For context: I’m 25 female and my parents are 63 male and 56 female. I am currently living at home as I just graduated college in May and want to save up some money before moving out now that I am working full time. This is kind of a rant bc a lot happened last night that I haven’t been able to fully wrap my head around. I don’t believe I handled myself as well as I could have and know that I definitely did some stuff wrong (particularly going back to the conversation when I knew I should have left it alone) but whats done is done now. Onto what happened:

We are having people over this weekend and a few days ago I had asked my parents that if someone was wanting to see the basement (as it’s been renovated) if they could please wait till I’m home to do so. Partly so I can make sure it’s clean and tidy but also because it’s the space that I live in. I am working until 4:30 so I would be home by 5 at the latest and the party starts at 2 so it’s not a big ask in my opinion. When we spoke both of my parents said it was fine and sort of dismissed the conversation so I left it at that, thinking everything was fine.

Yesterday when talking to my dad about something unrelated, he brought up the basement and asked “do you need to do anything (cleaning wise) in the basement in case someone wants to go down there and see it?” And I said “well no but you said you’d wait until I get home from work to take anyone downstairs” he then was a bit snippy and asked what time I get home at which I told him and he made a comment along the lines of he didn’t see the need to wait.

I was heating up dinner for myself so I went downstairs because I was a bit annoyed that he had changed his mind but there isn’t much I can do as I knew all I could do was ask. When I was done eating I came back upstairs and he had asked a joking question about taking one of our dogs for a sleepover. I just said “no” and he said “oh are you in a bad mood now?” And I said “well I’m a bit annoyed that the other day you said it was fine to wait until I got home to bring anyone downstairs and now that’s not the case” because I was annoyed but again there’s nothing I can do if he chooses to bring people downstairs when I’m not home, all I can do is ask him not to. I did not say this rudely, I was just stating that I was in fact a bit annoyed about the situation.

He got up from the couch and got angry at me saying “I own this fucking house, I can bring whoever I want to see the basement whenever I fucking want to” which again, when I originally stated my feelings I had ASKED then not to, I never told then they couldn’t. I reiterated this when he was yelling and at this point I was yelling too. He then said “when that apartment opens up you can get the fuck out and do what you want in your own fucking home”. Which this apartment when I was looking at it was feasible but would be tight and likely result in me living paycheque to paycheque. I yelled that he doesn’t listen to anything but the sound of his own voice bc I never TOLD him what he couldn’t do, I had simply asked him a question. I also yelled the he’s emotional immature and an idiot I think. (I know I was wrong in doing that as it definitely didn’t help things but I was angry now that he was throwing it in my face that I have no ‘right’ to my space and telling me to leave but he does this all the time)

I went and stood on the basement stairs for a bit bc I was so angry. When I had originally said I was potentially looking at an apartment, he kept saying how “you don’t need to leave” and “no one wants you to go” which now clearly seems untrue. Everytime I do something that my dad disagrees with or dislikes, he immediately throws it in my face that ‘he owns the house’ and threatens to kick me out. I went back upstairs and said “for someone who keeps telling me I don’t need to leave, you’re sure quick to tell me to get the fuck out when you’re mad”

He kept yelling the same things over and over again about him owning the house and he can do whatever the fuck he pleases because he owns the house and blah blah blah. I went to walk downstairs again, and I turned around and said “I hate you.” And he said “ya you hate me? You can get out” or something. I then said “ya I do hate you. I hate you because you make me hate me. I can never do anything good in your eyes, even simply asking you a fucking question is wrong” (I am very aware this was wrong of me to do and say to him but this has also been built up for years due to the fact he always does this and always has)

My mom had finally come downstairs at this point and asked what was going on. I explained the situation, and said “I’m obviously not wanted here so maybe I’d be better off if I wasn’t here” not insinuating that I wanted to kill myself, because I don’t, but moreso saying maybe I’d be better off living on my own but my dad took it that way. He immediately started yelling that “if you want to kill yourself and hate yourself so much, go fucking kill yourself. I’ll even give you the fucking rope”

I stopped talking because I was taken aback that he would even say that to me. I have had a long struggle with my mental health that I don’t really speak to my parents about. Mostly because anytime i’ve mentioned friends or friends family members mental health stuggles they’ve dismissed it saying they were doing it for attention or that mental health issues aren’t real so I don’t talk to them about it. My brother has also told me to kill myself in the past, which I quite literally have thought about everyday since so the fact that my dad was now saying it hurt.

I said something along the lines of “you know what if you want me to I will” my mom was shouting telling both of us to stop. My dad then kept going saying “She’s just doing that for attention” (I believe to me saying that I hate myself)

I went downstairs to pack my shit bc fuck that if I was gunna stay somewhere I am clearly not wanted. My mom came downstairs to try and ask me where I was going and to not leave. I was crying and looked at her and said “no I’m not staying, he obviously doesn’t want me here and he obviously doesn’t fucking love me or care about me if he can tell me to go kill myself”. My mom tried to back track and say he does but like to me the damage is done, he said what he said and I will never be able to unhear it.

I looked at my mom and said “you know this is the first time in my life where dad has done something or said something hurtful to me that you’ve actually gaven enough of a shit to come check on me? All 25 years of my life and not once have you ever come to see if I’m okay.” She looked hurt but it’s thr truth. My dad does stuff like this all the time and I can walk away crying and she has never come to see if I’m okay.

They have never listened to me, never cared enough when I’m hurting, never thought to actually have some sort of emotional maturity to actually have a conversation without getting angry. I don’t really know why I am posting this, I’m just very angry and don’t know where to go from here. I guess I’m partly wondering if I were to move out an cut contact with them if I would be overreacting? I don’t see myself being able to come back from what my dad said with him at the very least. There is obviously stuff that has happened in the past, both physically and emotionally that plays into why I feel the way I do about myself but also about them but it’s a lot to add in here and would take me hours to write it all down

It’s safe to say that I will not be attending the party at my house and they can explain to our family why I’m not there. I am back at home now (only because I have nowhere else to go at the moment) but as soon as that apartment becomes available I will be leaving even if it means having to get another job and just working so I can distract myself. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow to talk through what happened with a professional and I have other people in my corner to talk to if I need to.

