u/Similar-Shame7517

I'm not sure if this really fits but another story I saw reminded me of this.

It was fall a few years back I had just bought my house so wanted to decorate. I ran to the ross that's right down the road and grabbed a cart and started shopping.

Right away I noticed I was being not so subtly watched/followed by a certain employee. I did try and approach to ask a question but when I got close they took off to another section. But as I continued to shop I would notice they were not too far away.

Well I get to checkout and load everything from the cart up and I probably spent around 500 better clothes and decorations. I noticed that the employee was waiting at the end of the checkout section but didn't think anything.

After I already paid and everything this employee tells me they've been watching me and wanted me to dump my purse out. A tiny handbag that fit a wallet and keys. I laughed and asked if they were serious considering I just bought so much stuff. They said if I didn't they would call the cops.

So I emptied it in front of the employee and security guard and all that was in there was my wallet and keys.

After I put the items back in my purse, looked at the employee and said take me to the returns because I am returning everything I bought here today.

They tried to back peddle and say it wasn't needed but I said, neither was stalking a customer and accusing them of stealing, so you can either return this stuff now or I will make a scene and go to corporate. They said that this would look bad on the store for having a massive return. I reiterated that's the consequences. They returned everything very begrudgingly but I have yet to set foot in that store since.

This is my Granddad's story from the late 60 to early 70s in England, and to note, he was very poorly when he told this to me, so this is the story that I managed to hear, so there's bits missing and not a lot of specifics, so all of this is what I gathered

Back when my grandad was younger, he used to work in a factory making engines for cars, and despite being a hard worker, he was always disrespected and under appreciated, and he felt it more so with his boss, and despite this boss holding very littler power over a very little area of the factory, this boss would constantly yell and exert his power over everyone.

This story starts when the company buys this machine from Germany, and what I could gather from my Granddad, this machine was like a computerised machine before computers were really a thing, so instead of one computer doing all of these complex calculations, you have pegs and wires that you have to physically move to work this machine, but he didn'tsay what the machine did. Now obviously this was complex so the company sent a small group of workers to Germany to be taught how the machine worked over three months, and a group of Germans would come to England to build the machine. My granddad wasn't one of the people who went to Germany, so he stayed, but instead, he watched the Germans install the machine, and despite the language barrier, my grandad understood how it worked and how to fix it, pretty much everything he would have learnt if he went to Germany with the other workers.

After some time, my grandad got married to my grandma, and realising he needed a house, he went to the bank to talk about mortgages, but the only issue is that he gets £22 a week when he needs £44 a week to get a mortgage, so he asked his boss, who promptly said no. Laster on in the week, my grandad spoke to a mate of his who is now living in France, and the friend said "I recently lost my drivers licence so I can't work for my company anymore, but they need someone to do deliveries for £48 a week between England and France."

The next day, my grandad went up to his boss and asked "Sir, who do I give this two week notice into?" And the boss, playing a powerplay leans over my grandad, puffing smoke into his face from his pipe, and says in a low voice "You hand that to me, you understand, I'm the boss here, I'm the most important." And my grandad handed it over to him.

Over the course of the two weeks, it was normal, until the last day when the manager came over and said "Mike, I heared you're leaving today, is that true?" And my grandad said "Yes, boss asked me to give him my two week notice" and the manager went white, asking my grandad if the boss told anyone, listing anyone who had the same or more power then the boss did, even asking if the owner knew, and my grandad said no each time, with a bigger smile each time, and after everyone else on the factory went up to him asking the exact same questions, he couldn't hide his excitement.

You see, what everyone failed to notice is that while the workers who went to Germany, they where in a country known for big beers and pretty women, so they learnt absolutely nothing in those three months, and anything they did learn was quickly forgotten when they learnt my grandad knew how to work and fix the machine, so because of my grandad leaving, he effectively left with the knowledge as he can't teach anyone else in his last two weeks (and that's if everyone else knew he was leaving in those two weeks).

