This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/kamy_kamy

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: October 04, 2026

• Final Update: October 06, 2026

---

Main Post

^(October 04, 2026)

---

AITA for telling my neighbour i don't care about his kid sleep?

I'm a 24y.o female living in flat in apartment. 2 weeks ago new neighbours moved into the flat above mine

Few things worth mentioning before i get to the point.I live in Ukraine, and yall know we at the war. Air-raid alerts and explosions happen every day in city where i live.

Usually i fall asleep with something playing in the background, on my phone or TV and i know not everyone wants to hear someone YT at 2 am so I keep the volume around 30–35% and noone ever said it bothered them or made them uncomfortable in any way.

I have PTSD and struggle to sleep in silence and trying to do so made me extremely anxious and i had several panic attacks, so background noise helps me feel safe enough to rest. Sleeping in headphones isn't really an option as it's uncomfortable for me as hell. I also work 24-hour shifts at a local hotel. Although I can sometimes sleep during night, I have to check on guests and take them to the shelter when necessary, so I usually get around 3-4h of sleep max, so after shift I'm exhausted.

About 2 weeks ago, a man knocked on my door at 1 a.m. He said he's new upstairs neighbour and demanded that I turn off my TV because his child was sleeping. Half-asleep and not wanting to argue, I switched TV off but turned my phone on.

The next day, after I’d gone to work and returned the next day around 10am same man rang again with the same stuff to complain. I explained that I even wasn't home that night and turned everything off before going out so wasn't sure what he wanted from me. He decided that my neighbour across was the one so he focused on him instead .

A few days later, on the night before another shift, I was trying to get as much rest as possible when he knocked again at 2 am. I’d barely opened the door before he berated me: “Tonight is the only night that’s been quiet, without attacks or air alerts. Can’t you have some common sense and turn the TV off so my kid can sleep?”

I answered kinda sharply but i was mad at him already so I asked whether I was supposed to wait for an air-raid alert or something worse to be allowed watch TV, and pointed that if his child could sleep through attacks but not to quieter noises then he should look for other place to live. Other neighbours have young children as well and have never complained about me once in all time i lived there. I told him his child’s sleep isn't my concern and not my responsibility so i don't care if his kid sleeps or no then closed the door.

Yesterday while I was at work my landlord messaged me saying that TV has to be turned off by 9 pm. Apparently, man had found her contact, caller her and complained that i was being loud and ruining his child’s sleep.

So today, as I'm now going back home, i was thinking to pay that man a visit and say few probably not so nice words about how what he's done is not fair to me, and getting my landlord involved - is too much and he should care about his kid and not my TV been on.

AITA?

 

COMMENTS

Jumpingjehosephat99 >YTA. If they can hear your TV all night long it’s too loud. Turn it down, get some ear buds, get a white noise machine, etc. I’m sure everyone around you has PTSD and is tired from air raid sirens etc and everyone needs their sleep, not just you.

---

aliceblax >YTA - I can’t pretend to know what it is to sleep in a war zone but this is clearly impacting this man’s child. Audible tv is not ok all night. Have you considered using white noise on low instead? Might be less problematic.

---

Mouseparlour (downvoted) > Have you considered earbuds? > > OOP (downvoted) >> Earbuds as one that just canceling all noise or earbuds that could play audio im not sure what yoy meant buy that? >> >> martingolding96 (downvoted) >>> Either should do the job >>> >>> OOP (downvoted) >>>> As i wrote in post - noise cancelling one won't work specifically as silence won't let me relax, but I'll give i shot to the one which can play sounds, thanks!

---

weinricm > I'm gonna go with YTA on this one. My wife is the same, can't fall asleep with background noise. Do you keep it on actual TV or do you use a background noise channel? I ask because some shows will go from normal to loud/normal to quiet. My wife uses background noise apps to fall asleep, stays the same volume the entire time. We found out a volume of 6 (about 30dB) hasn't bothered a single neighbor in 8 years, yet is enough to help her sleep. IDK maybe try that, possible win win for you and your neighbor. Good luck. > > OOP >> Thanks for your take on my situation  >> I use same playlist of videos every time - just reading stories/threads with pretty monotone voice and no additional sound effects such as screaming or getting louder bc i would be also getting scared or startled and if someone else would hear - they would be as well so i made sure to keep it simple as that >> >> As for shared info - I'll try to use one and see how it goes, as usually i prefer listening to human voice instead of some other sounds so maybe something new would work for me better so thanks to you and your wife for suggestion :) >> >> B0327008 >>> I am 65 years old and have had insomnia since childhood. When I rented, I lived in large apartment buildings. As an owner, I’ve only lived in condos. My TV is on all night a few times a week. In fact, I never slept at all last night. I have never received a noice complaint—not once. >>> >>> OP says her TV is low and since none of her neighbors have complained before these neighbors moved in two weeks ago, it quite likely true. Especially since the neighbor complained about OP’s TV when she was at work. OP, you need to speak with your landlady via phone or in person to reason with her. How long have you in your flat? Seems odd for her to take the word of a new tenant without getting your side of the story. >>> >>> OOP >>>> Almost 3 years >>>> I will give her a call tomorrow as she said she doesn't have time today so I'll wait till then, but i voiced the fact that even when i was absent noise was heard, and only other person who possessed the keys to apartment - is landlord herself, and she lives in other region hours away so i know for sure there's no way someone could be in my flat when I'm out >>>> As for why she trusted so fastly i have a theory (which i will either prove right or wrong) i believe she was contacted not by new neighbour directly but rather by that flat landlord, and she might trust landlord more then a new guy. Also she was trying to contact me to get my part of situation but as i was at work I wasn't able to answer and have talk properly, so we gonna do that tomorrow and try to get to agreement from all sides

---

Fickle_Wonder273 > Did your old upstairs’ neighbours perhaps move out because they couldn’t get any sleep with your tv blasting? > > OOP >> All i know about who lived upstairs before - flat used to be rented property for ppl to stay as hotel or something, then landlord of that flat decided to make some cosmetic renovations so for while flat wasn't rented to anyone around year or so, and it was listed for rental ever since renovation ended (was about 4 months ago)  >> Renters who lived in flat before renovation never complained either (which doesn't necessary mean they didn't heard anything, i agree)  >> About "blasting" TV i should have wrote this in original post but >> As matter of fact - when i moved in i visited every neighbour on same floor to check if they hear anything from my flat at night or is it bothering them - all said that they didn't even heard a thing (i didn't visited floor about or down i didn't thought it was necessary but apparently it is) >>

---

thefabulousbri > YTA Do TVs not have sleep timers anymore? Can OP not use that? > > Also if the TV is in another room, that's not a good sound solution. There are many apps with sleep sounds and timers. I use one. Those are much quieter since they are near you on the nightstand. > > OOP >> My TV has one, timer is set to original settings (it turn off after 3 hours if no action is made by itself) and it works as usual. TV in same room where i sleep and i sleep quite closely to it (40 centimeters maybe)

---

hello_1289 > Try an experiment. Turn on your TV at the usual level, go up to the apartment, and ask them to see if you can check how audible it is. Maybe put something on that you know pretty well so you can identify it even from a room away. It's possible they could be hearing noise from somewhere else. > If it is your TV, then I would suggest buying an air filter instead. I need noise when I sleep and an air filter provides enough white noise for me with the added benefit of cleaning the air. > > OOP >> Working on that, but it requires time and I'm not sure will they let me in or not, if lucky either tonight will go smooth or I'll have a chance to talk to the man again and maybe we can figure stuff out, at this point i will let him in to see and hear how much noise it does in my flat and if he let me in - in his or he let me know. Hope this thing ends peacefully really.

 

---

CONSENSUS: Asshole

---

 

---

Final Update - after 2 days

^(October 06, 2026)

---

UPDATE AITA for telling my neighbour i don't care about his kid sleep?

So as it's now almost 11am here i can say that situation is resolved, and as i hoped - peacefully.

When i got back home i kept quiet on purpose to gave a feeling that i wasn't home to see in evening/morning will anything happen. Regards of lots comments suggestions to use phone or other stuff - i wanted to check will situation when i was absent at home and neighbour came to complain will repeat bc it was bugging me for been accused when i wasn't even home.

And what do you know it actually did.

So as 9pm rolled in i kept quiet and waited till pass midnight - I DIDN'T PLAY ANYTHING ON ANYTHING so it was dead quiet in flat for sure. Around almost 2am i got a ring in my door and here was same guy with same problem.

I explained that for whole day i didn't turn anything on since got back and invited him in and purpose a check - I'm turning TV on right now while he sees it on my usual volume, we comming to his flat and he checks was it really me or not. He did not let me to his apartment but let me wait by the open door. He came back and said that he can't hear anything and asked if we can have talk in morning as he needs time to understand what's going on.I agreed.

We talked about hour ago and basically - his kid (7 y.o boy) was telling him that he heard noises form somewhere, turns out kid lied bc he wanted his parents to give him more attention since they moved in and he haven't fully adapted, felt sad and abandoned while parents was busy with things. Man apologised, i apologised and we went our ways.

Also gave call to landlord explained everything, she said that bc i didn't povided my side at time and was rude to guy it seemed reasonable from her side to imply 9pm rule. So after telling her how situation ended she said her bad for not trusting me in first place, rule is gone.

Also wanted to adress some stuff in comments :

30% gives us nothing it could be loud or low on different TV

True, and i should have included that in main post but i in fact checked with my neighbours on same floor if they heard anything or was i bothering anyone(Didn't went up or down a floor, didn't thought it was necessary) All said they didn't even noticed that something was on in whole time I'm leaving here.

Blasting TV all night long

As 1-2 person pointed out - TV turns off after some time, mine has same function it turns off after 3hours of no things been done, feature works fine, also should have included in main post, my bad.

To all ppl suggesting different stuff to listen, apps to sleep and recommending earbuds - they are noted, few apps been downloaded and new things added to playlist.

Thanks for everyone else for their takes on situation and advices, appreciate that.

 

COMMENTS

ixipennythrower > Who the hell trusts a kid on something like that without verifying, cause guess what kids will bull shit you? > > OOP >> As someone who has to work with kids sometimes - parents nowdays believe their kid WAY MORE when it was before. Besides, i think i could be due to local stuff - lot's of kids in post ussr counties experienced parents believing whoever was older (teachers, friends, relatives etc) bc why adult lie about a kid? Maybe it's way to give their kids a better life as part "nobody believed me when i was young, so i would believe my kid no matter what", but some parents don't see that they need to still control and check both sides and that's honestly sad.

---

Final_Promise_ > Don’t let strange angry men into your apartment at 2am, what are you doing? Just call in a harassment report at that point. > > Dude was coming to your door when he hadn’t even heard anything himself? What an entitled dumbass. > > OOP >> At this point i was tired of situation and this solution seemed logical enough as well as some people suggested it. Yes, i could dealt with it in morning or other time rather then night but i would have waited for nothing then, and i wanted quick resolve of situation. It is not very smart of me for sure but when real life or death situations turns normal, logical thinking might be not first to choose, sadly, this is reality of what I'm living in, and i don't expect your understanding as if you might not experienced stuff i did. 

 

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/throwaawayy_-

Published on: r/AITAH & u/throwaawayy_-

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: April 01, 2025

• Update 1: April 04, 2025 at 20:45 UTC

• Update 2: April 05, 2025 at 16:54 UTC

• Final Update: April 08, 2025

---

Main Post

^(April 01, 2025)

---

Aitah for helping my daughters friend with her period?

Throwaway so this doesn't link to my main

My (35M) daughters friend (both 16F) was over this weekend. They were just doing hw/playing games and stuff. My daughter came down and said her friend had an accident. Had leaked through her tampon.

I'm a single dad, just me and my daughter so I'm pretty used to all that stuff now. Shit happens.

I went upstairs and asked her if she was okay? If she wanted a lift home or anything? She said her mum was out for the day and wasn't answering her phone, there wouldn't be anyone home.

So I offered her to have a shower, jump in some of my daughters clothes and I'd try and clean up her trousers as best I could (some pale pink work out type trousers). She said yes, so my daughter got her all set up showering and brought her trousers to me so I could rinse and stain remove before a quick wash. They stayed upstairs, called my daughter down when they were dry to bring up, daughters friend stayed an hour or so more and then went home.

I didn't think anything of it, until my daughter came home today. Apparently her friend isn't allowed round anymore. That touching period stained clothes is acting like a "predator". Her mum was furious, her dad wants to "talk" to me.

So obviously I've ruined my daughters life and she's mad at me. Got angry parents for what I thought was a pretty standard thing to do. If I was a woman not a man, would they have an issue? Doubtful

I could have just ignored it all, but I thought I was being helpful, but now I'm like, should I have just left her to it?

AITAH?

Edit/update: just to answer a few basic things that have been said/asked alot.

I'm in the UK, I washed her trousers (pants). I did not touch, ask about, see, acknowledge or anything else her underwear (panties). If she had Said no to any of it(shower, cleaning clothes etc), I'd of just given her something to cover up with and pretended nothing had happened

I don't know the key situation, but I've never known her to be home alone. The girls are normally at mine on a weekend or out shopping/coffee or whatever else out. They don't hang out at hers and that's not an issue to me

Wrote my number down on paper for her to give friend at school today for her parents. I've also spent the morning on the phone with the non urgent police number to get my ducks in a row, just incase. (Thanks to the person who said about that)

Gave my number as wanting to "talk" probably doesn't mean words in person, plus get a written record if we message instead of call.

Forgot the other thing I keep seeing. Couldn't she have done it herself? Yeah, if she wanted. But I've brought my daughter up as there's no shame in asking for help, and if I can I will. And in this time she asked for my help, I offered it, and I did it. I've known the girl years, she wasn't like embarrassed. She was ashamed. Was sad to see. So offer given, offer accepted, I cracked on. Done.

But if she'd wanted to clean up her own trousers I'd have just sent the stain stuff up for her. Kids are kids even when grown. They need help. Shit, sometimes I need help. My dad's still there for me lol

So don't go judging a 16 year old for accepting help. She did nothing wrong

 

COMMENTS

sdf12845 > You did what anyone of us would have done in that situation!! You’re a single dad with a daughter so you don’t get the choice to not be comfortable with girly things!!! Would she have rather you brought her home and left her by herself? 🤔 probably not your damned if you do and damned if you don’t. You seem like a wonderful dad and your daughter will get over it besides you did nothing wrong and the girls parents ARE THE ASSHOLES!!! > > OOP >> Even if I brought her home she would have just been sat outside from what she said. >> >> Hope they do, and hope the parents calm down and think it through before the pitchforks and torches come to my door

---

OopslDroppedlt > Wow, talk about a plot twist! I didn’t know helping with a period could turn you into the “Predator of the Year.” Next time, maybe just send her home in a garbage bag and call it a day? But seriously, you were just being a decent human being. It’s not like you offered her snacks and a foot massage while she was in the shower! Just remember: if you ever need to clean up another period emergency, maybe invest in some neon pink clothes for maximum stealth. Good luck dodging those angry parents! > > OOP >> Moment she said yes to the shower I didn't step foot up the stairs. Didn't even see her again til she left. >> >> All I did was clean the stain on the trousers (not underwear or anything. Didn't even ask about them) >> >> Waiting for a knock on the door from the dad or the police or something at this point, I know I did nothing wrong but I feel like I did? I dunno

---

idreaminwords > This is actually really sad. I hope this is fake, but if not, NTA. I feel really bad for your daughter's friend if her parents are placing such arbitrary limitations on who is allowed to provide minimal support like this. Would they really have preferred she sit in her soiled pants until they were able to get her home? > > OOP >> Unfortunately real. I dunno what they would have wanted, or what wouldn't have made me a bad person here tbh. >> >> If she had said no to the shower/clean up of trousers I wouldn't have cared. I just thought I was being helpful, doing exactly as I would have for my daughter

---

Phat_groga > Not the ahole. That was very kind of you for an embarrassing moment in a girls life. You didn’t make a big deal and stigmatize it. Thank you for being a kind person. > > Your daughter will get over it. How would she have wanted to be treated if the situation was reversed. Did she want to sit in her blood stained clothes? Or have the clothes be ruined. Blood is a lot easier to get out the sooner you get after it. > > OOP >> Didn't make a big deal coz it isn't one imo. My daughter was real embarrassed when she first started her periods until she realised I'm not fussed. I just ask she let's me know about stains as quick as possible and if tampons and stuff are running low instead of run out. >> >> Seen a few different ways to put questions to my daughter to get her to think of it another way. Thanks, ill add yours to the list

---

ChaoticLykos (downvoted) > I'm not a parent, and you aren't the AH. However I can understand how the parents feel about the situation. They sent their daughter to a sleepover with their friends, and find out after the fact that their daughter had a accident and someone was cleaning the blood off her underwear. If stated like this it sounds a bit perverted, even more so if I added man to it. I say this was more of an overreaction though, and overbearing parents that love and protect their daughter. I will be honest, but did you notify the parents beforehand the situation, or did you just activate parent mode right then and there? > > OOP >> Wasn't a sleepover, she was round for the day. And didn't touch her underwear, or even mention them. Wanna make that very clear >> >> I cleaned her trousers only >> >> I don't have parents numbers, she said she tried to ring her mum but no answer. I offered to take her home first before offering cleaning, and a no would have been entirely acceptable. Would probably have just given her one of my hoodies to cover up with if she said no

---

Railuki > NTA > > You had a mature response to a biological fact of life and remained calm and helpful in what is a vulnerable position for her. > > You offered her the choices, she could have said no. You let your daughter help her situated and she acted as the appropriate go between, my thoughts might have been different if you were the one waiting outside the bathroom. > > You made it so her clothes would be ready for her ASAP instead of making her wait. > > Sounds like your daughters friends parents have sexist views on who can handle period stained items (you haven’t indicated that there might be a religious or cultural reason this may have been inappropriate to them any more than you, so that just leaves sexism, they probably would have been fine with you cleaning it up if you were female). > > OOP >> As far as I know there is no religious reason, but I will talk to them tomorrow and will ask them >> >> I did not wait outside the door. After we spoke I went downstairs, waited there. Emi brought it all down. I cleaned it all, then she brought it all back up after it was done. I didn't seen daughter friend until over an hour after she got her trousers back

---

meowpitbullmeow > If the girl didn't want your help she wouldn't have let your daughter tell you. She felt safe enough around you for your daughter to be given permission to tell you. > > This is so ridiculous of her parents and honestly may be red flags for her living situation. She was at a friend's home and her mom never answered the phone. She was ashamed of a natural bodily function. Her parents don't allow your daughter over EVER? Just massive red flags. > > OOP >> That's what I thought. Emi wouldn't have even come downstairs and said anything to me. They've have just dealt with it between them >> >> Nothing that Lou had put forward had seemed red flag ish. She seems a bit shy. But I don't think there's anything we need to worry about

---

Update 1 - after 3 days

^(April 04, 2025 at 20:45 UTC)

---

Minimal update to helping with daughters friends period

Few people with updateme!

Others with following account.

Nothing much to say. Number was passed on to dad. We arranged a face to face meet at mine

Daughters friends parents comings over tomorrow. My sisters gunna be with as witness/voice of reason in case of arguments. Also had cameras delivered yesterday so gunna set them up in the front room where I'm planning the talking. Already have a ring doorbell so sorted there

Will update again later

---

Update 2 - after 4 days (after 20 hours from last post)

^(April 05, 2025 at 16:54 UTC)

---

UPDATE aita for helping my daughters friend with her period

This won't be a long one.

Meeting went well, surprisingly civil.

I'm not gunna give the reasons, but the lack of key and over reaction had valid reasons.

Daughters friend is allowed back over, they apologised for their comment, but we've agreed that I will not intervene with things involving periods/personal stuff again. Numbers have been exchanges so I can contact either one of them in any situations needed. Daughter and her friend both happy with the resolution

Sorry I'm not able to say more, not my place

Thank you everyone for your comments on this, don't think this throwaway will need any more

 

COMMENTS

Oddly-Appeased > I’m going with her parents are nuts. If my daughter’s friend’s parents helped her out in a situation like this, regardless of if it was a mom or dad, I would have been grateful. This is an embarrassing thing, even for an adult female, but it is also part of life and they are lucky someone was able to help. > > You were never the AH here and as a mother I applaud you for the effort to made in helping this girl out. > > I also find it pretty crazy that she couldn’t reach here parents because they were out for the day. What if it was a serious emergency, not a period accident, and she had to go to the hospital? > > It’s good to abide by the boundaries they want but they sound like neglectful parents. > > AnAussiebum >> I think if we read between the lines if OPs last sentence, it seems there may be a reason the parents were hypersensitive to the situation. Hence why they apologised and came to an understanding going forward. >> >> Jakibx3 >>> I'm intrigued (as I'm sure we all are but none of our business) by the valid reasons of not having a key, did she bring someone back previously? Maybe someone older and was caught.... but anyway. Just thoughts out loud and I'm glad both parties have been able to come together and have an adult discussion. I'm sure if her parents were overbearing the girl would be seeking to go NC in a year or two. I'm also sure she's glad to know she has another parent figure to turn to >>> >>> OOP >>>> They are over protective, but I would not say over bearing. >>>> >>>> She's been coming over my house probably 4-7 times a month. If they were over bearing they would allow her out at all. >>>> >>>> They were trusting. But what happened shook them, they over reacted, no doubt. But it was understandable and dealt with. Agreements in place >>>> >>>> Please do not judge her parents. The are doing the best for their daughter imo. And I don't think that's a NC when 18 situation >>>> >>>> They love her and want her safe. That's not a crime

---

Final Update - after 7 days (after 3 days from last post)

^(April 08, 2025)

---

Message to the people judging the parents

If anyone should have issues with the parents, It'd be me

I don't.

Circumstances stopped answering of calls (parents have to work too). I reacted to the situation the way I normally would have with my own daughter

That was a way the daughter was fine with, but the parents weren't. Comments were made, and dealt with/discussed

They apologised and explained. It doesn't change the hurt the attack made, but I do understand.

I am not going to say what happened, but they are over protective of their daughter for valid reasons

Over protective, NOT over bearing. She is over my house most weekends of the month, goes out with my daughter. They trusted her safety around us. The situation clearly shook them.

What happened wasn't good, but now everything is open and clear, I understand.

Please, do not judge her parents. They are doing their best, and their daughter is struggling

She seems like a lovely girl. She's open and chatty and enjoys time with my daughter

She's recovering. She's thriving and she deserves happiness. And her parents are doing everything I would for my daughter, even if others thought I was horrible

 

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/masterofthinking00

Published on: r/Advice

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 27, 2026

• Final Update: September 30, 2026

---

Main Post

^(September 27, 2026)

---

I think I introduced soulmates, but it’s my boyfriend and best friend

This is a throwaway because both of them use Reddit.

I 24f am in a relationship with my amazing boyfriend 25M ace (fake name) and I have a good friend 24 F katie (also fake name)

these two are my people, on such different levels.

so for some backstory, I’ve been dating ace for about a year now, and I’ve been friends with Katie since we were 14, she’s always been hesitant with my partners as I’ve been with some POS in the past.

however once i introduced her to ace? They got on amazingly, at first? I loved it.

I will fully admit I’m the jealous type do to being cheated on before, but usually it’s never over something as simple as my boyfriend getting along with my friends.

but they are a perfect match.

they have the same humour, communication style, hobbies, nerdy interests etc.

the three of us usually hang out- but the last couple times I’ve noticed it’s been more them two then me?

like they’ll sit there playing video games while I doom scroll and if I ask a question they’ll brush me off because I don’t know the lore? whatever that means.

also my boyfriend keeps telling me how “amazing it is to have someone have everything the same as he does” And it’s really unsettling.

A couple times we’ve been hanging out and I’ve gone to the kitchen or something to get a drink and I’m immediately worried by them being alone together.

