This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/bayy214

Published on: r/EntitledPeople

Thanks to u/jackieatx for the suggestion!

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 13, 2026

• Final Update: August 20, 2026

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Main Post

^(August 13, 2026)

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Woman wouldn’t stop parking in my lot, neighbor towed her car

I am the manager of a retail store that kind of shares a parking lot with the house next to us. The parking lot seems like it’s all one, but my side has signs on it that say it’s for my customers only and there are only three spots. My neighbor is an in-home therapist whose clients park in the other side of the parking lot. My neighbor Betty and I have a great relationship, she’s a very sweet older woman who brings me cookies sometimes.

Another woman, we’ll call her Karen for fun, works at the gas station on the other side of my store and we do not share a parking lot. Karen has been parking in my lot rather than the gas station’s, so three times now I’ve had to ask her to stop parking in my lot. The petty part of me wanted to tow her car really bad, but my signs do not say tow away at owner’s expense, so I can’t. Multiple times I’ve asked her to stop and she yells or ignores me or straight up tells me to shut up.

Finally today, she came to park in my lot. I went out there to ask her to please move, she argued with me, said I don’t own the streets, so I told her if she kept acting like this I would call the police.

At that, she got a stupid little smirk on her face and said “fine, I’ll just park over there then” and moved into one my neighbors spots thinking that was still my lot so she wasn’t in front of my signs. What she didn’t realize is that Betty has one single sign at the beginning of the lot that does say “private property - owners will be towed at own expense”. So I acted annoyed, acted like she’d finally bested me, and went inside to call Betty. Betty was more than happy to help me out and immediately called for her car to be towed off her private property.

Karen noticed just as they were leaving the lot, so they couldn’t stop and give it to her, and while she screamed and threw a tantrum I watched from my porch with a smile on my face.

 

COMMENTS

Why couldn’t you tow Karen’s car from your store’s parking lot?

> It is, here we can’t tow away at owners expense unless we have explicit signs that say so 😕 > > Sorry I should’ve specified, when I talked to an officer a while back (I was having another issue where construction workers were taking up all my spots and they were across the street, they did stop after I asked the second time) they said on private property you are able to tow people, but apparently I have a technicality because I “share” a parking lot, so I specifically need signs saying that they will be towed at owner’s expense with my store’s name on it.

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Why didn’t you already have the proper tow-away signs?

> Easy to say from outside the situation! Each time I was hoping it would be the last time, so I didn’t order them right away

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What are you doing about the parking signs now?

> I’ve already ordered new ones just for her 😌

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What did you find out about the security camera footage of Karen’s tantrum and the tow?

> I have multiple cameras in my building and outside and I can’t export the footage or post it anywhere per our social media policy, but I immediately called my district manager afterward like DUDE WATCH THE CAMERAS 🤣

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Does the gas station actually have parking available for Karen?

> They have about 10 spots

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What was Betty like through all of this?

> Betty is so wonderful and sassy, don’t mess with Betty 🤣 I was blessed with a great neighbor

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Final Update - after 7 days

^(August 20, 2026)

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Update - Woman wouldn’t stop parking in my lot, neighbor towed her car

Almost a week ago I posted about a woman, lovingly called Karen, parking in my lot multiple times until my neighbor was finally able to tow her.

I unfortunately got into an accident on my way home that night so I haven’t been back to work, but I did get an update from my assistant manager who was very happy to hang the new signs for me on Tuesday! Karen apparently wasn’t working yesterday, but this morning she came into the store demanding to see me. My assistant manager let her know I wasn’t there and wouldn’t be there for the rest of the week, and apparently her response was, “well that b*tch is paying me back for towing my car.”

One of my other employees working today texted me to let me know “the gas station lady” was going off on my assistant so I told her to call me and put me on speakerphone. I said hello and asked how I can help her and she said, “you can help me by paying the $500 it took to get my car out of the tow lot.”

I said, “unfortunately for you I won’t be doing that. I warned you multiple times, I told you to stop parking in my lot, it’s not my fault you didn’t read the signs in the parking lot.”

She told me that I don’t have any signs that say she would be towed away, so I did it illegally, so I told her she’s right, I didn’t have the right signage, but that my lovely neighbor next door, whose parking lot she moved to, does have the sign and repeated that it’s not my fault she didn’t read them. She demanded that my assistant show her the sign that I was talking about, so since I’m having so much fun, I said, “I’ll tell you what, I bet you $500 there’s a sign out there the at says you’ll be towed for parking there — and as a bonus, my assistant will even show you our new and improved signs in our lot!”

She gave me a very “Karen” indignant sound and my assistant took her outside and showed her Betty’s sign. I didn’t get to speak to her again, but my assistant said if her ears could’ve been smoking they would’ve been.

I wish so badly that I was there today, and that might be the last I deal with her parking in my lot, but I will be sure to smile and wave at her every morning that I see her. 😌

 

COMMENTS

Hey_HaveAGreatDay > I wouldn’t have sent someone outside with an obviously hostile person. People are weird, they could’ve gotten hurt. > > OOP >> She’s never been physically aggressive so I didn’t foresee anything like that, if I felt my assistant would’ve been in danger I would’ve told her to call the police rather than deal with her, and if my assistant felt she would be in any danger she wouldn’t have. We’re in plain view of Main Street and she works next door so I don’t think she’d risk her job by attacking someone that way. But you are right; you never know what people will do and I’ll keep that in mind!

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Mytweezer > So she hadn't realized it was Betty's section she parked in and Betty who had her towed? and thought it was all yours? > > OOP >> Yes, Betty and I sort of share a parking lot but one side is hers and one is mine >> >> Mytweezer >>> Lol, hope she doesn't turn her wrath against Betty now. >>> >>> OOP >>>> Oh hell no, she’s dealing with me I’ll fight her for Betty 🤣

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Character-Buyer-1068

Published on: r/TwoHotTakes

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: December 24, 2025

• Final Update: August 20, 2026

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Main Post

^(December 24, 2025)

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i married my best friend. 6 months later, i learned about his girlfriend. are we beyond repair?

hey reddit. I've never made a post here, but I listen to THT religiously. I feel like I know the answers I'm going to get but I want to vent and also hear what you all have to say.

I, 32F, married my husband, 31M, at the end of June after 8 amazing years together. we've lived with each other basically from the beginning. Our wedding and honeymoon was amazing, we have always gotten along, made each other laugh, and were happy. or so I thought.

About two months ago, we were cuddling on the couch and i felt something wet on my chest. at first i was like "ew babe, you drooled on me" only to realize he was crying. in eight years, i've only seen this man cry when our dog died. that moment cracked everything open.

he admitted that he was unhappy and the floodgates opened--- we didn't have enough sex (we have complete opposite work schedules so only get an hour together once a week and then friday afternoons and saturdays). even with that, we were having sex at least once a week. he said he didn't feel loved, despite the fact that i go out of my way every day to make him feel loved. he complained that when i was ~1 year into the relationship, i tried to move us to another state. he was angry that i didn't want to have a baby at 28 before we were married. the list goes on and on.

I worked my ASS off for the past two months to fix all of the things that were "wrong" with me. Communicated better. Initiated sex. Bought and read all the books on saving a marriage. Got into therapy. Got us into couples counseling.

Still, he would cry every single day and every time we tried to have sex, he couldn't get it up and blamed me for it. I was so supportive, patient, kind with him. i was worried about his mental health-- his job is really dangerous and stressful and i worried he was depressed.

then my therapist asked if he was cheating. the thought was so ridiculous to me. when the hell would he have time and he would never. then his mom and sister asked me the same thing. they pushed me to look at his phone and i didn't want to violate his trust. it ate away at me until finally last week, after he got home late as fuck, i checked it. it was all right there. for months this man has been having an affair with a bartender. all of their messages were about how much they love having sex with each other. nudes. the same selfies he would send me, he would send her. they were telling each other they love each other so much. i even saw her mention my name a few times.

what. the. fuck.

i confronted him. he admitted he loves her. but that he loves me more. i kicked him out and moved all his stuff out. left town for a little while to be with family.

and now i'm stuck in an emotional whiplash. some days i hate him. other days, i miss him so much and want him back. he's been my best friend for years and i love him to absolute pieces.

we've talked a few times. he insists it was a mistake and he would take it all back. but he's not groveling. not trying to make amends. won't answer any questions about her. and doesn't have any immediate plans to cut things off with her. as i type this, i feel ridiculous for even asking if i should try to work things out with him. we've been trying for a baby for months. we were planning a life. I feel gaslit, confused, furious, and heartbroken all at once. I don’t understand how someone can marry me, cry about being unhappy, let me twist myself into knots trying to save our marriage and be cheating the entire time.

why marry me? i know he's known her for years and since he wouldn't answer me when i asked if it was happening since before the wedding, i assume the answer is yes. what is wrong with him? what is wrong with me?

so reddit, is there any possibility of salvaging this? what is my best move? why do i want to fix this when it is so egregious? i feel like my head and my heart are in two different places. i'd love to hear what you have to say about why i still feel so much love and what that means. thanks so much <3

TL;DR: 32F, married my husband (31M) two months ago after eight years together. Shortly after the wedding, he broke down crying about being unhappy and blamed issues like lack of sex and feeling unloved. I spent two months doing everything possible to “fix” our marriage: therapy, counseling, communication while he cried daily and blamed me for intimacy issues. Found out he’d been having an affair with a bartender for months, including before and after our wedding. He says he loves her but loves me more, isn’t cutting contact, isn’t answering questions, and isn’t showing real remorse. I kicked him out but still love him and feel torn. Wondering if this is salvageable, what my best move is, and why I still feel attached.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

How are you processing the possibility that the relationship may have involved a long-term pattern of disrespect?

> I am wondering if i was happy. I met him when i moved to a new place and I’ve built my current life with him (home, friends, family). I haven’t known my current life without him and wonder if it’ll feel like a weight lifted.

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What did you realize about how he viewed the breakup and your willingness to tolerate his behavior?

> I know this is all going to be the best for me. When I left him (despite the cheating + problems we were seeking counseling for), he said “I never ever thought we would actually break up.” > > ???? > > It’s like he thought I would just deal with this forever. And keep playing his game. He really mistook my kindness for weakness.

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Why were you trying for a baby despite only having limited time together?

> Fair question. It was a temporary schedule for him that is to change soon (to one that let us have more time together), but I suppose that doesn't matter.

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What has he said about whether he would actually end the affair?

> I agree that he regrets that I found out. He would have never told me. I asked him what the plan was and he said “if we could fix things of course I would leave her.” But like, how could we have ever fixed anything if he was out sleeping with and falling in love with someone else?

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What happened when you tried to get him to give you the full story about the affair?

> Tried that and he refuses. He also is mad that I confided in my friends and family (did he want me to just go through this alone?). He seems to care more about how people are perceiving him than how he actually hurt me.

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How do you feel about the eight years you spent together now that you know what happened?

> Yeah i wish that if he was unhappy and wanted out he would have just said it. I would’ve been sad, but I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want me. In this case, I probably could have looked back at our eight years and smiled. But now it’s hard bc I’m so angry and disgusted and worry all those years will always be soured.

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What are you considering doing about having children in the future?

> We had gone to a fertility specialist together and were about to use some medication to help us out. Going to look into maybe having my eggs frozen. I don’t want him to take having a family away from me.

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What have you learned about the effect this breakup is having on you?

> This comment really helped me. I didn’t realize that this was a nervous system response and now I’m reading up on it. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. Super unsure how to use Reddit, but would love to chat about your situation— feel free to message me!

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What is happening with your living situation now?

> We rent and I’m in the process of removing him from the lease

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Where is your husband staying, and is the affair still continuing?

> He’s staying with a friend and yes he is. I’m trying not to check up on him— it’s not something that i feel will serve me.

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What steps are you taking to separate your life from his?

> Breadcrumbing. Yes. He gave just enough to keep me hanging on. Realizing this may have been a pattern over time. > > And yes-- I'm on top of all of that. Making plans to move closer to family. Unfortunately, that will mean leaving a job that I love and have worked my ass off for and getting a teaching certificate for a different state. It's daunting and sucks, but I am sure it will be worthwhile.

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What did you learn about why his mother and sister suspected something was wrong?

> I'm super close to his mom and sister. They said they didn't know anything or have any evidence, but there were little signs that they picked up on over time that I was too in love to see.

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Why have you decided not to confront the other woman?

> Tempting but not sure if that would serve me. I know she knows about me— I could see from the messages. She also commented on pics of us from our wedding stuff. He admitted she didn’t know we were in couples counseling but that we were having issues. Either way she knew she was involved w a married man. May just be triggering to talk to her. As much as I think she’s a POS, I think talking to her would be misdirected anger that he deserves. He’s the one who made the vows and owed loyalty to me

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Small updates to the main post over three months.

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UPDATE:

thank you all for the kind responses. I know it's probably frustrating to read this because the logical answer is so obvious, but my heart isn't in the same place. I'm grateful for all of the advice and am feeling stronger already. To clarify, we are not having sex anymore or trying to have a baby. We were trying for a kid for months before I found out about the affair (about a week ago). I packed all his stuff, changed the locks, and redecorated a bit to make my home feel MINE instead of ours. I also got STD tested a few days ago and am awaiting a few more results. All have come back clear so far (silver lining?)

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EDIT 1:

Thanks for all the advice, again. I have no real updates right now. Today was his birthday and I ignored his messages. You're all making me feel stronger and when I feel tempted to text him, I read some of these comments and the rage sets in. Will post updates as they come.

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EDIT 2:

title clarifying— when I say I married my best friend, we were NOT friends before our romantic relationship. He’s just become my best friend over the last 8 years.

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Update: 12/30/25:

not much to update, but I haven’t spoken to him since 12/24. He has been blowing up my phone, but I’ve been holding strong.

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Update: 01/08/26

Hi!! Doing really well. I even have a date with a seemingly lovely guy this upcoming weekend and I feel so excited. Even just talking to someone new for a few days made me realize how much greeener the grass is and how much I’ve been settling. So excited for my future without this awful man.

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UPDATE 2/24/26:

It's been over two months since this all went down. Today I'm at just about 4.5 weeks of no contact. Things blew up when his girlfriend reached out to me wanting to commiserate with me about him being a dick. Like no thanks. Blocked her. Blocked him. Block, block, block.

It's been a roller coaster, but I'm proud of myself for cutting off what doesn't serve me. I get moments and days of sadness, which I feel a lot of shame around. It feels embarrassing to feel sad over someone that wronged me so badly, but I know it's part of the process and I keep reminding myself that he is not who I thought he was. When I need a little extra motivation to be mad, I remind myself that when I asked what the plan was, having me and a girl on the side, he said "I hoped you would get pregnant so I would have a reason to stop." And that he thought life with me would be mediocre. BYEEE. Since we've broken up, I've traveled, been in therapy consistently, worked out regularly, been on a few dates, and spent more time with friends and family. I know it'll keep going up from. Thanks all for the love and support.

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Final Update - after 7 months, 27 days

^(August 20, 2026)

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UPDATE: i married my best friend. 6 months later, i learned about his girlfriend. are we beyond repair?

Hi Reddit fam! I cannot believe it’s been about eight months since I found out my ex was having an affair. I still come back to this post sometimes, and genuinely, your comments helped me get through the worst period of my life. Even the ones that made me want to throw my phone across the room because I knew you were right. So, I figured it was time for an update.

First and most importantly: we are not together. We haven’t seen each other since January, and I can confidently say there will be no reconciliation.

And here is possibly the most unbelievable plot twist of this entire story: we found out our marriage was never legally filed. The paperwork apparently got lost in the mail and never made it to City Hall. And before you say it because I KNOW-- I truly do not think he tampered with it. I personally dropped it in the mailbox at the post office. I choose to believe that somewhere out there, a guardian angel saw what was coming and said, “Absolutely the fuck not.”

So after eight years together, a wedding, vows, honeymoon, everything… I walked away without even needing a divorce. WILD.

He paid me rent through the end of our lease and still sends me money occasionally. I know there is an argument that accepting it keeps us tethered, but GIRL’S GOT BILLS. Keep it coming lmao. I’ve picked up some side gigs for money, but I live in an expensive city and can use all the help I can get. 

In the month or so after everything blew up, my ex went back and forth a LOT. He asked me to get back together. He asked me to run away with him. He talked about eloping and still having babies together. At one point, he told me he had ended things with his affair partner.
And I am very proud of past-me because somehow, even while my entire life felt like it was collapsing, I held the line.

I told him I don’t hate myself enough to ever get back together with him. I also told him to go “un-end” things with his AP because maybe he could repair that relationship, but there was absolutely no repairing ours.I do sometimes wonder what they tell people about how and when they got together. Ick.

Eventually, his AP reached out to me because apparently she wanted to commiserate with me about him lying to her.Wow. The engaged man you knowingly started a full-blown relationship with LIED TO YOU??? SHOCKING. Ma’am. No thank you.I blocked her. I blocked him. Block, block, block.

While my anger is mostly directed at him, I still think she’s a shitty person, and I hope her pillow is always warm and there is perpetually one tiny pebble in each of her shoes.
My ex and I went more than four months completely no contact. When a family member passed away, he (as I expected) used that as an opening to reach out.

We’ve spoken a handful of times since then, almost entirely about logistical things. We did catch up a little once (I KNOW. Bad. My friends have already yelled at me), but the second he started bringing up the past and asking why I “couldn’t meet his needs,” I ended the call. NOPE.

That was actually a pretty important moment for me. Eight months ago, I would have immediately started explaining myself, defending myself, or wondering what I could have done differently. Now I heard it for what it was: him still trying to make me responsible for choices he made. Line drawn. No thank you.

I can tell he misses me, and I would be lying if I said I don’t sometimes miss parts of our old life too. But missing something is very, very different from wanting it back. Also, for everyone who wondered whether he ever fully took accountability for what happened… I’ll let you decide.

His life pretty much imploded after we broke up. He moved in with his best friend, who eventually kicked him out, and last I heard he was living on his parents’ couch. The truly wild part is that, as of EASTER, he was apparently still telling his family that we were together and that I was just “visiting family” when I wasn’t showing up to family events. Sir. It has been MONTHS.

Then in July, he randomly texted me asking whether I had told his family we broke up because people were starting to ask him questions.I had not. Which means this grown man apparently made it more than half a year without fully owning the fact that his relationship had ended. Yikes.
That text honestly told me everything I still needed to know. The avoidance, the lying, the refusal to own what he did-- it wasn’t just about the affair.

As for the affair partner, I believe they may still be together, but I genuinely do not know. I asked everyone close to me not to give me updates about either of them. I don’t want screenshots. I don’t want gossip. I don’t want to know whether they’re happy, miserable, married, broken up, living together, whatever. Not my circus anymore. And surprisingly, I don’t really need the answers I desperately wanted eight months ago either.

When I wrote my first post, I kept asking: Why did he marry me? Why did he do this? How could he watch me twist myself into knots trying to “fix” our marriage while knowing the entire time that he was cheating? I thought if I could just understand it, maybe I could make peace with it. I understand now that there probably isn’t an answer that would ever make it make sense to me. He made selfish, cowardly choices. That is the answer.

Something else I’ve had to come to terms with is that the affair wasn’t the only thing wrong with our relationship. With some distance and a LOT of therapy,I can recognize patterns that I normalized over eight years that were emotionally abusive.

sister explained it to me using the frog-in-boiling-water analogy. If you throw a frog into boiling water, it jumps out. But if you put it into cool water and slowly turn up the heat, it doesn’t realize what’s happening until it’s too late. That’s what this relationship feels like looking back. He didn’t wake up one morning eight years ago and suddenly start treating me terribly. It happened slowly. A critical comment here. A nasty joke there. Comments about my appearance. Texts with girls that just crossed a line. Being so temperamental and moody that I walked on eggshells. And because it happened little by little, I got used to it.

Things that would horrify me if a man said them to me on a third date somehow became things I accepted from my husband. Instead of asking, Why is someone who loves me speaking to me this way? I would ask myself, What can I change so he stops? That has been one of the biggest things I’ve had to unlearn.

I’m realizing how much of myself I made smaller to keep the peace, how often I accepted cruelty as humor or criticism as “communication,” and how much my confidence eroded without me even noticing it happening. The affair was the explosion that ended our relationship, but I can see now that the relationship had been hurting me long before I ever knew about her.

Meanwhile, my life has gotten so much bigger. I’ve stayed in therapy. I’m probably in the best shape of my life. I’ve traveled. I'm doing things I love. I’ve spent a ton of time with my friends and family. I’ve poured energy into the people who showed up for me when my life completely fell apart. And I feel like I’m getting my sparkle back. The weird thing is, with some distance, I can see now that he was dulling that sparkle long before the affair.

I spent a long time grieving not only him, but the life I thought I was supposed to have by now. When I married him, I thought the next chapter was babies, a family, growing old together: all of it. Obviously, that chapter got ripped up. And for a while that terrified me. Now I’m getting more comfortable with the idea that my life might look different than the one I planned. Best case scenario, I fall deeply in love again and have a family someday. Worst case scenario? Maybe I don’t have kids of my own, and I get to be the cool, slightly unhinged aunt who spoils her nephew rotten. I have a new nephew now, and honestly, he has been one of the biggest blessings to come out of this year.

I am also dating someone. He is kind. He treats me well. And I’m intentionally not putting some huge “IS THIS MY FUTURE HUSBAND???” pressure on the relationship. Maybe he is my person. Maybe he isn’t. What I do know is that this experience completely changed what I am willing to accept from a partner. I’m not going to mother a grown man. I’m not going to beg someone to communicate with me. I’m going to choose someone who chooses me. And, probably most importantly, I’m never going to forget to choose myself first.

One of the biggest things I’m working on is not making a relationship the center of my life. I spent so many years being part of an “us” that I think I forgot how important it is to have a strong sense of “me.” I don’t want to be codependent on another person. I don’t want my happiness, confidence, plans, or sense of security to depend on whether a man chooses me.

Things are not magically perfect. I still think about my ex. Sometimes I still get angry. Sometimes something random reminds me of our life together and it feels surreal that a person who was beside me for eight years is basically a stranger now. But I don’t cry over him anymore. I don’t wish we were back together. I don’t fantasize about him suddenly becoming the person I thought he was. And I no longer feel ashamed that I loved him for as long as I did.

I loved the person I believed I was building a life with. Finding out that person wasn’t who I thought he was doesn’t make the love I felt fake. In a very fucked-up way, the affair gave me the kick in the ass I needed to walk away from a relationship I probably should have walked away from years ago.

Eight months ago, I genuinely did not know how I was going to survive losing the life I thought I had. Turns out, I didn’t lose my life. I got mine back.

Thank you guys for helping me see that before I was ready to see it myself.

&nbsp;

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ImNoBestMan

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: January 27, 2017

• Final Update: June 12, 2017

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Main Post

^(January 27, 2017)

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My brother [34m] didn't make me [26m] his best man.

My brother is getting married in a few months, and has put together his wedding party. He has asked me to be one of his groomsmen, and I agreed to it.

Just for a sense of background with my brother and me: we've ever been close. Not just because of a 6 year age age growing up, we're just completely different people. Neither one of us understand each other's hobbies or interests, we have no mutual friends, etc. And now we live in different cities (about 5 hours apart from one another.) To get a sense of how distant we are, we only see one another on major holidays, and when he phoned me (late last year) to be his groomsman, that was the first time in about 2 years we'd spoken to each other on the phone.

That said, there's no bad blood between us. Yes, we've had fights growing up, but all siblings do. It's never been tough to be around him. We just both recognize that we want very different lives.

So back to the wedding, he asked me to be a groomsman, and his best friend of more than a decade is his best man. When my family found out, they've all freaked out. They just keep yelling to him the "Hes your BROTHER!!!!! How can you snub your own BROTHER on such an important day?"

It's just dragging the whole thing down. He's picked a really logical person to be his best man, and that I'm not only comfortable with, more importantly, he is too. Honestly, I hadn't even considered the idea that he would ask me to be up there with him at all.

There's another side to this, as well. I don't even want to do it. I hate wedding in general (I hate all the formalities involved, I hate dressing up, etc.) but I can grin and bare it for the day, and I will. I won't be a downer on a day that so important to them. What I can't do is give a speech, as the best man is supposed to do. I'm a horrible public speaker, and if he piked me, I wouldn't have any clue what to say. We don't do anything together, and never really have, so I'd have no stories to tell. Also, I'm terrible at planning things ,so I'd be the wrong person to plan his bachelor party (Hell, I wouldn't even know who to invite I don't know any of his friends.)

So that's where we are now. As much as I hate wedding, I respect m brother and his fiance enough that I want their to be a special day for them, and I don't want this crap argument to cast a shadow over their day. I don't want them to look at wedding photos and then be reminded of all the arguing my family has put him through for "snubbing" me.

Is there any way we can have a rational discussion about this? I can't even understand where my family is coming from. This is to me such a nondispute that I can't believe they took it up. There's a solution staring us all in the face that keeps all the necessary parties happy: just don't make me best man. But our family can't seem to accept this for some reason.

tl;dr: My brother picked his best friend to be his best man instead of me to be his best man. I'm grateful he did this, but my family is fighting him on it for seemingly no reason.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

NightOwlEye > Sounds like you being one of his groomsmen is the perfect place in the wedding for you. You know it and your brother knows it...so now you have to get the rest of your family on board. Have you told your family that you're happy with things the way they are and that you don't feel snubbed? > > OOP >> > Have you told your family that you're happy with things the way they are and that you don't feel snubbed? >> >> Yes, we both have.

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OOP to a deleted comment >> As a point of comparison, how is the bride choosing her side of things? If she too has gone for a best friend, then throw that fact in there. > > Honestly, I have no idea who's in her party, or even if she has any siblings.

