLY THEM. Some dogs just like certain people. > > Keep your bond with the dog but suggest that they take her to training classes. Training a dog very well improves the owner's bond with the animal and leads to a better dog in the long run which is safer for everyone including the dog. > > Source: Worked at an animal rescue for four years. > > OOP >> They don't mind her playing with others, it is more that she always choose to be with me. If I am sitting on the couch and someone is playing fetch half the time she will try to give me the ball. I never take it and always direct her to who is playing with her but still. >> >> They are currently training her. She sits, stays, shakes hands, and does most of the other basic obedience things.

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adubbz > Maybe they are just kinda scared that the dog will always love you more or something. Not experienced with pets? I'm not either, but I could see that happening. Worried about their pet not loving them. Is this a thing? > > OOP >> I think this is it. They are worried about her being 'my' dog.

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dripless_cactus > "What do you want me to do, kick her?" > > OOP >> "Yes" would be the brother's answer. >> >> dripless_cactus >>> Jeez, no wonder the puppy doesn't like him. >>> >>> OOP >>>> He would never hit her more then batting her on the nose. >>>> But still I think they would do anything to make her stop loving me at this point.

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Zophialina > As someone who always tries to get my friends pets to fall in love with me, I am extremely jealous. But I'll also say, the puppy heart wants what the puppy heart wants. How long have they had Lucy? Is there a difference in how you play with her vs how they play with her? Ex: do you get on the ground and play on her level whereas they will take her to a park and toss a ball? You can't control who the dog bonds with, just like you can't control who you like. I can understand them being jealous, I would be, but to take it out on you or hold it against you is unfair. They may want to adjust their own behaviors with her.
> > OOP >> We play the same way. If anything I am lazier. I might throw a ball from where I am sitting on the couch, while they get on the floor and do everything the 'right' way that dog trainers suggest. They play with her from the couch sometimes as well.

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Final Update - after 2 days

^(October 27, 2015)

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[UPDATE] Me [19 M] with my roommates [college age M/F] of 3 months, they adopted a puppy and are furious it has 'bonded' with me.

Lets start by saying that went horribly.

My lovely roommates offered to gift me Lucy because she likes me so much.

I do not have time to own a dog… or the funds care for a dog.

I told them no and they aren’t happy.

tl;dr: Roommate’s want to ‘gift’ me Lucy, AKA saddle me with the costs because she likes me the best.

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