r/familydrama

For context, I have one sister and one half brother (32) I’ve never met in person on my dad’s side. My brother and I communicate, but my sister tended to nearly never reach out to either of us unless I did so first. She did not like him because she thought he was weird and had no interest in getting to know him or our nephews, which live an hour away from her out in Oregon. Anyway, when I did reach out, I could kind of just tell with the dry, almost robotic replies she wasn’t really interested in my bids for connection, so eventually I just quit as it started to hurt my feelings. Every time I would ask if something was wrong or if I did or said something to maybe upset her, she said she was just busy. It still makes me sad to think about this.

My sister had a lot of animosity towards me growing up from a very young age. I remember many instances of being physically abused by her to the point of marks. Acts that cut off my air supply. Throwing things and screaming if I ate cereal for lunch instead of breakfast because it was a “breakfast only food”(that was never a rule btw, she just personally came up with that herself). Walking on eggshells because the most minor things sent her into a full on rage. She learned this behavior from my parents, so you could guess how much they cared about it. She only did it when they weren’t around anyway. She would force me to sit there and she would call me ugly and pick out features on me that she hated and why and how I was stupid and never good enough. And took pics of me when I cried. Learned that from my mom too btw. Sometimes mom would join in if I was the scapegoat for the week. Sometimes my sister was the scapegoat and got screamed at and punished for the most minute things, and sometimes it was me.

Mind you, I had undiagnosed early childhood OCD and trichotillomania. For those that don’t know, that’s in the same category as Autism and ADHD in my case. I am extremely bright but socially I don’t understand half of the stuff that goes on around me and I generally internalize everything out of guilt and shame compulsively.

So, prior to dad going on life support, I had not seen my dad in about 11 years, and my sister about 2. My brother is strung out on drugs so I couldn’t find him. I get there first and he’s in rough shape. They inform me I’m legal decision maker. My sister showed up a couple days later and she became equal to me in that regard.

We did great at first! Until we didn’t. It was one of the last times dad was awake prior to passing. I was at dad’s bed and she was in the corner in the chair. My back was turned to her. I was explaining that before she got here I was by his side watching him, and I said “and I wasn’t even on my phone or anything” and I hear “what do you want a fucking cookie? What the fuck is your problem?” I turn around and she’s on her phone. I realize she took my words out of context and I quickly just try to deescalate and say I don’t care what she does because dad is on ECMO and starts coughing as he can hear us. Ever since that point, she just hated me. She went off on me in front of dad saying I’m not who I say I am and that I need to back the fuck off or something like that, very snarky like her goal was to hit me where it hurt most. And it did. I just kept agreeing and going yup yup you’re right because the machines are beeping and she’s not stopping and dad is writhing around in the bed atp. A few minutes later I discover dad can communicate through blinking. I inform my sister and she doesn’t even look up from her phone and goes “yeah, right, ok”. I look at my dad and put on a smile and pretend like I didn’t hear it. I saw tears in my dad’s eyes and I had no choice but keep it together for him.

Dad died a few days later. That was one of his final memories. I keep thinking about it and I’m SO fucking angry. I feel as though I had no choice but to cut her out of my life in order to protect my peace. I did not say goodbye, just blocked. AITH

Hey,

I’m looking for practical advice on what types of jobs and routes I should realistically be applying for to move out of my family home as the situation isn’t ideal for me anymore but I have next to no money on me atm.

I’m trying to plan a move into shared accommodation (likely London or surrounding areas), but I currently have limited savings, so I need to build income first. I’m also open to moving sooner if there are realistic options that require less upfront savings such as live in accom jobs

My experience:

Retail experience at Londis

Travel services role at Travelex

Customer-facing / cashier-style work

What I’m considering:

Entry-level full-time jobs in London (retail, hospitality, admin, etc.)

Temp work through agencies to build savings quickly

Online or freelance work on the side

Live-in jobs (e.g. hospitality, care, or other roles that include accommodation) as a potential faster route to moving out with less savings needed

What I’m trying to figure out:

What are the fastest realistic job routes to moving out in the UK?

Are there viable live-in job options that genuinely allow people to leave home sooner with minimal savings?

What industries, roles, or agencies should I be focusing on?

If someone has done this before, what actually worked in terms of timeline and income?

I’m not looking for ideal scenarios, just realistic options people have actually used to move out.

Thanks in advance.

I F(34) need honest outside opinions because this situation has affected me for years.

I’ll use fake names. My husband is Daniel, his brother is Michael, and Michael’s wife is Chloe. Me and my husband have been married for 10 years and this situation has been happening for the last 5 years.

When Daniel and I first got married, we really looked up to Michael and Chloe. We respected them, went to them for advice, and thought they had this “perfect” marriage. At the time, I had low self-esteem, was passive, and was a people-pleaser, so I was impressionable and wanted acceptance. As I got older and started building more confidence and my own identity, Chloe and Michael started framing everything I did as “copying” Chloe. If she studied social work, I was copying by studying social work. If she started a business, I was copying by starting one etc.- told me I had an “empty shell.”

Things escalated after Daniel and I bought a house. We didn’t tell them in advance because it was a private decision. Later I found out they had also been trying to buy a house but couldn’t. We found out later they were upset that we didn’t tell them that we were looking for a house. After that, Chloe’s energy toward me changed sharply.

When we invited them over, I wore a dress with stockings. I later found out Chloe was telling people I was dressed inappropriately and trying to get attention from the brothers. Michael told Daniel that I looked insecure, that “everyone” thought my outfit was inappropriate, and that I was jealous of them.From my perspective, this was completely out of nowhere. I never had a problem with Chloe.

At family gatherings, they would exclude me, pull Daniel away, and create this clique dynamic. Daniel didn’t see it clearly at first because he trusted his brother.