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kirby_144 > Now I don't think you should have to as ultimately it's your brother's decision, and frankly even if you did want to be his best man he has the right to choose and has opted for his best friend. > > However, given that's not your situation and it seems like you want to keep peace with your family, are you willing and able to reach a compromise with them? Perhaps you can be the 'Head Groomsman' or have a slightly more important role, just not best man? Play to your hobbies/interests perhaps (i.e. say you're into photography you could offfer to do that, or if you're a dab hand in the kitchen you can make the cake)? > > I don't know enough about weddings or you/your family to make and valid suggestions, but I hope it's food for thought at least. > > OOP >> I appreciate you advice, and don't want to come across as dismissive, but I'm not sure it's something we can incorporate. >> >> The thing is, "head groomsman" is ultimately want the best man is. He's the one in charge of the group on my brother's behalf. If I were to take on some role as something more than a groomsman, that would be stepping on someone else's toes at every turn.

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dankmemer1001 > First paragraph sums it up. He wanted someone who he felt he was closer too. > > Be honoured you are one of his groomsmen. One of my closest friends intitially said i would be his best man and then a month later he changed his mind to his brother which i said sure thing fair enough and then a few months later changed his mind again to one of his other friends and didnt even make me a groomsman. > > TBH i was pre salty after all that and i went anyway but yeah. Don't feel down on it, he just wanted someone closer in his life to be it. The fact you are a groomsman is still pre good imo. > > OOP >> I don't mean to be rude, but did you not read the rest of the post? >> >> I am happy for him, and completely understand why he picked his best friend. And more than that, I'm happy to not be doing it. I'd be a terrible best man. The drama is coming from the family. >> >> And yes, I am very touched to be a groomsman.

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Final Update - after 4 months, 16 days

^(June 12, 2017)

---

Update to: My brother [34m] didn't make me [26m] his best man.

TLDR of the original thread: "My brother picked his best friend to be his best man instead of me to be his best man. I'm grateful he did this, but my family is fighting him on it for seemingly no reason."

Hi everyone, and thanks for the help you offered in my original post. My Brother married his wife yesterday, and things went well.

There seemed to be a bit of confusion in one of the comments, so I want to say again, I'm glad my brother picked the person he did to be his best man, I am honoured to be one of his groomsman, and I am completely on his side in this whole thing.

So the main take away I got from my original thread I got was that I should be the person to shut our parents down when they throw a hissy fit over the fact that I'm not my brother's best man.

Quite simply, I did what I could. As I now live in a different city to my family, I'm sure that I was not present for many of the fights my brother had to endure. When I visited my former hometown, I saw what they had to say, but I can only imagine that he's had to take more crap that I ever saw.

After the comments in my original thread, I phoned my brother to make it clear that I was 100% on his side in this, and that while we're not exactly close as friends, I'm honoured to be a groomsman for him, and this I thought that he made a great choice as his choice for best man. I also let him know that f any one at all were to throw crap at him for his choice of groomsmen, he can defer them to me, and I'll handle the fallout. That his choice for his side of the bridal party should not cast a shadow on their day. I never got a call, but my brother isn't someone to deflect conflict. At this point , I wasn't sure if anything more was said.

Once I traveled out for the rehearsal and wedding, I finally found out his groomsmen order. I was number 2, immediately behind his best man. Things went well, and we were all ready for the wedding.

The wedding went well, and my brother's best friend did a great job as best man (the bachelor party and speech were legendary, haha.) I could have never done what he did. As our Parents gave their speech, we both felt there was a bit of shade thrown his way. Nothing in the sense of "We're all mad that he abandonded his family and picked a friend as his best man," More along the lines of "Family in incredibly important, and no friendship can ever be more important than your family."

I spoke to them that it was obvious to us what they were talking about, and it was kind of obvious that they were still at least a bit upset. I had to tell the again that I would have been a terrible best man, and would have turned it down if he'd offered it to me.

At the end of the day, my brother's ad sister in law's wedding went well. I proudly stood behind my brother and his best friend, and while my parents threw some shade at the wedding, they didn't ruin it.

Fun P.S. to the story: A kind redditor in my original post suggested that I could offer a reading during the ceremony or speech during the reception. I didn't respond to it, so I'll take that opportunity now: If I'd asked, I have no doubt that my brother would have given me the moment to give a speech or reading. However, as I said, I'm a terrible public speaker, to the degree that I'm the type to pass out at the podium. Despite that, and without knowing of my original thread, his best man made a joke that I was going to make an impromptu speech during the reception. I shut that down pretty quick, just in case, but we all had a good laugh over it.

tl;dr: I made it clear to my brother that I love him and support his decisions for the bridal party. Our parents never seemed happy. If they can't come around, they can suck a hard one.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

itypeallmycomments > Imagine letting something like that ruin your son's wedding for yourself. Imagine being so wrapped up in tradition that it puts you in a bad mood for the entire lead up to the wedding, and on the day you even make a point to mention it in a speech. > > What would've happened if your bro asked you to be best man but you declined? Then the position goes to the next down the line, his best friend. Would your parents have been ok with that outcome? Petty people annoy me :P > > suckzbuttz69420bro >> I never knew that tradition was having a family member be a MOH or best man. I always thought the tradition was for the groom/bride to pick their own :/ >> >> OOP >>> I don't think it really is a tradition. Our parents just seemed to make more of this than it really is. >>> >>> It should be someone reliable in your life, and who you're really close. >>> >>> Acesvent >>>> My family wasn't happy that my brother didn't pick me. I really didn't care. Him and I didn't have the best relationship. I think it is the "family is forever" sort of thing >>>> >>>> OOP >>>>> See, I wouldn't say that my brother and I "don't have the best relationship." There's no tension or bad blood, we're just totally different. We can both accept that and love each other with the relationship that we have. >>>>> >>>>> But when it came to choosing a best man, my brother picked a person he's particularly close with, and who would actually be able to pull off the job.

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cellequisaittout > I think that deep down, your parents are feeling some guilt that they must have done something wrong as parents for their kids to end up not very close to each other. They had a picture in their head of you two as kids and thought they, as your parents, knew everything about both of you, and suddenly finding out that you two are adults who have grown apart shatters their mental image of your family. You two were always the most important people in the world to them, so it is insane to them that you aren't the most important person to each other! To displace their guilt, they have been focusing their anger and guilt-tripping on your brother. > > The only reason I think this might be such a deep and complex issue for them is that they still could not let it go on the wedding day! > > In any case, there's not much you can do other than continuing to be a good brother. If/when you get married, and you choose your brother as groomsman instead of best man, expect more drama from your parents if they haven't dealt with their issues by then. > > OOP >> > If/when you get married, and you choose your brother as groomsman instead of best man, expect more drama from your parents if they haven't dealt with their issues by then. >> >> Trust me, if I ever get married, it's going to be in a court room without a bridal party. Weddings just aren't for me

&nbsp;

---

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/DillinquentPICK

Published on: r/Advice

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 16, 2026

• Update: August 19, 2026

---

Main Post

^(August 16, 2026)

---

How do I avoid ruining relationship with my daughter over catching her having sex in mine and wifes bed and reacting horribly?

My daughter 19F lives in a different city than me 45M while she is going through college and recently I also got her a dog. I took care of the dog for about 2 weeks while she went out of town and got attached to the little pup and I turned on a camera to peek at the dog on the robot vacuum that is in my room at that condo.

Only the robovacum.in my room has a camera, she knows about it, she is logged into it too.. I saw through the camera my daughter having sex with her boyfriend 20M on mine and my wife's bed. The apartment has 3 rooms, her bedroom, my wife's and mine bedroom and another room.

The apartment, 1900 sq ft belongs to me, I got it for when my kids go to college, so they wouldn't need to worry about rent in that city. I go there usually weekly, bring my daughter garden veggies, other farm things from my area she likes to eat and we usually make a day out of doing something fun in the city on a weekend.

Its fine to have sex with a boyfriend, I figured she will eventually meet someone, its a right of college experience and I made peace with it, i met the guy, he seemed like an ok guy, but my opinion has changed since . Had she been in her room, thats fine, do your thing.

My issue was on the bed my wife and I sleep on when we come to stay and see our daughter. More so, when i came to look after the pup I noticed stains on the sheets and now im completely disgusted that she didn't even bother wash the sheets before I came to help her take care of the dog. I thiught the stains were maybe some tea or drink my wife and i spilled.

I have the vacuum in my room only because the pup likes to sleep there, and he sheds a lot and carpet collects a lot of his hair. And the camera faces his doggiebed and you can see some of my bed.

I completely blew my lid when I called her and in the family chat. I realize the family chat was a mistake, how it went was i called my daughter, asked her where does she find the audacity to have sex in my bed and were she stains from that? She yelled back asking wtf am I doing spying on her personal life? And hung up.

I didnt even notice I went in the group chat, just went where I usually communicate with her and i typed, the chat that contains wife, me, her and my son and I called her ungrateful and disgusting for letting me sleep on dirty sheets on the bed my wife and I sleep on, and to top it off, messaged the boyfriend, told him how pathetic you cant bring your girlfriend to your own place, and instead choose to disrespect me by doing it with my daughter on my bed? He left me on read. I have yet to receive an apology from either of them.

Did I take it too far? Should I apologize? My wife thinks its too much, so does my niece to an extent, she does agree with majority of my reaction other than accidentally texting the family (wife me daughter, son and niece) group chat, i already got in shit for that, and thats my mistake. My end goal here is to find out how to approach this with my daughter so I avoid resentment and hate. I know she feels embarrassed, her boyfriend is probably terrified of me now.

---

Update - after 3 days

^(August 19, 2026)

---

UPDATE: How do I avoid ruining relationship with my daughter over catching her having sex in mine and wifes bed and reacting horribly?

I ended up having a sit down conversation with my daughter. I began by apologizing for a sincere screw up on my end by messaging the group chat when i was enraged. She just stayed silent, didnt accept my apology and thats okay. I apologized for yelling initially, I then explained that my bed and my room is mine and wifes private space. There is no excuse she should have been doing that on my bed, let alone leaving it dirty for me to sleep in.

She absolutely blew up. She said I had 0 reason to log into the camera on my phone, its her apartment. My wife and I re-iterated, that its not, its actually my wifes and mine, so is the room, the bed, the sheets the vacuum and everything else in it I bought, made or installed. Apartment is for family use.

Then she decided to compare with her friend who is enjoying promiscuous college experience in dorms. I then started to get pissed off because the apartment is far more comfortable than dorms, where you have to share a shower with a bunch of other students.

She then said that I am being overbearing and embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend, and yea, I did. My intent was to embarass both of them in front of me. That should have been embarassing. Her boyfriend should feel a bit of remorse in my opinion so should she..still no apology.

She said she will move to dorms now, I said you're welcome to, enjoy having a job paying for the dorms and good luck keeping your grades up while you hold it down and being a full time student.

She then said, why wouldnt I pay for it? if her brother will go to another college other than this one, ill have to pay for a dorm for him, not buy another 3 bedroom in whatever city he will be in? We're not there yet and comparing hypotheticals is not a luxury she has at this moment in time.

I asked what is wrong with her boyfirends apartment, she had nothing to say. I asked why didnt she clean it?

She stormed out, i have no idea whether she went to the biyfriend or where..

What do I do. I am livid, this is a bad situation, my wife is with me on this, we are trying to think of how to approach it.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Is your daughter’s tuition still being paid for, even if she chooses to move into a dorm?

> No one is taking away paying her tuition. I just won't pay for the dorms because there is a perfectly fine apartment she can use, all i ask dont have sex on my bed and leave it stained, which I thought was obvious but here we are.

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Why do you have an apartment for your children to use?

> I did not purchase apartment to control, I purchased the apartment so its easier to commute to things in the city, whether it be college, or job for the entire family to use. Each member of my family has space, and that space is to be respected.

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Does your daughter have her own room and enough space to have sex elsewhere?

> She has her own room, space, plenty of bed space. Orogonal post has all that info. She can have sex all She wants. Not in my bed. All I ask

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Do you actually use the apartment and the bedroom yourself?

> Weekend basis when I went to visit daughter

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Would you pay for a dorm if your daughter simply wanted the college dorm experience?

> No. What's the point.

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Why are you unwilling to pay for her dorm but willing to pay her tuition?

> Exactly, paying for the dorms is stupid, I bought an apartment to avoid the dorm. She wants to live in a dorm, be my guest, but it won't be coming out of my wallet

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Are you planning to kick your daughter out or cut her off?

> I would never kick my kid out. She is welcome to leave or stay on her own accord in my of my wifes and my properties

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What does your wife think about the situation?

> My wife is with me on this, she agrees, some independence might be good for her. She expected at the very least an apology from her, and she didnt get it either. When daughter left, she was just in shock and the first thing she started saying, is holy fuck, did i raise her to not apologize?

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Are you upset with your daughter for having sex, or specifically for doing it in your bed?

> No one shut shamed her. I am fine with her having sex, i draw the line at my bed

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Why did you apologize if you believe your daughter was the one in the wrong?

> I apologised for something different. I accidentally messaged her in family group chat

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Why don't you want to simply rent out the apartment to other students if your daughter wants more independence?

> I dont want tenants. If i did, i would have rented it years ago

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Why are you concerned about your daughter moving to a dorm?

> Last thing I want is out of spite she gets a job that takes her time, makes her too exhausted to focus on college to prove a point, flunks her grades, flanks her credit rating and whatnot. I dont want a hard life for these kids but I want to teach values and simple basic respect

&nbsp;

---

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Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Fremen_Dave

Published on: r/AIO

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 23, 2026

• Final Update: August 18, 2026

---

Main Post

^(July 23, 2026)

---

AIO my girlfriend took her parents to a zoo 2 hours away, got them a hotel room and decided to crash at her “best friend”s (ex from 20 years ago) house.

I (M39) and my partner (F38) have been together for just under a year (August will be the year mark) and she decided to take her folks on a random trip to the zoo that’s a couple hours away from where we live. This was intended to be an overnight stay as they’re older and don’t want to travel too much in one day.

Her “best friend” live in the city they’re staying near and she did plan on visiting him but texted me after he made her dinner, saying that his place is an hour away from the hotel where she got a room that her parents are staying in and she’s just going to crash in his guest room.

Now, I have a traumatic relationship history involving a lot of partners that have ended up being unfaithful and ripping my heart out. And she knows all of my history and we’ve talked at length about boundaries and triggers and we’ve both been very mindful about each others’ past traumas.

We’ve had an incredible relationship and so many wonderful memories, great communication and so much love and compassion shared between us. She’s my best friend and I can see myself with her for the rest of my life.

I told her I would happily pay for her uber back to the hotel and that this makes me very uncomfortable and crosses a boundary that just makes me feel sick.

She called me and said that I’m making her feel controlled and that it’s not ok for me to not be ok with her spending time with her best friend as they are having a great time and good conversation and it’s making her want to withdraw from everyone and “crawl in a hole.” I explained that I think it’s wonderful that she’s having a good time and feeling safe and that my issue is not at all with this person or the time she spends with him, it’s about staying the night in another man’s home.

I asked if she even had anything with her for an overnight stay and she confirmed that she did, so I suggested that it was the plan to stay there. She got very defensive and angry and pretty much said “I don’t know what to tell you” and said goodnight.

My heart is breaking and I feel sick. This isn’t a thing most couples would be ok with, right? I’m not crazy for feeling this way? I feel like this is could be the end of this relationship and I just want to go lie on the train tracks.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

ZookeepergameSoft358 > NTA. You have the right to disagree with her choice and the right to walk away. She thinks it’s fine, you don’t. Incompatible. Side note- I wouldn’t be okay with that from my partner, nor would I do that to them. Deal breaker for me. > > OOP >> Thank you

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Headice24 >That’s the classic response of a narcissist cheater. She blamed you, she said you are trying to control her. Which anyone would agree her actions are highly suspicious. She already had a change of cloths and she planned this the whole time. She’s been wanting to see them and they had sex that night.

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ivyram >NOR. > >This unfortunately sounds like an affair wrapped in a trip to the zoo with the folks, OP. > >In no reality should expecting your partner not to show up at their ex's house with an overnight bag be considered controlling, insecure, or anything other than a basic expectation of common decency and respect. > >Please do not feel ashamed for crying about this. It is completely natural to mourn what appears to be the end of a relationship. Stay strong, and good luck as you work through it.

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Final Update - after 26 days

^(August 18, 2026)

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(UPDATE) AIO my girlfriend took her parents to a zoo 2 hours away, got them a hotel room and decided to crash at her “best friend”s (ex from 20 years ago) house.

Hey there Reddit, I posted this a few weeks ago and wanted to provide some closure to those that offered truly helpful insight into the situation. I can’t thank you all enough for taking the time to respond in my time of brain-melting emotional spiral.

I’ll just get to it: After the events of my previous post, she said good night at around 2:30 in the morning. That morning, she sent me a good morning video of her alone in a guest room with the bed space next to her untouched. Later that morning her ex texted me saying that she said he should reach out and say hi (as she told me we’d be great friends) Upon her return, I asked for a conversation about everything that happened and for a chance to share my feelings on the matter.

It turned into the worst fight that we’d ever had and again she talked to me in a way that just made me feel stupid and was very defensive and heated. It also came to light that they were drinking and that her shoulder was sore from him “pressing on her too hard” which she explained away as him comforting her after our call but then squeezed her shoulder too hard… I didn’t buy it. DARVO definitely came to mind as she literally told me “I’m the victim here, you’re putting chains on me and telling me I can’t have friends” it was like she couldn’t hear me the 100 times I told her that she could have all the friends she wanted and hang out with them, no issue.

That my issue was deciding to spend the night at another man’s house, especially one that she has a history with and even more especially when there were a multitude of other options for spending time together. Eventually we got to a point where it was time to step away from the conversation and cool down. This went on for about a week. I kept thinking of the comments here and talked with trusted friends and my therapist about everything and knew that with no willingness to change behavior (let alone no remorse or apology) on her end. Things weren’t going to work out.

We had a last talk about things last Thursday and ended it. I told her I was going to take some space and time for myself over the weekend but in the future I would like to keep her in my life. I love her, I still wish so hard that things could be different but a life full of anxiety-inducing behavior from my partner and all the “not knowing” is a life no one should have to live when there’s a choice.

There have been a few texts back and forth, sending each other encouragement and just basic checking in to make sure the other is ok but I haven’t seen her since Thursday. It’s really sad to me and I’m having a hard time with things. I’m proud of myself for doing the hard work of stepping away and I have new respect for my intuition so I guess that’s a positive thing I can take away from the experience.

It all just hurts so much and I’m trying to believe I’m worthy of a committed partner that truly loves me and would make compromises with me. It’s difficult to feel that way after repeatedly being cheated on (maybe or maybe not in this case… but probably, at least in some way)

Time will tell, I suppose. For now, i have no desire for a relationship and plan to focus on me and my goals. Just trying to stay as healthy as possible while I recover and get my head straightened out. Lots of hikes, nature, time with friends, sketching and video games. Thank you all for your replies to the previous post. It was helpful to see that I wasn’t the only one who thought this behavior was not ok. Wishing you all well.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

LlovelyLlama (downvoted) > This probably isn’t what you want to hear, but you can’t put your past on your partner’s shoulders. > > You say they dated TWENTY YEARS ago. They are still friends. This is clearly a case of “we made a terrible couple but we are great friends.” > > You’re probably not the first boyfriend who didn’t understand this, and tried to cut her off from one of her closest friends because of their history. > > Sounds like you both handled this immaturely.
> > OOP >> I respect your opinion and I agree that my past isn’t her responsibility. But again, I supported this friendship because that appeared to be exactly the case. I wasn’t trying to cut her off from anything or anyone; but I clearly stated a boundary of “please don’t stay the night alone with another guy” that was not only disregarded but actively fought against. >> >> LlovelyLlama (downvoted) >>> I get that it makes you uncomfortable, but did you set that boundary at any time before she said she was going to crash there? Because at that point you’re asking her to make a 1 hr trip back to her hotel, rather than sleep in a guest room. >>> >>> If it had been previously discussed, then I concede that she actively chose to violate a pre-established boundary. But if you only set it in that moment and couldn’t give her some grace, especially if she’d been drinking and felt safer crashing in the spare room of a trusted friend, versus taking a 1 hour car ride with a stranger, I am wholly on her side. >>> >>> In either case, I don’t blame her for putting her own safety ahead of your comfort in that situation. Getting in a car alone with a stranger is always a risk for women, intoxicated or not. >>> >>> OOP >>>> It had been previously discussed, very clearly. Make no mistake, I don’t feel like a hero here or anything, this sucks. Ultimately, she knew how I felt about the situation that she made sure happened and then chose what she chose anyways. I would encourage you to read the previous post as well. >>>> >>>> I won’t be replying to this particular thread any further as it’s not really something I care to debate about - especially at this moment. As I said, I respect this opinion, thank you for sharing your perspective.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

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Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/WhichCommon

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: April 06, 2019

• Update: April 15, 2019

• Final Update: April 15, 2019

---

Main Post

^(April 06, 2019)

---

I found out that my (27f) husband (33m) rents a secret apartment with his friends

My husband has this group of friends, they’ve been close since college and they’re like brothers. So I’ve become pretty close with all of their wives. We have parties and everything together and all of our kids are like cousins. The wives are really sweet and we talk and carpool and baby sit for each other if we need.

So one of the girls texted me that she found out there’s apparently this apartment all the guys split up the rent for and go there whenever to get away from their wives and lie about going on work trips.

I know that sounds really fucking bad but there is no way she’s lying, she’s not like that. I know she’s telling the truth. And he does go on work trips and all that pretty frequently. But I always thought he was actually going for work. I feel so fucking dumb and confused and I just wanna call him up but I know I have to be smarter than that. He’s on a trip or whatever right now and I don’t wanna text him where he can take a couple hours to come up with an answer, I need to confront him in person

This has me so fucked up, I can’t even explain the emotions I’m going through right now. I have no fucking idea what to do. I am a house wife and I don’t have anything to do with the finances. He has a good paying job and I have a credit card and whatever I want, he’ll tell me if we can afford it or not and sometimes we talk about our savings but we really don’t have money problems so there’s no reason to talk about it in depth like that. So I had no idea about him paying for this apartment.

And I know they’re not doing anything innocent there. The most innocent thing they’re probably doing is some gambling and lying about leaving for work and just relaxing together. Worst thing is having affairs. Cheating once and making a mistake, I can deal with. I know they bring girls there, there would be no other reason to rent out a fucking apartment just to hang out.

I feel so confused and nasty and I don’t know what to do or how to bring it up. And if it’s true, what the fuck am I gonna do??? I didnt even finish my bachelors, we met when I was 18 and then we got married and I dropped out when I was pregnant. And we have two children, our daughter is 6 and the baby is 2.

I am trying to think of some innocent explanation, that she made a mistake or something I have no idea but I don’t know what to think. My hands are shaking and I feel this anxiety in my chest like I’m gonna have a heart attack or throw up and I couldn’t sleep last night and this is too much for me to handle

And I don’t know how to ask him. I am thinking of slyly bringing it up but I’m not slick enough for that, when he comes home on Monday I know I’m just gonna start crying. And if it’s not true, accusing him straight up is gonna be so bad and he’s gonna feel like shit that I don’t trust him or something

How do I ask him???

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Why did OOP decide to talk with the other wives before confronting the husbands?

> She hasn’t told her husband or any of the other girls yet because she wanted to check in with me first to see if I know anything or what I think we should do. (She thinks I’m good with stuff like this, I am not idk where she got that idea). > > Ok I guess I’ll see if I can get the girls together tomorrow and we can talk about it. But I need them to not tell their husbands yet, that’s the issue, some of them are fucking young and tell their husbands everything and idk they might freak out and just tell them.

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Why doesn’t OOP think her husband would need a secret apartment just to get some peace and quiet?

> No we rarely argue. I let him do his thing, I understand he works a lot and he’s tired and I am really understanding of that and I never nag or make him do house work or play with the kids. Honestly I think I’m the perfect wife and I’m not even trying to brag or anything. I don’t bother him or complain about video games, sports or tv. I know he comes home from work and he’s tired and deserves time off when he’s home. And he’s the same way too, I get tired and he knows that so if his laundry isn’t done or the kitchen is still dirty at night, he knows I’m tired and he doesn’t nag me or complain that the house is dirty.

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Why does OOP think the secrecy itself is more concerning than the money spent on the apartment?

> That’s what I’m saying. The worst part is that he didn’t tell me about it. That’s what makes me think the worst. > > And I wouldn’t care about the money either. Yeah we’re married and it’s our money but honestly he works he has more of a right to it so I can’t exactly be like “don’t spend your money like this”. So that’s not even a plausible excuse

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What did OOP and the other wives eventually discover about the apartment?

> Hey, late responses are still encouraged > > I actually met up with some of the girls today, the one who told me about it thinks she found the address. She was going through some statements for something and her husband wasn’t home so she was just looking everywhere and came across some documents. Nothing locked up or hidden, they’re not evil geniuses after all, they just took us for a bunch of idiots. And I guess we are since we never realized. > > So we have the address, still deciding if we should show up or break in to see what’s inside and do our own inspection or idk. Someone commented something earlier about how they all probably already came up with a plan in case we find out and ask about it. There’s really no point in asking, it’s not like he’s gonna tell me the truth, he’s been lying this whole time, as if he’d suddenly become so truthful

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Why is OOP hesitant to simply confront the husbands or try to catch them in the act?

> I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing first. I talked to some of the girls and we are just throwing ideas out there. None of us feel good about it. We’re not exactly enthusiastic to concoct a plan and catch them in the act. These are our husbands, our lives could change forever and I have children, it’s not as simple as just barging in and catching them red handed or putting on a movie about guys with a secret apartment and watching their reaction or starting a fight during a party and calling them all out. I’m trying to be smart about this and I don’t wanna do something and then change my mind later and decide something else was a better idea

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Does OOP blame being a housewife for having no financial or educational backup?

> I would have finished college if I didn't get pregnant. Being a housewife isn't the problem, it's my fault I have no back ups

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Update - after 9 days

^(April 15, 2019)

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Update to my (27f) husband (33m) having a secret apartment with his friends. He found out that I know about it and says it was innocent

Hey, update since a lot of people asked for it. I didn’t really wanna post one but here

So my friend who actually found out about everything was doing something with her taxes, I don’t know I’m not good with finances and all those technical terms so I don’t know exactly for what, she needed some files and her husband wasn’t home so she went looking around and found some documents with the address.