I really don’t think either of them would do anything to hurt me but I can see they are a perfect fit, I’ve never met people so similar in my life.

they also go to the same university so they are with eachother 5/7 days a week. 6/7 if we hangout on weekends, and yes I know they eat lunch together.

meanwhile I see my boyfriend 2/7 days a week at most lately and while I understand that I don’t go to their university I can’t control that, the amount of time they spend together is starting to make me uncomfortable.

I’ve also noticed that Katie seems a lot different, let’s be honest we all complain about daily life to our best friends, but lately if I do that or say something like “oh I have to do bla bla bla, and ace won’t help so annoying” she will tell him straight away.

He’s also being weird with his phone and I caught her on his Snapchat the other day? She wasn’t on there before. But then again maybe I’m trying to add up every little thing to make a case.

I know this is my own insecurity which is why I’ve tried to ignore it because why is it their issue? But it’s getting to the point that Its eating me up inside and I’m becoming more jealous and territorial over my boyfriend than I usually would be.

Also just to note- all my other friends get along with my boyfriend, he’s an amazing guy but they are much more My friends, where as Katie feels like she’s turned into his friend now. no one’s this close with him.

so Reddit I come to you, what do I do?

 

COMMENTS

These-Process-7331 > Just because you have a type for a decent BF and BFF doesn't make them "perfect" for eachother. > > To put it very easy: 2 whipped creams mix along pretty well but don't have a mind-blowing outcome. Cream and chocolate cake on otherhand: don't look the same at all but are SO good together, and both are elevated to the next level when combined! In this comparison: you are the chocolate cake and they are whipped cream. > > Ask yourself this: did you BF at any point show shady behavior (for example: trying to bring you down when a dress fitted you better)? > > OOP >> Thank you! This helped, to be honest I don’t know- she’s always there when I need her but lately she’s very all about him asking how he is, when we hangout ask if he’s going ect. >> >> These-Process-7331 >>> Hmm that is kinda eye brow raising..... I wouldn't directly jump into conclusions but will keep things a bit separately (better safe than sorry). >>> >>> Also, how does your BF behaves? >>> >>> OOP >>>> He treats her like a friend I guess, but sometimes things get abit weird when i try to join a conversation between them about games ect. >>>> >>>> Also she’s single, she has a thing for this one guy but it’s not going anywhere as far as I know

---

Sad_Matter_4992 > I mean, as a gamer, if gaming is really not your thing and you’re forcing yourself into conversation about my hobby you don’t usually care about, I would 100% shrug it off too… they just have a hobby in common, it means nothing, if I can give my feelings about it, I think you took the fact they share a hobby you don’t have really personnaly and it’s not really healthy. > > OOP >> Gaming was just an example, lol. Theres a lot of other things they exclude me from even if I’m kinda into it.

---

Signal_Condition348 (downvoted) > If you see that they are perfect for eachother maybe it would be wise to let them be happy together. Then you can focus on finding someone who you have more in common with and you can still stay friends with them.  > > OOP >> I wouldn’t be able to be friends with them unfortunately, if what I think is true then I’d step aside but I would no longer be in either of their lives

---

midlifemax > Why do you need to include a third person. Can’t you just hang out with him? > > OOP >> Yes we do hangout alone but lately she keeps asking to see me and if I’m with him she will just show up sometimes or if it’s just me and her she will ask me to ask him to come

---

onalarkonboard > It sounds strange, but you have an open enough heart, you are young and they are, too, and if you are really observing “soulmates” the right thing, I know it is wanted to say, but is to help them be together, in a way that shows you are not possessive, I know it might sound crazy, but if you really know Katie well and Ace (good fake name) it might be better for them to actually potentially be together, it might mean someone perfect is out there for you. > > 24 is young, but also a good tome to meet someone, it seems if you have an open enough heart, it might be worth letting them see if they are truly what you are observing. It is complicated to do this, see if it is what is in your emotional comfort. But if two people are truly soulmates, they should be together. If you are exaggerating you observations, then see what’s up by talking to your boyfriend. > > OOP >> If they are meant to be, then I’ll obviously have no objections because how could I? Unfortunately though I could not have them in my life’s if it gets to that, I couldn’t see my best friend be with someone I sleep with, I’m going to speak with my boyfriend Thursday about it all. And I will update, either way I think Katie and me will have to have abit of distance now, this has showed me I don’t really trust her.

---

TwoPlusTwoMakesA5 (downvoted) > As hard as it may be don’t be possessive. If they truly have found love in each other, accept that and be happy for them. There will be someone else for you down the road. > > This concept that you own him because you found him first is ridiculous. Let love find its way however it may be. > > OOP >> I’m not saying I own him at all, sorry if it came across that way but as I’ve stated in other comments- if I’m right and they’re the better match they can be together but I won’t be around them, I can’t do that to myself- even if it seems selfish

---

hahahahahkys > What game do they play together ? Have you ever tried learning more about it too > > OOP >> It’s on his pc, she doesn’t own the game, I had ago but it’s horror where I as I play more like pvp on Minecraft or ddlc

---

Final Update - after 3 days

^(September 30, 2026)

---

I think I introduced soulmates, but it’s my boyfriend and best friend

I didn’t expect this to blow up the way it did thank you everyone mean and kind for all your insights, I’ve read every single comment but haven’t replied to all of them. Very appropriated.

Onto the update:

so Reddit, you were half right.

I spoke to my boyfriend first,and I took your advice.

I told him how uncomfortable I was, how I didn’t expect them to stop being friends but from now on I wanted her to be more of an arm length friend because it felt like i was a third in the relationship.

he let me see his phone and apologised profusely for making me feel that way, safe to say atleast on his end- there was no flirting/ suspicious behaviour and all messages were saved.

he told me- and I’ve seen the messages for proof, she added him- said she has a thing for a guy in his course and asked him to help her, I do not buy this.

Katie doesn’t just get feelings for some random guy she saw in the hallway and thought was cute.

I rang Katie in-front of my boyfriend and she started crying her eyes out.

She started out by saying “it wasn’t meant to happen” and “she didn’t want to hurt me”

okay, but then why lie about liking another guy to spend time with my boyfriend??

I told her to stop the bs and just admit she was flirting.

she did, she said she’s “sorry” but she’s and I quote “a much better fit for him” than I am, and to be honest.. I don’t doubt why she feels that way, I mean look at the title of this exact post.

she said she’s sorry over and over but I didn’t budge.

I told her me and my boyfriend will still be civil to her since we share the same friend group, and they go to uni together- but no longer will we be hanging out with her alone

to be honest, I’d love to lie and say that I’m fine, but I’m not.

This girl has been my rock since I was 14.

Which is why I’m not cutting her out completely even though i probably should.

we’ve gone through everything together and this genuinely hurts my heart, never would have 14-22 year old me thought id ever purposely distance myself from this girl.

so yeah, that’s probably the last time I’ll update this post unless something major happens but I doubt it will since it’s been a couple hours and I’ve heard nothing.

 

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Temporary_Lie_3460

Published on: r/AITAH & r/Redditor_Updates

Previous BORUs:

• BORU-1 by u/SharkEva on November 01, 2024

• BORU-2 by u/ObsidianNight102399 on December 23, 2024

Thanks to u/smashing767 for letting me know about the update!

Trigger Warning: >!Assault, miscarriage, death!<

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: October 30, 2024 at 02:05 UTC

• Update 1: October 31, 2024 at 00:06 UTC

• Update 2: November 07, 2024

• Update 3: December 23, 2024

• Final Update: October 01, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

---

Main Post

^(October 30, 2024 at 02:05 UTC)

---

aita: for walking out on a blind date my friend set up 2 weeks after my husband died?

I just really need some clarity on this situation, I 23f lost my husband 25m weeks ago to a car accident, he was the love of my life and im still not used to waking up without him everyday. we have big plans for our future and it all came crashing down in a heart beat. we met on his uncles farm, he was a farm hand and it was love as first site for me. im also 4 months pregnant but I havent told anyone, I was planning on telling my friend when I was feeling better.

My best friend Leigh 24F has been my shoulder to cry on during this time, she helped me with his funeral and anything else I needed as im NC with my bio family story for another time, she is currently dating Barry 24M they usually hang out in a trio with Liam 24M, when I first met Liam he hit on me hard tried everything as in would try and compare himself with my husband say weird things like our kids would be cuter than if you had kids with My husband. He's also made weird comments like I need a city boy and would motion himself, when im a country girl through and through, I typically would shut him down or ignore him but I would always get dirty looks from Barry.

skip to Sunday night, I got a messaged from Leigh begging me to come to dinner with her because she wanted to treat me as I had Been through a lot in the last couple of weeks, feeling not so shit about myself I decided to go. When I arrived she wasn't there so I texted her asking how long she would be and she told me 5 mins she's just running late and is around the corner so I to sat down and ordered a drink now 5 mins comes and she's still not there so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and waited another five when im about call her Liam comes rushing over and gives his apologies for being late I asked him what's he doing here because im waiting for Leigh and it was a two chair table, he smiles at me and grabs my hand I ripped it off of him and he just says oh I asked Leigh to set us up now that Husbands name isn't a problem we can finally get to know each other he looked so cringey and im telling you I was floored I stood up and told him that I wasn't interested and I certainly don't give a flying fuck about getting to know him, and that I just lost my husband

without a word of a lie this man stands up and said I know your being overly emotion right now so ill forgive you for that sit down with me, im not saying we have to have sex straight away.or anything, I was disgusted I shoved past him and went home as fast as I could when I did get home Leigh messaged me soo how was dinner with a smirk emoji I called her and when she answered I didnt let her get a word in I yelled at her asked her how she has the audacity to do something like this weeks after I just lost my husband when shoes been the one to hold me together this whole time I asked her what fucking game was she playing and that the only reason I wanted to meet tonight with HER was to tell her im pregnant I just hung up on her and texted her I need time and don't want to be contacted by her for the time being.

Last night Barry came to my house and asked to talk, I said no and that if he didnt leave id call the police, he told me that I broke Leighs heart and that I deeply hurt Liam when now is an even better time to get to know Liam because he could raise my Child With me I opened my door which Barry took as I wanted to talk instead I hit him with my shoes and chased him to his car screaming, im actually embarrassed I did that.

All day today im being flooded with messages from friends and the trio themselves shaming me for pushing the people who care about me the most away and that they don't even regonise the person ive become the only thing that hurts me most is that my husband would know what to do he would tell me how to fix it and now I have no one who I can talk to im just so numb inside, I have A therapy appointment tomorrow but im thinking of calling my husbands mum even though we've barley spoken since the funeral any advice is appreciated, please exude any typos im just so exhausted

{ Edit : I made a new account for this post as some friends have my main and id rather have some time to grasp this whole thing before I answer anyone personally. thank you }

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

she_who_knits > Very weird and inappropriate people you have as so called friends. Go NC with them. Just ew. > > Call your mother in law. She'll be thrilled about the baby. That's your support system. > >  And join a grief therapy group if there is one local to you. It's okay to be numb. It's normal to be numb when life cracks you upside the head this hard. > > OOP >> thank you, I just feel so wrecked at the minute and I have joined a grief group in the city I'm trying to grip enough courage to actually go.

---

StrongTxWoman > As somebody who has lost someone dear to me, this is unforgivable. Who do they think they are? How dare them to tell op how to grief? > > We all grief differently but definitely not within a month (except my bf's father who got a gf the next day his wife passed away). > > If I were op, I don't think I can forgive them. So they think it is funny? I can't imagine they think it was a good idea. > > Is this a troll post? No one with common sense will do that. I hope this is a troll post. > > OOP >> they think I should go out with Liam to get over my husband, I personally am in no way to be jumping into a relationship let alone having a " new family", thank you for your advice

---

MacChicken25 > These 3 are absolute shit humans. Did they absolutely hate your late husband or something? Lose the 3 of them. I can't even comprehend the audacity that would make them think any of their behaviors was appropriate. > > OOP >> Leigh used to have a crush on my husband she knew him because her brother used to play football with my husband, other than that Barry and Liam hated him because they think people from the country are stuck up rednecks, thank you for your comment

---

T0USHA3 > NTA Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss. You did the right thing here. I would suggest not contacting that friend again because anyone should understand that a few weeks after losing your husband is no time to date. also Liam is a scumbag and you need to STAY AWAY > > OOP >> I told Liam if he came anywhere near me id shoot him, bit violent but hopefully he gets the hint

---

Classic-Row-2872 > Are you uber rich or very very attractive? Because I can't understand why these people are pushing so hard to see you with a man again > > OOP >> Leigh is the kind of woman who can't be single, I hope that explains her point of view

---

Update 1 - after 22 hours

^(October 31, 2024 at 00:06 UTC)

---

update: aita for walking out on a blind date my friend set up 2 weeks after my husband died

hello all and thank you,

I just wanted to start of with I called my Mil Louise, after making the post I thought that I needed to tell her about baby because just like some of you said, she is overjoyed about the news.

she didn't answer my call but instead drove straight over to my house, I honestly didnt know what to say to her but we just hugged and cried all night, I didnt have the best delivery about how I am pregnant probably due to all the crying but she just light up and was so happy its the first time ive seen her be this happy in all the time ive known her so at least I have some support, my Fil came over when he finished work after Mil told him he needed to come to my house and he was too overjoyed about becoming a pop.

Louise offered to have the baby and I move in and I agreed, she said that I can sleep in my husbands old room which was a little bittersweet, when I told her what was going on with Leigh, Liam and Barry she was furious and told me not to worry about it because they { Mil & Fil ] have my back after a lot of even more crying Fil told me that my husband would be so happy to have this baby grow up on a farm like my husband did overall our conversations last night was a something I needed.

now im just going to answer some comments:

1. no this isn't fake and if you choose top believe that then that's fine but don't be dragging my husband when you don't even know him. Liam dint kill my husband, it was a car accident and my husband died on impact nothing crazy went on its just awful but is as simply as that

2. Leigh was my friend for a long time she was genuinely there for me when I went NC with my parents and I thought she was a decent friend, now knowing the truth there is many things I can think of that she did that are red flags, personally I think I ignored them because I have never been close to anyone like that other than my husband.

3. Liam is a loser, And from my chat with Barry I learnt that he's always had feelings for me and he's never given up because apparently he's my type? he isn't and never will be.

4. yes I ordered a drink I didn't think I needed to disclose that I ordered a lemonade? it was simply a soda nothing wild I know im pregnant and id never do anything silly.

5. I'm not magically pregnant, my husband and i both wanted children young and were trying for about a year, we just didn't disclose that we were trying because my husband and I think its weird telling people oh were having sex an extra amount, I don't know but my husband and I are very private people and kept a lot of it that way.

and as for the trio I've blocked them, none of my family are reaching out because they simply don't know me anymore, the only friends who are reaching out are mutuals of either Leigh, Barry and one of Liams other friends, I was confused on if I wad an asshole because I just left Liam standing there and yelled at Leigh I was so upset I was confused on the entire thing

but thank you all and I will update on what happens because I know Liam will not give up until he's in jail I seriously hope is doesn't come to that but the fact he drove past my house twice is uneasy so im hopeful the move to husbands parents farm will have my baby and myself on a better path.

---

Update 2 - after 7 Days

^(November 07, 2024)

---

Firstly some good news,

I found out that I’m having a little girl, I am actually feeling a little bit better today and thought I’d update.

I moved in my in laws the next morning after they had come over, we went to the police and unfortunately there is nothing they can do unless he trespasses, comes into physical contact with me pretty much until he gets worse but I did take the initiative and move so they think he will be less of a threat now that I don’t live in that house but they did take my screenshots of his weird creepy messages and noted that he has been driving past relentlessly.

After a few days we came into town to go grocery shopping and we saw leigh, she went to come over but my MIL like stared at her and yelled NO, Leigh looked a bit awkward because my Mil was yelling yes I’m talking to you Leigh go bother someone else with your bullshit. Leigh did end up walking away which we thought was good I was greatly overwhelmed obviously about seeing her and my anxiety has gotten worse since the “ blind date” I think I was also anxious because Leigh is never without Barry so I was very worried

When we had finished shopping and was walking back to our car Leigh and Barry was waiting for us but again my Mil started screaming, she was yelling he was scum and they are trying to sell drugs to a pregnant woman pretty much anything you embarrass them and to draw a crowd Leigh and Barry did leave again not without looking scared ( points to Mil)

since that I moved in to the farm and it been drama free I had an appointment yesterday and found out about my baby girl but also that I have high blood pressure most liking due to the stress but we’re going to have to watch it just in case of pre-eclampsia as my egg donor had it.

My husband has always wanted a girl so I know she is a gift from him, but apart from the grocery store incident and the police, it’s been very positive for me being with my In laws, and there dog Spud ( don’t ask I don’t know why that’s his name)

Thank you again.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

BananaIceTea (downvoted) > Why do people believe this nonsense is beyond me. > > PsychologyOwn257 (downvoted) >> Lmao facts this story is one of the most egregiously false and ridiculous stories I’ve ever read. I love how OP even forgets that she said she was pregnant and then tries to cover it up by being like, “uh YEAH, the drink was a lemonade”. >> >> The replies in this thread are straight up hilarious >> >> EuphoricSwimming3911 (downvoted) >>> Also that they were trying to have a baby for a year and now all of sudden it's that she used an egg donor. Because people in their mid 20s only try for a few months, then start the long drawn out process of infertility treatments, then moving to using an egg donor. All of that gets accomplished from first trying, to pregnant with a donor egg in only a year. This is the fastest infertility journey I've ever seen. That also, weirdly wasn't mentioned at all in the first post. Guess OP messed up keeping their story straight.  >>> >>> OOP >>>> I’ll break it down for you: >>>> >>>> 1 my husband and I have been married for 5 years started trying for a baby a year ago, we have a baby on the way 3 weeks ago my husband died in a car accident, we in no way used an egg donor. >>>> >>>> Respect read what has been written before you make such negative assumptions when you Cleary lack education if you can’t understand what I wrote please seek some positive thoughts have a great day

---

EuphoricSwimming3911 (downvoted) > "Just in case of pre-eclampsia as my egg donor had it." Lmao what? For the love of God. That's not how that works you moron. Also, what happened to yall were trying to get pregnant, but didn't want anyone to know because it's weird to tell people you're having a lot of sex? Now all of a sudden it was an egg donor? You can't even keep your fake story straight FFS. > > OOP >> 1) I literally wrote my first post that I was pregnant? Secondly >> >> 2) my husbands dead? >> >> 3I don’t know why you’re so upset about my pregnancy like relax maybe instead of being a negative Nelly join a positive sub Reddit 🫶🏼

---

Update 2 - after 1 month, 23 days (after 1 month, 16 days from last post)

^(December 23, 2024)

---

Update 2: Aita for walking out on a blind date 2 weeks after my husband died

thank you to everyone who helped me with my issues about Leigh and the others. It’s over I was attacked and suffered greatly.

I lost my baby a month ago and I will be logging off for a while.

I wish everyone a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Thank you for the kindness, enjoy your holidays

- J

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

onlyinarainstorm > Hope you're okay OP > > OOP >> Thank you, I’m on a healing journey and I am safe 🫶🏼

---

NEW UPDATE

---

Final Update - after 1 year, 11 months, 1 day (after 1 year, 9 months, 8 days from last post)

^(October 01, 2026)

---

Update: Aita for walking out on a blind date 2 weeks after my husband died

Hi everyone, if you remember me It’s been a while and Ill try to make this as short as possible

two years ago I was going through what I felt was the worse year of my life. and i’m finally at a point in my life where I can speak about it without any repercussions on my mental health.

So let’s start with the trio, immediately after my mother-in-law yelled at them ,Leigh and Barry continued to try and reach me online, in person ( if I was in town) and through whatever mutual friends we had left. it got to a point where they started sending massive amounts of baby items to my old home with letters and letters I think the most they sent in a week was like sixty-eight it was crazy, I didn’t have to deal with the stress of it as my In-laws dealt with it for me bless their souls.

However Leigh did try to corner me at one point in person crying and apologetic about what happened with Liam ( as if she wasn’t the puppet master) and that she wanted us to go back to before all of the mess, I pushed passed her staring through her and that seemed to make her even more upset and incoherent but I walked away and left her there.

one night my in-laws and I decided to go to the pub for good old pub feed, now I’m still not sure if they stalked me or someone told them I was there but Liam, Barry and Leigh all came into the pub and tried to sit at the table over from us, my in-laws and I immediately got up and started walking to out and back to Louise’s car, my farther in law was right behind me the trio followed us out and was yelling I was told to ignore them and keep walking, as we did i hear my farther in law yelling and then this thud as I turn around Liam was trying to fight my farther in law, Liam was on top of him punching and Barry and Leigh was just standing there

Louise was beside her self running back to help my farther In law and I couldn’t just stand there and watch so I made a stupid decision and got involved I kicked Liam as hard as I could in his face and he fell back, I tried to grab my phone to call the police but Barry ran over to me and started beating the hell out of me I mean sometimes I can still feel him hurting me he knocked me clean out, fortunately some pub locals stepped in and stopped Liam and Barry and restrained them until the police arrived all three of them were arrested right there. Liam and Barry are currently serving time for what they did to my in laws and myself Leigh was also charged but was given probation and a massive restraining order. And I’ve made my peace with that.

In the hospital I was told that I was already in the process of a miscarriage before the assault and well getting my ass beat by grown man didn’t help. I was devastated my daughter didn’t deserve that, I didn’t deserve that. My farther in law only had a couple of cuts and bruises but he was ok as was Louise, they took me back home and nursed me back to health properly. I was an absolute wreck and I didn’t deserve the kindness and love my in laws gave me,

I told them to be mad at me, that the miscarriage was my fault and that I failed their son, they helped me get help and to stop blaming myself for situations I had no control over, they helped me with my statements to the police, selling my old house and with everything else. I could never make it up to them for what they have done for me and the memory of my daughter.

I moved into one of units on the property where I still live today, I work the farm and look after my in-laws and not to mention the sweet 10 year old spud who for his age will still keep you on your toes for a old dog, i miss my husband every day of my life and I know he’s looking after our daughter until I can see them again, I will never ever get over losing them both but I am learning on how to live with it, I made new friends and I’m truly starting to live my life again, I will look after my in-laws until they don’t want me too, they are my family and I love them dearly. It took some real hard work to get where I am, I even over came my agoraphobia believe me I am still a working progress I take every day a step at a time. Pretty much everyone in our small town knows what happened and Leigh’s parents are now on the outs for supporting her but other than that I’m glad they aren’t my problem anymore and I’m living my life without anything but peace.

Sorry for any Typos I’m on my phone sorry! Also thank you to everyone who reached out to me i genuinely appreciated, I won’t be posting anymore after this so this is goodbye.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/IrritatedMango

Published on: r/TwoXChromosomes

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 30, 2024

• Final Update: September 14, 2024

---

Main Post

^(August 30, 2024)

---

My male roommate is hinting him and his boyfriend should pay less for the bigger bedroom they rent

Basically what it says above.

I live in a very HCOL city in Europe where there is a TERRIBLE housing crisis which seems to be getting worse and worse.

I live in an apartment in a rent controlled area (it’s €1800 a month for a two bedroom in a really nice area of my city, I pay €800, they pay €1000).

For context the crisis is so bad I’ve seen double bedrooms go for €1200 before so €500 per person for a huge bedroom. My room is 1.5x smaller than theirs.

Anyway we were talking yesterday and he started lamenting about how all of his friends are shocked that him and his partner pay a grand a double bedroom because he knows people who pay €200/€300 less. He continued to say how it was so expensive on top of the electricity bill too and asked if we could talk when they come back from their holiday.

I told him the reason him and his roommate paid more was because they had a significantly bigger bedroom and he was like “Yeah but there’s two of us in it”. Seriously where tf do guys get the audacity??

I’m not sure what his logic is at but I’m not really sure what to do in this situation.