And the ending happened two months later when my grandad got a call from someone back at the company asked if he wanted his old job back, and my grandad calmly replied "No, I do not want my old job back, as I'd effectively be going back in life, especially back to a job that doesn't pay me well or treat me well." And for anyone wondering what happened with the machine, it ran well in those two months, but someone swapped the wires for the motors, as there was two motors, they put the wires into the wrong ones, and that's why they called my grandad, as they effectively lost thousands for the machine, the installation of the machine and flying all the workers to Germany to basically just go on a bender. As for the boss and everyone involved, my grandad never bothered learning what happened to them, but I'd like to imagine there was a fallout and the fires of hell rained down, but this company was one of the more expensive car companies, so in all honesty, it could have been a minor set back.

I (27M) have been dating my girlfriend (30F) for 3 years. I’m pretty shy, and it’s caused some friction because I usually keep to myself around her friends. for her 30th birthday she asked me to make a real effort: talk to everyone, play the games, be social. I agreed.

One of the games was where everyone anonymously writes down a secret and the group guesses who it belongs to. I’d never played before (I didn’t really go out in university), so I figured the point was to write your biggest, most shocking secret to win.
but everyone else wrote things like, “I’m allergic to mango,” or “my mom is 1/8 greek”

Then my turn came around, and mine was:
“I’ve broken up two of my friends relationships by anonymously sending fake screenshots.”

The room went dead silent.

My girlfriend ended the party early and went to stay at her friend’s place. She says I made everyone uncomfortable and embarrassed her.
I honestly don’t understand. Like I get the secret was a lot but she wanted me to participate, be vulnerable, and actually engage with her friends. I did exactly that. The secret was from highschool too, like it’s not like I did that this year.

AITA?

EDIT: I DID THAT IN HIGHSCHOOL. And I’ve grown now and recognize it was bad. I was able to give context at the party but the paper itself just read “I broke up two of my friends relationships by anonymously sending fake screenshots”.

EDIT: Well, this has been enlightening.

I came here because I was disappointed. I thought a wedding planning subreddit of all places would understand that weddings are emotional, and that sometimes people just need a place to vent without being put on trial.

Instead, a surprising number of you decided to spin complete fiction about my life. Apparently I'm friendless and my sisters must despise me because I chose not to have bridesmaids. Apparently I expected people to spend thousands of dollars on me. Apparently I "learned a lesson." Apparently I'm poor and can't afford a wedding. Apparently I don't know how to communicate whatsoever. Apparently I "rushed into this". Apparently I'm rude for wanting something. Apparently I'm "not appropriate". Apparently choosing not to follow every wedding tradition means I somehow deserved to be disappointed.

The confidence with which some of you fabricate an entire personality, family dynamic, and set of expectations from a few paragraphs is honestly impressive. You didn't respond to what I actually wrote, you responded to a fictional version of me that existed entirely in your own heads.

I didn't ask to be psychoanalyzed. I didn't ask for a lecture on wedding etiquette. I didn't ask to be told why I deserved to feel bad. I never said anyone owed me a shower. I never complained about gifts. I never blamed my friends or family. I said I was sad that something I'd quietly hoped for wasn't happening. Somehow that became an invitation for strangers to assign motives, psychoanalyze my relationships, and explain why I deserved it.

If your instinct when someone says they're disappointed is to explain why they brought it on themselves, maybe ask yourself why that felt like the helpful response. If your first reaction is to assume the absolute worst about a complete stranger instead of extending even an ounce of empathy, that says considerably more about you than it does about me.

The amount of projection, assumption, and moral superiority in these comments has honestly been remarkable. Some of you seem to have built your entire personalities around wedding etiquette, and anyone who doesn't make the same choices is apparently fair game to judge. It must be exhausting to go through life so convinced your preferences are universal truths.

To the people who actually read what I wrote, shared your own experiences, or simply offered kindness, thank you. You reminded me that empathy still exists. That was what I came here for. To know that I wasn't alone in my disappointment.

To everyone else: congratulations. You took a stranger who was having a bad day and somehow decided the appropriate response was to kick her while she was down. I hope the view from your etiquette pedestal was worth it, keep shining your Emily Post trophies. If this is how you treat a stranger who simply said she was disappointed, I can only imagine what grace and compassion look like in your everyday relationships.

I'm done with all of this. You've truly ruined reddit for me.

For some context, my fiancé and I have been together nearly 15 years. We finally got engaged this past October, getting married this October. We are both approaching 40. So we waited a really long time.