I had met up with some of the girls and we were brainstorming what we were gonna do. Everyone had mixed reactions, one of my friends didn’t even wanna be involved in it and told us to stop starting drama for no reason. We decided we would probably camp outside of the apartment and see if they bring girls with them or something, idk what we expected to find.

But my friend’s husband noticed that she moved papers around and so everything was busted. No secret mission. He told all the guys that we knew and it was over.

So my husband came home early from his “work trip”, sat me down and told me “everything” about it. He told me it was just a dumb spot to hang out and relax and they could be loud and annoying without bothering me and he was sorry for lying and keeping it from me. That makes no sense, I am 100% okay with him having his friends over and I never complain about noise or anything. A couple people in the comments brought up rent and that it’s financial abuse or something - it’s not a bad apartment, probably 1500 a month but split between 6 guys so it’s not bad.

I don’t really know what to do. I tried getting mad about it but he just took it and apologized and that didn’t help or make me feel better

I feel so fucked over and as if I’m overreacting like he’s acting calm and relaxed and I’m freaking out and it’s making me feel crazy.

We were so slow to act on it and she was messy and left foot prints and now we’ll probably never know the truth. He promised to show it to me next weekend but that’s not even gonna put my mind at ease, they could just clean everything up, get a few PS4s and TVs and pretend it was a guys hang out. I told him that I wanted to go that day but he said he was tired and just wanted to spend time with me and the kids but if I really wanted then he’d take me that night. I said that i was fine going next week. I don’t know what I was thinking.

I don’t know what to do. A part of me is thinking that if he was bringing girls there, at least I know now and he’s gonna stop and it’s over and we can forget about it. But I just wanna know the truth. He’s telling me they were just hanging out but how do I know he’s not lying? I wish we went over right when the girls and I found out, we waited for too long and it all got ruined.

I just feel dumb. He is acting so sweet and I can’t help but act okay with it, he’s being so nice. He knows he screwed up big time and he’s being really accommodating and taking care of the kids so I can relax and have some down time. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I don’t know if he’s telling the truth or what and I was coming up with all these theories and plans and ways to catch him or something and it all backfired.

I wish I never found out about it because I can’t stop thinking about everything, it’s torture. I am just wondering if he’s had sex with other women and how many and did he really fuck other women and then come home and have sex with me and I don’t even want him to touch my kids if he did sleep with other people.

But he’s my husband and I love him and he’s so good to me and my kids and I’m like, there’s no way he was cheating on me. The thoughts running through my head are horrible and I’m just visualizing everything and I don’t even know if it’s real so half of me is saying I’d be naive to think it was innocent and the other half is saying I’m overreacting and to just relax and he’s a good husband and I’m making something out of nothing

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COMMENTS

all4reddit > Get off Reddit and demand to go now. > > Call your other friends so that you can see things as a group. > > Having a secret apartment is not the actions of an innocent husband. > > doubtthat11 >> This is so weird. If was just a spot to watch sports and play video games...why not tell your spouse about it and show it to them? It's still a little weird, but "Honey, I'm watching the game with the guys at the apartment tonight," seems at least acceptable. Keeping it secret...is for someone in that group to fuck someone who isn't their spouse. >> >> warriorwoman96 >>> Actually I think its more likely this is drug related. >>> >>> OOP >>>> Ok I never thought of that but he had a problem with something a long time ago, but I got him in rehab and it’s been years and he seems fine now. I think I’m gonna faint seriously or my head is gonna explode

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Final Update - after 9 days (after a few hours from last post)

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Final update in comments

Ok another update. So I talked to him this morning, told him how I was feeling and that I can’t trust him and divorce is on the table because I don’t feel good about all this at all and he has to tell me the truth. He took me to show me that the apartment was nothing and it looked like a full ugly hang out. I did an inspection and made him leave me alone to look around and he let me. Didn’t find any condoms or sex stuff or anything like that.

I’m still mad that he’d lie about leaving for work. That’s really not okay.

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COMMENTS

miooz > Erm...as if he'd leave 'condoms or sex stuff' lying around before bringing you there. He's not that stupid. And oh, he's suddenly so truthful and transparent now? Trust your guts, OP. Don't be naive. > > OOP (downvoted) >> Well he wasn’t going to take me. He said this weekend but I told him that he had to take me today and made him drive me. I know, I don’t wanna be stupid but I am starting to think that maybe he wasn’t cheating. He’s not a cheater, he’s really not like that and we have a great relationship. Maybe watching sports with his friends there, I could see but realistically idk if I believe that he’d cheat

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Zahne1977 > How do you think he would react if the situation was reversed? > > OOP >> I would be in big trouble if I did this

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---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Empty_Pea3798

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: March 17, 2021

• Update: April 01, 2021

• Final Update: April 04, 2021

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Main Post

^(March 17, 2021)

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AITA for telling my mom that my brother has to move out if he doesn't bring "his" dog back?

About 2 years ago my brother (31M) begged my mom (49F) to let him keep a dog in the house. She refused because she knows how irresponsible he is. I (24F) also didn't want a dog because I knew I would end up taking care of it. He ended up going behind her back and buying a dog anyway. My mom and I were really irritated at first but eventually, we both fell in love with the dog.

My brother paid attention to the dog for about a month and then got over her. So, of course, like I knew it would happen, I ended up having to take care of her. Honestly, I started considering her mine since I was the one doing everything for her, and my brother rarely ever paid any attention to her. I got extremely attached to her, she would even sleep in my bed with me. I have severe depression and anxiety and she made my day so much better whenever I was having an episode. She was the best part of my day.

Last Friday I got home and she was nowhere to be found. I called my mom in a panic to ask her where the dog was and she ended up telling me that my brother had taken her to the vet. I found this extremely odd as he had never bothered to take her anywhere before. He claimed to have taken her to get neutered but whenever I asked for more information he would just get extremely defensive and say that the vets hadn't told him anything.

It has been a week now since the last time I saw her and he is still claiming that the vet hasn't called to let him know any information about how the dog is doing. We ended up getting into an argument about it because I asked him what vet he took her to so I could call them for info but he just gets extremely angry and starts yelling at me to "let the vets do their job". He told me that it was his dog in the first place and that he could do whatever wanted with her. I don't want to think the worst but I'm almost sure that he sold her because he needed money for his drug habit.

Something to note is that currently, I am the one paying all of the rent, bills, etc. My mom lost her job last year and has not been able to find a new one so I have been the one paying for everything. I pay for absolutely everything in this apartment. My brother is a lazy mooch who sleeps on the living room couch and hasn't been able to hold a job down for years. I was super upset about this whole situation and I told my mom that if he does not bring the dog back from wherever he took her that I am going to kick him out of the apartment. She got angry and told me that I didn't have the right to do that. I told her that I did have the right to do that since my name is on the lease and I'm the one paying for everything. My brother overheard the conversation and is now angry that I would kick him out and possibly make him homeless over a dog. My mom called me a heartless asshole for choosing a dog over my own brother.

AITA for saying my brother has to leave if he doesn't bring the dog back?

Edit: My brother is now claiming that they sent her to a hospital 2 hours away from us because she needed knee surgery ??? And that his friend who originally sold him the dog is going to be taking care of her during recovery ? And that we'll get her back once she is healed. Honestly don't know what to believe at this point. I'm hopeful that he is telling the truth but idk why he is being so defensive about it..

Edit #2: so I took the advice that some of you gave and started calling local vet clincs/shelters and so far none have seen my dog. I also printed out posters and not only posted them in my area but I also drove out to the city he claims she is receiving knee surgery at and put some flyers around there. It is 2 AM here right now so later today I will start calling vet clinics/shelters in this area as well. As for my brother he ended up getting pissed about the flyers and we got into an argument again over the fact we won't give me the info about what clinic my dog is supposedly at. I told him if my dog is not back by Friday he is not staying with me anymore. He got really upset and left the apartment and he has not come back. Kind of hoping he stays gone but also just really want my dog back :(.

Edit #3 : I have no idea how to do an update on here, but there's really not much to tell. My brother left about a week ago and he hasn't come back. I was never able to locate my dog, but according to my mom (who is still in contact with my brother) he keeps telling her that ill get my dog back when she recovers. I dont know if he's actually being truthful or if he's just crazy..its probably the latter..

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COMMENTS

What made you suspicious that your brother's story about the vet wasn't true?

> Thats what I thought :( I knew he was lying as soon as he said she was going to have to stay for two weeks..

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Did your brother give any indication that he might claim the dog died?

> I'm also pretty sure thats what he's gonna do. He already hinted yesterday that of things get too complicated they might have to put her down ..

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Did you have any reason to think your dog might have been injured before your brother took her to the supposed vet?

> I've been thinking that the day he took her it was just for a walk but he never wants to put her leash on her so maybe she got hit by a car and he's making this whole thing up because he doesn't want to tell me..

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What did your brother say when you offered to pay to get your dog back?

> I asked him earlier how he was planning to pay for all of this and he said that he wasn't worried about the cost that he just cared about her wellbeing ? Of course if he's telling the truth I'm probably the one that's gonna have to pay for the vet bills which I dont really care as long as I get her back.

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What did your brother tell you about where the dog was being treated?

> I asked for it the Friday that he took her and he did tell me it was an animal hospital that is like 8 minutes away from our house but now apparently she's in a hospital in another city and he won't say what its called..

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Did your brother even have the means to take your dog to another hospital?

> No he does not have money at all or even a car so idk how he is claiming that she was moved to another hospital especially since he has been home all week since she disappeared. He hasn't left the house at all.

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What happened when you contacted the animal hospital your brother originally named?

> Honestly I was hesitant to call at first because I wasn't sure they would be able to give me any information if the dog wasn't under my name. And if my brother found out I was going behind his back he would get pissed and I wanted to avoid that. But I ended up calling earlier and they pretty much confirmed that they did not treat my dog.

---

Had you already offered to pay your brother whatever he wanted if he would return the dog?

> Thats another issue! As soon as my mom told me he had taken her to the vet I knew it was fishy and didn't believe anything that he told me. I got upset and told him to bring the dog back and I would buy her from him for whatever amount of money he wanted. He got mad and yelled at me that he wasn't selling her, that he can do what he wants, and that I have to stop acting like she's mine cause she's not.

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What did your brother do after you started putting up flyers?

> As of now I dont think there is anything I can tell him to convince him of anything. He left very angry yesterday after I started putting the flyers up and he has not come back to the apartment...

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What did you learn about your brother's behavior around the time the dog disappeared?

> He is a junkie thats why my mom told me she thinks he might have sold her for drug money. Apparently he was looking everywhere for change on Friday. Like crawling on the ground outside and digging through trash and everything trying to find change so he could go to the smoke shop near our house. But he couldn't find anything and my mom refused to give him change. He got mad and left with the dog some hours later.

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What did you do to try to locate your dog?

> I asked him earlier how he was planning to pay for all of this and he said that he wasn't worried about the cost that he just cared about her wellbeing ? Of course if he's telling the truth I'm probably the one that's gonna have to pay for the vet bills which I dont really care as long as I get her back.

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Were you ever able to find your dog?

> Not really any updates.. my brother hasn't tried to come back since he left. I have no clue where he's staying but my mom has been texting him and he keeps saying that I'll get the dog back when she recovers from surgery. I have been taken the advice I got here and have been looking for her myself but so far no luck.

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CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

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Update - after 15 days

^(April 01, 2021)

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UPDATE: AITA for telling my mom that my brother has to move out if he doesn't bring 'his' dog back?

I know a lot of you asked for an update on this but I put it off for so long because a silly part of me was hoping that after 2 weeks passed I would get my dog back.

Well as many of you can probably guess it has been 2 weeks since my dog disappeared and i haven't gotten her back... I did what a lot of you suggested to try and find her. I called animal shelters, clinics, and hospitals around my area but I had no luck with them. I also posted flyers around my city and the city an hour away from where my brother claimed she was getting knee surgery. I haven't heard back about that either.

After my brother found out I posted the flyers he got extremely upset and we got into a pretty heated argument. He left the apartment, and as of now is no longer living here and he hasn't tried to come back, as far as I know. My mom was upset at first but I guess she decided not to argue with the person she's depending on for money lol.. my brother never ended up telling me the truth about what happened. My mom is keeping in contact with him through the phone and she did tell me that he is still keeping up with the lie. Apparently, they were talking yesterday and he told her again that I would get my dog back after she recovers.. at this point, I don't know why he is still bothering with the lie.

I honestly wasn't going to make an update because there wasn't much left to say but then today I got home and found out my mom threw away all of my dog's toys, her food bowls, her bed, and the bag of dog food she never finished. So I guess that's that. I really wish I had a happier update to give you guys. Thank you for all of the nice messages and the insight that you offered on the situation, I really appreciate it.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

What kind of dog was she?

> Shes a tiny deer head chihuahua and I've never heard of dog fighting being a problem where I am but I honestly don't know.

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What happened with your brother after he left the apartment? What did you do after your brother left?

> As far as I know my brother is homeless now and after a talk with my mother and a lot of arguing she finally has a full time job again so she is gonna start paying her half of everything. > > Yeah I threw all of his stuff out after he left and I assume he came and picked it up cause ot was gone by the next morning. Definitely changed my locks and let my mom know if she lets him in for whatever reason she can be next.

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Had you already tried offering your brother money to get the dog back?

> Oh I already tried that, the day that he took her i told him id give him any amount of money he wanted to just give her back to me but he just yelled and told me that he could do what he wanted with her..

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Why hadn't your mother gotten a job sooner?

> Technically my mom hasn't been able to work because she is currently suing her old company for wrongful termination. She was injured on the job in 2019 and they fired her because she was never able to fully recover from her injury. The case still hasn't been closed and according to her, her lawyer keeps telling her that she can't be seen working because it could throw the whole case?? Idk of thats true I dont know anything about that. But that was her excuse for not getting a job sooner. She only got one now because I guess the lawyer called and told her the case is about to close and she can start working again. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Are you worried your brother might still be coming into the house when you're away?

> And about my brother being over when I'm not here.. you guys are probably right. I haven't seen any evidence of that but I'm going to take the advice some people gave and install cameras inside and outside the house to see what goes on when I'm not home. Anyway I plan on moving out in a couple of months so I guess I just have to put up with it until I can afford to leave.

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Do you think your mother knew more about what happened to your dog? What did your mother say when you asked why she threw away all of your dog's things?

> Yeah im starting to think that the people who said my mom was in on it had a point. I have shared this on social media so everyone close to us knows that he did this but I cant tag him because he blocked me lol. > > Oh I did ask her and she told me she threw everything away because it was in the way and we didn't need it anymore.

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Do you know whether your mother actually threw the dog's things away? What did your mother say when you questioned why she threw everything away if your dog was supposedly coming back?

> Honestly I have no clue i was at work all day and when I came back all of her stuff was gone so I asked my mom where she moved everything and she told me she threw it away since we wouldn't need it anymore > > I brought that up and she told me that she didn't understand why I would believe what my brother was saying idk..

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What do you think most likely happened to your dog?

> Honestly I think this is the most likely scenario. He took her out that day without a leash and I think she may have gotten hit by a car and they just made this whole thing up to not tell me the truth. Which is even more fucked up.

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Why do you think your mother continues to defend your brother?

> Yeah idk what her relationship with him is about. I swear she would let him get away with murder. I think its partly because she's scared of him and doesn't know how he'll react if things don't go the way he wants them to. She's told me before that I'm never going to understand until I have children and I know what it feels like to love someone unconditionally. I think they both need therapy lol.

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What did you see when you were driving home from work?

> Pretty sure he's on the street i was driving back home from work on Monday and I saw him sitting outside a liquor store near our house. I'm assuming he was there begging for money but my mom hasn't mentioned anything about that.

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Are you planning to move out?

> Wouldn't put it past her to try and guilt me into letting him back in. I've already started looking for apartments anyway and hopefully I'll be able to move on my own in a couple of months after my lease is up. They can do what they want after that..

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Why haven't you called the police about your missing dog?

> Thats very true. Honestly, I've been hesitant to call the police because I have had bad experiences with them and I dont really like dealing with them. I think if my brother continues with his lies im gonna call and not only report him but also his 'friend' who is supposedly taking care of the dog until she recovers. Maybe that will scare him enough to tell me the truth.

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What is your concern about your dog's disappearance at this point?

> Lower your voice ma'am lol. Idk where you have been but my dog literally disappeared weeks ago if I havent got her back by now I doubt I ever will. I've tried everything and looked everywhere to get her back and I haven't been successful I doubt there is anything I can do about it now. At this point the only thing police would be able to do is arrest my brother for his drug habit which I guess would make me feel better but it won't get my dog back

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Was there ever any hostility toward your dog from your mother or brother?

> No there was no hate towards her from my mom or my brother. My brother wouldn't be around most of the time he'd be out with his friends so he would almost never see her. And I'm confused about my mom and the dog cause she didn't want her at first but then she also became really attached to her. My mom is actually the one who would give her attention and take care of her when I was at work. And I know my dog liked her cause she would always follow her around and get excited when my mom would come back after being gone for a while.

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Are you planning to get another dog?

> No not at the moment I dont think any animal would be safe while I'm still with my mom. Maybe after I have my own place ill think about it.

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What did your brother say when he came back to collect more of his things?

> No update really. My brother came to the house a couple of hours ago to pick up some more stuff of his that I threw out in the front yard. We got into an argument again about it and he basically told me to stop over reacting and that he already told me id get my dog back when she recovers..

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Final update - after 21 days (after 6 days from last post)

^(April 07, 2021)

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Final Update: in comments

I found out the truth!!!! Apparently my brother had already been planning to move in with his friend about 2 months ago. He wanted to take the dog with him when he left but he knew I would get mad and wouldn't let him so he waited until a day I was at work to take the dog to his new place.

My dog has been at his new place with my brothers friend this whole time "so she could get used to the new environment" I just found all this out this morning. Now that I know he definitely still has the dog I am going to be filing a report with the police because I'm getting my dog back no matter what! according to my mom she didn't know about any of this either until my brother told her yesterday . Idk if I should believe her.

I want to update everyone on the situation but I'm not allowed another update and I'm not sure people will see if I edit hope people read this comment but idk

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COMMENTS

Throwawayunknown55 > Ok, hang on a sec. Have you actually seen the dog? The bullshit just keeps getting really deep. I wouldn't get you hopes too high untill you actually see the dog. I really hope she's ok. Also, there may be some dispute about the dogs ownership if you're brother wants to be an asshole about this, so this could be a mess. > > Also, don't believe your mom. She knew something was going on and she went along. It sounds like she will side with your brother over you, so be careful.
> > I really hope you get the dog back. It might be easiest to offer your brother a straight cash bribe, like 300 bucks to get the dog back or something. > > OOP >> Yes! Sorry I didn't add that I was typing in a rush I have seen the dog with my own eyes and he definitely has her. I have already offered money and he refused I can try offering more but I dont know why he's being so stubborn about giving her back since he never cared for her before. I feel like because him and his friend are involved with drugs, threatening him with the police will work. But ill have to wait and see and honestly my mom can side with whoever she wants, they're both broke so I doubt they want to deal with a legal case 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ >> >> Fethington >>> He is 100% not wanting to give you the dog back because you were calling him out and then threatening to kick him out. Doesn't matter to him that he was leaving anyways, you dared to upset him so he's going to be stubborn on giving her up no matter what you offer him. Threaten him with legal action. I also refuse to believe your mom had no idea what was going on. It sounds like he might be the golden child? >>> >>> OOP >>>> Yeah I am going to take legal action! Pretty sure my mom did know and she probably ended up giving all of the dogs items to my brother while I was at work. I mean as far as I know no one in the family can stand my brother. Hes been kicked out of every single house and isn't invited to any family get togethers. My mom is the only one that always defends him even tho he's been accused of some fucked up shit by his own family idk why she forgives him everything.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/RolandRoad

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: December 04, 2019

• Final Update: April 14, 2020

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Main Post

^(December 04, 2019)

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WIBTA if I asked my ex to pay me back the money she owes me now that we’ve broken up?

So last month my ex, who I’ve been dating for nearly a year, broke up with me. It was a complete blindside – I thought everything was great and we were talking about getting an apartment together next year. Then we went to a party where she saw her most recent ex. A few days later she told me that he talked to her that night and said he realized how bad he fucked up when he saw her with another guy (me). He’s now ready to give up his vices for her, and she’s sorry but she still loves him enough to want to give their relationship another try.

I was shocked and hurt as hell but what can I do, I can’t force her to stay. I was miserable for weeks but now I just want to settle things and move on, and one of the things that need to be settled is the four thousand dollars that she owes me.

We never talked about how or when she would pay me. Back then all I thought of was that she was my girlfriend, she needed money for a valid reason, and I had money to spare. I wanted to take care of her problem because I wanted to take care of her. I told her to pay me when she had money, and she has been paying me a couple hundred dollars every now and then. I was fine with that because she was my girlfriend but it’s not something that I would do for everyone.

Now that we’re no longer together, I’ve been thinking about asking her to pay me the four grand by the end of the year. I know it sounds petty but honestly now that she’s no longer with me and given the circumstances of our breakup I don’t feel as inclined to be lenient to her with my money as I did before. I also want a clean break so I can totally move on from all of this. I don’t like the idea that I’ll still have some sort of communication or connection to her for the next few years if it takes that long for her to pay me.

I’m willing to listen and ready for your judgment.

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COMMENTS

Dilduo > NTA > > But dude say goodbye to that money > > OOP >> I hate myself for this but I know her and she's a good person who will pay back that debt.

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wjmacguffin > NTA as long as you clearly stated it was a loan she's have to pay back. Assuming you did, then politely remind her of that and offer a payment plan. That might sound kinda cold, but she borrowed the money and she broke up with you. > > Mind you, I doubt you'll get anything, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with politely asking. > > UglyDuffelBag >> What kind of payment plan? Year ends in less than a month. >> >> wjmacguffin >>> AFAIK, there is no set reason for one year beyond not wanting to talk to the ex. That's reasonable, but if she's only been able to afford a couple hundred every so often, she probably cannot afford all that in one month. >>> >>> Also, demanding thousands is more likely to meet resistance or refusal. That sucks, but I'm hoping OP will be able to get something from the ex. >>> >>> OOP >>>> I know she's not gonna stiff on paying me. She is and has always been a good person. My sister even told me that she messaged her asking if I was doing ok after the breakup. Sometimes I don't know how or why we got to this situation but it is what it is and the only thing I can do is move on and that's what I'm doing.

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[deleted] > INFO It depends on how you plan to ask. If you reach out in a calm and professional manner, like “hey, I want to set up a repayment plan for the remaining xxx dollars borrowed. Can we talk about how to do this on a consistent basis?” > > I think you know she can’t pay that whole amount back by the end of the month. That’s an unreasonable ask that is petty and not about getting your money back. It’s about getting back at her. > > To actually accomplish getting your money back, you will have to divorce your hurt feelings from the breakup from the money and not be too personal nor too curt. Otherwise it will become retaliation and legally, you don’t have a lot of options for recouping your loss. Your best bet is to be both kind and professional when asking for a plan for repayment. Make sure you have calculated exactly what she still owes. > > As for continued contact, you can still do this impersonally through Venmo or whatever. There are apps that will allow you to send and receive money on a recurring basis without any real interaction. > > OOP >> Thanks for the advice, I appreciate all of it. I was always going to approach her in a calm but firm manner, because I don't plan to waste any of my time or effort on hating her or getting back at her. I just want to be done with this and move on. >> >> I know she can send me money online or through an app but I'd still get a notification and I'd still remember all of this. That's the main reason why I want her to pay me by month end and not draw it out for years.

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dunemi > NTA. > > Text her something like this, "Hey Sally, I was wondering if we could set up a repayment schedule for the $4000 you owe me? Can you do $100 per week? Please let me know." And then, hopefully, god willing, she texts back that she'll try to set something up with you. It really doesn't matter how much, because all you're really trying to do is get her to admit, in writing, that she owes you that money. Because if she doesn't, I think you're screwed. (Save those texts!) > > If you already have something in writing, about how it was a loan, and not a gift, then, yeah, go ahead and ask for it back, but be prepared to take her to court. > > Good luck. > > UglyDuffelBag >> Dude he wants 4k until the end of 2019. >> >> dunemi >>> I know. But I thought it was more important to get her to admit she actually owed the money. And you don't get people to admit that if you come in blazing with, give me $4k in one month! >>> >>> But yeah, he's delusional if he thinks he can get his money back so quickly. >>> >>> OOP (downvoted) >>>> I'm not worried about her denying that she owes me something. I know she's going to honor that debt. I just want to get the money back so we can get a clean break without anything tying us to each other so I can completely move on from all of this.

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CONSENSUS: Not enough info

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Final Update - after 4 months, 10 days

^(April 14, 2020)

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Update: WIBTA if I asked my ex to pay me back the money she owes me now that we’ve broken up?

Hey Reddit, it’s been a while. Here is an update to my post from a few months ago.

The general consensus was that I wouldn’t be an asshole to ask my ex to pay me back as long as I asked nicely, but I was an idiot for lending her money and expecting that she would pay me back four grand at three weeks notice. So I went ahead and called her and nicely asked if she could pay me back at the end of December because I just want a clean break so we can all move on. She said she understood and she’ll see what she can do. I later learned that she sold her car to her boyfriend, who let her continue using the car. In short, I got paid and she kept the car she sold to pay me. Great ending for everyone.

But then a few weeks later she called me saying she wanted to talk. She and her boyfriend went to my apartment and told me the craziest thing: she’s pregnant.

And with that, I have accepted the fact that I will never get the clean break I wanted.

It’s been three months since then. We did the paternity test and confirmed that I’m the father. She and her boyfriend are still together, and he is in counseling as a sign of his commitment to her. The main reason she left him before was that he had an alcohol problem that he couldn't control, so I was concerned that she was staying with him while pregnant. He assured me that he’s turned over a new leaf for her and he will stay with her through this. She says that things are great between them and he is completely sober now. We all try to get along as best as we can for the baby.