At one point, Daniel’s parents and another sibling were living in our house to save money. Daniel and Micheal agreed that since the wives werent getting along, they needed to leave before I finish my shift. That day came and Daniel asked Michael and Chloe to leave before I got home from work because of the tension. They agreed, but Chloe refused to leave and said she had a right to be there because Daniel’s parents were there and paid rent. Before that, she had already told another sister-in-law that I was “kicking them out,” so by the time I came home, the situation was already escalated. I ended up having a full breakdown because I felt alienated in my own home.

Later, when Daniel tried to set a simple boundary and said Michael and Chloe could visit only for a few hours, Michael accused him of denying him access to his parents, said God would punish him, and threatened to permanently leave the country because of him. Daniel got scared and allowed them to come over. They were already planning to leave the country anyway and came back after a year. During that time, Daniel and me flourished as we had struggled for so long as a result of communication - we would always go to those people and ask for advice. Big mistake as they brought up everything that we ever talked to them about when we had issues with them.

Daniel started seeing the manipulation more clearly. Michael has a history of triangulating people, twisting conversations, and turning siblings against each other.

The final straw for me was finding out Chloe had been telling people I wear inappropriate clothing around the men in the family, implying I was trying to be seductive. I felt humiliated and furious, and I sent her a long angry message confronting her. I know my message was emotionally charged and inappropriate in parts, but I felt pushed to my limit after years of rumors, exclusion, and humiliation.

Her response was vicious. She called me vulgar, crazy, obsessed with her, jealous, a bad mother, and claimed I had always been in love with Michael. She brought up things from high school and twisted innocent group interactions into proof that I wanted him. She also claimed “everyone” in the family was uncomfortable around me. She mentioned that she was raised as a queen, where she has always shown respect where I never had any. She also mentioned that she was magnetic and that I was trying so hard to be her and that I was enraged whenever I saw her because of my jealousy. The problem is, none of that matched reality. No one had ever confronted me directly. I had good relationships with most of the family. I later asked the brothers directly, and they denied feeling uncomfortable around me. In one case, a younger brother admitted Michael had basically planted the idea that it was “inappropriate” for him to hang out with me over shared interests like anime/games.

For context, Michael and I had a harmless teen crush on each other at 14 that went nowhere. Years later, in family group settings, I would sometimes reminisce about high school because it felt like simpler times. My husband was present for those conversations. Nothing about it was romantic or secretive. Michael never once told me he felt uncomfortable.

After I sent Chloe that message, Michael called Daniel and claimed I had always been in love with him and was trying to get him. Daniel asked for proof multiple times. Michael said things like, “You have to see it to believe it,” and “If I showed you, your manhood would be destroyed.” But when pressed later, he admitted he had no proof. Michael cut off Daniel completely- they both work in the same place and he had ignored him completely.

At this point, I’m done. I have fully cut them off. I do not want them in my life, my home, or around my children. Too much damage was done, and I no longer see them as safe people. I went to therapy for a while as this made me question myself, my reality, and my life choices. There are more missing details but Reddit has limit on characters.

This story has happened a while ago but i still remember it very well

For context i was 12 years old and my youngest sister was 6 years old, I have an older brother (he was 17 years old), my older sister (she was 13 years old) and my younger sister (she was 10 years old). We go to school with our driver since none of us has a license, and our father has passed away while our mother is a teacher and has to go to works early (she should be there before 7:30 AM), the driver's route is to drive the youngest to school then me and my sisters and finally drop my brother, and when the driver picks us up, he goes for our school first (me and my sisters) then my brother's and finally to the youngest.

My sister is 6 and has to be picked up from her class, so we agreed to make a schedule that everyday someone different has to pick her up, to stop fighting about who picks her up.

That day it was my brother's (he was sleeping and gets mad easily) and when we woke him up he got mad at us and said that he's not going to pick her up, after that we got in a fight and decided to call our mom, when she answered she told my older sister to pick her up, she refused, so the she said I should pick her up, I refused and told her that it isn't fair and it's not even my turn, she started yelling and saying that she won't help us and won't do anything good for us ever again, so even though I was angry angry, sleepy child and it was literally above 40° c I agrred and got out of the car to pick her up, the phone was in my hand and i forgot to hang up so when i got home she took my phone and slapped me a couple of time that my ears started ringing and told me she would kick me and my sisters (not my older and younger sister though) out of the house, by the way we have not eaten lunch yet and it had been more than 4 hours since we ate anything at school.

She told us that my older brother shouldn't even be on the schedule because he's a man, and that my younger sister shouldn't either because she's young, and that next time if we don't listen to her she would kick us for real (the house is my father's, and we inherited it with my mother, so legally she can't) she continued telling us that she could and will and didn't give me the phone for a month or so.

Now I know that my mother is wrong and shouldn't have hit me or yelled because it wasn't my fault (it is considered normal for parents to hit their children where I'm from so there is nothing i can do about that)

There are a lot of stories of my mom favouring my brother and I want to know about what i could do about it. (English isn't my first language so sorry for any mistake).

My cousin cut off my whole family, but stayed in contact with me for a long time. My family was extremely toxic to her and I. I was very neglected. she allowed me to stay with her when i was unsafe at home, and she was the closest and best family member i have. last year, she cut me off too. I asked why and she said she doesn’t hate me and it wasn’t anything I did, but it was because she wants to stay away from my family. recently i moved out and i cut off my family finally. My cousin and I used to be so close and had a great bond and i miss her. We are both adults living our own lives now, but i keep thinking about reaching out. i keep thinking about letting her know that i got away. i just want to have my cousin back. i don’t know what the right thing to do is.

I (19F) have been living with just my mother for my entire life. I had a father figure in my life until he passed away in 2017, but my biological father was not around and I knew absolutely nothing about him. My mother had always avoided the conversation when I would ask about him, saying “I’ll tell you when you’re older.” Since I am older now, I asked her again and she finally told me.

For context, my mom informed me that my her and my dad were more of a hookup situation, and that he knows I exist and met me after I was born but never came back after that. He went back to his ex and they got engaged. That is the extent of her knowledge.