We are having a small wedding, due to budget and due to not having big families or many close friends. However, I am a teacher, I have a lot of work friends that I spend my days with. I can't invite them all to the wedding (it would be a destination wedding for all of them, plus I can't afford to have 150 people at my wedding and I don't think my principal would allow 1/3 of the school to take the Friday before Halloween off from work), but I always wanted some kind of bridal shower or luncheon to celebrate. I don't often get to be the center of attention. I am always the friend who shows up to everyone else's celebrations. A big part of me wanted to feel the support returned.

I mentioned to my mom that I was worried about having a traditional shower, that it would seem like a money grab, even though I wasn't going to have a registry or ask for gifts. I just wanted to be surrounded by love. I don't need a registry, we've been living together for 11+ years, I don't need sheets or towels or dishes. Would it be nice to have new things? Sure, but I don't need them and I don't like waste or overconsumption.

My mom was surprised when I said I was leaning towards not having a traditional shower at all. She was already giving me raised eyebrows when I said we weren't having a bridal party (but what will your sisters think? Who cares, it isn't their wedding). But I never outright said I didn't want one at all. And I can't really afford to host one on my own, every penny is going towards the wedding. Teachers don't make much money!!

But it never came up again. My mom never asked again, my sisters never asked... now I'm honestly really sad and really disappointed. I missed out on a lot of life events by waiting so long, and now I don't get to experience this event for myself. I always had to push myself to go to everyone else's bridal/baby showers because I was SO jealous of not having one for myself. I don't know how to ask for a party. And time is running out. There's basically no weekends left where (ugh) my future MIL/SIL are around [and heaven forbid there was a party and they were on vacation during it, it would cause a big problem], we are going on our honeymoon at the end of August (only thing that worked with our schedules even though we aren't getting married until October), and September is crammed with labor day weekend, then back to school, then his bachelor party weekend, then his 40th birthday, etc. Doesn't feel right to do it less than 3 weekends before the wedding when I will already be beyond busy.

Not sure if I'm looking for validation for feeling so sad and disappointed that no one cared to host or plan a bridal anything for me, or for advice, or anything. Maybe this is just a vent. But had to share because I don't feel like this is something I can say to any friends or family members. Thanks for reading/listening.

My eldest son got married a few months ago. Early on, I spoke with both my son and his fiancée about my choice of dress. The wedding was an outdoor, daytime ceremony with an English-garden feel, followed by a tented reception in the evening.

I also spoke at length with the mother of the bride. She didn’t suggest that I wait for her to choose her outfit first and seemed very relaxed about everything. She told me she planned to wear something modest and daytime-appropriate for the ceremony (she is British and Orthodox Jewish), possibly with a hat or fastener, and then change into a floor-length gown for the reception.

I went dress shopping with friends and my sister-in-law and tried on many dresses, but none of them had the “wow factor” I was hoping for. I kept feeling disappointed and honestly a bit deflated, because this was my son’s wedding and I wanted to feel confident in how I looked. I sent photos of several options to my son and his fiancée so they could weigh in. My future daughter-in-law was very supportive and said I’d look beautiful in anything and that she mainly wanted me to feel comfortable. She did repeat several times that her mother planned to wear a midi- or tea-length dress or a two-piece ensemble for the ceremony, and something more formal for the evening.

Eventually, I found the dress immediately felt that “wow” feeling I’d been missing. I shared it with my son and daughter-in-law and asked for their honest thoughts. My DIL said it was beautiful and elegant and that she was happy I’d found something I felt confident in. She did ask whether I might consider something "more subtle" and sent me some links. She said she wanted me to feel comfortable and confident, so I assumed it was fine to go with my original choice.

My son later called and asked if I had liked any other dresses or would consider something less "flashy". I told him honestly that no, this was the only one that really gave me that wow factor and made me feel good. He said okay, so I took that as settled.I sent a photo of my dress to the mother of the bride, who hadn't yet picked her outfits. She later told me she'd found a cream, light purple, and light blue outfit for the ceremony that she felt would complement my colors, then she was planning on changing into a black, floor-length gown for the reception. She told me my dress was beautiful.