When I made that post, I never imagined that this would be the update I would be writing. I never even thought that this would be how I have my first kid. But what’s done is done and at least we’re on the same page about prioritizing the baby.

Thanks for all the replies to my original post and wish me luck.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

How did you feel when you found out your ex was pregnant?

> It was. I was happy I got my money back and even planned to book a vacation. And then they told me about it, and I didn't know if I felt like pooping or throwing up. I called my brother after they left because I felt lightheaded and was afraid I'd pass out.

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How is your ex's boyfriend handling the situation, especially given his past alcohol problem?

> To be fair, he seems totally dedicated to her and has been nothing but nice to me so far. Even offered to help with the baby's bills if we need anything. He said that losing her made him realize a lot of things and he's never gonna let that happen again.

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Have you and your ex made arrangements for child support and custody?

> Thanks. We will. We've talked about it with our lawyers. When I lent her money before, I didn't have anything in place, and that could've gone bad. I've learned from that.

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How was the paternity test handled?

> I chose the testing company and the hospital where we went for the swabs. The results were released with all three of us there.

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Were you hoping the baby wasn't yours?

> Yeah because honestly up to the last minute I was hoping that it wasn't mine. I knew it was unlikely because she was with me at the time the baby was conceived and I don't know what they would get out of saying that I'm the dad if I wasn't - her boyfriend has way more money than I do. I just didn't want to be a dad yet. > > Life had other ideas though.

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Did you and your ex discuss abortion, and why did you decide to be involved?

> She wanted to keep the baby. She said I don't have to be involved if I don't want to, but I didn't think I could do that, knowing that it's my child.

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How did you process everything after finding out you were going to be a father?

> Thanks man. It took a lot to get to this place - I was angry at her and then I was in shock and then I was in panic because there are so many things to prepare for the baby. For a while I also thought about how it would've been if we didn't break up. With time I've accepted things for what they are and I know the right person for me is out there and I will find her when it's the right time.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/throwaway09836478

Published on: r/TrueOffMyChest

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: February 13, 2024

• Update 1: February 17, 2024

• Update 2: February 23, 2024

• Final Update: November 09, 2024

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Main Post

^(February 13, 2024)

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I feel like I’m losing my wife

I’m in my mid 30s and have a young child with my wife. Ever since he was born she has been distant and short with me and it’s gotten worse over the last 3 or so months. She has made friends without kids and started going out more and when I ask to be included she always has an excuse to not bring me along. Not hard when one of us has to be with our child.

When I brought up how I feel she told me that she feels like she’s lost her identity through the process of being pregnant and then breast feeding and being a mom and she feels like she just wants to get out and be around people who don’t have kids and live her own life for a bit. As a part of this she’ll go out until 2 am and take weekend trips without me.

It feels like she’s withdrawing from me and I know she’s not always being honest with me. I don’t go through her phone but I’ve noticed that she doesn’t leave it out ever, even taking it with her to the shower which is something that she never used to do. I don’t think she’s being unfaithful but the thought has certainly crossed my mind. I asked her directly about this and she got very upset and told me that this isn’t about that.

I told her that I want to be a part of what she’s going through and she told me that I don’t have the passion for the things that she wants to do and she just needs me to find my own passions and my own friends. I genuinely enjoy her main hobby but when I try to tell her that or be included in it she insists that I don’t enjoy it like she does and she just wants to be around people who love it like her.

I feel like I’m losing my best friend of 15 years. My toddler is the lone light in my life. I don’t know what to do and have been so sad.

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Update 1 - after 4 days

^(February 17, 2024)

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My wife is cheating on me

Things have been off with my wife. We have been together for 15 years and married for 5 We have a 14 month old and things have been rough since he was born with them getting a lot worse in the last few months. She’s gotten face injections and has gone through weight loss that would point to drug use. She’s been protective of her phone and generally dodgy.

I confronted her and was completely gas lit. To the point that I set an appointment with a therapist because I thought I was being paranoid and insecure and had to figure out why I felt the way I did.

She went to the mountains yesterday saying that she needed a weekend to herself and she wanted to go snowboarding and get a full nights rest away from the fussing baby and it didn’t feel right. She went back on birth control without discussing it with me, she went and got face injections, she went and got waxed and asked me to put the board rack on her roof, despite claiming she was the only one going. There were too many red flags for me to not hire a PI.

The PI immediately secured photographs and video of the affair. Turns out she’s fucking her boss. They are up there until Sunday. Probably still fucking right now.

I feel like a fool. We’ve all hung out multiple times. I’m so mad that she could blow up not just our lives, but the life of our 1 year old. I’m stuck having to deal with her because of our shared son for essentially the rest of my life.

I contacted a lawyer to file for divorce and plan to confront her when she gets back but the divorce isn’t likely to process for over a year. This is going to suck for a long time.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

ImNotTheBadGuyHere > Why not go confront them just curious > > OOP >> I don’t need an assault charge keeping me from being able to get custody of my son and there is no way I keep it together while confronting them.

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Tpdz > Does the boss have a wife? She deserves to know.. > > OOP >> Recently divorced.

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ab2dii > are PI that easy and common? most stories i read here have a PI > > OOP >> The PI told me exactly how it would go and I thought he was full of shit but he 100% nailed what would happen. >> >> We like to think we are special and different. I know I did. Turns out we’re all the same.

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Update 2 - after 10 days (after 6 days from last post)

^(February 23, 2024)

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I confronted my wife about her affair

I found out that my wife was having an affair with her boss. For context, we have been together for -15 years, married for 5, and have a 15 month old son. I found out while she was going on a 'girls trip' that she actually went and picked up her boss and spent the weekend in an air bnb.

I had been suspecting infidelity for a while and even confronted her about it, but was completely gas lit. I thought there was a problem with me. I made and went to appointments with a therapist to figure out why I had so much trouble trusting my partner and couldn't get the feeling that there was something wrong to go away.

When she left for her trip I made the decision to hire a PI and thought that the apology for the betrayal of not trusting her while getting validation that I was just being paranoid would be easier to deal with than not knowing. After not even 45 minutes on the clock the PI had photos and video of her picking him up, them very casually kissing, and finally ending the night going in to the air bnb.

I got this confirmation on a Friday and she didn't come home until Sunday morning. The whole time she was gone she texted and called and went on like nothing was up. I had a small breakdown after finding out and the first person I called was my therapist. Having an established therapist is one of the silver linings of the gas lighting. The second phone call I made was to my sister who lives in the same state but a while away.

She came up and was there for me and helped me to stabilize. My next thoughts were how to move forward and set myself up to be out of the house but still be in a position to have my son for at least 50% of the time. I'm going to outline my actions quickly in case (god forbid) anyone else finds themselves in a similar situation.

1. Contacted my hunting buddy and asked him to take my rifles and bow. I didn't want any claims of unsafe space from my wife citing the rifles being in the house (even though I keep them in a safe).

2. Bought and installed a nanny cam for the confrontation. I didn't want any claims of DV or abuse to come down to he said/she said. I live in a 1 party consent state so this was a no brainer.

3. I found a furnished month to month rental. Needed to accommodate working from home and have 2 bedrooms and be in a good enough area that there could be objections.

4. Found a short term Air BNB to bridge the gap between then and when my month to month lease would start. Had to check the same boxes as the month to month rental.

5. Talked to a therapist. As crazy as it sounds, figuring out what you want in this situation feels impossible. Are you willing to allow your spouse to steal your ability to live with your son for 50% of his life between 1 and 18+? That's 9 years. Not seeing the decision to leave as your decision is so much harder than you'd believe and it fucking sucks.

6. Practice practice practice. I laid out the conversation to be 3 to 5 minutes to avoid escalation. I laid it out as: I know about the affair, I'm not ready to talk, I'm moving out while I figure out a path forward. We need to have a conversation about how we are going to handle custody of our son in the short term while we figure out a path forward. Play it through in your mind or out loud and do that through a number of expected responses. Expect them to be angry, sad, mad, denial, try to work it around to be your fault...

7. Don't try to win, but you cannot lose. This is way more important if there is a kid or kids that you plan on fighting for. Don't get petty. Don't set their shit on fire. Don't go out of your way to piss them off. You are going to have to have a relationship with this person for the rest of your life through your relationship with your son. Shit is already going to be really hard. Don't make it harder and don't give them any ammunition to bring up or use against you.

Unfortunately for me I didn't expect the 'no response' response. My wife sat there and said nothing. Not I'm sorry. Not it was a mistake. No copping to it. Just blank slate.

In the days since I have continued to see my therapist and identified the gas lighting and emotional abuse that had been taking place in the months leading up to discovering the affair. This is apparently very common in instances of infidelity as it gives the cheater 'justification' to their actions. Helps them sleep at night. Even now I feel my wife trying to manipulate me into taking her back and 'work it out for the sake of our son.'

I don't trust her and what's worse is I don't trust myself to talk to her about what happened. I'm afraid of getting gas lit again and feel like the whole thing was my fault. I set time on Monday with a marriage counselor to finally have the conversation on what's happened and how we can try to move forward as co-parents for our son. She has already tried to claim that this was the first time and a mistake. I don't believe her but also don't have proof that she is lying. Not sure how I'm going to handle that on Monday.

I can't imagine a path forward that involves staying married with her. I also can't imagine forfeiting being there for half of my baby's life without being able to look them in the eye when the time comes and tell them that I tried everything that I could to be there for them.

This fucking sucks. This is going to suck for a while. Don't cheat.

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COMMENTS

tsscaramel > The fact she’s not even sorry says a whole lot, I would recommend proceeding with the divorce and moving on. If you play your cards right you might be able to get more than 50% custody as well since I think your kid would be better off with you > > OOP >> No fault state. I'm expecting 50%.

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Independent_Farm_628 > OP > > You say that your wife had no response first and then you so say that she claimed it was “the first time” etc. > > So she did admit she was cheating with the boss? > > Also, even in a no-fault state, both your wife and her AP boss could lose their jobs if full details are exposed. Is she not worried about that? > > OOP >> I confronted her on Sunday. She didn’t respond. It was only a day ago that she changed to wanting to work it out and claiming it wasn’t an ongoing affair. So 4 days later. I guess I could have been more clear on the timeline with that. To be honest, she’s been a pendulum of not caring and just wanting a divorce and begging for forgiveness and trying to work it out.

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Final Update - after 8 months, 27 days (after 8 months, 17 days from last post)

^(November 09, 2024)

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Caught my wife cheating [Final Update]

A while back I wrote about catching my wife in an affair with her boss. Let’s call him ‘Benny’ and her ‘Chrissy’. I’ve had a crazy amount of DMs asking me if I was alright and asking for updates so I’m going to drop this last post before deleting the account. If you want the background you can check my post history, I’m not going to rehash it all again. Also understand that this is not a complete history. It’s been a long 8 months.

Very shortly after I moved out, I had a friend tell me that Chrissy went out to dinner with his wife and the wife of another friend of mine, who were her friends. He said that she got drunk, told them what happened and then when they weren’t sympathetic invited Benny out with them.

Said that it was a whole scene and she was all over him. She later admitted that she went and spent that night at his house but swore up and down that they didn’t sleep together and spent the night on his couch. Swore that she just felt alone and like none of her friends cared about her and didn’t want to be alone at the air bnb (at the time we were switching off staying at the marital home when it was our days with our son and the other would fuck off to an Airbnb).

We went to see a therapist at that time. Therapy went the way of straight trickle truthing. She would wait to see what I knew, cop to only that, and swear there was nothing else. She swore that the time that I caught her, which she spent an entire weekend with him in an air bnb, was the first and only time.

She cried and begged for me to believe her and give her another chance and take her back. She said that he was old and she didn’t find him attractive and called him short and said it was just a mistake. She said that it wasn’t about him but rather what she was going through and he was just a symptom. She said that she’d do anything. I said she had to tell me the truth and she refused to budge from her original story.

So after hitting a brick wall in couples therapy and her refusing to tell me the truth about what happened I said I couldn’t keep going. I signed a long term lease and tried focusing on myself with the understanding that we would try therapy again in a few months. We continued to split custody 50/50 and Chrissy made a legit effort to try to help me to settle in to my new place. We started going through mediation for a divorce.

Why start mediation if we were planning on trying therapy again? What we said out loud was because it takes forever and if therapy went the same way as the first time, we didn’t want to be stuck in limbo longer than we had to be.

A couple of months into mediation, the mediator asked us if we had seen a therapist that specializes in infidelity. We said that we had seen a couples therapist but not a specialist. She said that she had some referrals if we were interested. Chrissy said she was and that she’d be willing to go if I would agree to it. I agreed to it as well. With how far we got through mediation it felt like it was then or never.

Going in to seeing the specialist, I had given our marriage a 5% shot at surviving the year. ‘But Mr. Throwaway, how could you not be 100% done after knowing that she was still lying about the affair.’ The plain answer is I wanted to believe that she would show up and tell the whole truth and ask for forgiveness for what she had done and for not being able to come clean the first time.

If she had done that, I think I would have seen a path (albeit a long one) back to try to make our family whole. Also, the prospect of missing half of your son’s life when they are so young is difficult to face down and just say that’s 100% off the table.

So we have a joint introductory session with the specialist and then a week later an individual one. It was after that I was given information that Chrissy had still been seeing Benny. I didn’t believe it. I looked into it and checked with a few other sources and then was presented with indisputable evidence that she not only had continued to see him, but had brought him around our son multiple times. I haven’t mentioned it but we had an agreement that we would communicate to each other and get sign off if anyone outside of family was going to be introduced or hang out with him. She had broken this agreement.

I was crushed. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t understand it. Why agree to see the specialist if you’ve been seeing Benny? Why not just file and move forward? It felt like some sociopath shit.

I flat out asked her if she had been seeing Benny in an accusatory tone and she said that she had. I asked if she had brought him around our son and she straight lied and said that she saw him when she didn’t have our son and after our son had fallen asleep.

I asked why she would agree to see the specialist if she had been seeing Benny. Why not just go through with the divorce? She said that she didn’t want our son to grow up in a broken home. I lost it. I said some mean shit that I honestly can’t remember but was along the lines of her being just like her mother and hung up.

Then the fishing began. She texted and asked questions and tried denying without being specific about what she was denying with lines like ‘you jumped to an awful lot of conclusions there.’ She tried gaslighting me into thinking that it wasn’t a big deal. ‘I thought you’d be pumped to not have to go through any more therapy and make me be the one that called it quits. I honestly am appalled that you’ve taken the stance that you have.’

I started thinking on why I was so upset. I had said to myself that the odds of therapy working out and her coming clean about the whole thing were low. This was the likely outcome. I wondered why I would agree to go back despite being told that she spent the night with him AGAIN after the first time that I caught her.

I started taking long walks at night when I didn’t have my son to think on the whole thing. I reflected on all this for a while and came to the conclusion that I was upset that I felt like she chose him over me and that made me feel worthless. I ignored a lot of the shit in an attempt to not feel worthless. After a few more walks I came to the conclusion that that just wasn’t true. She begged me to take her back on her terms and I had refused her. She didn’t choose him, she was stuck with him.

Benny is sending his kid from his last marriage off to college. If he sticks around he’ll be collecting social security by the time Chrissy and my’s son is out of the house. He’s supposed to trust her, knowing how they met? And she’s supposed to trust him knowing that infidelity doesn’t bother him? Plus, imagine the anxiety that would wash over you when people ask how they met.

She took away any doubt that moving forward with the divorce is the right thing. I’m stuck coparenting with her but I get to do that from a place of having seen her and can go into with eyes wide open.

If this seems disjointed, it is. I wrote this over several sittings and did it for myself to help with introspection as much as anything but by the time I was done I figured there wasn’t any harm in changing the names and giving a last update.

To those that reached out with support, even though I didn’t respond please know it was appreciated. For those that only reached out to ask for updates out of what I assume to be morbid curiosity, I’d recommend some long walks and a bit of introspection.

And to Chrissy, if you see this, please know that you are just like your mother and you’re going to end up just like her.

&nbsp;

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ThrowAwayAccount4311

Published on: r/TrueOffMyChest

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 30, 2022

• Final Update: August 15, 2026

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Main Post

^(September 30, 2022)

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My soon to be ex-husband asked the court to give him less custody and visitation with our son

(Background: in my state there is a law which gives parents a 50-50 split in terms of parenting time with their children. If there is something like drug use, neglect or abuse the other parent can bring this up to not have the 50-50 split, but without these things parents start with that when they are not together. It's an actual law and according to my lawyer one of the most popular passed in recent years)

I have a 1 month old son. His father filed for divorce earlier this year. My lawyer and me expected that custody would be 50-50 split, legal and physical in the next few months once I am done breastfeeding. This is what the court expected. My husband is aware of this law and he has a lawyer.

He rejected the 50-50 split time and asked for every other weekend only (excluding holidays) with me having physical and legal custody. Even after the court asked his lawyer to explain the law to him again he said he was sure. By his own submission he does not want to be the "primary" parent or make any decisions. and is fine with me having legal and physical custody while he gets a "little" visitation.

If we split custody there would be no child support because our incomes are fairly equal but he said he would rather pay me to be the primary parent. He also clarified that this isn't just for when our son is a small baby. The court thought he was concerned about our son being away from me when he was so little but my husband said 50-50 is too much time no chatter matter our son's age. He also told the court he doesn't want any time with our son in the next few months while I am breastfeeding (because he would be entitled to visitation then as well) and can start the every other weekend when I'm done.

The court can't make him spend time with our son so his request was granted. Mostly I'm just sad for my son that his father specifically asked for less time with him.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Was there another woman involved in why he didn't want 50-50 custody?

> Well the woman he left me for already kicked him to the curb so as far as I know he is single right now. I honestly did not expect him to decline 50-50 split in the first place.

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Did he question whether he was the child's father?

> No but he did. He acknowledged paternity and signed the birth certificate and declined to have a paternity test when he was asked if he wanted one, as part of the custody hearing.

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Did your husband want the baby, or was this an unexpected pregnancy?

> I got pregnant through medical intervention and IUI. So no baby trapping here. My husband talked me into the second round of IUI. He was on board until he met the other woman (who he isn't with anymore). > > He wanted kids. He was researching adoption and really wanted me to try another round of IUI before we went down the adoption road. After I got pregnant he met the other woman and ended up leaving me.

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Final Update - after 3 years, 10 months, 16 days

^(August 15, 2026)

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Update for my soon to be ex-husband asked the court to give him less custody and visitation with our son

My ex-husband left me for another woman. I was pregnant at the time. My divorce lawyer told me that in our state there is a law which gives parents a 50-50 split in terms of parenting time with their children. If there is something like drug use, neglect or abuse the other parent can bring this up to not have the 50-50 split, but without these things parents start with that if they are not together.

Apparently it's one of the most popular passed in recent years. However my ex-husband ended up asking for less time with my son. It was in my other post here [which I completely forgot about until now] how heartbroken I was.

My son was a month old back then. He's turning four next week. My ex-husband has only met my son four times. The woman my ex-husband left me for went back to her husband so my ex ignoring my son had nothing to do with her. I'm grateful that my son doesn't remember his father because it would rip me apart if he was old enough to understand that his father doesn't want him.

I know the day is coming when my son realizes his father is a deadbeat and I'm dreading it because of how much it will hurt my son. I didn't remember posting here before but I was going to post to vent because I found out my ex-husband moved to another state. He moved 2500 miles away and I didn't tell me. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised given he doesn't care about my son. But I'm still furious. I'm angry, I'm heartbroken and I hate him.

He destroyed me when he left and I tried to put it aside for the sake of my son but my ex abandoned him too. I'm still seeing a therapist over it. I can handle being heartbroken but I don't want that for my son. I'm already sick thinking of the day my son realizes his father doesn't want him. MY EX MOVED 2500 MILES AWAY AND I HATE HIM. I hate him so much.

Also to all those who commented on my last post or sent me messages saying I babytrapped my ex-husband against his will or that I'm a gold digger: My son was conceived with IUI. I didn't trick my ex-husband into anything. He wanted kids, was fully on board with the IUI and he was also researching adoption in case we were not successful.

There was no babytrapping here. I work and wasn't "leeching" off him. If we had split 50-50 custody neither of us would have paid the other child support. My ex-husband has never paid any of his court ordered child support and I had a job for our entire marriage.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Far-Championship202

Published on: r/AITAH & u/Far-Championship202

Previous BORU: BORU-1 by u/Glum_Craft_4652 on December 16, 2025

Thanks to u/kateluvsthe80s for new update

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: October 07, 2025

• Update 1: October 10, 2025

• Update 2: December 13, 2025

• Final Update: August 16, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

---

Main Post

^(October 07, 2025)

---

AITAH for letting my fiancee and his son move in rather than moving to them so his mom can co-parent?

Throwaway Account.

I (42f) met my fiance (42m) a year after my late husband died in a motorcycle accident 6 years ago. We met through a work partnership and live in different states. We're about 12 hours apart if we drove. Sometimes we take short commuter flights to maximize our time together (we both live near airports).

Our relationship has been mostly long distance but we see each other at least once per month and text and talk constantly if we're not at work or doing things with friends. My fiance has been an amazing partner and I feel lucky I was able to find love again after tragedy.

My fiancee has a son (16m) from a previous relationship. He broke up with my stepson's mother when his son was 9. I think he's great. He's been supportive of our relationship and he's very close with his dad. The biggest issue has been his mom.

His mom is....how can I put this nicely? Bitter. She and my fiancee have been in and out of court for the last few years. My stepson doesn't get along with his mother. The few times I've met her have been unpleasant due to her hostility towards me. My fiance's mother says she was only after his money but it's not really my business.

A few years back she tried to harass me on social media telling me that I should step aside so my stepson's parents can be together. She also tried to tell me that he would never marry me just as he never married her. When we got engaged last year, she became enraged and tried to get full custody of my stepson. It backfired because my stepson didn't want to live with her and filed with his guardian ad litem to have her custody reduced which was granted.

Since then, he has opted to only visit her for a few hours one Saturday a month. If she brings up his dad, he leaves. He's required to answer her phone calls but if she tries to guilt or argue with him, he hangs up. I stay out of all of it as much as I can. It's between my fiance, my stepson, and his ex. I just try to show love and be supportive of my fiance and stepson.

The issue is my fiance got a long awaited transfer that will allow him to live with me. My fiance offered my stepson to live with his mom or my fiance's sister if he wanted to stay at the same school and stay with his friends. My stepson opted to move and live with us. He said he can FaceTime his friends and there's a really good STEM school that's willing to take him mid school year where I live. The plan for them is to move in the last two weeks of December.

My stepson's mom has tried to fight him moving in with us. She's accused my fiancee of alienating him against her. My fiancee has documented every interaction and every encouragement he's given to try and help his son mend things with his mother. The judge signed off on him moving out of state into my home.

This has set off another wave of harassment from his ex towards me. She's sent me messages from various accounts on social media telling me I've ruined her family and that if I really loved my stepson, I'd move closer to them so they can co-parent. I complained to my mom but she actually sided with my fiance's ex saying she has every right to be upset as her son is moving away.

My mom suggested that maybe I should consider a temporary living situation closer to them so as not to disrupt my stepson's routine and to help my fiancee repair his relationship with his mother. I have never had any real desire to move as I was born and raised in this town and I love it. I also have no desire to give up my home.

So I have to ask if AITAH for not considering moving closer to them given the circumstances?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Why does your mother think you should move closer to your fiancé and his son?

> My mother means well. But she's a bit old fashioned, overly empathetic and very motherly.

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Why isn't your fiancé’s transfer just a matter of you moving to where he lives?

> It doesn't. My mother is one of those people obsessed with making everyone happy. I love her.

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Why does your stepson want to move with you rather than stay with his mother or aunt?

> What's sold my stepson is the STEM school not far from me. If he'd been unable to get in, he'd have stayed behind.

---

How did your fiancé feel about moving his son during high school?

> Honestly the hope was the promotion and transfer would've occurred 2 years ago before my stepson started high school. My fiance almost didn't take it as he didn't want to disrupt his son halfway through high school.

---

What does your stepson want to do after school?

> He's very gifted. He already knows four different programming languages at 16. He wants to work in the AI field. He's had tech companies tell him he doesn't need to go to college and can just start working. My fiance still wants him to go to school and be a kid.

---

What are the plans for your stepson to maintain contact with his mother after the move?

> The plan is to send him to his aunt and his mom can visit her place. At this point he doesn't want to be alone with her and she behaves better for visits if his aunt is around.

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Does the court require your stepson to spend holidays or breaks with his mother?

> No. The judge ruled he's perfectly capable of setting own schedule. The plan is to send him to visit his Aunt during his breaks so he can spend time with his friends. But my fiancee has told him he will have to visit with her for a few hours like he's been doing on Saturday.

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What is your fiancé doing about his ex’s harassment of you?

> I sent the messages to my fiance. He's handling it since the entire case is out of his state and it's his ex.

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What do you do when your fiancé’s ex keeps creating new social media accounts to contact you?

> I do block her. She keeps making new accounts to bother me on Instagram.

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How are you documenting the harassment?

> My fiance is handling all of that. I've kept records at the advice of his attorney and sent anything she sends me to him. It's been so much wasted time this weekend.

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What is your mother like, and why does she tend to side with your fiancé’s ex?

> To answer your question about my mom. Yes she does like to sweep problems under the rug and is very much a "family first" person. She refused to believe my dad was dying until 3 days before he died. When I was going through it when my late husband died her solution was to "keep me busy" to quit thinking about it and did not agree with me going to therapy. > > She means well. She's just old school and has a lot of old school traits.

---

Why does your fiancé want to live in your home?

> My fiance loves my house. Even though it's the same house I shared with my late husband. It's way bigger than anything in his area. He also loves that it's more peaceful here. I don't see it turning around.

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What was the original plan for your stepson’s guardian ad litem?

> He had the guardian ad litem early on because his mother made things so contentious during custody hearings. In the state they live in, it's common practice for a child to have a guardian ad litem attorney to represent their best interests that's paid for by both of the parents.

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What happened with your stepson’s mother after the move was approved?

