r/WhatShouldIDo

Hello everyone! I [19F] have been in a talking stage with a guy [23M] for a little under 3 weeks now. Everything had been going great, he is extremely kind and helpful, he’s very gentle and does not make me feel uncomfortable, nor has he ever been inappropriate with me at any time during any of our interactions.

About a week ago I asked him if he would like to meet up in person to get to know each other better, he agreed he would like to see me and we settled on a certain date and said he would let me know a couple days before hand. However, the time came and went, and he didn’t bring it up again. I assumed he was maybe just anxious, and moved on without a second thought as we are still getting to know each other.

At this point in time, we have only been communicating through text messages. I recently decided to ask if he would like to do a phone call, as I was interested in hearing his voice and once again getting to know him better in a way that texting doesn’t allow, and he said he had something to tell me about that. He then proceeded to tell me that he doesn’t speak any English, and that he was struggling to tell me because he didn’t know when a good time would be to break that to me.

I feel very confused about what to do now, as I knew that his primary language wasn’t English, but we had been communicating and getting to know each other through text in English, so I guess him not speaking any English never crossed my mind.

Now knowing this however, I am realizing that the reason he didn’t bring up our plans again was because he knew that by showing up the language barrier would be obvious. I’m also realizing that he didn’t tell me that he didn’t speak English because he was being honest with me, he only told me when I asked him for something that would require honesty from him. What I am saying is that he didn’t tell me of his own free will, he told me only once he was backed into a corner and had to be truthful.

I feel kind of frustrated that I didn’t know before, but I also feel bad for him as well. It has to be very difficult trying to communicate with people in a country (the US) that is almost entirely English speaking. But the fact that he didn’t tell me immediately when we first started talking and waited until he had no choice but to tell me is difficult for my brain to wrap around.

Because on one hand I’m frustrated but on the other hand I feel sorry for him that he felt he had to hide this from me, and all the times he was sweet and caring towards me rushes back and makes me feel even worse for being frustrated. I am conflicted.

I’m not sure what I should do or how to proceed, and I hope that you all could give me advice from an outside perspective. Thank you for taking the time to read this!

Hi all,

I have a bridesmaid that I was a bridesmaid for, and I consider one of my best friends. When I asked her to be a bridesmaid, she accepted, but then has made comments of “if I can get the time off of work…” for reference we did the same job and I literally almost got forced to work on her wedding and had to beg, borrow and steal to make sure I was there, but I never once made her feel like I wasn’t going to be there or said I wasn’t going to be there. The only thing I wasn’t involved in for her wedding was the bachelorette party, as I was away for a work thing that I couldn’t get out of and we discussed that.

She recently told me she couldn’t come to my bridal shower because her and her husband are going on a camping trip… OK fine whatever, she also has been wishy-washy about the bachelorette which I wouldn’t be upset about I understand, but I feel like I need to tell her she needs to commit 100% to the wedding or step down… I have another friend that would step up in a heartbeat and I know it’s already going to be there and has RSVPed for the wedding, which all of my bridesmaids but this one specific one have.

I feel like it’s really awkward and I don’t wanna bring it up but we are almost 3 months out and I feel like if she can’t RSVP/tell me if she’s going to be there I need to know now so we can make arrangements. I’m just struggling to find the words to tell her in a way that isn’t going to piss her off or hurt her :(

EDIT TO ADD:
I’m strictly worried she hasn’t gotten a dress and hasn’t RSVPed as my MOH told me she sent a text to all the girls to have their RSVP in now rather than later and the rest did

Hello everyone. I did post once in here so some of you might know this story. I (23) had been seeing a guy (27) for like almost three months. He was really sweet, took me out on restaurant dates, museum, pubs and also made me my favourite dish one day. We had been on three dates. He is very consistent with texting me as well. I really thought we had a solid connection. We didnt have any labels or anything like that but he did tell me he sees me as more than just a girl that he is seeing. And whenever he hangs out with his friends or is somewhere outside, he always makes sure to text me during those times so i really liked that dynamic.