I’m trying to find somewhere to live alone but September is a terrible time to find something so I’m not sure when I’ll find something and I don’t want any awkwardness.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Tranquil_Pure > well if theyre splitting the cost they're not paying 1000, theyre paying 500 each. > > OOP >> Apparently that’s too expensive. Why tf they even moved into the apartment is beyond me.

---

JacquelineHeid > Maybe tell him to go find another place if he feels he is getting a bad deal? > > OOP >> He told me he’s looking around but tbh he’s in for a hell of a rude awakening, it’s insanely tough to find a nice spot in my city.

---

Djinnwrath > "That there's two of you is irrelevant. You have more square footage than I do." > > OOP >> Oh I doubt they will.

---

ann102 > I wouldn't get upset, just point out that that amount was agreed upon by all parties. If they find it unfair, they are welcome to find a cheaper apartment. You would have no issue finding a replacement. But the deal is the deal and your find it fair. You are not responsible for their finances or their jobs. > > OOP >> This is the crazy thing to me, they moved in originally and were fine with paying it. Why tf would you move in if it’s too expensive?

---

nj-rose > So they should just get the bigger bedroom and you pay more for less? Are you splitting the bills three ways? You should if there's two of them. > > OOP >> Yep the bills are split three ways, the rent isn’t because their room is bigger. >> >> nj-rose >>> You say in your op that their rent is 1000 because their room is significantly bigger. >>> >>> OOP >>>> Ah sorry, when you say bills I mean electricity and wifi! I treat rent separately.

---

Alexis_J_M > Whose name is on the lease? That's the person with the bargaining power here. > > > If the rent is 1800, then the base should be 600 each for three people. You can be generous and give them a discount for sharing a bedroom. > > OOP >> All of us ours but I’m the head of the lease because I’ve been there longer than they have.

---

TheHappyTalent > If they price they are paying is unfair, then you won't be able to fill their spot with someone else. > > If the price is fair, you'll be able to replace them very easily. > > OOP >> Oh I can very easily. I can move into that room myself but if not I’ll be able to find a replacement in a day if I wanted to.

---

Letzes86 > They are actually paying 500 each and the bills are also for shared spaces, so it's a really good price. > > I live in the Netherlands, if your area has a similar crisis, just tell them that if they are unhappy they can go away and you will find new roommates in a blink. > > OOP >> I’m in Ireland!

---

bluethreads > This is something to be negotiated BEFORE moving in. You don’t agree to move somewhere and agree on the rent price and then try to negotiate the price once you are living there. > > He can move out if he feels he is paying too much. > > OOP >> This is the crazy thing, he was paying more when they moved in, the residential agency then reduced our rent and now he’s still complaining!

---

Final Update - after 15 days

^(September 14, 2024)

---

My roommate is insisting him and his partner should pay less rent even though they have a bigger room- An update

So last time I posted I was not expecting so many responses but thanks for all of them, it honestly really validated how I was feeling. The responses got too overwhelming for me and I deleted the thread.

Anyway, a lot has happened since then so here goes! My roommate wanted to talk to me about the rent was being distributed when him and my other roommate got back from their holiday. I was fully prepared to stick to my guns and say no and in a state of overthinking got a lawyer friend’s opinion on the whole thing. They never mentioned it when they got back from their holiday so it took me by surprise but I still was a little on edge.

So long story short, a week ago a friend of mine messaged to ask if I was interested in her cousin’s apartment because the cousin was leaving the country. The new apartment was twice the size as the one I was renting, also rent controlled and quite a bit cheaper than the one I was in. I went for a viewing, fell in love with it on sight and got accepted to rent it earlier this week. I moved in today and it feels amazing.

I have an awesome friend who’s moving to the country I live in to do her Masters and she’s taking the spare room and bathroom my new apartment has. We both agreed to split the rent down the middle because our rooms are basically the same size and she’s leaving as soon as her studies are done so this time next year I’ll probably be living alone and fostering dogs before they get adopted.

It happened so quickly and it took my ex roommates by surprise but I think I’ll only miss one of them. I’m pretty sure they’ll just be living in that apartment by themselves but tbh I don’t really care what they do because I absolutely love my new spot! Now to hope my deposit gets returned and my name is totally the lease in the old apartment relatively quickly!

I’m done renting with couples and I’m done dealing with the audacity of men!

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

DConstructed > Congratulations! And definitely make sure you are no longer financially responsible in any way for the old place. > > OOP >> I’ve started the ball rolling and I’ve let the residential agency know. I’ll find out over the next few days.

---

canyoudigitnow > Put the new rent/roommate agreement in writing!! > > OOP >> It is in both of your contracts! :D

---

Elon_is_musky > I love hearing this ending!! The best thing seems to happen in the end🥰 > > OOP >> I’m still dazed I’m in this new place because of how nice it is.

---

maraq > I love this for you and I love that their audacity raised their rent, instead of lowering it! Lol! > > OOP >> Basically! I’m not sure if they wanted the whole apartment to themselves in the first place but it hardly matters, I have a lovely apartment now!

---

Beepbeepboobop1 > If you don’t mind me asking where do you live? Cause this is my dream. I’m 25 and living in a 5 person house. I do have the master bedroom with my own washroom but my housemates suck ass. Unfortunately rents are so expensive here. 1 bedroom apartments are about $2000 a month, new builds no rent control. I’m in southern ontario Canada-honestly looking to get out of the country atp💀 would be nice to have my own (affordable) space and properly live my life > > OOP >> I’m in Ireland! It’s expensive as hell here too which is why I’m still in disbelief I got somewhere like my current place. I do get how you feel, I’m probably going to leave in a few years myself because of how expensive it is :/

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/SecretInitiative9253

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: March 31, 2026

• Update: April 01, 2026

• Final Update: September 29, 2026

---

Main Post

^(March 31, 2026)

---

AITAH for closing a joint bank account the day before my ex leaves for vacation?

Ignore the username, it was randomly generated. Now here is the much needed context. My ex-husband and I separated over five years ago. It has been messy and emotionally, financially, and physically draining process. While we were together, we had a joint account where all of our expenses were taken out of. After separation, I had requested that my name be removed from the joint account. He did not want the account closed as that is where he was continuing to do the majority of his banking from. This included debits for his vehicle payment, receiving payroll, etc.

Over the last several years he has refused to attend the bank together to take my name off of the account. Requests have been made directly and through our attorneys. I even asked as recently as two weeks ago as we were both in the city (we both live rurally) to have this finally done and my name removed. He continued to deny this request.

Yesterday, I received a text message and phone call from the bank where the joint account is held stating that the account was in overdraft totaling -$949.99 and the balance needed to be paid instantly.

I immediately texted and called my ex husband to have this rectified as this was going to affect my credit score. Once again, he refused to attend the bank to have this completed as he was "too busy".

Luckily, I was in the city and went to the branch to see what my options are to not let it affect my credit. My options were either to do nothing, or to pay the overdraft and close the account. I paid the overdraft and moved forward to closing the account. These were funds that I had worked hard saving and was going to go towards extra curricular activities for our children.

Now this is where I might be the a**hole. My ex told me that he was leaving on a three week vacation to Italy starting March 31 (this all happened March 30). I chose the second option to pay the overdraft and close the account (with all fees the total was close to $970). Now, all of his debits (vehicle payments, bill payments, etc.) are expected to come out of this account while he is away. This means that this gives him one day open a new bank account and change all payments coming out of the previous joint account

So AITAH for closing the joint account (that he has had five years to remove my name off of) the day before he leaves for vacation?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

DrTeethPhD > Why did you never go into the bank alone to inquire about your options? > > OOP >> I did, we had to go in together to sign papers and remove my name. He refused to. >> >> DrTeethPhD >>> So why were you able to close it alone this time? >>> >>> OOP >>>> Because it was removal of my name vs. closing the account. If he removed my name then he could still use the account. By closing it, he is no longer able to use it.

---

Illustrious_Bird9234 > NTA but if you legally sent requests that can be traced and can prove you weren’t using this account you might have some recourse on the $970 > > OOP >> Yes, I have written requests for this through email, text messages, and letters through out lawyers. And I can prove through statements that I did not access this account.

---

Ambroisie_Cy > I don't know where you live, but where I live, both owner of a joint account are equal owners. That means they can make unilateral decisions regarding the account. That includes withdraws, closing and taking themself out of the account. > > If you were able to close the account without your ex present, then you surely would have been able to withdraw yourself from said account? Closing the account has way more consequences then to taking your name off of it! How is it possible for you to do the first and not the latter? It's weird. > > Another thing that doesn't add up is the fact that you went through the legal route to get your name taken out of the account and no judge granted you that and/or forced your ex to take action? > > Come on ! Something's not right here. > > This post is either bs or you have really bad legal representation and a really bad banking system. And let's be fair, both options are equally plausible! > > OOP >> Canadian here! I went into the branch to inquire and in order for myself to be removed we had to go in and sign papers. >> >> To answer your question: previous bad legal representation (I no longer have that lawyer) and a really bad banking system are both to blame.

---

throw05282021 > NTA. Your ex had the same opportunity you did, to go to the bank and resolve the situation on his own. > > But I don't see how an overdrawn checking account would negatively impact your credit. > > OOP >> Because apparently it's been in overdraft for so long it was going to go to collections

---

LemonLady1424 (downvoted) > Not sure why you gifted him $970. You could have waited until it had a positive balance and then closed the account. Either way you're NTA > > OOP >> He was going to be out of the country for three weeks and by that time, it would have been sent to collections.

---

hecknono > you should have waited until his paycheque dropped so that the overdraft was paid. Then closed the account. Any positive balance after you closed the account, you could venmo him or mail him a certified cheque. > > It is a very simple thing to open a new account and set up auto pay. It is a minor inconvience, but you paying the overdraft. yikes! > > I hope you get that money back. > > OOP >> The caveat to all this is that he is self-employed. He controls when the money goes in and out and he doesn't have a set "pay date". So who knows when it would have hit.

---

Small Update - after 1 day

^(April 01, 2026)

---

Small update: AITAH for closing a joint bank account the day before my ex leaves for vacation?

I don't know how to update the post so I am doing it in the comments. For closing the account, the bank gave me two years worth of statements. Safe to say he has been hiding funds and only been using this account to keep in the negatives to ruin my credit. However, upon the review of the statement it includes what he received from his tax refund. Two years ago, he received over $20,000 from a tax return. This was more than likely due to the fact that our son was diagnosed with ADHD (and more recently Autism) and he received the disability tax credit (Canadian here) and it was back-dated. This means that I am entitled to 50% of the resulting credit amount.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

friendlypeopleperson > Take all this new info to your lawyer! That ex of yours has been trying to be horribly malicious towards you and his child. Sue him. I would love to see justice served here. Best wishes. > > HblueKoolAid >> This has to be to be fake or OP is really incompetent. Trying to get relieved of an account for 5 years when all that had to be done was go in and close it. Getting caught up that it was overdrawn by $970 but failing to notice deposits of $20,000. Unable to afford riding lessons for a child but willing to drop $1000 because it will affect credit score? Supposedly this account has been kept in the negatives to ruin credit score for a long time but only now the risk of going to collections. The reel of bullshittery is strong. >> >> OOP >>> Thank you for your kind words at this time. I made it clear that my intention was never to close the account over the last several years but to have my name removed. To answer your question of not "noticing" deposits. This is because during the separation he took my bank card so that I wouldn't have "access". This deposit was made two years ago when I no longer had access to the account unless going into the bank. I wanted to take the high road and not meddle with this as it was being handled by the lawyers (my counsel advised me not to close the account at the time because I would look vindictive) I was naïve when we first separated and honestly thought he would do what was right. I was obviously wrong. Lesson learned >>>> >>>> As for the riding lessons you were speaking of, when he approached me about that it was several years ago. I have worked and saved hard over the last 4 years to get into the financial position that I am in. As stated previously, those funds were set aside for extra curricular activities for my children.

---

Final Update - after 6 months

^(September 29, 2026)

---

AITAH UPDATE for closing a joint bank account the day before my ex leaves for vacation?

So now for the update. After months and months of back and forth my lawyer and I finally got to sit down with his lawyer and a mediator. This meeting wasn't only for the amount I had to pay on this account but for all marital property. However, this delay left me time to do some additional research. My lawyer had issued him a disclosure, long story short my ex is way worse with money than I ever could have imagined. He has wracked up close to $100,000 in consumer debt alone with no real property to secure it. He spends on average $700 a month on eating out at fast food restaurants alone.

Shortly before he had left for Italy, he opened up a new bank account with a different bank and a new credit card (which already has $10,000 on there). So his sad story about how "I left him high and dry and in a bind" the day before he left was a complete lie.

With this disclosure, I found out he had been hiding assets through his work and was using funds from his business to pay for his personal legal fees.

They came in stating that he owes me nothing and that everything for marital property had been split evenly. I came in with pictures, valuations, receipts, and quotes to counteract everything his lawyer had to say to state that the property was not split evenly. I also explained that even though our familial home was in his parents' name that we did a significant amount of renovations to the property which increased its property value. When I mentioned the words constructive trust and unjust enrichment his lawyers eyes went as wide as saucers and she immediately pulled him into a sidebar.

By my and my lawyer's calculations the total that he owed me was just over $45,000 without any expenses taken into account for the children (including funds he stole from our son's disability tax credit). The child expenses (also known as Section 7 expenses in Canada) totaled close to $13,000.

After his lawyer and him side barred for a bit they came back with a proposal. My ex would give me the ATV and that this was all he could provide. (The ATV is valued at approximately $10,000). Him and his lawyer explained that he could not secure a loan, he was denied consolidation, and that he cannot file for bankruptcy because he makes too much annual income. I said that this wouldn't even cover the Section 7 expenses that he owed for the children. My lawyer and I reminded them that this would be their last opportunity to negotiate with us before we go to a pre-trial. They came back with the ATV and $2500 cash. I countered with the ATV (which has to be delivered is working condition with 14 days) and $5000 cash. This was accepted.

Now I know that this likely isn't the update that everyone wanted to hear. I acknowledge that this isn't a fair deal and that if I had went to pre-trial that I would have received more. But here is the thing, you cannot get blood from a stone. Even if he was ordered to pay the $45,000 there is no chance that I would ever receive it and then I am out even more legal fees preparing for the pre-trial. Also, this closes a major chapter in our long-standing divorce (6 years and counting) and at the end of the day I want it done and dealt with. My peace of mind is priceless.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Brainchild110 > It wasnt from a stone. He has the house. Still does. > You should have insisted on its sale to be made whole. He has assets your overlooked and let him get away with murder. Again. > > OOP >> The house is in his parents' name. If they were to sell the property and land that it is on, there is nothing legally stating that they would have to give the funds to him and/or myself.

---

bobhand17123 > NTA. I understand you can’t get blood from a stone, but I think there was a good chance you could have gotten blood from a stone’s parents. > > OOP >> Unfortunately not due to limitations in filing :(

---

Suitable-Tear-6179 > NTAH. And I understand you can't get blood from s stone. You can't even do wage garnishment if he's self employed, bevause he'll just spend monet from the company without giving himself a "wage.". (if wage garnishment is a thing in Canada.) > > OOP >> Exactly, wage garnishment would not be an option because he just wouldn't pay himself as much through the business. So essentially, I would never see that money unless he had a tax refund, an inheritance, or had a insurance payout of some sorts. The only thing Maintenance Enforcement would do is suspend his license, and he would just continue to drive with a suspended license anyways.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ThrowRA2222777888

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 28, 2026

• Final Update: September 27, 2026

---

Main Post

^(August 28, 2026)

---

My 28F Fiancée Moved out with our 28F roommate while I 28M was at work today

I've been dating my fiancée for nearly 10 years at this point we met when we were college freshman and started dating 3 weeks after meeting. I'll admit our relationship wasn't always perfect but we made it work.

we went through ups and downs together all throughout college. I wasn't always the most loving partner but I tried to be extremely supportive to her when times were tough. I tried to help her in every way I possibly could. When we graduated I moved back home because I was better off in my hometown trying to find a career that would match my degree. My fiancée followed moved out to my area about a year after I started my career and we were able to afford to rent a decent town house.

She was very insistent that I propose to her and expressed she'd be mad if she made it past 9 years without being proposed to. Last September I proposed to her and she said yes.

Fast forward to this week. We had an extremely fun weekend visiting friends in central PA. We were smiling, joking around with each other and just having a generally good time. When we got back home from this weekend trip I noticed our roommate's desk and pc had been moved out of the office. When I asked my partner about it she just brushed it off and told me "it's no big deal that our roommate wanted to play more pc games in their room." I thought it was odd but no big deal.

I had asked my Fiancée to help me wake up and get into work earlier this morning. She helped me get up and we left around 5:10 in the morning for our usual shifts. I got back at 2:10 this afternoon to discover the house looked emptier than usual. When I went around the house I discovered that all my possessions were untouched but my roommate's and my fiancée's were gone. I've tried texting and calling my fiancée but she won't respond. Neither will my roommate.

I was worried about letting my roommate move in. She's my fiancée's best friend and my fiancée would always take her side over mine. I felt sorry for her though because her fiancée was caught cheating on her this same time last year. This roommate started making my fiancée feel like I had unresolved red flags that I actively tried to correct throughout the year.

I just don't know what to do now. I had a whole life with her. She was the girl I wanted to marry and improve myself for. She showed no signs of wanting to leave or planning any of this. I feel totally blindsided.

We literally kissed each other this morning and said see you after work.

I'm sorry if this post is seems really scatter brained. I feel like my brain is moving at light speed.

TLDR: My fiancée of 10 years secretly moved out with her best friend while I was at work and ghosted me. Where Do I even go from here?

Edit 1: My ex roommate is a lesbian who clearly had feelings for my ex

Edit 2: My ExFiancee usually would wake up at 4:30 to leave at 5. I usually would wake up at my own at 5:30 to leave at 6. This was the one and only time I asked her to wake me up at 4:30.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

NOTE: Comments are not included, as there were exactly 219 replies from OOP. I’ve summarized the comment section below instead. Including all of them would make the post far too long.

>The comments were mostly critical of OOP. Many felt the breakup was the result of long-standing issues he hadn't recognized, including household responsibilities, the emotional and mental load, the delayed proposal, his reliance on his partner to wake him up, and inconsistencies in his replies. > >Several commenters suspected there were "missing reasons" behind her sudden departure, although some also acknowledged that ghosting someone after ten years was harsh. OOP continued defending himself but gradually admitted that he had been a poor partner and needed therapy. Most commenters advised him to accept the breakup, seek therapy, avoid contacting her, and focus on himself.

---

Final Update - after 1 month

^(September 27, 2026)

---

28F fiancee left me 28M while I was at work update

Sorry for the late update everyone. I’ve been trying to figure out a lot over the past 4 weeks but have pieced together a lot about my relationship.

The day My ex left me I called one of our mutual friends who knew my ex for 13 years. She said she had no idea my ex was going to do any of this and this must be an emergency if I’m calling, because I rarely call people. This friend immediately texted my ex and all she got back was “don’t open anything from him.” When this friend tried to make sure my ex was safe and asked a few more questions my ex refused to respond.

The day after My ex ghosted me, she sent me a long scathing email with a ton of revisionist and false history. We had our first kiss 3 months into the relationship. She claimed we didn’t kiss until 6 years in? She also told me that she was working with the landlord to pay her half of the rent and that she would send me money to clean the townhouse because she knew she had trashed it.

On Saturday, mutual friends showed up to help me clean. They saw the absolute mess my ex and ex roommate had left behind. When we were cleaning, we found my ex’s old phone she was going to wipe and give me as an android emulation device. My ex’s friend of 13 years decided to open discord that was still installed on the phone.

When the chat between my ex and my ex-roommate was uncovered it was discovered that my ex was smearing all of us behind our backs. Some of the texts were so horrific that my friends started crying. It was like my ex hated all her friends. It was terrible. We also discovered that my ex had been planning on ghosting me since March of this year. She was only staying because she wanted to keep my hopes for marriage up and wanted to see how much I could take before I cracked. She thought that it was so funny that I was so obedient to her.

Everyone blocked her. They were absolutely disgusted and betrayed.

I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on what I’ve been through over the past 10 years. There were multiple red flags that I missed. This includes the fact that when I originally posted this on Thursday, she left that I framed myself as the bad guy in the post.

So, when we first met in college she and I had a smaller friend group that was an all-women friend group. Everyone seemed really laid back and I got along well with the group. My ex always described having a lot of anxiety and I put so much time and effort into trying to ease her anxiety and just be there for her.

When I was able to ease her anxiety, she was happy and would tell me how great I was and how much she adored me. Problems arose whenever I tried to set boundaries or had any time to myself. I studied biology and would sometimes have to miss hanging out with her in the evenings or skipping out on events because I was cramming for my exams. I would warn my ex ahead of time, but she was always convinced she could get me to come out of my room despite seeing her 6/7 days that week already. She would accuse me of abandoning her, she would say I didn’t love or appreciate her at all and how she was more important than my exams.

We’d sometimes get into blow out fights over text because I just wanted her to respect my boundaries and my time. She’d air out our dirty laundry to our friends and painted me to be a villain. She blamed me for her feeling empty and anxious when I was spending upwards of 49 hours with her per week. I took her on dates, I took her stargazing, I made her feel special. She either saw me as entirely good or totally evil with no in-between.

Things really hit the fan when we first started living together but I was just so blind to it. Around 2019 we got an apartment together. There would be days when she would wake up and refuse to talk to me. I would ask her if I did anything wrong. I would ask her if I could do anything for her and I would beg her to talk through any problems she thought the relationship had. She would refuse to even speak or look at me.

When we would go to bed for the night she would say, “oh you’re funny we’re not sleeping until you can figure out why I’m upset with you.” If I fell asleep before I could pry the information out of her, she’d punch the mattress and yell “you haven’t figured it out yet.” I’d sometimes be up until 2am just trying to get what I did wrong out of her.

When I would finally get her to speak, she’d start the conversation out with “You’re not going to like this but….” we would then have a 2–3-hour conversation where she would blame all of her anxiety and problems on me and make me promise to improve although the details are blurry to me. I’d then wake up the next morning with no recollection of the conversation that we had that night. There were days when I was up from 7am-5am the next morning. She would always complain I wasn’t improving.

Whenever I’d point out the fact that I couldn’t remember our sleep deprived conversations she would say, “it’s not my fault you can’t remember what we talked about, but it’s your fault you’re not improving.” There were times in that apartment where I’d do something wrong and she’d fly off the handle. She threw plates, she dropped a bookcase on my foot because we were struggling to move it and it was taking too long. She then started flailing her arms and had a huge crying fit that really freaked me out. She told me I wasn’t doing enough to comfort her but looking back I was so scared of being hit or screamed at.

Post-graduation, when we moved back to my hometown, I took on the full financial weight of the household. I work a decent paying QC chemist job but I’m on my feet all day and I’m usually running around a facility grabbing reagents or standards. I was working out on top of being active at this job. My ex worked 3 different jobs in three years. Her first two jobs she worked in an office environment. She would leave after me but get home before me most days and wasn’t constantly on her feet.

I’d call my ex on my way back from work and my commute was about half an hour. When I got back, the first thing I’d want to do was sit on the couch for half an hour and relax a little. I wasn’t allowed to do that. My commute home was my time to decompress and relax. “I mean how hard is your commute if you can call your girlfriend while you drive.” My ADHD medication would’ve been wearing off at that point in my day too.

I was told that since I was medicated for ADHD, I should be able to function and either cook dinner or help with dishes the second I got home. I told her so many times that’s now how the medication works. She was never diagnosed with ADHD but claimed to have it after I was diagnosed. She said since she’s not medicated and can cook and clean the kitchen, I should be able to as well. She completely ignored the fact I’d clean the living room, bathroom and dining areas after dinner.