I had never really had any interest in meeting him or anything, I always felt that if he doesn’t want to be a part of my life then I don’t want to be a part of his. There was no resentment, just simply no desire. Especially after 20 years, if he wanted to reach out he would have. However, after my mom told me his name, about him, showed me what he looks like, I suddenly wanted to meet him. I saw a resemblance in our faces and it was such an odd feeling.

My concern is that I know he never wanted a part in my life, and I don’t want to burden him by reaching out.
I don’t know what to do because this is such an odd situation, so I figured I would come on Reddit and ask strangers who may relate or just generally have advice.

For context I’m (19M) fighting with my sisters (35F) (34F) about my mums death more specifically her belongings but not in the way you think..

So my mum took her life 7 months ago and left me her place until I’m 25 two weeks after her passing my sisters forced me to sign I’ll sell the place instead of live in it as I couldn’t afford it, this hurt me as I didn’t have time to heal or process anything and I had to make decisions from there they sold all the furniture in my mums place dating we will split it 3 ways and I didn’t end up with a sent, they took her belongings, jewelry and money while I told them I will not help them empty my mothers place especially as it’s illegal since probate didn’t start.. they got my foster dad at the time to pay for probate and spoke to the solicitter claiming my mum had nothing of value no jewellery no furniture no money, idc about money fyi I’m just pissed of this situation. So they made me throw out all her clothes etc in the bins and when I did I took my mums suitcase with personal diary’s and her watch which I took because they said I could have it and I wanted to give it to my step sister who’s not in the picture rn as she was excluded. They have noticed the personal diary’s and watch gone and have scolded me asking me about it I’ve claimed I have no idea about it and to not accuse me. Do I take accountability or continue to play dumb, I have nothing of my mum and don’t want financial benefit as they do

Before i tell you what's happening, my door lock doesn't work. Everytime ive brought it up my other family just was too bust to fix it..So ever since I was a baby he would come into my room ( I dont know what he was doing) in the middle of the night or when I was sleeping, it started making me feel uncomfortable to sleep at all when I was 8, so I gained insomnia... SO one night, I decided to fake sleep at 11, and he unlocked the lock . It can be unlocked from the outside because it's broken*

He came into the room and started walking really slow, ok? Then he started just staring at me, or from what I could tell, he was just standing in front of my "sleeping" body since I would have been busted if I had opened my eyes, then he proceeded to grab his phone out puts on the flashlight the stops to steal random things. Then he did this 10 more times.. I dont know WHAT he was doing, just hovering over me??? I love with my grandpa, mom (sometims) and the uncle

I’m going to apologise in advance because this may be a long one.

Earlier this year, my partner (29M) and I (26F) moved from a rented property into a house we had just bought together. During the move, my partner’s stepdad (late 40s/early 50s) offered to drive the moving van for us. I was hesitant about this for a few reasons:

1. He had recently been involved in two car accidents within weeks of each other, both deemed 50/50 responsibility.
2. He has no experience driving vans.
3. Our old house could only be accessed through a very tight archway that even experienced van drivers struggled with.
4. We would have had to hire a van from somewhere like Enterprise, and I worried that if he damaged it, he would blame my partner and me for any fees or damages.

Because of this, I said to my partner, “Is that a good idea?”

My partner agreed with me, but then immediately repeated what I said to his stepdad. This upset him badly. I wasn’t there when the conversation happened, but my partner was at work in a shop at the time, along with his mum, nan, and several colleagues.

His stepdad started effing and blinding, calling me a “fcking btch.” My partner told him off and said it was unacceptable, especially in front of his female colleagues. Instead of backing my partner up, his mum and nan laughed at what his stepdad was saying, which only encouraged him further.

My partner was mortified because he was worried a complaint would be made against him at work due to his stepdad’s behaviour and language. Even though my partner repeatedly tried to calm things down, his stepdad continued swearing and insulting me.

When I found out what had happened, I was extremely upset. I genuinely hadn’t meant to hurt or offend anyone. I had simply pointed out practical concerns. The only explanation I can think of is that he took it as an attack on his masculinity.

After this incident, I told my partner I believed his stepdad had issues with women in general. Part of the reason I think this is because of how he previously spoke about his nephew’s girlfriend after she had a traumatic premature birth. She understandably didn’t want lots of visitors while recovering, and his stepdad responded by calling her controlling and a “fcking btch.”

My partner later called his family, mainly his stepdad, and told him that speaking about me like that was unacceptable and that I deserved an apology. His stepdad refused, claiming I had been “slgging off his driving.”

Since then, things have become increasingly uncomfortable. His stepdad refuses to come to our house if I’m there and will sit in the car instead. At one point, my partner’s mum even asked him to get me to leave the house so his stepdad could visit. We both refused because I also own the house and pay the mortgage.

During the week of the move, his family came to see the new house while I was briefly at the old property cleaning. When I returned, I tried to be polite and said hello to his mum, nan, and stepdad. All three ignored me, and his stepdad immediately went to sit in the car.

While they were there, his mum and nan gave my partner cards. His nan’s card was addressed to both of us, but his mum’s card was addressed only to him. I noticed instantly and had to excuse myself so I could cry privately. I ended up calling my own mum because I felt so hurt and excluded.

When I later pointed this out to my partner, he initially thought I was overthinking it and said she had also bought us gardening equipment as a housewarming gift. However, his mum later admitted she had deliberately excluded me from the card because she was unhappy with me over the comments about her husbands driving, even though I did not saying anything bad about his driving.

At that point, for my own mental health, I distanced myself from his family and blocked them on social media. Part of this was also because his mum had been sending me fertility-related posts after I suffered a missed miscarriage. I found this upsetting and invasive, especially because it felt like she was implying I was the one with fertility problems. Doctors had actually confirmed I could conceive, while there were potential concerns on my partner’s side due to his own medical history. Despite this, she only ever sent those things to me, never to him. I politely asked my partner to ask her to stop sending me them however he said it would upset her and I should ignore it, making me feel like my feelings were invalid.

