r/WhatShouldIDo

My ex boyfriend is pressuring me for sex. We broke up last year but started talking again about a few months ago.

I decided to meet him in June for the first time since our break up, we got a hotel to stay in overnight, had some drinks but then he started asking me for sex. I said I didn’t feel comfortable doing it now but then he started saying “Oh but I bought you food and alcohol, can’t you give something back?”, “I don’t know what changed in you, you used to want it”. After repeatedly telling him no, he started sulk, get annoyed with me and didn’t want to talk to me. I cried and then decided to go to sleep. But I woke up to him touching me inappropriately anyways. I was pretty drunk at the time and knew if I tried to stop him again he wouldn’t listen so I let him have sex with me.

Moving forward, I haven’t seen him since that day but I’ve stayed in contact. I told him that if I were to ever see him again I do not want him to pressure me into being intimate again because last time really hurt me with the way he acted. He agreed and said next time we don’t have to do anything.

I’ve made plans to see him over the weekend but he asked me over the call today “Are you going to be ovulating?”, I replied “Does that even matter? I told you I don’t want to do anything intimate”. He again started to sulk and said “so you don’t feel the same way about me?” And “why can’t you just agree to what I want?”. I said no is no, end of. Then he sulked some more and I ended the call because it was a pointless conversation.

What am I supposed to do? How can I get him to understand that I don’t want to do anything intimate with him as of now? Especially after last time, I simply don’t feel comfortable. I’m just unsure how to get it through to him.

(And yes, I understand the easy resolution is to just end things here and now. I just struggle a lot socially and I feel like if I end things with him, I’ll have no one left in my life since I don’t have any friends etc)

To clarify, the girl lives across the street from my partner. My partner lives in an apartment. When the leaves start to fall off the tree that blocks the view, you can see directly into her bathroom. My partner has told me this multiple times and we had discussed telling her last winter but forgot. It’s started to happen again so I figured I should be the one to tell her so she’s not totally uncomfortable.

But I’m scared of telling her in person. I thought I’d leave a note but that might feel more creepy. And I’m also worried she’ll see my partner and his roommates on their balcony and realize it’s them and call the cops. What should I do?

So I unfortunately share a room with my little sister for about 9 years now, she's always tattled everything I've done to her parents and loves getting me in trouble. Her parents aren't any better because they never did love me like my other 2 sisters and above that they're both abusive to me.

I thought she was done with this behavior but tonight after my shift, father picked me up with mother and they had a discussion with me. Apparently my sister said I was using a vibrator when she came back from the bathroom, she heard a rattling sound.

That was my busted up fan that fell and had its front cover bit come off so it was still on when it fell down which was making the rattling sound. I would never use anything sexual with my sister in the room so I was disgusted they would accuse me of doing that.

They say I'm an adult and I should know better but they believe every word she's ever said about me over asking me?

I'm disgusted with them now genuinely and her for saying that about me. They've been the root of all my mental health issues due to their abuse, it's heartbreaking because I thought they changed.

So I no longer feel safe in this house at all, what should I do about this? I'm close to getting my driver's license but I don't think I can wait to move out until then because I feel scared to even sleep in this house anymore.

Background info: I (26F) have a best friend, we'll call Grace, who is considered family by my parents and siblings. She even lived with us for several years when we were kids because she didn't have a great home life. She has been in every family photo, attended almost every birthday, holiday, vacation, etc. I have two older brothers who are 30 and 39, both are married and neither of my sisters in law seem to like Grace. Both have said she acts inappropriately around my brothers. I strongly disagree, we all act like siblings.

Problem: I was invited to my brother's 40th birthday party hosted by his wife. The guest list is easily visible and everyone gets a plus one. I noticed Grace was not on the guest list so I asked my brother's wife. She gave me some excuse about how he picked the guest list and she was just doing what he wants. I told her that since I have a plus one I'll be bringing Grace. She said that grace was not welcome and if I showed up with her, neither would be allowed in. I asked her why I wasn't allowed a plus one then and she said I was. We went back and forth before she finally said she would talk to my brother and get back to me.

This morning she texted me saying she talked to my brother and explained again that grace is not welcome and if I bring her we won't be allowed in.

