Hello all,

Time for my yearly refresh of this post. I'm happy to say we're getting way fewer instances of this rule being broken but we've recently had a lot of new users so I figured it was a good time to update this. I'm splitting this post up into an FAQ section followed by the consequences of breaking this rule. A TL;DR will be at the very end though the title just about covers it.

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/NaCltyyyy

My boyfriend [19M] got the job instead of me [19F]. He's unintentionally rubbing it in my face but won't stop.

Original Post  Aug 8, 2018

My boyfriend and I both applied for a open position for undergrads at a local engineering company. The position was very appealing; it offered good pay, flexible hours, and was a great resume addition since they're a pretty big company. The application process was long and arduous and extremely competitive and they ended up only  accepting three undergrads out of a final pool of 10.

Boyfriend and I both go to the same school (top five in the US so education-wise we were both qualified) and he majors in CS while I major in Bio with a minor in CS. I hate to turn this into a competition but my boyfriend is smarter than me in a lot of areas. He has a more analytical brain whereas I'm more creative. I have a heftier resume than him and I'm a better at communication. I would have loved for us to both get the job but if not, I was fairly sure I would get it. Also, he only decided to apply after I told him I was applying but that's a whole other issue that I don't want to delve into.

Anyway, we both make it into the final pool of 10 but he ends up getting the job and I don't. I was upset but hid my sadness to be happy for him. I really really wanted that job. When he got the email, he was ecstatic and he was running all over his dorm excited and screaming—I was still in the room. At the time, he already knew I didn't get it so it kinda hurt that he acted in such a dramatic way. He did apologize afterwards.

Anyway, now he's been working there for about two months and it's going great for him. But he unintentionally rubs it in my face a lot. I'm currently working as an intern at a CS lab at our school and of course, I get paid less than him and I have less benefits but I quite like the job. He'll say stuff like, "Aww, you only get paid 15.50/hr? That's so little, I get paid 20/hr." Or he'll say something like, "Hey, we had a sushi buffet today and there was sooo much sashimi. Did you guys get anything?" Like no, we didn't, obviously. Thanks for asking. Other examples are: "Look at all the free stuff I got! You get any free stuff this week?", "I can't believe I'm getting paid this much to do basically intro stuff.","I loooooove my job so much."

I definitely understand that half of this is because he actually likes his job and contain his excitement. But the other half kind comes across as insensitive, though he might not realize it. If I didn't apply for the job and not get it, then of course I wouldn't mind but he knows that I tried super hard to get the job and didn't end up getting it. Shouldn't he know to tone it down a bit?? Or am I being too sensitive?

I want to tell him it makes me sad but don't want to come across as selfish like just because I didn't get the job, he can't be happy about his job.

TL;DR: Boyfriend and I both applied to a very competitive job with good qualifications. He got the job instead of me. He unintentionally rubs it in my face and I get sad. Am I being too sensitive?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

InsalubriousEthos

> Honestly unless you're dramaticizing / exaggerating how those conversations went this doesn't really sound entirely unintentional. > > Has he been like this with any other things in the past?

OOP

>> I'm not exaggerating at all, it's actually that bad sometimes. :( >> >> Not really, sometimes he'll be excited about a really high test score even though I got a bad one (but that's not really his fault). That's about the extent of it. Otherwise, he's usually pretty considerate about my feelings.

~

thowinitaway2424

>He's being incredibly rude. He's is comparing your positions and he needs to stop. You need to tell him, if he's interested in your day he needs to ask about it and not ask about specific situations in your day right after he got finished bragging about his specific situations. He's being rude.

OOP

>> damn right he does. all these comments have made me realize how he's being incredibly insensitive and half of these might even be slightly intentional. >> >> I will be having a serious convo with him about this. thanks!!

~

createamewaccount

> It stopped being unintentional when he started making it a competition. Got sushi for free? Great! Why is there a need to ask if you also got free food. Got free stuff? Great! Why are you asking if she got free swag? > > The comments are all intentional. It's hard to be happy for someone who is trying to one-up you all the time.