I met with a therapist. I showed them my text conversation with my ex, and I told them about the kind of conditions I lived through in college and post-graduation. My ex most likely had BPD and had a high conflict personality. She was always anxious because of her BPD and no matter what I would’ve done it would’ve never been enough because she kept moving goal posts. My ex-roommate was another high conflict personality that my ex always validated, and they formed an extremely toxic codependency.

I provided stability and since I was a people pleaser by nature. She felt like she could take advantage of me.

Other minor details She ghosted the landlord. Since she didn’t respond to him trying to contact her and see if she completely vacated the property her lease is now under abandonment status.

The landlord is actively trying to help me get out of the lease without penalty.

The joint account is gone, and I have myself on my own insurance, and everything else that is necessary.

It took her 20 days to realize that her friends blocked her and effectively deplatformed her. The only people my ex has left in her life now are her bestie and her mom. Some of my friends found her secret tumblr last week and saw that she was upset that she has no friends now. We’re all happy the trash took itself out. She called me shitty in her posts because I told our friends what happened to me on day one. She’s also upset I’m not chasing her for some reason?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

ItsNotPatchy > Wow. What a piece of work. Thank goodness you dodged that homing missle. Fuuuuck what a mess. > > Don't block her number, just mute it. She seems unstable and it may be nice to have some evidence incase for a TRO. > > OOP >> Noted! I had her blocked at the carrier level before, but I’ll just make sure her calls are muted. >> >> Also yeah, I’m really happy I don’t have to marry her now. I can’t imagine how she would’ve handled a divorce. >> >> ItsNotPatchy >>> Imagine kids worth her.
>>> The thought gives me the awful chills. >>> >>> Cute-Boobie777 >>>> Its partially genetic too.  >>>> >>>> Shit I don't think I want kids and thats just because one side has a ton of anxiety and depression. Do I really want to bring someone else into the world to live like this? Not really.  >>>> >>>> OOP >>>>> Oh she’s an exact copy of her mom. Her mom is a deeply unstable person and went through 3 marriages in 30 years. It’s something about the 10-year mark with this family. I watched it happen to my ex’s stepdad. Her mom fully resented that man out of the blue one day. >>>>> >>>>> My kids are going to have adhd but I can’t imagine my kids ever acting the way she did to another human being. I would be profoundly disappointed and embarrassed.

---

PaulPhxAz > Is this undiagnosed mental illness? > > OOP >> My ex refused to get diagnosed by anyone. She claimed her only problem was undiagnosed ADHD. >> >> I tried to get her to do a full psych evaluation like I did when I got diagnosed with ADHD 7 years ago. She refused to do one.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ComradeLala

Published on: r/pettyrevenge

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: October 16, 2024

• Final Update: December 06, 2024

---

Main Post

^(October 16, 2024)

---

Never mess with "work mom's" co-workers

While I appreciate petty revenge that takes a while to carry out, this is a much more simple, quick story that culminated due to "the consequences of your actions" with one particular team that my team has been having problems with.

Context: I (34f) have a nickname at work with the new hires that we hired on earlier this year, which is "Work Mom". One new hire (I'll call her G, 34f) started it because I had literally everything on hand at my desk to help her when she randomly got stung by a bee. I love it because that sums me up in a nut shell personality wise. I tell our team and teams we work closely with that if they ever need something from my desk or coffee nook, that they're welcome to it and to just tell me when they had to take something after the fact.

G is also very kind and caring and loves making connections with our teams and trying to help out in anyway she can so that she can be as well rounded of an employee as possible. It's great and her and I work off of each other very well due to this. From what little I can tell about my work, I'm in QA (Quality Assurance) and majority of our time every year is spent doing quarterly audits. Normally, they go over very well and quickly and we have no issues. But, when we do have issues, we write them down as Datasheets to be resolved at some point by the team that screwed up. Often times it's as simple as "Hey you guys have a new procedure, but you didn't update any of your SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures), can you please do that?" Or "Hey, there was a massive re-org of your team, update that." And the worst offender being "Everyone's training is late, please get everyone up to date".

However, 1 such team that another team member of mine deals with, is definitely seen as the main Problem Child when it comes to these Datasheets. It's worse than pulling teeth with them to get them to reply and even update us on what is going on with their progress. And 1 person in particular, is an absolute Cee U Next Tuesday and causes more issues than he's worth; I'll call him Neckbeard, because if you recall the South Park WoW episode, he is THAT Neckbeard guy. Don't know his age, but it's close to our age for sure. This is where the petty revenge starts.

G would often go over there to see how she could help that team with work and audits coming up, and also because one of the guys on the team was a friend of her's, outside of being friendly to each other at work, they text each other quite a bit. I had met him too when he came over for birthday cake I made for G and thought he was pretty cool as well. This one day, G went over to see if she could help with their progress on the 7 Datasheets this team has against them and brought Halloween candy with her that we keep in a cauldron I brought in (I'm one of the office Goths/Witches, lol).

Upon entering their small lab area across the hall from us, the whole Problem Team grabs some of the candy, and when G turns to the Neckbeard and asks "Any chance I could help you with those Datasheets?", Neckbeard literally WAVES HER OFF and says "Be gone." The entire team, plus G's friend, LAUGH at her, so she thinks Neckbeard is kidding at first and kinda nervously laughs with them; but then they laugh harder.

G stops and looks at Neckbeard and says "Wait, you're serious?" To which he replies "Yeah, I don't need your fucking help, I know everyone has been breathing down my neck about these things. So be gone, you're dismissed." Still waving his hand dismissively at her.

She comes back to our cube, tells me the whole exchange with a fed up look on her face, and begins to gather her things so she can head home for the day and continue work from there. To say that I became overcome with Mama Bear rage is an understatement. But, this is where Neckbeard fucked up. Because, you see, I was put in charge of tracking the Datasheets progress and sending out weekly emails informing not only the teams responsible for them, but their supervisors and managers as well. And Neckbeard's Datasheets are going to be 2 years late come the 1st quarter of the new year (2025).

And because of my tracking sheet, our new manager has been incredibly happy with the new communication between all the teams that have Datasheets against them. And apparently Neckbeard lied to our manager in saying that he was almost done with the Datasheets, and he said he was in active communication with the QA team about them.

So, I calmed down, I sought out our QA Lead and updated him of the situation, and then I went to our supervisor. Our supervisor, JUST came out of a meeting about the Problem Team and their outstanding Datasheets, so when he saw the look of hate and discontent on my face, he knew something was wrong. So, he then started a new email to our manager and the Problem Team's supervisor to let them know what just happened. Oh, and G's friend that also laughed at her? He must have figured out that he fucked up, because he swung by shortly after the incident and asked if she was still in office. I just smiled at him and said "No, she left"; and he cursed under his breath and took off back towards the lab.

That was about end of last week, that this occurred. And my update on what is going to happen to Neckbeard is satisfying, to me at least. Now, if you work where I do, it's known that you're allowed to work from home, so long as you can be contacted and you get your shit done when it's due. I go in 3 days a week just to give myself a break from being at home. My Lead informed me, that the Problem Team's work from home privileges are being entirely revoked, they MUST be in during certain hours of the day (which is another slap in the face, cuz we can log in whenever we please), and any PTO they had planned is now being rejected and they're all being written up. This will also probably fuck with any future raises they may get.

Moral of the story: don't be a dick to someone just trying to help you.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

panic686 > I love that. I do the mom thing as a man when I work with people too. Make sure they take lunch and breaks and all that. And I love when people dig their own graves with their own behaviors and actions at work. > > OOP >> I love finding fellow Work Moms/Dads lol. Yeah this dude was just stacking up the inevitable consequences. Especially with our no-nonsense new manager. She's amazing. >> >> panic686 >>> I love this story. Nice to see both your actions and a manager who actually has the team's back. >>> >>> OOP >>>> Yeah our manager and my supervisor are amazing. They really make a difference with my work and attitude about work. It helps that both are actually parents too, I'm sure.

---

Agitated_Basket7778 > Ohhh, yeahhhhh! > > I so love seeing someone like Neckbeard get hammered to within an inch of their career! And this isn't just Neckbeard, but his team's PTO plans! Burn yourself, and your team at the same time! Lovely. > > OOP >> Yeah dude is a serious prick. Husband also had to work with him and also threatened to get him written up for not doing passed work. He was super proud of me for what I did lol.

Tamalene > Love this! > > Have they already been notified about their punishment? What were their faces like? Do they know exactly that it was Neckbeard's fault? > > So many questions! > > OOP >> I believe the meeting for their punishment was today, since no one was in for their usual Monday meeting due to the holiday. I was not called in to the meeting so I have no clue what the tone or reactions were, or if Neckbeard knew it was me (My husband had a reputation in our department for also being no-nonsense and sticking up for people in these situations too, so Neckbeard knew to avoid me out of habit lol). And I'm certain they knew it was his fault, since Neckbeard bounced about 5 minutes after the incident and his supervisor was PISSED that he left early. >> >> My QA Lead was telling me that he would love to just loiter outside the meeting room to hear the reactions lol.

---

Wonderful-Pen1044 > I can’t believe they were allowed to have those datasheets open for two years!! In a past job, you had 30 days to resolve the issue. This was government work so they might be a bit more robust about it but still, two years is insane. > > OOP >> Yeah these Datasheets are the oldest we have. Our previous manager was. . . Not great, about things like this. To be fair, that team has had a lot of restructuring going on, as have most other departments at our company. And we're also a government contractor company, this team just happens to be one of the oldest programs we use. They're still using ADA if that gives any more context lol. >> >> But I think they used that as excuses to just let these Datasheets rot.

---

Speciesunkn0wn > 2 years late???? what the fuck was neckbeard doing that didn't result in him getting fired??? > > OOP >> Welcome to government work, lol.

---

Final Update - after 1 month, 20 days

^(December 06, 2024)

---

[UPDATE] "Never mess with 'work mom's' co-workers"

Well it's been about 2 months since the original post and quite a bit has happened, and with so many people in the comments wanting an update, I finally have a moment to spill the tea.

TL;DR of the first post; I'm my team's "work mom" with the new hires, and my female co-worker was laughed at by a Neckbeard and his team for simply wanting to help them. I stood up for her and reported him, and he lost all privileges due to that; mainly because I had the receipts to back up his incompetence.

I'm trying to recall how long ago this started, but I'll just say 3 and a half weeks ago. The Problem Child Team got a new supervisor (50s-ish? M), due to more re-org and merging going on within our department. I know this new supervisor because he was a project lead for another department that I am the QA backup for. But even funnier, the supervisor was a well respected co-worker of my husband's when they used to work on projects together (before I came onto the QA team, and husband was in an adjacent team to QA, so no conflict of interest). Myself and a few of the QA team were the first to find out that he got his promotion to supervisor and had been talking with him when he would come over to clean out his new cube, which is right across from ours.

NS (New Supervisor) is a really great guy and has an overall fatherly vibe to him, and after getting to know myself and G (female co-worker from first story) more, he seemed to really like talking with us and would always come over to say good morning and check in on various project status and anything else he would need to know. Now, I didn't outright bring him up to speed on what The Problem Child Team did to G, since it happened well before he ever got the promotion and they had gotten their hands properly slapped for what they did.

HOWEVER; once the late datasheets came up in conversation, it was free game to tell him what happened. He looked genuinely shocked that the exchange took place, and I saw the gears in his head turn as to how he was going to handle the team in the future. He thanked me for letting me know, and for keeping the flames under their asses with the datasheets. After that, he's been stuck in supervisor training so it's been a minute since I saw him in his cube, but he has been emailing myself and our manager about the datasheets.

They have a new completion date for the new year and NS is getting serious results from The Problem Child Team now (we're incredibly happy to see his "Get your shit done NOW" attitude carried over from when he was a project lead). On top of that, NS has suggested a surveillance audit on his teams so that we can meet more of those quotas for the new year. Guess who was volunteered for The Problem Child Team? Yup, I will be conducting any and ALL surveillances with that team from now on, that way G doesn't have to deal with them ever again. And they will not be given extra time to prepare like she has graciously given them throughout the year. They get 1 day notice and will have to adhere to the meeting time that I set (I'm thinking 6:30am, that way everyone can get it done bright and early, LOL).

Fast-forward to just last week (before Thanksgiving vacation for us), and my supervisor came into my cube for his usual "Good morning" update. He hands me a piece of paper and says "Take a quick look at that for me." I thought I had fucked up on something so I was a bit timid to read it in front of him, but all I saw was my employment information and higher ups signatures. "Congratulations, you definitely deserve it." It was my raise for the year, and I had finally been given my title raise that I had been fighting for since last year! My manager even added a little smilie face at the bottom of the page; I was fucking THRILLED! Then, later that day, G also got her raise and also a bump in title!

And to top it all off, later on I got a severance report email (I'm a security rep, so I get them every week), and who's name do I see on the list? THE CO-WORKER WHO LAUGHED AT G! She completely cut off all communication with him, so I guess she didn't know he was quitting; and I don't blame him for quitting since he got his pp slapped and lost all cozy privileges cuz of Neckbeard. I can't confirm what happened to the rest of the team, but the office gossip is that they're all looking for different areas to work in; probably because they got the bare minimum raise, or none at all.

So ends The Neckbeard Incident, for now.

P.S: Thank you to HellFreezer on YouTube for reading the original for his channel, he nailed Neckbeard's voice perfectly.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

edster42 > What happened to Neckbeard? Is he still there or has he bailed as well? > > OOP >> Still there so far as I know. My project lead would have told me if he also bailed lol.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Welcome2TheMachine18

Published on: r/Parenting

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: October 27, 2021

• Update: December 14, 2021

• Final Update: March 29, 2022

---

Main Post

^(October 27, 2021)

---

I don't enjoy being a Father.

I'm writing this because I just don't know what to do anymore. My daughter is such hard work I feel like locking myself in the toilet and crying. She has made me cry a couple of times in her short spell on earth.

She was unplanned. My GF was 30 to my 27 at the time of conception, my GF is from an Irish Catholic family so Abortion was never even considered. My GF had a horrendous pregnancy and was so sick every day. She couldn't even drink water without throwing up, it was bad. The day she was born I cried as she was given to me but as I got home I felt a sense of dread. I've never had much confidence in myself and I didn't have a clue what to do.

She had colic almost straight away and would cry none stop for hours. We got her into a little routine. Then Covid hit. For 7 months it was just her me and my GF. No one else held her. And as I worked upstairs she seemed to only want her mother.

That's now still the case. She has the worst separation anxiety from her mother. She cries if she's not two feet away. We put her into Nursery twice a week and she loves it once she's there. But every day is a battle.

With me, she likes to include me sometimes but the majority of the time, I walk into a room and she says "no Dadda go" or when its bed time it's only her mother who can put her to bed. It's like she hates me sometimes. My poor GF is so drained and tries to include me but the baby cries until she's sick.

I feel lost and lonely and confused. I never thought having a child would be easy but to be this difficult. My favourite part of the day is when it's time to go to bed so I can lie in the darkness and fantasie about something else. Then my daughter will have a nightmare which is 3-4 times a week and we have to spend the next hour trying to console her.

Shes a lot better with people now, a little shy but comes around. She shows no signs of Autism but some behaviour issues but is that normal for her age

I do love her by the way I really really do. But I just feel so down and sad about it. I'm wishing my life away and I don't know how to make it better.

Edit. I'm overwhelmed by the responses to this. And I appreciate your kind words and advice. I'm sorry if I don't respond to you directly but just know I've read your post and thank you for it.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Disastrous-Success19 > Being a dad is hard, and sometimes you won't enjoy it, that's normal. Perseverance is absolutely key, and you have to learn to be in tune with another little person. There are times when I feel so exhausted too, and I just want to relax and get some down time, so just let your baby do the thing, crawl around, whatever. As long as they aren't in any danger they'll be fine. > > OOP >> But she won't just do all that. She wants her Mum 24 hours a day. Unless the telly is on which we're trying not to do. She fights getting dressed and new toys are a no go >> >> Disastrous-Success19 >>> I appreciate what you're saying, and no kid is exactly the same as another but it really is all about perseverance. Have a time where mum is out for an hour, and start that once a week. Then twice a week, then more. Your child isn't going to cry themselves to death so you can do that safely and get her used to you. This happened with me and my daughter, so trust me when I say it works. >>> >>> OOP >>>> My GF does go out. Working lates or nights at the hospital. But it's just hours of her screaming and attacking me sometimes.

---

greenpotatoes9 > How much time have you spent with your kid without GF around? Do you often take her out alone? > > Sounds like you need to add a weekly daddy-daughter day to your schedule. Take your kid out alone for a few hours and do something she will enjoy. Give your GF a break. It might be rough at first, but you are distancing yourself from your kid and she feels it. That is why she is pushing you away. > > OOP >> My GF is a nurse and been back in work a year. I work from home. She's in Nursery Thursday and Friday but is in today as my GF is working so we have no one to mind her. We live with my parents at the moment whilst we save for a house. I take her out alone when it's just the two of us. To the park or a walk with the dog. But she kicks off if she knows her Mum is about or she refuses to go in her pram. I don't drive so it's a lot of walking around. I've taken her out before while my Gf is at home and she was screaming so badly I had no choice to take her home. Believe me, I am trying. >> >> greenpotatoes9 >>> But you give in. You are letting your toddler decide. >>> >>> Also - lock yourself in the toilet and cry! That is healthy! >>> >>> OOP >>>> I give in because she's throwing herself into the street and the road and clawing my eyes out when I pick her up. >>>> >>>> Yes, I know its not healthy, I'm a wreck, I feel suicidal most days. I'd love therapy but unfortunately I cannot afford it so I just have to get on with it

---

hugitout2202 > You’re letting her run the show my man. I’m a stay at home mother and when I needed a break after my husband got home it’s all about buckling down and spending time together bonding over something she loves. With that opening other things will follow . It took my husband foreverrrrr to find that niche with our daughter because little girls seem to hold grudges against daddy because they see less of dad when dad is at work full time. It’s hard! Being a parent is hard. Thing is, she’s going to cry. My daughter THREW down when hubs tried taking her to the park, fishing, feeding the ducks I mean you name it he was trying it and one day bang it was like a switch flipped and she was ready to go frog hunting with daddy and telling me to leave . It truly is repetition and effort. Kids feel when we aren’t happy, not interested (not saying that you aren’t in just saying they’re intuitive and they’re smarter than we give them credit for) or closed off. Try getting her something sweet like y’all stopping in at a ice cream shoppe or some froyo and take her to the park. How old is your daughter now? > > OOP >> What age was she when she turned. I am trying, I really really am. >> >> "Let's go to the park" >> "Let's go on a bus" >> "Let's go explore the woods" >> "Let's take the dog for a walk" >> "Let's draw a picture" >> "Do you want to have a aeroplane ride" >> "Do you want to jump on the bed" >> Etc. Etc. Etc. >> >> All the responses are met with "Mama" sometimes she Let's me, other times she tries to fight me. And she's to young to understand fully what she's doing. She's just turned 2 years old.

---

Update - after 1 month, 17 days

^(December 14, 2021)

---

I don't enjoy being a father update

About 6-7 weeks ago I wrote a post saying "I don't enjoy being a father, I wrote it when I was upset and didn't know what I was doing. I felt lost, suicidal and I was really at the end of my tether. Your comments and kindness and advice were greatly appreciated and I took the time to read every single one.

Afterwards I said to myself, only I can change this. I looked long and hard in the mirror, what could I do to improve my relationship with my daughter, its up to me to change. So I decided no matter what my daughter did. I wouldn't get angry, I'd listen more and even though she isn't communicating fully I tried to understand her better.

The first week or two were pretty much the same. Hitting and screaming the house down. But I got on her level. I spoke softly to her. I didn't ask if she wanted to go and see the moon i made her come with me, if she cried I made sure I cuddled her and spoke softly and told her about the man in the moon, the stars in the sky. I did this every night.

4 weeks ago, everything and I mean everything changed. I was going to the shops and she said "Dadda shop" i was shocked. I asked if she wanted to come with me, she said yes. Her mother whom she wouldn't ever leave her side was shocked as well. We went shopping together and had fun. The week after we went to the zoo just the two of us and a week after to the play centre. I firmly believe I'm no longer "Daddy a man who just lives in her house" I'm now "Daddy, her best friend (her words not mine) protector and tickle machine" her demeanor has changed so much that now when I start work in the morning, (I work from home) she has been getting on my knee crying and saying "Daddy, no work, Daddy play". She started in the big room in nursery and my Girlfriend said she was hysterical her first day. But it was me she was asking for.

I cannot believe the difference in her behaviour with me and it makes me so happy. I've gone from dreading seeing her because I don't know what her mood is to being genuinely excited to see her so we can play and learn together. It's taken me a while but I now am the Dad I'm going to be to her and she is going to love me for it. At least until she becomes a teenager anyway.😂 so to all off you, your kind words and advice. I thank you. Have a great Christmas and keep your families safe.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

paperpaperclip > I remember your post so well, and my heart broke for you. I'm so proud of you, and so happy to hear this outcome. Your relationship with her is changing for the better every day ❤ > > OOP >> Thank you. I had to change not her. I won't ever let her down again >> >> runawaycat >>> One thing to keep in mind is that you won't be perfect. You may let her down again but that's ok. As long as you learn and keep trying, that's what's most important. Give yourself grace to occasionally fail and you'll be alright >>> >>> OOP >>>> I was so hard on myself like I have been my entire life. I've no confidence in myself and as soon as something gets tough I usually quit. I hate that trait about myself. So when she pushed me away I thought I don't blame her etc. But it's time to stop self pity. And give her the best dad possible. I'm not as nervous or anxious that shes going to kick off and I believe she can sense a more relaxed Daddy which in turn relaxs her. I'm preparing myself for bad times as well as good. That's life. But good or bad. I'm going no where

---

LetsGoToTheMars > I remember your post and commented on it too. It's such a nice thing of you that you share an update and it's great to hear that things turned around so nicely and quickly!
> > > Enjoy every moment of it! > > OOP >> And I've only wrote an update because the unexpected kindness and advice I was shown was so nice and really really helped me. I wrote the last post as a last resort I didn't have anybody to talk to and I didn't think anyone would even read it. I really am thankful for the kindness of strangers. I'm In a much better place I spoke to my girlfriend about my deteriorating mental health and as usual she was amazing and had a good talk. Things are great at the moment I know there will be bumps in the road. I'm prepared for it

---

jasonchristopher > Man, I went through this with my daughter. It was ROUGH. I thought I was doing everything right. But I wasn't fully there. Best thing I did was start sitting on the floor. I mean it sounds like such a small thing, but when I came down to where she was, met her where she was at literally and figuratively everything changed so fast. > > OOP >> That's what I did as well. I got off my phone I got out of my head shes a little girl who is lost and confused in a big world. She needed a Daddy not someone who despite trying hard, wasn't trying as hard as he could and should have been. It took a lot of soul searching and I looked hard I the mirror i knew I could do better. And her new attitude towards me shows this. >> >> jasonchristopher >>> Keep in mind that she will probably go back and forth. That it won't be the last time you have your feelings hurt. Last night my daughter told me she doesn't love me. I know that she does, but she is a toddler and she doesn't understand that all the time. Don't give up, you gotta take the bumps, they will come. >>> >>> In my opinion, showing up is 50%. Just being there and loving her. Whatever you do on top of that adds to your score. Your kid will grow up feeling loved and that is the single most important thing. Your feelings are important and they are part of the mix, but they are secondary when it comes to your kid. >>> >>> OOP >>>> I understand now there will be great days good days and bad days. I know now that I need to be there for her no matter what and if she hurts my feelings which she will, to keep doing what I'm doing now it's working. And when it stops working I will adapt to something else to make that work too

---

Final Update - after 5 months, 2 days (after 3 months, 15 days from last post)

^(March 29, 2022)

---

I don't enjoy being a father. Part 3

It's funny reading back my first post 6 months ago and being at my wits end. I was struggling there is no doubt about it.