I do not believe for a second she actually talked to him and I believe he's going to be pissed when he finds out what she's doing. I tried to talk to my other sister in law and she said I needed to listen to my other SIL and not bring her.

So here's where I need advice. How do I talk to my brother about how his wife is acting? I don't want to jump into accusing her of anything but he needs to know she's being controlling.

UPDATE: I sent a text to my brother to call me when he can. Hopefully I'll have answers later today. Thanks everyone!

UPDATE 2: I talked to my brother and I'm even more confused and upset. He accused Grace of constantly flirting with him and my other brother, being rude to their wives and other shit. I tried to explain to him none of that was actually true and he should know that Grace is just outgoing and quirky. She would never do anything like that intentionally. He told me to drop it and if I show up with her he will go no contact with ME. I have no idea how we got here.

I immediately called Grace and told her what was going on. We had a good laugh at how insane all this is and decided we needed to meet up with my sisters in law to get to the bottom of it. I asked them out to lunch like one commenter suggested but they don't know Grace will be there too. I'll update after lunch tomorrow and once I have all this straightened out.

I've been with my SO literally 9 years. Our dating anniversary was last Friday. We got married in late January; he asked for a divorce in early June. I spent a month miserable and blaming myself, and then he tells me he's been seeing prostitutes for 7/9 years. Less than 10 times overall according to him-- just whenever he felt "weak".

I would be inclined to believe him-- he's got a 40 hour job plus a side gig. I work PT at two jobs, but we agreed I'd do PT to help with the farm-- we have a small farm and far too many dogs to manage. We're ALWAYS busy, which I had and have been pushing back against because wtf; we never have any time together that doesn't revolve around chores.

He pestered ME to marry him, not the other way around. I told him multiple times: don't marry me because you feel like you're supposed to, do it because you want to. He kept pestering me. Into eloping in FL in late January.

When he asked for the divorce everyone's question was is there another woman, but where would he find the time?

He was much nicer and open and honestly very repenting once he finally admitted it. He seemed like he was making strides. He finally started therapy and was actually communicating. Finally opening up even though I thought I'd been asking the right questions. Clearly I wasn't.

He is a fucking cliché. Fucked prostitutes while he was on business trips. Jfc.

How could I be so fucking stupid?

Are there ways I can find out concrete proof of his escort services? I want all the ammo I can get for the divorce.

In my state we can just divorce, but I'm tired of him accusing me of being a whore because men notice me. Yes, I know that sounds childish, but I can't help that I have boobs. He actually accused me of being a whore because I sent Snapchats of my talking while doing chores for the 1000 animals we have because I have cleavage and was in a tank top. A $5 tank top from Walmart. I'm a B cup. If my tits bounce I'm lucky lol. It's not me trying to show off.

9 years of a waste of time.

I’m 24F, and about six months ago, I put my own father in jail.
I know how that sounds.
For years, everyone in my family told me that Dad was “just difficult.” He had a temper, drank too much, and could be extremely controlling, but whenever I complained, my relatives would say, “He’s still your father.”
My mom passed away when I was 17, and after that, Dad got worse.
He started checking my phone, controlling where I went, and constantly accusing me of lying. When I moved out at 21, he began showing up at my apartment without asking.
I eventually stopped speaking to him.
Then, one night, my younger brother called me.
He was crying.
He told me Dad had attacked him during an argument.
I drove over and found my brother with a bruised face. Dad was still inside, yelling that my brother was “ungrateful.”
I called the police.
Dad was arrested.
And that’s when my entire family turned against me.
My aunt called me a monster.
My grandmother said I had “destroyed the family.”
Even my brother begged me not to press charges because he was scared of what Dad would do when he got out.
But I couldn’t take it back.
There was an investigation, and eventually the evidence showed that this wasn’t the first time Dad had hurt my brother.
He was sentenced to prison.
The strangest part?
After everything was over, I didn’t feel relieved.
I felt guilty.
I kept thinking, Maybe I really did destroy my family.
A few weeks ago, I visited my brother.
He looked at me and said, “You saved me.”
I started crying.
He told me that if I hadn’t called the police that night, he probably would have kept pretending everything was fine.
Then he hugged me.
For the first time in months, I didn’t feel like a terrible daughter.
I still love my dad.
That’s the part nobody understands.
I can love him and still believe he deserved the consequences of what he did.
I didn’t put my father in jail because I hated him.
I did it because I was finally tired of watching everyone I loved get hurt just to protect him.

