r/familydrama

The link for the original post is above….

I need to clarify some things and give an update…

First: This is a wedding in ASIA, myself and my step mom and 20 other guests (out of 1137 total guests) are from the USA, I live here in Asia now, because I sold my business and almost everything and moved here to be with my new wife and family.

Second: We had two wedding planners from an extremely reputable and very well known organization company. When they call a company and tell them they need services performed, those companies never question it because they know the bill WILL be paid.

Third: Up until this point I had an EXTREMELY positive relationship with my step mom for the last 22yrs. She’s actually the entire reason I still even talk to my father. My relationship with my father is garbage and always has been. This whole thing is so completely out of thin air I feel like I walked into a safe street and got hit by a bus.

Fourth: Everything that was booked at her request went through my wife and I. We always said “yes” because my step mom has been an amazing person for the entire 22 years and has never even once violated my trust. Plus she’s an MD in the USA and makes north of 300k a year. So I trusted her 100% to pay her bills that she rang up.

Fifth: Deposits were indeed needed for virtually everything she booked along with signed agreements. This was all done through the wedding organization, they signed everything and my wife and I paid the deposits with the understanding my step mom would pay the final bill and reimburse us. Again, I trusted her. I had no reason not to.

UPDATE: We’ve tried repeatedly to get her to pay, but she has declined to respond to ALL of our requests. She’s declined the wedding organizers, and all of the vendors, plus she’s blocked them all too on all of her social media. She’s no longer friends with me on social media and has deleted every single message I’ve sent her.

The vendors can’t reach her because she’s quite literally, on the other side of the planet. These bills are forced on us because we signed the document with the wedding organizer and he signed and approved all of the work.

To boot pay them would bring the police and social media on us and our family. We REALLY don’t want to spend time in an Asian prison. So we’re paying the $6400 USD.

We’ve made the decision that we’re going to completely cut her and my dad off.

I’m clueless as to why she burned the bridge, I’m at a complete loss as to why she destroyed our amazing relationship. I’m in my 40’s and she was the 3rd oldest friend I had (22yrs). She never stepped wrong once, I’m positively destroyed and utterly reduced to tears. But, this is clearly the only way forward for my wife and I.

My wife and her family are 100% completely supportive and have taken my side. They’re actually helping to pay for 50% of the total of the bills voluntarily. I’m beyond touched and I feel so happy to have them.

My dad passed away two weeks ago. He fought cancer for a year. My parents divorced when I was 15 — messy, lots of bitterness, my mom never really moved on. My dad remarried five years ago to a woman who made him genuinely happy.

At the funeral, I gave a eulogy. Nothing about the divorce. Just about him — his laugh, his terrible barbecue, how he taught me to drive. People cried. It was good.

Then my mom asked to speak. I said yes because I thought, whatever, she was married to him for twenty years.

She stood up, grabbed the mic, and started talking about “the betrayal.” How he “abandoned” her. How she “never got closure.” She said, in front of his widow, his friends, and his entire family: “I hope he’s finally at peace, because I’m not.”

His widow was crying. My stepbrother was shaking. I stood up and walked to the front. I said, loud enough for the room: “Mom. You’re not the victim here. You’re not the one who lost him. We are. Please sit down.”

She stared at me, dropped the mic, and walked out. My aunt followed her.

Now half my family is furious at me. “She’s grieving in her own way.” “You humiliated her.” My brother says I should have let her have her moment. My dad’s widow thanked me. My stepbrother hugged me and said, “He would have hated that.”

I don’t regret it. But I keep wondering — was it my place? Should I have just let her have five minutes of drama at her ex-husband’s funeral?

AITAH?

When I was 16 I got a car for my birthday from my grandmother . A few months down the road they told me that I wasn’t driving enough and didn’t have my full license yet . I had some issues and worries driving and getting the license . But I made sure to go out whenever possible. But my father was working quite a bit and when he had time off he always said he didn’t feel like it and I totally understood that . Anyway they randomly one day while I was at school sold it . I told them I was very upset and ended up moving in with my mother full time . I told time I needed time because I was angry and needed a break from it all . They continued to try to contact me and I always either responded with short answers or nothing . About a month ago I got a call from my grandmother which was very unusual so I ended up picking up . She told me to hand the phone to my mother and she told her that my father died . It was literally a 15 second phone call . So a week passed and I went to my father’s funeral and they wouldn’t even look at me . I sat around with my other side of the family. My grandfather and uncle . Anyway i just want to say that no matter what happened with me and my father I still loved him and I didn’t want anything to happen to him . So I reached out to my grandmother about a week ago and asked how she was and if there was anything I could do to help because at that time I didn’t realize how they felt about it . And she doesn’t respond for a few days and then she texts and says that what I did upset my father very much and that I’m partially responsible for my father’s death and she told me that she couldn’t even speak or look at me . He died because he hit his head on the bathtub . No drug or any other issues . So it’s not like I made him kill himself . He has I fiancé and step son . Not related. I’m just very confused and don’t understand what to do . This is nothing new in my family on that side I just want to know if somehow I was at fault and is there anything I should do about everything. Someone told me I am legally his sole heir . Not that I want anything from it all but I also know his fiance and she’s not a good person. She’s half the reason I left his house to begin with . Honestly I just needed to rant on here and find out what I should do and everything

I (32F) turned 32 last Friday. My mom offered to take me to dinner — just the two of us, she said. I was actually looking forward to it. We've had a rough few years.

Background: My sister "Kayla" (29F) stole from me. Not small stuff. Three years ago, she took my credit card, racked up $8,000, and when I confronted her, she told everyone I was "overreacting" and "always playing the victim." My mom took her side. Said I should "be the bigger person." I went low contact with Kayla and kept things civil with my mom.

