r/HoleInspector

*friend's parents

My brother Pete (14) and his friends, C and J (both 14), got the idea in the middle of June to buy a pool for the rough summer we usually have because the local community pool is being shut down. When Pete or his friends couldn't convince anyone to buy it for them, they got motivated to work for it. Pete mowed lawns and did other yard work around the county, and the other two did their own work, and after a few weeks, they pooled their money together and were able to buy a cheap above-ground pool. Me and C and J's parents were really impressed and thought they deserved it after working for it. We all agreed to set the pool up in C's backyard because their backyard is the biggest. They filled it up and did all the work for it, and the first weekend it was available, Pete and his friends all hung out in the pool.

The problem is, that was the ONLY time Pete or J has been in the pool. C, apparently, is allowed to go in whenever, but nobody else. His parents have been asked multiple times, and they're always shot down. One time, Pete ended up sneaking into the pool while I was at work, and when C's dad found him out there, he came out and yelled at him. C was in the water too, according to Pete. He and J were obviously confused, so when I went to talk with C's parents about Pete sneaking into the pool, I asked why they weren't allowed in at all. C's dad kept harping on the fact that Pete went in without permission, which I understand, but what I don't understand is why whenever they are asked to come over and swim, they're never allowed to. They both explained it's a 'liability' reason, meaning if anything were to happen to anyone in their pool, like if someone drowned, they don't want to be responsible and it's easier to just not allow anyone but their son in the water. But these are TEENAGERS, not toddlers, and they all know how to swim.

At the end of the conversation, C's dad was like, "The pool is on my property, and we used our water to fill it up, so we decide what to do with it." I raised my voice a little bit by reminding them that they didn't buy that pool, it belongs to their son, my brother and J. I understand that it's on their property, but it's unfair to gatekeep it from the people who helped to buy it. They wouldn't answer that and threatened that Pete wouldn't be allowed at their house at all if they were asked again, which Pete would hate to hear since he loves their house, so I left it at that.

Pete was pissed, to say the least, and loved to rant to anyone who listened while gaming with his friends about the situation. He asked if they could really do that and we should call the cops, but I told him let's not go that far yet, even though I agreed those people basically stole from him. But he and C have been friends for nearly 10 years and they do EVERYTHING together, so I'd hate to see them be separated over something petty like this.

So I came up with another idea and I went shopping online and found an inflatable hot tub for about the same amount of money they spent on the pool. It might've been just as petty, and I dipped a bit into my savings, but I bought it. Could I have bought the pool myself? Maybe, but at the same time, Pete wanted it bad and I got other things to worry about, and he's learning to work for what he wants. And a hot tub's good for my back. Pete's been in the hot tub nearly every day since it's been set up. His friends are welcome inside it too, my only rule is they gotta shower (at their own houses) before or after they get in it. It's big enough for like 5 people.

J and C have been over a lot to go in the hot tub, and their parents have noticed. J's dad is totally okay with it and thinks that what C's parents are doing is bullshit too, but he agrees that they still get their reward for all their work with the hot tub. C's parents, on the other hand, aren't too happy. C told me himself that he prefers to be in the hot tub, with his friends, rather than swimming alone in his pool, and his parents don't understand that. I haven't spoken to them directly about this, but C has heard rants from his mom about how everyone thinks they're some kind of child-hating monsters for not allowing anyone in their pool (that they didn't buy). It hasn't helped that Pete still loves to rant about it too, and he knows a lot of neighborhood kids who also come to dip in the hot tub. I do see C's mom at the store sometimes, but she doesn't make eye contact with me anymore.

I know it was petty, but AITAH?

EDIT: Holy shit, this blew up a lot more than I thought. Thank you all for your input. I wanted to clear up some things in an edit.

I'm a 30 year old man.

C's parents are pretty wealthy. I really don't think the water bill or anything they're paying for with that pool is gonna break them.

Yes, I know Pete is owed his money back for his pool. But we're on thin ice as is with C's parents and I'd hate to make things even worse. He hasn't really asked about getting his money back, all he really wanted was to use the pool.

No, small claims court is out of the picture right now. It'd be a waste of everyone's time and money, and tbh, the only people who aren't satisfied with this outcome are C's parents.

I'M NOT GONNA VANDALIZE THE POOL.