It all began crumbling down when this month i got a really bad case of oral thrush. It was super bad that i had to be hooked on codeine and IV drips. I couldnt eat or drink or sleep or even swallow my own saliva because of the pain for two weeks. It was also the same time when he booked a trip to Georgia with his two friends for 11 days. Before the trip, he was talking to me with consistency. He even sent me flowers and a card to make me happy and i felt like the happiest girl in the world.

But then he landed in Georgia, and he basically started ghosting me. It turned to just one text in the morning and that’s it. But he posted insta stories. I did remember telling him to keep me up to date and that i value consistent communication and that i know he might get busy every now and then, but to atleast have a convo every now and then. But idk why, on day 3 i started losing my mind. I thought to myself that if i was on a trip i would have atleast sent him a hi or something. I got a bit irrational and doubling that because of the sickness i got mad at him and i broke up with him ( without talking abt it, stupid i know). But he just accepted the breakup and didnt even ask me why. He responded too nonchalantly. Then i started realising that i made a bad decision and called him that night itself. He didnt pick up but then i started spiralling because i felt like i was burdening him and i thought to not ruin his trip. So i waited until his trip ended and then i called him. I told him everything and i apologized to him and that i really missed him and cared abt him and that i was being really irrational. Then he says we are fine but he found another girl in Georgia and that he will not be coming back to me no matter how much i try. He said he was serious abt her just like how he was serious abt me. I apologized to him and i cut the call and i blocked him everywhere. I felt devastated. I thought to myself how did he move on so quickly from me, and how did he find someone so quickly? Or was he already with her and was that the reason he started ghosting me?

My brother says he was being an ass because everyone carries their phone with them and he could have texted me atleast. And he could have atleast asked me why i broke up with him and that he never cared about me or saw anything serious in me since he found someone so quickly.

At the moment i am really in the dumps. I feel really sad and guilty. I really liked him too…. I feel like such a failure. I feel used up because i had sex with him one time too.

What do you think? Did i overreact? What do i do?

I’m (M)18 and often have thoughts of killing myself. I don’t like to say I’ve been through a life of hardship but I can’t say I haven’t either. The people I live with now love and care about me, they’re probably the only reason I’m still here today. When I was growing up I was taken advantage of by a woman when I was 7 and a man when I was 10. I often push my significant other to have sexual interaction with me and I can’t stop myself. I always tell myself I won’t be pushing anything on anyone but still continue to do it anyway. My father left when I was young and my mother is on her last leg barely talking to me anymore. I’ve been to therapy, I’ve taken medicine. The therapist tells me things I already know and the medicine makes bad problems worse. Should I just go through with my decision? Should I live a life of loneliness and stay away from people? I don’t know what to do. I’m scared of becoming something that people will hate and I’m scared of being a replica of my father. Why can’t I change?

i’m 26 and a few days ago i accidentally saw my boyfriend out in public with another guy while i was with a friend.

at first i honestly thought maybe i was overthinking it, but then i saw them holding hands and acting way more intimate than what i’d personally consider normal friendship behavior, the worst part is he hasn’t mentioned this person to me before at all.

i haven’t confronted him yet because i genuinely don’t know how to approach it without sounding accusatory, especially since part of me is wondering if there’s something deeper going on that he hasn’t told me about.

now my brain keeps going back and forth between:

“maybe there’s an explanation”

and

“why would he hide this from me in the first place?”

i also feel guilty because i don’t want to immediately jump to conclusions about his sexuality or accuse him of cheating without hearing him out first.

I work as a surveillance operator, and tonight my security team called out something suspicious in the parking lot. We started watching the situation on cameras.

There was a large U-Haul truck parked extremely close beside a blue van. I’ll call the U-Haul driver “Guy A.”

A second vehicle then arrived and parked on the opposite side of the blue van in a really strange way. Inside that car was a driver (“Guy B”) and a passenger (“Guy C”). There was also another person already on the property involved in the interaction (“Guy D”).

What stood out immediately was Guy B’s behavior. He kept repositioning his car at different angles that blocked our camera views of the blue van. Meanwhile, Guy A, Guy C, and Guy D were all moving around the vehicles together.

Eventually, Guy B parked behind the U-Haul and stayed inside the car while the others crowded around the back of the truck. They opened the U-Haul, took out a cooler, opened it, and placed it on the foothold of the truck. Guy A, Guy C, and Guy D could all be seen moving back and forth between the cooler and the passenger car.