> The courts have already approved the move. My stepson's mother recently has severed all contact with him and refuses to take his phone calls now.

---

Update 1 - after 3 days

^(October 10, 2025)

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Small Update/Thank You/Clarifications: AITAH for letting my fiance and stepson move in rather than moving to them so his mom can co-parent?

I don't have a big update. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for their words. Many of you were incredibly comforting and brought up valid points.

TL;DR: Fiance's ex got a cease and desist letter today. My mom apologized. More back story about circumstances.

My only real updates are that my fiance's (we'll call him Nathan) ex (we'll call her Judy) has received a cease and desist letter from my fiance's lawyer this afternoon. Judy is only to contact Nathan on their co-parenting app for any issues she may have related to co-parenting and my stepson is available for her to contact. Judy is not to contact me under any circumstances or a restraining order will be filed. I have not heard from her since Sunday.

My mom and I talked it out. I let her know that I was a bit disappointed that she had so much empathy for my ex's fiance and none for me. She admitted she does not really care for my fiance and has thought for a long time that he was leading me on.

She also is suspicious of the custody battle and worries about me being put in the drama. However, she did apologize to me for not being more supportive. She did say it's my life and she doesn't have to agree with everyone decision I make. She said even if she is not my fiance's biggest fan, she will remain respectful for my sake.

Since I'm here I will answer some common questions. When I wrote my original post, I was upset and it was a kind of stream of consciousness so I wasn't clear on certain details. I figured I could take a moment to paint a clearer picture.

1. My fiance's mother (we'll call her Amelia) is a wonderful woman to me but she did not like my fiance's ex at all. She and I have a wonderful relationship. She loves her grandson and that's the only reason she is civil towards the ex. But Amelia has a lot of suspicions about Judy's behavior. She strongly believes that Judy was after his money and that she got pregnant to trap my Nathan. I don't really believe that's true but it's what she believes. I do know Judy and Amelia clashed on several occasions over various things including parenting.

2. My stepson (we'll call him Elijah) is very excited to transfer to the STEM school. Elijah attends a private school in his area that specializes in science and tech. He is very into computer programming and already knows four different programming languages. I'm a website UX designer so I've taught him what I know as well. The STEM school in my area is one of the best in the region and possibly the country and that is the main reason why he wants to live here with me. The school doesn't typically take students mid-year but they made an exception for Elijah. If he wanted to stay he'd have had other options. He's very mature for his age.

3. To end the court battles between his parents, Elijah's been considered responsible enough to make his own decisions regarding where he lives but he still has to live with a parent or legal guardian until he's 18. It's not quite emancipation but he has considered doing that if his mom continues to make trouble. He still continues to live with his dad but he can see and do as he wishes and the court won't really intervene. Basically, it was to prevent Judy from weaponizing the courts and trying to scream about parental alienation. That's about all I know and understand and I'm sure it's not the full story. Like I said, I try to stay out of it while being loving and supportive. He's a little old for me to mother but I want him to know that I'm there for him.

4. Someone brought up a valid point. Nathan and I are not married yet. We're getting married in June of next year. I call Elijah my stepson because he tells people I'm his stepmom but nothing is official as of yet. I realized that maybe we should take care in using those labels as it could cause issues since nothing is official yet. Either way, Elijah is happy for us. If he hadn't been, I don't think I'd have felt comfortable taking our relationship far. But he's always been a great kid and I love him.

5. Because Elijah is so mature, Nathan wanted to give him the choice where to live. Nathan was originally supposed to be promoted two years ago and we were going to move in together sooner but then things with Elijah's mom went south and then his work wasn't able to promote him in a timely manner. It became clear that if Nathan left that Judy was going to go out of her way to make it difficult for Nathan to see Elijah and came up with a lot of baseless accusations. Between that and his work, Nathan's promotion was delayed by 2 years. The original plan was that Nathan would see Elijah every other weekend, they'd FaceTime daily, and spend all holidays and summers with us while living with his mother. But it didn't work out and Nathan needed to stay. Because of that, Nathan wanted to give Elijah options on where he wanted to live. He never planned to abandon his son. He would still be an involved Dad and Elijah really doesn't have a rebellious bone in his body. His entire life revolves on computers, making websites, and programming. Trust me, we worry about his lack of rebellious spirit.

Thanks for being supportive and understanding. I hope I cleared everything up a bit.

I don't know if there will really be a reason for me to update. Maybe I'll update after they move in and when we get married. I'm not going to promise I'll do that. Thanks for listening.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

No-Appearance1145 > She thought he was leading you on so then later she tells you to move to him that would make you lose any safety nets you may have to appease a woman and the man she thinks is leading you on 😂 > > Some people can be funny. I'm glad its working out for you guys. > > OOP >> She said that because she knew I wouldn't do it. I've come to the conclusion that my mom didn't want me to move on from my late husband.

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FoxySlyOldStoatyFox > My mom… is suspicious of the custody battle and worries about me being put in the drama > > I don’t follow this logic. If she doesn’t want you in the middle of it, why did she (quoting your original post “suggest that maybe I should consider a temporary living situation closer to them so as not to disrupt my stepson's routine and to help my fiancee repair his relationship with his mother,”? Her (terrible) advice would out put you firmly in the middle of it.  > > OOP >> Part of the issue is she thinks I moved on too quickly from my late husband's death. She loved my husband and I think she wanted me to remain a widow but doesn't want to admit it. >> >> FoxySlyOldStoatyFox >>> You seem to be making good choices during a challenging time. I’d encourage you to view your mother’s advice with extreme caution.  >>> >>> OOP >>>> Trust me, I do.

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Human_Presentation29 > Why is your mom so suspicious of fiancé? > > OOP >> I think it's less that she's suspicious and more that she'd prefer I didn't move on from my husband who passed away in 2018. My late husband and I knew each other since we were kids and our families are still close. >> >> Funnily enough, I've gotten more support from my late husband's parents than I have from my own mother. They are excited for me to have found someone. They've met my fiance and really like him. They also met my stepson and like him too. And no it's not in a creepy trying to replace their son way. They're just happy I found happiness after what happened. >> >> My mom's very mad I moved on about a year and a half after my husband passed away. She said it was too soon. Then she made excuses about why she didn't think this relationship would work. I lost both my husband and my dad within a year of each other and my mom just hasn't been able to move on from that time period. I spent a year in intensive therapy and even though it's hard, I'm moving on as best as I can. My mom refuses to get help and she resents things changing and me choosing not to wallow in misery with her. Our relationship hasn't been great for a few years but she's my mom.

---

Update 2 - after 2 months, 6 days (after 2 months, 3 days from last post)

^(December 13, 2025)

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Update: AITAH for letting my fiance and son move in with me rather than move to them?

Hi there, I'm the lady with the amazing stepson and the fiance who's moving closer to me. I'm writing again. Buckle up it's been a wild ride since I last posted.

My finace's ex decided to latch on to someone else. Because of this, she told my stepson that she hates him. She is planning her future with her new man and that future doesn't include my stepson. However, it turns out they both got busted for disorderly conduct and domestic violence recently. I'm glad my stepson was not exposed to that.

As for my mom, she and I have had a bit of a falling out recently. I confronted my mom about her lack of support and as I suspected, my mom told me it was "sinful" that I moved on from my late husband and that I'm allowing another man to sleep in the house I shared with my deceased husband.

I had the house completely remodeled the year after my husband's death. It was very theraputic to put my house the way I wanted it. Her argument is that I dishonor my husband's memory by moving on. But my mom says widows should never remarry. I told her that's her prerogative but I will not isolate myself in grief. I've distanced myself from my mother until she can respect my relationship.

The ironic thing is that my late husband's parents have moved on and are happy for me. I've been closer to them than my own mother for many years now. They've met my fiance and stepson and think we're a great match. They know I loved their son but also encouraged me to move on.

My ex-MIL has even put my mom in place. My mom has been sulking for a few weeks now and keeping to herself. She can rejoin my life when she decides to be supportive. I have my family surrounded me and if my mom refuses to be supportive, she can stay out of my life.

Lastly, we're getting married February 14th in a small wedding ceremony followed by a catered meal. My previous sister in law and best friend is my maid of honor.

That's all I have.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Bananasforskail > That's all I have.... > > Wait sister, you didn't tell us about the massive security team you hired for your wedding.... > > OOP >> Lol. Unnecessary...I hope. My mom isn't the type to cause a scene. >> >> Bananasforskail >>> My first thought was actually the crazy ex >>> >>> OOP >>>> She's too busy trying to please her new man and getting wasted.

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if_im_not_back_in_5 > Congrats, and cut off your toxic mum. > > Best wishes for the future ! > > OOP >> If she refuses to be supportive, she has no place in my life. I don't need to say or do anything else.

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NEW UPDATE

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Final Update - after 10 months, 9 days (after 8 months, 3 days from last post)

^(August 16, 2026)

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Update 2: AITAH for not moving closer to my fiancee and stepson so my fiancee can co-parent with his ex?

Hello!

I forgot about this account. But I got some messages asking for an update so here I am.

I'm enjoying being married to my now husband and spending time with my stepson.

My stepson is about to go into his senior year. He's applied to MIT and CalTech. I'm almost certain he'll get into MIT, which is his first choice and not as far from home. He's really into the advances made by AI and even the controversies. He says he's leaning towards AI biotechnology. He wants to invent a way for elderly people to use AI to stay in their homes instead of going to a nursing home or needing to relocate.

My stepson has asked me to adopt him after his 18th birthday which will be in April. We decided it was better to wait until he was an adult, that way there isn't anything left for his mother to fight, not that I'm sure she would. To my knowledge, my stepson has not had any contact with his mother since he moved away.

I don't think she's made any attempts to contact him either. Rumor has it, her new fiancee has kids and she is spending all of her time with them. I don't think this is the same guy I mentioned last time but I'm not sure either. I don't really keep up to date on her now that she's mostly out of my husband's life and mine. I just heard an update my husband's sister was discussing with him and my stepson when she visited a few weeks ago. I don't ask because it's ultimately between my husband and stepson.

My husband and I are doing fantastic. Our wedding was nice. I was worried when reality set in that my 1st husband's family might drift away. But my former FIL LOVES my husband. My husband lost his father when he was young and my father died not long after my husband died. So my previous FIL has been a wonderful father figure to us both. He misses his son but I think my husband has filled some of the gaps. For example, my FIL loves tinkering with cars. My husband loves tinkering so they bond over that and FIL is teaching my husband about auto mechanics.

Both my MIL and FIL love my stepson too. Most importantly, my now-husband harbors no jealousy with my 1st husband as I've heard horror stories of that when people remarry. Because my husband lost his dad when he was young and watched his mom remarry someone who did get jealous of the life they had before, he says that seems like a waste of emotion instead of enjoying the present.

My husband has been understanding when I mourn on certain days like 1st husband's birthday or the anniversary of the day he died. He knows it's nothing against him and that our love is solid. He also knows I experienced a tragedy no one should ever have to face.

My husband and I are expecting via surrogacy. We're excited. I always wanted to be a mother but had difficulties before. I didn't mention this because it had no bearing on my previous posts but I had some unfertilized eggs frozen from a round of IVF I did with my 1st husband before he died (I also had some fertilized embryos with my first husband that were never used).

Before we got married, my husband and I were going back and forth on adoption or using my unused eggs and a surrogate. We decided to do the latter and successfully created some embryos shortly after we got married. We're 17 weeks along now with a girl expected in late December or early January. We just found out the sex a few days ago. Our surrogate has been awesome.

We'd like to have two kids together and this is something we discussed before getting married. We may adopt our second child. We will revisit in a couple of years.

As for my mom, our contact has been limited since our last argument. She made the choice to move into assisted living closer to my brother (that I'm not close to) several states away. I wish her the best but I don't need someone who will try to undermine my joy and force me to remain in a tragic time in my life.

My 1st husband's family and my current husband's family has been the support network I've needed and are incredibly supportive. Sometimes I'm still shocked at how supportive and understanding my 1st husband's family has been and how much they've continued to include me in the family.

In all, life is good. I'm very grateful it's good. I choose to look at the good in life. I'm not certain if I'll update again.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Octyss

Published on: r/AITAH & r/Redditor_Updates

Previous BORU: BORU-1

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 01, 2026

• Update 1: August 03, 2026

• Update 2: August 13, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

---

Main Post

^(August 01, 2026)

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AITAH for towing half the neighborhood ?

My family (wife side) have a summer apartment in the south of France in a gated community, all year there is no parking issue, but in summer, since Airbnb came out, it's hell to find a parking spot since there is no allocated spot.

There is a place with no clear parking line (imagine a big square of concrete) where everyone can park for free.

I had the opportunity with 3 neighbors to buy this "parking" to the copropriety (it's like an HOA but with less power here) so we do buyed it last year. We made 6 larges parking spaces for our cars with lines and plates numbers in front of each parking spot, and put a gate which is always open for the other neighbors to park here (you can park 3-5 other cars).

Here in France July and August are 2 months where almost everyone is in vacation so Airbnb and location peak here during this period.

Last week one of the neighbor I buyed the parking with told me the parking was PACKED and he managed to park only one of his 2 cars on a unnasigned parking spot ( his parking spots were taken, mine too and the third neighbor too and every "free" slot too) so he put a warning sign telling parking is for resident only and not for anyone else.

Cue 2 days ago when I come with wife and kids for vacation, I drove by night to avoid traffic and when I got there (3 AM) parking is packed I have no choice but to park 300meter (1k feet) from my home.

Next morning we put a large sign telling cars on assigned parking spot would be towed and text every neighbor to ask for their plate to not tow a resident.

Today morning same shit, so we close the gate, phone the police and got everyone towed.

Shit-hit-the-fan, bunch of Airbnb people called the cops and homeowners to ask why they got towed and the location was saying "with parking" so lot of refund where asked. My phone was ringing non stop today.

Some homeowners tell me they gonna sue for the refund they got, some Airbnb tenant told me they will sue for the towing cost. We have everything documented.

Lots of Airbnb homeowners tell us we ATAH here because we didn't tell them ahead, but we do put lots of sign on the parking since last year when we buyed it, they just hadn't come to see it, and they approved the selling of this parking to us so...

Sorry for the bad english, obviously not my first langage and I'm in anger right now.

So are we TAH here for towing everyone here ?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Were the reserved parking spaces clearly marked? > Our spots (6 total) are marked with white line, and licence plate in front of each parking, and the is free Space for 3-5 other cars to oark for free, but we only towed the cars on assigned parking spot ( there was 4 other cars, 2 from neighbors I know and two random lucky tourist). > > Yeah there is 6 marked spots and enough room for 3-5 cars outside the marked spots, and yes it's free all year because we never had this kind of problem before

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Why not simply lock the gate permanently? > Only 3 people have the keys, me and the 2 neighbor who buyed it but 10 out of 12 month it's heaven here and friendly, we wanna keep it that way as we know the friendly neighbor since 15-20 years

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What happened after the towing? > I had someone calling from Airbnb (or told me he was) to ask for picture of the parking due to the refunds asked, 1 week here is around 1600-2400€ depending of the sq/m of the apartment so if you multiply by 6 cars we talking about a lot of € > > Thanks ! Seeing the number of calls I've got today I'm pretty sure this will fast become a "we" problem in court and if not in court a lawyer problem for sure

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Were the tourists at fault, or the Airbnb hosts? > For their defense, if I rent a place that says I have a parking spot in this crowded spot I will for sure park my car. I don't put my hate toward the tenant but more toward the renters > > Yeah and I will 100% ask for a refund for the rent AND for the tow ! > > Yeah kinda not felling bad for them, today we were on the community pool with an UK family who got towed yesterday and they told us Airbnb already told them a partial refund of the week was processing and a 100% refound of the towing was granted so win win for them.

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Did the situation continue after the first round of towing? > Licence plate numbers are on signs in front of the spots ( like right in front of your face when you park) and today I found 2 fake plate sign on our sign and cars parked there, had to call police again to tow them

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What are you doing to stop this from happening again? > We gave the town police a temporary key to access the community and the right to tow anyone who doesn't match the plate on the sign. > > We also asked the guy who is in charge of maintenance in the community to call the cops everytime he see someone illegally parked here.

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Why don't you rent out the parking spaces to Airbnb guests? > Thanks ! Because we all have family who comes here to cut long road trip, and I know the close neighbors since 15-20years and I can't see myself renting a parking spot after all these times

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Why not install parking barriers on each space? > I don't want to put some "stop park" on our parking spot because it'll be a hassle with the other neighbors yearly as I said It's the first time in 20years we are in a parking mayhem like that and out of 12 months this place is heaven for 10 months

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Has Airbnb changed the community? > Airbnb is the problem here seriously I understand people wanting to make some cash in this period but if it is at the cost of the whole community why bother?

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Did the Airbnb listings actually advertise parking? > Way too much, between 1600-2400€ depending of the surface of the apartment base on what I saw on Airbnb but all of them have "parking included" and there is NO PARKING HERE

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Did you warn the homeowners before towing? > FAFO nice lol. As I said in the post, I texted the homeowners to ask for their plates to not tow a friendly neighbor ! I come here since I'm 12yo and it's the first time I don't enjoy my first 2 days of vacation

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Update 1 - after 2 days

^(August 03, 2026)

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UPDATE : AITAH for towing half the neighborhood

I posted 2 days ago asking if IATAH for towing half the neighborhood, a lot happened in 2 days, honnestly it's a shitshow, I come here nearly every year since 20+ years and never saw this before.

We've got people towed in our reserved parking spots again, we've got people towed for parking IN FRONT of the gate (so nobody could leave the parking at all), we've got people putting sign on OUR reserved parking spots with THEIR plate numbers so they don't get towed (the management guy called us asking if we added new licences plates to be sure to not tow our cars) I've never encounter this level of entitlement from random people before.

We got one of the Airbnb tenant red handed as he was parking in our assigned spot and he showed us an email from one of our ranters neighbor who straight up told him to put a sign and park anyway. So as of today we are closing the gate and put 2 new warning signs telling people to GTFO our propriety.

No more friendly neighbors.

On the bright side, we were on the pool after lunch, and chatted with an UK family who got towed yesterday and they told us Airbnb was already processing a partial refund for the week and a 100% refund for the towing, so they were kinda happy with the outcome, I told them they can park in my second space as my wife will leave our second parking spot today.

We took a lot of pictures and got in touch with one of the neighbors lawyer who bought the Space with us, because we got a lot of phonecalls from Airbnb renters and police and city officials about the issue today (renters gave our info I don't even know if that is legal).

Lots of new people came today to start their vacation week, I hope they get the hint of the many signs we put and don't come in our parking.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Did the Airbnb guests understand what was happening? > Yeah we see them at the pool and they just don't understand what is happening but I think they spoke between them because I heard one family had been towed on purpose to get a refund from Airbnb

---

Are you taking legal action against the Airbnb landlords? > Yeah our lawyer is already tracking them because here you can rent for a maximum of 60days a year in Airbnb or you are illegally renting, we'll see what comes out of his research > > From what our lawyer said, Airbnb would be a waste of time because they wouldn't attack us in court, but we have a case againt the landlords here with the mail we gathered from the renters where the specificaly tood them to put fake signs with their licences plates to park on our private assigned spaces

> Lawyer told us to not contact anyone on the matter

---

Will Airbnb guests be able to use the free parking in the future? > We gathered infos on who is renting in Airbnb and there is no chance they use the free parking ever again

---

Were any of the three owners renting their properties on Airbnb? > No renters between the 3 of us

---

NEW UPDATE

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Update 2 - after 12 days (after 10 days from last post)

^(August 13, 2026)

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Mini Update: on AITAH for towing half the neighborhood

Mini-update on AITAH for towing half the neighborhood

I posted few days ago asking if AITAH for towing half the neighborhood, we are now in the middle of August, the peak of Airbnb for vacation here.

I left the place to go to Italy with my family, and some relatives from my wife side are on the vacation house, and there has been some good and bad news.

The good news are that after the shitshow, 3 houses from neighbors who was on Airbnb had been unlisted, we put a new sign saying "residents only", and there has not been any more towing since monday (around 10-15 cars towed since my last update, Airbnb renters claiming they are residents since they have access to the private pool which is for residents too...)

The bad news are that we received 4 letters from lawyers of the Airbnb renters telling us we OWE them the missing monney they lost on refunds and towings, plus the monney they will loose for the 2 next weeks of august for not renting their house, and they said they'll ask for legal fees too, and I don't know if they exaggerated the amount but damn this is lucrative for sure.

Our lawyer seems to be unbothered by these letters, and told us he is confident this will go nowhere but we can ask for compensation for all the hassle during the first 2 weeks, we are chatting with the 2 other owners of the parking space for the amount to ask for. We have everything documented well, plus some infos our lawyer gathered (here you can't rent more than 60 days a year on Airbnb, and it seems some or our lovely neighbors didn't followed this law)

Another side info, we asked for what we call here an "extraordinary general meeting" which is all the house owner of the community meets to vote on some important topics, the topic proposed here is the banning of Airbnb. This should take place in november.

We received another letter yesterday from one of the Airbnb owner, with an offer to buy the parking spaces (all of them, the privates and the unmarked) which is almost 3x more than what we paid.

So here we are, parking seems to be ok for now, we are now entering in what looks like a legal battle.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

What are the parking rules for new developments where you live?

> Yes here we have something called "plan local d'urbanisme" which is redacted by each city and tell how many parking spot/ bike spot you have to make (depending of the numbers of residents per flat or by the surface) when you build a new complex

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Why don't you plan on selling the parking spaces?

> Yeah we don't plan on selling it, we are pretty sure the buyer will ban us all from parking near our houses ever again lol

---

How many homeowners need to vote to ban Airbnb, and how many homes are currently listed?

> We need 51% of the homeowners vote to ban it in our community from what we read, there is 34 homes and only 6 listed on Airbnb, hope we got enough vote to ban it

---

What does your lawyer think about the letters from the Airbnb renters' lawyers?

> That's what our lawyer said, and for now it's only letters to make us afraid I think

---

What was actually illegal about the Airbnb parking situation?

> The unmarked spots where free to use in the beginning, the only illegal thing happening is people parking on private spots, and the one Airbnb owner who send an email to the renters to tell them to put THEIR licence plate on OUR spot

&nbsp;

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/bloopshro0m

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 28, 2026

• Final Update: August 14, 2026

NOTE: Made the text more readable by breaking the wall of text into paragraphs and capitalizing the first letter after each full stop.

---

Main Post

^(May 28, 2026)

---

WIBTAH if i (21m) don't grant closure to my ex-situationship (22f) with cancer

So about a year ago, I broke things off with this girl because of some minorly transphobic remarks and offensive comments about people I care about. Yesterday, she reached out to tell me she has cancer and is dying.

She also wanted to apologize and we discussed maybe talking in person (bc odd convo over insta dms, yeah?). One of my friends is insisting I should not grant her this because of what she had said to me in the past, saying that she's using the cancer card as an easy out to what she had done.

I'm still leaning towards talking w her because it would bother me for the rest of my life if I didn't, but would I be the asshole if I didn't forgive her?
questions/thoughts/commentary welcome!

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Why was your friend urging you so strongly against meeting her, despite your willingness to forgive?

> it should also be noted that my friend said what she said to be somewhat protective. i'm obviously not gonna get into all of what was said a year ago bc i don't wanna shit on the dying, but it wasn't awesome to hear. i do play it down a lot bc i try not to let ppl have that kind of effect on me, but my friend has a better recollection of how torn up i was i guess. i appreciate this tho. > > i think my friend was getting more at the fact that this person has been somewhat manipulative to me in the past (vaguely mentioned earlier, but pitting me against ppl i loved and trusted so i would just talk to her, twisting my own words against me, other little things like that) so she was more urging me to be cautious is what i assume. she's not the absolute best with words, but regardless, poor phrasing.

---

What made you think she might genuinely regret what she said?

> yeah that's kinda what i was thinking too, cuz she was raised somewhat religious and when i explained the context of what she had said to me, she was mortified. i'm just concerned why my friend is urging me so strongly against it because she's usually right about this kind of stuff.

---

Why are you still wary about the situation?

> no exactly, i think a lot of ppl are looking at this like ive been bffs w this girl for a very long time or something. we talked for a couple months over a year ago, and didn't talk before or after such. she's said a lot of interesting things i don't necessarily have the evidence to back up. and this entire convo is happening online so like, im just obviously kinda wary. > > not entirely, got vague photo evidence of a shaved head but she's always worn wings n stuff.

---

Do you actually want to meet her?

> i'm not sure. yes and no? i want to hear her out, but i also don't wanna do something that's gonna end up being a mistake.

---

Why did you ask to meet in person instead of continuing the conversation over messages?

> i'm not sure, that's what's throwing me. she sounded pretty out of it (could be from meds or chemo or what not) and she didn't say much beyond that she has cancer and is dying. i'm the one who asked to meet up bc i have a hard time w these kind of emotionally involved convos over text.

---

What is making forgiveness feel difficult, even though you want to be kind?

> thank you. not a lot of ppl are able to see the gray space i'm in mentally. it's not that i don't want to be kind and forgive her. idk, trust is such a hard thing, but at least regardless of what happens, ill know i did what i could if i talk to her.

---

What do you think you would regret more?

> yeah i think i can live w my friend judging me a lot easier than i could if i didn't grant some sort of peace and forgiveness to somebody i wont have the chance to again.

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Final Update - after 2 months, 17 days

^(August 14, 2026)

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UPDATE: aitah if i don't give an ex who's potentially dying of cancer the closure she's asking for

Basically, I had come on here a few months ago talking about a girl I had split up with after some transphobic remarks she made, and odd other behaviours that indicated she was trying to cut me off from my loved ones or control certain narrative pertaining to my life.

She had DMed me saying she had cancer and was sorry for what had happened and just wanted to make peace with everything. I asked her if we could meet up (purely bc text/dm convos are really hard for me to understand as an autistic person at times) and there was a weird back and forth where she rain checked several times back to back.

She ended up blocking me and I thought nothing of it for the most part, just that i had tried to do my part to help her make peace and she didn't seem intent on meeting up so there wasn't much more to be said.