I posted because I had no idea what I was doing and nowhere else left to turn I was in a dark dark place.

6 months later I've booked a day off work to take my beautiful daughter to the farm to feed the baby lambs. The tantrums that she used to have while getting dressed have now stopped except the odd one maybe on nursery day.

When Mummy goes to work now she excitedly tells me it's Daddy daughter day. My morning now consists of breakfast, playing hide and seek, chase and lots of tickles and of course football and this is all before 8am.

The difference is remarkable and I'm so glad I didn't give up and I was close to believe me.

Is she perfect? No, we still have tantrums and tears but they're manageable. The threat of the naughty step means she apologises and we move on.

Am I perfect? No, far far from it. I'm learning still every day but now I don't take it personally, I think I talk calmly and we resolve it together.

During teeth cleaning today, we were smiling in the mirror, I was kissing her cheek whilst she giggled. I looked her straight into her bright green eyes and smiled at her. She looked back and said. "I love you Daddy" It made me tear up as I hugged her tightly and said I love you to baby.

Hang in there. It gets easier and I finally realise why people say its the most rewarding job in the world. Because for as hard as it is, 3 little words is all you need to hear.

Peace and love to you all. Stay safe.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Direct_Local_6094

Published on: r/whatdoIdo

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 20, 2026

• Final Update: September 26, 2026

---

Main Post

^(July 20, 2026)

---

My Mother-in-law wants to wear a "beige" dress to my mariage ceremony while telling me I don't need a white dress??

My mother-in-law decided to wear this off-white dress(first picture) to my civil ceremony day.

She emphasized that "it is beige" while she ADVISED that I "don't need a white dress" to wear for myself???????

She then sent me pictures of dresses that " I can choose from", (second pictures and onwards)???

Her dress looks like a dress that I can wear on MY mariage day, with the colour and lace-pattern.

I feel weird about this, am I the one who is the problem??? I'm honestly so confused about this.

When my fiancé told her that it's weird, she got defensive and sent a screenshot of the dress on the website and emphasized that " it is beige" and that my fiancé "needs glasses".

&nbsp;

Note: I've added a small caption describing what the photo is about.

---

Photos from the post start here

---

1. A sleeveless, floor-length maxi dress crafted from a structured, heavy cream/off-white openwork crochet lace

2. A knee-length sheath dress with a grey/silver metallic floral pattern, paired with a matching dark grey, sheer chiffon cape overlay

3. A knee-length sleeveless white dress with a colorful all-over floral lace pattern in pink, yellow, blue, and green, finished with a scalloped floral hem.

4. A knee-length sleeveless A-line dress in dark charcoal grey, featuring a metallic silver floral pattern with large outlined flowers and leaves, and a V-neckline.

5. A knee-length burgundy/wine dress with a fitted waist, subtle tonal floral pattern, three-quarter sleeves, and a ruffled hem.

6. A knee-length A-line dress in deep ruby red, featuring a subtle sequined floral pattern, a scalloped neckline, and three-quarter sheer lace sleeves.

7. A knee-length royal blue wrap-style dress with a V-neckline, featuring sheer three-quarter sleeves with a raised floral appliqué pattern and a subtle textured floral finish.

---

Photos from the post end here

---

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Tiny_Custard_2318 (downvoted) > It is traditional for the groom’s mother to wear beige. My mother wore beige to my wedding. To me, this is normal and not worth an argument.
> > OOP >> May I ask what culture or tradition is that? Nothing wrong with that, but we are Canadian, so the culture is different.

---

elgalacticpeach > Are we absolutely certain the other dresses that she suggested were for you? > That she wasn't offering you the choice between other dresses for her to wear instead? > > OOP >> Yeah no, I wish. She already bought that "beige" dress for herself. When she first sent it, I actually thought she bought it for me. But NOPE, she said that's what SHE is going to wear.

---

CheesecakeTop9376 > It looks like she picked "mother of the bride" style outfits for you. And that light dress she wants to wear is so bride coded. I'm so glad your fiance stood up to her and supported you. I say elope lol. > > OOP >> Ironically, all I have ever wanted is to elope because my family dynamics is complicated. But she forced us to invite her by saying shit like : " DONT tell me you guys are eloping!!!", "I WANT TO BE THERE." etc. Thinking back, we should have insisted on eloping instead of worrying about her going nuts. she is going nuts anyway.

---

Small update - after 1 day

---

she went to the store this morning to snap a picture of her chosen dress (first picture) and a random white dress, had them side by side, sent it to my fiancé and said : "See! It's beige, not white!!!!"

I swear she is ragebaiting me.

---

Final Update - after 2 months, 6 days

^(September 26, 2026)

---

Updates on MIL Beige Dress Post and what do we do now that they did not show up at our ceremony?

I have posted here before (the original post was taken down) about my MIL wanting to wear an off-white dress to our ceremony while telling me my dress didn't need to be white. She proceeded with sending me hideous dresses for 50+ for my day. So that's the context. But you know what?!

We got married TODAY and thanks to you all, I got myself a white dress!!! See attached! We had a ceremony at city hall and had some nice time at my mom's place, raised a glass and celebrated. Then, the two of us went out for dinner alone to celebrate our day.

But you know what happened? My MIL and FIL actually did NOT show up because my MIL didn't like that we wanted a romantic dinner alone on our wedding day.

For us, since we don't have an actual wedding, having dinner alone was all we wanted especially because we planned on eloping initially. But because my MIL insisted that she wanted to be at the ceremony, we changed our plans.

For us, that dinner alone was essential and meaningful to us and that was something we refused to sacrifice. So we stood our ground and she did NOT like that.

She said that we could wait and have a romantic LUNCH the day after. We tried to suggest going out for lunch and even dinner with them the day after, but nope. She needed that dinner (She herself eloped btw). So yeah anyway, she didn't want to come, and they did not come.

My heart is breaking for my now husband, and I just don't know what we are supposed to do or how we are supposed to act moving forward when they literally did not show up for their ONLY son and for me (their supposed now daughter) on our wedding day because of a freaking dinner.

What's even worse was that they didn't even send a congratulatory text or anything which was very hurtful.

I'm feeling frustrated, but to be honest, all things aside, today was the most beautiful day of my life and I couldn't be happier being married to the love of my life.

I shared a picture of myself in the dress, cuz you know what, Reddit kinda was the reason why I went to get myself a white bridal dress.

Love y'all!

Photo of OOP in her wedding dress

OOP Added a small update

MIL & FIL reached out yesterday to congratulate us. I didn't respond, but my husband did. He is still learning how to unlearn his patterns of endlessly giving and managing their emotions. So unfortunately, he did send them two pictures of us. I was not pleased as I feel that the pictures rewarded their behaviour of not showing up for my husband. After I reiterated that to him, he now understands better and said he would keep working on setting and reinforcing good boundaries with them. This is not an easy time for my husband, because we are talking about a toxic dynamic that has been ingrained in him for 20+ years. He is doing a great job recognizing the issues and he has been very receptive and open to hearing my thoughts.

Also, for context, the little gathering was at my mom's because my dad passed away a few months ago (it was lung cancer) and we felt that it would be meaningful to have a small gathering where we could raise a glass where I could still feel my dad's presence (I really wish my dad was able to be there to witness our marriage).

My MIL and FIL also live 2 hours away, and because the city hall and my mom's place are in the city we live in, naturally we wanted to have that little gathering in my mom's place.

My mom invited my MIL and FIL to this of course, but my MIL felt that it wasn't an "enough" occasion for her to come because there wasn't " a dinner " after. It's quite hurtful, because my MIL said: " I am not coming all the way here just for wine.".

My mom renovated and decorated the home to welcome them. We are from a very modest background, so my parents place (now my mom's place) is a modest medium-sized condo unit. My MIL was raised in an upper-class family, so part of me feels that my mother and I were looked down upon because "our invitation wasn't enough of an occasion for her to come" as if watching her only son getting married isn't enough of a reason.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ThrowRA_bereal

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Thank you u/pepcorn for the BORU recommendation!

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 13, 2026

• Update: September 25, 2026

---

Main Post

^(September 13, 2026)

---

Cryptic pregnancy, found out at almost seven months along. My BF (25M) is accusing my of lying and I (22F) don’t know what to do. Do I even try to salvage this?

Sorry for the throwaway (edit: and the typo in the title).

Found out I’m pregnant some weeks ago, 7 months along now. I know it sounds so stupid (and maybe I am), but I genuinely had no idea. I don’t have a bump, had close to no symptoms (some in hindsight) & take the pill. Not once did it cross my mind that I might be pregnant.

Only recently I’d been struggling with headaches & was really exhausted, so had my blood work done. Since then life’s been an absolute mess.

BF & I have had some struggles before but nothing like this. (Been together for nearly 3 years and live together.) We had even spoken about what we’d do if we got pregnant despite protection & agreed we don’t want to be parents now (or later maybe). But this far along abortion is just not an option.

He’s so angry with me and I don’t know what to do. He’s been accusing me of knowing I was pregnant and hiding it to ‘trap’ him, or even getting pregnant on purpose. Says I ruined everything. I don’t even want this baby, I don’t want any of this. I thought it was just the initial shock but it’s been a few weeks now. And I know he’s been telling his family the same things. He’s said such harsh things but this is such an insane situation idk if I can blame him.

I’ve been trying to talk to him about like adoption, but he’s not engaging. With everything I also haven’t been sleeping much & am stressed (terrified) & emotional, so maybe I need to try & be more patient for him to come around?

When I ask him if our relationship is over he says no, but I don’t know. Do I even try to convince him?

Sorry

Edit: I’m beyond grateful, this already has so many more replies than I expected. I’m gonna stay with my friend for a little a bit to give us both some space and I’ll take it from there I think. Thank you for all the kind words and truths.

Sorry

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Little_Pigeon_343 > What a scary time! And he’s accusing you of lying and not supporting you? Put the man in the bin. > > Do you have family nearby to support you? > > Such a rough situation and hoping nothing but the best for you whatever you decide to do. > > OOP >> I do have some amazing friends who’ve offered I can stay with them for a bit. I didn’t want to ‘run away’ from this but I guess maybe some distance isn’t the worst idea >> >> Thank you for your comment

---

Itsmeshlee29 > I would make plans for adoption. And I would leave him be for now. Not every problem can have a quick resolution. And pushing may have the opposite effect than you want. > > OOP >> Yeah that’s fair

---

PerformerMindless100 > He doesn’t want to break up OR discuss adoption?? It means he just doesn’t want to be bothered > > OOP >> He says he’s not ready to deal with this yet

---

HauntedBitsandBobs > It seems clear the relationship is over and honestly, it's in your best interest. Do you want to be a single mother? If not, adoption is your best bet. You may want to let him know in writing if that's what you chose so he can't make up more lies about it. > > On a safety note, it seems like he's having a hard time with this. Pregnancy and the end of relationships are very dangerous time periods. Communicate in writing, meet up only during the day in public with a friend or two nearby if absolutely necessary. > > OOP >> I don’t think he’d ever physically hurt me but I’ll keep this in mind, I promise

---

Update - after 12 days

^(September 25, 2026)

---

Update: Cryptic pregnancy, found out at almost 7 months. My BF (25M) is accusing me of lying and I (22F) don’t know what to do. Do I even try to salvage this?

Hi, it’s me again. I hope it’s okay I post this update, I can delete if not.

Thank you all so much for your comments. I was genuinely feeling all kinds of lost in this (still am I guess) and felt I needed to be patient with him because of the shock of evth.

I’m okay-ish. Still staying with my friend, she’s been an angel throughout all of this. Being away from him has been hard but at the same time has given me a lot of time to think.

We had another very bad fight right after I left and since then I’d barely heard from him. Day before yesterday he suddenly called, shouldn’t have picked up. Guess I was hopeful he’d come to his sense but he still blamed me for everything, but said we had to deal with this (my) mess.

I wish I had been stronger with it but I got emotional instantly. I did tell him I’m choosing adoption and how much he hurt me and ended the conversation after that. He’s been messaging occasionally since, sometimes sweet, sometimes not so much. I haven’t been replying. So that’s the update I guess: the relationship is over.

I’ve also heard from his mom and sister (his dad I never really spoke that much) and actually agreed to have a videocall with them because they had a hard time believing me. I don’t blame them for that and after seeing me they fully get it. They at least understand what cryptic pregnancy is.

Apparently he also told them I’ve cheated (I never did or would) but even they know I wouldn’t so that’s something. Hurt a lot though. I feel like that was the push I needed to stop replying to him.

They don’t agree with how he treated me (at all) and I appreciate that. But they also don’t really agree with adoption. Not in an angry way, but just asking me to really think about it.

I don’t really know what else to say. I still don’t ‘feel’ pregnant. It’s hard to explain but that somehow makes this harder to actually deal with this. I know I have to and of course I will, but it’s easy to pretend this isn’t really happening.

Thanks again for all your kindness.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Thefirstofherkind > Don't let them talk you out of adoption. You don't want to be tied to an idiot asshole for the rest of your life > > OOP >> Very fair

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/MooseMan2018

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 21, 2026 at 23:45 UTC

• Final Update: September 22, 2026 at 22:02 UTC

---

Main Post

^(September 21, 2026 at 23:45 UTC)

---

AITAH: for not socializing with guests who stayed over for one evening?

As the title asks: Am I the asshole for not socializing with our guests?

Context: my spouse's best friend and boyfriend came into town to visit her (the best friend's) family. The bff originally had intended to stay with her aunt, but the aunt changed plans last minute so I offered our blow up mattress and living room for her and the boyfriend to crash for their first night here (they were arriving here then going to the beach the next day for a week).

The day of their arrival I spent the entire day caring for my child, cleaning up the entire house, doing dishes, vacuuming, laundry, and generally decluttering. Additionally, I was asked to make chicken Alfredo pasta for dinner that night for them. All of which I was happy to do. I love the bff, I think she is great and she is like an auntie to our child.

Well the guests arrive around 4:30pm. Dinner is hot and ready, the house is clean. And me? I am exhausted! The guests then say that they had a late lunch and actually aren't hungry for dinner, which... Kinda stung, ngl.

So being exhausted and after eating a nice carb rich dinner, I just needed time to myself. So I went upstairs and started working on some dvd ripping I had been wanting to get done. A mindless activity I could set up and then lay down.

The next morning my spouse called me out saying I was ignoring our guests all night and that I should have socialized with them yesterday. I explained that I was exhausted from all the work I had done, but was told that the bff is different and I need to be more welcoming to her specifically.

I thought cleaning and cooking and taking care of everything that day was a welcoming act. My spouse knows I'm not always the biggest social person in the world, but apparently I really messed this up and upset them.

So AITAH?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

KYC3PO >Info: So, what exactly did your spouse do to get the house ready for their friend and guests?

---

Glittering_knave > INFO: did you tell people that you were tired, and needed to go to bed? Or did you just disappear? How long did you rip DVDs for? > > OOP >> Thanks for the question. To clarify, I literally set up the dvds in my drives and then hit rip, then laid down to relax. I did say that I was tired and heading upstairs. I probably should have clarified what I was doing because when my spouse saw me up there a few minutes later they saw me setting up the dvd ripping. So I can see how, from my spouse's perspective I was being rude or antisocial.

---

TangerineGreen3531 > NTA and I HATE when women are expected to cater to guests that are the HUSBANDS friends! Why should you have to clean and cook for them in the first place??? Even if you said absolutely nothing to them and just went upstairs, what’s your prerogative. Would it have been nice to say hi & hangout? Sure. But I don’t see anything wrong with you having a relaxing night while your husband entertains HIS guests > > OOP >> To be fair, my spouse is the wife and I (although I identify as nonbinary) am the husband. So the situation is a bit reversed. I tried to keep our identities nongendered so as to avoid it being a gender thing

---

Wat3rM3L0NB3AR > NTA - you didn't have to offer them food or a place to stay and yet you did. What was your spouse doing while you were preparing the house? > > OOP >> I had bought them a spa day gift certificate as one of their Xmas presents this past Xmas, and they picked that day to go do it. They were at the spa from 9am to 3pm. So it was just me all day to take care of stuff, which to be fair, I don't mind doing the work. The house needs to be clean regardless of guests.

---

Life_Temperature2506 > Question: who requested the Chicken Alfredo? I just need to know who to be pissed at. > > OOP >> Haha well the bff requested it over the phone the day before when we (spouse and I) were finalizing the plans together.

---

Due-Aioli-6641 > I can't get past dinner at 4:30. Is lunch at 9? > > OOP >> We usually eat breakfast around 7am, lunch around 1130 or noon, dinner around 430 to 5pm. As stated in other comments, we go to bed early. >> >> 🤣 I don't understand why when someone eats their meals is rocking the boat so much!

---

Final Update - after 22 hours

^(September 22, 2026 at 22:02 UTC)

---

UPDATE: AITAH for not socializing with guests staying for one night?

Hey everyone, thank you for those who commented and added their perspectives because it was really helpful. I definitely see where I could have communicated my needs better to my wife and how my wife could have been more understanding. I can't reply to every comment so I'm going to respond to the general vibe of the comments I have seen:

1) Where was your wife?

I had bought a spa gift certificate for her and my mom (her MIL) to go and enjoy themselves for a day of relaxation. She had scheduled it for the day the friend was coming by, however, those plans were made four weeks ago, so it wasn't a deliberate "screw you, clean the house for me" type of thing. The bff's need to crash with us for a night was very last minute (literally the day before) and cancelling would have been hard because my mom can't get weekends off very easily because she works retail. I'm not mad at my wife for going to the spa. She deserves it. She does a lot of work and just finished her pharmacy tech training program. Some R&R and bonding time with her Mother In Law was needed.

2) Why do you eat dinner at 4:30pm? Are you old?

I mean, I think I'm old. But I am 36 and my wife is 34. So no, we aren't old. My child (9) eats dinner at 430pm because she is typically in bed by 7:30pm. We are a house that takes sleep seriously, especially for our kid. She sleeps until about 6am, so she gets just about 10 to 11 hours of sleep every night, which is recommended for her age. Obviously I didn't expect our guests to be ready to eat at 4:30, but I figured they were coming from Puerto Rico, so they are 4 hours ahead, so the timing may have lined up right for them. Pasta left overs heat up really well so I wasn't worried about it.

3) Were you pouting or upset that they didn't eat the dinner?

No, not really. Like I said it stung a bit. Like a tiny tiny tiny amount. Like a grain of sand amount. They are adults, they can do what they want. But it would have been nice to know they weren't going to eat because I wouldn't have made as much.

4) Did you tell them you were tired?

I swear I did when I was going upstairs but after talking to my wife, no I didn't. So that is definitely my screw up and I should have made sure I said it clearly, loudly, and gotten an acknowledgement that I was heard before going upstairs.

5) Why did you go and rip DVDs upstairs if you were tired?

I literally just popped a couple into the two disc drives I have and let it go, then laid down. It was a "set it and forget it" task I had been doing off and on all weekend because I am working on my personal Plex library (which is pretty banging in the Anime tv and movie department btw). When I laid down I read and then doom scrolled before falling asleep.

6) Addressing negative comments about me or my wife or our relationship or her best friend:

People are complicated and contradictory. We argue, we fight, we misunderstand each other. That's life. I love my wife. I love her best friend. I'm happy I'm married to someone who feels comfortable telling me that I hurt her feelings or failed to meet her expectations. I'm happy to have someone who gives me space to figure out my response to those critiques, and then explain where I think she could have done better. I'm happy to have someone who genuinely likes working out our differences instead of just letting resentment build. We celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary this last May. I'm not going to let that fall apart just over one misunderstanding.

Onto the update:

We talked the issues over. She agreed that she could have vocalized her expectations ahead of time. I agreed that yes, spending an hour downstairs and talking to them was the better option and I should have made an effort, even if I ended up falling asleep while hanging out, that would have been more welcoming.

She also thanked me for opening up our home and getting it ready for a guest, even for just one night. Then we kissed and made up, so to speak.

Still married. Still loving my family life. Still the luckiest person ever. And now I know what she expects going forward and she knows to communicate more directly with me.

Win-win.

Not really sure how to end this post so I'll just say: Eat your vegetables, stay in school, and treat people kindly.

Bye!!!!!

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

travelbig2 > This played out like I would have expected. Not anything to divorce over lol. Talk it out. Move on. > > Fwiw, I am on your spouse’s side but only because I find it so exceptionally rude if I have guests over and my husband is MIA. It is a huge pet peeve of mine. He did that recently to my best friend and I was so hurt and embarrassed by it. He used to do that with my family when they came to visit until we had a long discussion over it. > > Nothing to divorce over but on the other side of it, it is really embarrassing. I don’t know how often your wife hosts people overnight. I host my family like twice a year (meaning my mom and bro and only once a year do they overlap) and my best friend has only stayed here once given that she has a lot of family in the area. So with it being so infrequent, I would expect the same courtesy I extend to his family who are always at our house. > > OOP >> Oh this is the first overnight guest we have had since before COVID lol. Our place is small, so having overnight guests is usually rare, unless the kid is having a sleep over.

---

Head_Nectarine_6260 > Why this ever an issue if you being an asshole is beyond me. If a guest is just riding through for a stay for convenience there’s no expectation to socialize. Plus your wife is not even there to help. Even making the effort is unreasonable. You sound a bit like doormat. Good luck! > > OOP >> I am really bad at being a people pleaser, it's true. And I have a lot of anxiety that I am still processing with my therapist around abandonment issues from when I was a kid, so sometimes I am more critical of my own actions out of a sense of fear I will be abandoned. Definitely stuff I have to work on and am working on.

---

modelbanker > You should consider being tested for autism. > > OOP >> I am ADHD, so I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to get screened, but I honestly think this was just a combination of bad communication and sleepiness. I'm not that anti-social.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Nuggetlov3

Published on: r/aitaweddings

Previous BORU: BORU-1

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 27, 2026

• Update 1: August 29, 2026

• Update 2: September 04, 2026

• Update 3: September 18, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

---

Main Post

^(August 27, 2026)

---

AITAH for refusing to give my stepmother my late mom’s wedding dress after she altered it behind my back?

I (25F) lost my mom when I was 16. The most valuable thing she left me was her vintage wedding dress. It’s been sitting safely in a preserved garment bag in my closet for years, and I’ve always planned on wearing it when I get married.

My dad remarried "Karen" (48F) four years ago. Karen has a daughter, "Lily" (23F), who recently got engaged.

Last month, Karen offered to take my mom’s dress to a high-end specialty cleaner to "freshen it up" for me as a nice gesture. I thought it was sweet, so I handed it over.

Two weeks passed, and every time I asked Karen if the dress was ready to be picked up, she’d dodge the question or claim the cleaners were taking extra time.

Yesterday, I went over to my dad’s house unannounced to drop off some mail. I walked into the living room, and Lily was standing there in my mom’s dress.
Except it wasn't just my mom's dress anymore. Karen had taken it to a tailor and had the entire lace back ripped out, the long sleeves cut off into a strapless sweetheart neckline, and the train completely removed to fit Lily’s height and taste.

I froze, and Karen casually said, "Oh! We were going to surprise you. Lily fell in love with the silk fabric, and since you’re not even engaged yet, we figured it was silly to let good material go to waste."

I lost my absolute mind. I told Lily to take it off immediately. When she took it off, I grabbed the dress, packed it up, and locked it in my car. Karen started yelling that I was being completely irrational because "the cuts were already made" and the dress was tailored to Lily now anyway, so taking it back was just pure spite.

Lily is now sobbing because her fitting was ruined, and my dad called me last night begging me to just let Lily have the altered dress. He offered to buy me a brand-new dress when my time comes, saying, "What’s done is done, and you’re just ruining your sister’s wedding over a piece of cloth that doesn't even fit you anymore."