Weeks later, my partner started encouraging me to reconcile with his family, but I declined because the stress was becoming too much. I’ve struggled with an ED in the past during periods of high stress, and this whole situation was bringing back unhealthy memories and feelings.

Then, around a month ago, my partner suggested we move our wedding forward to this September because he wanted his nan, who is in her late 80s, to see him get married. I was worried we were rushing financially, but eventually agreed.

My family were incredibly supportive and even contributed a large amount of money towards the wedding. His family, however, reacted very differently.

His stepdad outright refused to attend because I would be there. His mum seemed uninterested and unenthusiastic, although she eventually offered to help with decorations. His nan was somewhat supportive and contributed financially, although throughout our relationship she had often told my partner to leave me.

Eventually, his stepdad only agreed to attend after his own mum told him he needed to stop behaving like this.

Things became even more complicated when we announced we were having a child-free wedding. The only child attending would be my 3-year-old niece, who is our flower girl and would be collected later in the day.

My partner’s family were furious because he has several younger step-siblings aged between 8 and 21. We said the 21-year-old was welcome because our rule was that guests needed to be old enough to legally drink alcohol. His mum repeatedly pushed for us to invite his 14-year-old stepbrother, but my partner stood firm.

Then his mum and stepdad demanded we invite one of the stepdad’s aunts, despite neither of us ever having met her. After a lot of pressure, my partner reluctantly agreed to give her the 21-year-old stepbrother’s place since he no longer wanted to attend anyway. A few days later, the aunt declined the invitation, meaning all the drama had been for nothing.

Throughout the wedding planning, my partner kept asking me to include his mum. He even told me she expected to be invited to my hen do because she had never been to one before. I explained I wasn’t comfortable with that and that it wouldn’t really suit her, especially since my sister was planning a messy night away. In the end, his mum declined anyway once she found out we’d be staying overnight in another city with mostly younger women (early 20s) attending.

I still tried to make an effort by inviting his mum and nan dress shopping with my own mum, sister, niece, and granny. They initially agreed but cancelled the day before because they had another event that evening and “didn’t want to rush around” which I fully understood and at least tried to build bridges.

Last week, things escalated again.

One of my partner’s former colleagues contacted him to say his mum and stepdad had been gossiping about us to a manager at his old workplace. Apparently, they claimed I had forced him to move 40 minutes away, trapped him there, and pressured him into marriage. None of this is true. My partner wanted to move because he had been living in a run-down flat in a rough area with few opportunities.

Another colleague later confirmed hearing similar comments from them, despite his mum and stepdad denying they had even been in the shop that day. Ironically, his nan later accidentally confirmed they had been there.

Because of all this, my partner and I decided his stepdad would no longer sit at the top table during the wedding breakfast and speeches due to his attitude and constant disrespect to me. Instead, his nan would sit there because she largely raised him, while his stepdad has only been in his life for around five years.

When my partner told his stepdad this, he immediately replied, “Your mum won’t be happy about this.”

Sure enough, his mum then demanded she also be removed from the top table, saying my partner had upset her husband. My partner explained that if they apologised to me, he would reconsider. His stepdad refused and again claimed I should apologise to him for “slgging off his driving.”

His mum and nan then threatened not to attend the wedding at all, which devastated my partner to the point he considered cancelling it entirely.

At that stage, I unblocked his mum and messaged her directly explaining that their behaviour was deeply hurting her son. My family, meanwhile, have remained supportive throughout everything and encouraged us to stop engaging with his family for a while so tensions could settle.

Eventually, his mum sent a half-hearted apology to my partner saying she was “sorry if” she upset me but claimed she didn’t understand what she had done wrong. I told my partner I wanted a genuine face-to-face apology because a text apology felt meaningless after everything that had happened.

Both she and his stepdad refused to meet in person. Instead, they said they would attend the wedding but would “give me a wide berth.”

At this point, I honestly feel hated and unwelcome by them. My partner is heartbroken because he says his mum was never like this when he was younger and that she changed after marrying his stepdad. Unfortunately, all I’ve ever known is this version of her.

So, I'm moving to my hometown next week, and I got my own flat! And I'm really excited! However im moving one week earlier than I told my family.

for some context here! My parents and I are not very close; they're quite petty and unnecessarily judgmental to a point, 'big days' are made 10x more stressful for me!

I can go into a lot more detail, but basically, I just want to move with less stress. Also, they're quite adamant about picking up their keys, which I have a gut feeling is not to be helpful, and they're just going to get a key cut without my knowledge!

I feel super bad as I booked tickets already for next sat! They think I've booked it for the week after that; im thinking of staging it as a surprise, but I think one of my parents has booked the day of work.

I feel like an A-hole because I could tell them, but I don't want to!

Me (F) and my boyfriend (M) had been together for 8 months when I found out he had cheated on me. I ended things as soon as I found out and told my friends and sisters everything that happened. We stayed broken up for 6 months.

Recently, we got back together. We’ve been together again for 2 months, but neither my sisters nor my friends will include him in anything, even when other boyfriends are invited. Whenever I mention him, they roll their eyes or talk behind my back and say I’m dumb for giving him another chance. Maybe I am, but I really want to try.

He’s tried talking to them, tried asking for forgiveness, connect in a way, but they either ignore him or outright tell him to leave. I understand they’re disappointed in my decision and wish things were different, but it’s really affecting me. Is there any way I can make it easier for them to forgive him, or at least stop treating both of us poorly?

Needed to make a throwaway excuse the new account, shaking typing this bc i feel like my entire family is turning against me over something completely unfair.

So my grandma passed away two years ago and she left me (26f) her vintage diamond engagement ring. It’s absolutely gorgeous and meant the world to me bc me and her were super close. She’s explicitly put it in her will that it goes to ME.