So Friday. I show up at the restaurant. My mom is already there. And so is Kayla. With a gift bag.

I froze. My mom smiled and said, "Surprise! I thought this would be a good time to heal."

I said, "Mom, you lied to me."

She said, "I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you everything."

Kayla pushed the gift bag toward me and said, "I'm sorry, okay? Can we move on?" She didn't mention the money. Not once.

I looked at my mom and said, "You invited the person who stole from me to my birthday dinner and didn't think to ask me first?"

My mom said, "Family forgives. You're being dramatic."

I grabbed my purse and left. I heard my mom call after me, "This is why no one wants to be around you!"

I spent my birthday alone with takeout. Honestly? Still better than that table.

Now my mom is telling everyone I "ruined a beautiful gesture" and that Kayla cried. My aunt texted me calling me "cold." My best friend says I did the right thing.

I don't think I owe anyone forgiveness on demand. But was walking out too much?

AITAH?

I (32F) having been feeling a lot of guilt recently about my relationship (or lack of relationship) with my maternal grandmother (80sF).

Backstory: As a child, I always felt like I had a good relationship with her. She and my grandfather lived around an hour and a half away and would come to various band concerts and school activities, holidays, and other random weekends. When my grandfather passed away about 10 years ago, my grandmother moved closer to us (less than 10 minutes from my parents and about 30 minutes from me) and my mom would initiate near-monthly gatherings. There were a lot of gatherings that would end in my grandmother getting upset about something innocuous that was said and shutting down (silent, snippy, just generally in a bad mood that would be incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for the rest of us). This went on for quite awhile, to the point where none of us really wanted to spend time with her because it just seemed like it always ended in her being upset. Again, nothing mean or rude was ever done or said towards her, but she must have found something offensive or didn’t like the attention not on her. Over time, I’ve learned some history from my mom about her relationship with my grandmother. They always had a bit of a strained relationship, which I was never privy to as a child. The combination of natural aging, potential dementia/Alzheimer’s signs (although not diagnosed), and the already strained relationship with my grandmother ended in a huge blow up fight between my mom, my uncle (her brother), and my grandmother and we have not had a gathering with my grandmother since (it’s been about 6-7 months since that happened). My mom is still in contact with her as she assists with taking her to appointments, running errands, and just generally helping her with household tasks, but it seems a lot of these interactions end in some sort of fight. While my grandmother has never done or said anything particularly bad to me, I have been present when she’s emotionally shut down and just knowing how she treats my mom has put a negative light on how I see her. I do still feel some guilt that I have not reached out to her in months and have not actually seen her since Christmas (about 10 months ago now), as I have been letting my mom decide how she wants to proceed with the relationship. I have a much closer relationship with my mom and while I don’t think spending individual time with my grandmother would cause some kind of rift with my mom, I just want to support her and tend to be on her side more than my grandmother’s.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? How did you navigate feelings of guilt when cutting someone out of your life/not initiating gatherings or communication? If my grandmother reached out to me or showed any interest in maintaining a relationship, I would be willing to try, but she has never initiated anything of the sort. All interactions were basically filtered through my mom and now that their relationship has become more and more strained, the interactions just don’t happen.

To an outsider, my grandmother seems like a lovely and sweet person and she really is nice to other people (my in-laws, for example), so I think that’s also what’s making it difficult to grapple with. I think I’m considering other people’s opinions of why I may be “abandoning” this perfectly lovely older woman. Any thoughts or perspectives I’m not considering?

My sister is one of the most judgmental and highly critical people I’ve ever met, she always has been. Our relationship has been on the rocks recently so I figured she would be on her best behavior at my bachelorette. Instead, she talked shit to me about almost every single person there. Calling several of my friends dumb, materialistic, and full of themselves. She said something bad about 80% of them. I even told her on the first night to please stop judging them and she didn’t. The trip was less than 48 hours and she couldn’t even hold it together for that long. If I bring this up to her, she will get defensive like always and put it back on me in some way. There’s no winning when I tell her something she did/said hurts me. What do I do?

I (32F) inherited my grandmother's house two years ago. It's a beautiful old Victorian that needs a lot of work but it holds so much sentimental value. My husband's family has always been a bit materialistic but lately it's gotten ridiculous. My MIL has been hounding me about selling the house. She keeps saying it's too big for us and we could use the money for a "nicer" place. My FIL even suggested we could invest the money in his failing business. I told them repeatedly that I have no intention of selling. Now they're calling me selfish and unreasonable. Am I wrong for wanting to keep my grandmother's home?

My dad secretly brought his girlfriend into our house and let her stay in the basement without telling me

I’m honestly really upset and uncomfortable with what my dad has done.

My dad has a girlfriend who was homeless, and he brought her into our house to stay here. What makes this worse is that he kept her in the basement for about a week without telling me. I had no idea that someone I barely know was staying in our home.

He didn’t ask me. He didn’t talk to me about it. He just made the decision and brought her into the house.

I understand that she is in a difficult situation, and I’m not blaming her for being homeless. My problem is with the way my dad handled this. This is my home too, and I feel like I should at least have been told before someone was brought into the house and allowed to stay here.

Finding out that she had already been staying downstairs for days made me feel like something was being kept from me in my own home.

I’ve told my dad that I’m not comfortable with this, but he doesn’t seem to take my feelings seriously. I feel like my boundaries and sense of safety in my own home are being completely ignored.

Technically my dad is the tenant, so he can do what he wants but i am still uncomfortable with what he has done. I told my dad we could put her in a homeless shelter but her lit said no, i dont want this person being in my house.

Am I wrong for being this upset? What would you do in this situation?