My daughter is 6 years old and loves Pokémon. We decided she’s old enough to play Pokémon go and me and my husband have been playing with her all year. She also loves horses and unicorns so naturally Ponyta is one of her favorites. Some how the universe aligned for my baby and she found a shiny Ponyta. She’s been collecting all the candies so she can evolve it. My sister in law is also very into Pokémon. She has tons of cards and games and plushes etc. She’s a friend on the Pokémon go app with our daughter.

Last night she and my inlaws came over for a bbq and she was playing with our daughter on the app. She was going through my daughter’s Pokémon and saw the shiny Ponyta. She’s asked her to trade and my daughter said no. So they decided on a different trade and we went on with our night. At some point in the evening she grabbed my daughter’s tablet and said she was going to charge it. Later my husband, father in law, and brother in law decided to go fishing. My daughter wanted to go and catch Pokémon down by the lake with them. Well of course she noticed her buddy was different and saw it was gone. She cried and immediately said it was her aunt. Her grandma told her to calm down and it’s just a game. Thankfully my husband stepped in and explained to her that it was important to our daughter and it was a big deal. Sister in law hadn’t said anything up until that point. She told us to chill out and that she would trade her an evolved Ponyta. My daughter was really upset and she told her to go away and ran to her room crying. Husband and sister in law are arguing. Brother in law is explaining to mother and father in law that you can’t just trade back. I eventually ask which Rapidash my daughter can have and my sister in law tells me to ask her to choose. Well when I took her phone to show my daughter I transferred the shiny Ponyta and still traded the Rapidash. When I gave her the phone back she was mad and more arguing happened. Obviously the night was l
ruined. Eventually everyone left.

This morning my mother in law came over and asked our daughter if she could teach her to play the game too and apologized for minimizing her feelings. After they played a while we spoke about what happened. She thinks I made the situation worse. She didn’t ask me to apologize or anything and she’s not upset at any of us. She just thought we all could have handled it better. I’ll be honest when it was all happening I was seeing red. I couldn’t believe she would do that to her niece. She knows how much she loves horses and Pokémon. It’s not like she didn’t know. My daughter literally told her no! It was her buddy and she traded it for a bidoof! There were so many steps she took to do this and not once did she stop and think she shouldn’t do it. She knew it was wrong other wise she wouldn’t have hid to do it. She’s a 29 year old woman not some little kid who didn’t know better. Did I over react by transferring the shiny Ponyta and giving my daughter the Rapidash.

Wow didn’t think so many would reply. For anyone offering to trade a shiny Ponyta for my daughter i appreciate it so much. I’m not incredibly familiar with how it all works but if anyone wants to take the time to explain it or tell me how then my answer is yes thank you! Also just for some clarification once you trade a Pokémon in Pokémon go you can no longer trade that Pokémon to anyone. It’s a forever trade so no trade backs.

My sister in law has always been great with my daughter. Our daughter is the first grandchild and niece and my in laws have always been great to her. I’m shocked my sister in law did this. She was my child’s favorite aunt. She’s there for games for school events ridiculous amounts of gifts for birthdays and holidays. Also my child has never been left alone with her. Not because I didn’t trust her specifically but because I thought my daughter was too young still for overnights. All of this really shifted things which sucks because my daughter was really hurt by all of this. She’s asked why she did this to her multiple times. She’s also said she doesn’t want her at her recital that’s coming up. Her aunt literally bought the tutu and sewed on rhinestones. I’m truly perplexed by what has happened and why she’s done it.

As for my mother in law she made it right by my daughter and that’s all I care about. She said sorry to her and specifically apologized for minimizing her feelings. She also let my daughter download the app on her phone and explain to her how it works and they played together. I’m hoping with her playing more she’ll come to fully understand. My mother in law is great normally so I’m not worried about it. We have an awesome relationship she’s great with me and my daughter. She definitely plays favorites with my husband and sister in law tho.

Pretty much what the title says.

The longer explanation. I went in to my local Tractor Supply to pick up some bird seed for the feeders. As I was walking past the checkout, one of the cashiers asked if I needed help finding anything. I said "Nope, I'm just here to renew my subscription to "Cat TV" and kept walking. Cashier had that quizzical look of "Wha?"

As I'm heading to the section where the bird seed and bird seed logs are, I'm approached by a woman who unleashes her "sparkling, sunshiny personality" (please note the sarcasm quotes) at me. I was berated for "First world problems" where I'm "wasting money on streaming services for a stupid cat" and informed that there are people who are living without food and clean water while people like you (referring to me obviously) spend money on stupid shit."