Now my brother Leo (30m) just told the family he’s planning to propose to his gf of 9 months. The problem is Leo is terrible with money and basically broke. My mom called me yesterday and asked if I would "gift" my grandmas ring to Leo so he can propose with a family heirloom and save money. I told her absolutely not. first of all, it’s MY ring that grandma wanted me to have. second of all, he’s been with this girl for less than a year.

My mom got furious and I mean she blew up. She said i’m being selfish and hoarding it since i’m already engaged to my fiancé and he already bought me a ring. I told her I plan to wear it on my other hand and keep it for my children. Now Leo is texting me saying i’m ruining his life and his gf deserves a nice ring, and my mom just dropped a bomb saying if i don't hand the ring over by Sunday, she and my dad are pulling their financial contribution from my wedding next summer and won’t even attend. Stuck because despite how angry I am and how unreasonable they’re being I don’t wanna lose my family 😭

My sister (31yrs) and myself (25yrs) have always been close. We love each other dearly. But as I've continued with my life, earning my bachelor's and then masters, she dropped out of school (still doing well for herself) and has had a few boyfriends and a pet cat, but isn't dating seriously atm. However I have been dating my soon fiance for nearly 3 years and we plan to get engaged by the end of this year, hopefully married in 1-2 years.

I thought everything was fine until my step-aunt mentioned my sister said, "I'm too good to hang out with her now," after we had been trying to get together for some time but the timing was just bad, and we like different activities (She's more into night life than me, so I guess me saying no offended her??). I called her and said we can have a nice girls night in, watch a movie make some dinner, have some wine. And that would be fun, but she brushed me off. ​

After my recent graduation I was talking to her about my boyfriend and our plans to get engaged and move in together. And she said I was moving too fast, that she's 30 and she's not even married yet and I should take my time. That I'm too young to know what I want. I didn't want to argue and just said "okay" to ease the tension.

(When we get engaged and move in together we are also planning to move states for his job.. so I can understand the sense of caution.)

Is she right? Or is this just projection and jealousy. I don't want to think that about her, because I do value her opinion and advice.

So I’m black and I noticed a lot in minority groups we are very unwilling to share and have sacrifices to grow long term..

you know why do we always have to be in a rush to leave the house at 18 years old? Why do parents try to kick you out the house at 18 21 25 years old you know why is it that in certain cultures , Asian cultures , Muslim cultures , Jewish cultures they don’t leave their house until they’re grown adults, and married.., and then even when they are married, they still stay home with their parents …..Why go and get an apartment somewhere else when the whole family could all live together and not everybody has to have a car but we could all share two or three cars depending on how big the family is and how small the family is. We could all share and stay down and invest our money until we’re able to come up in life.?

Like if there’s a family of eight people, why would everybody need their own car? We’re not rich I understand the independence but if it’s a family of eight people and everyone is above the age of 18 what’s wrong with having four cars or maybe five cars, those extra three or four cars is the extra $2000 a month and financing and insurance. that’s $24,000 a year that’s $24,000 that can go into a Roth IRA or buying some silver and gold or buying property…

And this is not to like throw races in there, but this is why a lot of white people and some of you may be reading this. A lot of you guys are very smart and you know in black cultures and Spanish cultures , minority cultures you don’t have anybody to create a Roth IRA for you or even a custodial Roth IRA for you when you’re a kid and have money invested in you so that way when you’re 25 years old, you got $150,000 waiting for you to help you in your future…

You know I feel like a lot of minority cultures you know they just have sex and have a kid without really preparing for the kids life you know they all want you to go to college and do all these things but they don’t really prepare you for life they don’t really teach you about like don’t have sex early on because you can get pregnant and that would derail your future and the progress of trying to build your life, be careful who you actually hang around with. Try to surround yourself with good friends , you know also even having the importance of family night, eating together as a family around a table playing video games together as a family watching movies together as a family teaching your children the value of a dollar and how a dollar today is a dollar tomorrow, but if you put a dollar in stocks, it could go up and down you can’t get rich off of a 9 to 5 try to build assets and have less liabilities..

The reason I’m saying this is because I’m in a position where I don’t have a car anymore at the moment and I had to move back in with my mom and you know I make good money doing Uber eats and I wanted to use her car for just a month so I could go and buy a nice $3000 car with the money I make with Uber Eats but she doesn’t even trust me to go and use her car and the only way I can use her car is if she comes with me , and I ’m 29 years old I’m a grown man and you know I’m dealing with a mom that is starting to have signs of vascular dementia and heavy signs of BPD, bipolar and paranoia… and it’s like you know I’m not a felon. I don’t sell drugs. I’ve had one car my whole life and It was a total of six years. I’ve never had multiple cars that I damaged. I don’t sell crack. I don’t do drugs. I’m not in and out of jail and I can’t even use my mom‘s car mind you my mom stays home all day every day and she stares out the window because she’s too scared to go outside, she doesn’t even go for a walk around the block, she’s not even mentally stable to drive, and she has a perfectly working car outside that I can’t even drive. That no one uses… You know I have errands and things that I need to do and I have to take the bus and there’s times where I missed the bus, things that could take two hours if I had a car, but it takes over five hours since I don’t have a car.

And all I wanna do is just use my mom’s car for three weeks at least and I’ll make more than enough money to go. Buy a nice little cheap Hooptie to get back on my feet… and she’s telling me oh you can’t use my car go get a job.. OK cool if I go get a job, which I’m currently trying to do, I’m not gonna get a job overnight, that’s gonna take time and then to get the income from the job it’s gonna take time as well… we’re talking at least 2 to 3 months…. When I could just use your car and I’m back on my feet with in a month. So what am I supposed to do? Eat all the food in your house? I don’t even have a dollar to go buy a toothbrush…. I have a way of making legal money 1200- $1300 a week.