So I unfortunately share a room with my little sister for about 9 years now, she's always tattled everything I've done to her parents and loves getting me in trouble. Her parents aren't any better because they never did love me like my other 2 sisters and above that they're both abusive to me.

I thought she was done with this behavior but tonight after my shift, father picked me up with mother and they had a discussion with me. Apparently my sister said I was using a vibrator when she came back from the bathroom, she heard a rattling sound.

That was my busted up fan that fell and had its front cover bit come off so it was still on when it fell down which was making the rattling sound. I would never use anything sexual with my sister in the room so I was disgusted they would accuse me of doing that.

They say I'm an adult and I should know better but they believe every word she's ever said about me over asking me?

I'm disgusted with them now genuinely and her for saying that about me. They've been the root of all my mental health issues due to their abuse, it's heartbreaking because I thought they changed.

So I no longer feel safe in this house at all, what should I do about this? I'm close to getting my driver's license but I don't think I can wait to move out until then because I feel scared to even sleep in this house anymore.

I’m posting anonymously because I genuinely want some unbiased opinions. I’m getting married in about two months, and a situation with a family member has completely blown up right before the wedding.
My great-aunt was a major parental figure in my life growing up. About two weeks ago, she contacted me because she was concerned about my fiancé. She told me that for roughly the last six months, she hasn’t seen him “sober” and believes that every time she sees him he is either high or drinking.
If that were actually happening, I would completely understand why she was concerned. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who was constantly intoxicated either.
The problem is that what she is describing does not match what I see at all.
My fiancé does use marijuana recreationally. It is legal where we live. He also drinks occasionally. I’m fully aware of both and have no issue with the amount or circumstances of his use.
He does NOT show up to family gatherings high or drunk. He does not drive under the influence. We live with my SIL/Brotherand their children, and he does not use marijuana around the kids or while they are awake.
When my aunt originally brought this up, I told her I appreciated that she was looking out for me but that he wasn’t constantly high like she believed. She essentially told me she knew what she saw and at one point said, “Don’t get cocky with me.”
Yesterday she contacted me AGAIN about it. This time she said she had discussed it with other members of our family and claimed that everyone had noticed the same thing. She also started saying that he was smoking around my niece and nephew.
That particular accusation bothered my SIL, who is also my MOH, because they are her children and it is her home. She knows exactly what happens in her house and confirmed that my fiancé does not use around her children.
My SIL ended up starting a group conversation with some of the family because apparently this had been discussed among them. She basically said that yes, my fiancé occasionally uses marijuana, but he does so legally and responsibly, isn’t under the influence around her children, and that she wanted to clear up what was being said before our wedding.
It went horribly.
My great-aunt immediately became extremely angry and told my SIL to “mind your own fucking business,” told her to “back off,” and repeatedly said it wasn’t her business. She also told my fiancé that he needed to come speak to her “like a grown ass man” and at one point referred to him as a “brown ass man,” which understandably created another issue entirely.
My fiancé defended himself and said that his recreational use is between him and me and that he was upset about being portrayed as a drug addict.
Then my aunt compared him to my mother.
This is where things became extremely personal for me. My mother was an abusive drug addict when I was growing up. My brother and I were removed from her care and placed in foster care. My great-aunt KNOWS this history extremely well — she was actually one of the people who intervened when I was a child and took care of us for a period of time.
So comparing the man I’m about to marry, who occasionally uses legal marijuana, to the person whose addiction and abuse resulted in me being removed from my home felt incredibly cruel.
I told her that bringing my mother into this crossed a boundary.
She has now said she is no longer coming to our wedding. She was paying for our DJ and has canceled that, so two months before the wedding we suddenly have to find and pay for another DJ. She is also the grandmother/guardian of our junior bridesmaid and junior groomsman and has said they will no longer be participating either.
This has been particularly upsetting because she had previously been supportive of the wedding and had actually helped other family members become more accepting of our marriage.
I am not claiming marijuana is completely harmless, and I understand some people strongly dislike it. I also understand why a family member would approach me if they genuinely believed my fiancé was intoxicated constantly. I would want someone who loved me to say something if they truly thought I was entering a dangerous marriage.
What I’m struggling with is what happens after I tell someone their perception is wrong and another adult who lives with us confirms that the behavior they’re alleging isn’t happening.
My fiancé is also taking this particularly hard because he grew up around serious substance abuse himself, so being portrayed as an addict is extremely hurtful to him.
I’m obviously emotionally involved in this and my wedding is only two months away, so I’m trying to figure out whether I have a blind spot here.
Would you consider occasional legal marijuana use itself a legitimate reason to be this concerned about someone getting married? Am I underreacting to my fiancé’s marijuana use, or has my aunt crossed the line from expressing concern into trying to control our relationship? And would you try to repair this before the wedding, or accept that she chose not to attend and stop engaging?

I (24F) share a two-bedroom apartment with my older brother "Mark" (27M). We split rent and utilities 50/50. It's not perfect, but we've made it work for two years. Or so I thought.

Three weeks ago, Mark told me his girlfriend "Jess" (26F) was "staying over for a few days" while she looked for a new place. I said okay — days, not weeks. I came home from a work trip last Friday and found Jess's clothes in the hallway, her makeup covering the bathroom counter, and her cat sitting on my couch. She had moved in. No conversation. No heads-up. Just... here.

When I asked Mark what was going on, he said, "Oh yeah, she's gonna stay for a while. Rent is crazy and she needed somewhere to land." I asked how long "a while" was. He shrugged and said, "I don't know, a couple months maybe?" I reminded him that we agreed to discuss any long-term guests. He rolled his eyes and said, "She's my girlfriend, not a guest. You need to chill."

Here's the thing — Jess doesn't work right now. She's "between jobs." She's home all day, uses my streaming accounts without asking, eats my food from the fridge, and has taken over the living room with her Zoom calls. I came home Tuesday to find she'd rearranged the entire kitchen because she "likes it better this way." My brother just laughed and said, "She's nesting!"