A while back I posted here asking for advice on how to manage my girl's pregnancy... A few people over here and in the other sub reddit thought it might not be mine. I thought they were wrong and trusted my girl with everything but turns out they were right.

After I came to my senses and decided to support my girl through her pregnancy, we had a talk about the future and what we needed to do. After that convo, she seemed completely off and not herself so I asked her about it. She just blamed the hormones and I understood cuz I know people's mood changes drastically. I did everything I could to help her through the pregnancy by not letting her do any work, doing all the household work, and picking up more projects from my freelancing job so that I could save as much as possible for my future baby.

Seeing me do all this made her even more upset and she kept yelling at me and accused me of cheating thrice because I had gone out to meet a couple friends of mine (after I made sure she had everything she needed and I was only gone for around 2 hours.) Each time I would assure her that I wasn't cheating and I would stay with her all night till she felt better.

Yesterday she told me we need to talk. We both sat down and she said she couldn't take this anymore and she hated how well I treated her and she wanted me to be a worse bf and a father. This confused the fuck out of me so I was like wtf? and after a little pressing, she came clean. The baby wasn't mine. She cheated on me 5 times with her manager... WHAT THE FUCK?! NO LIKE ACTUALLY... WHAT THE FLYING FUCK?!

I'VE MET THIS MANAGER BEFORE. MULTIPLE TIMES. EVERYTHING SEEMED NORMAL. MY STUPID TRUSTING ASS IGNORED EVERYTHING I GUESS.

She said it made her feel so bad that she betrayed my trust while I was taking such good care of her. She said she wanted me to be a worse bf and father so that she could feel better for cheating. YES SHE ACTUALLY SAID THAT. I WISH I WAS DREAMING. WHO THE FUCK WAS THIS WOMEN?! WHO IS SHE?! SHE IS NOT THE PERSON I FELL IN LOVE WITH.

She wants me to stay and be there for the baby cuz the manager backed out after learning she was pregnant and she needs my support. I grabbed my car keys and just started driving. I needed to clear my mind before I did something I would regret. I just went to my favorite park and just sat there sobbing my eyes out like a little baby. My mind kept racing through everything she said and I was legit spiraling. I kept replaying everything throughout the entire pregnancy in my head and I was filled with hatred towards everyone.

I called my best friend up and he immediately came to pick me up and we went over to his place and he took care of me. He was probably the only reason I didn't completely breakdown or relapse (I have a history of alcohol abuse and addiction and he made sure i didn't have any alcohol). I cried throughout the entire night cuz I kept having flashbacks of other relationships that I've been in there were extremely toxic and I thought I was good and safe with her and she would never betray me. Guess I was extremely wrong.

I woke up today with a little more clarity. My friend made me some breakfast and we talked about everything. He asked me a question I hadn't fully thought about yet. What about the baby? Who will take care of it? The manager backed out and she doesn't earn enough to support the both of them.

I hate this women with all my heart and I feel disgusted at the thought of me having his sloppy seconds but the poor baby didn't do anything wrong. He/she did not choose the circumstances in which he/she would be born. What will happen to the child? Will they be sent to an adoption center? I don't want that as I know how horrible those places are sometimes and I never want a child to grow up without a proper parental figure.

So Reddit, what the fuck do I do here? Do I forgive her and get back into their lives for the sake of my child or do I have any other options here?

So I've found myself in a situation that im having a hard time getting out of. And I guess getting support for.

I just had my 3rd baby with my husband of 8 years and about 2 months ago I found out hes been cheating on me...with everyone and anyone. And on top of that hes been abusive so I called it quits.