I inform her that "Cat TV" is a joke based off the fact that I love attracting birds to my yard and that the main feeders are in front of the bay window where my cats love to watch them. It is in effect...a television-like experience for my Orange Boi and his sister the Grey Shadow. I am not spending money on streaming services for them.

She glared at me, flared her nostrils, made a sigh through her nose and stormed off in an indignant huff. Once she left, I grabbed the seed logs and the bag of seed that attracts the majority of my local birds and head to the cashier who looked at my cart and said "Oh! Cat TV. I get it." and checked me out.

I (23F) was drinking with my brother (20M) last Sunday. We were talking about life and stuff, when he brought up my academic achievements. For context, I am about to graduate with latin honors and I'm starting law school. He was basically talking about how lucky I was to be born smart, that I got all the braincells and didn't left him any, and that I MUST be the favorite because my parents are paying for my law school. I didn't have a problem with what he said, it was how he said it. He stated it so bitterly that it rubbed me the wrong way.

I do not believe that all my effort in college was 'luck'. I was working since first year, while maintaining a scholarship. I saved enough money for the first two years of law school, and bought my own motorcycle. While my brother dropped out of college and started a business with a loan from my parents.

The exact words that I said to him are, "Bro, you had the opportunity to go to college with our parent's money, you were given your own car, and the business that you have is started with our parent's money. I am the oldest, all I had was expectation and congratulations. You are the lucky one, not me"

I translated it btw because English is not our first language.

He went silent and just smiled thinly, then said that he was sleepy and went home.

Was I too harsh? I did try to talk to him but he was always busy.

Update: I cornered my brother before lunch earlier and talked to him for a bit. I apologized for how I responded to him, when he said that he was sorry too. Apparently, he felt insecure by how our parents were talking about my achievements. He was feeling stressed and pressured by his business, he owns a computer parts and repair shop. He admitted that he did feel jealous of me. He shared that when I was busy with school and work, he had a talk with our parents were they compared us. And he was basically called a failure for dropping out.

I admit, I do know that our parents always compared us with each other. I just didn't know that he felt that way about me. I always though of my brother as kind and I never felt like we were competing with each other because we were always so different. He also said that I kinda triggered him (before he said all the stuff about me) when I told him that he had it easy.

I did tell him that I don't think he's a failure, and that we need to have another talk or hang out more.

Our talk was short but we did end up making plans for a motorcycle ride tomorrow after church. He has a new Yamaha R3 (i think?), we're planning on taking it for a spin.

Thank you everyone for the advice.

And I hope that everyone has or will have a fun Saturday!

(Shout out to that one redditor for making me understand our different circumstances!)

I have been dating my girlfriend, Emily, for two years. We were supposed to visit my parents at their vacation home on the beach over the 4th of July. She knows my parents' attitudes and the kind of impression they value. However, on our date night, she showed up with bright pink hair. I expressed my concern about how my parents might react to it and asked if she could go back to her natural hair color before we go. She said she's not going to change it and that she likes the pink. She mentioned that her workplace has a "casual summer" policy for those who are not in court roles, and since she's in a litigation support role, she's allowed to participate in casual summer with her support staff co-workers.

I asked her to consider my parents, and she immediately started: first it’s hair, then clothes, to how she talks, what wedding dress to get, and even how we would raise our children. She said she was done with this and stormed out of dinner before we even ordered.

I tried texting her, and we got into an argument about the cost I put in for our plane tickets. She told me to sue her. This was the last I talked to her on Sunday and my texts are still green. I didn't think it was that big of a deal for her to blow up on me about.

My (21F) friend (21F) isn’t doing the best financially, so over the years, I’ve tried to help her make the best out of her situation by giving her clothes I don’t want anymore, makeup I don’t use, perfumes she likes in my collection, I’ve paid for her food, and of course, what this post is truly about, I’ve lent to her many of my own items for her to borrow. She’s always been very gracious. However, recently I’ve started noticing that she’s been taking advantage of my generosity, whether it’s intentional or not.

The most recent instance was at the beginning of the Summer. She was spending the night at my apartment and asked to borrow something to sleep in, so I gave her a t-shirt. In the morning, she told me that she’d wash it and give it back to me when she sees me next, but I eventually forgot about it since it’s Summer, and I’ve really only been sleeping in tank tops due to it getting really hot in my room.