This was about 3 months ago, she finds my instagram again the other night to dm me: "btw everything I said was just a prank, I got paid $500 to tell sb something rlly f*cked up" or something adjacent to that, perhaps not verbatim.

I thought about it for a while and just decided to block her without responding bc obviously she's after some sort of attention im quite frankly not interested in giving her. And also bc that's genuinely such a twisted thing to do to sb.

Anyways, wanted to update and thank the ppl who told me to be skeptical from the jump, saved me a lot of heartache of getting emotionally attached in any way, shape or form. ppl can be so so odd I suppose.

&nbsp;

---

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Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Lanky_Beyond1948

Published on: r/TwoHotTakes

Trigger Warning: >!Domestic violence, sexual assault, possible child abuse, sexual coercion!<

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 07, 2026

• Update: August 08, 2026

---

Main Post

^(August 07, 2026)

---

My (30F) husband (35M) has been acting increasingly cruel since his dad died, and last night something happened that I can’t get past

My (30F) husband (35M) has been acting really erratic this entire year. For context we’ve been married 3 years.

His father passed away at the beginning of the year. We stayed with his mom for about a month and a half to help her with everything that needed to be done and to support her emotionally. After we finally came back home, my husband started acting… different.

At first it was mostly these aggressive, cruel “jokes.”
For example, I love watching the birds in our backyard and sometimes I whistle at them to get them to come closer. One day he told me, “Stop whistling at them, they’re going to want to fuck you.”

Another time I was organizing our pantry and he saw some cucumbers I had bought and said, “Why do you buy cucumbers? To stick them inside yourself? To pleasure yourself?”

If we’re out somewhere and another woman compliments my hair or my outfit, he’ll spend the rest of the day calling her my “girlfriend” and making comments about how apparently so many women want to fuck me.

There have been so many comments like this.
I’ve suggested therapy because it feels like he’s taking all of his anger out on me. He says he doesn’t need therapy because he knows he needs to change and can do it himself.

What makes it harder to understand is how different he is with his mom. He is constantly there for her. He listens to her, comforts her, lets her talk about everything she’s feeling. Then he’ll hang up the phone and become cold and mean with me almost immediately. I don’t understand why he’s so angry at me.

Last night things got much worse. He initiated sex. I didn’t really want to say no because I know how upset he gets when I reject him. He’ll also tell me that he feels unwanted, and then I end up feeling guilty. So we continued.

But this time felt completely different from every other time we’ve had sex. He has always been affectionate and careful with me. Last night there was none of that. When I looked at him, all I could see in his face was anger. Almost hatred. His movements were so rough that he was hurting me. I was actually scared to tell him that he was hurting me.

Eventually I pushed him off me and said, “I’m hurt.” I specifically said it that way because I was afraid of sounding like I was blaming him. Then I started crying.
And while I was lying there crying, he grabbed my hand and put it on his dick because he wanted me to help him come.

I can’t really explain the disgust and anger I felt in that moment. I was literally crying in front of him, and that was what he was thinking about? I immediately pulled my hand away. He laughed and said, “You escaped!”
I just kept crying as he went to take a shower and then went to sleep.

He didn’t comfort me. He didn’t ask if I was okay. Nothing. I’ve never felt so disgusted or objectified by anyone before. Let alone my husband.

His comments and “jokes” had already been making me extremely uncomfortable, but after last night I feel like something in me just broke. I don’t know if there’s any coming back from this. Right now, the thought of him touching me again makes my skin crawl.

Has anyone experienced something like this with a partner, especially after they experienced a major loss? Can grief actually explain this kind of personality change? Before he did make some jokes and comments, but never to this extreme level.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for. Perspective, advice, maybe just someone telling me what they would do in my position. Anything would help.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

How has his behavior toward you changed over the course of your marriage?

> He had never been physically aggressive, this is the first time. He has made cruel jokes about me since we got married. It started with calling me clumsy, not letting me use scissors because of it. Saying he doesn’t know how I’ve survived without him because I lack survival instincts etc. Whenever I’ve tried to call him out, he says he’s joking and I’m too sensitive to take jokes. I don’t know how we end up in conversations that last hours and the conclusion is that I’m the one at fault for whatever I feel.

---

What have you learned about his mother’s behavior toward him and you?

> Based on what I’ve heard his mother refused for him to go to school until he was 8, because she wanted to keep him close to her. I know for a fact that whenever I’m not around she walks around the house naked, and whenever he is showering there, she finds any excuse to enter. Because “they’re not pervs that sexualize bodies”. Ever since he was born she removed locks from ALL doors in the house. Bathroom included. Anytime I’d visit I would have to barricade myself with the basket of dirty clothes. > > I’ve seen many weird things but was too blind to put all together until recently. She asks about our sex life and my husband tells her about it. I did tell him I was disgusted and felt very uncomfortable and he called me prude. That it’s normal. I think that’s a huge part of me not wanting any intimacy with him, because I do keep wondering “will he tell his mom about us doing this or that?” > > I’ve also noticed her acting very weird towards one of her nephews. He’s 11 now and whenever she visits him or he visit her, he sleeps on her bed, despite mi FIL telling her he was uncomfortable with that. Every night she calls the nephew so the can chat though dinner, again despite my FIL asking for some nights without FaceTiming the kid to be able to speak together. She’d just laugh and ignore him. > > When the kid was 7, he had a time where he’d caress my upper legs and I’d ask him not to do that and spoke to my husband then boyfriend about it. He said he’s just a kid and he’s neurodivergent so he doesn’t know boundaries. My concern was him found that outside and someone reacting aggressive towards the kid, or an adult with bad intentions allowing it. It stopped. But lately I keep asking myself where did he learn that was okay? I obviously can’t proof anything but a big part on me being very careful to not have kids with him apart from his abuse, was never letting that woman close to any of my kids.

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What was his relationship with his father like?

> I can only speak of what I saw, can’t be certain of the experiences of his kids and wife since you could ask anyone outside our marriage and they’d tell you my husband is the sweetest, kindest and most gentle man. > > In my experience he was very loving to his wife, although it wasn’t the same the other way around. He could be reactive as in, shout or get upset in a discussion and leave a room, but he was never cruel. He was very generous, had a hard life but worked hard to be a good father and husband. He treated me as a second daughter and would keep everyone in the house in check. Would tell my husband if he ever did anything to me, he’d take care of him. And would prompt him to act like a husband and not a little kid due to his relationship with his mom. FIL and MIL would bicker a lot and have very different points of view in many ethical dilemmas. I miss him deeply. My parents adored him too.

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What was your relationship with your mother-in-law like before and after your father-in-law’s death?

> A while ago I went on holidays with my parents and he was included on that plan but he preferred to stay with his mother. After that he did tell me several things she’s criticized about me. My hobbies, my appearance, my inability to take care of him… > > Now looking back… there were some behaviors I decided to ignore. Once she told me that she knew I loved my (then) boyfriend, but I would never love him more than her. That nothing was greater than a mothers love. Or when we had our engagement party and he referred to me as “his soulmate” she interrupted “but you had a mom first!”. I can give more examples but I thought she was just a bit inappropriate but with good intentions.

---

Did your husband’s behavior involve sexual abuse before the incident in the original post?

> It was hard to put a name on it but yes, he’s been raping me for a while. I didn’t see it, I did feel uncomfortable. But I could call it rape. It’s been three years of me not being able to shower alone, not even on winter. I’d be shivering waiting for my turn for the water. He said it’s an intimate moment he likes. In reality he expected a blowjob every time we showered. That would be every day or sometimes more than once. Some days I’d avoid showering altogether. Others I would jump quickly and he would laugh like he did and would also said I escaped as I grabbed my towel quickly. I feel so disgusted. Please know I’m safe now. I will update on everything.

---

Why did you have difficulty recognizing the abuse earlier?

> You are right, it’s very hard to look back and notice that there were many red flags I decided to underestimate as “well no one is perfect” or thinking all of his critiques were based on facts. Because how can someone that loves me lie about things I have to change? How could someone that loves me can hurt me? Must be my fault. And some programming on my duties as a wife. It’s also hard to admit I’ve been sexually abused for the entirety of our marriage. Until I left some days ago, I hadn’t been able to shower on my own for years. He said it was his love language, an intimate moment. But the reality is he’d expect blowjobs every single time we’d shower. It would cause me to avoid showering some days or try to do it as quick as possible. He’d laugh seeing me run out and also say then “you’re escaping!”

---

Did he ever have a romantic or sexual relationship with John, the friend who made sexual jokes toward him?

> After that day I spoke to him and he just kept excusing John saying he “was weird” or even “he’s neurodivergent he doesn’t understand boundaries or jokes”. The next day he told his mom about it and she asked me to “ignore John” that he’s just dumb and can’t make jokes. I stood my ground and he said he’d speak to John asking to tone down the jokes. I asked my husband if he ever had anything with John romantically or sexually, he denied it and kept repeating what I already explained. I never hung out with John after that so I don’t really know if the jokes stopped or what was going on. > > Never found out what was happening. Yes they’re still in contact because they’re childhood friends and have the same social circle. He just kept telling me he has no ill intentions and didn’t understand boundaries or how to make jokes. Yet those only were directed at my husband, never to anyone else.

---

Did you have children together, and why did you avoid becoming pregnant?

> We don’t. I was trying the first two years but especially after this year, seeing some of his family dynamics after FIL’d death and him escalating I’ve been very careful to avoid getting pregnant. I chose him but I would never forgive myself if my kids were treated like that.

---

What happened when you tried to get him to seek therapy?

> I have tried to talk to him but he gets very angry and offended if I suggest therapy. The government even offered to give all of the family therapy after my FIL’s passing and no one wanted to take it. They “don’t believe in therapy” > > I started therapy as soon as he refused his. That’s how little by little I started seeing the “jokes” and all the verbal attacks. I kept wondering if I should leave or stay but after what happened yesterday I don’t think I can stay much longer. I can’t bare to see him.

---

What ultimately happened after you realized the situation was escalating?

> Thank you, I’m starting to see it now. It will take a while to see the full picture but I’m very thankful for all your comments and advice, I’m out of there and he went back to his mom. I hope one day he gets to heal whatever is going on but I won’t be around waiting for that.

---

What was your husband’s explanation for leaving?

> He left earlier today. He said his mom really needs him and he needs to be there because our home isn’t healthy for him anymore.

---

How are you doing now?

> I’m beyond disgusted and I’m looking for a therapist specialized in this situations to close this chapter of my life.

---

Update - after 1 day

^(August 08, 2026)

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Update: My (30F) husband (35M) has been acting increasingly cruel since his dad died, and last night something happened that I can’t get past.

Hello everyone. First I would like to thank each and everyone of you for your support and advice. I felt so much love and care that I can’t explain how truly moved and grateful I am. Sorry if this is too long but I also want to address some questions or comments this soon since I know many have been worried, please don’t be.

I think my body has been feeling I was being raped for quite a while but I did not want to use that word. I just couldn’t get myself to believe the man that was supposed to love me and care for me would do something like that. But he did and he has been doing it for quite a while.

For the entirety of our marriage I have not being able to shower on my own. Not even once. Not even in winter when I’d shiver waiting for my turn to get on the water. He said it was his love language, that showering together made him feel connected. In reality he expected a blowjob from me every single time we got on the shower. Some times I’d avoid showering altogether because I did not want to deal with that, others I’d try to shower as quickly as I could and jump out before he started to “seduce” me. He’d laugh like I mentioned he did and he’d also say “Oh you’re escaping!” As I grabbed my towel and ran out.

Regarding the overtly sexual “jokes”, it reminded me of an incident we had with one of his friends (also 35M). I was used to this friend making a sexual joke or two to my husband every time we’d hang out. Would be weird but I thought well maybe that’s their humor. But one night this friend sat beside my husband and wouldn’t stop touching him and making very extreme and intense sexual “jokes” directed at my husband.

The tone of all were basically his friend wanting to fuck him. It got so uncomfortable another friend stepped in and asked the guy to stop the weird comments, to respect me, and respect that we were married. I did speak to my husband after that telling him how humiliated I felt especially because another man defended me as he did nothing. My husband said his friend didn’t know boundaries in general. I asked why was he only focused on him then? He insisted.

The next morning his mom called and asked me to please ignore the friend, that he was dumb and didn’t know how to make jokes. I spoke to my husband again, asking him to not get his mom involved and also asking if he ever was involved romantically or sexually with his friend. I did not want to judge, I just wanted to understand what was going on. He denied it. After me not budging on ignoring the jokes my husband spoke to his friend asking him to stop but it was so weird.

Some of you also wondered if there was some sort of abuse in his family. I cannot fully confirm anything, but there’s some weird behaviors that made me want to help him and stay longer for him. I felt that he was suffering and I could help him see things and heal.

Based on what I’ve heard his mother refused for him to go to school until he was 8, because she wanted to keep him close to her. I know for a fact that whenever I’m not around she walks around the house naked, and whenever he is showering there, she finds any excuse to enter. Because “they’re not pervs that sexualize bodies”. Ever since he was born she removed locks from ALL doors in the house. Bathroom included. Anytime I’d visit I would have to barricade myself with the basket of dirty clothes.

I’ve seen many weird things but was too blind to put all together until recently. She asks about our sex life and my husband tells her about it. I did tell him I was disgusted and felt very uncomfortable and he called me a prude. That it’s normal. I think that’s a huge part of me not wanting any intimacy with him, because I do keep wondering “will he tell his mom about us doing this or that?”

I’ve also noticed her acting very weird towards one of her nephews. He’s 11 now and whenever she visited him or he visited her, he slept on her bed, despite my FIL telling her he was uncomfortable with that. Every night she called and still calls the nephew so they can chat through dinner, again despite my FIL asking for some nights without FaceTiming the kid to be able to speak together alone. She’d just laugh and ignore him.

When the kid was 7, he had a stage where he’d caress my upper legs and I’d ask him not to do that and spoke to my husband (then boyfriend) about it. He said he’s just a kid and he’s neurodivergent so he doesn’t know boundaries. My concern was him doing that outside and someone reacting aggressive towards the kid, or an adult with bad intentions allowing it. It stopped. But lately I keep asking myself where did he learn that was okay? I obviously can’t proof anything but a big part on me being very careful to not have kids with him apart from his abuse, was never letting that woman close to any of my kids.

He spends hours on the bathroom (literally sometimes 3-4 hours), I cannot confirm if he’s watching porn or cheating but I’ve always found that weird. Especially since I’m asleep when he comes back and then blames me if we don’t have sex.

We have fought over him having inappropriate messages with “friends”. Once a message popped while he showed me a video, a girl telling him “I like you soooo much ❤️” I asked who that was since I do know his female friends. He said a friend that lives abroad. I asked what was going on and as always he turned it on me for “being insecure” and he felt so bad because his love wasn’t helping me let go of my insecurities.

A year after he asked me if she could come stay in our house because she was spending the holidays here and got so upset when I said no. Another of his “friends” sent him an overtly sexual invitation (he told me) but he said that he asked her not to do that because now he’s married. He used to make those advances on her when she was in a relationship. His excuse was “but I wasn’t”. He also makes sure to tell me when women are checking him out. Which apparently is every time we’re out. I’m fine with that. I just laugh sometimes because he thinks women getting super close to him is flirting yet my brain screams pickpockets!

A last thing before I explain what’s going on now: last time I tried to start being intimate was me planning a romantic date. It had to be at home because he hated going out. A summary: can’t be too early because he gets cranky, can’t be in the middle of the day because the sun is too strong, can’t be at night because it’s too dark to drive. So I planned a romantic dinner in our house and as I was taking the wine out, he got so upset and shouted: SO YOU CAN ONLY FUCK ME WHEN YOURE DRUNK? As you can imagine the date was cancelled.

So, what happened? Yesterday he acted like nothing happened. He was very sweet which was weird because lately after sex he’d be so angry. Which was so confusing to me. I obviously wasn’t happy, but was trying to act calm and not cause any reactions out of him while I figured what to do. At night he asked me what was going on. I did speak with him. I told him how I felt, so humiliated, felt like an object. He acted like a victim again, saying he only reached for my hand to show me I was still desirable even if I was crying. That he did it to help me gain confidence despite not being able to finish before. I was even more disgusted and asked why he left me crying to go shower and after. He just shrugged and said he figured I was upset and left me to deal with it.

I decided to stop engaging on that pointless argument. I would just nodded until he stopped talking to avoid hours of that same loop of blaming me for my feelings.

Then today he woke up and told me he needed to go to his moms house indefinitely. That he needs to be there for her but also for himself. That our house isn’t healthy for him anymore. That it’s the only way for him to get better and heal. I just nodded and agreed. Even if I know that’s not true and his mom’s house is deeply toxic and unhealthy for him, I needed to think about me. And he left with his car.

I felt as if a guardian angel, the universe or so many of your wishes and prayers did this. When he left I couldn’t stop crying. Out of happiness. That somehow the road seemed to open for me in a way that wasn’t as dangerous. I packed some essentials and Im waiting to take a flight to be with my parents. I will not tell him anything and I’m leaving before he regrets anything or tries to check on me.

There I will talk to lawyers about the next steps for divorce. My friends and family have my back and I feel very lucky to have so many people supporting me despite of years of me being isolated. I do not want to contact this man ever again if possible and still cannot believe how he just left like that, I’m a bit shocked that I don’t need many days of planning, of being scared, of trying anything to get out safely.

And now that I mentioned a guardian angel I started to cry because well some of you mentioned if I had a brother or someone taller or stronger than my husband to ask for his help to come get me. My brother died when I was 14 and he was 20 in a very terrible accident. He was quite tall and strong. And had a heart of gold, he was like a teddy bear. He would’ve moved the entire world to help me and I think he did today. So thank you for the advice, wishes, prayers. Thank you all.

Whenever there’s any advances on what I hope a smooth divorce, I’ll let you know. But again, thank you everyone that was worried for me, that gave me advice and resources. I deeply value all. And I will read all of the recommended books. I have been going to a therapist but I may change for someone specialized in trauma and abuse as I go through the divorce and keep wrapping my head about everything that happened and that somehow I kept ignoring or thinking it wasn’t a big deal.

Thank you Morgan and all of this amazing community for being so caring and helpful. You’re right, I knew something was very wrong, I was already hesitating and thinking of getting out, but reading so many people confirming what I feared helped me more than you will ever know. I wish you all the very best as I move to this next chapter of my life with all of my loved ones.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Why couldn’t you shower when your husband wasn’t home?

> He was always home. We work remotely and he only left the house with me.

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What are your concerns about reporting the situation involving your nephew? Why are you unsure how to help your nephew or report your concerns?

> I feel guilty regarding the nephew but I’m also very scared that causes him to lash out at me or come look for me for affecting his mother or meddling with his family. I am away now but he knows where my family lives so I don’t want to be selfish and abandon the kid but I also don’t want to give him any reason to make him mad. > > We don’t live in the US so I don’t really know what I can do to help the nephew since I don’t think anyone involved would testify against her. I feel bad for that kid.

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What is the family dynamic around your mother-in-law like?

> I feel very naive to not notice so many things before. It’s the same dynamic with the siblings of MIL, a very weird cult-like vibe. FIL was very sweet but sadly got isolated from all of his family. I only met them at the funeral and they seemed very sweet and nice people. MIL wanted only her siblings and her kids to stay at the end to say goodbye to FIL, didn’t allow his siblings in that moment. It all felt super weird to me.

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Can you file for divorce while staying with your parents?

> I can file where I am now, no need to be there. Thank you so much!

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What do you know about your nephew’s mother and the possibility of reporting your concerns anonymously?

> The mother of the kid is the sister of my MIL. All of the family worships the ground she walks in. Everything she says is gospel. If I dared to imply anything about MIL, no one would believe me. I don’t have actual proof of anything and that’s why I don’t know how I can help this kid. I want to do it in an anonymous way to avoid further contact with that family. In my country we don’t have welfare checks I have to research on how to do this with social workers.

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Where are you now?

> Im home with my parents, thank you everyone for your concerns. I’ll take a break from here for a bit and if there’s anything worth updating on, I will. Again thank you everyone for being so kind and caring. 🤍

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/True_Celebration3076

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 06, 2026

• Final Update: August 12, 2026

---

Main Post

^(August 06, 2026)

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AITAH for kicking my sister out after the comments she made about my wife?

I don't know if I am the AH in this situation. Yesterday, my wife (F29) and I (M31) went on a date, and my sister (F16) volunteered to watch our two kids (M5 and F2). We rarely get to go on a date, so we were excited.

When we came back, our sister put the kids to bed, and me, my wife, and her were just hanging out. It was a normal conversation until my sister said "the kids are so cute for having parents that are so mid." I know my sister's intention was to make a playful jab at me, which is completely fine, as we do this to each other. However, I can tell as soon as the words left her mouth, she realized she made a mistake, and started apologizing. But, it was too late.

I can see how hurt my wife was. My wife was bullied for her looks when she was younger by parents, classmates, "friends", and even teachers. She is also very insecure about her body after having two kids. My sister does not know this, but I still feel as though she is old enough to know better.

After making this comment, I told her she needed to leave, which she did. When my parents found out what had happened, they called me to tell me that I was overreacting, and my siblings texted that "she's just a kid" and that it was wrong of me to make her leave. AITAH for kicking my sister out after the comments she made about my wife?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

roseifyoudidntknow >ESH your wife is nearly 30. This is a child who made a joke in poor taste and she apologized on her own without any prompting. > >Hey_heauxx >>I had to double check the ages bcuz really?

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Both-Enthusiasm708 >YTA Does your wife really need protection from your teenage sister's joke? If the obvious joke from a 16 year old is enough to make your wife spiral or something then she needs therapy. Your sister apologized immediately. > >You have made it so your sister will now always feel uncomfortable in your and your wife's presence. So I guess congrats.

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bullgod1964 >YTA. She is 16 and you know it was a joke

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Interesting_Sun_7135 (downvoted) > NAH. She immediately apologized, which probably means she really didn't have any bad intentions with it. She's old enough to know right from wrong and read the room a little, yes, but they way your wife reacted is heavily influenced by her past experiences, which your sister didn't know about. It's not her fault she didn't know about it. I also think it matters exactly how you "kicked her out". Did you yell at her or get really mad? Or just told her "Hey, I think you should leave now." If it was the latter, your parents reaction is a bit too much and i don't think you are in the wrong at all. > > OOP (downvoted) >> More so the latter. I said that what she said was not appropriate and she needed to leave

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ApproximatelyApropos > Info: did you pay your sister for babysitting? > > OOP (downvoted) >> No, which is another reason I'm not sure if I am the AH or not

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Alternative_Law_3913 > Can someone explain to me what mid means please? > > OOP (downvoted) >> It means like average or a bit below that

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Wheredotheflapsgo > YTA- this is how you handle it.
> “Your kid is so cute despite parents who are so mid”
> You say, “well ONE parent is mid, but (wife’s name) gave all the beauty genes to (baby)”. Then redirect. Ask her if she knew she had a booger hanging out of her nose. > > You escalated this —unnecessarily so—just return banter with banter and stick up for your wife.
> > No I don’t agree that wife needs therapy. Everybody has some trauma from middle school about some insecurity- we need to get over it.
> > OOP (downvoted) >> I think something that added to it is the fact that my sister is conventionally attractive and is popular, so it felt like she was being bullied again

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CONSENSUS: Everyone Sucks

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&nbsp;

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Final Update - after 6 days

^(August 12, 2026)

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UPDATE: AITAH for kicking my sister out after the comments she made about my wife?

I did talk to my sister since everything occured. I apologized for overeacting and kicking her out. I tried to give her $50, but she said that it wasn't required since she didn't ask for any money.

She actually found the post after talking about the situation to her friends, and one of them mentioning this post. She also read through the comments. She said that she apologizes for the comments she made and the impact they had on my wife, but also that she wasn't going to be babysitting again since my parents don't want her to.

I accepted this. Some people thought that I just kicked out my sister without communicating with my wife, and while I did do that initially, after my sister left, my wife did say that she felt hurt and like she was feeling bullied again. She texted an apology to my sister and my sister replied that everything was Ok and not to worry about it, and my sister also apologized for upsetting her.

While I won't stop defending my wife, I've learned to take a step back and evaluate the situation rather than act immeadietly. My parents and siblings are still pretty mad at me and my wife, and we have been disinvited from our next family gathering. I do regret this entire situation and take full accountability that I instigated this. I will work on rebuilding a good relationship with my sister. My wife is also considering going back into therapy.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Embarrassed_Advice59 >I mean…at least your sister forgives you. While it’s nice you don’t regret sticking up for your wife, I do think your wife should definitely take up therapy as the comment was a literal joke and taken way out of proportion. She called you guys “Mid” and it resulted in her getting kicked out. I wouldn’t consider baby sitting for you guys either if this happened to me. So yeah definitely learn from this and reassess. > >Similar_Fishing2436 >>I’m not sure she really forgave them, I think she just went through the motions to get the akward out of the way. I don’t think she’s gonna be a very active aunt after this and really can’t blame her.

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adudefromaspot >I think you're getting off easy, to be honest. Your sister is coming off as more mature and level headed than you. Even in this post, you're doubling down with the "I won't stop defending my wife". Bro, you playing white knight is how you landed here in the first place. You and your wife need to do more than make apologies, and more than considering therapy. You need to make active effort to fix this - that means, commit to therapy, do it, and prove the results. > >And your sister...man, I think you lost a lot of credibility with her. As a brother, as an adult, as a man....

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Impressive_Yam_7224 >YTA and so is your wife !! Come on how is this anything like being bullied… you guys were called Mid which doesn’t mean ugly in any context …. Grow up and stop projecting your own securities on others especially a 16 year old child If anything she complimented your kids for being cute !! Also your the one who actually bullied a 16 year old and your nasty wife enabled it > >For 30 plus years olds you’re both immature, petty and epitome of disgrace > >Your 16 year sister has shown more maturity , understanding and grace than you two amalgamated !!! Utterly appalling > >I wouldn’t want you around family gatherings either , god forbid if someone makes a joke or innocent comment about your wife …you two will cry for eternity especially with you “I won’t ever stop defending my wife “ crappy motto

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/throwRA_495848

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 08, 2026

• Final Update: August 12, 2026

---

Main Post

^(August 08, 2026)

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WIBTA if I hid my gf’s Snake’s death from her for a day?