Even though he wont leave and he doesnt take it seriously and even our families are like well youre stuck together good luck, and figure it out. But im not sticking around for this anymore and I started getting some advice and direction on how to get help to get out. But now hes back in the house. Obviously he lives here. And he left because things got crazy, he threatened to hurt the kids and I called the cops, they didnt do anything because he knows how to get out of things and I looked crazy. Even though i was the one needing help from him. I called his mom and sister, i mean after he threatened to hurt the kids I didn't know what else to do. I called everyone in a panic because I got locked out. Anywho, his stupid mom brought him back and now I have to play nice until I can go but hes already trying to touch me and start his sorry again. I already asked him not to before he came home and for us to just basically ignore eachother unless its about the kids for now so we dint fight. If i tell him its over he'll get mean again. I know im crazy and I know im not doing ok because of everything I found out. But idk how to make him back up without everything blowing up in my face again. I told him to sleep in the other room and he slept on the couch right outside my door..i tell him to stop touching me and im still being touched. I dont want to blow up but I dont want to put up with it either.

Im so embarrassed. And I'm kinda scared so please dont be too harsh.

A very, very close friend — we chat pretty much daily in one way or another — sent me a text a few days ago and I only had a second to read it before it was unsent. It started with “I’m in love with my best friend and” but before I could absorb anything else, he unsent it.

I’m going to act like I never saw it. He unsent it for a reason. If it’s about me, I guess he doesn’t want me to know how he feels. And if it’s not about me, he still doesn’t want me to know. He doesn’t have a lot of close friends, though.

I’m doing the right thing by not mentioning it and just proceeding as usual, right, like it never happened?

hi redditors! i'm kinda in a rush so please don't mind my mistakes.
so my bsf's birthday is in 2weeks and i was having a hard time choosing a present for her.
i ended up having 4 options so i asked her boyfriend for advice, everything went well and i found what do get her.
here comes the uncomfortable part : her bf started texting me asking multiple times how me and my bf (which he knows) were doing and overall just being too nice. i thought it was weird but nothing crazy, UNTIL he told me he wanted to ask me something but not to tell my bsf. i thought he wanted to ask me some insight maybe for her birthday or anything in general regarding her but no, he asked if me and my bf are swingers. when i tell ya'll i was baffled. i told him absolutely not and he said something along the lines of "you js gave me those vibes".
my bf keeps saying it was just out of pure curiosity, but now i dont know how to tell that to my bsf. im very scared she'll get mad at me for not telling her sooner, i was thinking of telling her right after her birthday so we didnt have that much drama during her celebration day. anyways i feel like a bad friend because i shouldn't even be texting her bf privately, i dint want to upset her.
i need some advice on how and when to tell her, tysm!!

UPDATE!!
i texted her about 10 minutes ago, before i told her bf that (knowing how shes insecure and very jealous) he was very disrespectful towards her and that even though i agreed not to tell her, i would nonetheless because shes my friend and not him.
he told me that he didnt mean it maliciously and knew that she would've taken it the wrong way.
long story short shes having a terrible time and i feel bad for even putting her in this situation. im trying to comfort her but i know theres not a lot i can do except for telling her how sorry i am.
thanks to everyone that kinda scolded me into doing the right thing, i'll update u guys again if anything happens

I (31F) have been married 4 years. My in-laws live 5 hours away. They showed up last Saturday. No call. No text. I was in pajamas. The house was a mess. I told them it wasn't a good time. My husband said "they came all this way, just let them stay." I feel like my home isn't mine.

Am I wrong for saying no, or is my husband wrong for ignoring my boundaries?

I (42F) have a 17-year-old who is furious with me. Most of their friends got cars for their 17th birthday. I said no. We can't afford it. I told them if they want a car, they can get a job and save. They said "all my friends' parents love them enough to buy them a car." That sentence is still echoing in my head.

Am I being too strict, or are they being entitled?

I’ve been dating my partner for a few months and I’ve been knowing him for about 3 years now . This was our first time having sex previous conversations I told him if he prefers raw sex then I will not be engaging with it . I was also already nervous about having sex anyways due to me having dyspareunia . If anyone is familiar with this condition , you know it’s freaking painful . Anywho . I saw him open and put the condom on with my own eyes . I even purchased the condoms .