I told them all to go to hell, locked the butchered dress back in my closet, and told them they are d**d to me unless they pay to restore it to its original condition (if that’s even possible).

Now my whole extended family is blowing up my phone saying I’m being heartless, keeping a dress I can’t even wear in its current state just to punish a bride.
AITAH?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

GrowFlowersNotWeeds > “…Now my whole extended family is blowing up my phone saying I’m being heartless…” > > What are your maternal grandparents saying?? > > NTAH > > OOP >> They’re on my side, the only people mad at me are my step sisters family >> >> GrowFlowersNotWeeds >>> Your step-sister’s family, and your dad, are wrong. This was a massive overstep and not one you are likely to overlook. Did your dad know about this before alterations were made? Or did his wife do this behind his back, too? >>> >>> OOP >>>> I fully believe she went behind everyone’s back, once she got it tailored i don’t think my dad even could recognize it was my mothers dress:/

---

chatterbox2024 > NTA - I really have a hard time believing a woman would want her own daughter to wear her husband’s dead wife’s dress. Especially, since it’s been boxed up and preserved in your own home. How did they even see the dress anyway? If this is all true you have every right to be furious and just block all the nasty family taking their side. How dare they ! > > OOP >> She lied to me and said she wanted to get it dry cleaned and do something nice so I believed her. She went behind everyone’s back… honestly I don’t even know what my dad sees in her bc she’s a horrible person

---

nizzerp > fuck that whole family. yet another example of the kids from the first marriage being treated like fucking cinderella or worse. > > OOP >> Yeah they’re all blocked right now, my grandparents are also pissed off. As they should be

---

metatus > is this like what AI has learnt to put at the end of every story "Now my whole extended family is blowing up my phone saying I’m being heartless, keeping a dress I can’t even wear in its current state just to punish a bride."? > > because im fed up of this crap > > OOP >> No my family on my step sisters side is pissed at me. But all good I’m talking to a lawyer about it later today. And all of them are currently blocked:)

---

Local_Depth9668 > I cant even begin to imagine how you feel. You are NTA!!! Why would your Dad allow them to do that to your dress. I want to cry for you. > > OOP >> Yeah I honestly don’t think my dad knew it was my moms dress after all the things she did to it:/

---

Update 1 - after 2 days

^(August 29, 2026)

---

UPDATE

First off, thank you to everyone who commented. Honestly, reading through the replies was a huge reality check because I was so overwhelmed I wasn't even thinking about the legal side of this.

I took the dress to a local bridal restoration shop yesterday just to see what fixing it would actually look like. The news was bad. The tailor Karen used basically gutted the inner structure and cut away vintage lace panels that can't just be sewn back on. To get it anywhere near its original state with matching vintage lace, the owner estimated it’s going to cost around $3,500—and even then, it won't be 100% identical to what my mom wore.

I called my dad and Karen last night and told them they have until next Friday to put down the deposit with the restorer, or I'm taking the probate paperwork from my mom's estate and going to the police to file a report for theft and property damage, and then taking Karen to small claims court.

Karen immediately lost her mind and started screaming that I'm trying to put my “own family” (step family) in jail over "old fabric." My dad is in full panic mode begging me not to do it because he says it'll ruin Lily’s wedding and wreck them financially.

Lily actually texted me this morning claiming she "had no idea" Karen took the dress without asking and thought we had made some kind of deal, but she’s still refusing to help pay for the restoration because she says she's an innocent bystander in all of this.

I'm holding firm on next Friday at 5 PM. If the restorer doesn't have the deposit by then, I'm going straight to the station with the text receipts and the before/after photos.

I feel sick to my stomach about all of this, but I feel like if I don't set this boundary now, they're just going to walk all over me for the rest of my life.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

latelifetraveler > Does the tailor have the original fabric? > > OOP >> No they don’t sadly:/

---

mcindy28 > Stand your ground! What they did was absolutely awful and once the dress is restored as best as possible, I'd never speak to any of them again! > > OOP >> Yeah after this I definitely won’t be speaking to them again

---

Update 2 - after 8 days (after 6 days from last post)

^(September 04, 2026)

---

UPDATE 2

Things have completely escalated, and honestly, reading through your comments made me realize waiting around for a deadline was pointless.

On Tuesday, my dad came over to my place to try and "reason with me." By "reason," I mean he spent an hour crying on my couch, telling me that paying $3,500 for the restoration would mean pulling money straight out of Lily’s wedding fund. He admitted Karen threatened to leave him if he paid for it, and he literally begged me to just accept $500 in cash and "let it go for the sake of the family." I told him absolutely not and showed him the door.

Then yesterday, things took an absolute turn. Lily’s fiancé, "Mark," reached out to me directly. Mark was furious because Lily had told him I willingly let Karen take the dress to get altered for her. When he saw how bad things were getting and realized Karen had tricked me into handing it over under the guise of "dry cleaning," they got into a massive fight. Mark told her he’s reconsidering the wedding if she doesn't take accountability and help fix this.
Karen lost her mind and sent me a string of unhinged voice notes accusing me of "destroying her daughter's relationship" and being evil and spiteful.

That was the final straw. I knew right then they were never going to pay a dime to fix the dress and were just trying to manipulate me.

Yesterday afternoon, I met with a local attorney who looked over my mom’s probate records, the before/after photos, and the texts where Karen admitted she took the dress to a tailor under false pretenses after I handed it to her for cleaning. My lawyer confirmed I have a rock-solid case for both civil litigation and grand larceny/property destruction given the dress's value and the damage done.

Directly after leaving my lawyer's office yesterday evening, I walked straight into the police station and filed an official report against Karen.

My dad has gone completely radio silent, and Karen is panicking now that law enforcement is actually involved. My hands are still shaking from the stress of it all, but I’m finally standing my ground. I’ll keep you guys posted on what happens next with the police and court.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

EvanRamsey > Congrats to you. This is a big step in showing your family you are not to be played. Do not let them ever convince you that you are the problem here or the reason for their consequences. > > I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself, but also standing up for your mother and her wishes. I sincerely hope you are able to enjoy her dress in someway on someday yourself. > > OOP >> Yeah I might take apart the dress and make it into something so it doesn’t fully go to waste and I can still have a little part of her❤️

---

NEW UPDATE

---

Update 3 - after 22 days (after 14 days from last post)

^(September 18, 2026)

---

Get Ready for This UPDATE 3

Chat you won’t even believe what has been happening. Things went from zero to a hundred faster than I could have ever imagined, and police were officially called to my house…

Yesterday morning, I got a text from Mark asking if we could talk privately. He came over and apologized profusely for everything his family put me through. He told me that after reading the texts and seeing how Lily and Karen were acting, he confronted Lily about the dress again.

My stepsister doubled down, claiming I was overreacting about an ugly old gown and that I was just trying to ruin her special day. That was the final straw for him.

Mark said watching her show zero remorse, and realizing she had been lying to his face about us working it out, made him realize he couldn't marry into a family with such a complete lack of integrity and basic empathy. He officially called off the wedding, packed his things, and moved out.

Naturally, instead of reflecting on her daughter's or her own actions, Karen blamed the entire breakup on me. About two hours after Mark left, I heard furious banging on my front door. It was Karen. She was screaming at the top of her lungs, slamming her fists on the door, and demanding I open up right now and fix the mess I made. She was yelling that I ruined my stepsister's life, destroyed her family, and that I needed to call the police immediately to drop the grand larceny charges.

I told her through my Ring doorbell that she was trespassing and needed to leave, or I was calling 911. She lost her mind even more and started kicking my front door and pulling on the door handle.

I called 911 right then and there. Dispatch could hear her screaming in the background, so officers arrived within five minutes. They caught her right on my porch, mid-rant, still trying to kick the door in. I showed the officers the Ring camera footage, and they handcuffed her on the spot for trespassing and harassment.

Because I already had an active police report open for the dress theft and destruction, the officers added this incident directly to her file and served her with a temporary trespass order.

While Karen was being booked, my dad came over to my house alone, and we finally had a long, tearful conversation.

He looked completely broken. He started off by profusely apologizing for how he handled everything, including the crying on my couch, asking me to accept $500, and trying to sweep Karen's actions under the rug. He explained that after my mom passed, he was so terrified of being alone and losing another partner that he let Karen manipulate him for years. He thought that if he just kept the peace and gave her whatever she wanted, he could hold the family together.

The turning point for him was seeing Karen handcuffed on my front porch on the Ring camera, screaming at me like a lunatic. He said hearing her call my mom's dress an ugly old gown and watching her completely destroy Lily’s engagement opened his eyes to who she really is. He realized that in his desperate attempt not to lose Karen, he was actively losing me, his actual daughter, and trampling on my mom's memory. He literally told me that Karen basically sucks and turned out to be a complete monster.

He packed his bags and moved out of their house. He told me he's contacting a divorce attorney on Monday and that he fully supports whatever legal action I take against Karen for the dress. He even offered to pay for the $3,500 restoration out of his own savings, completely separate from whatever happens with the police report or small claims court.

I’m not saying everything is completely healed between us overnight, but hearing him finally wake up, take accountability, and stand up for my mom's memory meant everything to me.

My lawyer is proceeding with the civil suit against Karen using the Ring footage, the police reports, and Mark's witness statement. I'm still shaken up, but for the first time in weeks, I actually feel like I can breathe again. I'll keep you all posted when court dates are set!

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Fit_Newspaper8700

Published on: r/ComfortLevelPod

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 14, 2026

• Final Update: September 22, 2026

---

Main Post

^(September 14, 2026)

---

I did some basic chores while my wife was sick and now she's mad.

I (30M) don’t even know exactly how to start this, or even what to title it.

I met my wife, Amani (27F), five years ago when she was modeling and competing in pageants. I was the photographer at one of her photoshoots.

I know every single person on Earth thinks their wife is the best woman alive, but I genuinely love everything about this woman and I definitely think my wife would beat your wife in a fight.

She can explain a complex algorithm to me in a way that actually makes sense. She’s brilliant in a way that goes beyond simply being educated. She has this incredibly dry sense of humor, and the way she makes jokes that completely catch me off guard can have me laughing even on my worst days.

She is still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I’ve traveled all over the world for my photography career. I’ve photographed some incredible places and some incredibly beautiful people, and somehow my girl is still the person who leaves me breathless every single day. And somehow her beauty is the least interesting thing about her.

I watched her turn her modeling career into a career as a data analyst. She graduated at the top of her class and has built an incredible life for herself.

I know this is corny, but she truly makes me want to be a better man. I’m just so damn happy that she’s still in my life.

We got married three years into dating, and one month into being newlyweds, we found out that I had cancer. Aren’t you so jealous of our wedding gift?

Again, not to sound dramatic, but it was fucking terrifying.

I lost my health so quickly. One minute I was a newlywed starting this next chapter of my life, and the next I was spending more time in hospitals than I was at home.

Amani stuck by me through all of it.

Even when I looked like a hairless cat whose farts smelled like boiled eggs that had been left out in the sun for three weeks, she still looked at me like I hung the moon and stars. She showed up every single day.

She was juggling her own demanding career while somehow keeping everything else together. She did the cooking. The cleaning. The bills. My appointments. My medications.

She even cleaned me up on the worst days, when I threw up on myself or shit myself, and she never once made me feel like a burden.

Like I said, Amani is the smartest, fiercest, funniest, most beautiful, and most resilient person I have ever known. I still don’t understand what I did to deserve her. All I know is that I will never take her for granted. And whoever is the Etsy witch is who has blessed me with this much luck, I owe you one. Big time. (Minus the cancer part)

I am so incredibly happy to say that, since late June, I have been cancer-free. The relief and joy I felt when I got that news are impossible to explain.

I’m finally sleeping in my own bed again instead of a hospital cot. I get to wake up next to my wife. I get to hold her, smell her hair, kiss her neck.

I can sit in a room that doesn’t smell like disinfectant.

I don’t have to deal with nurses anymore who are mean although, to be fair, I understand they’re overworked, burned out, and exhausted. Sometimes they were rougher than they needed to be when dealing with my IVs, but I still appreciate the work they do. I get to be home.

I’ve noticed that my wife has been much more tense lately now that I'm home. I'm not expecting to act like she's on spring break and she has always been “high-strung,” if that makes sense. She’s extremely hyper independent and very Type A (take Amy from Brooklyn nine nine and triple it). I’ve always understood that those things are part of how she copes with stress since her childhood.

But lately, it has gotten significantly worse. She washes vegetables five times, she cleans and disinfects our apartment like she’s preparing it for a CDC inspection.

She won’t let me help with anything. Not even simple things like sweeping the floor, folding laundry, or fucking dusting.

Every second of the day all I hear is "I'll do it!" and the "do it" is taking out the trash.

I understand not wanting me to do heavy lifting or anything physically taxing while I’m still recovering. That makes sense but this has gone way beyond that. It’s like she’s afraid to let go of control, even a little bit.

This weekend, she got sick. She wouldn’t even let me into the guest bedroom. Not when I suggested wearing a mask and gloves, not when I suggested a hazmat suit, not when I told her I'd be in and out.

I had to send her best friend into the room to put a cold towel on her and make sure she was taking her medication. She ended up spending the weekend taking care of her.

Meanwhile, I had enough energy to tidy the kitchen, unload the dishwasher and do a few other things that were on my wife's to-do list. so I did.

I also had enough energy to make Amani her favorite soup from childhood. Her mom had sent me the recipe a while ago.

I told her mom to keep what I had done between us because I didn't want Amani getting even more stressed than she already was.

This woman worries about the feelings of fucking dust bunnies, so for once, I wanted her to focus on herself.

Unfortunately, this morning her mom let it slip to Amani younger sister and of course her sister let it slip to guess who? Amani.

And of course, that leads to Amani and I getting into a fight.

She told me I shouldn't have done any of it. She has a system, apparently, and I broke that system.

I tried to explain that she was sick and that I am fully capable of doing light chores.

She said she appreciated the effort, but I should have talked to her first so she could guide me and help decide what needed to be done.

I reminded her that I have never needed guidance before. We have been together for half a decade. I’m thirty years old. I know how to clean.

And I can especially figure it out when my wife is sick and can barely get out of bed.

She told me she needed to cool off and was going to work. She said we could continue the conversation when she got home. I could see the tears forming in her eyes when she said it.

I hate seeing her cry, so I tried to comfort her. She pulled away. She said she was fine. And like an idiot I let her go.

I just hate that she won't let me help her.

I barely feel like her husband anymore. When I was sick, I couldn't do anything. I couldn't work. I couldn't cook or clean. Some days I couldn't even talk or joke with her because I was sleeping twenty-two hours a day. I couldn't even have sex.

I don't care what anyone has to say about that. I know she never made me feel this way, but I felt like a burden. She felt incredibly lonely during those months.

So obviously, when she gets sick, I'm not going to be the stereotypical sitcom husband who suddenly becomes completely incompetent because his wife has a cold.

I'm going to do something. I want to take care of my wife. Am I wrong? Am I going crazy here?

I don't want to say she's overreacting because she's usually so calm, controlled, and grounded. That's what makes this so confusing.

This just isn't like her.

Maybe these past two years have completely burned her out? Maybe she doesn't know how to shift gears now that I'm getting stronger again.

I don't know. I'm clearly losing my mind since I made a whole Reddit account just to vent. I just want to be her husband again.

Not some guy she had to push around in a wheelchair while doctors flirted with her and I was too weak to even swoop in and defend her.

I want to be able to take care of her.

Has anyone else been through something like this? What do I do next? How do I help the love of my life when she won't let me?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Jacey_T > She's still on high alert from when you were sick. Her body hasn't let her accept that you're cancer free. > > When you were diagnosed, all sense of control was taken from her. Her rituals are what give her that sense of control and she cannot relax that because "what if it happens again?". > > She has been your carer for the last few years and now can't unwind enough to become your wife and partner again. > > She need therapy to help her deal with the transition from new bride to carer back to bride and wife again. You could probably both benefit from it. > > OOP >> Thank you so much. I'm try and see what I can about therapy part.

---

Past-Anything9789 > I don't really think either of you are at fault here. I think she was already an anxious person who dealt with stress by locking in to what she could control and getting stuff done. > > The emotional toll that your illness has had on both of you must have been immense. It may have driven her to be obsessive about control of anything she can be, while having to brace for what she couldn't. > > She's probably so burned out (hence the illness) that she doesn't know how to stop. Like a month / year long adrenaline rush and then someone says relax. When you try to relax, your brain is still running in go mode. > > So this may sound obvious, but have you talked to each other about the non medical side of the illness? The worry of losing each other when you'd just started? > > I think maybe because you have the all clear and are out of crisis mode, it may finally be hitting her. This could translate to the OCD cleaning and hyper organisation your seeing. Also the anger over what she perceived as you risking yourself and messaging with her system. > > So therapy is the main thing that will help. Whether thats as a cancer survivor and spouse or in couples therapy. You may also have some stuff to work through that may not have risen it's head yet. > > So very glad you made it through and hopefully you guys can get to a place where she can relax and enjoy life again. Best of luck. > > > > OOP >> I completely understand. >> >> We've talked about it but sometimes she does have a tendency to push her feelings down. I think her mom kinda pushed it on her. >> >> I think you're right. She is definitely on survival mode. Before she got her cold and I would noticed that she would wake up just to check my heart beat (there was a point where my heart stopped for like a minute) and obviously that traumatized her. >> >> Past-Anything9789 >>> Could you do a remote break to detox from life? A nice weekend in a cabin to kind of reconnect as partners might help break her out of the cycle. >>> >>> OOP >>>> That's a really good idea! She loves Catskills I haven't been able to bring her in so long. Thank you 🩶

---

to_boldlygo > Not sure if this is an apt analogy but I went back to work after being home with the kids for a good 8 years. In retrospect this meant I had a lot to unpack around what “value” I brought to the home and family. My husband suddenly took over the grocery shopping and some of the food cooking in order to “help” and it broke my brain. Like, that is MY job. I am the mother. How dare he. Looking back I can see that this was ridiculous but at the time it was very existential. And threatening! Lol. > > I second the comments around control - with you being sick this was one thing she could control. Now you are offering to take over; for her this may be threatening in terms of how she’s constructed her day to day.
> > Also, she’s likely been running on adrenaline for a while, and it can be hard to downshift to a lower gear. > > Show her the post. Talk to her. Therapy can be helpful but Reddit is so quick to say YOU NEED a SHRINK! When sometimes we just need talk to our loved ones. Good luck OP and here’s to your continued great health! ❤️🌈 > > OOP >> It feels very apt! My wife's life was turbulent. Her father left at a young age, when she was twelve she became a refugee and she had to help her mom raise her siblings. >> >> >> She's had to be very independent at a very young age and I think she has this need to be "needed" >> >> I definitely will talk to her and maybe I'll show her the post. Thank you. Sending you the best everything. >> >> How did you manage to let go? Was there something your husband did to help? Maybe I could do a similar thing?

---

Traditional_Car_8219 > Give her some space and if you both agreed you could see a therapist to help you negotiate the adjustment phase. > > OOP >> We both agreed to start couples and individual therapy

---

doone66 > I agree that OPs wife is worried about him since he was so sick, but why is she saying she has a system? It's kind of like she's mad he didn't do it right. 🤷 > > OOP >> I got to speak with her. Long story short (I'll make a fuller update later when I'm not so tired but >> >> 1. she is was just worried about me and doesn't want me to overextended myself. In her mind she feels like maybe somehow she "gave me" the cancer. :( >> >> 2. She appreciates what I did and I didn't do anything "wrong" it's just that she got so used to doing this alone for the last two years that she was feeling anxious about how she couldn't be in control

---

Final Update - after 8 days

^(September 22, 2026)

---

I did some basic chores while my wife was sick and now she's mad UPDATE

Hello!

I don't know if anyone really cares about an update at this point, but you guys were genuinely so helpful with my original post that I felt like the least I could do was come back and tell you what happened.

Also, thank you to everyone who took the time to comment, especially the people who had been caregivers themselves. I read pretty much everything.

So, after I made my post, Amani got home from work and we finally sat down and talked.

And shockingly it wasn't really about the chores.She told me that she did appreciate that I cleaned the kitchen, unloaded the dishwasher and made her soup.

What scared her was how casually I seemed to be treating everything that had happened.

She said she was angry watching me go around the apartment cleaning things, eating bacon and drinking like nothing had happened.

She knows I cope with humor, She knows I'm trying to get back to normal but she admitted that sometimes it hurts her. She had to watch me slowly wither away over the course of two years. So seeing me so "normal" is disturbing my system.

She had to watch me get weaker and weaker and there was a point where my heart literally stopped.She said she had no idea what she was going to do if I didn't come back.

And I don't think I had really understood that before. In my perspective I survived, I'm cancer-free, I'm eating, I'm getting stronger and I'm home with the love of my life. I'm trying to live my life again.

For her, she spent two years watching the person she loves most get sicker and having absolutely no control over whether I lived or died.

She feels like she just got me back and now she's terrified that if she relaxes for even a second, something is going to happen again.

She said she would do whatever it takes to make sure she never has to go through that again.

That was probably the moment where everything clicked for me.She was scared.

She also apologized for being overprotective. She said she's going to try to take a step back and focus on herself more instead of constantly monitoring me.

I apologized too. I told her I hadn't realized how much my jokes about everything were affecting her.

I'm still going to joke. I'm me. That's unfortunately something she's stuck with.

But I'm going to try to be more mindful about it. I don't want my way of coping to make her feel like the last two years didn't matter. I appreciate her and everything she did for me.

I also told her I think we should both consider individual therapy, and maybe couples therapy too. She agreed and we're currently on a waiting list. So that's where we are with that.

After our conversation, we decided we needed to get out of the city for a little while. We ended up planning a weekend getaway to the Catskills.

We haven't been in forever.

I wish I could tell you we went hiking and explored cute little towns and did all the romantic getaway things. We did not.

We didn't leave the cabin. Actually that's a lie, we left to play some pool and bowling at this little bar but we left cause I kinda turned on by her beating me at both. Somehow this woman is good at every single thing. It was a great weekend.

We ate, we slept, we talked, we laughed and we played games. The cabin got plenty of use. Honestly, it was exactly what we needed.

This might be shocking to guys but it was beyond amazing to spend time together without doctors, appointments, medications, work or anything else hanging over our heads.

At one point we discussed going out again but then decided that putting on actual clothes sounded like too much work.

When we came back to the city yesterday (Monday), I decided to make it an “Amani Day" just to thank her for everything she did for me for the last two years.

Basically, I wanted to spend the day doing all her favorite things.

We started with Pilates. I technically

participated which means I laid down for most of it while she actually did Pilates. After that, we went to get her favorite pastries and matcha.

Then I took her to her favorite bookstores, we did one of those shopping-spree challenges where I gave her five minutes to look around and then three minutes to grab as many books as she wanted.

I'm pretty sure I gave her significantly more than three minutes. She was taking it very seriously and she looks so dangerously cute when she is excited about books so I didn't rush her.

He eyes light up like she's a baby deer when she's happy. Yo try saying no to that.

Then we ordered sushi, went home and watched trash TV. I massaged her feet while she watched. It was honestly just a really nice day.

Shes back at work, and I just wanted to say that we're in a pretty good place right now.

We're obviously not magically fixed. I don't think one conversation and a weekend away can undo two years of something as traumatic as what we went through.

But she's trying to be more open with me when she's scared, which I really appreciate and I'm trying to actually listen instead of immediately making a joke or brushing something off.

We're on a waiting list for therapy like I said and we're going to take it from there.

For now, though, things are good.

Thank you again to everyone who gave us advice, shared their own experiences or just took the time to read my ridiculously long post.

I appreciate it more than I can say.