I sat them both down and said this wasn't working. I offered a compromise: she could stay if she contributed to rent and utilities and respected my space. Mark said I was being "cold" and "making a big deal out of nothing." Jess started crying and said she felt "unwelcome." My brother told me I was "ruining his relationship."

Then my parents called. Apparently Mark had complained to them. My mom said, "Honey, family helps family. She's struggling. You have an extra room anyway." I pointed out that I don't have an extra room — I pay for my room. The living room and kitchen are common areas. Mom said, "You're being selfish. This is what family does."

Now I'm the villain. Mark gives me the silent treatment. Jess makes passive-aggressive comments about me "hating her." And I'm paying half the rent for an apartment where I can't even use my own living room.

I'm not against her staying. I'm against being steamrolled. I'm against coming home to find my home isn't mine anymore. I'm tired of being told to "be flexible" when no one is flexible with me.

Should I move out and leave them with the full rent? Or do I stand my ground and risk becoming the family outcast?

So I (27F) live alone in a small one bedroom. It's not fancy but it's mine and I keep it clean. My sister Leah (30F) is 7 months pregnant and her boyfriend just walked out on her. She has nowhere to go and my parents live in a tiny two bedroom with no space.

Last week she called me crying and asked if she could stay with me until the baby comes. I told her I'd think about it. It would be tight but I wasn't going to say no without considering it.

Then she came over to "see the place" and just started trashing it. She said my couch was ugly, my kitchen was too small, the building was sketchy, and she didn't know how I lived like this. She literally said "I can't raise a baby in this dump."

I was hurt but I didn't say anything. Later that night she texted me like "so what do you think? can I move in next week?" and I told her no. I said she made me feel like my home wasn't good enough for her and I don't want to live with someone who disrespects my space.

She completely lost it. She called me selfish and said I'm choosing pride over my own niece. My mom called me crying saying I'm punishing Leah for being stressed and hormonal. My dad said I should be the bigger person.

Now Leah is staying with a friend temporarily but she's been posting passive aggressive stuff on Facebook about "fake family" and "people who only care about themselves."

I feel bad because she's pregnant and scared. But also she literally stood in my home and insulted everything about it. I don't think I should have to let someone live with me after they treated me like that.

AITA?

My husband 31M and I 30F just bought our first house. It's a huge step for us and we've been really excited to decorate it. We have pretty modern taste a lot of clean lines and neutral colors. Think minimalist. We love going to flea markets and finding unique pieces. We're also starting from scratch so we need a lot of furniture.

My husband's parents are the complete opposite. Their house is crammed full of dark wood heavy furniture and a lot of knick-knacks. Every surface is covered. They mean well but their style is just not for us. They offered us a bunch of their old furniture when we announced we were moving in. We politely declined. We said we really appreciated the offer but we wanted to pick out our own things.

Well that did not go over well. His mom called me two days ago absolutely fuming. She said we were ungrateful and disrespectful. She went on about how much money they saved us and how we were too good for their things. My husband tried to explain our taste but she cut him off. She said we were throwing away perfectly good furniture and being wasteful. Then she said we were insulting their generosity.

Now his dad is involved. He called yesterday morning saying we need to reconsider. He said it's important to respect our elders and accept their gifts. He also brought up some old family stories about how much his parents sacrificed for them. It felt manipulative. My husband is now feeling guilty. He doesn't want to upset his parents but he also knows we don't want their furniture.

I feel like this is a boundary we need to hold firm on. It's our house our style. But they're making such a huge deal out of it. It's causing a lot of tension. Are we being unreasonable? Should we just take some of it to keep the peace? I really don't want to fill our new home with things we hate just to make them happy.

I need some outside perspective because I’m extremely hurt right now and I genuinely don’t know how much of my reaction is justified versus emotion.

My mom and I have talked about going to Salem together since I was a kid. I was the little girl running around in capes with a wand, and I’ve always been fascinated by witchcraft and the Salem witch trials. My mom shares some of those interests, and Salem has always felt to me like a special mother-daughter trip we would eventually take together.

My relationship with my mom is complicated. We aren’t particularly close day-to-day. She rarely calls or texts me, I usually see my family maybe four times a year despite them living about an hour away, and there is a long history between my mom and me that has made it difficult for me to trust her emotionally. When we hurt each other, we both tend to get defensive and bite back.

Earlier this year, Mom mentioned wanting to go to Salem. At the time I said I wasn’t comfortable travelling to the US because of the political situation. What I did not understand was that she was going to book this specific trip regardless of whether I could attend.

I recently found out that she had already booked Salem for September 8–11. Apparently the tickets were purchased back in June, but I only learned that the trip was actually booked this week. My sister is now going with her. According to my sister, Mom originally intended to go alone after I declined, and my sister later asked if she could join.

My sister has no particular interest in Salem or witchcraft, but she wants and deserves a vacation and I don’t blame her for joining. In fact, if this trip had been planned around dates I could attend, I would love for all three of us to go together.

The dates are a major problem for me.

I work at a university and September 8–11 is the second week of classes. It’s one of our busiest times and taking four days off would be roughly equivalent to asking my mom to take vacation during her tax-season busy period.

I also have limited vacation time because I need it during the summer for childcare. Using four days now means approximately another $300 in summer camp costs next year.

Financially, the trip would cost my household roughly $3,000 that would go onto debt. We also just had a roughly $7,000 surgery for our dog that we’re paying off, with another ~$500 follow-up coming.

My husband has been incredibly supportive. He told me that if I truly want to go, he will make it work. He would rearrange his work hours around our daughter’s school schedule, involve his parents for pickup if necessary, and accept the additional debt because he knows how important this is to me.

But that feels unfair to my husband and daughter. My whole household would have to make significant financial and logistical concessions to accommodate dates that I had no involvement in choosing.

So I asked Mom and my sister to consider moving the trip to October or even next year so we could all go together. I even offered to pay any cancellation/rebooking costs.

My sister has told me they're not changing it. She sees Salem as somewhere that can simply be visited another time and has explained that they've already spent money on activities, reservations, etc. I understand her perspective, even though Salem doesn't feel interchangeable to me.

