I (31M) married my wife (27F) through arranged marriage against my father’s wishes. Now I feel guilty, unattracted, and constantly regret my decision.
Long post - I (31M) married my wife (27F) a year ago through arranged marriage. I’m 5’2”, not from a top-tier college but earn around ₹35L per year. My father was completely against the marriage, while my mother supported me. I went ahead anyway.
I’ve always had a complicated relationship with my dad — a mix of love and resentment. He’s very critical of everything I do. Growing up, he’d often tell me I was lazy, undisciplined, and doomed to fail. He used to joke that I wasn’t his son because he’s tall, handsome, and fair, while I’m short and average-looking. He’d say that whenever I did something “undisciplined” — like not folding my bedsheet or missing meal times. It hurt a lot. I remember breaking down once in college, and after that, he stopped saying it.
He’s a self-made man — came from a poor background, studied hard, and became a government officer. He earned respect for being honest but not much wealth . Because of his personality, I grew up wanting to prove myself to him — to show that I could stand on my own.
When I entered the arranged marriage process, I was in it for nearly 2 years. I faked my height in my biodata because I knew it would affect my chances. I’d get matches, talk to girls, but once we met in person, most rejected me. I must have met around 30 girls face-to-face. Only 4 wanted to take things forward — but one I didn’t like, one my mom didn’t like, and one girl everyone liked rejected me later (found out she rejected me for my height — she was barely 5 feet herself). That one broke me.
I lost confidence and fell into a mild depression. Even my parents started worrying if I’d ever get married. The next girl I met was from a poor background but good-looking and had a small job. She also rejected me after two months of talking. That was another big blow.
Then I met my now-wife. She seemed very different — kind, family-oriented, from a good city, doing a small job, and belonging to what looked like a well-educated, upper-middle-class family. Her lifestyle, clothes, social circle, even her Instagram — everything made it seem like she came from a stable background. I liked her personality and the way she gave me time.
By then, I was mentally exhausted. My father kept taunting me, saying I wasn’t even “fit for arranged marriage” and that I couldn’t impress girls. He only looked for rich families and didn’t care about attraction — he’d scold me if I said I didn’t like a girl physically. I wanted to prove to him that I could find someone on my own — without using his money or influence. My wife’s family didn’t ask about our assets; they just felt I earned well enough. So I thought, this is my win.
The first few months of marriage were fine. But one day, my father got into a fight with my father-in-law about some money matters from the wedding. That’s when everything came out — her family was struggling financially, and her father was an alcoholic who had destroyed their wealth.
When I confronted my wife, she broke down. She told me her father had been an alcoholic since she was 15. He sold off assets and neglected the family, and her mother’s side had to support them financially. It had been a traumatic life for her.
I was shocked and felt betrayed. I had specifically asked her about her family’s financial situation during the arranged marriage talks, and she had downplayed it. I had always wanted my spouse’s family to be at least financially stable. I felt cheated and stupid for ignoring my father’s instincts — he had rejected the match because he felt something was off about her father.
Since that day, everything changed. I lost respect for her parents and physical attraction toward my wife. My father still keeps taunting me, saying, “If you’d listened to me, you would’ve married into a good family with a better girl.” Every time he says that, it kills me inside. I feel immense guilt and sometimes even have suicidal thoughts.
To make things worse, my wife genuinely loves me. She’s one of the kindest people I’ve met. She takes care of my parents, adjusts with everyone, and has never disrespected anyone. But her job pays very little, and she can’t contribute much financially. Somewhere, I keep thinking of the matches I spoked to earlier — girls who were more attractive, earned better, and came from wealthier families, why didn’t I impress at least one of them.
It makes me hate myself. I know I’m being unfair to her. She doesn’t deserve my emotional distance. But I can’t stop feeling this mix of guilt, resentment, and regret — that I married her out of frustration and a need to prove something to my father, not out of clear-headed love