Mind you she’s 69 years old, if she was to drop dead tomorrow, then what happens to me…? You’re set for the rest of your life you have your pension. I’m working on trying to be an entrepreneur building my side businesses and I just need a little tiny push so I could go buy myself a car….

She even offered to buy me a car, but I declined because she’s the type of person to guilt trip you and rub it in your face if you want to do something or say something she doesn’t like, and then when I realized that was my only option of getting in the car, I told her you know let’s go get a nice cheap car for four to $5000 and I’ll pay you back the money within a month or a month and a half… and then she’s like oh I’m not gonna do anything for you because of the way you talk to me you talk to me like I’m garbage, which is not true at all I’m a very well spoken person and I speak my mind on certain things and if you disagree with my mom, then you’re the devil and you’re a bad person… I’m not allowed to say any jokes or anything because she’s so BPD and bipolar anything that you say can just tick her off… you could say the sky is blue and then she will say the sky is red and if you try to disagree with her, she’ll have a tantrum…. and I’ve honestly just realized you know my mom can’t accept me for who I am…. She still thinks I’m that little 10-year-old kid who hair she used to braid when I was young younger….

For context, my and my partner are mid twenties and have a house and little boy, we've known eachother since we were teenagers and have decided we want to get married before we have anymore children.

I have a strained relationship with my dad, we use to have an amazing relationship (or so I thought) up until my mum found out he was having an affair. This broke my mum and her mental health deteriorated rapidly and unfortunately she's no longer here with us due to her mental health. This obviously all crushed me, finding out my dad had been lying to me and losing my mum. For a while he did everything he could to support me in this and understood why our relationship was strained for a while but he did the best he could with 2 kids at home to now suddenly take care of. He moved us to the city this affair partner was living in which again hurt but always said I just wanted him to be happy and I cant do anything to change the past events and had to deal with the situation the best I could. I met this women, and I thought i was civil enough but obviously didn't want a relationship with her knowing she knew everything going on with my parents at the time of the affair. I moved out not long after to start my life in a new city for university and mine and my dad's relationship became even more strained. It came to a head a few years ago where I was told I was disrespectful and rude to her because I wouldn't look her in the eyes when having a conversation (I have ADHD so struggle with anyone to hold eye contact for long periods of time) and was late to a meal she had prepared for his birthday (I have no idea why I was late but again it was never intentional). Through this argument my dad told me she was making him choose between me or her, and he said he was choosing her. This broke me as my only parent left but didn't argue with this as hes a grown man and can make his own choices in life.

Fast forward to now, we set a date for our wedding and in the excitement blurted out to my younger siblings (who still lives with our dad and I have a very close relationship with) that I was getting married on this date. My sibling told our dad this and he had a go at me for not telling him first and it had caused issues because my wedding date was on a school day which my younger sibling might not be able to attend. Again this was heart breaking but we talked it through and came up with a plan for my sibling to attend but go to school the next day. My dad did however tell me he would not attend due to his wife as she was not invited, to which I was confused as to why she would want to be invited as we have had no contact for years, and she's decided she cant stand to even be in the same room as me. But again said I want my dad at my wedding but he does what's best for him.

My partner the next day was told he was going on a tour ( hes in the armed forces) but the tour means he'd miss our wedding. This was obviously devastating so we got onto the phone with everyone ASAP to see if we could change the dates without losing our deposits. The 2 dates proposed where either 2 days after he comes back from tour (not ideal if there's any delays) or 3 weeks after. We chose 3 weeks after, I messaged my dad before even getting the new contracts through to let him know and then proceeded to update all the guests of the changes.

Now this is where the question begins. Turns out my new wedding date is the same day my dad got married to his current wife ( which i had completely forgotten about honestly) and at first was funny 'we'll have the same anniversary'. His wife has found this out (its not a secret so fair enough) but she is upset by this new date. So my dad's called me to and had another go at me for this date because his wife wants this to be their date and is forcing me to move the date and offering to pay whatever to keep his wife happy. Now I don't understand the big issue, as hes already stated he will not he coming, so what does this take away from his anniversary? I've spoken to my partner and friends and they've all said its childish to be throwing a tantrum over a date but I dont want to cause more issues with my dad. So am I wrong for not changing the date again for them?

I am a 34F with a 35M husband of 13 years, two precious girls whom i homeschool after I sold an extremely successful business i built myself. Husband and I now jointly own multiple businesses together, one of which I bought out half ownership from his last business partners. I will label them Business A, B, C and D.

Business A my husband started roght after we got married and its kind of the axis that started all the others. I can't get into specifics cause it's a niche industry. About 6 or 7 years ago my mother (60F) asked my husband if they could start Business B. Which would piggyback off A, but result in way more income for everyone. My husband asked my opinion and while I agreed the money and the business were great ideas, I warned him getting into business with my mother was not a good idea. My mother is a control freak, corporate to the max and quite frankly mean, which in this industry is not a good idea cause it is still very much run on the handshake good Ole boy system and she wasn't a good fit for the long hours, the type of customer service and vendor relationships it requires. My husband is perfect for it and has done well within it already. I even can work within but something I have to leave up to him cause alot of these men think women need to be pleasant. They don't mind them in charge but they definitely write women off if they don't play ball thier way.

Much against my warnings they went into business. While I can't say it hasn't been successful (it has, as much as my mother has tried to ruin it many times and my husband had to swoop in and save it), it has been a nightmare and after all ​this time my mother still believes she built the whole thing, not realizing it all would come crashing down without my husband.

About 4 years ago they decided to open Business C, with my dad and husband as partners. Yet again cornering another peice of this industry. I again, warned my husband that my mother would end up running it as my dad was not a good fit. Shocker, he wasn't. He was terrible. My mother ended up not only running it, but almost ruining it too.

3 years ago, they all 3 bought land together and leased it to a seperate entity.

