u/GamerGirlLex77

Hello everyone,

Since brigading has been an ongoing issue here, I thought a post explaining what brigading means and why we will ban you for it was in order. We now have a moderator dedicated to enforcing the brigading rule and as a result we've gotten a lot of modmail messages not understanding why it's a permanent ban. So here's an explainer:

What is "brigading"?

Brigading refers to people going from a crosspost to comment or vote on the original subreddit's version of the post. Reddit doesn't care if it's coordinated or not. Because of the harassment that has typically come with it, Reddit has decided it breaks their "Be a good neighbor" rule.

Brigading rules apply to every subreddit. This is not us being controlling as some users who don't know that this is a Reddit-wide rule have suggested.

How do we know if someone is brigading?

To be upfront, it's hard to tell if it's a new post and the person follows both subs. In cases like that, it's perfectly plausible that you happened to comment wherever you saw it first. We won't ban you for it unless there is some evidence that you came from here to do it.

When someone crossposts a 50+ day old post and suddenly the original post is getting new comments within the time it was crossposted here, it's obvious where you came from. If you didn't have any engagement on the original sub prior to making your comments, it's also very obvious where you came from.

If you notice that you accidentally commented on the wrong sub, deleting your comment before we see it won't get you banned. Please be mindful of where you're commenting. I've accidentally done it myself so I recommend making it a habit to check what sub you're on prior to making any comments.

Why is it a zero tolerance/automatic permanent ban?

Because Reddit will remove this subreddit if we don't enforce this rule. It doesn't matter if you're new to Reddit or accidentally commented on the wrong sub. We have no choice. The other subreddit would be well within their rights to report us to Reddit if we don't act.

Brigading Rules

• Do not comment or vote on the original subreddit's version of the post if you're coming from here. I should also mention that Reddit admins can tell what sub you came from. If this sub gets reported and Reddit admins have to look into it, you're risking having your entire account banned.
• If we catch you brigading, we will report you to the original sub so they can decide whether or not they want to ban you.
• Do not harass the OOP on their post or in DMs.
• Do not trash entire subreddits in comments here. We've had past brigading incidents start this way. It's safer if we just take the comment down. It won't be a ban unless it becomes a regular problem with you.
• We will not entertain any excuses or irate modmail messages in response to you being banned for breaking this rule.

TLDR: Brigading is a permanent ban. No "oops". No "I didn't know". No excuses. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask in modmail. If you're a mod from another sub and you believe people are brigading from this sub, please let us know asap so we can handle it on our end.

Thank you all for your time and participation in this subreddit.

Good morning everyone,

I just wanted to remind you guys that we do not allow crossposts from any subreddit that supports adultery. We have had brigading incidents that started with a crosspost from an adultery sub and people trashing the subreddits in our comments.

If you want to read a list of subs and Redditors we’ve banned crossposts from, please check this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/s/PlGMRnZX3k

Thank you!

Edited for redundancy on my part

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/sunflower92828

Am I overreacting about my nanny family having sex during the day?

Originally posted to r/Nanny

Thanks to u/Toketsupuurin for help with the comments

MOOD SPOILER: >!Crazy!<

Original Post Oct 31, 2025

Hi everyone, I’m a full time nanny for a stay at home mom with an 8 month old baby. The baby is honestly perfect, so sweet and happy, naps great. I’ve been with the family for about 7 months now. The mom and dad are both amazing employers. They’re super nice to me, the mom gets me Starbucks and açaí bowls, even makes me lunch sometimes. I make $32 an hour with great benefits in a MCOL area, so overall this is a dream job.

Here’s my only issue. I’m pretty sure the parents are having sex during the dad’s lunch break, maybe every day or every other day. They go to their room and I never see anything inappropriate, but sometimes I hear what I think might be the bed moving. It’s not loud or anything, just enough to make me realize what’s going on. Afterward, her hair is messy, clothes changed, that kind of thing.

Today I asked the mom what she was up to when she came out of the room, and she didn’t really say much. I kind of jokingly said, “Oh, were you napping?” and she got a little red and awkward. That pretty much confirmed it for me.

I know they’re married adults and it’s their house, but it still makes me feel a little uncomfortable since I’m there taking care of their baby. They’re not being disrespectful or obvious, but it just feels weird.

Would it be totally out of line to ask them not to do that while I’m working? Or am I overreacting and should just let it go? They really are such a great family and I don’t want to make things awkward if this is just me being overly sensitive.