It came to my attention that my old post wasn't visible. Sorry about that. Here ya go if you're interested in part one

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/throwra_friendtest

Published on: r/WhatShouldIDo

Previous BORU: BORU-1 by u/SharkEva on February 02, 2026

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: January 29, 2026

• Update: February 01, 2026

• Final Update: September 22, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

---

Main Post

^(January 29, 2026)

---

My (35m) friend (36m) loyalty tested my wife (40f) without my knowledge. She failed. I feel done with them both. What to do?

Been with my wife ten years, married for six. I thought we were really happy. She’s got a kid from a previous relationship, dad not in the picture, I have taken on the role. We both work, me full time her part time, we live a good life, holiday abroad every few months, no real financial worries, both in pretty good shape and plenty of love affection and sex between us. I thought we’d be together forever.

On to my friend. His wife left him in horrific circumstances last year. He came home one day to find her gone with their two year old. She’s left him do a drug dealer she met on Instagram who ended up assaulting them both and it’s a massive legal issue that’s destroyed him. Since then he’s become very anti women despite having a great family full of women. He’s constantly telling us all how all women are the same etc.

Well last week he sent me a load of screenshots, must’ve been over 100 of them. Going back to November last year and finishing on January 15th. He got another phone and started messaging my wife pretending to be a man from a couple of hours away who got the wrong number. Within a week he was getting nudes from her, sexting etc, by Christmas she was telling him she was telling him she loves him and the final one was a photo of her walking in to a hotel to meet “him” and then angry messages from her asking where he was.

I went round to his house and was distraught. He told me he’d done this to another six friends of ours. Only my wife failed. He had the phone with him and as I was there she messaged him asking where he’d gone and saying how much she misses him. He shown me that she’d been sending stuff like that the past week with no response.

I left there without really saying anything and went home and once me and wife were alone I confronted her with the evidence I have. She started crying and saying she doesn’t know why she did it and it just started off as a bit of fun at work and then she got carried away. She said she feels like she loves us both and doesn’t want to lose me.

I didn’t know what to do so just left and went to a hotel. I’m still here now and unsure of what my next step should be. I want to cut them both off but i will miss my step daughter so much and my friends are saying I can’t be mad at my friend as he did me a favour.

TLDR: friend catfished my wife and she fell for it.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Wise_Material_1208 (downvoted) > Break up with the friend not the wife. Your wife did something horrible but she didn't know she was getting catfished any more than you did. Your "friend" absolutely NEEDS strong psychological help! > > OOP >> She went to a hotel to meet another man to have sex. Her words “I’ve purposely not had sex with him (meaning me) for ages so when I see you I’ll be ripping your clothes off and my own”.

---

geof2010 > Bit curious how the previous relationship she had with her child's dad transitioned to you? Were they even really over before you came into the picture? She sounds and looks like she's a serial cheater > > OOP >> They were on again off again and then when she got pregnant he moved down to London never to be seen again. His mum still sees my step daughter but he’s never seen her or spoke to her.

---

ProudZone8027 > I read all your comments and you never said in detail What did your wife said when you told her how your friend catfished her. What was her reaction?anything besides just crying? Was there disbelief or comments? Has she continued to try to contact you? > > OOP >> She started having a kind of panic attack and calling herself stupid. Then she said it doesn’t count then and I told her it bloody did. She had tried to contact me loads of times every day.

---

No-Doubt9679 > Well that’s a shit thing that your friend did but it’s more concerning that your wife fell for it. She was going to sleep with this stranger. And to top it off she is the only one that fell for it out of the other wives. I will leave it at that. > > I would love to be a fly on the wall when she finds out your friend catfished her. > > OOP >> I think I could get past it if it was just texting but I can’t get past the going to meet him. >> >> Rowan-The-Writer >>> You can get passed her sending nudes to another person? Nasty >>> >>> OOP >>>> I’d get past it to stay in my daughter in Laws life.

---

Fun_Expression8126 > Im confused? He pretended to be a guy who texts her from a wrong number and ends with it started at work? > > OOP >> She gets bored at work and said that’s the only reason she started messaging him to pass the time there.

---

No_Money3889 > They both are terrible people, im sorry your going through this, maybe you can arrange access to your step daughter through the ex or see a lawyer, in my country step parents have the same rights as bio parents > > OOP >> She’s 15 so hopefully she’ll be allowed to make up her own mind.

---

Puzzled_Tax_7300 > Did she know this friend previous to this taking place? > > OOP >> Yeah they’ve met each other hundreds of times. >> >> Puzzled_Tax_7300 >>> I assumed as much. I think the whole story is bullshit then because as soon as she met said “stranger” she would’ve recognized him immediately. The fact that they both proceeded after that is insane. He’s no friend and I know your heart is probably aching like a hell. I’m sorry this happened to you,man. Just gonna have to cut the rope or let her to continue to do this non sense. I wouldn’t even give her a chance to plead her case. >>> >>> OOP >>>> They didn’t meet at the hotel. She went there and he took photos of her from his car

---

Update - after 3 days

^(February 01, 2026)

---

UPDATE my (35m) friend (36m) loyalty tested my wife (40f) without my knowledge. She failed. I feel done with them both. What to do?

I want to thank everyone who commented on my last post. There was so many I couldn’t reply to them all.

I’ll address a couple of things from my first post. A lot of people said my wife did nothing wrong. She went to a hotel to meet another man for sex. There are photos of her at the hotel waiting. She messaged saying she was there and “I purposely haven’t had sex with him (meaning me) for ages so when I get my hands on you I’ll be ripping your clothes off and my own” then messages of her asking where he is and even a week later when he stopped replying saying she misses him and pictures of herself saying how much she still wants him.

A few people said my friend wasn’t catfishing her and he was sending photos of himself and she knew. My friend is white and dumpy. The pictures were of a black adult film star stolen from his Twitter.

Now on to the update. First and most importantly I met my step daughter yesterday. We met at a park and when we saw each other we both started crying and just hugged for five minutes. Every memory of her from when I first met her went through my head and I didn’t want to let her go for fear of never hugging her again.

We sat on a park bench and the first thing she asked is what happened. She’s 15 and I didn’t see a reason to lie. I said her mum got catfished and she fell for it and has been having an online affair for a few months and told another man she loved him. I left out the nudes and hotel bit.

My step daughter said her mum had told her that all she had done was message an old friend and I got jealous but she said she knew I wasn’t like that and her aunt (wife’s sister) had told her that her mum had cheated and I had done nothing wrong.

I told her I have 100s of screenshots but I won’t show them her. She begged to see one so she could know. I tried to find a non sexual one and showed her one where her mum said “I love you more after ten weeks than I do him after ten years”. My stepdaughter was as horrified as I was and just said “oh my god”.

After that we sat and talked for a couple of hours about everything. She said she still wants me as a part of her life and when I get my own place she’ll be over all the time. She said I’m still her dad and always will be even after I told her I plan to divorce her mum. She said her aunty and her grandma both encouraged her to stay in touch with me because she told them she was scared I didn’t want her anymore.

I said nothing could be further from the truth. I gave her a lift back home and we’ve been texting non stop since sending stupid videos to each other and she said her grandma said we can use her kitchen to bake together again so we are doing that later today.

As for my wife and my friend. I’ve told my wife I want a divorce which caused a barrage of texts and phone calls I ignored. I’ve told my friend I want low contact with him but I did ask why he didn’t stop once he go nudes and he said “because you don’t get jealous and I thought you’d probably just find it funny” which is probably true.

If she told me a wrong number was texting I probably would say flirt with it for a laugh lol. I do get peoples point though when they say I shouldn’t be mad at him because if it wasn’t him it would have been someone else but he did target her insecurities.

He knew she was insecure about her height and said “first time I finally meet an Amazonian woman at a bar and we have a good time she gives me a false number” and he knows she struggles with having an athletic build and he mentioned his ideal woman would be tall and strong built and how he doesn’t get the trend for short women with big boobs and bums. But at the same time she’s a fucking detective for the police force and should have recognised she was being played.

Sorry it’s not an exciting update.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

UncFest3r > Thank you for loving that little girl the best way you can! It is not her fault. My heart hurts for her. And you. > > OOP >> It’s not hard to love her she’s incredible. My life is better with her in it.

---

Beneficial_Meat_3758 > I mean.. your friend originally acted from a place of hate and pain, with the intent of 'proving' to you and your other friends that all women suck. Im glad your daughter, her aunt and her grandma proved otherwise. > > Im really sorry at how things played out, the hurt its caused you, and the way its shaken your life up. Im also glad your daughter, the aunt and grandmother all have your back and supporting you preserving your relationship with your daughter. > > Also im glad you showed her one of the texts. > > OOP >> I had to show her one and I try to treat her as an adult. It was just hard to find a screenshot that wasn’t explicit as she didn’t need to see that.

---

Much_Leather_5923 > Question. Never heard of being a part-time (you mentioned she doesn’t work full-time in previous post) Detective in the police force. Is that a thing in your country? > > OOP >> Yeah she mainly does desk work now. She does three full days a week. She’s in anti corruption now so investigates other officers. >> >> Much_Leather_5923 >>> Well that is just embarrassing. Good lord. If her stupidity gets out in her work place she won’t have a shred of credibility. Already a boys club. >>> >>> My friend was a Detective. She ended up quitting because her full time hours with massive overtime on cases meant she hardly saw her kids. >>> >>> Think seeing too many murdered little ones also was a factor after becoming a mum. She could compartmentalise to a point before. >>> >>> OOP >>>> Yeah to be fair to her she’s some horrendous stuff and a few years ago got injured in a car crash at work and has been part time and office bound since. She’s physically ok and has said to me she used it as an excuse/reason to take a step back until her 25 years is up.

---

Constant_Host_3212 > OP, you sound as though you've made up your mind and that's fine. But you also sound as though you have a good relationship with your ex's family. > > Please raise with them the possibility that the car crash caused a traumatic brain injury that has damaged her impulse control and judgement and that she needs professional mental and psychiatric evaluation to identify deficits and treat them.
> > I'm not saying this to excuse your wife or persuade you to change your mind - what's done is done and there's no going back from some of it. But, her family needs to think about this possibility. If she can get evaluated and have some CBT to work on compensation strategies, it might save her, her family, AND her daughter whom you love, a world of pain going on in life > > OOP >> She works for the police force and got tested for everything after the crash and gets regular assessments since. The injuries were all to her leg.

---

FunSecretary8 > Your wife is a part-time detective? > > OOP >> Yeah. She works in anti corruption now so it’s not as high demand as working serious crime like she used to. She got injured on duty a few years ago and has only worked three days a week since.

---

nonowords > bro he seduced your wife and induced her to cheat. Your friend is a fucking demon on a shoulder. Low contact is a wild response. I'd be cutting all contact with him and anyone else who still hangs with him. I'd also be telling the people who's wives he tried to get to cheat what he did. > > OOP >> Oh I know he suck’s. I’m only keeping him around until the divorce is finalised in case I need him then I’m dropping him.

---

NEW UPDATE

---

Final Update - after 7 months, 24 days (after 7 months, 21 days from last post)

^(September 22, 2026)

---

UPDATE 2 my (35m) friend (36m) loyalty tested my wife (40f) without my knowledge. She failed. I feel done with them both. What to do?

We are now officially divorced. She didn’t take it well and tried to fight it but we got there in the end. Needless to say her and my “friend” are both cut from my life.

More importantly me and my step daughter are still close. She turned 16 a few months ago and even though I was banned from her party by her mum I still her beforehand at her grandmas (my exes mum who is really nice to me and has helped me still see my step daughter) and presented her with a little cake I made she could take to her school on Monday. Her mum wouldn’t even let me bake anything for the party even though everyone wanted me to.

My step daughter did really well in her GCSE’s and has just started sixth form. I’ve got my own little flat now and she stays round a couple of times a week which is great and we bake and cook together and watch some crap tv and just have a laugh. I’m so happy and grateful to still have her in my life.

Not really much else to report. My friend group are still pretty tight with the friend who catfished my wife even though he did it to a lot of their wives and girlfriends too. I’ve distanced myself from most of them now unfortunately. Still working and just plodding on.

Thank you everyone for your supportive messages and comments ❤️

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

ging78 > A man with a backbone. Good on you brother. I take it you're UK based by the GCSE comment? > > OOP >> Yeah uk based.

---

deadlypolenta > this is such a wonderful update. wishing you all the best. > > OOP >> Thank you. Life is a lot better than it was 8 months ago.

---

ConsistentAmoeba7176 > She fought the divorce, failed. So now she’s trying to ruin your relationship with your daughter to get revenge. How is her relationship with your daughter? Is she trying to contact you after the divorce? How did your ex-friend react when you dropped him? > > OOP >> Her relationship was good until this happens. She blames me for turning her against her but the truth is I’ve never once said a bad about her mum to her. I just told our daughter the truth that her mum was having an emotional affair. >> >> Yeah she’s trying to contact me a lot and still get back together despite seeing someone else. >> >> He basically pleaded his innocence and him and our friend group have acted like he’s a victim.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/nameAITAH

Published on: r/AITAH & r/Redditor_Updates

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: March 04, 2026

• Update: March 10, 2026

• Final Update: September 17, 2026

---

Main Post

^(March 04, 2026)

---

AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name.

Everyone who knows my ex-boyfriend (33M) calls him either “JT” or by his last name. I (29M) was never among those people. He introduced himself to me by his first name, “Jude,” so that’s what I’ve always called him.

Two years ago, he and I broke up due to him getting a promotion that included a ton of traveling. I love him, and I definitely didn’t want him turning down an opportunity like that for me. We tried long distance and it just wasn’t sustainable for us. I’m a homebody through and through, and I like having my person home with me, too.

I’ve been dating my current girlfriend (29F) for about eight months now. Jude has recently transferred positions within his company again and is back in our city for the majority of the time. We didn’t end on bad terms at all, so we’re still friends. My girlfriend always said she was fine with that. After a group outing with him, my girlfriend, and some other friends, she asked why I call him something different than everyone else.

This has since turned into a multi-day argument where she claims that calling him by his first name when no one else does is “too intimate.” She said it’s a relationship thing, and that I need to start treating him like a friend. I said she’s being ridiculous and unbelievably insecure. It’s his name, not a term of endearment.

AITAH?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

lilolememe > I'm going with NTA. If he wanted you to not call him Jude, I could understand it. Your girlfriend doesn't have the right to dictate how you identify someone else. It's how you've always known him.
> > OOP (downvoted) >> Exactly. If it had come from him, it would make sense. Coming from her, it just seems like a very bizarre thing to focus on. >> >> HopefulTangerine5913 >>> How sure are you she is okay with you still being friends with him? As a fellow bi person, I am guessing you’ve heard the stereotypes about us being unfaithful or only happy if we have a boyfriend and a girlfriend 🙄 which, if that’s your bag, good for you so long as everyone is informed and cool with it. Personally I am a one partner at a time person, but I won’t yuck someone’s yum. >>> >>> I’m only curious on this because it seems like people make a lot of assumptions about bisexual people without actually getting to know the individual. I’m wondering if there is some bias leaking into her judgment >>> >>> OOP (downvoted) >>>> I told her even before the start of our relationship that 1. I’m bisexual, and 2. that he and I were friends, and if that was a problem then we shouldn’t be together. I think romantic partners expecting people to cut off their friends is probably the reddest red flag there is. She said it wasn’t a problem.

---

kokomodo93 > You’re putting your ex before any possible romantic relationship. You are saying, at the start of your relationship, I would choose this persons friendship over you. She knows deep down he means more to you than she does. Maybe she could handle that when he was far away, but not now that he is back and she has to watch it right in front of her, with knowing that. No relationship is going to last if you put your ex above your partner. > > OOP (downvoted) >> That’s fair, I appreciate your comment. It’s something I’ll think on. >> >> It’s just important to me to note that this was not just ‘an ex,’ this was my best friend for 8 years.

---

Disastrous-Item-5758 (downvoted) > You're bisexual? > > OOP >> I am.

---

Misstucson > NTA, I actually had a similar thing with a friend in that everyone called her boyfriend BK. He was introduced to me as BK by our mutual friends. Anyway my friend started dating him and he introduced himself to her as Bren. I asked him if he preferred Bren and he said yes! Turns out he hated being called BK and it was just a terrible nickname name that everyone gave him. > > OOP (downvoted) >> My ex-partner never hated being called any of his nicknames, but I would imagine it would be a little awkward when it comes to a romantic partner. Last name might work, but it still feels a little bro-y, you know? >> >> I mostly just can’t get past the thought of being in bed with someone and referring to them by their initials. “JT” or “BK” don’t exactly roll off the tongue. :) >> >> SimmerDown_Boilup >>> >I mostly just can’t get past the thought of being in bed with someone and referring to them by their initials. >>> >>> So you're planning on being in bed with your ex again? Like, wtf does it matter now that he is your ex? >>> >>> OOP (downvoted) >>>> I was referring to the general concept of calling a romantic partner by their initials, even if it’s what they go by. The comment I was replying to was about someone calling their partner Bren when everyone else called him BK.

---

TraumaCookie > INFO: How long were you and Jude dating? > > It's not about the Iranian yogurt. Your girlfriend feels uneasy and insecure because the man that you love, and with whom your relationship ended specifically because long distance didn't work, is no longer long distance. You and she have only been together for eight months, versus the years of you and Jude having a connection (whether dating or not). > > She's scared that you and Jude will get back together and she will be left behind. Is the name thing the exact right way of expressing her concerns? No. Is your response about her being insanely insecure going to help the situation? No. She needs assurance that you are choosing a romantic and intimate relationship with her and that you have no intentions of trying to resume an emotionally or physically intimate relationship with your ex. > > But if you still have any feelings of romantic love for Jude, you should not be in a relationship because it's not fair to your current partner. > > OOP (downvoted) >> We were together for 7.5 years. >> >> I appreciate the advice, truly. But if this is how she’s feeling, I’d rather her tell me than pick a fight about a name. We’re both nearly 30.

---

Update - after 6 days

^(March 10, 2026)

---

Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name.

My girlfriend and I sat down for a long conversation a few days ago. I went into it knowing that separation was the right choice here. Still, I wanted us to have a real talk about our feelings, so I tried to open up the floor for a discussion about what was really bothering her beyond the name issue. She continually insisted it truly was only about that.

It ended in her giving me an ultimatum, and me breaking things off.

Some of the comments on my other posts led me to do a lot of thinking. I was with Jude from the time I was 19 until I was 27. I spent almost all of my 20s with him. I’m now just a few months shy of 30 and the next decade of my life has been on my mind. I don’t know if I’ll get to spend it with who I want to, but I know being alone is better than spending it with the wrong person.

I’m going to be taking some time for myself. I have never been a relationship hopper (my previous relationship was my first, anyway), and I think it’s important the people in my life know that they’re more important than that.

Thank you for all the feedback. Some of the specific exchanges I had here helped spark the internal conversations I needed to have with myself to figure out what I wanted.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

OOP to a long thread > I’m always going to love him and I would love to explore things at a later time. I feel like jumping into something with him right now, or even trying to, would completely discredit how much I respect and care for him. We never lost touch throughout those two years apart, but we’ve been talking a lot more lately. Just being there to support each other is important and what’s best for the both of us right now. > > Affectionate-Cut3631 >> The sentence “and I would love to explore things at a later time” is exactly why people are downvoting you. >> >> You’re admitting that you love him and that you’d be open to a romantic relationship with him in the future. That strongly suggests you were never fully committed to your girlfriend in the first place. From her perspective, it would feel like she was just a placeholder until the opportunity to return to him came along. >> >> At the same time, you told your girlfriend she was imagining things and made her doubt her instincts. But based on what you’re writing here, she wasn’t imagining anything. She picked up on the exact vibes you’re now admitting were there. >> >> You’re describing her as if she was being irrational, yet your own comments show that her concerns were valid. She wasn’t crazy; she recognized that your feelings for him went beyond platonic friendship. >> >> That’s why it’s important to take some accountability for this . You're trying to play the victim in your narrative while you aren't the victim here but the instigator.
>> >> OOP (downvoted) >>> Thank you for taking the time to write this out. Yes, I can see how it would look from her point of view. >>> >>> It was never my goal to use her a placeholder in my life, so I think that’s why I’m struggling so hard with people insisting it to be true. It makes me question my sense of self, but I think it’s because what people are interpreting as intentionally malicious was done completely unintentionally. >>>

---

Oswynne > OP can't even see that having an emotional affair, lying, and gaslighting his girlfriend makes him the bad guy in this situation simply because he didn't "intend" to. In fact, he's a good guy for letting her go. > > Just another guy out here with the emotional depth of a shot glass. I hope Jude is able to dodge the bullet that you are OP because you clearly have a lot of maturing to do. > > OOP (downvoted) >> I was in a relationship prior to my last one for almost 8 years. I know how to navigate a partnership that is healthy, loving, and makes me feel safe. I know how to offer that same security to the other person as well. >> >> I was also never trying to convince anyone I was the “good guy,” just trying to explain my point of view since people are accusing me of being malicious and pre-planning everything. >> >> But eh, it doesn’t matter. There are no more nuanced conversations to be had here for me. I have tried replying in good faith, but people have already made up their minds that their worst assumptions of me are the truth. Any explanations I give are seen as deflecting. >> >> I messed up. I thought I had moved on, but a lot of feelings have resurfaced and I’ve not dealt with that in the most graceful way. What I’m not is some master manipulator. >> >> Talking things out a little bit through my first post was helpful, so I thought an update was just a nice way to thank those who offered solid advice for the clarity it provided. Instead, it’s just been unsettling, seeing commenters convinced they know my reality better than I do. But that’s what the sub is for, I suppose. Lesson learned, life goes on. >> >> Anyway. I’m going to go spend my time with people who actually know me. :)

---

Final Update - after 6 months, 13 days (after 6 months, 7 days from last post)

^(September 17, 2026)

---

Last Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name.

The title doesn’t really apply anymore since I haven’t spoken to my “girlfriend” since that conversation 6 months ago, while Jude and I are now living together.

I had every intention of spending some time alone and focusing on myself, but things with Jude just fell into place. We made the decision to move in together again about 4 months ago.

I appreciate everyone’s comments on my last two posts, even the harsher ones. I became a person I didn’t like very much during my last “relationship.” I did myself and the person I was involved with a huge disservice, because I wasn’t being honest. Now, I’m back exactly where I was always supposed to be, and I wish her the best. I didn’t mean to waste either of our time, but I did, and I’m sorry for that.

As for what I’ve been up to since… lately, life has been centered around house hunting and engagement ring discussions.

Thanks again for all the feedback. Sometimes hard truths are needed.

UPDATE in the same post

I originally put some final thoughts of mine in a comment that I linked here, but moderators removed it. I’ll going to paste my response, unchanged. Sorry for the length, not sure why it was removed. Comment starts now:

I never claimed I was the good guy in this post. I have repeated multiple times that I wasted her time, and despite that not being my intention, it still happened. It wasn’t okay. To reiterate from the main post here, I became someone I didn’t like during my time with her because I wasn’t being honest with myself or with her. That very much makes me the bad guy.

I think tone is being lost here because people are angry at me, so they want me to be miserable. I am happy in my life, but remorseful over this situation. I hate that I hurt her. I’ve seen a few comments saying I’m “smug.” I really dislike that it’s coming across that way. I am not celebrating that I hurt someone. I don’t know how else to convey that I am happy to have ended up where I am, but dislike the journey that brought me here. I made shitty choices.

I have to disagree with the sentiment that I ever invalidated my relationship with Jude. But that is not what I think is important right now, and I don’t feel the need to justify that here because I know the kind of respect and reverence I have for the time we spent together, and I feel like that came across in all my posts and comments here.