I really need help here. My (22M) gf (26F) has a really rocky relationship with her family that’s she’s been desperate to repair. There’s been some improvements and she was invited to her brother’s birthday party over three days in another country. His birthday party is tomorrow, which technically is only a few hours from now since it’s so late at night for me in the moment but I found out her old hognose is no longer alive. We knew he’d pass soon anyways but it’s still heartbreaking. I cried for a while, I only stopped crying a little bit ago.

Would it be wrong for me to not tell her? She’s had this snake since she was eight, and has broken down for hours at a time thinking of losing him. I’m afraid if she finds out tomorrow she might be inconsolable and wouldn’t be able to enjoy her brother’s birthday and I don’t want this is effect her relationship with her family or make amends more difficult if she doesn’t attend his party or causing a scene there.

I’m not planning on hiding his death forever or anything, just letting her know after the celebrations. I feel conflicted on it. If I’m wrong please let me know, I don’t want to be a bad boyfriend here but I don’t want to ruin her reunion with her brother.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

Pseudonymous_Alien (downvoted) > NTA but She would probably feel betrayed if she found out you hid it from her. I think she wiuld appreciate it more if you told her immediately. Maybe some approach like "hey I didn't want to ruin your mood before the celebrations but..." But thats just my opinion tbh > > OOP >> Yeah true. I’m just scared I guess. I feel like I’m doing Gus dirty somehow, don’t know why.

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Key-Product-99 > NTA, as Yzma said “well, he’s not getting any deader” ba bum da bum! > > Jokes aside, I really am deeply sorry for your loss. If it were me, I’d be grateful to my partner for handling all the hard bits of taking care of the body, dismantling the setup, and just braking it to me smoothly when I got back from my trip. Best of luck. > > No_Builder7010 (downvoted) >> See, I got the impression that the snake doesn't live with them. >> >> OOP >>> I don’t want to sound rude but where do you think he was?

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Comfortable-Sun-9273 > NAH you are in a tricky situation and there is no right answer.
> If you plan on telling her the snake died after the party (as in death and telling her) - could you live with that secret?
> If you plan on telling her after the party that the snake died beforehand - is she going to appreciate, based on your knowledge of her, you making that decision for her? > > OOP >> I think if I don’t tell her immediately, I have to be honest and tell her that I withheld the information. I think she has a right to know when I keep something from her you know?

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Fearless_Jicama5052 > Man, what a tough situation 🫤. My 15+ yr old dog very recently passed away, I've also had him since I was very young, if anyone hid his passing from me I'd feel so incredibly betrayed. And probably guilty for having a good time at a party not knowing my friend was no longer alive at that time. It's such a tough situation no matter what you decide to do, but I really do think you should tell her. When does she come back? Do you think she'll be okay (not the best word, I know) finding out while she's not at home? Did you guys have a plan on what to do if he passed while she was away? > I think right now it's NTA, it's a very hard situation no matter what you decide, I'm so sorry for your loss 🖤 > > OOP >> She comes back in about 30 smth hours. I know she’ll be more devastated than I was, which I was very. I might just risk the breakup if it means she has a better chance at having a good familial relationship.

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Big-Fig3260 > Ok, former reptile vet here- are you sure it’s dead? For reptiles, breathing is optional. You cannot say a snake is dead until it starts to smell. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. That is why post-surgically we put them under warming lamps. Not just to help them recover. I realize this may be too late for you but I hope it helps others. DO NOT USE HOT ROCKS. That goes for any reptiles. Hot rocks tend to induce thermal burns. But just because you do not see a reptile take a breath or feel a heartbeat does not mean it’s dead. It could very well be alive. Wait until it starts to smell. > > OOP >> Yeah he’s dead.

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CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

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&nbsp;

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Final Update - after 4 days

^(August 12, 2026)

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Update: WIBTA if I hid my gf’s Snake’s death from her for a day?

I took into consideration what you people all said, and I decided I’d tell her when he passed and I’d tell her I kept it from her. I didn’t want to say my reasons for doing it because I didn’t want her to internalize any responsibility for this. I was afraid she’d take some responsibility mentally for like giving me a reason I felt I had to do it even though she shouldn’t, so I avoided it all together.

So, I told her when I picked her up from the airport. I decided she should hear it in person, and while I was there. I explained he passed already and I had kept it from her. The ride home was completely silent and when we got home we put him in a box we had for this situation and buried him.

The only thing she said to me was that she still loved me but she didn’t like me right now. I told her I understood, and if this was too far and she didn’t want me around temporarily or permanently I would understand. She nodded and we didn’t do anything for a while until I made dinner and we both broke down at the table. Gus was a grumpy little dude but I miss him, and it’s still hurting.

I asked if I should sleep on the couch or something and she just told me I’m a dead man if I sleep anywhere but in bed with her, so hopefully I can comfort her more. I don’t regret what I did, and if that means she hates me tomorrow morning and we’re done, I can live with that, as long as she got to connect with her family again. I’m not sure what else I can say, so thank you for all the advice, sorry to any of you who have advice I didn’t take, thank you for spending time to help a stranger out either way. All love for you all, you’re sweet people. Stay helpful as ever.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

seh_23 > Give her some time to grieve. Personally, I think you did the right thing with the best intentions and she’ll probably realize that too once she’s had a bit of time. > > And I’m so sorry for your loss, it sounds like Gus lived a very full life with so much love. > > OOP >> I hope so, we certainly tried.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Spunky_Munkey97

Published on: r/TrueOffMyChest & r/TwoHotTakes

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: January 13, 2025

• Update 1: January 20, 2025

• Update 2: January 30, 2025

• Final Update: August 12, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

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Main Post

^(January 13, 2025)

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My sister cheated on her fiancé and then left her kids all because she wanted “a break”, and I’m not supposed to say anything to her.

Buckle up because this is a LOT but I’m really bothered by this and need to just vent because I can NOT believe this has happened.

My (27f) sister (22f) has two beautiful kids. One is 3 and the other is 14 months. When my sister had her oldest daughter, she suffered from PPD, but with support she was able to come out of it. She didn’t really bond with the kid much after though, occasionally she would do fun things with her but it was very rare. Shortly after, I had my son, and I was OVER THE MOON, I’ve never loved something as much as I love my kids ( I now have 2 as well).

When she found out she was pregnant with her 2nd, she didn’t get as excited as she did with the first but as the pregnancy progressed, she was getting more excited.

Fast forward to the second kid being born. She didn’t show any signs of PPD, but she bonded with the second kid way more than she did with the first. I’m not sure if it was because she was exclusively breastfeeding or what but definitely had a better bond with this one. She would get more irritated with the first born ( who was only 2 at the time) and just more distant with her.

Her youngest starting showing some health issues ( nothing super serious, some food allergies and skin issues) and that seemed to just utterly defeat my sister. All of the family, and her fiancé were very encouraging and tried to help her see the bright side, find recipes for the daughter etc. but she didn’t seem like she was interested in any of it. She started to distance herself from both kids now, only doing the bare minimum.

Now, we just found out that my sister had been emotionally cheating on her fiancé, who is the definition of a literal golden retriever partner lol he loves his kids and my sister and took very good care of all 3 of them. He would only ever push my sister to do better and never in a mean way. Anything they needed, he provided for them while my sister got to be a SAHM.

Two days ago, she broke things off with the fiance and had this complete stranger come get her from another state ( she has never met him, and only been FT or playing on Xbox for about a month). All because she said she “had no emotion and needed a break”.

She left with the guy, and I’m not supposed to know any of this. I’m distraught for my nieces and my brother in law ( or I guess not my brother in law anymore?). I don’t understand how a mother could leave her kids, go out of town with someone she didn’t know, without a care in the world. I love my kids and I couldn’t do that to them…

Part of me wonders if it’s PPD, or maybe a manic episode? I genuinely don’t know. I’ve also learned some other things about how she’s been recently that just make me think I never really knew who my sister was, and that’s heartbreaking because she was my best friend. I can not condone that behavior.. my brother in law is filing for emergency custody, but I hope she doesn’t try to take those kids from him because she doesn’t deserve them. They deserve stability and she’s clearly not stable. Ugh.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

shesavillain > Why do you keep saying you’re not supposed to know any of this? > > OOP >> My brother in law told me and doesn’t want my sister to know I know until he files court paperwork just in case she tries anything since they’re not married >> >> GilgameDistance >>> If this is the reason, BIL is wise - please listen to him and let his lawyers work out custody. It sounds like the best thing for those kids is for him to have sole, full custody. Please help him get that. >>> >>> OOP >>>> I plan on it >> >> NatNatTh3CatMom >>> We really need to know how old is BIL >>> >>> OOP >>>> He’s 22

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Maatable > What kind of "support" did your sister receive when she was going through PPD? Her behavior for thr last two years has been troubling, this escalation especially so. Your sister needs professional help desperately. > > OOP >> She saw a therapist for a few weeks but quit going. We would come over, help with chores, cook, babysit so she could take a shower or a nap or even so she could go out with her fiance.

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honorthecrones (downvoted) > He never was your brother in law. Why did they never marry? > > OOP >> They were going to have an October wedding this year. My sister didn’t want to just go to the court house, she wanted a ceremony and everything so they were saving for that.

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peppermintvalet > “He would only ever push my sister to do better and not in a mean way” > > Can you elaborate on this? > > OOP >> If she wasn’t pulling her weight with house stuff, he would just have an adult conversation with her and then help her do whatever was needed to do. For example, he works from 8-7pm, and would come home and the dishes from the previous night were not done or any laundry etc. So he would talk to her about it and then they would do it together. Or if she was depressed and wanted to just lay in bed all day, he would do something like make her favorite breakfast and encourage her to get up even if it wasn’t easy.

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oboejoe92 > Possibly Borderline Personality Disorder? > > She could be “monkey branching” as I have heard it called before- essentially always having her arm stretched out to the next branch (metaphorically speaking) looking for that next bit of validation, excitement, dopamine hit, whatever. “Swinging” from one thing/person to the next. > > First it was her partner, then child one, then child two, now random dude. > > OOP >> She was diagnosed with that when she was younger, was medicated for a long time and when she turned 18, she took herself off of her medicine. She said she was feeling better off the meds so we all just assumed she was okay. That was our error, but her choice to be off of her medication.

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oneofthesenights23 > Why did nobody get her real help? Encouraging her to see the bright side isn’t help. She is so young to have 2 babies and ppd sounds like she needs real help if running away is easier than dealing with her life. Did she see a therapist after her first pregnancy? > > OOP >> Yes she did for a few weeks, and then she quit going and I guess she just masked that everything was fine

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YakElectronic6713 > Why does your sister have two kids at the age of 22, when it is so obvious she doesn't enjoy being a mother? Has the Golden Retriever pressured her into having children? > > OOP >> Not at all, they planned the first one and then the second was a surprise. They weren’t really being careful, my sister was on BC but didn’t take it like she was supposed to ( would miss days etc)

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Wh33lh68s3 > That's some fucking Bullshit that you can't say anything to her about abandoning her children!!! > > Make sure that the abandonment is well documented so that when the father of the children sues for full custody of the children it will be easier for him to do so... > > Updateme > > OOP >> Yeah he wants all of the court bs situated first and then I fully plan on losing my shit. I’ll probably also just send the link to the post so when she tries to say I’m judging her or whatever then she can see that I’m not alone in thinking she sucks. Mental health issues, I could sympathize with as I am type 1 bipolar. But even still, she should be able to be an adult and communicate that she needs help, and not cheat on a really good man and then abandon her kids…. >> >> Also a few people have said to update them when I can, and I plan to! But I’m newer to Reddit so I’m not sure how to do like a mass update lol

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Update - 1 in the Main post - after 7 days

^(January 20, 2025)

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Since some of you have asked, I’ll update on the little bit of info we have. So my BIL changed phone plans, and did not include her on his new bill. She called him and asked him why he didn’t put her on it…. Like she genuinely didn’t understand that he is not going to be paying for her things anymore.

She told him that she isn’t going to fight him and that he can have full custody of the kids. And that she still wants to be able to call and visit when she feels like it. The guy she ran off with, just lost his car BECAUSE HE SIGNED DIVORCE PAPERS RIGHT BEFORE HE LEFT TO GET MY SISTER. And his ex took the car because it was in her name lol karma is beautiful. She also told my BIL that she plans on moving back with the new guy so they can be close to her kids…

I don’t get her logic in any of this really. Also, people have asked so some answers here!

• BIL is 22

• my sister asked my BIL not to tell us ( my mom and I) because she did not want us to get in the way of her being able to see her kids or to “judge her”. ( too late). My BIL doesn’t want her to know we know until after all of the court stuff is finalized.

• he’s doing okay, him and his mom are actually going to be moving a little closer to our family, so we can all help out with the kids. It takes a village and he’s definitely got one.

• since my sister being out of the picture for a week now, the youngest kid has taken her first steps and the oldest seems genuinely happier.

I’m coming from a much less angry place. I still can not stand that she did this, and I am cutting contact with her. My partner and I are supporting my BIL as much as we can with two kids of our own. This whole situation has been insane. I’ll update more if anything else happens. Thank you to everyone who gave advice and didn’t judge me venting. Once this all isn’t so fresh I’m going to show BIL the thread and let him see that it was not his fault.

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Update 2 - after 17 days (after 10 days from last post)

^(January 30, 2025)

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Update! My sister cheated on her Fiance and then left her kids all because she wanted a break and I’m not supposed to say anything to her.

Okay so I have a few updates to this absolute insanity of a situation.

First, I posted the first update as an edit to the original post. Since then, my sister called my mom, and asked her for any legal contacts so she “looks like she has her shit together”. My mom told her no, and that she isn’t going to help her because she abandoned her children. My sister is still convinced that she did not abandon them.

She yelled at my mom stating that she hasn’t left them and that she’s only 3 hours away and calls to talk to them every night….. she doesn’t. She has called a few times but not every day. She’s still planning on moving back home with this new guy so she can be closer to the kids but I’m pretty sure my BIL is only going to allow her to have supervised visits since she has made comments about just taking the kids and how she should have done that from the start, her best friend suggested it.

When my mom tried to reason with her and ask her why she didn’t just come her, her response was “I just want to be on my own”. Which I find ironic because she hasn’t been on her own ever and she’s still not on her own. She is still mooching off of another guy with a job and she still doesn’t have a job, a license, or her GED. ( we have all offered to help her get those things but she has no drive to actually do it). BIL and his mom are moving closer to me and my parents so we can all help each other and hopefully make things easier on BIL as he tries to be a single dad with two toddlers.

BIL is in much better spirits. He was upset until my sister called him, while she was naked, and asked him for money and then she proceeded to put on the other guys hoodie and walk around the house until he could see the other guy in the background. My BIL said at that point, he knew he was never getting her back and didn’t want her back and he’s doing much better. He has good days and bad days but the good are outweighing the bad. The kids are actually thriving without my sister there too. My sister would “parent” by just turning on tv and letting them do whatever, but BIL is much more involved with them as is his mom.

If anything else crazy happens, I’ll post another update but for now I think we are just waiting for all of the long term court paperwork to be submitted. He got emergency custody and it was filed that she abandoned them and fled the state.

Thank you to everyone who has let me vent and given some good advice. This has definitely been a rollercoaster.

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Final Update - After 1 year, 7 months

^(August 12, 2026)

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Final Update in the BORU comments

Hi guys! So I’m OP! Thought I would post another update as I was reminded of this post through a comment! So I hope you have your popcorn 😅

So my sister and the Xbox guy are still together and to put it simply, he sucks. He’s a raging narcissist and has a pretty explosive temper for someone who is almost 30.

They moved back to the same state as us, and lived with my mom and step dad for a little bit with the understanding that she was to get her life together. They never paid rent, they didn’t clean, and their room constantly smelled like B.O and sex. It was disgusting. When my parents addressed the issues, the Xbox guy said that he “doesn’t do dishes, instead he just throws them away” and that “if he doesn’t cook then he shouldn’t have to do dishes”. My sister and him would get into some pretty nasty arguments where he would name call and get in her face. For reference, my sister is 5’3 and he’s 6’5.

They ended up getting kicked out of my mom’s house when they refused to help financially or physically around the house. They wouldn’t even buy groceries except like maybe $50 every other month and my sister would need rides to work and not compensate for gas. My parents are not well off, they pay their bills and have very little extra financially to do anything else, so when paying for two extra adults, they were drowning.

They now live in a camper, that they bought with the Xbox guys divorce money but he put it in my sisters name only because he didn’t want to get a license and register it in his name just in case the courts came after him for not paying child support to his child who hasn’t even turned a year at this point ( I think he’s about to or just turned one, but they don’t see him so I’m not entirely sure, I’m pretty disconnected from that.)

Their relationship is sad but honestly she did it to herself. He’s put his hands on her, locked her in the bathroom and told her to figure out how to get out, spit in her face, etc. He doesn’t want her to work because “he’s very religious and believes in the traditional ways of life and that’s the woman stays home and he provides” meanwhile they barely pay their bills and he makes like $15 an hour which is not really anything in this economy especially him paying child support.

A few months ago she was going to leave him, because he got abusive and we honestly still don’t know the extent of it. But she ended up staying, and when I asked her why stay with this POS, her words verbatim to me were “ well you know how it is, when you’re with a narcissist, you know you’re the victim but you just can’t leave because they do have good qualities and it’s not bad ALL the time”. I was in a mentally abusive relationship but got myself out of it and I’m THRIVING so I don’t actually “know how it is”.

So she stays at home all day, getting high and just waits for him to come home. She doesn’t come to family gatherings because we all can’t stand him due to our own personal experiences with him and he hates to see independent women who won’t bow down to his stupid ass.

As for the kiddos and ex fiancé. He moved to another state with the girls where he has family support. They are very well taken care of, he works two jobs to support them and his mom and grandma helps watch them for him. Apparently she talks to them on FaceTime but not every day and the ex now knows about the abuse from the Xbox guy because she decided to call him crying for help and had him listen to how Xbox guy was talking to her during an argument. So I highly doubt that their dad will allow this POS to be around the girls. He even offered to drive the 12 hours to come get her and bring her back to their state so she could get away from him and be with the girls. He has said he will probably always have love for my sister but he knows they’re not a good match.

I talk to her maybe twice a month, because even though I don’t like her choices, I do care for my sister and my conversations are basically life checks at this point. Apparently she’s starting a job this week, because Xbox guy asked for help with bills. We will see how long this lasts.

&nbsp;

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Illustrious_Elk_2356

Published on: r/Marriage

Story is: NO FURTHER UPDATES (OOP deleted the account)

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 03, 2026

• Update: August 06, 2026

• Final Update: Comments: August 08, 2026

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Main Post

^(August 03, 2026)

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I found out about my wife's affair through her lover's wife

I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

My wife and I are both in our early 40s. We have been together since university and have been married for almost 15 years. We have two teenage children. We both have well paying jobs, we take family vacations regularly, we have an active intimate life and as far as I knew, we didn't have any major problems. From the outside, we looked like a very happy family.

On Friday, a woman slightly younger than me came to my workplace. I had never seen her before. She introduced herself, told me her name, who her husband was and then said that her husband had been having an affair with my wife. She then showed me everything.

Photos, messages, call logs...everything. She told me she had started suspecting an affair back in early June after her husband received suspicious late night messages that had no visible chat history. She began digging and eventually discovered thousands of calls and messages exchanged between him and my wife over the past year.

She confided in her father, who immediately contacted several people, including a lawyer and after a month they managed to uncover everything including who is her husband's mistress...

We live about five hours apart, but our spouses work for the same multinational company. Over the past 14 months, they have been having sex during business trips. It happened on four separate trips that lasted around five days each, plus two shorter two day trips. You do the math.

She was incredibly calm. Honestly, almost cold. She told me she had wanted to contact me much earlier but wasn't sure I would believe her, so she wanted to present all the evidence in person when she was in my city. She also openly admitted that a big reason for telling me was revenge against my wife.

She plans to file for divorce today or tomorrow. According to her, everything is already prepared and she can no longer pretend everything is fine because she can't even stand to touch her husband anymore. Apparently, her husband noticed she had been acting differently lately and started panicking that she maybe found out something. He warned my wife, who also started panicking.

To be honest, until then I hadn't noticed anything unusual. My wife seemed completely normal. But now I do notice she is constantly around me, asking me questions, paying close attention whenever I talk with someone and on Friday she kept asking why I was home so late. From everything I read, it is obvious neither of them ever intended to leave their marriages. They both repeatedly said how happy they were with their lives.

The messages contain everything imaginable: comparing their spouses in bed, my wife mocking the other wife, planning vacations together, giving each other parenting advice... Honestly, it made me feel sick.

The other betrayed spouse told me she will notify the company they both work for once her lawyer gives her permission. She also intends to tell their children the complete truth after her husband is served with divorce papers. She wished me luck and said I could contact her anytime if I needed anything. We have stayed in touch and the last thing she told me was that she would file today or tomorrow at the latest. My wife's phone is completely clean and I used it in front of her and she seemed normal.

I'm completely knocked down. I'm trying to act like everything is normal and pretend I'm just stressed because of work, but it is incredibly difficult. I honestly don't know what to do. My heart tells me one thing, my head tells me another. As twisted as it sounds, it is somehow easier knowing this affair seems to have been driven by pure sex rather than love.

At the moment, I do plan to divorce, but there are so many practical issues. We have two houses, cars, investments, teenage children... I need time to come up with a plan of my own. The other wife doesn't want to wait because she simply can't bear being around her husband anymore. Where we live, infidelity has absolutely no impact on divorce proceedings. That means I'm almost certainly going to lose a significant portion of my assets if everything is split 50/50.

My wife cares deeply about her reputation and is highly respected in our community and her parents would be so much disgusted by her if they know the truth. Part of me thinks I might be able to negotiate a fair settlement by agreeing not to expose the affair publicly, especially since I have been the primary breadwinner throughout our entire relationship.

On the other hand, I'm carrying so much anger and resentment right now that I want to tell the whole world what she did. And despite everything... I still love her.

Has anyone been through something similar? What would you recommend my next steps should be?

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COMMENTS

Why didn't you confront your wife immediately?

> That is the plan. I'm not going to confront my wife until I have at least spoken to a lawyer, which I hope to do within the next 24 hours. My biggest problem is that I barely have any time to process what has happened, let alone get everything in order. > > I asked the other wife to give me just a few more days, but she told me her female lawyer is strongly advising her to file for divorce immediately, start the legal process as soon as possible and tell their children who are about the same age as ours the truth so she can maintain as much control over the divorce as possible and achieve the best outcome. > > On top of that, she simply can't stand being around her husband anymore. I understand her, and I'm grateful that she told me the truth because I honestly don't think I would have ever discovered any of this on my own. I just wish she had told me a few days earlier.

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Were you able to find another lawyer after the other wife's lawyer couldn't represent you?

> I spoke directly with her lawyer. There is a potential conflict of interest, so she won't be able to represent me, even though the idea seemed great in theory. However, she gave me the contact information for one of her female colleagues and recommended that I reach out to her instead. We have already been in touch and we have a meeting scheduled for later today.

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What do you know about the other wife's plans and why is she moving so quickly? Did the other wife give you all the evidence she found?

> As the other wife told me, she expects that both of them will lose their jobs after she talked with her lawyer. > > I asked her whether that was really a smart decision considering child support and alimony, but she told me that she doesn't care about that. Her plan is to sell whatever assets she is awarded, move back to her hometown with the children and that she already has support from her father there who will help her fully. > > Her only goal right now is for her husband to face maximum consequences for what he did and for her to get away from him as quickly as possible. > > Yes, I have everything.

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Are you certain the evidence really shows your wife was having the affair?

> I'm not sure what you mean by saying that I don't have evidence and that she might be setting me up. I have pictures of the two of them together, call and message records from my wife's phone number, and messages that match the timing of those calls and conversations. > > I also have a large number of WhatsApp messages and calls, again from my wife's number. In those messages, she mentions me, our life together, and our children. It is clearly her. There is no one else it could be. > > As soon as the other wife realized what was happening, she did everything she could to uncover the full truth. She knows the hotel room where he stayed on the last trip, which restaurants they went to, she has pictures of them together and much more. She spent a month preparing all of this, and the only thing left is for her to tell him that she knows everything.

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Was there really nothing suspicious on your wife's phone?

> Yes, it is completely clean. I honestly haven't checked her screen time, but her messages and call history are clean. There is nothing suspicious there. > > I have always had access to her phone. She has had the same passcode the entire time and she has never acted uncomfortable or protective about me using it not before and not now. To be honest, I rarely ever used her phone anyway. Usually it was just to call someone if my own phone wasn't nearby so maybe that is why she is super chill.

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How were your wife's affair messages and communications hidden?

> Everything the other wife showed me indicates that they communicated through regular text messages and WhatsApp. That is my wife's phone number, so it doesn't appear that she was using another phone. However, one thing I found strange is that in the WhatsApp screenshots of their conversations, the profile picture isn't visible. > > I checked my wife's WhatsApp settings because I thought maybe she had changed the privacy settings so that everyone except her lover could see her profile picture, but that wasn't the case. So that part is a little unclear to me. > > It is possible that she blocked him at the moment when the other wife was collecting additional evidence, but the phone number is the same. They don't follow each other on Instagram, and she hasn't shown me anything suggesting they communicated there. I honestly haven't checked email. > > I checked her contacts, and everything looks normal. His number isn't saved in her phone. I don't know whether she deleted and blocked him now that she is panicking. What I do know is that, according to the other wife, the last time they were in contact was early last week.

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Are you considering reconciliation?