Last month, I remembered the shirt. I spent hours searching for it in my closet, and then I remembered I lent it to her. When I saw her at our hangout later that day, I brought up the shirt and asked if she could give it back, to which she replied “I’m not giving it back,” and when I pushed a little more she
said “Don’t even try. It’s mine now. Sorry.”

I felt incredibly disrespected. I’m not a particularly possessive person, but I do believe that my generosity belongs to me, and while I’m willing to give my friend many of my things, I don’t appreciate her deciding what I give to her. I ignored many similar instances in the past, which looking back, I should’ve used as an opportunity to place a boundary, but those instances involved items that I would’ve given her anyway had she asked. This t-shirt however, was not something I was planning on getting rid of.

Last week, I spent the night at her apartment, and while she was digging in her dresser to find her pajamas, I spotted my t-shirt. When she fell asleep, I took it out and put it in my bag. Oops.

Last night, she texts me saying she couldn’t find it, and asks if I happened to take it back, to which I replied verbatim “yes it’s mine. on a real note though, i was hurt when you told me you weren’t giving it back, so when i saw it, i took it. i should’ve just asked. i’m sorry.”

A few hours go by and she doesn’t respond, but this morning she texts me saying verbatim “are u actually serious right now? u literally forgot about the shirt anyway and i told you i wanted to keep it. you have so many clothes so i don’t understand why THIS ONE SHIRT even matters, especially since YOU KNOW i haven’t been making a lot of money.”

We end up going back and forth for a while, but I’ll spare you. The last thing I said though was “it’s not about the shirt. it’s about the fact that you refused to return it when i asked. i feel like me taking it back isn’t as bad as you taking it without intending to return it.”

Am I the asshole and what can I do to fix this? I’m keeping the shirt LOL

Recently my wife Jenna has been talking more and more about us starting a family. Which is fine, I love kids, but they are a lot of work.

Jenna is an only child and the youngest of all her cousins. As a result, before marrying me she's never really been around babies, toddlers, or young kids for more than a few hours at a time, and those times it was always someone else's kids, not kids that she was responsible directly for.

I'm the opposite. I was the oldest kid and the oldest cousin (in some cases by a pretty large margin), so I was always the default caretaker for my siblings, cousins, and so on. When they started having kids, I was again the default baby sitter for my nieces, nephews, and cousins children. The oldest is now 12, and the youngest 6 months.

My wife has been around when I've had them of course, sometimes for a week or so, but every time something goes wrong or gets gross she passes them along to me. She's very fun, great at entertaining kids, and loves them dearly, but I've seen her change a diaper maybe once in 5 years and she panics at the sight of a crying 3 year old and foists them off on me as soon as Big Feelings start.

Now that she's pushing so hard for kids, I told her that I don't know if she's fully prepared for how different our lives will become with those kids in it. At least for the first few years our lives will pretty much revolve around them 24/7. And while I know my family, and her parents probably, would be a lot of help, they can only do so much.

This has been a source of contention, because she's taking it as a personal insult instead of an honest concern.

During one of our more heated discussions she told me that she was perfectly capable of being a good mother, and I told her that if that's the case then we should have some of my nieces or nephews over for at least a full month and split the entire time 50/50 instead of her handing them off to me as soon as they got upset, and until we did something like that I wasn't willing to have kids.

Well this turned into a massive fight and she told me I'm a dick for accusing her of being unfit to parent. And I'm really struggling to repair it without just giving in. Because I don't think that I'm wrong, but I also don't want my wife to be unhappy or hurt, certainly not because of me.

AITA for telling my wife I wanted a trial run before we have actual kids?

Okay to start off: no I did not cheat on my husband. All of our children were conceived by the two of us having sex.

About two years ago our daughter was having some bloodwork done and my husband noticed that her blood type didn’t match his or mine. This led to accusations of cheating, which while hurtful, were understandable from his position. Our daughter also has some features that likely come from my dad’s side and none of us ever knew him. But to settle the matter I insisted we get a paternity test.

It turned out that the “father” was essentially a close DNA relative, over 50% matching DNA. My husband was an only child and his father had been dead for many years. After a lot of questions, my MiL tells us that my husband absorbed his twin brother in the womb. And so I guess my husband’s testes are his twin brothers.

My husband has been really upset by this and keeps claiming that our kids aren’t “really his” and recently even cried in my lap about how he was never going to have a “real legacy”. I was fairly supportive, even in spite of his initial accusations about my faithfulness, but at this point I started to feel like he should just realize it doesn’t actually change anything about our family.