My mom has not responded to me at all.

This is where things became ugly.

When I first discovered everything, I sent my mom some very angry messages. I accused her of deliberately hurting me and said some things about her character that I now recognize were cruel. I have apologized for that part. I don’t take back how hurt I am, but I absolutely could have communicated it better.

After sleeping on it, I sent both Mom and my sister a much calmer message. I explained that Salem wasn't simply a destination to me. It was something I believed Mom and I were supposed to experience together. I explained why September is professionally and financially difficult, reiterated that I would happily go at another time, offered to help cover the costs of changing things, and told them that if they still go, I’m going to need some distance afterward because this has hurt me profoundly.

I also told them that I genuinely hope they have a wonderful trip, but I don't think I can handle hearing stories or seeing photos from Salem afterward.

The part I’m struggling with most isn't actually missing Salem.

It’s that I wanted my mom to hear how important doing this together was to me and decide that having me there mattered enough to move the dates.

If there were genuinely no other possible dates, I think I could process that differently. But right now it feels like the date/destination is more important to her than sharing the experience with me.

And because our relationship already has so little contact, this has opened a much larger wound for me. I keep thinking, “Why am I always trying so hard to have a relationship with someone who rarely comes toward me?”

I’m now seriously considering stepping away from my relationship with Mom for a while. Not necessarily permanently, and not as an ultimatum to make her cancel the trip. I just genuinely don’t want to see or speak to her right now. I’m even questioning whether I want to spend Christmas with my side of the family this year.

So I’d really appreciate outside perspectives, particularly from people with difficult parent relationships:

Am I attaching too much meaning to this trip? Is asking them to reschedule unreasonable given that things are already booked? And if they go anyway, is taking several months of distance from my mom a reasonable response, or am I allowing my hurt to turn this into something bigger than it needs to be?

Hi guys, never posted on reddit before but seen a lot of videos and such about this stuff so I figured I could try it out.

Throwaway account

So I (19F) have been living with my relatives due to issues while living with my immediate family, for about 8 months now. My aunt, let's call her Lisa, and my uncle, "Jack", have been slowly showing signs that they don't want me around. At least this is how it feels from my perspective.

For context, Lisa and I haven't always been close exactly, but we loved each other deeply nonetheless. We didn't see each other often when I was a kid because I was a military brat and we moved around a lot. But I think it's relevant to mention that Lisa notoriously hates kids. But she loved me and my siblings because we were her brother's kids.

Anyways fast forward, I lived with my dad but we were having conflicts and we had a talk, eventually decided that it was the best move for me to live elsewhere. I reached out to Lisa because I knew she lived with just her husband Jack, thier dog and 2 cats. And they also had an extra room that they only used once or twice a year. Lisa and I started talking and I soon started the move in process within a month. I had all my things packed and ready to ship to Lisa's house but my dad fell through with mailing it. In hindsight I shouldn't have left it to my dad to get shit done and just mailed it myself before I left, but I was low on funds due to what it costs to move across the country.

Okay so now to the good stuff. Lisa is very organized and good at communication so we talked on how the dynamics of the household would change (like chores, rent, responsibilities, transportation, etc), she even included the dates throughout the year that changes to the agreement would be set. (Ex: If I am not in some form of college or trade school by the fall then my rent gets raised from 300 to 600), which is completely okay with me since that is around the rate that renting a room would be in my state. They always were kinda nit-picky about things but I understood because it is thier home and I am simply a tenant in this situation. But things built up to the point where I was getting restricted from using things in the house. Such as the hottub/pool (tbf they didn't use it for years until I started using it, but I get it gas bills suck), the dishwasher, and the laundry room all together. They told me I needed to provide for myself and take responsibility, such as toiletries, groceries, my own dishes, laundry hamper, etc. All of this was fine since I was expecting to take care of myself anyways.

They more had issues with my habits, particularly my spending habits. They think that I don't know how to budget well and continue to be snarky and judge about it whenever I doordash food or buy cheap clothes. But I follow all thier rules, keep to myself, and try not to ask for much anymore because they said they feel like I was taking advantage of thier kindness.

We agreed for me to stay with them for atleast a year. I have a serving job at a small locally owned business and it makes my financial situation all the more stressful. I also don't have a license due to medical reasons and mostly Uber and take the bus everywhere, so sometimes they will come pick me up from work because the bus doesn't run that late. Other than that, I don't rely on them for things.

Also side note, Jack is the one who has been having the most issues with me which is strange to me considering we haven't actually interacted much.

What should I do? Sorry this was such a long post lol

I (34F) lost my husband two months ago. He was 38. Cancer. It was fast and brutal, and I'm still learning how to breathe without him. Our families have been supportive — or so I thought.

Last weekend, my family hosted a small memorial gathering at my parents' house. It wasn't a funeral. Just a quiet afternoon for close friends and family to share memories, look at photos, and be together. I was barely holding it together, but I was grateful.

My younger brother "Jake" (29M) and his girlfriend "Chloe" (27F) showed up late. They walked in holding hands and smiling. I thought maybe they were just trying to keep things light. I was wrong.

After about an hour, Jake stood up, clinked his glass, and announced he had "wonderful news." Before anyone could react, he got down on one knee right there in the middle of the living room — in front of my husband's photo, in front of my mother-in-law who was crying, in front of everyone — and proposed to Chloe. She screamed yes. People clapped. Some looked confused. I just sat there frozen.

My parents congratulated them. My mom hugged Chloe and said, "We needed some joy in this house." My dad patted Jake on the back and called him "a brave man."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I walked out, went to the backyard, and cried until I threw up. My best friend came after me and drove me home.

Later that night, I texted Jake and told him that what he did was deeply inappropriate. He replied, and I quote: "You're not the only one who gets to have big moments, you know. We've been waiting too. And I thought you'd want something happy to focus on."

When I told my mom, she said, "He didn't mean any harm. Don't let your grief make you bitter. He's your brother."

I haven't spoken to him since. My husband's family is furious. My side of the family thinks I'm overreacting and that I should "let it go because he already apologized" (he didn't — he doubled down).