Okay, theres the build up. So, lets take a small step back from the business standpoint and talk about why i have cut off contact with my own parents.

to say i grew up in a verbally, emotionally and even sometimes physically ab**** household is putting it lightly. And the kicker, it was only toward me. I have a younger sister (32F) who never recieved the ab*** i did. Not saying she was perfect, she got in her little normal growing up troubles but not once ​​was she ever sl****d, not once was she thrown down stairs, never once was she told her own mother wished she didn't exist. My mother was the main aggressor, with my father just watching.

It would be a novel to list it all, but I got through it. I came out with my own problems I brought into my marriage but my husband and I fought hard together with therapy, communication and love to get me to a place where not only could I trust him, but I would never treat my kids that way.

I mentioned I owned a business years ago. I loved it, but I was ready for the next thing with my kids so I sold it. But during the many years I owned it I received nothing but unsolicited, nasty, demeaning and unwarranted "advice" from both my parents. I couldn't even tell them how my day was without one or the other, mostly my dad, launching into me telling me I was failing and I was going to loose everything cause I was a lousy business owner and worse employer. It even came to a head for a while where it didn't speak to him.

This whole time, my whole life, my parents are funding my sister. I was told my whole life as soon as I was done with undergrad I was own my own, married or not, they weren't giving me another cent. I was fine with that and did what I needed to do. And I haven't taken a single damn dime from them since the day I turned 22 and I got married 2 weeks before that. They threw me a cheap wedding at a venue I hated, with a guest list that wasn't mine, in a town I didn't even live in anymore and neither did my spouse cause it was cheaper for them. I said whatever, and left.

Since that day, they funded my sisters masters program, paid for her living, gave her the wedding of her dreams, helped her move states, paid some of her bills, paid for some of her travel back and forth, paid for appliances in her new house when they ALL decided to move near me and then paid for her attorney when she had to leave her shifty alcoholic husband. On top of that they've paid back her student loan and paid off credit cards.

I mentioned many times how unfair this was. While I didn't need or want thier money, it was extremely wrong of them. My mother didn't care and has continued to say things like my sister is her favorite, and even told a friend of mine she was more her daughter than I was.

Through all of this I held in there. So I could have parents at Christmas, so my kids could have grandparents, so my husband work life would be easier. But I finally had it. First of this year I bought out thier half of Business C. Less than 2 months later they call and tell ​they are going to out everything they own in a Trust. I asked why, they didn't have enough or really anything of immense value enough to do that and they just said it's what my mother's parents did, and they wanted to do it. I asked how they were going to set it up. They said my sister and I were the trustees of thier main assets but that the land they bought with my husband would go to my girls. I told them no. I didn't want that. They could have my girls inherit the main assets for all I care, but I would like the land to go to me. My husband and I have way later down the road future plans and if something happens with the market or we decide to do something different in our old age, we need to be able to make a quick decision with the land without the hindrance of my children being involved.

I told them both, in no uncertain terms that I didn't care about money, I didn't want a legal problem with my own children later. (We already deal with enough from his family but that's a whole nother can of fu**** up worms). That I've never asked them for one thing ever, that this would mean alot to me and it would hurt my feelings if they left it to my kids.

Surprise! They did it anyway. I told them both I hoped they were happy with thier choices but i was done, I was out. My husband tried to reason with me but they said, "we already gave her a business, shes gotten enough." ​​​​

Excuse me?! I BOUGHT that business. No one GAVE me anything. And I HAD to buy it because my father (remember, the one who always told me I was a bad business owner and he could do it better) couldn't hack it and was failing miserably.

It's been 4 months, my mother is still trying to butt her way into Business C and act likes he owns it. I haven't spoken to either in almost 4 months. My sister is trying to stay out of it because she loves me but she knows she will get drug in as a reason for my anger and hurt.

For clarification: I do not hate my sister. I don't always agree with her choices, but I love her and her children. I don't begrudge her directly for all the unfairness I have been shown.

My husband has been begging me to try. I've told him multiple times, if they out the land as going to me when they pass, I will let them see my children but I will probably be forever out of thier life. I don't want this hard on him, but actually putting him in this position has made him see even more how much of a bully my mother was to me all those years. He was never blind to it, but its wearing on him.

So, am I the A-Hole? ​

I (36F) have been estranged from my twin sister (36F), her husband (37M), and my mother since January after a conflict involving my brother-in-law contacting/inviting my ex behind my back. When I expressed discomfort with it, things escalated badly and communication broke down.

Since then, there’s been very little effort from my family to repair things, and I’ve felt unsupported by both my mother and sister throughout the situation.

Now my sister is due to give birth next week, and my mother says I should still drive 2 hours to babysit my nieces while she’s in labor. I’m conflicted because I love my nieces and worry this estrangement could become permanent if I don’t help, but at the same time I feel hurt that I’m being expected to show up for people who haven’t treated me or my fiancé kindly for months.

Would I be making a mistake by declining to help, or is it reasonable to maintain distance until the larger conflict is addressed?

I feel incredibly alone and I’m heartbroken at becoming the scapegoat. I’m terrified of this conflict becoming permanent but I’m waiting for an apology that I’ll never get.

TL;DR: I’ve been estranged from my sister, mother, and brother-in-law for 5 months after a conflict my BIL started, and now they expect me to babysit during my sister’s labor despite making little effort to repair the relationship.