After we did the deed I went to give him oral and I was trying to roll the condom off but nothing was coming off . I asked what happened to the condom and he said that he had taken it off. I instantly got upset . I told him how he was crossing a boundary that I had placed. Which made me feel as if I could not trust him sexually anymore . He was mad at me and made me leave . Which made me realize he isn’t as mature as I thought.

According to him he basically got pissed at me saying I was accusing him of having a STD and said how I am supposed to trust him. I honestly just feel like boundaries need to be respected. Never just said dude you have a std . I simply just do not have unprotected sex and I told him before hand that I do not engage in that . He then told me that I probably have a STD and that is why he’s not going to talk to me anymore . (Weird right ) I sent him my lab results with everything saying negative. He thumbs up the screenshots . After he text me expressing hisself and I expressed myself I stopped hearing from him…

A few weeks later after that I started feeling weird down there. I was experiencing some discomfort and discharge it was just weird , it wasn’t my normal discharge. Before hand as mentioned how I sent him my results I recently had just got testing done per my MyChart it was time for my HIV test etc . Usually my doctor just does full panel which every time she asks to do full panel I just say yes it’s fine . My test results all were negative for everything .

So back to me going to get tested after weird symptoms , I found out I had chlamydia . I sent him a text message and told him we needed to have a talk. No reply . I got onto social media where I seen he had blocked me on everything..

Yes it’s curable but this is so fucked up some people are truly just evil .. I believe in karma and he’s def going to get his karma . For some reasons my best friend feels as if I’m being dramatic . It’s not me being dramatic . That shit is actually so wrong.

I am not entitled to someone just giving me there full life health history but idk maybe I’m dramatic but a part of me feels like he knew he possibly had something

Edit: I’m sorry you guys I am trying to reply to everyone . This whole situation stressful

Second edit : I did my research and apparently it isn’t automatically illegal here from what I am reading it boils down to if I consented to have intercourse with him all around. Which is fucking insane because I told him with a condom and I discovered he had removed it . I never told him to remove the condom. This state sucks. I honestly never want to get involved with another person again. It’s getting late everyone please keep replying I will respond the best I can but I have to work in the morning . Thank you guys for all the supportive comments .

I (29F) feel myself slowly detaching from my boyfriend (31M), and I genuinely don’t know if this is a normal relationship phase or a sign it’s time to move on.

Lately, I’ve felt increasingly disconnected from him. He’s always on his phone, even when we’re together, and sometimes stays up late on it instead of going to bed with me. I’ve told him it bothers me, but I feel like I’m constantly competing with a screen for his attention.

Our sex life has also changed. We haven’t had sex in two weeks, and overall I feel like there’s less affection, attention, and intimacy between us. A few weeks ago, I also discovered he was watching porn pretty consistently despite us barely having sex. I told him how I felt about it and asked him to stop, but later found out he was still doing it. I’m not trying to make this post about porn, it’s just another piece of the bigger picture.

I’ve brought up the phone, affection, intimacy, and feeling neglected before. We’ve had these conversations multiple times, and honestly, im exhausted.

What’s worrying me is that I’m starting to care less.
I’m not pulling away to make him chase me or to punish him. I genuinely feel emotionally drained. I don’t want to keep asking why, seeking reassurance, or trying to convince someone to give me attention or affection.

I still care about him, which makes this confusing. We were actually best friends before we ever became a couple, so part of me wonders whether he’s genuinely happy in this relationship or whether we’ve simply become comfortable and complacent with each other.

Could he be unhappy or unfulfilled in the relationship without even fully realizing it? Could I be feeling the effects of that without him consciously knowing what’s wrong?

I don’t necessarily think he’s a bad boyfriend, and I know long-term relationships go through periods where things aren’t as exciting or intimate. But I’m starting to feel more like, “I don’t want to keep doing this.”

I’m thinking about having one honest conversation that’s less about “Why are you doing this?” and more about:
“Where do you want to go from here? Do you still genuinely want this relationship, and if so, are you willing to actively work on it?”

Then I want to stop chasing and see what he actually does.

For those who’ve experienced something similar, how did you know whether you were going through a rough patch, dealing with complacency, or genuinely falling out of the relationship?