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare. How do I even look at him again? Am I being unreasonable for wanting him to understand just how much he hurt me?

The person I would've vented to about this is gone. And I feel so alone.

Back in 2011, my (51F) brother (54) inherited a relative's estate, which was worth around $500k. In 2012, he decided (against my advice) to put a big chunk of that money into a business venture with our older sister (56) and BIL. The business was $700k and my brother invested $300k and had 43% share, my sister and BIL each put in $200k and had 28.5% share each (but together, 57%). They purchased an existing business, in an industry none of them had any experience in, but my brother was a mechanic for 20 years prior, which was a skillset that was relevant to the business they purchased. My sister and her husband had both been in the finance industry (banking) for their entire careers.

So after about 3 years, it all turned to shit and my brother wanted out. As he had no experience in business and felt at a disadvantage, he asked me if I would represent him in the negotiation with my sister and BIL to buy him out of the business. I was the General Manager of a multi-million dollar company at the time, and this type of thing was right up my alley, so I didn't hesitate and agreed to help him out.

My sister and BIL made my brother an offer to purchase his share and my brother sent me the details and the business financial statements for 2012-2014 that he'd been given. I asked my brother a few questions about how he saw the business' day-to-day operations, what had changed since they took over, whether it had gotten busier etc. From what he could tell me, the business was thriving, doing several times (he said 10 times) the volume of trade than when they took over. They had hired several staff, he was run off his feet etc. So that's where the problem arose - the offer that my sister and BIL made him was pretty much giving him back the money he had originally put in, nothing more. I thought this was a little strange, because if the business had been doing so well, why wasn't it growing, and why wasn't my brother's share bigger than his initial investment?

So I put together a list of 9 questions, to fill the gaps in my understanding of the business' financial position, because the books didn't agree with what my brother had told me. That's when the shit hit the fan, because in response to my perfectly reasonable 9 questions, my sister and BIL got very defensive. They refused outright to answer any questions, and added that if they had to answer any questions they were withdrawing their offer and would see my brother in court. I suggested that if that was their stance, perhaps they could all agree to have the business valued by an independent valuer, but that was rejected also. After a decade of managing the business where I worked, I'd never come across a business negotiation where one party absolutely refused to answer any questions, especially when due diligence was undeniably necessary. A few years after this, the company I worked for was sold, and I think I had to answer about 700 questions all up.

So I informed my brother that there was something suspicious going on, and there was nothing further I could do for him if I couldn't get more info. Then, still without answering any questions, my sister and BIL made a slightly higher offer to my brother. The 'final' offer came with a veiled threat, that if he didn't accept it, he might not be able to have any contact with his nieces (my sister and BIL's two girls). My brother loves his nieces, and didn't want to jeopardise his relationship with them, so he accepted their offer. His thoughts were basically that he'd made a little bit of money on his investment, and he was no longer tied to the business, so he was happy.

I was thoroughly disgusted by what I saw as emotional blackmail, and to this day I'm still 100% convinced that my sister and BIL didn't want to answer my questions because they couldn't, not without revealing that the business was worth more than what they were claiming and they were robbing my brother of his share of that growth.

So I have not spoken to my sister or BIL in 11 years now. The funny thing is, nobody in my family believes me that my sister and BIL are greedy, evil people, and I've been labelled the AH for accusing them. They have given the rest of the family some BS explanation that I had my wires crossed, or somehow I misunderstood the situation and overreacted, they did nothing wrong. I've tried a few times to ask family members why then for 11 years has my sister never tried to reconcile and explain what exactly I got wrong? I know that if I'd been falsely accused of something so despicable, I wouldn't stop trying until I cleared my name, but that's just me.

I believe she emotionally blackmailed our brother so she could rob him of what was rightfully his, but could there be another reason why they refused to answer my questions that I haven't considered? If my brother can get past it and carry on like nothing happened, shouldn't I be able to too?