I, 19F, have been with my boyfriend, 21M for over a year and a half. We have been doing long distance since August because I moved away for college. My boyfriend is the sweetest person ever and he loves me more than anything, he has been there for me at my lowest and supports me in everything. My parents have always found something wrong with him since the beginning, first they didn’t like that he did not want to go to college (not something that bothered me bc college is a big financial decision and he still wants to do something with his life, he is one of the most hardworking people I know) though now he is considering going to college. Parents did not want him to become a distraction going into college (which they blatantly told him) and he truly was not. He always tells me the number one priority for me should be my studies and when we talk on the phone or facetime he always makes sure I have finished homework and studying. I returned from college two weeks ago and my birthday was last week, they are now upset that he did not come to visit me or bring me a gift, when in reality he asked me if he could come over to celebrate with us, but they are so strict to the point I feel uncomfortable when he’s here because of them so I told him no. He is not allowed in my room and we are only allowed to sit in the living room with supervision, i’m not allowed to go to his house without my brother accompanying me and we can only go out for 2-3 hours max. They always make it awkward and uncomfortable for me, and I always feel bad for him in these situations. He is so willing to comply with all their rules because he truly loves me and wants my parents to accept our relationship and support us, but recently they told me that I have to break up with him, or they’ll do it for me. They threatened that if I don’t break up with him I cannot continue with my studies, and that he will never fit into our family (they believe him and his family are lower class and uneducated because of their culture and background). They break my heart telling me all of this saying they know what’s best for me and that i’ll thank them one day, but I do not want to breakup with him, I don’t know what to do. I’m still dependent on them financially. I love my parents but I love my boyfriend and they don’t understand. Advice please?

I guess this is more so just a “am I in the wrong”.

My sister and boyfriend do not get along at all due to previous fallout between all of us a couple years ago. She refuses to have anything to do with my boyfriend. So much so that she didn’t even come to my baby shower. She’s even told me that she doesn’t plan on attending any of my son’s birthdays because that means she’d have to be around my boyfriend.

He feels the same way towards her, however, he’s been much more open to being around each other so that my family can all be together.

My dad wants everyone up at his cottage for the weekend so they can see my baby and when I said my boyfriend would like to come he basically told me no because my sister will be there and he doesn’t want it to be uncomfortable for her. He said any other time is fine just not this weekend. My boyfriend does not feel comfortable having our son go somewhere that he isn’t welcome, which i completely understand and respect.

My dad still keeps pushing that I bring my baby and just myself and can’t seem to understand why I won’t bring my son. I’ve explained to him that we are a package deal and it’s not relaxing for me if I’m going to have to be taking care of the baby the whole time by myself. My boyfriend is my support and he’s the only other person who knows how to soothe our son and keep him happy.

How would you react if you had to deal with this, or if you have, what happened?

TL/DR: my boyfriend doesn’t feel comfortable with me bringing our son somewhere that my boyfriend isn’t invited to.

I (19F) have lived with my step-mom and dad full time since I was 12. My biological mother struggled with alcohol and choosing the wrong men to pursue relationships with. When I was 13 I watched my biological mother sign over her rights to me in a parking lot showing no remorse or any emotion as she did so. She placed me in situations no child should be in (living with drug users/ dealers, forgetting to feed me because she was drunk/high, living in constant filth dog feces/urine everywhere) yet growing up I still tried my hardest to be enough for her. I thought I could somehow earn her love and affection.

However, my step mom has been in my life since I was 4 and did all the things a mom should do minus her anger and snide remarks. My bio mom had me when she was 18 and my step mom uses my drive to be nothing like my biological mother as a threat. Saying things like “don’t get pregnant or you’ll really be like your mom”. Which I have expressed bothers me and I have tried to set that boundary in which she states she’s trying to teach me protection and safety when it comes to sex. My step mom is also extremely jealous of my biological mother (for what reason I am not sure) I’m guessing because I rekindled our relationship a few years ago. Which I only did because I was told she was pregnant and due to complications she may not survive giving birth to my little sister. I did not want to live with that guilt of not saying something and since I’m religious forgiveness is something I strive to achieve. Not for the other person but for my bell-being as forgiveness is seen as a weight lifted off of your own shoulders. Still my relationship with my bio mom is not that of mother and daughter but more of long distance friends as she lives half way across the country.

Recently my step mom and I got into an argument about me not telling her I am continuing my education at the current university I am enrolled in. I told my dad since he asked but I was expected to continue attending uni so I didn’t really think anything of it. She told me I pick and choose when I want her to be involved in my life as my mother. I told her I was sorry I made her feel that way and that wasn’t my intention and tried to explain the situation. She continued to be upset in which I gave her space since that’s what usually is helpful in these situations. Previously she had thrown objects at me and put holes in my wall threatening to beat me while backing me into a corner. She never put hands on me but tons of emotional abuse in which I tiptoe around her still trying to maintain a relationship with her. Her reactions make me fearful thinking she may actually get physical one day. And even though my biological mother abandoned me when I was younger and did not seem to care about my safety my step mom threatens her absence to keep me in check. She had told me before she doesn’t want to be my mom and we’ve made up since then but those words still play in my head.

After the first part of this argument I got awarded a grade appeal from a dual credit class in high school which I informed both of my parents in a group chat and since she was mad at me and my dad she simply said “happy for you. Go tell your dad.” (She only used periods when she is upset. I told her I didn’t want to be involved in her and my dad argument and we would continue the discussion later, However she kept going and I continued to stand up for myself in which she took as disrespect. No cuss words, no name calling, no voice raising just me her newly adult child standing up for herself. I told her her reaction made me regret sharing my excitement with her In which she replied “I am no longer involved in any aspect of your life”.

In fear of being miserable and in harms way I decided to move in with my boyfriend and not move home for the summer, I do work and have increased my hours and I’m pulling my weight in our house. My mom said she can’t live with my decision and even though this happened before Mother’s Day I still went and saw her because she wanted me there (so she said) the only thing she said to me was “are you going to get the rest of your shit” and spent the day avoiding every room I was in and swinging on a child swing instead of embracing the fact that I drove 3 hours to see her for the day and sent her $100 worth of gifts as a struggling college student. Because I love her and just think we strive on space and not being in the same home.

My dad said he will always pick her side because she his his wife. And that he hopes my kids award me more grace than I awarded them and sent me a bible verse about honoring my father and mother.

AITAH for standing my ground and protecting my peace by removing myself from the situation and moving out?