After an argument last night where I told him he was blowing it out of proportion and needed to move on and just focus on what we’ve built together, he took off to stay with his mom for a few days. Now I’ve got my own mom calling me and telling me I should be more sensitive to his feelings. Am I the asshole?

Reposted from r/amitheasshole

Update:. We had a conversation since I posted the original post and he wants to get tested to see if one of his testicles has his own dna, or look into other options and try for another child. I’m not sure if I am ready to have another child with him, but I am also not sure if our relationship will last if I refuse.

He has also insisted that it’s “easy for me” because our daughter has my dna. But I would love her even if she was adopted….

So, I had a really interesting experience today and I thought I’d get some feedback from the good ol Reddit community.

I decided to go eat solo at an all you can eat buffet since I was alone at home for the day. The waitress took me to a prospective table but it was in the middle of the main dining room. I suffer from PTSD stemming from the work I did in my past, and sitting out in the open like that makes me extremely uncomfortable and I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my meal. I kindly asked to be moved somewhere where I could put my back to a wall and the waitress understood and obliged.

As I was enjoying my meal, my succulent Chinese meal, (lol) the table in front of me is sat with 4 young ladies, I’d put their age range at early twenties. As I was eating one of the young ladies called out “do you mind?” To which the other 3 turn to look at me. I have no idea what they are talking about so she says “can you please stop staring at us, that’s really creepy. Can you sit on the other side of the table so you’re not staring at my friends ass?”

I was confused but I know given my past that I can have the tendency to drift into a thousand yard stare, not looking at anything specifically but just staring off into nowhere. I apologized and told her “I’m sorry, if I was looking in your direction it wasn’t intentional, I tend to zone out when I’m alone.”

She told me that it wasn’t okay and that she again would feel better if I moved or changed positions on the table to face the wall. The room had already filled up pretty quickly so finding a new place wasnt really an option but also, i didnt feel like i should because my food and drink are here at this table and I’m already eating. I responded “im sorry, i suffer from PTSD so i need my back to a wall for me to be able to eat comfortably.”

Her response was “well i have PTSD from being assaulted and i dont want some creepy old dude looking at us while we eat.” at this time other people were looking and staring which was very upsetting so i told her “that’s terrible, but im not going to move. My triggers are my own and yours are your own. I control what I do by sitting with my back to a wall, I don’t get to tell others what to do to make me comfortable.” She interrupted me plenty while I was trying to explain but her main point was in today’s world being a young woman is dangerous, which I totally understand but I’m not going to have severe anxiety while I eat. She went off a bit about how men refuse to be accommodating to women and it’s horrible and that I was just being selfish.

I ended up leaving early, only after one plate which I could usually do 2-4 so I was bummed out but the added attention and frustration made the experience unenjoyable any further. The more I think about it I’m unsure if I should have just sucked it up and not made a scene so those young ladies didn’t have to feel that kind of anxiety that I feel from my PTSD. AITA?

I (26M) want to celebrate my birthday with my immediate family (my parents, siblings, and their partners). My idea was to do a 6-mile (10 km) beginner-friendly hike and then have dinner together afterward.

The problem is my brother's girlfriend.

For context, she used to be morbidly obese and, for many years, wasn't able to be very physically active. Because of that, for the past five years I've always chosen birthday activities that didn't involve much walking or exercise so everyone could participate. I never complained about it because I understood her situation.

About a year and a half ago, she underwent weight-loss surgery and has since lost a significant amount of weight. She is now at a healthy weight.

However, she still doesn't like walking or hiking. Over the past several months, she has said multiple times that she finds walking boring and doesn't really see the point of it. She says that her body is still adjusting after the surgery, and I don't doubt that this may be true to some extent. At the same time, based on what she's said herself, my personal impression is that the bigger issue is simply that she doesn't enjoy walking or other activities that involve a lot of movement, rather than being physically unable to do them.

The hike I planned is specifically meant for beginners. It's about 6 miles long, mostly flat, and has plenty of places to sit, rest, get food, or even stop early if needed.

When I suggested it, my brother immediately told me that neither he nor his girlfriend would come if I chose that activity.

I said I completely understood and offered a compromise: those who wanted to go on the hike could do so, while anyone who didn't want to could skip it, relax elsewhere, and then everyone could meet afterward for dinner at a restaurant.

My brother got angry and called me selfish and egotistical. He said I was deliberately excluding his girlfriend and that I should be more considerate.