I’m a 40-year-old woman, and my husband is 46. We’ve been married for almost three years. When we first started dating, everything was great. Our friends and family were happy for us, but we did move pretty quickly in our relationship.
At the time, I had recently moved back in with my parents to save money for a house, so I spent a lot of time at my then boyfriend's apartment. I have an 8-year-old son from a previous relationship, as well as two grown sons. My husband has four children, two are grown and the younger two share the same mother. Those two children spent a lot of time with him.
My son and I would often spend the night at my husband’s apartment. He had a one-bedroom apartment, so he had set up two beds in the living room—one for his daughter and one for his son. When my son stayed over, he would share a bed with my husband’s son because they were the same age. At the time, everything seemed fine.
Then things changed.
My husband’s baby mama became upset about our relationship, especially after my husband decided to pursue custody because he believed the children were being neglected and living in poor conditions. In response, she made an extremely serious accusation to DCFS. She claimed that my 8-year-old son had inappropriately touched her 11-year-old daughter. She also accused my husband of abusing his daughter.
It created an enormous amount of stress for everyone. Child Protective Services became involved, and we had home visits, meetings, and investigations. I had to have very uncomfortable conversations with my son, my family, and my son’s father. Thankfully, DCFS and CPS ultimately determined that the allegations were unfounded and closed the case. We were also able to keep documentation of the false allegations on file in case we ever needed it for protection in the future.
Throughout all of this, my husband kept telling me not to blame his daughter because he believed her mother had coerced her into making the allegations. I felt horrible and was extremely upset, but eventually I accepted being around his daughter again. She even apologized to me.
I continued trying to be the best stepmother I could be. However, I made some boundaries very clear. I would not allow my son to spend the night when she was visiting. My husband and I kept a close eye on them whenever they were around each other. I also would not allow my son and his daughter to sit next to each other in the car or when we were out together. I was trying to protect my son while still maintaining a relationship with my stepdaughter.
Unfortunately, the drama didn't end there.
Soon after we got married, his children's mother started making similar accusations again. She even traveled to suburban police departments to file reports against my husband, accusing him of abusing both his daughter and son because, according to my husband, the city police departments already knew her history. She also claimed that my husband didn't feed the children when they were with us and that he physically abused them.
The courts ordered my husband and his baby mama to participate in various programs and services, including family counseling, parenting workshops, therapy for the children, making sure they attended school, and ensuring that their medical records were up to date.
The frustrating part was that my husband was already doing many of these things. He is a good father and was already actively involved in his children's lives.
The court also conducted a home study to make sure his children were living in appropriate conditions. We passed the inspection, while their mother's home was deemed unlivable.
There were also ongoing issues when the children were with their mother. They had multiple school absences, were not up to date on their vaccinations, and his daughter frequently wet the bed. There were even times when the children would call my husband asking him to send food to their mother's house because they didn't have enough to eat.
What made the situation even more difficult was that the court required my husband to transport the children to and from school, take them to medical appointments and therapy, purchase school uniforms and clothing, and complete all of the other requirements placed on him.
He did everything the court asked him to do, even though it meant constantly leaving work to meet these obligations. Meanwhile, I felt that their mother wasn't held to the same standard, including when she failed to complete the required parenting courses.
As if all of this wasn't enough, I also lost my job. During that period, I wasn't able to spend as much time with my children, and I also made the difficult decision not to allow my sons to be around my stepdaughter because of the seriousness of the allegations she had previously made.
Thank God my youngest son was only 8 at the time and my other two sons are adults. If allegations like these had been made against one of my adult sons, I worry about how much they could have affected their lives.
Despite everything that happened, I still love my stepchildren and have always tried to be a positive role model for them. From the beginning, I told them that I would never try to replace their mother, and I have never spoken negatively about her to them.
My husband had to deal with all of this while also supporting me financially. Thankfully, I was only unemployed for a little over a month, but when I found another job, it paid significantly less than what I had been earning before.
Even after everything that happened, I continued including his children in my life. I would take them places with my son, bring them around my family, and even take them on family vacations.
However, my family has never been completely comfortable around his children—particularly his daughter. They are always kind and respectful toward her, but they don't want to be responsible for taking her places without me present.
My family is very close, and my son has a lot of cousins. They spend a lot of time together, but because of my work schedule, I can't always be available to attend family activities. So, if it's our week to have my husband's children, his kids generally aren't included in those activities unless I can be there. Some events even require to be prepaid, so when they come, I can't force my family to suddenly take his children along, even if I am available to attend.
My husband now says that I'm wrong, and that my family is wrong, for not including his children in everything.
I've tried to explain that it's not about being mean or intentionally excluding them. I chose to marry my husband, and I understand that his children are now part of my life and my responsibility. But I don't believe my extended family has the same responsibility.
My family has legitimate concerns because of what happened in the past. They don't mistreat his daughter, they don't say anything disrespectful to her, and when she is around them with me, they treat her equally. They simply don't want her around without me present because of the previous allegations and because there are both older and younger boys and men in my family. They don't want to put themselves in a situation where they feel they have to be extremely cautious about normal interactions.
My husband sees this differently. He believes that because his children are my stepchildren, my family should automatically include them in family activities just like they include my son.
And honestly, I'm struggling with resentment.
After everything we've been through—the accusations, CPS involvement, court proceedings, financial stress, my job loss, and the precautions I've had to take to protect my son—I feel like my husband should understand why I have these boundaries.
Instead, I feel like he's accusing me of being cruel or unfair to his daughter, and that hurts.
So, am I the asshole for resenting my husband for accusing me of being mean to his daughter?
At what point does protecting your own child and respecting your family's boundaries become unfair treatment toward your stepchildren? And is it reasonable for me to expect my husband to understand why my family isn't comfortable taking responsibility for his children without me present? TL;DR

​

I just need to vent and hear some outside opinions because this has been bothering me.

My sister's husband is extremely close to me. I genuinely see him as a brother. But that relationship didn't happen just because he married my sister. My sister and him have been together for more than 10 years, so I've literally known him since I was a child. I've watched him grow, talked to him for years, and slowly built a relationship with him.

Over time, he became someone I completely trust. He's someone I can talk to about basically anything without feeling judged. If something seriously went wrong, he'd probably be one of the first people I'd call. And I know that if I tell him something personal, he won't automatically go and tell my sister unless there's a reason to or I want her to know. The same goes the other way. There is a level of emotional safety and mutual trust there.

My relationship with my brother's wife is completely different.

I don't hate her. I actually love her and consider her family. But we haven't developed that same emotional relationship. We haven't spent years getting to know each other in the way I have with my brother-in-law. I don't feel comfortable telling her everything that's in my head, partly because I feel like she judges me sometimes and partly because I don't have the same confidence that something I tell her will stay between us.

My brother keeps telling me that I should "treat her like a sister" and trust her like family.

But that's where I struggle.

I am treating her like family. I'm respectful, caring, and I don't have any hatred toward her. But I don't think emotional trust automatically comes with a family title. My brother-in-law didn't become someone I could confide in overnight because he married my sister. That trust was built over YEARS through conversations, compassion, consistency, and simply being there.

So why would I automatically have the exact same emotional connection with my sister-in-law?

And honestly, I think this applies to my brother too. If I tell my brother something personal, he will usually tell his wife. I understand that they're married and couples naturally share things with each other. I'm not asking him to hide his entire life from his wife. But if I tell him something about myself privately, I don't necessarily want that information to become something she knows too.

Because of that, I've naturally become more careful about what I tell him.

And then I'm told I'm not treating her like family because I'm not emotionally open with her.

But isn't that backwards?

If you want emotional closeness with someone, shouldn't that relationship be built naturally? Shouldn't both people put in effort to make each other feel comfortable and safe?

I don't expect her to trust me with everything simply because I'm her husband's sibling. So why should I be expected to trust her with everything simply because she's my brother's wife?

I don't think she's a bad person. I don't think I'm better than her. I don't even necessarily want things to stay this way forever. Maybe we'll become closer with time.

I just don't think you can demand emotional intimacy from someone and expect it to appear because "we're family."

Am I being unreasonable here? Or is my brother expecting a level of closeness that can't really be forced?

I (27F) made the mistake of lending my car to my younger sister "Liv" (23F) while hers was in the shop. She said she needed it for "a week, max." That was five weeks ago.