OOP

>>I really see that now. fuck.

Update  Aug 16, 2018 (8 Days Later)

A massive thanks to everyone who gave me advice and also opened my eyes to how big of a douche my boyfriend of eight months was being. Special thanks to those who eloquently put what I've been wanting to say for the past few months into words for me so I could say it to him.

A day after I made the post, we were hanging out in his dorm when he began talking about his work. He wasn't necessarily bragging this time, it was more like talking about some projects that they're having him do. After a pause in the conversation, I decided to bring up my feelings about him rubbing his job in my face and constantly comparing our positions. I said something along the lines of,

"I'm really really happy for your job and I can tell that you really love it and have a great time there. I'm not sure if you remember, but I was actually really disappointed that I didn't get that job but I've been trying to move on from my disappointment. However, I feel that you are making it harder for me to move on by constantly comparing our two positions. Sometimes, it seems like you're trying to rub the benefits of your job in my face. (I then listed a couple of examples). I've been feeling a hurt over this and I would really love it if you could stop comparing our positions—because that's very inconsiderate—and maybe instead we can both share a bit about our day at work without turning it into a contest."

After saying that, my boyfriend squinted at me and said, "Are you serious?" He then proceeded to tell me that I was, some of you guys called it, being "way too sensitive". He also asked, "Why can't I be happy about my job?" and "Do you just want me to never talk about anything that you don't have then because it makes you feel shitty?" He also said, to my utmost astonishment, "I mean, I don't see the problem with comparing the two positions. It is obvious that my job has better benefits and perks than yours and I'm just pointing them out. You don't need to see that in a negative light."

There was much more bullshit that came out of his mouth but after like two minutes of hearing him rant about how I was being too sensitive and restricting his happiness, I said, "[his name], you are an absolute piece of shit. Everything you just said was not only extremely inconsiderate but very selfish." I really really wanted to just yell at him and list off the hundreds of things that was wrong with what he said but instead, I refrained and just said, "Dude, we're over."

He said, "What?!" and I got up from his bed and bolted straight out the door. I've been ignoring his texts, calls, and Facebook messages for the past few days. I actually feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I'm enjoying my job more and overall, I just feel free as fuck.

On a side note, there's this cute guy who sits two computers away from me at the lab I currently work at. ;)

TL;DR: I dumped the insensitive piece of shit.

Edit: Pretty sure this update is locked bc the mods have to approve all the updates so they might've missed this one. Sorry if you guys wanted to comment :(

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Shipping/receiving Manager. Called to the carpet for excessive internet use: 15 pages of urls. Had no idea each upvote or downvote on Reddit would log a new url. Wish I had demanded copies, in hindsight I could rack up several pages in a few minutes. Also, one of the threads that I was browsing was "Adult Jokes," which even though nobody could see or even access the content, was deemed "inappropriate content."

They cut off my overtime. The last time the overtime policy applied to me (two or three years ago) it was ten minutes before/ten minutes after. Second writeup (last chance agreement) was because the policy was changed to five minuted before/after, and I wasn't following the new policy. I had no clue the policy had changed. Also, I was overheard telling a true story about three names on a mailbox by a person who was DEFINITELY not offended, to a person who was also not offended. Can't go into detail, but it was about three last names on a mailbox that made a funny but off-color phrase.

I ramped down my Reddit usage to literally two or three minutes a day, but it was still deemed excessive and a violation of the terms of the first write-up.

My co-worker/trainee was obstinate and disrespectful, and she would get angry if I interfered or offered advice on particular shipments. Apparently she said I was making her do all the hard stuff while sitting on the computer, but for the last several weeks I had given her essentially free reign to choose which tasks she wanted to do. But because HR guy walked through the department once or twice a day and saw me at the computer (generating shipping labels and routing truck freight) while she was packaging parts, I was still making her do all the "hard stuff."