Then a police cruiser happened to drive past the property. The second that happened, everyone immediately dispersed. Guy C and Guy D quickly got back into the passenger vehicle with Guy B and left the property. Guy A stayed behind with the U-Haul.

A little while later, the owners of the blue van returned — a man (“Van Guy”) and a woman (“Van Woman”). Guy A spoke with Van Woman through the driver’s window while Van Guy just stood there looking completely zoned out and uninvolved in the conversation.

About 20 minutes later, Van Woman left, but Guy A is still sitting on the property as I’m typing this.

What’s bothering me is that my coworker and the security staff basically brushed the whole thing off, saying weird stuff happens all the time and unless we directly witness something illegal, there’s no point documenting it.

I argued that at minimum we should file a suspicious activity report just so there’s a record in case something comes of it later. They said it wasn’t necessary.

Am I overthinking this, or does this sound like something worth documenting?

I have a friend that always makes comments on things I do. Specifically, when it comes to my dating life. Anytime I say I think a guy is cute, unless she thinks he’s actually cute, she’ll always make a face (to imply she thinks hes ugly). Even when I’ve briefly dated a guy she’ll say he’s ugly or I can do better. I have suffered from self esteem related issues, so I kind of have a habit of shooting lower attraction wise.

Over the years, this has kind of caused me to always ask if she thinks someone is ugly or not out of fear that I can’t make good decisions regarding the physical appearance or the guy I date.

Last night for example, I went “oh that guy is cute.” She then makes a face indicating he’s questionable and I ask her if she thinks hes ugly. She tells me that it doesn’t matter what she thinks and that I need to think more for myself. She’s right, but why does she continue to make these comments and faces regarding the people I like or date, just to tell me I need to not respond to what she thinks.

Am I crazy for being confused? Just stop telling her anything?

So I’m dating a guy. We’ve been friends for years and dating a handful of weeks. A guy he is close with and I am cool with moved back to our town. The last time i was with him he told me he was having the friend over to welcome him back this Saturday and i was invited to join.

Yesterday I called him just to say hi and he asked if I was free to hang out with him on Saturday. I said yes, wondering what happened to the get together with the friend but deciding not to worry about it.

THEN later that night I got a text from him i think saying the get together was still on but he unsent it before I could reply so idk. Unsure if I should assume I’m still seeing him on Saturday or if he just wants to see his friend now.

Do I assume status quo unless he says otherwise? Do I reach out to confirm I’m seeing him that day?

I’m (F20) a college student, and I just finished my second year of university. I commuted to University A for a year and a half. Then, I transfered to Christian University B in another state for a semester. Im trying to make the wisest decision…

1 . Stay at University B

I can stay but the problem is the university is super unorganized. For example, they had me in the wrong academic year for a while and still have not completely figured out my credit situation. The school also has very strict Christian rules like curfew at 1 am, and no jewelry etc. My family has a legacy at this university. So, my parents want me to stay at this university. However, the school is in shambles and many people don’t like the new president and administration at the university.

My parents will only pay my tuition if I stay at this university. But I’m not completely 100% sure if they will. They told me they would before I attended the school last semester. I asked them multiple times and they reassured me that they would pay my tuition. They then kinda changed their minds at the beginning of the semester. They told me I should have applied for scholarships and that they are not going to pay my tuition. So, I need to use loans. This university is private and more expensive than universities in my state. My parents got really angry at me too. I called my parents crying one day because felt lonely at first and overwhelmed and then they payed my tution only after I was struggling and felt overwhelmed. I understand their perspective but wish that they upfront and told me their perspective instead of giving me false confidence. I know my parents can afford to pay my tuition and they pay a lot of money for my younger siblings to go to private Christian school. This leaves me not 100% sure if they will pay my tuition next semester. Even though, they have once again told me that they will pay it.

I thought this decision would prevent me from going into more debt which is why I made this choice. Technically, I’m not 100% sure if my parents are going to change their minds next semester. Maybe if I apply to more scholarship this summer which I don’t mind doing. I don’t like that this university requires many classes that my previous public university in my state did not require. For instance, the university requires physical education, public speaking, and many Christian courses ofc etc. This to me just feels like I’m wasting extra time on extra classes. It does not feel like an efficient way to get my degrees. I also made really cool friends and socially had an amazing experience. The financial and social aspect are the main reasons I am considering staying.