Now my mother has gotten involved and is also pressuring me to change my birthday plans so that my brother's girlfriend can participate.

I even offered to shorten the hike, but since then I've basically been ghosted.

I genuinely don't want to exclude anyone. At the same time, I feel like I've spent years choosing activities that accommodated one person, and for my own birthday I'd like to do something I actually enjoy.

So, AITA?

I work with adult Rhesus Macacs; they can be anywhere from 1 to 3 foot tall and 8 to 30 lbs they have strong canine teeth that can get to about 2 inches long and sharp fingernails that in addition to commonly having feces, food, and, *a certain white substance from the males* under them, can transmit blood born diseases to humans that can kill you in a few months if you do not get proper treatment. They have the temperament of your average over-tired 3 year old and can go from sweetly asking for butt scratches to actively trying to kill you in the blink of an eye with no warning. They are smart little shits too with many of them requiring extra devices to ensure they don't mess with their cages in a way that denies them access to water.

I've been working with this species for 5 years. These work I do requires 2 people to get done safely and my strategy has always been to ask my partner a lot of questions. "Do you want to go in one cage at a time or do one whole side? Unlock or re-lock? Spray or feed? Are you ready? "

A lot of this is me making suggestions in the form of questions because I am a woman in a male dominated field and I've learned that fragile men don't like feeling like they are being ordered around by a woman.

So on Monday we had to consolidate from 4 cages down to 2 cages which ment that a few monkeys would have to be caught with a special pole that we can attach to their collar. I read through the request and was comparing it to the current schematic when 2 of my coworkers came into the hall. Let's call them Frank and Grumpy.

Frank loves to give out sage advice and I love to listen. I usually take his advice with a fistful of salt because he tends to be very negative but he's well meaning so I don't mind.

Frank asks me if I know what is going on with the monkey move. I said not exactly and he explained it because he had been the one to set up the cages. I asked him if he had the new room plan. He said no. I asked Grumpy because we were supposed to be doing the cage change together and a lot of the times the supervisor will give one person on the monkey team the new room plan. He said no. I asked if he knew who might have it (because there are 2 people who might) Frank said it was probably supervisor 1.

I asked Grumpy if he got the fruit we use to reward the monkeys for jumping into their clean cages and he said no. I said I'll go get that and a few other things we need to get started and try to find the new room plan.

So I find supervisor 1 tell him what I need and he gets it while I'm getting other things. I get back and Grumpy is already living up to his name. Clearly frustrated with how much time this mission has taken. I take a minute to read the instructions for moving monkeys and ask Grumpy if he is ready to get started.

We moved the first cage into the room and Grumpy unlocks two monkeys from one cage and moves the locks to the new cage while I get the poles. I ask if he wants to pole both monkeys over, or let the one that was going from a bottom cage to another bottom cage jump over with the tunnel.

Grumpy left the room.

I had no idea why, where he was going, or how long he would be gone. I stood in the room watching these two monkeys that could now at any point get out of their cages. Now I have a conundrum, do I prioritize my physical safety and put locks back on these cages and risk this man who was already being pissy in my direction coming back and being even more pissy that I've re-locked these monkeys? Grumpy comes back, looks at me, leaves again, comes back again. Finally decides to get started. He's still pissy in my direction the rest of the cage change. Even elbowing me in the face (luckily I was wareing a helmet) at one point.

So I go to my supervisor and tell him about what happened.

After break Grumpy comes back to the room to move the empty cages to the dirty side cage wash. He says to me "alright <my name> let me tell you how things are. We've been working together for 4 years and for for years every time we do a monkey cage change you act like you don't know what you're doing. So if that's the kind of energy you want to put into this, that the kind of energy I'm gonna put out."

At first I just said "okay" like I didn't care and just wanted to get shit done. But Grumpy kept harping on the same issue again and again. So I said, "look, every time I work with you, you make me feel like I'm doing something wrong, so I ask questions to try to make sure we're on the same page." He says BS I do it to get him to do extra work. To which I say no I don't. At that point he raises he voice and says "I left you alone for 10 minutes and the only thing that you did was give the monkeys jump fruit!"

At this point I got mad enough to match his energy entirely and yelled back. "You left me with two unlocked monkeys!"