What would you do?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

SnooTangerines

>You are over reacting. I don’t think you should make comments to them about what they are doing behind closed doors. I personally feel you should not ask them not to do “that” you’re overstepping and making it an issue. You said they aren’t loud nor making it obvious. Adults do adult things.

OOP

>>But I’m working. You don’t think it’s disrespectful to fuck while someone’s taking care of your kids under your roof.. it’s making me uncomfortable. They both go in the bedroom and come out messy hair and smiley. It makes me feel weird

New-Philosopher-2558

>I mean, good for them. Many parents end up hating each other during the baby years. These guys are lucky they can afford a nanny and maintain a healthy sex life! They treat you well, you can’t actually hear anything so I would not be making things awkward.

OOP

>>It’s very awkward. They both come down smiley and happy and in a good mood. Like guys I know what you just did. You just had sex..

LucyfromKzoo

>Then quit.

OOP

>>This is super good paying job. The parents are beyond nice. This is the only flaw . I still think maybe I should mention it and maybe they’ll stop fucking during my workday

~

AppropriateUsual7711

>why are you this concerned about your NPs lives and their comings and goings IN THEIR OWN HOME??? read a book, rearrange the diaper holder, literally anything other than making your NPs embarrassed in THEIR HOUSE. THEY OWN.

OOP

>>It’s weird because like she’s so giddy after having had sex. Mood shifter. Happy. It’s odd. Like it puts it even more in my face oh I got laid

OOP Added in a similar comment

>>I think it’s weird for adults to be having sex everyday or every other day. There’s other ways to support a relationship

~

SnooTangerines

>Concentrate on your job which is the baby not what the parents are doing!

OOP

>>The baby is napping at this time usually

~

fieryvirgo

>I personally would feel like they shouldn’t be having sex while I’m at WORK. BUT, I also wouldn’t say anything. It’s their home!!! I’d feel weird about it too, but because it’s their home your hands are tied.

OOP

>>I guess I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m shocked how many people would be fine with them fucking while you’re at their house…

How old is OOP

>I’m 28 years old and have been a nanny for a decade

Update to my nanny family having sex during day Nov 2, 2025

That Friday morning I told my MB I wanted to talk during the baby’s nap, and she said okay. I brought up how uncomfortable I felt about what I thought was going on, and mentioned how I could sometimes hear or notice things that made me think they were having sex while I was there. I told her it made me uncomfortable, and that’s when everything went downhill.

She was very direct with me. She said my only job was to take care of the baby, not to worry about what she and her husband were doing. She told me if I had downtime I could watch TV or read a book.

I told her it just seemed weird that she’d come out with messy hair or different clothes, and she explained that sometimes they do workout videos in their room, sometimes it’s sex, sometimes cuddling, and sometimes her just napping. She said whatever happens in her bedroom is none of my business.

After that, things got really quiet. She wasn’t mean, but I could tell she was uncomfortable and hurt. Then she told me I could go home for the day, and I just knew that meant I was done.

Later she texted saying they were going to move in another direction, and that was it.

I feel horrible. I know I crossed a boundary, and I regret bringing it up so much. I miss them terribly, the money was amazing, my MB was so kind, and their baby was absolutely perfect. I really wish I could fix this and somehow get my job back.

How do I get my job back?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

No_Assignment_1990

>You're allowed to feel disappointed that you messed up but you need to understand that this was your fault and it's your job to take the consequences.

OOP

>>I regret it now. I’m hoping they can forgive me. But everything else pays like $22-$23. They were giving me $32 and so nice . I’m realizing I messed up

No_Assignment_1990

>>>You need to let the idea of forgiveness go. You are only hurting yourself by hanging on. The job is a loss, end of story. You will find something new. Next time if you love a job so much, don't jeopardize it.

OOP

>>>>You don’t think it’s worth a try? They are Christian and believe in God. Christian’s believe in forgiveness

Some advice OOP was given

>I am getting messages saying I should file a police report for sexual harassment in the work place

thataverysmile

>>Dude, do not do that. I saw that comment and the person is insane. You do not have a case. Also, what do you want here? You either want your job back, or you want them in trouble? You think they'll give you your job back if you call the police on them?