Every time I asked for it back, she had an excuse — work ran late, she was out of town, traffic was bad. I work from home, so I didn't need it daily, but I was getting annoyed. My parents told me to "be patient" because she's "young and struggling."

Last Saturday, she finally dropped it off. She handed me the keys, said "thanks," and walked inside like nothing happened. I went to check the car, and my jaw hit the floor.

The front bumper was cracked. The passenger-side mirror was held on with duct tape. There was a long scratch down the driver's side door. The interior smelled like fast food and something sour. And the check engine light was on. I took it to a mechanic the next day — $2,100 in repairs. She had clearly been in at least one accident and never told me.

When I confronted her, she shrugged and said, "It's just a car. You have insurance, right?" I said insurance doesn't cover everything, and even if it did, she should have told me. She rolled her eyes and said I was "being dramatic over some scratches."

My parents got involved. My mom said, "She's your sister. You can't put a price on family." My dad said, "You make good money. Just pay for it and move on. She'll pay you back when she can." We all know she never will.

I told them I wanted at least half the repair cost from her. My mom called me "greedy" and said I was "holding a grudge over metal and plastic." My sister is now giving me the silent treatment and posting passive-aggressive things on social media about how "some people care more about objects than relationships."

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. She damaged my property, lied by omission, and somehow I'm the bad guy for asking her to take responsibility. I didn't even ask for the full amount — just half.

I'm not rich. I saved for that car for years. And I'm tired of being treated like the family ATM and doormat. But if I push this, I'll be the one excluded from holidays and family dinners.

Do I eat the cost to keep the peace? Or do I stand my ground and risk becoming the family outcast?

https://preview.redd.it/0wb4rzcdrzjh1.jpg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3ee04ae87f5a50e9e8cba9e0bb2a3e575af600ec

So ive been estranged from my sister and her family for a few years now. Everyone in my family knows that I dont have any desire to be around her or her family. Recently I have had a few other family members pushing me to try and fix things. So this weekend I had my first booth for my hobby/side business. My older brother got ahold of me a few days before asking what I had planned for the upcoming Saturday. I told him about the show and he told me he was planning on coming up to visit my mom and said they would swing by the car show I was at. To my surprise, my older brother decided it wasnt worth mentioning he was bringing my sister with him. While I was doing something for a customer, my brother, my mother, and my sister all walk into my booth. My brother was overly talkative, but my mom and my sister were completely silent. I would only assume that was because they both knew my sister was not welcome. They stayed in my booth for about 45 minutes then leave with very little being said.

I was already worn thin just from having all of the mental stress from having my first solo booth. I just cant understand why someone would willing add to what someone has going on. I could even understand why someone wouldnt be happy with family members not getting along. But to build tension between yourself and a family member just for a weak attempt to have things get resolved between them and another just doesnt make sense to me. I didnt have anywhere else to put this, nor do I have anyone I can really vent to about it.

Am I wrong for being frustrated and putting space between my brother and I?

The reason my sister and I are estranged is because of something her and her husband did years ago. My dad had a massive heart attack just before Thanksgiving. Two weeks later, on Thanksgiving, I showed up with my family to my parents house. My sister and her family were not there, and never showed up. I asked where they were and I was told she had just gotten a new oven and wanted to cook a turkey this year. Why not invite everyone you might ask? Thats what i asked, which is when I found out my sister invited everyone but my thing brother and myself. All because her 17 year old kids, one who was about to have a child of his own, did not like my brother and I. The same thing happened on Christmas, so I decided make a phone call. My sister then berated me about how big of a bully I am and how much I have changed through the years. So from there on we were no longer on speaking terms.

I

I feel so vindicated!

My dad who is 63 finally stood up to my older sister!!!

Back story

After years of dealing with my incredibly toxic sibling, I went no contact. I've been no contact for three years and it was difficult at first.

I missed the good moments we had, but because it was a continuous cycle of being close, her treating me like I did something wrong and not telling me. Me confronting her on bad behavior and how it impacted me. Then her getting mad about that. Silence treatment

.... Me apologizing.... Repeat...

I have had a very bad relationship with my sister since the beginning. She's always been vindictive and would break my things, steal things. As we got older she did more stupid shit

She borrowed money from me and then I didn't hear from her for months and she pretended that it never happened.

she paid me back with an e-transfer three years later and said happy birthday.

Once she admitted to gifting me things for Christmas that she intended for herself.

One Christmas she said my present was under the bed. It wasnt wrapped just a bunch of scattered Hotel shampoo and soaps under the bed and yeah....that was my Christmas present.

Shit like that.

Since our mom died she has been extra.

Ok now.

My mom has been gone for ten years. My dad has dated a little and my sister is not subtle about her hatred for any other woman in my dad's life.

My dad has always been caring towards her and sensitive of her feelings to the point where I had to pretend she was the first one to learned about dads new girlfriend because it would hurt her feelings of she knew I found out first...

We are all adults... It's ridiculous.

Once my sister broke my dad's dishes over the fact that he bought a college student working a summer job a backpack because hers was ripping. He's just that guy and my sister tried to make my dad sound like a predator... I was pissed.

Since birth I had to deal with my dad telling me that I'm misinterpretating my sister's actions because she would never be so devious or as awful as I'm making her sound

...well...

My dad started dating someone new. He broke up with his last girlfriend, and told her when she was ready she needed to get her Christmas decorations out of his garage that he's been personally storing for her.

New girlfriend comes over a few days later. My sister shows up unannounced apparently.

My tells my sister that he has a lady friend coming over and if she wanted to have lunch with them that was fine.

My sister says she'd loved to meet her... Well...

My sister had a few glasses of wine and interrupted the conversation to say to my dads new girlfriend, "hey, what do you think of my dad's girlfriend's stuff still in his garage."

She made it sound like he was still dating the previous woman and my dad hasn't even mentioned it. He figured he was done with the last relationship so she didn't need to know.

New girlfriend gets pissed and leaves. My dad yells at my sister and she leaves.

When my dad told me this story, he said "she did that on purpose."

Anyways. My dad is still seeing this woman and is absolutely not letting my sister ruin it.