I guess that what was good for the goose was not, in fact good for the gander, because Grumpy ran over and grabbed one of the union shop stuards (a guy he was friends with)

Grumpy explained his side to shop stuard and I explained mine. While the shop stuard basically told me that he read Grumpy the riot act and tell him he couldn't expect everyone to be able to do cage changes with zero communication, he also kinda sideways intimated that I should have gone to the shop stuards instead of a supervisor.

My response was that I don't care how this guy treats me, I've been in this industry dealing with insecure men for 19 years and I'm still here. As long as I can still get my job done correctly and safely it doesn't bother me if some ding dong decides to be pissy in my direction. But the minute Grumpy knowingly left the room with two monkeys unlocked, putting my life in danger, that crossed the line and that's not a shop stuard problem, that's a supervisor problem.

This is where the uh oh consequences comes in

A month or so later Grumpy decided to peace out of working with a different person in our department without communicating with them. This led to something that the company saw as "falsification of documentation. " this is a fireable offense and both people involved were let go.

However, our union is 💫 amazing 💫 and gotten Grumpy and the other coworker their jobs back after a few weeks. But he was on what's known as a "last chance." Which means that he can be fired for literally any reason and he would not be eligible to be hired back for the next two years.

Luckily for me Grumpy went to work in a different animal building so I didn't have to deal with working with him.

Now there's a new buzz about Grumpy and friends, this tea is hot and crazy. According to the gossip. Grumpy was working with monkeys, taking them out of their cage, placing them into a restraining device, assisting the vet associate with the treatment and putting the monkey back.  Grumpy and his partner had a particularly difficult monkey that freaked out while they were trying to put her back. As she was having her kiniption, the door to her cage slammed down on her nose. Grumpy addressed the monkey and said, "that's what you get for being a dumb fucking broad."

The early 20's young woman who was preforming the treatments heard this and spoke to a supervisor about it. The supervisor spoke with Grumpy about his behavior and he decided to go find the young woman and absolutely freak out on her. Yelling, cursing, and according to some accounts, throwing things.

Everyone was talking about this series of events. Many saying that Grumpy is certainly fired now, and they saw him get escorted off of the work site.

BUT it turns out that Grumpy did not get fired! He was transferred to a different department and was told that he was no longer welcome to work in the Animal Care department.

I know it's not the most satisfying of consequences but I figured the wild ride was worth the read.

&amp;#x200B;

I have really bad social anxiety, I started listening to AITA stories as exposure therapy for my conflict avoidence. I've been loving your videos for about a year.

I need to RANT.

(TW abuse)

What's important for this story is that my kids & I went through a horrible tragedy in April of 2023, that left my kids fatherless ( no sorry needed. He was a POS)

Since then everyone is in therapy. My middle child, Ashalia (m2F age 7) has done play therapy from 4 to 5 and regular therapy when she was 6 until now. The therapist she had was great with her, helped with her moods and anti-social behaviors and gave me strategies to use when she would get difficult and destructive.

Then out of nowhere dude leaves the practice and it takes a month for us to be scheduled with someone new.

The whole situation sets off Ashalia's abandonment issues. She was 4 when her father died and to her understanding of events, her dad never said anything, never left a note, or a toy, just one day they are happy and playing together and the next day there's a bunch of police in the house and her dad is gone.

So during the between therapists time she is just ramping up negative behaviors. She ran away from school, she was hitting people, spitting, she licked hand sanitizer, it was bad.

We get in and start seeing this new therapist Jaxon. I didn't really like him off the bat. I have autism though and I was willing to give it time for me to be more comfortable around someone new. My biggest problem was that Jax did not maintain boundaries with Ashalia. For example, Ashalia was talking and Jax says, "I'll let you finish talking about Pokémon but then I need to talk to your mom." Ashalia does the normal 7 year old infinite run on sentence and is just talking. She's moved well past Pokémon and has been on other things for a while. At first I'm just watching like, "how is this person going to handle this?" But after like 5 minutes I decided to jump in.

I said "hey, just so you know, Ashalia really needs for boundaries to be enforced. You set a boundary and she has exceeded it."

Jax said something along the lines of "I'm very patient. Things that might annoy other people don't annoy me."

I tried to re-state that it's not about patience, it's about teaching Ashalia that boundaries exist and she needs to observe them.

In the same session, they went to get a toy from outside of the office and my daughter, who at this point has known this man for all of 20 minutes, grabs Jax's hand to walk out of the office. Jax just shrugged and said okay.