2. Go back to University A

I could go back to university A. I went to this university previously before transferring universities. I am very shy. University B gave me a college friend group. At university A, I only rlly have 3 friends in total back home, and I don’t rlly have a friend group. I was commuting from university from home, and I am the oldest sibling. My parents forced me to do a lot for my siblings. I was driving 2 hours in total almost everyday to bring them to and from school. I was also expected to bring my siblings to their orthodontist appointments and extracurricular activities. I live 30-40 minutes from my college, so it was super difficult to make friends and spend time on campus. I worked on campus too but it was difficult to work as many hours as I wanted to. I eventually just had to leave that job. Plus parents told me not to work.

Ofc there are other ways where I just felt overwhelmed by my older sister duties and personal things. When I brought this to my parents, they told me that I don’t do enough to help them out, and I only do the least of what I could do to help them. I have never caused my parents much trouble growing up, and I always listened to them. I just wish they were more understanding. I do not want to experience this again.

Plus my parents are super religious and force me to go to a certain church. I am Christian too. I don’t feel engaged at that church because there isn’t rlly anyone my age mostly elderly individuals. I love older ppl but that church does not feel like the church for me and the services can be super long. This makes church feel super bothersome for me and like an overwhelming task.

My parents pressure me to go to the Christian University B and say it’s the only way I’m gonna have friends and enjoy college. They kinda put fear into me to make that decision.

3. Go to University C

Not exactly sure what university C would be…I applied to couple universities in my state and got accepted. I am kinda indecisive but I can go to another university that is hours away from where I live. I’m just scared…what if don’t find a friend group what if parents are right and University B is the only way I’ll enjoy college. They say it’s the only way I’ll make good friends. I don’t wanna make a choice out of fear.

If you were in my shoes what would you do. Please give me some advice I’m kinda lost LOL 😭😭

Srry about the grammar I’m writing this rlly fast.

My ex neighbor died, and left me everything. And I'm thinking about writing about it.

See, he was a wild man in the 80s and 90s and even he admitted "lie with dogs, get fleas" And he was right, his poor choices are what did him in. However, when my husband and I moved in next to the family a few years back he was much older and the family had recently exploded with tragedy. I was amused by his shenanigans and he was drawn to my husband who is his opposite, cool calm and collected.. we then a few months later gave him grace when it mattered. He never forgot it. BUT..... Is there family you ask? Yes they are the neighbors and it's old family land. And Yes. There is a lot more to that story.

This is wild from past to present... And I'm not sure where it's going from here. The estate is modest but life changing for my family of 5 who grew to love his crazy ass over the last 10 years (6 as neighbors). I think people would find this story fascinating, I think there is a good lesson in it. But, I want to keep some level of privacy.

What do you suggest???

A book? Blog? I want to keep some privacy.

Would anyone even want to hear about this?

Oh, one more thing... I buried him at home in a pine box, because he asked.

Back in January I went away for a week and let my buddy borrow my car to get to work. He offered to throw in some money for it but I told him not to worry, I had some savings and wasn't gonna be using it anyway so it made no sense to charge him.

He returned it fine, full tank, no issues. We never really talked about it after that.

Few weeks ago I got some random notification from the My BMW app that I never opened and went in to check it. One thing led to another and I ended up scrolling through the trips section from around that time.

There were a bunch of trips in January I didn't recognize. Googled one of the addresses and its a casino about 35 mins away. Four separate visits that week.

Thing is this guy told our whole friend group almost 2 years ago that he stopped gambling. Made a whole thing out of it, we were all supportive, genuinely proud of him.

I wasnt snooping, its my own car and my own app. But now im just sitting on this not knowing what to do. Like do I say something and risk making everything weird, or do I just close the app and pretend I never saw it. I actually care about this guy which is what makes it harder.