> I strongly believe reconciliation is not going to happen. I have spent a lot of time thinking about everything this weekend. I have barely slept, maybe only a few hours, and it'l is extremely hard for me to process that she was capable of doing this. > > The fact that she showed absolutely no signs that she was cheating makes it even worse for me. It makes me feel like she is a psychopath. > > And reading those messages where she compared me and him in bed, where she joked about how at home she was the caring housewife and mother but on business trips she was his dirty girl... has honestly disgusted me in a way I don't know if I can ever get past. This is how I feel right now, but we'll see how I feel in a few weeks.

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What happened after the other wife filed for divorce?

> She filed for divorce today. Where we live, the divorce petition isn't served immediately. It usually takes one to two weeks to reach the other spouse by mail. However, she told me she is going to make him leave the house as soon as she files so that is today. > > Right now, both of our spouses are at work in their cities, so I have no idea what is going to happen once they get home. I'm expecting some kind of update from her later before I come home which will be few hours after my wife comes. She also told me that she won't mention anything about me or my wife when she confronts him.

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Why doesn't the other wife seem concerned about her husband's loss of income?

> She doesn't work and is currently at home with the children, while her husband earns a lot and is at least two positions above my wife professionally. > > Her lawyer gave her permission to inform his company because, even if he loses his job, once he finds new employment he will still be required to pay child support. > > From what I have been able to understand through my conversations with her, her father is very serious person, so her financial future is not really a concern. At this point, she simply wants him to face consequences for what he did. That is her main focus, and she doesn't seem to care about anything else.

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Update - after 3 days

^(August 06, 2026)

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Should the children be told about my wife's affair?

If anyone is interested in what happened, you can read my previous post for the full story.

In short, my wife's affair partner's wife filed for divorce. He threw every excuse imaginable at her in an attempt to save the marriage. He said he got carried away and couldn't stop, that it was only sex, that he loves his wife, that my wife was attractive but his own wife is even more attractive, that he would do anything to fix things, that he would never speak to my wife again, that there would be no more business trips and so on.

None of it mattered to her. She made him leave the house. At first he refused, but when she threatened to tell everyone at work what he had done, he finally left. She kept me updated throughout. When I got home, I immediately noticed my wife was acting very differently extremely nervous and on the verge of tears. On Tuesday evening she confessed everything.

By that point, I had already met with my lawyer and yesterday second time although I haven't told my wife that. My lawyer asked me to hold off without telling anything to my wife for a few more days while she prepares everything. She believes I have a strong claim to roughly an additional 20% of the equity in our house because part of the purchase price came from money my parents gave me. She also mentioned several issues involving investments and stock holdings that need to be reviewed and could go in my favour before we move forward.

The one issue where we disagree is the children. My lawyer believes I should tell them the truth. My children are 15 and 13 years old. They are very close to both me and my wife. They are happy, healthy kids. My goal isn't to protect my wife's reputation. My concern is protecting my children from additional emotional pain. However, my lawyer believes I'm making a mistake.

Her argument is that we have always appeared to have a happy marriage and a stable family, so a sudden divorce with no explanation would be incredibly confusing and painful for the children. The other wife intends to report the affair to the company where both my wife and her affair partner work. Both her lawyer and my lawyer believe there is a good chance they will both lose their jobs, especially since the affair partner held a position about two levels above my wife.

My lawyer believes that if I proceed with the divorce and my wife loses her job, my children will inevitably connect the dots. She thinks they will eventually realize what happened anyway and resent me for hiding the truth from them. She also raised the issue of the financial settlement. She believes my wife may be more willing to agree to a more favorable division of assets could help repair her relationship with the children.

Likewise, if I ultimately decide not to divorce, my lawyer believes I could negotiate a very strong postnuptial agreement because my wife would be desperate to rebuild trust with both me and the children. She also believes that if I don't tell the children the truth, they might end up blaming me for the divorce and that my wife could portray herself as the victim.

At first, I wasn't convinced by my lawyer's reasoning. She is relatively young and doesn't have children herself, so I struggled to understand her perspective. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if she might be right. The other wife told her children everything. They are around the same age as mine and they haven't spoken to their father for the past few days but according to her they are fine.

My children don't know anything yet. I'm trying my best to stay composed, but they have clearly noticed that something is wrong especially with their mother, who is now sleeping in a different room. I would really appreciate any advice. Does what my lawyer is suggesting make sense or would you handle this differently?

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COMMENTS

What had the children already noticed about what was happening? Why won’t your wife tell the children what happened?

>They have definitely noticed that something is wrong. My son asked me what was going on, why my wife was sleeping in a different room, what was wrong with her and why she had been crying. > >I just told him that we had an argument. So it is obvious that they know something is happening. > >There is no chance she will tell them on her own. As soon as she confessed, she immediately begged me not to tell the children because she believes they would hate her for the rest of their lives. She then started doing what I mentioned before...offering everything possible for another chance. > >No. She doesn't want to tell them anything. In her mind, I will just eventually move past this, give her another chance and she will do whatever it takes for us to be happy again. Honestly, I feel like she is completely disconnected from reality right now.

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What exactly did your wife say when she confessed?

>She confessed. She talked for about 15 minutes. I listened to her. She said she knew I was aware of what happened. She said she could feel it and that her affair partner had also told her that he had been kicked out of the house and that I probably knew everything. > >Honestly, I do believe her when she says she sensed it because I couldn't completely hide my emotions or act totally normal sincr Friday. > >After she finished saying what she needed to say, she asked me to tell her something. The only thing I said was that I needed her to leave me alone and change beds. Since then, we haven't really had any communication, except that she sends me messages during the day and, like I mentioned, once the children go to sleep she comes to my door asking if we can talk.

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What is she saying when she asks for another chance?

>About the second chance. She is trying to explain to me that she was living two different lives. One that was a fantasy without children and another one that she says she loves 100 times more, with me and the kids. > >She says that she knows she wasn't normal, that she needs psychological help and that she will do whatever it takes to get another chance. But honestly, I don't want to listen to any of that crap right now.

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What would genuine remorse look like to you?

>It depends on what you consider remorseful. For me, being remorseful is not crying and sending me long messages about how much she loves me or offering me every possible thing she can do. > >For me, remorse would be her taking action on her own. For example, telling the children what she did. Seeking professional help. Admitting it to her parents, who would be devastated and angry with her. Offering me certain additional assets in the event of a divorce. Paying for a polygraph herself to at least try to ease my mind that this wasn't something that happened before. > >It would mean her voluntarily telling the children that she is willing to do paternity testing if that would help me have peace of mind. Taking an STD test. Immediately resigning from her job and finding another one. Telling her sister and her sister's husband what she did. I need actions from her so that I can truly say she is remorseful. > >Her tears and begging me to listen to her are not going to help. Her saying she will do everything I mentioned also doesn't help right now. > >I need her to actually do something on her own so I can say she is remorseful. For the last 48 hours, she has just been staying in the room and crying and asking me to talk.

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What did you find in the messages between your wife and her affair partner?

>I honestly don't know what to say. I read all the messages that the other wife gave me and to me it almost seemed like they were both under the influence of something. The conversations were so disconnected and all over the place. They also weren't talking every single day. There were weeks without any message. Most of their communication happened before business trips, mainly discussing sex. And the most disturbing part of all is that they were giving each other advice about our children and our spouses.

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Was there anything actually wrong with your marriage or sex life?

>I agree with you. No, we never watched pornography. But it is obvious that she was looking for something else. Something she felt she got from her affair partner that she didn't get from me. But that is what makes this so confusing. > >Like I said, we had an active sex life. She never rejected me and I never rejected her. Of course, there were times when we were both tired, but neither of us ever turned the other down for three or four days in a row. > >She never complained or told me that anything was missing. If anything, after we had sex we would usually talk, laugh and enjoy being together. That is why all of this has been so incredibly hard to process. I feel like the biggest fool in the world and like the most pathetic man in the world.

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Are you actually planning to divorce, or are you considering staying?

>I’ll be honest, I’m leaning toward divorce at around 90%. That is one of the reasons I’m considering telling the children. I want to understand their reaction and how they feel about everything. > >My biggest wish right now is that they are able to finish school normally and then go on to university and pursue the path they want. At this moment, the last thing I want is to touch my wife. That is how I feel right now, but I don’t know how I’ll feel in 10 days, two months, or later down the road. > >My lawyer told me she has handled many cases where mostly husbands initially wanted a divorce but changed their minds, especially because of the children. She said that if I decide to stay, I should consider creating a postnuptial agreement that would strongly protect my interests. > >Then, once the children leave for university, if I still haven’t been able to forgive my wife and move forward, I could choose to divorce and start a new chapter of my life with someone else.

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Why have you stayed in contact with the other wife?

>Why would I stop talking to the wife? She has told her father, her brothers and of course her children, but she doesn't like talking to them about this because they all keep telling her that things will get better and she hates hearing that and they are calling her all the time and she wants peace. > >I haven't really told anyone. So, at the moment, she is my only source of support. She gave me all the evidence, opened my eyes to what was happening and she is the only person who truly understands what I'm going through because we are both living through the same nightmare. And she likes to talk with me as well. I don't understand what is the problem seriously. > >I'm sorry, but this is literally insane. If I have to explain to my wife that she needs to cut off all contact with her affair partner just to have a 1% chance of us staying together, then I would be the biggest doormat imaginable. > >It doesn't grant them any licence to continue talking. If she wants to be with him, she is free to go. No one is stopping her. She has complete freedom to make that choice. His wife has already filed for divorce and doesn't want anything to do with him anymore, so he will be a single man soon enough. > >And how does me talking to his wife somehow give them permission to keep talking to each other? That makes no sense. If it weren't for her, I probably never would have found out about the affair. > >No, I'm going to stay in contact with her for as long as I want. I'll support her just as she has supported me and I'll be grateful to her for the rest of my life for opening my eyes to what was happening. > >If she decides she doesn't want to talk anymore, that is completely fine. I won't bother her. But right now, she does want to talk to me and she is genuinely interested in knowing everything that is happening on my end. Whether that bothers my wife or not honestly doesn't concern me at all.

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What finally made you decide to tell the children?

>I have decided that I'm going to tell my children. Last night, before going to bed, I had a brief conversation with the other wife and she told me how everything went with her children. According to her, they are extremely angry with their father, but they are still laughing, spending time with their friends and otherwise functioning normally. > >I don't believe she is lying to me because, up to this point, she has been completely honest with me and that is the reason I even found myself in this situation. I don't know why everyone assumes that if I tell my children, I'm going to tell them every explicit detail. I'm not. I'm simply going to tell them that their mother had an affair and that I have hired a lawyer. > >My lawyer advised me to have the conversation with the children without my wife present so that she can't influence them emotionally with tears or interrupt the discussion. She told me that I should answer every question they have myself, not let my wife answer for me and if necessary, show them some evidence such as the messages my wife sent me apologizing and asking for another chance. > >Only after that does my lawyer recommend that the children speak with their mother and ideally I should not be present during that conversation. This is her advice based on her experience handling divorce and family law cases. > >I don't know exactly when I'll have the conversation, but it will sometime over the weekend or maybe even today.

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What ultimately convinced you that hiding the affair from the children would be worse?

> Yes, that is exactly what she told me as well. She said she has handled many divorce cases and that one of the biggest mistakes parents make is assuming that their children shouldn't know anything. > >According to her, the biggest mistake is often made by husbands who believe they have to carry the burden alone, keep the affair a secret and protect the children by hiding the truth. > >She told me that, in many cases, the children eventually become angry with their fathers for never telling them the truth. Instead of protecting the relationship, it often results in the children ending up with strained relationships with both parents. > >No matter what, somehow I end up being blamed. For what? To protect her? Or to protect them?They are not stupid. Over the last few hours, I have had conversations through texts with my son because he's looking for answers. And now I'm supposed to lie to his face. > >From the way he talks to me, it already seems like he thinks I have done something wrong. Four or five days ago, I saw this very differently. But not anymore. I've made up my mind. I will listen to my lawyer and I'm going to tell them. They don't need to know every detail, but they will know that their mother had an affair.

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Final Update - after 5 days (after 2 days from last post)

^(August 08, 2026)

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Final Update: Should the children be told about my wife's affair?

I’ll post an update here so people don’t need to keep commenting and giving me advice about whether I should tell the children or not. Yesterday afternoon, I told them. Just the three of us. Obviously, they were shocked. They had a lot of questions and demanded that I not lie to them. They wanted to know absolutely everything. Where, when, who, the affair partner’s name, his wife’s name, what they look like, the messages, etc. I didn’t tell them everything, but I did tell them the basic details like where it happened, when it happened and why, according to my wife.

I thought my son would be extremely angry and my daughter would be very emotional, but the opposite actually happened. My son was very calm and told me that he had already suspected something like this, so he was mentally prepared. He just thought that I had done something wrong. Hearing that obviously made me even more relieved that I had told them. My daughter, on the other hand, was absolutely furious with my wife and for the first time I heard her use some very harsh language.

They asked me about the divorce and I told them that, for now, that is my plan. They took that very hard, but we are taking it day by day. I brought them home and then left so they could talk to their mother privately. Everything I'm about to say is based solely on what the children told me because I neither saw nor heard any of it myself, but according to them, they yelled at her for a long time.

My son contacted her parents and told them what had happened. He said he had already called them in the previous few days asking what was going on and they apparently didn't know. What I find very strange is that they never called me afterward to ask what was happening.

Anyway, her parents immediately told her to come stay with them and the children told her to leave the house. I spoke with her parents. They are absolutely devastated. They can't believe what happened and are worried about how this will affect her, but also the children.

They asked me about the divorce. I told them that was the plan and I immediately realized that I probably shouldn't have said that because they will obviously pass that information on to her. But I wasn't exactly in the best mental state at the time. I haven't seen her. She left before I got home. From what I can tell, she only took a small amount of clothing and that is it.

She hasn't contacted me at all since last night. No calls, no messages. She did call our daughter, but our daughter refused to answer. That is basically it. Honestly, I feel much better and I'm glad I told them.

The idea that my children might blame me for her affair and for the possible divorce was something I could never accept. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It is also much easier now that I don't have to pretend in front of the children that everything is fine. Obviously, they are taking this very hard. They are extremely angry with their mother and are saying things like they'll never speak to her again, which is understandable at this point.

Some people have been messaging me saying that she betrayed only me and not the children, but I don't agree with that. How did she not betray them when she betrayed their father and their family? That way of thinking makes no sense to me. Thankfully, there is no school right now, so they have time to process everything and spend their time however they want.

It is very important to them that nobody finds out about this because they are embarrassed and worried about what their friends might say. I promised them that nobody would know except my lawyer and that I wouldn't even tell my best friend. My lawyer is happy with how I handled things. She said she'll need until Tuesday to gather information and investigate everything regarding the assets and then we'll have a meeting at her office.

The other wife has also been informed. She is extremely happy. She isn't even hiding how pleased she is that my wife's world has fallen apart. She is planning to contact the company next week and inform them about the affair involving her husband and my wife.

I'm a little confused about why she is waiting and how exactly she plans to do it, although she told me she knows her husband's supervisor. I'm also not sure what her plan is if that person tells her that nobody is going to be fired. She keeps saying that she has everything under control and knows exactly what she is doing, but she doesn't tell me the details.

Maybe she doesn't trust me enough to share everything. I don't know. Either way, she is moving forward with huge steps while I'm still in complete shock. That is it for now. You don't need to give me any more advice. I have read practically every comment and thank you all for the support.

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COMMENTS

FSmertz > As my earlier comment predicted, your daughter will hate your STBX wife for a long time, a very long time. If she watched even a small amount of Disney stuff and other fairy tales that inculcate "living happily forever" values for romantic relationships--especially for girls, then she feels betrayed in her heart. > > Speak with a highly recommended therapist experienced with family infidelity impacts, and see if therapy for the three of you or individual therapy, or both, is recommended. Also ask about timing. > > I'm surprised that the OBS's attorney is letting her contact the company directly. Perhaps the attorney will be Plan B. A letter from an attorney to the employer highlighting facts and questioning use of company resources for adultery will not be ignored--especially if it's a publicly held corporation. It's far cleaner and cheaper for the employer to fire these two. > > I'd be very neutral with your communications with your STBX wife. Logistics and financial responsibilities and all that maintenance talk. > > Do you think she will get together with her AP out of emotional desperation in the coming week? > > OOP >> Honestly, I don't believe she will stay in contact with the AP. That is my opinion, but then again, I also thought we had a great marriage and look what I found out. I spoke with her parents this afternoon and they told me that she is completely devastated. When our daughter refused to answer her call, she apparently turned her phone off. I don't know whether she has turned it back on since, but she hasn't called me or the children and honestly, none of us wants to hear from her right now anyway. >> >> As for the other wife, I don't know exactly what her plan is. What she told me is that she knows her husband's supervisor. I asked her how close they are and she said she knows him very well. He is one of the key people at that branch. >> >> I asked her what would happen if he decided not to do anything and she told me not to worry because she has another plan and will accomplish what she has set out to do. Her lawyer has given her full support, but I don't know whether she is actually involved in any of this. I don't have those details and the other wife isn't telling me anything about it. >> >> That is why the whole thing seems a little strange to me, especially because she has apparently been waiting all week to tell anyone, despite supposedly knowing her husband's supervisor personally. In any case, she has repeated to me that getting her husband fired is the only thing she wants, along with my wife being fired as well. She says she doesn't care about the consequences because money isn't an issue for her since she comes from a wealthy family and has full support from her father. >> >> Her only goal is revenge and to move back to her hometown with the children as quickly as possible. Apparently, her husband's loss of employment is a key part of what needs to happen for the court to approve the relocation of her and the children.

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Separate-Argument-45

Published on: r/self & r/Advice

Trigger Warning: >!Infant Loss!<

Story is: Likely CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 23, 2026

• Final Update: August 11, 2026

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Main Post

^(July 23, 2026)

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My best friend lost her infant and I don’t want to hear about it anymore

My best friend’s infant died 3 weeks after birth. She was understandably devastated and I have always been supportive in her journey to recover. It’s been 2 years but she has never gotten over it. There are days when she would text me blocks and blocks of her thoughts about her loss and her grief.

My heart breaks for her but as the months went on, I started dreading getting her texts and while I didn’t tell her to stop talking to me nonstop about her loss, I did start to gently redirect her to talk more with her husband and her therapist because I started to feel exhausted and a level of empathy deficient. I know I sound like an unsupportive asshole of a friend, but at some point it’s like I have nothing more to give.

She never really stopped tho and recently I found out I’m pregnant. I haven’t had the heart to tell her yet because I’m so worried about triggering her, to the extent that I feel like I’m tailoring my entire approach to sharing this news with our friends to how she might receive this.

What’s worse is that her baby’s anniversary just came up and she poured her heart out to me about how much she missed him and I felt SO bad when I felt like she could tell I didn’t really want to hear about it. I’m already feeling vulnerable and anxious about my own pregnancy, and honestly the last thing I want is to hear her talk about her loss and what happened and how she didn’t expect it.

Yes this is a confession that I’m a terrible friend and I kinda wish she would just back off and leave me alone for the duration of my pregnancy, and I resent her for adding to the level of anxiety I already feel and for worrying about how to share this supposedly joyous news with our friends. I know she lost her baby and it’s a loss you carry forever and I shouldn’t make her trauma about me and it makes me a giant asshole for feeling this way… so i guess thats why this sit in the confession subreddit :/

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NOTE: OOP didn't leave any comments

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Final Update - after 19 days

^(August 11, 2026)

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UPDATE - my best friend’s baby died and I don’t want to hear about it anymore

So I finally found the courage to tell my best friend that we are expecting. Following many people’s advice, I crafted a text message that essentially told her that we are expecting and happy to share as much or as little as she is comfortable with. Even got Claude to read it a bunch of times over to make sure it’s gentle and empathetic enough.

I could see that she read the message (blue checks) and then a day later she gave me a call and congratulated me. The call started out very cordial if not a little distant, which I completely expected and understood, but eventually it did descend into her crying and telling me how things went so badly for her so suddenly and it was traumatic etc.

I did my usual best listening and tried to comfort her but it was also stress inducing for me at the same time because she was essentially telling me how things can go wrong for me because they did for her. I didn’t say anything and just let her talk through it for 10-15 mins until she was done. But the call ended fairly cordially and I was a bit relieved because it wasn’t as dramatic as I had worried about.

Then a couple of days later, she texted me to cancel all the plans that we had made together previously (we had planned a short weekend trip with some mutual friends - frankly originally to get her out of the house and hopefully feel better by being surrounded by friends), just saying that she’s “dealing with some stuff now”. I didn’t probe because I suspected it’s about my pregnancy and I told her that’s okay and I didn’t even ask her to cover her part of the costs for the trip even though it’s quite substantial and it’s a last minute cancellation so there’s no way for us to get any refunds.

Then right after I told her it’s okay for her to drop out of the trip and I hope she’s doing okay, she blocked me and our mutual friends on messages and social media without any explanation.

So there we have it. Her husband didn’t block me so technically I can still check in with him. This is probably where I know some of you here have commented that how I’m just a terrible friend… because I just got exhausted by this whole situation and maybe her taking that space is the easiest way for me to have some distance and a breather.

But a part of me is also sad and hurt because she never even asked me how I’m doing. I’m not so naive to expect her to be my primary support through my pregnancy the way I was there for her, but the fact that she just cut it off is undeniably hurtful. I know some of you are going to say “oh she has to prioritize herself and protect herself” - I have to say I empathize with that, but it also contradicts the whole notion that I was supposed to be there for her unreservedly when she needed me instead of “prioritizing myself” or “protecting myself”.

Then obviously I feel guilty for feeling this way towards someone who went through the most unthinkable trauma, but I also feel like I’m being penalized purely for being pregnant. Just very conflicted in general.

For now it hurts that our friendship seems over. Maybe it’s my fault and maybe it’s not. It doesn’t really matter at this point and it just feels like a tragedy all around.

Is there anything I should / should have done?

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COMMENTS

TheHuxter > I just read your other Reddit post, so I’m going to quote part of it here, for anyone who hasn’t and won’t. > > ”I kinda wish she would just back off and leave me alone for the duration of my pregnancy, and I resent her for adding to the level of anxiety I already feel and for worrying about how to share this supposedly joyous news with our friends.” > > I don’t know why you’re upset with her right now. It sounds like your friend is doing exactly what you said you wanted. Like… I wouldn’t be shocked if she found your Reddit post and chose her actions based on the part I just quoted. > > OOP >> Well I understand where you are coming from but it’s also incredibly human to feel hurt when a friend you had been going out of your way to support for 2 years just cut you off without so much as explaining it. I would have completely understood it if she had told me “this is triggering for me so I need space” - but instead of that she just made something up and cut me off completely. Your “I don’t understand why you are upset” is incredibly cold.

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OOP: u/AITAThrowaway78

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 04, 2020

• Final Update: July 05, 2020

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Main Post

^(July 04, 2020)

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Aita for getting mad at my boyfriend for throwing out my teddy bear

I have this light pink teddy bear I had for as long as I can remember. The teddy bear means a lot to me even though the teddy bear is quite worn out and old.

I keep the teddy bear on my side of my bed and as weird as it sounds I sleep with the teddy in my arms.

My boyfriend dislikes that I sleep with the teddy bear because he thinks it’s childish but I honestly find comfort in it because again as weird as this sounds this teddy bear was something I found comfort in since I was a little girl, when my parents would argue I would hide while hugging my teddy in my arms.

So I come back home from work and get ready for bed and I can’t find my teddy anywhere. I ask my boyfriend where my teddy is and he told me he throw it out, I began to cry and told him to get out of our house. Which he left and texted me saying I’m an asshole for kicking a human being out over a dumb teddy bear.

Aita here?

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COMMENTS

localanimenerd (downvoted) > Info? > Why didn't he like the bear? Just because you slept with it? > > OOP >> He thinks is old and ugly and doesn’t like that I sleep with it

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LunarHare82 > Did he throw it out like in your house hold trash? Were you able to retrieve it or was it too late? If this happened like yesterday or something, you may be able to contact the transfer station. If it went into a community dumpster and it hasn't been empties yet you might be able to retrieve it. Someone from your local waste management organization may be able to help you. > > Then make your EX boyfriend pay for professional cleaning and disinfecting and any necessary repairs needed. > > OOP >> It happened yesterday, I looked through all our trash cans and couldn’t find it, I’m really sad because I really love that teddy, my teddy helps me sleep at night, I’ll try calling someone from my local waste management but the problem is I honestly do not know where he threw it out

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catlady198787 > NTA I have a "white" bunny named Cuddles, and if anyone threw it out I would have the same reaction as you. Were you able to retrieve it? > > OOP >> No I looked through all our garage and sadly can’t find it, I honestly don’t know where he threw it out

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VivaLaVieBohem > Did you find out which trash can he put it in OP? > > OOP >> No I looked through all my garage and couldn’t find my teddy, I asked him where he threw it out but he’s not getting back to me >> >> VivaLaVieBohem >>> I'm so sorry :( do you have any pictures of her? Maybe I can look around online and help you find her original and you can order another one? >>> >>> OOP >>>> My Teddy bear was an one of a kind, my grandma made her for me when I was just an infant before she passed away. I actually named my teddy after my grandma (Izzy), I don’t think there’d be any teddy that could replace this one, I honestly I’m at lost on what to do.

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CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

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Final Update - after 1 days

^(July 05, 2024)

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Aita for getting mad at my boyfriend for throwing out my teddy bear

Thank you everyone for the kind replies everyone, you guys made me feel less insecure about sleeping with my Teddy.

I have some good news!

My Teddy Izzy was found unharmed, i ended up calling my ex boyfriend’s sister, (let’s call her Anne) crying my eyes out about what happened. I never seen her so angry. She couldn’t believe her brother would do such a thing and said she’ll talk to him and a few hours later I get a call from her telling me she has my Teddy and she brought Izzy back to me! I was so happy I honestly thought I’d never see Izzy again.

My Ex boyfriend never actually threw my Teddy out he just hide her in the glove box of his car, I don’t know why he didn’t just give her back to me even when he seen me so upset with my Teddy being gone.

I have officially ended thing with him because I don’t think I’d feel safe with him around my Teddy or my other valuable again.

I feel so thankful for Anne, I plan on making her a thank you cake or making even a teddy bear cake lol

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