As for invalidating my involvement with her. These past few months have given me a lot of clarity and peace in terms of my identity. Again, not something I wish to discuss here. There is already biphobia floating around in these comments, unfortunately. I don’t want to open that can of worms here. AITAH forums are not the place to discuss sexuality in any kind of thoughtful manner. I will just say, the way I view the situation is mine. It is not for people to decide for me. I messed up, I hurt someone, I am sorry for it. I’m still allowed to reflect and view it differently now, thanks to hindsight. If that upsets you, I apologize.

Finally, to end this novel: During the last conversation I had with her, I tried to go deeper on the issue. She still insisted it was still about the name. I don’t fault her for that, obviously. I don’t blame her for not wanting to be vulnerable with me after I had made so many mistakes. That was all I meant when I said, in a previous comment, that she was both ‘right and wrong’ about the situation. I will, as I stated, call him Jude whether we are married, dating, lovers, friends, enemies, anything. Maybe I’m just too literal in still holding onto that, but that is quite literally what these posts centered around when I first posted the conflict. That was all I meant. I was not trying to deflect or act like my other choices were the right ones.

That’s all I have to say. Sorry for using your comment as my “final statement,” I just wanted to grab one that didn’t already have a ton of replies to it. I really just wanted to post this final update because I thought people might like to know how the story concluded. I didn’t think much about my wording, or having to over explain my remorse and regret, because it’s obvious to the people in my real life. Tone is hard over text and I just didn’t really sit and take considerable time, thinking and typing out the OP.

I know most people won’t read this. It truly is annoyingly long. I just wanted to say my piece. Thanks.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

ledger_inscriptions >Yikes so she was right? > >OOP >>I mean, yes and no. I’m never going to call Jude by anything else other than his name, no matter what our relationship is. I still think that was an odd hill for her to die on. But I was in denial about my feelings. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I’d wasted 2 years away from him that I could’ve spent with him, so I was trying very hard to ignore just how easy it felt now that he was back. I truly believed we could just be friends until it became very clear that that wasn’t an option. That wasn’t fair to her. >> >>DullBaker595 >>>I think part of what is triggering so many people here is that you seem not to appreciate how damaging it is to convince a woman she’s being irrational when she’s actually just seeing the truth. >>> >>>From a very early age women get stereotyped as emotional and irrational and hormonal and jealous. It’s something women are trained to be very sensitive to, and women often end up doubting their own instincts because of a fear that they’re acting out this stereotype. >>> >>>So in this case, your girlfriend correctly picked up your lingering affection for your ex. Instead of doing introspection when she pointed the name thing out to you, you told her she was being irrational (and are still saying she was being irrational, despite the fact that you’re going to marry the person she suggested you had affection for). It took a bunch of Redditors pointing it out to you for you to do that introspection, not the person you’re supposed to be in love with (your gf). >>> >>>We can all imagine being in her shoes, and how it must have felt to doubt her reality and fear she was just being irrational. And yet you don’t seem to apologize at all for making her feel crazy, and weaponizing misogynistic assumptions and stereotypes against her. >>> >>>Instead, you’re now downplaying your relationship with her by putting the term “relationship” and “girlfriend” in quotes. >> >>Electrical-Guard-468 >>>That’s a lot of words to say she was right while denying she wasn’t. >>> >>>OOP >>>>Even during our last conversation when I pushed for what was bothering her beyond the name issue, as many commenters suggested, she still insisted it was only about that. And no, I don’t think she was right to ask me to call him something different than his actual name.

---

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/InsuranceWonderful95

Published on: r/AIO

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 14, 2026

• Final Update: September 15, 2026

---

Main Post

^(September 14, 2026)

---

AIO for being hurt my wife got up for sunrise in a girls trip?

My (45M) wife (44F) and I have been married 17 years together 20. For those 20 years I’ve asked her to come watch a sunrise with me. She has never wanted to get up that early even know it’s an experience that would mean a lot to me.

She met a couple women two years ago and the three of them hit it off. I was ecstatic for her to have friends. This past weekend one of them turned 50 and they went to Tennessee for a girls trip. They are coming today and my wife is the one driving eight hours. It’s a rental so she’s the only one who can drive it.

I called to make sure she felt up to the drive and see how she felt(she’s the passenger princess with me lol) as she’s not used to driving this long. She told she felt good thanks for checking. We then got to chatting about the trip.

She was telling me all the fun stuff they did and I was so excited to hear about the fun. Then she told me how pretty the sunrise was. Excuse me? You got up for sunrise. She said yeah it’s so pretty in the smoky mountains. I casually said I’ve asked you to come watch sunrise with me for 20 years. Her response was but it’s pretty in the mountains. We live in the mountains. We’ve been on multiple cruises. Cape cod. The outer banks. Not to mention the hundreds of places I’ve driven to see sunrise it’s my favorite part of the day.

Everything is calm the world is waking up it’s a big deal to me. But I’m pretty hurt and kinda mad that she’d get up to watch sunrise now but never with me.

Am I overreacting? I feel like I might be… but I can’t stop hurting over it. Tell me I’m just being petty

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

HesTrafty > You’re justified for feeling hurt but if you truly love your wife I would let it go and not make a big deal of it to her. Keep in mind she was excited to tell you about her trip and she didn’t get to hide it from you. > > OOP >> I didn’t and have no plans to. She didn’t intend to hurt me even if the impact did. There is no reason I see to make us both hurt. I’m genuinely excited about her trip. With the exception of the sunrise and the not good group tattoo lol

---

mami_malker > Two things can be true at once. You can genuinely feel pain and also be overreacting. The feeling is real and you should tell your wife about it. But it’s also not our partner’s jobs to want to experience everything with us. > > Instead of responding with bitterness and feeding the pain, you can revel in the fact that she enjoyed the sunrise. > > TwoSpoonSally >> In 20 years, she could’ve at least shared the moment with him once. >> >> Relationships are about caring for your partner and sometimes compromising some inconvenience for yourself to give your partner a special moment. >> >> It’s small considerate things that can make a big difference.  >> >> mami_malker (downvoted) >>> We don’t know anything else about this relationship. Maybe she’s doing things for the family all day and sleeping in is her reprieve. And she only had the energy to get up during the trip because she’s with friends who she doesn’t need to take care of. >>> >>> If it’s the opposite and he’s always going out of his way to make sure things are off her plate (food, laundry, bills, etc WITHOUT her having to ask), then yeah him asking to watch the sunrise together is reasonable. >>> >>> But it’s MUCH more likely given their age and common gender dynamics that this woman is exhausted. >>> >>> OOP >>>> I think we have a pretty fair division of labor. I work in emergency services so my days off during the week I’ll cook, clean, laundry, take our kid where she needs to go. On the weekends I’m off I like for us to have experiences. I’m not trying to brag, but I’m deep cleaning today so she comes home to a really clean house and meal prepping for both of us for the rest of the work week. But that just because I don’t want have her come home into stress worrying about lunches or dinner. But it’s pretty fair in the division. But what do you mean ask? I live here I’m an adult shit needs done I’m going to do shit. She isn’t my mom I don’t need her supervision.

---

Weird-Grocery6931 (downvoted) > YOR. > > This woman has spent 20 years with you. Probably given more of herself to you than can be imagined. From your own words she went years without quality life friends, and now that she has them you want to be upset over this thing. > > You're being petty. > > When your wife gets home, with an open mind see how she's treating you. If she's happy to see you and wants you to know about every part of her trip, that will show you what you are to her. > > OOP >> I know what I am to her. And everyone in this county knows how crazy for her I am. I’m so excited about this trip for her. The only thing was the sunrise. I’ve wanted that with her since we started dating. She had always politely declined and I just thought ok it’s not her thing I won’t push. I occasionally invite her and she always politely declines so today did sting

---

madtoiletpaper (downvoted) > YOR kind of. Your disappointment is valid, because maybe she is afraid the friends will leave her if she doesn't join. It's kind of rude to not want to go with you, but at the same time you have to learn that whatt means a lot to you isn't something your partner should be doing. You mention how it would be a big deal for you, have you ever asked her why she doesn't want to come? Maybe you leep pressuring her, maybe she has a reason she hasn't done this so far. If your partner doesn't want to do something it doesn't make them a bad partner, you are not twins to do everything together. I would genuinely ask her why she doesn't want to come with me and try to get to know what she likes instead. Maybe you pressure her and make this a big deal about you but don't care about what she likes. You can't pressure someone into liking something, do it alone or with a friend. > > OOP >> I agree 100% she doesn’t have to like anything that I like. I’m glad we’re not exactly the same. I don’t pressure as I want desire not obligation. But I also believe if something is important to your partner you should at least try. I certainly don’t want to get dressed up and go see musicals on the weekends but I bought a new suit for the occasion and match my shirt, tie, and pocket square to her dress every show. Because she loves musicals and she really loves that I make sure we match. I know it’s just a sunrise and there is one every day but you never know how many of them you get to see and which is your last to see

---

Senior_Bat4271 > Maybe they were getting up early for the drive and not an actual waiting for sunrise like you like to do but either way you can now say “see sunrises can be beautiful, I’m glad you like them now so we can share some together. It would mean a lot to me” … “ I’m really glad you had such a fun time.” I can understand your emotion though- early in my marriage I wanted to share a dish at restaurant with my husband and thought he would like it. Asked a few times for about a year then gave up. He comes from work a few months later and says he split the dish with a colleague, really loved it and wondered if I had ever had it. 🤪 > > OOP >> No. She told me that it was a specific side quest that the tattoo artist they went to yesterday told them about. They had to drive 30 minutes in the wrong direction to see this overlook. I don’t think it would’ve even bothered me if it was like you said

---

QueenOfSplitEnds > Somebody said it best. With the group, she would likely be dropped if she didn’t participate and she doesn’t want to be the only one not participating. With you, she feels more secure, so she’s not doing it. I’m not excusing it, but we tend to take things and people for granted and rather than treating those we love the most the best, we usually put our best foot forward with other people, and the people we love the most get the short end of the stick (with a ton of complacency). You already told her, I would recommend you keep going to see sunrises, and leave it to her and her conscience to figure out that she doesn’t have all the sunrises she thinks promised. I went through something similar, where I wanted to go walk by the lake and my significant other never wanted to go.. So, I started going by myself, and eventually someone else joined me on occasion. It sucks to not be able to enjoy it with someone you want to enjoy it with, but don’t stop enjoying the sunrise because someone’s taking you for granted. Enjoy the sunrises because there aren’t too many left ahead of us. > > OOP >> I mean I’m not going to stop seeing them. Sunrise is special to me. When I was a kid my grandfather was a farmer and I got to spend my summers on the farm with my grandparents. I’d get up every morning to chore with my grandfather (long before sunrise) and he would stop whatever he was doing and we’d watch the sunrise. He loved them so much and he passed that to my dad and eventually me. And now my daughter loves sunrise.

---

infinitez_ > NOR, and totally understand the emotion. However just wanted to play devil's advocate for additional perspective - aside from potential peer pressure as mentioned by others, it could be possible she just wanted to do something different while on a trip. Going anywhere out of town can be costly and opportunities like this might not always present themselves, so maybe she bit the bullet and decided she would do it because she's on vacation and had the urge to try somethingdifferent. I know I've gotten up early for sunrises on my trips too and I am normally a night owl. > > Obviously not discounting how you feel about it because I would also be a bit bummed if I was in your shoes. Maybe this was the gatekeeper to future sunrises together though. > > OOP >> I’m not sure what her thoughts were. But we were just on our anniversary trip at Cape Cod and I made sunrise every day. So I am not sure why a month later being on a trip would change her mind. In fact we take 5 or 6 trips a year

---

SolutionPurple6077 > Ask again. Not in a mean way or a gotcha if she says no. But ask in a heartfelt way that maybe you could have a sunrise with her since you felt lonely and a little jealous of her friends sunrise.
> Ask where her perfect sunrise would be and plan a trip.
> If she still denies you after knowing it hurt you then she’s for the streets. > > OOP (downvoted) >> I have always invited her. In fact she is invited to any activity I do or place I go. And if she’s not welcome somewhere I’m invited for whatever reason I won’t be going. But it’s her choice to come with me or not. I feel a little hurt by today but I’ll be going to watch the sunrise my next day off and of course she’s welcome to tag along but not required.

---

Final Update - after 1 day

^(September 15, 2026)

---

AIO for being hurt my wife got up for sunrise in a girls trip?

She came home apologized and promised she would go with me the next time I go. She felt like it was not a situation she could say no in. She also told me that I’m the only one she feels safe to say no to. That our love is unconditional and strong. She only said “It was the mountains” comment because the other woman heard me say about wanting her to go for a sunrise. If the weather cooperates I’m taking her to my favorite spot and breakfast

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

OrgPapa1988 > Not over reacting. If you help her understand what it mean to you and how come your hurt you might get an apology but if you don’t then file for divorce and go all the way with it 😂 jokes aside you should tell her though so you can try and move on past the resentment. > > OOP >> No resentment. We’re not perfect people and this is a small thing. I believe that we do well apologizing to each other and she already asked to go the next time I do. >> >> 13trailblazer >>> You say there is no resentment but your wording in the post makes me suspect otherwise. You were obviously hurt and upset. Of course this isn't the biggest isssue in a marriage by any means and I don't mean to make it sound like it is, but after 20 years of telling you that your sunrises weren't important to her I find it hard to believe there isn't some resentment.
>>> >>> If not, awesome, but I encourage you to explore that thought to be certain so you can communicate it or let it go.
>>> >>> OOP >>>> Hurt doesn’t always have to be resentment. We’ve had our ups and downs. It stung yesterday but not enough to resent her. And we’ve talked and she apologized

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/doublecrossedwife25

Published on: r/offmychest

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: December 25, 2025

• Final Update: September 16, 2026

---

Main Post

^(December 25, 2025)

---

My husband is having an affair. I don't need any advice, I'm just having a pity party. Merry Christmas to me

My [38F] husband [37M] is having an affair. He has no idea that I know yet. I was naïve and kept hoping I was wrong or jumping to conclusions but I'm not. 11 years of marriage and this is what he does? I thought I would need more information about the affair in order to get a divorce but every solicitor I spoke with said divorce is no fault and his affair won't have any relevance to it.

So I don't need to provide proof for the court and more importantly I don't need to confront my husband to get more information. I don't need or want to get any details about the affair. I'm not coming back after visiting my family for Christmas.

The solicitor I hired said it was fine for me to move out so I'm leaving today, I'll be going without my husband. I'm starting divorce proceedings next week. I can't believe that he did this. I'm heartbroken. Merry Christmas to me I guess.

Editing to add: Thank you to anyone who sent me Reddit cares messages, but I am fine. It hurts but I am not struggling with those kind of thoughts

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

TherulerT (downvoted) > >I thought I would need more information about the affair in order to get a divorce but every solicitor I spoke with said divorce is no fault and his affair won't have any relevance to it > > > I'm always amazed at how many people think cheating is somehow illegal. > > OOP >> I never thought it was illegal and I didn't say that anywhere in my post. >> >> I believed I would have to have some kind of evidence or proof of misconduct in order to get a divorce. I wasn't aware the law had changed to make divorce strictly no fault.

---

FigaroNeptune > Just in case save some evidence. Legal (just in case!) and for friends and family when he inevitably lies about it later > > OOP >> Every solicitor I spoke to was extremely clear that the affair would have no relevance, and that the court will ignore any evidence about it during the divorce proceedings. Legally it has no bearing, since divorce is purely no fault. >> >> I don't care if he lies about it. Anyone who is important to me will believe me. I don't care about what anyone else thinks. >> >> There is no need for me to collect any evidence of the affair. I don't need or want to know any details. Knowing that he was unfaithful is enough.

---

Final Update - after 8 months, 22 days

^(September 16, 2026)

---

Update for my husband is having an affair. I don't need any advice, I'm just having a pity party. Merry Christmas to me

I'm afraid it's not very exciting; I [39F] am divorced. He [38M] is now my ex-husband. The final order was issued two days ago.

I haven't spoken to my ex-husband since just after Christmas last year, when I informed him that I wouldn't be coming back home and would be seeking a divorce. I have only seen him one time since I left, it was at a hearing, however we didn't speak to each other.

When I informed him I was leaving I told him I would only communicate through our solicitors. He wanted a chance to explain himself but I don't care about whatever it is he wanted to say. I know he was unfaithful. Besides that I don't need details or to know anything else. Knowing was enough. His solicitor kept telling my solicitor that my ex-husband wanted to explain and talk to me about it but I refused. There was no reason for me to hear anything he had to say. He was unfaithful. I have the love and support of the people I care about. Whatever my ex-husband wants to "explain" or even tell other people about us has nothing to do with me.

We had been married for 11 years when I found out what he had done. I still can't believe he did this to me. It was the worst betrayal I have ever faced in my life. He broke my heart and I am still recovering because I still feel like crying a lot of the time. When I informed him that I knew he had been unfaithful he just said yes it was like my stomach dropped out from under me. Knowing it was one thing but hearing it be confirmed was another. I don't know why he thought that telling me the details or explaining things would help anything. This has been the worst time of my life honestly.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Sufficient_Pear_7395

Published on: r/TwoHotTakes

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 11, 2026

• Final Update: September 15, 2026

---

Main Post

^(September 11, 2026)

---

AITAH for being upset at my partner for not doing anything for my birthday?

To preface this with a little back story me (26m) and my fiance (26f) have been living together for about a year. We have been together for a while now, her career hasn’t taken off as much as mine has at this point. ( I make about six figures she makes about 60k a year)

Here is where our story begins, every year I always make sure her birthday is a big deal, nice dinners gifts ect which I save up for throughout the prior months for because she always says birthdays are and always have been a huge deal to her. And usually we do something smaller for my birthday just due to her making less and not being able to afford expensive dinners ect which i dont hold against her. )

This year for almost an entire month she talked about my birthday and asked what kind of cake I wanted ect. Ect and I told her just a simple box cake and maybe a nice cooked dinner is fine I know she doesn’t have a lot of money right now. The day of she wishes me a happy birthday in a cheery excited voice. I say thank you and we kiss then leave for work, she asks me when I’ll be home from work so she can have dinner ready, I get home from work after about a 12-13 hour shift (6am-6/630pm)she is asleep in bed and has been for what I’d assume at least a couple hours.

She wakes up when I walked into the bedroom and we chatted about our days for a bit, after a while I asked what was for dinner and she proceeded to go to the kitchen and microwave food that I had made a couple days prior. The entire room was silent, all that could be heard was the microwave till the “ding” indicating the meal that I just ate for lunch is ready again for dinner.

I didn’t say much during dinner I just said thank you and ate quietly. Then put away the leftovers and washed the dishes. She said happy birthday again and that was the end of the night. We laid down we watched some show she wanted to watch and I popped a couple melatonin. Overall just kind of depressing and there was zero effort on any front to make it a special day, I brought it up the following day and she said she fell asleep and just didn’t feel like doing anything when she woke up.

AITAH for being upset? Or am I being a man child and should just shrug it off.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

HumbleSandwich10 > Info: in the past, before this birthday, have you explicitly told her, "I would like it if you also make a big deal out of my birthday in other ways that don't involve spending a lot of money?" If so, how did that conversation go? > > OOP >> We have had a conversation before about celebrations and I’ve always told her I don’t need giant grand gestures that would be out of her price range I’m happy to just have a nice meal maybe and spend quality time together watching a horror movie ( my fave kind of movie ) or just cuddling on the porch, and up until now it’s been that and zero complaints from me. This was really the first time that this has happened and it just really hurt tbh.

---

Haunting-Aardvark709 > No cake, no card, no present either? You are 100% justified in being upset. I hope she makes it up to you over the weekend. NTA > > OOP >> Hopefully, we will see lol. I’ll keep you guys updated this weekend if we end up doing anything to celebrate >> >> Tight-Shift5706 >>> OP, >>> >>> I'd not say another word. I wouldn't sulk. But I'd sure as hell re-evaluate the relationship. $60k annual income is certainly sufficient to allow one to afford a respectable dinner at a restaurant as well as a gift; especially when she had the opportunity to save for it. >>> >>> If you're still engaged to this self-centered person when her next birthday rolls around, she has provided you the template for how to celebrate that birthday. >>> >>> I'm sorry. But imo, she's quite selfish. >>> >>> OOP >>>> No reason to be sorry I appreciate the honest feedback, I’m going to talk to her this weekend about it and see how that goes

---

lonely-whit918 > Definitely NTA you put effort into her birthday has nothing to do with money. She put zero effort into yours. Sadly I would take that as exactly what it is, she doesn't think you are worth the effort. Her actions have shown you all you need to know. > > OOP >> That’s kinda how it feels, money really isn’t any importance to me as long as a roof is over our heads food is on the table and we’re healthy, I kinda just wanted a little effort even just a letter would’ve been nice 😂😂 I’ll bring it up this weekend and see how it goes

---

Dave1957a > NTA, saying you didn’t expect a big deal because she doesn’t earn much is one thing. But making NO effort at all is a whole different thing! You both need a serious conversation about where your relationship is going > > OOP >> I’m hoping it’s just because it was literally the middle of the week and there’ll be a makeup dinner or the heart to heart convo will enlighten how I feel about the whole ordeal or lack there of lol >> >> Good-Seesaw1933 >>> I also call bullshit on the mid-week excuse. If she really cared she would have panicked when she woke up or apologized and tell you exactly when and how she could make it up to you.

---

medigapguy > There is something going on you don't know about or something you're not sharing. > > She went from excited about dinner with you to being in bed at 6:30. > > Sounds like there is a tidel wave hidden under the water > > OOP >> Her being asleep when I get home is normal, she takes her naps usually when she gets home from work to about an hour prior to when I get home, the asleep thing isn’t that big of a deal to me ( we’re both old at heart and need a nap 😂)

---

Final Update - after 4 days

^(September 15, 2026)

---

UPDATE-AITAH for being upset about my fiancé forgetting birthday.

So Friday came and there wasn’t much of a difference from the prior nights, no hey I’m sorry we didn’t do anything for your birthday ect, well I went into work on Saturday (I work m-f but once in a while a Saturday 10-15hr shifts depending on what all we have going on) we text but the texts are sparse and her locations off which I don’t normally check it just alerted me on my phone that location sharing had stopped, I asked her if she was ok, no response for a couple hours I start to get worried after a bit and try to call, call is declined.

My shift finally ends I go home. Her car is parked where it normally is. I make my way up the stairs and I see boots that aren’t mine through the glass pane. I start fumbling with the top lock I feel my anxiety spiking like it never has before. I open the door and SUPRISE I’m absoloutley blinded by party lights streamers those pop things and about 7 of my closest friends AND my foreman (who I have grown extremely close with and have become best friends over the years ) that I was covering for this Saturday.

Apparently she had this planned like a month ago and just had to get everyone’s schedules lined up.( she also had to pickup some of my friends ( two don’t have a car rn cause one is broke down the other got in an accident) and pick up party supplies.

Which is why her location was off She said she’s so horrible with secrets that she was scared she’d spill it if she said anything on my actual birthday. Anyways we did the cake cards ect we ended up going to a small concert ( think like metal band but performing in a bar) and just had a good time that night. It was a massive suprise I didn’t think she was going to do anything like this at all.

Apparently all my friends were in on it and I love those A holes cause they acted all shocked and sad when they asked how my bday was and I said “yeah it was ok I guess we didn’t really do anything tho” anyways a good happy ending which I feel may be far or few between in Reddit posts.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Dear_Parsnip_6802 > I was waiting for the cheating story but was pleasantly surprised > > OOP >> As someone that got cheated on multiple times I was damn near having a stroke opening that deadbolt 😂 >> >> Dear_Parsnip_6802 >>> Hopefully the surprise was worth the stress >>> >>> OOP >>>> It was lol

---

Infinite_Love_23 > To be fair, it's usually much nicer a suprise if the suprise party happens before the actual birthday. But I'm happy for you it worked out and that you can rejoice in the love from your partner and friends. > > OOP >> I think she had to wait to get paid ngl which I get lol

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.