No one wants to be actual friends with me. They interact with me at me school, but they dont seek me outside of that. I hear them making plans with eachother, talking about people I dont know, just talking in general. I very badly want to be apart of their friend group. I want to be in the group chat, I want to get invited to these events, I simply just desire this closeness with them. And I know its not about me being new, they started hanging out with one of the freshmen. (Who is lovely btw, I also get along with her.) BUT STILL.

This has always been an issue in my life. I am never someone's friend. People only interact with me if they are apart of a friend group. Like my brothers friends say Im cool, and the "second most normal family member" outside of mt brother. But they don't interact with me unless my brother is there. The people at my school only interact with me if I follow them around. They never ask me if I want to go on break with them, I simply just noticed theyre about to leave and I follow. And they just let me come along. (Annoying ik, but I only do it once in the morning. I dont constantly follow them around.)

I honestly am considering just isolating myself from them all, because clearly they do not care about me as much as I care for them. And thats okay, I supoose. I was homeschooled for so long, with little to no social interaction. It makes sense id be so desperate for social interaction after being so deprived from it for so long.

Edit: I am not saying I will become mean and cold. I simply just meant I will stop trying to interact with them, and go out of my way. I will still be friendly. But not as outgoing as I tried to be beforehand I suppose. I doubt theyll notice much of a difference.

My (32m) wife (31f) is training for a marathon, and it has been taking a toll on her body. She’s doing great but her legs are definitely going through some adjustments.

She has been seeing a massage therapist for four years, a good guy (I see him as well). She has been seeing him on Sundays lately to just focus on her legs and glutes.

I asked her how that’s going and she said it’s great, and it’s kind of funny that they had to talk about “ground rules” for these leg and glute massages. During the first massage he asked her to let him know if he was being “too familiar” or if she was getting uncomfortable, so they just had a discussion about lines and areas where he should stay away from.

I know this is a healthy discussion but she mentioned she’s naked (no underwear) for these treatments. Probably totally normal too, but I find myself having questions now.

Am I just overthinking? Should I let this go or let her know I’d like to be reassured that this guy is truly professional?

Me and my ex have 3 kids together and after a dv situation; she took the kids and moved closer to her mother. A little after arriving over there her mother began texting me of different issues involving my ex and the kids. Things like being unable to pay rent, not using her food stamps for groceries, house being a mess, kids being seen unsupervised in the hall (it's an apartment complex), attendance issues with our oldest who's in pre-k. Im currently unable to speak to my ex due to the conditions for my release but im still seeing my kids on the weekends and making the drive up to pick them up and drop them off since my ex has no license or car. Once I started hearing about all the things she was doing I found a lawyer and am currently in the process of seeking primary custody and already have a court date but im waiting for her to be served. I had originally talked to my ex's mother about taking them for the summer while her daughter tried to figure out her situation since she's also stated the kids are mainly with her most nights as my ex said she works nights. Soon after moving she got herself a new boyfriend and also ended up pregnant and right after aborting it and has been posting all over social media of her just partying most weekends. Now my ex is pretty adamant on the kids staying with her over the summer according to her mom. Now coming up on 3 months since this whole thing started im not too sure on what to do. Her mother has stated to me she'd be willing to help with getting custody but im not too sure if she's being truthful or just trying to make me slip up. Our oldest is specials needs and she needs alot of attention. Just hearing everything going on over there is putting me off and upsetting me to where I just want to bring them here where I know they're being cared for but my court for custody isnt for another month. And even then it isnt a sure thing a judge would rule in my favor based on the dv situation, even with all the things that her mother has told me as well as her past of drinking and smoking. It seems every week my ex is lying to someone or changing her story. What should I do now that I won't have them for the summer like it was originally planned? Do I just wait until court? Do I just sit and hope that she still let's me see the kids on weekend after she gets served?

Edit: the dv happened while we were still together (about 3 months ago) and I didnt really elaborate as I do plan on taking the plea offer that was offered by the state over taking it to trial which was recommended by both my custody attorney to keep things moving on that front as well as my actual lawyer for that case itself. Also to add a little more context, me and her have been living together since the birth of our oldest (a little over 4 years) and we have 3 kids together and no other children with other people. Most of the issues like the drinking and smoking and partying until 7am have been an ongoing thing for a while. She worked the nightshift here and I worked during the day so our schedules with our kids sort of worked with her watching them during the day and I watched them after work and "put them to bed" (the kids were originally going off of her schedule and napping when they should've been asleep and waking up when she got home then sleeping when she fell asleep during the day). The relationship had pretty much been over and we were very much just very resentful to each other (me to her for her spending problems and the cheating; her to me for the constant arguments) and staying together "for the kids"(yes I know that a situation like that can end up being very bad for the kids).