Final update to… my nanny parents were having sex. I lost my unicorn family Nov 3, 2025

I sent a text message to my MB on Sunday morning, and she responded this morning saying she forgives me, and that she hopes I take this as a learning experience, but they will not hire me back, I miss her so much, she said she talked to her husband about everything, and they decided to give me a month’s pay until I find a new job, I honestly didn’t expect that, it was really kind of them even after everything that happened, I miss my unicorn family so much, I was completely in the wrong, and I take full responsibility for that, I know I hurt people who trusted me, and that’s something I have to live with and learn from, I will not be filing any sexual harassment report, the people who were telling me to do that were not giving me good advice, and I will be keeping my distance from them from now on, I miss my nanny baby so much, I can’t believe I won’t be going back, it breaks my heart because they were such a big part of my life, I keep replaying everything in my head and wondering if there’s anything I could say or do to make things right, I know trust once broken is hard to fix, but I wish I could show them how much I’ve grown and how truly sorry I am,

I’m trying to find a new job now, and honestly everyone’s been so rude, it’s been really hard, I can’t believe my old employers still paid me $5200 after letting me go, that was so generous of them, I really didn’t deserve it after everything that happened, to be honest maybe part of the problem was that I was a little jealous of her, she’s a stay at home mom, beautiful, only 28, rich, has this gorgeous home, and her and her husband are truly happy, she’s such a good mom, and it just felt like she had this perfect life, her dream life, and I’m the same age, and I think that made me feel small in ways I didn’t even realize at the time, I hate admitting that, but it’s true,

now I just feel so lost, I miss them so much, I keep wishing I could go back and do things differently, I know I can’t, but I still hope one day I can find a family even half as good as them, I don’t know if I should try reaching out again down the road or just accept that it’s over and move on, part of me wants to hold onto hope, but part of me knows I need to respect their decision, any advice on what I can do to maybe get them back or should I just leave it and start fresh, I’m really debating and feeling lost about what the right thing to do is,

learn from my mistakes guys, don’t leave a good family, let everything go, don’t let jealousy or pride get in the way of something real, some things just aren’t worth losing the people who truly care about you, appreciate what you have before it’s gone,

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Wife Lisa (38) and I (37) have been married 4 years, together for 15. Strong relationship for the most part.

This weekend we attended my family’s annual big Christmas event. All the extended members were there. 50 people or so

My brother (39) was there with his girlfriend Amy (34). Amy has 4 boys from a previous marriage and 1 daughter with my brother. Daughter Eliza just turned 2 and this was the first time she was meeting most of my extended family.

The reason is complicated. Amy’s ex husband is an addict and abuser (fact, not opinion). No one knew that Amy and my brother started seeing each other during her separation. When she got pregnant with Eliza, Amy’s ex insisted the baby was his. Due to legalities in our state, Amy’s ex was considered Eliza’s father because they weren’t divorced. Correcting this and establishing paternity for my brother was a long, painful, difficult process.

My wife Lisa has gossiped to (mostly) her mother about this in the past. I didn’t like it but I won’t police her conversations. Lisa thinks it’s a scandal and is convinced that my brother was sleeping with Amy before she and her ex separated. In my opinion, the timing is irrelevant. My brother adores Amy and her children. They’re a very happy family and we should be focusing on stability for the kids, especially Amy’s boys.

I have no idea how the conversation at the party started, I walked up in the middle of it. Lisa was at a table with several people including my mom and she was loudly “venting” about Amy and my brother. When she mentioned paternity testing, my mom quietly said “Lisa, that’s enough.” Lisa got frustrated and said something like “No, people have a right to know what really happened” and continued explaining. The cousins she was speaking with tried changing the subject, it didn’t work.

I stepped in at that point and snapped at her. Told her that was ENOUGH and she needed to get her things. I apologized to the table and took Lisa home. She has been furious with me ever since, saying that I embarrassed her and that I’m asking her to lie for Amy. She’s very angry we left the party.

I don’t need her to lie, I just think that the details she brought up aren’t anyone’s business and don’t matter in the long run. In my opinion, she embarrassed herself. Maybe it was overkill to leave altogether. But I was embarrassed as well and worried Amy’s kids might get wind of the conversation.

Ironically, the only person understanding of Lisa’s side is AMY who told my mom that she knows people will talk about it and she’s strong enough to accept it. Maybe that’s true, but I don’t think Amy, my brother or the kids should have to worry about that around family.

Am I the asshole for expecting better from my own wife? Or is this just reality of the situation?