He even refused to take her out on her birthday because she told him that his girlfriend couldn't come.

And I think that's fucking amazing. My dad finally understands that she is in fact an asshole and immature. I noticed he texts me a lot more and every time I call he says he's with his new girlfriend or tells me about their last encounter.

I love that he has someone to share things with. I love that she even helps him with renovations he's doing which is unheard of.

I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for about a year and a half. I love him, but his relationship with his family has become one of the biggest problems in our relationship, and I desperately need outside perspectives because I don’t know what is normal anymore.
When I first met him, he was living independently, and our relationship felt completely different. Eventually he moved back in with his parents and started working for his dad’s business, and since then it feels like his entire life revolves around his family. His work, money, schedule, living situation, and free time are all connected to them. There doesn’t seem to be much separation between “him” and “his family.”
His parents seem very involved in his decisions and his schedule, and it feels like plans between us are constantly dependent on what his family wants or needs. We’re currently long distance, so seeing each other already requires planning. There have been times where we’ve gone weeks or over a month without seeing each other, yet I still feel like creating independent time for our relationship is treated as secondary.
The relationship with his sister is another part that makes me extremely uncomfortable. They are VERY physically affectionate with each other, including cuddling and spooning. I understand siblings can be close and affectionate, but this goes beyond anything I’ve personally seen between adult siblings, and I have tried explaining that it makes me uncomfortable.
The worst incident happened on my birthday. I was already upset because he was cuddling/spooning with his sister. I tried waking him up, and during the situation he smacked me hard enough to give me a black eye. I know physical violence is a separate and serious issue, and I’m not trying to minimize that. It affected the way I see him and his family dynamic, and months later I still haven’t been able to fully get past what happened.
To his credit, his behavior toward me has improved significantly since then, and I have seen changes in him. That’s part of why I’m so conflicted. If everything were horrible all the time, this decision would probably be much easier.
But I still feel like I’m dating someone who hasn’t actually separated from his family as an adult. I don’t expect him to abandon them or stop being close to them. I actually think being close with your family can be a great thing. I just want normal adult boundaries and to feel like our relationship is capable of becoming its own unit.
I’m also starting to resent the situation because I don’t want my future to look like this. I don’t want to spend years waiting for him to become independent, move out, establish financial boundaries, and start making decisions without his family’s involvement.
I also want to acknowledge my own part because I don’t want this to be a completely one-sided post. I’ve handled some of these conflicts badly before. I’ve gotten extremely angry, said things I regret, and allowed my resentment toward his family to build instead of dealing with it productively. I’m working on my own behavior. But even when I remove my reactions from the equation, the underlying family dynamic is still there.
I guess what I’m trying to figure out is:
Is this actually family enmeshment, or am I interpreting a close family through my own discomfort?
For people who have dated or married someone from an enmeshed family, did your partner ever successfully establish boundaries while remaining close to their family?
And most importantly, how do you know when it’s worth waiting for someone to become more independent versus accepting that this is simply the family system you’re signing up for?
I love him, but I’m starting to realize that loving someone and being compatible with the life they currently have might be two different things. I really need outside perspectives.

​Hi everyone, I’m in a really stressful situation and urgently need some objective advice on how to handle this without ruining my marriage or getting into legal/physical trouble. 😰

​🏠 Background:

​I got married on May 5, 2023, and we have a 2.5-year-old son. 👨‍👩‍👦 Everything was going smoothly in our married life until recently. 🛑 My wife's elder sister-in-law (her bhabhi) had a domestic fight at her marital home with her younger brother-in-law (devar) and his wife. After that, she moved to my hometown and started living just 500 meters away from my home. 🏘️ I live in a proper town, while they come from a very backward village background.

​👿 The Main Problem (Boundaries & Privacy Breach):

​The bhabhi has a 13–14 year old son who is extremely stubborn, ill-mannered, and has severe behavioral issues. 🤯

​💻 Night Shift WFH: I work night shifts in an international BPO, so I sleep during the day. 😴

​🚪 Direct Room Entry: This boy forces our front gate open every single day and directly enters my bedroom upstairs without any hesitation, courtesy, or shame! 🚷

​🤬 Zero Respect: No relative or friend in my entire life has ever crossed boundaries like this. His extreme over-frankness and lack of respect are the root cause of everything. He enters my room, misbehaves, speaks rudely, and actively tries to irritate me in ways I can’t even describe here. 🙅‍♂️

​⚽ At his age, he should be out playing with friends, but instead, he spends his entire time invading my personal space.

​🐍 Neighbourly Dynamics & Mental Harassment:

​Recently, I had a dispute over an alleyway with two of my neighbors, who happen to be distant relatives of my wife’s family. 🧱 In the past, they used my tenant's children to harass me.

​Now, when my wife’s bhabhi goes to buy milk near their house every evening, they manipulate her and send this boy into my house explicitly to mentally torture me while I’m trying to rest! 😤📉

​⚠️ What We Have Tried So Far:

​🚫 200–300 Warnings Ignored: My wife’s entire extended family has strictly warned this boy not to visit my house. He completely ignores everyone!

​🗣️ Family Interventions Failed: My wife, his mother, and his father have all scolded and forbidden him from coming here. He still shows up uninvited every single day.

​💔 Marital Strain: It recently led to a major fight between me and my wife, bringing our marriage to a very serious strain. His family and the boy know they are causing marital issues for us, yet he keeps coming back to disturb us. 🤦‍♂️

​😰 Why I Feel Helpless:

​👮‍♂️ No Police Option: I cannot file a police complaint. If I do, these people and the local relatives will group up and file false counter-cases against me.

​⚠️ Fear of Escalation: I am genuinely worried that if I get into a verbal confrontation with him, it could turn into physical violence, or they will frame me in a legal case. 🚨

​I married my wife, not her extended toxic family or this rowdy kid. 🙅‍♂️ I just want to protect my family, keep my peace of mind, and save my marriage. ❤️‍🩹

​❓ What practical steps or boundaries can I implement here?

❓ How do I stop this boy from entering my house without escalating it into a major feud or legal trouble?

​Please suggest what I should do! 🙏👇