We've (29f, 36m) known eachother for about 2 years. After meeting off an app, he moved to a city a few hours away for a fellowship. I figured things would fade but for the greater part of the 2 years, we've talked all day, everyday. Occasionally, id get overwhelmed with work and he could be a bit needy so things would cool off but he was always persistent and we'd end up figuring things out. We'd try to make plans but both of us have hectic work schedules and I dont like driving in the city so our time spent in person has been limited. Albeit, we would talk on the phone often and constantly be sending pics back and forth.

He told me early on that he loved me and we often talked about the future. He's planning on moving back here in the summer. Anyways, to the plot ->

He was going to visit for the long weekend but was on call the day before and figured it would be cheaper/more logical to just fly me there. We've done overnights before so this was something I was comfortable with. He booked my tickets and we had a countdown all week and both just generally excited to have the time together.

He picked me up, everything was great, got some drinks/was all giddy at the store before going back to his. The next day was just a chill day and had dinner reservations later on. Beforehand things were cuddly and playful. We talked about coming back after dinner and continuing..

At dinner he seemed pretty quiet and was mostly just looking around. I kept trying to make conversation and engage but he seemed sortve withdrawn. I asked if everything was okay and he kinda rolled his eyes and said yeah. Got back, changed into something more comfortable, got us beers, watched movie. He asked me to give him a back and foot massage during so I did. I started falling asleep so we went to bed.

The night before we cuddled a bit after messing around but he said he ended up having nightmares which happens when he gets too hot. I was mindful of this so I did my best not to touch him and figured I'd leave the ball in his court. We didn't touch the whole night.

The next day, it felt like he was easily annoyed by me. I can be quite silly and had put my shoes so they were standing upright inside of his shoes- nothing serious, just for a laugh. When he saw this he kicked them out and said something about why I had to do that. It felt a little uneasy but we were still cuddling and such. I teased him about being hungry and having to wait until we got food to continue. I took a couple mins to change and he again seemed annoyed. We walked to the grocery store so I could get a snack. I tried holding his hand on the way but he pulled away. I grabbed a few things at the store, asked if he wanted anything. When I met him outside, he was frustrated that I had bought too much and we had to drop it back off before going to an arcade.

I was kinda getting whiplash from the mood changes so I hesitated when he asked me what I wanted to play and he seemingly was back to normal. We played games for a few hours and it seemed fine. We decided to go for a walk before our dinner reservations and ended up sitting at a park. We were light heartedly teasing each other about the games but then it felt more serious? I don't know. He got up to take a walk and I stayed sitting on the bench to give him a minute. It was quite awhile before he came back and he asked if I still wanted to go to dinner. I said we should just go back and order in as I wanted to warm up. I think he could tell I was a little upset at this point, and other than a chocolate bar, hadn't eaten in 24 hours.

We got back, I got in the shower to warm up and he asked if I wanted pizza through the door. I wasn't feeling it but I told him to go ahead and to just order me something on the side as i didn't want to annoy him anymore. I guess he didn't hear me and I just ended up finishing the snacks I bought earlier.

At one point, I must've been mindlessly brushing my hand against the wall and he told me not to touch it.

It felt like I was on eggshells at this point so I went and laid down in the other room. He came to bed after a few hours and was watching videos on his phone so I just moved to the couch to try to sleep. It felt less lonely than sleeping completely seperate in the same bed.

The next day, he slept late and I got up to get ready to go back to the airport. Things felt uncomfortable and we didn't talk. He dropped me off at the terminal without saying goodbye. Before I boarded, he texted me 'have a safe flight' and 'i guess that's it for us'. I just said thanks to which he responded with ':)'.

That was last night. What the fuck was that? I feel awful and don't want to leave bed. 2 years down the drain just like that. I feel crazy and can't stop going through it in my head. Did I do something wrong?