The week of the wedding my daughter-in-law was very stressed. I told her I'd brought a steamer to help with her dress and thought I might see her before the ceremony, but she didn't invite me in the bridal suite before ceremony. I had previously asked a few times to see photos of her dress, but she never showed me any.Since the wedding, my son and daughter-in-law have been distant and asked me not to share wedding photos. My son later told me his wife felt I made my dress too much of a focal point in the planning process. I’m honestly not sure what I did that crossed a line, which is why I’m looking for outside opinions.

Long post - I (31M) married my wife (27F) a year ago through arranged marriage. I’m 5’2”, not from a top-tier college but earn around ₹35L per year. My father was completely against the marriage, while my mother supported me. I went ahead anyway.

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with my dad — a mix of love and resentment. He’s very critical of everything I do. Growing up, he’d often tell me I was lazy, undisciplined, and doomed to fail. He used to joke that I wasn’t his son because he’s tall, handsome, and fair, while I’m short and average-looking. He’d say that whenever I did something “undisciplined” — like not folding my bedsheet or missing meal times. It hurt a lot. I remember breaking down once in college, and after that, he stopped saying it.

He’s a self-made man — came from a poor background, studied hard, and became a government officer. He earned respect for being honest but not much wealth . Because of his personality, I grew up wanting to prove myself to him — to show that I could stand on my own.

When I entered the arranged marriage process, I was in it for nearly 2 years. I faked my height in my biodata because I knew it would affect my chances. I’d get matches, talk to girls, but once we met in person, most rejected me. I must have met around 30 girls face-to-face. Only 4 wanted to take things forward — but one I didn’t like, one my mom didn’t like, and one girl everyone liked rejected me later (found out she rejected me for my height — she was barely 5 feet herself). That one broke me.

I lost confidence and fell into a mild depression. Even my parents started worrying if I’d ever get married. The next girl I met was from a poor background but good-looking and had a small job. She also rejected me after two months of talking. That was another big blow.

Then I met my now-wife. She seemed very different — kind, family-oriented, from a good city, doing a small job, and belonging to what looked like a well-educated, upper-middle-class family. Her lifestyle, clothes, social circle, even her Instagram — everything made it seem like she came from a stable background. I liked her personality and the way she gave me time.

By then, I was mentally exhausted. My father kept taunting me, saying I wasn’t even “fit for arranged marriage” and that I couldn’t impress girls. He only looked for rich families and didn’t care about attraction — he’d scold me if I said I didn’t like a girl physically. I wanted to prove to him that I could find someone on my own — without using his money or influence. My wife’s family didn’t ask about our assets; they just felt I earned well enough. So I thought, this is my win.

The first few months of marriage were fine. But one day, my father got into a fight with my father-in-law about some money matters from the wedding. That’s when everything came out — her family was struggling financially, and her father was an alcoholic who had destroyed their wealth.

When I confronted my wife, she broke down. She told me her father had been an alcoholic since she was 15. He sold off assets and neglected the family, and her mother’s side had to support them financially. It had been a traumatic life for her.

I was shocked and felt betrayed. I had specifically asked her about her family’s financial situation during the arranged marriage talks, and she had downplayed it. I had always wanted my spouse’s family to be at least financially stable. I felt cheated and stupid for ignoring my father’s instincts — he had rejected the match because he felt something was off about her father.

Since that day, everything changed. I lost respect for her parents and physical attraction toward my wife. My father still keeps taunting me, saying, “If you’d listened to me, you would’ve married into a good family with a better girl.” Every time he says that, it kills me inside. I feel immense guilt and sometimes even have suicidal thoughts.

To make things worse, my wife genuinely loves me. She’s one of the kindest people I’ve met. She takes care of my parents, adjusts with everyone, and has never disrespected anyone. But her job pays very little, and she can’t contribute much financially. Somewhere, I keep thinking of the matches I spoked to earlier — girls who were more attractive, earned better, and came from wealthier families, why didn’t I impress at least one of them.

It makes me hate myself. I know I’m being unfair to her. She doesn’t deserve my emotional distance. But I can’t stop feeling this mix of guilt, resentment, and regret — that I married her out of frustration and a need to prove something to my father, not out of clear-headed love

I <30M> have a beautiful wife who loves to serve others. We bought a home down the street from my family. I have a sweet sister <17> Who likes to crash at our house with her friends.