Fast forward a few weeks, and I made a judgement call (similar to those I've been making for three years) that an urgent shipment could wait a day longer in order to save the company several hundred dollars in shipping costs. My co-worker took it upon herself at the end of the day to book the shipment the next day with the higher cost carrier, so I made the call to re-schedule the shipment with the lower cost carrier. The process took about 15 minutes, which put me nine minutes past the cutoff for "pre-approved over/makeup time." I had taken a half-hour of sick time earlier in the week, so the time was not overtime.

I spoke with the foreman late in the day, and told him of the decision I had made regarding the urgent shipment. I asked the question, "does this need to go today, or will tomorrow be acceptable (the next day was month-end, which I assumed was the reason behing the urgency) and the answer I got led me to believe it would be ok. I could have still gotten the shipment out with the more expensive carrier, but based on the answer I got, I assumed I could book it the next day. In my exit meeting, HR guy said I was disobeying direct orders by my supervisor.

A couple weeks ago, Inoticed that the security camera that was pointed at the two roll-up doors had been turned so that I was in the field of view while sitting at my desk. I mafe it a point to record my start and stop times for my 10-minute break. While scrolling (Reddit, of course) on my phone while sitting at my desk, I could not see over the top of my computer screens, so every time it sounded like somebody was coming in, I raised my head to see if/who it was. Somebody came out and asked me a question, and according to HR guy, they saw "a woman wearing lingeree" on my phone. That's absolute bullshit, but I can't prove it. Now I realize neither can he.

There's an orange traffic cone that I used to notify a particular carrier that we had a package for them, because pickups after 11 or so wouldn't show up until the next day. It worked great, but I forgot to bring the cone in one day. When confronted about it by my co-worker/trainee, I was dismissive of the concern for losing a traffic cone to tweakers walking through the parking lot at night, but did say I would make the effort to bring the cone in at night (once or twice a week, at most). In my exit meeting, I was accused of "not having respect for company property. For a traffic cone that was ordered by mistake (one of eight, btw) that had served no purpose until I found a use for it.

Location: PNW, USA

Update: I did reach out to her and basically did not get the response I was hoping for. I just don’t get it she’s as heart broken and hurt by me as she says why is she doing all this stuff like going out, running marathons, being super fit, camping, ect?? I feel like her feelings were never there and she is not willing to grow with me.

____________________________________
30M and 26F
Context: About three years ago, I met this incredible girl and we clicked right away. Looking back, I’ve spent most of our history self sabotaging. I’m ashamed to admit it, and I’m not making excuses, but I handled things horribly. I’d block her, we’d go months without speaking, and eventually one of us would break no contact and pull us back into each other's orbits.

About a year ago, I reached out again, genuinely believing I’d done enough work on myself to do this right. We ended up spending the next year closely in each other's lives. As my feelings for her grew deeper, I completely froze and refused to let us move past being casual. When the reality hit that I needed to step up and commit to her, I panicked. Instead of being honest, I took the worst way out possible. I told her I found someone new. I convinced myself it was the only way to end things cleanly without her pushing back or trying to work it out.She was devastated. She sent me long messages expressing how deeply hurt she was saying she felt like I never actually cared, that she was never good enough, and that she couldn't understand why we couldn't just be together.

It’s been esix months of complete silence now, and the guilt is heavy. I miss her deeply. When I check her social media, she genuinely looks like she’s thriving she's running marathons, super fit, and just living a full, beautiful life. She doesn't post anyone, so I don't even know if she's single, but mostly I just keep asking myself if reaching out is a terrible idea or if she'd ever even want to hear my voice again

Since the last one got archived, I’m starting a new flair request thread. I’ll get back to you guys on these as fast as I can.

We just ask that the flairs be in the spirit of this sub. They don’t necessarily have to be from a post here but do need to follow this sub’s rules. We’d also love to know what post gave you the flair the idea if you’re up for sharing.

I’m just refreshing this post since the older version was archived. Direct links to either the subs or users have also been removed because of automation issues and by request so none of these will have the r/ or u/ that would otherwise be there

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