My sister was dating my boyfriend’s best friend for almost 2 years. About 3 weeks ago she found out he had been sleeping with a coworker and ended things with him. She was completely crushed.

Last night my boyfriend admitted that his best friend had told him about the affair months ago, so he knew his best friend was cheating on my sister the entire time.

He said it wasn't his place to get involved and that he didn't want to betray his friend.

What bothers me is he was around my sister constantly during those months. Dinners, birthdays, even sitting there while she talked about how serious she was about his best friend. He never told her or even mentioned it to me.

We've been together almost 3 years and were talking about moving in together soon. I have some money saved so there’s no pressure to rush that, but now I'm seriously questioning what this says about him as a person.

He keeps saying he wasn't the one who cheated and that I'm blaming him for something his friend did.

Would you end a relationship over this?

I (31F) lost my father 6 months ago. I still cry some days. I wear his old sweater. I talk about him. My partner told me I'm "obsessive" and "need to get over it." They said it's "affecting our relationship." I'm not trying to be sad. I just miss him. I don't want to move on. I want to honor him.

Is there a timeline for grief, or is my partner being unfair?

I am an Austrian painter, they rejected me from art school after my hard work and dedication failed me. What should I do?

I was seeing a man for a few weeks, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He suddenly sent a wall of text saying he has a wife and kids and that he really likes me and asked if I’m okay with that. He also admitted to cheating on her multiple times in the past. Immediately I was appalled and blocked him. I did some research on Facebook with his last name and his coworkers and found his wife’s profile. She was friends with many of his coworkers. I have all his socials, which I now believe were burner accounts since he never posted a picture of him. I have proof (nude photos of him). My dilemma is I’m afraid of hurting his wife. I’ve been cheated on before and I would want to know if someone was cheating on me, but it’s also a deeply painful betrayal. I’m not tip toeing around this because I don’t want to seem like a bad person or scared of confrontation. I just don’t know if it’s the right thing to do solely because of her feelings

My bf (28m) and I (28f) have been together for 5 and a half years. No ring. He’s just now began the process of making one.

Over the weekend I guess I embarrassed him (accidentally) in public. He was going on about this expensive necklace he got me that I’ve never even been able to wear because it’s too small. When he gave it to me and I tried to put it on, he told ME to buy the $50 extender for jt. So I mentioned this in response to him talking about it and he got very quiet and angry.

He yelled at me when we got home and made me apologize over and over again for hours. When I thought things were finally resolved, after 3 hours of apologizing and him finally accepting my apology, he brought it back up even more aggressively than before. He said he only “moved the blanket” but in the process he pushed my feet so hard it made my whole body jerk. I tried to stand up to him but that was what he wanted - he finally got a rise out of me.

He said that he doesn’t take me out on dates because I have no social graces or sense of how to act in public. He said that I’m not a girl worth taking out on dates. and if I want to be dated, I should try being a girl worth dating. I said “then you probably shouldn’t marry me” and he said “you promise?”

And then he stood over me with a slight smug grin on his face while I sobbed.

He tells me this is normal for men - and that he acts this way because he was so angry and he’s just expressing his emotion - and asking him to control his temper is like asking him to bottle up and bury all his emotions.

He’s the only person who has ever loved me. I’ve been disowned by my family, I don’t really have friends. I don’t know what to do or if this or normal. Even if it isn’t I’m afraid if I leave I’ll be alone forever, as I have no one else and he’s the only person who has ever loved me.

He has apologized and cried over it and I ended up having to take care of him the two days after it happened bc he felt so bad. He signed up for an anger management therapist but after 5 years of incidences like this, I feel like I’m dying inside.

Advice? Thoughts?

EDIT: To answer some questions : He is sweet and amazing 99% of the time - this kind of stuff only happens maybe once or twice a year, which makes it so hard. As soon as I think he’s healed his temper it happens again. He has an appt with anger management on Thursday. I have PTSD and depression (not from him) which makes it extremely difficult to live on my own. We’ve been friends for almost 10 years now - he is my best friend I just don’t know how he could be so cruel. I’ve never said anything like that to anyone before.