Like !@$&\* are you actually kidding me right now. You get a client that has had trauma and abandonment and boundary breaking as their biggest hurdles and the mom even SPECIFICALLY TELLS YOU that you need to be setting -- and maintaining-- boundaries with her and you're just okay with her grabbing your hand? Not a thought in your head of saying to this vulnerable child like, I don't know, "hey buddy can you ask me if you can hold my hand first?"

So, I already don't like this guy, but like I said, I'm willing to give him a fair chance. At week 3 appointment I already know I need to miss week 4 because I needed an emergency dr appointment. So I asked my wife to come with me so I could show her where the office is & etc. The session was mostly Ashalia & Jax talking and me n wifey chilling in the waiting room.

That week Ashalia had a REALLY bad night. She refused to go to bed and when she got to her "if you don't go to bed by the time I count to 3 I'll pick you up and put you there." warning she screamed at the top of her lungs and ran away. My wife picked her up and carried her like a sack of potatoes to her room. During this 2 minute walk Ashalia scratched, bit, pulled hair, kicked, grabbed my wife's breast and twisted it, and screamed. A few minutes later, as my wife was carrying the baby to put him to bed, Ashalia ran out of her room and punched my wife in the stomach.

When she gets like this, she will not stop until she is stopped and we put the baby lock on her door for the night. This was intended to give her a consequence for her behavior and to keep her (and the rest of the house) safe.

The next session Ashalia complained about the baby lock on her door. A day later I get a call from Jax wanting to talk to me about my "extreme parenting methods." So I spend the next god forsaken hour explaining to this man, who has known my child for a grand total of 4 fucking hours, that the baby lock is used:

\* during the night -- when adults with fully developed brains are sleeping.

\* when she has broken too many bed time rules

\* when she has done something dangerous during the night

\* when she is actively harming other members of the house

I even agreed to meet with this man and my wife to talk about alternative methods for parenting Ashalia.

The next day I got a call and emergency visit from CPS. Now, they can't tell you who made the report but they can give you the wording of it. As soon as I heard about the baby lock complaint, I knew it was Jax that made the call. In and of itself it still would have felt really underhanded especially since I was trying to work with the guy to find better solutions. But dude started his report with mentioning the trauma our family went through in April of 2023. Trauma that my older daughter was subjected to. Because of Ashalia's age and slow speech development at the time of her father's death, I may never know if Ashalia also suffered the same abuse my older daughter did but her behavior strongly suggest that she did. However in Jaxon's report to CPS he asserted that Ashalia was a victim of the specific type of abuse my POS late husband subjected my older daughter to before explaining the child lock situation.

The CPS worker essentially told me that the bit about the baby lock wasn't a concern especially because it was already noted in Ashalia's file as a remediation step for him getting out of the house about a month after his father died. But that the first part of the report-- the part that had been almost 3 years ago-- legally had to be investigated within 24 hours.

I called the office where Jax works and filed an ethics complaint. Saying that the visit from CPS re-traumatized me. And that his report was wholey inappropriate and unethical. The supervisor I spoke with kept trying to say that Jax didn't mean any harm and was just trying to do what he thought was the right thing. Now, I am normally very conflict avoident. If someone even sneazes in a way that makes me think they are mad at me I go hide. But, this was about my kid and I shut that shit down fast. I just answered that if that was the case, he would have just put his concern in the report. Instead he started the report with things that happened years ago to weaponize the system against me and make his point for him.

About a week later, I texted the supervisor dude to tell him that during a 10 minute stretch where Ashalia was not being directly supervised, ( I was out feeding the chickens) she managed to remove the lightbulbs from the ceiling fan in her room, put them in her pillow case, and put the case in the sink and fill it with water to "make electricity." 🙄 Ashalia wasn't angry or trying to be trouble-some, this was just a normal day for her. I used it as an example of why it can be dangerous to let Ashalia exist unsupervised.

Supervisor dude calls me and says that his company doesn't think that they have the capabilities to give my daughter the help she needs so they will help me find a better fit for my family but they are going to drop my daughter as a client.

I am so unspeakably angry, and sad. Yet again my child is abandoned by a adult male role model. She was doing so well with her previous therapist. I tried so hard to emphasize that her behavior, while it can be destructive and dangerous, is manageable whith the strategies we have. I made sure to let everyone know that I am willing to work with them, that we are a team with the common goal of helping my child. Her previous therapist understood this and helped me form the strategies that work for Ashalia now.

Was I over reacting to the situation? Did my anger ruin things for my daughter? What should I have done differently? What can I do now?