My wife normally is pretty easy going until recently. My sisters friends have been leaving messes. Mostly towels on the floor after using our pool. My wife got upset picking up after them every day. I have asked my sister to make sure the house is clean after they leave and it has been better. My wife also complained that some of her perfumes/Clothes personal items have gone missing. My sister said it’s not her. I believe my sister. I just don’t see her doing that. I told my wife and we agreed to just replace them.

Last week my wife made a couple of pans of cinnamon rolls from scratch. One pan was for us, the second pan was for a co-workers family who is experiencing a tragedy.

My wife went to the gym. I went to work and my sister and her friends came by. The one pan wasn’t enough for her and her friends. They wanted the second pan of cinnamon rolls and my sister texted my wife asking if they could eat them. My wife said no.

They ate them anyways. My wife upset went and bought new locks. When I came home my wife handed me a new key and told me that she didn’t want anyone else to have a key to our house.

I tried to calm her down and tell her that I would just go replace the eaten cinnamon rolls with store bought ones. My wife decided this was her hill to die on and said no my sister lost the privilege to come when we are not home. Replacing stolen items wasn’t “good enough” anymore.

My mom called and asked if my sister could use the pool as a back to school party? I was under the impression my mom would be there. I said yes, my mom was at work and our schedules clashed. The easiest solution was for me To change the locks back so they could come into the house.

My mom didn’t come with my sister. When my wife got home after the party. It was a mess. She sent me photos. She called me the A for changing the locks without talking to her about it. (Keep in mind she did too.) then told me I broke her trust. She wasn’t safe in her home because she keeps getting robbed and I refuse to put an end to it. (I did talk to my sister). Then my wife let me know she was staying with a friend for awhile.

Am I the A here? I feel like I have tried to right any wrongs that have happened. Between my wife and my sister.

Update* sorry I haven’t been able to reply the past couple of hours. I have been busy.

I talked to my mom again and let her know my sister isn’t allowed over without me home.

I asked a friends wife who is a maid to come deep clean our home. So if/when my wife comes home it’s clean.

The last thing is my mom asked me to help cover my sisters cheer. She is on track for a scholarship. I told my mom I would pay half of my wife’s things were returned. If not the money was going to replace the stolen items.

Also my sister was invited to home coming. She wanted me to buy a dress. I told her no for not following our home rules and the money I saved for the dress is going to pay for the maid.

I did replace the locks again. I also am planning a romantic dinner I will make and clean up. I heard a lot about the cinnamon rolls. Someone on here gave me the idea to make them. I am for a dessert.

Update: my sister and my mom left a few mins ago. My sister had a bag of my wife’s things. More than I thought was gone. Most items are in poor shape.

The big thing is she had my wife’s grandmothers ring I thought was in the safe. I had no idea it was gone. My sister said that she found it on my wife’s night stand during the party. She forgot she had it on when she left our home. The ring isn’t valuable it’s just sentimental. I told my mom who the ring belonged to. My mom lost it. My sister is now grounded.

Last update tonight, my wife is coming home. I am staying at a friends house. Until we can work some of this out. I already stated it but I did put the locks back on my wife bought. My family doesn’t have that key.

Early morning update, My mom called my wife last night and asked what my sister can do to fix/ replace the damaged items. My wife said “have her meet me every morning at 5 am.” I decided to tag along and see what my wife had planned. Trying to support her in whatever punishment she decides to do. You know the cinnamon rolls. My wife’s co-works 4 yr old is in the final stages of cancer. My wife’s plan is for my sister and her to prepare breakfast, get their other kids up and ready for the day. Start laundry, basic clean up. So her co-worker and his wife can spend as much time as he can with the sick child before work.

My sister was silent the whole time coming back home. I can tell it really hit her that her life isn’t as hard. Even being grounded.

Last and final post, my wife has given me a second chance as long as I follow her list of rules.

1. for awhile no family at our home
2. no family borrowing our things. 3)no one is allowed a key 4)I help with the chores around the house. Including cooking meals.
3. last My wife is ok with me seeing my sister but asked that we all go to counseling to understand why my sister is targeting her. My wife said all of this has been really hard and she doesn’t want to cause more issues but she just doesn’t trust my sister and can’t have her using out things.